All language subtitles for Home.Economics.S01E01.WEBRip.x264-ION10

[upbeat music]

‐ Chapter one.

This is the story
of the Hayworth family.

‐ Oh, no.
‐ Oh!

‐ Three siblings who loved
each other.

‐ What do I owe you?
‐ $1,150, brother.

‐ Oh, dang.
‐ Okay.

But money sometimes got
in the way.

Sarah was the middle child

and the one
with the least money.

She lived in a tiny apartment
with her wife, Denise,

and their two kids.

They were always on top
of each other.

Literally.

‐ Hi, I was just calling
about the counselor position.

Oh, you got the job.

So you were supposed
to fill the position,

but you gave it to yourself.

That's fun.
Quick question.

Why did you even have me
come in?

I mean, you didn't even
validate my parking, so‐‐

‐ And we are so happy for you.

It's a tough job market
out there right now.

Good luck, and let us know
if anything else opens up.

‐ Can I just say
one more thing?

‐ There is a better job
out there for you.

In the meantime, do you want
to bake some cookies

and look at pictures
of Cate Blanchett in suits?

‐ [laughs]
Yes, I would.

‐ I thought we were going
to Uncle Connor's place.

‐ Yeah, his house has
a second floor.

‐ We have a second floor.
‐ You're sitting on it!

‐ A few minutes away,

Sarah's younger brother Connor
had moved to the Bay Area

with his wife and daughter.

He'd made a fortune
in finance,

so much that he bought
his house from Matt Damon.

Yes, that Matt Damon.

They even had a live‐in nanny.

‐ Lupe, can you do the thing?

‐ A nanny who took care of all
of them.

‐ [laughs]

‐ Daddy, when do the cousins
get here?

‐ Soon, baby.
Today's gonna be epic.

Whole family together...
‐ Yeah, it's gonna be lit.

‐ That's my girl.

Lupe.

Come on.

You're the best, Lupe!

‐ In between Connor and Sarah
financially

was the oldest sibling,

Tom.

He was middle‐class, but
definitely not middlebrow.

[toddler babbling]

What?

‐ Yeah, you know what?
You're right.

It's the wrong kind of funny.

‐ [babbles]
‐ Good point.

Tom grew up the golden child
of the family,

and actually became
a bestselling novelist.

But his latest novel had sold
about five copies,

as the public had failed
to appreciate its subtlety,

and the author photo was not
the one the author chose.

With the expenses piling up,
he now faced the humiliation

of having to ask
his little brother for a loan.

‐ [laughs]

‐ What, you're a critic, too?

‐ Mom!

‐ Also...
‐ I'm bored!

‐ He had too many kids.

‐ Investigators said
they'd never seen

a murder so gruesome,

but what they found
under the floorboards

was even more disturbing.

‐ Well, got in almost half
a page

before they started crying.

‐ Your secret book about
Uncle Connor and Aunt Sarah?

‐ Oh, no, no, no, sweetie.
It's not a secret.

I'm just‐‐I'm...

hiding it from them.

‐ Que gallina es tu papá?

‐ Mom said you're a chicken.
‐ [gasps]

‐ Well, that's just
nasty in two languages.

Don't forget, we're going
to Connor's at 3:00.

‐ Great, that'll give me
enough time

to keep doing laundry
for the rest of my life.

‐ Love you, honey!

Yo, bro, comma, psyched
to see your new dump,

exclamation point.

Smiley face.

‐ Yeah, did you buy it
from someone famous?

I can't remember.

‐ Ha ha, very funny.

You do know it was
Matt Damon though, right?

‐ [chuckles]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

‐ I wouldn't want someplace
this big‐‐it's too big!

I mean, who would want
all this space?

So many rooms, no one would
ever find you.

‐ I'm going for it.

I'm just gonna look him
right in the eye.

I'm gonna say "Connor,

I know everyone thinks
my career is thriving‐‐"

‐ Honey, I support you whether
you decide to ask for the loan

or you don't, but I just can't
keep hearing about it.

