Original subtitles

Polish Corporation for Film Production "Plan" Unit Presents

HOW FAR FROM HERE, YET HOW CLOSE

Starring

Director of Photography

Written and directed by

You know Max,

I'm going to kill a man in 86 minutes.

I've got an automatic pistol from the last war hidden here.

I'll kill that man with 13 bullets in a row,

then the pistol'll get stuck once

and for all and nobody'll ever use it.

Good morning. Hi, old friend. What's the news?

Nothing particular. As always.

You've completely forgotten me.

No, I haven't.

I've been withering away. I'm impatient to be working with you.

Do you hear me?

All right. Now I'll be needing you.

Look...

I can be a Jew, I can sing with a night-club band

but I would rather be a sad and ill-fated lover.

I was ill the whole winter and I had one foot in the grave.

Quiet.

Quiet. Listen.

Don't be afraid.

Who is it? Who was walking there?

Don't be afraid, there's noting there.

Suddenly last summer I felt like going back to the past which is,

in fact, the future,

and whilst walking forward

but somewhat backward

The ones I will never meet again

and the ones I had never met.

Hurrah!

Quick, boys! Come and help me!

There's someone strung over, there! Come quickly!

Quick! Quick! There's someone hanging from a rope there!

Father!

Father!

Who am I

that suddenly one day I want to talk about myself...

without any real irony

and only about myself.

Is it you, Max?

Yes, it's me.

I've waited for you to come and tell me how it is there.

How are you getting on?

Nothing has changed really.

You've got more books.

And the child is sleeping here.

Two children are sleeping there.

After your death one more child was born.

- My photograph. - Yes.

Your last photograph.

We still miss you.

I wanted to see how you were living.

And how are you living?

I'm not alive.

Max!

I'll show you my life.

Do you recognise my forest?

We used to pick wild strawberries,

mushrooms and raspberries there.

You were afraid of getting lost.

Children were threatened with the forest.

That's how our forest looks now.

The publicity leaflet of the Insurance Company.

Look, that's my correspondence.

My slender thread of hope.

- Well? Let's sit down for a moment. - Let's sit down.

Well, old man, stick it.

I'm asking you to stick it.

I'll stick it but don't forget to write.

I'll be writing to you but you should write too.

Stop crying. The world is small.

You only say that the world is small.

- We'll certainly meet again. - Why shouldn't we meet again?

The world is small, we'll certainly meet again.

What? Oh, yes. Bye. Cheerio.

- Bye, darling. - Bye, see you again.

I'll certainly be seeing you again soon.

We'll never meet again,

because the world is small only for the young.

Then it becomes bigger and bigger,

hills grow,

autumns drag on and on.

Small anxieties become great fears.

Look, Max,

that's our whole town

occupied by the enemies many times,

tortured and razed to the ground.

Our town...

Sometimes it's in the center of Europe

and sometimes in the east of Europe.

Look...

at the glittering particles of light - they are candles

put on the execution sites.

The last trace of the people

that foreigners find so difficult to understand.

Oh, the world tries to understand only people

who can make hydrogen bombs.

The world...

loves strength.

I think we should have a drink to celebrate our meeting.

Not in this stifling heat.

Cheers!

To our good luck.

To our unusual meeting.

I was told you were dead,

that you were killed towards the end of our guerilla campaign.

And I was told you were somewhere far away,

beyond the Arctic Circle,

that you would probably never come back.

I'm feeling awfully giddy. It's been long since I last had a drink.

Now I can tell you something.

What? Oh, it's stuffy here.

That I loved you very much.

Stop it...

- You're hurting me! - What's hurting you?

Why are you carrying guns?

I'm going to kill a man in 63 minutes.

I'm on my way there.

On your way where?

I'm coming back...

No, I mean, I'm going on to the future.

I don't understand anything.

I loved you very much.

Rouse yourself!

- Goddamn you! - Goddamn you...

- Walk quietly. - Quietly...

This is Musia,

a liaison-officer in the guerilla army during World War II.

What is the war?

The war is my youth.

It's like doing your homework,

playing truant,

listening to a nightingale in the evening

and feeling the first surge of desire.

- Help me! She's sick. - No, no, I am not sick.

Sick, my word. They're plastered.

- He's dragging her to his digs. - Shit! They've got no shame!

