Original subtitles

FRAN: Okay, we can't make a habit of this

every time you leave the house.

ANNIE: No, I know.

I know, but I mean,

even though you told me you're moving out a month ago,

I still feel like I have to savor it.

‐ Well, Em asked me to move in, and I couldn't say no.

I love Em. ‐ Yeah.

‐ And you stay at Will's most nights anyway.

‐ Yeah, I know.

I mean, I'm so happy for you. It's good.

I just‐‐I don't know. I'll go.

He's waiting.

But, um, can we still do our special goodbye?

‐ Who's my baby forever?

‐ Me. Who's forever my baby?

‐ Me.

[both chuckle]

‐ See, is Em gonna do that with you?

‐ No, we make love. ‐ Ah, mm.

‐ Is Will ever gonna do that with you?

‐ I'm gonna ask him tonight. Yeah!

‐ Good luck! ‐ Thank you!

[upbeat music]

SINGER: ♪ Things change, people too ♪

♪ ♪

‐ I don't know how you get away with this.

First, you seduce me,

and now I'm forced to make you toast.

‐ Yeah, yeah, that's‐‐ that's pretty much it.

‐ Mm‐hmm? ANNIE: That's how it works.

How is it going by the way?

I've really never seen anyone make toast like that?

‐ Oh, it's amazing.

There's nothing shameful about the George Foreman Grill.

‐ No, I mean, I'm impressed.

I honestly‐‐ I've never had a boyfriend

who gets up with me before 9:00 a. m.,

so you're already doing great.

‐ Well, children need to learn science at dawn.

‐ [chuckles] Yeah, yeah, that's true.

I mean, I don't know. I'm jealous.

Like I'm dreading going to work.

Everything is just so fucked up at "The Thorn."

‐ Mm.

‐ How about instead I just stay here

and I be your full‐time housewife?

‐ Ooh. ‐ [laughs]

You know, right? ‐ Yeah.

‐ I think I can just be here naked, vacuuming all day.

That's kind of my dream.

‐ It sounds like my dream. ‐ [laughs]

I'm not‐‐ I'm not kidding though.

When‐‐if we get married, I'ma be naked all the time.

You cannot stop me. It's gonna be a problem.

‐ Well, in my experience, marriage is mostly fighting

about how I peed on the toilet seat.

‐ [chuckles]

Well, I've never sat in your pee.

I think that's something to be proud of.

‐ Well, buckle up baby. It's gonna happen.

My pee is your future for the rest of your life.

‐ [chuckles]

♪ ♪

‐ I feel like crying... ‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ But I don't really have tears yet.

‐ Yeah, I know. ‐ When it starts...

‐ Guys... ‐ It's gonna be‐‐

‐ What's going on?

‐ People are saying that Sheila

found a buyer for "The Thorn." ‐ What?

‐ Some massive news conglomerate.

‐ Neutral Source News.

‐ All their articles are medical fear clickbait

like, "99 Ways Sugar Is Child Cocaine."

‐ Okay. What did Gabe say?

‐ I don't know because Ruthie said he's not even coming in.

‐ He's not coming in?

‐ He's probably on some Ferris wheel.

Mm‐hmm. ‐ God, this is a nightmare.

‐ Amadi, Amadi, question.

‐ Amadi, is this true? Are we being sold?

[all clamoring] ‐ Oh, hey, everybody calm down.

Just hang tight, okay?

It might mean some big changes, but then again it might not.

‐ Oh, there's gonna be big changes.

When my dad's company got sold, he changed from pharmacist

to full‐time alcoholic!

‐ Okay, there is no reason to freak out.

‐ [whimpers]

‐ I'm freaking out! ‐ I know.

‐ I just started a college fund for the girls.

Now I gotta pray that they end up stupid.

And they're not. They're smart as hell.

‐ I know a lot of dumb kids, and your kids are smart.

They're going to college. ‐ Who knows?

Maybe it's for the best.

I mean, Gabe's checked out the entire time.

"The Thorn" is not what it used to be.

‐ No, I know.

Like, remember all those

cool, like, themed issues they used to do.

Why can't we do stuff like that?

Or actually, why can't we have our own thing

where we're, like, completely in creative control?

‐ God, I wish too.

I mean, that's why "The Thorn" is gonna be

so hard to replace if we could do shit like that still.

‐ I know.

Hey, do you think it would be lame

if I wrote, like, a eulogy to "The Thorn"?

