Original subtitles

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Check it out, Kim Kardashian's dead.

Fake news.

Wanna stay for dinner?

I can't, my dude's waiting for me.

Ok.

Is your son doing alright?

Yeah.

He's good.

How old is Sylvain again?

15. It's his birthday tonight.

15! Two years older than you, Cathya.

Is he a good student?

Yeah. All good grades.

So he'll get a nice gift.

Yeah.

Not sure what yet. Something expensive that won't last.

Why'd you move your furniture?

I'm expecting guests.

How's the beer?

- Good. - Yeah?

I made it myself.

I bought a brewing kit.

Yeah?

Same for the toast canapés.

I bought a bread machine for the bread.

And a spread machine for the spreads.

I've got to stop overconsuming.

You're right.

More?

No thanks.

Who's coming over?

I rent out my living room.

For a little cash.

Had to move the furniture.

I'm going now.

Ok.

It's my son's birthday.

Salaam-alaikum!

He's 15...

It's the first living room on your left.

Hello.

How are your families?

Your health?

Make yourselves at home.

A print cartridge

in a yellow bag.

What filthy pigs!

I'd be lost without ham.

I should make you some vegetables.

You used to love zucchini.

I could make fried zucchini sticks.

They're yummy.

Applesauce for dessert?

Hurry, so we can finish your homework.

Where'd I put the butter?

The butter...

Where'd I put the butter?

Did I forget to buy the butter?

I forgot to buy the butter!

I want unlimited texts, unlimited calls and internet.

I see all these 20-euro-a-month deals.

I pay 70.

They're not all-inclusive?

For 20 euros you don't get all that?

Shit!

What's this shit?

Damn!

Honey, it's me!

Did you have a good day?

Yeah, mine was great.

I did nothing, as usual.

Bought some groceries.

Did some laundry.

Made some calls.

Washed some dishes.

You know, nothing.

Is that you, Sylvain?

Come here, sweetie.

How are you?

Hang on. Close your eyes.

Open your eyes.

Blow!

Blow.

Happy birthday!

"Select the red lights."

Here's one.

And another one.

And another.

Go on.

Another red light?

Big red light...

Got 'em all? Go.

"Select storefronts."

Fuck!

I accept.

I already accepted, give me a break!

Yes, I accept.

Don't care. Got no private life anyhow.

Who is this?

How'd you get my number?

What else do you know about me?

True.

True.

Yes, I do collect snow globes.

Yeah, crazy.

Yes, I have all Céline Dion's records.

Except Céline Dion Sings Christmas.

That's true.

Amazing.

So...

tell me,

what do you want to sell me?

Nothing?

You all say that, then make an offer we can't refuse.

Not you?

You have a nice accent.

A sweet little island accent, I'm guessing.

So you do have something to tempt me with!

I thought so.

- Is it... - Dad?

Let's discuss this another time. Call me back.

I can't sleep.

Sleep will come, don't worry.

I wrote to Facebook yet again.

Sent a letter 3 days ago.

- No point. - No, trust me, there's a point.

I found the number for their American headquarters.

I'm on their asses.

We'll sell the car and hire the best lawyers!

Beautiful, baby!

I love what you're giving me, perfect!

Work it...

Yeah, your feet.

Sweet.

Perfect.

That's the money shot.

The Sponzoni!

It should sell lickety-split.

Preloved, Preloved!

Describe the article: Sofa

Honey,

here's your little sleeping pill.

You'll be able to go back to school, believe me.

Yes, Dad.

Cyberbullying is unacceptable.

I'll talk to your homeroom teacher.

She'll have to do something. Don't worry, this will be resolved.

And if they don't do something, I will.

Yes, Dad.

Shit, wrong season.

This is episode 4 from season 2, not 2 from 4.

The property tax!

I forgot the property tax!

Fuck.

Fuck, the battery!

Hey, Bertrand.

I can't sleep, my mind's racing. Can I come in?

No, Sylvain's asleep on the sofa.

- Sorry. - Ok, right.

You got me wondering about insurance.

I signed up to a comparison site.

I was bombarded with spams, then got a virus.

- Shit. - No worries.

I bought a free antivirus for 14 euros a month.

Anyway, I checked my contract.

Your insurance is a rip-off.

Their rate is far too high!

At that rate, you must get a private room at the hospital.

- No, I don't think so. - Really?

- Does it cover hydrotherapy? - No, not at all.

- No? - No.

- How about dental crowns? - 300 euros max.

Only 300?

- 300 euros? - Yeah.

And for hearing aids, they only pay 75% of the national limit.

What? 75%? That's robbery, Marie.

I'm at 250%.

- Can you believe it? - I know, it's a rip-off.