- Max! - Second time... Second time...

Max, wait please!

I can't go.

Hold her on the other side. We have to get a taxi.

We'd better let her sit on that box.

She'll be less conspicuous.

- What's left? What's left? - Some people asked after you.

What people?

Some men. Not long ago.

Why did you do it, Max?

Why did I do what?

Why did you do away with yourself?

This is my father.

I know him only from the one moment of his death.

I don't remember anything else...

And yet I've been yearning for him all my life,

for my father at the moment of his consumptive death.

Father, do you recognise me?

It's me, your son.

I wanted to ask you about various things many times.

I've always been proud of you.

I've boasted about you.

Who were you, Father?

Just a common man.

That's not the point.

I read in your birth certificate that your father was not known.

It's tormented me all my life

because I didn't know who I really was.

Don't you remember anything from your childhood?

Perhaps your mother told you who my grandfather was?

A Lithuanian peasant? A Russian solider?

A Jewish traveling salesman?

I don't know. I don't remember.

It's more important who you are.

I've tried not to sin.

I've only sinned as much as I had to,

as much as every man must sin.

How do you live?

We're living in the times of a great crisis.

Forests disappear, rivers are dying and seas are drying up.

People are visiting the moon.

People have crossed the threshold of the heavens

and have ascended to the other world.

Is that possible?

I've started on a journey

to the future which will reflect the past.

Do you already know what will come later?

We know less than you do.

The dividing lines between fire and water,

good and evil, life and death have been disappearing.

They've come to fetch me.

So long, father.

So long.

If we ever meet again.

Have you ever pledged yourself to another man?

Never, Reverend Father.

Maria, God's servant,

pledges herself to Mikhail,

God's servant in the name of the Father, and of the Son

and of the Holy Ghost.

Four blokes are following you.

I want to listen to the singing.

I haven't heard it for a long time.

Let's go back. I'll buy you a bottle of vodka

and sing you the song you like so much.

Go back alone.

I don't want to be alone.

I can't be alone even for one moment.

That's why you knock around with whores all the time.

- Me? With whores? - Quiet.

- I knock around with whores? - Don't shout in church.

- Me, shouting? - Quiet.

They're standing at the door waiting for you.

Something is going to happen.

Get in.

Have they been looking for me?

No, not them. The others were civilians.

I told you we should have gone back. We wouldn't be in trouble now.

Yes, yes, everything is in order.

May I ask where we are going?

You'll learn soon. Be patient.

Hey,

- do you have the gun? - Shut up.

Oh, Jesus, I'm sick.

I'm shivering. Why did I have to meet you.

Are we going to make a film?

You stay here.

Switch on the light please.

Do you recognise him?

- Yes, I recognise him. - Then follow me, please.

- I've brought him in, sir. - Come in, please.

- Do you know what this is? - Probably a film script.

Why do you think so?

Max tried his hand at various professions.

Recently he's been dabbling in the cinema.

Yes. They're shooting a film after his script.

And under his windows.

Yes. They were to film under his windows,

but he has already been lying there on the pavement.

Is that your photograph?

Yes, that's my last photograph.

What was there between you and him?

Friendship. A true and deep friendship.

He once helped me. If he didn't, I wouldn't be here today.

Did the deceased have homosexual tendencies?

I don't know. I don't think so.

What kind of people visited him?

I wouldn't really know.

You, his friend, wouldn't know?

It was a strange kind of friendship.

Sometimes we didn't see each other for months.

He didn't know my life and I didn't know his.

I wonder whether it is his true life in this script.

What do you think?

I think it is.

- Do you know much of his past life? - No, not much.

It certainly was a strange friendship.

Yes, it was strange.

Can you think of anybody

who might have made an attempt on his life?

Or who could be instrumental in such an attempt?

I don't think I can.

You think it was a suicide, don't you?

Why a suicide?

It could've been an unfortunate accident.

An unfortunate accident...

You didn't know your friend very well.

- Shoot some 10 meters. - Why? This is so macabre.

One moment later and we would've caught him in flight.

Shoot him, boys. I've a feeling that it may come in useful.

- Hey, don't block it out. - Right. Shoot it as it is.

Max, say something.

Tell me what you know and what I don't know.

Do you hear me, Max?

I wanted to ask him something else in fact.

What's happened during my lifetime.

