Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

GIDGET: The Education of Frances Lawrence.

Only one problem, most of my friends

wouldn't know who Frances Lawrence was.

The Education of Gidget.

Elegance just died.

Okay, compromise.

The education of Frances "Gidget" Lawrence.

Six years in elementary school...

Six years in junior and senior high school...

[♪♪♪]

After that, four years

perplexing her professors at the university.

Sixteen long years of conditioning, shaping,

growing up, till at least I'm ready for the first grade,

only this time I'm the teacher.

I'm in charge... theoretically.

Who am I?Cinderella.

I'm late to the ball.

Remember me to Prince Charming.

GIDGET: Things have changed

since I was in first grade before.

This is an experiment...

an open school.

Doors are open...

windows are open...

minds are open.

If the kids are learning half as much as I am,

we're a smash.

After Hopalong's finished his snack,

I'd like you to read a little, Richie.

Okay.

MAN: Miss Lawrence.

Jeff!

[BOTH EXCLAIM]

[KIDS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh! Jeff, I'd like you to meet some friends of mine.

Hello.Who's he?

He looks like Prince Charming.

Oh, that's close.

You really want to know who I am?

Uh-huh.

I'm the guy your teacher's going to marry,

glass slipper or no glass slipper.

[♪♪♪]

GIDGET: How did you manage to get to Los Angeles so fast?

Impatience and luck.

A buddy of mine programmed the computer

to cooperate on my discharge,

and I wangled a jet lift out of Saigon,

and here I am. So, what are we waiting for?

Let's get married.

Like when?Like now!

[♪♪♪]

♪ Good morning, love ♪

♪ Make yourself at home ♪

♪ Come morning ♪

♪ The time is right ♪

♪ Every road I follow Since the world was new ♪

♪ Every doubt I borrowed Every dream that grew ♪

♪ Brought me to this moment ♪

♪ When a part of me ♪

♪ Becomes a part of you ♪

♪ Good morning, love ♪

♪ Fill yourself with me ♪

♪ Oh I can't wait ♪

♪ Let's begin ♪

♪ Let's begin ♪

[♪♪♪]

GIDGET: My dad teaches at the university

and I'm afraid, to a history professor,

we seemed a little impatient.

We've been engaged for over a year,

and I'm the girl that doesn't believe in long engagements.

Still, there are certain practical considerations.

Free translation, do you have a job?

JEFF: Yes.

You do?I know, surprised me too.

But, in spite of myself,

I did end up with an engineering degree.

While I was in the service,

I had a chance to specialize in aeronautics,

so I applied to Worldwide Dynamics,

and what do you know? They hired me.

Where is Worldwide Dynamics?

In Florida. Town called Woodlake.

So much for practical considerations.

Let's talk about the wedding.

Should be simple.Not too conventional.

But not too far out.

We could get married at the beach where we met.

Riding tandem on surfboards.

Only if the surf's up.

It should be informal.

Intimate. But let's not talk about it.

Let's do it!

[♪♪♪]

GIDGET: My sister Ann was deliriously happy for us.

And we couldn't stop crying.

The wedding invitations went out.

The wedding presents came in.

Oh, that's from Louie B. Latimer. Who?

Remember my landlord in Greenwich Village?

Oh, yeah, that nut

who used to be the kid star in the movies.

He says that candelabra was part of

the furnishings in "Dracula's Castle."

It'll be handy if we can't pay the light bill.

Oh, listen, I want to thank your buddy Tom

for what he sent us, but what did he send us?

Well, this is an Air Force inflatable life raft.

Tom was low in cash, but he wanted to send something.

Listen, you never know

when an Air Force inflatable life raft

is going to come in handy.

Hey...What?

Is this really happening?

We're getting married.I know.

It's a big step.

I just hope I'm up to it.

I don't want to disappoint you, Jeff.

You won't.

[♪♪♪]

GIDGET: The question of

who was to be the wedding photographer

was answered by a long distance phone call

from Louie B. Latimer.

Well, of course I'm coming to the wedding!

There was a time when you couldn't

have a wedding in Hollywood without Louie B. Latimer.

The bridegroom was expendable,

but not yours truly.

I plan to capture the entire spectacle on film for you.

Oh, but that's wonderful of you, Louie B.

Am I ever anything less?

[LAUGHS] Frankly, I've been looking for an excuse

to make a pilgrimage out there.

I want to visit the scenes of my former triumphs

before they're all supermarkets or savings and loans.

Well, my dear, I've got to run.

I'm picketing the Freddy Bartholomew Film Festival

at the Museum of Modern Art.

If the public could only see my screen test

for "Little Lord Fauntleroy..."

Okay, well, listen,

thanks for calling, and see you soon.

Courage, my dear.

Courage.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

GIDGET: In the ultimate utopia of Gidget Lawrence Stevens,

there will be only hellos and hi there's.

Positive, no goodbyes.

I just don't have any talent for them.

But the kids had it all together as usual.

Their wedding presents were the best yet.

Gourmet food...

fine art...

elegant home furnishings.

See ya!

CHILDREN: Goodbye, Ms. Lawrence.

[CHILDREN CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Richie...

Richie, aren't you going to say goodbye?

No, I don't want to.

Oh, well, I don't, either.

Instead, suppose we talk about the nice hello

you're going to give your new teacher.

Richie, I have a big favor to ask.

I need someone to be the ring-bearer at my wedding.

I don't think I could do it.

Oh, have I ever asked you to do anything you couldn't?

No, I don't think so.

Listen, there isn't anyone

that could do this half as well.

Please?

Well, if you really need me.

[♪♪♪]

GIDGET: Jeff and I began to believe

the wedding would never happen.

But the great day finally arrived.

So, fortunately, did Louie B. Latimer.

This looks like the place.

We'll shoot from here, Anatole.

