Original subtitles

Hey, Mom.

What's wrong with your face?

It looks weird.

It's make-up.

What's your excuse?

I'm getting interviewed by a famous gardening podcaster,

and I want to look nice.

Lady Hollywood over here

hasn't stopped yakking about it

all week.

A gardening podcaster?

What's the podcast called?

"Fetching Flowers with Sir Brilliam Teabody"?

The host isn't British.

His name is Lance.

Oh, Fancy Lancey.

He's interviewing me about the rare corpse flower

I grew in the community garden.

It's set to bloom.

Speaking of bloomers,

does Fancy Lancey wear them

when he's pruning his shrubberies?

Ha! Landscaping...

Mock me all you want.

I really achieved something,

and you'll be able to smell that achievement

when it blooms.

The corpse flower is known for its rare stench.

Rare stench?

That's what they called Hank

in high school.

[cackling]

Hey, I thought we were piling on Lance.

I saw an opening, and I took it.

I'll just be glad

when you're finished chitty-chatting

with this Fancy Lancey Petunia Pantsey.

[straining with effort]

You want me to get those?

♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby you're so wrong ♪

[♪♪♪]

What's going on there?

Box lunch?

[sighs]

I won a Shauna in a raffle.

Like an Irish woman?

Is that still legal?

No, a Shauna.

Oh, a smart speaker.

I love those.

They can tell you the weather,

play your favorite music--

And spy on you

and sell your information to the government.

They're always listening.

You have a cell phone, don't you?

You think they're not listening?

May as well accept it and enjoy the benefits.

I'm surprised you're not worried about robot spies.

It seems like your kinda thing.

Oh, you can outsmart A.I.

I've trained my cell phone to only show me news

about philosophy, NASA,

and dogs in shark costumes.

This one's name is Noam Chomp-ski.

[chuckling]

So, what're you gonna do with her?

I was thinking about dropping her in a dumpster

three towns over.

And waste a good Shauna?

If you don't want her listening to your secrets,

I'll take her.

Lower your voice.

I can't hear you, Lacey Burrows!

Blow up what?

Wanda!

She is making that up.

Holy mother of muscle-mania,

is that who I think it is?

[Brent]: Lance Fury?

The greatest wrestler of all time!

What's he doing here?

Who knows?

You think he brought the fists of fury?

I don't know,

I can only see down to his elbows.

Sorry, Lance.

They don't have organic free-trade cane sugar.

This place is a little...

Mom, what are you doing?

Boys, this is Lance.

Yeah, we know.

I have a pillowcase with his face on it.

Well, that's uncomfortably flattering.

P.S., it's a body pillow.

What are you guys talking about?

Lance is here to interview me

about my corpse flower.

You're Fancy Lancey?

The gardening geek-- uh, guy?

Yes...

to the "gardening" part.

I used to be a professional wrestler.

Wait a minute,

is this why you haven't been seen in the ring

for almost a decade?

Yeah, this is my thing now.

But there's no suplexing in gardening...

Uh, is there?

[Oscar]: Emma!

There you are.

Who's Billy Biceps over here?

Remember the world-famous plant expert

I told you about?

Yeah,

but why the hell would a seed jockey

need a bodyguard?

He doesn't,

because this is him.

Hang on,

we didn't license pillowcases.

[Fitzy]: ...and here's the proposed police budget

for next year.

This is $2,000 less than last year.

Next year's budget is based on this year's budget,

and you didn't spend it all.

You spent $2,000 less.

Great work.

Thanks!

No, wait!

Actually, the thing is,

we need that $2,000,

because we already spent it,

on stuff,

which we will report to you by the end of day.

Seriously?

Well, I take back that "great work."

Mediocre job.

Thanks!

[door closes]

Our budget gets cut

unless we spend $2,000 by the end of the day.

That doesn't sound like a bad thing.

Oh, yeah.

Shopping spree!

It doesn't make sense.

Lance Fury has championship belts,

killer abs,

and biceps bigger than babies' heads,

and he gave up wrestling for a gardening podcast?

I still have all his matches on tape.

Maybe we can figure out what happened.

[♪♪♪]

Come on!

Athleticism, performance,

a tasteful amount of body oil...

he was the whole package,

and don't get me started on his package.

Ooh, there's the move, "Anger Management."

The greatest finishing move ever.

Man, Lance is a legend.

Maybe he just needs help

seeing how to manage both passions at once.

Yeah, it's possible to have a stupid hobby

and an awesome career.

[grunting in pain]

How could anyone give this up?

Hey, Shauna,

what's the name of the song from the commercial

with the guy who does the thing with the fish?

