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00:00:02,588 --> 00:00:05,470
*THE
SIMPSONS*
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00:00:05,555 --> 00:00:07,142
*THE SIMPSONS*
Season 32 Episode 22
3
00:00:07,226 --> 00:00:08,713
Episode Title: "The Last Barfighter"
Aired on: May 23, 2021.
4
00:00:14,059 --> 00:00:16,023
Welcome back, sir.
5
00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:25,540
Oh, Artemis,
6
00:00:25,624 --> 00:00:27,680
you wouldn't believe
what my customers
7
00:00:27,764 --> 00:00:29,212
unloaded on me tonight.
8
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:31,681
Crappy marriages,
crappy jobs,
9
00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,081
crappy sports teams.
10
00:00:34,165 --> 00:00:35,867
My ears are killin' me.
11
00:00:35,951 --> 00:00:38,044
That's why the Confidential
is here,
12
00:00:38,128 --> 00:00:39,523
to share your burden.
13
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,132
Just give me the usual,
huh?
14
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:44,273
As if we served
anything else.
15
00:00:50,186 --> 00:00:51,328
To the Confidential,
16
00:00:51,412 --> 00:00:54,234
the one bar where they listen
to the listeners.
17
00:00:57,147 --> 00:00:59,524
Come on. We got to get a seat
in the front row.
18
00:00:59,608 --> 00:01:02,903
If anything flies off the stage,
I want to be in the Stain Zone.
19
00:01:03,579 --> 00:01:05,438
I'm sorry, Krusty,
but there's no way
20
00:01:05,522 --> 00:01:08,450
we can seat this audience until
we round up all the escaped,
21
00:01:08,534 --> 00:01:10,669
uh, you-know-whats.
22
00:01:13,755 --> 00:01:16,166
Tough luck, kids.
The show's canceled.
23
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:19,843
I'm going down to the deli
to drown my sorrows in tongue.
24
00:01:23,524 --> 00:01:26,286
What about this upside-down
exclamation mark show?
25
00:01:26,370 --> 00:01:28,523
Upside down is funny.
26
00:01:30,140 --> 00:01:32,399
- Playing "Flight - of the Bumblebee"...- Desde Downtown Springfield,
27
00:01:32,483 --> 00:01:35,210
es ¡Noches con Abejorrito!
28
00:01:35,294 --> 00:01:38,132
¡Y ahora El Hombre Abejorro!
29
00:01:41,108 --> 00:01:44,406
¡No se duerman,
o les voy a picar!
30
00:01:45,999 --> 00:01:48,416
Milhouse, you know Spanish.
What did he say?
31
00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:50,594
Oh, it's a cultural thing.
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00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:53,742
You wouldn't get it.
Estúpido.
33
00:01:54,006 --> 00:01:57,476
Y luego, había un escorpión
en mis pantalones.
34
00:01:58,530 --> 00:02:00,062
Pantalones.
35
00:02:02,306 --> 00:02:04,494
¡Una visita de mi primito!
36
00:02:04,578 --> 00:02:07,964
Eso significa
que es tiempo de jugar...
37
00:02:08,070 --> 00:02:11,140
¡No... Te... 'splotes!
38
00:02:11,224 --> 00:02:13,656
Presentado
por la Monja Humilde,
39
00:02:13,740 --> 00:02:15,791
la horchata más divina.
40
00:02:15,928 --> 00:02:19,247
Hermanas,
traigame unos concursantes.
41
00:02:21,764 --> 00:02:23,582
¡Ay, caramba!
42
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:28,473
It's a game. They fill
your mouth with horchata,
43
00:02:28,557 --> 00:02:31,012
and if you don't laugh,
you win a prize!
44
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:35,839
¡O, Bebito Abuelito!
45
00:02:39,308 --> 00:02:43,704
¿Cuáles son las vacas
más perezosas?
46
00:02:43,902 --> 00:02:46,458
¡Las vacaciones!
47
00:02:49,375 --> 00:02:51,411
¡Nuestro ganador!
48
00:02:55,427 --> 00:02:57,364
Pick your prize!
49
00:03:08,154 --> 00:03:12,381
Grandpa Baby, this is the
easiest choice I've ever made.
50
00:03:12,465 --> 00:03:15,269
Look what I won
on Spanish Krusty!
