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01:11,863 --> 00:01:13,728
And now we have just time
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to answer a few letters
from our listeners.
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And let's see.
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Here's a letter from miss Amelia Jones
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of billings tavern, jenksuville.
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Miss Jones wants to know
how much it would cost
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to build a model poultry
house for 200 hens.
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I'm happy to say that
my sponsors have printed
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a limited number of booklets
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giving complete costs
and specifications.
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And if you'll cut off the top
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of a package of Bixby baking soda
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- it will.
- And send it to box 99,
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99, - 934,
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- 934,
- Providence, Rhode Island,
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we will send you a
copy by return mail.
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Good-bye, friends of "the poultry hour."
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Now relax, Mr. Johnson. Relax.
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Just imagine that you're
in @a steam room and droop.
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That's right. That's right.
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Amelia, do we have an apple?
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I said, my dear, Mr.
Johnson craves an apple.
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I could have sworn we had
an apple here last week.
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Do you suppose that a banana
would do, Mr. Johnson?
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00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:31,353
- No! I want an apple!
- Hmm.
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00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:35,069
Oh, my chickens will do so
beautifully in that henhouse.
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If only I had some chickens.
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Look, a guest!
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She's looking at the tavern, Amelia.
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Maybe she's going to buy it.
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00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:04,135
Maybe I can get Dr. lorencz
off my neck at last,
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threatening to foreclose the
mortgage every time he sees me.
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All right. Thank goodness I cleaned up.
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00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:14,308
23.5% compounded semi-annually.
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00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:19,355
Good morning. This is the
place for sale, isn't it?
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00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,903
- Yes. Yes.
- Yes. Won't you come in?
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I'm winnie layden from Springfield.
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They told me in town
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that this was an
authentic colonial tavern.
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Authentic?
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It rightfully belongs in a
museum, with everything in it.
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00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:32,086
Really?
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00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,916
This is professor Nathaniel billings,
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00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:38,256
doctor of biochemistry, century college,
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before it went under.
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What an adorable old cheese press!
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Yes. Yes.
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And a pilgrim's table!
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Hand-hewn beams!
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00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:53,851
Warped floors!
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00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,185
Well, wouldn't you like to
see some of the other rooms?
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00:03:58,196 --> 00:03:59,481
Oh, everything.
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00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:02,572
I know it isn't very
businesslike to say this,
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00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,443
but it's exactly what
I've been looking for.
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00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:07,866
It'll make the darlingest hotel!
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00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:09,707
I'm so sorry.
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00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:11,619
Are you hurt?
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00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,491
Isn't this wonderful?
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00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:15,789
- Worm-eaten steps!
- Yes. Yes.
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00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,792
And last of all, the old barn.
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00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,714
They say it came over on the mayflower.
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00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:30,513
- Ebenezer, are you home?
- Yep.
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00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,437
Oh, do you mind if we show the place?
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00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,807
- Nope.
- Does he go with it?
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00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,979
Nope. I go with the professor.
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00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:43,276
Ah, ebenezer and Amelia have
been devoted to me for years.
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00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,945
If we ever get a few
extra dollars together,
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00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,738
Amelia wants to raise chickens,
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00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,863
and ebenezer, pigs, to
keep me in my old age.
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00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:54,366
The only difference is, I got pigs.
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00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,998
Oh, I think that's sweet.
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00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,665
Shall we go back to the house?
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00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,587
- Good-bye.
- Good-bye.
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00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,756
Oh, professor, I'm gonna buy it.
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00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:11,599
Good. Good.
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00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,935
I'm afraid there's just one little catch.
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00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:15,679
Oh, I haven't too much money.
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00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,555
Oh, my dear child, it isn't that.
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00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:20,183
All I'd need would be enough
to pay off the mortgage.
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00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:21,731
But, you see,
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00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:24,946
all my laboratory apparatus
is installed in the basement,
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00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:26,690
and I must finish my experiment.
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00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,282
Oh, of course.
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00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,275
Then you wouldn't mind?
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00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:30,868
I'd be delighted to have you.
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00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:34,410
There's plenty of room for you,
and Amelia and ebenezer too.
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00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:36,999
Oh, good. And we'll be
delighted to live here with you.
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00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,621
Amelia, you phone Dr. lorencz
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00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:43,624
and say I'd like to see him immediately.
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00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:48,007
Don't you tell him it's
about the mortgage.
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00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,595
I want to do that.
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00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:52,682
Professor, if you don't mind,
what is your experiment?
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00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,096
My dear child,
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00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:56,436
I'm afraid it's completely
beyond expressing in words
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00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,395
that you could comprehend.
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00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,732
Oh, I know that. But generally?
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00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:05,729
Well, I'm merely toying
with a few physio-dynamics,
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00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:09,441
shaking the unshakable laws
of existence, so to speak.
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00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,114
Gracious, the apple.
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00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:15,159
Amelia, where did you put that apple?
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00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,955
Now, where do you suppose
it would be, professor?
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00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:20,793
Ah!
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00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,753
You're not going to eat it between meals.
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00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:24,338
Why, I'm surprised at you.
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00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,253
It's for the gentleman downstairs.
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00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:28,843
Gentleman? Just a common rug peddler!
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00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:32,385
It's beyond me how a billings,
and a professor at that,
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00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,223
can associate with such riffraff.
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00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,889
Amelia, this riffraff, as you call him,
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00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,979
is really the salt of the earth.
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00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:41,143
All he needs is to be iodized.
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00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:46,278
Oh, miss, the sordid business details
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00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:47,938
can be arranged with Amelia.
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00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,440
And if the cost of the
mortgage is a trifle high,
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00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:51,942
don't you worry about it.
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00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:55,821
We can always sell a
little of the furniture.
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00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,368
Isn't he a dear?
120
00:06:57,375 --> 00:07:00,162
You don't know how good he is.
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00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:03,503
Even when he was a baby, he never cried,
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00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,462
not even when we dropped him.
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00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,722
There's your apple, Mr. Johnson.
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00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:16,808
I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting.
125
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,051
Oh, that's okay, mister.
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00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,143
I could do a little favour
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00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:21,263
for a guy that buys
all my navajo blankets.
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00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,105
But they're beautiful, Mr. Johnson.
129
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,726
Now, if you're all ready?
130
00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:27,693
Yeah, let 'er fly, mister.
131
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,653
Is it okay if I keep on eatin'?
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00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:30,488
Of course.
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00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:31,732
Now be perfectly at ease.
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00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,461
Cold as a mackerel.
135
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:33,679
Dear, dear, dear,
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00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:37,551
I wonder what could have
gone wrong this time.
137
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,729
No wonder,
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00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:46,519
the rays were deflected.
139
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:14,300
Hello?
140
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,545
Dr. lorencz is here, professor.
141
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,966
I'll be right up.
142
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,059
Won't you sit down, doctor?
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00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,804
Amelia, thank you.
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00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,147
I'm honoured to welcome
you to our humble village.
145
00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:29,436
Oh. Thank you, doctor.
146
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:33,311
And if you ever need anything,
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00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:36,986
like medical attention, or fire insurance,
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00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:40,611
or a marriage, or a loan, perhaps, huh?
149
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,237
I shall be delighted to oblige.
150
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:44,910
Doesn't anybody else do
anything in jenksville?
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00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,125
Huh? Oh, they vote once a year.
152
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,333
- Ah, doctor.
- Professor.
153
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,666
I have some very good news for you.
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00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,463
- Really?
- Now guess what.
155
00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:58,587
- I don't know.
- Go ahead, guess.
156
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,463
Do I look like a quiz kid?
157
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:03,683
It is an indescribable
pleasure to inform you, sir,
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00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:06,223
that I am about to pay off the mortgage.
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00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:08,347
And it'll be an indescribable
pleasure to me, sir,
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00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:09,973
if that means you have to discontinue
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00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:13,818
your mysterious activities
in that basement.
162
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:16,655
That, sir, is beyond discussion.
163
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,444
Have you brought the
filthy thing with you?
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00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,692
- What filthy thing?
- The mortgage,
165
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:23,661
the leech you placed upon my neck.
166
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,951
Oh, the leech. Yeah, I have it here.
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00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,415
2395.
168
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:28,999
Please, Amelia,
you're giving miss layden
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00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:30,618
a wrong impression about me.
170
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,246
I'm only charging him so
high because, for years,
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00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,249
in my capacity as health officer,
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00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,672
I've been trying to put an end to those,
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00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,295
shall we say, cheap quackeries.
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00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,762
- Quackeries, sir?
- Yes, sir.
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00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:44,633
To a scientist like me,
the word is "charlatan."
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00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:45,850
Don't talk to the professor like that.
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00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:47,390
Why not?
178
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:48,762
Everyone around this town knows that
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00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:50,980
you made your fortune in
shark-oil hair restorer.
180
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,646
And what's wrong with that?
181
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,395
Where is the hair follicle that can resist
182
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:59,273
2,000 international
units of vitamin a, huh?
183
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,319
Where is it?
184
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,406
Right there!
185
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,697
Hmm? Oh, it's hardening of the skull.
186
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:04,535
My dear sir!
187
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:06,075
Now, gentlemen, all we want to do
188
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,788
is to settle a little business matter.
189
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,157
- That's right.
- I'll get the deed.
190
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,249
Where's my purse?
191
00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:11,959
And an ink and pen, please.
192
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:26,428
Here are the documents.
193
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,768
I don't have a checking
account. Will cash do?
194
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,853
Hmm?
195
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,643
You are a child, aren't you?
196
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,077
Come in.
197
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,213
Winnie, for Pete's sake,
where have you been?
198
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,503
I follow you all over new
england like a wild man.
199
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,546
I've got antique-it is.
I'm going off my nut.
200
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,418
Oh, don't mind him.
201
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:05,342
I divorced him last
year for mental cruelty.
202
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:07,432
And I'm not gonna stand here
and let you browbeat me now.
203
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,471
Look, winnie, I've been drafted.
204
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:10,343
I'm in the army.
205
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,266
Well, that's wonderful.
What are you doing here?
206
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,355
I've got 10 days off to
straighten out my affairs,
207
00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:17,396
and the first thing I'm
gonna straighten out is you.
208
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,018
- Who are these people?
- Sir?
209
00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:20,691
- Don't call them people.
- Come on.
210
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:22,689
Let's get out of this rat hole.
211
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:25,407
Oh, no! And it's not a rat hole.
212
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:28,153
Why, I exterminated every one of them.
213
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,906
- You didn't buy it?
- What if I did?
214
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,329
It's nice of you, bill,
to think of me, but...
215
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,648
Winnie, ever since you divorced me,
216
00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,537
I keep telling myself over and over,
217
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:40,085
"isn't it enough she kept
me broke all my life?
218
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,709
Why not let her give all her
clothes away to phoney beggars?
