Original subtitles

- TONIGHT ON JON BENJAMIN HAS A VAN...

SHOULD THIS MAN GET HIS HOMEMADE WHEELCHAIR GUN BACK?

THIS IS ALLEGEDLY THE POOREST COMMUNITY IN THE COUNTRY,

SO WHY DON'T THE RESIDENTS WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT IT?

AND A VISIT WITH SHANE COWANS,

ONE OF AMERICA'S PREEMINENT JAZZ AIR GUITARISTS.

[jazz music plays]

*

ALL THIS AND MORE ON TONIGHT'S JON BENJAMIN HAS A VAN.

[gripping music]

*

HERE WE ARE AT THE HOME OF GREG FUGGS

IN LANCASTER, MONTANA.

IN 2003, HE LOST THE USE OF ALL FOUR LIMBS

BUT HE NEVER LOST HIS LOVE OF SHOOTING GUNS.

BUT THEN... TRAGEDY STRUCK.

- I WANT MY HOMEMADE WHEELCHAIR GUN BACK.

AND I'LL FIGHT AS LONG AS I HAVE TO TO GET IT BACK.

- THE WHEELCHAIR GUN HE'S REFERRING TO

IS THIS ONE.

[blows air, rapid gunfire]

IT TOOK GREG FUGGS THREE YEARS

TO CONSTRUCT HIS WHEELCHAIR GUN.

- CUSTOM-MOUNTED TWIN AK-47s.

600 ROUNDS PER MINUTE, EXTRA AMMO,

AND A BREATHING TUBE TO RELEASE THE TRIGGER MECHANISM.

ALL IN ALL, A PRETTY NICE WEAPONS PROFILE

FOR A WHEELCHAIR.

BUT IN THE WRONG HANDS, COULD DO A LOT OF DAMAGE.

- AND THOSE HANDS TURNED OUT TO BE THIS BOY'S.

NINE-YEAR-OLD LUCAS COLE,

WHO FOUND IT SITTING ON MR. FUGGS' PORCH.

- I LEFT IT OUT THERE FOR, LIKE, 20 MINUTES.

- AND THEN WHEN YOU CAME BACK OUT...?

- IT WAS GONE!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO IT.

- A LOT OF KIDS IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD?

- YOU KNOW, I LIKE IT WHEN KIDS COME BY.

- UNFORTUNATELY, SOME KID DID COME BY,

AS SEEN HERE IN THIS REENACTMENT.

[rapid gunfire]

[gunfire continues]

[terrified screams, gunfire]

- AH!

[screams continue, gunfire]

- JIMMY, ARE YOU OKAY?

[screams]

- BUT JUST WHEN IT SEEMED

THE SHOOTING SPREE WAS GOING TO END,

LUCAS COLE DISCOVERED THE ULTIMATE PRIZE

FOR A BOY WHO HAD STOLEN A WHEELCHAIR GUN...

- I'LL TELL YOU, I'LL NEVER FORGET THE SOUND.

YOU KNOW... [imitates gunfire]

- LUCAS COLE PROCEEDED TO OPEN FIRE ON A MIRROR STORE.

[gunfire, glass shattering]

[screams]

- WELL, I JUST HOPE SOMETHING GOOD CAN COME OUT OF THIS.

- WHAT POSSIBLE GOOD CAN COME OUT OF IT?

- I KNOW, YOU KNOW, I'M JUST LUCKY TO BE ALIVE.

BUT PART OF ME CAN'T STOP THINKING WHY ME?

WHY MY MIRROR STORE?

- I KEEP THINKING

THAT WHAT IF THE KID WHO STOLE THE WHEELCHAIR,

IF HE'D COME THIS WAY, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MY STORE.

MY MIRROR STORE, INSTEAD OF ED'S.

[sighs]

I MEAN, YOU JUST NEVER KNOW, YOU KNOW?

- I MEAN, IT HONESTLY, THAT'S ONE IN A MILLION

THAT YOU LEAVE A WHEELCHAIR GUN OUT, AND...

GREG?

- [breathes heavily]

- ARE YOU CRYING?