51
00:03:16,839 --> 00:03:18,064
Oh, my God.
52
00:03:18,148 --> 00:03:20,286
That is not
just any crystal skull.
53
00:03:20,370 --> 00:03:21,833
It's Calavera Gritando!
54
00:03:21,917 --> 00:03:23,687
That tequila's so authentic
55
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:25,580
that it inspired
George Clooney
56
00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:28,424
to make his own
semi-authentic tequila.
57
00:03:28,508 --> 00:03:30,342
Wait, my skull is
full of booze?
58
00:03:30,426 --> 00:03:32,445
That's why
it has a screw cap.
59
00:03:32,529 --> 00:03:33,786
Bart, you've got
to give it to me.
60
00:03:33,870 --> 00:03:36,193
I've always wanted to drink
something fancy enough
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00:03:36,277 --> 00:03:38,517
to come in a bottle
that doesn't look like a bottle.
62
00:03:38,601 --> 00:03:40,784
Nah.
I think I'm gonna save it.
63
00:03:40,868 --> 00:03:41,887
For high school.
64
00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:42,831
Come on. Gimme that!
65
00:03:42,915 --> 00:03:45,162
Bart won that skull
full of tequila.
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00:03:45,246 --> 00:03:47,336
He can do
whatever he wants with it,
67
00:03:47,425 --> 00:03:48,937
except drink the tequila.
68
00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:51,173
Sorry, Homer.
Game, set, skull.
69
00:04:02,669 --> 00:04:04,403
Huh?
70
00:04:05,043 --> 00:04:07,213
Coming up
now, we got a special dedication
71
00:04:07,297 --> 00:04:09,715
to Homer S. from his son Bart.
72
00:04:12,308 --> 00:04:14,687
I like how there are no lyrics
to upset me.
73
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,152
♪ Tequila. ♪
74
00:04:21,236 --> 00:04:23,270
D'oh!
75
00:04:25,746 --> 00:04:27,520
Isn't that your dad?
76
00:04:27,660 --> 00:04:29,036
No.
77
00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:35,841
Speaking Spanish...
78
00:04:37,722 --> 00:04:39,123
I may not speak Spanish,
79
00:04:39,207 --> 00:04:42,856
but I know when an imaginary
talking skull is mocking me.
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00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,059
Gentlemen,
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00:05:01,143 --> 00:05:04,848
I give you Calavera Gritando!
82
00:05:06,373 --> 00:05:08,107
Whoa, a crystal skull.
83
00:05:08,191 --> 00:05:10,609
Like from my least favorite
Indiana Jones movie
84
00:05:10,693 --> 00:05:13,337
and most favorite
Shia LaBeouf movie.
85
00:05:13,844 --> 00:05:15,281
Okay, this booze is so classy,
86
00:05:15,365 --> 00:05:16,805
I'm finally breaking out
87
00:05:16,889 --> 00:05:19,799
my commemorative Iran
hostage crisis shot glasses.
88
00:05:20,703 --> 00:05:22,213
Look at these guys.
89
00:05:22,297 --> 00:05:24,098
Now, those were hostages.
90
00:05:27,071 --> 00:05:30,439
Hey, Moe, why don't you pour
yourself one for a change?
91
00:05:30,570 --> 00:05:32,681
Me?
Nah, nah, that's okay.
92
00:05:32,829 --> 00:05:35,485
The pouring
is enough of a thrill.
93
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:38,212
Come on. You're
always on that side of the bar.
94
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,806
At least come over here
and take a load off.
95
00:05:40,890 --> 00:05:43,909
Well, maybe it
wouldn't hurt none.
96
00:05:45,728 --> 00:05:47,163
So this is sittin'.
97
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:49,248
You know, Moe, all these years,
98
00:05:49,332 --> 00:05:50,558
we've never seen you drink.
99
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,010
Well, you know, a bartender
100
00:05:52,094 --> 00:05:53,578
ain't supposed to drink
with his regulars.
101
00:05:53,662 --> 00:05:54,912
It's frowned upon.
102
00:05:54,996 --> 00:05:56,120
By whom?
103
00:05:56,204 --> 00:05:57,815
Not some secret society
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00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,567
that I go to every night
after closing time,
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00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,112
if that's what you're thinking.
106
00:06:01,196 --> 00:06:03,837
Look, I'm just the schlub
that pours the booze.
