Original subtitles

Oh dear! You've no idea what Angela Channing is capable of!

Don't waste your time with those auctions. Sell! Sell! Sell!

You'll evaporate in my hands like lightning.

The lightning of my power, my intelligence and my cunt.

Yes Julia, yes..

You were my favourite until sex and drugs destroyed you.

You were the most intelligent.

But now you're worthless like all the others.

But you're still not as bad as the rest.

Don't answer!

Let me. - Don't answer it!

It could be important. - It could be...

...but then you'd go soft!

It won't stop ringing.

It's probably urgent.

Come on, I want to answer it.

Hello. Yes?

It's so good to hear from you!

Of course we remember.

Sure we plan to attend. We'll be there, of course.

Thanks for calling.

Very well.

Who was it? - My stepmother.

She's probably preparing some new stunt.

What did I tell you?! You're already soft!

You're the most courteous bitch in the world!

I hope they take the bait.

Of course they'll take the bait. You're a genius, Mrs Channing!

You just shut up and keep eating, stupid!

Can I suggest maybe I stick a little something inside there?

Yes, like that! Yes!

Hello. Let me talk to Richard Channing, please.

Richard darling, this is your conviving mother.

Angela dear, how good to hear your voice.

Yes, of course. Whatever you want.

Yes, sure. Sorry, just a moment.

What time is it?

The time!

10:05 by my watch. I'm sorry I'm late but...

Five minutes late. There are some things that can't wait.

I could do some intensive work right now?

I'm sorry for the interruption, mother

but the employees today are more and more negligent.

I assure you it won't happen again.

Yes, I'm sorry. Today's employees just can't be trusted.

So what else is new?

Why did you stop?!

Excuse me, one of madam's hairs...

Oh dear Richard, I just wanted to remind you about the party.

Yes Angela.. Yes Angelita..

Yes, of course mother. I'll go to the party.

Yes, we'll go to the party and have a great time.

Yes, Richard..a great time.. The party..yes!!

Yes, mother. Yes..yes, mother.

Yes, whatever you say mother.

It'll be a great party!

Yes, mother. I wouldn't miss it for anything in this world.

I'm so happy! You make me so happy, Richard!

Of course, mother. Don't worry, mother.

I'm coming..I mean, dreaming of arriving at the party.

You give a great party.

That's what your father always told me.

Yes, mother. I think I'll drive my new car..

Fuel injection. I love the motor.

Very good!

What's happened now?

A hair from the madam.

Another hair?

Yes, a hair from the madam...

...and somebody's licking my arse.

It's tickling me!

Yes, tell me mother.. Yes! Yes! Yes!

I have a great time with you, mother.

Can't you fuck a little more gently? I just cut myself again.

I'm sorry man, you understand the position I'm in?

Don't worry, I'll get it.

Good day, sir. I have an urgent message for you.

'I will wait for you and your beautiful wife..

..at the family party. Your mother, Angela Channing'

And beautiful wife, what do you say, Melissa?

She's been very nice to me lately

she probably wants me to spread my legs, you'll see.

Hey, young man! Don't do that, come here!

Come. Come closer!

Come on!

Hello

Don't waste your sperm, asshole.

Come over here.

You're really pumping now, Melissa!

Why don't you come over here?

You'll get a free shower, no problem.

Thanks anyway but I'm expecting someone.

It wouldn't be a woman would it?!

Not quite. It's a real estate agent with some new prospects.

Ok. I better not find out that you have a lover.

You think of the stupidest things!

Enjoy your breakfast.

Hi - Hi!

Be careful, your husband's here!

My husband? He's here?!

Yes, he's fucking my wife.

What an asshole!

So he's here, is he?

Fucking your wife!

Yes..

What a faggot!

I'll grab him by the horns!

Who does he think he is?

Do you like jerking off?

Oh, how I love the American system!

It's marvellous! So good!

This pisses me off. I'd like to grab

my wife's and your husband's horns at the same time.

How true.

I'm coming! I'm coming!

I just love this so much, it's wonderful!

Olga, you bitch! Bring that whore Julia Channing in here!

Delighted to, mistress.

I have the best fish market, the best one in the world.

Here she is, mistress.

How's it going, Julia Channing?

Hanging in there.

I was talking to your mother, Julia.

She tried to convince me to let you come to her party.

Of course, I couldn't refuse.