219
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,051
Let her buy every piece of old junk
220
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:44,885
she can lay her hands on.
221
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,595
Let her get herself
into jam after jam."
222
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:50,262
But no, it's no use.
It's drivin' me wacky.
223
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,385
Winnie, did you have to throw
224
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:52,977
all your money away on this dump?
225
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:54,391
You're just way ahead of yourself
226
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,264
this time, Mr. practical one.
227
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,892
I'll show you I can be just
as good at running a hotel
228
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,485
as you were at running
your swanky somerset house.
229
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:04,356
I can turn this dump into
the cutest, darlingest,
230
00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:05,948
little colonial inn you ever saw,
231
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:08,318
and just fill it with tourists too.
232
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,320
Tourists? With no railroads?
233
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:11,992
With tyre and gas rationing?
234
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,833
How do you expect the
people to find this...
235
00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:15,836
Mm-hmm.
236
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,454
You haven't bought it yet?
237
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:22,509
Yes, she has.
238
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,047
25 cents notary fee, please.
239
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,010
- Why, you highbinders!
- Here.
240
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:28,425
I beg your pardon. Thank you.
241
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:30,765
- And this is yours, professor.
- Well, of all the...
242
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,929
How have you got the nerve to
swindle this child out of...
243
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:34,268
Please. Please.
244
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:39,398
Ah, this is a momentous occasion.
245
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:47,698
Success to you, my child.
246
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:51,320
And while we're here,
I'll help. I'll clean.
247
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,996
I, too, shall refer wayfarers
to your little tavern.
248
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,368
Oh, thank you.
249
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,335
Wayfarers! Holy jumpin'...
250
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,251
All right, all right.
I'm through, I'm through.
251
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,258
I hope you starve.
252
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:10,179
Look here, my good man, do you have rooms?
253
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,844
A what?
254
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,682
I did not ask for a sylvan Dell
255
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,644
replete with prancing
antelopes, merely a room.
256
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,183
You really want to live here?
257
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:21,354
What, may I ask, is so
confoundedly incredible about that?
258
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,817
- Oh, nothing.
- Well.
259
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,651
Won't you come in, mister...
260
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:27,067
Brampton, j. Gilbert brampton.
261
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:30,488
Yes. What did you have
in mind, Mr. brampton?
262
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:32,031
A single with a bath?
263
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,122
Oh, I mean, without a bath.
264
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:39,037
You see, we're sort of short on tubs.
265
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:42,003
Allow me to show you our
choice accommodations, sir.
266
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,389
No.
267
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:54,719
Oh, definitely not.
268
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,141
We're a
little short on steps too.
269
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:15,282
This way.
270
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,327
This is our brightest room.
271
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,922
Has an exposure too.
272
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,132
- Satisfactory, sir?
- Yes.
273
00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:40,394
At $5 a day?
274
00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:42,810
I should say that was reasonable.
275
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,474
Yes. Of course.
276
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,492
Five bucks a day, that guy's cuckoo.
277
00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:00,285
I think he's lovely.
278
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,033
And look at this darling place.
279
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,251
All those lovely old birds
280
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:06,587
- and that cosy sofa.
- Winnie!
281
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,007
- Ooh! Oh, billl
- Darling, you hurt?
282
00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:12,252
No, but how ever did that happen?
283
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:13,924
That's what I'd like to know.
284
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:15,137
Nobody could've pushed it.
285
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,130
Who'd wanna do that?
286
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,678
The legs must've given way.
287
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:20,051
Funny it should happen just
when you were standing there.
288
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,723
There's something fishy
around here. I can smell it.
289
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:24,268
Now I suppose the place is
full of ghosts and murderers.
290
00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:25,435
I didn't say that.
291
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:27,149
Whether you like it or not,
I'm gonna stick around and see.
292
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,519
Come on. Let's get this
up and take a look at it.
293
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:30,883
- It was the sweetest antique.
- Antiques?
294
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:31,987
You're gonna start that
again? For Pete's sake...
295
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,822
There's that mental cruelty again!
296
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,157
That's right. That's right.
297
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:39,279
Just make yourself at home.
Make yourself at home.
298
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:49,706
And what brings you to these
remote parts, Mr. brampton?
299
00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:52,466
I am a choreographer.
300
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,176
A dancer? You?
301
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:57,889
Oh, no, no. I create the
dances for others to do.
302
00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:01,384
I'm just roaming about,
sponging up, as it were,
303
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:03,727
your native customs
for my American ballet.
304
00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:06,268
Hmm. I see.
305
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,773
There he is. Guess I better go.
306
00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:18,113
- What was that?
- That was uncas.
307
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,860
- Uncas?
- Who's uncas?
308
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,783
You haven't read j. Fenimore Cooper?
309
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:25,909
Oh, yes, of course.
"The last of the mohicans."
310
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,456
You mean, that uncas?
311
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:31,047
Right. He's a great friend of ebenezer's.
312
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:35,464
And is this uncas a ghost?
313
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:39,589
My dear boy, the pros and
cons of survival after death
314
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,387
are so confusing, I prefer
not to think about it.
315
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,927
Now, brampton, if you'll come with me,
316
00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:46,224
I'll show you the grounds.
317
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:47,938
Though I don't know why
318
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,728
they should interest a ballet master.
319
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:56,238
You know, that guy's as slippery
as an eel dipped in lard.
320
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,403
The professor? He's a dear.
321
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,197
He's a dear, and I'm a dead duck.
322
00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:02,035
The last of the mohicans is
roaming around the house,
323
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:02,869
and he'd rather not think about it.
324
00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:04,079
Isn't it wonderful?
325
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:07,041
I bought a ghost, and
such a distinguished one.
326
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:09,581
Yeah, and there's
nothing fishy about that?
327
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:10,954
Aw, bill.
328
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,122
What?
329
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:15,420
Don't you ever get tired of yourself?
330
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,403
Holy smoke.
331
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:20,825
Winnie!
332
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,493
Winnie, winnie, there's
a corpse down there
333
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:29,497
in the professor's laboratory.
334
00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:30,453
Bill, please.
335
00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:32,452
I saw it. I touched it, a dead corpse.
336
00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:33,327
Well, who was it?
337
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,250
Well, how should I know?
338
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,170
No, I better not phone. Come on.
339
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:42,889
Hurry.
340
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:08,075
All right, all right, all right, coming.
341
00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:10,073
Ah, you came to get remarried?
342
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:12,075
- That's very nice.
- Look. Listen.
343
00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:13,789
- Very nice.
- There is a corpse
344
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:15,036
in professor billings's laboratory.
345
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,332
- Hmm?
- Bill saw it.
346
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,080
But that's dreadful.
347
00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:20,250
Goodness knows, I always
had my suspicions.
348
00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:23,424
But murder, that's a
matter for the sheriff.
349
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:27,677
Well, come on, doctor.
350
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,767
Sheriff at present.
351
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,355
Which means what I wanted to say,
352
00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:37,691
one never knows the secret
of his neighbour's brain.
353
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:39,105
Yeah, yeah, sure. Come on.
354
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:42,071
Let's go.
355
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:46,032
It's down there.
356
00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:50,074
Well, go ahead, go ahead.
357
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,212
Wait up here, both of you.
358
00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:00,797
We might be up against a dangerous maniac.
359
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,087
- Professor billings?
- Yes?
360
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:09,761
Oh, oh. Could I see you
for a moment, please?
361
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:10,849
I'm busy.
362
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,851
But not too busy to
put up your hands, huh?
363
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:23,195
Will you go away?
364
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,275
Who is this man?
365
00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:30,160
His name was Johnson, I believe.
366
00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:32,655
Was? Then you admit he's dead.
367
00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:34,156
You killed him!
368
00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:35,168
Now, doctor,
369
00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:38,244
you may not approve of
what you choose to call
370
00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,587
my unorthodox scientific methods...
371
00:21:40,591 --> 00:21:41,421
Certainly not.
372
00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:43,256
But surely you know that I'm no murderer.
373
00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:46,718
Oh, I know it. But how did he die?
374
00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:50,010
Purely an accident. If he did die.
375
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,300
I forgot to search him
376
00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:55,143
before I put him in the cabinet.
377
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,728
That's very silly. You forgot...
378
00:21:58,192 --> 00:21:59,978
You did kill him then?
379
00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:02,772
Now, doctor, let's not split hairs
380
00:22:02,780 --> 00:22:04,270
and strain at gnats now.
381
00:22:05,199 --> 00:22:08,737
Of course, I admit I shouldn't
have left him lying around.
382
00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:10,985
So if you'll give me a hand,
383
00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:12,532
we can put him with the others.
384
00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:13,996
All right.
385
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:15,660
Others? What others?
386
00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:18,500
Only four more.
387
00:22:18,504 --> 00:22:19,960
Now don't be upset.
388
00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:22,501
That's one more good
thing about my machine.
389
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:24,920
It preserves them beautifully.
390
00:22:24,927 --> 00:22:25,927
Four more!
391
00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:29,799
Listen, you homicidal maniac!
392
00:22:29,807 --> 00:22:32,219
How dare you use such
language in my own home?
393
00:22:32,226 --> 00:22:33,136
Go on. Get out now.
394
00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:34,349
- Go on.
- I will not.
395
00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:36,309
You killed five men.
You admitted it.
396
00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:37,678
And as an officer of the law,
I demand...
397
00:22:37,690 --> 00:22:39,055
I killed no one!
398
00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:42,854
They're heroes, immortal
martyrs of my great experiment.
399
00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:44,193
Experiment? What experiment?
400
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:45,606
What did you do with them?
401
00:22:45,614 --> 00:22:48,947
As the sheriff of this county,
I demand to know the truth.
402
00:22:52,454 --> 00:22:54,991
To think that I should be forced
403
00:22:54,999 --> 00:22:57,706
to reveal my secret prematurely,
404
00:22:57,710 --> 00:22:59,246
robbed of my triumph,
405
00:23:00,296 --> 00:23:03,208
and by a manufacturer
of bogus hair restorer.
406
00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:04,921
I beg your pardon?
407
00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:08,509
Charging me with the
paltry crime of murder.
408
00:23:08,512 --> 00:23:11,174
I, who am revolutionising evolution,
409
00:23:11,181 --> 00:23:14,014
circumambulating it at one fell swoop.
410
00:23:14,018 --> 00:23:16,225
Circumambulating evolution in a swoop?
411
00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:19,595
Creating, by inductive
rays and biochemistry
412
00:23:19,607 --> 00:23:22,223
the ultimate specimen of human perfection.
413
00:23:22,234 --> 00:23:25,101
Eternally young, immune from disease,
414
00:23:25,112 --> 00:23:27,353
the super Superman himself.
415
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:33,825
- You see Mr. Johnson there?
- Yes.
416
00:23:33,829 --> 00:23:35,911
Then let me tell you, sir.
