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1
00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:06,289
Hey, hey, what up, shop?
2
00:00:06,290 --> 00:00:07,667
- Hey.
- What up, Calvin?
3
00:00:07,668 --> 00:00:09,917
Hey, shoppedy-shop,
4
00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,280
can I get a "what-what?"
5
00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:17,049
Sorry, Dave.
6
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:20,750
Looks like the shoppedy-shop
gave you a "nopedy-nope."
7
00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:25,030
Hey, Que, why does Bobby have
a pink chair at his station?
8
00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:27,100
Oh, that's not Bobby's station anymore.
9
00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:28,667
He had to skip town.
10
00:00:28,670 --> 00:00:30,940
Yeah, he sneezed and
accidentally shaved off
11
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:33,280
one of Big Mike's eyebrows.
12
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,020
Man, he didn't even
wait for a "Bless you."
13
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,200
Just dropped the clippers and ran.
14
00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:40,889
Anyway, now that he's gone,
15
00:00:40,890 --> 00:00:42,359
I rented out his station
16
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,409
to a couple of women
who's gonna do nails.
17
00:00:44,410 --> 00:00:46,359
All right.
18
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:49,160
It'll be nice to get some
female energy up in here.
19
00:00:49,170 --> 00:00:51,080
Now Dave doesn't have to feel so alone.
20
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,629
- Pink Ladies in the house!
- Can I get a "what-what?"
21
00:00:56,630 --> 00:00:58,169
What-what?
22
00:00:58,170 --> 00:01:01,459
Oh, no. It's the Pink Ladies.
23
00:01:01,470 --> 00:01:03,160
What are they doing here?
24
00:01:03,180 --> 00:01:05,584
And why did they get a
"what-what" and I didn't?
25
00:01:05,585 --> 00:01:07,699
Do y'all know each other?
26
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:09,949
Unfortunately, yes.
27
00:01:09,950 --> 00:01:13,292
These two buzzards been
circling me since high school.
28
00:01:13,293 --> 00:01:16,539
Hey, Regina, isn't that Calvin Butler?
29
00:01:16,540 --> 00:01:18,170
Couldn't be. That guy's older,
30
00:01:18,180 --> 00:01:19,379
uglier, and has way more hair
31
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:21,990
- coming out of his nose.
- Ha!
32
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,220
No, that's him, all right. You can tell
33
00:01:24,230 --> 00:01:27,580
because he's standing next to
his emotional support dork.
34
00:01:28,970 --> 00:01:30,570
- What's up?
- What's up?
35
00:01:30,580 --> 00:01:32,379
- No, what's up?
- No, what's up with you?
36
00:01:32,380 --> 00:01:34,249
Yeah, looks like I ain't the only one
37
00:01:34,250 --> 00:01:35,750
that got hair coming out their nose.
38
00:01:37,420 --> 00:01:39,290
Regina, hand me that nail file.
39
00:01:39,310 --> 00:01:40,542
I'm about to shank this fool.
40
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:43,042
Oh, uh, C-Calvin, let's get out of here.
41
00:01:43,060 --> 00:01:45,590
No, Dave. The shop is my spot.
42
00:01:45,610 --> 00:01:47,249
If anybody's leaving, it's them.
43
00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:48,330
Oh, no, we're not.
44
00:01:48,350 --> 00:01:49,859
See, Que already cashed our check,
45
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:51,190
so we're here to stay.
46
00:01:51,210 --> 00:01:54,000
That's right, unlike your hairline.
47
00:01:56,910 --> 00:01:58,329
What you laughing at, Trey?
48
00:01:58,330 --> 00:02:00,790
You and your bald head
wish you had my hairline!
49
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:07,330
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
50
00:02:11,730 --> 00:02:13,040
Aah!
51
00:02:13,060 --> 00:02:14,139
I cannot believe
52
00:02:14,140 --> 00:02:16,280
the Pink Ladies are working
at the barbershop.
53
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:18,209
I know. What are we gonna do?
54
00:02:18,210 --> 00:02:19,589
I don't know,
55
00:02:19,590 --> 00:02:21,589
but as long as they're at the shop,
56
00:02:21,590 --> 00:02:23,459
I'm not getting my hair cut there.
57
00:02:23,460 --> 00:02:24,720
Besides...
58
00:02:24,740 --> 00:02:26,159
Me always wanting to know
59
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,459
what I'd look like with them
rude boy dreadlocks, you know.