Oh? So you know my mother?

We went to school together and we were very intimate.

I don't doubt it.

Quiet, smart ass!

You're treated very well in this prison

but you haven't the right to sarcastic comments!

And you understand I can't let you go without a challenge.

You must pass 3 tests for permission to be granted.

Again? - Shut up, stupid!

You're treated very easy but I also like to see you in pain.

Besides, the other prisoners may complain about favouritism.

For starters, I want to give you a special banquet.

I know you like chocolate and champagne.

Don't try to bribe me.

Stop! Or do you want me to stick this up your arse?

Well, I...

You're the shame of the family, Julia.

If you don't pass the 3 tests, you must find another way out.

First the first test...

you have to eat the shit out of Olga's arsehole.

That's the easiest of the tests before you, Julia Channing.

Then I'll decide to stay.

Shut up!

When you've finished eating the shit out of Olga's arse

to wash down the meal, I have the ideal drink.

And you'll like it a lot.

You'll drink the piss that I spray into your mouth.

Thirdly, you'll work with two inmates from the men's prison.

That's not so bad, warden. You had me scared.

I thought it would be like the last time.

You're losing your imagination.

Your punishments are becoming routine.

I present the two men.

You picked two handsome ones!

That's it, Julia! Eat it all.

Do you like it, Julia?

It's not that bad.

Good evening, Mr Chase. Miss Maggie.

How are you?

Good evening, Miss Melissa. Mr Lance.

Good evening.

Welcome to Phalo Crest.

Good evening, Angela - and thank you.

First, let me explain the absence of my attorney, Simon.

He's gone to Europe to make bad movies.

He wasn't doing that great a job here anyway.

How come you have such an attractive husband?

You shouldn't get jealous, Maggie

you know I only have eyes for you. Only for you, darling.

Dear friends and relatives

this is a reunion of the most sophisticated citizens of Sados.

It's not just a reunion..

Serve the wine from our vineyard. Prepare the new bottles.

Yes, Mrs Channing.

I want to reveal the secret of the wealth of the Channings.

Some wine? - Thank you

A toast to our wealth... may it increase bountifully.

For many years, I sacrified everything in my life

so that you could be rich and happy.

I wanted nothing for myself

and if I tried to control the money it's because

I want you all to have a fair amount.

In the future, the saga of the Channings will be

even more impressive in the country which we live in today.

For now, let's toast with our finest wine.

Golden Semen from '83. One of our best..

..of our time! - Cheers!

I picked this wine because the flavour brings back memories

thus making it the best.

Yes, it tastes like cum.

What's wrong? You don't suck off your husbands?

I don't think it's your business or anybody else's.

I believe your husband cares whether you do or not.

Sometimes if I ask her, she does it with great skill.

Shut up, stupid!

Do you swallow or spit it out?

You make me vomit, Julia. You disgust me!

That means you don't swallow. You don't know how good it is!

I wonder how this conversation came up?

That's enough! I must interrupt this perverted conversation.

Since it has a lot to do with my major annoucement

I will permit and even encourage it to continue.

Would you please. - Which one?

The ordinary. We'll deal with it.

Maggie, as head of the family I give you an order you must obey.

You must suck Chase's cock, here and now!

What's more, you must swallow the cum.

No! I'd rather die!

Chase, take off your trousers.

What, here?

Of course, do it now! - Ok, ok..

Could you take any longer?!

Wouldn't you like me to do it to you?

But this..

Let's toast to everything that will happen here tonight.

And to start things off, I'll do it myself.

Watch very carefully and see if you learn anything.

Darling, why doesn't it get that big with me?

Shut up, dear. It's my turn.

Have some of this wine.

I'm going to help her.

Get's you hot, doesn't it?

Behave yourself.

It's so embarrassing to see my husband cum in public.

It's wonderful, do you want to try it?

No, it's disgusting.

It's delicious, like the wine from Phalo Crest.

Isn't that right? - Give me some.

It's true!

I want more!

How delicious!

From now on I'll do it more often.

But I prefer the original package.

Cover yourself, man.

Ah yes, pardon me.

Very well. I engaged in this display for two reasons.

Firstly, I wanted everyone to know the importance of semen

when it's mixed with wine.

Secondly, I wanted you to witness first hand

how excited you became over the taste of the combination.

Our vineyards make wine with aphrodisiac qualities.

