Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:07,980
Even though
it didn't work out
2
00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:09,620
with Ayesha's brother Ahsan,
3
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,500
I still had to uphold
my end of the deal.
4
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:15,580
I would audition with
Lady Parts for Sound Smash.
5
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,980
Someone is fucking out of tune
and it's throwing me off.
6
00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:20,100
You better not be talking
about me, sis.
7
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:22,500
- Where you off to?
- I've got labs.
8
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,780
Sorry.
9
00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:26,660
So, so sorry.
10
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,380
What's wrong with you?
Where have you been?
11
00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:30,060
Just stuck in labs.
12
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,020
I had to pick all the flower
arrangements without you.
13
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:33,740
Meanwhile,
I was also helping Noor
14
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:35,380
plan her engagement party.
15
00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:38,100
It was my sacred duty
as her best friend.
16
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,520
Living two lives
was no mean feat.
17
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:46,820
Alive.
18
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,780
I had newfound sympathy
for spies and philanderers.
19
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,060
He's alive, he's alive.
20
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:52,620
Navigating these choppy seas
21
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,220
of deception,
22
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,500
I was master and commander.
23
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,420
All that's left to get
is the rose gold fairy lights,
24
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:07,380
champagne table covers,
carnation sheer drapes,
25
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:08,860
brushed gold serving spoons.
26
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:12,180
Amina?
You getting this?
27
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,060
Got it.
Got it.
28
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,540
- Also, what else?
- We need cake, who's on the cake?
29
00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,100
We are.
30
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,280
- Off again, are we?
- Yeah, labs, mad intense.
31
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,260
Babe, we know
what you're doing.
32
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,300
You do?
33
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,860
Obvi, you're
going to see Ahsan.
34
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,700
What?
35
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,380
I really like you, but just,
you know, as a friend.
36
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:33,580
Oh, shit.
37
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:34,900
That name,
38
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,020
a bullet in the heart,
39
00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:37,460
a dagger in the clavicle.
40
00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,620
Got me.
41
00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,180
Well, don't overdo it.
42
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,140
There is such a thing
as being too keen.
43
00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:44,900
- Mm-hmm.
- Ladies.
44
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,860
You tell him we are so looking
forward to meeting him.
45
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:49,580
Yeah.
46
00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:51,100
I still hadn't told my friends
47
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,620
that Ahsan had rejected me.
48
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:54,580
They thought I was seeing him,
49
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,060
when actually...
50
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,660
Sup, motherfuckers!
51
00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:01,820
Have I got news for you.
52
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,460
So did you get us a slot?
53
00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:04,940
00 p.m.,
54
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,940
Sound Smash audition.
55
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,660
Shit.
That's soon.
56
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,140
Well it's the only slot
they had.
57
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,980
- It's fine, we're ready.
- Uh...
58
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,860
00 p.m., Saturday?
59
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:20,420
Mm, I can't, mm-mm.
60
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,580
- Ugh, Amina.
- What?
61
00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,180
It's Noor's engagement party.
I can't miss it.
62
00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:25,660
I'm sorry, I just can't.
63
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,820
Wow, wow.
Relax, breathe.
64
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:30,980
Just tell her you need
to need to leave early.
65
00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:32,260
I can't.
They don't know about the band.
66
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:33,740
They cannot know
about the band.
67
00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:35,980
Nice?healthy.
68
00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,780
Hey, relax.
69
00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:40,180
We'll pick you up, do a quick
audition, and drop you back.
70
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,700
No one will even know
you're gone.
71
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:42,980
That.
72
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,660
Maybe I shouldn't
do the audition.
73
00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:46,580
I mean, I could puke.
I always puke when I perform.
74
00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:49,300
What if I puke?
Or worse...
75
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,740
what if poo comes?
76
00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,940
Poo is not gonna come.
77
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,980
Remember, this is not a
performance, it's an audition.
78
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:58,340
Big difference.
No crowd.
79
00:02:58,440 --> 00:02:59,980
You'll just play
like you play with us in here.
