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[funky bass line]
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00:00:09,458 --> 00:00:12,748
♪ ♪
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00:00:12,834 --> 00:00:15,384
- Hey, guys.
How are things going?
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00:00:15,458 --> 00:00:16,918
Come on, sit down.
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00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,540
- Class, we are in
for a real treat today.
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00:00:19,625 --> 00:00:22,125
Our guest speaker is not only
someone who is a student
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00:00:22,208 --> 00:00:23,668
at this very school,
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00:00:23,750 --> 00:00:26,460
but he is a very accomplished
stand-up comedian.
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00:00:26,542 --> 00:00:28,462
He's also the first
Black head writer
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00:00:28,542 --> 00:00:31,332
of "Saturday Night Live"
and the first Black anchor
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00:00:31,417 --> 00:00:33,537
of the storied "Weekend Update"
segment.
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00:00:33,625 --> 00:00:36,915
And he single-handedly saved
the HBO Max streaming service
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00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,830
with his wildly successful
show.
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00:00:38,917 --> 00:00:41,827
Please give a warm
School of the Arts welcome
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00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,327
to Michael Che!
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[applause]
17
00:00:48,625 --> 00:00:50,415
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
18
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,170
- School of the Arts.
It's so great to be here.
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00:00:52,250 --> 00:00:53,290
Thank you. You're so kind.
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00:00:53,375 --> 00:00:55,705
Oh, you should clap harder.
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Okay.
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00:00:57,041 --> 00:00:58,631
Thank you very much.
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00:00:58,709 --> 00:01:00,539
- It is a thrill for us
to have you, Michael.
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00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:03,205
- Hmm,that's very interesting.
25
00:01:03,291 --> 00:01:06,831
And it was the actor
Omari Hardwick instead?
26
00:01:06,917 --> 00:01:09,287
- No, it was still me;
I just looked exactly
27
00:01:09,375 --> 00:01:11,455
like Omari Hardwick
for some reason.
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00:01:11,542 --> 00:01:12,632
It's weird, right?
29
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- Not necessarily.
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A lot of times in dreams,
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people appear as other people.
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- But why Omari Hardwick?
I mean, we barely look alike.
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- You look nothing alike.
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00:01:22,375 --> 00:01:24,075
- I wouldn't say nothing alike.
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00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:26,166
- I would definitely say
nothing alike.
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00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:28,330
It's two different faces
and bodies.
37
00:01:28,417 --> 00:01:29,497
- Okay.
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00:01:29,583 --> 00:01:32,833
- Any more questions
for Michael Che?
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00:01:32,917 --> 00:01:35,327
- Mia.
- Hi, Mr. Che.
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00:01:35,417 --> 00:01:37,537
First of all, I'm a huge fan
of "Weekend Update."
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00:01:37,625 --> 00:01:38,825
- Oh, thank you.
42
00:01:38,917 --> 00:01:40,247
You know, most people
don't like it.
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00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:41,543
- I have a two-part question.
44
00:01:41,625 --> 00:01:43,285
The first part is,
do you ever feel
45
00:01:43,375 --> 00:01:45,665
an added pressure as a Black
man in these current times
46
00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:47,170
to use your voice
and your platform
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00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:48,830
to help empower
other Black people?
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00:01:48,917 --> 00:01:50,577
And also--
- No.
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00:01:50,667 --> 00:01:52,037
- No?
50
00:01:52,125 --> 00:01:53,665
- No, I don't feel like that.
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00:01:53,750 --> 00:01:55,130
Ever.
- Oh.
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00:01:55,208 --> 00:01:58,668
Okay,
then that's my only question,
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I guess.
- Thanks.
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00:02:03,250 --> 00:02:04,460
- All right.
55
00:02:04,542 --> 00:02:07,542
Anybody else? Anybody?
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[spacey guitar music building]
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♪ ♪
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[pensive bass line]
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- ♪ No matterhow hard you try ♪
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00:02:19,458 --> 00:02:22,828
♪ You can't stop me now ♪
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00:02:25,125 --> 00:02:27,665
- Having a job that a lot
of Black people
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00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:29,250
in your neighborhood
or Black people
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00:02:29,333 --> 00:02:31,583
in your background don't have,
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00:02:31,667 --> 00:02:34,207
they always wanna know more
about that job
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00:02:34,291 --> 00:02:35,881
and what are
the fucking secrets.
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00:02:35,959 --> 00:02:37,999
And there's always a reason
that you're succeeding
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00:02:38,083 --> 00:02:40,423
and other people
haven't succeeded.
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00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:42,500
And it's never...
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00:02:42,583 --> 00:02:43,543
- Hard work.
- Good.
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00:02:43,625 --> 00:02:45,035
- Yeah, it's never hard work
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00:02:45,125 --> 00:02:46,035
and dedication.
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00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:47,825
It's always some foul shit
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00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:49,917
that you probably did...
- Mm-hmm.
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00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,750
- That they're
not willing to do.
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00:02:51,834 --> 00:02:53,924
"Oh, yeah, I bet you did
get that promotion."
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00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,420
What the fuck is that
supposed to mean?
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00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:57,330
I almost don't wanna
tell people good news
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00:02:57,417 --> 00:02:58,577
because I don't want them
to think
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I did something terrible
to get it.