Just about what it meant to everybody

and what we're gonna lose when it's gone?

‐ No one's gonna be mad at you.

I say do it.

‐ All right, I think I will. ‐ Okay.

‐ [chuckles]

[soft dramatic music]

‐ Okay, this place is cute!

‐ Too blue.

I don't wanna live in a blue house.

‐ Oh, real‐‐that's‐‐okay,

so that is insane to hear

because the walls are blue.

‐ I just don't want to settle for somewhere worse

than where Annie and I live now.

‐ Okay, okay, fine.

Honestly, I do think it would be good

for both of you when you move out.

‐ What's that's supposed to mean?

‐ That you and Annie have kept this, like,

college vibe going for a long time,

and I think it'll feel really good to grow up a bit.

What the fuck?

She's got a garden!

She's got a porch!

‐ I'd honestly rather live in Henry's horse stable.

‐ Do not‐‐do not use my horse son against me.

‐ [chuckles]

‐ Hey, they've got a open house tomorrow.

Are you free? ‐ Fine, we're going.

‐ A garden and a porch!

WILL: Wow, your family house

is a slice of Annie Easton history.

‐ [chuckles]

Actually, this lamp is where I used to, like,

hide candy wrappers from my mom

'cause she was constantly putting me on, like,

diets when I was in middle school.

‐ Okay, right there? ‐ Yeah.

I would just, like, kind of, when she wasn't looking, like,

stick them up in here. Oh, my God.

No! ‐ Are they still in there?

[chuckles] ‐ Oh!

‐ Oh.

Little Annie. ‐ Too rough.

Can't look at it, no!

‐ You don't often see

devastating psychological sorrow

described as a childhood anecdote.

‐ [chuckles]

Oh, that's just the tip of the iceberg, baby.

‐ How about we go to my parent's house

and see my childhood collection of T‐shirts to swim in.

‐ Oh, wow, swim T‐shirts. Now I'm getting too horny.

‐ Oh, I can get that.

I mean, you haven't even seen the shirts.

‐ [laughs]

[phone rings]

‐ Wait, oh, God, I'm sorry, my parents.

‐ It's your parents. They call a lot.

‐ I know they do. Okay, wait.

Hi, guys!

VERA: Hi! BILL: Annie, hi!

‐ Oh, Will is there too! Hi Will!

‐ Hi, guys.

It's super weird that I've been in your house now

and haven't met in you person.

‐ Yeah, well, we'll be back soon enough.

You won't be able to get rid of us.

‐ [laughs] Yes!

Is everything okay there?

I think this is the longest we've ever been away.

‐ Yeah, it's good. I'm keeping an eye on her.

‐ Oh, yeah, you know,

I actually have a drawer in Will's house now.

‐ Yeah, I'm figuring she could just sleep in the drawer.

VERA: Well, with Fran moving out, she may have to.

‐ Yeah, you know, actually, we've been talking

about moving in together, so I feel like,

you know, by the time you guys get back,

you can come to dinner at our house.

BILL: What? That is great!

‐ That is wonderful!

Oh, that just makes me so happy!

BILL: That's fantastic! VERA: The best news!

[laughter] ‐ Yeah.

‐ Hey, so I didn't realize

that we were moving in together.

‐ I know, I'm sorry.

I think I just‐‐you know, we've been spending

so many nights together, and I knew

it would make them happy, so...

‐ Yeah, sure, and it's gotten

intense fast, you know? ‐ Yeah.

‐ It's the happiest I've been in a long time, Annie.

‐ Okay, so don't you think we should just do it then?

You know, you be roommate, who I also have sex with.

‐ Annie, I want to,

but I'm still legally married,

and I can't just rush into...

It's not a good idea. It wouldn't be fair to Mikayla.

‐ Mikayla, yeah, um,

I hadn't really thought about her.

[chuckles]

I think I‐‐I maybe thought that you and Mikayla

were more done than you really are.

‐ Oh, well, no, we're splitting up.

We don't even talk. I wanna be with you.

But I was with her since I was 15.

‐ Yes.

‐ And you and I have been together for two months,

and if I found out she was moving in

with some guy this fast, I would be hurt by that.

‐ I'm just annoyed that I have to consider someone

that I don't know and who...

probably knows you better than I do.

‐ Sure, but being sensitive to her will make it better

for us in the long run, right?

‐ Yeah. ‐ Yeah.

ANNIE: [chuckles]

‐ You okay? ‐ Yeah.