60
00:02:28,460 --> 00:02:30,417
Calvin,
61
00:02:30,420 --> 00:02:34,040
you can't let them drive you
out of your own barbershop.
62
00:02:34,060 --> 00:02:35,980
And trust me, as someone
who's had dreads,
63
00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:37,170
they're not worth the effort.
64
00:02:39,180 --> 00:02:42,875
You know, if they were dudes,
I'd kick their asses.
65
00:02:42,890 --> 00:02:45,380
But according to their
driver's licenses,
66
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,000
they're technically females.
67
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:49,859
Well, look, if you can't do that,
68
00:02:49,860 --> 00:02:51,625
there's really only one other solution.
69
00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:52,792
What's that?
70
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:54,414
Why don't you take the high road?
71
00:02:54,415 --> 00:02:55,720
What do you mean?
72
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,420
Like a hit-and-run?
73
00:02:59,709 --> 00:03:03,539
No. Uh, you-you try to
make peace with them.
74
00:03:03,540 --> 00:03:05,220
Are you crazy?
75
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:08,870
I'm not making peace with those
two wig-wearing warthogs.
76
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,520
Look, Calvin, you said it yourself...
77
00:03:13,540 --> 00:03:15,289
they're driving you crazy.
78
00:03:15,290 --> 00:03:18,140
And clearly, they're not going anywhere.
79
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,320
But if you go in and
extend an olive branch,
80
00:03:20,340 --> 00:03:22,740
I promise they'll follow your lead.
81
00:03:22,750 --> 00:03:24,450
What makes you so sure?
82
00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:27,250
Well, because mediating conflicts
is what I do for a living.
83
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:29,959
I don't know, man.
84
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,979
Come on, trust me, Calvin.
85
00:03:31,980 --> 00:03:34,590
If you go in there and offer a truce,
86
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,792
everything will be just fine, mon.
87
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:42,119
Wow. In one sentence,
88
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:44,625
you just ruined dreads
and Jamaica for me.
89
00:03:47,450 --> 00:03:49,120
You know, I am so excited
90
00:03:49,140 --> 00:03:51,999
that you and Dave are trying
to have another baby.
91
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,060
I know.
92
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:57,500
We haven't had this much sex since
he shaved off those stupid dreads.
93
00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:02,080
Well, at least someone's
making babies around here.
94
00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:04,440
By the time Malcolm and
Marty give me grandkids,
95
00:04:04,460 --> 00:04:06,459
they'll be changing my diaper, too.
96
00:04:08,140 --> 00:04:10,541
Well, is either one of them
seeing anyone these days?
97
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,600
Well, they're on all those dating apps,
98
00:04:12,630 --> 00:04:15,124
but neither one's had a
girlfriend in a while.
99
00:04:15,125 --> 00:04:18,625
I guess Malcolm's been working
more hours, and Marty's been...
100
00:04:19,540 --> 00:04:20,625
well, Marty.
101
00:04:21,810 --> 00:04:23,150
Oh.
102
00:04:23,170 --> 00:04:25,860
Well, maybe the problem is
their profiles aren't capturing
103
00:04:25,870 --> 00:04:27,875
how amazing they are in real life.
104
00:04:27,890 --> 00:04:30,390
Hmm. I never thought of that.
105
00:04:30,420 --> 00:04:32,779
You know, maybe we should
go online and look.
106
00:04:32,780 --> 00:04:34,770
We can't. You can only search those apps
107
00:04:34,790 --> 00:04:35,999
if you have your own profile.
108
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,949
Well, can't we just make a fake one?
109
00:04:37,950 --> 00:04:41,790
I guess, as long as you
don't think it's wrong.
110
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,110
Oh, it's wrong, but not
as wrong as me laying
111
00:04:44,130 --> 00:04:46,834
on a changing table
next to my grandbabies.
112
00:04:49,430 --> 00:04:51,250
Aha. Look who's back.
113
00:04:51,260 --> 00:04:52,667
You lose something, Calvin?
114
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,530
'Cause if you're looking
for your dignity,
115
00:04:54,550 --> 00:04:56,449
Que already swept the floor.
116
00:04:58,250 --> 00:05:00,166
Look, I didn't come to fight.
117
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,250
I came to end this stupid rivalry.
118
00:05:04,110 --> 00:05:06,169
Look, LaTonya, did
Calvin Butler just say
119
00:05:06,170 --> 00:05:07,667
he wanted to make peace with us?
120
00:05:07,668 --> 00:05:09,590
I think he did.
121
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:12,291
Regina, check the cap on
that nail polish remover.
