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1
00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:07,877
So many careers to choose from!
2
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,010
I'm most excited
about the scientist.
3
00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:13,796
Scientists are truly working
on the front lines of discovery.
4
00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:16,494
Working on the front lines
of discovery...
5
00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:18,366
is not what I do.
6
00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:20,759
All the good stuff... that's
all done by computers now.
7
00:00:20,803 --> 00:00:22,152
Oh.
8
00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:24,589
I see lots of cute animals
every day.
9
00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:27,549
And I put almost all of them
to sleep.
10
00:00:27,592 --> 00:00:28,985
No matter how much I shower,
11
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,292
I smell like I'm wearing
a flea collar.
12
00:00:31,335 --> 00:00:34,382
I got into being a cowboy
because it was manly.
13
00:00:34,425 --> 00:00:37,080
But, ironically, the harsh
bumping of the saddle
14
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:39,778
has destroyed my dick and balls.
15
00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:41,998
I'm so tired of candy.
16
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,001
Sometimes late at night,
I go to the kitchen
17
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,743
and I eat spoonfuls of salt.
18
00:00:47,786 --> 00:00:50,093
I don't love my wife anymore.
19
00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:53,096
Because of the candy?
20
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:54,793
Yes.
21
00:00:54,837 --> 00:00:56,360
BOY: A real astronaut!
22
00:00:56,404 --> 00:00:59,842
Okay, so, I'm not an astronaut.
23
00:00:59,885 --> 00:01:04,238
- Oh!
- I'm a radio engineer.
24
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,892
- [grunting]
- That's right... radio.
25
00:01:06,936 --> 00:01:09,069
Does anyone here
listen to radio?
26
00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:13,377
Free radios, kids!
Give it a try!
27
00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:15,075
It's like podcasts,
28
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:18,121
but it works around our
schedule, not yours.
29
00:01:19,992 --> 00:01:21,994
My show is
the morning-drive time,
30
00:01:22,038 --> 00:01:26,216
every day on WLNG 98.2.
31
00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:28,392
And if folks don't
start listening,
32
00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:32,092
I'm gonna be homeless.
33
00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:35,312
[squeaking]
34
00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:37,967
[patriotic music plays]
35
00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:40,796
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
36
00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:44,669
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
37
00:01:44,713 --> 00:01:47,933
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
38
00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:51,763
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
39
00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:57,160
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
40
00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:59,293
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
41
00:01:59,336 --> 00:02:00,555
Aah!
42
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:05,125
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
43
00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:10,042
Is something the matter, Steve?
44
00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:12,958
You've barely touched
your canned corn and cornballs.
45
00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:15,874
I think it's that dang
career fair got me down.
46
00:02:15,918 --> 00:02:19,922
All the adults... their lives
seemed so sad and small.
47
00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:21,445
Oh, you must have misheard them.
48
00:02:21,489 --> 00:02:23,055
Being an adult is great.
49
00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:24,840
Oh! What's great about it?
50
00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:26,450
Well, there's, uh...
51
00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:27,973
You're peppering me
with questions.
52
00:02:28,017 --> 00:02:29,627
Meanwhile, my corn's
getting cold.
53
00:02:29,671 --> 00:02:31,673
You know, I picked my career
54
00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:33,849
at my high-school career fair.
55
00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:36,678
Housewife?
56
00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:38,375
Circus manager.
57
00:02:38,419 --> 00:02:41,465
But... but you're not
a circus manager.
58
00:02:41,509 --> 00:02:44,512
It's a long process.
59
00:02:47,254 --> 00:02:51,040
I-I think she has
stopped talking.
60
00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:54,870
I don't have a career,
but Teddy Sraberg sure does.
61
00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:56,219
I'm Teddy Sraberg.
62
00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:57,916
I work in the adult-film
industry,
63
00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,875
but I don't do sex acts yet.
64
00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,659
I drive the BangVan.
65
00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:03,966
You know, the gray Econoline
that cruises around
66
00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:05,576
while hard-bodies bang
in the back.
67
00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:08,362
I didn't know you worked
for the 'Van!
68
00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:10,190
Ever since I got banned
from MILF Catcher,
69
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:13,758
that's been like my main thing!
70
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:16,152
Do you want to know what
I did to get banned
71
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,893
from looking at a porn site?
72
00:03:17,936 --> 00:03:20,025
It's bad.
