Original subtitles

You can't ignore me forever, Sebas.

Smile!

-At least let me explain. -Facing each other, please.

Will that change the fact that you ruined our relationship

and that you're also ruining my only chance to revive my career?

Choke him, please.

-Adán called me. -And you accepted.

Yes, because I need to talk to you, not to bother you.

Intentions don't matter.

I want to help you.

If you want to help, you should be loyal.

Fine, fine. I understand.

-Now, please, let me talk. -Raise the weapons.

Please leave me alone on the only week I don't have to see you.

Show your weapons.

I feel terrible too, Sebas. Let me talk to you, okay?

Foot up and kiss.

I won't talk to you until they yell "action."

Goodbye, Lucía.

HOW TO SURVIVE BEING SINGLE

This is a huge cake for a big-ass bachelor's party.

Okay!

Lord Boobies.

I finished his Tinder profile. I said he's a vegan.

-Cool, women are into that. -They love it.

Tinder is crap. You can't connect through an algorithm.

Relax, Fabiana. Not everybody likes to pick up dates at libraries.

Of course, you'd have to know how to read.

Mafer, where should I put this?

I told you 20 times. On the table.

Kids, concentrate.

I devoted eight hours to this for Sebastián to get over Lucía.

Don't worry about him.

After tonight, he'll be too busy to think about Lucía.

Why?

He'll be fucking a lot!

-It's ready. -Hey, the cake goes on that table.

There are nine tables, sorry. Okay?

-What's up? Are you ready? -Yes.

Everyone knows what to do?

-Obviously. -Yes.

If you won't do this for Sebastián, just do it for me.

-Why for you? -If something hurts him, it kills me.

Really?

I don't see what's so funny.

These are cool. Hold them from the bottom.

No, Lorenza. I don't know why you allowed it.

You're my manager, why did you accept?

-Sur--! -Listen up, I'll make it quick.

This is my opportunity. No! You don't get it. I don't care, bye.

Surprise!

What's going on?

Welcome to your re-bachelor party.

-Okay. -For your new life, dude.

Come on!

What the fuck, man?

-Come on, Fabiana! -Sorry.

You nearly killed him, you can't pull these pranks.

-I didn't buy the confetti. -Holy shit, Fabiana.

-Are you okay? -Besides getting hit by confetti,

Lucía is trying to ruin my life.

She had the main actress fired so she could get the part.

I can't believe that bitch. Eat something.

Relax, I don't think she did it on purpose.

In any case, your life has to go on.

What would you do in my shoes?

Me? I would work on myself, go to therapy.

Ask my inner child, "What's wrong, why are you crying?"

The important thing is that you're single.

That means less crying and more fucking.

-Check it out. -Are you serious?

-A Tinder account in my name? -Yes, this is for you.

It was hard work, we invested in it. Enjoy it.

-Eight hours. -You look good in that photo, dude.

You guys are shitting me. Where did you get these?

They're from my old portfolio.

Your best time, you look great.

You look perfect.

We analyzed a bunch of profiles and those are the best options.

The best. And only two who matched.

You have a new message, man.

It's from Beatriz.

If Beatriz wrote, the other one will too. That's how it works.

How do you know, Daniel?

I heard.

The other girl will message you.

-Beatriz wrote to you. -Yeah, that's good for starters.

I'm not ready for this, I'm not in the mood.

You have to use technology. Nowadays, hooking up is a cinch.

Once I got a girl, and all I had to do was send her an eggplant and unicorn emoji.

We didn't exchange any words.

-This is the future, man! -And...

Don't waste your matches, you never know when it's the last one.

You have to go out and forget about Lucía.

Okay. Okay, right.

On one condition.

That you go with me. I'm not going alone.

Don't be stupid, you're acting like a child.

You're Sebastián Ybarra, international movie star.

Believe it, dude!

Wait a minute. We could all go out...

-but not together. -Yeah!

You and Mafer will get a migraine and cancel at the last minute.

Listen, buddies. Attention.

We're all going together in support of our buddy Sebi who needs us.

Should I write, send an emoji?

-Send the dick pic now or...? -No!

Calm down, champ.

The only important thing here, the golden rule is, don't talk about your ex.

Never talk about my ex.

It's my first date since I broke up with my ex.

Is this the first time you've gone out through Tinder?

Forget Tinder, this is the first time I've gone out, period.

My friends opened my account.

