All language subtitles for 4. The Silencers (1966)eng.srt

J

J oh, aguncanbe a .227

j or a .38
and it will silence you j

j dear sir that is a silencer &

j but if you should see a lady j

j who has the kind of waist
that measures 22 j

j and she's 38 where
it is great to measure 38 j

j dear sir &

j she is a silencer j

j dear sir, I'm her j

j I don't use a knife
don't need a gun j

j my equipment
is a lot more deadly, son j

j dear sir &

jl am a silencer j

j and if you're a man
not made of wood j

j when I flip my hips
I'll quiet you for good &

j let me brush your lips
and crush your lips j

j and nicely hush your lips &

j dear sir &

j the silencer j&

j dear sir &

j don't stir, don't move j

j relax j

j loosen your tie j

j turn out the light j

j take off your shoes
don't fight, lean back j

j relax, relax, relax j

j relax, relax j

but don't you see,
my dear, we must assume

that if they knew
your partner well enough

to put a knife into his back,

they've gotta know
who you are, too.

MacDonald: And I don't want you
to make a touch until...

Unless we find you
a hew associate.

And I have someone in mind.
Hold on just a second.

Yes, here we are.

He's, uh, been out of our
operation for some time now,

sort of on a semi-permanent
leave, you might say.

I've been told
he's a photographer now,

and thoroughly
enjoying his work,

so it might be a little
difficult to convince him.

But he's the right man,
and he's in the right place.

Let's just hope
he's in condition.

He had some rather
peculiar ideas

about keeping in shape,
as I recall.

J empty saddles j

j in that old corral j

j mmm, who wants
a ride tonight? J

J if you knew susie
like I know susie j

j oh, oh, oh, what a gal j

j how I love her
I'm dreaming of her j

j she made breakfast
and the cover, oh j

mmm.

J oh, how we're dancing j

j just look where it led j

j I'm in the dream j

j and he's still in bed j

Hello?

MacDonald calling.

MacDonald call...

MacDonald callin'? Oh, sorry.

What do you mean,
you're not home?

Matt helm's on an assignment
at... at cape Kennedy.

Look, you're still on
uncle Sam's payroll,

and I've got
an assignment for you.

K-e-n-n-e-d-y, Kennedy.
That's right, yeah.

Last I heard, he was up in one
of them space capsules.

Way up.

Good morning.

Oh.

Uh, the soap, please,
miss kravezit.

Thank you.

Mmm.

I feel clean all over.
And no unsightly lather.

Miss kravezit?

Mr. helm? Huh.

Won't you please call
me by my first name?

Well, I don't know
your first name.

It's lovey.

Lovey kravezit?

Mmm-hmm.

Oh, that's some kind of name.

Lovey, send a telegram.

Walter casselman,

slaymate magazine,
Chicago, Illinois.

"Dear Wally, just completed
photo spread today.

Will send results in plain brown
wrapper. All the best."

To the simple life.

Wrong hacienda.

Remember, I'm still up
in that space capsule.

Mr. helm is still in orbit.
Try the moon in 48 hours.

The area code there is...

It's newsday magazine.

Oh, hello, Chris.

Yep, you just caught me
in the darkroom.

Yeah.

Oh, and I got a lot of great
stuff from that taos festival.

Acapulco?

Oh, I could be
on my way tonight.

Oh, Chris, could you
make that two tickets?

I'd like to take along
my answering service.

Yeah, you let me know.

Bye, Chris.

Uh-uh.

Lovey.

Lovey kravezit.

You have been vaccinated?

Mmm-hmm.

If I were a germ,
that's the first place I'd look.

Mmm.

Miss sherman: He doesn't answer,
Mr. MacDonald.

Keep trying, miss sherman.
I've got to reach him.

Yes, sir.

What have you got, frazer?

Another piece of the puzzle.

There's been some
big "o" activity in this area.

A number of their agents
have been spotted.

Santa fe, huh?

Uncomfortably close
to alamogordo.

And the next underground
atomic test.

If MacDonald is right, they'll
lead us straight to big "o."

Notice was short,

but I see you are all here.
Good.

Congratulations, tung-tze,
on the latest missile disaster.

Did you like it?

Thank you.

Your report.

Agent x: The next American missile shot
takes place in three days,

August 13.

Agent c: Their underground atomic test
takes place the same day,

August 13.

Agent z: An extraordinary
coincidence.

We have worked for five years

to arrange this
"extraordinary coincidence."

And when we have used it
for our purposes,

vast areas of this country

will be blanketed
with radioactive matter.

We shall have taken our first
great step to conquest.

Operation fallout
now lacks only one element,

one vital piece of information.

Andreyev?

I've been in contact
with the American scientist.

