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1
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:07,319
and scenes that some viewers may find
disturbing and upsetting.
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00:00:09,169 --> 00:00:11,789
(LITTLE GIRL) Mummy, come and play.
3
00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:24,520
Fuck's sake, Lisa...
4
00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:27,580
..not again.
5
00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,300
Mummy.
6
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:48,480
(YAWNS) Fuck off.
7
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:51,540
Turn it off.
8
00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:00,399
Come on, mate.
9
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,799
Don't ignore it, Shauny.
10
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,920
You'll be late for school.
11
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,320
How many fucking times? It's not
called school, it's called college.
12
00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:27,479
Whatever you want to call it,
Shauny. It's dead sexy.
13
00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:31,120
We need to get you
a portfolio and a beret.
14
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,960
Why would I wear a beret?!
15
00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:35,880
It's a drama course,
not an arts course.
16
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:37,520
Oh, stop being such a grumpy gums.
17
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,239
Get your fucking finger
out of my mouth!
18
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:43,839
Are you getting the bus?
19
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:48,480
Is it going to be a late bus?
20
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,520
I don't know, just normal time.
21
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:51,680
An early bus?
22
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,360
(GROANS) In about
half an hour or something.
23
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,160
Do you want to go for a ride?
24
00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:58,440
Please!
25
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,040
No, I can't be bothered.
26
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,640
I've been wanking
you all week...wank me.
27
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:03,760
No! So what?
28
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,119
Please, wank me!
29
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:07,120
Why?
30
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:10,280
Cos I don't want to. I can't be
bothered. My mum's downstairs.
31
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:12,000
Oh, well, just lend me
your finger, then.
32
00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:14,080
Oh, well, just lend me your finger,
then. No! Use your own filthy fingers.
33
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:15,040
Just put your little finger...
34
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:17,320
Just put your little finger...
No! Use your own fingers.
35
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:17,840
Oh, why?
36
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,080
Oh, why?
You've got all day.
37
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,160
Put your finger in me!
38
00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:21,880
Get off!
39
00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:24,800
I want you to put
your Christmastailin me.
40
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:26,440
Oh, my God, that's disgusting!
41
00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:30,920
Britain was known for suffering
from the British disease
44
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:26,340
Stop doing that.
45
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,480
Not that toy, please, Lisa.
46
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:36,759
No, you can put that one back.
47
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,680
Oh, what have you done?
48
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:05,440
Nothing.
49
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:09,599
No, you've just spilt water all over
the floor. About nothing.
50
00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:18,480
♪ CLIFF RICHARD: Mistletoe And Wine
51
00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:19,400
Very clever.
52
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:20,760
Very clever.
Very, very good idea.
53
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,000
He's demanding there, Mam.
He wants some of your toast, I think.
54
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,000
He's demanding there, Mam. He wants some of your toast,
I think. He can't have it. He's got some in there.
55
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:25,480
Has he?
56
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:26,520
Has he?
Mm.
57
00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:27,480
Eat that there.
58
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:28,520
Eat that there.
Haven't you, eh?
59
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,041
Eh, look at this!
60
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:32,680
Room at the inn for a little one?
61
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:33,680
All right, love?
62
00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:34,720
All right, love?
Morning, Ritchey.
63
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:35,680
Are you all right, sweetheart?
64
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:37,280
Are you all right, sweetheart?
Morning, Mr and Mrs Woodford.
65
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:39,000
(BOTH) Morning, Jennifer, love!
66
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,560
You can call us
by our first names now, you know.
67
00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:43,520
I keep forgetting.
Morning, Barbara.
68
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:44,880
Morning, love.
69
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,840
Does that mean she can she start
calling you Dick now, Dad?
70
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:48,880
I'll give you blooming Dick.
71
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:49,960
I'll give you blooming Dick.
You bloody won't. >
72
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:52,840
Dirty bugger! I'll ring ChildLine.
73
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,120
Give you dick? "I'll give you dick."
74
00:06:58,280 --> 00:06:59,281
Ritchey!
75
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,120
That is brilliant!
76
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,040
That is a bit...
that's a bit near the knuckle.
77
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:08,160
It's a bit early for that, isn't it?
Mam likes it. Mam's laughing.
78
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:09,440
Just as well she's got
a good sense of humour.
79
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:11,680
Just as well she's got a good sense of
humour. It's cos the joke's on you, innit?
80
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,440
Do you want some toast, Jennifer? >
81
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,600
Oh, yes, thank you. >
82
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:18,460
It's wholemeal.>
83
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,760
I hope you like what
I've got you for Christmas.
84
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:22,360
What is it?
85
00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:23,320
What is it? Morning. Morning.
86
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:26,920
For the love of God, Sanders,
will you put some clothes on, man?
87
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,200
I've got nothing to hide.
88
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:29,560
I can see that, mate.
89
00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,360
Shaun, don't be rude, love.
90
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:33,480
How's rehearsals going?
91
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:34,400
How's rehearsals going?
Shit.
92
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:35,920
What do you mean "shit"?
93
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,000
I'm making an idiot of myself
in front of everyone, that shit.
94
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,200
How can you be making
an idiot of yourself?
95
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:41,840
How can you be making an idiot
of yourself? Because I can't act!
96
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,040
Everyone else is amazing
and I'm...shit.
97
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,800
Shaun, you would not
have been given the lead role
98
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:48,880
in a Victorian melodrama
if you was bad.
99
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,280
Well, obviously,
cos I've been given it and I am bad.
100
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:52,800
You're obviously very good,
101
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:55,200
the teachers have faith in you
and I'm proud of you.
102
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,600
When I'm on stage Gadge and Lol and
everyone are going to be laughing.
103
00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,720
When I'm on stage Gadge and Lol and everyone are going
to be laughing. No, they're going to be supporting you
104
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,960
and if they laugh it's
because they're jealous.
105
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,000
Jealous that I'm
looking like an idiot?
106
00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,080
Well, why are you looking
like an idiot, what are you wearing?
107
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:10,480
A stupid massive wig, side burns,
top hat...it's ridiculous.
108
00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:13,160
Well, that's Shakespeare -
you've got to get into character.
109
00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:14,920
No, it's not Shakespeare!
110
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,440
All right, well, what is it, then?
111
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,120
It's Tim Taylor or something.
112
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:21,720
So you haven't heard of him?
113
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,400
So you haven't heard of him?
No, but I don't know my stuff, do I?
114
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,280
Well, neither do I,
I don't know what I'm doing.
115
00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:28,320
I think you're just, you know,
a bit nervous, that's all.
116
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:29,720
I'm not nervous at all.
117
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,760
I can't say anything right.
I'm trying to help.
118
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,840
I can't say anything right. I'm trying to
help. You're gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine.
119
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,720
Whatever. I'm off anyway.
120
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,480
Yeah, well,
have a nice day at school!
121
00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:39,320
It's college!
122
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,240
Oh, it's the same thing, Shaun.
123
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:45,360
What is wrong with him?
124
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:46,680
What are you all doing?
125
00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:49,280
You don't have to come out
every bloody morning.
126
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,800
The neighbours are looking, get in!
127
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:52,640
Have a good day.
128
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,240
Have a good day.
Yeah. See you in a bit.
129
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,001
Bye!
See you, love!
130
00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:00,200
Get me the fuck out of here. >
131
00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:01,599
Every day.
132
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:03,920
I'm sick of it.
133
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:05,639
< There he goes.
134
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:10,399
Right.Cup of tea?
135
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:12,200
After you, love.
136
00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:16,359
After you, love.
Thank you.
137
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:42,580
(MAN) Cheers, mate.
138
00:10:16,906 --> 00:10:20,905
Hello, mate. Thank you!Cheers.
139
00:10:24,546 --> 00:10:25,426
Oh, it's Shaun.