WILL: All right. ‐ Yeah, no.

‐ Okay. ANNIE: Okay.

[BUMPER's "Red Brick"]

MICHELLE: ♪ All caught up ♪

♪ In a way ♪

‐ There's like 400 Mikayla Nolans.

I just gotta find the one that's fucking my shit up.

‐ You know, I've never met a good Mikayla.

They're all little fucking smilers.

‐ Yeah. [gasps]

Oh, shit, I found her. ‐ [gasps]

‐ Ugh, she owns a bakery.

FRAN: Of course she does. ANNIE: Oh, God.

‐ "Oh, look at me.

"I own a bakery, and I have enough restraint

to not eat all of the stuff."

‐ Man. ‐ Whatever.

‐ The food does look good. ‐ Yeah, it does look good.

‐ Whatever.

‐ I actually do respect Will for breaking up with someone

who has an endless supply of baked goods.

‐ Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right.

‐ I couldn't do it.

ANNIE: Ooh, now I'm at the bakery's Instagram.

This stuff I bet tastes like shit,

and I'm a human muffin, so fuck her.

‐ Good, you're handling this really well.

‐ Yeah, I'm healthy.

Uh‐uh, no, no, this is special. This is very special.

I stole this from work for us

for our last night in the house.

‐ Oh! [laughs]

Remember when we first moved in and we unpacked

and then we walked by the river

and we got wasted by that bridge?

‐ I love that bridge.

‐ Do you think that we've kept our college vibe

going for too long?

Like, we use each other as a crutch to not move on?

‐ No, no, a crutch is a good thing.

It helps you walk when you got big, broken feet.

‐ Yeah, I think Em thinks it's a bad thing.

Like, we run from shit and tell each other it's fine.

‐ No, I think it's good that we, like,

save a piece of ourselves

that they never get to see because it's for us.

‐ Yeah, absolutely, thank you. ‐ Thank you.

‐ I don't know, it just bugged me before.

‐ Yeah, well, we're perfect,

and everyone else can eat shit. ‐ [laughs]

SINGER: ♪ And I know there are those nights ♪

♪ You cannot fake ♪

♪ When the dark's so big you can't turn it away ♪

♪ Day by day ♪

♪ You give and take ♪

♪ ♪

♪ On and on until there's something ♪

♪ ♪

♪ On and on until there's something ♪

♪ ♪

MIKAYLA: It's a coffee, right? ‐ Yeah.

MIKAYLA: And that'll do it for you?

Thank you so much. Have a good one, bye.

‐ Hi, can I help you?

‐ Oh, oh, um, could I get a small coffee?

MIKAYLA: Okay. ‐ And also a big‐‐

or whatever size reg‐‐blueberry muffin.

MIKAYLA: A big blueberry muffin.

‐ [chuckles] Yeah, yeah.

‐ And the name?

‐ [quietly] Simone.

‐ Sorry? ‐ My name is Simone.

WORKER: Here you go. ‐ Thanks.

‐ I had a friend in high school named Simone.

‐ Oh, yeah, yeah, well, it's a‐‐

it's such a common name. Simones are everywhere.

It's actually been a really difficult thing

for me all over life

to just be so many Simones and I'm always like,

"Who‐‐who's that? And I don't know."

It's been a hard life.

[sighs]

[knocks]

‐ Hey, you left your coffee inside.

‐ Oh, thank you. Thank you.

That's so, so nice. Thank you so much, so...

‐ I think I know who you are.

‐ You do? Okay, okay.

Then I'm gonna get out of my car,

so I'm not weird and low down.

Okay. ‐ You're, um...

Uh...

You're Will's girlfriend, right?

‐ Yes, and I‐‐I came

'cause I just wanted to kind of see who you were.

And I know that's not cool,

and I'm really sorry.

It's just I really, really, really like Will.

‐ Oh, okay.

‐ It's just I've dated, like, a lot of very bad guys

who didn't give a shit about me,

and‐‐and Will is not like that.

Will is so special.

‐ You're right. Will is special.

‐ I swear I'm gonna leave you alone,

and thank you for bringing this out,

and I'm‐‐I'm sorry. I really am sorry.

‐ Okay.

‐ And I know I seem fucking insane.

I'm actually really nice and really normal.

MIKAYLA: Okay. ‐ Um.

Thank you.

Bye. ‐ [chuckles awkwardly]

[window creaking]

[exhales sharply]

‐ Annie, hey. ‐ Hey.