I'll call the toll-free toll line. It's so annoying.

It sure is.

- I'm gonna try to sleep. - Ok, I'll be going.

- Sorry. - Goodnight.

Those bastards! Insurers are bastards.

Fight back! They profit off gullible women like you.

- I know. - 75%?

And that's for the cheapest hearing aid!

Mind-blowing. 75%!

And careful!

You're at the age when the ears start ringing.

Bye, Bertrand.

Right, the charger...

Hitachi, no.

Motorola, no.

Siemens, no.

Sexy Queen...

So that's where it went!

Shit!

Preloved, preloved!

Another double whisky, please.

- Last one. - In this bar, yeah!

Seen the video of the cat?

- No. - The video of the cat...

who goes into the bakery.

Then he comes running out!

He runs and runs and runs!

He runs right into the bakery window!

It got 700 million views.

What?

700 million views, everyone's seen it!

I'm the one who posted it! It was me!

Hello.

- Hello. - Feeling good?

Yeah.

Buy me a drink?

Why would I?

Because I'm hitting on you.

That's very direct, but...

Thierry!

Get him...

What do you want?

Same thing.

Same thing.

- For him, right? - Yeah, on me.

- But for him. - Yeah.

Asshole.

What the hell?

Sylvain, it's Mom.

It's Mom.

- How are you? - Mom?

How are you?

I won't stay long.

I kept the key from when we lived here before we moved.

How's my pumpkin? Happy here?

You smell like wine.

No, I don't smell like wine.

I had a beer yesterday. It lingers in the mouth.

I wanted to say I love you, pumpkin. You know that.

And I'm not mad at your dad.

He just got sick of me.

We almost split up tons of times.

But I didn't want to, for you.

I know I shouldn't tell you that.

We didn't do it, for you.

See?

I shouldn't say it, but kids deserve honesty.

They need to hear the truth.

You're big now, you understand stuff.

I wanted to get you a birthday present but I didn't have time.

Buy anything you want.

Thanks.

I'll be going now.

You have school. I don't want to wake Dad.

How is she?

He's fine, don't worry.

You're sweet. Go to sleep now.

I love you.

You know,

this is all because of the shitty life we lead now.

All the wars, the climates heating up,

the animals... They're almost gone.

Fishes are dying, elephants are dying,

bees are dropping like flies!

It's awful.

That's the real problem.

But it's ok.

Life is beautiful anyway.

Life is super beautiful.

Why'd you stay with Dad and not me?

You have no money, Mom. You don't work.

How would I get all my stuff?

My gaming chair, my keyboard...

and my shoes there.

What're they?

Air Magic 08 Ultra Pump Golds.

Numbered, with gold-plated laces.

They cost 700 euros.

I stood in line 6 hours to get them.

Right.

I understand.

Goodnight, pumpkin.

I love you.

I'm starving!

An icemaker and everything.

Rough life!

Wow.

"4 slices, no nitrates, no additives, 4 euros 35 cents."

Rough life!

"Use by August 4..."

Organic... rough life!

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Right, but he did abandon the family home.

If I...

If I get no alimony, what'll I do?

I have no salary, I don't work.

I've never worked.

I couldn't. I have a diploma and all,

but I had to raise my son.

Yes.

I'm selling a bunch of my things

to pay my mortgage.

I'm stuck in a tunnel.

No, it's an expression.

No.

I can hear you fine.

Yes, I hear you.

Loud and clear.

Loud and clear, it's an expression.

Yes, very well.

Thank you.

Goodbye, sir.

What now?

"Legal consultation by phone: 70 euros."

I'm the only one who talked.

Who's that?

Last night?

What's a badabum?

I went to the Badaboom?

Right, the bar.

No, I...

I didn't make love with you, mister.

I'd know if I did.

First of all, I haven't had sex...

in 2 years, so...

I'll feel it the next time.

No, no.

I'll tell you what you're gonna do.

You're gonna jack off to YouPorn. It should be open by now.

And you're gonna stop hassling hard-up housewives.

That's what you're gonna do! Have a nice day!

Jerk.

What now?

- Hello. - Alimazon.

Ah, my water!

Come in.

Sorry, I don't usually get deliveries, but...

I can't get my own water.

I have...

I have a bone spur in my...

No heavy lifting for me.

Are you ok, sir?

Sign.

Retirement's coming, hang in there.

I'm 35.

Cup of coffee?

- No time. - It's already made.

A job like yours can't be easy every day.

Shit!

What... what have you done?

- I'm sorry. - My God!

- It's ok. - My orders!

It's ok, look. We can fix this.

- I'll write a note... - No!

They'll know I had coffee with you!

It's not a big deal.