I should be on a crane for this,

but I'll cut in some outtakes from "Intolerance"

and open it up.

The ring-bearer, right!

Look!

Look at him, Anatole.

Who do you see standing there?

Richie Coleman.

No, no, me, me, little Louie Latimer

at the zenith of my meteoric career.

In my prime, I was the ring-bearer

at all the top Hollywood weddings.

One's plenty for me.

The fans didn't care who got married

as long as I carried the ring.

Toby Wayne postponed her wedding three months

till I was available.

Arline Judge wouldn't think of getting married

unless I was there.

Once Lanny Ross tried to steal the spotlight.

He's yawning.

I topped him,

did a tango down the aisle with the flower girl.

[LAUGHS]

I just hope I don't drop the ring.

A little nervous?

Have you on-camera jitters?

Backward, turn backward, oh time in your flight.

It must be held so.

Busby Berkeley trained me for the role.

One of Peggy Hopkins Joyce's weddings.

There was a girl who knew how to get married.

Head up! Eyes front!

Just a ghost of a smile, as if you knew

you were the most important person in the world.

But I'm not.

Negative thinking!

Repeat after me:

"I am the most important person in the world!"

I am the most important person in the world.

And believe it.

All right, now, let's have a quick run-through.

No, no, hold the cushion with more reverence,

and please, just a wisp of a smile,

not a toothy smirk.

Perfect, we're rolling.

[♪♪♪]

Hi.

Hi.

You okay, Dad?

Just allow me a few seconds

to get used to this new Frances.

I was fooled too, for a minute.

But it's the same old me, and whoever I am

or whatever I am, it's all thanks to you.

I've been thinking about that.

I'm about to hand you over

to the man who's going to be your husband,

the man who expects you to be a good and loving wife.

And who have you had to train you in the wifely arts?

Well, you tried to help me be

a loving, considerate person.

Isn't that a big step towards being a good wife?

I've wanted to do my best by you, Francie.

I hope I've taught you some of the things

you'll need to know.

Oh, of course you have,

and I won't let you down, Dad.

Or Jeff, ever.

Here's the irony.

I'm supposed to support you down the aisle,

and suddenly the old knees feel double hinged.

[CHUCKLES] Well, lean on me, Dad.

It's your turn.

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[WEDDING MARCH PLAYING]

Move slowly, slowly!

PREACHER: This is a joyful occasion for us all.

We are to share with Jeff and Frances

that solemn and wonderful moment

when they join their hands and their hearts

in an open testament of their mutual love.

They wish this commitment they make,

one to the other, to be witnessed by us.

May the love they feel for each other

be strengthened and supported in their life

by the love all of us feel for them both.

Please, join hands.

Jeff, do you take this woman whose hand you hold,

to be your wife, and do you pledge,

in sickness and in health,

in good times and in bad,

to be to her a faithful and loving husband?

I do.

PREACHER: Do you, Frances, take this man,

whose hand you hold, to be your husband,

and do you pledge, in sickness and in health,

in good times and in bad,

to be to him a faithful and loving wife?

I do.

What tokens do you give to bind these pledges,

one to the other?

Do you give these rings as tokens

to bind the common pledge of your love and fidelity?

BOTH: We do.

To finalize this moment,

Jeff and Frances wish to share some lines

from a favorite poem.

[♪♪♪]

No man is an island, entire of himself.

Every man is a piece of the continent,

a part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea,

Europe is the less...

As well as if a promontory were.

As well as if a man or of thy friends

or of thine own were.

Any man's death diminishes me.

Because I am involved in mankind.

BOTH: And therefore,

never send to ask for whom the bell tolls.

It tolls for thee.

PREACHER: By the authority vested in me,

I now pronounce you man and wife.

[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

GIDGET: The next couple of hours are a happy golden blur.

Fortunately, we have Louie B's incomparable record on film.

With a notable assist from his friend Anatole.

Technically, the film put the movies back 30 years,

but in terms of our enjoyment,

it couldn't have been better.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

GIDGET: There were times in the confusion

before the wedding when I envied Eve.

She and Adam had the first and best wedding.

Our honeymoon showed me what it must have been like

in the Garden of Eden,

when there were only two people in the whole world,

and they happened to be in love with each other.

And in our case, lucky enough to honeymoon

in a Malibu beach house of one of Dad's friends.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Good morning, love ♪

♪ Make yourself at home ♪

♪ Come morning ♪

♪ The time is right ♪

♪ Every road I follow Since the world was new ♪

♪ Every doubt I borrowed Every dream that grew ♪

♪ Brought me to this moment ♪

♪ When a part of me ♪

♪ Becomes a part of you ♪

♪ Good morning, love ♪

♪ Fill yourself with me ♪

♪ Oh I can't wait ♪

♪ Let's begin ♪

♪ Let's begin ♪

GIDGET: Our honeymoon didn't end.

We just switched locales, from surfing to station wagon,

from Malibu to Route 66.

But Mrs. Jeffrey Stevens, wife and homemaker,

was so eager to take over from the bride,

we arrived in Woodlake, Florida, a day early,

and it was an eye-opener.

For one thing, the town was bigger

and more spread out than we had expected.

And for another, the area to which we were directed

must have been conceived in the notion

that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

It had to have been.

All the houses were the same.

Why'd you stop?

This is us.

How could you possibly tell?

[SCOFFS] The number.

4112 Lodge Avenue.

Let's go.

What?Our house!

[GIGGLES]

[♪♪♪]

Oh! Kitchen's small, but that makes it handier.

Isn't it marvelous?

It's the greatest empty house I've ever seen.

I know exactly how I'm going to furnish it.

An ordinary sofa'd crowd this room.

So we're going to have twin loveseats right there.

I like the sound of that.Hm.

And a big easy chair right there for you.

