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1
00:00:04,667 --> 00:00:06,747
- I don't know ifI'm gonna take the vaccine.
2
00:00:06,834 --> 00:00:08,424
I think I'll take the vaccine,
3
00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:10,500
but I don't know
if I'm gonna tell anybody.
4
00:00:10,583 --> 00:00:13,423
It might just be, like,
a little dirty secret,
5
00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:14,750
like voting.
6
00:00:14,834 --> 00:00:16,964
I wish it was like
recommending a movie.
7
00:00:17,041 --> 00:00:18,751
Somebody could be like,
"Should I take the vaccine?"
8
00:00:18,834 --> 00:00:20,174
And I'd be like, "I liked it."
9
00:00:20,250 --> 00:00:22,880
You know, I wish
it could be that casual.
10
00:00:22,959 --> 00:00:26,169
[upbeat music]
11
00:00:26,250 --> 00:00:29,380
- Che, baby, look, there's
no money coming in, all right?
12
00:00:29,458 --> 00:00:30,918
COVID's dried everything up.
13
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,040
- All right, well, can't I
just do another animated movie?
14
00:00:33,125 --> 00:00:34,415
Like, "Coco Shango:
The Sequel."
15
00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:35,960
- No, that last one ate shit.
16
00:00:36,041 --> 00:00:38,211
All the kids walked out.
- It was on streaming.
17
00:00:38,291 --> 00:00:39,921
- Yeah, they walked out
of their houses,
18
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,130
into the street into traffic.
That's how bad it was.
19
00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:43,288
- Damn.
20
00:00:43,375 --> 00:00:44,625
- I'm not saying
it was your fault.
21
00:00:44,709 --> 00:00:45,999
- Good, 'cause--
- But they're saying
22
00:00:46,083 --> 00:00:47,463
it was your fault, all right?
23
00:00:47,542 --> 00:00:48,962
Something about your voice
and your face.
24
00:00:49,041 --> 00:00:50,631
- My face wasn't even
in the movie.
25
00:00:50,709 --> 00:00:52,579
- Look, we gotta get you back
to doing standup, kid.
26
00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:54,207
All right?
That's where you shine.
27
00:00:54,291 --> 00:00:55,751
You're up stage.
28
00:00:55,834 --> 00:00:58,334
"What's the deal--what's
the deal with this bullcrap?"
29
00:00:58,417 --> 00:00:59,957
Huh?
Everybody's clapping.
30
00:01:00,041 --> 00:01:01,541
They love it.
- I can't do standup, man.
31
00:01:01,625 --> 00:01:03,455
It's a pandemic.
I can't go on tour.
32
00:01:03,542 --> 00:01:05,132
- Yeah, but there's
a vaccine now, all right?
33
00:01:05,208 --> 00:01:06,998
We get you the vaccine,
we start booking some dates,
34
00:01:07,083 --> 00:01:09,963
and then by the summer, you'll
be back like a bump on a lip.
35
00:01:10,041 --> 00:01:12,001
- Why do you always have
to get so fucking gross, man?
36
00:01:12,083 --> 00:01:14,213
- 'Cause it's cool.
People like it.
37
00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:16,541
- [sighs] I don't know
if I trust that vaccine, man.
38
00:01:16,625 --> 00:01:18,245
- You better fucking
start trusting it,
39
00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:19,793
or you're gonna have to sell
your fucking house.
40
00:01:19,875 --> 00:01:21,205
- Hey, hey.
Calm down, man.
41
00:01:21,291 --> 00:01:22,751
I don't have to sell my house.
There's other things
42
00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:24,504
I could do.
I could sell my mother's house.
43
00:01:24,583 --> 00:01:26,083
- Look, they're only making
a very limited amount
44
00:01:26,166 --> 00:01:27,666
of this vaccine,
and they're only giving it
45
00:01:27,750 --> 00:01:29,630
to people who really,
really, really need it.
46
00:01:29,709 --> 00:01:32,329
Look, I took it, and I'm fine.
- How'd you get it?
47
00:01:32,417 --> 00:01:34,877
- I'm rich.
Come by my place this weekend.
48
00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:37,169
We're having a vaccine party.
It'll be great.
49
00:01:37,250 --> 00:01:39,130
- Am I gonna be
the only Black guy there again?
50
00:01:39,208 --> 00:01:41,168
- Yes, 100%.
51
00:01:41,250 --> 00:01:44,210
[pensive bass line]
52
00:01:44,291 --> 00:01:48,631
♪ ♪
53
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:52,039
- ♪ No matter how hardyou try ♪
54
00:01:52,125 --> 00:01:54,915
♪ You can't stop me now ♪
55
00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,673
- Let's just address
the elephant in the room.
56
00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:00,540
There's a lot of reasons
57
00:02:00,625 --> 00:02:02,625
why Black people
don't trust this vaccine
58
00:02:02,709 --> 00:02:04,039
or any vaccine,
59
00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:07,285
but there's one reason
more that reigns supreme:
60
00:02:07,375 --> 00:02:09,375
ooh, Tuskegee.
61
00:02:09,458 --> 00:02:11,628
I will say that
the country came together,
62
00:02:11,709 --> 00:02:13,499
it felt like,
during the pandemic.