This is the reason for our success.

I'll explain how I discovered this intoxicating combination.

A while ago, an old friend of the Channing family came to visit.

Professor Spencer was the guest. He's an alcoholic

and he became purple as he drank.

When he had a bit too much he started talking.

This conversation revealed the secret of Phalo Crest.

He'd never revealed the secret of the vineyards before.

He said that although he was old, his credibility was unshaken.

'I might be old but I know what I'm talking about'

I had also drunk more than enough.

But what he said explained the powers of the vineyard.

It's incredible! The secret of the Phalo Crest vineyards!

And here it is my child.

To show me, he took out his cock and pounded the table with it.

And he really had something to pound!

Since I'm a sensual woman, I couldn't resist the temptation.

You do it so well, my child. You remind me of your grandma.

Did my grandmother do this? - Yes

When she took out her teeth it was so soft.

But I prefer you, whore.

Angela, when I come, put it in the cup.

You'll see. The flavour won't change.

There it is!

Mine's just a little old.

But it works for this demonstration. Drink it.

It's delicious! It's the same!

Hours later, he was still telling me the Channing secrets.

When the first Channing won this land in a poker game

Carlton, the former owner, was only growing oranges.

When we started the vineyard the wine had an orange flavour.

But this didn't stop what is now Phalo Crest.

The real test came with an ass-fucking contest in Sacramento

This secured the reputation of Phalo Crest.

With Spencer as a witness, the ass-fucking contest began.

Both of the contestants were real men.

But only one of them used the aphrodisiac wine of Phalo Crest.

And so the ass-fucking contest ended with

the man who drank the aphrodisiac wine winning.

Spencer told me what Channing did with

the oranges from Phalo Crest.

He said sex tasted like oranges, so he made the oranges

taste like sex. Fertilizing the oranges with semen.

Oranges with the delcious taste of cum!

For this reason our estate was named Phalo Crest.

Like good Christians say,

the whore and the dick, they stick together.

Thanks to the cum from our ancestors

the wine today has the taste of semen.

As you know, I united the land of

Chase, Melissa and Julia - with mine.

The result is a wine that can make the softest thing hard.

And I've decided to create the next wonder.

To debut Phalo Crest champagne.

Today's meeting is for us to drink the Phalo Crest champagne

and to approve of it's wonderful taste.

What percentage do we get?

We won't talk about that now.

First, let's sample the new aphrodisiac drink of Phalo Crest.

What? No-one wants to give me a glass?

In a few minutes, the Phalo Crest champagne

will take over their senses, clouding their ability to

reason properly. What a scheme!

I want that bitch to sign the papers at the right moment.

As strange erotic sensations possessed me

I decided to take certain mandatory steps.

Julia, come here.

Don't you like your mother anymore?

Come on, like this.

Hey, Maggie! Come to your mother!

Don't be so shy.

Come on, Maggie. - No, No!

Come on, be strong.

Don't you like Julia's cunt?

No, leave me alone. - Touch it! Touch it!

Richard? Where are you, Richard?

Me? - Yes, you!

Let's have another one

Come, Melissa my darling, come here!

No, I don't want to. - Don't you like Melissa?

I want Maggie. - You've never tried Melissa.

Come with me. - I don't want to.

What shall I do with the documents?

After they're signed, put them in the safe

and I'll blow you as a reward.

Everybody has 5% but she has 60%. It's genius!

I don't want to..

One comes, another one goes...

Who is this?... Ah, it's my wife!

There we go again.

Miss, please sign. - Leave, or I'll stick it up your arse!

It's from Miss Angela. Just your signature, ok?

Go and play with yourself!

Ok, very well!

Thank you, enjoy yourself.

Come on, get over here you dyke!

Now, now. Don't be like that.

Stop that with her.

I'm leaving..

Leave me alone.

You must be a little more sophisticated, Chase.

This is all very positive. Everyone's getting along.

I don't like it. I just want to leave.

Go over there, the girl's are all alone.

See those two?

Miss Julia, a little signature please?

Thank you, miss. Enjoy.

What do you think?

Go with them.

Come here.

Come. Come, my family! Come!

Angela, you're a bitch and a thief.

But we recognise you're the head.

We forgive you and offer you the best from all of us.

I want to eat some too.

Ripped & transcribed by Bubikoglu for Cinemageddon