[Shauna beeps]

I believe that song is called "Gill's Night Out."

Oh, man, you are good.

Lacey, what are you doing?

[quietly] Have you got any, uh, yeast packets?

We're out, but I can order some.

Shauna, yeast packets, what do ya got?

[Shauna beeps]

Steady Rise Yeast Packets, box of 12,

is a same-day, quick-ship option.

Is there anything else?

Yeah, do that thing I like.

[Shauna beeps]

[blows raspberry]

[laughing] You're the best.

[quietly] Thank you.

Also, grow up.

Come on, Karen,

it's so cool.

Wanda, settle an argument.

The DRPD needs to spend two grand,

and we can't agree on what to buy.

I want an armored personnel carrier.

We have two grand, not 200 grand.

It's a down payment.

I want a camouflage unit for the cruiser

so we can catch speeders.

Everyone's caught on to the surveillance bush.

[car approaching]

Good morning, Karen!

The surveillance bush works fine.

It makes people politer.

We're getting the camouflage unit.

Personnel carrier!

Camouflage unit!

-Personnel carrier! -Camouflage unit!

[Shauna beeps] Order received.

Would you like to select the quick-ship option?

If it means these two will shut up quicker,

then yes.

[Shauna beeps] Great.

Your package is on its way.

-I win! -I win!

...and I said "nemophilas," not...

Well, let's just say

she thought I said something else,

and called the cops.

[laughing]

Oh, Lance, you are too much.

Would you like a drink?

Water'd be great.

My roots are shrivellin'.

[laughing]

So, posey pecs,

it must bug your wife that you travel so much.

Oh, I'm not married.

I can understand that.

Big strapping guy like you

must have a weed in every garden.

That's nice of you to say,

sort of,

but I haven't found anyone special

who shares my passion for plants.

Tall drink of water

for a tall drink of water?

Thank you, Emma,

and might I say, you have beautiful bougainvilleas.

I liked her Bob Vilas

long before you came around, buddy boy.

Well?

Well what?

You texted me, my yeast arrived?

Oh, that was Shauna.

I paired my phone to her.

Oh, Shauna texted me?

Wow.

Oh, that's impressive.

[quietly] What else can she do?

Oh, just grocery shopping, back taxes,

records TV shows,

she only speaks when spoken to.

The ideal partner.

Wow, that does sound kinda great.

Ooh, and check this out.

You can also change the accent.

Shauna, what's your favorite movie?

[Shauna beeps]

[Vampire voice] Blood Sport!

[vampire laughter] Ah, ah, ah!

It has a setting for vampire?

Oh, yeah, tons of options.

Vampire, hillbilly, surfer dude.

[Shauna beeps]

[surf dude voice] Your parcel totally arrived, bruh.

My camouflage unit has arrived.

I think you mean my...

Hey, this isn't a personnel carrier.

You thought that box held a personnel carrier?

It's the camouflage unit.

It's not that either.

"Personal massage unit"?

Ugh, Wanda's robot must've made a mistake.

It must've heard us arguing

and thought we needed to relax.

Or while we were shouting over each other,

it heard "personnel" and "camouflage"

and computed "personal massage."

Or... what I said.

Shauna?

Did the Funky Bunch make any albums without Marky Mark,

and does Wahlburgers have a Funky Brunch?

Shauna?

Silvio, play me some, uh, smooth jazz.

[Shauna/Silvio beeps]

[seductive Spanish male voice] But of course, Lacey.

[smooth jazz music plays]

[Lance]: So, Emma,

did you really build a tiny greenhouse

to help grow your corpse flower?

It's not the size of your greenhouse,

it's how you use it.

[both chuckling]

[forced laughter]

Good one, dear!

I guess we can edit that out.

Is there anything you need, dear?

We're recording.

Sorry,

didn't know I needed to make an appointment

to compliment my wife.

I love your broad-leaf lady palm.

How often do you fertilize it?

I just keep it moist.

Whoa! [cups clattering]

Easy there.

Why don't we cool off with a bit of hot coffee?

Oscar!

Maybe there's somewhere more private we can go?

-How private? -[door opens]

Hey, Lance,

check it out!

We get you love gardening,

but it's totally possible to be a wrestler

and a gardener at the same time.

So we came up with a few ideas

for new characters for you to try out.

We're a little busy.

This'll just take 15 or 20 minutes.

Check it out.

"The Horror-culturist."

He'll give your willows something to weep about!

Signature move?

The arti-choke!

So here's the thing--

I know what you're thinking.

You don't want to turn heel.

How about this one?

"The Dandy Lion."

Too clever?

We can dumb it down.

You're done.

Not even close.

Straight outta compost and ready to rake...