What's happened to the people

who died and were born during my lifetime?

What's happened to the whole world?

Nothing's happened.

People who stayed alive build houses,

teach children to read and write, fall ill...

with angina or pneumonia...

and wait

for a better and happier tomorrow.

When did it occur to you that something might've happened?

All the best to you.

May all your dreams come true.

Do you hear me?

May all your wishes and dreams come true.

My best wishes for your happiness.

- It's already too late. - No, it isn't too late.

I would like you to be happy if only for one day.

I haven't seen you for a long time.

For ages.

Last time we were standing close to each other

in front of a house in which you were to kill a man.

On Christmas Eve or perhaps on New Year's Eve.

Your health.

To your happiness.

What would you like to drink to on your birthday?

What? Well, I wanted something very important

but I can't remember what it was.

Perhaps you wanted to leave some lasting memory of your life behind you?

That's a present for you.

I've wanted to offer you something solid for a long time.

We have pleasure in offering you your favorite song as a birthday present.

I know

I know

I know

That it must be so

When all words've been said

We'll part behind the mountains

We'll part across the rivers

Remember?

I do remember.

- I've always remembered. - Let's dance.

My tears won't cry for God Because you'll be so near

- Your hands are cold. - They were always cold.

What happened to you afterwards?

After what?

After you took us on the night of New Year's Eve to the house

in which I shot that man.

It would be a long story, although the time was short.

What for?

For life in general.

- But what happened? - Nothing extraordinary.

Nothing sublime or pathetic.

Simply a silly incurable disease.

Or perhaps I froze to death.

I'm sorry for you.

I know you are.

May I steal you?

- You don't remember me, do you? - Perhaps I do.

No,

I'm sure you don't.

I was in love with you.

With me? You take me for somebody else.

Young and flighty girls were rarely in love with me.

I was madly in love with you but you weren't aware of it.

Why didn't you tell me?

Because one doesn't say such things.

A penny for your thoughts.

I think I am very sorry.

Then go back there. I'm still waiting for you there.

- Where are you waiting? - Go back there and look around.

- I can't go back there. - Do come back.

I remember you.

You used to go for walks with a big black dog.

No,

that's not true.

You don't remember me.

What a pity that you never fell hopelessly in love with me.

I love you. Do you hear me?

- I love you hopelessly. - Then come back.

Civilisation is coming to an end.

Culture and our world are coming to an end.

The end,

the end is coming and everything will be all over again.

Beat it!

I only wanted to congratulate you.

I've returned from West. I've seen quite a bit of the world.

Policemen are on strike,

millionaires've jumped on Mao's band-wagon,

young people copulate on theatre stages.

I swear to God that's the end of everything.

The final to the end.

Let me embrace you.

The price of vodka'll go up tomorrow, I swear to God.

- Who is it? - Don't you remember?

Prince Joseph. A nice gift. Will you take it home?

I'm not going back. I'm going forward.

That's right. Have another drink for luck while it's still cheap.

Listen, Max.

Were we really friends for life and death?

What do you think?

I think we were friends, we loved each other and we admired each other so much

that it bordered on hatred.

You are given to lying.

Your lies used to take you to a point of no return.

No, Max, you hated me because I resembled you.

You hated those things in me which you didn't like in yourself.

- I didn't like your stupidity. - What kind of stupidity?

That silly pushing of your way to the front

so that you could draw the best lot,

so that you could drive someone else's feeling away,

so that you could leap over yourself.

I didn't like your silly and hysterical despair

because the gods would not raise you up above the rest of your fellow creatures.

I didn't like your vain glory

which you imitated from other people.

No, Max, that's not the point.

You were simply envious of me and this envy humiliated you.

But what was there to be envious of?

- Now you can tell me the truth. - Leave it.

Don't drink on your journey.

You had some ambitious plans.

You know, Max,

I think I also hated you sometimes.

From time to time I badly wanted to kick your face in.

Oh, yes!

I very much wanted to kick your teeth in.

May I introduce the ladies.

Miss Jola and Miss Mariola.

I am Mariola.

- And I am Jola. - This is my colleague.

Actually, my boss rather than my colleague.

- You are at it again. - Me? God forbid.

The ladies were looking for the restroom, I helped them

and we got to know each other.

When I have a good time I get blind. Do you understand me?

- It's boring here. - Kind of riff-raff.