140
00:10:25,586 --> 00:10:27,786
Shauny!Shauny boy!
141
00:10:27,946 --> 00:10:28,906
How we doing, son?
142
00:10:29,066 --> 00:10:31,945
Move up one for Shaun.
143
00:10:33,986 --> 00:10:34,026
You all right?
144
00:10:34,186 --> 00:10:35,066
You all right? Yeah, are you?
145
00:10:35,226 --> 00:10:37,726
Yeah.Good.
146
00:10:38,026 --> 00:10:39,386
(SIGHS)I'm knackered.
147
00:10:39,546 --> 00:10:40,426
Yeah, same.
148
00:10:40,586 --> 00:10:42,146
Your hair looks nice.
149
00:10:42,306 --> 00:10:44,986
Oh, thanks.
I got up really early today.
150
00:10:45,146 --> 00:10:46,746
What shampoo do you use?
151
00:10:46,906 --> 00:10:48,386
I just used my mum's this morning.
152
00:10:48,746 --> 00:10:51,646
Oh, did you?
153
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,346
Hi!Oh! Let's go and see Nanny.
154
00:11:17,506 --> 00:11:18,386
Here she is,
155
00:11:18,546 --> 00:11:20,466
Nanny's little angel!
156
00:11:20,626 --> 00:11:23,546
Yeah!Are you all right?
157
00:11:23,706 --> 00:11:26,066
Hiya! How are you doing?
158
00:11:26,226 --> 00:11:27,346
One minute,
159
00:11:27,506 --> 00:11:28,586
just wait.
160
00:11:28,746 --> 00:11:31,946
Come on, then, come give me a cuddle.
161
00:11:32,106 --> 00:11:34,946
Yeah! Here she is!
162
00:11:35,106 --> 00:11:36,026
Ooh!Steady!
163
00:11:36,186 --> 00:11:39,826
Come on, steady with her.
164
00:11:39,986 --> 00:11:42,466
Oh, look, lots of things!
165
00:11:42,626 --> 00:11:43,186
You all right?
166
00:11:43,346 --> 00:11:45,266
You all right? Are you all right?
167
00:11:45,426 --> 00:11:47,345
Come on, then,
let's get the teapot out.
168
00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:51,906
Take that Noddy hat off, eh?
169
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:52,946
Oh, that's better!
170
00:11:53,106 --> 00:11:55,066
It's not working.
171
00:11:55,226 --> 00:11:56,026
How do you work this?
172
00:11:56,186 --> 00:11:56,626
How do you work this? Oh, I dunno.
173
00:11:56,786 --> 00:11:57,746
How do you work this? Oh, I dunno.
Where did you get this fucking from?!
174
00:11:58,066 --> 00:12:00,546
How do you work this? Oh, I dunno. Where did you
get this fucking from?! Oh, it's only a teapot.
175
00:12:01,066 --> 00:12:02,666
Oh, you'll trap your finger!
176
00:12:02,826 --> 00:12:03,506
< Oh, steady!
177
00:12:03,866 --> 00:12:07,826
Right, go and put them on the bus.
Look, over there. That's a good girl.
178
00:12:08,146 --> 00:12:09,786
< You feeling all right?
You look like shit.
179
00:12:09,946 --> 00:12:11,066
Oh, thanks.
180
00:12:11,226 --> 00:12:13,466
What, she not sleeping?
181
00:12:13,626 --> 00:12:15,986
No. Four times she was up last night.
182
00:12:16,146 --> 00:12:18,626
< Oh, Lisa, what are we
going to do with you, eh?
183
00:12:18,866 --> 00:12:20,865
< Keeping Mummy up all night.
184
00:12:21,946 --> 00:12:24,786
Why don't you leave her
with me today? Have a break.
185
00:12:24,946 --> 00:12:27,386
Oh, I've got her
at the community nurse at one so...
186
00:12:27,546 --> 00:12:30,826
Shaun's got this play on Christmas
Eve, I said I'd try and catch it.
187
00:12:30,986 --> 00:12:33,386
I was wondering if you'd
have her for a couple of hours?
188
00:12:33,546 --> 00:12:34,186
What, Christmas Eve?
189
00:12:34,346 --> 00:12:35,666
What, Christmas Eve?
Yeah, then we can all wake up together.
190
00:12:35,826 --> 00:12:37,146
Yeah, I'd love to.
191
00:12:37,306 --> 00:12:39,746
Hey, Lisa, that'll be nice, won't it?
192
00:12:39,906 --> 00:12:42,226
At Nanny's on Christmas Eve?
193
00:12:42,466 --> 00:12:42,946
Are you sure?
194
00:12:43,106 --> 00:12:43,986
Yeah, I'd love to!
195
00:12:44,146 --> 00:12:46,746
I was going to go to bingo with
Trudy, but I'd much rather have her.
196
00:12:46,906 --> 00:12:48,346
Lisa? Are you going to stay
197
00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:50,825
with Nanny on Christmas Eve?Yes.
198
00:12:51,226 --> 00:12:52,226
< Wait for Santa?
199
00:12:54,306 --> 00:12:57,186
You're on for a right one, you lads.
200
00:12:57,346 --> 00:12:59,826
Here you go, Taylor - sort yourself out
with a big bag of weed, you filthy cunt.
201
00:12:59,986 --> 00:13:02,866
Here you are, give us a smile
and I'll give you an extra 10p.
202
00:13:03,026 --> 00:13:03,906
Go on, seriously.
203
00:13:04,066 --> 00:13:06,226
I'm fucking about with you,
get out. Eh?
204
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,666
Milner, there you go,
sort yourself out, mate.
205
00:13:08,946 --> 00:13:11,826
Davidson, sort yoursen out.
Have a good Chrimbo. Nice one, lads!
206
00:13:11,986 --> 00:13:14,386
You're not getting a bloody bonus, you've
not done owt. Pull your finger out.
207
00:13:14,546 --> 00:13:17,225
Kenneth Squires,
it should be in there.
208
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:19,026
Are you having
a friggin' laugh, mate?
209
00:13:19,186 --> 00:13:19,386
< Cos I've been through it
three times.
210
00:13:19,546 --> 00:13:20,266
< Cos I've been through it three times.
I'm not bloody hell havin' a laugh.
211
00:13:20,586 --> 00:13:22,486
They've not said nowt to me.
212
00:13:23,586 --> 00:13:24,586
What are these?
213
00:13:24,746 --> 00:13:26,986
Ricardo, have you messed up again,
eh?What?
214
00:13:27,906 --> 00:13:30,026
Bugger! Bugger! Squires, you bugger!
I knew that,
215
00:13:30,306 --> 00:13:31,146
I knew you were winding me up.
216
00:13:31,306 --> 00:13:33,186
I knew you were winding me up. Had you there for
a minute! I'm here cos I've a bonus for you, lad.
217
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:34,466
Get out! Bloody hell!
218
00:13:34,626 --> 00:13:35,506
The weight of that, eh?
219
00:13:35,666 --> 00:13:37,266
Yeah, yeah. Very generous,
220
00:13:37,426 --> 00:13:38,626
very generous. Check it out. >
221
00:13:38,786 --> 00:13:40,106
You could knock a horse out
with that.
222
00:13:40,266 --> 00:13:41,906
Let's have a do. Bloody hell!
223
00:13:42,186 --> 00:13:43,546
Oh, ho-ho! Merry Christmas!
224
00:13:43,706 --> 00:13:45,225
< Friggin' hell, it will be.
225
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:47,546
?100 there?150!
226
00:13:47,866 --> 00:13:48,746
150!150!
227
00:13:48,906 --> 00:13:51,386
Bugger me. Thank you, Mr Squires.
That's right generous of you.
228
00:13:51,546 --> 00:13:54,226
Oh, not at... Hey! And I've got more
Christmas cheer for you an' all, son.