73
00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:22,811
♪ Cilantro es cantante ♪
74
00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:24,813
♪ Cilantro es muy fam... ♪
75
00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:28,033
♪ Pizza overlord ♪
76
00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:30,166
Ow-ow-ow-ow!
Rocking Ronnie here
77
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,602
- hittin' you with...
- [static]
78
00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:36,346
A career, a job...
that's all there is?
79
00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:38,435
MAN: You might think
that's all there is.
80
00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:40,959
Live, work, die.
81
00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:43,353
But that's not true.
82
00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:45,007
I'm Palmer Elymas,
83
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:46,835
and this is The Wondercabinet,
84
00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:50,230
an exploration of the hidden
mysteries of the universe.
85
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:52,754
On tonight's show,
the pineal gland...
86
00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:56,236
a small sac of fluid located in
the center of the human brain.
87
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:57,759
The third eye.
88
00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,239
The Ancient Egyptians believed
89
00:03:59,282 --> 00:04:01,284
you could vibrate
the pineal gland,
90
00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:03,373
allowing the consciousness
to move any direction
91
00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:06,637
in space and time...
astral projection.
92
00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:10,250
And every vertebrate in the
world has a pineal gland,
93
00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:12,643
except one, the hagfish.
94
00:04:12,687 --> 00:04:14,776
You are not a hagfish.
95
00:04:14,819 --> 00:04:16,604
I'm not a hagfish.
96
00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:18,170
PALMER: You're not!
97
00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:19,737
The powers that be have
just gunked up
98
00:04:19,781 --> 00:04:21,826
our pineal glands with fluoride.
99
00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:24,655
Mm, fluoride. I don't know.
100
00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:26,004
PALMER: Skeptical?
101
00:04:26,048 --> 00:04:27,832
Listen to this esteemed
list of people
102
00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:29,704
who believe
in astral projection.
103
00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:30,879
Ric Flair,
104
00:04:30,922 --> 00:04:32,576
Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake,
105
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:34,317
one of The Bushwhackers,
106
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:37,015
and René Descartes.
107
00:04:37,059 --> 00:04:38,059
[gasps]
108
00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:42,847
As you all know,
I astral-project frequently.
109
00:04:42,891 --> 00:04:45,067
I've gone to the time
of dinosaurs.
110
00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:46,721
No feathers, by the way.
111
00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:49,550
Scientists get it wrong again!
112
00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:52,248
I've watched the collapse
of the last bit of matter
113
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,685
in the universe
at the end of time.
114
00:04:54,729 --> 00:04:56,818
I know who Banksy actually is.
115
00:04:56,861 --> 00:04:58,472
It's "Captain" Lou Albano.
116
00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:00,256
He's not dead, by the way.
117
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,390
Scientists get it wrong again,
again!
118
00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:05,740
You want to see the wonders
of the universe?
119
00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:09,221
Just put out your crystals,
vibrate your pineal gland,
120
00:05:09,265 --> 00:05:12,964
and... snap... you're off.
121
00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:15,402
Since all my listeners
are now successfully
122
00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:16,577
astral-projecting,
123
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,187
I'll take this private moment
124
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:20,363
to say a shameful secret.
125
00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:22,278
I have, in the past,
126
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,628
treated the Sports Illustrated
Swimsuit Edition
127
00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:26,413
as pornography.
128
00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:32,462
Excuse me. Are you Mr. Sraberg?
129
00:05:32,506 --> 00:05:34,203
So you're my trainee,
130
00:05:34,246 --> 00:05:36,553
here to learn how to drive
the famous BangVan?
131
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:38,468
Yeah. [chuckles]
I mean, I'm hoping
132
00:05:38,512 --> 00:05:39,837
to get in the back seat
at some point,
133
00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:41,166
do some acting, you know?
134
00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:42,385
Get in line.
135
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,213
I've been the driver forever,
136
00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:46,563
so if anybody's getting that tap
on the shoulder, it's me.
137
00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:48,086
Beautiful street, right?
138
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:50,045
It's not just the humping
people enjoy.
139
00:05:50,088 --> 00:05:52,090
It's the scenery
going by the windows.
140
00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:53,416
- [woman moaning]
- It's a huge part, I believe.
141
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,876
- Shhhh!
- Shh!
142
00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:56,399
Just because you work
in a BangVan
143
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,270
doesn't mean
you can't be professional.