417
00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:38,201
But for one minute little error,
418
00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:42,827
that man, at this very
moment, by sheer dynamic force
419
00:23:42,838 --> 00:23:45,045
would be flying around this room
420
00:23:45,049 --> 00:23:48,667
like an inspired plane
under his own power.
421
00:23:51,597 --> 00:23:55,636
Tanks, cannons, flamethrowers. Bah!
422
00:23:55,643 --> 00:23:58,931
He would destroy Berlin.
He would throttle Tokyo.
423
00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:01,522
Think of it.
424
00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:04,139
But for a monkey wrench in his pocket,
425
00:24:04,151 --> 00:24:07,314
that man would be winning the
war for America right now.
426
00:24:09,239 --> 00:24:11,321
But, professor, why
didn't you tell me before
427
00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:12,447
what you were doing?
428
00:24:13,327 --> 00:24:15,659
And to think I accused you,
429
00:24:15,663 --> 00:24:17,028
that I was under the impression
430
00:24:17,039 --> 00:24:19,530
that your experiment was harebrained.
431
00:24:20,668 --> 00:24:23,250
Then you're interested in
the biochemical shortcut?
432
00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:24,117
Interested?
433
00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:27,667
Why, ever since I was a
child, from my early youth.
434
00:24:27,675 --> 00:24:30,667
You are sure that but for a
monkey wrench you would have it?
435
00:24:31,553 --> 00:24:32,963
Here it is.
436
00:24:32,972 --> 00:24:36,339
And the next gentleman
I search. Believe me.
437
00:24:36,350 --> 00:24:39,057
Professor, let me participate
in your experiment, huh?
438
00:24:39,061 --> 00:24:40,926
Professionally and financially.
439
00:24:40,938 --> 00:24:44,021
You're not thinking of
exploiting my discovery
440
00:24:44,024 --> 00:24:46,231
the way you do your hair restorer.
441
00:24:46,235 --> 00:24:49,693
Do you imagine I could
take advantage, exploit,
442
00:24:49,697 --> 00:24:53,235
capitalise on a great
scientific discovery?
443
00:24:53,242 --> 00:24:56,484
Cheat millions of people
all the world over?
444
00:24:56,495 --> 00:24:58,736
Profane my profession?
445
00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:01,534
Well, suppose
I make a few dollars.
446
00:25:01,542 --> 00:25:04,625
Don't you think I wouldn't put
it right back into science?
447
00:25:04,628 --> 00:25:07,165
If I could be sure of that.
448
00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:08,287
I'll prove it to you.
449
00:25:08,298 --> 00:25:09,788
I'll give you anything you want.
450
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,086
I mean, I'm willing to put a few dollars
451
00:25:12,094 --> 00:25:13,800
into your experiment right now.
452
00:25:13,804 --> 00:25:16,637
And we'll sign an agreement
to that effect, huh?
453
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:17,846
- It's agreed.
- All right.
454
00:25:17,850 --> 00:25:20,136
I'll draw up a contract.
455
00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:21,884
A few simple clauses...
456
00:25:26,275 --> 00:25:28,266
- Are you hurt?
- No.
457
00:25:28,277 --> 00:25:32,065
Say, professor, where do
you keep the other ones?
458
00:25:32,072 --> 00:25:33,403
I'll show you.
459
00:25:33,407 --> 00:25:34,772
May I suggest something?
460
00:25:35,617 --> 00:25:36,982
Let's remove this one, huh?
461
00:25:36,994 --> 00:25:39,451
- By all means.
- Yeah. Thank you.
462
00:25:41,707 --> 00:25:44,699
All right. Just a second, professor.
463
00:25:46,253 --> 00:25:47,584
Where? Where to?
464
00:25:47,588 --> 00:25:52,582
- Right through there.
- All right.
465
00:25:56,930 --> 00:25:59,717
Just a minute, doctor.
466
00:25:59,725 --> 00:26:00,965
Yes?
467
00:26:06,398 --> 00:26:07,979
All right.
468
00:26:07,983 --> 00:26:09,393
Yes. All right.
469
00:26:11,862 --> 00:26:15,275
This is where they used to store the wines
470
00:26:15,282 --> 00:26:17,147
and the choice cheeses.
471
00:26:20,454 --> 00:26:22,945
Now it enshrines the simple men
472
00:26:22,956 --> 00:26:25,993
who have chosen to be
martyrs to a great cause.
473
00:26:30,464 --> 00:26:32,170
Very neat, very orderly.
474
00:26:37,554 --> 00:26:40,091
Professor, they are superbly preserved.
475
00:26:40,099 --> 00:26:42,215
As a coroner, I must say,
476
00:26:42,226 --> 00:26:45,059
you have already outmoded formaldehyde.
477
00:26:45,062 --> 00:26:47,144
- Congratulations.
- Thank you, doctor.
478
00:26:47,147 --> 00:26:49,229
But as a sheriff, I would like to know,
479
00:26:49,233 --> 00:26:53,397
how did you keep anyone
from missing your martyrs?
480
00:26:53,403 --> 00:26:56,270
Well, we have a great
many door-to-door peddlers
481
00:26:56,281 --> 00:26:58,067
in this neighbourhood.
482
00:26:58,075 --> 00:27:00,441
They never have any friends, poor fellows.
483
00:27:02,913 --> 00:27:06,030
- This one sold alarm clocks.
- Oh.
484
00:27:06,041 --> 00:27:07,906
Over there, neckties.
485
00:27:07,918 --> 00:27:09,203
Yeah, that's how he looks.
486
00:27:09,211 --> 00:27:10,872
Silk hosiery.
487
00:27:10,879 --> 00:27:12,744
He probably didn't have
any priority anyway.
488
00:27:12,756 --> 00:27:14,621
And, let me...
489
00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:17,090
Oh, yes, encyclopaedias.
490
00:27:17,094 --> 00:27:20,257
Oh, I'm sure he didn't mind very much.
491
00:27:20,264 --> 00:27:22,801
How happy they will be
492
00:27:22,808 --> 00:27:26,050
when they realise the glory
that has befallen them.
493
00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:27,471
Yes.
494
00:27:32,776 --> 00:27:33,606
I don't care what he said.
495
00:27:33,610 --> 00:27:34,610
I'm goin' down.
496
00:27:52,296 --> 00:27:53,502
- Hey, doctor.
- Hmm?
497
00:27:53,505 --> 00:27:55,291
- Doctor, where is he?
- Where's what?
498
00:27:55,299 --> 00:27:56,379
You know what I mean,
499
00:27:56,383 --> 00:27:57,919
- the dead man.
- The dead...
500
00:27:57,926 --> 00:27:59,712
Oh, he wasn't dead.
501
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:01,711
Oh, no, Mr. Johnson wasn't dead.
502
00:28:01,722 --> 00:28:03,007
- He wasn't dead?
- No, no, no.
503
00:28:03,015 --> 00:28:04,471
He was waiting for the professor,
504
00:28:04,474 --> 00:28:08,763
and then he suddenly fainted,
very high blood pressure.
505
00:28:08,770 --> 00:28:10,635
- Well, where is he now?
- Huh?
506
00:28:10,647 --> 00:28:11,932
It's a very simple question!
507
00:28:11,940 --> 00:28:12,940
Where is he now?
508
00:28:13,942 --> 00:28:17,025
My, you are excited. What's wrong?
509
00:28:17,029 --> 00:28:18,940
Never mind me. I passed my physical!
510
00:28:18,947 --> 00:28:20,983
But did you pass the psychiatrist, huh?
511
00:28:21,950 --> 00:28:23,406
We have more important business.
512
00:28:23,410 --> 00:28:25,241
We have to draw up our agreement.
513
00:28:25,245 --> 00:28:26,075
Where is he now?
514
00:28:26,079 --> 00:28:29,617
Now look, shouting will get
you nowhere. Ask quietly.
515
00:28:32,419 --> 00:28:34,159
I am asking quietly! Where is he?
516
00:28:34,171 --> 00:28:35,877
That's much better. He went home.
517
00:28:35,881 --> 00:28:38,418
- See?
- No, I don't.
518
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,376
Which means, what can
you do with a screwball?
519
00:28:42,387 --> 00:28:44,503
Professor, ink, pen, and paper, please.
520
00:28:47,309 --> 00:28:48,674
All right, I guarantee to be out of here
521
00:28:48,685 --> 00:28:49,515
the first thing in the morning.
522
00:28:49,519 --> 00:28:51,055
That'll be just dandy.
523
00:28:55,651 --> 00:28:56,936
Not this time, Jo-Jo.
524
00:28:58,362 --> 00:29:00,353
Why don't you look where you're going?
525
00:29:07,204 --> 00:29:10,037
- Are you comfy?
- Sure. Sure.
526
00:29:23,929 --> 00:29:26,215
Ooh.
527
00:29:46,285 --> 00:29:49,618
Oh, I just laid my 214th egg.
528
00:29:51,039 --> 00:29:53,576
- You did?
- I won the prize.
529
00:29:53,583 --> 00:29:55,574
I got the blue ribbon.
530
00:29:55,585 --> 00:29:59,123
If I only could get my
little chickens all together.
531
00:30:00,048 --> 00:30:01,003
What a sap I've been.
532
00:30:01,008 --> 00:30:04,091
What an utter and complete dope.
533
00:30:04,094 --> 00:30:05,425
It's the old racket.
534
00:30:05,429 --> 00:30:07,420
First they sell you this
pile of junk for a big price,
535
00:30:07,431 --> 00:30:08,841
then they make you sell
it back to 'em cheap
536
00:30:08,849 --> 00:30:09,929
by scaring you away.
537
00:30:09,933 --> 00:30:11,924
- Bill, I give up.
- Well, don't you see?
538
00:30:11,935 --> 00:30:13,516
First the cupboard falls on you,
539
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:14,805
that Indian-war-cry ghost,
540
00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:16,053
then that phoney corpse
they planted there.
541
00:30:16,064 --> 00:30:17,053
But you said he was dead.
542
00:30:17,065 --> 00:30:19,647
They gave him some kind of
medicine, made him look dead.
543
00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:22,188
It's the old sucker
game. Don't you see that?
544
00:30:22,195 --> 00:30:25,187
Of course. A sweet old professor
and his faithful friends.
545
00:30:25,198 --> 00:30:27,234
But everybody's a crook to you.
546
00:30:32,372 --> 00:30:36,035
Which means, done and dished up.
547
00:30:43,925 --> 00:30:48,635
Now then, all we have to do
is to create our Superman.
548
00:30:48,638 --> 00:30:49,844
That's right.
549
00:30:49,848 --> 00:30:51,463
But see, do we really have to wait
550
00:30:51,475 --> 00:30:54,638
till one of those peddlers gets around?
551
00:30:54,644 --> 00:30:56,635
It is a bother, isn't it?
552
00:30:56,646 --> 00:30:58,261
But what else, sir?