Oh my god, I can't take it anymore!

What is it?

- I'm sorry, I... - Why'd you do it?

I can call them if you like, they won't...

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what to say.

Poor old fella.

They'll know I had coffee here.

My god!

I have to deliver the frozen food!

- I'm sorry. - I forgot the frozen food!

I'm so sorry.

Coming!

Thanks for driving us, Christine.

I'm one kilometer away from 100,000.

No one will buy it after that. No lie.

Mine's at 200,000 and it's orange.

- Yeah? - I'll never sell it.

Only normal, we gotta stick together.

Hey, there's our roundabout!

- Wow! - Indeed.

Go around, I'll buy you coffee.

It's been 2 years already. Crazy!

It hasn't changed. That's where we met.

We were neighbors and didn't even know.

We believed in our yellow vests.

Yeah, we were proud.

Got yours? Where is it?

- Found it! - Awesome!

Let's go!

- Let's go! - Here we are!

Here we are!

Here we are...

My little voice of the islands!

It'd be nice to know your name.

Miranda! Lovely. Is that your real name?

Some people give fake names.

We're no fools.

Where are you calling from?

Mauritius?

Yeah, but that's not in our sector.

Your sector?

I live nearby. The Vitry post office is shut.

I have to pick up the letter somewhere.

Yeah, but things have changed.

Vitry is now in the new municipal federation.

The Cœur des Hauts de France.

So now you have to go to Bodelef.

That's 50 kilometers away!

I was right. Discount World near town hall.

Near the mayor, the mackerel.

- How much were they? - 2.10 euros.

I came 30 kilometers. I was told these were cheapest at 2.20.

I'll set them straight. Thanks.

Yes, I do remember you now.

Right, we had a drink at the Badaboom.

Yes.

But it was...

No, I have no intention of seeing you again.

I... no.

I don't want to get raped in a dumpster on GHB.

I'm drowning in bureaucracy right now.

- What's the company called again? - HVSC.

It stands for "Hollywood VIP Star Cars."

What led you to drive vehicles for hire?

Nuclear energy.

I had a great job.

I was a guard at the nuclear power station.

Then one day, I got hooked.

On what?

Drugs?

It was worse than drugs.

It was TV series.

At first I was like everyone else.

I dabbled a bit as a kid.

Flipper, Skippy the Bush Kangaroo,

- Chéri-Bibi, all that. - Right.

Just occasional use.

Then, about 20 years ago,

I was in a bad place.

I started watching Six Feet Under.

Season 1, season 2, season 3...

And I got hooked.

Then it was Oz,

then it was...

The Sopranos...

It's ok.

I remember thinking,

"Maybe if I get married, I'll stop using."

Yeah?

But it didn't change a thing.

At breakfast in the morning, I watched series.

On the bus to work, I watched series.

At work, I'd hide in the toilets to watch series.

It got so bad, I stopped eating at the cafeteria.

Then one day,

the accident happened.

I was watching Dr. House season 6, not my screens.

I didn't see the radiation leak.

Shit!

They didn't say anything, they covered it up as usual.

But I lost my job and my husband.

My husband left over House of Cards.

Shit!

I'm ok now.

I kicked, I'm clean.

Congratulations. That's a victory.

Shall we?

I'll give you a rundown on what happened.

You bought me a whisky.

- Here? - Yes, here.

Then you left for at least 30 minutes.

You came back with sliced ham.

You said it cost 4.35.

Anyway, we had some more drinks.

Then you wanted to walk home, to keep your car mileage low.

I invited you to sleep at my place.

And we made love.

You don't remember?

No, I don't remember.

Did we use condoms at least?

No, you didn't want to.

You were adamant.

You said you wanted either VD or another kid.

And that's not all.

- I made a video. - How, why?

A video?

Keep going.

Why are we wearing those ridiculous outfits?

I'm from Brittany. My grandma invented sausage crepes.

You've got a big Breton bagpipe!

Delete that right now.

I can't.

Why not?

- Because it's a sex tape. - So?

I can't blackmail you if I delete it.

Here we are.

- See you later? - Give me 2 minutes.

I've called 4 times now!

Here's my problem: Season 2 of Imbroglio is ending.

How do I get season 3?

What's a premium customer?

How much more expensive?

2.99? I'll take it.

No, right away.

Yes.

Let's-all-get-along zone

Packages are tomorrow at 2.

We don't have them.

Closing time or not,

I want my registered letter. I came 50kms.

I should be at work.

- Hello. - Right, hello.

Pitorin...

It's from Facebook Customer Service, USA.

- To be precise. - Sign here.

Here's your letter.

What the hell is this?

Please leave.

I'm no longer covered if there's an accident.

And I'm on comp time.

