Original subtitles

‐ Got some more packages for you.

There is one here that is addressed

to "Cancelled, racist C‐word," but it's the word spelled out.

And I‐I made a guess that it was for you, but...

‐ I‐I can't handle this.

Last week somebody sent me a turd.

‐ Now you tell me about this turd‐‐it was wet?

‐ I think it was an animal's turd.

‐ How can you be sure?

You see any hay in there? ‐ I don't know.

Honestly, I feel kind of frozen.

Like, I can't focus, and everybody hates me.

‐ Yeah, well, the public dragged your ass,

so I think that's normal.

‐ Thank you. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

I saw your little perverted ass leaving with Ryan.

You know how I watch everyone leave?

‐ Oh.

Yeah, a very dark moment for me.

Um...

I just‐‐I don't know.

I just wish I could get into, like, a little shell and hide.

‐ Oh, my gosh.

Believe it or not, I was actually born with a shell.

I was in the hospital for a month before I hatched.

‐ That's cool.

‐ And I want you to keep your head up, all right?

From the shit, the flowers grow.

And you are covered in shit.

[rock music playing]

♪ ♪

[music stops] ‐ Annie, come in here.

Listen to this. ‐ Okay.

‐ "Parrish writes brilliant tales

"of punk‐rock lunacy and sex.

"His pulsating words grab the reader by the balls

and whispers, 'I dare you to fuck with me.'"

That is

the "Newly Populous Times" speaking.

‐ That's amazing.

You must be really, really proud.

‐ Annie, what's wrong? You depressed?

You're not special. Everyone's depressed.

‐ Well, I just came by to see

if I could kind of just write easy breezy,

like, freak‐of‐the‐week‐level dumb shit?

[chuckles] I just don't think I can handle anything bigger,

if that's okay.

‐ I get it.

My little bin Laden's going into hiding.

I've got an assignment for you‐‐

guaranteed to make people smile

and could possibly even save lives.

It's a profile on me.

‐ Oh. ‐ "A Day with My Mentor."

‐ Yeah. Yeah, great. [knock at door]

‐ Hey, sorry to interrupt.

Uh, just inviting you two

to my 39th birthday party this Saturday.

‐ Amadi, you shouldn't have told us your age.

We all thought you were younger, and now we're sad.

‐ Yeah, I know.

I was just inviting you to be nice.

And also, just to be nice,

I'm telling you you don't have to come.

‐ I appreciate that.

You know me too well, which is why I love you.

So fuck the party.

Uh, do you mind fucking off right now?

And could you fuck off? ‐ Okay. All right.

‐ Won't see you there.

Okay, so you gonna come?

Cindy's out of town,

and we weren't going to do anything at all,

but then the girls said it would be sad

if we did nothing, so...

‐ Yeah. No, I mean, I'm honestly relieved

that I'm even invited.

‐ Look, uh, I know that you feel like

I didn't have your back in that meeting with Sheila.

Uh, but I want you to know

how absolutely complicated that was for me.

‐ Yeah. ‐ Okay?

I'm the only Black editor here.

And as much as I would have loved to delete that article,

that's just us, you know, hiding the fact

that we fucked up, and we can't do that.

‐ I know, and I'm the one that fucked up,

so I just hate that I put you in that position.

And the whole thing just fucking sucks,

and I'm really sorry.

‐ Okay, so can we get buzzed now

and play cornhole in my back yard?

‐ Abso‐goddamn‐lutely.

‐ And you know what?

I'm very happy that you're going to be there

to watch my kids while I get blackout drunk.

‐ It's your birthday.

‐ Oh, my God, I'm tearing up thinking about it.

It was me. It was Jesse. It was Bongo.

We were just smoking and snorting everything in sight.

I think we smoked Bongo's dog's ashes or something.

‐ Wow. ‐ And then we would all just

make these amazing zines that were just gut and...

Oh, while I'm thinking about it,

I wrote you a few questions for you to ask me.

‐ Wow. Okay.

Uh, as the most renowned voice of Generation X,

how does such a talent reckon

with the entitled journalists of this generation?

‐ Oh, good question. Maybe you should answer that.

Oh, look, we're here.

[upbeat rock music]

Oh, my God. This is where it all started.

Wait, let's see if it's still here.

Yes. Annie, this is our first issue.

‐ Wow. ‐ I totally trashed Nirvana.

Kurt Cobain cried‐‐ fucking baby.

Look at my ass.

‐ No, that's a‐‐ that's a really good ass.

‐ And that's my tongue! [laughs]

‐ Oh. ‐ [laughs] This is Bongo.