Okay, and a not-so-big easy chair over there for you

'cause I don't want to spoil you.

Ooh, our bedroom!

Wow!

What are you doing?

Seems solid enough to hold a waterbed.

It's a little too dull in here, though, so...

well, maybe some paint...

Hi!

I'm Tom Blaine, your neighbor.

Oh.This is my wife, Medley.

How do you do? I'm Jeff Stevens.

I'm Gidget.

This is Vince.

Hiya, Vince.Hi.

Got any kids?

Not at the moment.

Newlyweds?Mm-hmm.

Well, we just wanted to say welcome

to Woodlake, Oakdale Division.

Oakdale Division?Like Gaul,

all Woodlake is divided into three parts.

Poplar Flats, Oakdale and Cypress Hill.

Are you with Worldwide Dynamics?

[SCOFFS] Isn't everybody?

Where are you going to stay tonight?

There's a nice motel right down the road.

Oh, great.

Oh, no, I want to stay here, in our house.

Here?Jeff, the first few months,

humor her.

We're right next door, if you need anything.

You can borrow my sleeping bag.

Thanks, Vince, but, uh, we'll manage.

Would you like a ride to the plant tomorrow?

That'd be great. Thank you.

You're on.

I'll see you in the morning.

Bye.Bye.

I'm glad you're here,

even if you don't have any kids.

Can't take him anywhere.

So long, Vince.

We can't stay here.

We don't have any lights, we don't have any bed.

[♪♪♪]

If Dracula could only see his candelabra now.

Well, let's not invite him over tonight.

Cozy?Mm-hmm.

We're home.

[AIRPLANE ROARING OVERHEAD]

Have the vampires gone jet?

Must be in a landing pattern.

Clear the runway!

GIDGET: I really appreciated

the meaning of "good neighbor" that morning.

[CHUCKLES] Here, want some?

Cheers.

GIDGET: And, so did Jeff.

Bye.JEFF: Bye.

You want me to help you unpack?

Oh, thanks, Medley,

but you must have chores of your own.

Sure, but I'd rather see your wedding presents.

Okay.

Let's see, which one'll we...

[♪♪♪]

Good morning, Mr. Ramsey.

Stevens, come in, come in.

Welcome to Worldwide Dynamics.

Thank you, sir, thank you.

Why are you here?

I beg your pardon?

Why do you want to work at Worldwide?

Well, Mr. Ramsey,

I feel the chances for advancement here...

On target.

Advancement here is limited only by

the employee's capabilities and ambitions.

Hmm, not very impressive.

What isn't, sir?

Your college record.

Oh. No, it isn't.

I didn't apply myself in school, sir,

but then when I went in the Air Force,

I began to get everything together.

Late bloomer.

No shame in that.

We're not concerned with what you didn't do in college.

What interests us is what you do here and now.

Well, I certainly want to do my best, sir.

What is your best?

We will find that out within the next few months.

The best some can manage

is routine work at the drafting table.

For others, their capabilities

lead to executive responsibilities.

Well, I think I can do better

than routine drafting, sir,

but I realize it's up to me to prove that to you.

On target. You prove it to me.

But don't fall into the trap of thinking

you can play now

and become dedicated to your work later.

No, sir.Doesn't work that way.

Get off to the right start with Worldwide now, today.

Plenty of time to relax later.

I shall be watching you.

Understood?

Yes, sir.

[♪♪♪]

Look what I found in the cupboard!

Oh, that must be Nancy's.

Nancy Lewis, they just moved out of here last week.

Do you have an address?Oh, sure.

They just moved up to Cypress Hill.

Steve was promoted to an executive spot.

Well, then, we can drop this past.

I want to get the basic pieces of furniture that we need.

Then we're gonna add a piece at a time,

as we can afford what we really want.

[AIRPLANE FLYING OVERHEAD]

I can't hear a word you said.

We're gonna have to take up sign language.

I said... didn't they tell you?

Tell me what?

[♪♪♪]

There must be some mistake.

I haven't picked out any furniture.

The company provides the furniture.

What company?The company.

Worldwide. They built the houses.

They supply two sets of standard furnishings

for all the places in Oakdale,

the "A" color scheme and the "B" color scheme.

They didn't have a chance to replace the old color scheme

after the Lewises moved out.

MOVING MAN: Morning.

Morning-- but wait a minute!

I don't want these things, especially this big couch.

This is 4112?

Well, yes, but I want to choose my own things

and decorate my own house.

That's part of my job as a wife.

It's part of my job as a mover

to deliver this stuff to 4112.

[♪♪♪]

GIDGET: I was angry enough to consider

a rear guard action against the moving men,

and just to see that I didn't,

Medley persuaded me to go with her

to Nancy Lewis' new home in Cypress Hill,

and return the blender she had left behind.

Wow! This is a terrific neighborhood!

Thank you.

I'll get used to it.

But I really miss 4112.

The shopping up here

isn't as convenient as Oakdale,

and the meat at the market's impossible.

There's no butcher like Herman.

The kids don't seem to like school as well, either.

I even miss having those booming jets directly overhead.

Tell you what.

You come back to 4112,

and Jeff and I will move in here.

This is quite a house.

I'd be tempted... if it were up to me.

Well, we've still got a lot of shopping to do.

Thanks again for bringing the blender.

Listen, Jeff and I want to have

a housewarming party soon. It would be great

if you and your husband could come.

Well, that would be very nice, but I don't know.

Well, we've got to go.

Right. See you.

Bye-bye.

[♪♪♪]

GIDGET: I saw to it

that Jeff had a surprise awaiting him that evening

when Tom drove him home from work.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Gidget!Hi.

Hi.

I see you've been busy.

I had to do something

to distinguish our house from 2000 others.

I will not have you coming home

to the wrong wife.What's with this furniture?

Tell you about it at dinner.

