All language subtitles for Home.Economics.S01E02.WEBRip.x264-ION10

‐ Chapter two.

The Hayworth siblings
were settling in

to their new normal.

After being laid off,

Sarah was trying
to make use of her time.

Everyone hoped
she'd find a new job soon‐‐

some more than others.

For Connor, being
a newly separated, single dad

was exhausting.

And thanks to that loan
from Connor,

Tom had a financial cushion
for a few months,

allowing him to really focus
on his novel.

Asking for a loan was awkward.

But it would get really ugly
once the whole family learned

that this new book
was all about them.

[overlapping chatter]

Now that they all
lived nearby,

the siblings decided to host
a weekly rotating brunch.

‐ So first trip to Oakland.

Everything you ever dreamed?
‐ Oh, yeah.

So hip.
‐ Oh?

‐ And your place is so, uh,

so snug.

‐ "Snug"?
‐ No, no.

I think what Connor's
trying to say

is that it's cozy.

‐ Yeah. Cozy.

Cozy and snug.

‐ And warm.
‐ Intimate.

‐ Comfy.
‐ Quaint.

‐ Okay, it's fine.

The word that you are
searching for is "small."

‐ Oh, I don't think I‐‐
I wouldn't call it small.

‐ Small?
With all this space‐‐

‐ Ooh! Oh!

[objects clattering]

[children laughing]

‐ It's kind of small.

‐ Yeah, but, you know,
it doesn't feel small.

[upbeat music]

‐ Next weekend,
brunch at our place?

I'm making chilaquiles.

Although,
hearing myself say that

sounds like a lot of work,
so probably not.

‐ We're not brunching.

Next weekend,
we got Spags' wedding.

‐ Do I have to call him Spags?

‐ The siblings had grown up
across the street

from a kid named Spags.

While Tom tried to be
a role model to Connor,

which usually meant doing
Connor's homework for him,

Spags connected with Connor

on a more primal level.

Spags also had a crush
on Sarah,

and although she hadn't
yet realized that she was gay,

he probably helped her along
on that journey.

Tom and Sarah never thought
he'd amount to much,

but Spags had a ridiculous
idea called DrawerD'Oeuvres,

and Connor invested in it,

despite Tom saying
it was ridiculous.

But, hey, what did Tom know?
Because it was a huge hit.

And Connor added it to his
already ridiculous fortune

while Tom could've
invested in it, but didn't.

Not that that bothered him.

‐ Ooh, mommy brain.

That's next weekend?
‐ Yep.

And I'm supposed
to give a toast.

Stand up in front of everyone

and act all happy
for the new couple.

I can't do that.

‐ Because he's gross?
‐ Because he's a jerk?

‐ It feels like you're
losing a part of yourself?

‐ It's impossible
to find joy in anything?

‐ Guys, no.

Because how am I supposed
to act all "yay, marriage"

when I'm, you know...

getting divorced?

‐ Oh, yeah.
‐ Right.

Right.
‐ So sorry.

‐ You still haven't
told Gretchen?

‐ No, we're waiting
for Emily to get back

from her business trip.

God, here I am,

heartbroken, trying to write
an inspiring toast about love

when I'm not a good writer.

You know, I'm not skilled
with such things.

‐ Uh, yeah, I could‐‐
I could help you out.

‐ Really? You don't mind?
‐ Come on, Connor.

I won "Most Promising
Debut Novel"

at the 2009
Nantucket Book Festival,

non‐fantasy
or science fiction division.

I think I can handle
a wedding toast.

‐ Thanks, Tom.

I don't know what that is,
but that's very cool of you.

‐ Aw, brotherly love.
‐ That's so sweet.

‐ Not all heroes wear capes,
right?

‐ I am just so excited to go
to a party for grown‐ups‐‐

open bar, dancing,
bacon‐wrapped dates.

‐ Spags will have
b‐wrapped‐d's, for sure.

Champagne fountain.

I think they're releasing,
like, 100 doves.

‐ Do you know what happens
to those doves

after they're released?

‐ Oh, yeah.
They get eaten by hawks.

It's gnarly.
‐ Oh, my God.

I am so glad we didn't do
any of that at our wedding.

‐ Well, we barely had
a wedding.

‐ Yeah, that was definitely
the right choice.

‐ [strained]
Yeah. Definitely.

Anyone else need coffee?

[mischievous music]

♪ ♪

‐ Oh, my God!
‐ Gosh.

Phew.
[overlapping chatter]

Ooh!

‐ Hey.
‐ Hey!

‐ What're you watching?

‐ I was just doing‐‐my email.