63
00:02:13,583 --> 00:02:16,133
But also there was
a lot of companies
64
00:02:16,208 --> 00:02:17,458
trying to relate to us.
65
00:02:17,542 --> 00:02:19,082
They act like
they was helping, but
66
00:02:19,166 --> 00:02:21,626
we didn't need to hear
from all you motherfuckers.
67
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,959
Some of y'all
could've just kept quiet
68
00:02:24,041 --> 00:02:25,671
and waited till the fall.
69
00:02:25,750 --> 00:02:27,040
[warm music]
70
00:02:27,125 --> 00:02:28,825
- We at White Castle arehere to salute
71
00:02:28,917 --> 00:02:30,627
our frontline workersand medical professionals
72
00:02:30,709 --> 00:02:32,079
in these crazy times.
73
00:02:32,166 --> 00:02:33,996
That's why,
since this pandemic started,
74
00:02:34,083 --> 00:02:37,213
we were proud to donate
over 200,000 Crave Cases
75
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:40,041
to hospitals and frontlineworkers as a thank you.
76
00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:41,875
- And in our enthusiasmto help,
77
00:02:41,959 --> 00:02:45,039
we forgot our burgers tend
to rip straight through people.
78
00:02:45,125 --> 00:02:46,285
[stomach gurgling]
79
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:47,375
- [moans]
- We deeply regret
80
00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:48,418
the troubles our burgers
81
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:49,420
may have caused you
82
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:50,710
in these crazy times.
83
00:02:50,792 --> 00:02:52,632
And we'd also like
to apologize
84
00:02:52,709 --> 00:02:55,209
for all the invaluable
N95 masks
85
00:02:55,291 --> 00:02:57,381
that had to be usedas little crap catchers
86
00:02:57,458 --> 00:02:59,208
in emergency situations.
87
00:02:59,291 --> 00:03:01,631
- Again, we just totally forgot
the damage
88
00:03:01,709 --> 00:03:03,249
these little wet suckerscan do.
89
00:03:03,333 --> 00:03:05,133
I mean, the only reasonwe call them sliders
90
00:03:05,208 --> 00:03:06,748
is because they slideright through your body
91
00:03:06,834 --> 00:03:08,294
at breakneck speed.
- [gags]
92
00:03:08,375 --> 00:03:10,165
- Kinda makes you grateful
that one of the symptoms
93
00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:11,920
is no sense of smell, right?
[laughs]
94
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,210
- [groans]
95
00:03:13,291 --> 00:03:15,171
- What, I can't just go
for one laugh?
96
00:03:15,250 --> 00:03:17,920
- In our defense, we neverexpected White Castle
97
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,920
to last this longas a business.
98
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,920
I mean, we've been trying
to sabotage this place
99
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,290
for years,
and people keep eating here.
100
00:03:25,375 --> 00:03:26,875
- [sighs]
God.
101
00:03:26,959 --> 00:03:29,289
I'd give anything right now
to go to a packed bar
102
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:30,745
or play a game of pool
103
00:03:30,834 --> 00:03:33,134
or just look at chicks.
104
00:03:33,208 --> 00:03:34,578
- And no, we don't believe
105
00:03:34,667 --> 00:03:36,327
the crazy conspiracies
floating around
106
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,827
that all this started because
a bat ate at White Castle,
107
00:03:38,917 --> 00:03:40,917
and then a guy ate that bat,and it's all our fault.
108
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,920
- But we do believe we made
a lot of doctors and nurses
109
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,460
shit their pantswith our murder burgers.
110
00:03:46,542 --> 00:03:49,132
And for that, we're sorry.
111
00:03:50,709 --> 00:03:53,629
[hip-hop music]
112
00:03:53,709 --> 00:04:00,879
♪ ♪
113
00:04:01,417 --> 00:04:02,667
- [unintelligible]
114
00:04:02,750 --> 00:04:04,920
Yo, I got white tees,
Clorox wipes,
115
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:08,880
Jew pants, masks, and
I got the new COVID vaccine.
116
00:04:08,959 --> 00:04:10,459
Two for five, what's good?
117
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,502
- Wait, you got the vaccine?
Yo, let me get two doses.
118
00:04:12,583 --> 00:04:14,173
- Yo, you actually
gonna take that shit?
119
00:04:14,250 --> 00:04:16,670
- Hell, yeah, man.
I'm trying to get my life back.
120
00:04:16,750 --> 00:04:18,040
- I ain't taking
that COVID vaccine.
121
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,375
- Why not?
122
00:04:19,458 --> 00:04:20,628
- Because what if that shit
don't work?
123
00:04:20,709 --> 00:04:22,209
- It work.
My shit loud.
124
00:04:22,291 --> 00:04:23,541
Smell it.
- Hey, man.
125
00:04:23,625 --> 00:04:25,075
I don't know
what I'd be smelling for.
126
00:04:25,166 --> 00:04:26,166
- He right, though.
127
00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:27,630
Yo, that vaccine might cause
128
00:04:27,709 --> 00:04:28,789
mad problems for you.
129
00:04:28,875 --> 00:04:30,035
- [scoffs]
Here we go.
130
00:04:30,125 --> 00:04:32,035
- Word.