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00:03:01,333 --> 00:03:04,543
[suspenseful music]
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♪ ♪
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00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,880
I have one rose left,
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but there's two of you
standing here,
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00:03:13,291 --> 00:03:15,381
which means that one of you
will be safe
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00:03:15,458 --> 00:03:17,248
and the other one
will have to die
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00:03:17,333 --> 00:03:20,083
in a blood sacrifice
for my Hollywood career.
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00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,036
Give me the knife.
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00:03:22,125 --> 00:03:23,705
- I can't watch this.
89
00:03:24,917 --> 00:03:29,077
- Aunt Gladys,
your kisses are always wet,
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00:03:29,166 --> 00:03:32,246
and every time you hug me,
you leave makeup on my shirt.
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00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:35,633
But you always have candy
in church.
92
00:03:35,709 --> 00:03:36,959
I appreciate that.
93
00:03:37,041 --> 00:03:39,291
- I know my baby
loves his sweets.
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00:03:39,375 --> 00:03:41,035
- That, I do.
- Here.
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00:03:41,125 --> 00:03:42,875
Have some titty candy.
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00:03:42,959 --> 00:03:44,329
- Ah! Toblerone?
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00:03:44,417 --> 00:03:46,327
- Don't you tell your mama
I gave that to you.
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00:03:46,417 --> 00:03:47,577
- Yes, ma'am.
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00:03:49,625 --> 00:03:51,375
Uncle Dennis...
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00:03:51,458 --> 00:03:52,998
you take your shoes off
at the house
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00:03:53,083 --> 00:03:55,213
and you make the whole place
smell like corn chips.
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00:03:55,291 --> 00:03:56,631
It's funky.
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00:03:56,709 --> 00:03:58,169
And then you laugh too hard
at your own jokes
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00:03:58,250 --> 00:03:59,920
before you get
to the punch line.
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00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,630
- Yeah. [laughs]
- I'm sorry, son,
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00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:03,329
but why is it one
of your family has to die
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00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:05,167
so's as you can be in a movie?
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00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:06,750
- That's just how it works
for Black entertainers.
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00:04:06,834 --> 00:04:08,834
- Whatever happened
to just working hard
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00:04:08,917 --> 00:04:10,537
and earning success?
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00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,705
- I tried that
for, like, a year.
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00:04:12,792 --> 00:04:15,832
It's impossible.
- You can tell better jokes.
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00:04:15,917 --> 00:04:17,127
- No, I can't.
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00:04:17,208 --> 00:04:18,708
- I know, why don't you just
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00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:21,082
leave show business altogether
and try something new?
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00:04:21,166 --> 00:04:24,036
- I mean, I can,
but then I'd be poor again
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00:04:24,125 --> 00:04:25,575
and have to live
with one of y'all.
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00:04:25,667 --> 00:04:27,577
[all murmuring]
- He ain't staying with me.
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00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,877
- Exactly, look, let me just
sacrifice one of y'all.
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00:04:29,959 --> 00:04:32,079
I'll get a sitcom,
and we'll be fine.
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00:04:32,166 --> 00:04:35,326
- I guess the family
could spare one nigga
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00:04:35,417 --> 00:04:37,207
for your dreams.
- Thank you.
123
00:04:37,291 --> 00:04:38,331
- Hold on.
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00:04:38,417 --> 00:04:40,457
But I'm not even
your real aunt.
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00:04:40,542 --> 00:04:42,002
- Gladys!
- Me and your mama,
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00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:44,793
we just grew up
in the same building.
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00:04:44,875 --> 00:04:46,825
We not related.
128
00:04:46,917 --> 00:04:48,747
- What?
- No, it's true.
129
00:04:48,834 --> 00:04:51,464
Me and Gladys,
we just play cousins.
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00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:54,132
- Oh, well, that just made
my decision a lot easier.
131
00:04:54,208 --> 00:04:56,878
- Yes!
- Oh, this is some bullshit.
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00:04:56,959 --> 00:04:57,999
- Wait.
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00:04:58,083 --> 00:05:00,503
Easier in which direction?
134
00:05:00,583 --> 00:05:07,423
♪ ♪
135
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:11,920
- Wait, I'm so confused.
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00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,750
- See, there's this theory
in a Black community
137
00:05:13,834 --> 00:05:15,464
that in order to be
really famous,
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00:05:15,542 --> 00:05:17,542
you gotta sacrifice
a family member.
139
00:05:17,625 --> 00:05:19,535
- What? Is it true?
140
00:05:19,625 --> 00:05:20,745
- I don't know,
I'm not really famous,
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00:05:20,834 --> 00:05:22,214
but I do know that whenever
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00:05:22,291 --> 00:05:24,211
a major Black celebrity
loses a loved one,
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00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:26,041
we assume it was
a blood sacrifice.
144
00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:28,035
- That's seems
really insensitive.
145
00:05:28,125 --> 00:05:30,165
- It is.
- So then why do you do it?
146
00:05:30,250 --> 00:05:33,330
- I don't know, nigga,
it's fun.
147
00:05:33,417 --> 00:05:35,787
[all arguing]
148
00:05:35,875 --> 00:05:39,165
[cell phone ringing
and buzzing]
149
00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:42,580
Hello?
150
00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:44,077
Yeah, this is he.