‐ It's hard to ask
your baby brother for money.

‐ Well, don't think of him
as your baby brother.

Think of him as a cartoon duck

swimming in a pool
of gold coins.

‐ He has a pool of gold coins?

‐ No.

I don't think so.

‐ Hey!
‐ Hi.

‐ Hey.

‐ So are we still not telling
your brothers

that you lost your job?

‐ Not today, no.
‐ Okay.

‐ Oh, your cheese cave
has a wine cellar?

Cool, I'm unemployed.
‐ Okay.

‐ I just‐‐I don't need
Tom's advice

or Connor's sympathy fist bump.

‐ Okay, Lulu, we haven't seen
Connor in over a year,

so maybe let's not get
in a fight

and storm out this time.

Okay, I know your brothers
are Scorpios,

but they're still good people.

‐ You know I don't believe
in that stuff.

‐ That's a very Capricorn thing
to say.

‐ Okay.

‐ Oh, wow, look!

‐ Dibs on tiny Porsche!

‐ Ready for this?
‐ Do I have a choice?

‐ No.

[screaming]

‐ Oh, my God!

‐ Hey.

‐ Oh, my gosh, come on,
you have to see my dolls.

‐ Cool, what are
their pronouns?

‐ Come on!
‐ Whoa!

‐ So cool!
‐ Oh, thank you.

‐ You got it, right?
‐ Yeah.

[light percussive music]

‐ De dónde eres?

‐ Colombiana, y tú?

‐ Quería, Mexicana.

‐ Nobody's perfect.
‐ Oh.

‐ Okay.

‐ This is obscene.
‐ I feel dirty.

‐ So what do you guys think?

‐ So nice.
‐ It's really tasteful.

‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ I can't believe I'm finally
so close to you guys.

We went stir‐crazy in Seattle
this past year.

‐ Ugh, I'm sure it was so hard
for you and Emily

to be quarantined
with an infinity pool.

‐ No, my pool guy blew up
on TikTok.

So he's like a full‐time
pool boy influencer now,

just doing all like, you know,
this kinda...

I don't know, but we had
to throw the tarp on.

The pH balance got all out
of whack.

It's‐‐
‐ Ugh, I'd move, too.

‐ Hey, where is Emily?
She traveling for work again?

‐ Yeah, her firm owns
a pipeline

in one of the Dakotas.

I don't know.
Someone's got to pay the bills.

‐ Didn't you make,
like, $5 million last year?

‐ Yeah, but Em makes,
like, real money.

‐ I don't even want to know
what you think real money is.

‐ Oh, Tom, by the way,
finally read your book.

‐ You did?

‐ Yeah‐‐well, first chapter,
but, man.

So far I got to say it is...

a much anticipated follow‐up.

‐ We talk about how problematic
it is?

‐ Oh, should I not read it?

‐ Well, there's exactly
zero women.

‐ It's about
a prison baseball team in 1906.

‐ That sounds dope.

‐ I thought you read
the first chapter.

‐ It's a long chapter, Tom.

‐ Look, Sarah, obviously I'm
an ally.

‐ Yeah, Sarah, he married
a Latina.

Doesn't he get points for that?

‐ I didn't actually do it
for points.

‐ Just the idea of points
is so toxic.

‐ Okay, well definitely not
less points.

‐ Fewer points.
‐ You have a problem.

‐ Oh, my God, we get it.
You're a bestselling writer.

‐ And this is the playroom.

‐ Huh, okay, whoo.

‐ Wow.

‐ Shamiah, you got all the
orange and all the railroads.

Guys, let me save you
six hours.

Shamiah's already won the game.

‐ All right!
‐ But I've got both utilities.

‐ [sighs]
Oh, Camila.

All that means is that you just
spent $300

on investments
with zero upgrade potential.

Let me guess, you got Baltic,
too?

Yeah, you got Baltic.