‐ I just wanted to thank you

for mentioning me in the eulogy.

I've always seen myself

as the "sad prince of 'The Thorn.'"

‐ Yeah, sure.

‐ And when you called me "all the others," I sobbed.

‐ Oh, well, thanks, you guys.

I just can't believe it's ending.

‐ You are my best friend.

‐ Oh, and you're one of my friends as well for sure.

I'm glad you guys liked it.

Oh, shit, it's Gabe.

‐ I'm sure all of you are looking

for answers right now, and they are coming.

Some of you may remember Bongo, one of the original

founding fathers of "The Thorn."

‐ It's so clean in here.

I used to piss in a bucket right over there.

‐ Bongo, my man! ‐ Horse Cock, is that you?

‐ [chuckling] Yeah.

‐ [gasps]

Hey, I saw you at the record store.

‐ Yeah. ‐ And so you're here now?

‐ Yeah, I've always worked here.

‐ Oh, okay, and then you were back there,

and then you made your way here.

‐ I mean, I can go different places.

‐ Amadi, Annie, office please.

‐ All right, well, guess what.

This here is pure grade

1963 LSD,

the kind they tested on soldiers.

‐ I might need some of that later.

‐ Uh, well, this here is pure grade

1963 LSD, the kind they tested on soldiers.

‐ You already‐‐ you already said that.

‐ [chuckles] Oh, I did?

[chuckles]

EMILY: I'm sorry. She's always late.

‐ It's okay.

Maybe I'll just show this other couple first.

EMILY: Oh, yeah, definitely, yes.

Finally, the open house is almost over.

‐ Forget the open house. I have an amazing plan.

‐ Okay, give it to me. ‐ Okay.

So you know how the last few months

have been pretty much perfect with us?

‐ Yeah, basically, yeah.

‐ Okay, so why change that just for some pre‐written rules

about how relationships should evolve?

We should do things our own way.

‐ What does that mean?

‐ You should move out of your apartment

and move in with me and Annie. Problem solved.

‐ Oh, okay, so I didn't know there was a problem,

and I don't wanna move in together

to check some heteronormative box.

I wanna move in together because I love you.

‐ I love you too,

but the idea to move in kind of came out of nowhere.

‐ Oh, okay.

‐ And I said yes because you were so happy

and it was this romantic beach moment,

but I kind of feel like you cornered me into it

a little bit.

‐ But you never said that.

And why are you acting like this relationship

is happening at you instead of with you?

REALTOR: Ready? ‐ Um, no, never mind.

Sorry.

[soft dramatic music]

I'm gonna stay at my place tonight.

FRAN: Okay. ‐ Bye.

♪ ♪

‐ "If you were any kind of misfit,

"you could pick up this paper every Wednesday

and see something beautiful...and defiant."

Well, that's a eulogy.

And it kind of echoes some of the thoughts

I've been having in the last couple of days...

which is why I bought it.

‐ What? ‐ What?

‐ I bought "The Thorn" back. ‐ Wait.

‐ Oh, my God! ‐ Are you serious?

‐ Sheila gave me a deal, which I really needed.

I used all my book money.

My mom got her boyfriend to kick in a half a mil.

He's 90 years old.

He thought he was signing a birthday card.

I am the new owner of "The Thorn"!

‐ Oh, my God. ‐ What?

Gabe, you are a literal hero. For real?

‐ I can't believe this.

‐ And I'm bringing Bongo back just like the old days.

‐ That's my old pee cup. Here, look, I'll show you.

That can live on there. MAUREEN: My pens!

[Bongo chuckles]

‐ That Bongo? GABE: It's gonna be perfect.

You just keep on with the management shit.

You continue with the yes fat queen articles.

I'm still the owner.

Nothing's gonna have to change.

‐ Okay.

Wow.

Um, but, Gabe,

maybe some things should change?

And, actually, Amadi and I have‐‐have some ideas.

‐ Yeah, yeah, like we could take

a stronger approach to the creative.

‐ Yes, yes. ‐ Oh.

ANNIE: And actually... ‐ Great, she's standing.

‐ Well, I just think that it should be you

and me and Amadi, the three of us do it together.

‐ Gabe, you are way too good of an editor

to just be a figurehead, so, like,

I don't‐‐let's actually do it. Let's actually be a team.

‐ Right?

‐ Okay, looks like little miss teapot

is about to boil over with ideas.

‐ Well, I just think that maybe

I could have a leadership position.