Just sending, receiving.

BCC, CC, LOL.

‐ Are you watching porn?

‐ No‐‐yes.

Yes, I am.

Just hardcore sex content.

‐ All right, well,
there's nothing to be‐‐

embarrassed about.

‐ Don't. I don't‐‐
‐ Oh, my God! What is this?

‐ It's a custom dress
with a mermaid silhouette.

‐ I don't understand.

‐ Oh, that's where
the skirt comes out mid‐thigh

to create a hourglass effect.

‐ No. Why would you watch this?
‐ Oh.

Well, going to this wedding,

it's kind of reminding me
of how we...

never really had one ourselves.

‐ Well, we are married.

I mean, we did it
as soon as it became legal.

‐ Yeah, in, like, a quickie,
city hall ceremony.

I'm talking about one
with, like, a reception.

‐ We couldn't afford one.
‐ I know.

‐ And our parents were pretty
lukewarm about the whole thing.

‐ I know.

‐ And we didn't want
a big party.

‐ No, you didn't want
a big party.

You said, "Having
a wedding reception

was like celebrating money
and patriarchy."

‐ Well, the father literally
gives the bride away,

I mean, like she's cattle.

‐ Okay, I just
can't stop thinking

about how nice it would be
to wear gowns,

and have our first dance, and

have a video to show our kids
on our anniversary.

‐ Right.
I get that.

Okay, well,

it's not a wedding cake, but

there is a mushroom lentil pie
in the fridge

that we could slice together.

‐ Ooh, tempting.
‐ It's gluten‐free.

‐ Wow, you really know
how to sell it.

‐ [laughs]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

‐ "And in the end,
isn't that what matters?

"Not just that we find someone
willing to accept us

"and forgive our mistakes,"

but that we find someone who
makes us want to be better?"

‐ I mean...

‐ I don't know.
It kind of sounds like you.

‐ Do you mean thoughtful

and in touch
with human emotion?

‐ It feels heavy, right?
‐ Oh.

‐ Like, I would never say,

"Marriage is a fire stoked
by the coals of forgiveness."

Like, it's a marriage.

Can it even get...stoked?

I don't know.
That's just something

I'm kind of bumping on
creatively.

‐ Look, man.
This is gold, okay?

Mom cried when
I read it to her.

‐ Mom cried
at the end of "Jumanji."

‐ Okay, uh, you need my help?

I'm here to help.

I'll have another go at it,
no problem.

‐ Dope. Just write it
pretending you're me.

‐ Do you mean, like, someone
who uses the word "dope"?

‐ Swag.
‐ What?

‐ We should just
work on it together.

‐ Oh, actually it's
probably a little quicker

if I kind of
bang it out myself.

Plus, Marina needs me
to get home.

‐ Right on, I'll have Lupe
make some chicken nuggs.

Lupe!

Nugg time!

‐ What is this?

‐ Together,

we are going to work
through your wedding envy.

‐ By watching my favorite show?

‐ We're gonna watch it
critically.

‐ Of course.
‐ Because once we lift up

the rock
of the wedding industry

and examine the cultural biases
just crawling underneath,

you will never want
a reception again.

‐ You are so cute when you use
your women's studies degree.

‐ Aw!
Okay, let's watch this trash.

‐ I could see the sun just
hitting you, like, glowing.

‐ I feel perfect.
[giggles]

‐ It's like we're programmed as
women to want this spectacle,

like our worth depends on it.

‐ You are so right.

‐ So I shouldn't get married?

‐ No, no, sweetie.
That's not what we're saying.

You shouldn't "want"
to get married.

‐ Right. Remember,
the most important day

of a woman's life
is not her wedding day.

It's the day
she becomes president.

‐ Sparkling face.
[women laugh]

‐ You know, it is so archaic.
‐ And lookist.

‐ But I really hope
they nail that dance.

‐ Right? And it's the same song
her grandmother danced to.

‐ And the same gown!

‐ I just want you guys
to feel it

like I feel it.

‐ They overcame so much,
you know,

with the hurricane
and the heart attack.

‐ And they got
their perfect day.

‐ It's your day.
‐ Yeah.

It is my day.

‐ I think I have something
in my eye.

[all sniffling]

‐ You know, it just
restores your faith

that love conquers all.

‐ This didn't work, did it?

‐ Hey, did you get
the twins down?

‐ No, I'm just
really into tiptoeing.

Did you finish Connor's toast?

‐ Well, I tried
to get it out there,

but, of course,
he insisted we "brainstorm"

while doing sit‐ups.