151
00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:45,956
Ah, that's great.
152
00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:47,921
Of course I'd do that.
153
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,210
No, yeah, my family's here.
I can tell 'em right now.
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00:05:50,291 --> 00:05:51,501
This is awesome.
155
00:05:51,583 --> 00:05:52,543
All right, thank you.
156
00:05:52,625 --> 00:05:53,665
No, thank you.
157
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:54,750
Okay.
158
00:05:54,834 --> 00:05:56,504
All right, I love you too.
159
00:05:56,583 --> 00:05:58,253
Okay, bye.
160
00:05:58,333 --> 00:06:00,003
- Was that Hollywood?
- Yeah.
161
00:06:00,083 --> 00:06:01,383
Ma, you're not gonna
believe this,
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00:06:01,458 --> 00:06:02,748
but they're doing
another "Toy Story,"
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00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:04,754
and they want me to play
a voodoo doll.
164
00:06:04,834 --> 00:06:06,584
- That's awesome!
- Yeah.
165
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,077
- Oh, I'm so proud of you!
166
00:06:08,166 --> 00:06:09,996
- Hey, nephew,
you know why you always
167
00:06:10,083 --> 00:06:12,133
gotta keep a broom
on your boat, right?
168
00:06:12,208 --> 00:06:14,078
- No, why?
- [laughs]
169
00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:15,416
'Cause that's how you--
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00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,710
[laughing]
171
00:06:20,208 --> 00:06:22,288
- All right, hey, yeah, no,
I got it.
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00:06:22,375 --> 00:06:26,165
Look, the only problem is,
this new role,
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00:06:26,250 --> 00:06:28,880
it's gonna cost me
another family member.
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00:06:28,959 --> 00:06:30,079
- Oh?
175
00:06:30,166 --> 00:06:32,126
- Yeah, and they said
it has to be
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00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:35,458
a young one this time, so...
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00:06:35,542 --> 00:06:41,422
♪ ♪
178
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:42,920
Ah.
179
00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:47,250
- You know, luckily, my niece
was pregnant at the time,
180
00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:49,833
and so, you know,
two birds, one stone.
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00:06:49,917 --> 00:06:52,127
I ended up
voicing the character
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00:06:52,208 --> 00:06:55,418
of Coco Shando
in the short-lived
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00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:59,380
Disney+ spin-off
of "Toy Story."
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00:06:59,458 --> 00:07:01,998
- [laughs]
That's a funny story.
185
00:07:02,083 --> 00:07:03,673
- It's all totally true.
186
00:07:03,750 --> 00:07:06,080
- All right,
who's got another question?
187
00:07:06,166 --> 00:07:07,666
- Yeah, I got a question
for you.
188
00:07:07,750 --> 00:07:09,710
You ever do some gay shit
for a role?
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00:07:09,792 --> 00:07:11,132
[laughter]
190
00:07:11,208 --> 00:07:12,498
- Knock it off, guys.
This is a guest.
191
00:07:12,583 --> 00:07:13,833
- My brother told me
that Hollywood
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00:07:13,917 --> 00:07:15,287
only allows Black men
to succeed
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00:07:15,375 --> 00:07:16,875
if they're willing
to do something gay.
194
00:07:16,959 --> 00:07:18,709
Did you do that?
- Hey, that's enough.
195
00:07:18,792 --> 00:07:20,212
- No, it's--
- I am so sorry about that.
196
00:07:20,291 --> 00:07:21,791
- No, it's--it's fine.
197
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,995
As a Black man, I get
this question all the time,
198
00:07:24,083 --> 00:07:27,043
and the answer is that really,
199
00:07:27,125 --> 00:07:29,375
it depends on what
you consider gay.
200
00:07:29,458 --> 00:07:31,578
- Wha--
- Like, I was at a party,
201
00:07:31,667 --> 00:07:34,747
and an executive put his dick
in a bowl of ice cream,
202
00:07:34,834 --> 00:07:36,834
and he's like,
"You gotta lick it off
203
00:07:36,917 --> 00:07:39,577
"if you wanna even get a role
204
00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:43,627
in 'Fast and Furious 12:
Mo' Cars, Mo' Problems,'"
205
00:07:43,709 --> 00:07:46,669
and I was like,
"Uh, absolutely not, dude."
206
00:07:46,750 --> 00:07:49,460
- Well, good for you.
- "I'll eat the ice cream
207
00:07:49,542 --> 00:07:52,382
after you take your dick
out of the bowl."
208
00:07:52,458 --> 00:07:54,248
And he was like, "Deal."
209
00:07:54,333 --> 00:07:56,883
But is that gay? No.
210
00:07:56,959 --> 00:07:58,789
I mean, I know a lot
of gay friends
211
00:07:58,875 --> 00:08:00,705
that would not do anything
like that.
212
00:08:00,792 --> 00:08:02,712
- Man, I knew it.
- Michael Che.
213
00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:03,962
[scattered applause]
214
00:08:04,041 --> 00:08:07,711
- I'll read any line as Coco.
215
00:08:07,792 --> 00:08:09,752
- That sounds terrible.
216
00:08:09,834 --> 00:08:11,334
Did that actually happen?
217
00:08:11,417 --> 00:08:12,747
- No, no, I think
they're stopping
218
00:08:12,834 --> 00:08:14,214
at "Fast and Furious 10."