"Friends of Mother Earth?"

"You owe us back payments..." What is this?

Can you read it outside? Thanks.

I'm paying you, ok?

Ok.

I've called before, it's Farida.

I want to speak to someone in charge at HVSC.

I've been to the local branch.

They couldn't help, they gave me your number.

They cut me off.

- Why'd you say Farida? - I have no choice.

They make us use more credible names.

Farida.

I think that's it.

- Thanks. - See you later.

This isn't my bank. I only use my ATMs.

Sometimes they install

cameras to steal your code.

- Or fake polystyrene slits. - We don't have all day.

This is silly, my limit is 150 euros.

150? We agreed on 10,000.

Nobody can withdraw 10,000.

Not even Mark Superberg!

So what? My business school costs money.

I refuse to work in fast food.

It's 10,000 or nothing, sorry.

I'll give you 4 days to figure it out.

Unless you don't mind

your son Sylvain seeing his mom on a Breton bagpipe.

- Ok? - But...

- Mister! - Yes?

- Mister, wheelbarrow! - Wheelbarrow?

- What? - Take a wheelbarrow.

- I'm not buying anything. - Take a wheelbarrow.

This way.

It's Farida again. Let me explain the problem.

It's weird.

I do all I can to satisfy the customers.

I give them water and candy.

But I never get more than 1 star for customer satisfaction.

Never more than 1 star.

I see. It's a problem?

A very big problem? Right.

Could you explain this to me?

757 euros.

My wife came 2 or 3 times, over a year ago.

- Hello, first. - Hello.

- Your name? - Pitorin.

- Is this her? - Yes.

Wait... I don't know that photo.

Sorry.

She's gone now.

Maybe, but the subscription isn't. Half a crate per week.

I know. We ate squash for 2 months.

Very diuretic. And she had her catheter by then.

That's what grows in winter. Not my fault.

Be patient, you might get a tomato.

Patience has died on the vine.

52 half crates at 13 euros,

plus the debt collection fees...

757 euros.

She relapsed, we never picked them up!

I saw that. Very wasteful.

I'm not taking out a loan to pay for squash!

It's Mom again. I have something to tell you.

Nothing serious, but call me quick.

"Consumer loans, apply online." Yes!

Password...

PIN, PUK, SIM...

healthcare, Ticketmaster...

TurboTax, electricity...

insurance, bank...

Marc62...

question mark, x, exclamation point, asterisk...

dollar sign.

Marc6...

Capital M, small a, capital R, small c.

62, question mark, x, exclamation point,

asterisk, dollar sign.

Marc62...

10,000 euros...

10,000 euros!

Asshole!

Wrong password!

Help, help...

Toll-free number.

Due to a high volume of calls,

your wait time is 30 minutes.

The cost of this service is 11 cents a minute.

For quality control purposes, this call may be recorded.

Please hold the line for an agent.

I could sell this...

Consumer Loans, how can I help you?

Sorry.

Happy birthday, sir,

from our company, Hollywood VIP Star Cars.

Happy birthday, Mr...

Alran, born July 3, 1983 in Saint-Nicolas-lez-Arras,

two children, blood type O negative.

You're welcome.

- Is there a problem? - No, nothing.

Young people rarely read now.

- Really? - Good job.

- What's the book? - How to Pick the Right Cell Phone.

Anyone here?

Unbelievable! Anyone here?

Hello.

On your own?

No, but the manager's at A.I. training.

I urgently need a 10,000-euro loan.

I spent hours on your website, it doesn't work.

I don't know what to say.

I'm on a middle-school work week...

Dammit!

Try our toll-free number! It costs 35 cents a minute.

Thank you for choosing Credit Hauts-de-France.

- Tattoo removal, 6 p.m.? - Yes.

- Can I take a look? - Yes.

This is it.

I buttfuck Santa Claus

My son is learning to read.

Something must be done.

- Right. - It's urgent.

Shall I start with...

Mainly "I buttfuck..."

Rather than...

Excuse me for a sec.

Hello? Miranda, my voice of the islands!

Insist all you like, that's your job.

- Give me 2 seconds. - Of course.

What exactly are you selling?

Huh, Miranda?

Miranda sells what? What does Miranda sell?

Hi Sylvain, it's Mom. Listen...

I know voice messages are uncool.

Please call me back. It's very important.

Call me back, pumpkin. Kisses.

No, I've never done temp work.

I heard you were the best

and I really need a job.

The sooner, the better. Anything.

Right, I don't. I mean...

I don't have diplomas, but I did a year of sociology.

I had to quit school

to follow my partner. They transferred him to Aurillac.

He was a gutter punk. They needed one there.

I got experience there. I learned to breathe fire.