229
00:13:54,386 --> 00:13:54,506
< Go on?
230
00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:56,346
< Go on? Guess who's been
moved up to head office, eh?
231
00:13:56,506 --> 00:13:58,746
< Go on? Guess who's been moved
up to head office, eh? Go on.
232
00:13:58,986 --> 00:14:00,086
Me!
233
00:14:00,466 --> 00:14:03,306
You! Unbelievable!
234
00:14:03,466 --> 00:14:06,065
Unbelievable! Eh!
235
00:14:07,466 --> 00:14:08,506
Fantastic.
236
00:14:08,666 --> 00:14:09,946
Can't think of a better bloke
for that job, you know.
237
00:14:10,106 --> 00:14:10,866
< You'll smash that.
238
00:14:11,026 --> 00:14:12,426
< You'll smash that.
Oh, hey...and part of my new job
239
00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:13,466
entails finding my successor. >
240
00:14:13,626 --> 00:14:14,546
Yeah, you going to get someone in?
241
00:14:14,706 --> 00:14:17,626
We...well, I've only got
one candidate in mind, lad,
242
00:14:17,786 --> 00:14:18,666
I'm standing right in front of him.
243
00:14:18,826 --> 00:14:22,586
You can fuck off.
244
00:14:22,866 --> 00:14:24,146
Twat!
245
00:14:24,586 --> 00:14:25,746
I wasn't expecting that. >
246
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:28,346
It's a joke! I'm joking with you.
247
00:14:29,946 --> 00:14:31,506
What, like banter?Banter!
248
00:14:31,666 --> 00:14:33,586
Like work... The lads do it
all the time.
249
00:14:33,746 --> 00:14:37,026
Hey! Oh, yeah! > They're always causing
trouble. Oh, you're great cunt, you. Aren't ya?
250
00:14:37,186 --> 00:14:39,186
Hey, hey, so I'm giving you
the chance to step up. >
251
00:14:39,426 --> 00:14:40,945
Richard Woodford - Manager.
252
00:14:41,346 --> 00:14:42,346
Certain ring to it.
253
00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:43,186
Ring to it!
254
00:14:43,346 --> 00:14:44,266
Ring to it! Oh! Hey...
255
00:14:44,426 --> 00:14:45,746
Brothers from different mothers!
256
00:14:45,906 --> 00:14:47,346
Hey, tell you what...
All that there, but listen...
257
00:14:47,506 --> 00:14:49,186
Seriously, listen,
I'll let you know after Chrimbo
258
00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,826
cos I'm going to have a right think
on... That is exciting news.
259
00:14:51,986 --> 00:14:52,946
What did you say?
260
00:14:53,106 --> 00:14:54,346
After... Just going
to have a think on it after...
261
00:14:54,506 --> 00:14:56,066
And I'll let you know after Chrimbo,
cos you know what?
262
00:14:56,226 --> 00:14:57,626
Mam and Dad are very sensitive.
263
00:14:57,786 --> 00:14:58,666
After Chrimbo?
264
00:14:58,826 --> 00:15:01,106
Only because they...they...they...
they're sensitive,
265
00:15:01,266 --> 00:15:02,826
I've had a rough few...few months
266
00:15:03,146 --> 00:15:06,066
and they're worried about me.
And it's just...it just seems like...
267
00:15:06,226 --> 00:15:07,226
Your mum and dad?Yeah.
268
00:15:07,386 --> 00:15:10,786
Like, common courtesy
just to...mention it to 'em.
269
00:15:10,946 --> 00:15:11,826
That they've, you know...
270
00:15:11,986 --> 00:15:14,266
Just OK it with my mam and dad.
They'll be fine with it.
271
00:15:14,426 --> 00:15:16,746
They'll be... They'll want me
to do it, I'm fuckin' overwhelmed,
272
00:15:16,906 --> 00:15:18,425
I can't believe that shit.
273
00:15:20,506 --> 00:15:22,666
You're just, you know... you're
a bit less pleased than I hoped for.
274
00:15:22,826 --> 00:15:24,506
Oh, Bloody... No, mate, I'm ecstatic!
275
00:15:24,666 --> 00:15:26,665
I'm ecs... You're winding me up,
you are,
276
00:15:27,106 --> 00:15:30,026
like down there, like,
when we were by the computer.
277
00:15:30,186 --> 00:15:32,586
I'm playing hard to get,
you're being sad. Eh?
278
00:15:32,746 --> 00:15:34,106
Grin, you great shit!
279
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:35,146
That were too hard.
280
00:15:35,306 --> 00:15:36,306
Too hard.
281
00:15:36,466 --> 00:15:38,906
That were too hard, that,
are you all right?
282
00:15:39,066 --> 00:15:40,786
Er...yeah? All right.Yeah?
283
00:15:41,026 --> 00:15:42,906
Shoved you a bit hard then. Sure?
284
00:15:43,066 --> 00:15:43,946
Yeah.Didn't mean to.
285
00:15:44,106 --> 00:15:45,466
No.All right?
286
00:15:45,626 --> 00:15:47,146
No, it's all right, it's all right.
287
00:15:47,386 --> 00:15:48,746
After Chrimbo...I'll, you know...
288
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:50,306
Just, um...think hard on it.
289
00:15:50,706 --> 00:15:53,785
I will do!
The thinking is killing me.
290
00:15:59,906 --> 00:16:02,826
Did...did any of youse catch that...
that documentary the other week...
291
00:16:02,986 --> 00:16:05,026
about the, um, the achy balls thing?
292
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:08,186
Oh, it was...it was dead good.
It was...
293
00:16:08,346 --> 00:16:12,105
It was about this guy who...he had,
like, really...horrible achy balls,
294
00:16:12,466 --> 00:16:15,386
and... I mean, he didn't...he didn't
really know
295
00:16:15,546 --> 00:16:17,866
what was up with him,
sort of thing, and...
296
00:16:18,026 --> 00:16:22,025
he...he was... He had achy balls.
And one of them went...inside...
297
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,306
of him, do you know, like, you know
298
00:16:25,586 --> 00:16:27,706
like when you're cold sometimes
and they sort of go a bit hard?
299
00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:30,786
It went inside, even while
he was hot, while he was warm...
300
00:16:31,026 --> 00:16:31,466
he just...
301
00:16:31,626 --> 00:16:33,946
he just... What channel was it on?
302
00:16:34,306 --> 00:16:37,226
I think it was 4,
think it was Channel 4, yeah.
303
00:16:37,386 --> 00:16:39,106
What day was it on?
304
00:16:39,426 --> 00:16:42,346
Su...Sunday or Saturday, one of them.
305
00:16:42,506 --> 00:16:43,826
It might have been Saturday.>
306
00:16:43,986 --> 00:16:44,866
I watched it.
307
00:16:45,026 --> 00:16:47,666
Right massive...massive,
really fat bloke.
308
00:16:47,826 --> 00:16:50,426
Really sweaty, fat bloke.
309
00:16:50,586 --> 00:16:52,586
Had problems walking up stairs
and that?
310
00:16:52,746 --> 00:16:54,106
< Just got himself in a right pickle
with anything uphill...
311
00:16:54,266 --> 00:16:55,146
No need to...
312
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:56,426
..called Gadget?
313
00:16:56,586 --> 00:16:57,506
Fuck off, mate.
314
00:16:57,666 --> 00:16:59,066
No, why are you...
315
00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:00,106
Why are you talking the piss ? >
316
00:17:00,266 --> 00:17:01,626
What's up with your balls?
What's happened to 'em?
317
00:17:01,786 --> 00:17:02,946
It's hard this, man. I'm...
318
00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:05,746
I'm living with this fucking
nagging, achy balls all the time.
319
00:17:05,906 --> 00:17:07,826
Go to the doctor then, Gadget,
you nutcase, man.
