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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,833 --> 00:00:06,403 HOW ONE FAMILY'S TERRIBLE TRAGEDY 2 00:00:06,433 --> 00:00:07,873 HAS FINALLY PAID DIVIDENDS. 3 00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:09,600 TERROR ON THE ROADWAYS. 4 00:00:09,633 --> 00:00:11,203 YOU'RE GONNA BE SHOCKED AT WHAT CAUSES 5 00:00:11,233 --> 00:00:13,673 80% OF THE ACCIDENTS ON THE ROAD TODAY. 6 00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:15,600 AND WE'LL SPEAK TO THE CONTROVERSIAL AUTHOR 7 00:00:15,633 --> 00:00:18,373 OF THE PEDOPHILE'S GUIDE TO MAKING MILLIONS IN REAL ESTATE. 8 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:19,930 BUT DOES HIS SYSTEM WORK? 9 00:00:19,967 --> 00:00:24,097 ALL THIS AND MORE ON TONIGHT'S JON BENJAMIN HAS A VAN. 10 00:00:24,133 --> 00:00:26,773 [exciting music] 11 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,030 - [grunts] 12 00:00:29,067 --> 00:00:31,367 * 13 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:33,130 - [sighs] 14 00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:34,767 [device beeps] 15 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,030 [explosion] 16 00:00:37,067 --> 00:00:45,067 * 17 00:00:47,467 --> 00:00:50,097 - IN 2008, DAVID AND JANICE RANDALL 18 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,273 HAD A BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL, CANDICE. 19 00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:55,030 A YEAR AFTER, A TRAGIC ACCIDENT OCCURRED, 20 00:00:55,067 --> 00:00:57,967 LEAVING CANDICE IN A COMA. 21 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,800 IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS NOW, 22 00:00:59,833 --> 00:01:04,073 AND THE PARENTS ARE STILL STRUGGLING TO COPE. 23 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,870 SO HOW HAS IT BEEN? 24 00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:14,930 - I MEAN, WE WERE NOT WELL OFF WHEN THIS HAPPENED... 25 00:01:14,967 --> 00:01:16,667 TO CANDICE, SO IT'S JUST LIKE, 26 00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:19,530 YOU KNOW, ONE THING ON TOP OF THE NEXT. 27 00:01:19,567 --> 00:01:21,427 THE GOOD THING IS WE HAD SO MANY PEOPLE HELP OUT. 28 00:01:21,467 --> 00:01:22,567 YOU KNOW? 29 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:24,530 LETTERS OF SUPPORT, DONATING THEIR TIME. 30 00:01:24,567 --> 00:01:26,897 PEOPLE HAVE... 31 00:01:26,933 --> 00:01:29,673 JUST BEEN SO GENEROUS. - YEAH. 32 00:01:29,700 --> 00:01:32,630 - WHAT'S EVEN MORE SHOCKING THAN THE RANDALL SITUATION 33 00:01:32,667 --> 00:01:35,367 IS THAT ONLY 20 YARDS AWAY ON THE SAME BLOCK 34 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:37,800 IS ANOTHER HOUSEHOLD DEALING WITH THE EXACT SAME TRAGEDY-- 35 00:01:37,833 --> 00:01:40,173 ANOTHER BABY IN A COMA. 36 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,330 I'VE JUST SPOKEN TO THE RANDALLS. 37 00:01:43,367 --> 00:01:44,867 HOW HAS IT BEEN FOR YOU? 38 00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:46,170 - OUR LIVES HAVE COMPLETELY CHANGED. 39 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:47,400 - IT'S BEEN GREAT. 40 00:01:47,433 --> 00:01:49,473 IT'S JUST BEEN AN INCREDIBLE YEAR AND A HALF. 41 00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:51,400 - IT'S BEEN-- IT'S BEEN GREAT? 42 00:01:51,433 --> 00:01:52,373 - I MEAN, ONCE WE STARTED TELLING PEOPLE 43 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:53,470 ABOUT JEREMY AND HIS COMA, 44 00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:55,670 MONEY AND GIFTS, DONATIONS, 45 00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:57,600 UH, TV APPEARANCES, 46 00:01:57,633 --> 00:02:00,133 WHICH LEADS TO MORE MONEY AND GIFTS. 47 00:02:00,167 --> 00:02:01,967 UM, OH, [bleep], WE GOTTA SHOW HIM THE POOL. 48 00:02:02,067 --> 00:02:03,597 DO YOU WANT TO SEE THE POOL? 49 00:02:05,067 --> 00:02:06,127 - THE POOL. - WHOA. 50 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:07,827 - YEAH, HUH? - IT'S REALLY NICE. 51 00:02:07,867 --> 00:02:10,667 - BRAND NEW, HEATED. UM, WE ACTUALLY JUST BOUGHT 52 00:02:10,700 --> 00:02:12,430 A THIRD OF AN ACRE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT WALL... 53 00:02:12,467 --> 00:02:14,167 - DO YOU THINK IT'S A STRANGE COINCIDENCE 54 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,200 THAT YOUR BABY SUFFERED THE SAME FATE 55 00:02:16,233 --> 00:02:18,573 AS THE RANDALLS' BABY, AND YOU GUYS LIVE 56 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,830 BASICALLY ACROSS THE STREET FROM EACH OTHER? 