Sorry for interrupting.

I know that you're having dinner, but this crazy chick wants a photo with Teo.

-Will you take it? -Sure.

Make sure it's a good photo, for my FB page.

Okay.

Smile.

Thank you, darling.

Imagine what I'm going to do with this picture.

Bon appétit, have a good time.

What's up? How did it go? Is he nervous?

I can't believe you're buddies with the poor, broken-hearted Teo from Dumped.

You should have said so before.

He's been my best friend since we were little.

Yes, but I didn't believe you, dear. At all.

For me, a glass of champagne and a diet soda as a chaser.

And for you?

I... A glass of water, please.

-Are you famous or something? -No. She thought I was someone else.

-What are you searching for? -Nothing.

Maybe we can continue our dinner without our phones.

People think that phones connect, but they actually disconnect us.

Teo, from Dumped.

"She cheated. Sebastián Ybarra loses it at the premiere."

That's fake news.

Should I believe you or the six million views?

If you don't mind, I'd like you to respect my privacy and my past.

Let's talk about...

About us.

There is no "us."

Are you a YouTuber?

Good evening. Table for two?

-Yes, thank you. -Follow me.

I don't drink because I work out early every morning.

Please, come in.

Yo, bitch!

Thought we wouldn't come?

We go out on Tuesdays too, Fish.

-Who's this? -Two very good friends.

This is Melodi, we met on DrugWags.net.

-Hi. -What's up?

Oh, that's great.

Yeah.

-Fish! -Coming.

Yes. I'm going. See you later, I'm going with her.

I'm glad you came to have fun on a Tuesday.

-Fish! -Coming, coming!

-A bottle of tequila. -Daniel, a bottle?

Are we boring people?

No. I can't believe they thought we wouldn't come.

-Are we really like that? -No.

-Cheers, love. -Cheers.

So they stop saying that we get migraines.

Damn them.

-Hey, Lina. -Hello.

-Is my table ready? -Sure, Gon.

-Thanks. -Welcome to the Arango.

This is my spot. It's very low-key, but they have the best tapas,

and the chef is a close friend of mine.

See? They know what I like.

And any minute now...

Like a Swiss watch, damn it.

Try it, enjoy it, savor it. You're in heaven, Francesca.

You may take photos. Just don't tag me because I'm an extremely private person.

Well, I'm an actor.

-Really? -Yes.

-Can I ask you a question? -Sure, sure.

Is it hard to cry on cue?

-Not that hard. -Come on, cry.

It's not that easy either. It's like...

It's an acting process, you have to think of something emotional,

something that makes you think of...

Like my whore of an ex who fucked a guy on a balcony.

Let's talk about something else.

No, don't worry. I'm fine.

But she wasn't fine. If she'd been fine, she wouldn't have fucked a dude on a balcony.

Maybe you didn't listen to her.

It did hurt me.

Because I love her, you know?

I used to love her. I did.

But I also hate her.

I hate her. And I don't know if I'll ever forgive her.

Use all those feelings... to cry.

It's a great place, right?

Welcome.

Do you have a table closer to that side?

They're all reserved.

-Fabiana? -Hey.

It's been so long.

You look great without braces.

How rude of me. I'm Gonzalo Torres, this is Francesca.

-My pleasure. -Likewise.

I'm Professor Berberto Strung.

-It's a pleasure, professor. -Will you join us for an appetizer?

No, they want to be alone.

Maybe we can join you later, professor. Thank you.

Please.

What a gentleman!

-Don't start, creep. -Okay.

Hey, Mafer.

-Can I tell you something? -Go ahead.

Something.

You're wasted.

Seriously now.

We can't turn into Sebastián and Lucía...

No. I swear, we won't.

I swear.

I can't turn into Lucía, and you can't turn into Sebastián.

-That's-- -Hey.

Are you okay? Totally wasted.

Fuck, yeah, so they don't think we're boring. Team "Dafer."

Fuckers.

Okay.

Quick. I said I was going to the bathroom, she'll think I took a dump.

One, she tried to make me cry. Two, I keep talking about Lucía.

It's been like that all night.

Sebas, listen.

Beatriz is your amuse-bouche.

She's here to rinse from your lips the bitter taste of Lucía.

-What is that? -You have to be firm,

don't show any weakness.

On the contrary.

Show that you're vulnerable, that you're in a totally screwed-up situation.