- [breathes heavily]

- GREG, ARE YOU CRYING?

- [sighs] - STOP CRYING.

- I LOST MY ARMS AND LEGS, DID YOU LOSE YOUR EYEBALLS, JON?

- STOP CRYING. DON'T BE A BABY.

STOP CRYING.

- [sighs]

- YOU GOTTA MAN UP.

- YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU WALKED IN HERE,

YOU DIDN'T LOOK LIKE AN [bleep]HOLE.

- OH, BUT NOW...?

AND NOW I AM?

EXCUSE ME, SIR, DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE?

- MAYBE. - OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?

IT'S ALL YOURS.

YES?

NOT GONNA ASK ME ANYTHING?

EH.

- DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE?

- FOR WHAT?

- OKAY, WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH?

WHO'S THIS FOR?

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

- [mumbling quietly] - I'M SORRY?

- [mumbling quietly] - HOW CAN I--HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

- [mumbles]

- WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?

- HELLO?

- I'M STANDING HERE AT THE HEART OF THE NEVADA DESERT

JUST 70 MILES NORTH OF LAS VEGAS.

THE LAND I'M STANDING ON HERE IS PUBLIC.

BUT THE LAND BEHIND THIS FENCE IS STRICTLY OFF-LIMITS.

FOR YEARS, RUMORS HAVE BEEN CIRCULATING

ABOUT A TOP SECRET PRIVATE EVENT

THAT'S HELD HERE ON THE 12,000 ACRES

OF PRIVATELY-OWNED DESERT BEHIND ME.

MY SHOW HAS JUST OBTAINED DOCUMENTS

THAT REVEAL THE APPALLING TRUTH OF WHAT GOES ON HERE

IN WHAT THE PARTICIPANTS CALL "THE POOR FARM."

FOR ONE WEEK OUT OF EVERY YEAR,

THE WORLD'S 500 WEALTHIEST PEOPLE

GATHER IN THIS METICULOUSLY SIMULATED

POVERTY-RIDDEN COMMUNITY--

REPLETE WITH TRAILER PARKS,

SUBSIDIZED HOUSING TOWERS, AND TENT CITIES.

AND FOR SEVERAL MILLION DOLLARS,

EACH ONE OF THEM GETS TO REVEL IN PRETENDING

THEY ARE THE POOREST OF THE POOR.

SO TELL ME ABOUT THE POOR FARM.

- I'VE BEEN THERE. I DROVE IN THEIR SUPPLIES.

- MM-HMM. - THEY GOT THEMSELVES

A WHOLE CRAPPY CITY OVER THERE.

THEY GOT, LIKE, PROJECTS, AND, LIKE, SEVEN ARBY'S,

AND BOARDED-UP DINERS AND INTERNET CAFES.

- SO WHAT'S THE WORST THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN?

- MY DADDY KILLING HIMSELF.

- NO, I MEAN ON THE POOR FARM.

- OH, TWO GUYS TAKING A [bleep] ON A BUS.

- THAT IS PRETTY NASTY.

- YES, IT WAS.

- YOU MAY ASSUME THAT THIS IS A PHOTO OF A HOMELESS MAN

ON THE STREET OF SOME RANDOM AMERICAN URBAN LANDSCAPE.

BUT THIS MAN IS CARLOS ALVAREZ,

ARGENTINEAN TELECOMMUNICATIONS MOGUL.

NET WORTH...

THESE TWO ARE NOT YOUR EVERYDAY LAYABOUTS

DRINKING ALL DAY IN A DILAPIDATED PUBLIC PARK.

THEY ARE JASON FEINMAN, RETAIL CONGLOMERATE CEO,

AND CHARLES WHITWORTH, OIL BARON,

WORTH SOME $3 BILLION IN ASSETS.

- I USED TO GO A LOT.

IT WAS A ROUGH WEEK.

I MADE $7 AN HOUR WORKING IN AN ALL-NIGHT GAS STATION.

LIVED IN A 10X12 APARTMENT

WITH RATS, AND ROACHES, AND BED BUGS, AND CONCRETE WALLS.

- SOUNDS AWFUL.