‐ [laughs] ‐ [chuckles awkwardly]

‐ Yeah, a lot of miles on that tongue, a lot of miles.

How are you, man? ‐ I'm good. Get over here.

‐ You get over here.

‐ This guy started "The Thorn" with me.

‐ Well, nice to meet you, Bongo.

‐ Come on. ‐ Yeah.

‐ You know? ‐ Remember what I said.

Remember what I said last time. ‐ Oh, right.

Annie, turn off your phone. He's sensitive to 5G.

‐ Oh, okay.

‐ Just have everyone turn it off,

and then when you leave, you can turn it back on again.

‐ [grunts] ‐ No, I have to say,

these‐‐these old covers are really cool.

Like, I wish "The Thorn" would do stuff like that now.

‐ When I was there,

Sheila really‐‐she joined, and she pissed me off.

‐ It was horrible.

I mean pre‐Sheila we could do anything we wanted.

We could do train hopping in Mexico.

You know, the last straw was we had the edible issue,

which was made of LSD windowpane.

[Bongo chuckles] You know?

It was a beautiful thing, but she didn't like it.

You know?

‐ Mm. That's cool. No, that's super cool.

I mean, I remember reading those issues,

and I felt like a big, fat rosacea loser,

and they actually made me feel very cool.

So thank you very much.

‐ Oh, oh, it was‐‐ you know, it was a lot of fun.

We were having a lot of fun. ‐ We were having too much fun.

You were having too much fun. Do you remember?

You don't remember any of it, do you?

Now he's embarrassed.

BONGO: Right. ‐ Okay.

‐ Are you fucking kidding me? ‐ Oh, that's it right here.

‐ That's it! ‐ Yeah.

‐ Oh, my God, Annie. This is our band, Glitter Fuck.

‐ Cool. ‐ Is this the original?

‐ Yeah, I keep it set up. ‐ It's so shiny.

‐ Remember this one?

[drums playing ♪ One, two, three, four ♪

‐ ♪ Fuck you, Tipper Gore ♪

‐ ♪ One, two, three, four ♪

‐ ♪ You and Alice Sissymore ♪

‐ ♪ I said, "Ah!" ♪

♪ I said, "Wah!" ♪ ‐ Okay.

‐ ♪ Screw the wah, wah, wah, wah ♪

[scatting nonsensically]

‐ ♪ Fuck ♪

♪ Fuck, fuck ♪

ANNIE: Fran...

now, after I left Gabe, I passed a bakery,

and I got you this just to say a true sorry again.

It says "dumb white witch."

It was supposed to say "bitch," but the bakery said no,

so it just says "witch" now.

‐ Okay, Annie, this is very sweet

but I don't need any more apologies.

I just want you to focus on doing better.

‐ I know. That is why I want to be completely honest with you

and just let you know that a couple days ago,

I fucked Ryan.

‐ No.

Wow, that's bad.

That's really, really bad.

Wow.

‐ And...

he has a girlfriend. ‐ Oh. Ugh.

‐ And her boobs are small,

and they're, like, the good kind of small.

‐ The kind of small that you can wear a tank top and no bra?

‐ Mm‐hmm. Yeah, they're just up,

and she doesn't even have to worry about 'em.

‐ Okay.

Thank you for telling me. ‐ Yes.

‐ I appreciate the honesty. ‐ Thank you.

‐ Uh, for my mental health I'm going to have to bow out.

‐ Great. ‐ Moving on...

‐ Yeah.

‐ I'm meeting Em's parents this weekend,

and I want to impress them.

So which of these wines do you think looks the fanciest?

‐ Okay, I'm gonna say...

the one called "Pee‐pee Riock Ragu."

‐ Oh, the "Pee‐pee Rock" one.

‐ The fact that it has a fancy name will help.

‐ Yes.

Wow, I'm nervous.

‐ You're gonna be great. I mean, my parents love you.

‐ They do. That's very true.

Okay, I just need to stop obsessing over it.

‐ Actually, I have to go to my parents'

'cause I told them I'd go through a bunch

of, like, my old stuff, but do you want to come with?

And you can poach all their good shit?

‐ Okay, yeah. Absolutely, yeah.

They have that vase that's also a bong that I've had my eye on.

‐ Yes, that's yours.

They're not gonna know. They're gone.

‐ Okay. Yeah. ‐ Cha‐ching.

‐ I'm in.

‐ I think my parents have saved

literally every single thing I've ever written.

‐ Mm. ‐ But even just the stuff

that's just, like, in the calendar.

