Original subtitles

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

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(WAVES CRASHING)

(GULLS CAWING)

(BELL TOLLING)

(CONGREGATION SINGING)

(DOGS WHIMPERING)

(DOGS BARKING)

Shoo, shoo.

(MURMURING)

(AIR HORN BLOWING)

(DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Pirates!

(PIRATES CHEERING)

FREDERIC: What? No! No! I'll get you for this.

Not in the water! No!

MEN: Happy birthday!

ALL: (SINGING) ♪ Pour, oh pour, the pirate sherry

♪ Fill, oh fill, the pirate glass

♪ And to make us more than merry, let the pirate bumper pass!

♪ For today our pirate friend, he rises from indentures freed

♪ Strong his arm and keen his scent is

♪ He's a pirate now, indeed

ALL:♪ Here's good luck to Frederic's ventures

♪ Frederic's out of his indentures

MAN: Happy

♪ One and 20, now he's rising

♪ And alone he's fit to fly

♪ Which we're bent on signalizing with unusual revelry

ALL:♪ Here's good luck to Frederic's ventures

♪ Frederic's out of his indentures

♪ Pour, oh pour, the pirate sherry

♪ Fill, oh fill, the pirate glass

♪ And to make us more than merry

♪ Let the pirate bumper pass ♪

Yes, Frederic.

From today, you'll rank as a full-blown member of our band.

My friends, I thank you all from my heart for your kind wishes.

Would that I could repay them as they deserve.

What do you mean?

(ALL SHUDDERING)

Today, I am out of my indentures.

Today...

I leave you forever.

MAN 1: Hey. MAN 2: What?

This is quite unaccountable.

A keener hand at scuttling a Cunarder

or cutting a P&O never shipped a handspike!

Yes, I did my best for you.

And why?

Because it was my duty under my indentures.

And I am the slave of duty.

Oh.

(ALL JEERING)

As a child, I was regularly apprenticed to your band.

It was through an error.

An error? No matter.

The mistake was ours, not yours, and I was in honor bound by it.

What error?

Well, I dare not say,

for it would reflect upon my well-loved Ruth.

ALL: Ruth? (SHUSHING)

Nay, dear master,

my mind has long been gnawed by the cankering tooth of mystery.

Better have it out at once.

♪ When Frederic was a little lad

♪ He proved so brave and daring

♪ His father thought he'd 'prentice him to some career seafaring

♪ I was, alas, his nursery maid

♪ And so it fell to my lot

♪ To take and bind the promising boy

♪ Apprentice to a pilot

A ship's pilot? (LAUGHING)

♪ A life not bad for a hardy lad

♪ Though surely not a high lot

♪ Though I'm a nurse

♪ You might do worse than make your boy a pilot

♪ I was a stupid nursery maid

♪ On breakers always steering

♪ And I did not catch the word aright

♪ Through being hard of hearing

♪ Mistaking my instructions which within my brain did gyrate

♪ I took and bound this promising boy

♪ Apprentice to a pirate

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

♪ A sad mistake it was to make

♪ And doom him to this vile lot

♪ I bound him to a pirate, you

♪ Instead of to a pilot ♪

(ALL LAUGHING)

This afternoon my obligation ceases.

PIRATE: Aye.

Individually, I love you all with affection unspeakable.

But collectively,

I look upon you with a disgust

that amounts to absolute detestation.

Oh, pity me, beloved friends.

For such is my sense of duty,

that once out of my indentures,

I shall feel myself bound

to devote myself heart and soul

to your extermination.

No, no, no, no, Frederic.

If you conscientiously feel

that it is your duty to destroy us,

we cannot blame you for acting on that conviction.

Always act in accordance with the dictates

of your conscience, my boy,

and chance the consequences!

And besides, we can offer you

but little temptation to remain with us.

We don't seem able to make piracy pay. (CHUCKLES)

I don't know why I'm sure, but I don't.

Well, I do know why.

Alas, I cannot tell you!

It would not be right.

Why not?

It's only...

11:56.

And you are one of us until the clock strikes 12.

MEN: Aye!

And until then, you are bound to protect our interests.

ALL: Hear, hear.

Well, then, it's my duty as a pirate to tell you

that you are too tender-hearted.

(CHATTERING)

For instance, you make it a point of never attacking

a weaker party than yourselves.

And when you attack a stronger one,

you invariably get thrashed!

(MEN CLAMORING)

There's some truth in that.

And then again, you make it a point of never molesting an orphan.

Well, of course not! We're orphans ourselves! And know what it is like!

Yes, but it has got about. And what is the consequence?

Everyone we capture says he's an orphan!

The last three ships we took proved to be manned entirely by orphans.

One would think that Great Britain's mercantile fleet

was recruited solely from her orphan asylums.

And we know this is not the case.

Frederic, you wouldn't have us absolutely merciless?

Ah, well, there's my problem.

Till 12:00, I would, after 12:00, I wouldn't.

Oh, was ever a man placed in so delicate a situation.

(BELL TOLLING)

Frederic.

Frederic. Frederic.

And, Ruth, your own Ruth whom you love so well,

who has won her middle-aged way into your boyish heart.

What is to become of her?

Oh, he will take you with him.

Well, Ruth.

I feel some little difficulty about you.

It's true I admire you very much.

But I've been constantly at sea since I was eight years old.

Yours is the only woman's face I've seen in that time.

I think it is a sweet face.

Ah, it is. Oh, it is.

I say, I think it is.

But as I've never had the opportunity

of comparing you with other women,

I just may be mistaken.

True.

Excuse me.

What a terrible thing it would be

if I were to marry this innocent person,

to find out that she is, on the whole...

...plain.

Plain? Oh, Ruth? Ruth is very...

Well...

Well?

Yes. Very well.

There are the remains of a fine woman about Ruth.

Do you really think so?

I do.

Well then, I will not be so selfish

as to take her from you.

In justice to her, and in consideration for you, sir,

I will leave her behind.

Oh.

Ah.

Oh.

Oh, no. No.

No!

No, Fredric. No, no. No, this must not be.

No, no! We are rough men! ALL: Rough!

Who lead a rough life.

ALL: Rough! Rough!

But we are not so utterly heartless

as to deprive thee of thy love!

I think I'm right in saying that there is not one here

who would rob thee of this inestimable treasure

for all the world holds dear.

ALL: Not one!

I thought there wasn't. (BELL RINGING)

Well, it's the top of the tide, and we must be off ourselves.

There's the day's pillage to be done.

Man the foresail. Jib the top fold. Hoist the topsail.

Hoist the mainsail. Hoist the jibsail. Drop the anchor.

Weigh the anchor.

Hoist the topsail.

Frederic! Don't swim.

Take the dinghy.

And when your process of extermination begins,

let our deaths be as swift and painless

as you can conveniently make them.

I will.

By the love I have for you, I swear it!

Oh, would that you could render this extermination unnecessary,

by accompanying me back to civilization.

(CHUCKLES)

No, Frederic, it cannot be.

I don't think much of our profession.

But contrasted with respectability,

it is comparatively honest.

No, Frederic.

I shall live

and die

a Pirate King!