I harvested plums. I made crochet bags.

You know those little bags you sling over your shoulder?

I learned to make those.

Yes, tomorrow? Yes, of course.

Great! Thank you so much.

How's your family? I haven't seen them in ages.

Well... Jean-Marc left to do an internship.

And Sylvain...

I've got a big problem with Sylvain.

Yeah? What is it?

It's...

It's a thing I don't know how to tell him.

A thing I did that I'm kind of ashamed of.

- I'm not sure I should tell him. - What is it?

This thing... on internet... that I...

What're we having?

Roast, honey.

Check it out.

It's cari.

I'm making eggplant cari.

A Mauritian specialty. Like it?

Yeah, cool.

Really?

Are you ok, Bertrand?

Yeah, I'm great.

- Can we talk? - Sure.

I'm deep in debt.

- Oh no! - I've taken out too many loans.

I have every consumer loan credit card.

One for my car,

my washing machine,

my microwave,

my leather jacket,

my Japanese knives.

I even buried my wife on credit.

I've hit rock bottom.

I bought the pork roast on credit.

We'll never get above water.

I've decided to change my life.

Locksmiths are bust? Fine, I'm done.

Look.

- See that? - Yes.

My brother-in-law brought it.

We're gonna give it a makeover.

It'll be my food truck.

Miss Miranda?

Sweet of you to call.

I wasn't expecting it.

I'm with a buddy.

Exactly.

We never talk about you.

What? Verandas!

Doesn't that just take the cake?

Miranda sells verandas!

You know, Miranda...

Miranda, I love your voice.

It's so sweet...

It's amazing...

how a woman's voice

can be so charming.

True, Bertrand. Voices mirror the soul.

Yes, indeed.

You're so right.

- Indeed. - Voices reflect the soul.

Yes, voices reflect the soul...

I recognize all my customers, male and female, by voice.

It's the organ that stimulates me the most.

Yes.

It's the mirror...

Yes. It's the mirror, Bertrand.

Mirror...

Yes, the mirror of our intelligence.

Mirror!

Bertrand, are you there? Hello?

Dad?

Miranda, listen!

I'm here!

I'm here.

- Dad? - Yeah!

Sorry, bad timing again. Call me in 2 hours?

2 hours.

Talk to you soon, Miranda.

- Yes? - Who were you talking to?

A gal who called me for a thing.

We got friendly. She has a really hard job.

In a call center, calling people all day long.

It's really hard.

Pure exploitation. Shameful.

Hello? Yes?

Not at all. Actually I just hung up

with someone who wants to buy the sofa.

They said my price was too cheap for the brand.

I think it's a fair price.

It's an Italian maker, Sponzoni.

It's an authentic Sponzoni. It has the tag.

Italians make the best sofas

and the best olive oil.

New? Nearly new.

Less so on the sides. But the middle...

We don't sit down much.

Ok, but please think quickly.

The person is very interested.

They don't have a sofa. They were standing up.

Standing up and interested. I'll probably sell it tonight.

Better decide quick.

Goodbye.

Happy Name Day, Mom!

Hello Sylvain, it's Mom.

I've been trying to call since yesterday.

We need to talk about something.

Your mock exam?

It's today?

Sorry, honey. Good luck on it.

I love you. Kisses.

I'm such an ass!

I'm such an ass!

I'm such an ass!

I'm alone because I'm an ass!

An asshole acting like an ass!

Are you ok?

I'll be fine.

Are they...

gone, gone?

Gone, gone.

Since when?

Two and a half months.

It'll be ok.

You mustn't worry.

No.

Break a leg!

Temp Express

Hello.

Give me time, I'll get it.

Money doesn't grow on weeds!

I'm applying for a shit job now, so I can pay you!

Sorry. Pardon me, ma'am.

A narcissistic pervert is harassing me.

- Those bastards. - You too?

A real plague.

They've replaced backaches as the worst pain.

I'm Ms. Dehoux.

Ms. Dehoux, my 9 a.m. appointment!

You're in luck, I already have a mission for you.

It'll be a test, for you and for us.

It's for a gentleman

who's just been granted financial aid

to cover 2 hours of homecare per week.

Here's his address.

- Lucky you. - Thanks.

Thank you so much.

Are you Emily, from the phone?

- Yes. - I knew you'd bring me luck.

I made you a little present.

Do you know about names on grains of rice?

- No. - I took a class in Aurillac.

- I see. - It's called rice naming.

How charming!

Put it on your night table. It's a talisman.

Thank you.

Thank you, Emily, so much.

I haven't worked in ages. Thanks a million.

- We're counting on you. - Trust me.

- Good luck. - Goodbye.

Kevina?