107
00:06:03,921 --> 00:06:04,940
That's all.
108
00:06:05,024 --> 00:06:07,698
Moe, you're not just
our bartender.
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00:06:07,782 --> 00:06:09,686
You're our friend.
110
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,666
Friend? You mean that?
111
00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:15,082
Well, maybe it's just
my relaxed butt cheeks talking,
112
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:17,112
but, uh, down the hatch!
113
00:06:17,196 --> 00:06:18,753
Woof.
114
00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:21,534
I haven't had anything
this expensive in my mouth
115
00:06:21,618 --> 00:06:23,299
since my dad's gun.
116
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,202
Yeah. Go, Moe.
117
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:27,571
- Go, Moe.
- Now you got it.
118
00:06:38,211 --> 00:06:41,425
I think you're pretty cool, too,
skull.
119
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:49,987
Oh, my head.
120
00:06:50,071 --> 00:06:52,061
Oh, what a hangover.
121
00:06:54,382 --> 00:06:57,111
Ah, that's actually
a little better.
122
00:06:58,485 --> 00:06:59,862
Hmm.
123
00:07:00,156 --> 00:07:01,315
Oh, no.
124
00:07:01,399 --> 00:07:04,565
Oh, no! Last night's
all coming back to me.
125
00:07:04,649 --> 00:07:06,884
"Tequila" playing...
126
00:07:12,243 --> 00:07:14,034
- Whoa! Yeah!
- Yay!
127
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:23,643
Let's go show the world
how much fun it is
128
00:07:23,727 --> 00:07:26,362
when drunk guys do stuff
in public!
129
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,880
Baba-boo!
130
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,440
Excuse me, could you move?
131
00:07:50,524 --> 00:07:52,932
My husband and I would like
to sit on this bench
132
00:07:53,016 --> 00:07:56,221
and comment on how the elephant
seals are "living the life."
133
00:07:56,305 --> 00:07:58,893
It's the only joke
in our entire marriage.
134
00:07:58,977 --> 00:08:01,284
Oh, that's not what I hear.
135
00:08:01,368 --> 00:08:03,174
The real joke is that you two
136
00:08:03,258 --> 00:08:05,963
haven't pushed
the ole twin beds together
137
00:08:06,047 --> 00:08:07,713
since before the election.
138
00:08:07,797 --> 00:08:08,879
Of Obama.
139
00:08:08,963 --> 00:08:10,416
To the Senate!
140
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:14,268
How'd you know
about their sexless marriage?
141
00:08:14,352 --> 00:08:17,296
Oh, Mrs. Lovejoy blabbed
about it to her bartender,
142
00:08:17,380 --> 00:08:18,807
who then told me.
143
00:08:18,891 --> 00:08:21,143
Hey, wait,
you bartenders tell each other
144
00:08:21,227 --> 00:08:23,838
the stuff we say
in drunken confidence?
145
00:08:23,922 --> 00:08:25,408
Oh, we sure do.
146
00:08:25,492 --> 00:08:26,892
Look what else I know.
147
00:08:27,899 --> 00:08:30,786
You file your taxes
as one person.
148
00:08:30,883 --> 00:08:34,892
You sell all your pets
each time you go on vacation.
149
00:08:34,976 --> 00:08:36,737
Hey, you're two-timing us
150
00:08:36,821 --> 00:08:39,221
by also being the mayor
of another town.
151
00:08:39,305 --> 00:08:42,213
I swear,
Greenview means nothing to me.
152
00:08:42,297 --> 00:08:44,432
Hey, I love hot goss
as much as the next guy,
153
00:08:44,516 --> 00:08:46,284
but maybe
you shouldn't be spilling
154
00:08:46,368 --> 00:08:48,338
- people's secrets.
- Secrets.
155
00:08:48,422 --> 00:08:51,239
You mean like you not asking
anyone out on a date in years
156
00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:54,971
because you're ashamed
of your wet spaghetti arms?
157
00:08:55,055 --> 00:08:57,315
What woman
could feel held by these?
158
00:08:57,399 --> 00:09:01,455
Or how you keep yammering about
your million-dollar invention?
159
00:09:01,539 --> 00:09:03,901
File the patent already,
you coward.
160
00:09:03,985 --> 00:09:05,752
Or how 'bout Barney over here?