That's because of the alcohol. It's getting more expensive.

What will you have: gin, vodka?

- Or perhaps brandy? - We'll have some of that.

When I have a good time I get blind.

Do you understand me?

- Is that you, father? - Yes, it's me, son.

What are you doing here?

It's your birthday and the anniversary of my death.

- What does that mean? - It means nothing.

Just a coincidence.

- What's the matter? - A birthday present for you.

From the man who returned from abroad.

I wish I could talk quietly.

It's more pleasant to talk when there's music.

I'll go away soon. I'll just have a look at you and then I'll go.

I'm ashamed that you've seen me in this place.

Shame makes up a great part of one's life

and remorses of conscience make up the rest of it.

Perhaps it's just your life that's made up that way.

- And mine too. - You wanted to ask me something.

I wanted to... but now I don't remember.

Try to remember.

Now it's all the same to me.

Somebody is waiting for you in the next room.

Who?

They've been following you from the beginning.

You have a sharp eye. Have you seen a girl with long dark hair?

Oh, there are plenty of them here.

Only you can understand me.

I am trying to draw the right conclusions.

The end is approaching, a self annihilation,

and then everything will begin all over again but how? How?

Lay off me!

You've got something under your coat! Is it a gun?

Oh, shame on you!

- You brute! - Lay off me! You're disgusting.

Oh, God! He's levitating!

Where are you hurrying off to?

- Forward. - I see.

Got an identity card?

- Yes. - May I see it?

- What for? - Because I'm checking documents.

You'd better show me your card first.

I have to show it to you?

How would I know whether you are not a criminal in disguise.

I read the other day in newspapers about fellows who were dressed up as policemen.

- You're drunk. - Just a little,

but I won't show you my card until you show me yours.

One should fight against corrupt practices.

The press is calling for vigilance.

Thank you. That's okay.

Here's my identity card.

I can understand you.

It's hard job to be a policeman.

Who would like to be up against hooligans for a poor salary.

I get a good salary.

And it's probably difficult to get a decent apartment.

I wouldn't complain about my apartment.

That's what you say.

Two rooms and a kitchen, that's not bad.

All right, you are free to go.

Just a moment. Can't we have a chat?

- I haven't got time for talking. - I honestly like the police.

- You don't believe me, do you? - Go to hell.

Somebody must maintain order,

a general good sense and social logic, that calls for real sacrifice.

Can't you leave me alone!

A bad individual can be found in any environment

but the police as a whole are quite all right.

I can appreciate that, on my honour!

You've been drinking. Go home quietly and have some sleep.

I am sorry, I am very sorry I didn't show you my card straight away, on my honour.

Oh, there's somebody over there! I must check his papers!

That's not what I wanted to tell you. That's not important, Max,

just an ornament.

I turned forty-four today.

It's a magic figure, for a Pole

and if somebody doesn't know why, I'm not going to explain.

Perhaps this is infinity.

No, it's not infinity but the beginning of infinity.

Or perhaps it's the same as thirty-three?

- Where to? - To my wife.

Don't wake her up. I'll come in quietly. My wife knows.

- What's the time? - 04:30.

- And you're going to your wife? - To my wife.

We're living in the age of ideology

and through a crisis of ideology.

I haven't made that up, Max. That's what popular weeklies say.

And I'm going to kill a man in thirty minutes or so.

That's what I know for certain.

I don't remember the thesis -

because I had a thesis at the beginning.

Something to do with time or the future.

Rather the future and the past at the same time.

And something to do with man.

It wasn't that man is a great word, it was something else.

Confound it! It's escaped me.

Is that you?

Yes, it's me.

You promised to never come here.

I wanted to tell you something.

You have been drinking again, haven't you?

It's my birthday, or it was yesterday.

Why did we have to part?

I don't remember.

Probably because of the incompatibility of our characters.

You drove me to the ground by your incessant tension,

your furious activity, your mad messianism.

I've heard it many times.

- Tell me, don't you regret it? - Regret what?

That you've wanted many years

preaching promises that can't be fulfilled, wrestling with the logic of Nature,

critisising yourself hysterically...

and suffering disappointment which you would be ashamed to admit.

No, I don't regret it.

I must believe in something.

I must believe in something.

Is it necessary to believe in order to live?

- That's how it's always been. - That's not true.