‐ It's like
a Willy Wonka fever dream.

‐ It's like an American Girl
store knocked up a Sephora.

‐ It's like we're inside
Barbie's uterus.

‐ It's like a rave
meets an ice cream shop,

and they...

I lost it.
‐ You tried.

‐ Yeah, I lost it.
‐ You tried.

‐ You got a lot of cash.
That's good.

But it's not like the bank
is gonna pay you interest.

‐ Go off, king.

‐ Thank you, Kelvin.

But let's talk about
your situation over here, bud.

I mean, what's your strategy?
You're all over the place.

The name of the game
is Monopoly.

I'm seeing one of each color.

‐ In chapter three,
add a flashback

where Connor's greed is stoked
by Monopoly,

a game which is ironically
designed to teach

about income inequality.

I'm writing a book.

‐ Hm, I'm making
chicken fingers.

‐ Yo, Tom, we're gonna call
Mom and Dad.

And this is the kitchen.

‐ Oh, wow.
‐ Wow.

‐ We love it.
‐ Yes.

‐ Is that Matt Damon's juicer?

‐ Hey, what's he like?

‐ Who, MD?
Oh, he was great.

Yeah, I mean, when my realtor
emailed his realtor

about the inspection,
he responded like, so fast.

‐ Wow.
‐ That is so Matt Damon.

‐ And to think you and Tom
shared that tiny little room

growing up together.

My millionaire
and my big shot writer.

‐ Hi, I'm here, too.

‐ Of course, you are.
How's work, sweetie?

‐ Oh, so great.

‐ Oh, I love seeing all
of you together.

My kids, my grandkids,

my wonderful ethnic
daughter‐in‐laws.

‐ Mom, why would you say that?
‐ Mom, come on.

‐ What?
They know I love them.

Hola, Marina.
Café con leche.

‐ That's right, Grandma.
Those are Spanish words.

‐ Hey, mom.

I know that Thanksgiving
is a couple months off,

but I would like to try again
with the vegan turkey.

I think the problem last time
was mostly in the taste

and the texture area.

‐ Oh, Sarah...

‐ Okay, fine,
there was a slight odor.

‐ I thought you told them.

‐ No, Connor, you were
supposed to tell them.

‐ Told us what?

‐ Connor's taking us
to the Turks and the Caicos!

‐ What?

‐ I don't understand.

‐ She said it wrong.
There's no "the."

‐ Dad.

‐ He's taking us
to Turks and Caicos?

‐ No, the one "the" is fine.

‐ But we always have
Thanksgiving

at Mom and Dad's place.

‐ Yeah, it's a tradition.
‐ It's like our only tradition.

‐ So you're saying
it's Turks and the Caicos.

That sounds crazy.

‐ Guys, we'll call you back.

‐ Now you got me confused.

‐ What, I can't take
Mom and Dad on a vacation?

‐ Connor, there's
51 other weeks of the year.

‐ Okay, but on Thanksgiving,
all we do is fight.

Why do you guys even care?

‐ Because it's our special day
of fighting.

‐ And it's our special day
of drinking.

‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ Okay, I'll fix this.

You guys wanna come
to Turks and Caicos?

I'll bring everyone.
‐ That's not the point.

‐ Yeah, you're not getting it,
man.

So just airfare or you cover
hotel, too?

‐ Everything.

‐ Whew.

‐ Tom.
‐ What? No.

No, no, no.
Yeah, no, Sarah's right.

That's not the point.
‐ Okay, Connor, you know?

I didn't say anything

about your ridiculous
Matt Damon house

with its screening room,
and a backyard

that's inside the house,
and a closet

just for your kid's pajamas.

‐ It's a lot of pajama.
‐ You know what?

‐ Should we check out
the Japanese soaking tub?

‐ We're leaving.
‐ Okay.

‐ Okay?
Kelvin! Shamiah!

‐ Sarah!
‐ Come on.

‐ Well, she lasted an hour.
I owe Shamiah ten bucks.