Yeah, what?

Bertrand Pitorin.

Sound familiar?

I know it was you, you little shit.

I saw your photo. You nosey little shit.

You're in deep with me.

Very deep. I'm...

about to go ballistic, see?

- I'll ruin your life too. - I can't hear you.

I'll ruin your life too!

I'm gonna waste your face.

Every day, on your way to school, you'll shit in your baggies.

Get the picture?

What you did was criminal, Kevina.

- Can I go now? - Wait.

- Give me your smartphone. - No.

What're you doing?

700 euros is cheap for an electric bed.

Yes, I prefer honesty.

Honesty is the best policy, even in sales.

It's true, one slat did get bent

with the movement of the bed.

And I...

No.

Hardly. As it happens, I'm single.

I said I'm single.

But I handled it.

I called the manufacturer in Switzerland.

Exactly, they sent a new slat.

I'm still waiting for it.

I've been tracking it online.

It left the warehouse in China 10 days ago.

The slat is currently stuck on a boat in the Suez Canal, apparently.

It should be here soon. If you buy the bed,

I'll forward you the slat as soon as I get it.

Right.

- Hello, sir. - Yes?

- I'm looking for a Mr. Touillon. - That's me.

No, he's 85 years old.

That's me, this is the place.

Excuse me, could you sweep under that? It's disgusting, I see dust.

I got a trade-in bonus, though I don't have a car.

I got a homecare worker. That's you.

I even managed to get childcare benefits.

How many kids do you have?

35.

Not really. They're all false declarations.

I met a hacker, he fudges everything.

For example, he got me the working tax credit.

Whereas I, take a good look,

have never, ever, ever worked.

Look at these hands. Silky smooth.

See my toilet seat booster? Did you manage to clean all the levels?

It's hard to clean, but practical.

They also gave me a support dog. I didn't love that.

I rented him out to a blind guy.

You need to clean my privates.

Hurry, there's a lot of ironing to do.

That must be the lady who cooks for me,

or the one who does my paperwork.

I made them think I was illiterate.

They send a volunteer to fill out my forms.

Want me to...

No, we can finish. She's used to waiting.

That hacker you mentioned...

- Could you give me his number? - No.

Sorry, I can't just give out a hot tip like that.

Unless...

you give me something in trade.

I don't know what...

An electric bed?

An electric bed?

An electric bed, my god!

An electric bed.

What's going on?

I'm in a bad way.

How so?

What's up?

I knew I hid cans in there.

Here.

Damn. A sex tape.

Can't even make love without being filmed now.

I know of a hacker, they say he's a genius.

But I need to get that guy's phone to delete the video.

Otherwise he'll post it. Imagine my son!

Also, if the hacker could delete this...

What is it?

It's my daughter.

I can't watch anymore.

This is the bully's phone, but it's too late.

I sent 42 registered letters to Facebook!

Not one fucking response!

So cruel.

So that's why?

I have a problem too.

On the customer satisfaction app, I only ever get 1 star.

See? Even though I'm nice.

1 star, never more.

Meaning fewer fares, customers and stars.

It's a vicious circle and I'm powerless.

Worse than an electronic bracelet!

Don't panic, the hacker will delete it all for us.

But first I have to get my bully's phone.

By force if necessary!

Nobody home.

Your turn.

It was open.

Hello?

Hit!

Aim!

Nice of your brother-in-law to loan us the car.

Yeah, he's cool.

- Chips? - No thanks.

The hacker is very cautious.

"No electronics in the car"... check.

"Do not use internet"... check.

"No GPS under any circumstances"... check.

There's a town sign.

Flancourt. Can you check the map?

Last time I used a paper map

was during my military service.

Hello?

Miranda!

Bertrand!

No phones! We'll be geo-localized.

I can't talk now.

- Give me the phone! - Later.

- Do we have to wear these? - Yes.

To avoid satellite facial recognition, he said.

His nickname is God. He's based in a wind turbine.

Which one?

Whoever finds him calls the others.

I'll go that way.

I'll take the second one.

I'll go this way.

Let's not lose each other.

- What about Bertrand? - He'll join us. Let's go.

Feels so good!

Mr. God?

Peaceful here for you.

You're beautiful.

No paperwork or bills for you.

You don't care about 4G!

Here...

Want some chips?

Some chemicals for you?

Want some?

All gone now.

Sorry, pal.

There's no more.

C'mon.

- We have 3 problems. - 3 problems?

That'll be 3 bitcoins.

We have no money. That makes 4 problems.

God is merciful.

God'll do it for free. God's loaded. And God works miracles!

He diverts turbine electricity and bitcoins multiply automatically!

So capitalists can be environmentalists!