122
00:05:12,292 --> 00:05:14,042
Those fumes got us trippin'.
123
00:05:15,270 --> 00:05:16,667
Y'all ain't trippin'. All right.
124
00:05:16,668 --> 00:05:19,399
Look, I just figured if we're
gonna be in this shop together,
125
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:24,159
it's time that maybe we took
the high road with each other.
126
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,429
- Hmm.
- I don't think he's playing.
127
00:05:26,430 --> 00:05:28,790
He don't have that usual
stanky-ass look on his face.
128
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,449
I know.
129
00:05:31,450 --> 00:05:33,449
I mean, it's still a little stanky,
130
00:05:33,450 --> 00:05:36,789
- but the ass part just gone.
- Mm-hmm.
131
00:05:36,790 --> 00:05:38,949
All right, I'm serious, guys.
132
00:05:38,950 --> 00:05:40,350
And as a show of good faith,
133
00:05:40,370 --> 00:05:43,190
I want to give you free
tune-ups at my shop.
134
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:45,166
For your cars, not your faces.
135
00:05:46,770 --> 00:05:48,874
I'm sorry. It was right there.
136
00:05:48,875 --> 00:05:51,955
You know what I'm saying?
Like, pop. You know?
137
00:05:51,956 --> 00:05:54,370
- That's pretty big of you, Calvin.
- Mm-hmm.
138
00:05:54,390 --> 00:05:55,990
I'm in.
139
00:05:56,010 --> 00:05:58,039
Okay. Me, too.
140
00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:00,949
And in light of our newfound peace,
141
00:06:00,950 --> 00:06:02,399
we should do something for you.
142
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:03,417
Like what?
143
00:06:03,420 --> 00:06:05,370
- Right.
- How about...
144
00:06:05,390 --> 00:06:07,530
we give you a manicure on the house?
145
00:06:07,540 --> 00:06:09,770
Nah, I don't need all that.
146
00:06:09,790 --> 00:06:11,290
I'm pretty enough.
147
00:06:11,310 --> 00:06:14,010
I got to keep the hands
relatable, you know?
148
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,150
Come on, Calvin.
149
00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:22,009
Look how rough they are from
working in that shop all day.
150
00:06:22,010 --> 00:06:24,270
And now, wouldn't it
be nice for your wife
151
00:06:24,290 --> 00:06:27,959
if you came home with
soft, smooth hands,
152
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:30,869
instead of these dry-ass
catcher's mitts?
153
00:06:30,870 --> 00:06:32,510
Yeah.
154
00:06:32,530 --> 00:06:34,109
- Yeah, you ain't lying about that.
- Mm-hmm.
155
00:06:34,110 --> 00:06:37,050
- Mm-hmm.
- I mean, the last time I gave Tina a back rub,
156
00:06:37,070 --> 00:06:39,120
she did say it felt like
I was scraping her
157
00:06:39,130 --> 00:06:41,209
- with two burnt pieces of toast.
- Oh!
158
00:06:41,210 --> 00:06:43,690
Yeah, exactly. Come on.
159
00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:45,569
Well, you come over here
and sit down and relax...
160
00:06:45,570 --> 00:06:47,820
- All right. All right.
- ... while we take care of you.
161
00:06:47,830 --> 00:06:49,164
Okay. All right now.
162
00:06:49,165 --> 00:06:51,330
Remember, this is for Tina, all right?
163
00:06:52,670 --> 00:06:55,200
- Mm.
- Oh. Oh! Ooh, that feels nice.
164
00:06:55,210 --> 00:06:56,550
That's nice.
165
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,450
Now, uh, don't be afraid
to get up on the neck.
166
00:06:59,470 --> 00:07:01,292
- Yeah. Again, for Tina.
- For Tina.
167
00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:02,959
Mm-hmm.
168
00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:07,509
So, how's our fake account coming along?
169
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,916
Great. Our name is Stacey,
170
00:07:09,917 --> 00:07:13,579
and I just found the perfect
picture for our profile.
171
00:07:13,580 --> 00:07:15,380
Whoa! Whoa.
172
00:07:15,390 --> 00:07:19,820
I don't mean to objectify us,
but damn, we are stacked.
173
00:07:19,830 --> 00:07:21,579
Ooh!
174
00:07:21,580 --> 00:07:24,030
Okay, so, uh, now we can look up Malcolm
175
00:07:24,050 --> 00:07:25,449
and Marty and see what's going on?