553
00:30:58,273 --> 00:31:01,811
Suppose we use that bumptious
young man, that bill layden?
554
00:31:01,818 --> 00:31:03,900
- Oh, he'd never agree to it.
- Why?
555
00:31:05,113 --> 00:31:07,229
I don't think he trusts us.
556
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:10,482
Oh. But see, he wouldn't have to trust us.
557
00:31:10,494 --> 00:31:12,906
Suppose we put him under anaesthetic?
558
00:31:12,913 --> 00:31:17,532
Splendid. Doctor, you're
giving me just what I needed.
559
00:31:17,542 --> 00:31:20,079
Yes, a jab in the lassitude.
560
00:31:20,087 --> 00:31:21,372
Now let's see.
561
00:31:22,464 --> 00:31:23,544
What drug would we use?
562
00:31:23,548 --> 00:31:27,166
Drug? We won't use any drug.
563
00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:33,429
One light, firm little
tap by an expert like me,
564
00:31:33,433 --> 00:31:34,673
and he'll trust us.
565
00:31:34,684 --> 00:31:36,515
But, doctor, that would be violence.
566
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:37,430
So? What of it?
567
00:31:37,437 --> 00:31:40,270
Compared to the boon
we'll bring to humanity
568
00:31:40,273 --> 00:31:43,606
by turning that little
worm into a Superman?
569
00:31:43,610 --> 00:31:45,771
He's not a very promising specimen.
570
00:31:45,779 --> 00:31:49,192
No, but at least he has the
temperament of a dive-bomber.
571
00:32:36,246 --> 00:32:38,111
Come back here!
Come back here, I said!
572
00:32:38,123 --> 00:32:40,580
I'll teach you a lesson, young man!
573
00:32:40,584 --> 00:32:42,666
Come back here! Come back herel
574
00:32:42,669 --> 00:32:44,250
you weren't after my pigs, eh?
575
00:32:44,254 --> 00:32:45,585
You weren't, eh?
576
00:32:47,632 --> 00:32:48,838
Brampton, I'll get you!
577
00:32:48,884 --> 00:32:51,375
I'll roast you like I
roast one of those pigs!
578
00:32:51,386 --> 00:32:52,842
Bill, what's happened?
579
00:32:52,846 --> 00:32:54,677
Follow me, and you'll
see what's gonna happen.
580
00:32:54,681 --> 00:32:56,296
Oh, but, bill...
581
00:32:56,308 --> 00:32:58,344
My nice pigs! Come down here!
582
00:32:58,351 --> 00:32:59,761
- Help! Help!
- Come down here!
583
00:32:59,769 --> 00:33:01,179
He's trying to impale me!
584
00:33:01,188 --> 00:33:02,769
Ebenezer, aren't you ashamed of yourself?
585
00:33:02,772 --> 00:33:03,761
Why, he's a guest.
586
00:33:03,773 --> 00:33:06,606
Guest or no guest, he
had it comin' to him,
587
00:33:06,610 --> 00:33:08,692
sneaking into my barn at night.
588
00:33:08,695 --> 00:33:11,277
I tried to explain to this fellow
589
00:33:11,281 --> 00:33:13,317
that I was merely taking the evening air.
590
00:33:14,534 --> 00:33:18,447
Isn't a barn rather a
peculiar place to go for air?
591
00:33:18,455 --> 00:33:20,411
He was after my pigs. That's what.
592
00:33:20,415 --> 00:33:23,452
And he'd have got 'em if uncas
hadn't yelled and warned me.
593
00:33:23,460 --> 00:33:25,496
I loathe pigs!
594
00:33:25,504 --> 00:33:27,369
Now listen, you guys.
595
00:33:27,380 --> 00:33:29,416
I want you all to get
this through your heads.
596
00:33:29,424 --> 00:33:30,880
Winnie bought this dump, see,
597
00:33:30,926 --> 00:33:33,087
and she's not gonna be
scared into selling it back,
598
00:33:34,221 --> 00:33:36,337
but nobody wants to sell
it back to me, bill.
599
00:33:36,348 --> 00:33:38,339
- Why, you were the only...
- Shut up!
600
00:33:38,350 --> 00:33:41,763
Now, the first guy that pulls
one more phoney bughouse stunt,
601
00:33:41,770 --> 00:33:42,850
corpses, sleepwalkin',
602
00:33:42,854 --> 00:33:44,970
bodies floatin' around,
anything, gets this, see?
603
00:33:44,981 --> 00:33:46,517
Smack on the beezer!
604
00:33:46,525 --> 00:33:48,356
Why, the young man is deranged.
605
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,443
Well, why doesn't
somebody arrest somebody?
606
00:33:51,446 --> 00:33:53,232
Oh, I am contemplating that.
607
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:54,275
Now, back to bed with you!
608
00:33:54,282 --> 00:33:55,362
All of ya, go on, shoo!
609
00:33:55,367 --> 00:33:57,153
Go on! Get back to bed, all of ya!
610
00:34:24,729 --> 00:34:25,935
Amelia.
611
00:34:26,982 --> 00:34:29,223
Oh! What am I doing?
612
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:52,840
Aw...
613
00:35:10,317 --> 00:35:12,729
Oh, professor! Dr. lorencz!
614
00:35:14,613 --> 00:35:15,613
Look.
615
00:35:17,449 --> 00:35:18,564
Bill, what are you doing up there?
616
00:35:18,575 --> 00:35:19,405
You come down.
617
00:35:19,409 --> 00:35:20,615
Now, isn't that silly!
618
00:35:21,786 --> 00:35:23,993
Get me the ladder! Get me the ladder!
619
00:35:24,039 --> 00:35:25,039
Come on.
620
00:35:27,083 --> 00:35:28,072
I hope he breaks a leg.
621
00:35:28,084 --> 00:35:29,540
Then I'll set it knock-kneed.
622
00:35:31,171 --> 00:35:32,286
Come on down here, bill!
623
00:35:32,297 --> 00:35:33,457
Get me the ladder!
624
00:35:33,465 --> 00:35:36,298
Come on, here. Come on, help me.
625
00:35:40,013 --> 00:35:41,924
Oh! Are you hurt?
626
00:35:41,931 --> 00:35:44,764
Here, let me pick you up.
627
00:35:44,768 --> 00:35:45,883
Look, are you hurt?
628
00:35:45,894 --> 00:35:47,885
- No, no, no.
- Oh.
629
00:35:47,896 --> 00:35:50,228
Isn't it adorable now
we've cleaned it up?
630
00:35:50,231 --> 00:35:52,472
- Yeah, yeah.
- Come on, admit it.
631
00:35:52,484 --> 00:35:54,770
Well, what good is it all out
here at the end of nowhere?
632
00:35:54,778 --> 00:35:56,359
I rented another room this morning.
633
00:35:56,363 --> 00:35:57,944
He's a well-traveled old gentleman
634
00:35:57,947 --> 00:35:59,357
- with just oodles of money.
- Oh.
635
00:35:59,366 --> 00:36:00,731
Why, he paid me a month in advance.
636
00:36:00,742 --> 00:36:02,073
Fine, fine, fine.
637
00:36:04,663 --> 00:36:06,494
When did you say he goes into the army?
638
00:36:06,498 --> 00:36:07,738
The day after tomorrow.
639
00:36:07,749 --> 00:36:11,833
It seems a long time to wait
with the axis on the rampage.
640
00:36:11,836 --> 00:36:13,918
Frankly, I'm straining at the leash too,
641
00:36:13,922 --> 00:36:16,914
but we must restrain ourselves.
642
00:36:16,925 --> 00:36:18,836
You saw what happened last night.
643
00:36:18,843 --> 00:36:20,424
Yes, and if the army didn't need him,
644
00:36:20,428 --> 00:36:21,463
I would have committed him
645
00:36:21,471 --> 00:36:24,929
to the squirrel pen at idyllwild
sanitarium, so help me.
646
00:36:26,142 --> 00:36:28,633
Well, it takes all sorts of people
647
00:36:28,645 --> 00:36:30,476
to make up this little world of ours.
648
00:36:39,489 --> 00:36:40,489
- Doctor.
- Hmm?
649
00:36:41,491 --> 00:36:42,491
Look.
650
00:36:54,212 --> 00:36:57,170
Whew. The top 'o the
mornin' to you, gentlemen.
651
00:36:57,173 --> 00:36:58,333
Good morning to you, sir.
652
00:36:58,341 --> 00:37:00,297
It's a beautiful day, isn't it?
653
00:37:00,301 --> 00:37:02,713
Is the lady of the house in
the house, or is this a house?
654
00:37:02,721 --> 00:37:04,086
Certainly, it's a house.
655
00:37:04,139 --> 00:37:05,845
Perhaps we can help you.
656
00:37:05,849 --> 00:37:07,464
Well, it ain't exactly for men.
657
00:37:07,475 --> 00:37:09,215
What isn't for men?
658
00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:11,434
Mr. Stanley, he's the
district sales manager.
659
00:37:11,438 --> 00:37:14,430
He says, "brush off the
husbands and rush the wife."
660
00:37:14,441 --> 00:37:15,305
Come on. Let's see.
661
00:37:15,316 --> 00:37:16,271
What is it?
662
00:37:16,276 --> 00:37:18,767
Well, all right, but
you ain't gonna like it.
663
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:23,647
Doctor, look, powder puffs.
664
00:37:23,658 --> 00:37:25,774
So wonderful.
665
00:37:25,785 --> 00:37:27,946
Yeah, you know, what
you dab on your kisser.
666
00:37:29,622 --> 00:37:30,953
Look at this one.
667
00:37:30,957 --> 00:37:33,414
Oh, that's called
the pekinese pinkeroo.
668
00:37:36,004 --> 00:37:37,244
- All of them.
- Huh?
669
00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:39,086
Certainly, all of them.
670
00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:41,001
Will $50 be sufficient?
671
00:37:41,009 --> 00:37:42,499
- I mean, $20?
- 20,.
672
00:37:46,973 --> 00:37:49,806
If we can get him into the
cabinet before he comes to,
673
00:37:49,809 --> 00:37:51,390
it will save explaining.
674
00:38:03,323 --> 00:38:06,440
This one will fly. I can feel it.
675
00:38:09,204 --> 00:38:12,992
A heart like an ox.
676
00:38:20,548 --> 00:38:22,379
Mm-mm, don't forget, professor,
677
00:38:22,383 --> 00:38:24,294
this one, we have to search, remember?
678
00:38:26,763 --> 00:38:28,173
Wait, here we go.
679
00:38:29,641 --> 00:38:30,641
Child.
680
00:38:36,523 --> 00:38:38,514
Hey, what's cookin'?
681
00:38:38,525 --> 00:38:40,937
Hey! Where did that
thingamadingus come from?
682
00:38:40,944 --> 00:38:43,356
You fainted, and we
carried you down here.