57 00:02:20,867 --> 00:02:22,127 - COINCIDENCE? NO. NO. 58 00:02:22,167 --> 00:02:23,727 NO, WE GOT THE IDEA FROM THE RANDALLS. 59 00:02:23,767 --> 00:02:27,297 SEE, WE SAW HOW BENEFICIAL, UH, A BABY IN A COMA 60 00:02:27,333 --> 00:02:28,503 WAS FOR THE RANDALLS, 61 00:02:28,533 --> 00:02:30,073 AND WE DECIDED WE WANTED TO GET ONE. 62 00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:33,827 - SO YOU FOUND A PLACE WHERE YOU COULD OBTAIN A BABY IN A COMA? 63 00:02:33,867 --> 00:02:35,667 - ADOPT. - ADOPT. 64 00:02:45,267 --> 00:02:46,667 [gunshot, distant scream] 65 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,430 - [exhales] 66 00:02:48,467 --> 00:02:50,397 - WE TRAVELED TO NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT 67 00:02:50,433 --> 00:02:52,333 TO TALK TO THE RYAN FAMILY. 68 00:02:52,367 --> 00:02:56,067 - TWINS. UH, TWO BABIES, BOTH IN COMAS. 69 00:02:56,067 --> 00:02:57,527 A BROTHER AND SISTER. 70 00:02:57,567 --> 00:03:00,927 UM, WE HAVE A BOOK DEAL AND A TV SHOW IN THE WORKS. 71 00:03:00,967 --> 00:03:03,167 AND WE MET THE VICE-PRESIDENT. 72 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,770 - UH, WHY WOULD PEOPLE DO THIS? 73 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:08,730 - I MEAN, WHY WOULD PEOPLE EXPLOIT INNOCENT BABIES IN COMAS 74 00:03:08,767 --> 00:03:10,427 FOR FINANCIAL GAIN? I MEAN, 75 00:03:10,467 --> 00:03:12,927 HONESTLY, I MEAN, HAVE YOU NO DECENCY? I--REALLY. 76 00:03:12,967 --> 00:03:14,327 - OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 77 00:03:14,367 --> 00:03:16,527 I TAKE CARE OF TWO BABIES IN COMAS EVERY DAY. DO YOU? 78 00:03:16,567 --> 00:03:18,197 BECAUSE UNLESS YOU DO, 79 00:03:18,233 --> 00:03:20,273 I WOULD BE HESITANT TO PASS JUDGMENT ON THOSE THAT DO. 80 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,700 - UH, CAN YOU ANSWER THE QUESTION? 81 00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:26,830 - WHAT AN ASS [bleep]. 82 00:03:26,867 --> 00:03:28,097 - THAT'S MY HUSBAND. 83 00:03:28,133 --> 00:03:29,803 - I KNOW, I MEAN, HE'S PROBABLY NICE. 84 00:03:32,567 --> 00:03:34,097 [sensual music] 85 00:03:34,133 --> 00:03:35,073 - [laughs] 86 00:03:35,067 --> 00:03:43,197 * 87 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,900 SO WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELVES IN FIVE YEARS? 88 00:03:48,933 --> 00:03:50,773 - TOGETHER. 89 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,570 YOU KNOW, AS A FAMILY. 90 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,070 MAKIN' MONEY. 91 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,127 UH, SO I THINK WE'LL PROBABLY DO A LITTLE--A LITTLE TRAVELING. 92 00:03:56,167 --> 00:03:58,367 - [baby cries] 93 00:03:59,567 --> 00:04:00,767 [crying] 94 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,300 - OH, MY GOD! 95 00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:05,403 [gasps] [crying continues] 96 00:04:05,433 --> 00:04:07,303 - [Bleep]. 97 00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:11,670 - SO I'M STANDING HERE IN DOWNTOWN MANHATTAN, 98 00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:14,770 AND I'M GOING TO GO INTO THIS SURVEILLANCE SHOP 99 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,470 WHICH SPECIALIZES IN SURVEILLANCE EQUIPMENT. 100 00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:20,470 AND I'M GOING TO TRY AND STEAL SOMETHING FROM THEM. 101 00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:22,470 [ominous music] 102 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:26,230 * 103 00:04:29,633 --> 00:04:32,573 HOW YOU DOING? 104 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:38,600 [indistinct chatter] 105 00:04:44,933 --> 00:04:47,403 [dramatic music] 106 00:04:47,433 --> 00:04:51,633 * 107 00:04:53,233 --> 00:04:55,903 - OKAY. I CAN COME BY. 108 00:04:55,933 --> 00:04:57,373 - OKAY, GREAT. 109 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,470 - SIR, DID YOU--CAN I SEE WHAT YOU HAVE IN YOUR POCKET? 110 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,130 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? MY CELL PHONE. 111 00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:03,067 - JUST YOUR CELL PHONE? - YEAH. 112 00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:04,067 - 'CAUSE I SAW YOU TAKING SOMETHING. 113 00:05:04,067 --> 00:05:05,067 - OH, YOU DID? 114 00:05:05,067 --> 00:05:06,167 YOU SAW ME. 115 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:07,300 DID YOU SEE ME TAKE THIS? - I SEE IT NOW. 116 00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:09,073 - THIS ONE. - YES. 117 00:05:09,067 --> 00:05:10,227 CAN YOU PLEASE RETURN IT? 118 00:05:10,267 --> 00:05:11,327 - I-- - JAVAN! 