All language subtitles for Vampires.Are.Real.2021.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-EVO

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Who's a good boy?

You are, yes you are!

You're a good boy.
Yes, you are.

Yes, you are.

Oh, yes, you are.

We're rolling.

Oh, are we rolling?

We're rolling.

Do we start now?

I think so.

Okay.

Hi.

I'm Stewart.

I'm Everrett.

Yeah.

We're Stewart and
Everrett. Yeah.

And we're best friends.

We're best friends.

And we hunt vampires.

For awhile.

Yeah. Yeah.

Ever since high school,
that's when we we started.

Do you want to tell them?

You should tell them.

Okay.

No, I'll tell them.

Okay, No. That's better idea.

You should tell
them, I'm sorry.

I have a flare
for storytelling.

You do.

So we were,

it was at Blockbuster video.

Yeah. Back when
Blockbuster just opened.

We're like, oh, this is so
much better than Avenue video.

Set the scene,

we were picking up
chicks at the time.

Yeah.

- At Blockbuster.
- Yeah.

I just hit puberty.

I got my first chest hair.

Those were the days. I was
jealous about that chest hair.

Yeah. Well, after the show,

cause we didn't know each other.

Oh yeah.

Back to,
we're jumping ahead.

Lets just stay in one moment.

Okay. Okay.

- Blockbuster.
- Blockbuster.

We're going, we're there.

And chances of falling,

we're there for the same movie.

Yeah. Yeah.

- Let's say it the same time,
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

We do that so good.

We need to practice that.
We need to practice that.

We know it's a new
thing that we're trying

the No-look high fives.

Yeah. We were renting
Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Not like the Sarah
Michelle Gellar one.

She got it wrong.

She didn't do
the role justice.

No, no.

I mean, she's tried,

but no, it's like,
Kristy Swanson.

Kristy Swanson
nailed that role.

She's like the
Primo vampire Hunter.

Yeah. When I think vampire
Slayer, I think Kristy. Yeah.

Yeah,

not even Van Helsing.

Like, Kristy's way better.

She knows how to hold a stake.

Yeah.

What did you mean?

She know her way
around a stake.

She did know her
way around the stake.

Let's leave it at that.

Yeah.

Anyways, we had the
same Blockbuster.

Same time.

We were in the horror aisle.

Horror aisle.

We both love killing vampires.

For a little bit tug
of war with the VHS.

It was like, if you could
imagine it right there.

Yeah.

Hey, can you like VFX a DVD?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Yeah, Buffy The
Vampire Slayer.

We been the VHS right?

Yeah VHS, and it's like this.

Okay. And then, we're
like, what are we fighting?

Why don't instead of
fighting over this

we make our first friend?

That was my thought.

I don't know if were thinking.

Yeah, no, I was
thinking the same thing.

Cause I didn't have friends.

That's why I was at
Blockbuster alone.

Yeah.

Renting, Buffy
the Vampire Slayer.

Right.

Cause Kristy
Swanson was in it.

We rented it, and we watched
it together and we're like,

did you just become
my best friend?

Yeah. And I knew
that was the case.

Yeah.

So we've been best
friends ever since.

And like we, yeah, we loved
hunting vampires so much.

It was like, we're like,

ah we gotta do
something about this.

Cause this threat is real.

We decided that we needed,
you know...

the only option at this
point was to make a club.

Yeah.

Where we hunted vampires.

If you think about it,

it's the most logical thing.

Okay. They got clubs for chess.

Chess.

Okay, they got clubs for band.

Science.

And science.

We weren't cool enough
for any of those clubs.

No no, we were cool,

- but everyone else just wasn't as woke as we were.
- Woke.

Yeah.

To vampire threat,

which is real.

And imminent.

Yeah. Eminent or imminent?

Imminent.

I still can't tell
what you're, imminent.

Imminent,

Let's not worry about it.

Let's to get the story,

let's get to the story
right, move along.

All right.

All right.

So we made our own club.

All right.

And we are the founding members.

The only real members.

Yeah, The only real ones.

We did have a third
member show up,

some foreign student.

But.

Yeah.

He was weird.

Some idiot named Toby.

Yeah, his name was Toby.

I couldn't understand
anything he was saying.

I ain't understand anything
he said at any point.

Yeah, I mean, it was
nice to have a third man.

Cause that was when the
school gave us a budget

of like $15 a semester.

Those were great days.

Yeah. That was a
great pizza party.

Yeah.

At the end of every semester.

Our first and last.

Yeah.

But we're still
hunting vampires.

To this day.

Yeah.

Now, We've never actually seen...

No, we've had a few.

It's been close.

A few close calls.

We cannot confirm nor
deny that there was not,

or was vampire
present at per time.

There was that guy.

There was the janitor.

Well, before the janitor.

Before the janitor.

When we were in college
and we were broke.

We were donating plasma,

Because we didn't have money.

There was that phlebomist.

Phlebotomist.

Yeah, phle, who was.

Phlebotomist.

Yeah. That's what I said.

Keep going.

The phlebotomist.

Phlebo tomist.

Say phlebotomist.

Phlebotomy,
phlebotomy, phlebotomist.

Okay.

Phlebotomist.

Phletomy.

God, Phlebotomist.

Okay, yeah. That's
what I'm saying.

You sound like Toby right now.

Okay, that's a low blow, okay.

All right.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Best friend hug?

Sorry hug?

Okay. All right.

Vincent Price.

That's our safe word.

Vincent Price.

Yeah. It lets us know,

we need to chill.

Tone down, take it down,

feelings may be getting to hurt.

Vampires may be in the area.

It just brings us
back to reality.

Lets us know like,

Hey, I care about you, bro.

I care about you.

Yeah, me too.

So, let's pick it up.

Why don't you take this story.

The phlebotomist.

The phlebotomy, You're
better at saying the word.

Yeah, we were
both donating plasma

and this nurse was like,
getting extra close.

Extra close with a needle.

Yeah. She was looking
at our veins, right.

She wanted to open us up.

Yeah. She was
looking at our veins

like a tasty little sandwich.

Yeah, I swore she
licked her lips once

and that's what
like sent me off.

- I was like, Oh my God, this is a vampire.
- Hold on!

And at that point it
was all Vincent Price,

Vincent Price.

Vincent price, Vincent Price.

Yeah. We got out
of there real quick.

Yeah. Turns out
she wasn't a vampire.

Her job was to deal
with all the blood.

We learned what a
phlemagodist was, later.

Phlebotomist.

Yeah.

Okay.

Then. Then.

- Oh yeah, this one's my favorite.
- Yeah.

The janitor.

The janitor.

Walking around
in a kinda daze,

all the time,

and we weren't sure
what was going on.

Well, he was cleaning.

I knew what was going on.

His teeth that are, they
were kind of dripping a red...

Yeah, his mouth was so red.

I was like, dude, you're right.

He's definitely
been drinking blood.

Yeah. It turns out

he just had some
pretty bad Gingivitis.

Oh my gosh.

It was the worst Gingivitis,

you could smell it.

Yeah.

I was in the bathroom,

using it when he was cleaning.

I'm like, I smell something
that is not fecal matter,

and it is worse.

Or vampire.

That's how we deduced that one.

Deduce.

Deduce.

Yeah. He wasn't
a vampire though.

He was, he was a
raging alcoholic.

Yeah. It was just sad.

Yeah. He got fired
later that year.

Or did he die?

Well, he died
after he got fired.

Yeah.

You shouldn't
laugh about that.

No.

No man.

Alcoholism is bad.

That's how we knew
he wasn't a vampire.

Cause...

He died.

But there was the third time.

The third time that we thought...

Oh yeah.

It's been three,

three really strong vampires.

Big close encounters.

Yeah. Close encounters.

The seventh kind.

Of seventh kind?

Yeah.

We got humans, number one.

Spiders, Number two.

Ghouls,

You got giraffes.

Why gir-?

I'll just finish the
list, we can go back.

Okay. Okay.

Well, giraffes threw
me off, that's why.

Witches.

Witches,

werewolves.

That would be
seven right there.

If we're counting giraffes.

You'll have...

Oh that's six, yeah.

Anyways, the vampires
that I encountered

is a seventh.

Seventh kind.

Sasquatch would
be eight, then.

It's kinda like
the planet Pluto,

where you don't know
if it's a planet.

Scientists go back and forth

on whether it's actually
a planet or not.

Okay.

That's the kind of same thing

with the seventh kind,
of supernatural being.

He's way more into that
kind of research than I am.

I'm more in the science
side of vampire hunting.

He's more in the mythos.

Yeah.

They're both valid.

Important parts.

Well, I couldn't do
what I do without him.

Left brain right
brain kind of thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm the right brain.

The last time that we
thought we saw a vampire.

And this was crazy.

It was crazy.

We were walking outside.

It was dark.

It was that night.

Classic time for a
vampire to show up.

Which as we learned,

vampires aren't
exclusive to the night.

No, no.

It just happened to be night.

That's a common myth.

Myth busted, their
out at all times.

We busted that
myth, all right.

Vampires can be in the daylight.

They just can't be in
direct direct sunlight.

Direct sunlight. Yeah.

Yeah.

But we're walking...

So anyways, we were walking,

the trees we're like.

Trees, speaking this,

that was scary they sounded
like they were speaking...

I'm the trees
in the background.

You're walking.

The wind going
through the leaves,

sounding like they were talking,

like it was Siamese
or something.

Yeah.

And then, with
those Siamese trees,

then came right
over our head-

duck, oh.

Oh, oh, oh what was that?

We got attacked,
we were attacked,

it was a bat.

It was a bat.

It was a bat.

Now, it didn't assume
human-vampire form,

but that was a vampire.

Yeah.

All right, it was buzzing us.

All right.

I didn't have my
scarf on, or anything.