Jeff dove into his work with a will.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

Jeff...Hmm?

Don't you think you've worked long enough?

I just want to finish these preliminary sketches.

Trying to impress the boss?

On target.

Mr. Ramsey's favorite expression.

Honey, will you just let me finish these, please?

Oh, go right ahead,

don't pay any attention to me at all.

You know something?

You are...

Irresistible?No, persistent.

[♪♪♪]

I let Worldwide Dynamics have you all day long.

Now I want you back.

If you're afraid of loneliness, don't marry.

And I thought that was just some bachelor being clever.

Now I think it must have been written by a woman.

Probably the wife of a young engineer

at Worldwide Dynamics.

I take it Jeff is neglecting you?

GIDGET [ON PHONE]: Oh, no.

Hardly a day goes by I don't see him in passing.

And on a good weekend,

he sometimes remembers my name and everything.

Francie, this is a perfectly normal

new husband type of symptom.

Suddenly, Jeff's a breadwinner.

He wants to be a good one.

And he thinks it has to be done right away.

I was so insecure when I married your mother,

I went right out and took on two extra jobs.

[CHUCKLES] Honestly, Dad?

Ah, we probably never would have seen each other

if I hadn't collapsed of nervous exhaustion.

[CHUCKLES] Well, what can I do?

Be patient.

Let Jeff prove to himself he can provide for you.

Then gently remind him

that there are things a woman needs

that his paycheck can't always provide.

The key word in the early years of marriage

is patience.

The early years?

Say the first 50.

Okay. Thanks, Dad.

Bye.

[DOOR BELL RINGS]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

GIDGET: When Medley invited us to a pitch-in supper,

our first party in Woodlake, Jeff begged off.

He had to work late.

I decided if I was gonna spend another evening alone,

I might as well be alone in good company.

Going to Medley's house is like not leaving ours.

Only the color scheme was different.

The young marrieds were all friendly

but the only other single,

Medley's bachelor brother, was the friendliest.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

He was considerate, witty, attentive,

but he wasn't my husband.

Again, I found myself wondering

if I have a husband.

I have.

GIDGET: Jeff.

Jeff, I'd like you to meet Medley's brother, Chuck.

Hi, Jeff.Let's go.

MEDLEY: Hi, Jeff.

We've got loads of food left.

Let me fix you a plate.

No, thank you. Come on, Frances.

Frances!

There I am working my tail off at that plant

while my wife's getting on with some lecherous playboy.

He is not a lecherous playboy.

If you hadn't been at the plant,

I would've been dancing with you.

Which comes first, your job or me?

Oh, now, that's childish. That is childish.

I'm working at that plant for us, for our future,

because I'm trying to be a good husband

because I love you.There are other ways

of showing you love me I prefer.

Marriage is work and responsibility.

It's also being together and having fun,

and if it isn't, then it isn't for me.

Marriage is not playing house.No, it's playing solitaire.

You're acting like a spoiled brat.

You're acting like a senior citizen.

Then why don't you go back to your playboy?

Why don't you go kiss a computer?

[AIRPLANE ROARING OVERHEAD][INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Go to...

...sleep on the sofa.

JEFF: I'll sleep where I darn well please.

[♪♪♪]

Honey, I'm sorry.No, I am.

It was all my fault. I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have gone over there.

JEFF: I meant that, honey, about being sorry.

I really am.

I know you've been bored and lonely.

And it's my fault.

But you got to believe me when I tell you

I've been working very hard for us.

You believe that?Mm-hm.

You know, I'm not the greatest brain in the world.

Says who?Says me.

In college, I majored in surfing

and minored in beach picnics. [CHUCKLES]

Engineering was just a sideline.

But when I got this job, I was very lucky.

I really was.

I'm so afraid I'm going to blow it.

And if I do, well, we won't live so well

on my take-home pay as a surfer.

You won't blow it.

How can you?

You're smart, and you're creative,

and you're dedicated.And you're prejudiced.

The thing is, these first few months, you see,

I either make it or I don't.

And that's why I've been pouring it on

and giving it all I've got.

And shortchanging you.

You understand what I mean?

Just take time now and then to say you love me.

[♪♪♪]

Gotta go.

What are you gonna do today?

I don't know. Now, you see,

that's the trouble with you.What's the trouble?

You're not committed to doing anything.

That's why you're bored and lonely.

Get involved in something.

In what?

[AIRPLANE FLYING OVERHEAD]

Why don't you try needlepoint?

That's what I call a direct answer.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Good afternoon.Good afternoon.

Could you tell me,

is the City Council meeting now?

Yes, ma'am.

They're right up there.

Thank you.

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]

You're under arrest for disturbing the peace.

[LOUDLY] I said, you're under arrest for--

[NORMALLY] G--

I said, you're under arrest for disturbing the peace.

That's exactly what I expected.

Then why did you do it?

This is the first step

in my plan to force the City Council

to stop those jets from flying over Woodlake.

The Council isn't likely to do that.

Not when the company that builds those jets

owns the whole town.

The company that builds those jets?

Not Worldwide Dynamics?

That's right.

Their aeronautical division's one of their biggest.

That's the vice president of the company up there.

Represents Worldwide on the City Council.

What's his name?

OFFICER: Ramsey.

Otis Ramsey.

Lock me up, officer,

and promise not to give my husband a key to the cell.

[CHUCKLES]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

GIDGET: Naturally, Otis Ramsey's home had its own hill,

and it overlooked everything.

Inside, the house looked even bigger

and felt even lonelier.

Tolerant understanding

is a much more terrible punishment

than angry recriminations.

Jeff behaved as though it were perfectly natural

for his wife to be arrested for disturbing the peace

while campaigning to put his employer out of business.

And ever since Otis Ramsey asked us to come to his home,

Jeff just keeps patting my hand,

and looking like Custer at Little Big Horn.