He will deliver the computer
tape to Phoenix as planned.

You are aware
of the consequences of failure.

The tape will be here
in time. I guarantee it.

You once gave your assurance

that our activities here
would remain secret.

But from what I have just seen
on the road up there,

another split second, and you
would have been caught.

And you know by whom?

Ice.

Yes, ice.

American intelligence
and counter espionage.

We have now become

the prime targets
of their legal assassins.

One of their agents
got through to the girl,

but he was killed.

And you thought
that would be the end of it.

His death will only
bring others, like today,

and among them, Matt helm.

Ooh, a treasure hunt.

J she grabbed her hat
and grabbed her coat j

j but left the rest
here on the doorstep j

j she's got me all wound up j

can't be lovey.

J I'm a-heading
for the last roundup j

It's a girl.

Hello there.

I couldn't help noticing,
but these are your clothes?

What if they are?

I know you've a headache,
but don't take it out on me.

I, uh, what shall I do
with these?

I won't be needing them
till morning.

Don't you think we should
be introduced first?

You're Matt helm.

That's good enough for me.

Oh.

Hold it now. I get the picture.

You're a shill for the house.

I beg your pardon?

You were sent over
by a certain party

to entice me out of
a space capsule, right?

MacDonald sent me.
Mmm, that's the fella.

Honey, hand in your uniform,
you're off the team,

'cause I'm due in
acapulco tomorrow.

Matt, there's work to be done.

This happens to be important.

Well, so is acapulco.
I'm losing my tan.

We could work well together.

What's in acapulco
that you can't find here?

Mexicans.

There must be some way
to convince you.

Well, I'm... I'm open
for suggestions.

W ait.

Stay as you are.

You been vaccinated?

Mmm-hmm.

Why?

Oh, just a thought.

It's been a long while, Eric.

Tina.

Sorry for the interruption,
but she likes to scratch.

Has it occurred to you
that I might want to know

what's happening here?

Aren't you going to
thank me first?

Sure.

Mmm.

Ah, you're welcome.

Now, who is that girl?
She said MacDonald sent her.

That's what she told my partner
just before she killed him.

You know Jim traynor.
You worked with him.

Who was she working for?

Recognize the trademark?

Big "0."

Remember them?

Oh, yes, Tina.

But I've been on leave
from l.C.E. For a long time.

As far as I'm concerned,
I am out of it.

You're never out of ice.

Don't give me
that MacDonald mystique.

Obviously, big "o"
thinks you're still on our side.

They're just as wrong
as MacDonald.

Tell him to stop calling,

because I don't want
any part of it.

Matt, listen to me.

An American scientist
is defecting.

He's handing over some computer
tape tomorrow night in Phoenix.

Well, then you'd
better get started.

I can't work alone.

Besides, you know the territory.

Get yourself a map.

So you won't come along?

No, I'll send you
a postcard from acapulco.

Maybe you'd better take
a shorter trip first,

over to that window.

Why didn't you tell me
she brought her friends along?

I always save
the best till last.

Four of them.

Who designed this house?
Smith and Wesson?

Careful.

Like old times.

Yeah. Especially with that
body on the floor.

What will we do with her?

Well, you put her on ice.
Let ice take care of her.

And what happens when the maid
walks in in the morning?

Oh, you're right.

Let's put her in my bed,
so we don't arouse suspicion.

Phil?

Hit him as soon as he comes out.

Right.

It's a pity you had to kill her.

She was real valuable to us.

Give me that purse.

Smile. What?

He didn't smile.

Not in there, Matt.
He'll pick us off.

We're bulletproof.

But not fireproof.
That rifle's incendiary.

Getin.

Well, what happens
if he hits the gas tank?

Smokey the bear
won't like it. Get in.

Hello. Hello!

Mobile unit, come in.
Mobile unit, come in.

They missed.

How many men does it take?

No, don't try to follow them.
We'll be waiting in Phoenix.

J south of the border j

j' is the opposite way j

j here I am heading
for big "o" j

j and not the big ole j

j farewell, lovey kravezit j

j too bad I can't stray j

j with her vaccination &

j down Mexico way j

j ay-yi-yi-yi j

j adummyam I j

j hello, Arizona j

j bikinis, goodbye j

we've got plenty of time
to get to Phoenix.

Well, there's a motel
on the highway.

We could stop and rest.

Well, aren't we domesticated.

Are you trying to be tough,
or, um, just sentimental?

Sentimental.

That's better.

Do you remember the night
on the wilhelmstrasse?

When we danced,
just the two of us?

Oh, I'll never forget the music.

There was no music.

Well, I'll never forget it.

Then the lights on the terrace
went off and we kissed.

A long, long kiss.

Remember?

