Original subtitles

- You know, I remember being a kid,

and you'd watch your favorite show in the '80s,

and they'd always have this very special episode.

It was, like, the one serious episode

of "Diff'rent Strokes" or whatever,

where something happened to Dudley.

You're a kid watching a fucking sitcom.

I wanna see Arnold.

I wanna see, "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis,"

and, like, "Nope.

Today we're, talking about getting molested, kids."

Well, this is that episode for me.

You gotta understand,

a pandemic is just one more thing for us.

There's a lot of pandemics for niggas.

[gunshots and shouting]

- Get down! [tires squeal]

[people screaming]

- Yo, you all right? You all right? You good?

- Bro, I think I'm shot.

- Aw, fuck. - I don't wanna die, man.

- You're not gonna die. You're not gonna die.

I'm gonna call an ambulance right now.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't call the ambulance.

Don't. - Why not?

- They're gonna charge me, like, $8,000.

Fuck that. - What? Nigga, you got shot.

- I know, but me and my lady trying to get this house.

I don't want that on my credit right now.

Just call a Lyft. Trust me. - Are you sure?

- Yes. It's gonna be faster.

- All right, all right, all right, whatever, whatever.

- They just caught me slipping

and tried to assassinate me on Grand Street.

- Yeah, I know man.

You're gonna be all right, though, man.

- My boy calling a Lyft

'cause the ambulance gonna take too slow.

That's a real nigga right there.

- Nigga, who are you talking to?

- My Live.

- Why are you on Live right now?

Don't put me on, man. What's wrong with you?

- I got 34 people watching. That's the most I ever had.

- 34? - Yeah, lookit.

Remember Porsche? - Yeah.

- Look. She in there. What's up?

- I am helping him right now.

- You know how we do. [laughs]

[spacey guitar music building]

♪ ♪

[pensive bass line]

- ♪ No matter how hard you try ♪

♪ You can't stop me now ♪

[light music]

[gavel banging]

- Now, before we start this town hall meeting,

I just wanna take a moment to acknowledge

all the fine townspeople we've lost this past year,

far too soon,

for reasons beyond any of our control.

It's a damn shame.

We thought it would be a nice gesture

to keep their memories alive

with this short video tribute.

- These masks are literally the work of Satan,

and every single one of you

obeying the devil's laws is gonna be arrested by God.

- ♪ I will remember you ♪

- More people die from a regular flu every year

than from COVID.

- ♪ Will you remember me? ♪

- The mask makes you breathe in your own carbon monoxide!

- ♪ Don't let your life pass you by ♪

- There's a little thing in this country

called the Constitution!

- ♪ Weep not for the memories ♪

- I can't see anybody's face anymore.

I can't tell if a baby is smiling at me!

- ♪ Weep not for ♪

♪ The memories ♪

- Okay. First order.

We have a motion to make masks mandatory.

[people shouting]

Order!

Order! [bangs gavel]

Order! [shouting continues]

[bellowing] Order!

- Could you imagine that there's people out there

who would rather die

than deal with the consequences of having a high hospital bill?

They're more worried

that they have to pay for this fucking ambulance

than that they might die in this moment.

Isn't that fucking crazy?

- Jesus Christ. [laughs]

I never thought I'd say this on this show,

but I think I'm gonna have to take

the cop's side on this one, Wil.

I don't think that's a likely scenario.

[laughs]

- Yo, yo, the Lyft's here. The Lyft's here, yo.

Act like you're not shot. - All right. All right, cool.

Cool. Cool. [grunts]

[groans] Walk straight.

- So just act like you're good.

Just shut up, man.

- Lyft for Michael? - Yeah, yeah.

We just going to the hospital right quick.

- Yeah, just run all the lights.

- Is he okay? - Yeah, yeah.

He's all right, man. He just feels a little sick.

That's all. - Hey, man, he's not going

to shit or puke in my car?

- No, man. He's fine. - Just open the door!

- Then why are you holding your stomach like that?

- I got shot! - What? Call an ambulance.

- We can't call an ambulance, man.

- I'm trying to get a house. - [sympathetically] Oh.

You can't have all that on your credit.

both: Yeah. - Okay.

- Okay. - Get in. But!

Put your masks on first.