320
00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:09,626
You sure you're not
just wanking too much?
321
00:17:09,786 --> 00:17:11,066
Fuck off, Kel.
I don't wank too much.
322
00:17:11,226 --> 00:17:12,106
< That normally...
A problem with your balls like that,
323
00:17:12,266 --> 00:17:13,866
achy balls is normally fucking...
324
00:17:14,026 --> 00:17:15,586
Cancer.Cancer!
325
00:17:15,746 --> 00:17:16,906
Yeah.Big C.
326
00:17:17,066 --> 00:17:19,626
Fuck off, it's not...
I'm too young to have cancer.
327
00:17:19,786 --> 00:17:20,266
I can't have cancer! >
328
00:17:20,426 --> 00:17:23,626
I can't have cancer! > Mate, it happens to
young ones, it's, like, 14 to 25, or summat,
329
00:17:23,986 --> 00:17:26,786
< that's the most prone.
It's all right,
330
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:29,146
we'll get you a trip to Disneyland
and you can meet Mickey.
331
00:17:29,306 --> 00:17:32,026
Mate, will you...
There's no lumps or anything.
332
00:17:32,186 --> 00:17:33,066
Man, you can have a feel if you want.
333
00:17:33,226 --> 00:17:34,306
Man, you can have a feel if you want.
< No, I'm all right.
334
00:17:34,466 --> 00:17:35,346
If you think it's cancer,
have a feel.
335
00:17:35,506 --> 00:17:36,906
I'm all right, mate.
Fuck off, Gadge! Get out of my face.
336
00:17:37,066 --> 00:17:38,306
Feel! Come on! It's not gay if you
feel through the clothes.
337
00:17:38,466 --> 00:17:39,346
Fuck off, man, seriously.
338
00:17:39,506 --> 00:17:40,826
You're not actually touching it.
339
00:17:40,986 --> 00:17:41,826
Get your fucking balls out of
my fa...
340
00:17:41,986 --> 00:17:42,746
I'll smack your face in, mate.
341
00:17:42,906 --> 00:17:43,266
I'll smack your face in, mate.
Will you have a feel?
342
00:17:43,426 --> 00:17:44,306
I'll smack your face in, mate. Will you
have a feel? Fuck off, will she have a feel!
343
00:17:44,466 --> 00:17:46,946
Merry Christmas, one and all!
344
00:17:47,106 --> 00:17:48,946
Fuck off! Milk?
345
00:17:49,106 --> 00:17:53,066
Don't look at him, people,
he will impregnate you.
346
00:17:53,226 --> 00:17:54,306
He'll do you with his eyeballs.
347
00:17:54,466 --> 00:17:55,626
You dick.
348
00:17:55,786 --> 00:17:57,746
Fuck off.Sorry.
349
00:17:57,906 --> 00:17:59,426
How is everyone?
350
00:18:01,106 --> 00:18:04,026
You all look like
you've seen a ghost.
351
00:18:04,186 --> 00:18:05,186
Not seen you in ages, man.
352
00:18:05,466 --> 00:18:06,346
How long's it been? >
353
00:18:06,506 --> 00:18:07,346
A couple of months?
354
00:18:07,626 --> 00:18:09,386
Three or four, more fucking like it.
355
00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:10,506
Really?Yeah.
356
00:18:10,666 --> 00:18:11,746
Has anyone seen Woods?
357
00:18:11,906 --> 00:18:13,986
< Hardly. He's got a new girlfriend.
358
00:18:14,146 --> 00:18:15,106
Yeah, fit as fuck, she is.
359
00:18:15,506 --> 00:18:17,026
Jennifer, ginger Jennifer.
360
00:18:17,186 --> 00:18:18,266
Posh. Very posh.
361
00:18:18,426 --> 00:18:20,986
Sound. He... He deserves it, man.
362
00:18:21,146 --> 00:18:23,226
I've...I've written to him, but...
363
00:18:23,386 --> 00:18:27,385
I've had no response or a reply.
364
00:18:28,466 --> 00:18:29,226
I don't deserve one, but...
365
00:18:29,586 --> 00:18:30,786
< (BANJO) You'll get there, Milks.
366
00:18:30,946 --> 00:18:32,386
Youse were like brothers and...
367
00:18:32,546 --> 00:18:36,545
a relationship like that,
you can't throw away, can you?
368
00:18:38,746 --> 00:18:41,745
Do I get a hug at all, cos
fuck me, it's a bit frosty in here!
369
00:18:42,106 --> 00:18:43,226
(BANJO) Good to see you.
370
00:18:43,386 --> 00:18:45,026
Mwah! Looking good, man.
371
00:18:45,186 --> 00:18:46,426
Where's the girls, then?
372
00:18:46,586 --> 00:18:47,626
Try it on 'em all.
373
00:18:47,786 --> 00:18:49,426
How are you?Good.
374
00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:52,266
Good, good. Kel, How are you?
Are you all right?
375
00:18:52,426 --> 00:18:54,466
Here, meet Titch.
She's my girlfriend.
376
00:18:54,626 --> 00:18:55,626
Ooh! Hello, Titch.
377
00:18:55,946 --> 00:18:57,186
This is my wonderful... Hey up!
378
00:18:57,346 --> 00:19:00,305
Less of that, we don't want another
black baby on our hands, do we?
379
00:19:20,746 --> 00:19:23,386
So probably around this stage, she
could be getting some back teeth.
380
00:19:23,546 --> 00:19:27,426
Have you notice her...red cheeks?
Drooling? Fists in the mouth?
381
00:19:27,586 --> 00:19:28,026
< Biting down?
382
00:19:28,186 --> 00:19:29,266
< Biting down? No.
Her cheeks aren't red.
383
00:19:29,426 --> 00:19:32,466
And, you know,
she dribbles and chews on things
384
00:19:32,626 --> 00:19:33,826
like any other kid.OK.
385
00:19:33,986 --> 00:19:36,546
Well, that's a good sign, probably,
that she is teething. Um...
386
00:19:36,866 --> 00:19:37,746
So what can we do?
387
00:19:37,906 --> 00:19:39,706
Cos I need to crack this today.OK.
388
00:19:39,866 --> 00:19:41,786
You could probably give her
something like Calpol,
389
00:19:41,946 --> 00:19:45,226
and that'll get rid of the pain,
take her temperature down
390
00:19:45,386 --> 00:19:46,626
and settle her, basically.
391
00:19:46,906 --> 00:19:48,026
So if that works, that's the job,
392
00:19:48,186 --> 00:19:49,826
that will put her to sleep
at night and...
393
00:19:49,986 --> 00:19:52,066
you'll have an easier time.Right.
394
00:19:52,226 --> 00:19:54,906
< It can take a couple of days
for it to kick in, for it to work,
395
00:19:55,066 --> 00:19:57,426
so you could be looking at
another few restless nights.
396
00:19:57,586 --> 00:19:59,026
And it can come and go, teething,
397
00:19:59,306 --> 00:20:01,186
so she could be OK for a couple of
months and this could start again...
398
00:20:01,346 --> 00:20:04,026
So, really, there is no remedy?
399
00:20:04,186 --> 00:20:05,946
< It's just par for the course,
unfortunately,
400
00:20:06,106 --> 00:20:08,466
and...this is about the age
when the back teeth come in,
401
00:20:08,626 --> 00:20:11,106
so that's probably what
you're dealing with at the moment,
402
00:20:11,266 --> 00:20:12,306
and I know how tough it is.
403
00:20:12,466 --> 00:20:14,026
Oh, do you?Yeah.
404
00:20:14,186 --> 00:20:15,106
You got kids, then?
405
00:20:15,266 --> 00:20:16,546
I have.Yeah.
406
00:20:16,706 --> 00:20:17,866
You got a husband?Yeah.