(ALL CHEERING)

♪ Oh, better far to live and die

♪ Under the brave black flag I fly

♪ Than play a sanctimonious part

♪ With a pirate head and a pirate heart

(PIRATES SCREAMING)

♪ Away to the cheating world go you

♪ Where pirates all are well-to-do

♪ But I'll be true to the song I sing

♪ And live and die

♪ A Pirate King

♪ For I am a Pirate King

♪ And it is, it is a glorious thing to be a Pirate King

♪ But I am a Pirate King

ALL:♪ You are! Hurrah for the Pirate King

♪ And it is, it is a glorious thing to be a Pirate King

ALL:♪ It is! Hurrah for the Pirate King

♪ Hurrah for the Pirate

♪ King

ALL:♪ He is a Pirate King, he is

♪ Hurrah for the Pirate King

♪ And it is, it is a glorious thing

♪ To be a Pirate King, it is

♪ Hurrah for the Pirate King, hurrah for the Pirate King

♪ When I sally forth to seek my prey

♪ I help myself in a royal way

♪ I sink a few more ships, it's true

♪ Than a well-bred monarch ought to do

(ALL CHEERING)

♪ But many a king on a first-class throne

♪ If he wants to call his crown his own

♪ Must manage somehow to get through

♪ More dirty work

♪ Than ever I do

♪ For

♪ I am a Pirate King

ALL:♪ And it is, it is a glorious thing to be a Pirate King

♪ I am a Pirate King

ALL:♪ You are, you are a Pirate King

♪ And it is, it is a glorious thing to be a Pirate King, it is

♪ Hurrah for the Pirate King

♪ Hurrah for the Pira...

♪ Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha

♪ Ho

♪ ...rate King

Now watch it. Watch it carefully. That's it. That's it.

Now take my hand.

Be careful, don't rock the boat now.

Oh!

Ruth. Oh!

Tell me candidly, and without reserve.

Compared with other women,

how are you?

I will tell you truthfully.

I have a slight cold, but otherwise I'm quite well.

Well, I am sorry for your cold,

but I was referring rather to your personal appearance.

Compared with other women, are you...

You know...

Beautiful?

I have been told so, dear master.

Oh, but lately?

No. Years and years ago.

Well, what do you think of yourself?

It is a delicate question.

But I think I am a fine woman.

Thank you, Ruth, I believe you.

For I know you would not practice upon my inexperience.

I wish to do the right thing.

And if you are truly a fine woman,

well, then, your age shall be no obstacle to our union!

(CHUCKLING)

Hark! Surely, I hear voices! (WOMEN SINGING)

Who has ventured to approach our all but inaccessible lair?

Can it be the Coast Guard?

Oh, yes, it's the Coast Guard.

No, it does not sound like the Coast Guard.

By all that's marvelous, a bevy of beautiful young maidens!

Oh, it's lost, lost, lost.

How lovely! How surpassingly lovely is the plainest of them.

What grace, what delicacy.

What refinement!

(ALL LAUGHING)

♪ Oh, false one, you have deceived me

♪ I have deceived you?

♪ Yes! Deceived me

♪ You told me you were fair as gold

♪ And, master, am I not so

♪ And now I see you're plain and old

♪ I'm sure I'm not a jot so

♪ Upon my innocence you play

♪ I'm not the one to plot so

♪ Your face is lined, your hair is gray

♪ It's gradually got so

♪ Faithless woman to deceive me

♪ I who trusted so

♪ Master, master, do not leave me

♪ Hear me 'ere you go

♪ Faithless woman

♪ Master, master

♪ Faithless woman

♪ Master, master

♪ Faithless woman ♪ Do not leave me

To deceive me Do not leave me

♪ I who trusted so ♪ Hear me 'ere you go

♪ Faithless woman to deceive me ♪ Master, master

♪ Do not leave me

♪ I who trusted so ♪ Hear me 'ere you go

Ow!

♪ My love without reflecting

♪ Oh, do not be rejecting

♪ Take a maiden tender

♪ Her affection raw and green

♪ At very highest rating

♪ Has been accumulating

♪ Summer's 17

♪ Summer's 17

♪ Don't, beloved master

♪ Crush me with disaster

♪ What is such a dower

♪ To the dower I have here

♪ Yes, your former master ♪ Don't, beloved master

♪ Crush me with disaster ♪ Save you from disaster

♪ Your love would be ♪ What is such a dower

♪ Uncomfortably fervid, it is clear ♪ To the dower I have here?

♪ My love unabating

♪ If, as you are stating

♪ Has been accumulating

♪ Has been accumulating

♪ Forty-seven years

♪ Forty-seven years!

♪ Forty-seven years

♪ Faithless woman to deceive me

♪ I who trusted so

♪ Faithless woman to deceive me

♪ Master, master, do not leave me

♪ I who trusted ♪ Hear me 'ere you

♪ So! ♪ ♪ Go! ♪

(DAUGHTERS GIGGLING ATA DISTANCE)

♪ Climbing over rocky mountain

♪ Skipping rivulet and fountain

♪ Passing where the willows quiver

♪ Passing where the willows quiver

♪ By the ever rolling river

♪ Swollen with the summer rain, the summer rain

♪ Threading long and leafy mazes

♪ Dotted with unnumbered daisies

♪ Dotted, dotted with unnumbered daisies

♪ Scaling rough and rugged passes

♪ Climb the hardy little lassies

♪ Till the bright seashore they gain

♪ Scaling rough and rugged passes

♪ Climb the hardy little lassies

♪ Till the bright seashore they gain

♪ Let us gaily tread the measure

♪ Make the most of fleeting leisure

♪ Hail it as a true ally

♪ Though it perish by-and-by

♪ Hail it as a true ally

♪ Though it perish by-and-by

♪ Every moment brings a treasure

♪ Of its own especial pleasure

♪ Though the moments quickly die

♪ Greet them gaily as they fly

♪ Greet them gaily

♪ As they fly

ALL:♪ Though the moments quickly die

♪ Greet them gaily as they fly

♪ Let us gaily tread the measure

♪ Make the most of fleeting leisure

♪ Hail it as a true ally

♪ Though it perish by-and-by

♪ Hail it as a true ally

♪ Though it perish by-and-by

♪ Let us gaily tread the measure

♪ Make the most of fleeting leisure

♪ Hail it as a true ally

♪ A true ally! ♪

EDITH: We're quite alone. Suppose we take off our shoes.

And our stockings and paddle.

(DAUGHTERS GIGGLING) Paddle?

KATE: In all probability we are the first human beings

who ever set foot on this enchanting spot.

ISABEL: Except for the mermaids, it's the very place for mermaids.

(EXCLAIMING)

KATE: Who are only human beings down to the waist.

EDITH: And who can't be said strictly to set foot anywhere.

(MOANS)

KATE: I'm going to take off my stocking.

(DAUGHTERS EXCLAIM)

♪ Stop, ladies, pray

♪ A man!

(DAUGHTERS EXCLAIMING)

♪ I had intended not to intrude myself upon your notice

♪ In this effective but alarming costume

♪ But under these peculiar circumstances

♪ I feel it is my bounden duty to inform you

♪ That your proceedings here will not be unwitnessed

♪ But who are you, sir? Speak!

♪ I am a pirate

(EXCLAIMING)

♪ A pirate! Horror!

(DAUGHTERS CLAMORING)

♪ Ladies, do not shun me

♪ This evening I renounce my vile profession

♪ And, to that end, O, pure and peerless maidens

♪ Oh, blushing buds of ever-blooming beauty

♪ I, sore at heart, I, sore at heart

♪ Implore your kind assistance

♪ How pitiful his tale

♪ How rare his beauty

♪ How pitiful his tale

♪ How rare

♪ His beauty

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

♪ Oh, is there not one maiden breast

♪ Which does not feel the moral beauty

♪ Of making worldly interest

♪ Subordinate to sense of duty?