161
00:09:05,836 --> 00:09:09,346
Always going on about how
much you love your mother,
162
00:09:09,430 --> 00:09:11,682
but you haven't visited her
in years.
163
00:09:11,766 --> 00:09:14,268
She still thinks
I work at Autozone.
164
00:09:14,539 --> 00:09:19,061
I can't tell her they fired me
for huffing floormat cleaner!
165
00:09:20,688 --> 00:09:25,190
Moe, you've officially gone
from fun drunk to mean drunk.
166
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:26,791
You judging me?
167
00:09:26,875 --> 00:09:28,885
You're the one who said
you're so scared
168
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:30,721
of being a lousy father
and husband
169
00:09:30,805 --> 00:09:32,596
that you hide out at the bar
170
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:35,259
instead of going home
and actually tryin'.
171
00:09:39,102 --> 00:09:41,096
You're worse than
a mean drunk.
172
00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:43,065
You're an honest drunk!
173
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:45,494
No!
You guys are the drunks.
174
00:09:45,578 --> 00:09:48,170
I am just wasted.
175
00:09:48,446 --> 00:09:50,030
Baba-boo.
176
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:53,705
Okay, Moe.
177
00:09:53,789 --> 00:09:56,276
You did what no bartender
ever should've done.
178
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:59,272
But maybe, just maybe,
they won't find out.
179
00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:04,070
The Confidential.
180
00:10:04,154 --> 00:10:05,229
They found out.
181
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,994
All right there, Kristof.
182
00:10:07,078 --> 00:10:09,463
Time for me to answer
for my sins.
183
00:10:09,547 --> 00:10:11,410
Lead the way.
184
00:10:11,494 --> 00:10:14,138
Frickin' Kristof.
185
00:10:15,083 --> 00:10:17,572
Yeah, so, I, uh...
I got your rat.
186
00:10:18,071 --> 00:10:20,352
Look, I know I screwed up,
but that...
187
00:10:22,757 --> 00:10:24,580
Since time immemorial,
188
00:10:24,664 --> 00:10:27,448
bartenders have been
the cornerstone of civilization,
189
00:10:27,532 --> 00:10:29,479
an eternal guild of listeners.
190
00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:31,627
And so a paradox:
191
00:10:31,711 --> 00:10:34,690
for to whom could bartendersconfide their secrets?
192
00:10:34,774 --> 00:10:37,325
Thus was born the Confidential,
193
00:10:37,414 --> 00:10:40,954
a hidden society of those
who listen to the listeners.
194
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:45,018
But this institution
will crumble to dust
195
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:47,315
if we do not obey
its first and only law...
196
00:10:47,399 --> 00:10:50,329
"A bartender keeps his secrets!"
197
00:10:51,758 --> 00:10:54,182
Look, Artemis, I know
I shouldn't have got wasted
198
00:10:54,266 --> 00:10:55,893
and blabbed the unblabbable.
199
00:10:55,977 --> 00:10:57,143
It's just, for once,
200
00:10:57,227 --> 00:10:59,346
I wanted to have a
drink with my friends.
201
00:10:59,430 --> 00:11:01,369
A bartender has no friends!
202
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:04,580
Mr. Szyslak,
your tab is closed.
203
00:11:04,758 --> 00:11:06,440
Surrender your key, sir.
204
00:11:06,524 --> 00:11:08,627
Well, them's the rules, I guess.
205
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:10,284
It was nice being part
of a place
206
00:11:10,368 --> 00:11:12,880
that was bigger than me
and also super weird.
207
00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:14,690
Uh... What the...
208
00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:18,180
The penalty for your offense is
far greater than mere expulsion.
209
00:11:18,264 --> 00:11:21,402
Your friends,
your regulars are to be...
210
00:11:21,586 --> 00:11:22,986
cut off.
211
00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:27,487
Cut off?! No.
No, that's too horrible.
212
00:11:27,571 --> 00:11:29,026
You can't do that to them!
213
00:11:29,110 --> 00:11:31,222
You did this to them.
214
00:11:31,306 --> 00:11:33,558
They have
until the clock strikes...
215
00:11:33,642 --> 00:11:35,228
happy hour.
216
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:39,415
Tick, tock, Mr. Szyslak.
Tick, tock.
217
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:41,792
Guys, you're all in danger!
You...