144
00:05:58,314 --> 00:06:00,795
Rule number 1...
eyes on the road.
145
00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:02,729
You're gonna be tempted
to sneak peeks in the mirror,
146
00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,407
but don't do it.
147
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:07,018
- [moaning in back seat]
- Oh, damn, that's hot!
148
00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:09,934
Wow. Guys,
I ran a red just then.
149
00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:15,375
Is this meth, Steve?
150
00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:19,727
It's my rose quartz...
to relax my neural pathways.
151
00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:22,051
I've been listening to this
radio show hosted by Palmer...
152
00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:25,994
Radio is dead, Steve.
Stern is on SiriusXM now.
153
00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:27,561
Astral projection?
154
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:30,041
Oh, Steve,
that's New Age garbage.
155
00:06:30,085 --> 00:06:33,262
And a book? When TV?
What are you thinking?
156
00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:35,786
Palmer says everyone used
to astral-project,
157
00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:38,485
until our pineal glands
got gunked up with fluoride...
158
00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:40,225
The pineal gland is a myth!
159
00:06:40,269 --> 00:06:43,403
Well, no one disputes
the pineal gland exists.
160
00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:44,902
People just aren't sure
what the gland does.
161
00:06:44,926 --> 00:06:47,624
Gland this, gland that.
Let's not talk about glands.
162
00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:49,191
Let's talk about careers.
163
00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:51,149
You could be anything, Steve.
164
00:06:51,193 --> 00:06:52,518
Why, you could be
an endocrinologist,
165
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:53,630
whatever that is.
166
00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:55,327
That's... Are you...
167
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,112
That's a doctor
who studies glands.
168
00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:58,505
There's that word again.
169
00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:00,332
I'm afraid I'm going to have
to forbid you
170
00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:02,117
from listening
to that radio show.
171
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,684
But he's the only adult
I know who has
172
00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:05,468
any wonder in his life!
173
00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,252
Pff! You don't need
astral projection
174
00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:08,819
to have wonder in your life.
175
00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,691
Okay. Then where do I find it?
176
00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:14,085
Um, um, look, you know
I know the answer,
177
00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:16,740
but, uh, I'm tired,
you're tired,
178
00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:18,283
and I don't want
to be up all night explaining
179
00:07:18,307 --> 00:07:19,830
it to you when you're
not gonna get it.
180
00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:21,484
Now go to sleep
and have sweet dreams,
181
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,355
or we're gonna have
big problems, mister.
182
00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:26,663
- It's 4:30!
- [door slams]
183
00:07:30,362 --> 00:07:34,845
Stupid Dad. Gah!
I'm shaking with anger.
184
00:07:34,889 --> 00:07:38,066
Whoa! Whoa! What's happening?
185
00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:40,068
MAN [muffled]: Help me!
Oh, God!
186
00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:42,331
Help me!
187
00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:44,812
DJ KAREN: Hi.
I'm DJ Karen Shipley,
188
00:07:44,855 --> 00:07:47,858
filling in for Palmer, who
suspiciously didn't show up.
189
00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:49,556
-Oh, my God!
-DJ KAREN: It's unlike him,
190
00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:51,906
and he hasn't returned
any of our calls.
191
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:54,082
But, anyhoo, I'm just gonna play
192
00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:56,476
"I'd Really Love
To See You Tonight."
193
00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:59,783
I think... I think
I astral-projected!
194
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:01,219
And... and that room.
195
00:08:01,263 --> 00:08:03,439
That must have been
where Palmer is.
196
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,267
He was calling for help.
197
00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:07,182
I have to save Palmer!
198
00:08:07,225 --> 00:08:09,227
♪ Not much, how about you? ♪
199
00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:12,187
As soon as they play a bad song.
200
00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:13,318
♪ I'm not sure why I ♪
201
00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:18,541
Thank you all
for coming so quickly.
202
00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:20,064
I apologize for the late hour.
203
00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:22,458
If we're aiming to party,
204
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,461
look what Barry got
his little hands on.
205
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,464
My dad's friend left his
fringe jacket at the house,
206
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,466
and this was inside.
207
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,555
Palmer Elymas
is in trouble, guys.
208
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:34,383
Palmer Elymas?
209
00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:36,341
That's your
talking goldfish, yeah?
210
00:08:36,385 --> 00:08:38,213
He's the host of
The Wondercabinet.
211
00:08:38,256 --> 00:08:41,129
Someone's attacking him
or kidnapping him.