Like this.

Does that bring it back?

Does it?

It was a wonderful night.

Later, the moon came up,
and then...

And then a man
with a high-powered rifle

stood out the window,
and was aiming right at us.

Yeah.

You know, I often wondered why
he never pulled the trigger.

Well, I guess
everybody loves a lover.

Uh, miss pattory
will have room 1404,

and I can put you
in 1405, Mr. helm.

But the rooms won't be ready
for a few minutes.

That's all right.
I'll be in the patio.

Fine.

MacDonald?

His assistant.
You want to talk to him?

No, I'll tell it to MacDonald.

Key, please.

Yes, sir.

1405.

J

J red sails in the sunset j

j way out on the sea j

j who asked you to bring home j

j the ocean to me j

uh, the farmers
were hoping for rain.

Oh, did I do that?

Uh-huh.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
I know I did. It's just like me.

Here, let me help you.

Uh, uh, ma'am, stop. I think
the best thing for you to do

is just leave me out
in the sun to dry, okay?

Of course. Gee.

You really are
a good sport about it.

I'm surprised
you didn't take umbrage.

Oh, I take a belt now and then.

Oh...

Well, goodbye.

Goodbye.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Oh!

Oh, please forgive me.
I'm sorry.

Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh.

Eddie, fix me a bloody Mary,
with real blood.

I can't leave you
alone for a second, can I?

Not if you want to keep me dry.

Quite a girl.

That is not a girl, Tina.
That's a disaster area.

A message from father.

We catch the 10:00 show
at the slaygirl club tonight.

Mmm. I take it that's where
the tape changes hands.

You take it right.

= = = - a

can I buy you a drink?
I feel I owe you one.

I'm sure I owe you one, too.

I'd really feel better
if you'd accept.

Thank you very much.
I'll have scotch and soda,

and she'll have
aqua vitae on the rocks.

Mmm, I'll have to try that.

Oh, my name's Gail Hendrix,
and this is Sam Gunther.

I'm Matt helm,
and this is, uh, Mrs. helm.

Oh.

How do you do?
Are you staying long in Phoenix?

Well, our plans are indefinite.

I just love it here.

You know, they say the climate
here is the best in the world,

not to mention the scenery.

I wouldn't know about that.
We're on our honeymoon.

Are you on a vacation?

Uh, well, uh,

I was on a tour,
a sight-seeing tour.

But the man in charge
of our group

kept taking me places
that weren't in the brochure.

Where was that?

His room.

Hmm.

Uh, would you mind?

Oh.

It's the wrong end, lady.

Oh.

Thanks.

Oh.

Oh, no, it's all right.
It's okay, lady.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I know you are. It's all right.

Come along.

Finally got me in Mexico,
after all.

I must say,
she got you undressed

a lot faster than I ever did.

No contest. I just want
to get this tent off of me.

Come on in. It's siesta time.

And I promise not
to spill anything.

Would you undo the rest, please?

There's too many buttons.

Getting there is half the fun.

You're really loaded.

Talk about a booby trap.

That's a crazy holster.

Making love to you is like
playing Russian roulette.

J

Ooh!

J

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

direct from every
bachelor's dreams,

the girl we've all
been waiting for:

The incomparable sarita.

[Band playing "Santiago"

J it happened down in Santiago j

j I met him down in Santiago j

j in Santiago I got romantic j

j he held my hand and
believe it or not &

j on a cool, cool evening
in Chile, it got hot j

J the moon was
like an aphrodisiac j

j and I whispered
"let's play kneesy, Jack j

j nice and easy
Jack, I feel frantic" &

she's got the tape. Now, who's
she supposed to pass it to?

I don't know.
But her instructions

are to keep it
and give it to us.

You take her out
by the stage exit

'cause I'll be coming through
the alley in a cab, all right?

J what could be sweeter? J

j my happy heart whispered
"you're home." J

j la dolce vita &

j we did just what
the romans all do in Rome j

j it's twice as nice
in Santiago j

j it's paradise in Santiago j

j in Santiago
I found my true love j

j and it happened
believe it or not j

j on a cool
cool evening in Chile j

j when it got sweet and hot j

j on a cool, cool evening
in Chile j

j it got hot j

j it got hot j

j hot it got in Chile &

j it got hot j

J what could be sweeter? J

j my happy heart whispered
"you're home" j

j la dolce vita &

j we did just what the romans
all do in Rome j

j and it's twice as nice
in Santiago j

j it's paradise in Santiago j

j in Santiago
I found my true love j

j and it happened
believe it or not j

j on a cool
cool evening in Chile j

j when it got sweet and hot j

Stand back!

Move back. Move back.

Stand back. Stand back.

Man: Stand back.