My dad will be right down.

Thank you.

What's your name?Bob.

Are you the lady who started the riot?

It wasn't exactly a riot.

Well, just a small one.

I hope you've got a good lawyer.

Stevens...Ah, Mr. Ramsey.

This is my wife.

How do you do?How do you do?

You know my wife?

Hello.Hello.

From a distance.Won't you sit?

Thank you.

Mr. Ramsey, I'm very sorry.

This was all my fault.No.

Jeff had absolutely nothing to do with it.

He said, get involved,

because he's been working so hard,

and I've been bored and lonely. I thought,

what can I do that would be constructive?

Then it came to me, a campaign

to stamp out noise pollution.

And we know the rest.

RAMSEY: Believe me,

no one is more aware than I am

of our noise problem in Woodlake.

I've been pushing plans to alleviate it for years.

Oh, really?

So, you see, Mrs. Stevens,

we share the same concerns.

I salute your good intentions and civic consciousness,

but let's face it,

your methods are not Woodlake methods.

Well, just what is Worldwide doing

to alleviate the noise?

RAMSEY: On target.

Well, put your mind at ease, Mrs. Stevens.

Experts are coping with that problem.

Address your boundless energies

and unbridled imagination to more suitable projects.

Well, I certainly think that'll be possible, sir.

I remember when Otis and I first came here.

Newly married.

He was living at the plant.

It was a lonely time.

But you survived.

Did you work before your marriage?

I taught first grade.

They're trying to organize some activities for children

at the Oakdale Country Club.

Something like that might interest you.

Well, yes, it would.

Oh, that sounds suitable.

And safe.

Thank you both for stopping past.

Good luck, Mrs. Stevens.

I'll show you out.Thank you, Mr. Ramsey.

She's neat.

I wish she would decide to work with us kids.

Even if she does, Bob,

it would be at Oakdale, not up here in Cypress Hill.

[♪♪♪]

GIDGET: Mrs. Ramsey was right.

The minute I met the kids,

I knew I was in the right place.

I mean, we recognized each other.

So, it was no trouble at all organizing the Explorer's Club.

The first thing we decided to explore were birds.

At least, that's what I thought.

Ahem, ahem. Something interesting.

Uh, nothing new.

Well, she is a bird.

Well, why don't we save that species for later?

GIDGET: To tell an eight-year-old

there are 58 species of birds in the area

is ho hum time.

To ask that same kid

how many kinds of birds he can find,

that's the beginning of excitement.

And education.

BOY: Mrs. Stevens?

You know, we're in Cypress Hill Park?

Really?

Should we go back?

Why? It's a beautiful park.

It's full of birds.Hi, Mrs. Stevens.

Hi, Bob.What are you doing up here?

Exploring. We're checking out

the number of bird species in Woodlake.

We heard about your club.

Why don't you join us?

Well, I don't know.

We'll share our field glasses

and the more of us there are, the more birds we'll spot.

I'm not sure we should.Why not?

Why not!

[♪♪♪]

Sorry I'm late.That's my line.

Not anymore.

Dinner in 20 minutes.

I was at City Hall.

City Hall. City Hall!

Now what were you doing at City Hall?

Take it easy. I was arranging

for the Explorers to tour the water power plant.

Well, congratulations.For what?

For the absolutely great adjustment you've made.

Congratulate the kids. They're the world's best adjusters.

Yeah. Things are shaping up for me at the plant too.

[JET FLYING OVERHEAD]

Mr. Ramsey's experts

don't seem to be making much progress.

Now, wait a minute.

You're happier you're doing what you're doing?

I sure am. With these kids, I really feel like

I've got a toehold in the future.

GIDGET: One Saturday,

my Explorers took me to the dry riverbed,

looking for Indian arrowheads.

While we looked for souvenirs of the past,

we decided to pick up the litter of the present

and do our bit for the future.

Somewhere along the way,

we were infiltrated by a group of kids

who lived nearby in Poplar Flats.

So, in just a couple of months,

our little group had spread citywide.

[♪♪♪]

Unbeknownst to me, I was making an impression elsewhere

than just with the kids.

Nancy!Hi, Medley.

It's good to see you.

How's Tom and Vince?

Oh, they're just fine. And your family?

Oh, we're still trying to adjust.

Medley, don't look so conspiratorial.

So I live in Cypress Hill

and I come to buy my meat in Oakdale.

Why shouldn't I?Well, you know.

Herman's the best butcher in town.

The company's rule--

Is for the company's convenience.

What's best for the company isn't always best for us.

I think we could all take a lesson from Gidget.

Start questioning a lot of the company's antiquated ideas.

I'm going to shop where I please.

If Worldwide Dynamics doesn't like it,

tough T bone.

Say hello to Herman.

A surprise birthday party for Jeff?

We'd love to come. When?

A week from Friday night.

And who else is coming?

Tolsons, Elmores, Monroes.

Just neighbors.Oh, that's great.

I've got to go start dinner.

Okay. A week from Friday.

Congratulations, Stevens.Thank you, Mr. Ramsey.

Thank you.

Think you deserve this promotion?

Yes, sir.

I do think I deserve it.[CHUCKLES]

Good man. No false modesty.

You know, I could have kept you sweating

in that drafting pool for another six months or a year,

but who would I be cheating?

Worldwide Dynamics.

We want to put those executive talents

to work right now.

Well, I'm very grateful, sir. Thank you.

And I'd like to express my appreciation.

Would a small dinner party be in order?

On target.

Good. A week from Friday.

Hm.

You and Mrs. Ramsey.

And three or four of the young executives

who'll be your associates.

Thompson, Elman, Lewis.

All bright young men.

JEFF: So I told him a week from Friday.

A week from Friday.Mm-hm.

But that's your birthday.

That's right. Well, it's perfect timing.