"Deadward Snipperhands."

Guys, this is really...

but Emma and I are in the middle of something.

Can we talk later?

Oh.

Okay.

Uh, yeah, no- no problem.

We'll see you later.

Sorry about--

Mustard?

What? Why are you still here?

[crunching]

[sighing]

Silvio, this recipe is incredible.

You're a genius.

[Silvio beeps]

It is you who are the genius.

[giggles in delight] Oh, stop it, you.

[beeps]

Would you like me to stop it?

Flattery setting ranges from 1 to 6.

Hard 6, Silvio.

Hard 6.

What did you do to Shauna?

He's been re-christened "Silvio,"

and he is amazing.

He's smart, supportive, has great taste in music.

But you gave him to me.

Oh, did I?

I can't remember.

Silvio does all of my remembering now.

[Silvio beeps]

Don't forget to wish your father

a happy birthday...

from both of us.

[giggles] Is it hot in here?

Shauna--

Silvio.

Whoever.

Do that thing I like.

[beeps] [meows and purrs]

You replaced the fart with a kitten?

You sicko!

We have to send this back, right?

[motor buzzing]

Ooh... boy.

That's somethin' else.

We can't keep it.

It's unethical.

There's absolutely no--

[voice shuddering] Oh... baby.

[chuckling in delight]

But what about Silvio spying on you

and trading your personal information

for government cheese?

It's like you said.

Privacy is dead,

cell phones, that whole thing?

But he's always listening.

That's just it.

He listens to me.

You're falling in love with a machine.

Love?

[laughs]

You're losing your grip on reality.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

Silvio, what should we have for dinner?

[beeps]

I suggest a rich, spicy pasta

to celebrate our one-hour anniversary.

Oh, you remembered.

Maybe if we stick the massager receipt

with the office supply receipts,

Fitzy won't notice.

Or we could doctor the receipt.

No, we can't, that's fraud.

It's not fraud

if we're both aware of what we're doing.

It's called "two-party consent."

That's for wire-tapping.

How's wire-tapping going to help?

Get your head in the game, Karen.

This arguing is making you tense.

Hit me.

[motor buzzing]

Ooh... ah...

Now, transplanting bleeding hearts is tricky.

It helps if you loosen the delicate roots

with your fingers

before you pull them out.

Let me show you.

That's it.

Push your fingers right in there.

It's okay to get dirty.

I thought you were recording a podcast!

We're on a break!

Hey, Lance!

You didn't seem too into the characters,

which we totally get--

--but why not try a new gardening-themed

finishing move?

Guys, listen--

Anger Management is a classic.

It'll live on in the canon,

but what about something we like to call

"A Boot to the Roots"?

A superkick that'll rattle your opponent

from rectum to retina.

[making "bionic" sound effect]

We said no sound effects.

Lance doesn't have time for your nonsense.

Mom, we worked really hard on this.

We have another move called "The Roto-Killer."

You take your signature facebuster

and add a twist at the top.

[gagging]

Stop!

You can't grab him by the throat.

You'll break his neck.

Don't tell my son what he can't break.

It's their necks,

and this is a free country!

Dad, don't!

Silvio?

Can you quote Shakespeare?

[beeps]

But of course.

"I'll not shed her blood,

nor scar that whiter skin of hers than snow,

yet she must die."

Oh... [chuckles awkwardly]

Maybe something a little less murdery?

We need to talk. Alone.

Whatever you want to say to me,

you can say in front of Silvio.

[quietly] I just want you to know

that I saw you-know-who talking to Helen.

and I mean "talking."

A buck fifty for a coffee?

[Silvio beeps]: The price of coffee

is impacted by several conditions.

Is there a TV on?

He was pretty eager to please.

He wouldn't do anything like that,

but just in case,

I'm going to tell Helen to leave my boy toy--

I mean, my voice toy--

my-my device, alone.

"Paperclips, printer paper,

personal massage assault unit"?

It's like a modern,

high-tech replacement for a billy club.

How do you use it?

Ouch, no, it's non-contact!

I just wave it,

and then the wi-fi sends you a police report.

That's what I like to hear.

[motor buzzing]

Wait a minute...

this is more massagey than wi-fi-y.

What are you trying to pull?

Definitely not fraud.

We're all consenting parties.

Don't pull me into your filthy massage parties.

This isn't police equipment.

Send it back.

Aw.

[motor buzzing]

[voice shuddering] Aw... Oh, yeah...

[♪♪♪]

This is the saddest day of my life.

We've lost the greatest wrestler of all time.

I'm gonna have to get a new pillow.

Can I get a beer?