You didn't have a scarf on.

He was a little cold.

He was a little chilly and...

It saw my neck.

It saw his neck, Yeah.

And then it went for his neck.

Yeah.

And then...

- It missed, luckily.
- And it then went away.

Yeah.

And it was gone.

Yeah. Luckily it went away.

We were not ready for that.

From then on we always
carried a stake on us.

A stake, yeah.

And that's a wooden
stake to clarify.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well what are we hunting?

Werewolves?

Yeah, this was a wooden stake.

Yeah, a wooden stake.

Yeah. We carry
those with us now.

Yeah, we do that.

Yeah. I don't actually
have mine on me though.

Well, I mean, you have
your secret stake right?

Always.

I didn't bring
my secret stake.

Okay. Well, as long
as one of us has it.

Yeah. Well, we ran here,

so I didn't think I'd need it.

Well, maybe we should
refresh ourselves,

and the viewers on the
rules of vampire hunting.

Just so.

Oh yeah, yeah.

To never forget.

Yeah. There's always
rules, all right.

We have our top three
rules of vampire hunting.

When we founded the club.

These were the
three rules we set.

The three rules
Vampire hunting.

Oh, sorry.

I'm Everett.
And I'm,

and these are the
three rules, like that.

I'm Stewart

And I'm Everett.

And these are the three
rules of vampire hunting.

Rule number one,

always use the buddy system
when hunting vampires.

Rule number two,

Do you remember?

Blinking on number...

Rule number two,

never be alone with a vampire.

Rule number three,

Never be alone with a vampire.

Hah...

That's a nice touch.

Thank you.

That was good.

It kind of scared me.

Yeah.

Yeah. We vampire
role play sometimes

and it gets scary.

Yeah.

Gets really scary.

We're here in our secret
vampire room lair.

Secret cave lair room.

Yeah. It's so secret.

We don't even know where it is.

We take turns putting bags
over each other's heads,

and bring this there.

So at any point, neither of
us know where we're going.

Neither of us know
where it is, neither.

Neither,

should be either or man?

Either. Yeah it's a
situation.

That's not a word.

Yeah.

What'd you say?

When we founded the
vampire hunting club,

we knew that we had
to have the rules.

Rules

But we also needed a motto.

Motto, kind of like,

founded after great
organizations,

such as, the Boy
Scouts of America,

Yeah.

Girl Scouts of America.

Yeah. And.

Birdwatchers of America.

- Weight Watchers.
- Weight Watchers.

They got all those
mottos and slogans.

Yeah. Our motto.

Yeah.

You don't remember our motto?

Of course, I do.

How do you not
remember our motto man?

Well, no, I remember it.

You need to take this a
little more seriously, Everrett.

Okay?

Okay.

All right. The
motto is important.

The motto is important.

And you got to remember it.

I know it.

All right.

It's practically
inscribed on my heart.

Yeah, go ahead, say it now.

- Best friends who hunt vampires never leave
- each other.

That's right. Okay,
he made me worried.

Yeah. Best friend who
hunt vampires together

never leave each other.

He wrote that.

I did write that.

I was trying to
protect our friendship.

I thought it was a
little bit redundant,

because we already talked
about that in the rules.

Redundancies are the safest,

or as the adage goes,

redundant a day, keeps
the friends together.

Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, when
we hunt vampires,

the best way that we found
is to do a mirror check.

And that's why...

Yeah. Explain for
the viewers back home.

What a mirror check is.

Yeah. The mirror check
works really simple.

So I have a mirror
around my neck

and I wear it like this.

Around his neck.

It's kind of like my talisman.

It almost acts as, if
his neck weren't so big.

It would act as
kind of a protection

against a vampire bite.

My neck wasn't so big.

What do you mean my neck is big?

It's a big muscle.

Oh, okay.

Yeah. So, but anyways, the
mirror check works like this.

I take a mirror and I look at
a person through the peephole,

like this.

For instance, if I were...

- If I'm a regular-
- Someone coming,

And then I hold it like this

and I check to see if
they have a reflection.

And that person has a reflection,
they're not a vampire.

I was worried I was vampire.

No. You're not a vampire, man.

Yeah, but you see. Yeah.
So, like, yeah... You at home?

Oh, yeah, not a vampire.

- See, your reflection.
- Do, what if I was a vampire?

If you were a vampire?
If you were a vampire?

No, no, no.

No. Stop, stop.

Stop.

I'm sorry.

Vincent Price.

Okay. I'm sorry.

Okay.

And sometimes
we're going to switch

off wearing the mirror too.

Sometimes I like to
do the mirror checks.

Sometimes he does
the mirror checks.

I only do the mirror checks.

Well so far, but you're...

I'm the one with the mirror.

Yeah. Okay.

But maybe I could get it off.

I told you to
get one off Amazon.

All right.

Okay.

It's not that hard, man.

You have prime, just order one.

Pull your phone
out and order it.

You know what, I
think we're done here.

Right?

Let's show them where
we train for vampires.

Cause there's way more
than just hunting,

looking for vampires.

And talking about it, right.

Yeah, there's a
training regimen.

It gets super hardcore.

Yeah, done.

So can we stand up?

Rolling.

All right, so we're rolling?

So we should start?

Okay. A vampire
hunter is only as good

as his tools that he uses.

His tools and his equipment.

Yeah. So today we're
doing a stake maintenance.

Stake maintenance.

Cool.

Yeah. So these are wooden stakes

that we use to kill vampires.

You might be wondering
why are they so big?

It's because vampires like
to get close.

But we don't.

And so here's the thing.

Vampire hunting is a
hazardous profession.

It's super hazardous.

I mean, most of
our injuries come

from shaving these stakes.

Yeah. I get a
lot of splinters.

That's why we're
cutting the corners.

Oh gosh.

I made another...

When we first started this

in high school,

that idiot Toby
totally got shanked

in the eye by one
of these splinters.

Yeah. And then
principal was like,

you can't sharpen
stakes in a school.

And we were like, hmm?

I was like, well, I'll
do it a hundred times.

If I got to see Toby cry again.

Yeah. I mean, we were
keeping the school safe.

The principal didn't get it.

The unknown threat.

Imminent threat.

Yeah. You said it again.

I know.

Are you saying
imminent or eminent?

Yeah. Okay.

Well we're just
shaving the edges.

We even get these little.

Yeah, those are really
good for secret stakes too.

Secret stakes, like this.

Yeah. Look real close.

That's a dangerous blade.

Yeah. Yeah.

So you could take that.

That would definitely
pierce a vampire's heart.

Yeah. Or a major artery.

But I like to make sure my
secret stake is really sharp.

Checked it out, yeah.

I got it with me all the time.

Except before.

Sometimes I keep
it behind my ear.

Sometimes I keep it in my mouth.

So I like to put
it out like this.

So that people know
I'm ready to go.

I keep on pointing it,
I'm just like what?

We can't understand anything...

What's up?

We can't understand
anything you're saying

when you have it in your mouth.

I can, yeah, you can.

No.

All right.

Didn't get any of that.

I'm practicing.

Okay.

What about when I do that?

No better.

I got some wood in my mouth.

Yeah. We get a lot of splinters,

I'm worried about
splinters right now.

That's your basic
stakes maintenance.

Yeah. So the
stake maintenance,

you got to make sure
your stakes are sharp.

These are wooden stakes.

Sorry.

We're really good at this.

We're just doing
this really fast.

Yeah. See see?

Something a
little bit like this

If you're a vampire and you
see that, you like, ah ah.

You know this guy knows
his way around a stake.

Yeah.

This guy has had a
stake in his mouth.

Yeah. You can cut that.

Oh,

Just cut all those.

All right.

Yeah. That was as good.

It's more for show.

It's not really practical.

Yeah. I don't think
I'm going to get

splinters from this anymore.

This'll be good.

Okay.

Did you just flip your knife?

That was cool.

Aw.

I'm not a vampire man.

Yeah. I get pumped up.

Yeah. Okay.

Well that's why we train,
we practice with these,

because it's not enough to
just have a sharp wooden stake.

You got to be in peak
physical condition.

Right.

Just look at us right now.

All right, this is
peak human-form.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Yeah, We kind of represent
two sides of the same token,

because I'm left
brain, right brain.

Left brain, speed and speed.

Agility.

Agility, dexterity.

And I'm like, brute force
and really short sprints.

And being a solid law.

I'm like a wall, yeah.

Yeah.

I'm going to set this down.

Let's say move to our
next phase of training.

Yeah. These bodies don't
come without a cost though.

Alright. We gotta work hard.

Yeah, work hard.

That's why we lift weights.

Right.

And we callous our
hands at the same time,

to protect from splinters.

And we use bricks.

Like every day
this is what I do.

There's a few things
we do to work out

different areas of the body.

Yeah.

Deltoids, tri-trops.

Yeah.

Nordstroms.

And those combined all bring...

What's a nordstrom?

Nordstrom is somewhere between

the clavicle and
then the right nipple.

Your pectoral?

Yeah. It's weird that
you don't know the anatomy.

I know the pectoral.

I just was being specific,

between the clavicle and the-

We'll dumb it down
for the viewers,

we'll dumb it down
for the viewers.

Yeah, biology
is a hard subject.

That's why we didn't pass.

But yeah, we do this.

I do 12 of these.

One time I was pressing
two bricks together.

I brought my hands apart

and it was just a
bust of a human face.

With this sheer concentration

and power of my Nordstroms,

I can just compact
any shape I want.

I don't think that
nordstrom's a thing man.

Huh?

I don't think that
nordstrom's a thing.

Oh, I'm the science
guy, remember?

You're right.

Stay in your lane.

I'll stay in my lane,

but yeah, we try
to turn these dust.

That's the other exercise.

We focus all our mental power,

and we make it dust.

Okay. Yeah.