218
00:11:41,930 --> 00:11:44,517
Oh, sorry. I've never been
in your office before.
219
00:11:44,601 --> 00:11:46,095
Any office,
for that matter.
220
00:11:46,179 --> 00:11:48,816
Yeesh. Now I get why
you all drink so much.
221
00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:50,775
You've got a lot of nerve
coming here,
222
00:11:50,859 --> 00:11:52,784
after what you said last night.
223
00:11:52,868 --> 00:11:55,002
I know, I know,
but this is serious, okay?
224
00:11:55,086 --> 00:11:56,748
Some very scary people
are mad
225
00:11:56,832 --> 00:11:58,955
for all that drunken blabbing
I did,
226
00:11:59,039 --> 00:12:01,135
so you're being... cut off!
227
00:12:01,219 --> 00:12:04,385
So what? You already lost us
as customers.
228
00:12:04,469 --> 00:12:06,609
No, no, you don't get it.
Cut off.
229
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,176
Aah. There isn't much time,
230
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:10,261
but I'm gonna keep
being cagey about it.
231
00:12:10,345 --> 00:12:12,143
Oh, wait a minute.
Where's Barney?
232
00:12:12,227 --> 00:12:13,710
Barney doesn't work here.
233
00:12:13,794 --> 00:12:15,502
Really?
Seems like he would.
234
00:12:15,586 --> 00:12:17,955
Yeah, that would lead
to some good stories, all right.
235
00:12:18,039 --> 00:12:19,938
Hurry, call him. Call him!
236
00:12:20,022 --> 00:12:22,124
Mm. Fine.
237
00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:26,728
Well, if it isn't
the meanest drunk in town.
238
00:12:27,594 --> 00:12:29,002
Barn, it's happy hour.
239
00:12:29,086 --> 00:12:31,377
You got to lock your doors
and windows right away!
240
00:12:31,461 --> 00:12:34,285
During the best time of day
for ocean breezes?
241
00:12:34,369 --> 00:12:36,037
- No dice.
- Look out for - the dapper gentleman!
242
00:12:36,121 --> 00:12:38,877
Ow! Damn vampire bats!
243
00:12:38,961 --> 00:12:40,350
What the hell was that?
244
00:12:40,434 --> 00:12:42,311
He's been injected
with Antibooze...
245
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:46,148
A drug that makes it
so he can never drink again.
246
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:48,772
Antibooze?
That stuff isn't real.
247
00:12:48,856 --> 00:12:51,139
Oh, it's real, and
the side effects are horrible,
248
00:12:51,223 --> 00:12:52,321
unthinkable!
249
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:54,939
It starts with
a skull-splitting headache.
250
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,575
Then you got
your firehose sweating.
251
00:13:04,625 --> 00:13:06,526
Rhinoceros pox.
252
00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:10,540
And finally, hurricane vomiting.
253
00:13:19,410 --> 00:13:21,342
He's been cut off.
254
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,084
And now they're coming for you.
255
00:13:23,168 --> 00:13:26,522
If they catch ya, you can
never touch alcohol again.
256
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,287
No! No!
257
00:13:28,371 --> 00:13:30,675
Wait. What about rum cakes
and other boozy desserts?
258
00:13:30,759 --> 00:13:32,262
Never again.
259
00:13:32,346 --> 00:13:34,656
No!
260
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:55,795
Run faster. Every bartender in
town is coming after youse guys.
261
00:13:55,879 --> 00:13:59,396
All because I couldn't
keep my drunken trap shut!
262
00:14:01,068 --> 00:14:03,873
Well, how many bartenders
could there be in Springfield?
263
00:14:03,957 --> 00:14:07,531
How many people in this town are
miserable at work and at home?
264
00:14:07,615 --> 00:14:09,433
Oh, my God.
265
00:14:29,357 --> 00:14:30,701
You guys, get out of here!
266
00:14:30,785 --> 00:14:33,420
I'll hold 'em off... with this.
267
00:14:47,005 --> 00:14:49,436
Wow. He's like a ninja
with that crotch rag.
268
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,943
That disgusting towel
is a blur!
269
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:04,777
This is no way to live.
270
00:15:04,861 --> 00:15:07,327
Hunted. Hunted like dinosaurs.
271
00:15:07,411 --> 00:15:09,170
What are we
supposed to do now?