80
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,780
I had performance anxiety,
Noor anxiety,
81
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,740
living a double life anxiety.
82
00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:07,180
I was in over my head.
83
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,220
Okay.
84
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,620
I think we need to decompress,
hmm?
85
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,300
Get out of Dodge for a bit.
86
00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,420
? The toxicity of our city ?
87
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,340
Guys, where are we going?
88
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,580
? You,
what do you own the world? ?
89
00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:28,340
? How do you own disorder,
disorder? ?
90
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,500
? Now somewhere between
the sacred silence ?
91
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,460
? Sacred silence and sleep ?
92
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:38,940
? Somewhere between
the sacred silence ?
93
00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:43,700
- Where are we?
- Countryside, baby.
94
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,300
Sometimes we like
to kick it in The Shire.
95
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,140
- This is where we unwind.
- Yeah, chill.
96
00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:51,260
- Is it safe?
97
00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:52,980
They wanted me
to get out of my head
98
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,980
and into my body,
release my demons,
99
00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:59,460
unclench my sphincter,
find my Zen.
100
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,740
Come on.
I've got you.
101
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:06,900
That wasn't so bad, was it?
102
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:21,900
Sorry, what's going on?
103
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,460
Just relax and lie down,
feel the earth.
104
00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,140
Mother Nature says, "Chill."
105
00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,660
I had never been
in the countryside before.
106
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,460
Anything outside
London zone five
107
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,500
was foreign terrain to me.
108
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,180
It didn't feel right.
109
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:46,980
Uh...
Whose land is this?
110
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:50,060
Whose land is this?
Whose land is this?
111
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,500
- Whose land is this?
- Whose land is this?
112
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,060
I mean, someone might own
this land, I don't know.
113
00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:58,660
Just 'cause someone sticks
a flag into something
114
00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,500
doesn't make it theirs,
you get me?
115
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,740
This land is ours.
116
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:04,780
We are Earth's natives.
117
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,620
Our forefathers fought and died
in the white man's wars
118
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,940
for the express purpose
that we would be able
119
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,780
to sit here on this here land
120
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:16,100
and smoke this here doob.
121
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,740
- Great!
- Mmm.
122
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,460
And just like that,
I let go.
123
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,140
Somehow the band
had got through to me.
124
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,860
And in this green
and pleasant land,
125
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,520
I lay my troubles aside.
126
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,780
Even Ayesha
and I were bonding...
127
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,900
- Oi, listen yeah.
- Sort of.
128
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,320
Yes, listening.
Sorry.
129
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,820
I don't mean to be
so hard on you.
130
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:08,100
You're not a total loser
or a totally shit guitarist.
131
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,500
- Thanks.
- You do get on my tits though.
132
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,660
- Sorry.
- No, it's cool.
133
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:15,520
It's band life, I guess.
134
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:18,780
Sorry it didn't work out
with my brother.
135
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,900
- Oh.
- I thought it might.
136
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,340
- Given how wet he is.
- Yeah.
137
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,520
Good chat.
138
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:35,280
You're alright.
139
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:41,660
A toast to our newest
band member,
140
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,940
a delightful freak show,
141
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,660
a humble virtue, I say.
142
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,140
A horny reprobate.
143
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:51,500
And our great new friend.
144
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,220
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
145
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,060
Am I really that bad?
146
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,100
That bad?
You're that good.
147
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,420
You gotta own your freakiness
148
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,540
before your freakiness
owns you.
149
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,820
Bring on the audition!
150
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,860
Hey!
151
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,220
This is private land!
152
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,300
Sorry, sir,
this land is our land.
153
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:11,700
We are Earth natives?
154
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,300
- Run!
- Shit!
155
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,140
Back in the Big Smoke,
and I was feeling different.
156
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:26,540
Something in the countryside
air changed me.
157
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:28,940
I figured, maybe it wasn't
such a big deal
158
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:30,700
to tell Noor about Lady Parts.
159
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,220
I figured wrong.
160
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,820
Hon, it's fine.
You made a mistake.
161
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,020
I'm so sorry, Noor.
I didn't mean to.