407
00:20:18,026 --> 00:20:20,866
Well, lucky you, because I don't.
408
00:20:21,026 --> 00:20:22,666
Right? I do this all on my own,
409
00:20:22,826 --> 00:20:25,306
so you have fucking no idea
what it's like.
410
00:20:25,546 --> 00:20:28,625
Can you sleep
when she sleeps during the day?
411
00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:30,386
Do you think I don't try?
412
00:20:30,546 --> 00:20:34,545
I'm doing the best I can, all right?
413
00:20:35,706 --> 00:20:36,786
< Look...
414
00:20:36,946 --> 00:20:39,746
she's doing great, and you're doing
a great job with her.
415
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,946
It looks like you're doing
a great job with her.
416
00:20:42,106 --> 00:20:43,746
It's you I'm more worried about.
417
00:20:43,906 --> 00:20:45,266
< The last time you were here,
418
00:20:45,426 --> 00:20:48,226
< you did seem to be re-experiencing
postnatal depression...
419
00:20:48,386 --> 00:20:49,866
Oh, God, here we go again.
420
00:20:50,026 --> 00:20:51,866
Yeah, I remember that.Yeah.
421
00:20:52,026 --> 00:20:54,106
Some sort of fucking psychiatrist
now, are you?
422
00:20:54,266 --> 00:20:55,466
It's my job to look out for you...
423
00:20:55,626 --> 00:20:57,946
No, your job is
to look after my daughter, right?
424
00:20:58,106 --> 00:20:59,506
I came here for her, not for me.
425
00:20:59,666 --> 00:21:00,946
OK, I know how tough it is...
426
00:21:01,106 --> 00:21:05,105
I'm up all night, I'm on my own
and you're trying to make out
427
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:07,306
like you've a clue
what I'm going through.
428
00:21:07,466 --> 00:21:09,666
If you ever want to come back
and talk to me, I'm here.
429
00:21:09,826 --> 00:21:11,906
You can leave Lisa
with your mum maybe and just...
430
00:21:12,066 --> 00:21:14,866
No, I can't!
Stop trying to organise my life.
431
00:21:15,346 --> 00:21:18,026
"You can leave Lisa with your mum,
you can do this," I'm sure you can.
432
00:21:18,186 --> 00:21:20,906
I'm sure it's lovely for you.
And do you know what? >
433
00:21:21,066 --> 00:21:22,706
I envy you.
434
00:21:22,866 --> 00:21:25,146
I absolutely envy
every little bit of your life
435
00:21:25,306 --> 00:21:27,266
and I don't even fucking know
your name.
436
00:21:27,426 --> 00:21:30,026
But I can see
that you've got a nice life, >
437
00:21:30,186 --> 00:21:32,946
and I can see that you've probably
had quite a nice upbringing,
438
00:21:33,106 --> 00:21:34,786
and you've probably got
quite a nice husband,
439
00:21:34,946 --> 00:21:37,466
and you've probably got
very well-behaved children >
440
00:21:37,626 --> 00:21:38,626
that sleep at night. >
441
00:21:38,786 --> 00:21:42,785
I can see what you've got
and you can see what I've got.
442
00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:44,466
I know they seem like worlds apart...
443
00:21:44,626 --> 00:21:45,786
Fucking monotone,
that's all I get with you.
444
00:21:45,946 --> 00:21:48,226
"I know this, I know..."
Do you know what?
445
00:21:48,466 --> 00:21:52,425
I think...I think it's best
that I go and I'll get some Calpol
446
00:21:52,986 --> 00:21:54,466
and we'll leave it there.
447
00:21:54,626 --> 00:21:56,826
When you're ready to come back
and talk to me,
448
00:21:56,986 --> 00:21:58,345
I will be here for you, OK?
449
00:22:05,626 --> 00:22:09,625
Come on, in your chair.
450
00:22:12,106 --> 00:22:14,346
And...action.
451
00:22:14,506 --> 00:22:17,066
Oh, how I wish I was a lass.
452
00:22:17,226 --> 00:22:20,266
I think I see those great
clumsy hands spoiling my work.
453
00:22:20,426 --> 00:22:22,946
(TEACHER) What bloody hands?
454
00:22:23,106 --> 00:22:23,946
Sorry, sir.
455
00:22:24,546 --> 00:22:25,706
Thank you. >
456
00:22:25,866 --> 00:22:27,265
Oh, how I wish I was a lass.
457
00:22:27,706 --> 00:22:31,265
I think I see those great
clumsy hands spoiling my work.
458
00:22:32,586 --> 00:22:33,825
Not a chance, May....
459
00:22:35,906 --> 00:22:39,146
Don't you remember
those two sovereigns you lent me?
460
00:22:39,306 --> 00:22:40,946
You needn't count it, there's ?20.
461
00:22:41,106 --> 00:22:45,105
There'd have been more
if you hadn't come so soon.
462
00:22:46,066 --> 00:22:48,026
Bless your heart!
463
00:22:48,586 --> 00:22:51,026
And to think these...
these little fingers have been...
464
00:22:51,186 --> 00:22:52,346
working so hard for such...
465
00:22:52,506 --> 00:22:56,505
a lusty, big-boned chap like myself!
466
00:22:57,466 --> 00:22:59,986
Do not fear, for I have ?200 saved up
467
00:23:00,146 --> 00:23:02,986
in brass in Portland and Pentonville.
468
00:23:03,146 --> 00:23:07,145
?200! How small my poor little
earnings will look....
469
00:23:07,586 --> 00:23:11,426
For the audience, Fay,
thank you.Sorry.
470
00:23:11,586 --> 00:23:13,066
?200!
471
00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:16,346
How small my poor
little earnings will look!
472
00:23:16,506 --> 00:23:18,506
I was so proud of them, too.
473
00:23:18,946 --> 00:23:22,826
Well, keep 'em, May...
Keep 'em to buy your wedding gown.
474
00:23:22,986 --> 00:23:24,825
My wedding gown?
475
00:23:25,186 --> 00:23:28,386
That's if you'll have me.
476
00:23:29,426 --> 00:23:32,706
And...that's a wrap.
Excellent, excellent, Fay!
477
00:23:32,866 --> 00:23:34,106
Dalton, Moss, your scene's up next. >
478
00:23:34,266 --> 00:23:36,226
I'm off to the art department
to see how the scenery monkeys >
479
00:23:36,586 --> 00:23:38,546
< are coming on with the set.
480
00:23:38,706 --> 00:23:39,506
You did dead good.
481
00:23:39,666 --> 00:23:40,546
You did dead good.
You were dead good.
482
00:23:40,706 --> 00:23:42,546
He never said owt about me, did he?
483
00:23:42,706 --> 00:23:46,146
I thought you did really well.
484
00:23:46,306 --> 00:23:49,026
< What you doing later?
485
00:23:49,186 --> 00:23:50,346
Nothing.
486
00:23:50,506 --> 00:23:52,306
Do you fancy rehearsals at mine?
487
00:23:52,466 --> 00:23:54,345
Yeah, definitely, yeah.
488
00:24:49,746 --> 00:24:53,665
Are you toying with me?
489
00:25:01,946 --> 00:25:05,345
(MUFFLED AND DEEP) My little girl!
490
00:25:49,266 --> 00:25:50,626
You all right?
491
00:25:51,106 --> 00:25:54,546
< Yeah, yeah. I'm fine, thanks.
492
00:25:55,106 --> 00:25:58,866
Are you going to open the door?
It's freezing.
493
00:25:59,026 --> 00:26:02,026
I've just got out of the bath.
494
00:26:02,186 --> 00:26:05,186
< Come on, Lol.
495
00:26:05,346 --> 00:26:09,345
Look, I've got Lisa a teddy and...
496
00:26:09,946 --> 00:26:11,026
Some money as well.