‐ Hmm.
‐ Medical question.

Can you break your abs?

‐ Hey, you volunteered
for this, remember?

Heroes without capes?
‐ I don't mind helping Connor.

I've been doing it
my whole life.

I can't waste my entire week
on this stupid toast.

I mean, he keeps changing it.

I don't know
what his problem is.

Wait, you don't think this
is about that loan, do you?

Like, now that I owe him money,
he owns me?

‐ Please, no fights
at the wedding, okay?

I don't want another scene
like your parents' anniversary.

‐ Connor told me he was
buying them a juicer.

I show up with
20 pounds of oranges.

I looked like a idiot.

‐ Well, he did buy them
a very nice car instead.

‐ That's not the point.
‐ Please!

This is my first party in
a year without a bouncy house.

I have it all mapped out.

Drop the twins off at 10:00.

Take my first shower in a week.
Put on a dress.

Hair, makeup.
Pregame cocktail.

Maybe an edible.
‐ Marina.

‐ Okay, boomer.
I'll stick to alcohol.

And if I remember to eat enough
while I'm drinking,

I will get drunk,
but not drunk‐drunk,

and I will peak
right in time for dancing.

‐ Oh.
[chuckles]

Don't forget to make some time
for old Tommy

at the end of the night.

‐ Sweetie,
it's not your birthday.

‐ Well, okay.
‐ Tommy Boy?

Oh, hey, guys.

Marina, you mind if I borrow
Dean Koontz over here

for just a second?
I got a new idea.

‐ Uh, Connor, it's 9:00 p. m.

‐ So I read over what we wrote,

and it's fine.

You know, but I'm thinking,

what if the toast
is in the form

of, like, an investment report
about their marriage?

‐ Uh...

‐ I'm gonna go pump.
You two have fun.

[percussive music]

‐ I brainstorm better
when I plank.

Come on.
Plank with me.

[grunts]

Thomas?
‐ Okay.

‐ "So, in conclusion,
market conditions indicate

"that the value of this merger

"will only increase
in the years to come.

"My rating for this marriage:

strong buy."

Huh. That's not bad.

That whole run about volatility
is actually pretty good.

‐ Yeah,
but hearing it out loud,

it's like NPR funny,

and I'm more
Howard Stern funny.

‐ Oh, my God, Connor!
We have been at this all night.

‐ You're right.
Let's sleep on it.

Do another round
in the morning.

‐ No.
‐ No?

‐ No, that's it.
I'm done.

I'm out.
‐ But we're so close.

‐ You're always
doing this to me,

just like when we were kids
and you used to

trick me into doing
your homework.

‐ You used to love
doing my homework.

‐ What?
‐ And I wouldn't have

gotten into college otherwise.

I mean, really the reason
that I'm successful

and living in Matt Damon's
old house,

it's thanks to you.

‐ Well, then why don't you ask
Matt Damon to help you out?

‐ He does have an Oscar
for writing.

People forget that.
‐ Okay.

‐ What‐‐come on.
I need your help, all right?

You're the better
writing‐good person.

‐ Wow.

Look, you're taking advantage
of me, okay?

It was just supposed
to be a favor.

‐ This is just a favor.

I do favors for you
when you need them.

‐ Okay.
‐ What?

‐ Oh, wow.
‐ Wait, why are you laughing?

‐ You're calling in that loan,
aren't you?

That is so like you.
You're always so transactional.

‐ Who even said anything
about the loan?

[scoffs]

Wow.

And to think

I was gonna invite Camila
on our ski trip.

‐ She doesn't even know
how to ski.

‐ That's the point, Tom.
She needs to learn.

‐ Nobody needs
to learn how to ski!

‐ Okay, well,
now you just sound crazy!

All right?

Tomorrow, I'm gonna stand up
in front of friends and family

and give a toast,
and you know what?

I have absolutely nothing
to say.

‐ I've given you
at least three full versions.

‐ Absolutely nothing!

I'm gonna look like an idiot.
[scoffs]

I hope you're happy.

[door slams]

[guests chattering excitedly]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[silverware clattering]

Sarah, can you pass me
the bread, please?

‐ There's another basket
right next to Tom.

‐ I'd rather have your bread.
‐ Oh, my God.

Is this gonna be like Mom
and Dad's anniversary again?

What is it this time?
‐ What it is, Sarah,

is I'm no longer doing
somebody's homework for them.

‐ But you love doing
Connor's homework.

‐ Why does everyone
keep saying that?

‐ You had very good penmanship.

‐ Like a woman
born in the '40s.

‐ Thanks, guys.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey.