Give you the Elvis lip.
131
00:04:32,125 --> 00:04:33,375
- That's stupid.
132
00:04:33,458 --> 00:04:35,038
- Yeah, what if that shit
fuck up my liver?
133
00:04:35,125 --> 00:04:37,285
Can't have that, mmm.
- It's true, though, man.
134
00:04:37,375 --> 00:04:38,785
I don't trust
no drug companies.
135
00:04:38,875 --> 00:04:40,375
They'll give you anything.
- Yeah, true.
136
00:04:40,458 --> 00:04:41,958
- You gotta be careful
what you put in your body, man.
137
00:04:42,041 --> 00:04:43,171
- Word.
138
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:45,630
- So y'all know better
than Fauci?
139
00:04:45,709 --> 00:04:46,669
I don't think so.
140
00:04:46,750 --> 00:04:48,670
[clippers buzzing]
141
00:04:48,750 --> 00:04:50,040
- Ooh.
142
00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:53,455
Skepticism is almost an artform
143
00:04:53,542 --> 00:04:54,712
in the Black community.
144
00:04:54,792 --> 00:04:56,882
The more skeptical
you could be,
145
00:04:56,959 --> 00:04:58,419
it's almost
the smarter you are.
146
00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:00,040
You don't have
to really have to make sense.
147
00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:02,875
[muffled laughter]
You just gotta be so skeptical
148
00:05:02,959 --> 00:05:05,709
that we have to give it
some credence.
149
00:05:05,792 --> 00:05:07,632
So much has happened to us,
150
00:05:07,709 --> 00:05:09,879
that we're willing
to believe anything
151
00:05:09,959 --> 00:05:12,329
to make it all make sense.
152
00:05:12,417 --> 00:05:13,957
narrator: We now return
153
00:05:14,041 --> 00:05:16,881
to the 1945 classic film,"The Ticket."
154
00:05:16,959 --> 00:05:18,039
[dramatic organ music]
155
00:05:18,125 --> 00:05:20,535
- You think I'm stupid,
Clarence.
156
00:05:20,625 --> 00:05:22,535
Where have you been?
157
00:05:22,625 --> 00:05:25,245
- I told ya,
I was just at a party.
158
00:05:25,333 --> 00:05:27,043
- For three days?
159
00:05:27,125 --> 00:05:29,125
And you stink like liquor.
160
00:05:29,208 --> 00:05:31,038
- I had a little taste.
161
00:05:31,125 --> 00:05:33,915
- You was in Tuskegee with
that hussy again, wasn't you?
162
00:05:34,041 --> 00:05:35,291
- Baby, I swear,
163
00:05:35,375 --> 00:05:37,995
I ain't never been
in no damn Tuskegee.
164
00:05:38,083 --> 00:05:39,253
- Oh, yeah?
165
00:05:39,333 --> 00:05:42,083
Then why did I find
this old bus ticket
166
00:05:42,166 --> 00:05:44,376
to Tuskegee in your jacket?
167
00:05:44,458 --> 00:05:46,078
♪ ♪
168
00:05:46,166 --> 00:05:48,956
- Okay, fine, I was
in Tuskegee a few times.
169
00:05:49,041 --> 00:05:51,461
- I knew it!
- But it wasn't for no hussy.
170
00:05:51,542 --> 00:05:53,002
I told you
I don't cheat no more.
171
00:05:53,083 --> 00:05:55,253
- Then what was you
doing there?
172
00:05:58,208 --> 00:06:00,418
- I was there doing
a top secret 'speriment
173
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:03,250
for the government.
- Why would the government
174
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:05,543
be doing a secret "'speriment"
with you?
175
00:06:05,625 --> 00:06:08,165
- Because I'm smart,
and I got good ideas.
176
00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:09,670
- No, you don't!
177
00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:12,130
- Why you always feel the need
to cut me down?
178
00:06:12,208 --> 00:06:13,498
That's why I drink so much.
179
00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:15,833
- But your story
don't make no sense.
180
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:17,457
- Don't you see?
181
00:06:17,542 --> 00:06:19,582
It's obvious they want me
to be a super soldier
182
00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:21,627
in the army
so I can win the war
183
00:06:21,709 --> 00:06:24,629
and spread justice
across the world.
184
00:06:24,709 --> 00:06:26,629
That's it.
185
00:06:26,709 --> 00:06:28,789
That can be my new name:
186
00:06:28,875 --> 00:06:32,245
the Tuskegee Superspreader.
187
00:06:32,917 --> 00:06:34,417
I like it.
188
00:06:36,709 --> 00:06:38,829
- Yo, what about the flu shot?
I got that too.
189
00:06:38,917 --> 00:06:40,037
all: No.
190
00:06:40,125 --> 00:06:41,785
- You don't need no shot
for the flu.
191
00:06:41,875 --> 00:06:43,955
Pushups and ginger ale, baby.
That's it!
192
00:06:44,041 --> 00:06:45,671
- Yeah, I'd just take
the fucking flu
193
00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:47,130
to be honest with you.
I mean, I could use a day off.
194
00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:48,668
- Y'all niggas are mad scary.
195
00:06:48,750 --> 00:06:50,630
I get the flu shot every year.