- What are the 3 problems? - There's a video on the internet.

In here.

There's another video here, about to be posted.

God will need the back-up transfer schedules

to find the IP addresses and debug.

- Third problem? - A big problem with stars.

Damn!

There.

I set it to high stars. I can even reveal your saboteur.

But bad news for the tapes.

They're in the iCloud, beyond God's powers.

The diabolical tapes have gone to Hell.

They're in a high security data center far away.

I could try to identify it, but with those things,

God has met his match.

Artificial Intelligence.

They're stuffing it with data.

Put yourself in its skin for a second.

It knows and sees everything. A billion times more,

faster and better than me.

How do you think it sees Man? As its Creator? No.

It sees a blind, deaf, hairless animal

who knows nothing and can't even be eaten.

And what do you think it'll do to us?

The bastard let me go!

However you say it, clouds suck.

What'd you do, Bertrand?

Strolled through the countryside. Felt so good.

Are we screwed?

No, your video's in a cloud in Ireland, mine's in California, so what?

We'll go get them ourselves.

We owned that roundabout, we can take 2 data centers!

- With what money? -The lottery.

The lottery is big, fat bullshit!

Guys!

I checked, I've got 5 stars everywhere!

Bravo!

Damn, I lost Millionaire.

Super Jackpot, scratch and win up to 50,000.

Lost.

Big Bucks. 200,000...

C'mon.

Shit!

Lost.

Be right with you.

I came about the ad.

For the Mégane Carminat.

You know it's a 2009 model?

Yeah, I know.

Just before they all started falsifying the CO2 emission readings.

It's a diesel engine.

A big polluter, soon to be banned.

Doesn't matter, it's for a suicide.

C'mon, Croesus! Give me 2 seconds.

My last chances...

I'm feeling lucky.

I've got time.

Lost. Croesus, up yours.

Damn, my arm hurts.

Goldorado, here I come!

Here we come, here we come!

Like it or not, GAFA, here we come!

For the future of the worker,

for the future of the world,

like it or not, GAFA, here we come!

Here we are, here we are,

here we are, here we stay, we'll never go away!

A little selfie for the road?

Scary mugs!

First one to get their video wins?

No fair, you're going to Ireland.

You've got a 15-hour head start.

Good luck!

Fuck GAFA!

Give our buddies their data back!

Crazy, huh?

How'd he buy those tickets?

With his debt, I didn't dare ask.

He found a way.

I think he managed to sell his car.

Seriously?

What the hell is this now?

Fabrice to Richard.

We got a problem in parking lot 2.

Last call for Dublin passengers.

Boarding immediately, Gate 2.

Mr. Pitorin, please come to Gate 2.

I repeat: Last call for Mr. Pitorin.

Hollywood VIP Star Cars, hello. Farida at your service.

God spoke to me. God told me you distribute the stars.

Why 1 star? To pressure us? Silence us?

See? In life,

you gotta learn to cut the crap.

Here we go.

Feels great!

Bertrand, Christine, just wanted to say hi from the plane.

I slept a little,

and now I'm like, wow, how crazy are we?

We stop at nothing.

Miranda? You're so punctual, so trustworthy.

I'm in your homeland.

Mauritius!

No, don't say anything, please.

Listen to me.

You're so down-to-earth, honest, joyful, real.

Modern life is killing me, I need you.

Alone we're nothing. Let's join forces.

They exploit you. I'll respect you.

You're poor. I've give you the riches of the heart.

For the other riches, I have a plan.

We'll create a Mauritian food truck.

Miranda,

I sense you're moved.

So am I.

So...

Meet me at 1 in Port Louis, at your lunch break.

The Natural History Museum. I checked Google Earth.

It's close to your workplace, Phone Performance.

I'll be the enamored man in the I-Heart-Mauritius hat.

See you then.

Here I am.

I just landed in San Francisco.

I'm totally wiped, but I'm good.

I'm determined.

I hopped straight into a taxi

to Palo Alto,

the Google Park Data Center.

Thinking of you, Bertrand.

You must already be...

in the heart of the action in Ireland.

Courage, comrade.

At the gate.

Here I am.

Just like butter.

Champions of security, my ass!

Look, here I am.

Here I fucking am!

Fuck!

I'm outside one of the biggest data centers in the world.

Bigger than the one near you.

That's right, they're everywhere.

Stocking your videos of cats smashing into bakery windows.

Virtual, my ass!

My data is here.

I'm going in to get my personal life back.

It's my personal life data, and it's my right.

It's my right.

It's my right. It's my life, it's my right.

Period. So...

I'm gonna tell them.

I'll film everything, just in case.

Desjardins Museum opened to the public in 1842

when zoologist J. Desjardins donated his collection.