You get it, right?

Every time I do something nice
for him,

he takes advantage of me.

‐ Honey, I hear you.
I do.

‐ But you're
no longer listening.

‐ No, I hung in
as long as I could.

I have a strict schedule to get
the most out of this day,

and I'm not gonna
let anything ruin it.

‐ Fair enough.
‐ Yup.

‐ [grunting]
Hayworths!

[cackles]

We're still bumping it out,
right?

Boom, boom, boom!
all: Whoa!

‐ Hey, Tommy Boy!

Boom!
‐ Oh!

‐ [chuckles]
Got me again.

‐ Still got it, man.
[laughter]

Sarah.
‐ Hey, Spagsy.

Congratulations.
‐ Yeah, this is so crazy.

‐ Yeah, well, you invited‐‐
oh, wow.

Yeah.
[laughs]

Okay.
This is my wife, Denise.

‐ Wow. Very nice!
[cackles]

Why didn't you invite me
to your wedding?

‐ Oh, well, we didn't actually
really have a wedding, so‐‐

‐ Chandrasekharans!

‐ It is a shame
you two never had a wedding.

I have no photos for Facebook.

Every year,
on your anniversary,

I post a picture
of Ellen and Portia.

[laughing]

‐ I'm gonna run
to the bathroom.

‐ Oh, wait.
Denise, it's...

‐ Mom!
‐ What?

‐ When I got married,

you wouldn't even say
that it was to a woman.

‐ Oh, sweetie, everybody
was homophobic back then.

both: Mom!
‐ [scoffs]

‐ Oh, stop it.

‐ Sarah, I'm sorry.

I'm just realizing now, I never
even got you a wedding gift.

‐ Honestly, Tom, that's
the least of my problems.

‐ Sweetie?
‐ Yeah, Dad?

‐ Is Denise gonna
finish her salmon?

[rock music playing]

♪ ♪

‐ Connor!

‐ Hey. Break a leg.

‐ Break your face.

‐ Ooh, good one.
Did you write that yourself?

‐ Someone had to.

Hello, everyone.

I'm Connor Hayworth.

Spags and I made a little bit
of money together.

[applause]

‐ Pfft!
[cackles]

‐ You know,

I wasn't quite sure what to say
about Spags and Teresa today

because, the truth is,

I've been going through a bit
of a tough time.

Yeah.

I thought
I could use some help.

And that's one of the things
I love about Spags.

He always helps.

He doesn't get all weird
about it.

Spags would
definitely understand

that if I ask him for help

with something that he, Spags,

is particularly good at,

that he should be flattered.

That's why Spags
is like a brother to me.

‐ Okay.

Hey, everyone.
Tom Hayworth here.

I'd like to just kind of
add on to that.

‐ No, you can't add on.
The toast floor's mine tonight.

I don't yield my time‐‐
‐ Perfect. We'll double toast.

What I love about Spags,

is he never tries
to manipulate you.

You know?

I mean, if, let's say,

I ask Spags for a loan,

he'd never hold that
over my head.

Spags would understand

that I fully intended
to pay him back.

And I'm very grateful
for the help,

and I thought I made that very,

very, very clear to Spags.

‐ What happened to the coals
of forgiveness?

‐ Go sit down.
You look like an idiot.

‐ I look like an idiot?
You're wearing a drink.

[all gasp]

[guests murmuring]

[guests gasp]

[both grunting]

‐ Stop!

Okay, here comes Big Papa.

‐ Nope, come on, not fair.
‐ Connor!

‐ All right.
That's enough!

‐ Oh, my God.
They're so embarrassing.

‐ Give it up
for Teresa and Spags!

[scattered applause]

‐ [sighs contentedly, gags]

I was supposed
to eat more bread.

[gags]
‐ Oh!

‐ [retching]

[guests gasp]

‐ Uh, let's keep
those toasts coming!

Who wants to follow that?

[upbeat music
playing distantly]

♪ ♪

‐ You know, any of those toasts
you wrote would've worked.

‐ Well, yeah.

Then why'd you keep
asking me for more?

‐ I guess 'cause...

♪ ♪

I like hanging out with you?

‐ [dryly]
Ha ha.

Seriously?
‐ Don't make me say it again.

Look, I got no one at home
right now.

I mean, yes, I have a daughter,

you know,
I have a full‐time nanny,

and I have
the sickest house ever,

but I got no one to talk to
about this stuff.

‐ Well, you could always
talk to Sarah.

Or Spags.

‐ But you're my big brother.

Why do you think I was always
asking you to do my homework?