- We don't got masks.

- You've got to wear a mask if you want to be in here.

- Open the fucking door, man. - It's mandated!

People are dying. - Oh, my God.

I'm shot! - Uh-uh!

- He's dying now.

- No ride without a mask.

- Now what, man? I'm gonna die out here.

- No, man, you ain't gonna die.

Don't worry about it. I'm gonna call Calvin now.

- Why?

- Because he gets shot all the time.

He's gonna know what to do.

- Nigga, I can't help y'all. I just did 11 years.

I ain't trying to go back for no bullshit.

Yo, take the train or something.

- The train? The--he's shot, man.

He could die on the platform. - Man, that ain't my problem.

I'm an entrepreneur now.

I'm making workout videos. - What?

- Oh, matter of fact, when you guys are done with that,

you need to come holler at me.

I got, like, three clients over here now.

Shit is litty.

- Calvin, what the fuck are you talking about, man?

This nigga's gonna die. - Yo, I'ma die out here.

It's a wrap for me. Don't unfollow me!

- You're not gonna die.

- Calvin, this nigga is gonna die, man.

What the fuck are you doing? Please help us.

- [laughs] Let's go!

- I don't know if this is just a New York thing,

but there's always niggas just doing pull-ups

on the light poles

and on "don't walk" signs and shit.

They use bricks for dumbbells, two gallons of water.

They will work out on anything.

That's when you know the hood is ruined,

when white girls are doing pull-ups

on stop signs.

Then you're like, "It's time to move.

Rent's going up soon."

[lasers shoot] - My name is Calvin.

And I'm here to get your body in shape...

by Calvin!

- Body's by Calvin. - [barks]

- The latest urban workout craze

taking the industry by storm.

- I started working out

when I was locked away in, uh, college.

So I was thinking to myself,

"Why not become

a personal trainer to women?"

- Calvin's workout combines high-impact squats

with intense stretching and massaging

to target all your problem areas.

See how flat that ass is?

Now, that's a problem.

- I told him my goal

was to lose 20 pounds, and he asked me,

"What do you wanna lose that for?

That's the Gucci."

So far we've just done a bunch of stretching...

which is fine by me.

- Right, ladies, now we're gonna do the shank.

all: Shank! Shank! Shank! - Bitch!

- And yo, you can cancel that expensive gym membership

because Calvin's one-on-one workouts

will get you the results you're looking for

in the comfort of his sister's apartment.

- That's it.

You can get one-on-one service

or one-on-two service

with me and my boy from college, Cliff.

- What up, y'all?

- He's not built, but he used to be.

So he knows what to do. - That's a fact.

- How much you think all this training costs?

$200?

$100? Not even close.

It costs $800.

- I just wanted to tone my upper body a little bit,

but Calvin said the only thing wrong with me

is that I don't have a donk.

So he has me doing a ton of squats,

and then we stretch while Cliff takes video.

- Reach. Reach for freedom.

I'm tired of you ladies on these dangerous diets.

You need to eat real food,

like lasagna, oxtail, chicken parm.

Then you do squats. That's how you get the cake.

- I showed up to Calvin's workout class

with a jacket around my waist

and he told me not to do that anymore,

said he couldn't see nothing.

I told him I'd rather leave it on,

and he asked me to leave.

- Do you feel bad about your body?

Well, come show it to me.

I guarantee you, I'm gonna make you feel good

about your body in just six weeks.

Just six weeks. [chuckles]

'Cause we ain't trying to stay in nothing long term.

- That's a fact.

- Yeah, because-- I think niggas think

that books are only in jail.

[crew laughing]

[laughs] They're like,

"You don't know what this shit is.

Nigga, this is like TV, but slower and in your mind."

You're like, "A book?

Yeah, sure. I know what that is."

I can't believe that Calvin did us dirty like that, man.

Just left us fuckin' hanging.

You all right, man?

- Yo...

I think I see Pop Smoke, yo.

- Nigga, you not dying, man.

- No, no. Right there.

- [chuckles] Nigga do kinda look like Pop Smoke.

- Yo.

If I die, promise me something.

- You're not gonna die, man. Stop talking like that.

- But if I do,

promise me you will not let Alex draw me.

- Draw you?