Desjardins Museum opened to the public in 1842

with a collection donated by naturalist and zoologist

Julien Desjardins,

featuring specimens of the flora and fauna

of the Mascarenes.

In particular, species endemic to Mauritius.

Follow me.

Desjardins Museum opened to the public in 1842

when zoologist J. Desjardins donated his collection.

I saw in a nature documentary that to fight a shark,

you have to strike its temple.

What you see here is the temple. The parent company.

Everything is plotted and planned here

to put us in chains, drown us like rats.

Shitshow Headquarters.

The heart of the beast. This is where I'll strike.

Thinking of you, Bertrand.

Here we are.

Here I come.

Raphus Cucullatus, also known as the Dodo,

is a species endemic to Mauritius.

The Dodo is related to the modern pigeon.

Where is she?

The Dodo is related to the modern pigeon.

Discovered in 1598,

it's a big, boxy bird.

Unable to fly,

the Dodo struggles to adapt to his environment

and escape his predators.

Unable to fly, oblivious to predators,

unable to adapt to a changing environment,

the Dodo represents a classic case of extinction

due to human activity.

Whisky...

with Coke.

Miranda?

I'm here. Tell me where you are.

You can't come see me. It's no good.

My manager won't be happy.

Listen, I'm on my way.

- Call center, Miranda? - Call center?

Phone Performance, Miranda.

Phone Performance. Third floor.

Wait, sir. Are you from HPK Electronics?

Yep.

Shit, he made me lose!

Listen Bertrand, our calls have been too long.

My boss forbids us to talk.

Who cares? I'm here now.

Where are you?

I'm coming.

I'm here.

I need a quick yes or no.

Do you want the PVC garden shed at 40% off?

Otherwise, I'll lose my job.

That's where I was yesterday.

That's where... I totally fucked up.

Hello, ma'am. A double whisky, like yesterday?

No, no.

No, a double...

yogurt, please.

One double yogurt.

I don't care!

Go ahead and post it, you piece of shit!

Piece of shit!

Bye!

Sylvain, it's Mom.

Could you please stay off internet for half an hour?

Don't google me, whatever you do.

I'm coming over to give you a kiss.

So? Cold case?

I totally messed up!

- How so? - I totally failed.

I made the same mistake with a rich American.

A maniac. He filmed everything!

I'm screwed now.

Totally screwed!

Screwed to the max.

- Hello? - Hello, sir.

- Are you Mr. Pitorin? - That's me.

Bruno from Top Energy.

We can reduce your electricity bill by 25%.

You may fear change, fear the unknown...

Equestrian champion of France.

Top clown at the Monaco Circus Festival!

Mom raps with Snoop Dog?

Permaculture Queen in 2009.

She wiped out dengue fever in the Ivory Coast!

Sylvain!

Mom?

Why didn't you tell me?

I can explain everything!

Look. Best sommelier in France!

You rapped with Snoop Dog!

You wiped out dengue fever in the Ivory Coast.

Insane!

Oh yeah...

I did some great things before I met your dad, pumpkin.

Come, Christine's waiting for us.

Come.

You rock, Mom!

French Woman Stops Drug Lord Pablo Escobar

What kind of veranda is that?

What is it?

Looks like Dad's latest loan.

I brought you this from the USA.

This?

It's a telephone 3.0.

You pull it.

It works without electricity.

But you can't call far.

Far enough.

Far enough to call the people you love.

- Wanna try? - Sure.

Go out in the yard.

Pull.

It needs to be taut.

More... stop!

- Like this? - Put it on your ear.

Do you hear me?

Yes, I hear you.

I love you, my son.

I didn't catch that.

I said I love you.

Me too...

I love you too, Mom.

Dad?

Cathya?

This is Dad talking to you.

I know you can't hear me, but...

I wanted to tell you

I kinda got the wrong plane.

I kinda got everything wrong.

In any case...

I'll be home tomorrow.

And...

I love you, my beautiful girl.

And don't worry.

I'll find a school where you'll be safe and happy.

I think Dad wants to talk to you.

Really?

Bertrand?

Bertrand, Christine here.

Yes?

Marie?

Christine?

Strange, I feel you can hear me.

I don't know what's happening.

I think with nothing, everything's easier, clearer.

Ah, my friends...

I've never felt closer to you.

By the way, I decided to break up with Miranda.

Yeah.

We were too different.

She's the queen of artificial intelligence.

And I'm...

the king of morons.

Meanwhile we're all out of work.

What'll become of us?

Listen...

what are our problems, seen from the moon?

What's that?

Well, I'll be! They're delivering my slat!

Subtitles: Sionann O'Neill

Subtitling: Média Solution