It was just a way to get you
to pay attention to me.

‐ And to get me
to do your homework.

‐ You do good homework.

‐ Yeah, I don't know.
Maybe I like doing homework.

[both sigh]

‐ Truth is,

I guess right now, I'm...

I don't know.
Things are a little lonely.

And you are

the closest thing I have
to a wife.

[both laugh]

‐ The only difference is,
we can't get divorced.

‐ Yeah, no matter
how hard we try.

‐ Aw, man.
You know, now I feel bad.

Whole time, I thought
you were using me.

Turns out, you were really
looking up to me.

‐ Well, I don't know
if I said it like that‐‐

‐ Truth is,

I was kind of jealous
of you and Spags.

I mean, he was your buddy,

you gave him money
for DrawerD'Oeuvres,

which I think,
let's be honest, is‐‐

‐ Awesome. Yeah.
‐ Pretty ridiculous.

‐ What?
‐ I said "awesome."

‐ Yeah.

Hey, man, that loan?

That's an investment in you.

Your next book's
gonna kick ass.

I know it is.

What's it about, anyways?

‐ Uh‐‐
‐ The book?

‐ Oh, it's kind of hard
to explain.

It's a novel of manners,

kind of how we live today,
a look at our society‐‐

‐ Yeah. No, you don't have
to actually explain it.

I trust it'll be good.
‐ Okay. Yeah, okay.

Okay.
[both laugh]

‐ Come on!
Come on! Come on!

‐ Hey, are you okay?
‐ Good as new.

‐ Are you sure?
‐ Of course.

This is all part
of my schedule.

Come on.
We still got dancing and cake.

‐ [chuckles]

All righty.

♪ ♪

[Sophie B. Hawkins'
"As I Lay Me Down" playing]

♪ ♪

‐ ♪ It felt like springtime ♪

♪ On this February morning ♪

‐ This is our song.

‐ ♪ Birds were singing
your praise ♪

‐ Oh, God.

‐ Hello.
Hi, everyone.

Um, I'm Sarah.

I'm related to the two idiots
from before.

Spags used to be super into me.

Um, thank you all
for joining us

on this truly magical day.

And now, I would like
to have a first dance

with my wife.

‐ ♪ And I will wake up happy ♪

‐ What's happening now?

‐ [laughs]

Looks really good.
‐ Thank you.

[chuckles]

‐ Wow.
Thank you.

[both laugh]

This is so stupid.
‐ I know.

Thank you for being my wife.

And for dealing with
my really crazy family.

‐ Oh, it's gonna take
a lot more than a dance

to make up for that.

[cheers and applause]

‐ ♪ As I lay me down to sleep,
this I pray ♪

‐ We are never inviting
that family anymore again.

‐ That's fair.
‐ Yeah.

‐ Let's hear it
for the happy couple...

who's stolen the spotlight
for some reason.

Hey, get out and join them!

[Earth, Wind & Fire's
"September" playing]

♪ ♪

‐ A marriage is like a fire

stoked by the coals
of forgiveness,

but Tom realized that wasn't
just true for spouses.

It was true for siblings too.

Siblings make mistakes.

They evolve.
They forgive.

They make you wanna be better.

And sometimes
you just gotta highjack

someone else's wedding
to figure that out.

‐ ♪ Say, do you remember ♪

♪ Ba‐dee‐ya,
dancin' in September ♪

♪ Ba‐dee‐ya ♪

♪ Never was a cloudy day ♪

♪ Ba‐du, ba‐du ♪

♪ Ba‐du‐da, ba‐du ♪

♪ Ba‐du, ba‐du ♪

♪ Ba‐du‐da, ba‐du ♪

♪ Ba‐du, ba‐du, ba‐du‐da ♪

‐ Boo, come here!
We have to cut the cake!

‐ Whoa, what are you doing?
‐ That's our cake!

[laughter]
‐ Sorry.

I got a little carried away.

‐ Aw!

‐ Tom, this is
actually, um, amazing.

‐ Yeah, it's the wedding video
we never had.

‐ The wedding gift
I never got you guys.

‐ Whoo! I'm so happy for‐‐
‐ Sarah and Denise.

‐ You're a wonderful couple!
Whoo!

‐ Sarah and Denise.

‐ Do we know them?
‐ No.

‐ To think you met
at that Kid Rock concert.

[laughter]

‐ [gags, retching]

Okay. That's enough.

‐ Oh, oh!
‐ All right, Tom.

‐ Mom, Mom, Mom!

[overlapping chatter]

‐ That is a lot of vomit.

[mellow electronic music]