683
00:38:43,363 --> 00:38:46,150
And I might add,
you are very heavy, sir.
684
00:38:46,157 --> 00:38:49,194
I did? Gee, I'm sorry for
puttin' you gents out.
685
00:38:49,202 --> 00:38:50,738
But you don't know
what it means to me,
686
00:38:50,745 --> 00:38:52,030
selling all my stock.
687
00:38:52,038 --> 00:38:54,199
Me what Mr. Gilbert says
could never sell nothin'
688
00:38:54,207 --> 00:38:56,619
because I got an inferiority complex.
689
00:38:56,626 --> 00:38:59,789
My dear sir, you just
step into that cabinet
690
00:38:59,796 --> 00:39:01,832
and we'll cure it in five minutes.
691
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,126
It will? You mean I'll
be like other salesmen?
692
00:39:04,133 --> 00:39:06,715
- Certainly.
- Certainly. Irresistible.
693
00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:09,506
No door, no nothing will stop you.
694
00:39:09,514 --> 00:39:10,754
Brother, lead me to it.
695
00:39:11,975 --> 00:39:14,216
Gee, maybe I'll even win the gold star
696
00:39:14,269 --> 00:39:15,600
for sales district 46.
697
00:39:15,603 --> 00:39:17,059
Maybe. Maybe.
698
00:39:18,356 --> 00:39:20,597
Now, there you are.
699
00:39:20,608 --> 00:39:22,724
- Now, just relax.
- I'm relaxed.
700
00:39:29,284 --> 00:39:31,991
What's the matter with you?
701
00:39:31,995 --> 00:39:34,532
You almost ruined my electric helmet.
702
00:39:35,832 --> 00:39:37,117
Gee, I'm sorry, professor,
703
00:39:37,125 --> 00:39:38,865
but I'm different than other people.
704
00:39:38,877 --> 00:39:39,957
Like I told ya,
705
00:39:39,961 --> 00:39:41,747
everybody's ticklish on
the bottom of their feet,
706
00:39:41,754 --> 00:39:42,914
but not me.
707
00:39:42,922 --> 00:39:45,459
Here. Go on, tickle me and see.
708
00:39:45,466 --> 00:39:47,878
Tickle? All right, let's see.
709
00:39:47,886 --> 00:39:49,626
- That's right.
- It don't get me, see?
710
00:39:49,637 --> 00:39:52,003
The only place I'm ticklish
is on the top of my dome.
711
00:39:52,015 --> 00:39:53,221
Here. Try it, professor.
712
00:39:54,642 --> 00:39:55,722
That's it, all right.
713
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:59,306
Hold it a minute, doctor.
714
00:40:03,151 --> 00:40:05,688
Why didn't we think of this before?
715
00:40:05,695 --> 00:40:08,653
- Excuse me, please?
- You haven't faith?
716
00:40:08,656 --> 00:40:10,988
I have faith, but flying makes me dizzy.
717
00:40:10,992 --> 00:40:12,823
- This will cure it.
- No, no, but, please!
718
00:40:12,827 --> 00:40:16,035
But I have so many things wrong with me,
719
00:40:16,039 --> 00:40:18,030
flat feet and a weak heart.
720
00:40:20,627 --> 00:40:23,790
He has a weak heart, and he's ticklish.
721
00:40:23,796 --> 00:40:25,957
Something always goes wrong.
722
00:40:28,593 --> 00:40:30,299
Ah, you ain't gonna put that thing on me.
723
00:40:30,345 --> 00:40:31,255
No, no, no.
724
00:40:31,262 --> 00:40:34,595
But, see, would you mind
taking a little anaesthetic?
725
00:40:34,599 --> 00:40:35,759
Just a little.
726
00:40:35,767 --> 00:40:37,507
You mean like takin' a Mickey Finn?
727
00:40:37,518 --> 00:40:40,385
Uh-huh. A little bit more gentle.
728
00:40:40,396 --> 00:40:42,307
Okay. Slip it to me and call me aloysius.
729
00:40:42,357 --> 00:40:44,439
All right, let's go and get it.
730
00:41:02,710 --> 00:41:04,325
Good morning, Mr. brampton.
731
00:41:04,337 --> 00:41:07,124
Oh! Good morning.
732
00:41:07,131 --> 00:41:10,089
Doing a little research for your ballet?
733
00:41:10,093 --> 00:41:14,086
Yes. I was merely examining
the pattern of the rug
734
00:41:14,097 --> 00:41:16,839
for the decor of the mise-en-scene.
735
00:41:16,849 --> 00:41:19,886
Mm-hmm.
736
00:41:28,903 --> 00:41:31,269
He's after something in this house.
737
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:33,862
If he's a choreographer, I'm pavlova.
738
00:41:33,866 --> 00:41:35,697
You mean the dying swan?
739
00:41:35,702 --> 00:41:38,364
Say, professor, are
there any secret passages
740
00:41:38,413 --> 00:41:39,493
or hidden rooms?
741
00:41:39,497 --> 00:41:41,408
Not that I know of, except...
742
00:41:42,583 --> 00:41:45,199
Run to my house, it's
the only big one in town,
743
00:41:45,211 --> 00:41:47,953
and ask Emily to give you the
bottle from the shelf, huh?
744
00:41:47,964 --> 00:41:50,171
With wings.
745
00:41:50,174 --> 00:41:52,381
And don't tell anybody what it's for.
746
00:41:58,933 --> 00:41:59,718
Who was that?
747
00:41:59,726 --> 00:42:01,262
Oh, just a travelling salesman.
748
00:42:02,395 --> 00:42:05,728
You're sure it was a
living salesman, gentlemen?
749
00:42:05,732 --> 00:42:08,849
Today, yes. For tomorrow,
I can't guarantee.
750
00:42:08,860 --> 00:42:11,522
That's tellin' him, doctor.
751
00:42:16,075 --> 00:42:17,406
I don't like this.
752
00:42:17,410 --> 00:42:20,618
It's just like reading
somebody else's mail.
753
00:42:20,621 --> 00:42:22,111
Keep quiet, will you?
754
00:42:25,585 --> 00:42:27,121
Nothing but clothes.
755
00:42:27,128 --> 00:42:28,368
- That proves it.
- What?
756
00:42:28,379 --> 00:42:30,085
If he were just a petty crook,
757
00:42:30,089 --> 00:42:31,374
we would have found something.
758
00:42:31,382 --> 00:42:33,998
The fact that he conceals
the evidence proves
759
00:42:34,010 --> 00:42:35,591
how dangerous he is.
760
00:42:35,595 --> 00:42:36,630
What do you want?
761
00:42:36,637 --> 00:42:38,593
You know it isn't milk time yet.
762
00:42:38,598 --> 00:42:39,598
What do you want?
763
00:42:41,768 --> 00:42:43,304
Something must be wrong.
764
00:42:48,274 --> 00:42:50,435
You know, she has the
most amazing instinct
765
00:42:50,443 --> 00:42:51,933
for crime and corruption.
766
00:43:05,958 --> 00:43:07,038
Hmm? Really?
767
00:43:08,169 --> 00:43:09,454
I told you so.
768
00:43:17,470 --> 00:43:20,883
Well, I guess your kitten
was mistaken this time.
769
00:43:22,517 --> 00:43:24,473
- It's the new guest.
- Murdered.
770
00:43:33,319 --> 00:43:35,355
- Help!
- What's the matter?
771
00:43:35,363 --> 00:43:39,106
Upstairs in room, the man, the old man...
772
00:43:39,117 --> 00:43:40,948
He has a great big knife
in his back like this!
773
00:43:40,952 --> 00:43:43,238
Now, if this is another gag...
774
00:43:44,330 --> 00:43:45,330
Police.
775
00:43:52,004 --> 00:43:53,995
Hello? Hello, hurry, hurry!
776
00:43:54,006 --> 00:43:55,006
The police, please.
777
00:43:55,925 --> 00:43:57,836
Never mind why. That's
none of your business.
778
00:43:57,844 --> 00:43:58,924
Get me the police.
779
00:44:00,304 --> 00:44:02,340
I've got to see this.
780
00:44:03,891 --> 00:44:05,973
J. Gilbert brampton.
781
00:44:05,977 --> 00:44:08,059
- Hmm? You think he did...
- Yeah.
782
00:44:08,062 --> 00:44:10,144
Hello, the police! Please hurry!
783
00:44:25,788 --> 00:44:28,746
Hello, hello, hello. The police?
784
00:44:28,749 --> 00:44:29,829
There has been a murder.
785
00:44:29,834 --> 00:44:33,247
Murders? Murder, where?
786
00:44:36,340 --> 00:44:37,170
Yes, of course.
787
00:44:37,175 --> 00:44:39,837
It's an act of cold-blooded murder.
788
00:44:39,844 --> 00:44:41,084
- Hurry, please.
- Please hurry!
789
00:44:41,095 --> 00:44:41,925
Look here, you two,
790
00:44:41,929 --> 00:44:43,260
- there was nothing up there.
- Huh?
791
00:44:43,264 --> 00:44:45,300
- What?
- No knife, no body, nothing.
792
00:44:46,350 --> 00:44:48,557
But we saw it, didn't we?
793
00:44:49,729 --> 00:44:51,310
I have to see this.
794
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:55,352
Look, fun's fun, but cut
it out, will you, kids?
795
00:44:55,359 --> 00:44:56,439
She was right.
796
00:44:56,444 --> 00:44:58,776
But you're not implying
there was no corpse?
797
00:44:58,779 --> 00:44:59,779
No, but it's gone.
798
00:45:00,698 --> 00:45:01,698
What? Oh.
799
00:45:21,427 --> 00:45:23,884
Oh, doctor! Where are you?
800
00:45:30,144 --> 00:45:32,055
- It isn't in brampton's room.
- It's not?
801
00:45:32,063 --> 00:45:33,769
That proves he did it.
802
00:45:33,773 --> 00:45:35,479
He's covering up his tracks.
803
00:45:35,483 --> 00:45:37,849
He's a homicidal maniac.
804
00:45:37,860 --> 00:45:40,852
Why, he may strike at you or me.
805
00:45:40,863 --> 00:45:43,400
We'd better stick together
till the police comes.
806
00:45:58,589 --> 00:45:59,589
Halt!
807
00:46:03,135 --> 00:46:04,750
Hold up, will you?
808
00:46:13,062 --> 00:46:15,269
What's the big idea, smart guy?
809
00:46:15,273 --> 00:46:16,979
Yeah. That was a new tyre.
810
00:46:16,983 --> 00:46:18,644
There's a munitions plant over yonder,
811
00:46:18,693 --> 00:46:20,183
and you was ordered to halt.
812
00:46:20,194 --> 00:46:21,980
Yes, but we're state officers.
813
00:46:21,988 --> 00:46:22,977
Yeah.