162
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:38,620
What's going on?
163
00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:40,100
Zeyba sent the wrong playlist
164
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:41,700
to Osmond
for the engagement party.
165
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,220
Oh, so what's the big deal?
166
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,060
She sent her get-pumped
167
00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,580
playlist instead
of her get-wed playlist.
168
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:51,660
It had some
inappropriate tracks.
169
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,220
Inappropriate tracks?
170
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:57,860
"Sexual Healing."
171
00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,700
"Pony."
172
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,920
"Girl I Want
to Make You Sweat."
173
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,620
Babe, you made a mistake.
174
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,500
Sometimes it takes
something like this to happen
175
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,660
for you to understand
your missteps.
176
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:10,980
Mm-hmm.
177
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,500
The highs of the countryside
178
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,780
suddenly seemed
a distant memory,
179
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,420
and not just for me.
180
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,420
Saira's natural habitat
had been invaded,
181
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:23,020
and she was confronted by
a new and terrifying obstacle.
182
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,220
Mmm.
183
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:25,620
A dinner date.
184
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,060
Abdullah, this lamb is sick.
185
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,940
Thanks.
It from to Saira's butchers.
186
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:31,460
Yeah, it was pretty much
about to go off,
187
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,220
so I got it really cheap, so...
188
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,500
Mm-hmm.
189
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:39,060
Saira and Abdullah were
newly official as a couple,
190
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:42,420
an item, a thing.
191
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,940
So big day coming up
for you guys, huh?
192
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:46,700
What?
193
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,700
The audition.
194
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:51,380
Oh, yeah, yeah, we're finally
getting somewhere.
195
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,220
And Taz is making waves
196
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,180
with the whole online thing
too, so...
197
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,780
- That's great, baby.
- Thanks.
198
00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,140
Saira thought
she could do the whole
199
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,980
girlfriend-boyfriend thing,
200
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:03,660
but she was struggling
with the reality.
201
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,540
- How's Marnie?
- Good, good.
202
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,860
And she's killing it
in school, crazy smart.
203
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,140
I don't know
who she gets it from.
204
00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:11,580
She hardly ever puts down
205
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,020
that Captain America
shield you got her.
206
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,380
What can I say,
my arrested development
207
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,420
means I buy good presents
for kids.
208
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,180
Mm.
209
00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:21,280
Hey, you'd make a great dad
one day, you know?
210
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,340
Um, Saira, you'd make
a great mum too one day.
211
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:29,520
This lamb is so spicy.
212
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,180
Would anybody
like so more lamb?
213
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,460
I don't know if it's my bag,
the whole family thing.
214
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:37,940
You guys are great,
don't get me wrong.
215
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:40,660
- And Marnie is fucking amazing.
- Thank you.
216
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,900
But I am not convinced
it's quite for me, you know?
217
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,620
Why is that?
218
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,340
I'm gonna go to the toilet.
219
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,180
Well, my parents were trapped
in a loveless marriage
220
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,940
for 30 years,
hated each other.
221
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:54,180
The only thing good about
my family was my big sister,
222
00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:57,060
but she went and died when
I was ten kind of randomly,
223
00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:00,120
so yeah, don't know.
224
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,820
Jury is still out on the whole
starting a family sitch
225
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:04,920
pour moi.
226
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,160
I'm just gonna...
Wasim!
227
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,660
How the fuck did you not
tell me you had a sister?
228
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:25,140
I don't know, it's personal.
229
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,300
Plus, she's massively dead
so it doesn't really count.
230
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:29,460
Sorry, it counts.
That counts.
231
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,180
Look, I'm sorry,
I know it's must be horrible,
232
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:38,540
but Bisma and Wasim know.
233
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:40,700
Bisma's my best mate.
234
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,800
So what am I, then?
235
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:51,500
Okay, so I hadn't told
my friends about the band,
236
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,900
or that Ahsan
wasn't interested,
237
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,100
but I'm a highly
intelligent woman.
238
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,420
I could figure this out.
239
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,580
- Hey.
- Sorry?oh, hey?hey!