AMADI: And I want to work with artists again.

That way the paper looks special.

‐ Yeah, I mean, if we want "The Thorn" to be risky,

then we have to take some risks,

and I think the way to do that

is for you to share creative control with us.

[low, percussive music]

‐ Okay.

Why the fuck not? Let's get to work!

‐ Really?

‐ I'm lucky to have you guys. ‐ Thank you.

GABE: Yeah. ‐ Thanks, Gabe.

‐ I mean‐‐

I‐‐no.

Let's tell everybody what's going on.

You guys!

I've got some great new ideas! ‐ Oh, my God.

‐ Hi!

I mean, where do I even fucking start?

I'm the new editorial director of "The Thorn,"

and I just can't believe, like, I went into work thinking

that I had no job, and now I'm like‐‐

I'm the boss.

I guess I'm one of the bosses.

Right?

Are you okay?

‐ Did you go to Mikayla's bakery today?

‐ No.

I‐‐I went to a bakery,

and then she‐‐ she was just there,

and so it was‐‐ you know.

‐ Are you lying to me?

‐ I‐‐I‐‐I did go,

but‐‐and I did know it was hers,

but it was just‐‐ I wasn't gonna talk to her.

‐ I don't understand why‐‐ why you would do that.

‐ I just‐‐I really wanted to see what Mikayla was like,

you know? I am sorry.

‐ Annie, I hadn't spoken to Mikayla in four months.

Four months!

How do you think I felt when I saw her calling me?

‐ No, I‐‐I know,

but you have to admit that you haven't really told me

anything about her or your relationship, and so,

you know, now that's dictating our life together,

and so I feel very insecure.

‐ Well, why not just ask me?

Maybe I could've shared some of this with you sooner.

But I feel like you didn't consider me at all.

And between this and you telling your parents

we're gonna move in together,

I‐‐I think that we should slow things way down.

[sighs]

‐ Okay, okay.

I...

I don't want to.

I don't wanna slow things down at all.

But I‐‐oh, fuck.

Um, okay, okay.

I‐‐I am sorry. I am.

I don't really know what I'm supposed to do right now.

‐ Me neither.

‐ Well, what do you want?

Do you‐‐ do you want me to go?

‐ Maybe.

Maybe you should. ‐ Okay.

Okay, well, then I will go.

[melancholic acoustic music]

♪ ♪

FRAN: Wow, honey! ‐ Oh.

‐ Is this the editorial director

I see before me?

‐ Yeah, it is, but I don't know.

I can't really be happy about it

because I think I just ruined my relationship with Will.

‐ Oh, wow.

Well...I think I just fucked things up with Em.

‐ No! ‐ Yeah.

‐ Oh, my God, we both fucked it up?

‐ Yeah.

Everything was perfect, and I ruined it.

What is that? Why did I do that?

‐ I don't know.

Man, I feel exactly the same.

Like, everything with Will

has been so good and so easy.

And I just‐‐I, like,

can't believe that someone would truly like me.

I just have to, like, look for holes

and...fuck it up.

‐ Yeah.

Well...

At least we have this.

‐ Wow, you knew!

‐ Somehow, I knew.

‐ I don't know. What do we even do know?

‐ I don't know. I feel like...

maybe if we wanna let them in,

then it's you and me who have to change.

‐ I guess. I just‐‐I don't know.

It's been the two of us for so long,

and that's...

always been the only thing that felt really good.

‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ And in my mind,

you're, like, always my first call

and the first person I wanna tell everything to.

‐ Yeah.

Yeah, the idea of that changing really scares me.

‐ Horrible.

[sighs]

‐ This is the greatest love of all time.

‐ I know.

‐ Wow. ‐ Wow.

‐ [chuckles]

‐ To us.

‐ To us.

[Cat Power's "Nothin But Time"]

[soft pop music]

CAT POWER: ♪ I see you, kid ♪

‐ We'll just fix everything, yeah?

‐ Yeah, yeah.

we'll...just fix everything.

CAT POWER: ♪ And you're just trying to get by ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Your world is just beginning ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And I know this life seems never‐ending ♪

♪ ♪

♪ But you got nothing but time ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And it ain't got nothing on you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You know what you got to do ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You ain't got nothing but time ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And it ain't got nothing on you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Let 'em in ♪

♪ One by one ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Keep 'em safe ♪

♪ From all the harm ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Let 'em in one by one ♪

♪ ♪