119 00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:12,367 - DO YOU HAVE IT ON CAMERA? 120 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,670 - YES, I DO, ACTUALLY. 121 00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:15,830 - THAT'S TAPING IT. - HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE? 122 00:05:15,867 --> 00:05:17,067 - JAVAN! - I--I-- 123 00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:18,630 - JAVAN! [indistinct female voice] 124 00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:20,327 - [speaking Hebrew] 125 00:05:20,367 --> 00:05:21,767 - YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEAK HEBREW FOR THIS. 126 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,370 IT'S A MISUNDERSTANDING. I WAS-- 127 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,200 - IT'S NOT A MATTER OF HEBREW. 128 00:05:26,233 --> 00:05:27,373 - IT'S A MISUNDERSTANDING BECAUSE WE-- 129 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,070 WE HAVE IT ALSO ON CAMERA. 130 00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:30,427 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE IT ALSO ON CAMERA? 131 00:05:30,467 --> 00:05:33,497 - WE HAVE IT ON CAMERA, AS WELL. 132 00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:36,673 WE'VE BEEN DOING SURVEILLANCE ON YOU AS WELL. 133 00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:37,770 - SO IT'S A-- - IT'S A DOUBLE SURVEILLANCE, 134 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,230 BASICALLY. 135 00:05:39,267 --> 00:05:40,467 ARE YOU THE OWNER? 136 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:41,970 - YES. - YES, HE IS THE OWNER. 137 00:05:42,067 --> 00:05:43,067 - HEY, I'M JON... 138 00:05:43,067 --> 00:05:44,767 BENJAMIN. - SO-- 139 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,230 - OH. 140 00:05:46,267 --> 00:05:50,067 - [speaking Hebrew] 141 00:05:50,067 --> 00:05:53,327 - I WAS TRYING TO, UH, STEAL SOMETHING 142 00:05:53,367 --> 00:05:56,297 FROM A SURVEILLANCE SHOP JUST FOR FUN. 143 00:06:04,967 --> 00:06:08,327 I'M SORRY I TRIED TO STEAL FROM YOUR SURVEILLANCE SHOP. 144 00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:10,067 - [laughing] OKAY. 145 00:06:10,067 --> 00:06:11,067 YOU GOT CAUGHT. - ALL RIGHT. 146 00:06:11,067 --> 00:06:13,697 - I DID. I'M SORRY. 147 00:06:18,367 --> 00:06:20,927 - DRIVING. EVERYBODY DOES IT. IN FACT, 148 00:06:20,967 --> 00:06:22,527 I'M DRIVING RIGHT NOW. 149 00:06:22,567 --> 00:06:25,097 BUT DRIVING CAN BE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. 150 00:06:25,133 --> 00:06:27,803 LAST YEAR ALONE, THERE WERE OVER 50,000 DEATHS 151 00:06:27,833 --> 00:06:29,633 AS A RESULT OF CAR ACCIDENTS. 152 00:06:29,667 --> 00:06:33,597 80% OF THOSE WERE A DIRECT RESULT OF THIS-- 153 00:06:35,933 --> 00:06:39,433 ORAL SEX WHILE DRIVING. 154 00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:42,067 OR WHAT SOME CALL O.S.D. 155 00:06:42,067 --> 00:06:44,897 OOH. OR WHAT OTHERS CALL... 156 00:06:44,933 --> 00:06:46,933 ROAD HEAD. 157 00:06:46,967 --> 00:06:49,097 [R&B music] 158 00:06:49,133 --> 00:06:52,433 * 159 00:06:53,833 --> 00:06:55,373 - SO IT HAPPENED HERE. 160 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,830 THE CAR, IT VEERED OFF THIS WAY AND CRASHED INTO THIS TREE. 161 00:06:58,867 --> 00:07:01,267 - WOW. AND YOU WERE IN THE CAR? 162 00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:03,470 - YEAH. I WAS ASLEEP IN THE BACKSEAT, 163 00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,270 AND MY MOTHER WAS IN THE FRONT SEAT, 164 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,670 GIVING MY FATHER ROAD HEAD. 165 00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:09,500 - HOW HAS THIS AFFECTED YOUR LIFE? 166 00:07:09,533 --> 00:07:11,303 - WELL, I DON'T HAVE PARENTS ANYMORE. 167 00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:13,433 - YEAH, BUT BESIDES THAT. 168 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:17,227 - UM, WELL, I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP IN CARS. 169 00:07:17,267 --> 00:07:19,867 AND I ALSO CAN'T PERFORM ORAL SEX 170 00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:22,130 ON SOMEONE WHO'S DRIVING. - WOW. 171 00:07:22,167 --> 00:07:24,667 IT'S BEEN OVER THREE MINUTES OF ME RECEIVING ROAD HEAD, 172 00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:28,170 AND WHEN IT'S ACTUALLY HAPPENING YOU CAN REALLY FEEL 173 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,770 HOW IT CAN IMPAIR YOUR ABILITY TO DRIVE. 