‐ Okay, yeah, I'm going to need you

to take this one out to the car, if that's okay.

‐ [laughs]

‐ And also explain all of this that I'm looking at here.

‐ Oh, no.

Th‐‐these are my pashminas.

‐ Oh, of course. ‐ Yeah.

I used to wear these to school dances

to cover, you know, my upper arms.

‐ Sure. Sure.

‐ I think I just thought everyone would think,

"Oh, she's so thin, she's cold."

‐ Yes, yes, I was sort of, uh...

girl in a small bolero jacket, that kind of vibe.

‐ Mm. Fitting for a 13‐year‐old, I'm sure.

[both laugh] ‐ Absolutely, yeah.

Well, yeah, I guess I should add this one to the pile.

I feel like I should probably wear this to meet Em's parents.

I think it says. "I know how to stay warm,

which means I'm capable of protecting your child."

‐ Of course. Very good logic. ‐ Thank you.

‐ They're gonna understand that.

[both laugh]

‐ Oh, my God. [gasps]

Oh, wow.

Oh, God, this is too sweet.

These are little notes

that my dad wrote to my mom in the '80s.

‐ Aw. They've been together for so long.

‐ I know.

They're, like, locked together in an RV,

and they fucking love it.

That's what I want.

‐ Yeah, me too. That's true love.

‐ I know.

‐ I'm gonna take this. I'm gonna take this.

‐ Mm.

‐ And I'm also gonna take this.

‐ Oh. ‐ Yeah.

‐ Fine, but I'm keeping the little hat.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

‐ Okay, what're we doing at the Mayor's house?

‐ I know. It's stupid.

There's a reason I don't come here that often.

‐ [laughs]

[scoffs] This is where you grew up?

I would've brought better wine.

‐ Yeah, I should've given you a heads‐up.

I'm sorry. Are you mad?

‐ No, I'm not mad.

Having a rich lover is what my parents

wanted for me all along. ‐ We're here.

I'm not rich. My parents are upper middle class.

It's a big house 'cause it's in the suburbs.

‐ Sure, yeah.

Okay, Richie, whatever. I can handle it.

I'm British, which means I'm inherently fancy.

‐ Mm.

Dad?

We're here. [bottle clatters]

‐ Hmm? ‐ What?

‐ No, I'm saving that for the way home.

‐ [laughs] Oh.

‐ Oh, so that's a chandelier.

‐ Hey, Emma.

Happy birthday, old man! ‐ Mm!

There's my friend. ‐ Hi.

‐ Hey, you me brought a cake. ‐ Yep.

‐ "Sorry I'm a dumb white." ‐ Yep.

‐ Okay, and then there's a missing slice.

‐ Yep. Yep.

This cake is on a little apology tour

because, you know, my shitty article,

also the shitty time

I screamed at you about a blind date.

‐ Mm, speaking of...

[indie rock music]

♪♪

‐ Oh.

‐ I got to check on the burgers.

You want to come with? ‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ All right. ‐ Yep.

‐ Yeah, I abandoned the cornhole idea

because obviously...

‐ Hi, Annie. ‐ Oh, hey.

Hey, guys. Long time, no see.

‐ We heard you got into some deep doo‐doo at work.

‐ Yeah. ‐ Love you keeping it spicy.

‐ Yep. Yeah. ‐ Stop it. Are you drunk?

‐ What? It's Amadi's party. I get to drink.

‐ Yeah, I'm‐‐ I'm actually gonna put these

over there, get a drink, too, so...

‐ Annie, look at this!

‐ Oh, cool. Hey, guys.

What do you got?

‐ Will bought us these weird balls.

‐ Oh, yeah, those are cool.

‐ Yeah. ‐ Hi.

‐ Hi.

Um, yeah, I like how they get small and then big again.

‐ Hey, girls, burgers are ready.

Are y'all hungry? BOTH: Yeah!

‐ Yeah? ‐ Wow.

Wow.

‐ So is this awkward because of "text gate"?

‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ Yeah, you‐‐you nailed it.

‐ Yep. Yeah.

Not‐‐not my best moment, so...

‐ Probably one of the worst moments for me.

I'd love to keep talking about it.

‐ [laughs]

Yeah, well...

stay partyin'.

KRISTEN: I put the sauce on the side, just in case.

‐ Ooh, my favorite. KRISTEN: Mm.

‐ I can't stop looking at it. ‐ Stop.

She is dead. I have risen.

‐ So what kind of work do you do, Hugh?

‐ Ah, I'm retired now,

but, uh, I used to work at McKipsey, a consulting firm.