272
00:15:09,254 --> 00:15:10,670
If you ever want to drink again,
273
00:15:10,754 --> 00:15:13,366
all you can do is get
on the next bus out of town
274
00:15:13,450 --> 00:15:14,701
and never stop running.
275
00:15:14,785 --> 00:15:16,544
Sounds like a plan.
276
00:15:21,053 --> 00:15:23,591
Speaking German...
277
00:15:26,606 --> 00:15:28,256
Those poor bastards.
278
00:15:28,340 --> 00:15:30,411
I must keen for them.
279
00:15:34,817 --> 00:15:35,895
Forget it, Homer.
280
00:15:35,979 --> 00:15:37,857
They're non-drinkers now.
281
00:15:39,950 --> 00:15:42,405
Marge, pack what you need
and choose one kid.
282
00:15:42,489 --> 00:15:43,974
We're leaving
Springfield forever.
283
00:15:44,058 --> 00:15:45,669
That's ridiculous, Homie.
284
00:15:45,753 --> 00:15:47,905
Look who dropped by
for dinner.
285
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:49,186
Hello, Homer.
286
00:15:49,270 --> 00:15:51,303
Dad, Dr. Hibbert was just
telling us
287
00:15:51,387 --> 00:15:53,410
how he worked his way
through medical school.
288
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:56,350
I think you'd be interested
to hear how I did it.
289
00:15:56,434 --> 00:15:59,230
- I would?
- Bartending.
290
00:16:07,830 --> 00:16:09,864
Who wants mushroom caps?
291
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,767
I'm so sorry, Homer.
292
00:16:12,851 --> 00:16:15,923
And Midge, your husband
can never drink again,
293
00:16:16,007 --> 00:16:18,688
and it's all because of me.
294
00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:25,071
Good morning, family.
295
00:16:25,155 --> 00:16:27,063
Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.
296
00:16:27,147 --> 00:16:30,188
You sure I can't make you
some oatmeal with blueberries?
297
00:16:30,272 --> 00:16:32,704
Not today, honey.
I promised to pick up coffee
298
00:16:32,788 --> 00:16:35,978
for everyone on my team
to celebrate our record numbers.
299
00:16:36,062 --> 00:16:39,407
You are so much more of a
go-getter since your promotion.
300
00:16:39,491 --> 00:16:42,010
I love this new, sober you.
301
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:45,023
And I love
any version of you.
302
00:16:45,124 --> 00:16:46,453
Mmm, mmm.
303
00:16:46,537 --> 00:16:48,946
Get a room!
304
00:16:49,030 --> 00:16:51,759
Bart, I haven't forgotten about
your skateboard competition.
305
00:16:51,843 --> 00:16:53,399
And don't worry, Lisa.
306
00:16:53,483 --> 00:16:55,103
It'll be over in plenty of time
307
00:16:55,187 --> 00:16:57,734
for me to be front
and center at your recital.
308
00:16:57,858 --> 00:16:59,609
Ooh!
309
00:17:02,538 --> 00:17:04,781
Well, off to the salt mines.
310
00:17:09,679 --> 00:17:11,461
Well, this is a coincidence.
311
00:17:11,545 --> 00:17:15,267
I haven't seen you guys
since, uh, you know.
312
00:17:15,351 --> 00:17:18,211
Geez, it would've had
to have been the syringings?
313
00:17:18,468 --> 00:17:21,649
Yeah, finally got in shape.
Not drinking all day every day
314
00:17:21,733 --> 00:17:23,860
really freed up a lot of time
for me to work out.
315
00:17:23,944 --> 00:17:26,052
And as soon as
I filed my patent,
316
00:17:26,136 --> 00:17:27,774
my start-up got funded.
317
00:17:27,858 --> 00:17:31,235
Soon, everyone in America
will have their own personal
318
00:17:31,319 --> 00:17:33,368
body-hair-shaving mini robot.
319
00:17:33,452 --> 00:17:34,962
That's you?
320
00:17:35,046 --> 00:17:37,024
I love my Groomba!
321
00:17:38,913 --> 00:17:41,118
And I got my job back
at Autozone,
322
00:17:41,202 --> 00:17:43,556
so I could finally face my ma.
323
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,898
He holds the big arrow
that says "Autozone."
324
00:17:47,131 --> 00:17:49,454
Yeah, I guess
we're all doing pretty well.