The Hendrix girl has it.

She's dead. She's dead.
Somebody's killed her!

Move. We're getting out
of here. Move.

What are you doing?
Where are you taking me?

You can get it just as fast
as she did. Now move!

What are you doing? Oh, shut up.

Don't open your mouth
till you get to the hotel.

Well, how do you
expect me to breathe?

Don't.

Oh, second team.

In case it rains.

All right, girls, come on. Thank
the man for the pretty car.

Come on. Come on.

I've told you I don't
have any computer tape,

and I don't know what
you're talking about!

Give up. You only
have one way out.

Cooperate with the government.

You're doing all this
with my tax money?

She's stalling. She's expecting
her people to come for her.

Maybe. Some of her people may
be right behind this door

with a bullet waiting for
the first person to enter,

which is gonna be you.

You nuts? The tape.

I told you,
I don't have any tape!

Watch the elevators.
Tell me if anybody's coming.

You would have let them kill me.

You would have let them kill me?

Yeah.

But why?

Ahhh!

You sadist.
You enjoyed that, didn't you?

Not particularly.

Mr. helm,

now, do I look like
an enemy agent?

I don't know.

I haven't seen all
the latest models yet.

I always seem to
be interrupting you.

Why don't you try knocking?

Uh-huh. Where did you find it?

None of your business.

Oh, no. No outgoing calls.

Look, I am a citizen, and I
demand to speak to my lawyer.

Not a chance.

Why, even a real criminal

has a right to one phone call.

If you don't trust me,
then you call yourself.

Area 213, 555-4144.

All right? It could be a signal.

Well, maybe it'll
smoke them out.

Here.

Huh?

Feeling better?

Well...

Except for a king-size headache.

What happened to Tina?

She's in her room.

She got a bigger whiff
of that stuff than you did,

but she's coming
around all right.

Oh.

Hair of the phone that bit me.

We found the capsule
in your pocket.

Capsule?

The one with the tape in it.

Tape? What tape?

The computer tape, Matt. Get it?

The computer tape.

Mmm.

Matt,

does operation fallout
mean anything to you?

It's the story of my head.

It's an international
nuclear conspiracy.

Big "o"'s been pouring
millions of dollars into it.

Unfortunately,
that's all we know about it.

What was on the tape?

The complete timetable for
an underground atomic test.

The test takes place
in two days, Matt.

Why worry?
They ain't got the tape.

No, and we didn't

get the scientist who
delivered it, either.

Did you happen to
get a look at him?

I think I can recognize him.

Good.

I'll get some pictures
sent out from Washington.

You can look them over.
Hey, what about, uh...

What's-his-name, uh...

Who is what's-his-name?

The fellow, the...
The piano player. You know...

Sam Gunther.

Oh.

We think he's big "o" 's
chief operative,

code name cowboy.

Right now, he's our best lead
to operation fallout.

That's where you come in.

Oh, come on, Mac,

are you suggesting
that I go find him?

No. No, of course not.

We think it'd be much better
if he found you.

Here, you need
this more than I do.

No, no, Matt. I'm serious.

Sarita told us the central
transmitting point

for all big "o" operatives
is in San Juan.

That's if I go to San Juan.

Exactly.

Are you ready for miss Hendrix?

Uh, yes, by all means.

MacDonald: Miss Hendrix.

Take your hands off me!

Okay.

You are a miserable man,
that's what you are!

Just leave me alone!

That's all, boys.

Uh, allow me, miss Hendrix.

There. Thank you.

There. Now that you're
properly attired,

perhaps we can
have a little talk.

Why are you holding me?

Well, it's quite simple.

You took a capsule
from sarita at the club.

I didn't. I didn't take it.
She gave it to me.

Why did you go to the club
with Sam Gunther?

Because he asked me!

No, you're lying, miss Hendrix.

You never believe
anything I say, do you?

I believed that telephone bit,
and that was a gasser.

I didn't know
anything about that!

Miss Hendrix,
let's skip back to happen...

What happened
at the club, shall we?

Now, you say sarita
gave you the capsule.

Why would she do
a thing like that?

Well, I don't know.

Maybe I have a kind face.

Yes, yes,
indeed you have. Even so...

She's lying. She is lying.

Oh, look.

I was... I was the
first person to reach her.

She pushed this...
This capsule at me,

and she said, and these
are her very words:

She said, "they mustn't
get their hands on it."

And you don't know
what she was talking about?

No.

But I figured it
had to be important.

After all,
somebody'd just shot her.

Yeah.

Uh, go on, please.

Well, she did say
one more thing.

And it didn't make
any sense, though.

Well, what was that?

It was, "wigwam, at San Juan."

Oh.

A grain of truth in that.

