All language subtitles for In Treatment.S04E04.eng

Adam
Be there in 30.

Can't wait.

Rita.

Rita!

- What's all this?
- Just brought you a little something.

Thank you.

You okay?

Silly question.
How could you be?

No, I'm hanging in there.
Thank you for thinking of me.

Of course I thought of you.
That's what we do.

I've kept your Uber waiting.

Probably want to go
and wash L.A.X. off of you.

And then, speaking of wash, I was just
about to get in the bath anyway, so...

Okay.

But I love you for checking on me.

And I'll call you later.

It's me again.

What happened?
Is something wrong?

I let that Uber go.

Is that what you normally wear
to take a bath?

Weren't we supposed to meet tomorrow?

Can't I be worried about you?

Don't you want to rest?
You came straight from the airport.

I know I should have called, but I got
worried when you skipped the meeting.

Theresa covered for me.

It's not a shift at Applebee's.

You were supposed to lead a meeting
in my absence.

As your sponsor,
it reflects poorly on me

when you don't honor your commitments.

My father died.

In times of trauma, like this,
you have to lean in, not out.

You've been gone for a month and a lot
of shit has gone down in that time.

Either way, I'm back now,
and we have a lot to talk about.

in TREATMENT

BROOKE
Week One

- Sumatra. Dark roast.
- Thank you.

Actually can we raincheck?

I know I should have gone to the
meeting, but I had two new patients

and another one I had to talk off
the ledge at two in the morning.

It was a lot. So... Anyway.
Let me see the pictures!

He looks like you.

I said the same thing to my daughter,
but it only made her mad.

Mad 'cause she lost her waistline
carrying a nine-pound butterball...

who is a spitting image of me.

I'd be mad too.

She must not be getting any sleep,
right?

None. But she's a warrior.
Much better than I was at that age.

I always wondered what kind of mother
she would be, and now I know.

- I didn't mean to...
- No, I know. I know.

You're not drinking your coffee.

I'm reaching an age where
I can't do coffee past a certain hour.

You should have said something.
I have green tea.

I'm fine, really.

You never told me about the funeral.

It was like any funeral, terrible.

And I got to spend a lot of time
with Shelly.

Who's Shelly?

My father's live-in girlfriend
who I didn't know existed

until she answered his phone when I
called looking for him the day he died.

- You didn't know he had a girlfriend?
- Nope.

And they've been together
for two years, apparently.

She moved into the house
six months ago.

She's fine, I guess. Just
thought my dad had a type, but...

Shelly is different.

She goes out in public
with chipped toenail polish.

- I've done that once or twice.
- On purpose?

No, you're right. Not on purpose.

He's a prick for not telling you
he had a girlfriend all that time.

No, there are a lot of things
I didn't tell him.

We kept a lot of things from each other.

Yeah, but to have her up in your
mother's house and not say anything?

- That would fuck me up.
- No, he had secrets.

Doesn't make him a prick.

You're right. I shouldn't
have said that. I'm sorry.

I just know it would hurt my feelings,
all of that.

I don't know.

- I guess.
- You guess?

Don't you look at feelings
for a living?

Other people's! No.

- If I looked at my own...
- What happens?

Unhealthy things.

The whole time I lived in that house,

the house where now Shelly gets
to vomit chintz all over the place,

it was never about my feelings.

It was always about protecting
his feelings.

You know when he felt ashamed of me,

or he felt that I had let him down,
I tried harder.

You know I was valedictorian
in high school?

I got the Deans' Award at Stanford.
Do you know how hard that is?

- No, not really.
- It is a huge fucking deal.

And then I thought...
I'll apply to Wharton, get my M.B.A.

He'll respect that.

And I got in, and I moved to Philly

sitting in the middle of an accounting
class when I thought,

"What the fuck
am I doing all of this for?"

Avoided that question
at the bottom of a bottle.

- Beginning of the slide.
- Beginning of the slide.

But why was I supposed to wait for him
to come around,

for him to stop treating me
like I was a bad person

even though he was the one
who coerced me

to give up my baby when I was fifteen?

No way. I'm still coming.

- If you need to take that.
- No. No. I'm fine.

Shit gets rough
between fathers and daughters.

Mine was always there,
not there, there, not there.