240
00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:01,620
How's it?hey.
241
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,300
Oh, no.
242
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,340
Listen, I'm really sorry
about the other night.
243
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:11,460
I should have been way
more clear after the date.
244
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,700
I'm sorry.
Ayesha told me you were upset.
245
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,340
I was fine.
I mean, I am fine.
246
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:16,780
There is really
no need to apologise.
247
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,360
- I'm not that kind of guy.
- I'm sure.
248
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,020
Could this get
any more awkward?
249
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,900
Uh-oh.
250
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,780
Hello.
251
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,620
- I'm Noor.
- Ahsan.
252
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,700
- Oh, I know who you are.
- You do?
253
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,540
You two have literally
been inseparable.
254
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,220
- Um...
- And I cannot wait
255
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:37,660
to meet you properly on Sat.
256
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:39,260
A couple of Imran's cousins
have bailed,
257
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,460
so there's plenty of food
to go around,
258
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:41,860
in case you were worried.
259
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,420
Also, no dress code.
260
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,140
Maybe smart casual?smasual.
261
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,060
Sound all right?
262
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,380
- S-sure.
- Sounds good.
263
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,100
Perfect.
264
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,380
Well, you two have fun now.
Not too much fun.
265
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,900
- Does she think we're?
- Yes, I know, I'm sorry.
266
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,660
I'm going set her straight,
I just haven't yet,
267
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:05,740
'cause, I don't know if
being everyone's
268
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,020
favourite loser
is boring.
269
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,780
Am I right? Avoid. LOL.
270
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:14,360
But yes?no, I will tell her.
I'm so sorry.
271
00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:20,420
- I could come with you.
- What?
272
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,660
If you want.
273
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:27,380
My way of saying sorry
for misleading you.
274
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:32,160
And I don't know,
maybe then we can call it even.
275
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,580
Oh, um...
276
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,060
Things I thought could
never happen.
277
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,340
Yeah, okay.
278
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:43,140
One, Ahsan Alkaaf offering
to take me
279
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,940
to Noor's engagement party.
280
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,580
And two...
281
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,780
me, Amina Hussein,
282
00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:51,580
rehearsing for an audition
283
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,540
with a punk band?
284
00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,380
? I'm sorry if I scare you,
I scare myself too ?
285
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,220
? I scare myself too ?
286
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,540
? You find me terrifying,
could it be you know who? ?
287
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,660
? What could I be hiding? ?
? What could I be hiding? ?
288
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:10,180
? What could I be hiding? ?
289
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,020
? What could I be hiding? ?
290
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:13,860
? Voldemort's alive and... ?
? Voldemort's alive and... ?
291
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,340
? Voldemort's alive and... ?
292
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,940
? He's under my headscarf ?
293
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,820
? He's alive, he's alive ?
294
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,620
? Voldemort's alive,
and he's under my headscarf ?
295
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,500
? He's alive, he's alive ?
296
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,820
? Voldemort's alive,
and he's under my headscarf ?
297
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,540
? Does the other head gear
scare you too? ?
298
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:40,940
- A hat?
- Helmet?
299
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,860
- Nah, just you.
300
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,820
? Does the other head gear
scare you too? ?
301
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:46,420
Hats?
Helmets?
302
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,500
? What could I be hiding? ?
303
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:50,540
? What could I be hiding? ?
? What could I be hiding? ?
304
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,380
? What could I be hiding? ?
305
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,300
? Voldemort's alive and... ?
? Voldemort's alive and... ?
306
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,420
? Voldemort's alive and... ?
307
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,100
? He's under my headscarf ?
308
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,900
? He's alive, he's alive ?
309
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,100
? Voldemort's alive
and he's under my headscarf ?
310
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,620
? He's alive, he's alive ?
311
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,140
? Voldemort's alive ?
312
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,900
? And he's under
my headscarf ?
313
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,740
? Are you Hufflepuff?
Are you Gryffindor? ?
314
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,540
? No?Slytherin!
I'm fucking Voldemort ?