But you're lying
about everything else.

Lying? Lying?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Does it hurt?

Well, yes, as a
matter of fact, it does.

Well, come over here,

and put your head lower
than your knees,

and blow into a paper bag.
No, that's...

Hiccups. Hiccups.

You're under arrest,
miss Hendrix.

Well, it's his fault! He ducked.

I'm talking about
the computer tape.

Sarita. Sam Gunther.

Sam!

Well, ask Sam Gunther.
He'll back up my story.

Sam Gunther happens to be
an enemy agent, miss Hendrix.

I'm in trouble.

Miss Hendrix, uh,

the wigwam in San Juan.

What about it?

Would you help me look for it?

What are you talking about?

Taking a trip together.
You and me.

In the middle of
a big investigation?

He's a sex maniac!

No, hardly.

Hardly, miss Hendrix.
What Mr. helm means is that

if we find out there's any truth

to the San Juan
part of your story,

then we might be inclined
to believe the rest of it.

Oh.

So I either go with him or...

Or to a federal penitentiary.

Well, talk about
the lesser of two evils.

Well, okay, I don't have
any choice, I guess.

No, I'm afraid not.

Well, just do me a favor

and don't introduce me
to anybody as Mrs. helm.

Oh, Mac,

supposing she's
telling the truth,

well, then big "o"
will pick her up.

They'll want to find out
how much, uh, sarita told her.

And on the other hand,

what if she's lying
and she is on their side?

Which is more likely, huh?

So she and I go to San Juan.

Big "o" decides that, uh,

she's talked, and again
they pick her up.

Matt, you and I
think along the same lines.

Either way, set a trap
for yourself

that could lead us right
straight to the cowboy.

A trap?

All you have to do
is walk into it.

Oh, not exactly.

Well, no, no, we want you
to walk out of it, too.

And I've given
some thought to that.

There's a package on the
way from Washington.

Be here
first thing in the morning.

But right now I want you

to get started on
a good night's sleep.

Just as soon as I
check on my partner.

Hi, how do you feel?

Well, I'm asking you.

Medically speaking?

Oh.

Well, the doctor wants to
keep me under observation

for a couple of days.

I don't blame him.

Shouldn't you be in bed?

Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah.

I have an early call
in the morning.

You're leaving?

Afraid so.
With the Hendrix girl.

With bloody Mary?

Matt, listen to me.

Hmm?

Be careful.

I want you back in one piece.

And I bet that girl
is booby-trapped.

Now, Mac, you sure you
know what you're doing?

Well, it's never been
used before, Matt.

It's the only one of its kind.

Now, actually, that's, uh,
that's a point in your favor.

Now, the ideal situation

is let it fall into
the hands of the enemy,

and hope that they'll
turn it on you, like this.

I think you'll find
it in the yellow pages.

And then if you wanna...

If you wanna fire it forwards,
straight ahead,

you just push
the trigger forward.

Ordnance calls it
their reversible gun.

It's a beauty.

It would be hard to resist,
wouldn't it?

Yeah, well. This is only
an auxiliary weapon,

to help you to get
into big "o" headquarters.

The heavy armament is over here.

Yeah, it's one of yours.

I took the Liberty of
borrowing it from your closet.

We've changed the buttons,
and we've added a few.

Yeah, they're a little
on the bulky side, huh?

A bit, maybe,
but they have to be.

Each one of them is carrying
a very heavy explosive charge.

No, no. No, no.
They just snap on.

They're like miniature
hand grenades, Matt.

See, you rip them free,

and on the count of three,
they explode.

I got a couple of extra here.

I'll, uh, show you
how they work.

Ready?

Uh-huh.

One, two...

Now, you've only got eight
of them on the jacket, Matt,

so use them sparingly.

Well, what do you think?

Finally wearing something
that'll knock 'em dead.

I don't know how
I'm gonna face my tailor.

One, two...

J she seems like a nice
sweet companion j

j to have for a ride
through this canyon j

j but big "o" or me? J

j with which is she? J

j mmm, side by side j

Helm just went by.

Good.

He just went by.

Tell him we'll
smash them between us.

Right.

Yes, he's leaving now.

He says to smash
helm between you.

Oh!

It's a police car.

He's coming again!
Well, do something!

Oh.

Oh, they're going
to crush us! They're crazy!

I don't know. A little
high-spirited, maybe.

What am I doing here?

A guy can get killed like this.

Oh, no!

Hit the cellar.

Where's cowboy?

I'm talking about Sam Gunther.

Why are you protecting him?

Hasn't it gotten
through to you yet

that some of your friends
have written you off?

I wish you had done the same.

Look, if you have some wild idea

that you're gonna
get out of this,

you forget it.