‐ After the year we've all had!

‐ It was so great seeing
all of you,

and she's gonna be back
for one more zing.

‐ And Matt Damon hasn't made
a good movie

since "We Bought a Zoo."

‐ And we're done.

Okay, Marina, I'm gonna send
you that link

to the seven‐minute workout,
and Connor,

welcome to the city.

‐ Thank you.

[electronic music]

‐ Wait, did she say
"We Bought a Zoo"?

‐ Why did we have to leave?

‐ I didn't even get to drive
the Bentley

‐ So, Lulu, to recap‐‐
‐ Please, no recap.

‐ You said
you weren't gonna storm out,

and then what happened?

‐ I stormed out.
‐ Yeah.

But I can tell you're
reconsidering

because we haven't left yet.

‐ No. I forgot the keys inside,
and I'm too embarrassed

to go back in and get them.

I think they're
on the towel warmer

next to the robot toilet.

‐ Didn't get to use that
either.

[knock on the window]

‐ Found these over
by the Sokito 5000.

You know it's got
a built‐in Bluetooth?

‐ I've got to poop in that.

‐ Look, I know you and Tom
were upset.

But when we were kids,

did we solve our problems
by running away?

No.

We'd figure it out.

And then we'd make up
by singing our favorite song.

You know?
♪ Mmm bop ♪

♪ Mmm, mmm, mmm bop ♪

♪ Duba du duba du ♪

‐ Okay, stop,
you're butchering it.

‐ Look, I don't want her to go,

but make it a lot easier
to ask Connor for that loan.

Unless this puts him
in a bad mood.

‐ If you don't want to ask him
for the loan,

I could always go back to work
at the firm.

‐ I thought you hated
the firm.

‐ I hate a lot of things, Tom,
yet here I am.

‐ Come on, I've got
this whole day planned out.

Let's just go inside.

‐ I mean, he usually doesn't
put this much effort in.

And that toilet sounds
really cool.

‐ Yes, obviously we all want
to poop in that toilet.

‐ Let's go talk.

I've got the perfect room
where we can work this out.

[quirky music]

‐ Okay, so you meant
literally work it out.

‐ This is where I do
my best thinking.

‐ This is great.

I haven't been to a gym
in eight months.

‐ You guys can use it anytime
you want.

Just wipe off the equipment
when you're done.

‐ What's that smell?

‐ Oh, Matt Damon used to use
this room to dry meat.

Yeah, after "Monuments Men,"

he got real
into German cuisine.

‐ Okay, next time
just say sweat.

‐ Look, Connor.
Connor.

The reason why I'm upset
about Thanksgiving

is that you didn't even
consult us.

It just feels like,
since I make less money‐‐

‐ Well, fewer money.

Right, Tom?

‐ It feels like my opinion
matters less.

‐ Look, I'm sorry I have like
a ridiculous amount of money.

You want me to give it all
away?

I'll give it all away.

Obviously not all of it.
That'd be crazy.

‐ Come on, ask him.
‐ No, now is not the time.

‐ This is exactly the time.
‐ Hey, what's up?

‐ Hi.
‐ No secrets in the meat room.

Spit it out.

‐ Well...
‐ It‐‐

We're actually having
a sexual problem.

‐ Ew.
‐ What?

‐ I agree, we probably
shouldn't talk about it

in front of other people.

‐ We need to borrow money,
but Tom's afraid to ask.

‐ What?
‐ You do?

‐ No, no, no, no.
Look.

I know everyone thinks
that my career is thriving,

but the tru‐‐ahh!

‐ Oh, my God.
‐ Oh!

‐ Tom.

‐ I'm good.
I'm good.

I'm okay.
I just‐‐

I hurt my elbow a little bit.

And my face.

‐ Wait, you need to borrow
money, why didn't you just ask?

‐ I've been trying,
but it's embarrassing.

It makes me feel
like a failure.

Nobody bought my last book.

‐ But the first three pages
were so good.