315
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:20,060
? Voldemort, Voldemort,
ooh Volde- Voldemort ?
316
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:24,020
Playing with Lady Parts
was actually kind of fun.
317
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:27,380
I never thought I'd say it,
but bring on the audition.
318
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:28,430
? Voldemort ?
319
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,980
- The day had finally arrived.
- Hmm.
320
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:39,260
A light schmoozing at Noor's
engagement party with my fake man,
321
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,060
get some kudos, why not?
322
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,820
Followed swiftly by an epic
audition with Lady Parts.
323
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:49,260
What could possibly go awry?
324
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:56,300
So this Ahsan
is interested in you?
325
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:58,140
Sure.
326
00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,100
I thought it best not
to divulge details to Mother.
327
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,140
You know how she gets.
328
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:03,660
- Are you dating?
- God, no.
329
00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:05,700
You know what I mean,
the halal version,
330
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,860
mutually interested
in a more-than friendship,
331
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,780
but strictly nonsexual way,
or whatever you kids call it.
332
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:14,060
He's just a friend.
We're going as mutual friends.
333
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,020
Right.
334
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,920
Mini, you know
you can tell me things.
335
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,180
Sure.
336
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,740
Shit.
Wow, okay.
337
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,500
Salaam, Aunty.
338
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,500
Right back at you, sweetness.
339
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,600
Inappropriate.
Hmm.
340
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,820
- Yeah, after you.
- Thank you.
341
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,760
- This is very weird.
- Yeah, it is.
342
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,220
Thanks for not
telling your sister.
343
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,920
Yeah, it's cool.
344
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,820
At the event,
do you mind not mentioning
345
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,980
the audition or the band
to anyone ever?
346
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,800
Yeah, sure.
Sure.
347
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,340
If you could maybe just say
you go to Friday prayers
348
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,220
at your local mosque,
just in case they ask.
349
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,500
- Sure.
- Great.
350
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,060
Yeah, I'm pretty sure
I've seen a rom-com
351
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,500
with this sort of story line.
352
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,300
Debra Messing hires
a male escort, Dermot Mulroney,
353
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,540
to go with her to her
half-sister's wedding
354
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:37,720
'cause she wants
to get to her ex-boyfriend.
355
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:47,760
Right, so I'm the male escort
in this scenario?
356
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:51,580
It's a rubbish film,
just awful.
357
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:53,420
Like, 11% fresh rating
on Rotten Tomatoes,
358
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:55,420
like, terrible.
359
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,740
I'm just messing.
360
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:03,020
Mutual friends.
361
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,380
Just two mutual friends
362
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:09,540
going to an engagement party
mutually.
363
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:13,600
Not weird at all,
totally normal.
364
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:20,060
Hey, welcome.
Hey, hey, hey.
365
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:21,860
Okay, so all the men
are over there.
366
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,400
Imran.
Imran.
367
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,380
- Salaam, Amina.
- Hi.
368
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,700
- Welcome.
- So Imran, this is Ahsan.
369
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,260
Salaam, brother.
How are you both?
370
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:33,300
Well.
371
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:34,900
- Very well.
- Well.
372
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,040
Well, you've been getting
to know each other well.
373
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:37,580
Yeah, very well.
374
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:39,420
Not like that.
375
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,300
Yeah, well.
376
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,620
Museums.
377
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,460
Sorry?
378
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,100
We really like
going to museums.
379
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,580
- Oh.
- Tate, National Portrait...
380
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,220
- Science Museum.
- Very cultured.
381
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,220
- Mm.
- And the mosque.
382
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,060
Oh, which mosque
do you go to?
383
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:58,700
Just a local one.
384
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,700
End of the road.
Ye olde local.
385
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,820
- Who is your imam?
- His name is...
386
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,780
- Imam Inunzimam.
- Mm.
387
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:14,740
He's a new guy,
you know, beard.
388
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,700
Wears a beret.
389
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:20,180
Oh, hip.
390
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:24,390
- Very hip.
- So shall we?
391
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,620
This was a favour.