There were ages of belief and of disbelief

and then ages of a new belief and of a new disbelief.

Do you feel happier?

Do I feel happier?

Then why have you come here after all those years?

You were my wife,

my first woman.

Go away, you've been drinking.

Don't you regret anything? Don't you regret your life?

Regret means remorses of conscience.

Don't be afraid.

Your hair was in flames at that time as well.

Leave me alone. I must sleep.

- There's a hard day ahead of me. - I'll sleep with you as I did then.

No, leave me alone. Go away.

Darling, it's me.

Bring back to mind the palace raging with fire.

Go away, go away, or I'll call the guard.

There's no guard anymore,

nor is there the house among the ruins, nor those times.

No, no,

no! It's too late! No!

No!

Joasia!

Joasia! Wake up!

I'm sorry for us both.

- Look, father. - Well?

People are already going to work.

As they do every day. Always.

Look, father, people are still working hard.

As they used to and as they always will.

That's not true, father.

Only you, your father, your grandfather worked so hard.

Only the meaning of work's changed

but its burden is always the same.

Work is a curse.

Yes,

we curse it yet we take it up again every day.

It's our drug.

And what is your work?

What is my work?

Without a beginning and without an end,

just like other people's.

Wait a moment.

He's a goy.

Shloma! Gluck!

Don't you recognise me?

Do you remember Gluck?

We were playing together when your father hung himself.

What do you want?

You must remember me.

At that time I was as afraid of the doomsday as you were.

Then what do you want?

I want you to go with me.

There's going to be a great war and you'll be killed while hiding

under a thin layer of dry maple leaves in the attic.

- Who will kill me? - A young solider,

three years older than you.

How do you know?

Because I've lived it through already.

I wanted to hold on the memory of you from my childhood and to save you.

You alone.

I don't need to be saved.

Gluck! Gluck!

I'm sorry for you too.

I don't know why for the first time in my life

I remembered a Jew

like that carried away in a frenzy by devils

to nothingness as a punishment for his sins.

Perhaps...

I did because I was brought up among people

of different beliefs,

different languages,

of different ways of thinking,

or perhaps because

I remembered it later

but it stuck in my memory

from the beginning as a reproach

against people causing the death

of other people time and again.

Forgive me, Max.

Forgive me all the silly things I've told you.

Forgive me my hitting you

for the first time in life,

in my life.

One can only shoot at birds living in freedom.

Why did you do it?

Why did you commit...

What did I do?

You know what.

What was driving you all your life?

You tried your hand at various professions

and you did everything well.

And yet you gave up one thing after another

and kept running forward.

Were you perhaps afraid of something?

If so, of what?

How would I know more than you do?

You've made me up.

I've been made up by you.

Then tell me at least how it is there?

Where?

On the other side.

That's you, you're ringing me up.

Hello! Hello! Max! Do you hear me?

Don't put the receiver down! Hello! Max, say something.

Hello!

Perhaps there's only eternal loneliness there...

...eternal solitude...

...of eternal awareness...

...of eternal memory.

Yesterday he wanted certain fragments of the script to be crossed out.

Yesterday he was still ashamed of his biography,

of some shreds of his life.

What does all that mean?

What is the reason for this complexity?

Complexity is the mother of simplicity.

What does that mean?

Just that and nothing more.

Let's go.

Where? Where to?

There's an empty room there. Nobody is there.

- Nobody is there? - We'll be alone.

Somebody is firing a gun.

They are boys from my platoon.

They're shooting with potassium chlorate.

Come here, we'll lay down on straw.

- Take your clothes off. - Don't do it. It's cold here.

I'll do it.

I want to look at you.

Do you hear? They're firing.

They are my guerrilla-fighters. They're celebrating Ester.

I'm scared.

Don't be scared. You shouldn't be scared.

I'm scared stiff.

Oh, it's good.

No! No!

No!

I'll come back to fetch you.

That's not my home.

I'm running away from the Germans.

I don't know where I'm going to be tomorrow.

I'll find you and keep you forever.

I love you, I'll love you forever.

- You know what? - Well?

That's what I think. Do you understand me?

That it may be with people as it is with butterflies.

I mean a form of existence in three stages:

first there's a caterpillar,

then a chrysalis and finally a butterfly.

Do you understand me?