212
00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:43,740
He... he knows too much.
He's saying too much.
213
00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:46,656
About who?
214
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,179
Big Fluoride!
215
00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:49,877
Should we call the police then?
216
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,313
We can't call the police.
217
00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:52,836
You're damn right!
218
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,143
Not when I have this
much party powder on me.
219
00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:58,581
I guess we can hide it
in our noses.
220
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:00,409
The police
will never believe me.
221
00:09:00,452 --> 00:09:03,717
I only know Palmer's
in trouble because...
222
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:04,760
I astral-projected.
223
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:07,808
You what?
224
00:09:07,851 --> 00:09:09,549
Everything Palmer said is true!
225
00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:12,203
I actually left my body
and traveled
226
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:13,770
to what must be Palmer's house.
227
00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:16,338
You want us to go
to some guy's house?
228
00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:17,881
He's the only one talking
about how incredible
229
00:09:17,905 --> 00:09:19,907
life can actually be.
230
00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:21,996
The radio station
has to have his address.
231
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:23,954
To the bikes!
232
00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:28,002
No one wants my cocaine.
233
00:09:28,045 --> 00:09:29,786
Feel like a frickin' idiot!
234
00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:30,787
[knock on door]
235
00:09:30,831 --> 00:09:33,094
Hey, Steve.
236
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:34,593
Sounds like you're watching
Revenge of the Nerds in here.
237
00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:37,359
Let's start from the begi...
He's gone.
238
00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:39,274
Initiate Expert Tracker mode.
239
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:43,321
This open window is the perfect
place to stand
240
00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:45,149
and wonder how he got out.
241
00:09:45,193 --> 00:09:46,542
We've got to get there fast!
242
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,283
Let's cut through the cemetery!
243
00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:54,028
I say we cross the playground
where we saw that condom,
244
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:55,725
then shoot down Mohawk Drive.
245
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,553
Mohawk... perfect!
246
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,424
The tree roots pushed up
all the sidewalks,
247
00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:01,339
turning them into little ramps.
248
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:02,776
Since time is of the essence,
249
00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:04,168
we'll only take five minutes
250
00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:05,406
to do totally sick bike jumps.
251
00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:06,606
- 10.
- Deal!
252
00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:08,695
- 15!
- Even better deal!
253
00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:11,436
- [tires squeal]
- Whoa! That guy almost hit me!
254
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,197
- [moaning in back seat]
- I mean, I know it's my ticket.
255
00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:16,006
It's just... boy, you know,
I don't make much,
256
00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:18,443
and this big number here...
that's got me sweating.
257
00:10:18,487 --> 00:10:20,315
What does everybody
in the back think?
258
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:21,509
It... it should be me
that pays it
259
00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:22,598
'cause I'm the one
that ran the red?
260
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,101
CAMERA OPERATOR: Quiet, Teddy!
261
00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:25,842
Hey, new guy,
you ready to jump back here,
262
00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:26,713
show us your stuff?
263
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:28,149
Yes, sir!
264
00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:30,020
WOMAN: Ooh!
265
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:31,631
Are you [bleep] kidding me?
I quit!
266
00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:33,173
- [crashing]
- Good luck getting people
267
00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:34,851
to watch sex in a parked van.
268
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:36,679
[moaning in back seat]
269
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:39,508
I'm unquitting because
this just proves
270
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:42,163
someone from up here can
actually make it back there.
271
00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:43,730
CAMERA OPERATOR: Shut up, Teddy!
272
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,125
STEVE: The radio station.
273
00:10:48,169 --> 00:10:50,519
Palmer's home address
has to be in there.
274
00:10:50,562 --> 00:10:52,564
We've just got to get
past the guard.
275
00:10:52,608 --> 00:10:55,655
Let's forget this
radio-station business
276
00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:58,832
and get a little high?
277
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:01,138
Get high! That's it!
278
00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:03,706
There's a door up on the roof
of the radio station.
279
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,490
We just need to build
a big-enough jump.
280
00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:07,231
A jump, you say?
281
00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:14,369
- Here goes noth...
- GUARD: What do we have here?
282
00:11:14,412 --> 00:11:15,979
We're busted!
283
00:11:16,023 --> 00:11:17,783
You little troublemakers
are going away for a long...
284
00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:19,374
A ramp?!
285
00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:21,768
I haven't gone off a ramp
since I was a kid!