It's nothing.
196
00:06:50,709 --> 00:06:52,039
- All right, well,
what if you fine
197
00:06:52,125 --> 00:06:53,285
but your kids come out
all fucked up?
198
00:06:53,375 --> 00:06:54,495
- You sound dumb as hell.
199
00:06:54,583 --> 00:06:55,833
- You don't want
no fucked-up kids.
200
00:06:55,917 --> 00:06:57,207
- Exactly.
201
00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:58,961
- Last thing you want
is a fucked-up kid.
202
00:06:59,041 --> 00:07:00,961
- I mean, like, if you
can avoid that, you should.
203
00:07:01,041 --> 00:07:03,001
- I can't live
with no fucked-up kid, man.
204
00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:04,383
- Oh.
[laughs]
205
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:05,828
- I wouldn't say that.
206
00:07:05,917 --> 00:07:07,917
- I mean, coming out
all 'tarded, big-ass head.
207
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,040
I ain't doing that.
- Why--
208
00:07:09,125 --> 00:07:10,325
Why you gotta go there, man?
209
00:07:10,417 --> 00:07:11,667
- What's wrong with you?
- It's 2021.
210
00:07:11,750 --> 00:07:13,080
- You know what?
G got a point though.
211
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,956
'Cause yo, I was reading
that doing vaccines
212
00:07:15,041 --> 00:07:16,831
been causing mad problems
in children, yo.
213
00:07:16,917 --> 00:07:18,497
- Like making them gay
and shit, right?
214
00:07:18,583 --> 00:07:19,503
- Whoa, no.
I was--
215
00:07:19,583 --> 00:07:20,713
- Again, see, man, why you
216
00:07:20,792 --> 00:07:22,132
always gotta go that far?
217
00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:24,248
- Wait a minute, G,
you got, like, eight kids.
218
00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:27,333
You haven't vaccinated them?
- Hell nah.
219
00:07:27,417 --> 00:07:28,827
They mothers
probably did though.
220
00:07:28,917 --> 00:07:30,877
- [scoffs]
You are bugging, dog.
221
00:07:30,959 --> 00:07:32,999
- Look, I vaccinated my kids,
I'm not gonna front,
222
00:07:33,083 --> 00:07:36,463
but for, like, polio
and measles and smallpox.
223
00:07:36,542 --> 00:07:39,212
- Rickets, asbestos.
- Old timey shit.
224
00:07:39,291 --> 00:07:40,921
Not this COVID-19.
It's too new.
225
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,710
- I ain't gonna lie,
if I had kids,
226
00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:44,382
I would give them
the COVID vaccine.
227
00:07:44,458 --> 00:07:46,078
- So you would give
your baby something
228
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:47,786
that you don't trust
for yourself?
229
00:07:47,875 --> 00:07:49,325
- I guess.
- Yup.
230
00:07:49,417 --> 00:07:50,917
- And I sound stupid to you?
- Okay, but there's shit
231
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,380
that babies could have
that grownups can't have.
232
00:07:53,458 --> 00:07:55,418
- Like drinking breast milk.
- Exactly!
233
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:57,830
- Or circumcising.
- Circumcising?
234
00:07:57,917 --> 00:08:00,127
- That's like turning your
sweater into a sweater vest
235
00:08:00,208 --> 00:08:02,038
but for your dick.
- Exactly.
236
00:08:02,125 --> 00:08:04,785
You can do that shit to babies
because they can't feel it.
237
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:06,375
- Who told you that?
238
00:08:06,458 --> 00:08:08,168
- I ain't never circumcising
my kids.
239
00:08:08,250 --> 00:08:11,330
I'm not circumcised,
and look, I turned out good.
240
00:08:11,417 --> 00:08:14,377
- Dog, you're selling vaccines
in a barbershop.
241
00:08:14,458 --> 00:08:16,458
You're not good.
- No, you're not good.
242
00:08:16,542 --> 00:08:17,882
- You're, like,
the opposite of good.
243
00:08:17,959 --> 00:08:19,329
- I wouldn't use "good"
to describe you.
244
00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:20,457
- Not at all.
245
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:21,882
[urinating]
246
00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:24,289
- Davis.
- Oh, hey, Mr. Johnson.
247
00:08:24,375 --> 00:08:26,825
- We were all very impressed
with your report, Davis.
248
00:08:26,917 --> 00:08:28,667
Great work again.
249
00:08:28,750 --> 00:08:30,290
- I really appreciate that,
sir.
250
00:08:30,375 --> 00:08:31,995
- You know,
we could use a man like you
251
00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:33,833
in our junior exec program.
- Really?
252
00:08:33,917 --> 00:08:35,707
- Mm-hmm.
- It would be an honor, sir.
253
00:08:35,792 --> 00:08:37,172
[dramatic music]
254
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:41,250
- Uh, yeah, on second thought,
I've changed my mind.
255
00:08:41,333 --> 00:08:43,133
You're not quite
the right fit.
256
00:08:43,208 --> 00:08:44,288
♪ ♪
257
00:08:44,375 --> 00:08:45,875
- Not again.
258
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:49,419
- Are you an adult male
that has not been circumcised?
259
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:50,790
I know I am.