219
00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:17,081
- No, I meant Colin Jost
eating the ice cream.
220
00:08:17,166 --> 00:08:19,536
- Oh, no, that wasn't Colin.
That was me.
221
00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:21,785
I just looked like Colin
for some reason.
222
00:08:21,875 --> 00:08:24,665
- But I thought you looked
like Omari Hardwick.
223
00:08:24,750 --> 00:08:26,210
- Yeah, but it's like you said.
224
00:08:26,291 --> 00:08:28,001
You turn into other people
during your dreams.
225
00:08:28,083 --> 00:08:31,503
- Yes, but dreams
do come from somewhere.
226
00:08:31,583 --> 00:08:34,463
Do people think you're gay?
- I don't know.
227
00:08:34,542 --> 00:08:37,632
I mean, I'm sure someone thinks
I've done something gay
228
00:08:37,709 --> 00:08:41,579
to make it in show business,
but that's understandable.
229
00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:43,247
- How is that understandable?
230
00:08:43,333 --> 00:08:45,173
- Because everybody thinks
you gotta do something gay
231
00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:46,750
to get into show business.
232
00:08:46,834 --> 00:08:50,084
- Are you sure that's not just
something you think
233
00:08:50,166 --> 00:08:53,326
'cause of your own
insecurities?
234
00:08:53,417 --> 00:08:54,957
- Yes, I'm sure.
235
00:08:55,041 --> 00:08:57,211
Wait a minute,
you think I'm homophobic?
236
00:08:57,291 --> 00:08:58,461
- I don't know.
237
00:08:58,542 --> 00:08:59,922
- What do you mean
you don't know?
238
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,750
You're my therapist.
You're supposed to know.
239
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:03,044
- Wait, what?
240
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:04,285
I thought we were role-playing.
241
00:09:04,375 --> 00:09:06,995
I'm a prostitute.
- Sex worker.
242
00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:08,833
Let's just say
you're an actual therapist.
243
00:09:08,917 --> 00:09:11,077
- Oh, my God,
is this why you hired me,
244
00:09:11,166 --> 00:09:13,876
to dress up like this
and listen to your dreams?
245
00:09:13,959 --> 00:09:15,749
I thought this was sex fantasy.
246
00:09:15,834 --> 00:09:17,294
- No, no, no, it is. It is.
247
00:09:17,375 --> 00:09:18,955
I--I wanna have sex with you.
248
00:09:19,041 --> 00:09:21,671
I'm just--I'm just, uh,
working up to it.
249
00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:22,710
You know what I'm saying?
250
00:09:22,792 --> 00:09:24,462
I just wanna believe that
251
00:09:24,542 --> 00:09:26,462
you're my therapist,
and then
252
00:09:26,542 --> 00:09:29,132
I can have sex
with my therapist, you know?
253
00:09:29,208 --> 00:09:31,458
- You're being yourself.
I'm the one in character.
254
00:09:31,542 --> 00:09:33,962
- I got a couple more dreams,
we'll talk about my childhood,
255
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,631
and then into sex.
256
00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:39,999
When you hear motherfuckers
talk about "Hollywood parties,"
257
00:09:40,083 --> 00:09:45,003
it's always, "Yeah, they have
'gay Hollywood parties,'"
258
00:09:45,083 --> 00:09:47,883
and then you go on and listen
to what they're talking about,
259
00:09:47,959 --> 00:09:49,669
and it's like,
"Yeah, I walked in the room,
260
00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:51,630
and I saw two niggas kissing."
261
00:09:51,709 --> 00:09:53,169
I'm like,
262
00:09:53,250 --> 00:09:55,790
"Yeah, man, that's--
that's probably just a couple."
263
00:09:55,875 --> 00:09:58,035
- Yeah.
[laughter]
264
00:09:58,125 --> 00:09:59,825
- "It wasn't a gay party.
265
00:09:59,917 --> 00:10:02,207
You just saw two gay guys
at a party."
266
00:10:02,291 --> 00:10:03,881
But that's what people think.
267
00:10:03,959 --> 00:10:06,379
That would be enough to justify
268
00:10:06,458 --> 00:10:08,828
every insecurity
they've ever had
269
00:10:08,917 --> 00:10:11,957
about what goes on
"in Hollywood."
270
00:10:12,041 --> 00:10:15,421
[thrilling music]
271
00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:17,710
[timer beeping and ticking]
272
00:10:17,792 --> 00:10:18,922
- Damn it!
273
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,920
The sick bastard
left us here to die.
274
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,830
- What are we gonna do?
- There's nothing we can do!
275
00:10:22,917 --> 00:10:25,827
- Guys, it's gonna be fine.
Atomic Twan knows we're here.
276
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,377
He'll save us!
277
00:10:27,458 --> 00:10:28,828
- Atomic Twan?
278
00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:30,577
- While searchingfor a well-lit place
279
00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:32,167
to make his TikToks,
280
00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:33,960
Twan, the inept night-shiftsecurity guard,
281
00:10:34,041 --> 00:10:35,791
accidentally trapped himself
282
00:10:35,875 --> 00:10:37,825
in an atomic force generator,
283
00:10:37,917 --> 00:10:41,037
where he obtainedsuperhuman powers!