174 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,870 I MEAN, I'VE BEEN, UH, THROWING MY HEAD BACK A LOT, AND-- 175 00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:35,730 THE SENSATION ALONE IS REALLY-- 176 00:07:35,767 --> 00:07:37,367 IT'S DIFFICULT TO CONCEN-- [thud] 177 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,170 [tires screech] 178 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,970 - JESUS. WHAT THE [bleep]? 179 00:07:41,067 --> 00:07:41,967 - WHAT HAPPENED? 180 00:07:42,067 --> 00:07:43,327 - WHAT HAPPENED? - WHAT HAPPENED? 181 00:07:43,367 --> 00:07:44,567 - WHAT HAPPENED? 182 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,470 - I DON'T KNOW, I-- I THINK I HIT SOMETHING. 183 00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:47,630 [Bleep]. 184 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,097 - ARE YOU OKAY? - OH, NO. 185 00:07:53,567 --> 00:07:55,167 - WHAT IS IT? 186 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,630 OH, MY GOD. [Bleep]. 187 00:07:57,667 --> 00:07:58,867 - IT'S A PONY. 188 00:07:58,900 --> 00:08:01,170 - OH, MY GOD, WE HIT A PONY. 189 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,200 [microphone thumps] - IS THAT BAD LUCK? 190 00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,733 - YES. 191 00:08:04,767 --> 00:08:06,127 - JON. 192 00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:08,767 [ominous music] IT'S AN OLD GYPSY WOMAN. 193 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,500 SHE MUST HAVE BEEN RIDING THE PONY. 194 00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,073 - OH, NO, DAVE, NO. 195 00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:14,497 OH, MY GOD. 196 00:08:14,533 --> 00:08:15,873 IS HITTING A GYPSY BAD LUCK? 197 00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:17,400 - YES. 198 00:08:17,433 --> 00:08:18,873 - NO! 199 00:08:18,900 --> 00:08:21,800 SIMZA! MY LOVE! 200 00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:24,473 NO... 201 00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:26,070 YOU... 202 00:08:26,067 --> 00:08:28,567 KILLED HER. 203 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:30,100 - NO. 204 00:08:30,133 --> 00:08:31,933 YOU KILLED MY SIMZA. 205 00:08:31,967 --> 00:08:33,367 - NO, I--I DIDN'T, SIR. I'M SORRY-- 206 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:36,670 - I...CURSE YOU! 207 00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:38,930 [ominous music] 208 00:08:38,967 --> 00:08:40,667 - YOU WHAT? YOU CURSE ME? 209 00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:42,600 - YES, I CURSE YOU. 210 00:08:42,633 --> 00:08:43,673 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 211 00:08:43,700 --> 00:08:46,370 - TERRIBLE EPISODE. 212 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,300 - [laughing] YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT? 213 00:08:48,333 --> 00:08:50,503 I DON'T BELIEVE IN CURSES, SIR, 214 00:08:50,533 --> 00:08:51,973 SO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO TO MOURN YOUR LOSS... 215 00:08:52,067 --> 00:08:54,667 I'M SORRY I KILLED YOUR WIFE, OR MOTHER, OR WHATEVER, 216 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,130 BUT I DON'T-- 217 00:08:56,167 --> 00:08:58,967 - THE CURSE OF THE TERRIBLE EPISODE! 218 00:09:00,367 --> 00:09:02,797 - OKAY. TERRIBLE EPISODE, LIKE A HEART ATTACK, 219 00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,973 OR TERRIBLE EPISODE LIKE THIS SHOW? 220 00:09:05,067 --> 00:09:07,927 - TERRIBLE EPISODE, THE SHOW. 221 00:09:07,967 --> 00:09:09,167 - LOOK, THIS IS SILLY. 222 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,130 - [laughing] YES. 223 00:09:14,267 --> 00:09:15,527 - YES, WHAT? 224 00:09:17,667 --> 00:09:20,497 - YOU CANNOT ESCAPE CURSE. 225 00:09:20,533 --> 00:09:22,733 - YES, I CAN, 'CAUSE THERE IS NONE. 226 00:09:22,767 --> 00:09:23,827 - YES, THERE IS. 227 00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:25,497 - NO, THERE ISN'T. - YES, THERE IS. 228 00:09:25,533 --> 00:09:27,633 - [imitates accent] NO, THERE ISN'T. 229 00:09:32,933 --> 00:09:33,973 WHAT? 230 00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:35,497 - YOU SEE? 231 00:09:37,067 --> 00:09:38,727 - WHAT DO I SEE? 232 00:09:38,767 --> 00:09:40,467 - TERRIBLE EPISODE ALREADY HAPPENING. 233 00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:41,570 [chimes] 234 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,430 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 235 00:09:43,467 --> 00:09:46,067 - [laughing] THIS LONG, BORING CONVERSATION 236 00:09:46,067 --> 00:09:48,167 IS TERRIBLE! 