260
00:08:50,875 --> 00:08:53,125
And if you're like me,
you're probably wondering
261
00:08:53,208 --> 00:08:56,498
what if there was a way
to decorate that extra flesh
262
00:08:56,583 --> 00:09:00,463
on your penis so that
it wasn't just hanging there?
263
00:09:00,542 --> 00:09:02,632
Well, now there is.
264
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:06,629
narrator: Introducing Dr.Thurgood Carver's Dick Ties.
265
00:09:06,709 --> 00:09:08,959
- This tiny bow
I've made to tie at the end
266
00:09:09,041 --> 00:09:10,791
of your uncircumcised penis
267
00:09:10,875 --> 00:09:14,705
so that it looks like
a cute little sausage link.
268
00:09:14,792 --> 00:09:17,132
See?Look how cute that looks.
269
00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:19,578
Now I dare the fellows
in the shower down at the gym
270
00:09:19,667 --> 00:09:21,577
to laugh at this.
[laughs]
271
00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:23,127
They'll probably laugh anyway
272
00:09:23,208 --> 00:09:24,628
just 'cause
they're not mature enough
273
00:09:24,709 --> 00:09:26,419
to tell you why
they don't like something.
274
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:29,290
But you'll know it looks good,
and that's what matters.
275
00:09:29,375 --> 00:09:32,745
Now, how much would you pay
for that?
276
00:09:32,834 --> 00:09:35,334
$5, maybe $10?
277
00:09:35,417 --> 00:09:38,037
Shit, I'd pay for that.
278
00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:41,130
- Ah, Davis.
279
00:09:41,208 --> 00:09:43,628
I wanted to talk to you
more about your reports.
280
00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:45,459
They were--
281
00:09:45,542 --> 00:09:46,922
[shimmering tones]
282
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,210
- Sir.
283
00:09:48,291 --> 00:09:49,631
- Pretty good.
284
00:09:49,709 --> 00:09:52,169
Pretty damn good, actually.
285
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:53,670
Hey, you got the promotion,
son.
286
00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:55,540
[laughs]
- All right!
287
00:09:55,625 --> 00:09:58,535
narrator: Dr. ThurgoodCarver's Dick Ties.
288
00:09:58,834 --> 00:10:00,084
- [laughs]
289
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:02,326
- I'm surprised at you, Che.
I mean, you on TV.
290
00:10:02,417 --> 00:10:04,127
I would've thought you got
the vaccine already.
291
00:10:04,208 --> 00:10:05,998
- I mean, they're trying
to make me take it.
292
00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:07,713
My white manager's trying
to get me to take it,
293
00:10:07,792 --> 00:10:09,382
but I don't trust that shit.
- Smart.
294
00:10:09,458 --> 00:10:10,958
- Y'all are crazy, man.
295
00:10:11,041 --> 00:10:12,541
- Besides, if everybody else
is taking the vaccine,
296
00:10:12,625 --> 00:10:14,165
then why I gotta take it?
297
00:10:14,250 --> 00:10:17,000
- Because you can still
catch that shit and die, man.
298
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,423
- I'll take my chances.
299
00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,670
- All I know is,
I can't do another quarantine.
300
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:23,000
- Word, shit feel like prison,
man.
301
00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:24,503
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
302
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,213
- For real.
- Locked in the house all day.
303
00:10:26,291 --> 00:10:27,421
- Can't hug your family.
304
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,920
- Can't go nowhere.
No girls.
305
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,460
- I mean, there's girls.
306
00:10:31,542 --> 00:10:33,712
- I think he means, like,
it's hard to meet girls.
307
00:10:33,792 --> 00:10:36,882
- Oh, it's because they all got
on masks and shit, right?
308
00:10:36,959 --> 00:10:38,879
Like, you can't see they face.
- Exactly.
309
00:10:38,959 --> 00:10:40,379
How am I supposed to tell
who's ugly or not?
310
00:10:40,458 --> 00:10:41,878
- Yeah, I don't know
about that,
311
00:10:41,959 --> 00:10:43,329
but I can't go through
another lockdown, man.
312
00:10:43,417 --> 00:10:44,707
- For real.
313
00:10:44,792 --> 00:10:46,422
- You can't go out eat.
Ain't no clubs.
314
00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:49,080
- Right?
- Sleeping on your back,
315
00:10:49,166 --> 00:10:51,876
guards checking your
booty cheeks for weapons.
316
00:10:52,583 --> 00:10:54,133
- The fuck are you
talking about, man?
317
00:10:54,208 --> 00:10:56,878
- Lockdown, baby.
You can't leave the building,
318
00:10:56,959 --> 00:10:59,379
your mama talking to you
through a glass window,
319
00:10:59,458 --> 00:11:02,208
and you taking showers
with niggas all day.
320
00:11:02,291 --> 00:11:04,211
- That's just all prison stuff,
man.
321
00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:06,211
- Which part?
- All of it, nigga.
322
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,831
- All of it, dude.
- Every word you said.
323
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,457
- You're just saying jail shit,
man.
324
00:11:09,542 --> 00:11:11,462
- What about the herpes shot?
I got that too.
325
00:11:11,542 --> 00:11:14,922
One, two, three, four, five.