Now, what do you know
about operation fallout?

Are you in love with
Sam Gunther? Is that it?

I will tell you one thing:

You do know how to drive a car.

If it isn't Gunther, what is it?

Loyalty to a cause?

Now, I'd like to know.

Uh, give me one good reason
why you won't talk.

One good reason.

I signed my name in blood.

Here, pour yourself a drink.

No thanks. They don't
like us to drink on the job.

Oh, break the rule and pour it.

Now look, we may not
be as lucky the next time,

so in case something happens,

what is your real name?

You know my real name.

It is Gail Hendrix.

What's your code name?

Three dots and a dash,
and if you're real nice,

I'll show you my
sorority handshake.

Well, look, uh,

maybe you don't know
what the score is yet,

but big "o" thinks
you turned them in,

and they have got to kill you.

Big "oo"?

You are sick, you know that?

S-1-q-u-e, sick.

More?

Mmm-mmm, no.

I want some music.

J come fly with me
let's fly, let's fly away j

j if you... j

oh, turn him off. He's terrible.

J there's a bar in far Bombay j

j everybody loves
somebody sometime j

now, there's a guy
that can sing.

J everybody
falls in love somehow j

all right, now,
let's just relax.

No more questions.
Just easy, nice, relaxed.

Second the motion.

Relax, enjoy the scenery.

See America first.

There's a lot more
where that came from.

I just don't think
you're being clever.

Thought I couldn't drink,
couldn't I?

J something in my heart
keeps saying j

um...

J that someplace is here j

what's operation fallout?

That's for you to know,
and me to find out.

I mean, vice verserer.

Vice versa.

Uh, are they gonna explode
one of our bombs?

No.

All of them. Every one.

And when is all this
supposed to happen?

You really want to know?

Mmm-hmm.

The first full moon.

What are you doing?

Well, we're 50 miles
from the nearest town,

and I don't care to
play tag in the dark

with your friends.

Hmm.

Just where do you suppose
we're gonna sleep?

That answer your question?

Your own little sex wagon.

You gonna lock me in?

If you don't run away.

Wouldn't I?

It's much safer in here
than it is out there.

Have a drink.

Thank you.

Hmm.

You know, I think I know
what you're after.

I think you want to see

how much mileage
you can get on a full tank.

And if that's what
you're after...

Forget it.

'Cause...

Pardon me.

You see, I can handle
everything you've got

in that little

portable liquor store.

As a matter of fact...

I can... I know

I can table you under the drink

anytime at all.

That's better.

Who is it?

"Who is it?"

Oh, it's you.

Well, you'd better
take those clothes off

before you catch pneumonia.

Well, at least take the shoe off

and your stockings off.

You do it.

J you've got to lose a little j

j win a little &

j get her out into
the rain a little j

j that's the story of j!

J that's the glory of love j&

you undressed me once,
and I didn't like it.

Now you're confusing
romance with first aid.

You get back in the back.

I've already warmed
the seat for you.

Oh.

Now, easy, easy.

Easy.

Easy, dear.

That's right, easy.

I'm not an enemy agent.
Honest, I'm not.

Why don't you believe me?

Oh, I'll try. I'll try.

Oh!

Try harder.

Well, what's the matter?

Why are you looking
at me like that?

Well, I'm sorry, Matt.

I guess there's no point
in driving through town again.

Well, maybe wigwam
isn't a name, after all.

Maybe we've got to find a place
that looks like a wigwam.

And how do we do that?

Well, I don't know.

What do we do now?

We go back, and I turn you in.

You're joking.

You knew there was nothing here.

You lied to me. That's not true.

Oh, you sent me
on a wild-goose chase

knowing your friends
will be waiting on the road.

I went with you.
You had to, or go to prison.

You never really believed
they'd send you over, too.

You never did change your mind
about me, did you?

Oh, come on, now.

You didn't think you'd bought
me off last night, did you?

Where are you going?

Back to the motel.
I need another bath.

Man: You wanna get
run over, stupid?

Yeah?

Tell them I'll radio
the license number

to the San Juan police,

but I don't think
they'll be able to find him.

Besides, he doesn't know the
whole picture anyway, Matt.

No, they won't trust
him with it.

I've got to locate cowboy.

Matt, we have to assume

that everything
is condition "go"

as far as operation fallout
is concerned,

whatever it may be.

That means you've got
five hours, Matt.

You hear me?

You've got five hours
to stop them.

Well, I guess I'll have to
wait until she makes a move.

And if she does,
she's one of them.

Oh, uh, how's Tina?

Mac, how's Tina?

Big "o"'s got her, Matt.
I'm sorry.

Killed the guard.

Bu there was no sign
of a struggle,

so we have reason to believe
she's still alive.