‐ Yeah, they helped ICE with the deportations.

It's, like, a very evil place. ‐ Wow.

‐ Uh, to be fair, that happened after I left.

‐ And, Kristen, what about you?

‐ I do a lot of charity work.

Oh, and, you know, my book club

is actually reading a gay book now.

‐ God knows I love a gay book. ‐ [chuckles]

Well, it's an immensely personal issue for me.

My uncle came out as gay.

‐ Didn't he kill himself? ‐ Oh, gruesome.

‐ Well, yes, but that was because of money troubles.

[scoffs] And it was his husband who found the body.

To true love.

‐ To true love.

BOTH: Yes.

‐ More. ‐ More?

Okay.

‐ More, please. ‐ You're the boss.

‐ Stop.

Yummy. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ I don't want it.

‐ [chuckles] Well... ‐ You're the adult.

You're supposed to keep kids

from eating only mac and cheese anyway.

‐ I think I trusted her instincts more than mine, so...

‐ Yeah.

‐ Am I responsible for eating this now?

I can't put it back.

‐ I don't know. You dug your own grave.

Uh, I tell you what, I'll have half of it.

‐ Really? ‐ We'll share the work.

‐ Thank you. ‐ All right.

‐ Thanks, you're doing me a solid.

‐ Bye.

‐ Thanks...

you.

Fuck, "thanks you."

‐ Emelia was at least a foot taller than most boys, too.

‐ What do they teach you at cotillion?

‐ Oh, um, obedience, self‐hatred,

and sexual repression.

‐ Uh... [chuckles]

Well, I grew up a tomboy, so by the time I did it,

I desperately wanted to be in fancy ball gowns.

‐ Well, it was hell for me.

HUGH: [clears throat]

Fran, while you're here, you must meet Henry.

‐ Oh, I think Henry misses you.

John says his appetite hasn't been great.

‐ Oh, no. Okay, I'll check on my guy later.

‐ Who's Henry?

Should I be jealous? ‐ Oh!

‐ Ah, Em's horse since grade school.

For a while, we thought that Emelia and Henry

were going to make it to the Olympics.

‐ Okay, Dad.

‐ An absolute equestrian prodigy, I tell you.

Of all the girls out there,

everyone said she had the best canter.

‐ Hon, Em prefers "them."

It's "they" and "them."

HUGH: Oh.

Sorry, dear.

‐ Thank you. We're all good.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

‐ I love that painting.

‐ Oh, yeah. It's gorgeous, isn't it?

‐ The artist is incarcerated now.

‐ I sat for 48 hours. ‐ Texture, very good texture.

‐ I was in 9th grade.

Amadi was in 12th, which sounds okay now,

but that was a 14‐year‐old and a 17‐year‐old hanging out.

It was pretty sad.

‐ Okay, hold on. He looked like he was 21.

He had a full goatee. He used to buy us beer.

[laughter] WILL: That's fair.

Do you remember we were both in love with Gina Kwon?

‐ Oh, yeah. ‐ The 10th‐grade flautist.

But we were too scared to talk to her.

We'd just talk about how cool she was in our car pool.

And he seems cool now.

It's important you know. Amadi was a loser back then,

you know, so...

People change, you know.

Um, when you went to college, you still didn't shut me out,

your friend who was still a child.

‐ [chuckles]

‐ But that's 'cause you're a solid friend

and you get better and better every year,

and we love you, buddy.

ALL: Aw. ‐ Shit. Okay.

PERSON: That's sweet. PERSON 2: We love you.

‐ You trying to make me cry out here?

It's my birthday. ‐ Speaking of...

ALL: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

‐ You motherfuckers.

ALL: ♪ Happy birthday... ♪

‐ Okay, I think you've had enough.

‐ I got an idea, babe. ‐ No, no.

‐ Why don't we just stay here tonight?

‐ Whoa.

‐ Stay here? ‐ Yeah.

YASMIN: And just impose on Amadi? What‐‐

ROB: Amadi's my friend. He cool with it.

YASMIN: Amadi has his own life.

We can't just come over and spend the night, like...

‐ Wow.

Doing dishes.

You're‐‐you're a very good guest.

[chuckles]

Do you um, want some help?

‐ Oh, yeah, that'd be great.

I'll rinse if you want to dry.

‐ Yeah.

Um...

uh, your speech was very sweet.

‐ That's a compliment, coming from a writer.

‐ Well, I'm a disgraced writer, so...

‐ Well, I'll take all the compliments I can get.

‐ [laughs] Are you gonna wash those plates?

[laughs] Yeah, that's more my speed.