One of y'all got herpes.
326
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,210
[phone rings]
327
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,080
- Uh-huh.
328
00:11:19,166 --> 00:11:20,876
All right, all right.
Thank you.
329
00:11:20,959 --> 00:11:23,539
Clarence!
Get up, Clarence!
330
00:11:23,625 --> 00:11:26,575
[dramatic organ music]
331
00:11:26,667 --> 00:11:29,707
♪ ♪
332
00:11:29,792 --> 00:11:31,922
- Okay, look, baby,
I know what you're gonna say.
333
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,750
- The doctor told me you done
burnt me up down there.
334
00:11:34,834 --> 00:11:36,004
- Now, baby,
that wasn't my fault.
335
00:11:36,083 --> 00:11:37,253
If you just let me explain--
336
00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:38,923
- Oh, there's nothing
to explain.
337
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,710
You been out here
with these hussies,
338
00:11:40,792 --> 00:11:42,042
you done caught something,
339
00:11:42,125 --> 00:11:43,575
and then you brought it
back here to me,
340
00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:44,997
you nasty bastard.
341
00:11:45,083 --> 00:11:46,583
- I wasn't messing
with no hussies.
342
00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:48,077
I told you,
I'm done with that!
343
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,076
It's from them
Tuskegee 'speriments.
344
00:11:50,166 --> 00:11:51,786
- Shut up about them
phony 'speriments.
345
00:11:51,875 --> 00:11:53,285
- Naw, I'm serious.
346
00:11:53,375 --> 00:11:55,995
The man told me there might
be some possible side effects.
347
00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:57,833
Something called
super syphilis.
348
00:11:57,917 --> 00:11:59,127
- Syphilis?
349
00:11:59,208 --> 00:12:01,628
- No, super syphilis.
350
00:12:01,709 --> 00:12:03,419
Them crackers tricked us
real good, baby.
351
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:05,210
We gotta stick together
on this.
352
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,331
- Well, the doctor didn't tell
me nothing about no syphilis.
353
00:12:07,417 --> 00:12:11,497
But he told me you done gave me
gonorrhea and crabs!
354
00:12:11,583 --> 00:12:14,463
- Gonorrhea...and crabs?
355
00:12:14,542 --> 00:12:16,082
Oh, well, that's gotta be
356
00:12:16,166 --> 00:12:17,626
from them Tuskegee
experiments too,
357
00:12:17,709 --> 00:12:19,079
'cause there was a whole bunch
of side effects
358
00:12:19,166 --> 00:12:20,166
I ain't even read.
359
00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:21,630
- I don't believe you,
Clarence.
360
00:12:21,709 --> 00:12:22,959
- I'm telling you the truth.
361
00:12:23,041 --> 00:12:24,581
I done gave up
them cheating ways now.
362
00:12:24,667 --> 00:12:27,877
- Yeah?
Then what is this?
363
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,495
- It look like a puppy
or something.
364
00:12:32,583 --> 00:12:34,463
- It's a baby, fool.
365
00:12:34,542 --> 00:12:36,672
Some woman done dropped him
off at the doorstep,
366
00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:38,380
said it belonged to you.
367
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,418
- Well, it ain't mine.
368
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:43,830
- He's wearing your boxers.
- [coos]
369
00:12:43,917 --> 00:12:47,077
- Wow!
[laughs]
370
00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:49,956
Them crackers is tricky, baby!
371
00:12:50,041 --> 00:12:52,581
Well played, crackers.
[laughs]
372
00:12:52,667 --> 00:12:54,667
Well played.
373
00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:56,000
- Nigga.
374
00:12:56,083 --> 00:12:57,673
narrator: "The Ticket"will return
375
00:12:57,750 --> 00:13:00,250
after a wordfrom our sponsors.
376
00:13:00,750 --> 00:13:01,830
[dramatic piano music]
377
00:13:01,917 --> 00:13:05,207
- Bold, strength,
378
00:13:05,291 --> 00:13:08,751
brave, excellence,
379
00:13:08,834 --> 00:13:11,634
power, Blackness.
380
00:13:11,709 --> 00:13:13,879
Your life matters
381
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:16,379
which is why right now,in these serious times,
382
00:13:16,458 --> 00:13:18,668
White Castle is offeringtwo Crave Cases
383
00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:22,380
for the price of one in allof our inner city locations.
384
00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:24,788
Courage, soul,
385
00:13:24,875 --> 00:13:27,165
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.,
386
00:13:27,250 --> 00:13:29,380
unity, peace,
387
00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:30,918
jalapeño cheese sliders,
388
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,420
just 28 cents
389
00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:33,830
with the purchaseof any large drink
390
00:13:33,917 --> 00:13:36,327
for all 28 days of February.
391
00:13:36,417 --> 00:13:39,287
Your voice matters.Use it.
392
00:13:39,375 --> 00:13:41,535
Ask to try one of our new,delicious smoothies
393
00:13:41,625 --> 00:13:42,995
at 1/2 price.