That's what I learned
to expect from men.

But who knows what would have
happened if he'd stuck around?

Maybe, he was protecting you
from the worst of him.

Don't try to shrink me now.

But since we're talking about
what fathers protected us from...

Now, Rita...

Maybe your father was just invested
in your future.

His future.

Isn't that the same thing? But then you
got pregnant, and that got in the way...

Of course, because God forbid anyone
ever get pregnant as a teenager.

End of the world,
welfare queen, hang it up,

better pretend this never happened,
life over.

You've gotta admit,
your choices would have been limited.

Okay, so if your daughter were 15,
instead of 30 like she is now,

you would have taken her child
away from her?

And she would never know him,
and neither would you,

and you would have been okay with that?
And would she?

- I don't know.
- Yeah, you don't know.

So maybe you shouldn't have an opinion
about shit you don't know.

I didn't realize that was a rule.

And since when do we wait to throw out
the life preserver

until the drowning person asks for it?

Drowning? Hardly.

I would be drowning if I was dealing
with everything you are:

your patients, your father, Shelly,
the big-ass house... all alone.

I am not drowning, I am furious!

Day in and day out, I feel like all
these people looking to me

to tell them what to do about this
moment we are in.

I don't know what to tell them.
I don't know what to tell myself.

Is that why you picked up the phone
for your patient at two in the morning?

What?

You said you took a call
from some patient at two in the morning.

No, it's complicated.

I've just never heard of you
taking a call at that hour.

- I don't know how to explain it to you.
- Try.

He's this twenty-something kid.
He's so brilliant, so sensitive.

He's got his whole life ahead of him,

and he's stuck taking care
of other people,

but there's no one to take care of him.
He has no mother, no real family.

He doesn't have anyone.

What? What's that look?

He has no mother?

I meant, no parents.

But you said, no mother,
and you called him a kid.

I see where you're going with this.

You just said you were angry at your
father for taking your son away.

- Rita, come on.
- Everything has meaning, right?

It's not your job to rescue him.

I know I shouldn't have answered
the phone.

It wouldn't be an issue
if you did it for every patient.

I know how not to project, all right?
I am always monitoring transference.

- Does he bring up the fantasy?
- What fantasy?

About motherhood, about having a son.

When you close your eyes,
you picture something. You must.

What do you picture?

I'm at his wedding...

someplace in the sunlight. Santa Fe.

I always wanted to wear
turquoise jewelry while I was young,

and it's still ironic.

The ceremony is just perfect.

And after our mother-son dance,

he says...

...Thank you for raising me.

And I say, I did the best I could.

And he says I'm not just his mother,
I'm his best friend.

Nice to be friends with your kids,
once they're grown up.

Before that, they're the enemy.

Maybe for you,

but me and my kid, we're friends,

and he introduces me to amazing authors
I would never know anything about.

Like Bolano?

How did you know?

It's an example.

If you want to give your
layperson's opinion

on how I handle my patients,
have at it.

I am not telling you howto do your job.

Speaking of work,
I have session prep for Monday,

so maybe we should, you know...

You keep checking your phone.
It's like you're a million miles away.

Sorry!

I haven't had to use my manners
much these days.

Not a lot of non-patient visitors
coming by.

Is Adam one of those visitors?

- Why would you ask that?
- I saw his name on your screen.

Is that the Adam?

I still stay in contact with Adam, sure,

but nothing that warrants
the face your making.

I didn't mean anything by it.

From what you told me, I bet he's
sometimes a nice place to land.

Are you seeing him again?

- I see where you're going with this.
- I'm not going anywhere.

You've made it very clear
how you feel about him.

People, places and things...

Yeah, you have to avoid people,
places, and things

that kept you in your addiction.
He's one of your people.

So, I'm supposed to write off Adam

just because he happened to come
into my life

as I was heading towards rock bottom?

I'm not telling you to write off
anybody,

but we could talk about it
if you're feeling...

- What if I just need to get laid?
- There are plenty of ways to get laid.

I don't have anyone!
I am a goddamn orphan now.

Senior year of college, I caught
the first thing smoking from Palo Alto,

but it was not enough time
to say goodbye to my mom!

A massive stroke. There was no hope.

And now, my father? It's just...

I am the last on in my family.

I don't have anyone.