284
00:10:41,125 --> 00:10:42,745
Then he became...
285
00:10:44,792 --> 00:10:47,082
- Ah, fuck.
- Not that guy.
286
00:10:47,166 --> 00:10:48,456
- What do you mean?
287
00:10:48,542 --> 00:10:52,002
♪ ♪
288
00:10:52,083 --> 00:10:53,383
There he is!
- Uh-uh!
289
00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:54,958
Y'all ain't supposed
to be in here.
290
00:10:55,041 --> 00:10:56,251
We are closed.
291
00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:58,383
- There's a bomb!
You have to untie us!
292
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,748
- First of all, calm down.
293
00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:03,634
'Cause what y'all not gonna do
is yell at me.
294
00:11:03,709 --> 00:11:05,629
I ain't even supposed to be
working today.
295
00:11:05,709 --> 00:11:07,419
- See what I'm saying?
This dude sucks.
296
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,960
- We're not yelling at you,
Twan.
297
00:11:09,041 --> 00:11:11,131
- Time-out.
Who told y'all to bring a bomb
298
00:11:11,208 --> 00:11:12,498
in here in the first place?
299
00:11:12,583 --> 00:11:13,543
This is a bank.
300
00:11:13,625 --> 00:11:14,915
- We didn't bring the bomb.
301
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,000
- Well, I didn't do it,
if that's what
302
00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:17,293
you're trying to say.
303
00:11:17,375 --> 00:11:19,495
- Jesus Christ, can you just
untie us?
304
00:11:19,583 --> 00:11:21,713
- I guess I could do that.
305
00:11:21,792 --> 00:11:23,382
- I knew you could do it!
- Ah-ah!
306
00:11:23,458 --> 00:11:25,538
I didn't say I could do it.
307
00:11:25,625 --> 00:11:27,165
I said I would try.
308
00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:28,460
- You just said--
- Don't argue.
309
00:11:28,542 --> 00:11:30,792
♪ ♪
310
00:11:30,875 --> 00:11:32,075
[timer beeping and ticking]
311
00:11:32,166 --> 00:11:34,246
- Oh, my God.
312
00:11:34,333 --> 00:11:37,083
There's ticking.
What is the ticking?
313
00:11:37,166 --> 00:11:39,576
There's a lot of ticking
up in this bitch.
314
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:41,667
Sounds like a bomb's going off
or something.
315
00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:43,080
- 'Cause it is a bomb!
316
00:11:43,166 --> 00:11:44,576
- Oh, shoot.
317
00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:46,417
This thing says it's about
to blow up right now.
318
00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:48,040
- [groans]
- Oh, my God.
319
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,125
- I'm about to turn
this thing off
320
00:11:50,208 --> 00:11:53,958
'cause this ticking
is driving me cuckoo bananas.
321
00:11:54,041 --> 00:11:55,831
- Thank you, finally.
322
00:11:55,917 --> 00:11:57,457
- What's your password?
- Our what?
323
00:11:57,542 --> 00:11:59,002
- Your password for this little
bomb thingy
324
00:11:59,083 --> 00:12:00,833
so I can turn it off!
- It's not our bomb!
325
00:12:00,917 --> 00:12:02,207
- Well, it's not mines!
326
00:12:02,291 --> 00:12:04,041
- Can't you just
use your superpowers
327
00:12:04,125 --> 00:12:05,995
to untie us and fly us
out of here?
328
00:12:06,083 --> 00:12:07,253
- Fly you where?
329
00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:08,713
- Anywhere.
- Uh-uh!
330
00:12:08,792 --> 00:12:10,752
I ain't gonna be flying
y'all all over the place
331
00:12:10,834 --> 00:12:12,254
like Boo Boo the Fool.
332
00:12:12,333 --> 00:12:15,003
Tell me exactly how far
y'all trying to go first.
333
00:12:15,083 --> 00:12:17,923
- Literally anywhere, man!
- Pick a place!
334
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,830
[tense music]
335
00:12:19,917 --> 00:12:21,037
- Florence!
336
00:12:21,125 --> 00:12:23,455
- Yes, Mr. Michael?
You call me?
337
00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:25,212
- Yeah, I want you
to settle a bet
338
00:12:25,291 --> 00:12:27,001
for my white friend here.
339
00:12:27,083 --> 00:12:29,133
How do you think I made it
in show business?
340
00:12:29,208 --> 00:12:31,128
- Well, I'm not sure,
341
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:34,248
but I bet through hard work
and determination.
342
00:12:34,333 --> 00:12:37,173
- No, no, no, no.
No sucking up. Just be honest.
343
00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:40,830
How do you really think
I made it in show business?
344
00:12:40,917 --> 00:12:42,377
- Well...
345
00:12:42,458 --> 00:12:43,828
- You think I did
some gay shit, don't you?
346
00:12:43,917 --> 00:12:44,787
- No!
347
00:12:44,875 --> 00:12:46,245
- See? Nobody thinks that.
348
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:48,923
- Well, I didn't say
nobody thinks that.
349
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,330
I definitely heard that before.
350
00:12:51,417 --> 00:12:52,997
- See?
- Really?
351
00:12:53,083 --> 00:12:54,333
- But I don't believe it.
352
00:12:54,417 --> 00:12:57,327
I think that
you're just a coon.