237 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,400 - YOU KNOW WHAT, FORGET IT, WE--WE SHOULD GO. 238 00:09:49,433 --> 00:09:50,373 WE'RE LEAVING. 239 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,100 - [groans] - OKAY, I GOT IT. 240 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,803 - [maniacal laugh] 241 00:09:54,833 --> 00:09:57,703 - YOU CURSED US, WE GET IT. - [laughs] 242 00:09:57,733 --> 00:10:03,303 TERRIBLE EPISODE! 243 00:10:03,333 --> 00:10:07,433 [laughter] 244 00:10:07,467 --> 00:10:08,827 - OH, MAN. 245 00:10:08,867 --> 00:10:10,127 THAT WAS SO STUPID. 246 00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:11,527 ONE LESS GYPSY, RIGHT? 247 00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:13,727 [laughter] 248 00:10:13,767 --> 00:10:16,667 - HEY, GUYS, MY GRANDMOTHER WAS PART GYPSY, OKAY? 249 00:10:18,267 --> 00:10:20,067 - WAS SHE KILLED BY A VAN? 250 00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:25,270 [raucous laughter] 251 00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:26,470 I MEAN, I'M SORRY I HIT THE WOMAN, 252 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:27,600 BUT, I MEAN, COME ON. 253 00:10:27,633 --> 00:10:32,073 WE GET OURSELVES IN SOME CRAZY SITUATIONS, RIGHT? 254 00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:34,727 [gasps] 255 00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:37,427 - TERRIBLE EPISODE. EVERY CLICHE! 256 00:10:37,467 --> 00:10:40,727 - [panting] 257 00:10:40,767 --> 00:10:44,597 OH, IT WAS A DREAM. 258 00:10:44,633 --> 00:10:48,773 WAIT, WAKING UP AND REALIZING IT WAS ALL A DREAM. 259 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:51,570 THAT IS A CLICHE. 260 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,870 AND IN VOICEOVER? UGH, TERRIBLE. 261 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,330 [yawns] 262 00:11:02,767 --> 00:11:04,797 - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. 263 00:11:04,833 --> 00:11:07,403 - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. 264 00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:09,573 I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT MY ANNIVERSARY. 265 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,870 [laugh track] 266 00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:15,870 - DAD, YOU OVERSLEPT. [laugh track] 267 00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:18,370 - I SHOULD BE TELLING YOU THAT, SON. 268 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,370 [laugh track] 269 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,930 WAIT A MINUTE, I'M NOT MARRIED. 270 00:11:25,967 --> 00:11:28,267 I DON'T HAVE A KID. [whimsical music] 271 00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:30,470 I DON'T SMOKE. 272 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:31,600 - DAD! 273 00:11:31,633 --> 00:11:36,933 - OH, TO BE 11 AGAIN. NO STRESS, NO BILLS, 274 00:11:36,967 --> 00:11:39,097 NO ANNIVERSARIES TO REMEMBER. [magical chimes] 275 00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:42,973 - I WISH I WAS OLDER, SO I COULD HAVE A COOL BEARD TOO. 276 00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:49,330 both: I WISH I WAS HIM FOR JUST ONE DAY. 277 00:11:56,900 --> 00:12:00,070 [coughing] 278 00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,297 - OH, MY GOD. 279 00:12:01,333 --> 00:12:03,303 [eerie music] 280 00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:08,903 * 281 00:12:08,933 --> 00:12:10,133 [chuckles] 282 00:12:10,167 --> 00:12:13,427 [coughing] WELL, I'M OFF TO SCHOOL. 283 00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:14,297 BYE, MOM. 284 00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:17,373 BYE, DAD. [laugh track] 285 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:21,300 [coughs] 286 00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:24,933 - I SHOULD NEVER HAVE HIT THAT GYPSY'S PONY. 287 00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:29,670 - TERRIBLE EPISODE. EVERY CLICHE! 288 00:12:33,933 --> 00:12:36,633 - [sighs] 289 00:12:36,667 --> 00:12:39,827 I HATE THIS STUPID CURSE! 290 00:12:39,867 --> 00:12:42,827 [dramatic music] 291 00:12:42,867 --> 00:12:49,297 * 292 00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:50,803 - [screams] 293 00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:52,673 - OOF! 294 00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:56,530 OH, GOD. ANOTHER GYPSY WOMAN? 295 00:12:56,567 --> 00:13:00,267 - YOU MURDERED ANOTHER GYPSY. 