Well, as a matter of fact...

What?Nothing.

I couldn't pick a better day myself.

Good.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

GIDGET: I decided not to tell Jeff

I'd already invited our neighbors

to celebrate his birthday.

Even though the Ramseys were coming,

he'd still have half a surprise.

GIDGET: Caught you.

Those are for the guests.

Hey, you look beautiful.

So do you.

Happy birthday, dear executive-type husband.

Aw, you shouldn't have,

but I would have been very disappointed if you hadn't.

What is it?

Oh. Gold surfboards.

Jeff and Gidget.

Always hang ten.[GIGGLES]

I'm going to put 'em on.Let me help.

Know something?

Every great thing that happens

I think it's the best day in my life, you know...

and it just keeps getting better.

For me too.

[DOOR BELL RINGS]

Surprise! Happy Birthday!

[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Can you believe I already planned a dinner party

with these people when you told me--

JEFF: You're kidding. That's great!

Look at all the loot here. Look at what I got.

[DOOR BELL RINGS]

Who's that?JEFF: The rest of the guests.

WOMAN: I thought we were it.

Hello!Hello!

Good evening! Good evening!

How are you?

When Jeff told me about his wonderful promotion

and suggested we have a dinner party,

I'd already invited our neighbors

to celebrate his birthday.

I wanted to give him a surprise.

RAMSEY: Well, Mrs. Stevens,

I can't speak for Jeffrey,

but you certainly have succeeded in surprising me.

[♪♪♪]

GIDGET: Jeff poured.

Generously.

Geologists of the future, please note:

The beginning of the new ice age.

The glacier was first observed

moving slowly across our living room at 7:37 pm.

Thank you.

Tom. Been a long time.Hi, Tim.

How are you? Good to see you.

How's the golf game?Oh, I play every chance I get.

I'm glad we're finally getting

some decent greens care at the club.

I hadn't noticed the greens were especially rough.

Oh?

You don't play at Cypress Hill?

Oh, no.

No. No. Oakdale.

Well, nothing like a good 18 holes of golf,

no matter where you play.Here's to you.

GIDGET: The temperature continued to drop steadily.

There were times when I thought

the evening would never end.

But it did.

Not with a bang. But a whimper.

[♪♪♪]

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Okay.Where did we go wrong?

If you'd only told me, Gidget.Told you what?

That you were thinking of inviting

the Ramseys and the Lewises.

All those people from Cypress Hill.

What difference does that make?

My dear friends,

the primary fact of life in Woodlake

is that it is a structured society

and you just don't mix Cypress Hill people

with Oakdale people.

Or Oakdale people with Poplar Flats people.

That's ridiculous.

That's medieval. That's un-American.

That's Worldwide Dynamics.

Wait a minute. You're not saying

because Jeff got a promotion, that...

MEDLEY: You'll move to Cypress Hill.

The company'll supply a new house,

and new shops and schools and churches.

We won't lose our old friends like you.

We've watched it for four years now.

It just doesn't happen that way.

Well, it's going to work out that way with us

or we just won't move.

Well, it's getting late, we'd better go.

Our son's an early riser.

A noisy early riser.[CHUCKLES] Yes.

Thank you, Tom. Medley.

Jeff, see you in the morning.

Okay.And again, happy birthday.

Yeah.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Do you suppose this might be a temporary cure for...

"foot just put in mouth" disease?

It wasn't your fault, honey.

It wasn't anybody's fault really.

You've just been spending time with the kids.

I guess I've been too busy working

to worry about what's socially correct in dear old Woodlake.

It's like a bad dream.

A very bad dream.

I mean, this company, it picks out your house,

and selects your furniture, and chooses your friends.

You suppose they'll arrange for us to have

suitable type children at appropriate intervals?

No, don't exaggerate.Exaggerate!

That's impossible.

You know, we are just looking

on the negative side of this whole thing.

There is a lot to be said in favor of Worldwide too.

I have a feeling you're about to say it.

Any big organization has rules. Right?

To move up, you have to stick to the rules.

Even when you know they're wrong?

They seem arbitrary...GIDGET: They are arbitrary.

This town is like Berlin.

Only it's worse

it's got two walls dividing people.

Okay. Okay.

The set-up isn't perfect.

But what set-up is?

And where else could a guy like me

have made the progress I have in a few months?

Stop putting yourself down.

I'm not putting myself down.

I'm being realistic.

Life is accepting the bad with the good.

Is that an original inspiration

or are we quoting Otis Ramsey?

I will not accept company rules that separate people

and spoil friendships.

I don't like that either.

We take what we feel is right. Okay?

We try to change what we feel is wrong.

That's democracy.

That's a cop-out.

Look, let's leave.

Let's give them back their house and their furniture

and their friendship.Now, you see?

There you go again. That's the trouble with you.

The trouble with me!It always has been.

You want everything to be perfect.

If it isn't perfect, you pick up your marbles,

you run home to your father.

Well, baby, nothing is perfect.

Some thing's are just better than others, you see.

What I've got going for me over there at Worldwide is good

and I'm not going to change it

just 'cause I happen to have married

some female Don Quixote.That's a compliment.

I only hope I can live up to it.

I will not have my activities,

my friendships, or my emotions

computer fed to me by Worldwide

or any other company.

I will not live in a structured society.

And if that's what you expect,

you've obviously married the wrong girl.

You said it. I didn't.

[♪♪♪]

Jeff!

GIDGET: No situation is so bad

you can't think your way out of it.

Thus spake Gidget Lawrence.

But now I couldn't think. I didn't want to think.

[SOBBING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello.

[THINKING] You want everything to be perfect.

If it isn't perfect, you pick up your marbles,

you run home to Daddy.

[♪♪♪]

RUSS: No, Jeff. I haven't heard.

At least not directly.

What do you mean, not directly?