176
00:07:25,450 --> 00:07:28,090
Yeah, I'll just set the age range
177
00:07:28,110 --> 00:07:30,970
- to 26 to 32.
- Mm-hmm.
178
00:07:30,990 --> 00:07:34,084
And say we're looking for
someone within a mile radius.
179
00:07:34,090 --> 00:07:36,350
Good idea. With those boobs,
180
00:07:36,370 --> 00:07:39,584
I don't think Stacey can walk
very far without tipping over.
181
00:07:41,970 --> 00:07:44,292
Oh, here's Marty.
182
00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:45,959
Let's see.
183
00:07:45,970 --> 00:07:48,659
Oh, no, no, no!
184
00:07:48,660 --> 00:07:50,390
Why would he pick this photo?
185
00:07:50,410 --> 00:07:52,708
He's wearing a Star Trek uniform!
186
00:07:52,709 --> 00:07:55,909
_
187
00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:58,970
Yeah, he is boldly going
where no woman will ever go.
188
00:08:00,459 --> 00:08:02,125
And he's got a quote from The Hobbit.
189
00:08:02,126 --> 00:08:03,310
What's it say?
190
00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:05,410
I don't know. It's in some
made-up language.
191
00:08:05,430 --> 00:08:07,199
But I'm pretty sure it translates
192
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,120
- into "I ain't getting no grandbabies."
- Oh.
193
00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,909
Oh. Now, hold on. Hold on.
This picture's cute.
194
00:08:14,910 --> 00:08:17,030
Let me see. Oh, yeah.
195
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:19,550
- This one's much better.
- Yeah.
196
00:08:19,570 --> 00:08:22,832
- I'm gonna like it.
- No, no, no! Tina, don't do that.
197
00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:24,770
What? I just pressed the heart
198
00:08:24,790 --> 00:08:26,750
so he knows that someone
thinks it's cute.
199
00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:28,549
Yeah, but now he's
gonna get a notification
200
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,584
that "Stacey" is interested in him.
201
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,410
Okay, I'll just undo
it before he notices.
202
00:08:33,420 --> 00:08:35,660
I mean, it's not like Marty's
sitting by the phone,
203
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,500
waiting for somebody...
204
00:08:39,570 --> 00:08:40,670
Oh, my God.
205
00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:43,750
My little baby just said "Sup?"
206
00:08:46,590 --> 00:08:48,869
Calvin? Calvin!
207
00:08:48,870 --> 00:08:52,700
Tina, let me rest, baby.
I'm not a machine.
208
00:08:55,690 --> 00:08:58,329
No, Calvin, it's us.
209
00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,700
We're done.
210
00:08:59,710 --> 00:09:02,390
Oh. Oh, wow.
211
00:09:02,410 --> 00:09:04,090
I was out cold.
212
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:07,110
I had no idea a manicure
could be so relaxing.
213
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,240
You know what?
214
00:09:09,260 --> 00:09:11,469
Not only are y'all getting tune-ups,
215
00:09:11,470 --> 00:09:13,959
you're getting free air
fresheners for life.
216
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:18,374
Well, we're so glad you enjoyed it.
217
00:09:18,375 --> 00:09:20,416
Yeah, me, too. Thanks a lot, ladies.
218
00:09:20,417 --> 00:09:22,042
Mm-hmm.
219
00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:26,319
What the hell did y'all do to me?!
220
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,917
You turned me into RuPaul Scissorhands!
221
00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:31,042
You're damn right, we did!
222
00:09:31,050 --> 00:09:33,990
Now your ugly face won't be
the first thing people notice.
223
00:09:34,010 --> 00:09:36,250
Ha! Smile.
224
00:09:36,260 --> 00:09:38,849
- Delete that.
- No way. I'm gonna blow that up
225
00:09:38,850 --> 00:09:40,710
and use it to scare crows off my lawn.
226
00:09:41,370 --> 00:09:44,980
You know what? I knew I should
have never trusted y'all.
227
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,959
I don't know who y'all
think y'all playing with,
228
00:09:46,970 --> 00:09:51,458
but payback is coming,
and you can believe that.
229
00:09:51,459 --> 00:09:53,917
That's on everything. That's...
230
00:09:57,500 --> 00:10:00,500
One of y'all get over here
and open this door.
231
00:10:09,450 --> 00:10:10,659
Ooh, good. You're back.
232
00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:11,879
How'd it go with the Pink Ladies?
233
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:13,700
I'll give you ten guesses.
234
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:18,629
Oh, my God.