296 00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:04,400 THIS TIME YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET AWAY WITH IT. 297 00:13:04,433 --> 00:13:05,873 [sirens whoop] 298 00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:09,430 - COME ON! 299 00:13:09,467 --> 00:13:12,567 - YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THIS. [grunts] 300 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,470 COME ON. JUST STOP THIS. 301 00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:18,970 LET ME GO! YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE. 302 00:13:19,067 --> 00:13:21,067 CAN WE PLEASE JUST STOP THIS, GYPSY? 303 00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:23,167 - [maniacal laugh] 304 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:26,470 - THIS WHOLE THING IS BECAUSE A GYPSY CURSED MY SHOW. 305 00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:29,070 YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I'M NOT EVEN A LITTLE BOY, 306 00:13:29,067 --> 00:13:31,167 I'M A GROWN MAN! 307 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,630 AW, COME ON! 308 00:13:35,667 --> 00:13:38,627 [soft music] 309 00:13:38,667 --> 00:13:46,597 * 310 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:55,367 - HI, DAD. 311 00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:58,930 - [sighs] SON. 312 00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:03,667 I'M GLAD YOU CAME TO SEE ME. 313 00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:07,230 - OF COURSE, DAD. 314 00:14:07,267 --> 00:14:11,527 I'M SORRY WE COULD NEVER SWITCH BACK AGAIN. 315 00:14:11,567 --> 00:14:14,927 - IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE. 316 00:14:14,967 --> 00:14:18,067 - I LOVE YOU. 317 00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:20,397 - YEAH. WHATEVER. 318 00:14:22,767 --> 00:14:24,797 - IT'S TIME. 319 00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:26,473 - LET'S DO IT. 320 00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:30,130 [dramatic music] 321 00:14:30,167 --> 00:14:32,967 - STAY STRONG, JON. - THANKS, BRIAN. 322 00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:35,567 - PONY MURDERER! 323 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,270 - GYPSY HATER! 324 00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:41,230 - PEDOPHILE! - HEY, I'M NOT A PEDOPHILE. 325 00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:43,827 - NO. ME. I'M A PEDOPHILE. 326 00:14:43,867 --> 00:14:46,127 - OH. 327 00:14:46,167 --> 00:14:50,267 I DON'T WANT TO DIE THIS WAY. - [maniacal laughter] 328 00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:52,270 - I DON'T WANT TO DIE THIS WAY! 329 00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:54,230 I DON'T WANT TO DIE THIS WAY! 330 00:14:54,267 --> 00:14:57,427 [gasps] OH. 331 00:14:57,467 --> 00:14:58,797 OH, THANK GOD. 332 00:14:58,833 --> 00:15:02,603 - ADMINISTERING LETHAL INJECTION NOW. 333 00:15:02,633 --> 00:15:04,633 [dramatic music] 334 00:15:04,667 --> 00:15:07,667 - THANKS. I DIDN'T WANT TO DO ELECTRIC CHAIR. 335 00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:10,300 - NO PROBLEM. 336 00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:12,833 [dramatic music] [screaming] 337 00:15:12,867 --> 00:15:18,597 * 338 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,600 - TERRIBLE EPISODE OVER. 339 00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:36,067 - I'M JON BENJAMIN, AND THIS IS HANG UP ON THEM. 340 00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:38,397 [click, dial tone] 341 00:15:38,433 --> 00:15:40,803 [funky music] 342 00:15:40,833 --> 00:15:42,433 ARE YOU ON THE PHONE? - YEAH, I AM. 343 00:15:42,467 --> 00:15:43,567 - CAN YOU HANG UP ON THEM? 344 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,330 - UH, HANG UP ON THEM, WHY? WHAT'S GOING ON? 345 00:15:46,367 --> 00:15:48,067 - JUST-- WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? 346 00:15:48,067 --> 00:15:49,697 - UH, MY MANAGER. 347 00:15:49,733 --> 00:15:51,233 - OH. CAN YOU HANG UP? 348 00:15:51,267 --> 00:15:52,497 - WHY? CAN-- 349 00:15:52,533 --> 00:15:54,073 - [muttering] WE'RE ON HANG UP ON THEM. 350 00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:55,470 [car horn] - KATIE, I'M BEING ASKED 351 00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:57,900 TO HANG UP ON YOU, SO I'LL CALL YOU BACK. 352 00:15:57,933 --> 00:16:01,403 - OKAY. - BY A TV CREW. 353 00:16:01,433 --> 00:16:03,073 I'M NOT...SURE WHY. 354 00:16:03,067 --> 00:16:05,597 - IT'S OKAY, JUST DO IT. - OKAY, BYE. 355 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:08,667 - ALL RIGHT, GOOD. WE GOT 'EM, RIGHT? 356 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:09,900 - WHAT? - THAT WAS YOUR MANAGER? 