286
00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:23,204
Watch this!
287
00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:27,121
Time to fly like an eagle, baby!
288
00:11:27,164 --> 00:11:29,340
[grunts] I broke my ass!
289
00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:31,255
I'm so embarrassed!
290
00:11:31,299 --> 00:11:33,910
They're gonna put me
in a big plaster diaper!
291
00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:35,695
Oh, no!
292
00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:43,703
[mellow music playing]
293
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:48,925
WILLIAM: You came!
294
00:11:48,969 --> 00:11:50,753
You're interested in radio!
295
00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:55,323
Don't push me into
the closet I sleep in!
296
00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:59,109
[pounding on door]
297
00:11:59,153 --> 00:12:02,243
Palmer Elymas... the Vista View
Apartments on Third Street.
298
00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:04,462
Mm, is there someone
special you'd like
299
00:12:04,506 --> 00:12:06,464
to dedicate this love song to?
300
00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:08,945
BARRY: A very important
woman in my life.
301
00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:12,166
Just thinking about her
makes my heart race.
302
00:12:12,209 --> 00:12:14,690
Love is just so, so special.
303
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,084
She's a cartoon bird
with big, red lips
304
00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:19,564
that's in these
car-insurance commercials.
305
00:12:19,608 --> 00:12:21,523
DJ KAREN:
She sounds incredible.
306
00:12:21,566 --> 00:12:22,979
Here's Peter Cetera's
"Glory of Love"
307
00:12:23,003 --> 00:12:24,154
from The Karate Kid II
soundtrack.
308
00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:26,354
[tires squeal]
309
00:12:27,964 --> 00:12:30,140
This tree is dry.
310
00:12:30,184 --> 00:12:32,882
The roots have been
squeezed of moisture by kids
311
00:12:32,926 --> 00:12:34,579
doing jumps off the sidewalk.
312
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:41,804
Four kids to be precise...
three normals and a large.
313
00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:43,086
- [vehicle approaching]
- They're heading east.
314
00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:45,677
Whoa! This guy's driving
on the sidewalk!
315
00:12:45,721 --> 00:12:47,331
And I'll tell you
something else.
316
00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:48,787
- [moaning in back seat]
- People want to see someone
317
00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:50,528
with a little paunch,
a guy who works for a living
318
00:12:50,552 --> 00:12:51,727
have sex in the van.
319
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:52,902
Fine. Let's go.
320
00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:54,556
R-R-Right now?
321
00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:56,558
- Yes.
- But... but who's gonna drive?
322
00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:58,168
We'll park.
323
00:12:58,212 --> 00:12:59,822
P-People need to see
the trees going by.
324
00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:01,476
Tonight or never.
325
00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,739
Okay, okay.
But I'm frizzing out.
326
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,524
At least let me wet down my hair
in a gas-station bathroom.
327
00:13:06,568 --> 00:13:07,850
You've got to let me
make it nice.
328
00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:09,353
Please!
329
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:18,841
Hmm. Makeshift ramp,
a loser with broken butt.
330
00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:20,451
I've solved it.
331
00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,149
This fool was trying
to relive his youth.
332
00:13:22,192 --> 00:13:24,412
Maybe to impress some kids?
333
00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:27,110
Judging by how dry
his mouth feels,
334
00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:29,721
I'd say the boys left here
about 45 minutes ago.
335
00:13:29,765 --> 00:13:32,333
Get your hands out of my mouth!
336
00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:34,050
If you're looking for those
boys, they went...
337
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:36,163
Stop! I want to
track them only by seeing
338
00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:37,860
how moist things are.
339
00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:40,863
[moaning]
340
00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:44,867
Okay, best-case scenario,
Palmer's tied up inside.
341
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:45,931
So we can't just knock
on the door.
342
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:46,913
[knocks on door]
343
00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:48,697
Barry, no!
344
00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:51,091
What if the agents
of Big Fluoride are...
345
00:13:51,134 --> 00:13:53,484
Palmer? Y-You're okay!
346
00:13:53,528 --> 00:13:55,051
I thought something
happened to you.
347
00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:56,661
Something did happen to me!
348
00:13:56,705 --> 00:13:59,229
I have a toothache,
which is crazy,
349
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:03,146
because I wipe my teeth with
a hand towel three times a day!
350
00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:04,713
Uh, how do you know who I am?
351
00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:07,498
From The Wondercabinet.