235
00:10:18,630 --> 00:10:20,834
Why would you let them do that to you?
236
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:22,834
I didn't let them. They...
237
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,459
Well, hang on, hang on. Don't tell me.
238
00:10:24,470 --> 00:10:26,959
I've got nine more guesses.
239
00:10:26,970 --> 00:10:30,700
Look, they tricked me into
thinking that we made up
240
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,660
and then put me to sleep with a massage.
241
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:36,720
When I woke up, I looked like
one of the Real Housewives.
242
00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:41,208
I can't believe they
would do that to you.
243
00:10:41,209 --> 00:10:44,329
Well, th-this is what I
get for listening to you.
244
00:10:44,330 --> 00:10:47,340
"Take the high road, be the bigger man,
245
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:48,830
don't hit them with a car."
246
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,420
Well, we cannot let them
get away with this.
247
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,209
We've got to come up with
a plan to get them back.
248
00:10:55,210 --> 00:10:56,960
Y-You damn right, we do.
249
00:10:56,980 --> 00:10:59,540
Now come on, man. Help me
get these stupid nails off.
250
00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:02,380
Yeah, you got it. Uh, but
first, I have this itchy spot
251
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,380
right in the middle of my
back. It's right there.
252
00:11:04,390 --> 00:11:06,820
If you could just... If you
could help me out. Here.
253
00:11:13,610 --> 00:11:14,619
Hey.
254
00:11:14,620 --> 00:11:17,459
I came over to find out how
Stacey ended it with Marty.
255
00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:21,624
Oh, well, that's the funny thing.
256
00:11:21,625 --> 00:11:22,833
She didn't.
257
00:11:26,610 --> 00:11:28,960
You're still messaging him? Why?
258
00:11:28,970 --> 00:11:31,330
Because he keeps messaging me.
259
00:11:31,350 --> 00:11:33,930
We spent all morning
talking about Harry Potter
260
00:11:33,950 --> 00:11:36,359
and how I'm something
called a Ravenclaw.
261
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:39,510
You're a Ravenclaw? You are so lucky.
262
00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:42,159
Ugh. I'm a total Hufflepuff.
263
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,249
Gemma, what am I supposed to do?!
264
00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:48,289
Well, first off, you should
stop answering him.
265
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:49,329
I can't.
266
00:11:49,330 --> 00:11:51,549
Then he'll think Stacey rejected him.
267
00:11:51,550 --> 00:11:53,292
It'd kill his self-confidence.
268
00:11:53,300 --> 00:11:56,580
Come on, give Marty more credit.
269
00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:59,610
I'm sure he messages with
girls on this app all the time.
270
00:11:59,630 --> 00:12:02,639
Plus, he's only known
Stacey for half a day.
271
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,958
She can't mean that much to him.
272
00:12:04,959 --> 00:12:07,709
I'm telling you, Malcolm,
this Stacey girl is special.
273
00:12:10,170 --> 00:12:11,590
Oh, come on, Marty.
274
00:12:11,610 --> 00:12:13,450
You said the same thing last week
275
00:12:13,470 --> 00:12:15,230
about the barista at Starbucks,
276
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:17,819
and she wrote your name
as "Martha" on the cup.
277
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:21,230
Well, well, this is
different. Stacey is...
278
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,210
Stacey's smart. She's interesting.
279
00:12:23,230 --> 00:12:24,990
She-She's dope, man. Check her out.
280
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,709
- Oh, yeah. Ah.
- Yeah.
281
00:12:27,710 --> 00:12:28,829
That's Mama.
282
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:30,630
What?!
283
00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:32,990
No, no. No way. No...
Why would you think that?
284
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,510
Think about it, Marty.
285
00:12:34,530 --> 00:12:39,875
Either a superhot girl wants to
talk to you about Harry Potter,
286
00:12:39,890 --> 00:12:42,049
or it's Mama snooping
around your love life.
287
00:12:42,050 --> 00:12:44,550
Well... I mean, you don't know that.
288
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,410
Maybe... Maybe...
289
00:12:46,430 --> 00:12:48,042
Maybe as a teenager,
290
00:12:48,060 --> 00:12:51,039
Stacey was so embarrassed
about her overdeveloped body,
291
00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:53,139
so-so... so she-she stayed inside,
292
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,399
just reading and...
293
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:55,790
Aw, damn!
294
00:12:55,810 --> 00:12:58,125
I said "sup" to my mama.
295
00:12:59,910 --> 00:13:02,542
Okay. Uh, what about this?
