Original subtitles

[pages riffling]

♪

[wind gusting]

♪

MODOK: What's this?

It's your utopia, MODOK.

♪

[Fin Fang Foom laughing] MODOK: Woo! Ha ha!

Yeah! Woohoo!

I did it! I conquered the wor

[alarm blaring]

[groaning]

Shut up! Okay, so we don't need to hit me.

MODOK: [gasps] I forgot it's my first weekend with the kids!

I can't have Jodie seeing the apartment like this.

I I have four hours to whip this place into shape!

You have not made a lot of progress.

Why did the killer who lived here before us

have to be the "Bloodstain Killer"?

The stain is so juicy.

You should be doing this.

Mm. I don't do floors.

[knocking on door] [gasps]

MODOK: Hey, guys!

Dad, this place is incredible.

Such dark hallways.

What an absolute sanctuary for migrainesufferers.

Uh, is this where we wait for the shuttle

that takes us to your apartment?

No, this is the apartment.

It's his funky little boho space, and I love it!

Ugh! It smells like soup here.

Yes, everyone in this building makes a lot of soup.

No matter what time of day it is.

Oh, is this original wallpaper? How

No, it's just very intricate water damage.

It's beautiful.

You're beautiful, can I move back in?

You guys, this bed Murphy's?

Wonderful. Really opens up the room.

Yes, thank you, Lou.

I am loving all these Murphy elements.

And you can hear every spring and gear working, which I appreciate.

Okay! Am I seeing this right?

Does the toilet

Whoa! Okay.

The water just comes right out of the toilet!

Don't leave me here. Take me with you.

Sweetheart, I have to promote my book.

Besides it's your father's weekend,

and this is how it has to work now.

God, that soup smell is so strong,

it's like I'm in a hot chicken fog.

I have to get out of here.

[door opens, closes]

Uh, just before you got here, I heard them kill that chicken,

so you know that soup's gonna be fresh.

Is Dad the best or what?

[gunshots] [man screaming]

Oh my god! [siren wailing]

♪ dramatic theme playing ♪

♪

[electricity crackling]

Dinner!

I thought you said you were making Mom's Enchiladas Rancheras.

That's what this is.

So the itinerary for the weekend is jampacked.

First off, I've always wanted to know how water treatment facilities work.

I assume you're the same, so I've arranged for us to have a tour

of a library where we can read books on the subject.

After that, soup for lunch at any of my neighbors,

then five hours of dedicated ratcatching time.

Heads up: there are a lot of rats, so these will be hard hours.

[tablet beeps]

Modawg! Die, corporate scum!

[rat squeaking] Dang, it's a hologram!

Lou, track 'em! Watch where they go, we'll get them later!

Whoa, Modes, you're doing a povertythemed escape room!

Hope you get out, that place looks like it sucks!

It's my letlooseinthecity Piedàterre.

It's got great flow!

Anyway, I'm hgramming you to see why you aren't here at the airport.

Wha Come on, brother!

The GRUMBL Leadership Conference.

All the executives from dozens of GRUMBLowned companies

are meeting this weekend at Boca Caliente,

the worldfamous island resort.

This is the first I'm hearing of a leadership conference.

I've sent a lot of emails to your GRUMBL account.

It goes to Outlook.

I don't use Outlook.

Too cool.

We can't have a leadership conference without the great MODOK!

I have my kids this weekend.

Bring 'em. Come on, MODOK, you're the guest of honor.

Tonight's the welcome reception, and there's a keynote address

on leadership.

I cannot wait to hear what you're going to say.

Guest of honor?

Hmm, maybe that wouldn't be so bad,

for the kids to see their dad in his element.

But things here are going pretty great too.

RatLadies, please! [Melissa grunting]

There's plenty of Lou to go around!

[airplane whooshing]

Eh? Pretty nice, right?

Wow.

Melissa, can I get a "wow" or a "whoa" or a chef's kiss?

[sarcastically] Wow!

I am here. So you are!

Check me in. I'd love to!

He doesn't know who you are, Dad.

You have to tell him your name.

Nonsense! He knows who I am!

I am so sorry.