353
00:12:57,417 --> 00:12:58,877
- A coon? What?
354
00:12:58,959 --> 00:13:01,629
- Well, you told me
to be honest.
355
00:13:01,709 --> 00:13:03,329
- What's a coon?
356
00:13:03,417 --> 00:13:05,077
- It's a Black person
that'll do anything
357
00:13:05,166 --> 00:13:07,206
to please white people
in order to make it.
358
00:13:07,291 --> 00:13:08,381
You know, like a sellout.
359
00:13:08,458 --> 00:13:09,998
- So according to you,
360
00:13:10,083 --> 00:13:11,383
Black people won't make it
361
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,748
unless they do something gay
or sell out?
362
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,504
- Or sacrifice a family member
in a blood sacrifice.
363
00:13:16,583 --> 00:13:19,503
But that's not according to me.
That's just what people say.
364
00:13:19,583 --> 00:13:21,543
- What people?
- Black people!
365
00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:22,875
- Why?
366
00:13:22,959 --> 00:13:25,289
- Because it's fun.
367
00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:27,165
You telling me white people
don't do that?
368
00:13:27,250 --> 00:13:29,040
You guys don't tear down
your celebrities?
369
00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:30,625
- No. I definitely don't.
370
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:32,249
- So you think
every white celebrity
371
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:35,003
just made it because of talent
and hard work?
372
00:13:35,083 --> 00:13:36,423
- Yes.
- All right.
373
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,210
I guess we just think
it's hard to believe
374
00:13:38,291 --> 00:13:40,001
that a Black person
could make it in this country
375
00:13:40,083 --> 00:13:42,583
without having to compromise
in some way,
376
00:13:42,667 --> 00:13:45,077
whether it's as crazy
as killing a family member
377
00:13:45,166 --> 00:13:48,496
or doing some gay shit
or being a coon.
378
00:13:48,583 --> 00:13:52,083
- Maybe that's why you were
Colin Jost in the dream.
379
00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:54,376
- What do you mean?
- Because you're afraid
380
00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:55,998
that's how Black people
see you.
381
00:13:56,083 --> 00:13:57,923
- As a Black Colin Jost?
382
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,920
Because we're both handsome
and graduated from Harvard!
383
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,960
- No, that's not
what I mean at all.
384
00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:06,001
What I mean is,
maybe you're afraid
385
00:14:06,083 --> 00:14:09,423
Black people see you as white.
386
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:10,710
- What? That's stupid.
387
00:14:10,792 --> 00:14:12,082
And you call yourself
a therapist.
388
00:14:12,166 --> 00:14:13,456
- I'm a prostitute,
389
00:14:13,542 --> 00:14:15,382
and you said earlier
when the girl asked
390
00:14:15,458 --> 00:14:17,248
if you felt pressure
to help Black people
391
00:14:17,333 --> 00:14:19,083
with your platform,
you said no.
392
00:14:19,166 --> 00:14:20,626
- But that's not even true;
I use my platform
393
00:14:20,709 --> 00:14:22,579
to help Black people
all the time.
394
00:14:22,667 --> 00:14:25,537
- Do you? Mm-hmm.
395
00:14:25,625 --> 00:14:27,625
- The fuck is that
supposed to mean, Florence?
396
00:14:27,709 --> 00:14:29,579
- Maybe we all do what we can,
397
00:14:29,667 --> 00:14:32,377
but some of us need to stand up
a little bit more.
398
00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:35,078
That's all I'm saying.
399
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:37,206
- Goddamn, Florence.
400
00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:39,788
Black people are the most
liberal people I know,
401
00:14:39,875 --> 00:14:42,455
but they're also the most
conservative people I know,
402
00:14:42,542 --> 00:14:45,632
where they're willing
to stand up for injustice
403
00:14:45,709 --> 00:14:48,959
as long as it ain't
404
00:14:49,041 --> 00:14:50,961
something they don't tolerate.
405
00:14:51,041 --> 00:14:53,541
[laughter]
406
00:14:53,625 --> 00:14:54,995
[crowd cheering]
407
00:14:55,083 --> 00:14:57,963
- Welcome to theWashington Wonders Arena.
408
00:14:58,041 --> 00:15:00,211
- I know we've been receiving
a lot of backlash
409
00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:01,831
for kneeling during
the national anthem...
410
00:15:01,917 --> 00:15:03,207
[crowd booing]
411
00:15:03,291 --> 00:15:05,251
But I say we continue
to use our platform
412
00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:07,713
and kneel until we see
significant change
413
00:15:07,792 --> 00:15:09,462
in this country, huh?
- Yeah, that's right!
414
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:12,672
- In a world plaguedby injustice...
415
00:15:12,750 --> 00:15:15,130
- Injustice for one
is injustice for all,
416
00:15:15,208 --> 00:15:16,708
right, fellas?
[all shouting]
417
00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:18,422
- Comes the story of one man
418
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,210
willing to standfor what's right
419
00:15:20,291 --> 00:15:22,171
in the face of adversity.
420
00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:24,960
- We will not stop kneeling
until there is equality
421
00:15:25,041 --> 00:15:28,461
for Black trans women
in this country!
422
00:15:28,542 --> 00:15:29,422
- For who?
423
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,210
- He was...