357 00:16:09,933 --> 00:16:10,933 - YEAH. - AND YOU HUNG UP. 358 00:16:10,967 --> 00:16:12,067 - YES. - ALL RIGHT, GOOD. 359 00:16:12,067 --> 00:16:13,827 THIS IS HANG UP ON THEM. - UH-HUH. 360 00:16:13,867 --> 00:16:15,567 - THIS IS THE SHOW. - OH! 361 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,630 THAT'S HILARIOUS. 362 00:16:16,667 --> 00:16:18,727 [dial tone] 363 00:16:18,767 --> 00:16:20,067 - ARE YOU ON YOUR PHONE? - YEAH. 364 00:16:20,067 --> 00:16:21,067 - YOU WANT TO HANG UP? - NO. 365 00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:22,167 - CAN YOU HANG UP? 366 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,400 - LET ME CALL YOU RIGHT BACK. 367 00:16:24,433 --> 00:16:25,633 - HANG UP ON 'EM. 368 00:16:25,667 --> 00:16:27,597 - LET ME CALL YOU RIGHT BACK. - HANG UP ON THEM. 369 00:16:27,633 --> 00:16:28,903 - WHAT'S UP? - ALL RIGHT, 370 00:16:28,933 --> 00:16:30,173 YOU'RE ON HANG UP ON THEM, AND YOU DID IT. 371 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,300 - OH, THAT'S IT. - THAT'S IT, MAN, THANKS. 372 00:16:31,333 --> 00:16:32,333 - NO WORRIES. 373 00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:33,967 [dial tone] 374 00:16:34,067 --> 00:16:35,127 - YOU GUYS JUST GO AROUND 375 00:16:35,167 --> 00:16:36,797 TELLING PEOPLE TO HANG UP THEIR PHONES? 376 00:16:36,833 --> 00:16:37,933 - YEAH. 377 00:16:37,967 --> 00:16:39,367 - THAT'S SO MUCH FUN. 378 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,100 - CAN YOU HANG UP-- ARE YOU ON THE PHONE? 379 00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:42,933 - YEAH, HOLD ON. SOMEBODY'S HERE WITH A MICROPHONE. 380 00:16:42,967 --> 00:16:44,727 - YEAH, WHAT-- - CAN YOU HANG UP ON 'EM? 381 00:16:44,767 --> 00:16:46,927 - YEAH, WELL, I COULD STOP THE CALL--WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 382 00:16:46,967 --> 00:16:48,127 - LIKE HANG UP. 383 00:16:48,167 --> 00:16:49,297 - WHY? - DID YOU HANG UP? 384 00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:50,603 - YEAH. WHY? 385 00:16:50,633 --> 00:16:53,073 - WELL, WHO WAS THAT? - THE GUY I WORK WITH, WHY? 386 00:16:53,067 --> 00:16:54,267 - WELL, YOU JUST HUNG UP ON HIM. - YEAH. 387 00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:55,200 - ALL RIGHT, GOOD. - YOU ASKED ME TO, 388 00:16:55,233 --> 00:16:56,533 DIDN'T YOU? YES OR NO? 389 00:16:56,567 --> 00:16:57,867 - WELL, YEAH, BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT. 390 00:16:57,900 --> 00:16:59,230 - WELL, I--IT WAS TIME. 391 00:16:59,267 --> 00:17:00,767 - OH, GOOD. GOOD. WELL, YOU'RE ON HANG UP ON THEM. 392 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,570 THAT'S--THIS IS MY SHOW. - THAT'S RUDE. 393 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,670 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOUR SHOW? WHO ARE YOU? 394 00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:07,430 - I'M JUST THE HOST OF HANG UP ON THEM, THE SHOW THAT-- 395 00:17:07,467 --> 00:17:09,367 THAT TRIES TO GET-- - ARE YOU [bleep] KIDDING ME? 396 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:10,930 [dial tone] 397 00:17:10,967 --> 00:17:12,767 - EXCUSE ME, SIR? COULD I-- 398 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:17,600 [ominous music] - TERRIBLE EPISODE NOT OVER. 399 00:17:17,633 --> 00:17:22,173 [maniacal laugh] 400 00:17:25,733 --> 00:17:29,073 - THIS WHOLE THING IS BECAUSE A GYPSY CURSED MY SHOW. 401 00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:31,197 - THE CURSE OF THE TERRIBLE EPISODE! 402 00:17:31,233 --> 00:17:32,703 - YOU CURSED US, WE GET IT. 403 00:17:32,733 --> 00:17:34,703 - CAN WE PLEASE JUST STOP THIS, GYPSY? 404 00:17:34,733 --> 00:17:37,873 - ADMINISTERING LETHAL INJECTION NOW. 405 00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:41,530 TERRIBLE EPISODE NOT OVER. 406 00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:46,070 [upbeat music] 407 00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:48,230 - [laughs] 408 00:17:51,933 --> 00:17:54,333 [slide whistle] - [barking laugh] 409 00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:55,327 - HEY, 410 00:17:55,367 --> 00:17:56,867 - [barks] WOW! 411 00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:58,230 WAH, WAH, WOW! 412 00:17:58,267 --> 00:18:00,327 OW! [slide whistle and horn] 413 00:18:00,367 --> 00:18:01,327 OOH! [applause] 414 00:18:01,367 --> 00:18:02,827 WAH! 415 00:18:02,867 --> 00:18:04,197 WHOO! OH! 416 00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:08,373 WHOO-HOO-HOO-WOW! [blubbering and barking] 417 00:18:09,767 --> 00:18:12,227 [toilet flushing] 418 00:18:12,267 --> 00:18:14,867 - I'D GIVE IT A MINUTE. - OH. 