We women love men who are in touch with their feelings.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

Just a minute.

Vulnerability...

without weakness.

-Yes, yes! -Okay.

That's my champ!

What's up, professor?

-Go ahead. -After you.

No.

After you.

So what, are you dating Fabiana?

Yes, she's a smart young woman.

Exactly. She's kind of young for you.

Intellect has no age.

I bet you're married.

I'm a widower.

Sorry, I apologize.

-Any other questions? -No.

Well...

We started off on the wrong foot.

I was vulnerable, that's all.

But I'd really like to get to know you.

Your profile said you're a chocolatier. Want to order dessert?

That means I make chocolate.

Of course, of course.

I own a brand of organic cocoa.

A fair-trade crop.

Give me your link to put on my social media and we can promote it.

No.

-Are you really on Tinder? -Constantly.

Aren't we, like, on a date? You and me?

Yeah. But nowadays we can't waste time.

Besides, you won't cry.

Make me some chocolate.

Will you cry now?

-Why do you insist? -Because you're an actor.

I didn't choose to be hurt.

Lucía had a thousand ways to tell me that she was done

and she chose the lamest.

Damn it.

I thought you were gonna cry this time.

Well... I'll be right back.

I've come to the conclusion

that every human relationship is subjective.

Nobody hurts or is hurt.

We are all simply intoxicated by our egos,

which block us from loving...

-selflessly and periodically... -Selflessly and periodically...

-in the brief times of love. -in the brief times of love.

-To me, you are... -Say it.

I don't know, you're like the Plato of human relationships.

The girl is on Tinder. This isn't working.

It's the story of my life.

Don't let her intimidate you, darling.

We women like dudes who dominate us.

-That's right, bro. -Who make us sweat in passion.

Seduce her like a real "macho" and she'll fall for you, I bet my mother!

That's what I was about to say.

-Then I have to dominate her. -Dominate her.

-Seduction... with passion. -With passion.

Yeah! Yeah.

Do it, honey.

We can keep talking if you want.

Hello, chick.

You know what the problem is?

We're repressing sexual tension.

-Sexual tension? -Fuck, yeah.

No. I literally don't feel it.

I'm going to turn you on.

Okay.

Whatever you snorted, I want some too.

I'm going to give you takeout, cowgirl.

Cowgirl?

Okay, okay.

Now it's me who needs the restroom. Excuse me.

Why do some people lose the flame in their relationship?

I don't know, but the worst part is when they run out of wax.

Because then, how can you relight that flame?

Why is the obsession with the flame and not the wax?

I don't know, but...

people like us, who work on the wax,

don't get their flame blown out.

No way.

Our flame blew out, Daniel.

Do you have a lighter?

No. Do you?

No.

Too bad.

What?

No, just-- You don't understand anything.

It was only an analogy.

If wax is the base and passion is the flame,

the lighter is desire.

What happens when there's no desire?

I don't get it.

I feel like we're in limbo.

We've lived together for some time,

but we're not married.

I think we've become comfortable, accustomed and lazy.

And we're letting more and more time go by in an impasse.

Mafer, we have to give it time.

Give it time?

Listen, he only wants to fuck you.

Thanks for the news. Me too.

He's using you.

Please don't ruin my date.

I'm just trying to help.

Shit. Thanks for helping me, "Dad."

I'm going to the restroom.

Are you all right, Mafer?

Fuck!

Why are you crying, girl?

Life. Daniel doesn't see himself having a future with me.

How much did you two drink?

-Just a little. -I think it was more than that.

We did it so you'd stop saying that we're boring.

Are you all right?

-Great. -Why are you crying?

I see I'm not the only one with a lame date.

Oh, that's gross!

I'm an expert on vomit.

This will do wonders for you, want some?

-Anybody? -No, thanks.

Go to hell, then.

Listen, Mafer.

Pharmacy for Mr. Berberto?

Yes, that's me.

-How nice of you. -Excuse me.

ADULT DIAPERS

VIAGRA

I think you'll be needing these.

I tried to be dominant, and she laughed at me.

-What now? -Forget her.

You deserve better, dude. Whatever.

Thank you so much.

-I think I'm going to cry. -That's a personal problem.

Hey, fuckers, where's Mafer? I really screwed up with her.

What'd you do, man?

I'm drunk and said something stupid about giving it time.

Hey, concentrate.