296
00:13:02,550 --> 00:13:04,330
We call the health inspector
297
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,490
and get their beauty
licenses taken away.
298
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:09,209
Nah, we can't do that to Que.
299
00:13:09,210 --> 00:13:12,040
Legally, he's only licensed
to groom dogs.
300
00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:17,610
Well, we got to do something.
301
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:18,969
I mean, we can't just let those girls
302
00:13:18,970 --> 00:13:21,459
get away with being so mean to you.
303
00:13:22,570 --> 00:13:23,910
Wait a minute.
304
00:13:23,930 --> 00:13:25,039
That's it.
305
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:26,870
- Mean Girls.
- What?
306
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,450
In the movie Mean Girls,
307
00:13:28,470 --> 00:13:30,940
Lindsay Lohan takes down
the bullies in her school
308
00:13:30,950 --> 00:13:32,570
by turning them against each other.
309
00:13:32,590 --> 00:13:34,359
That's what we need to
do to the Pink Ladies.
310
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,359
Yeah, o-on second thought,
311
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,042
let's round up some stray dogs
and call the health inspector.
312
00:13:40,170 --> 00:13:41,440
Calvin, I'm serious.
313
00:13:41,450 --> 00:13:43,549
All we have to do is dig up
some dirt about one of them
314
00:13:43,550 --> 00:13:45,070
that the other doesn't know about
315
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:46,909
and expose it for the world to see.
316
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:49,910
Oh, my God. I could've been
the queen of the mean girls!
317
00:13:52,530 --> 00:13:54,669
You know, I think I got something.
318
00:13:54,670 --> 00:13:56,749
I'm not exactly proud of it, but...
319
00:13:56,750 --> 00:13:58,510
Okay, well, what is it?
320
00:13:59,470 --> 00:14:00,970
Back in high school,
321
00:14:00,990 --> 00:14:03,379
LaTonya had a huge crush on me
322
00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:05,009
because, well,
323
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:07,870
- obviously, you know...
- Well, yeah. Come on. Yeah.
324
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:10,167
But one weekend, when
she was out of town,
325
00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:14,449
Regina swooped in and
asked me on a date.
326
00:14:14,450 --> 00:14:15,859
No.
327
00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:18,709
Regina tried to sneak and freak?
328
00:14:18,710 --> 00:14:21,880
You damn right she did.
329
00:14:21,890 --> 00:14:24,359
And she begged me not to tell LaTonya.
330
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,039
Now, you think that's the kind of dirt
331
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,079
that'll cause them to
turn against each other?
332
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:29,450
Are you kidding me?
333
00:14:29,470 --> 00:14:31,910
Is Mean Girls better than
Never Been Kissed?
334
00:14:35,170 --> 00:14:38,375
The answer is yes, by a long shot.
335
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:44,550
Mama, you and I need to talk
about something right now.
336
00:14:44,570 --> 00:14:46,009
Okay, Marty, I can explain.
337
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:48,625
- I never meant to...
- I am in love!
338
00:14:50,310 --> 00:14:51,791
- What?
- That's right.
339
00:14:51,792 --> 00:14:53,830
Her name is Stacey, we met online,
340
00:14:53,850 --> 00:14:56,084
and I swear, Mama,
I think she's my soul mate.
341
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:57,540
How could you say that?
342
00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,319
You've only known her one day.
343
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:01,939
Or more than that. I don't know.
How would I know that?
344
00:15:01,940 --> 00:15:04,500
No, I know. I know it
seems fast, but I...
345
00:15:04,510 --> 00:15:06,289
I've never felt so connected
to anyone before,
346
00:15:06,290 --> 00:15:08,750
which is why I want you
to be the first to know.
347
00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:10,199
I'm gonna propose.
348
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,659
Propose? Marty, that is insane.
349
00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:14,769
Ah, yeah. Well, so was selling
my car to buy a diamond ring,
350
00:15:14,770 --> 00:15:16,417
but love makes you do crazy things.
351
00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:17,959
Oh, my God.
352
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,330
Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay.
353
00:15:20,340 --> 00:15:22,000
Marty, I've got something to tell you.
354
00:15:22,010 --> 00:15:24,589
- What?
- I'm Stacey.
355
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,780
- What?! You're Stacey?
- Yes.
356
00:15:26,790 --> 00:15:28,210
I bought a ring for you?!
357
00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:29,749
- Yes.
- And I have been messing with you
358
00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:30,834
since the moment I walked
through the door?