If there's a possibility of such an existence in Nature

then nobody can be sure

that we aren't subject to it.

Skip it.

Go back to your life with your chicks.

In what phase of the three stages of existence

- is man's life in your opinion? - Well, I don't know yet...

perhaps in the butterfly phase...

the turbulent,

bright and beautiful moment of existence...

the last moment before nothingness. Do you understand me?

Or perhaps it's the long, arduous existence of a caterpillar,

full of impending dangers.

Something's been eating you, my dear friend.

I know that well.

I've often dreamt about you recently.

Do you understand me?

What's eating me? What's eating all of us?

No, I don't mean all of us.

Perhaps only people of a certain generation.

No, not even that, not the whole generation.

We need to make an account of our lives.

To add everything up.

We do it in the morning, in the evening and sometimes during the day-time.

We keep adding up again and again and we still cannot arrive at a result.

Nothing comes off.

There's no total sum.

There's only an empty spot instead of a total sum.

Mother.

You know, Mother,

I'm going to do something in a few minutes.

- What are you going to do? - I'm going to kill a man.

Don't sin, son,

don't sin even in words.

What's the matter with you? Aren't you happy in this world?

Mother,

I've set off on a long journey, just like you,

partly to the past and partly to the future.

No... it's rather to the future.

You see, I was afraid you might get lost.

I've prayed for you a lot and yet you've got lost.

Mother, I've gone far away from you all.

That's not my fault.

The world's gone so far.

Your father and I worked hard all our life.

Your father worked till his death and I'll work till my death.

My whole body was sick from work.

We didn't have time for frivolities,

there was only the paralysing fear

that there'd be no work.

Reconcile yourself with God.

- What kind of God? - The one and only.

Everyone in this world says that there is the one and only God.

Bad people cast you away from Him.

No, Mother, I did it myself.

You were always ashamed of us, of our home, of our life.

God isn't enough.

- Enough for what? - To go on living.

You'll feel better.

- Only for a short time. - One must believe.

Faith helps you to live

and, what is more important, helps you to die.

Not enough.

- That's not enough. - What do you want, then?

- Not enough. That's not enough. - What do you want, then?

Look, what radiance. You should repent.

That's only the sun setting

and ending one more day.

I wish I could remember my loved ones,

the women I loved and those I didn't love enough.

My friends who seemed to be out of the ordinary

or just ordinary...

some... incidents, some transient moods,

some expectations...

I wish I could remember,

although my remembrances

may prove to be fragile and unusable in my memory,

trembling like a wind-mill,

teeming, chaotic.

Who are you?

Your guerrilla-fighters.

We're going with you on patrol

on the last New Year's Eve of the war.

No, wait a moment,

on the last Christmas Eve of the war.

You must kill the man who turned traitor.

Who did he betray?

Us.

Our thoughts, our habits, our customs.

Is it time to go now?

Yes, it is.

Lead the way as you did then.

If you make a wish today

it will come true in your other life.

I'm thinking.

What about?

Don't be so nosy, chief.

Why do you call me that?

Because you sleep with the commander.

How can you know that?

Tell me what you've wished for?

I wish I could be the cleverest,

the best and the most loved man in the world.

I wish I could meet you again after the war.

And I wish I could meet you again.

- These are only words. - Everything'll be okay, chief.

It will be.

It will be okay,

although you'll stay in prison all your young life,

although you'll get old prematurely,

although you'll later recollect your worst years as if they were your best.

Everything'll be okay.

What's the matter with you, chief?

Nothing...

It's here.

Surround the house!

Stay here. I don't want you to see this.

Goodbye.

Goodbye. Stay here!

- Is it time? - Yes, it's time.

You are tormented by my death.

It has tormented you all your life.

You've seen so many kinds of death,

natural and senseless,

calm death like falling asleep and cruel,

noble and vile ones

and yet you can't forget that one.

The first that was caused by your own hand.

Was it worthwhile to wade through time past?

Or perhaps the future?

Is that what I would like to remember in the last moment?

Max? Is that you?

I'm so glad.

Welcome, my friend.

I've been waiting for you here for a long time.

I don't know

why I remembered for the first time

a man in such a frenzy who was carried away to hell.

Now I think that he might've ascended arduously to heaven,

the heaven we think out every day,

the heaven of our expectations,

our yearning

and our desire.