Do you know what it is like
to be in this house

at two o'clock in the morning

by myself, in the silence?

It is unbearable.

Nothing but shadows,
darkness, regrets.

So, if you were treating you right now,
what would you say to you?

Observe my attachments.

Probably try and locate those

in the context of a childhood trauma.

Get specific with my patient
about the behavior,

or something like that.

Rita, is this a tactic?

I'm just a high school guidance
counselor,

I don't know how to do all that.

So, what's the point of making me
think about all of this?

Seems like you were thinking about it
way before I showed up here.

I really don't have anyone.

You have me.

But you serve a specific purpose.
You're not my friend.

Okay. So, since I've served
my specific purpose, I'll go.

No! Don't walk out like that.
That's not what I meant.

I just flew six hours in a middle seat
and came here instead of going home.

- What do you think that means?
- What, you think I'm grateful for you?

When I first heard you speak
at a meeting,

you talked about
how you didn't want to be there.

After twenty-some-odd years, you hated
that you still had to come every week.

- That is not exactly what I said.
- But that was your point.

You didn't love that you had to be
at meetings every week,

but you hated your life before sobriety
just a little bit more.

So you showed up, and I thought,

"This woman, she gets me.
She sees me."

And you know what I thought? That girl
over there? She needs to see herself.

You talked about ending a relationship
that wasn't good for you.

You had a lot of great nights with him.

So many nights you couldn't
even remember in the morning.

So many nights with Adam
started out fine

and ended up in random stranger's
apartment with your car scraped.

And that is why I asked you
to lead the meeting.

- Those nights were ages ago.
- I'm not accusing you.

I am here to make sure
you are working the steps.

And despite what you may think,
I am your friend.

I just never lost sight of what brought
us into each other's lives.

I'm happy for you, and your life,

where you don't have to deal
with what I have to deal with.

We're all dealing with it. We are all
one bad decision away from disaster.

I am sorry I missed the meeting, okay?

Maybe I'm not over never reconciling
things with my father.

Why can't Adam
just make me feel better?

Because that better feeling
only lasts a minute,

or an hour,
or a day, if you're lucky.

I had my own Adam once.
This man was born to drink.

Gin blended in with his sweat, and
I swear, I could hear symphonies.

And he smoked Camels. Camels.

I didn't care. I even put up with him
every time he talked about Nietzsche.

I didn't even know who the hell
Nietzsche was. Still don't.

Didn't matter.

And then I woke up in jail.

No idea how I got there.

But I learned, apparently,

my Adam got into a fight in front
of some stupid hooker bar we were at,

and I jumped in to defend him,
and I got locked up.

Not him.

When they let me out, I went
to a pay phone to call him collect.

He didn't accept the charges.

It's not like that, Rita.
I have this under control.

Okay. I ain't going anywhere.

Look at me.

I'm here, all right? We've been doing
the work for close to a decade.

- I'm committed.
- I am, too.

You said the door was gonna
be unlocked. I didn't mean to--

It's fine. We were just wrapping up.

You're with a patient. I'm sorry.

Not a patient.
This is my friend... Rita.

Rita? The Rita?

- I'm Adam.
- And this is the Adam.

- Yes.
- I've heard so much about you.

Same here.
It's so nice to finally meet you.

Brooke thinks the world of you. So...

Okay. I'm just gonna go wash my hands.

Adam, wait. Before you go.

What you said about Brooke
thinking the world of me?

I want you to know
that the feeling's mutual.

And we think the world of each other.

And I'm always
gonna look out for her. Always.

I don't doubt that.

She's worth looking out for.

See? He's not the enemy.

You know what can happen
when he comes around.

Yes. That's why I shaved my legs.

I do hope you enjoy yourself.
But please be careful.

So, coast clear?

She just left.

Now I see why you wanted
to take a raincheck.

I wasn't expecting her tonight.

She just popped by
and things got heavy between us.

Yeah? How so?

Just my creeping sense
of existential dread.

I haven't seen her for a few weeks so,
just all came out.

I think I hit her with too much. Just...

You can hit me
with whatever you want.

There's a lot of stuff
swirling around in my mind.

Stuff I would like to just forget about
for a while.

- How's your memory now?
- What's your name again?

Hey.

Hey.

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