♪ Who would not give up willingly

♪ All matrimonial ambition

♪ To rescue such a one as I

♪ From his unfortunate

♪ Position?

♪ From his

♪ Position

(SIGHING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

♪ Oh, is there not one maiden here

♪ Whose homely face and bad complexion

♪ Have caused all hope to disappear

♪ Of ever winning man's affection?

♪ To such a one, if such there be

♪ I swear by heaven's arch above you

♪ If you will cast your eyes on me

♪ However plain you be

♪ I'll love you

♪ However plain you be

♪ If you will cast your eyes on me

♪ However plain you be

♪ I'll love

♪ You!

♪ I'll love you

(CRYING)

♪ I'll love

(VOCALIZING)

♪ You

♪ Alas!

♪ There's not one maiden here

♪ Whose homely face and bad complexion

♪ Have caused all hope to disappear

♪ Of ever winning man's

♪ Affection!

♪ Not one?

♪ No, no, not one

♪ Not one?

♪ No, no!

♪ Yes, one!

DAUGHTERS: Oh, Mabel!

♪ 'Tis Mabel

MABEL:♪ Yes, 'tis

♪ Mabel

♪ Oh, Sisters, deaf to pity's name for shame!

♪ It's true that he has gone astray but pray

♪ Is that a reason good and true why you

♪ Should all be deaf to pity's name?

♪ The question is had he not been a thing of beauty

♪ Would she be swayed by quite as keen a sense of duty?

♪ For shame

♪ For shame

♪ For shame

♪ Poor wandering one

♪ Though thou hast surely strayed

♪ Take heart of grace, thy steps retrace

♪ Poor wandering one

♪ Poor wandering one

♪ If such poor love as mine

♪ Can help thee find true peace of mind

♪ Why, take it

♪ It is thine

♪ Take heart, no danger low'rs

♪ Take any heart but ours

♪ Take heart, fair days will shine

♪ Take any heart, take mine

Thank you.

♪ Take heart, no danger low'rs

♪ Take any heart but ours

♪ Take heart, fair days will shine

♪ Take any heart, take mine

(VOCALIZING)

♪ Poor wandering one

♪ Though thou hast surely strayed

♪ Take heart of grace, thy steps retrace

♪ Poor wandering one

♪ Poor wandering one

(VOCALIZING)

♪ Poor wandering one

♪ Take heart

♪ Take heart

♪ Take any heart but ours

♪ Take heart

♪ Take heart

♪ Take mine

♪ Take heart, no danger low'rs

♪ Take any heart but ours

♪ Take heart

♪ Take heart

♪ Take any heart but ours

(VOCALIZING)

♪ Take

♪ Heart! ♪

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

In. Out. Stop dinghy.

Maidens!

Maidens!

Quietly, men, down.

Men!

MEN: (ALOUD) What?

Quiet!

Come on. PIRATE KING: (WHISPERING) Stay down.

First-rate opportunity. Now, to the port.

You to the starboard. No. I mean, the starboard. You to the port.

♪ Stay, we must not lose our senses

♪ Men who stick at no offenses

♪ Will anon be here

(DAUGHTERS GASPING) ♪ Piracy their dreadful trade is

♪ Pray you get you, hence, young ladies

♪ While the coast is clear

♪ No, we must not lose our senses

♪ If they stick at no offenses

♪ We should not be here

♪ Piracy their dreadful trade is

♪ Nice companions for young ladies

(SHUSHING) ♪ Let us... ♪

PIRATE KING: Each man to a woman.

(DAUGHTERS SCREAMING) PIRATE KING: Man your women.

(LAUGHING) DAUGHTERS:♪ Too late

♪ Too late

(PIRATES GRUNTING)

Hello. Mmm.

PIRATES:♪ Here's a first-rate opportunity

♪ To get married with impunity

♪ And indulge in the felicity of unbounded domesticity

♪ You shall quickly be parsonified

♪ Conjugally matrimonified

♪ By a doctor of divinity who is located in this vicinity

DAUGHTERS:♪ We have missed our opportunity

♪ Of escaping with impunity

♪ So farewell to the felicity of our maiden domesticity

♪ We shall quickly be parsonified

♪ Conjugally matrimonified

♪ By a doctor of divinity who is located in this vicinity

ALL: ♪ By a doctor of divinity, who resides in this vicinity

♪ By a doctor, a doctor, a doctor of divinity

♪ Of divinity ♪

Away!

(PIRATES CHEERING)

Hold it, you.

♪ Hold, monsters

♪ Ere your pirate caravanserai

♪ Proceed against our will to wed us all

♪ Just bear in mind that we are wards in Chancery

♪ And father is a Major-General

♪ We'd better pause, or danger may befall

♪ Their father is a Major-General

DAUGHTERS:♪ Yes, yes, he is a Major-General

♪ Yes, yes, I am a Major-General

♪ For he is a Major-General

♪ He is! Hurrah for the Major-General

♪ And it is, it is a glorious thing

♪ To be a Major-General

♪ It is! Hurrah for the Major-General ♪

♪ Hurrah for the Major-General

It's the same as the Pirate King tune!

(MARCHING GRUNTS)

♪ I am the very model of a modern Major-General

♪ I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral

♪ I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical

♪ From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical

♪ I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical

♪ I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical

♪ About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news

Lot o' news.

Got it!

♪ With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

♪ With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

♪ With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

♪ With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

♪ I'm very good at integral and differential calculus

♪ I know the scientific names of beings animalculous

♪ In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

♪ I am the very model of a modern Major-General

♪ In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

♪ He is the very model of a modern Major-General

♪ In fact, when I know what is meant

♪ By "mamelon" and "ravelin"

♪ When I can tell at sight

♪ A Mauser rifle from a javelin

♪ When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at

♪ And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat"

♪ When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery

♪ When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery

♪ In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy

Strategy?

Oh, my word. That's a hard one, isn't it?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

GIRL: Cup of tea. PIRATE: Allergy.

Got it!

♪ You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee

♪ You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee

♪ You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee

♪ You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee

♪ For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury

♪ Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century

♪ But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

♪ I am the very model of a modern Major-General

♪ But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

♪ He is the very model of a modern Major-General

Encore! Encore!

Can you do it one more time? Certainly.

And can you do it really fast?

Watch this!

♪ In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin"

♪ When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin

♪ When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at

♪ And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat"

♪ When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery

♪ When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery

♪ In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy

♪ You'll say a better Major-General has never round a horse

♪ You'll say a better Major-General has never round a horse

♪ You'll say a better Major-General has never round a horse

♪ For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury

♪ Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century

♪ But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

♪ I am the very model of a modern Major-General!

♪ But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

♪ He is the very model of a modern Major-General ♪

(EXCLAIMS)

(CHEERING)

Enough! He might sing another encore.

Well, now that I've introduced myself.

I should like to have some idea of what's going on?

Permit me, I can explain in two words.

We propose to marry your daughters.

Against our wills, Papa. Against our wills.

Oh, you mustn't do that!

Ooh! May I ask. This is a picturesque uniform.

I'm not familiar with it.

What are you?

We are all single gentlemen.

(PIRATES LAUGHING)

I gather that.