FRAN: I can't believe I've known you for three years,

and I didn't know about all of this stuff.

EMILY: I know. I think I was just kind of, like, embarrassed

and yucked out by it all.

‐ Oh, why? Because your horse

wasn't as big as the other kids' horses?

‐ [laughs] No, he's quite big.

[horse neighs] ‐ [scoffs]

‐ Henry? ‐ [chuffs]

‐ Hi, baby.

‐ He's gorgeous. ‐ You want to feed him?

‐ Yeah. ‐ Mm.

‐ Hi, Henry.

That's it. Hungry boy.

[gasps] Wow.

‐ I know it sounds incredibly stupid and privileged,

but the high‐society shit was just a lot for me

and I tried to get away from it.

‐ Sorry, did you say something?

All I could hear was ka‐ching, ka‐ching.

‐ [laughs] That's the sound of him chewing.

Hey, sweetie.

‐ I'm‐‐I'm really sorry that you're rich,

but I think you'll survive.

‐ You don't seem sorry at all.

‐ [chuckles] [horse neighs]

Hi, hon.

Do you want to be in the movies?

Yeah, I'm gonna make you a star.

[soft music]

‐ Well...

the relief I feel now that the sink is clean

and this kitchen is clean is sad.

This isn't even my house.

‐ No, no, that's good. I wish I was that way.

[giggles]

Um...

Will...

I‐I think I owe you a more real apology

for how shitty I was on our date.

I just thought that Amadi...

set us up because we were both...

well, fat

and I was only thinking about myself

and how embarrassed I would be that if anyone saw me

as, like, a part of just, like, a pair of fats

who were together because that's what we deserved.

Um, and I'm just‐‐ I'm really sorry...

'cause it's extremely stupid and shallow.

‐ It probably didn't help when I knocked over a glass

of water, like, immediately.

Um... you know, it's okay, really.

‐ It's really not okay.

And I'm really embarrassed.

Um...

yeah.

I just...

[sighs]

It's like the worst part of me

and kind of the most hateful towards myself and you.

And you didn't do anything.

I was in, like, a very...

devaluing relationship where...

I really didn't think I deserved shit.

And, um...

part of that was because of how I looked or look.

And when I finally had the chance

and was sitting in front of someone

who was actually good, like, I couldn't even see it.

‐ Wow.

Thank you for...

Thank you for apologizing.

I did cry when I got home that night and...

‐ You did? ‐ No.

‐ Don't fuck with me right now.

‐ It was too easy.

Honestly, I could tell something was going on,

but I‐I just assumed it was about me.

‐ No.

‐ You know, I wasn't perfect either that night.

‐ No, you were so sweet and funny

and...

and open.

‐ I just mean I‐I told you I was married.

The last time I was on a date was high school,

so I was a nervous wreck and‐and wasn't myself,

partially because I thought that...

that you were...

smart and pretty.

‐ Thank you.

I, um...

Well, I‐I find you really attractive.

Like...

Like, I want to kiss you right now.

‐ I want to kiss you, too.

‐ So then we should kiss.

[Adrianne Lenker's "anything"]

ADRIANNE: ♪ Staring down the barrel of the hot sun ♪

♪ Shining with the sheen of a shotgun ♪

♪ Carol has a little if we need some ♪

♪ Jo has a ride if we wanna come ♪

♪ Hanging your jeans with a clothespin ♪

♪ Skin still wet, still on my skin ♪

♪ Mango in your mouth, juice drippin' ♪

♪ Shoulder of your shirt sleeve slippin' ♪

♪ Christmas Eve with your mother and sis ♪

♪ Don't wanna fight, but your mother insists ♪

♪ Dog's white teeth slice right through my fist ♪

♪ Drive to the ER, and they put me on risk ♪

♪ Grocery store list, now you get pissed ♪

♪ Unchecked calls and messages ♪

♪ I don't wanna be the owner of your fantasy ♪

♪ I just wanna be a part of your family ♪

♪ And I don't wanna talk about anything ♪

♪ I don't wanna talk about anything ♪

♪ I wanna kiss, kiss your eyes again ♪

♪ Wanna witness your eyes looking ♪

♪ I don't wanna talk about anyone ♪

♪ I don't wanna talk about anyone ♪

♪ I wanna sleep in your car while you're driving ♪

♪ Lay in your lap when I'm crying ♪

♪ I don't wanna talk about anyone ♪

♪ I don't wanna talk about anyone ♪

♪ I wanna sleep in your car while you're driving ♪

♪ Lay in your lap when I'm crying ♪

♪ ♪