814
00:46:22,989 --> 00:46:24,675
Well, get back on the
other side of the bridge,
815
00:46:24,699 --> 00:46:25,529
and we'll see.
816
00:46:25,533 --> 00:46:26,773
- Look...
- Go on.
817
00:46:26,784 --> 00:46:28,649
Look, we're on the way to a
murder at billings tavern.
818
00:46:28,661 --> 00:46:29,901
Sure. And every second counts.
819
00:46:29,912 --> 00:46:31,448
- Sure.
- Yeah?
820
00:46:31,455 --> 00:46:32,865
What's the number out there?
821
00:46:33,708 --> 00:46:36,040
Jenksville 64.
822
00:46:36,043 --> 00:46:36,873
Well, come on. We'll see.
823
00:46:36,877 --> 00:46:38,117
Well, now, wait a minute.
824
00:46:38,129 --> 00:46:40,290
- Come on, come on.
- Take it easy, will ya?
825
00:46:46,846 --> 00:46:48,928
Jenksville 64.
826
00:46:52,601 --> 00:46:55,434
Hello? Yeah, this is the tavern.
827
00:46:55,438 --> 00:46:58,020
There's a couple of guys here
who call themselves cops,
828
00:46:58,024 --> 00:47:00,640
been yappin' about a
murder out at your place.
829
00:47:00,651 --> 00:47:02,767
Murder? Somebody's been kiddin' you.
830
00:47:02,778 --> 00:47:03,858
There's no murder out here.
831
00:47:03,863 --> 00:47:04,863
But there...
832
00:47:05,573 --> 00:47:06,562
I'm positive!
833
00:47:06,574 --> 00:47:08,360
Okay, buddy. Thanks.
834
00:47:10,119 --> 00:47:10,949
Well, that's that.
835
00:47:10,953 --> 00:47:13,410
And no more corpses. Do you understand?
836
00:47:14,790 --> 00:47:16,576
What are you guys tryin' to pull?
837
00:47:16,584 --> 00:47:17,369
Nothin'.
838
00:47:17,376 --> 00:47:18,206
I'm telling you,
839
00:47:18,210 --> 00:47:19,450
the guy on the phone
said there was a murder.
840
00:47:19,462 --> 00:47:20,451
And another thing,
841
00:47:20,463 --> 00:47:22,624
why didn't you stop
when I hollered "halt?"
842
00:47:22,631 --> 00:47:24,667
Well, we didn't hear you.
We were talkin'.
843
00:47:24,675 --> 00:47:28,213
- Yeah? What about?
- Nothin'. Just war strategy.
844
00:47:28,220 --> 00:47:30,461
War strategy, huh?
845
00:47:30,473 --> 00:47:31,508
Well, come along with me.
846
00:47:31,515 --> 00:47:33,597
You can tell your plot to the captain.
847
00:47:33,601 --> 00:47:34,716
- Look...
- March!
848
00:47:34,727 --> 00:47:36,137
You can't do this to us.
We're taxpayers.
849
00:47:36,145 --> 00:47:38,477
- Come on. Come on.
- Take it easy, will you?
850
00:47:45,446 --> 00:47:47,903
Did you see that knife?
851
00:47:47,907 --> 00:47:50,193
He pointed it directly at me.
852
00:47:54,705 --> 00:47:55,615
Hiya, gents.
853
00:47:55,623 --> 00:47:56,578
Emily wasn't home,
854
00:47:56,582 --> 00:47:58,994
so I guess it was okay to bust
the front window, wasn't it?
855
00:47:59,001 --> 00:48:00,411
Yes, of course.
856
00:48:00,419 --> 00:48:03,411
Couldn't we lock him up on
intent to commit murder?
857
00:48:03,422 --> 00:48:04,707
Murder? I didn't kill nobody.
858
00:48:04,715 --> 00:48:05,830
All I did was pick up a rock...
859
00:48:05,841 --> 00:48:10,175
- Not you.
- No, no, no, not you.
860
00:48:10,179 --> 00:48:13,842
Before the world is suddenly
deprived of my services,
861
00:48:13,849 --> 00:48:17,433
come what may, I will
complete my great work.
862
00:48:17,436 --> 00:48:19,142
Now come with me, my friend.
863
00:48:19,146 --> 00:48:20,477
And when you come out,
864
00:48:20,481 --> 00:48:23,598
I guarantee you, you won't know yourself.
865
00:48:23,609 --> 00:48:25,440
- I won't?
- No.
866
00:48:25,444 --> 00:48:27,309
Gee, that's wonderful.
867
00:48:27,321 --> 00:48:28,561
Will it fix my brains
868
00:48:28,572 --> 00:48:30,563
so I can do arithmetic like the kids do?
869
00:48:30,574 --> 00:48:34,066
Like the kids. Take a smell of this now.
870
00:48:36,038 --> 00:48:38,245
I can't smell it through
my blocked sinuses.
871
00:48:38,249 --> 00:48:39,249
Blocked sinuses?
872
00:48:40,418 --> 00:48:41,874
Inhale deeply.
873
00:48:46,215 --> 00:48:47,625
Am I unconscious yet?
874
00:48:47,633 --> 00:48:49,624
You most certainly are not.
875
00:48:49,635 --> 00:48:50,875
Gee, that's a shame.
876
00:48:51,720 --> 00:48:53,051
Maybe it ain't the real McCoy.
877
00:48:53,055 --> 00:48:55,512
Maybe it's some intoxicating
beverages or somethin'.
878
00:48:55,516 --> 00:48:56,516
Here, try it.
879
00:49:00,729 --> 00:49:02,265
See, I told you that...
880
00:49:05,693 --> 00:49:06,693
What'd I do?
881
00:49:08,612 --> 00:49:10,102
What'd I do? It's murder.
882
00:49:10,114 --> 00:49:11,650
And it ain't right to murder,
883
00:49:11,657 --> 00:49:12,772
my mother told me so.
884
00:49:18,247 --> 00:49:19,077
Help! Murder, murder!
885
00:49:19,081 --> 00:49:21,037
I killed 'em! The
professor and the doctor!
886
00:49:22,168 --> 00:49:24,329
- Again, huh?
- No. This is the first time.
887
00:49:24,336 --> 00:49:26,292
I never killed them before, honest.
888
00:49:26,297 --> 00:49:27,286
This is the end.
889
00:49:27,298 --> 00:49:29,414
Out they go, both of
them, laboratory and all.
890
00:49:29,425 --> 00:49:33,418
I don't know
what could've been wrong.
891
00:49:41,353 --> 00:49:42,638
What happened here?
892
00:49:42,646 --> 00:49:44,261
I didn't do it on purpose, honest.
893
00:49:44,273 --> 00:49:46,104
All I did was take the bottle, you see.
894
00:49:46,108 --> 00:49:47,223
And they told me to
take a smell out of it.
895
00:49:47,234 --> 00:49:49,225
And I smelled it.
896
00:49:49,236 --> 00:49:50,316
And it didn't smell bad.
897
00:49:50,321 --> 00:49:51,731
And then I says, "go on. You smell."
898
00:49:51,739 --> 00:49:52,774
And he smelled.
899
00:49:52,781 --> 00:49:54,021
You see, now, then I said,
"you smell it.
900
00:49:54,033 --> 00:49:55,739
Go on. See?"
901
00:49:55,743 --> 00:49:58,200
And that's all that...
902
00:49:58,204 --> 00:49:59,740
What's the matter?
Don't you feel well?
903
00:50:02,708 --> 00:50:06,371
Quintuplets. Ooh, gee.
904
00:50:06,378 --> 00:50:08,414
Now I'm a wholesale murderer. Mama!
905
00:50:15,221 --> 00:50:16,221
Good morning.
906
00:50:20,309 --> 00:50:21,389
Where are we?
907
00:50:23,062 --> 00:50:25,553
- How did they get here?
- What?
908
00:50:25,564 --> 00:50:29,056
Why, I haven't the faintest idea.
909
00:50:31,654 --> 00:50:35,738
- But, at last, doctor...
- Hmm?
910
00:50:35,741 --> 00:50:38,824
- Quick, into the cabinet.
- Say, that's a wonderful...
911
00:50:38,827 --> 00:50:40,112
But, wait, wait, wait.
912
00:50:41,205 --> 00:50:42,991
We'd better make sure.
913
00:50:42,998 --> 00:50:44,659
It's much too great an honour for him,
914
00:50:44,667 --> 00:50:47,784
but better a second-class
Superman than none whatsoever.
915
00:50:50,923 --> 00:50:52,538
Somebody's trying to break in.
916
00:50:55,135 --> 00:50:57,171
Maybe it's the police.
917
00:50:57,179 --> 00:50:58,715
Into the storeroom.
918
00:50:59,723 --> 00:51:04,513
Quick.
919
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:05,520
Come on.
920
00:51:09,650 --> 00:51:11,891
- Which one? This one?
- Yes.
921
00:51:19,535 --> 00:51:22,322
This happens to me all the time.
922
00:51:22,329 --> 00:51:24,320
Something always goes wrong.
923
00:51:24,331 --> 00:51:25,331
Come on. Come on.
924
00:51:27,376 --> 00:51:28,616
That's the way.
925
00:51:51,609 --> 00:51:52,609
Shh.
926
00:52:06,332 --> 00:52:07,332
Look.
927
00:52:10,502 --> 00:52:11,502
Doctor.
928
00:52:15,299 --> 00:52:16,880
Good morning, sir.
929
00:52:16,884 --> 00:52:19,341
It's a beautiful day, isn't it?
930
00:52:19,345 --> 00:52:20,926
We'll buy everything you've got.
931
00:52:20,929 --> 00:52:23,136
- Will $20...
- You have the match, no?
932
00:52:23,140 --> 00:52:25,381
Oh, yes, a match. Please.
933
00:52:26,894 --> 00:52:29,727
Don't anybody move, or
I'll light this fuse.
934
00:52:29,730 --> 00:52:33,222
In this sack,
I have 40 kilos of dynamite,
935
00:52:33,233 --> 00:52:34,769
and I don't mean ravioli.
936
00:52:38,113 --> 00:52:41,150
- I'm a human bomb.
- A human bomb?
937
00:52:41,158 --> 00:52:43,490
Yes, I am a fascist aviator
938
00:52:43,494 --> 00:52:46,736
who just escaped from the
prison camp in Canada.
939
00:52:46,747 --> 00:52:49,204
We shall stay here until it
is dark, the three of us.
940
00:52:49,208 --> 00:52:51,415
And then you will take
me to the munition plant,
941
00:52:51,418 --> 00:52:54,205
where there will be the
unexpected fireworks.
942
00:52:54,213 --> 00:52:55,749
- That is against...
- We don't...
943
00:52:55,756 --> 00:53:00,170
I'm not begging you.
I am telling you.