Anything else?

No, nothing else.

Don't believe him, Papa. They're all pirates.

The famous Pirates of Penzance.

PIRATE: Yes, infamous.

The Pirates of Penzance! Yes, I've often heard of them.

All except for this gentleman,

who was a pirate once, but is out of his indentures today

and means to lead a blameless life evermore.

(PIRATES GRUNTING)

Now wait a bit. I said you wait a bit!

I object to pirates as sons-in-law.

We object to major-generals as fathers-in-law.

But we waive that point.

Oh!

We do not press it.

We look over it.

(MUMBLING)

(WHISPERS) I have an idea.

And do you mean to say...

Do you mean to say you would rob me of these,

the sole remaining props of my old age?

And leave me to go through the remainder of my life

unfriended, unprotected and alone?

Well, yes, that's the idea.

To them, lads.

One moment. One moment.

Have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?

PIRATES: Oh, dash it!

Here we are again!

I ask you have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?

Often!

Yes, orphan. Have you ever known what it is to be one?

I say, often.

Often, often, often.

To the ship. Hang on a minute.

I tell you, hang on a minute.

Now, listen, I don't think we quite understand one another.

I ask you have you ever known what it is to be an orphan,

and you say "orphan."

Now as I understand you, you are merely repeating the word "orphan"

to show that you understand me. Hmm.

I didn't repeat the word "orphan."

Pardon me, you did indeed.

I only repeated it once.

True, but you repeated it!

But not often!

(MUMBLING)

Ooh! Ooh!

I think I can see where we are getting confused.

Now, when you say "orphan,"

did you mean "orphan," a person that has lost his parents

or "often," "frequently"?

Oh!

(PIRATES EXCLAIMING)

I beg your pardon. I see what you mean.

Of course, you do, yes.

Frequently.

You said "often" frequently?

No, only once.

Exactly. You said "often," frequently, only once.

Seize that man!

♪ Oh, men of dark and dismal fate

♪ Forgo your cruel employ

♪ Have pity on my lonely state

(NASALLY) ♪ I am an orphan boy

♪ An orphan boy?

♪ An orphan boy

♪ How sad

♪ An orphan boy

♪ These children whom you see

♪ Are all that I can call me own

♪ Poor fellow

(DAUGHTERS SIGHING)

♪ Take them away from me

♪ And I shall be indeed alone

♪ Poor fellow

♪ See, at our feet they kneel

♪ Our hearts we cannot steel

(GULPING)

♪ Against the sad, sad tale

♪ Of the lonely

(CRYING)

♪ Orphan boy

♪ I'm telling a terrible story but it doesn't diminish my glory

♪ For they would have taken my daughters over the billowy waters

♪ If I hadn't, in elegant diction

♪ Indulged in an innocent fiction

♪ Which is not in the same category as telling a regular terrible story

PIRATES AND DAUGHTERS: ♪ He's telling a terrible story

♪ Which will tend to diminish his glory

♪ Though they would have taken his daughters

♪ Over the billowy waters

♪ It is easy, in elegant diction

♪ To call it an innocent fiction

♪ But it comes in the same category

♪ As telling a regular terrible story

♪ It's easy, in elegant diction

♪ To call it an innocent fiction

♪ But it comes in the same category

♪ As telling a regular story

♪ Although our dark career

♪ Sometimes involves the crime of stealing

♪ We rather think that we're

♪ Not altogether void of feeling

♪ Although we live by strife

♪ We're always sorry to begin it

♪ For what, we ask

♪ Is life

♪ Without a touch

♪ Of poetry in it

♪ Hail, poetry

♪ Thou heaven-born maid

♪ Thou gildest even

♪ The pirate's trade

♪ Hail, flowing

♪ Fount of sentiment

♪ All hail

♪ All hail

♪ Divine

♪ Emollient!

♪ You may go, for you're at liberty

♪ Our pirate rules protect you

♪ And honorary members of our band

♪ We do elect you (EXCLAIMING)

Thank you. ALL: Hurray!

♪ For he is an orphan boy

♪ He is! Hurrah for the orphan boy

♪ And it sometimes is a useful thing to be an orphan boy

♪ It is! Hurrah for the orphan boy

♪ Hurrah for the orphan boy

♪ Oh, happy day, with joyous glee

♪ They will away and married be

♪ Oh, happy day, with joyous glee

♪ They will away and married be

♪ Should it befall auspiciously

♪ Our Sisters all will bridesmaids be

♪ Should it befall auspiciously

♪ Our Sisters all will bridesmaids be

♪ Oh, happy day, with joyous glee

♪ They will away and married be

♪ Should it befall auspiciously

♪ Our Sisters all will bridesmaids be

♪ Should it befall auspiciously

♪ Our Sisters all will bridesmaids be ♪

(WHOOPING)

(INSECTS CHITTERING)

Papa?

DAUGHTERS: Papa?

Papa?

(MAJOR-GENERAL CRYING)

♪ Oh, dry the glistening tear

♪ That dews that martial cheek

♪ Thy loving children hear

♪ In them thy comfort seek

♪ With sympathetic care

♪ Their arms around thee creep

♪ For oh, they cannot bear

♪ To see

♪ Their father weep ♪

(SOBBING)

Oh, Frederic,

cannot you, in the calm excellence of your wisdom,

reconcile it with your conscience

to say something that will ease my father's sorrow?

What?

Can't you cheer him up?

Oh, I would try, dear Mabel.

But why does he sit here night after night in this drafty old ruin?

Why do I sit here?

Oh, Frederic, Frederic!

In order to escape the pirates' clutches,

I described myself as an orphan,

and heaven help me, I am no orphan.

(SOBBING)

Well, be comforted, sir.

For had you not acted as you did,

these reckless men would most assuredly

have called in the nearest clergyman

and married your large family on the spot.

I thank you for your proffered solace, but it is unavailing.

I tell you, Frederic, such is the anguish and remorse I feel

at the abominable falsehood

by which I escaped these easily deluded pirates,

that I would go to their simple-minded chief this very night

and confess all.

Ah! (DAUGHTERS EXCLAIMING)

But did I not feel that the consequences

would be oh, oh, oh, no, oh, no, no, most disastrous,

most disastrous to myself.

At what hour does your expedition march against these scoundrels?

At 11:00.

And before midnight I hope to have atoned

for my involuntary association with the pestilent scourges

by sweeping them from the face of the Earth!

MABEL: Oh.

And then, dear Mabel, you will be mine.

Are your devoted followers at hand?

They are. They only await my order.

♪ Then, Frederic

♪ Let your escort lion-hearted

♪ Be summoned to receive a General's blessing

♪ Ere they depart upon their dread adventure

♪ Dear, sir, they come! ♪

(DAUGHTERS EXCLAIMING)

(DAUGHTERS GIGGLING)

♪ When the foeman bares his steel

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Oh, we uncomfortable feel

♪ Tarantara

♪ And we find the wisest thing

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Is to slap our chests and sing

ALL:♪ Tarantara

♪ For when threatened with emutes

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ And your heart is in your boots

♪ Tarantara

♪ There is nothing brings it round

♪ Like the trumpet's martial sound

♪ Like the trumpet's martial sound

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Tarantara, tarantara (WOMEN EXCLAIMING)

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Tarantara, tarantara (LAUGHING)

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Ra-ra-tarantara

♪ Go, ye heroes, go to glory

♪ Though ye die in combat gory

♪ Ye shall live in song and story

♪ Go to immortality

♪ Go to death and go to slaughter

(GULPS)

♪ Die, and every Cornish daughter

(GULPS)

♪ With her tears your grave shall water

♪ Go, ye heroes, go and die

♪ Go, ye heroes, go and die

♪ Go, ye heroes, go and die

♪ Tho' to us it's evident

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ These attentions are well-meant

♪ Tarantara

♪ Such expressions don't appear

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Calculated men to cheer

♪ Tarantara

♪ Who are going to meet their fate

♪ In a highly nervous state

♪ Tarantara, tarantara, tarantara

SERGEANT:♪ Still to us it's evident

♪ These attentions are well-meant

♪ Tarantara, tarantara, tarantara

♪ Go and do your best endeavor

♪ And before all links, we sever

♪ We will say farewell forever

♪ Go to glory and the grave!