- Yo, every time he do a mural of somebody dead,

they ain't got no hands.

He don't know how to draw hands.

They hands in they pocket or they holding something.

- Well, hands is hard to airbrush.

But where are you getting that, man?

- He stinks, man. I want Tony drawing my mural.

His shits be fire.

And tell him to make my earrings shine bright.

And give me that "Dragon Ball Z" hair.

- That would be kind of dope. - That shit be fire.

- You ain't gotta worry about that, man.

You ain't getting a mural

because you're gonna make it, man.

We're almost at Mount Holyoke right now.

- The fancy hospital?

No, man, no. Take me to Tubman's.

- Tubman's?

You trying to die? That shit is ghetto as hell.

- But they way cheaper. A hospital is a hospital, bro.

- I don't know about Tubman's, man.

It's weird to say

that something is a Black hospital, because...

I don't think Black people own hospitals.

When they say "Black hospital," they just mean

"a hospital that Black people go to," you know?

Like, Black neighborhood. We all renting.

A lot of nurses and doctors like to work in Black hospitals

because they get to see more trauma.

It's fucked up.

A Black hospital is, like,

where you learn how to take care of white people.

[laughter]

We're like frogs in the 6th grade, man.

They just practicing on us and shit.

[emotional music]

[distant overlapping voices and devices beeping]

- Mr. Williams.

How are you feeling today?

- Um, nervous.

- Nervous?

Let me guess. It's your first prostate exam.

- Yeah. - Listen...

[clears throat] Brother to brother...

you got nothing to worry about.

- If you say so.

- I get that it's scary

and it definitely doesn't seem like the most masculine thing

in the world,

but that's why a lot of us don't get checked out

and end up very sick.

See, prostate health is very important at our age.

So you gotta learn to move past that fear.

And it's a, uh, big step

that you're making this effort, definitely.

- Yeah.

- So, first,

I want you to take off your pants and your underwear.

Bend over that bench.

♪ ♪

- I guess...

- Oh, wait! Okay.

What the fuck are you doing?

- I'm taking my pants off, like you just said.

- I--I see that, but I'm still in the room.

You don't see me? - Yeah, but I'm confused.

I thought you was about to do the exam.

- I'm trying to, if you'll let me finish.

- I don't know what's going on.

You said put the pants down. That's what I'm doing.

- So after I leave the room,

I want you to take your pants off,

bend over that bench,

then you're going to wet your right index finger

and put it as far as you can up your anus.

You should feel a little-- - Wait. Wait a minute.

You want me to do it?

- I don't see nobody else in here.

- But you're the doctor!

- You thought I was here

to stick my finger in your ass...

[chuckling] And you signed up for that?

What you on, bro? - You know what, man?

Forget it. - Oh--

- Forget it. - No, no, let's not forget it.

Angie! Come in here.

- Everything okay, Doctor? - Hell, no.

This nasty-ass nigga thought I was finna

stick my finger in his booty.

- [gasps] Ew!

He look like he weird, too. - Mm-hmm.

- Well, if I'm gonna do it by myself,

what the fuck am I paying you for?

- Oh. - Whoa, whoa.

My man. Don't do that.

Don't get cocky, okay?

I am a fucking medical professional.

I make high six figures.

I own two vacation properties.

I drive a G-Wagon.

I have a beautiful wife

and I'm tapping beautiful bitches on the side.

- [cracks gum]

- Ain't no amount of money

can pay me to finger you.

- You need to fuck him up, Doc. - Mm-hmm.

- And who are you? - Oh, I'm Patrice.

- That's just Angie's friend Patrice.

- Why are you filming me? - This for my Live. Yeah.

Y'all, look at this nasty-ass nigga

trying to get fingered by a doctor.

[laughter] - I am not!

- [laughs] - Stop filming me, yo.

- Are you crazy? It's 32 people up in this live.

- Finger-in-the-booty-ass nigga.

- Calvin is ready.

He's ready to get this workout--

♪ ♪

- Yo, when I die,

if any ugly bitches try to post me on the 'Gram,

I want you to comment.

I want you to be like, "Yo, he didn't even fuck with you

like that for real," especially Nicole.

I don't want niggas to think I smash.

- But you did smash. - So?