‐ I don't know what happened
to my life.

I mean, I was the A student,
right?

I'm the one who went
to an Ivy League school.

‐ Well...
‐ Cornell.

‐ I'm almost 40 and clipping
supermarket coupons

while my younger brother
subscribes to a magazine

about private jets.

‐ I don't subscribe
to that, Tom.

They send that for free.

‐ Every month
we fall further behind.

And three kids
are not cheap.

‐ Okay, I'm sorry that you're
going through this,

but you are not the only one
who's struggling.

‐ Okay, Lulu,
it's not a competition.

‐ And we could really
use the help.

‐ Well, we could also
use the help.

‐ Oh, I thought you said
it's not a competition.

‐ Well, Marina, you're
a corporate lawyer,

and I'm a public school
teacher,

and my savings account
is a mug.

‐ I'm not working anymore,
and you two have dual income,

and we just have Tom's
$12 royalty checks.

Sorry, honey.

‐ We don't have dual income
anymore

because I lost my job
last week.

‐ Ooh.

‐ They fired you from the...

‐ The school thing.
‐ The school thing?

‐ Do you even know what I do?

‐ Yeah.
‐ Yes.

‐ You're like a child‐‐
‐ You do guidance‐‐

‐ Research.
‐ Counseling.

‐ I'm a therapist
for low‐income, at‐risk kids.

‐ Yes, you are.
‐ Yeah.

‐ That's what I just said.
‐ That is exactly what you do.

‐ I wish I'd known
you were unemployed

before I asked for a loan.

Now I feel like a jerk.

‐ Oh, I'm sorry that the timing
of my getting laid off

was inconvenient for you.

‐ That's not what I‐‐
‐ Guys.

We're family, okay.
It's not a big deal.

I can float you both.

‐ Connor, I don't want
your money, okay?

Not from big pharma, fossil
fuels, or blood diamonds‐‐

‐ Okay, okay.

‐ But Tom shouldn't get it
either.

‐ Whoa!

‐ Oh, that's
a healthy attitude.

‐ How is that not toxic?

‐ Oh, the golden boy hits
his first speed bump

and immediately asks
for a bailout?

I mean, white privilege much?

‐ Mm‐mm.
‐ I'm sorry, I heard it.

‐ Guys, can we please,
for once, just not fight?

‐ I don't think
that's possible.

‐ I've been asking that
for 13 years.

‐ Honestly, it's a good thing

that we're canceling
Thanksgiving.

‐ Guys.
‐ Oh, no!

How am I supposed to survive
without your fake turkey?

‐ You said you liked it!
‐ I lied!

I can‐‐I can still feel it
in my mouth!

‐ Guys!

Come on!

Today was supposed to be epic.

I don't know why I thought
this would work.

‐ Oh.

‐ Why what would work?

‐ What is with him?
He's been acting weird all day.

All like,
"Let's be best friends.

Come check out my toilet."

‐ Wait, he said Emily's
on a business trip, right?

‐ In one of the Dakotas.

‐ There's, like,
500 closets here,

and I haven't seen any
of her stuff.

‐ Oh, my God.
‐ Oh.

‐ Connor killed Emily.

‐ Sorry, I've had a lot
of wine.

[upbeat percussion music]

‐ Hey, Connor.

‐ Oh!
Okay.

Yep, real mature.

‐ Come on, man.

‐ Connor, please,
can we just talk?

Connor.
‐ We're losing him.

Circle back.

♪ ♪

‐ Even in a mini car, you drive
like an old lady, Tom.

‐ Emily's not just
on a business trip, is she?

‐ We haven't told Gretchen yet.

‐ Oh, my God.
What did you do?

‐ Dude, she was cheating on me.

‐ Oh.
‐ Wow, sorry.

‐ On top of that,
my super hot Pilates teacher

totally wanted it,
and I didn't even do anything.

‐ Okay.

‐ Why didn't you tell us?