- [chuckles] NO, IT WAS FANTASTIC.

THE BEST PART WAS GOING HOME.

SEEING THE DIFFERENCE.

OH, THAT AND... AND THE TIME

ME AND ROGER GUGGENHEIM TOOK [bleep] ON A BUS.

- [chuckles] I THINK I HEARD ABOUT THAT.

YEAH. - YEAH, WELL...

THERE WAS SOMEONE WATCHING THE WHOLE TIME.

- BECAUSE THERE'S BEEN NO FOOTAGE EVER RECORDED

OF THE ACTUAL POOR FARM ITSELF--

EXCEPT A COUPLE FUZZY SNAPSHOTS,

WE'VE ACQUIRED THE LOCATION

OF THE SECRET ENTRANCE POINT, AND...

GUYS, THE VAN JUST STALLED.

- WHAT? - WE OUT OF GAS?

- NO, IT WAS A FULL TANK.

[scoffs]

- DID YOU LEAVE THE LIGHTS ON?

- NO, I DIDN'T LEAVE THE LIGHTS ON.

DID YOU? - WELL, TRY IT.

TRY IT AGAIN.

- NATHAN? - YEAH, SOUNDS GOOD.

- NO, DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT VANS?

- WHAT, NO-- WHAT?

- THE VAN IS DEAD.

SO YOU GUYS NOW HAVE TOUCHED EVERYTHING IN THE ENGINE,

AND YOU BOTH KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ENGINES, RIGHT?

LEO, YOU WANNA CHECK THE OIL AGAIN?

- IS THAT WHAT THAT IS? - [sniffs]

- JUST CALL A TOW TRUCK.

I GOT NO BARS. YOU GOT ANYTHING?

- NO RECEPTION. - I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING.

- NATHAN? - I DON'T HAVE A PHONE.

- YOU DON'T HAVE A PHONE?

- I SKYPE. - OH, MY GOD.

WELL, I MEAN, WE'RE COMPLETELY SCREWED, RIGHT?

SO WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT,

70 MILES FROM ANYTHING.

OH.

THERE'S A TRUCK.

HEY.

- OH, GEEZ, THANK GOD.

- THANKS FOR STOPPING.

- HEY, YOU FELLAS LOOK LIKE YOU COULD USE A HAND.

- OH, OUR VAN BROKE DOWN.

- WELL, THIS AIN'T THE BEST PLACE FOR THAT TO HAPPEN.

- NO. NOT AT ALL.

- YOU GUYS MAKING A MOVIE OR SOMETHING?

- OH. A TV SHOW.

JUST SHOOTING A SEGMENT FOR IT AROUND HERE.

- WELL, BIG SHOTS!

- NO, NO. NO, NOT REALLY.

I MEAN, ME, A LITTLE BIT.

- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I CAN DO.

TEN MILES UP THE ROAD HERE, THERE'S A LITTLE DINER.

IT'S GOT A PAYPHONE.

MAKE A CALL AND GET YOURSELF A TOW TRUCK.

- THAT'S PERFECT. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- YOU GOT IT. - UM...

- NATHAN, WHY DON'T YOU GO WITH HIM?

- [speaks indistinctly]

- GO CALL THE TOW TRUCK AT THE DINER.

- THAT'D BE PERFECT. JUST HOP ON UP IN THERE, BUBBA.

- THANKS AGAIN. - NO SWEAT.

I HOPE YOU GUYS GET FIXED UP REAL QUICK.

- I HOPE SO TOO. IT'S NASTY OUT HERE, HUH?

HE'S GONNA BE FINE, RIGHT?

- YEAH, HE SEEMED ALL RIGHT.

- I WOULDN'T HAVE GONE.

OH, HOLD ON.

NATHAN?

- YEAH. - GET ME A TEA AT THE DINER?

- A TEA? - YES, A TEA.

- AH! - BLACK TEA.

- BLACK TEA? - YEAH, GET A RECEIPT.

GET A RECEIPT. - BLACK TEA, NO--

NO MILK, NO SUGAR. - OKAY.

- JUST PLAIN, OKAY? - BYE.