I'm a fan.
352
00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:09,109
And guess what.
353
00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:11,763
I astral-projected
right into your apartment.
354
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:14,244
Where... where are
the astral charts?
355
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:15,898
Where are the crystals?
356
00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:19,859
It's just a bunch of posters
of... race cars?
357
00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:21,599
Yeah!
You can't even drive
358
00:14:21,643 --> 00:14:23,906
this one on the street
it's so fast.
359
00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:25,342
I-Is there another room?
360
00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:28,258
Another room?! I work in radio.
361
00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:30,870
Who do you think I am?
King Ralph?
362
00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:32,349
I astral-projected!
363
00:14:32,393 --> 00:14:34,830
Really? That's wild!
364
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,223
I'd love to do that.
365
00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:38,225
But... but you have.
366
00:14:38,268 --> 00:14:40,053
You said so on your show.
367
00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:41,663
I just made that up.
368
00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:44,622
So I didn't astral-project.
369
00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:47,190
And you're just another
sad adult.
370
00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:52,804
I am so sick of sad adults!
371
00:14:52,848 --> 00:14:54,894
Aah!
372
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,243
My Lamborghini Veneno!
373
00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:58,245
Steve, he's okay.
374
00:14:58,288 --> 00:15:00,247
Why are you so upset?
375
00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:01,857
We're supposed to pick a path,
376
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,946
but they all lead
to the same place...
377
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:06,079
a small, sad life!
378
00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:08,168
I thought there was another way,
but there isn't!
379
00:15:08,211 --> 00:15:10,692
STAN: They should call you boys
Hurricane Katrina,
380
00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:12,955
'cause you've been leaving
water all over town.
381
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:15,088
And you!
382
00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:17,481
You want me to live the
smallest, worst life of all...
383
00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:18,482
yours!
384
00:15:18,526 --> 00:15:22,573
You're a hagfish!
385
00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:23,923
Aaaaaaaah!
386
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:30,320
Whoa! Is that his pineal gland?
387
00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:33,410
Steve!
388
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:47,990
♪
389
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:51,602
♪
390
00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:53,561
The astral plane.
391
00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:55,041
I'm here.
392
00:15:55,084 --> 00:15:57,391
Oh, God, I'm actually here!
393
00:15:57,434 --> 00:15:59,088
It's real!
394
00:15:59,132 --> 00:16:01,743
Okay, how does it work?
How does it work?
395
00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:06,748
I should be able to just think
of a place and go, say Paris.
396
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:09,533
- [French accordion music plays]
- Magnifique!
397
00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:13,973
I can go anywhere,
even Chimdale.
398
00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:18,020
Wow! Chimdale!
399
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:20,718
It's like Paris on steroids.
400
00:16:20,762 --> 00:16:24,331
It's all so beautiful!
I want to see everything.
401
00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:27,116
I want to see everything Palmer
lied about getting to see,
402
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,989
to every time and every place,
403
00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:32,992
to the last moment
of the universe!
404
00:16:37,561 --> 00:16:39,302
Sad ending.
405
00:16:39,346 --> 00:16:41,870
Got to stop reading
the last page of a book first.
406
00:16:41,913 --> 00:16:46,266
Now show me dinosaurs!
407
00:16:48,877 --> 00:16:50,313
Incredible!
408
00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:52,707
The feathers are
so unpleasant, though.
409
00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:56,015
[roars]
410
00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:57,538
[Steve gasps]
411
00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:59,453
Bu-gawk!
412
00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:00,976
Oh, just awful.
413
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,849
Now show me everything!
414
00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:38,187
♪
415
00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:40,537
[toilet flushes]
416
00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:46,152
There we go.
417
00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:47,631
Hey, you're great.
418
00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:49,242
You're a nice guy.
419
00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:50,591
People want to see you
do things.
420
00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:52,419
Did you get in shape
the way you wanted?
421
00:17:52,462 --> 00:17:54,116
No, of course not.
422
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,702
Did you eat like you were
an actor trying to gain
423
00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:56,771
100 pounds for a role?
424
00:17:56,814 --> 00:17:58,120
Yeah. So what?
425
00:17:58,164 --> 00:18:01,602
Now are you ready to smash?
Yeah.
426
00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,299
I said, are you ready to smash?!
427
00:18:03,343 --> 00:18:05,345
Yes! Let me really hear it.
428
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,086
I'm gonna smash!