We're sure playing a cold deck.

Matt: Gail!

Wigman to big "o."

Wigman to big "o."

Matt: Drop, drop!

Matt: Keep down.

We're surrounded.

Oh!

I think this is it, kid.

At least

we'll go out together.

Oh, Matt.

I'm sorry about what happened.

I... I was only testing you.

I have been honest with you.

And last night most of all.

I know.

Do you?

Oh.

I just wish I could believe you.

Oh, I wouldn't lie to you
at a time like this,

just as I know
you wouldn't lie to me.

No.

Oh, they're getting closer.

Is there anything
you want to tell me?

Hmm?

I've told you everything.

Hmm.

I've been as honest with you
as you have been with me.

Stop that. I can't.

Try.

Okay.

Try harder.

Hmm.

Oh.

I don't care what happens now,

just as long as I'm with you.

Man: All right.

Get up.

Oh, no.

Hello, Mr. helm.

The name is wigman. Joe wigman.

Wigman?

Wigwam.

My name is chump.

Matt chump.

No! But, wait, listen.

I've got a message from sarita.

Oh, save it for later,
huh, baby?

Well,

kind of matches
the outfit, doesn't it?

I've been waiting
to meet you, cowboy.

Uh, to make a touch, huh?

That's right.

Well, I think ice better
check its intelligence.

I'm not cowboy.

Oh, well, who is?

Or haven't they told you?

No, it's safer that way.

Besides, it wouldn't
make any difference

to you right now, anyway.

Hmm. And I don't
get to meet cowboy?

No.

That's very disappointing. Yeah.

But it all evens out,

because big "o" is gonna
be disappointed, too.

Really? Why is that?
No computer tape,

and no fallout operation.

Oh, well, everything's

going right ahead
on schedule, anyway.

The bomb and the missile.

Missile? Hmm.

I am surprised at ice.

The missile makes it work.
Wigman: Shut up.

There's no reason to give them
a briefing session.

They're gonna be dead
pretty soon.

It doesn't matter anyway.

Rather gaudy,

shooting a man with his own gun.

Yeah, it kind of appeals
to me. You like it, huh?

I've been thinking
about you, Gunther.

You're not executive material.

I'm surprised
that big "o" is recruiting

from the bottom of the barrel.

You're really asking
for it, aren't you, helm?

A low boiling point, too.
That follows the pattern.

Typical lightweight.

Oh, wait, Sam!

Sam, I really do have
a message from sarita.

Will you please shut up?

Wigman: Hold it.

Wigman to big "o."

Wigman to big "o." Come in.

Big "o" to wigman.

We have been
picking up your signal.

Do you have helm and the girl?

Yes. This is tung-tze.

Bring them
to command headquarters.

I understand.

Cowboy is here and is asking
that they be kept alive

temporarily.

We'll bring them in.

The countdown has started
on operation fallout.

You must be inside headquarters

and at your post
within the hour.

Will do.

Man 1: Attention personnel,
all levels.

Attention personnel, all levels.

The bomb phase
of operation fallout

is now "go."

Start decontaminators
on all air vents.

Repeat.

Start decontaminators
on all air vents.

Attention, wigman.

Attention, wigman.

Report to
missile control center.

The prisoners will wait
for cowboy

outside the command room window.

Man 2: Countdown starting
on underground test

at alamogordo continues.

Contact observation crew.

Seven, six...

Tung-tze to observation crew.
Are you ready?

Mobile fallout shelter
ready and standing by.

Man 2: One.

Mr. helm,

I agreed to have you
brought here

because cowboy
wants the pleasure

of eliminating you personally.

You must be a
very nice man to work for.

What's on the late late show?

Operation fallout.

Cowboy and I are very anxious

for you to see it.

White sands, Mr. helm.

That missile
is about to take off

for a target in the pacific.

From this point,
we have cut into

the coaxial cables
of your missile network.

Our computer

is capable of
taking over any missile

fired within a radius
of 500 miles.

Naldi: Target control.

Tung-tze: Since you

stopped us from getting
the computer tape,

we had to bring Dr. naldi
here himself.

It meant the end

of our most important
outside contact,

but there was no other way.

Having taken control,

the computer will
redirect the missile

from its target
in the pacific to alamogordo,

where the underground bomb
was just set off.

The explosion will raise
a cloud of radioactive dust

that will settle over vast areas

of the southwest.

Beautiful.

And, of course,
Russia will be blamed.

There will be accusations
and counter-accusations.

The two great powers

will once again be
on a collision course.

For them,

it will be the end.

For us, the beginning.

Well, Mr. helm.

If we don't see
each other again,

goodbye. Ciao.