944
00:53:00,177 --> 00:53:02,543
And now perhaps you will be kind enough
945
00:53:02,554 --> 00:53:04,044
to relax until it is dark?
946
00:53:04,056 --> 00:53:05,637
- Yes.
- Aha, good.
947
00:53:09,144 --> 00:53:11,726
Remember, you're dealing with silvio,
948
00:53:11,730 --> 00:53:13,686
the pride of the air force,
949
00:53:13,691 --> 00:53:18,355
who has to his credit 19
planes shot out from under him,
950
00:53:18,362 --> 00:53:20,023
six of them bombers.
951
00:53:44,930 --> 00:53:47,717
I got youl!
952
00:53:47,725 --> 00:53:50,137
Let go of me! Let go of me!
953
00:53:51,854 --> 00:53:53,310
- Winnie!
- Oh, bill!
954
00:53:55,899 --> 00:53:57,389
Take it easy.
955
00:53:57,401 --> 00:54:00,234
They just drugged us to
get us down into here.
956
00:54:00,237 --> 00:54:02,899
Well, this time, they've gone too far.
957
00:54:02,906 --> 00:54:03,736
How do we get outta here?
958
00:54:03,741 --> 00:54:04,741
Where's the door?
959
00:54:07,411 --> 00:54:11,495
Imagine rigging up a
fake morgue like this.
960
00:54:11,498 --> 00:54:14,080
Wax dummies, wreaths, are they crazy?
961
00:54:23,177 --> 00:54:24,587
- What's that noise?
- Hmm?
962
00:54:25,721 --> 00:54:27,507
Like typewriter keys.
963
00:54:29,224 --> 00:54:30,384
What did you say, bill?
964
00:54:30,392 --> 00:54:32,007
I didn't say anything.
965
00:54:32,019 --> 00:54:33,759
What's the matter with them?
966
00:54:33,771 --> 00:54:36,228
Imagining we'd fall for a gag like this.
967
00:54:36,231 --> 00:54:38,313
Oh, but you're wonderful, darling.
968
00:54:38,317 --> 00:54:39,682
You knew from the minute you arrived
969
00:54:39,693 --> 00:54:41,103
they were fakes, didn't you?
970
00:54:42,112 --> 00:54:43,318
Uh-huh.
971
00:54:43,322 --> 00:54:45,813
Come on. Let's get outta here.
972
00:54:45,824 --> 00:54:48,657
Gosh! It's fun, in a way, being entombed.
973
00:54:56,376 --> 00:54:59,539
Hello? Is there
anybody alive down there?
974
00:55:03,967 --> 00:55:06,800
One false word or action,
975
00:55:06,804 --> 00:55:09,170
and there will be no one alive,
capito?
976
00:55:09,223 --> 00:55:10,963
- Yes, yes.
- Capito. Capito.
977
00:55:17,731 --> 00:55:20,313
Hey, the both of yous recuperated, huh?
978
00:55:20,317 --> 00:55:22,182
And I thought it was crapes and candles.
979
00:55:22,194 --> 00:55:23,479
I think you'd better
go along, my good man.
980
00:55:23,487 --> 00:55:25,819
And here is your money, sir.
981
00:55:25,823 --> 00:55:27,563
10, no, I know. $20.
982
00:55:29,493 --> 00:55:31,529
Ain't there no way
you can aphyxiate me
983
00:55:31,537 --> 00:55:32,652
so I can take the treatment?
984
00:55:32,663 --> 00:55:35,370
Later. Later.
985
00:55:35,374 --> 00:55:36,989
Can't you bop me on the
head with somethin'?
986
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:37,955
With that shillelagh?
987
00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:39,746
Not now. Please run along.
988
00:55:39,753 --> 00:55:41,038
Hey, let's try it.
989
00:55:42,339 --> 00:55:44,705
Super Superman?
990
00:55:44,716 --> 00:55:49,335
Irresistible force charging
into immovable object? Hmm?
991
00:55:53,350 --> 00:55:56,137
- Then I get another chance?
- Certainly!
992
00:55:56,144 --> 00:56:00,012
Step right into here, sir. Please.
993
00:56:00,023 --> 00:56:04,312
Here, just the thing.
994
00:56:04,319 --> 00:56:05,684
There you are, doctor.
995
00:56:05,696 --> 00:56:07,357
Be as gentle as possible.
996
00:56:07,364 --> 00:56:09,150
Oh, certainly, certainly.
997
00:56:09,157 --> 00:56:10,818
Close your eyes. I can't...
998
00:56:18,750 --> 00:56:21,082
I told you, no monkey doodle!
999
00:56:21,086 --> 00:56:23,873
Don't jump at us like that.
1000
00:56:23,881 --> 00:56:25,041
What are you doing to him?
1001
00:56:25,048 --> 00:56:26,834
Just a little electric tonic,
1002
00:56:26,842 --> 00:56:30,676
you know, to invigorate his
powder puff personality.
1003
00:56:30,679 --> 00:56:33,921
Only an americano would
want that personality.
1004
00:56:33,932 --> 00:56:35,138
Please, please.
1005
00:56:56,163 --> 00:56:58,279
Hey! Open up in there, will ya?
1006
00:56:58,290 --> 00:56:59,120
Open up!
1007
00:56:59,124 --> 00:57:00,955
Bill, you're getting yourself hoarse.
1008
00:57:00,959 --> 00:57:02,074
Who cares?
1009
00:57:02,085 --> 00:57:03,291
Ooh.
1010
00:57:03,295 --> 00:57:04,314
Wait till I get out of here.
1011
00:57:04,338 --> 00:57:05,669
I'll show that professor.
1012
00:57:05,672 --> 00:57:08,505
Locking us up here with
all these wax dummies.
1013
00:57:10,177 --> 00:57:12,384
Almost lifelike, aren't they?
1014
00:57:12,387 --> 00:57:15,174
Bill, they are alive! I mean dead!
1015
00:57:15,182 --> 00:57:17,798
Now you're just getting
yourself hysterical. That's all.
1016
00:57:17,809 --> 00:57:19,640
They're dead people!
1017
00:57:20,771 --> 00:57:22,352
Yeah, I know, honey.
1018
00:57:25,984 --> 00:57:28,942
- Oh! Bless my soul.
- Hey, it was brampton. Hey!
1019
00:57:30,113 --> 00:57:32,695
Oh, my fingers! Get the candle.
1020
00:57:39,122 --> 00:57:41,204
All right, hold the door.
1021
00:57:46,171 --> 00:57:47,957
Straight ahead, just follow me.
1022
00:57:55,681 --> 00:57:56,841
Bill.
1023
00:57:56,848 --> 00:57:59,806
You would have to buy an
early American tavern.
1024
00:57:59,810 --> 00:58:01,721
I'll never buy another one.
1025
00:58:03,563 --> 00:58:06,054
They're droppin' like flies.
1026
00:58:19,246 --> 00:58:20,952
- Where are we?
- In your room.
1027
00:58:21,832 --> 00:58:22,912
Well, where's the police?
Why aren't they here?
1028
00:58:22,916 --> 00:58:24,531
Why? You stopped them.
1029
00:58:24,543 --> 00:58:25,874
I stopped them?
1030
00:58:25,877 --> 00:58:27,583
Oh. Well, we gotta get them again.
1031
00:58:29,089 --> 00:58:30,829
Why didn't you stop me from stoppin' 'em
1032
00:58:30,841 --> 00:58:33,628
when I started to stop 'em anyway?
1033
00:58:33,635 --> 00:58:34,635
Come on.
1034
00:58:41,685 --> 00:58:42,970
How do you work this doohickey?
1035
00:58:46,314 --> 00:58:48,726
Hello? Yeah, get me the state police.
1036
00:58:48,734 --> 00:58:50,895
Yeah. Yeah, quick.
1037
00:58:50,902 --> 00:58:52,017
Why didn't those cops come anyway?
1038
00:58:52,029 --> 00:58:53,519
Why'd they have to believe me?
1039
00:59:05,876 --> 00:59:09,084
- Another one!
- It's Mr. brampton.
1040
00:59:12,090 --> 00:59:14,172
He's the one that screamed.
1041
00:59:14,176 --> 00:59:16,041
What did you do to him?
1042
00:59:16,053 --> 00:59:18,135
We had a lot of trouble getting here.
1043
00:59:18,138 --> 00:59:20,629
- She killed him! I saw her.
- Amelial
1044
00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:21,595
what do you mean you saw her?
1045
00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:23,431
Say, who was it told that soldier
1046
00:59:23,477 --> 00:59:25,013
there wasn't any murder here?
1047
00:59:25,020 --> 00:59:26,760
- Well, I did, but...
- You see?
1048
00:59:26,772 --> 00:59:29,309
- And she stabbed him.
- Have you gone crazy?
1049
00:59:29,316 --> 00:59:31,022
All right, you two, remember,
1050
00:59:31,026 --> 00:59:32,641
anything you say, it'll
be held against you.
1051
00:59:32,652 --> 00:59:34,517
Wait a minute. He's not dead.
1052
00:59:39,159 --> 00:59:41,866
I must have fainted.
1053
00:59:45,082 --> 00:59:49,246
Where is that murderous
creature, that female butcher?
1054
00:59:51,505 --> 00:59:53,712
Mr. brampton, the knife.
1055
00:59:53,715 --> 00:59:55,125
Knife?
1056
00:59:55,133 --> 00:59:56,122
Whoa.
1057
00:59:56,134 --> 01:00:00,468
Oh! Here, it must have been
deflected by my corset.
1058
01:00:00,472 --> 01:00:02,963
It just goes to show you
can still rely on whalebone.
1059
01:00:02,974 --> 01:00:04,134
Even when pussyfooting
1060
01:00:04,142 --> 01:00:07,009
around secret passageways, Mr. brampton?
1061
01:00:07,020 --> 01:00:08,760
Miss layden, it may interest you to know
1062
01:00:08,772 --> 01:00:09,727
that Benedict Arnold once pussyfooted
1063
01:00:09,731 --> 01:00:13,565
through those very same
passageways in 1775.
1064
01:00:13,568 --> 01:00:15,024
- He did?
- He certainly did.
1065
01:00:15,028 --> 01:00:16,393
Well, where is he now?
1066
01:00:16,404 --> 01:00:18,360
Oh well, you're not going
early American on me again,
1067
01:00:18,365 --> 01:00:20,071
are you, after what happened downstairs?
1068
01:00:20,075 --> 01:00:22,191
Downstairs? Say, what goes on around here?
1069
01:00:22,202 --> 01:00:23,032
Yeah.
1070
01:00:23,036 --> 01:00:24,276
Miss layden, you are the possessor
1071
01:00:24,287 --> 01:00:26,323
of a priceless historic landmark.
1072
01:00:26,331 --> 01:00:28,663
As curator of the historical
society of America,
1073
01:00:28,667 --> 01:00:30,077
I have authenticated it.