‐ About the Pilates teacher?
You guys know Danica?

‐ No, not the‐‐
‐ She's great, right?

‐ No, not her.

‐ Why didn't you tell us
about Emily?

‐ I didn't know how.

I know how much you guys
look up to me.

‐ We don't.
‐ We do not.

‐ Emily was just so much better
at the whole parenting thing.

One of the reasons I wanted
to move back here, you know?

If I'm gonna be a single dad,

I want Gretchen to be
with her cousins, you know?

Be a normal kid.

[gentle music]

I guess...

I wanted to be a little closer
to you guys.

♪ ♪

‐ Hey.

I'm really sorry for being such
a maniac about Thanksgiving.

‐ No, I should've checked
with you.

‐ Look.

We're gonna help you, okay?
‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ Whatever you need.
You're not alone in this.

We're here for you.
‐ Yeah.

‐ We're family.

And speaking of which,

if you're serious
about that loan,

I'm totally gonna pay you back.

‐ Of course, man.

I would love to hold a loan
over your head.

I'm gonna bring it up
every time I see you.

‐ Wow, I'm looking forward
to that.

‐ Yeah.
[laughs]

You know, I really thought

that I was the one
with all the problems,

and that you two just had it
figured out.

‐ I thought
the exact same thing.

‐ What a relief.
We're all screwed up.

‐ Right, at least we're
all screwed up together.

‐ Aww.

♪ ♪

Actually, aww.

‐ [laughs]
‐ Come here.

♪ ♪

‐ There's so many relationships
in this life.

♪ Only one or two will last ♪
‐ Oh, no, no, no.

‐ [both] ♪ Through all
the pain and strife ♪

‐ Okay, yep.

‐ ♪ You turn your back,
and it's gone so fast ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

‐ [together]
♪ And they're gone so fast ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Mmm bop ♪

♪ Ba duba dop, ba du bop ♪

‐ ♪ Ba duba dop, ba du,
yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Mmm bop, ba duba dop ♪

♪ Ba du bop, ba du dop ♪

♪ Ba du, yeah, yeah ♪

‐ This is the story
of the Hayworth family,

three siblings
who figured out

that while money
can divide us,

it's family that unites us.

‐ Ohh!

It's okay.

There's no damage.

‐ Ooh.

‐ Yeah, there's actually
a little bit of damage.

‐ You sure you guys aren't mad

about not going
to the Caribbean?

‐ No.

Thanksgiving
at Jason Bourne's old house?

Can't beat that.

‐ As long
as we're all together.

Bye, you guys.
‐ Bye.

‐ Love you, bye.
‐ Bye, love you.

‐ Love you, guys.

What the hell?

No Turks or Caicos.

‐ I bought new sandals.

‐ I bragged about this trip
to Brenda.

I can't not go.

‐ We'll pay for it ourselves.

Let me check
our Radisson points.

‐ Every time.

‐ Yeah, honestly sometimes it
kind of feels

like it's on purpose.

‐ Why don't I just send them
to Turks and Caico?

‐ That's a very good idea.
‐ Permanently.

‐ All right, where were we?

‐ Oh, Uncle Tommy.

You owe my daddy a bunch
of money.

‐ Aw, it's just like real life.

[laughter]

‐ Hey, until that bestseller
comes out.

‐ What's the book about anyway?

‐ Yeah, Tom.
What's the book about anyway?

‐ Uh...

I haven't figured it out yet,
so...

‐ Okay, well, try to put
a woman in it this time, okay?

‐ Add woman to novel.
Got it.

[laughter]

‐ All right, my turn.

Mommy needs a new breast pump.
Here we go.

‐ As Tom looked at his family,

he felt closer to them
than ever before.

It was a feeling that he knew
would last.

[yelling]

‐ $2,000.
‐ Oh, my God.

‐ You don't need more money.
‐ He does this every time!

‐ At least, until they
found out

he was writing a novel
about them,

and then they'd never talk
to him again.

[upbeat music]