325
00:17:49,538 --> 00:17:50,868
You know who I heard ain't?
326
00:17:50,952 --> 00:17:52,696
A certain bartender.
327
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,898
You won't believe
how low he's sunk.
328
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:57,758
It would be nice
to laugh at someone
329
00:17:57,842 --> 00:17:59,772
living their lowest moment.
330
00:18:04,107 --> 00:18:06,797
I asked for the ham
in my omelet to be diced.
331
00:18:06,881 --> 00:18:08,687
This ham is clearly cubed.
332
00:18:08,771 --> 00:18:11,336
Yes, ma'am.
Uh, right away, ma'am.
333
00:18:11,420 --> 00:18:13,765
You flipped my omelet too high
in the air,
334
00:18:13,849 --> 00:18:15,475
and it got cold on the descent.
335
00:18:15,559 --> 00:18:18,110
My mistake, sir.
I'm sorry, sir.
336
00:18:21,427 --> 00:18:25,124
I wanted to see him low,
but not eggs-on-demand low.
337
00:18:25,218 --> 00:18:29,069
I bet he doesn't even have
a shotgun under that bar.
338
00:18:29,998 --> 00:18:32,976
Get out of here.
You can't see me like this.
339
00:18:33,060 --> 00:18:37,718
Slingin' eggs in a well-lit,
non-dank environment.
340
00:18:42,972 --> 00:18:45,851
I can't believe
I'm saying this.
341
00:18:45,935 --> 00:18:47,312
We're all saying it.
342
00:18:47,396 --> 00:18:49,570
Even though
we can never drink again,
343
00:18:49,654 --> 00:18:52,383
we still want you
as our bartender.
344
00:18:52,467 --> 00:18:54,074
You... you mean it?
345
00:18:54,158 --> 00:18:55,868
- Yeah. - We do.
- Mm-hmm.
346
00:18:56,037 --> 00:19:01,069
From now on, you can spray
your own pans, America! Ha.
347
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,616
There you go, fellas.
Bottoms up.
348
00:19:11,295 --> 00:19:12,951
To Moe, our friend.
349
00:19:13,035 --> 00:19:16,261
Nah, nah, guys.
I'm something better.
350
00:19:16,657 --> 00:19:17,749
Your bartender.
351
00:19:17,833 --> 00:19:19,788
Who knew
you could drink water in a bar?
352
00:19:19,872 --> 00:19:21,648
It's, uh, still watered down.
353
00:19:21,732 --> 00:19:23,913
Good one, Moe.
354
00:19:27,662 --> 00:19:30,562
Well, I have never seen
such a perfect distillation
355
00:19:30,646 --> 00:19:31,781
of the human spirit.
356
00:19:31,865 --> 00:19:35,133
A cocktail of humility
and self-sacrifice
357
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:37,687
with a dash of un-bitters.
358
00:19:38,935 --> 00:19:41,054
Whoa, Artemis.
What are you doing here?
359
00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:44,437
Such loyalty to a bartender
deserves a reward.
360
00:19:44,521 --> 00:19:46,592
The antidote to Antibooze.
361
00:19:49,084 --> 00:19:50,937
Now, think carefully, chaps.
362
00:19:51,021 --> 00:19:55,600
Once injected, you will lose
all the benefits of sobriety.
363
00:20:01,653 --> 00:20:03,263
Go away, Ma.
364
00:20:08,826 --> 00:20:11,212
I'm sorry.
I can't go back.
365
00:20:11,296 --> 00:20:14,258
Sobriety has made me the man
I never thought I'd be.
366
00:20:14,342 --> 00:20:16,639
Now I'm going home
to my family.
367
00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:30,562
Hmm?
368
00:20:51,598 --> 00:20:54,731
Hey, Bart, isn't that
your stupid crystal skull?
369
00:20:54,815 --> 00:20:57,222
Wasn't stupid.
It was my best friend.
370
00:21:02,994 --> 00:21:05,074
Speaking Spanish...
371
00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:19,528
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
372
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,145
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
373
00:21:21,229 --> 00:21:23,165
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
374
00:21:23,249 --> 00:21:26,318
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
375
00:21:26,402 --> 00:21:28,528
Sync corrections by srjanapala
376
00:21:31,568 --> 00:21:33,054
Shh!
28049
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