497
00:26:11,186 --> 00:26:13,346
It's just not a good time.
498
00:26:13,506 --> 00:26:15,066
Are you all right?
499
00:26:15,226 --> 00:26:19,225
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm freezing.
I'll have to go. Just...
500
00:26:19,546 --> 00:26:21,746
I'm at my mum's tomorrow,
bring it round then.
501
00:26:21,906 --> 00:26:25,226
You can see Lisa
and give it to her yourself. Yeah.
502
00:26:25,386 --> 00:26:25,866
Please, Lol.
503
00:26:26,106 --> 00:26:30,906
Please, Lol. I'll have to go,
I'm freezing, Milk. See you in a bit.
504
00:26:47,674 --> 00:26:51,673
I cannot bear you should
trouble for me, indeed, sir.
505
00:26:52,554 --> 00:26:54,914
Nay, never heed that muck-worm.
Come, dry thine eyes.
506
00:26:55,074 --> 00:26:57,074
Thou's too soft for this life
o' thine.
507
00:26:57,234 --> 00:27:01,233
It's the fever, I think, sir.
I usen't to mind unkind looks
508
00:27:01,834 --> 00:27:02,754
and word much once.
509
00:27:02,914 --> 00:27:04,354
Smell, what are you doing?
510
00:27:04,514 --> 00:27:06,514
It doesn't say do that
in the script, does it?
511
00:27:06,674 --> 00:27:08,274
Where did that come from?
512
00:27:08,434 --> 00:27:09,594
I like doing the voices.
513
00:27:09,754 --> 00:27:11,434
Yeah, doing the voices fair enough,
514
00:27:11,594 --> 00:27:15,593
but you don't have to start pulling
my hair and hitting me, do you?
515
00:27:16,234 --> 00:27:18,074
Listen, thanks for helping me
516
00:27:18,234 --> 00:27:22,233
and that but you are just doing
it a bit too much.
517
00:27:24,554 --> 00:27:27,594
Look, I've gotta go anyway. I'm off
to Fay's and we'll be doing it
518
00:27:27,754 --> 00:27:31,753
all night, aren't I?
I don't want to over learn it.
519
00:27:34,434 --> 00:27:35,794
Can you help me out?
520
00:27:35,954 --> 00:27:39,714
Which one of these shirts are,
you know, posher?
521
00:27:40,874 --> 00:27:43,674
I think you should wear that one,
it makes your neck look less small.
522
00:27:43,834 --> 00:27:47,833
I think you should wear that one, it makes your
neck look less small. I ain't got a small neck.
523
00:27:55,914 --> 00:27:58,394
You would not believe
the day I've had.
524
00:27:58,554 --> 00:28:01,794
Honestly. How can an office
run out of staples?
525
00:28:02,314 --> 00:28:05,154
I mean, I said to Janet yesterday,
I said to her -
526
00:28:05,314 --> 00:28:06,634
if you phone 'em before four...
527
00:28:06,794 --> 00:28:07,714
if you phone 'em before four...
Janet!
528
00:28:07,874 --> 00:28:11,873
..they deliver in the morning. Know
what I mean? But she's not bothered.
529
00:28:12,034 --> 00:28:13,434
But then we've come in this morning
and no staples.
530
00:28:13,674 --> 00:28:14,394
But then we've come in this morning
and no staples. No staples.
531
00:28:14,554 --> 00:28:16,474
I can't get on without,
do you know what I mean?
532
00:28:16,634 --> 00:28:19,394
It's like she doesn't listen to me
because I'm just a secretary.
533
00:28:19,554 --> 00:28:22,314
But I said to her, Janet, I'm doing
as much as PA's are, you know
534
00:28:22,474 --> 00:28:23,474
and if this were my business
535
00:28:23,794 --> 00:28:25,874
I wouldn't let you run out of simple
things like staples.
536
00:28:26,034 --> 00:28:27,714
Bloody staples and everything.
For fuck's sake.
537
00:28:27,874 --> 00:28:28,754
I'm sorry.
538
00:28:28,914 --> 00:28:29,314
It's all right.
539
00:28:29,474 --> 00:28:30,674
It's all right. I'm sorry.
Hello, Ritchey-Roo.
540
00:28:30,834 --> 00:28:32,834
Hiya, sweet. Are you all right?
541
00:28:33,194 --> 00:28:35,474
Yeah, I'm fine, are you all right?
Did you have a good day?
542
00:28:35,634 --> 00:28:39,074
Knackered, yeah. I was falling
asleep, had a right busy one, yeah.
543
00:28:39,234 --> 00:28:41,313
You not getting
out of your work stuff?
544
00:28:41,674 --> 00:28:43,594
I were half way there
and I fell asleep.
545
00:28:43,754 --> 00:28:44,674
Your mum is doing us
that special tea tonight.
546
00:28:44,834 --> 00:28:47,594
Your mum is doing us that special tea tonight. Yeah, I
know. I'm right looking forward to that. Be good, won't it?
547
00:28:47,754 --> 00:28:48,634
Me, too.
548
00:28:48,794 --> 00:28:51,274
Got a fit of the community
spirits have you?
549
00:28:51,434 --> 00:28:53,474
You always were such a family
person, weren't you?
550
00:28:53,994 --> 00:28:57,993
'Must be the time of year, eh?
Feeling maternal? Well, I'm shocked.
551
00:28:59,394 --> 00:29:02,314
'I'm sorry. I would have thought
you'd be the one person in the world
552
00:29:02,474 --> 00:29:05,874
'who would be happy to see me
banged up.
553
00:29:06,034 --> 00:29:10,033
'Best Christmas I've ever had,
Denis. Best present.'
554
00:29:44,034 --> 00:29:46,514
Ah, Sir Laurence Oliver himself!
555
00:29:46,674 --> 00:29:50,673
Well, David Dean, we are absolutely
delighted to meet you.
556
00:29:51,314 --> 00:29:55,313
Fay has told me all about you.
I kneel before you!
557
00:29:56,194 --> 00:29:58,154
And all the rest of it.
558
00:29:58,314 --> 00:30:00,033
My mam told me to bring some beer.
559
00:30:00,554 --> 00:30:03,114
Extremely kind of you.
What have we got here?
560
00:30:03,274 --> 00:30:06,954
Oh, I say, Haymers Best Bitter, now,
that looks absolutely sensational.
561
00:30:09,994 --> 00:30:12,194
Well, we shall participate in these
with delight.
562
00:30:12,594 --> 00:30:13,914
Why don't you pop through.
563
00:30:14,314 --> 00:30:18,313
We are just about to start
our Christmas comestible tray.
564
00:30:20,114 --> 00:30:23,354
One, two, two sibilance,
sibilance, are we good?
565
00:30:26,194 --> 00:30:27,515
Hello, everybody!
566
00:30:28,834 --> 00:30:30,713
I said, hello, everybody!
567
00:30:32,234 --> 00:30:35,434
Now, listen.
This hat is only half full.
568
00:30:35,594 --> 00:30:38,154
So all of you that haven't,
make sure you do.
569
00:30:38,314 --> 00:30:40,673
And I'm going to kick off tonight,
are you ready?
570
00:30:48,994 --> 00:30:51,833
I've got it. I've got it!
571
00:31:00,354 --> 00:31:02,073
Come on, Trudes.
572
00:31:27,954 --> 00:31:29,404
I'm talking to you!
573
00:31:58,274 --> 00:32:02,273
Right, a Quadra tray of Christmas
treats. There we go.
574
00:32:04,554 --> 00:32:07,514
So we have here,
we have some mince pies for after.
575
00:32:08,114 --> 00:32:11,674
We have Mrs Dean's sweet trolley
and some savouries.
576
00:32:11,834 --> 00:32:14,514
So why don't you tuck into those -
some pretzels and peanuts
577
00:32:14,874 --> 00:32:17,154
and these...