Announcer:
Fifteen-and-a-half minutes to blastoff,

and everything is a-okay.

Now you know, Matt,
which is the winning side.

Hello, cowboy.

Oh, you know?

Hmm, I recognized the whim,

wanting to eliminate us
personally.

Say hello to your teammate.

You're cowboy? Well...

In person.

And you owe her an apology

for roughing her up
at the slaygirl club.

Well, I didn't realize. I...

You weren't supposed to.

Take her to the blue room,
corridor d. Matt...

Wait... wait.

Nothing will happen to her,

not until I give the signal.

It's quite pleasant, really,
if you don't mind blue.

You can't change it.

The question is, are you
going to live through it?

I thought you'd
already decided that.

You didn't get
the whim after all.

Announcer:
Fourteen-and-a-half minutes to blastoff,

and everything is a-okay.

Very chic.

Oh, I'm glad you like it.

What about your whim?

You don't understand.

That's the only way I could
get you over here alive.

And that's the way
I want you, Matt.

Is it?

I could have killed you
a dozen times.

I even saved your life,
remember?

I bet that got a rise
out of tung-tze.

You had to shoot
one of your own people.

It was worth it.

I doubt if he even
complained about it.

You know, you were
valuable as a double agent.

How long you been with 'em?

One year.

Oh, it's a nice setup.

You stay with ice and you
pass information to big "o."

What could be better?

You can do the same.

I can do the same?

What would my
fringe benefits be?

All this? You?

That's right.

Come over to our side, Matt.

No, thank you.
I'd rather fight than switch.

Is killing for us any different

than killing for MacDonald?

Yes.

You're making a big mistake.

It's gonna be
a long, cold night.

Maybe not as long
and as cold as you think.

Announcer:
Thirteen minutes to blastoff...

You can't get to the computer.

You'll be shot the minute
you step out.

Oh, but they'll let you pass.

Now, come on with me.
Why should I?

It takes more guts
than staying behind.

Now, come on, Tina.
I don't like the odds.

You'll just die.

Well, not in your bed.

What better place is there?

Man: And everything is a-okay.

Sorry, sweetheart.

Orders.

Goodbye, baby.

Mmm!

Mr. helm...

This is tung-tze.

You have caused us a great
many problems, Mr. helm.

In spite of this, I am willing
to make you an offer.

Join us as double agent.

Work with us against ice.

You're beaten, helm.

Come out now,
and you can have your life,

on our terms, of course.

Even the life of miss Hendrix.

You have one minute, Mr. helm.

Just one minute

in which to think it over.

Stop.

Halt!

Well, Mr. helm.

It appears we shall
have to do without you.

Well, they finally figured out

how to get blood out of a stone.

Oh!

Hold it.

Don't do that.

I must.

Stay back!

Announcer:
Six minutes to blastoff,

and everything is a-okay.

Tung-tze to wigman.

Come in, tung-tze.

Helm has broken into the tunnel.

We'll be ready and standing by.

Men, plan number 3.

Tung-tze to observation crew.

Proceed to control tower.

Stop helm.

Mobile...

Come in, observation crew!

Come in... why don't they answer?

We've lost all picture.
Please stand by.

Hmm!

You... you stupid man!

Announcer:
Four minutes to blastoff,

and everything is a-okay.

Three-and-a-half minutes
to blastoff...

Don't do that.

Well, what...

Twelve seconds.

Men, plan 4.

Announcer:
Three minutes to blastoff,

and everything is a-okay.

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine, 10.

Announcer:
Two minutes to blastoff,

and everything is a-okay.

It's a helicopter.

They're landing!

Come here,

stand over there. Here.

What? And watch the window.

If you see anybody,
just point and shoot it.

Aah! What?

Oh!

Oh, thank you.

Oh!

You know, if you were an Indian,

custer would still be alive.

On your feet, helm.

Announcer:
One minute to blast-off.

And everything is a-okay.

Oh!

Tung-tze: Reset the controls.

The coat, helm.

Take it off.

It has caused us
quite enough trouble.

The coat, Mr. helm.

Or shall I put a bullet
in this young woman's brain?

And drop it in front of you.

Oh!

Announcer:
Twelve seconds after blastoff,

and everything is still a-okay.

Hello?

MacDonald,

I told you I'm not here.

Don't bother calling back.
I'm not expected.

Would you hang this up for me?

Hmm, of course, darling.

Oh, oh, oh, I'll get it.

Sorry, but you've just reached
a disconnected number.

Hey, was that
really you last night?

What do you mean,
was that really me?

You didn't do one
single wrong thing.

J you've got to give a little &

j get a little &

j just make sure to get her j

j wet a little &

j that's the story of j!

J that's the glory of love j&

Oh, my god.