DAUGHTERS:♪ Go to glory and the grave

♪ For your foes are fierce and ruthless

♪ False, unmerciful and truthless

♪ Young and tender, old and toothless

♪ All in vain their mercy crave

♪ We observe too great a stress

♪ On the risks that on us press

♪ And of reference a lack

♪ To our chance of coming back

♪ Still perhaps it would be wise

♪ Not to carp or criticize

♪ For it's very evident

♪ These attentions are well-meant

DAUGHTERS: ♪ Yes, perhaps it would be wise

♪ Not to carp or criticize

♪ For it's very evident

♪ These attentions are well-meant

POLICEMEN: ♪ Yes, it's very evident

Wait! Get back in line.

♪ These attentions are well-meant Get back! Back!

♪ Evident, yes, well meant evident!

♪ Ah, yes, well-meant!

♪ When the foeman bares his steel DAUGHTERS: ♪ Go, ye heroes

♪ Tarantara, tarantara ♪ Go to glory

♪ Oh, we uncomfortable feel ♪ Though ye die

♪ Tarantara ♪ In combat gory

♪ And we find the wisest thing ♪ Ye shall

♪ Tarantara, tarantara ♪ Live in song and story

♪ Is to slap our chests and sing ♪ Go to

♪ Tarantara ♪ Immortality

♪ Go to death ♪ For when threatened with emutes

♪ Tarantara, tarantara ♪ And go to slaughter

♪ And your heart is in your boots ♪ Die, and every

♪ Tarantara ♪ Cornish daughter

♪ There is nothing brings it round ♪ With her tears

♪ Like the trumpet's martial sound ♪ Your grave shall water

♪ Like the trumpet's martial sound ♪ Go, ye heroes

♪ Tarantara, tarantara ♪ Go and die

♪ Tarantara, tarantara ♪ Go, ye heroes

♪ Tarantara, tarantara ♪ Go to immortality

♪ Tarantara, tarantara ♪ Go, ye heroes

♪ Tarantara, tarantara ♪ Go to immortality

♪ Ra-ra-ra-ra ♪ Go, ye heroes

♪ Ra-ra-ra-ra-tarantara ♪ Go to

♪ Ra-ra-tarantara ♪ Immortality

MAJOR-GENERAL:♪ Away, away POLICEMEN:♪ Yes, yes, we go

♪ These pirates slay ♪ Tarantara

♪ Then do not stay ♪ Tarantara

♪ Then why this delay? ♪ All right, we go!

♪ Yes, forward on the foe! DAUGHTERS:♪ Yes, forward!

♪ Yes, forward on the foe! ♪ On the foe

They're still here!

POLICEMEN:♪ We go! We go! DAUGHTERS:♪ They go! They go!

♪ Yes, forward on the foe ♪ Yes, forward

♪ Yes, forward on the foe ♪ On the foe

Mabel, they're still here!

♪ We go! We go! DAUGHTERS:♪ At last they go!

♪ We go! We go! ♪ At last they go! At last they go!

♪ We go! We go! We go! We go! ♪ At last they really, really go!

MAJOR-GENERAL: Yes, but you don't go.

♪ We go! We go! ♪ They go! They go!

♪ Yes, forward on the foe ♪ Yes, forward

Damn it, they don't go.

♪ We go! We go! ♪ At last they go!

♪ We go! We go! ♪ At last they go! At last they go!

♪ We go! We go! We go! ♪ At last they really, really

♪ We go! We go! We go! ♪ Really, really, really

♪ We go! We go! ♪ ♪ Really go! ♪

(CLAMORING)

♪ Now for the pirates' lair!

♪ Oh, joy unbounded!

♪ Oh, sweet relief!

♪ Oh, rapture unexampled!

♪ At last I may atone in some slight measure

♪ For the repeated acts of theft and pillage

♪ Of which, at a sense of duty's stern dictation

♪ I, circumstance's victim

♪ Have been guilty

♪ Young Frederic!

♪ Who calls? ♪ Your late commander

♪ And I, your little Ruth

♪ Oh, mad intruders

♪ How dare ye face me?

♪ Know ye not, oh, rash ones

(GASPS)

♪ That I have doomed you to extermination?

♪ Have mercy on us ♪ Have mercy on us

Get back! Back!

♪ Hear us, ere you slaughter

♪ I do not think I ought to listen to you

(GASPS)

(RUTH WHIMPERING)

♪ Yet, mercy should alloy our stern resentment

♪ And so I will be merciful

♪ Say on!

(SHUSHING)

RUTH: Quiet.

(MUTTERING)

♪ When you had left our pirate fold

♪ We tried to raise our spirits faint

♪ According to our custom old

♪ With quips and quibbles quaint

♪ But all in vain the quips we heard

♪ We lay and sobbed upon the rocks

Oh.

♪ Until to somebody occurred

♪ A startling paradox

♪ A paradox? BOTH:♪ A paradox!

♪ A most ingenious paradox

♪ We've quips and quibbles heard in flocks

♪ But none to beat this paradox!

(ALL LAUGHING)

ALL:♪ A paradox, a paradox

♪ A most ingenious paradox

(LAUGHING RHYTHMICALLY)

♪ This paradox

FREDERIC: Ooh, I love a good paradox.

(LAUGHING RHYTHMICALLY)

♪ The paradox

(GRUNTING)

♪ For some ridiculous reason

♪ To which, however, I've no desire to be disloyal

No. (GIGGLING)

♪ Some person in authority

♪ Who?

♪ I don't know who

♪ Very likely the Astronomer Royal

♪ Has decided that

♪ Although for such a beastly month as February

♪ Twenty-eight days as a rule are plenty

(LAUGHING)

♪ One year in every four

♪ His days shall be reckoned as nine and twenty

(CHUCKLING)

♪ Through some singular coincidence

♪ I shouldn't be surprised

♪ If it were owing to the agency of an ill-natured fairy

(LAUGHING)

♪ You are the victim of this clumsy arrangement

♪ Having been born in leap year

♪ On the 29th of February

And so?

♪ And so, by a simple arithmetical process

♪ You'll easily discover

♪ That though you've lived 21 years

♪ Yet, if we go by birthdays

♪ You're only five and a little bit over

(LAUGHING RHYTHMICALLY)

♪ Dear me! Let's see!

♪ Yes, yes, with yours my figures do agree

(ALL LAUGHING RHYTHMICALLY)

Five and a quarter, oh, that's rich!