359
00:15:30,835 --> 00:15:32,230
Yes.
360
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,250
Wait, what?
361
00:15:34,270 --> 00:15:35,590
That's right!
362
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,530
I know all about it. And I take it back.
363
00:15:37,550 --> 00:15:38,990
You're no Ravenclaw.
364
00:15:39,010 --> 00:15:41,042
You're a Slytherin through and through!
365
00:15:42,490 --> 00:15:44,240
I am sorry, baby.
366
00:15:44,250 --> 00:15:46,350
I-I just wanted to see your profile
367
00:15:46,370 --> 00:15:49,042
so I could figure out why
you weren't dating more.
368
00:15:49,050 --> 00:15:51,079
And before I knew it,
you were dating me.
369
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,900
I can't believe you would do this to me.
370
00:15:53,910 --> 00:15:57,200
It's just that Dave and Gemma
started talking about having a baby,
371
00:15:57,210 --> 00:15:58,390
and all I could think about
372
00:15:58,410 --> 00:16:00,490
is how much I wanted grandkids.
373
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:01,789
Yeah, but that's never gonna happen
374
00:16:01,790 --> 00:16:03,679
unless you let me do my
thing and meet a girl
375
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,589
who likes me for who I am.
376
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,639
Hey, I know, but come on.
377
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:10,875
Star Trek uniforms and Hobbit quotes?
378
00:16:10,890 --> 00:16:12,809
Mama, that's who I am.
379
00:16:12,810 --> 00:16:15,834
And anyone who doesn't
like it doesn't deserve me.
380
00:16:16,930 --> 00:16:18,650
You're right.
381
00:16:18,670 --> 00:16:20,050
And I'm sorry.
382
00:16:20,070 --> 00:16:22,399
And from now on, I will stay out of it.
383
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,042
Thank you.
384
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:26,020
- All right.
- Okay, baby. Mwah!
385
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:27,050
Oh.
386
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,819
Ooh, sounds like you got another match.
387
00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:31,630
Oh, wow. And she's pretty.
388
00:16:31,650 --> 00:16:33,450
And she says she's into sci-fi,
389
00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:35,829
video games and graphic novels!
390
00:16:35,830 --> 00:16:37,579
- Let me see.
- Mm-hmm.
391
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:38,870
Oh, yeah, that's Malcolm.
392
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,800
What everybody laughing about?
393
00:16:48,810 --> 00:16:50,630
What's going on? What's...
394
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:52,125
What's funny?
395
00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:59,510
Ah, no one said they
wanted nails like yours,
396
00:16:59,530 --> 00:17:02,749
but everyone wants
copies of the picture!
397
00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:05,860
I put mine on a coffee mug.
398
00:17:07,890 --> 00:17:10,429
Oh, yeah? Well, you may
want to put it down
399
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,650
and grab a broom,
400
00:17:11,670 --> 00:17:15,369
because Calvin is about
to spill the beans.
401
00:17:15,370 --> 00:17:17,900
That's right, LaTonya.
402
00:17:17,910 --> 00:17:20,010
You remember back in high school,
403
00:17:20,030 --> 00:17:22,629
when everybody knew
you had a crush on me?
404
00:17:22,630 --> 00:17:25,334
Well, your girl Regina here
went behind your back
405
00:17:25,340 --> 00:17:28,250
- and asked me out on a date.
- What?
406
00:17:28,260 --> 00:17:32,209
Regina, why'd you do that to me?
407
00:17:32,220 --> 00:17:33,869
Okay, listen, girl, don't
hate me, LaTonya.
408
00:17:33,870 --> 00:17:35,130
I can explain.
409
00:17:35,150 --> 00:17:37,189
Girl, wait, I already did.
410
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,205
30 years ago.
411
00:17:38,206 --> 00:17:40,250
Wait-wait a minute, you-you knew?
412
00:17:40,270 --> 00:17:42,470
Oh, that you took Regina roller-skating
413
00:17:42,490 --> 00:17:44,834
and spent the whole night
falling on your ass?
414
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,029
You looked like a baby giraffe
415
00:17:47,030 --> 00:17:48,499
- walking around in high heels.
- Oh, yeah.
416
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:51,409
Oh! Whoa. Whoa!
417
00:17:51,410 --> 00:17:53,860
Whoa!
418
00:17:53,870 --> 00:17:57,690
Okay, everybody be quiet!
I got something to say.
419
00:17:57,700 --> 00:18:01,650
You two been making fun
of me for way too long.