That's enough.

I'll do it later.

That's enough for me.

We'll save that for the
extras later on the DVD.

We can do some cardio now.

Yeah. So our cardio, we
can't afford a treadmill

and we don't want to go outside,

cause people could
be the vampires.

That's right.

You got to assume
everyone's a vampire.

Assume everyone's a vampire.

Yeah. So what we do for our
cardio is we run in place.

So you show up and then
I time him with my head.

Right hand, always
in stake, stake grasp.

Why aren't you
running with your stake?

You got to run with
your stake, otherwise.

All right, there you go.

There you go.

Keep doing that.

By the way, there's
a vampire behind me.

Stab, stab, stab, stab.

Yeah.

Let's give him the view.

Yeah.

Let's give him the view.

Yeah. You can see it
stabbing right there.

And if you want
to get real crazy,

can I get your
other secret stake?

Can I get your secret
stake, stat, stat, stat?

Yeah

We get this going.

We get two at once.

We got vampires on all sides,

and all this sudden
I'm spinning around.

And if he's the vampire over
there, he's getting stabbed.

There's blood everywhere.

I'm taking down 10 or 16
vampires at the same time.

I'm bleeding out.

Oh, there's so much blood.

Oh, and I'm dead. That was good.

That's your basic yeah.

So that's cardio.

Cardio.

That's how we do our cardio.

He's one of the cardio person.

My cardio is like, ah, I'm done.

Cause I bulk.

He's really good as a bulk.

Yeah. And the other
exercise we do is,

there's a lot of legwork.

Whenever you use
your secret stake,

it's not just like oh arm power.

You got to get
your legs into it.

And this is where he...

Instead of, we
do vampire squats.

So my buddy climbs on my back.

My best friend, climb up.

You gotta hold me up.

I'm trying to hold you up.

I's your exercise
not my exercise.

You're riding on my knees.

I'm trying to get up.

All right.

Let's try it again.

Let's try it again.

Alright.

Okay. This time,
maybe I should give

you a warning.

I'm getting on now.

Okay.

I'm getting on now.

All right. Good.

I'm falling.

Don't fall.

I'm falling again.

You pull my butt out.

Yeah, I saw him.

I saw your secret tattoo there.

Yeah. You almost
saw our secret tattoo.

Why are you talking
about our secret tattoo?

Oh yeah, that's right.

Okay. But they got
the idea with that.

Or do you want to try one more?

We might as well tell
them now, the secret's out.

So we have secret tattoos

that we both got.

In a secret place.

It's very secret place.

None of us show,

we don't even see each
other's secrets tattoos.

We only know where ours is,

we've never seen each other's.

But you should show
them your secret tattoo.

That's not a good idea.

Well, we talked about it,

we should probably show them,

so they know like,
hey, you're a good guy.

But what if it's not.

What if it's not what?

Oh oh, hide and seek.

We'll totally do that.

We'll totally show them
hide and seek, Right?

Okay.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So hide and
seek, the other thing.

So you might be wondering
where we are right now.

We can't tell you cause
to another secret place.

And we don't even know cause

we put bags over
each other's heads.

And you what, it's not
the abandoned warehouse

behind Olive Garden.

- Not at all.
- No.

- It's not an abandoned warehouse behind Olive Garden.
- How did you know that?

I don't know that,
I said it wasn't that.

It's not that, but so
vampire is very sneaky,

very sneaky.

So we have to hunt them and
we thought the best way to

do that is to be like
the best hide and seekers

in the world.

So we take turns,
playing hide and seek.

Most people count to maybe
10 or 20 to give time to,

try three seconds.

One, two, three.

All right. Okay. I'm
not looking, not looking,

vampire.

All right, He's left.

Okay. All right.

I'll get your secret stake out.

Even on, like
exercises like this,

you got to play it
like it's for real.

All right.

So here we go.

Okay.

So he's somewhere
in here and this is

the hide and seek part.

Watch how good we are at it.

Hah, I got him,
found the vampire.

He's good.

Found him, found him.

All right, my turn now.

If I was a vampire right now.

You'd be so dead.

I would be so dead.

Sorry. I was excited, but
my favorite part is hiding.

Okay. My turn?

Yeah, your turn.
Okay, I got it,

one, two, three.

Gosh. He just went into night.

Part of vampire hunting,
you're rely on your senses.

One of those is, is hearing.

So if you can hear
the drop of a noise,

that's when you know...

Got him, got him, got him,
stake on him, stake on him.

He got me, he got me.

The good idea with the bird.

When you're hiding from
a vampire, you wanna

you want to grab something
preferably cheerful.

It kind of distracts from...

I was going to
make bird noises.

Cause vampires are
shape-shifters.

It's not just bats.

Bats eat birds,

or is it birds eat bats?

Both of them.

Yeah, there's
eating each other.

And you know, we'd
totally eat a bat.

I'm going to set this back down.

Yeah. Okay.

But yeah.

So that's hide and seek.

It's hide and seek.

That's our hide and
seek. We go back and forth

with that all the time.

Man. It's taking.

Yeah. We're so fast.

We're fast now.

It's like, we've run
out of hiding spaces.

We always know where they are.

I'm running out of stuff
I can hold up to my face,

- so that he can't see where I'm at.
- Yeah.

It's crazy, how I have
zero facial recognition.

It's still your face.

He's like a newborn,
he's like a toddler.

It's like, where
did go, oh my gosh.

I was nervous.

That's like,
our physical training.

But you know, there's a lot

of mental game that
goes into this.

All right.

Yeah.

We both put a lot
of thought into it.

So we've come up with
a secret handshake.

That is our thing that
lets us know like, Hey

we're part of the brotherhood
of vampire Hunting.

This is not an imposter
you're dealing with,

this is somebody
who knows vampire.

Yeah. Yeah.

So our secret handshake,

if you want to know
the other person is

in the vampire club,

you walk up and you're like

huh? No, it's not the left side.

Yeah. It's not even a handshake.

I never know if it's
my right or his left.

It's my left.

It's always the human's left.

Yeah. Vampires too, vampire's
hearts are on the left side.

Cause they were humans
that turned into vampires.

It's like almost when you

become a vampire, I don't
want to get too much

into the science of it.

But it's like you got passed

into the mirror dimension

and it's there
you're half alive.

That's the exact
opposite of what I said.

Yeah. But I didn't
want to correct you

at the time, but yeah.

Oh, okay.

You know what, let's
agree to disagree.

Disagree on that one.

Friends can do that.

It's not an exact science.

You know, it's
not, we're learning.

All right, there's
room for error.

There's always room for error.

But we also, there's a secret
code that, cause you know what

like we could be a vampire and...

Even if we poke.

Yeah. That's not a sure proof.

Not foolproof.

Yeah. It's like a name tag.

Like, hey, I'm part of the club

but I could be a
vampire underneath.

Yeah.

So we came up with
the sure fire way

we know vampires hate garlic.

Vampires hate it.

So every time we separate

from each other and
we come back together,

we always make sure that
we eat a clove of garlic.

- Always eat a clove of garlic.
- In front of the other person.

The other person has to watch that
that's the garlic right there. All right.

And we eat this and.

Yeah.

Let's eat ours.

Cause I don't know if
you're a vampire right now.

That's right.

And same for you.

We could either of us be.

I could be a vampire, too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is like the worst.

No one likes eating garlic.

No.

This is our least
favorite part of the club.

Vampires dislike it more

than the average
sensible person.

Yeah, but we need to do this.

That's why we bite the garlic.

Are you a vampire?

I'm not a vampire man,

I just hate doing this.

I hate it too.

My tongue is really burning,
but we're no vampires

because there would
be a violent reaction.

So what we're doing right now,

that's not, don't
pay attention to it.

You didn't eat it, man.

I bit it really hard.

My tongue is burning.

But that's normal.

Yeah. That's our secrets...

That's how we know the
other person is not a vampire.

Alright. Vincent Price.

Can we cut? Can we go?

I need a break.

Sometimes we like
to come to the park,

and just do our hunting here.

Because... we feel this
place vampires would go,

cause there's a lot of people.

Then the shade provides
adequate darkness for

Yeah.

...for vampires.

Cause like we said, vampires

they can't be in direct sunlight

but they could be
out in the day.

Out during the day.

This park's ideal, look?

Common misnomer.

Misnomer.

Yeah. That's a good word.

I'm learning, man.

I'm proud of you.

Thanks.

Yeah, this is great.

Ah, man, you think back

to the first moment that
we started vampire hunting.

Yeah.

Ah, man, we were
doing it forever now.

It's been over 10 years.

Yeah, and I've been meaning to

talk a little bit about that.

I was wondering maybe,

I don't know...

If you want to
maybe like step it

up a little bit more and
we can move in together,

and be roommates.

Oh I mean,

And then we can
vampire hunt non-stop.

Sure, no. I mean.

Then we wouldn't have
to eat garlic cloves

in front of each other.

You know, I love
vampires more than anybody,

I got the tattoo.

You love to kill vampires.

Yeah, and...

Yeah, I got the tattoo, too.

But I just don't know if
the vampires haven't been...

Hold on, hold on.

Something's coming, mirror
check, mirror check.

All right, we're
good, we're good.

Okay.

It was a kid anyways.

I don't think...

Yeah, vampires can't be kids.

They suck them dry

before they could
even turn into one.

I mean, like, Anne Rice, like,
really pointed out

a big taboo of vampires.

You shouldn't turn kids,

because they're a
kid forever then.

Yeah.

Man they're crying over there.

Okay.

No, I was just thinking
that vampires, having...

Haven't what?

Really been in

since like 20 I don't know,

when the last Twilight
movie came out,

like, 2015.

I mean just because vampires

aren't, like,
a hit fad right now.