♪ How quaint the ways of paradox

♪ At common sense she gaily mocks

♪ Though counting in the usual way

♪ Years 21 I've been alive

(CHUCKLES)

♪ Yet, reckoning by my natal day

♪ Yet, reckoning by my natal day

One, two, three, four...

♪ I am a little boy of five

BOTH:♪ He is a little boy of five

(ALL LAUGHING)

ALL:♪ A paradox, a paradox

♪ A most ingenious paradox

(LAUGHING RHYTHMICALLY)

♪ The paradox

(LAUGHING RHYTHMICALLY)

♪ A curious paradox

♪ A most ingenious paradox! ♪

(ALL LAUGHING)

(EXCLAIMS)

Upon my word, this is most curious indeed.

Most absurdly whimsical.

Five-and-a-quarter, eh?

You wouldn't think it to look at me.

(LAUGHING)

You'll be glad I'll be bound, that you spared us.

You never would have forgiven yourself

when you discovered you killed your two comrades.

(LAUGHING)

My comrades?

I'm afraid you don't appreciate the delicacy of your position.

You were apprenticed to us.

Yes, until I reached my 21st year.

Ah! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

Until you reached your 21st...

(READING BACKWARDS)

Oh. Birthday.

And going by birthdays, you are as yet only five-and-a-quarter.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

You don't mean to say you are going to hold me to this?

No, no. No, no. No, no, no, no.

We merely remind you of the fact,

and leave the rest to your sense of duty.

Your sense of duty.

Oh, I abhor your infamous calling.

I shudder at the thought that I've ever been mixed up with it!

But duty is before all!

And at any price

I will do my duty.

Oh, bravely spoken!

Come!

You're one of us once more.

Lead on, I follow.

Come. That's the ship.

♪ My eyes are fully opened to my awful situation

♪ I shall go at once to Mabel and make her an oration

♪ I will tell her I am bound by duty and my moral senses

♪ And I don't know what to do about the penny consequences

♪ Now I do not want to perish by the sword or by the dagger

♪ But a pirate must indulge a little pardonable swagger

♪ And a word or two of compliment my vanity would flatter

♪ But I've got to go tonight so it really doesn't matter!

♪ So it really doesn't matter! ♪ So it really doesn't matter!

♪ So it really doesn't matter! ♪ So it really doesn't matter!

♪ So it really doesn't matter! ♪ So it really doesn't matter!

ALL:♪ So it really doesn't matter, matter, matter, matter, matter!

♪ Matter, matter, matter, matter, matter, matter, matter, matter

♪ If this were not a little mad and generally silly

♪ I should give you my advice upon the subject, willy-nilly

♪ I should show you in a moment how to grapple with the question

♪ And you'd really be astonished at the force of my suggestion

♪ On the subject I shall write you a most valuable letter

♪ Full of excellent suggestions when I feel a little better

♪ But at present I'm afraid I am as mad as any hatter

♪ So I'll sing this song for ruddy good it really doesn't matter

♪ What we sing doesn't matter ♪ What we sing doesn't matter

♪ What we sing doesn't matter ♪ What we sing doesn't matter

♪ What we sing doesn't matter

♪ No, it really doesn't matter

♪ What we sing doesn't matter, matter, matter, matter, matter

♪ Matter, matter, matter, matter, matter, matter, matter, matter

♪ If I had been so lucky as to have a steady mother

♪ Who could talk to me as we are talking now to one another

♪ Who could give me good advice when she discovered I was erring

♪ Which is just the very favor which on you I am conferring

♪ My existence would have made a rather interesting idyll

♪ And I might have lived and died a very decent indiwiddle

♪ This particularly rapid, unintelligible patter

♪ Isn't generally heard, and if it is, it doesn't matter!

♪ If it is, it doesn't matter ♪ If it is, it doesn't matter

♪ If it is, it doesn't matter ♪ If it is, it doesn't matter

ALL:♪ This particularly rapid, unintelligible patter

♪ Isn't generally heard, and if it is, it doesn't matter!

♪ This particularly rapid, unintelligible patter

♪ Isn't generally heard, and if it is, it doesn't matter!

♪ Matter, matter, matter, matter, matter, matter

♪ Matter, matter, matter! ♪

Oh, horror!

What's the matter? What's the matter?

Ought I to tell you?

What?

Oh, no, I cannot.

Yet, as one of your band...

Speak out, I charge you by that sense of conscientiousness

to which we've never yet appealed in vain.

General Stanley... Yes.

The father of my Mabel. BOTH: Yes, yes!

General Stanley escaped from you

on the plea that he was an orphan.

(YELLING) He did?

Oh. Oh, yes, he did.

I was there.

Well? Oh!

It breaks my heart to betray the honored father of the girl I adore.

Break it.

And yet, as your apprentice, I have no alternative.

None.

It is my duty then to tell you...

Yes, your duty.

...that General Stanley... Yes?

Well, General Stanley...

General Stanley is what?

Well, he is no...

He's no...

Well... What, what, what?

General Stanley is no

orphan!

When you say "orphan,"

you mean, "orphan," a person that has lost his parents

or "often," "frequently"?

A person that has lost his parents.

(YELLING) What? (YELLING) What?

And more than that...

No.

(SCREAMS)

Oh. Oh.

He never was one!

(EXCLAIMING)

Am I to understand

that in order to save

his contemptible life,

he dared to practice

on our credulous simplicity?

(GRUNTING)

Our revenge

will be swift!

We will go and collect our band

and attack Tremorden Castle this very night.

But stay! Not a word!

He is doomed!

(GROANING)

BOTH: ♪ Away, away! My heart's on fire

♪ I burn, this base deception to repay

♪ This very night my vengeance dire

♪ Shall glut itself in gore! Away, away!

♪ Away, away! Ere I expire

♪ I find my duty hard to do today

♪ My heart is filled with anguish dire

♪ It strikes me to the core! Away, away!

♪ With falsehood foul he tricked us of our brides

♪ Let vengeance howl the pirate so decides

♪ Our nature stern he softened with his lies

♪ And, in return, tonight the traitor dies

BOTH:♪ Yes, yes! Tonight the traitor dies!

ALL:♪ Yes, yes! Tonight the traitor dies!

♪ Tonight he dies

♪ Yes, or early tomorrow

♪ His girls likewise?

♪ They will welter in sorrow

♪ The one soft spot

♪ In their natures they cherish

♪ And all who plot

♪ To abuse it shall perish

ALL:♪ Tonight he dies Yes, or early tomorrow

♪ His girls likewise, they'll welter in sorrow

♪ The one soft spot In their natures they cherish

♪ And all who plot to abuse it shall perish

♪ Away, away! Away!

♪ Tonight the traitor dies!

♪ Away, away! Tonight! Tonight! Tonight!

♪ The traitor dies tonight!

♪ Away! ♪

Oh.

MABEL: ♪ Stay, Frederic, stay!

♪ Nay, Mabel, nay!

♪ They have no claim

♪ But duty's name

♪ The thought my soul appalls ♪ No shadow of a shame

♪ But when stern duty calls ♪ Will fall upon thy name

♪ Stay, Frederic, stay!