The thing is, you and Mafer are the best couple I know.

Don't fuck it up. Go find her and show her that you love her. Okay?

You're right.

-Do you have a lighter? -I do. Here.

We have the wax, man.

We have the wax.

What? What's wrong with everyone? What the hell was that?

Assholes...

I have to get rid of the professor.

Okay. Who is he, the damn professor?

That old geezer who's with Fabiana.

-Which one? -Don't look now.

He took a Golden X with Ensure.

-Right in front of me! -What?

Why don't you let Fabiana enjoy her date?

I don't trust that jerk. He's taking advantage of Fabi.

He thinks he's slyer than Gonzo. I need you to help me.

No. I'm the one who needs help, that's why you're here.

-I could help you. -Thanks, man.

Only you.

But help me help you.

-Are you bribing me, Fish? -Yes.

-How much? -My bill plus 15 percent.

-Holy fuck, what did you order? -Come on, man.

-At least pay the tip. -All right!

-Okay. -This is what we're going to do.

Give me advice with Beatriz because this isn't working.

Sebastián, if your date doesn't work, go home and jerk off.

-Like all normal people. -Shit, that's your advice?

What can I say, man?

I think that's how your night will end.

It's not that bad either.

Just jack it.

I can't believe you guys.

-This is my idea... -Here's the check!

-Stop ordering stuff! -Just a minute.

Darling, remember I told you earlier that at some point I'd ask you for a favor?

You want a threesome?

-No, you're going to help me. -Exactly. Listen to him.

-Okay, then. -This is the plan...

-How do I look? -Good.

Darling, I'm sorry about what I said.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

I just don't want us to end up alone and turned off...

without a flame.

That won't happen. You know why?

Because we have the flame.

María Fernanda Azpe,

will you marry me?

Yes.

-Did you throw up? -No.

Shit!

Damn candle.

-Team Dafer, fuckers. -Yeah!

That was fun, I hope we can go out again sometime.

Thanks a lot for the invitation.

We don't have to lie, it really sucked.

We'll never go out again, will we?

-Unless you go viral again. -Right.

-My ride is here. -Who?

My second date.

Or did you think I'd finish the night on such a low note?

Of course.

Well, I actually...

thought I'd have more time to...

I think I'm a good person, and...

You're cool, but...

I wanted to...

-I just... -See?

See? See how I can cry?

-Yes, you can! -Yeah.

Do you want me to try and cancel the second date?

No, there. I'm fine.

-Fine. -All right, then.

Loser.

Why so early? Is it past your bedtime?

No, we have to go.

Professor Berberto Strung!

That's me. Good evening. Excuse me.

You don't remember me, jerk?

Just so you recall, we fucked good and hard.

-Remember. -You're confused, miss.

You're a stud, professor!

Fabiana, this isn't what you think.

Come on. Stop pretending you didn't like it, wimp.

-You can't deny you were with me! -You're wrong.

Hey, old man! Stop touching my woman!

This is a mistake. I don't know her.

What mistake, fucker?

What the hell is going on, Fish? You too?

What? You two know each other?

No!

What kind of sick friends do you have?

-They're screwing around. -Fabiana.

I don't have time to waste on immature kids.

I'm Berberto Strung.

It's never been so complicated to get laid.

Really?

-I told you. -Shut up!

Shall we? I know a new place, and it's vegan.

Try growing some marbles.

You can't go off with this creep, Francesca!

-You went too far, Gonzo. -I did you a favor.

I don't need any favors from you.

He's a douche bag who wants to fuck you just because you're his fan.

That's all I wanted too because I'm his fan, stupid!

Just so you know, I'm not getting laid tonight either.

Hey, is the baby comfy enough?

Just... No.

No, sorry. I just came out for some air, I didn't mean to...

You can get air away from my bike.

Yes. Sorry, I don't want any trouble. I apologize.

Hey, I'm kidding!

-Bye, people! -See you later.

Julieta, that's my name. Do you have a name, baby face?

Yeah. Sebastián. Pleased to meet you.

Have you been crying, Sebastián?

Yes, I have, actually.

How cute. I love men who cry.

-You do? -I do.

-You're leaving? -Yes.

-How can I find you? -What?

-Give me your number? -I don't have a phone.

-Your social media accounts, then. -I don't have social media or anything.

How can I find you again?

I don't know. If we already coincided once, we might run into each other again. Bye.

Hey!