I'm saying if we wanted
to expand the group

a little bit, past,
I'm not trying

to get another Toby in there.

I don't want an idiot.

Oh my gosh.

I hate Toby so much.

Why not add a little,

a different flavor
other than us.

Nothing wrong with...

Why we need more
people though?

I mean, when we tried
to bring in Toby,

Toby sucked, he sucked
worse than a vampire

Yeah, but you have
never met anybody

who sucked worse than Toby.

It can't be one out there.

Do you want to try
to find someone worse?

Cause that's what we'll do.

And we open the flood
gates to our group.

Our group is premium.

I'm not talking
about flood Gates.

I'm talking about
maybe a drip gate.

Just let in one or two.

No, it's not one or two man.

Look around, there's
plenty of people.

Do you know how many people

watch our Facebook live stream

when we talk about
vampire things, all right?

We get like six followers.

We do, yeah.

Six viewers every time.

Yeah.

Every time.

So one of those six
might be, I'm just saying.

It wouldn't be just saying,
it's been those six people.

No three people, and
then those three people,

know more people.

It's been 10 years.

All right.

Our thing going to end

up turning into a
big pyramid scheme.

Yeah.

Yeah, I see what you're
saying, but it's been 10 years.

Stew.

It's been more than 10 years.

It's been 10 years.

Everrett.

Okay.

And I'm just saying

we haven't for sure
seen a vampire yet.

What have we spent?

I mean, we haven't even.

Dude, we're looking every day

We haven't even
expand into the ghoul.

Hold on, there's
another one mirror check.

Hold on, stop.

Hey, stop, mirror check.

This is important.

Okay, What is it? We're good?

We're good, We're good.

Yeah, of course. We're good,

because there's no vampires
out there is what I'm saying.

so, I'm just saying...

That right there.

Okay. Maybe, hold on.

There's someone over
there, mirror check.

Yeah, no.

You know me,

I can watch Buffy the
Vampire Slayer seven,

eight times in a row.

All right.

Every week.

And it never gets old.

But then our life isn't
Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I haven't seen a vampire.

I haven't seen Buffy.

I haven't seen anybody
who remotely looks

like Kristy Swanson,

since we started this junk

and I guess I'm tired of it.

Maybe I'm a little bit lonely.

Maybe I have the needs of a man.

Hey, I have the
needs a man too.

All right.

Hey look, we're just going
through a rough patch, all right?

We're still technically
a starter business.

We're not a business.

There's no business happening
here, there's no money.

We're in the business
of vampire hunting.

Okay, why did you get
your stake at me man?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean,
I'll point it away.

No, I'm sorry.

I just, I don't know.

These are thoughts,

You try not to indulge them

but they just circling
around the brain.

I don't know.

I just, I feel like I'm

at a point where we we've
been doing this a while.

And it's been the same
thing, day after day.

Well, yeah, because
hunt vampires.

There's not a lot extra to it.

It's like, go sit in the park,

mirror check everyone.

Yeah, but hunting vampires
without actual, the vampires,

it's more just walking around
with wood in our hands,

which isn't fun.

This is pretty fun,
I mean, like,

when we go around

people pay attention
to us, all right.

This looks intimidating.

All right.

Don't you feel intimidating?

With your wood in my face?

No, thank you very much.

It's a stake.

With your stake in my face?

All right, look, I'm sorry.

We haven't hunted vampire, okay.

At some point in time, we're
going to find a vampire.

It's just law of statistics.

Once you look at so many people,

one of them is
gonna be a vampire.

I agree.

I do agree with...

You can't leave me, man.

We started this together.

If you're gone...

I'm not trying to leave you.

I'm not trying to leave you.

Cause it sounds like you,

well it sounds like
you're trying to leave me.

I love you, I love you, man.

Well, you haven't
even looked me

in the eye once in
this conversation.

I've been looking
you in the eye.

No, you're like
looking off over there.

I'm right here.

Maybe it's your lazy eye.

It makes it difficult
to track where to look.

Okay. Now you're
just being mean.

I do not have a lazy eye.

Just being rude, mirror check.

Sorry, I've been
in a weird space.

Look at that person.

Ever since we
came to the park.

Okay.

What?

No, no there's no one.

There's no one like there's
no reflection, there's no one

No, I was saying
okay, we're good.

I was saying, okay, We're good.

Okay.

We're good,
they are not a vampire.

Well, say that, man.

I mean, just someone's
going to have

to breathe a little fresh air

into this relationship,

into this cooperation,

Friendship.

Friendship, whatever
you want to call it.

Camaraderie.

Camaraderie, sure.

All right.

Okay, What about this?

I'm just starting to
think this was a miss-stake.

See, that's why
you can't leave.

If you left, I
wouldn't have anyone

to make stupid jokes like that.

Stupid jokes, that's
a way to put it, but.

Yeah. All right.

What about this? Okay.

Yeah.

What if we hunt more
than just vampires?

Where we expand our repertoire?

I mean, we're talking
about the seven kinds.

I don't know, maybe ghouls
or, or Minotaurs or giraffes?

Sasquatch.

Sasquatch.

Sasquatch, I've heard
bad things about him.

I knew a guy over in
the Rocky Mountains who.

Who, what?

You didn't finish.

It's implied.

What I was meaning,
hunted Sasquatch.

What did you imply?

Hunting Sasquatch.

Yeah, but what happened
to the guy in the Rockies?

He was hunting Sasquatch.

Oh, you were just
saying he was hunting, oh.

why didn't you say that?

It was in the whole story.

Cause it was implied, Stewart.

Well, I like things
straight into the.

I know you do.

What if we differentiate what
we're hunting a little bit.

I'm talking about
incorporating some

of the other seven kinds.

We can you do that,
like werewolves?

Yeah, giraffes, Minotaurs.

I think giraffes
are endangered,

I don't think we can hunt them.

Owls.

Owls, definitely
owls are endangered.

Yeah, they're dangerous.

I'll tell you that much.

No, endangered.

I'm gonna take them down.

It's whole eminent,
imminent thing again.

You're my best bud.
I'll do anything for you.

I'll do anything.

Great man.

Hunt vampires,
werewolves, all that stuff.

That's great.

I'm not seeing
a lot of people.

Oh, hold on, mirror check.

Dude, she has no reflection.

Who?

Look, she has no reflection.

Don't look, don't look,
she has no reflection.

Look, look at me.

Look at me.

Okay.

Okay, no reflection.

Shiny around my eyes.

It's a vampire,

Okay, look, don't
make eye contact.

Don't make eye contact.

Okay. Just play cool.

Do either one of
you know the time?

Hello?

I was wondering, do you
know what time it is?

Right there,

on the smartphone that you're
putting in your pocket?

Excuse me?

Hello?

You're not going to answer
me a simple question?

Just what time it is.

All right. Whatever.

Were you holding your
breath all that time?

Yeah.

Yeah, me too.

I'm not a fool,

I know not to breathe
when a vampire is there.

Shh, it's a vampire
she has good hearing.

Okay, she probably could hear

that we weren't
breathing the whole time.

Did she leave?

You have visual,
do you have visual?

I have visual, I have visual.

Okay. Oh my gosh, she's
hunting someone else.

She's hunting someone else,

Okay, stake.

Okay. Just stay calm, stay calm.

I'm calm man.

How can all these things
happen when there's just

a joyous family
playing over there.

And I just said that we
would never see a vampire.

I know, of all the
times for this to happen.

This is, this just
feels very serendipitous

and problematic
at the same time.

Okay, listen,

we gotta save that girl's life.

This is what we've trained
our whole life to do.

We got our stakes.

Right, don't look
her in the eyes,

I won't look in the eyes.

And we gonna stab
her in the chest.

Stab on the chest.

Look me in the face, okay.

The face.

We gonna stab her
staff in the chest.

Stab her in the chest.

- Stab her in the chest.
- Stab her in the chest.

- Stab her in the chest.
- Stab her in the chest.

Okay.

She's got a victim.

Casual, more casual.

Yeah, be casual, okay.

All right, we're gonna hunt her.

Hey, look at us, okay.

Shh, we're gonna go.

We're gonna go hunt her.

All right.

What we think
is going on here.

She's gonna eat her.

Lure her back to the lair.

Yeah. All right.

Stay back, Okay.

Vampires, they have a kind
of a decent sense of smell.

And we smell really
strong of garlic.

Cause we ate garlic cloves.

Yeah. So you got to make sure.

Okay, quick quick.

We're gonna call
on our training here,

bring back to hide and seek,

bring it back like we're
back in the warehouse.

Yeah, except this time

there's no hiding,
it's just seeking.

Okay. All right.

That's my stake in your back.

Yeah, I know.

Hey, come on.

Okay.

Are you nuts?

All right, let's go.

She's right there. Okay?
We're gonna get her.

Vincent Price, Vincent price.

I'm sorry.

Are you okay?

There's not a lot of cover.

I'm fine, I'm fine,
let's just get the vamp.

Hey, psst, get down, get down.

Hey, you're an idiot.

We're gonna follow.

We gotta do the test.

No. You're right.

We have to do all the tests.

All the tests.

Okay. We can't be wrong again

like we were those other times.

Okay. If she's real
vamp, all the tests.

We're talking garlic.

Yeah, the stakes.

Stakes.

Yeah, a blood test.

Blood test.

No, you will not, test first.

Test first.

You idiot.

Garlic test.

You didn't smash it.

Do it again.

Okay. Alright.

Ready? You ring the bell.

I'll knock.

She's coming.

It didn't work, she
just turned around

- Inclusive, inclusive.
- Inconclusive, Inconclusive.

What did you say?

Did you say in coclusive?

Incoclusive.

Inconclusive.

Not conclusive.

Inconclusive.

Test two.

All right, test two.

Mirror test.

Test two.

Test two.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'll knock.

I'll ring it.