Yes, just put that there.
578
00:32:17,314 --> 00:32:21,313
Yes, help yourself
and why don't we do one of these.
579
00:32:23,394 --> 00:32:26,074
Here we go. Happy Christmas.
580
00:32:26,234 --> 00:32:27,594
Happy Christmas.
581
00:32:27,754 --> 00:32:28,834
Happy Christmas.
582
00:32:28,994 --> 00:32:30,894
Lovely.
583
00:32:31,394 --> 00:32:34,233
Absolutely splendid.
584
00:32:34,514 --> 00:32:37,954
Are these, like, funny grapes?
585
00:32:38,114 --> 00:32:38,514
Which ones?
586
00:32:38,674 --> 00:32:39,594
Which ones?
Are they not like grapes?
587
00:32:39,754 --> 00:32:42,674
Gosh, no, no, no, these are olives.
Have you not had an olive before?
588
00:32:42,834 --> 00:32:45,354
Well, OK, let me
just demonstrate to you.
589
00:32:45,514 --> 00:32:49,513
These are a, let me just...
590
00:32:50,794 --> 00:32:52,394
Here we go. Excuse me.
591
00:32:52,554 --> 00:32:53,714
Do you see that?
592
00:32:53,874 --> 00:32:57,474
It's a stone and it's a dangerous
beast because I remember shattering
593
00:32:57,914 --> 00:33:01,594
a wisdom tooth when I was much
younger, when I bit down on this.
594
00:33:01,754 --> 00:33:02,634
Crikes.
595
00:33:02,874 --> 00:33:04,674
Have they got a stone in?
596
00:33:04,834 --> 00:33:07,514
And if you are not careful. They look
delightful, they look very inviting
597
00:33:07,674 --> 00:33:09,554
but if you just throw it in.
598
00:33:09,994 --> 00:33:13,074
Crack! It can be a rather
unpleasant surprise so one...
599
00:33:13,434 --> 00:33:15,714
Just give it a go.
600
00:33:15,874 --> 00:33:17,834
It's good isn't it? Nice?
601
00:33:17,994 --> 00:33:21,394
Tell you what, what I'll do
for you is take one of these,
602
00:33:22,314 --> 00:33:24,833
just excuse my fingers.
603
00:33:25,114 --> 00:33:27,594
There we are.
I'll give you a little in-tray.
604
00:33:27,994 --> 00:33:31,753
One, two, excuse fingers, three,
excuse fingers, four,
605
00:33:32,234 --> 00:33:33,874
excuse fingers five.
606
00:33:34,034 --> 00:33:34,914
Dad, he can get his own olives.
607
00:33:35,074 --> 00:33:38,514
It's all right, my little darling
gosling. Five little Christmas olives.
608
00:33:38,674 --> 00:33:41,154
I'm going to help myself
to some pretzels.
609
00:33:41,314 --> 00:33:43,194
These are very nice.
610
00:33:43,354 --> 00:33:44,473
There we go.
611
00:33:45,034 --> 00:33:48,473
So tell me how did you
get into the world of acting?
612
00:33:49,834 --> 00:33:51,794
I dunno, really.
613
00:33:51,954 --> 00:33:53,114
The girls.
614
00:33:53,594 --> 00:33:57,593
Ah, the girls, yes.
615
00:34:10,194 --> 00:34:11,274
Hello. Ey up, Trev.
616
00:34:11,434 --> 00:34:12,994
Room for a little one?
617
00:34:13,154 --> 00:34:14,674
Yeah, God, come in.
618
00:34:14,834 --> 00:34:15,474
Are you all right?
619
00:34:15,634 --> 00:34:19,633
Are you all right? Yeah. It's cold
620
00:34:22,274 --> 00:34:24,273
I'm just watching
Eastenders Chrimbo spesh.
621
00:34:25,874 --> 00:34:27,233
It's fucking depressing.
622
00:34:27,794 --> 00:34:29,393
What a night.
623
00:34:30,794 --> 00:34:32,694
Cheers.
624
00:34:39,434 --> 00:34:41,674
So how come you're not
at the karaoke?
625
00:34:41,834 --> 00:34:43,634
Fuck that. I'm not singing.
626
00:34:43,794 --> 00:34:46,874
No, I don't blame you. It's shit.
627
00:34:47,034 --> 00:34:48,954
Is Kel all right?
628
00:34:49,234 --> 00:34:50,873
Yeah, you know,
she'll be pissed by now.
629
00:34:54,994 --> 00:34:57,594
You all right?
630
00:35:07,434 --> 00:35:09,914
So, have you met her yet?
631
00:35:10,074 --> 00:35:11,154
Who?
632
00:35:11,314 --> 00:35:13,314
Woody's new bird.
633
00:35:13,474 --> 00:35:17,473
No. Gadget has,
says she's quite nice and posh.
634
00:35:19,114 --> 00:35:23,113
I'm sorry. She's a...
She's a fat pig.
635
00:35:25,554 --> 00:35:28,314
Don't be daft,
you don't need to say that.
636
00:35:28,474 --> 00:35:30,074
He deserves to be happy.
637
00:35:32,594 --> 00:35:36,593
You've done me, Mum, I can't
finish it. I can't believe it!
638
00:35:37,434 --> 00:35:41,274
Me, too! That was absolutely
delicious, Barbara.
639
00:35:41,434 --> 00:35:41,914
Was it all right?
640
00:35:42,074 --> 00:35:42,714
Was it all right?
Out of this world, yeah.
641
00:35:42,874 --> 00:35:44,314
Was it all right? Out of this world,
yeah. That were brilliant.
642
00:35:44,474 --> 00:35:45,954
That was restaurant quality,
was that.
643
00:35:46,194 --> 00:35:50,113
Give over you.
And you can stop it an' all.
644
00:35:50,314 --> 00:35:54,313
It's Delia's recipe
I just did what she told me.
645
00:35:54,474 --> 00:35:58,473
Right. I'm just going to...
646
00:35:59,874 --> 00:36:03,234
I'd just like to say a few words.
647
00:36:03,394 --> 00:36:04,394
Oh, don't!
648
00:36:04,554 --> 00:36:08,553
He's not one for fuss, is our
Richard, so I'll keep it short.
649
00:36:14,034 --> 00:36:16,513
Oh! Shit the bed.
That were wonderful.
650
00:36:16,954 --> 00:36:19,354
I'm sorry, lad. You're going
to have to hear me out this time.
651
00:36:19,514 --> 00:36:20,994
All right.
652
00:36:21,154 --> 00:36:25,153
You have been to hell and back
this last 18 months.
653
00:36:25,714 --> 00:36:29,434
You've had a rough time.
654
00:36:29,714 --> 00:36:33,593
But me and your mum have been
very worried about...
655
00:36:33,914 --> 00:36:37,913
Are you all right, Dad?
656
00:36:42,234 --> 00:36:45,793
Both me and your mum thought
you might never get over what
657
00:36:46,674 --> 00:36:49,194
Lorraine and Michael did to you.
658
00:36:49,354 --> 00:36:53,353
But as they say,
every cloud has a silver lining...
659
00:36:56,274 --> 00:37:00,273
..and you have found yours
in the wonderful Jennifer.
660
00:37:01,914 --> 00:37:03,714
Now, don't get me wrong, Son.
661
00:37:03,874 --> 00:37:07,873
We've liked every girl
you've bought home,
662
00:37:08,154 --> 00:37:12,153
but we've never really loved one
until now.
663
00:37:18,674 --> 00:37:22,394
..we thought we may never see
our Richard smile again,
664
00:37:22,554 --> 00:37:26,553
but you came into his life
and a miracle happened.
665
00:37:31,354 --> 00:37:33,254
It did.
666
00:37:35,274 --> 00:37:37,194
That were really nice, that, Dad.