I'm the guest of honor, Melissa.

This man doesn't need me to tell him I'm MODOK.

MODOK!

It goes without saying!

It goes without spelling!

MODOK! MODOKNotC!

Ah, yes! Mister MODOK, sir.

Ah, yes, II am MODOK.

Youyou've caught me, yes.

Okay, I have you in a partial ocean view room.

As requested,

I don't want to be bludgeoned all night with deafening wave sounds.

Paddle boarding, couples cliffside massage,

a Bulgari store!

I am doing all of this.

Oh sorry, I only have ones and fives.

[Lou laughing]

LOU: Whoa.

[sighs]

Holy smokes, how plush and enticingly short are these robes?

Do yourself a favor, Melly,

crane your neck out that window, look hard right,

and take in that ocean view.

Mm, yeah. I don't want to.

What is your deal? Do you not want to be here?

Yeah, I don't.

I think I was pretty clear about that.

I want to be home. At Mom's house.

This is better than Mom's house!

LOU: I'll say.

There's like three types of moisturizer here.

I'm going to take these shower caps now

so the maid replenishes them tomorrow.

And that's an LLT, Little Lou Trick.

Time to go to the welcome reception.

I have had no time to prepare my speech on leadership,

except that I've been preparing for it, oh, about my whole life!

Dad, I want nothing more than to support you right now,

but I need to be here.

Placing calls on the phone that hangs above the toilet.

I'm so sorry.

Fine! Melissa, let's go.

I'm staying here.

LOU: Time to test these sheets on my young, naked body.

There's food downstairs, right?

[indiscernible conversations]

Whoa, there's actually some pretty big players at this thing.

That's Goose Brunton!

He and seven friends cofounded Pufugugu,

the app where you take a picture of your food,

and a filter puts buzzing flies around it

to make your food look like a steaming pile of crap.

GRUMBL just bought them for a hundred billion dollars.

What? How many billions did AIM go for?

Oh, waiter! Uh, more mushroom tartlets?

I've already eaten, like, 30 of these.

Yes, I know.

Dad, who are they?

The GRUMBL Board of Directors. Extremely powerful.

If I'm ever gonna get AIM back, [eats noisily]

it's imperative that I impress them

[choking, coughing]

The presentation is about to begin.

We'll have a small word from a special celebrity guest

then the welcome address to kick off the leadership conference.

You ready, MODOK?

Completely. Melissa, take my plate to our table.

Ahahah! And these short rib sliders.

Oh, this is going to slay.

This is amazing!

ANNOUNCER: To introduce tonight's speaker,

we have the one and only, the wickedly talented,

Mister Tony Stark. [crowd cheering]

Die, Scum Man!

[cheering continues]

Crap, it's a hologram.

While I've accepted GRUMBL's significant appearance fee,

I do not endorse your loathsome conglomerate.

Uh, in fact, I send my hologram as my proxy

because I am, at this very moment, actively working

to dismantle your whole disgusting company.

He's talking about us. That's so cool.

And now, for our welcome address,

someone we all respect so much and look up to

The Dictionary defines "leader" as Me!

[crowd cheering] Wait, what did you say?

I'm giving the leadership address.

[gasps] Oh, did you think you were giving it?

[crowd laughs] Youyouyou said there's a speech.

You said "I can't wait to hear what you're going to say!"

About my speech. I love feedback.

[cheering, applauding]

But... I'm the guest of honor.

I see the confusion.

You're not here to teach leadership, MODOK.

You're here to learn it.

You're the guest of honor, yes, which means you're the guest

we're most honored to see improved.

[crowd laughing]

[laughter continues]

[chuckles] Okay, hugely embarrassing,

but I think I've maintained some dignity.

Mr. MODOK! I asked but unfortunately hotel management said

there's no wiggle room on our policy.

You cannot go in the hot tub

if you've had diarrhea in the past 14 days.

[crowd laughs] Why are you doing this now?

I took it as far up the chain as I could.

I asked everyone. I used your name.

I said "Mr. MODOK's got diarrhea," that's what I said!

I'm gonna blast a hole to the Earth's core

and raise up a volcano!