419 00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:17,297 [sniffs] 420 00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:19,073 [record scratch] [flatulence] 421 00:18:19,067 --> 00:18:25,067 - WHOA-O-O-O-OH! [laugh track] 422 00:18:25,867 --> 00:18:27,867 OH! OH! 423 00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:32,900 WO-O-O-O-OW! [laugh track] 424 00:18:32,933 --> 00:18:34,433 [ringing] 425 00:18:34,467 --> 00:18:36,267 - HELLO? - HEY, REACTION, IT'S MIKE. 426 00:18:36,300 --> 00:18:39,970 UH, I'M STUCK IN TRAFFIC, SO I'LL BE RUNNING LATE. 427 00:18:40,067 --> 00:18:43,867 - WHA-- WHO-O-O-O-AH! 428 00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:48,070 [screams and barks] [laugh track] 429 00:18:48,067 --> 00:18:50,597 [gasps] AAH! 430 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:54,900 [record scratch] 431 00:18:54,933 --> 00:18:56,303 [gasping] 432 00:18:56,333 --> 00:18:59,633 [sad music] 433 00:18:59,667 --> 00:19:01,097 - REACTION. 434 00:19:01,133 --> 00:19:03,103 - THAT'S MY WIFE. 435 00:19:03,133 --> 00:19:04,333 - I DON'T-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 436 00:19:04,367 --> 00:19:05,827 UH, I-- 437 00:19:05,867 --> 00:19:08,497 I--I LOVE HER. I HAVE FOR A YEAR. 438 00:19:08,533 --> 00:19:10,903 I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOUR FRIENDSHIP. 439 00:19:10,933 --> 00:19:13,533 - YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE. 440 00:19:13,567 --> 00:19:15,067 - RE--REACTION-- 441 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,700 HE NEEDED TO KNOW. 442 00:19:20,733 --> 00:19:24,473 AND YOU NEED TO KNOW... THAT THIS WAS RIGHT, NOT WRONG. 443 00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:27,070 - SHOOT. 444 00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:28,330 - DON'T FEEL THAT WAY. 445 00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:31,267 LET'S JUST CONTINUE. - OKAY. 446 00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:35,670 - OW...OKAY. 447 00:19:35,700 --> 00:19:37,600 OH-- [both groan] 448 00:19:40,067 --> 00:19:42,827 [dramatic music] 449 00:19:42,867 --> 00:19:50,727 * 450 00:19:50,767 --> 00:19:51,897 - THIS HAS TO STOP. 451 00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:55,403 - WHAT? THE DRESS? I DIDN'T DO THAT. 452 00:19:55,433 --> 00:19:59,203 - LOOK, GYPSY, JUST STOP THIS EPISODE. 453 00:19:59,233 --> 00:20:02,203 - WHY? BECAUSE IT'S TERRIBLE? 454 00:20:02,233 --> 00:20:03,903 - I JUST WANT IT TO END, SO I'M BEGGING YOU, 455 00:20:03,933 --> 00:20:05,773 JUST-- I'LL DO ANYTHING. 456 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,530 JUST... TELL ME HOW TO END IT. 457 00:20:07,567 --> 00:20:12,567 - WELL, THERE IS ONLY ONE THING 458 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:17,030 THAT CAN END THE CURSE OF THE TERRIBLE EPISODE. 459 00:20:17,067 --> 00:20:20,897 - GREAT. I'LL DO IT. ANYTHING. TELL ME. 460 00:20:26,567 --> 00:20:29,727 - IT'S COMING. 461 00:20:29,767 --> 00:20:32,297 - WHAT'S COMING? 462 00:20:32,333 --> 00:20:33,633 YOU JUST SAID YOU WERE GONNA TELL ME. 463 00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:35,627 YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL ME? 464 00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:37,027 - IT WILL HAPPEN. 465 00:20:37,067 --> 00:20:40,527 - [laughs] WHAT? 466 00:20:40,567 --> 00:20:42,297 - IT'S COMING. 467 00:20:42,333 --> 00:20:44,173 - GYPSY, ARE YOU [bleep] WITH ME, OR NOT? 468 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:45,670 - OH, NO! - YES, YOU ARE. 469 00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:46,830 - [laughing] OH, NO-HO-HO, NO. 470 00:20:46,867 --> 00:20:49,727 NO. THE CURSE... 471 00:20:49,767 --> 00:20:53,197 WILL BE OVER VERY SOON. 472 00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:56,027 - WHEN? 473 00:20:56,067 --> 00:20:57,497 - IT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN. 474 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:07,800 - [moans] - IRENE? 475 00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:09,203 - DAVID, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? 476 00:21:09,233 --> 00:21:12,073 - HOW COULD YOU? - DON'T TELL YOUR FATHER, OKAY? 477 00:21:12,067 --> 00:21:13,367 - [maniacal laugh] 478 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,070 - WAIT, HOW IS THIS PART OF THE CURSE? 479 00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:18,727 - IT'S NOT. I JUST WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR WIFE. 480 00:21:18,767 --> 00:21:20,367 - YOU'RE AN ASS [bleep]. 32262

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