424
00:15:32,959 --> 00:15:35,419
- Black trans women
have it harder than anybody,
425
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,670
and we, as Black men in power,
426
00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:40,000
have to use our platform
to protect them!
427
00:15:40,083 --> 00:15:41,463
- Man, I don't know about that.
428
00:15:41,542 --> 00:15:43,502
- "The New York Times"called it
429
00:15:43,583 --> 00:15:44,883
"a movie."
430
00:15:44,959 --> 00:15:47,579
"Variety" magazine says,"Nope."
431
00:15:47,667 --> 00:15:49,627
And "The Shade Room"is calling it
432
00:15:49,709 --> 00:15:51,169
"woooooooooow."
433
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:52,330
- An injustice for one
434
00:15:52,417 --> 00:15:54,247
is an injustice for all,
remember?
435
00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:57,083
[all murmuring]
- I guess, yeah.
436
00:15:57,166 --> 00:15:59,166
- An originalheartwarming anthem
437
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,130
by Grammy and OscarAward-winning
438
00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:03,958
recording artists John Legendand Common
439
00:16:04,041 --> 00:16:05,461
would've been nice,
440
00:16:05,542 --> 00:16:07,542
but they were unresponsive.
441
00:16:07,625 --> 00:16:09,415
- Wait a minute!
Captain's right.
442
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:11,330
Trans women
should be protected.
443
00:16:11,417 --> 00:16:12,707
- Thank you!
444
00:16:12,792 --> 00:16:15,422
- Plus, some of them
looking a'ight too.
445
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:17,380
- Maybe don't help me.
446
00:16:20,291 --> 00:16:24,081
- Don't you wanna be the face
of the Black trans movement?
447
00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:27,286
[heartfelt music]
448
00:16:30,792 --> 00:16:32,542
- Look at this picture
right here.
449
00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:36,922
Now, y'all going to tell me
this nigga ain't thick?
450
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:38,750
- Can I tell you something?
451
00:16:38,834 --> 00:16:40,214
This is actually really fun.
452
00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:43,211
Like, I get why people
go to therapy now.
453
00:16:43,291 --> 00:16:45,711
- Hey, man, I don't mind
talking to you as friend--
454
00:16:45,792 --> 00:16:48,132
I mean, you seem okay--
455
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:50,628
but if you want to talk
to real therapist,
456
00:16:50,709 --> 00:16:52,499
I can recommend people.
- Nah.
457
00:16:52,583 --> 00:16:55,583
Therapy's not for me.
That's for crazy people.
458
00:16:55,667 --> 00:16:57,497
- It absolutely is for you.
459
00:16:57,583 --> 00:17:00,293
- I can't see myself
just paying a complete stranger
460
00:17:00,375 --> 00:17:01,745
to listen to all my problems.
461
00:17:01,834 --> 00:17:03,754
- That's exactly
what you're doing right now
462
00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:05,834
with a prostitute.
- Sex worker.
463
00:17:05,917 --> 00:17:07,077
But this is different.
464
00:17:07,166 --> 00:17:08,576
I'm only paying
for the sex part.
465
00:17:08,667 --> 00:17:11,377
The talking is actually fun.
466
00:17:11,458 --> 00:17:12,748
- This isn't fun.
467
00:17:12,834 --> 00:17:14,504
This is actually
kind of depressing,
468
00:17:14,583 --> 00:17:16,463
and I get paid
to do fucked-up stuff.
469
00:17:16,542 --> 00:17:18,212
- Oh, come on.
- But this is first time
470
00:17:18,291 --> 00:17:20,921
I feel sad for client.
471
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,500
- Aw.
- No.
472
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,583
- Thank you.
473
00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:27,577
[gentle music]
474
00:17:27,667 --> 00:17:34,787
♪ ♪
475
00:17:35,291 --> 00:17:37,461
- How you doing, son?
476
00:17:37,542 --> 00:17:40,212
Can I rap with you for a sec?
477
00:17:40,291 --> 00:17:41,881
- Sure.
- Your mama told me
478
00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:43,539
you're going into showbiz.
479
00:17:43,625 --> 00:17:45,455
Said you landed a gig
and everything.
480
00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:46,582
- Yep.
481
00:17:46,667 --> 00:17:48,127
- That's good.
That's real good.
482
00:17:48,208 --> 00:17:49,828
So look, when you get out
to Hollywood,
483
00:17:49,917 --> 00:17:51,707
you're gonna meet a lot
of different types
484
00:17:51,792 --> 00:17:53,132
of people out there.
- Dad.
485
00:17:53,208 --> 00:17:54,668
- And some of them may ask you
486
00:17:54,750 --> 00:17:57,080
to do some things you may not
be comfortable with.
487
00:17:57,166 --> 00:17:58,666
- I'm not gonna do
anything gay, Dad.
488
00:17:58,750 --> 00:18:00,040
- Good. Good.
489
00:18:00,125 --> 00:18:02,245
That's--that's good.
490
00:18:02,333 --> 00:18:05,673
All right, well, I guess
I'll see you around, then.
491
00:18:07,709 --> 00:18:10,169
- Hey, Dad, wait.
492
00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:12,080
- What is it, son?
493
00:18:13,834 --> 00:18:14,884
- What if I don't make it?
494
00:18:14,959 --> 00:18:17,249
What if I'm not good enough?