♪ I must obey

♪ Ah, leave me not to pine

♪ Alone and desolate

♪ No fate seemed fair as mine

♪ No happiness

♪ So great

♪ And nature, day by day

♪ Has sung

♪ In accents clear

♪ This joyous roundelay

♪ "He loves thee

♪ "He is here

♪ "Fa-la, la-la

♪ "Fa-la, la-la

♪ "He loves

♪ "Thee

♪ "He is here

♪ "Fa-la, la-la

♪ "Fa-la"

♪ Ah, must I leave thee here

♪ In endless night to dream

♪ Where joy is dark and drear

♪ And sorrow

♪ All supreme

♪ Where nature, day by day

♪ Will sing

♪ In altered tone

♪ This weary roundelay

♪ "He loves thee

♪ "He is gone

♪ "Fa-la, la-la

♪ "Fa-la, la-la

♪ "He loves thee

♪ "He is gone

BOTH:♪ "Fa-la, la-la

♪ "Fa-la"

♪ In 1940 I of age shall be

♪ I'll then return and claim you

♪ I declare it!

♪ It seems so long

♪ Swear that till then you will be true to me

♪ Yes, I'll be strong

♪ By all the Stanleys dead and gone

♪ I swear it!

BOTH:♪ Oh, here is love and here is truth

♪ And here is food for joyous laughter

♪ She will be faithful ♪ He will be faithful

♪ To her sooth ♪ To his sooth

♪ Till we are wed, and even after

♪ Oh, here is love and here is truth

♪ Oh, here is love and here is truth

♪ She will be faithful to her sooth

♪ He will be faithful to his sooth

♪ Till we are wed, and even after

♪ Till we are wed

♪ And even after

♪ Yes, even after

BOTH:♪ Oh, here is love and here is truth

♪ And here is food for joyous laughter

♪ She will be faithful ♪ He will be faithful

♪ To her sooth ♪ To his sooth

♪ Till we are wed, and even after

BOTH:♪ She will be faithful to her sooth

♪ Till we are wed, and even after ♪ And after

♪ Even after

♪ Oh, here is love and here is truth

♪ Oh, here is love

♪ Here's love ♪

Farewell.

♪ No, I am brave

♪ Oh, family descent

♪ How great thy charm, thy sway, how excellent

♪ Come one and all, undaunted men in blue

♪ A crisis, now, affairs are coming to

(EXCLAIMING)

♪ When the danger's near

POLICEMEN: ♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ We manage to appear

♪ Tarantara

♪ As insensible to fear

♪ As anybody here

♪ As anybody here

ALL:♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Ra-ra-tarantara

♪ Sergeant, approach!

(POLICEMEN HUMMING)

♪ Young Frederic was to have led you to death and glory

POLICEMEN:♪ That is not a pleasant way of putting it

(SHUSHING)

(HUMMING)

♪ He will not so lead you

♪ For he has allied himself once more

♪ With his old associates

POLICEMEN: ♪ He has acted shamefully!

♪ You speak falsely

(HUMMING) ♪ You know nothing about it

♪ He has acted nobly

♪ He has acted nobly

♪ Dearly as I loved him before

♪ His heroic sacrifice to his sense of duty

♪ Has endeared him to me tenfold

♪ He has done his duty, I will do mine

♪ Go ye and do yours

POLICEMEN:♪ Right oh! ♪

(GROANING)

This is perplexing.

But no matter, our cause is clear.

We must do our best to capture these pirates alone.

(POLICEMEN SHUDDERING)

♪ It is most distressing to us to be the agents

♪ Whereby our erring fellow-creatures

♪ Are deprived of that liberty

♪ Which is so dear to us all

♪ But we should have thought of that

♪ Before we joined the force

POLICEMEN:♪ We should

Well, too late now!

♪ When a felon's not engaged in his employment

POLICEMEN: ♪ His employment

♪ Or maturing his felonious little plans

♪ Little plans

♪ His capacity for innocent enjoyment

♪ 'Cent enjoyment

♪ Is just as great as any honest man's

♪ Honest man's

♪ Our feelings we with difficulty smother

♪ 'Culty smother

♪ When Constabulary duty's to be done

♪ To be done

♪ Ah, take one consideration with another

♪ With another

♪ A policeman's lot is not a happy one

ALL:♪ Oh

♪ When Constabulary duty's to be done

♪ To be done

♪ A policeman's lot is not a happy one

♪ Hoo! ♪

DAUGHTER 1: Quiet down there.

DAUGHTER 2: Good night.

(SHUSHING)

(YAWNING)

(EXCLAIMS)

PIRATES: ♪ A rollicking band of pirates we

♪ Who, tired of tossing on the sea

(MURMURING)

♪ Are trying their hand at a burglary

♪ With weapons grim and gory

♪ Hush, hush!

♪ I hear them on the manor poaching

♪ With stealthy steps the pirates are approaching

PIRATES: ♪ We are not coming for plate or gold

♪ A story General Stanley told

♪ We seek a penalty fifty-fold (GASPS)

♪ For General Stanley's story

♪ They seek a penalty PIRATES:♪ Fifty-fold!

♪ We seek a penalty ♪ Fifty-fold!

ALL:♪ They seek a penalty fifty-fold

♪ For General Stanley's story

(EXCLAIMING)

Quiet!

♪ They come in force

♪ With stealthy stride

Silence! Down.

(SHUSHING)

♪ Our obvious course is now to hide

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ Tarantara, tarantara ♪

(WHISPERING) Go on.

(WHISPERING)

(SHUSHING)

(SHUSHING) (SQUAWKING)

Quiet!

♪ With cat-like tread

♪ Upon our prey we steal

♪ In silence dread

♪ Our cautious way we feel

♪ No sound at all

♪ We never speak a word

♪ A fly's foot-fall would be distinctly heard

POLICEMEN: ♪ Tarantara, tarantara

♪ So stealthily the pirate creeps

♪ While all the household soundly sleeps

♪ Come, friends, who plough the sea

♪ Truce to navigation

♪ Take another station

♪ Let's vary piracy

♪ With a little burglary

♪ Come, friends, who plough the sea

♪ Truce to navigation

♪ Take another station

♪ Let's vary piracy

♪ With a little burglary

(SHUSHING) MAN: Quiet!

♪ Here's your crowbar

♪ And your center bit

♪ Your life preserver

♪ You may want to hit

♪ Your silent matches

♪ Your dark lantern seize

♪ Take your file

♪ And your skeletonic keys

POLICEMEN: ♪ Tarantara

PIRATES:♪ With catlike tread Tarantara

♪ In silence dread

♪ With cat-like tread

♪ Upon our prey we steal

♪ In silence dread

♪ Our cautious way we feel

♪ No sound at all

♪ We never speak a word

♪ A fly's foot-fall would be distinctly heard

♪ Come, friends, who plough the sea

♪ Truce to navigation

♪ Take another station

♪ Let's vary piracy

♪ With a little burglary

♪ With cat-like tread

♪ Upon our prey we steal

♪ In silence dread

♪ Our cautious way

♪ We feel!

♪ Come, friends, who plough the sea

♪ Truce to navigation

♪ Take another station

♪ Let's vary piracy

♪ With a little burglary

♪ With cat-like tread

♪ Upon our prey we steal

♪ In silence dread

♪ Our cautious way

♪ We

♪ Feel! ♪

(EXPLOSIONS)

(SHUSHING)

MAJOR-GENERAL: Who's there?

Hush, hush! Hello?

♪ Not a word

♪ I see a light inside

♪ The Major-General comes

♪ So, quickly hide

ALL:♪ Yes, yes! (SHUSHING)

♪ The Major-General comes

♪ Yes, yes!

♪ The Major-General comes

♪ Yes, yes!