420
00:18:01,670 --> 00:18:03,520
And I pretended that
it didn't bother me,
421
00:18:03,530 --> 00:18:06,089
but the truth is your words hurt.
422
00:18:06,090 --> 00:18:08,417
Probably not as much as
falling on your butt did.
423
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:14,820
Let the man finish!
424
00:18:16,810 --> 00:18:20,720
I mean, do you guys know
how hard it was for me
425
00:18:20,730 --> 00:18:23,167
to come in here and try
to make peace with you?
426
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,950
After all the mean things
that you said about me.
427
00:18:27,970 --> 00:18:29,730
I extended an olive branch,
428
00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:33,334
and all you did was try
to make me look small.
429
00:18:33,340 --> 00:18:37,130
When the truth is you're
the ones who are small.
430
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:39,690
'Cause bullying and name-calling,
431
00:18:39,710 --> 00:18:41,550
that's just tearing people down,
432
00:18:41,570 --> 00:18:43,359
when what we should be doing
433
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:45,329
is lifting each other up.
434
00:18:45,330 --> 00:18:48,120
But maybe that's just me.
435
00:18:48,130 --> 00:18:49,690
Nah, I feel you, Calvin.
436
00:18:49,710 --> 00:18:52,470
My father used to make fun
of me because of my dream.
437
00:18:52,490 --> 00:18:55,459
Because of him, I gave up ballet.
438
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,750
The kids at school used
to make fun of my Nikes.
439
00:18:59,770 --> 00:19:02,430
Talking about the logo was upside down.
440
00:19:02,450 --> 00:19:04,500
They used to call me "Off-Brand."
441
00:19:05,470 --> 00:19:06,874
See that, Calvin?
442
00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:08,417
It looks like you're not
the only one who...
443
00:19:08,418 --> 00:19:10,900
I still sleep with a blankie.
444
00:19:11,770 --> 00:19:13,084
What are y'all looking at?
445
00:19:13,090 --> 00:19:14,739
Trey want to wear a tutu.
446
00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:17,199
And that's okay.
447
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:20,449
Because we all have vulnerabilities.
448
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:23,499
But it's not cool for y'all
to make fun of 'em.
449
00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:25,599
What the hell is wrong with y'all?!
450
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,910
Is this a barbershop or
an ice cream parlor?
451
00:19:28,930 --> 00:19:31,330
'Cause all you guys are soft-serve.
452
00:19:31,340 --> 00:19:32,530
Oh, that's it.
453
00:19:32,550 --> 00:19:35,834
I want you out of here.
Trey, get the door.
454
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,400
My pleasure.
455
00:19:39,459 --> 00:19:40,875
Know what?
456
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,149
Fine. Let's get out of here, Regina.
457
00:19:43,150 --> 00:19:45,500
I'm right behind you, LaTonya.
458
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,450
Out of my way, Off-Brand!
459
00:19:49,170 --> 00:19:52,030
Calvin, that was amazing.
460
00:19:52,050 --> 00:19:54,042
I can't believe how vulnerable you were.
461
00:19:54,050 --> 00:19:57,042
What I can't believe is that
they actually went for it.
462
00:19:58,170 --> 00:19:59,319
Went for what?
463
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:02,409
I made up all that touchy-feely stuff
464
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:04,570
to turn the room against them.
465
00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:06,670
I got the idea from Lindsay Lohan.
466
00:20:06,690 --> 00:20:08,169
Remember when she does the sappy speech
467
00:20:08,170 --> 00:20:09,539
- at the end of Mean Girls?
- Yeah.
468
00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:10,959
You saw it?
469
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,649
Oh, a bunch of times.
And you were right.
470
00:20:13,650 --> 00:20:16,089
Way better than Never Been Kissed.
471
00:20:22,210 --> 00:20:24,160
Hey, yo, Malcolm, check this out.
472
00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:26,680
I just got messaged
by this superhot girl
473
00:20:26,700 --> 00:20:28,670
who claims to be an engineer,
474
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,420
is into Dungeons and Dragons
475
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,579
and collects action figures.
476
00:20:32,580 --> 00:20:34,917
- What? Let me see.
- Mm-hmm.
477
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,869
- Wow, she is fine.
- I know.
478
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:40,899
- Yeah, that's Dad. Yep. Yep.
- Yeah, that's Dad.
479
00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:44,320
Ha, ha, ha. Not interested.
480
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,659
Get a life, loser.
481
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,339
Wow.
482
00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:57,260
I thought he was my soul mate.
483
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:05,360
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