495
00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:19,833
- Whoo, you sound
just like me.
496
00:18:19,917 --> 00:18:22,707
- You did comedy?
- No, no. Close.
497
00:18:22,792 --> 00:18:24,332
I did porno.
- What?
498
00:18:24,417 --> 00:18:26,537
- They were laying off folks
down at the car wash.
499
00:18:26,625 --> 00:18:29,455
Mr. Gibson, the owner,
invited me and a couple fellas
500
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,542
up to the office,
said he liked our look.
501
00:18:31,625 --> 00:18:33,415
Took our shirts off,
threw some oil on,
502
00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:36,130
did some muscle man poses,
they snapped some Polaroids.
503
00:18:36,208 --> 00:18:38,328
Him and his wife said
they was doing a website.
504
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:40,327
- What, a website?
So this was recently?
505
00:18:40,417 --> 00:18:43,327
- No, no, this was years ago.
About three years.
506
00:18:43,417 --> 00:18:45,667
But look, man, the reason
why I didn't say anything
507
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,920
is because as crazy
as it sounds,
508
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,460
I was embarrassed by it.
509
00:18:49,542 --> 00:18:51,132
- Yeah, you should
be embarrassed!
510
00:18:51,208 --> 00:18:52,998
- Yeah, that's true.
- I can't believe you did that.
511
00:18:53,083 --> 00:18:54,633
- Mm-hmm.
That's me right there.
512
00:18:54,709 --> 00:18:56,709
- Oh, come on, man!
- I'm the one in the mask.
513
00:18:56,792 --> 00:18:58,712
- Yeah, yes, I see.
514
00:18:58,792 --> 00:19:01,502
Dad, you're a porn star!
- Sex worker.
515
00:19:01,583 --> 00:19:02,713
The point is this.
516
00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:04,252
You're always gonna have doubts
517
00:19:04,333 --> 00:19:06,253
when you're embarking
on something new.
518
00:19:06,333 --> 00:19:09,963
"Am I good enough for this?
Am I worthy of success?
519
00:19:10,041 --> 00:19:13,421
Is it weird that there are
no cameras at this shoot?"
520
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,580
But you can't let
none of that stop you
521
00:19:15,667 --> 00:19:17,707
from following your dreams.
522
00:19:17,792 --> 00:19:20,212
As long as you be true
to yourself,
523
00:19:20,291 --> 00:19:22,291
you're gonna be all right.
524
00:19:23,959 --> 00:19:25,789
- I guess.
525
00:19:25,875 --> 00:19:27,575
- Hey, and if that cat
Lorne Michaels
526
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,537
need any adult talent--
- Dad.
527
00:19:29,625 --> 00:19:31,205
- Okay, all right.
I'm just saying.
528
00:19:31,291 --> 00:19:33,751
You know, you miss 100%
of the shots you don't take.
529
00:19:33,834 --> 00:19:36,044
- I'll ask him, Dad.
- All right.
530
00:19:36,125 --> 00:19:42,875
♪ ♪
531
00:19:42,959 --> 00:19:45,879
[funky music]
532
00:19:45,959 --> 00:19:47,289
♪ ♪
533
00:19:47,375 --> 00:19:49,705
- Hey, Florence.
Where'd that lady go?
534
00:19:49,792 --> 00:19:51,172
- She left!
535
00:19:51,250 --> 00:19:55,630
After you started crying
and fell asleep, remember?
536
00:19:55,709 --> 00:19:57,579
- Yeah, I guess.
537
00:19:57,667 --> 00:19:59,247
Would you make me
some coffee, please?
538
00:19:59,333 --> 00:20:03,173
- Uh, sure. I guess.
539
00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:06,040
You realize I'm not
actually a maid, right?
540
00:20:06,125 --> 00:20:07,205
I'm a prostitute.
541
00:20:07,291 --> 00:20:09,081
- Sex worker.
- Whatever.
542
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:11,036
Do you still want
to have sex or what?
543
00:20:11,125 --> 00:20:15,705
I mean, you only got
about 15 minutes left.
544
00:20:15,792 --> 00:20:18,042
- I wanna have sex, okay?
545
00:20:18,125 --> 00:20:20,325
I just want you
to bring me coffee first
546
00:20:20,417 --> 00:20:23,457
so I can get into this whole
"having sex with a maid" thing.
547
00:20:23,542 --> 00:20:26,672
- All right, man,
it's your $200.
548
00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:28,710
- Thank you.
549
00:20:28,792 --> 00:20:32,462
- You Hollywood niggas
are really weird.
550
00:20:32,542 --> 00:20:39,712
♪ ♪
551
00:20:42,917 --> 00:20:46,747
[funky music]
552
00:20:46,834 --> 00:20:48,634
- If I had a superhero power...
553
00:20:48,709 --> 00:20:51,039
ah, man, I'd probably--
it'd be sad.
554
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:52,575
It'd probably be, like,
Alcoholic Man.
555
00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:55,627
I don't know.
[laughter]
556
00:20:55,709 --> 00:20:58,329
I got bit by a radioactive
tequila worm.
557
00:20:58,417 --> 00:21:01,457
That's great. [chuckling]
558
00:21:01,542 --> 00:21:03,922
And became Alcoholic Man.
559
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:11,170
♪ ♪
40751
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