Oh, we'll see how hard everyone's laughing

with their mouths full of lava!

Dad, that's just what they want you to do.

Of course. These sickos.

They want to be melted into goo. They get off on it!

No, I mean they're trying to make you throw a fit and act out.

In front of The Board.

The Board. I have to impress them.

They're my only chance of getting rid of Austin.

Actually, I keep thinking about it,

and I think, like, this whole thing is a setup from Austin.

Using an email account he knew you wouldn't check,

the misleading phrasing of his lastminute invitation.

It's exactly the kind of slick gaslight I would pull.

It's like when my friend Roxanne wore purple, my color, forbidden,

so I made her think she was going insane

by hiring a guy to dress as Grimace

and stand in her bedroom window at night.

She hates purple now, by the way.

I see.

These wicked games, you know them better than I do.

You need to help me!

I already helped you by telling you not to do a volcano.

More help! Bigger help!

To force these people to like me and crave my approval!

[sighs]

I'll help you on one condition:

I don't have to spend weekends at your place anymore.

Sure, sure, sure, anything.

And you have to do whatever I tell you.

I'm in charge.

Oh yeah, boss. MELISSA: Okay.

So if we want to undo what just happened,

we're gonna have to start by playing nice with people.

You got it, chief. Nice.

Care to join us for Horse Golf tomorrow, MODOK?

Not in one million years, suit. Now creep away.

Actually... we'd love to.

You heard her, we're looking forward to it immensely.

Now walk away, knowing that your kind invitation

has made you forever dear to me!

MELISSA: Alright, Dad.

We'll have these execs eating out of your hand by the end of this,

but you gotta be friendly, you gotta be fun.

Today, this mental organism is designed only for kibitzing.

MODOK! You made it.

Who is this? My caddy!

Who I've... never seen before in my life?

Mmmm, no. Oh, we're not lying about that.

Itit's my daughter. My caddy is my daughter.

Right. Well, let's pick our horses and get started.

[neighs]

Look at the paws on that Clydesdale! Dibs!

Don't worry, boy, my legs are locked in all around you.

I'm not going anywhere.

[neighing]

Uh, before we tee off,

did you have any opening remarks for us, MODOK?

[laughing]

Oh relax, big guy. It's a joke.

[neighs]

MAN: Oh, that's a perfect shot.

I don't know how to play this ridiculous game, Melly.

Don't worry about playing well. That's not what we're doing today.

Oh. What are we doing today?

Figuring out their weaknesses,

then using that against them to make them crave your approval.

Take him: If you really focus,

he'll tell you what buttons to push.

Bingo.

He's lost weight, but he's still selfconscious about it.

So I should call him fat. Genius.

[chuckles] No.

Ask the other two how they stay in such good shape.

[gasps] That's so mean.

How do you two do it? You're so trim!

You make guys like us look bad.

[laughing]

MELISSA: She waxes between her eyebrows.

Hey, I have tweezers in my chair, by the way.

What, why?

MELISSA: When other people make jokes, he gets anxious that he's not funny.

Oh, you're salt of the Earth, my friend.

It's nice being around someone who isn't always on.

[neighs] [splashes]

His name is Brad, call him Ben.

Point out how hard she's trying.

Take a lowangle group photo of everyone

to make them uneasy.

And stop waving that thing so close to my face!

God.

You've broken them, Dad. Now they'll flock to you.

Oh, they were playing horseless golf.

I mean, are we cavemen? Am I in the Savage Land right now?

We gotta hang at the party tonight!

You have to be there or we'll die!

Just relax. I'll be there.

[indiscernible conversations]

Yeah, I have your two cribs and the trundle bed you ordered.

Bellisima.

Okay. Now is there anything else that I can get brought to the room

that I might not know about?

We offer complimentary wheelchairs, I guess.

Oh, Lou wanty.

I'll take as many as you can fit in Bedworld!

Mom's on TV!

HOST: Jodie!

Let's talk about your book.

Love it,

but as a single father with two demon baby hands,

I have to say, I had a hard time holding it.

Any tips out there for other people like me?

Well, you'll just have to buy the audiobook.