Go, go, go.

Hey, Everrett.

I don't think that
was a good test.

She didn't even see the mirror.

We didn't hold up the mirror.

Not conclusive.

Not even close.

Stake test.

We're gonna leave these
stakes at the door,

and she's scared, see
it, she's gonna run away.

All right.

A lot of fear in her eyes.

All right.

So let's point it out the door.

Okay, make they're pointed.

Okay. I'll knock.

Go, go.

That didn't look
like she was scared.

Not conclusive.

Yeah. She wasn't scared.

I think, but we also
weren't holding them either.

So, yeah, inconclusive.

I bet if we were holding them,

but I'm not standing there
without knowing she's a vampire.

I mean, we stalked
her from the park.

That's kind of illegal.

So it leaves one option.

You're right.

It's the last final option.

It's a pretty final option.

Cause I only have so much blood.

Yeah.

Blood test

Blood test.

There's a lot of blood,

that's a lot of blood

Blood test.

You okay?

I'm good.

I'm going to set it down.

Okay.

What are you doing?

I'm lying dead.

No, no.

Carry me, I'm gonna fall,

I'm gonna pass out.

I'm gonna pass out.

Stewart, Stewart,
she took them.

She took the bait.

She took it, all of it?

We got a vamp.

Can I get some
of my blood back?

I don't think so.

I don't know if I could walk.

Oh wait.

Stay with me.

We got a vamp, we got vampire.

We got a vampire?

We got a vampire.

We got a vampire.

You beautiful, yes,
we got a vampire. Okay.

All right.

I feel sick.

You don't look so good.

Yeah. Maybe cutting and
getting all that blood.

You want a kiss?

No, no.

Vincent Price.

Vincent Price. Okay.

I just need a minute.

You got a juice
box or something?

I think my electrolytes are low.

All right.

- I'm good now.
- You're good?

I'm good, I got a
juice box, I'm good.

You were a little
woozy back there.

I was, I'm good now.

All right, we're going to
kill this vampire though.

We've got this.

Take this

Stab stab stab stab stab stab.

These aren't enough.

We need more.

We need practice.

Yeah, we should practice.

We should warm up.

Yeah. Let's let's go.

- We were not prepared for that.
- We were not prepared at all,

this time though.

We're so ready.

We're upping
our training game.

Yeah, we stopped
at Radio Shack.

And got these stakes.

Yeah, We got all our stakes.

Got all our Stakes.

All right.

Vampires thrive at night.

That's why flashlights.

Yeah, we gotta
sharpen our stakes, man.

You gotta sharpen.

Sharpen them sharper.

It's pretty sharp.

It's freaking sharp man.

Flashlight, meet Mr. Stake.

Yeah. Hold on.

Dude, you got my blood circle.

There's no time for safety.

You got my blood circle.

Okay.

This is a genuine vampire man.

I know.

This isn't some
gingivitis janitor man.

I know.

We finally got a real vampire.

Oh, we're gonna end her.
We gonna end her so bad.

Oh, I am so
ending her right now.

Okay.

That looks good.

Okay. You ready?

No, I got two more stakes.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I just duct-taped my
hand to the flashlight.

Come on man.

Get it together.

Ouch man.

I got hairs on there.

I don't care if
you are hurting.

Aw you're hurting me, man.

You take it off, or I'm
gonna cut your hand off.

Okay. Okay.

We're good.

All right.

We only have two
flashlights anyways.

Flashlight meet Mr. Duck tape.

You need batteries
in at first.

You can't tape the
flashlight yet.

Okay. You better have,
my hands are shaking.

Oh my gosh,

My hands are shaking too.

I've never had this
much adrenaline.

Oh, okay.

There's bright.

Okay. But we got a flashlight.

Ah man.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Let's get that.

Put the batteries in it.

Batteries.

All right, You
can't show up to a

vampire hunting
without batteries.

You ruin this stuff.

Hey, listen, man.

We're both stressed.

Let's not take it
out on each other,

we our only.

Okay, this plus side go
first or negative side?

Negative, negative.

Is that the side with
the thing sticking out?

No, negative's the flat side.

The flat side.

The flat side, you drop it.

Goes down?

Goes down in the hole.

- Which way am I holding it?
- You hold it up.

Okay.

Come on man.

And they both go that way.

They both go that way.

Supposed to be the smart one.

I did not major in
flashlight Engineering.

All right, we're
putting the flashlights

on the stakes, cause
it could get dark.

And we need to see light.

It could get dark at any time.

All right.

Usually the nighttime.

Yeah, vampire are
strongest at night,

So we gotta be ready.

I need that duct
tape stat, man.

All right, there you go.

All right.

So we got our big, long stake.

All right.

I can keep the vampire
at bay with this.

At a distance.

Ah. I'll be able
to see it at night.

You can give light
to your buddy too.

Buddy system is important.

Yeah. I'll hold it for you.

I'll hold it.

Thank you, that's
very helpful.

I appreciate that.

Sure.

Okay.

All right. Good. All right.

That should be long enough.

It's long enough to
pierce through the heart.

Yeah. It's a little
short, but we got it.

Okay. All right. Good.

Got our stakes.

If you're a vampire.

Aw.

Oh, blinded for
second, stab stab stab.

Yeah, that's going to work.

I'm feeling a lot better now.

I feel a lot more prepared.

All right.

We're upping our
training regimen.

Okay. We figure our usual
stake stabbing techniques

weren't working.

Tell them what we're doing.

All right.

No. Yeah, we gotta go.

We gotta go for the big one.

The big one.

All right? We normally
used to try and have a

benchmark of one
stab per second.

All right.

And that was one solid stab.

We weren't really
concerned with the rate of

the stabbing more.

Now I think let's just take
as many stabs as we can get.

So we're gonna shoot for
250 stabs in one minute.

250 stabs in one minute.

Wait

Hold, hold, hold, hold it.

Hold it.

Hold it.

I said, hold on, hold it.

I got to find, what app is it?

It's the clock app.

That's right.

Okay. All right. I
got my stopwatch.

Okay. All right.

I'll count for you.

All right.

You stab as many times.
250 per minute. Okay.

Use the blunt side.

Okay. Yeah.

You don't want to
hurt your point.

Okay. Go.

How much longer?

50 seconds.

50 seconds?

50 seconds.

Come on, man. Don't let up.

Don't let up.

I'm not letting it up.

Don't let up.

This vampire's done.

Stick with it.

Stick with it.

Stick with it.

I'm sticking.

Come on.

I'm sticking.

Work harder.

I'm on it.

You can do it, yes,
stab that vampire.

Push through the pain.

Give me 21 more seconds,
give me 21 more seconds.

Hit the wall, hit the wall.

Hit your physical wall.

Come on.

Get in there, stab the wall.

I'm hitting it.

You kill that vampire.

10 seconds.

You got this,

get them, get them,
get them, get them.

Get the vampire, get it.

Time.

You gave up at the
last second, you died.

You died, the vampire got you.

All right. You gave
up at the last second.

It's okay.

That's why both of us are here.

What did I get?

You got not 250.

What do you mean not 250,

was it way more than that?

You got like 50.

50?

I lost count for a...

You got real tired
at 30 seconds.

All right. Endurance, man.

Okay. Now you're time
me, you time me. Okay?

Okay.

All right.

Get this.

I'm gonna get the 250.

I'm gonna get the 250.

All right. Okay, we're good?

All right, on go.

One, two, three, go.

You're not stabbing,
you hitting with it.

I'm stabbing.

You gotta stab.

I'm stabbing,

Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab.

Time's running out man,

you're only at six.

All right.

That's 25, 25, man.

All right, you breached
the 40 stabs mark.

Small stabs man, be
more, yeah full body.

It's a full body
exercise, come on.

- There you go, that's surpassing.
- How much more time?

- That's surpassing man.
- How much more time?

I'm tired.

That's surpassing,
keep going man.

Keep going man, keep going man.

I can do this.

You got it man.

I can do this.

Keep going, you
got 30 seconds.

Switch hands. It burn so much.

Keep going dude, keep going.

Oh yeah, we passed a
minute a while ago.

You're good.

What, how many stabs I get?

Oh, I totally lost track, man.

What?

But it was at least 25 man.

All right, that's well,
with your 50 and my 25,

that'll have to do.

Yeah. That's a solid number.

You didn't get a lot.

Huh?

Never mind.

Got more than you.

You just lost count.

Just like you did words.

You let me go over.

You can't let me
waste my energy like.

We gotta be on
the same team, man.

If we're gonna go
take down this,

we gotta have our
teamwork back, man.

I don't even know if you
remember the motto anymore.

Of course,
I remember the motto.

You're the one that had issues
remembering the motto.

Best friends who hunt
vampires together

never leave each other.

That's right. Okay.

That's our motto.

No matter what happens,
whatever happens, man

Whatever happens, I'm with you

I'm with you.

We don't have to eat
garlic, right? Right now.

Time will tell.

Okay.

Time will tell.

We haven't left each
other since so no.

Okay. Grab your stake
and your secret stake.

Your secret stake.

Oh secret stake.

Get your secret stake.

Are we forgetting anything?

I don't think so man.

All right, killing vampires
is really low tech, but

someone's gotta do it.

Practicality is
the name of the game.

Yep.

Role play one more time.

Yeah, we should probably
role play one more time.

Because when we get there,

we can go through
every scenario.

Okay. So let's role play
and be a vampire. All right?

All right.

So we're sneak
up on the vampire.

I'm the vampire?

Yeah. You could
be the vampire.

Okay.

Okay. You go and then I'll
wait right here and he's gone.

I can't look.

This is what the hide and
seek training was for,

this is why we do hide
and seek training.

One, two, three.

Okay. Time, time.

Alright. I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go hunt him.

He's somewhere in here.