I don't want niggas to think I did.

- Stop talking like that, man. You not gonna die.

- But don't you ever think

shit like this happens for a reason, bro?

Like, maybe it's just my time.

- You're gonna make it, man.

- Everybody get poked.

It might just be my time to go, man.

I don't know.

I'm just tired. [exhales]

- Kev, you ain't going out like that.

- Hey.

Hey!

- What? - Look.

- No.

- There's a pandemic out here,

and it's people like you

that's making shit worse for everybody else.

- Hey, man, I'm not looking over there.

Just stop talking to us. - Why? Because I'm homeless?

- No, because you butt-ass naked.

- You just don't get it.

Germs don't care about how much money you make

or what color we are

or who's butt-ass naked.

Germs only care about one thing: masks.

- Doesn't make any sense, man. - Hey, he's right.

You two should be wearing masks.

- You know something?

You're putting every single one of us in danger.

- Thank you. - I just got shot, everybody.

- Okay, and that's your right.

But not wearing a mask is like you shooting all of us.

- Yup. That's right. - Mm-hmm. Absolutely.

She said it. [applause]

- Look, we don't have masks.

- I got extra.

- If you don't get that nasty shit away from me.

- It may not be brand new, but it still works.

- Where did you even pull that from?

- My pocket.

- You're not wearing clothes, man.

- And why are y'all worried about us, okay?

Y'all are wearing masks, so y'all should be fine.

- White privilege strikes again.

- Hey, do we look white to you?

- Well, yeah, white. - Yeah.

Refusing to wear a mask makes you a Karen.

- You are worse than a Karen.

- Let's post these Karens on my Live.

- Yeah.

- Where did he pull that phone from?

[downtrodden music]

- When you feel like this is how you could die...

That becomes what your priority is.

Like, I think a lot of people

in the Black community don't take COVID seriously

because they don't believe that that's how they're gonna die.

Even if they've seen it happen--

I've seen it happen.

It's happened in my family. I've seen some--

I've lost somebody to COVID,

and it doesn't feel real.

But a motherfucker getting shot seems very real,

seems very likely,

and I bet there's a lot of people

who are afraid of COVID

who don't even consider

that they could possibly be gunned down somewhere

when there's motherfuckers in inner cities

all over this country

that can't imagine a scenario

where they're not shot to death.

[medical devices beeping, overlapping voices]

- "Cut this, suture this."

Ooh.

[exhales]

- Doc, is he okay?

- Oh. Ooh.

I'm so sorry.

I, um...

don't know how to say this, but...

I don't remember who you brought here.

- Kevin. Kevin Jones.

- Right, right, right, right, right.

Mr. Jones. - Yeah.

- Gunshot, right? - Yes.

- Abdomen, right? - Yes, abdomen.

- Ah.

So sorry; I mean, it's been a crazy night.

Have you ever went a whole day without eating?

I mean, I-- - Is he okay?

- No. He's dead.

If you would have gotten him here sooner, maybe.

Hey, the cops will probably ask,

but did you happen to see who shot him?

- No. They were...

they were wearing masks.

I... - Oh! That's good.

I'm so proud of our city

being so careful during this pandemic.

Oh, speaking of which...

Yeah, um...

you have to wear this if you wanna be in here.

It's not brand new, but still works.

Yeah.

Um, sorry for your loss. [exhales]

- ♪ I will remember you ♪

♪ Will you remember me? ♪

♪ Don't let your life ♪

♪ Pass you by ♪

♪ Weep not for ♪

♪ The memories ♪

♪ Na-na, na-na ♪

♪ Weep not for ♪

♪ The memories ♪

- You ever had a gun pulled out on you?

- Yes, I have.

- When you grow up in New York and you getting robbed,

you can't be crying, you know what I'm saying?

- Because you cry, you know what I'm saying--

'cause there might be someone in the hood that's robbing you,

you know what I'm saying, and then he'll go back.

- Wil, Wil. I know what you're saying.

You can just tell the story.

- I mean, no big deal, you know what I'm saying?

It's like... - No.

I know what you're--that's what I'm trying to tell you.

I know what you're saying.

You don't have to say,

"You know what I'm saying" every time.

- It's more like a comma, you know what I'm saying?

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