[laughing] [demon babies crying]

Oh my god. [audience boos]

Shut up! It's fine! It's a demon!

You look lovely, my caddy. Shut up.

Shall we? [Melissa giggles]

MAN: Hey, MODOK!

Hey, look at me, MODOK! Ooh, ooh, MODOK!

I did it.

I played the social game, and now I won.

Surely they'll demand I perform my speech from yesterday.

That'll impress my soontobe BFFs,

The Board!

What?

This is an outrage.

What are you doing?

You can't just try to blast all your problems away.

You're playing the long game now.

I don't want to!

You said you'd listen to me!

We'll get your stupid company back, okay!

[gasps] Whoa, it's the shrimp toast man!

Hey everybody! What up? [crowd cheers]

Hey! I love this!

Well, I hate the long game.

I need a fast and splashy plan to make everyone love me.

Brain time!

GRUMBL doubts my ability to lead.

And I know from a second visit to the dictionary

that leaders are often found in times of crisis.

Ergo, if a crisis happened here,

I could rescue everyone and assert myself

as a leader in record time.

And since I remembered to pack my portable portal device,

it should be child's play to summon a nasty alien to the party.

Another successful Brain Time complete.

Lots of dangerous alien worlds, but which one is right for me?

Too slimy. Too sexy.

Having a big head is my thing.

Ahh, the Brood.

Crazy scary, scary crazy,

and susceptible to my mind blasts.

This will do nicely.

[creature roaring]

♪ funky club music playing ♪

Where were you? Where was I?

I was Wait, what's happening?

[record scratches]

[all gasp]

It's some kind of portal!

Did you do something? Are you trying an unapproved plan?

Melly, no!

Some maniac's opened a portal to the Brood world!

Austin, mindblast them with your jewel!

What? You can't? You don't have one?

Don't worry, I'll save us!

[all gasp, woman screams]

Hey, party people! You like to get down?

'Cause we sure do! ♪ dance music playing ♪

What the [bleep].

That's not the Brood.

I connected to the Brood world, why did I get... Ciegrimites?

"Snaillike anthropoids. Master distillers. Hedonists."

What... what are you?

We're the Ciegrimites, baby!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, look at me dance!

Tonight is what it means to be alive!

Are you... dangerous?

Not at all.

And I can prove it.

CIEGRIMITE: The proof is in the pudding, y'all!

Yes!

♪

Yes! Yes! Yes!

We have to party with these things right now!

Woohoo! [all cheering]

[moaning]

These creatures are amazing!

Great news, everyone, you can have sex with them!

[Ciegrimite grunts affirmatively]

CIEGRIMITE: Oh yeah!

What a brilliant stroke of funmaking leadership.

Austin, did you do this?

It was me! I brought them here!

I am the one responsible for this party of the century!

[cheering]

Thanks for ignoring my advice and lying to me about it.

It was time to be bold, Melly!

You'll understand when you're older, the long game is for suckers!

[sighs] I have a party to lead.

How we doing? Having fun I hope?

Hey, MODOK just wants you to have a good time,

that's my name, this is my party,

I brought the aliens.

Should I order pizzas?

Hey, DJ! Play One Headlight

'cause Austin's being a real wallflower!

But don't actually! It'll kill the party!

Over here!

Beach ball, yeah! I want to slap that thing!

CIEGRIMITE: Whee!

CROWD: Aww! I'll get it!

The party continues! CIEGRIMITE: Oh yeah!

[groans]

The Brood world.

So I did connect to the right planet.

Uh, little help. Listen closely,

the Ciegrimites Are great?

They never tire, they never stop partying.

Oh, the best. So fun.

Until every living thing is dead.

[groaning]

I can't believe she didn't pop it.

These guys killed the Brood?

They just don't seem dangerous.

I... I gotta catch my breath. Limbo! Limbo!

Lower! Well, okay, let's go for it!

[bones crack, screams]

You call that low? Come on!

♪

Well, looks like I got this beach ball for nothing.

Also, oh shit!

CIEGRIMITE: I want this night to go on forever!

Oh, my favorite song!

I love this jam!

[laughing]

Uhoh.