394
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:44,793
We know thatinner city neighborhoods
395
00:13:44,875 --> 00:13:46,915
have kept our doors openfrom the start,
396
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,130
and we knowthat these communities
397
00:13:49,208 --> 00:13:51,328
have been hit hardestby this pandemic
398
00:13:51,417 --> 00:13:53,377
due to preexistinghealth conditions
399
00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:55,578
like diabetesand heart disease,
400
00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:57,247
probably from a steady diet
401
00:13:57,333 --> 00:14:00,423
of our delicious, sopping wetmurder burgers.
402
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:03,290
So this February,we are giving away a foot
403
00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:04,955
to someone in need.
404
00:14:05,041 --> 00:14:07,791
We're in the fight together
405
00:14:07,875 --> 00:14:10,165
because Black lives matterto us.
406
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:12,710
White Castle,bold move.
407
00:14:12,792 --> 00:14:14,922
- I remember I went
in the shower,
408
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,880
and I couldn't smell
my shampoo.
409
00:14:16,959 --> 00:14:18,919
And I was like,
"What the fuck is going on?"
410
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,790
So I started
smelling everything.
411
00:14:20,875 --> 00:14:23,205
Remember that scene in,
like, what was it?
412
00:14:23,291 --> 00:14:25,081
"Helen Keller Story"
when she's walking around.
413
00:14:25,166 --> 00:14:26,416
"Water, water."
414
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:28,580
That was me
with COVID symptoms, like,
415
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:30,917
smelling spices and peppers.
416
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,830
Is this just me?
Nobody else went through this?
417
00:14:33,917 --> 00:14:35,417
- Yo, y'all know this vaccine
418
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,080
is how they gonna put
the chip in you, right?
419
00:14:37,166 --> 00:14:38,416
- Yup.
- Chip?
420
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:40,500
- The microchip, son.
The mark of the beast.
421
00:14:40,583 --> 00:14:42,213
- Stupid, yo.
- I'm telling you.
422
00:14:42,291 --> 00:14:43,881
That's how they gonna
get everybody.
423
00:14:43,959 --> 00:14:46,289
- Who's they?
- Bill Gates and them.
424
00:14:46,375 --> 00:14:47,825
- The computer nigga?
- Yeah!
425
00:14:47,917 --> 00:14:50,287
Not just him.
All them secret society niggas.
426
00:14:50,375 --> 00:14:52,745
Obama, Rihanna.
427
00:14:52,834 --> 00:14:54,424
- "Shark Tank."
All of them.
428
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:55,790
The New World Order, brah.
429
00:14:55,875 --> 00:14:57,455
- I'm telling you,
shit is in the Bible.
430
00:14:57,542 --> 00:14:59,042
Read up.
- It's crazy, man.
431
00:14:59,125 --> 00:15:00,575
'Cause everything in the
Bible's happening right now.
432
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,327
- Word, right?
Plagues and shit.
433
00:15:02,417 --> 00:15:04,417
- So you niggas religious now?
- Nah, I don't go to church,
434
00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:06,460
but I'm spiritual,
and I do read.
435
00:15:06,542 --> 00:15:08,502
And I'm telling you,
this vaccine shit,
436
00:15:08,583 --> 00:15:10,133
this is all part
of they plan, yo.
437
00:15:10,208 --> 00:15:11,668
- That's how they get you.
438
00:15:11,750 --> 00:15:13,130
- Damn, that's actually
pretty deep.
439
00:15:13,208 --> 00:15:14,538
- Eh, these niggas
said the same thing
440
00:15:14,625 --> 00:15:16,035
when the iPhone came out.
441
00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:18,455
- Man, why you gotta scan
my face using my thumbprint
442
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:21,502
just to unlock my phone?
That's the mark of the beast.
443
00:15:21,583 --> 00:15:22,793
- That's how they get you.
- Yup.
444
00:15:22,875 --> 00:15:24,075
I was just reading
about it on Twitter.
445
00:15:24,166 --> 00:15:25,456
Twitter?
446
00:15:25,542 --> 00:15:28,002
So everybody can read
all my controversial opinions
447
00:15:28,083 --> 00:15:30,133
and then use them against me
in the future?
448
00:15:30,208 --> 00:15:32,538
That's the mark of the beast.
- That's how they get you.
449
00:15:32,625 --> 00:15:33,825
- Just call my cell.
450
00:15:33,917 --> 00:15:35,707
Man, I'm not walking around
with no cell phone
451
00:15:35,792 --> 00:15:37,292
so they can track
my every move.
452
00:15:37,375 --> 00:15:39,995
- That's how they get you.
- Just call the house!
453
00:15:40,083 --> 00:15:41,833
A house phone?
Shoot.
454
00:15:41,917 --> 00:15:43,997
I don't want them people
listening to my conversations
455
00:15:44,083 --> 00:15:45,503
when I'm at home.
- That's how they get you.
456
00:15:45,583 --> 00:15:47,173
- Just send me a pigeon.
- [laughs]
457
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:48,500
- A pigeon?
458
00:15:48,583 --> 00:15:50,003
So they can shoot it
while it's flying,
459
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:51,673
and then read
my important messages?
460
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:54,170
- That's how they get you.
- Just sing me a song.
461
00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:56,420
Singing gospel songs
in the cotton fields
462
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,250
as a secret code
to send messages
463
00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:00,213
to other slaves
so the master don't know?
464
00:16:00,291 --> 00:16:01,541
- [whispers]
That's how they get you.