Well, I had a phone call a few hours ago.

When I answered, whoever was there hung up.

I shouldn't have walked out on her.

I guess it was because I knew she was right.

You and Francie had a disagreement, hm?

Not a disagreement. A fight.

Listen, Russ, do you have any idea where she might go?

Nope.

She isn't there with you, she should be here.

Yeah.

Well, if you hear from her...

I'll let you know.

I promise.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[IMITATING DRACULA] Welcome to Transylvania, my darling.

Louie B.?

[NORMALLY] Gidget.

I've just come from my marathon encounter group.

Everybody goes as the movie actor he'd like to be.

Then we interact.

And do we interact.

I just took the girl who comes as Lassie home--

on her leash.

What brings you to Fun City?

Oh, well, I was hoping to...[GASPS]

I've shown my film of your wedding everywhere.

Louie B...

All my fans insist I should do a sequel,

you know, the first anniversary,

or maybe the first baby.

How about the first divorce?

Oh, that's why you're here.

Something's rocking your dreamboat?

It sank.

I wanted to try and get my old job back at the U.N.

Oh?

No more running home to Daddy.

I see.

Does Minnie still have our old apartment?

The shrine?Yes.

She's still the keeper of the flame.

Follow me, my darling.

[DOOR BELL RINGS]

[GASPS] Gidget, it's so wonderful to see you.

Likewise.The U.N. guide service

has never been the same since you left.

Is that a compliment?

Sorry I couldn't make it to your wedding but I...

Everything looks the same.

Oh, Henry B. Walthall, and Jason L. McDonald,

and Helen Twelvetrees.

Yes, but this is a new treasure.

Vilma Banky. And autographed.

Beautiful.

Do you ever hear from Diane O. Tessa?

Oh, yes.

Our ex-roommate got married before you did?

To...?

In fact, when Diana left her husband last month...

[COUGHS]

Oh.

Diana's marriage broke up too?

Yes. They were separated

for slightly less than 24 hours.

Her husband came and carried her back home.

All the way to Bambutto.

Lucky Diana.

I don't expect to ever see Jeff again.

I want to explain about the mix-up last night, sir.

You're not concerned about my family problems.

Off target, of course I'm concerned.

Worldwide Dynamics is concerned.

You and Mrs. Stevens are now part of the larger family.

What affects you affects all of us.

Well, you see, Gidget has a very special way

of looking at things sometimes...

RAMSEY: Oh, yes. Yes.

Great originality,

which is charming in moderation.

Moderation isn't one of her favorite words.

You see, she wants to be a good wife...

RAMSEY: Well, of course she does.

And that's going to make it easy for her to see

that working within our time-tested traditions

is the simplest surest way for her to do her part

to help you achieve what all of us want.

Some of those time-tested traditions

seem pretty arbitrary and old fashioned, Mr. Ramsey.

Oh, now, Stevens.

Please, none of those weary

anti-establishment clichés from you.

Only one iconoclast to a family.

A little time, a little patience.

And I'm hopeful Mrs. Stevens can be

as well-adjusted as any wife in Cypress Hill.

I can't see it, sir.Oh!

Believe me, it will happen.

Your wife is not the first post-adolescent reformer

we've had in Woodlake.

Mr. Ramsey, you don't understand.

I mean, I can't see letting our marriage, my career,

hammer Gidget into some sort of well-adjusted

company programmed automation.

Worldwide's mass produced, young executive wife model 787B.

Now, Stevens, how can I help you

if you indulge yourself in such childishness?

Mr. Ramsey...

I like my work here.

And I think I could do a good job for Worldwide.

I really do.

But my wife is 100 percent right

about the rigid, artificial society

this company has decided is best.

And unless there's room for readjustment

on the company's part, which obviously, there isn't,

the situation just isn't for me.

[♪♪♪]

RAMSEY: Stevens, am I to infer

that you are quitting your job?

On target.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Jeff? Louie B. Latimer here.

Who?

Louie B. Latimer.

Oh, yeah. Hi.

Listen, I'm calling to ask a very big favor.

Mr. Latimer, this isn't a very good time.

I'm shooting a picture,

tentatively titled "Kiss and Make Up".

It's the story of a young married couple

who have their first big fight.

She runs off and stays with friends in New York.

He follows her and they kiss and make up.

You'd be perfect as the husband.

Mr. Latimer, are you trying to tell--

LOUIE: The girl who plays the wife

has sworn me to secrecy,

but I didn't promise her not to cast a movie.

So if you're interested...

I'm on my way.

[KIDS SHOUTING]

Hold it! Hold it. Let me get organized.

Everybody sit down. Sit down.

Now Vince says Mrs. Stevens has split.

And Mr. Stevens has quit his job.

Why?Because...

the grownups still think this town is divided

into three separate sections.

That old hang-up.

So what do we do?

We explore the possibilities.

Hey, wait a minute.

Remember when Mrs. Stevens told us

about Operation "My House Is Your House"?

Well, maybe this is a time for us to try it.

Perfect.

[KIDS SHOUTING]

He called me childish.

That's always the man's answer

when a woman's right.

I don't expect instant perfection.

Well, forget him.

That's what I'll do.

Forget him.

A female Don Quixote.

Gidget, what are you doing?

I'm going back.

After the way he treated you?

Well, I'm going back just long enough

to finish what I have to say.

I'm going to tell him exactly what I think of him.

Coolly. Calmly.

Logically.

The final break.

But if he starts sweet-talking you...

As Ford Sterling is my witness,

nothing Jeff can say and nothing Jeff can do

will ever make me change the way I feel about him.

But I'm going to have the pleasure of telling him

to his face that we're finished.

Forever.

Action.

[♪♪♪]

Jeff. Oh!

Oh, no. I admit it was all my fault.

JEFF: No it wasn't.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh, Jeff, you're here.