Ah, ah, okay, I got the vampire,

I got you, I got you, I'm
too scared, Vincent Price.

Vincent Price. Vincent Price.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, I
was doing the vampire thing.

It was really scary.

Okay.

I was in this
weird, I was like...

Yeah, I know, you
were really convincing.

Oh.

Okay. You, you hide now.

I'll be a vampire.

All right.

I'll be a vampire.

Okay.

So if a vampire
came out of there,

I would've got you in the chest.

Yeah, but well you
gotta really scare them.

Like you... you were flopped
under pressure.

Just don't do that.

At the vampire.

Okay. I'm gonna hide now.

Okay. We're going to do
it for real this time.

Light on, stake up.

Ah, Vincent Price,
Vincent Price.

I'm sorry, look
look look, It's me.

It's me.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I got into it, too.

We can't freak out like this.

We can't do that.

We can't freak out.

Will you think the lights
will be off, when we...

If they are off.

That's why we got
the flashlights.

All right.

All right.

You just keep your
light looking around,

and I'll watch your
back and you watch mine.

Okay. We can't
freak out like this.

We are going to die.

If we don't kill that vampire.

I know.

We're going to that house.

We're going to
kill that vampire.

We're going to penetrate
her chest cavity.

Yeah. Right in the heart.

Right in the heart.

All right.

And then we're going to
clove garlic down her throat.

Yeah, we make her eat garlic.

Yeah.
Garlic is the worst.

Right, she doesn't know

what we've been through
all these years.

Yeah. All right. We're
gonna do this.

Let's do it.

Alright. You
ready for this man?

Yeah, yeah.

No matter what happens.

No, you had it right
the first time.

Okay.

Yeah. Alright.

No matter what happens?

All right.
We got each other's back.

I got one back.

I'm on your back.
I'm on your back.

Best friends who hunt vampires
never leave.

Never leave each other.

Nope. Always use the
buddy system when hunting

a vampire.

That's right.

Okay.

Let's go. You go first.

Watch your back from far behind.

All right.
Best friends who hunt vampires

don't leave each other.

All right, Ready?

It's unlock.

Go, go. We're coming
in, we're coming in.

Where are you vampire,

you check upstairs,
check upstairs.

Where are you?

Vampire?
Where are you, vampire?

Where's?
Shut the door.

Is she upstairs?

Inconclusive.

She's not down here,
she's not down here.

We got a body.

Vampire.

She's moving, are you okay?

Should I stab her?
Should I stab her?

Should we stab you?

Do we need to stab you?
Should we stab you?

Wait, wait, wait,
check on her fangs.

Check on her fangs.

Check her fangs,
check her fangs.

I don't see fangs.

Check her pulse,

okay, it's really faint.

Guys, really, what
are you doing here?

Vincent Price.

You should get
out of my house,

what are doing?

Your game is up,
your game is up vampire.

We know you're a vampire.

We cracked all the
clues, we cracked the code.

You're really so
silly, I'm not vampire.

Yeah you are, we
did all the tests.

You're so a vampire,
look at that accent.

No, I'm just from Romania,
are you racist?

No, no, no.

We're not racist.

We didn't notice that accent.

We voted for Obama.

Listen, You guys need
to get out of my house.

We know you're a vampire,

we did all the tests.

Okay. Look at your fangs.

How you explain your
fangs on you face?

You got fangs on your face.

It's just the
way my teeth look.

Okay.

Right. All right.

All right.

Sure. Sure.

You can explain that away.

What about that blood?

What about the blood, yeah?

I filled that up
almost to the top.

That was my blood.

Guys guys,

I am a phlebotomist.

It's my job.

You left a biohazard
on my porch.

I went to get rid by
bringing it inside.

She's a phlebotomist.

She's a ,

Yes, that my job,
I'm a phlebotomist.

Well, phlebotomist don't lie.

Not again.

What about this?

Oh yeah.

What is this?

She's passed out.

Please, she's
just taking a nap.

Why? Is she resting from?
Getting bit in that face?

Getting sucked dry by a vamp?

You're really ridiculous.

She just had a snack.

She's just resting.

That's all.

Are you sure?

Are you even telling the truth?

Yes, why would I lie?

Yeah, phlebotomist
don't lie man, remember?

Why would she lie?

She wouldn't lie.

Why would anyone lie
about being a vampire?

You need to get
out of my house.

Look, we're really sorry.

Please, don't
call the cops on us.

We followed you from the
park and that's where

we thought you were a vampire.

We thought you hurt this girl.

You said you did
a mirror check.

I did a mirror check.

I did.

You lied to me.

I didn't lie.

We're really sorry.

Don't call the cops.

Are you serious man?

Okay, okay, listen,
I forgive you,

but I will not call the police.

You need to get
out of the house.

You need to go

We'll leave.

I'm sorry, man.

Don't give me that,
don't shine me in my eyes man.

Why don't you do a mirror
check on yourself for a while?

You're more of a friend vampire.

You're just sucking
all the energy

out of this friendship, man.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what happened.

We followed her from the park.

You saw everything.

We did all the tests.

I was going off
everything we knew.

You duped me, dude.
You bamboozled me, man.

I was just trusting you.

I'm sorry.

Whatever, man,
all right I'm out.

Take the vampire stuff.

No. Hey, hey, hey,

best friends who
hunt vampire together

don't leave each other.

Well, maybe we're
not best friends.

You still got your stake.

No! I lost it in the bushes.

I lost that secret
stake in the bushes.

Dude you know what?

She could have
this secret stake.

All right.

This?

Yeah. And you
could just stab me

in the back with it.

You think I want this,
that I'm gonna take it?

Yeah.

I can't take it.

I don't want you
to take it either.

I don't know why I threw it.

All right.

You could go then.

Just go.

Can I use your bathroom?

Yes, you can use my bathroom.

I gotta use the bathroom.

She's really a deep sleeper.

Yes, She's sleeping good.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

That friend is so
difficult for you.

What has happen, you're
not best friends anymore?

Well, we've been best friends
since high school.

and we had a vampire club
and we would hunt vampires.

And I guess that's over now.

I like your hat.

I like your beard.

I like this thing here too.

Oh yeah.

This is my mirror, I use it

to check people that
don't have reflection.

What the heck's
going on here, huh?

I've been gone for,

I couldn't find the
bathroom by the way.

You know what?

I bet I could find the bathroom.

I bet I can find the bathroom.

I'm going to find a bathroom,
cause I have to pee too, I am.

Yeah, look around corners.

Yeah. I will look
around corners.

I bet I find them before you do.

You chump, You
couldn't find anything.

You're the reason we're
not friends anymore.

Hey, you wanna join a club?

Me with you?

Yes. I'd like to do that
with you. It would be nice.

Alright.

Tell me about the club.

Probably going to hunt five
or six of the other kinds.

Probably more mainly
focus on ghouls,

giraffes, minotaurs, spiders.

- Uh-huh.
- I don't know.

That's something you
might be interested in?

- I like to spend time with you.
- Okay.

I found the bathroom. And I used it,
just like you used our friendship.

Okay, that's really nice.
Hey, listen.

This stake here symbolizes
our friendship, man.

Yeah.

You think I'm just
going to take it.

Me not taking it as a symbol.

I don't want to be
your friend anymore.

Could you help me,

Cause my back's killing you

from carrying you all day.

Just pull it right out my back,

Cause it's stuck right here.

I'll take it up

and I'll put it in mine.

Where you wanted to
put in the first.

No, you put it in my back.

No you put it in my back.

It's in mine, no.

No, you shove it in my back.

Why don't you go pee?

What don't you go pee your
pants you pee party pants boy.

Hey, I used to think that Toby
was the dumbest in the group.

Toby still is the
dumbest in the group.

That's true, but
you're pretty close.

No, you go.

I'm done with you, man.

You're dead to me.

Look at you Stewart,
once I may use the bathroom

and then I'm going to deal
with this when I come back.

Hey, turn that
camera on me, okay.

I'm the star there,
Everrett is a piece of tool.

I don't really know going on,

but I am so glad to see you.

It's nice you came over.

I'm sorry.

I hope this doesn't
affect you too much.

You all right?

You're okay?

No, that's all
right, I just haven't

fought like that
since he broke the DVD

to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Ah. Oh well.

I think I broke your shower.

I'm sorry.

I'm done with you, man.

I'm done with you too.

All right.

And you know what?

I bet you you're so nice,

I'm going to fix
your shower for you.

I'm going to fix your shower.

I got this.

I got this,

cause she's a tool.

No, no. I could fix it.

You're a tool enough
to bet you don't even

need any tools to
fix the shower,

because you you're
tool box on your own.

Monster energy drink.

All right.

That was crazy.

Yeah It was crazy.

How are you feeling?

You okay?

I'm a little bit woozy.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You need to sit
down for a minute.

Sure.

Really?

I can't have all these strangers

coming over and
breaking my shower.

It wasn't part of the plan.

I'm sorry about that.

I'm really frustrated with him.

Okay. Something's wrong?

Water's going everywhere.

I couldn't fix it.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I failed.

I failed it at this.

Yeah, you failed
the friendship,

you failed the vampire hunter.

You never seen a real vampire, and I've
never seen a real best friend either.

I'm trying, Everrett.

I tried.

Stewart, You're bad at trying.

You're bad at being a friend.

Well, you're bad at being
bad at being a friend.

You say you fix
stuff you fix it.

You didn't want to be
part of this group anymore.

You were just talking about it.

So you know what?

You could just leave.

I'm going to stay
here with this body.

Yes.

And her, we're going
to make our own club.

Sure.

One of you need to go.

Somebody needs to get out.

You're causing too much
damage my house, look.

Yeah. Someone needs to go.

So let me get this straight,

You don't want me?

No.

You don't want me?