- WE'LL SEE YOU WHEN YOU GET BACK, NATHAN!

BYE!

[audio crackling]

[silence]

- PREVIOUSLY ON JON BENJAMIN HAS A VAN...

- WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT,

70 MILES FROM ANYTHING.

YOU DON'T HAVE A PHONE? - I SKYPE.

- HEY, YOU FELLAS LOOK LIKE YOU COULD USE A HAND.

- OUR VAN BROKE DOWN.

NATHAN, WHY DON'T YOU GO WITH HIM?

BYE! [audio crackling]

[phone clicks]

[distantly] HELLO?

- WELL, I SEE YOU MADE IT TO THE DINER.

- WHERE IS MY SOUND GUY?

- NATHAN'S FINE. HE'S WITH ME.

- WHERE'S MY SOUND GUY?

- TAKE IT EASY, SON.

YOU WANT YOUR SOUND BACK, YOU GOTTA PAY.

YOU HOLLYWOOD GUYS KNOW HOW TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.

- YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS.

- [chuckles] I AM GETTING AWAY WITH IT.

HERE'S HOW IT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

YOU'RE GONNA GET ME $10,000, YOU'RE GONNA BRING IT

TO THE OLD ABANDONED MOTEL UP THE ROAD.

YOU HAVE ONE HOUR OR THE SOUND GUY DIES.

- WHAT? ONE HOUR?

HOW AM I GONNA GET $10,000 IN ONE HOUR?

- YOUR HOUR STARTS NOW.

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

NO-- [phone clicks]

[beeping] [staticky audio]

- JUMP ON OUT OF THE TRUCK.

STAY CLOSE TO ME.

ALL RIGHT.

COME ON, NATHAN.

STAY REAL CLOSE.

MAKE SURE THEY GOT EVERYTHING.

YOU GOT THE MONEY? - RIGHT HERE.

- REAL SLOW.

TOSS IT OVER.

- NOW GIVE US OUR SOUND GUY.

- LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE GOOD TO GO, NATHAN.

- IT'S OKAY.

WHY ARE YOU ALL WET?

- BECAUSE I PEED MY PANTS.

- YOU PISSED YOURSELF? - YEAH, I WAS SCARED, JON.

- JESUS. - [chuckles]

[lighter ignites]

[laughing] - HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- I'M BURNING YOUR MONEY, DICKWEED.

- WHY ARE YOU BURNING MY MONEY, YOU MANIAC?

- I'M NO MANIAC. I'M PAUL LANCASTER JONES,

THE RICHEST HEDGE FUND MANAGER IN THE WORLD.

- WHAT IS GOING ON? - YEAH, THIS IS THE BEST

POOR FARM WE'VE EVER DONE. [chuckles]

I NEVER DID DO AN ABDUCTION BEFORE.

- THAT'S $10,000! I JUST GOT IT FOR YOU!

- [chuckles] I'D LOVE TO HANG AROUND

WITH YOU BOYS, BUT I'VE GOT BIGGER FISH TO FRY.

- HEY, PAUL, CAN I GET A RIDE WITH YOU?

- SURE THING, TED. COME ON.

- THANKS.

[car door closes]

- HEY.

SORRY I DIDN'T GET YOU THAT TEA.

- [chuckles]

IT'S OKAY, NATHAN.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS...

YOU CAN GET IT FOR ME NOW.

- ARE YOU SERIOUS? - YEAH, I AM.

JUST...GO TO THE DINER AND GET IT.

- OKAY. STILL BLACK TEA?

- YES, BLACK TEA.

[staticky audio]

EXCUSE ME, SIR?

DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE? - YEAH.

YES.

YES?

IS HE FOCUSING THE CAMERA?

- IT'S FOCUSED.

- I WAS JUST REVISITING THE CORNER WHERE I MET MY WIFE,

WHICH IS A BLOCK FROM HERE.

I MET HER ON THE... [bell dings]

- OH, WELL, THANKS VERY MUCH.

- OKAY, YOU'RE WELCOME.

- ABSOLUTELY.

Captioning by Captionmax www.captionmax.com

[jazz music plays]

*

[music stops abruptly]