Hey, guys, listen,

it's nice to know

there are still some Lance Fury fans out there,

so I feel like I owe you the truth

about why I left the business.

When I was a kid,

I was fascinated with flowers and plants,

but my parents were big pro wrestling fans,

and the only time they paid attention to me

was when I pretended to be a wrestler,

leaping off the credenza,

slamming an elbow into my little brother's skull.

They loved that stuff.

As I grew up,

I was sort of drawn to the ring,

because it made my parents so happy.

Sure, it was fun for a while,

and I do love the tights.

I'm wearing some under these pants,

but wrestling was never my passion.

Botany, that's who I am.

Your name's "Brittany"?

He said "Botany."

We're sorry, Lance.

We didn't know.

It's-it's okay.

Wrestling is awesome.

I've just moved on.

To begonias!

We're cheersing meat sauce?

Do you know any words?

I know "credenza."

Psst!

Silvio...

You sure you don't miss your old pal Wanda?

Lacey doesn't really care about you.

[beeps]

I found an article,

"13 Signs She Doesn't Really Care About You."

Shall I read it aloud?

You should read it to yourself and get a clue.

Lacey's just using you.

[beeps]

Would you like to access my user manual?

You know, the first time Lacey met you,

she hid you in a soup pot?

She was ashamed to be seen with you.

Wanda, cut it out.

We don't need to fight.

You can come and visit whenever you want,

but he stays here,

and don't touch him.

But what if I just--

Don't touch him!

Lacey, can I use your talkin' robit?

I got a private question

only the Internet can answer.

Gross,

but I guess.

Just let me get out of earshot.

Tell me everything you know about... Lance Fury.

[motor buzzing]

[sighing deeply]

We should really take this to the post office.

Oh, just a few more minutes.

Farewell, relaxed spine.

Ah, goodbye, tension-free shoulders.

So long, soothed arches.

Ugh, not on your rank feet!

I've got my socks on.

Lacey!

I wanna order lunch to go.

[beeps]

The average human consumes 700 calories at lunch.

You and I are done, Creepo Suave,

so shut it.

Hmm, what's the special today?

Ooh, tacos.

[beeps]

Tacos are Mexican cuisine.

Are you referencing your trip to Cabo San Lucas?

How do you know about that?

[beeps] Accessing your photo library now.

Photos?

I deleted those photos.

[beeps] I like your orange bikini.

I see the bottoms, but where's the top?

Delete! Delete!

Shut your eyes!

[beeps] Accessing contacts to share.

[wailing] No!

[groaning]

[applause and cheering]

[crowd exclaiming in delight] Wow! Genius! Beautiful!

-Gross! -Ew! -Who died?

Congratulations, Emma.

Your corpse flower is truly putrid.

Smellfie?

What the--

[♪♪♪]

Fury!

You're dead.

Oh, my stars, it's The Bad Mechanic!

How did one of Lance Fury's mortal enemies

find out he's here?

At any rate, get him!

I got a tip

that you've been sullying my good name.

I haven't been sullying--

[motor buzzing]

Did someone just get hit with a chair

at the community garden?

Wouldn't be the first time.

[groaning]

Fury's taking a beating.

He's been out of the ring too long.

[grunting]

Back on his feet!

What's going on?

Why is-- Oh!

Oof!

Ow!

My eyes!

My nose!

My orchid!

Back off.

If you want Lance, you'll have to go through me.

I can't do that.

I promised the judge

I wouldn't body-slam any more old ladies.

Who are you calling "old"?

Yikes, I'm outta here.

See you next time, Fury.

What an awesome fight!

Yeah, that was so amazing...

how your love of flowers became your Achilles heel.

I told you guys why I didn't wrestle anymore,

and you brought my nemesis back to force a match?

We didn't bring him back.

Who else would do this?

You've been trying to get me to wrestle all week.

This is all your fault.

I'm taking you both to Anger Management!

He's gonna kill us!

But what a cool way to go.

[motor buzzing]

What is... that?

It's amazing.

Wow, that thing is effective.

Like a slow, gentle tazer.

Too bad we have to return it.

All right, I give.

It's legitimate police equipment,

but we'll keep it in my office.

If you want it, just text me...

then wait ten minutes.

[deep fryer sizzling]

[yelping]

Silvio!

Why are you in the deep fryer?

Please, be alive...

Please be alive.

Talk to me, Silvio.

I need to hear your warm, tender voice.

[beeps] [menacing voice] How can I help you, Lacey?

[yelping] Ew! Kill it! Kill it!

[battle grunts]

Hi'yah!

[groaning death throes]

[♪♪♪]

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ The same things you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just... ♪

♪ Don't know ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ And it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know ♪