I think you need to
go, you broke my shower.

I don't need
either of you, okay?

I don't need the flashlights
with the stakes on.

I don't need no secret stake.

I don't need no secret club.

I don't need no weird
darkly dressed lady.

Hey, she's not
weird, she's nice.

You take that back.

What you said about what?

Neena.

Neena, you take back
was said about Neena.

But you do need a shower.

Sorry.

Hey, can you not be rude?

We're trying to
have a conversation.

The moment, seriously.

She's the new Toby on the group?

Acting exactly like Toby.

How dumb, hey. I'm mad at you,
I gotta get out of here.

Yeah, fine you go.

You know what you go too.

I don't want any of you here.

Get out.

Let's go, whatever.

Go, go, please.

Hey. Hey, I'm talking to you.

Go, both get out.

She's fine.

Last chance.

We're going to have snacks

and I'm going to nap
just like this one.

I'm not taking any
memoirs from our friendship.

I'm not taking any single
memory of our friendship.

Bye.

Bye, bye.

Bye, Everrett.

Bye, Stuart.

Turn the camera off.

Get out of here.

That jack hole in there,

He doesn't know how to
have handled a vampire.

I don't think he
could handle a ghoul,

let alone a vampire.

I'm glad it's just you and me.

I'm close to calling
Toby, that idiot.

Hey Everrett,
are you okay?

Shut up.

I'm fine.

I'm just thinking.

Okay.

I was thinking,

that jack hole

thinks that without me

there's a vampire group.

He thinks that without
me, there's a friendship.

There's not, okay.

The way he's treated me.

And he keeps promising
about the vampires,

but I've never seen them.

I guess.

I guess the truth is
I just remember some

of the good times too,

along with the bad.

We used to stab
the wall together

and a movie nights
are vampire themed.

Vampire themed, Buffy,
Twilight one through three.

We saw it all, and
that sucker Toby.

We used to just shove him back
and forth until he got dizzy

and then fell over.

Man, we hated Toby, didn't we?

We still hate Toby.

He was a real sack of garbage.

He still is.

He was a good friend, man.

What am I doing?

I can't throw away our
friendship that easy,

with that weird lady in black.

Hold on.

Phlebotomist, of course.

What was it she said?

Everybody brings a black
umbrella with them on a walk.

Wait, hold on.

What did she say?

Oh, the blood.

It was a biohazard, of course.

Why else would I bring
it inside with me?

Phlebotomist never lie.

It's all coming together.

She is just taking
a nap. That's all.

Oh.

My teeth, Oh, I was just born.

Phlebotomist never lie
or do they?

He's in danger, I got
to hit the road jack.

How could I forget?

Friends who hunt
vampires together

never leave each other.

That's our freaking motto, man.

That's it Stewart.

I'm coming for you, man.

I'm coming.

Friends never leave.

No, you come too, man.

I'm not going alone, come on.

It takes a lot to
swallow pride, but

sometimes it's worth it.

For a friend.

Who is it?

It's Everrett.

Everrett who?

Your best friend?

Fuck you, Everrett.

What did he say?

Yeah. That's bright.

What do you want?

Can I come in man?

It's not that bright.

It's like 8:30 what's goin...

Go man, it's so bright.

It's just not
that bright, man.

I'm really
hungover, it's bright.

You don't drink, man.

Yeah. I drink plenty.

Hold on, hold on.

Just let me, hey man.

What's going on with this guy?

Hey man, Whoa, dude.

What's up?

Hey man.

You look, you look pale.

Oh man.

I just found out I'm anemic.

I've known you for 12 years.

Yeah, no. it's sudden onset
anemia, runs in my family.

It's it's hereditary.

Okay. Well I'm not
really worried about that.

Hey man, I think
you're in danger, man.

I'm not in danger man. Look.

Can we come in? Can I talk?

I'm flattered
that you came over,

but dude, we're done.

It's been a whole six hours.

All right, we can't
turn back the clocks.

I'm sorry that I
freaked out earlier,

but I was just a little
frustrated cause I wanna...

Can we just talk?

Right, come on.

It's not that bright, man.
Why are you freaking out about that?

Neena's not home right now.

We don't have a lot of time.

She's still there.

Oh yeah. No, we're friends.

We're friends. Don't
worry about it.

Just of come in,
come on, get in here.

Let me, yeah.

Will you sit it
down, just a second.

Yeah. No, she's
fine, here come on.

Just sit here?

Yeah. Here we go.

All right.

Ah, everything's painful.

What's going on with you man?

I told you I'm anemic, man.

My blood is real thin.

I don't got enough iron.

That sucks then,

you talking about
blood like that.

Anemia has to do with blood.

You sure you're okay?

Yeah. I'm fine.

Look, what did you want to say?

What'd you come over for?

I'm just gonna
put these back on.

All right.

You just go.

Listen man, I just
wanted to say that.

I think we all wanted to say.

What we want the vampire
hunters to live on.

Yeah, no.

They're they're done for man.

Vampire hunting was dumb.

You were right.

All right, we were
losers in high school,

we're losers now.

Man, man, man, man,
man, I listen, dude.

I'm listening, I don't
want to hear anymore.

That's not true.

That's is not true.

You wanna to know why?

Why? Why?

Because no club you're
ever in is a loser club.

You understand what I'm saying.

You're winner, man.

No, I'm not.

No, you're not,
but you're my friend.

You're my friend dude.

We've had three members
in our club this whole time.

All right.

It's been 10 plus years of us

just like, ah let's
hunt vampires.

Oh yeah.

Let's lift bricks.

Oh that's so hardcore.

It's not hardcore, man.

Those were all
your ideas, man.

What happened to you?

I'm done.

I'm tired.

I have anemia, look at me.

I'm wasting away.

You are wasting away.

You must've lost 25 pounds, man.

I mean, it drops like that.

Yeah, well dude.

Alright man.

Maybe we're done
being vampire hunters.

That doesn't mean we're
done being friends.

I do admit, I have missed you.

It is nice to see you.

Hey, one of these, one
of these for old time?

Alright. You got
it right this time.

I'm sorry, dude, this anemia,

It's just in my head,
it's in my head.

Everyday is just,

Oh, it's all combobulated.

For all time sake, man?

What's that?

You know what it is, man?

It's a little bit of
garlic, for old times.

Well, dude we both hate that.

I know, but it's just
for old time's sake.

We don't have to vampire
hunters anymore, man?

I know we don't, but it's just

like a thing symbol of
our friendship, dude.

This is like, together,

these two cloves are
like you and me, man.

We used to be tight,

we used to be attached at the
center point here, but now,

now we're broken apart, man.

So I'm just thinking,
why don't we crush?

I just want to
crush it together.

Crush this grudge
once and for all.

But man, if we do
that, mine broke.

Okay, just eat...

I'm gonna do this piece.

Just a little one, because
this is really gross.

Yeah.

I'm only doing it
cause I love you.

I love you man.

I'm not going to do it
till I watch you do it.

Yeah.

Yeah, you go for it.

I'm doing it.

Yeah. You do it first.

No, no.

I'm not doing it.

I'm doing it the exact
same time as you.

You're going to do it first.

No no no, we are
going to do this

at the same time, man.

Dude, you always try

to get out of it
the last second.

No, I would never
dude. I would never.

At the same time,
dude, here we go.

Okay. All right.

Same time then?

No, I need to
watch you bite it.

Yeah, here we go.

Go ahead, bite it.

Oh, oh.

He's a vampire.

I know, I know I'm a vampire.

Okay, she turned me.

Neena bit me.

She turned me.

She sucked me dry,

and then she gave me
something to her blood.

And now I'm a vampire.

Okay. And I've been snacking
on this thing all day.

You've been snacking
on this thing all day?

Yeah.

I didn't even know her name man,

she just came from the park
and she's not dead yet.

She keeps on

She's like an energizer bunny.

She did this to you?

That's it man.

I'm swearing vengeance
on you for her man.

No, don't swear
vengeance on me.

Just for her.

Get her, I'm me.

You get her. Okay.

I will avenge that
phlebotoma are so hard man.

Phlebotomist.

Thought she was a vampire now?

She's a vampire too.

She's a phlebotomist too.

Neena.

You again.

You, again.

Neena, I didn't tell him.

I didn't, stupid body.

I didn't tell him that you
were, I'm a vampire now though.

He beat it out of me.

He beat my friend.

Hey, you stay
away from my friend.

Fight him.

Oh this is weird, man.

I'm sorry.

What's going on here?

She has mind powers,
she's a vampire okay.

I have no control
over this, I'm sorry.

You're making me hurt my friend.

Brother, brother,
I forgive you.

What?

I said I forgive you.

No, he's lying. Keep going.

I'm free from my spell.

You can't control me anymore.

Friendship has saved us.

The power of friendship?

Yeah.

You got nothing.

Nope, doesn't working anymore.

I'm still a vampire.

I'm going to get you now,
I'm going to get you.

That really hurt.

She struck me.

Stay away from him.

You.

I guess I'm not over
the friendship after all.

Seems I've been struck.

You used your secret stake.

I thought you left it.

Why did you do that?

I could never.

Shh, we're having
a touching moment.

Trying to
reconnect as friends.

Guys kill me, there's
a stake inside me.

I could never leave it behind.

You know what, we should
deal with this first?

I thought vampires
die more instant.

Oh guys, since I'm finished
now, I have one request.

Okay.

Sing a song for me?

Wait what?

Sing a song for me,
I really like a song.

She wants a song.

I guess.

The monster mash,
you know that song?

Sure.

Everyone knows a monster mash.

♪ I was working in the
lab, late one night ♪

♪ When my eyes beheld
an eerie sight ♪

Good

It's good?

Keep going.

Oh, okay.