465
00:16:01,625 --> 00:16:03,535
- You better learn how to drum.
466
00:16:03,625 --> 00:16:05,455
- Why you think
they want Black folks
467
00:16:05,542 --> 00:16:07,042
to take that vaccine first?
468
00:16:07,125 --> 00:16:09,705
They ain't slick, they trying
to 'speriment on us, brother.
469
00:16:09,792 --> 00:16:12,382
- Man, whatever, dog.
I'm taking that shit.
470
00:16:12,458 --> 00:16:14,878
- If you Black
and you take that shit,
471
00:16:14,959 --> 00:16:16,209
you crazy.
472
00:16:16,291 --> 00:16:19,381
With the history of this
country fucking us over,
473
00:16:19,458 --> 00:16:20,628
how you gonna trust them?
474
00:16:20,709 --> 00:16:22,879
- You know what?
That's a good point.
475
00:16:22,959 --> 00:16:25,249
Actually, I ain't taking
that vaccine.
476
00:16:25,333 --> 00:16:26,583
- Word.
477
00:16:26,667 --> 00:16:28,077
- Like, hell nah,
I ain't taking that vaccine.
478
00:16:28,166 --> 00:16:29,416
- Exactly.
- Hell yeah.
479
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:31,880
- I would never
take that vaccine!
480
00:16:32,542 --> 00:16:34,712
All right, and you're sure
this vaccine is gonna work?
481
00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:36,462
- Yes, totally.
You're gonna love it.
482
00:16:36,542 --> 00:16:37,712
- It's loud.
Smell it.
483
00:16:37,792 --> 00:16:39,542
- Okay, I don't know
what that means.
484
00:16:39,625 --> 00:16:41,575
- Che, baby, please.
Come here, come on.
485
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,127
Just shut the fuck up
and do it.
486
00:16:43,208 --> 00:16:44,958
- I just don't wanna
get Elvis lip.
487
00:16:45,041 --> 00:16:47,131
- What?
- Elvis lip.
488
00:16:47,208 --> 00:16:49,248
Forget it.
Let's just get this over with.
489
00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:51,253
[upbeat music]
490
00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:53,583
[sighs]
491
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:57,207
- That vaccine might cause
mad problems for you.
492
00:16:57,291 --> 00:16:59,791
[ominous music]
493
00:16:59,875 --> 00:17:01,535
♪ ♪
494
00:17:01,625 --> 00:17:04,325
- If you take that shit,
you crazy.
495
00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:08,328
- I took it.
I'm fine.
496
00:17:10,291 --> 00:17:12,171
- Well played, crackers.
[laughs]
497
00:17:12,250 --> 00:17:15,580
- With the history of thiscountry fucking us over,
498
00:17:15,667 --> 00:17:17,917
how you gonna trust them?
499
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,420
- That's the markof the beast.
500
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:21,250
- This is all partof they plan.
501
00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:23,003
- That's how they get you.
502
00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:27,127
- Nah, nah, I'm sorry.
I can't take this vaccine.
503
00:17:27,208 --> 00:17:29,078
[crowd aws]
504
00:17:29,166 --> 00:17:30,626
I really appreciate y'all
505
00:17:30,709 --> 00:17:32,629
for inviting me to this party,
506
00:17:32,709 --> 00:17:34,879
but there's a lot of history
in this country,
507
00:17:34,959 --> 00:17:36,629
and as Black American,
I feel like it's my--
508
00:17:36,709 --> 00:17:38,959
- What are you talking about?
I already gave it to you, man.
509
00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:40,711
- Hey, man!
What the fuck?
510
00:17:40,792 --> 00:17:42,422
You didn't even lift my sleeve.
511
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:43,830
- Oh, no, I was afraid
you were gonna back out.
512
00:17:43,917 --> 00:17:46,417
- And he was right to,
right, everybody?
513
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,500
Yeah!
Come on!
514
00:17:48,583 --> 00:17:50,173
We're allies!
Yes!
515
00:17:50,250 --> 00:17:53,250
- But the important question
is:
516
00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:55,583
how do you feel?
517
00:17:57,709 --> 00:17:59,039
- I feel fine.
518
00:17:59,125 --> 00:18:01,825
[excited chatter]
519
00:18:01,917 --> 00:18:04,537
- He feels fine.
I think it works.
520
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,325
- You think?
[applause]
521
00:18:06,417 --> 00:18:08,037
What do you mean,
"You think it works"?
522
00:18:08,125 --> 00:18:09,875
- Since it works,
why don't we all take it?
523
00:18:09,959 --> 00:18:11,289
- You haven't taken it yet?
524
00:18:11,375 --> 00:18:13,455
- Who wants to get a shot?
- Ooh, me!
525
00:18:13,542 --> 00:18:15,632
[excited chatter]
526
00:18:15,709 --> 00:18:18,539
[upbeat music]
527
00:18:18,625 --> 00:18:20,165
[ominous music]
528
00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:22,460
- Hey!
529
00:18:22,542 --> 00:18:25,672
[Elvis Presley's "JailhouseRock", instrumental]
530
00:18:25,750 --> 00:18:32,920
♪ ♪
531
00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:37,520
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