392
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,860
He was just doing me a favour,
393
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:41,500
but I couldn't help
but be a little distracted.
394
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,500
She's not answering.
395
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,340
They're not gonna
wait for us.
396
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:51,860
Guess we're waiting here, then.
397
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,500
You reeled
in a real nice catch.
398
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,220
Mashallah. Mubarak ho.
399
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,140
So come on, spill.
How'd you get Al Dreamy, huh?
400
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,700
Do you think he had
Ugly Duckling syndrome?
401
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,140
What?
402
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:07,460
You know,
he was a fat kid growing up,
403
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,300
then lost the weight,
got really buff,
404
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,620
ugly duckling no more,
boom, swan, you know?
405
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,500
So he doesn't really know
what league he's in.
406
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:21,180
- Excuse me one second.
- Bye.
407
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:29,060
Male escort
reporting for duty.
408
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,140
Oh, I think I saw your
beret-wearing imam friend.
409
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:32,900
He just cycled past,
carrying some baguettes.
410
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,140
Oh, I see how it is.
411
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,640
More of a sausage fest
than I was expecting.
412
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,520
Where are the woman folk?
413
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,400
What the...
414
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,260
What are you doing?
Thought you friend zoned her.
415
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,220
No, no, he came with me.
416
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,660
What?
417
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,140
Whatever, we've gotta go now.
418
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:01,900
Uh, I'm sorry, miss,
this is a private event.
419
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,540
You need to leave.
420
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,820
Last time I checked, ma'am,
this was a free country.
421
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,220
No, this is Saira,
422
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:12,800
my mum's sister's
sister-in-law's sister?
423
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:15,580
Yes, a family emergency.
424
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:16,580
Oh, no,
not a family emergency.
425
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:17,980
Oh!
426
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,020
She doesn't look
like your relative.
427
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:22,020
I was adopted.
428
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,380
I'll be right back.
429
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,060
- Amina!
- Right back, promise.
430
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:34,100
Okay, sorry we're late,
traffic was appalls.
431
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,060
20 minutes late.
432
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,340
You don't have time
to sound check.
433
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,280
No sound check, just go.
434
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,260
Saira, sorry.
435
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:51,100
I can't, I can't.
I've never been a pub before.
436
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,980
I think I'm getting drunk
on the booze fumes.
437
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:57,760
No, relax.
You can do this.
438
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:00,900
Okay.
439
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:05,180
Trust in yourself, man.
You're a great guitarist.
440
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,940
This was not a gig,
just an audition.
441
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,780
Not a gig, just an audition.
442
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,600
Ready?
443
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:19,700
? Why won't you love me? ?
444
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,580
? Why won't you text me back? ?
445
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:25,060
? Leave me on read ?
446
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,060
? Ghost me like I'm dead ?
447
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,860
? Are my clothes too tight? ?
448
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,700
? But ?
449
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:36,460
? You say I'm not polite,
I say fuck you very much ?
450
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,060
? Bashir with a good beard ?
451
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:45,020
Amina, come on!
452
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:51,420
For fuck's sake,
play something.
453
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,340
Nothing would move.
454
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,660
It was though gravity was
crushing me down into stasis.
455
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,140
At least I wasn't puking,
right?
456
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,540
Sorry, we're having
a bit of a technical...
457
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,980
Technical?
Your guitarist isn't playing.
458
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,660
She's nervous.
It's fine, we'll try again.
459
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,020
One, two?
460
00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:12,660
Yeah, that's not
how it works.
461
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,900
- Next band, please.
- Wait, no, sorry, we're ready.
462
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,660
We've worked
really hard for this.
463
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:20,260
- All the bands work hard.
- Come on, please.
464
00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:23,300
Listen,
we're only gonna put on
465
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:26,460
the very best unsigned bands
in the country, okay?
466
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,300
If you have any kinks
you need sorting out,
467
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,180
I suggest you do that
before you step on my stage.
468
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,060
Next band, please.
469
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:39,340
And just like that,
it was all over.
470
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,140
What had I done?
471
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,460
I...
472
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,420
Nice one, mate.
33349
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.