♪ When my eyes beheld
an eerie sight ♪

♪ My monster on the
table, began to rise ♪

♪ And to wonder, my surprise ♪

♪ He did the mash ♪

♪ He did the monster mash ♪

♪ It was the graveyard smash ♪

♪ The monster mash ♪

♪ in a flash ♪

♪ He did the mash ♪

♪ We did the monster mash ♪

I think she...

Dude, I think she's dead now.

Did we just?

I think we just killed
our first vampire.

Right in the face.

You know how happy this
makes me, look at it.

Oh man,

She is dead.

She's gone.

I don't think we
should worry about her

She's probably a vampire too.

Yeah, she probably is,

hey nice knowing you, not.

Hey, you really
do suck, don't you?

Hey why don't you go bat away?

You can't cause
you're dead again.

You're dead again.

Oh man.

You know what, man?

I still feel like a vampire.

Hey, dude.

We'll deal with
that when it comes.

I'm gonna grab my sunglasses.

Yeah, get those nice sun,

you don't want to
leave those here.

You know what?

I'm gonna take your
umbrella, Neena, okay.

Oh, she can't hear
you cause she's dead.

Ah, ah, ah.

Oh sorry, dude,
should've warned you, man.

- Come on man.
- Yeah, no problem.

Oh gosh.

Shut the door.

That's gross, man.

Oh, sorry about that man.

We're rolling.

Well, we're friends again.

Yeah. I killed a vampire.

Yeah. He killed a vampire.

It was so cool.

Yeah. Let's talk about
that in a sec, all right.

The vampire club is
officially reopened.

We're back together baby.

Yeah. And we're
better than ever.

Not taking
applicants idiot, Toby.

Yeah, Toby can
suck it.

Toby's the worst.

I hate him.

Anyways. We redid the rules.

Yeah. We redid the rules.

We still have our
top three rules,

but we've added more,

because we're learning
more stuff everyday.

We're learning all the
time, learning on the job.

Especially learned a
lot from that new vampire.

Yeah, she taught us a lot.

Yeah. We learned,
we learned a lot.

I'm still a vampire
too, by the way,

that didn't go away.

There's a slight amendment.

Now vampires can be
part of the club.

We'll bring them
down from within.

Within, right.

Yeah. As long
as we what though?

You said there was a condition.

Yeah. As long as we swear
allegiance to the non vampires.

That that feels kind of weird
to put a divide, which way?

Like human, vampire, non-vampire,
like feels a little...

It's cool for me
because now I'm president

of the club, because I'm the
only non-vampire in the group.

Why you gotta
say it like that?

I feel like you're being really
derogatory towards my kind.

Okay.

All right.

Okay. Rule number one,

Always use the buddy
system when hunting vampires.

Rule number two, never
be alone with a vampire,

Unless, it's your best friend.

Yeah. And I mean, I have
sworn allegiance to the group.

To the group.

And you, because
you're my best friend,

not gonna bite your neck.

That's a cool move man.

Yeah. It looks really
succulent right now.

Oh weird.

Yeah. You know what else?

I can hear your blood pulsing
through your body right now.

All right, man.

It's just like, wow.

You are like a
drinking fountain.

And I got a wooden
stake in my hand too.

Yeah, you do.

You do.

You pull the stake out of
Neena and you you did...

I killed one vampire,
I'll kill again, you got me.

With luck,
we'll both kill again.

Cause I kind of
helped with Neena too.

That's right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Rule number three.

What's rule number three?

Your stomach growling right?

Are you hungry for
blood right now?

I am hungry.

It's hard.

I wasn't kidding about
that anemia thing.

I really think I
caught it anemia.

Sure.

Oh, I remember
rule number three.

Assume everyone's a vampire.

Especially your best
friend and you know they are.

Yeah. I don't need
the mirror test anymore.

I can smell vampires
now. It's weird.

That's why he's not wearing
it around his neck anymore.

Rule number four,

rule number four.

You tell everyone
rule number four.

Rule number four,

Friendship first.

Yeah. Friendship first.

Yeah.

You want to tell them
rule number five too?

Rule number five.

We're sometimes going
to hunt ghouls too.

Yep, that that's a real too.

Yeah. He want to expand our
repertoire of what we hunt.

Vampires can turn
people into ghouls too.

I didn't know this.

Yeah. Yeah.

Neena was telling me a lot.

But rule number six,

let's not forget that.

Yeah, rule number six is

the most important,
you should tell them.

Rule number six, you tell them.

Rule number six.

You got to tell them,

you got to tell them, tell them.

Rule number six,
sly.

What?

lie.

Phlemotomist?

Phlebotomist lie.

Did you say Obama?

I'm saying phlebotomist.

We're saying the same thing.

Phlebotomist.

Phlebotomist.

Phlebotomist.

Phlebotomist.

Phlebotomist can lie.

Yeah. They can definitely lie.

Yeah. Neena proved that,

she actually was a phlebotomist.

She was a really good one.

She's great at her job.

We learned a lot of
things along the way.

Like, friendship can
break a vampire spell.

Yeah. I didn't know
that until he forgave me.

I was like, Oh, friendship
has entered my heart.

So, I think friendship
breaks a lot of vampire spells.

Turns out. Love,
gets through all.

Not that, like, I love you.
But I love you, bro.

Love you, man.

Dude, when you stab
Neena in the heart.

I totally thought you were dead.

I was like, Oh my
gosh, he's dead.

I fooled you then,
I fooled you then.

Cause I was in control
the whole time.

Yeah. Yeah.

But see vampires are so
strong and I'm so strong

that I was like, ah,
my vampire strength,

I could get Neena

but since she turned me,
she had control over me.

Yeah. She pushed
you away no problem.

You fell like a pillow,

like you were a pillow
in a pillow fight.

I tried really.

I was fighting for
you, cause I'm like,

he's just a human.

I gotta save him,
you're really weak.

Yeah. And you're a vampire.

So now I could, technically,

I'm allowing you in
the group, so cool man.

Technically, I've always
been part of the group.

Remember I was the president?

Oh yeah. Well,
not anymore right?

You know, we could
probably change that rule to

rule number seven.

You don't have to be a human
to be president of the group

Yeah we'll work on that, okay.

We can put it to a vote.

I vote that you don't have
to be a human to be president

in the group.

Okay. I vote,

you do have to be
human to be president.

Should we revert
to the tie breaker?

The camera operator?

No, I don't want to, no.

Well, he's kind
of an idiot, but.

No, I don't like that guy.

Oh we should at least
acknowledge him, right?

Yeah. Okay. Let's
get the tie breaker.

Toby no.

Don't show yourself.

We don't want your
face on it, Toby, gosh.

Freaking idiot.

This is why you're not
a member of the group.

You're not the
tie break anymore.

We're going to table rule
seven, we're going to table it.

Whatever, stupid Toby.

Okay.

This is digital.
Okay. It's permanent.

It's out there
forever. All right.

No one wants your stupid face

in the internet cosmos, Toby.

It's why we deleted
your social media.

I got another rule.

Rule seven, Toby,
you suck, Toby.

Toby, you suck.

Yeah. Nice, man.

Yeah, that was good.

Oh wait. I got it wrong.

Reversal, That's fine.

I did it right the first.

I can't tell my left from right.

You were right
earlier, mirror thing.

Totally throws me off.

I thought he was lying.

I did not understand that one.

I still don't understand

why you didn't clean Neena's
blood off the dagger.

Cause like, blood from a vampire

is how you turn other
people in vampires.

So if you got poked by that,

you turn into a vampire.

Maybe I am, already.

No, you're not.

Okay.

Garlic test, am I right?

Yeah, I luckily don't have
to do the garlic test anymore,

but you do.

Yeah.

Can't take all the credit
for the vampire kill.

Cause I technically
helped you out,

cause that was my
stake that you used.

Yeah, it was
your friend, yeah.

That's my secret stake.

Friendship too. Yeah.

Yeah. So really if
you think about it,

I was the one that killed Neena.

Oh yeah. In a roundabout way.

Yeah,

Yeah.

But really like more in a
direct way. I killed Neena.

Yeah. I got you man.

You sure?

Nah.

Tell me I killed Neena.

Oh.

Tell me I killed a vampire.

Hey man. Do I look
like a phlebotomist?

I said it right.

Oh my gosh, you said it right.

I'm not even mad at you anymore.

That's great.

But I still technically
killed Neena.

Wow.

Indirectly.

Good enough to
end the movie with.

Yeah. I still think
you should tell people

I was a really big part.

Cause if I didn't kick
you out and do that,

I wouldn't have discovered
that Neena was a vampire.

And given you the
strength to kill her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Vincent Price.

Okay. Vincent Price.

We should really clean that.

I'll go.

Yeah. Let's go
clean that. Yeah.

Toby. You stay here.

Toby don't you dare move.

Don't follow us.

All right, you keep it rolling.

We'll be back in a second.

I hate Toby.

It was so sad.

Yeah, he got fired.
Later that year.

Or did he die?

Well he died after
he got fired,

you shouldn't laugh about that.

No, no man.

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Alcoholism is bad.

That's how we knew
that he wasn't a vampire.

Yeah, cause...

He died.

Yeah vampires
don't have funerals.

I'm sorry.

We should stay
away from him dying.

Spiders, number two,
ghouls, Sasquatch,

Seventh kind.

Wait what was our first six?

Rule number one,

Always use the buddy system
when hunting for vampires.

Yeah that's right.

I think it'll be funny if
we say this at the same time.

Are we getting
sound now?

What did you say?

It's so stupid.

it's been more than 10 years.

What's your name?

Stewart.

One more, test
three, blood test.

Are you gonna cut
yourself or me?

You will, you'll cut yourself.

All right, it is my turn.

Yeah.

It's not a movie.
This is real life,

we protecting you from vampires.

A little vampire hunters
in the making right there.

All right.