This party went from total blowout to total diaper blowout!

Hey, why don't you go up to your room, bud?

Call it a night?

[crying] I'm gonna dance forever.

Oh yeah!

Ppppparty foul!

Oh, and of course The Board sees all!

Although maybe they like this party where everyone's dying?

Dang! Okay, it's blasting time.

Hey, Ciegrimites!

You love the nightlife! You've got to boogie!

On the disco... of death!

Ohhh! That felt amazing! I'm tingling!

Ciegrimites can't be blasted?

Give me another blast, I'm so close!

Absolutely not!

This facial is everything.

And that pan flute music... is live.

[cell phone ringing]

MODOK [on phone]: Hey, girl.

You're my girl.

Uh, but also randomly... MODOK!

The Ciegrimites are partying everyone to death.

The Board is watching, it's a bad scene,

and I don't know what to do. Help?

Oh totally. No problem.

Since you love taking my advice, listen really closely, okay, Dad?

I'll tell you exactly what to do.

[bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]

Ahh! That language!

That's not the sweet Melissa I know.

Ohh! It's 100 percent pure MELISSA:

Mental Entity Living to Induce Seriously Sinister Anarchy.

That's not what your name stands for!

You were named after Melissa Etheridge and you know it!

[line disconnects] She hung up on me!

Oh yeah!

You're not even listening to me.

[gagging, retching]

Well, if Melissa won't help me, I'll just use my powerful brain

to create a perfect simulacrum

of her entire consciousness.

[falsetto voice] Oh, MODOK. I mean, oh, Dad!

You're so great, and I'm sorry I was so unreasonable.

[normal voice] That's all I've ever wanted to hear.

[falsetto voice] Remember my trick from Horse Golf?

[normal voice] I do! I do remember that trick!

Okay, here we go.

Oh nice, the background's dropping out.

Things are nice and slow.

Mind, what is the meaning of these increasingly deep butt drops?

Present findings in text form.

Interesting. Let's scan another.

Oh, and this time, let's have the text appear one letter at a time

like it's being typed.

Love that effect. Easier to read.

They have the same weakness.

They all do. They need to be the wildest.

They're insecure.

Which makes them... competitive.

That guy right there is the life of the party.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah!

This isn't the kind of music you usually dance to, is it?

Wha It's cool you have a shell.

It's great to be safe. You know, to play it safe.

No!

We're the Ciegrimites, baby! Me too!

Oh yeah? Well, none is freakier than I, Bizrumel!

Look only at my body!

It's working! And I think Bizrumel must be that one's name.

Drink! Drink! Drink!

And now, the solution that everyone keeps telling me doesn't work,

the one and only, my mind blast!

[Ciegrimites yelping]

Now that's what I call leadership.

[sobbing]

Come on, everybody, big smiles for The Board.

MAN: Oh my god!

[bell dings]

Oh, Mister MODOK Ugh, this guy.

I must loudly apologize.

The hotel was unable to relax our policy

on viewing pornography in the business center.

Dear God, stop yelling!

I'm so sorry you weren't able to visit the following wonderful sites:

"Desperate Elderly"

Stop! Get me the bill!

Thanks again, Melly. Your technique worked great.

[sarcastically]: Oh, congratulations.

You killed a bunch of horny alien slugs.

I did do that. Your tone is confusing to me.

Of course it is.

Oh!

Oh.

What?

It [sighs]

Nothing. Let's go home.

Oh, amazing trip.

Next time, let's go to Paris.

I can really see myself never leaving the hotel room there.

Okay. See you in two weeks, Dad!

I know we had a deal.

You don't have to come back to my apartment if you don't want,

but I won't hold you to it if you'd rather back out and still come.

I know I had a lot of fun at Horse Golf.

Yeah.

A deal's a deal though. I don't have to come, right?

Yeah. A deal's a deal.

♪

So I guess...

[door closes] it's the long game then.

[humming]

We obtained another of MODOK's devices.

A planetary portal.

He suspects nothing.

THE BOARD: Excellent.

The end of his usefulness

draws near.

♪ dramatic theme playing ♪

♪

♪ choir vocalizing ♪

♪