♪ The Major-General comes

♪ Tormented with the anguish dread of falsehood unatoned

♪ I lay upon my sleepless bed

♪ And tossed and turned and groaned

♪ The man who finds his conscience ache

♪ No peace at all enjoys

♪ And as I lay in bed awake

♪ I thought I heard a noise

PIRATES:♪ He thought he heard a noise

♪ Ha, ha!

♪ No, all is still

♪ In dale, on hill

♪ My mind is set at ease

♪ So still the scene

♪ It must have been

♪ The sighing of the breeze

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

♪ Sighing softly to the river

♪ Comes the loving breeze

(FROGS CROAKING)

♪ Setting nature all a-quiver

♪ Rustling through the trees

PIRATES: (SQUEAKILY) ♪ Through the trees

♪ And the brook in rippling measure

♪ Laughs for very love

♪ While the poplars in their pleasure

♪ Wave their arms above

♪ Yes, the trees for very love

♪ Wave their leafy arms above

ALL:♪ River, river little river

♪ May thy loving prosper ever

♪ Heaven speed thee, poplar tree

(GURGLING) ♪ May thy wooing happy be

♪ Heaven speed thee, poplar tree

♪ May thy wooing

♪ Happy be

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(INHALES)

♪ Yet, the breeze is but a rover

♪ When he wings away

♪ Brook and poplar mourn a lover

♪ Sighing, "Well-a-day!"

PIRATES:♪ Well-a-day

♪ Ah, the doing and undoing

♪ That the rogue could tell

♪ When the breeze is out a-wooing

♪ Who can woo so well?

PIRATES:♪ Shocking tales the rogue could tell

♪ Nobody can woo so well

MAJOR-GENERAL AND PIRATES: ♪ Pretty brook, thy dream is over

♪ For thy love is but a rover

♪ Sad the lot of poplar trees

♪ Courted by a fickle breeze

♪ Sad the lot of poplar trees

♪ Courted by a

♪ Fickle

♪ Breeze ♪

GIRL 1: Papa! GIRL 2: Papa! Where are you?

(DAUGHTERS CALLING OUT)

♪ Now what is this and what is that?

♪ And why does Father leave his rest

♪ At such a time of night as this, so very incompletely dressed?

♪ Dear Father is, and always was, the most methodical of men

♪ It's his invariable rule to go to bed at half-past ten

♪ What strange occurrence can it be that calls dear Father from his rest

♪ At such a time of night as this, so very incompletely dressed?

♪ So very incompletely dressed

♪ At such a time of night!

(DAUGHTERS SCREAMING) Forward, my men,

and seize that General there!

His life is over!

♪ The pirates! The pirates! Oh, despair!

♪ Yes, we're the pirates, so despair!

♪ Frederic here! Oh, joy! Oh, rapture!

♪ Summon your men and effect their capture!

♪ Frederic, save us!

♪ Beautiful Mabel, I would if I could, but I am not able

PIRATES: ♪ He's telling the truth, he is not able

(SPUTTERING)

♪ With base deceit

♪ You worked upon our feelings

♪ Revenge is sweet

♪ And flavors all our dealings

♪ With courage rare

♪ And resolution manly

♪ For death prepare

♪ Unhappy General Stanley

♪ Is he to die

♪ No! ♪ Unshriven, unannealed?

♪ Oh, spare him!

♪ Will no one in his cause a weapon wield

♪ Oh, spare him!

♪ Yes, we are here, though hitherto concealed

♪ Oh, rapture!

What do we do?

♪ So to Constabulary, pirates yield

♪ Oh, rapture! ♪

To them, lads!

(DAUGHTERS SCREAMING)

(SHOUTING) (GASPING)

(SHOUTING)

(DOGS BARKING)

Charge! Ow!

Kill! Kill! Come on, boy, sic 'em, sic 'em!

Come on, boy, bite them! Bite those pirates!

(SERGEANT GROWLING)

Sit!

(GROWLING)

Away!

(GROANING)

♪ Sailors always welcome ladies

♪ Most politely

♪ Now give three cheers

♪ I'll lead the way

♪ Hurrah! Hurrah!

ALL:♪ Hurray!

♪ Hurray!

♪ Hurray! ♪

(MARCHING BEAT PLAYING)

(GRUNTING)

(WOMEN SCREAMING)

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Kill them!

(GRUNTING)

(WHOOPING)

(MAN SHOUTING)

(LAUGHS)

(CHOKING)

(ALL CRYING)

(WHISTLES)

(DOGS BARKING)

(PIRATES WHOOPING)

(PIRATES CHEERING)

♪ To gain a brief advantage you've contrived

♪ But your proud triumph will not be long-lived

♪ Don't say you are orphans, for we know that game

♪ On your allegiance we've a stronger claim

♪ We charge, you yield

♪ We charge, you yield

♪ In Queen

♪ Victoria's name

♪ You do?

POLICEMEN:♪ We do!

♪ We charge, you yield

♪ In Queen

♪ Victoria's name

♪ We yield at once

♪ With humbled mien

♪ Because with all our faults

♪ We love

♪ Our Queen

POLICEMEN: ♪ Yes, yes

♪ With all their faults

♪ They love their Queen

ALL:♪ Yes, yes

♪ With all their faults ♪ With all our faults

♪ They love their Queen ♪ We love our Queen

♪ Away with them

♪ And place them at the bar

♪ One moment!

♪ Let me tell you who they are

♪ They are no members of the common throng

♪ They are all noblemen

♪ Who have gone wrong

DAUGHTERS: ♪ They are all noblemen

♪ Who have gone wrong

♪ No Englishman unmoved that statement hears

♪ Because, with all our faults

♪ We love

♪ Our House of Peers

♪ I pray you, pardon me, ex-Pirate King

♪ Peers will be peers, and youth will have its fling

♪ Resume your ranks and legislative duties

♪ And take my daughters

♪ All of whom are beauties

♪ At length we are provided with unusual facility

♪ To change piratic crime for dignified respectability

♪ Combined I needn't say with the unparalleled felicity

♪ Of what we have been longing for

♪ Unbounded domesticity

♪ Tomorrow morning early we will quickly be parsonified

♪ Hymeneally coupled, conjugally matrimonified

♪ And this shall be accomplished by the doctor of divinity

♪ Who happily resides in the immediate vicinity

ALL:♪ Who happily resides in the immediate vicinity

♪ Who happily resides in the immediate vicinity

♪ Who happily resides in the immediate vicinity

♪ My military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury

♪ Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century

♪ But still in getting off my daughters

♪ Eight or nine or ten in all

♪ I've shown myself the model of

♪ A modern Major-General

ALL:♪ But still in getting off his daughters

♪ Eight or nine or ten in all

♪ He's shown himself the model of a modern Major-General

♪ Poor wandering ones

♪ Though ye have surely strayed

♪ Take heart of grace, your steps retrace

♪ Poor wandering ones

♪ Poor wandering ones

♪ If such poor love as ours

♪ Can help you find

♪ True peace of mind

♪ Why, take it

♪ It is yours

ALL:♪ Poor wandering ones

(VOCALIZING)

♪ Poor wandering ones

♪ Take heart

♪ Take heart

♪ Take, take heart

♪ Take heart

♪ Take heart

♪ Take heart

♪ Take heart

♪ Take heart, fair days will shine

♪ Take heart, fair days will shine

♪ Take any heart

♪ Take heart

♪ Take heart!

♪ Take

♪ Heart!

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