Why?

Why am I so often the target of base ingratitude?

It's your fate, Otis.

I took a very special interest in young Stevens.

Gave him the benefit of my invaluable experience.

Encouraged him. Promoted him.

And what is my reward?

He quits.

How did you know?

I have my sources.

It's a shame for Worldwide

to lose such a promising young man.

It's his wife.

Just look at her idea of a dinner party.

She will not accommodate.

Won't accept things as they are.

Perhaps she thinks

things could be better than they are.

I really hate to lose Stevens.

Hard worker.

But maybe the town's better off without his wife.

Fortunately, she hasn't been here long enough

to spread her disaffection.

She seems to have made very good use of her time.

Hi, Dad.

Hello, Bob.

Who is this child? What's he doing here?

And why did he call me Dad?

I've adopted you, Dad.

It can't be trick or treat.

It's months till Halloween.

This is Vince.

He's a charter member of Mrs. Steven's Explorers Club.

This is a community experiment

she suggested to them.

She has brainwashed the children.

The idea is for each child

to move in with another family.

To learn firsthand that the differences

matter much less than the similarities.

It's Operation "My House Is Your House."

Where is Bob?

Well, he's with a family in Poplar Flats.

Cypress Hill kids are in Poplar Flats.

Oakdale kids are in Cypress Hill.

It's neat.

It's unheard of.

It's inevitable.

The children just will not recognize your barriers, Otis.

We shall see.

[♪♪♪]

[DOOR BELL RINGS]

Nancy!

Gidget, hi. May we come in?

Please. Come in.

Ladies.

[ALL GREETING]

We want to talk to you about

Operation "My House Is Your House".

My house is... oh, that's something

I thought my Explorers might try some day.

Today was the day.

You mean, they're trying it now?

NANCY: We've been adopted by a little girl from Poplar Flats.

We all have new children.

I had no idea they'd ever try

anything like that on their own.

I'm so sorry.

We're not.We think it's great.

You do?

As a matter of fact,

we think you're great.

That's right, Gidget.

You've made us face what we've always hated.

The whole artificial division of Woodlake.

We wanna support you and demand an end to it.

Really?

Our husbands are with us on it.

Ramsey and the Board agree to loosen

their grip on our private lives or they'll quit.

Like you did, Jeff.

Sounds like this place is full of female Don Quixote's.

GIDGET: Well, I'm with you all the way

but I think somebody else

better present the demands to Mr. Ramsey.

I'm not sure he ever wants to see me again.

[PHONE RINGS]

Excuse me.

Hello?

RAMSEY: Mrs. Stevens, this is Otis Ramsey.

Mr. Ramsey.

RAMSEY: I shall expect to see you in my living room

in 15 minutes.

Well, well, well, this is quite an occasion.

Woodlakes' most dangerous subversive

right here in our living room,

and looking so demure and innocent.

Mr. Ramsey...Now, Mrs. Stevens,

let's clear up this little misunderstanding.

I remember the impatience of youth.

You feel that the establishment should adjust to you,

rather than vice versa. But let's face it.

The establishment here in Woodlake

has been functioning beautifully

since long before you were born.

It's been beautiful for the company.

Not for the people.

But what is good for the company

is good for the people.

I believe it should be the other way around.

What's good for the people

will be good for the company.

Hear, hear.Absolutely.

Well, you certainly have a way

of turning a phrase, my dear.

Nancy, you surprise me.

I'd expect you to be helping Mrs. Stevens adjust

instead of listening to her Alice in Wonderlandideas.

I'm listening to Gidget because she is saying

what I felt ever since we first came here.

I'm not just listening. I'm backing up her position.

We all are.

Include me, ladies.

Claire, the un--

MRS. RAMSEY: Otis...

When this company was founded years ago,

there may have been a sound reason

for the three-way division of the town.

But whatever the reason was, it is long forgotten.

We are simply stuck with the division

because that's the way it's always been.

But I think it's high time it was changed.

[ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY]

Eh, ladies...

Ladies. Ladies.

A decision such as this is not up to me,

but as evidence of my good faith and open-mindedness,

I will appoint a committee to look into your request.

The same committee that keeps

looking into those sonic booms?

No.

Claire, you can be chairman.

Mrs. Stevens, Nancy, you can serve with her.

Satisfied?

Well, there's just one more thing.

You want to be chairman of the board.

Jeff's resignation.Gidget.

RAMSEY: Resignation.

Why, certainly no intelligent young man

would resign just after he's been promoted.

I don't know anything about a resignation.

Thank you, Mr. Ramsey.

Oh, yes, thank you, Mr. Ramsey.

Oh, just think, this is only the beginning.

The beginning.Well, sure.

One change always leads to another.

Stevens, I have just had an inspiration.

The perfect spot for you in the company.

A real challenge for you and your wife.

[♪♪♪]

GIDGET: London!

When Dad heard Mr. Ramsey had assigned Jeff

to Worldwide's English branch,

he said I needn't worry about Jeff's ever leaving me.

He'll hang on to me.

Just for my nuisance value.

I don't care why Mr. Ramsey sent us here.

I'm just glad to be here.

And so's Jeff.

Yes?Yes.

We have reservations, Mr. and Mrs. Stevens.

No, no. Not in the Lord Byron room, sir.

You'll want the Tennyson room.

Upstairs.Oh, all right.

Why not in this room?Honey, it doesn't matter.

Why can't we have dinner in there?

Gidget, will you come on?I want to know.

Madam, ladies are not served in the Lord Byron room.

Ladies are never served?

Not in 120-year history of this establishment, madam.

Why, that's preposterous!

Neolithic. Anti-feminist.

Something's gotta be done about this right away.

We're gonna be in London a long time.

All the more reason

to get started on the right foot.

Waiter!

[♪♪♪]