1074
01:00:30,085 --> 01:00:32,167
I regret having posed as a choreographer,
1075
01:00:32,170 --> 01:00:33,000
but until I was sure...
1076
01:00:33,004 --> 01:00:34,790
Oh, bill, it's priceless!
1077
01:00:34,798 --> 01:00:36,413
Yeah? But is it worth anything?
1078
01:00:36,424 --> 01:00:37,459
Well, I shall be more
than happy to pay her
1079
01:00:37,467 --> 01:00:39,628
$20,000 anytime she wants.
1080
01:00:39,636 --> 01:00:40,625
All right, all right.
1081
01:00:40,637 --> 01:00:42,878
But what about downstairs?
1082
01:00:45,058 --> 01:00:47,925
There she is, the female
who tried to assassinate me!
1083
01:00:49,396 --> 01:00:51,182
I got a lemon meringue pie in the oven.
1084
01:00:51,189 --> 01:00:53,521
Lemon meringue, my eye.
1085
01:00:53,525 --> 01:00:55,436
I only did it for his money.
1086
01:00:55,443 --> 01:00:58,651
I wanted to get a henhouse
for my poor homeless chickens.
1087
01:00:58,655 --> 01:01:01,442
- What homeless chickens?
- The ones I'm going to get.
1088
01:01:01,449 --> 01:01:03,735
What's the use of talkin'
about the worthless varmints
1089
01:01:03,743 --> 01:01:04,778
if you ain't got any?
1090
01:01:04,786 --> 01:01:06,902
It's better than talkin'
about your smelly old pigs.
1091
01:01:06,913 --> 01:01:08,619
Pigs, chickens, what goes here?
1092
01:01:08,623 --> 01:01:10,705
I saw what you did
to the lodger in room 4
1093
01:01:10,709 --> 01:01:12,916
when you wanted to get the
money for your pig farm.
1094
01:01:12,919 --> 01:01:16,002
And I know where you
hid the body. Come here.
1095
01:01:16,006 --> 01:01:17,621
- Come on, junior.
- Junior?
1096
01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:22,842
Look, tucked up there on the top shelf.
1097
01:01:24,598 --> 01:01:26,714
That's no zoot suit you're lookin" at.
1098
01:01:26,725 --> 01:01:27,885
I'll say it ain't.
1099
01:01:29,227 --> 01:01:30,558
No one will understand
1100
01:01:30,562 --> 01:01:32,974
when we did it just for the professor.
1101
01:01:32,981 --> 01:01:33,811
Come on.
1102
01:01:33,815 --> 01:01:35,055
You're always talkin' so much.
1103
01:01:35,066 --> 01:01:37,808
Gab, gab, gab, gab, all the time.
1104
01:01:37,819 --> 01:01:40,856
Hey, Fred. Phone the coroner Dr. lorencz.
1105
01:01:40,864 --> 01:01:42,946
Dr. lorencz, professor billings.
1106
01:01:45,118 --> 01:01:45,948
Five more what?
1107
01:01:45,952 --> 01:01:47,738
- Bodies.
- Bodies?
1108
01:01:47,746 --> 01:01:49,202
Oh, and that pip-squeak of a private said
1109
01:01:49,206 --> 01:01:50,742
everything was gonna be lovely here.
1110
01:01:50,749 --> 01:01:51,989
Come on. I'll show you.
1111
01:01:57,589 --> 01:02:00,797
- 40 seconds to go.
- For what?
1112
01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:02,131
For the tonic.
1113
01:02:08,767 --> 01:02:12,760
Remember, we are on the
brink of annihilation.
1114
01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:16,392
The bodies are in a back room.
1115
01:02:18,235 --> 01:02:19,691
Go on, officer.
1116
01:02:19,694 --> 01:02:21,935
I am going. Where's Fred?
1117
01:02:23,156 --> 01:02:25,317
Here I am, Joe, old boy.
1118
01:02:27,285 --> 01:02:29,321
Whatever they're doing, I don't like it.
1119
01:02:29,329 --> 01:02:33,743
Neither do I.
1120
01:02:37,212 --> 01:02:38,622
Put 'em up.
1121
01:02:38,672 --> 01:02:39,752
- Put 'em up!
- That means you, professor.
1122
01:02:39,756 --> 01:02:40,586
You heard him.
1123
01:02:40,590 --> 01:02:42,171
Oh, there's a man in that cabinet!
1124
01:02:42,175 --> 01:02:43,711
- They're killing him.
- Will you be quiet?
1125
01:02:43,718 --> 01:02:45,800
Officer, don't you think
you should do something?
1126
01:02:45,804 --> 01:02:47,419
Hey! I'm talkin' to you guys.
1127
01:02:47,430 --> 01:02:49,512
Be quiet, I said!
1128
01:02:49,516 --> 01:02:50,972
Five seconds.
1129
01:02:52,352 --> 01:02:53,512
Three seconds.
1130
01:02:54,604 --> 01:02:56,640
Now!
1131
01:02:56,648 --> 01:02:57,648
Excuse me, please.
1132
01:02:59,150 --> 01:03:00,265
Ladies and gentlemen,
1133
01:03:01,152 --> 01:03:03,143
if any one of you has a weak heart,
1134
01:03:03,154 --> 01:03:04,940
I advise you to leave this room,
1135
01:03:04,948 --> 01:03:09,533
because you are about
to witness a phenomenon
1136
01:03:09,536 --> 01:03:13,575
that will flabbergast, yes, flabbergast
1137
01:03:13,581 --> 01:03:17,790
the imagination of
everyone here, bar none.
1138
01:03:17,794 --> 01:03:18,794
And I thank you.
1139
01:03:20,297 --> 01:03:22,253
- Well, then...
- If you wouldn't mind.
1140
01:03:27,512 --> 01:03:29,048
Oh! He seems quite well-done.
1141
01:03:30,181 --> 01:03:32,092
I don't believe it.
1142
01:03:32,100 --> 01:03:34,136
They murdered him, like they
murdered the other five!
1143
01:03:34,144 --> 01:03:36,556
Please, please.
The word is martyrised.
1144
01:03:36,563 --> 01:03:40,226
Why, they're dingbatty!
Like these two!
1145
01:03:40,233 --> 01:03:42,189
I should've brought the straitjackets.
1146
01:03:42,193 --> 01:03:44,354
Do you realise to whom you are addressing
1147
01:03:44,362 --> 01:03:45,693
your childish remarks to?
1148
01:03:45,697 --> 01:03:47,562
- Of course I do.
- I am speaking to him!
1149
01:03:47,574 --> 01:03:48,859
Yes, and I'm talkin' to you!
1150
01:03:48,867 --> 01:03:50,778
- Now come along, boy.
- Leave me alone!
1151
01:03:50,785 --> 01:03:52,525
They stay here!
1152
01:03:52,537 --> 01:03:55,074
They all stay here. Capito?
1153
01:03:55,081 --> 01:03:57,493
Hey, what's goin' on around here?
1154
01:03:57,500 --> 01:03:58,330
It's your whole day.
1155
01:03:58,335 --> 01:04:01,452
There will be no information leak out
1156
01:04:01,463 --> 01:04:04,045
until the arsenal will go boom!
1157
01:04:04,049 --> 01:04:05,789
Ba-boom!
1158
01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:09,008
Oh, won't there? Come along, Jo-Jo.
1159
01:04:09,012 --> 01:04:12,129
- Watch out! Watch out!
- He's a human bomb.
1160
01:04:12,140 --> 01:04:13,971
Well, isn't that delightful?
1161
01:04:13,975 --> 01:04:16,136
A time bomb or a fuse bomb?
1162
01:04:16,144 --> 01:04:18,851
A fuse bomb.
1163
01:04:18,855 --> 01:04:20,470
Hey, it is a fuse!
1164
01:04:20,482 --> 01:04:22,268
Why doesn't somebody do something?
1165
01:04:22,275 --> 01:04:24,891
Come on down outta there
before I perforate you.
1166
01:04:24,903 --> 01:04:28,942
Hmm. So, my friend will shoot.
1167
01:04:28,948 --> 01:04:31,109
Then the dynamite will go off,
1168
01:04:31,117 --> 01:04:35,201
and we are all little nothings.
1169
01:04:39,751 --> 01:04:43,539
Ghosts!
1170
01:04:45,590 --> 01:04:48,832
- He dropped that sack!
- Ooh, ooh, ooh!
1171
01:04:57,769 --> 01:05:00,511
I'll get it! Give me this thing.
1172
01:05:00,522 --> 01:05:01,511
Hey, hey, hey!
1173
01:05:01,523 --> 01:05:04,060
What are ya tryin' to
do, steal my sample case?
1174
01:05:04,067 --> 01:05:05,853
- Get outta here.
- Too late! There it goes!
1175
01:05:05,860 --> 01:05:07,646
Too late for what?
1176
01:05:07,654 --> 01:05:08,654
What's goin' on?
1177
01:05:10,949 --> 01:05:13,565
- Phooey.
- Oh, mama.
1178
01:05:13,576 --> 01:05:15,487
All right. Come on, Jo-Jo.
1179
01:05:25,046 --> 01:05:28,755
Mr. professor, can I have my apple now?
1180
01:05:28,758 --> 01:05:31,545
Yes, and my alarm clocks too.
1181
01:05:31,553 --> 01:05:32,884
Look. They are not dead.
1182
01:05:32,887 --> 01:05:37,051
They must have been in a
state of suspended animation.
1183
01:05:37,058 --> 01:05:39,424
Congratulations, professor.
1184
01:05:39,436 --> 01:05:42,303
Our names will go down in history.
1185
01:05:42,313 --> 01:05:46,226
We invented a method to preserve life.
1186
01:05:46,234 --> 01:05:49,818
But, I did so want to make a Superman.
1187
01:05:49,863 --> 01:05:53,606
- Come on. You're all nuts.
- Now, wait a minute.
1188
01:05:53,616 --> 01:05:55,777
We just sold this place for $20,000.
1189
01:05:55,785 --> 01:05:56,695
- Yes.
- And I've got
1190
01:05:56,703 --> 01:05:59,285
the certified check
upstairs in my other suit.
1191
01:05:59,289 --> 01:06:01,996
Oh, where I'm takin'
you, they got everything,
1192
01:06:02,000 --> 01:06:06,209
certified checks, supermen, everything.
1193
01:06:07,255 --> 01:06:08,540
Where are you taking us?
1194
01:06:08,548 --> 01:06:13,542
To a nice, quiet little place
called idyllwild sanitarium.
1195
01:06:13,553 --> 01:06:16,841
- But that's the asylum.
- Soitis. So it is.
1196
01:06:16,890 --> 01:06:19,632
But don't worry, professor.
1197
01:06:19,642 --> 01:06:23,635
I am the chairman of the
board of directors up there.
80702
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