Are you finished?
667
00:37:37,554 --> 00:37:38,634
That was it, wasn't it? Cheers.
668
00:37:38,874 --> 00:37:38,914
Cheers.
669
00:37:39,074 --> 00:37:42,674
Cheers. That were really lovely that
and I know it weren't easy neither.
670
00:37:42,834 --> 00:37:44,514
Thank you. You know I love you,
don't you?
671
00:37:44,674 --> 00:37:45,154
You're a great lad.
672
00:37:45,314 --> 00:37:47,114
You're a great lad.
You're a great dad, I'm very lucky.
673
00:37:47,274 --> 00:37:50,114
Very lucky to have such a wonderful
family around me, an' all.
674
00:37:50,354 --> 00:37:53,834
And I loves you all, I really mean
that. Oh, we are doing this, are we?
675
00:37:53,994 --> 00:37:55,694
Hands.
676
00:37:56,874 --> 00:38:00,473
That were lovely that,
Pop, thank you.
677
00:38:08,234 --> 00:38:12,033
?20! Oh, how small my poor
little earnings will look!
678
00:38:13,354 --> 00:38:16,474
I was so proud of them, too.
679
00:38:16,634 --> 00:38:20,633
Well, keep 'em, May, to buy your....
680
00:38:24,314 --> 00:38:26,114
Wedding gown.
681
00:38:26,274 --> 00:38:30,273
For God's sake! What if I forget
all these lines tomorrow night.
682
00:38:31,514 --> 00:38:32,434
You won't.
683
00:38:32,594 --> 00:38:34,914
Well, if I'm forgetting them now,
I'm not going to remember them
684
00:38:35,074 --> 00:38:36,594
on the stage when I'm dead nervous.
685
00:38:36,754 --> 00:38:40,394
This is our big scene. Just remember
you're coming back from prison
686
00:38:40,554 --> 00:38:43,834
and you are going to ask me to marry
you. That's what the scene's about.
687
00:38:44,234 --> 00:38:47,993
Just think, I'm going to ask her
to marry me and it'll just happen.
688
00:38:49,434 --> 00:38:53,433
Shall we do it again?
689
00:38:58,714 --> 00:39:02,713
?20! Oh, how small my poor
little earnings will look!
690
00:39:04,354 --> 00:39:06,394
I was so proud of them, too
691
00:39:06,554 --> 00:39:10,553
Well, keep 'em, May,
keep 'em to buy your wedding gown.
692
00:39:11,994 --> 00:39:13,874
My wedding gown?
693
00:39:14,034 --> 00:39:18,033
That's if you'll have me.
694
00:39:57,514 --> 00:40:00,014
I'm sorry.
695
00:40:01,634 --> 00:40:02,634
I'm really sorry.
696
00:40:02,794 --> 00:40:06,793
It was me as well.
697
00:40:09,434 --> 00:40:11,354
Look, maybe it's
just cos of the play,
698
00:40:11,514 --> 00:40:15,513
we've been spending
loads of time together.
699
00:40:16,794 --> 00:40:18,294
Faye.
700
00:40:19,954 --> 00:40:22,394
I really, really like you.
701
00:40:22,914 --> 00:40:26,913
I like you as well.
702
00:40:27,074 --> 00:40:31,073
You've got a girlfriend, Shaun.
703
00:40:34,954 --> 00:40:38,833
What if I didn't have a girlfriend.
704
00:40:39,154 --> 00:40:42,054
I don't know
705
00:41:28,743 --> 00:41:29,463
Box. >
706
00:41:29,623 --> 00:41:30,823
Box. > No!
707
00:41:30,983 --> 00:41:31,943
Television. >
708
00:41:32,183 --> 00:41:33,703
Oh, television!
709
00:41:33,863 --> 00:41:36,763
Three words.
710
00:41:37,863 --> 00:41:40,763
Second word.
711
00:41:41,263 --> 00:41:43,163
Hammer.
712
00:41:44,543 --> 00:41:46,303
BOTH: Screwdriver.
713
00:41:46,583 --> 00:41:48,102
Er, round.
Round?
714
00:41:50,543 --> 00:41:54,542
BOTH: Sounds like...
715
00:41:55,023 --> 00:41:58,703
Six! Sounds like "six". Six, OK.
716
00:41:58,863 --> 00:42:00,023
Fix!
717
00:42:01,903 --> 00:42:03,863
What the hell's going on in here?
718
00:42:04,023 --> 00:42:06,903
Where are you going?
719
00:42:07,303 --> 00:42:08,782
Getting fired out of a cannon!
720
00:42:09,183 --> 00:42:10,383
What's going on, son?
721
00:42:10,543 --> 00:42:13,382
I've gotta go t'work, Dad.
I've gotta...
722
00:42:14,703 --> 00:42:15,743
(ALL EXCLAIM) No, just seriously.
723
00:42:15,903 --> 00:42:18,943
Squires has asked me to do a fax.
It's gotta be in tonight. I've...
724
00:42:19,463 --> 00:42:21,503
I've just put the bolt on, son.
725
00:42:21,663 --> 00:42:24,142
I know the bolt's on, Dad. I'll
just take the bloody bolt off.
726
00:42:24,503 --> 00:42:27,063
But I've gotta do it.
I've got a big job here...
727
00:42:27,223 --> 00:42:29,303
Just sit down and stay for this one.
728
00:42:29,583 --> 00:42:32,423
Piggin' hell! I'm not sitting down.
Have you got any words?
729
00:42:32,583 --> 00:42:34,423
Yeah!
We've got the second word - fix.
730
00:42:34,783 --> 00:42:38,083
Er, fix? Er...
731
00:42:38,663 --> 00:42:40,783
Er, Jim'll Fix It? Is it?
732
00:42:40,943 --> 00:42:44,903
Is it Jim'll...? It is Jim...
I'll see you in a bit. Brilliant!
733
00:43:48,423 --> 00:43:49,943
I've got a four.
734
00:43:50,103 --> 00:43:51,783
I can see your cards.
735
00:43:51,943 --> 00:43:53,262
Well, don't look, then!
736
00:43:53,663 --> 00:43:55,063
I'd put your ace down, if I was you.
737
00:43:55,223 --> 00:43:56,542
Oh, really?
738
00:44:01,143 --> 00:44:02,822
I'm just saying.
739
00:44:04,623 --> 00:44:06,663
There's so much shit.
740
00:44:06,823 --> 00:44:09,303
Yeah, but I'm gripped...
741
00:44:09,463 --> 00:44:13,462
For all the wrong reasons.
742
00:44:14,583 --> 00:44:17,582
Are you putting an ace on a four?
Are you joking me?
743
00:44:17,863 --> 00:44:20,662
When you've got a four,
a six and a queen...
744
00:45:31,423 --> 00:45:32,983
Arsehole.
745
00:45:33,143 --> 00:45:36,043
Fuck's sake.
746
00:45:49,423 --> 00:45:51,703
So I'll, er...see you tomorrow, yeah?
747
00:45:51,863 --> 00:45:54,183
Yeah. See you tomorrow.
748
00:45:54,343 --> 00:45:57,743
Break a leg,
or whatever it is they say.
749
00:46:00,423 --> 00:46:03,723
See you.
Bye.
750
00:47:47,343 --> 00:47:51,342
(You've been a bad girl.)
751
00:47:52,383 --> 00:47:56,382
(You've been a bad girl.)
752
00:47:58,503 --> 00:47:59,943
(You've been a bad girl.)
753
00:48:00,503 --> 00:48:02,423
This isn't real.
754
00:48:02,583 --> 00:48:06,223
This isn't happening.
755
00:48:06,383 --> 00:48:08,063
(Bad girl.)
756
00:48:08,223 --> 00:48:11,123
It'll be OK.
57280
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