429
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:08,348
Yeah!
430
00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:13,701
No! H-Help!
431
00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:15,790
Can anyone hear me?
432
00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:16,941
CAMERA OPERATOR:
Where the hell is Teddy?
433
00:18:16,965 --> 00:18:18,749
I'm in here! My hair is wet.
434
00:18:18,793 --> 00:18:20,273
I'm ready for sex!
435
00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:21,598
TRAINEE: You know,
I was thinking,
436
00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:23,624
what if we just used
a green screen
437
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:25,408
instead of driving around
all the time?
438
00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:27,149
No! That's terrible!
439
00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:28,779
CAMERA OPERATOR:
That could totally work.
440
00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:31,980
No! Why can I hear you
and you can't hear me?!
441
00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:33,610
TRAINEE: We wouldn't need
a driver at all!
442
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:35,157
I'm having a panic attack!
443
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:36,202
[gasping]
444
00:18:36,245 --> 00:18:37,899
[chuckles]
445
00:18:37,942 --> 00:18:39,553
Well, Roger's at it again.
446
00:18:39,596 --> 00:18:40,554
What next?
447
00:18:40,597 --> 00:18:41,990
Oh!
448
00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:43,818
That strange room.
449
00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:45,385
I forgot about that.
450
00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:47,256
If it wasn't Palmer's room,
what was it?
451
00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:51,652
I'm back! This is it!
452
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:54,045
But where is this?
453
00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:55,960
Let's take it back in time.
454
00:18:59,529 --> 00:19:02,010
It's Dad's study.
455
00:19:04,099 --> 00:19:06,667
Where are you?
456
00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:08,103
Where did you go?
457
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:17,678
♪
458
00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:20,550
[sobs]
459
00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:21,812
Help me!
460
00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:24,250
Oh, God, help me!
461
00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:26,513
Dad was the one
calling for help...
462
00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:28,123
to save me.
463
00:19:31,387 --> 00:19:33,868
[gasps] Steve! You came back!
464
00:19:33,911 --> 00:19:35,652
Be careful.
That's Waterford glass.
465
00:19:35,696 --> 00:19:37,698
I've traveled so far, Dad,
466
00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:40,309
to every corner
of this universe.
467
00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:41,963
I've seen so much.
468
00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:43,573
Did I end up getting cast
as Hamilton
469
00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:45,053
in the movie version
of Hamilton?
470
00:19:45,096 --> 00:19:46,359
No.
471
00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:48,665
Well, I owe Tuttle
a million dollars.
472
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:50,145
There's something I need to say.
473
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,278
No. You're back.
474
00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:54,497
We don't have to talk
ever again.
475
00:19:54,541 --> 00:19:56,891
I apologize for calling you
a hagfish
476
00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:58,893
and saying your life was small,
477
00:19:58,936 --> 00:20:01,330
for thinking anyone's life
was small.
478
00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:03,550
I wanted something infinite,
but I didn't realize
479
00:20:03,593 --> 00:20:05,552
I had it right here.
480
00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:08,511
A love so big it moved us
across time and space
481
00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:10,600
to find each other.
482
00:20:10,644 --> 00:20:12,950
Is that what you couldn't
figure out how to say, Dad?
483
00:20:12,994 --> 00:20:14,822
Is that what you wanted me
to understand?
484
00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:17,781
No. That's stupid.
485
00:20:17,825 --> 00:20:19,087
And even if it was what I felt,
486
00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:21,872
how dare you say it out loud.
487
00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:23,700
Don't touch me.
488
00:20:23,744 --> 00:20:25,572
Get away from me!
489
00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:29,402
What's say we pop open
that third eye,
490
00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:31,578
do a little astral
projecting together.
491
00:20:33,971 --> 00:20:35,495
[laughs]
492
00:20:35,538 --> 00:20:37,540
I'm haunting my own house.
493
00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:40,630
Boo!
494
00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:43,503
Boo!
495
00:20:43,546 --> 00:20:45,461
Dad, I told you
they can't see us.
496
00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:47,637
What's the point then?
This sucks.
497
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:49,770
I'll show you something
that doesn't suck.
498
00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:53,164
Whoa! Chimdale.
499
00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:54,992
Now, this I could get used to.
500
00:20:55,036 --> 00:20:56,646
Right?!
501
00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,344
Bye! Have a great time!
502
00:20:58,394 --> 00:21:02,944
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