Original subtitles

♪ Who can turn the world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make it all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around No need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town Why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna make it after all ♪♪

Hello, people. No. Don't turn around, Mary. No. No.

I want you to close your eyes. No arguments. You just close your eyes.

It's all right, Sue Ann. She's seen you without makeup before.

Oh, Murray.

I just hope my mind's still active when I'm your age.

- Mary, would you... Close your eyes now. - All right.

Now you can open them.

Well, what do you think? Can I close them again?

What is that?

It's a free-form mobile representing the four basic food groups.

I used it on a special I did last week...

called "What's All this Fuss about Famine?"

Just the thing to brighten up your new apartment.

Oh, well, gee. Uh, Sue Ann, I'd have to check the lease...

to make sure there isn't a regulation against, you know,

hanging food.

Well, I know you'll find just the right spot for it.

I know. Why don't you put it in your bedroom?

You must need something in there to relieve the tedium.

Hello, Sue Ann!

Hi, guys. Love your ring, Mary.

This is Ted Baxter saying happy days are here again.

Well, well. Did you make that up, Ted?

No, it's from some song. I forget the name of it.

What are you so happy about? The circus is in town, and they want me.

Oh, terrific, Ted. Do you have to bring your own shovel?

They want me to ride at the head of the parade. I'm this year's grand marshal.

- Ah. - Would've had it last year...

except for that big, dumb, stupid basketball

player... does the sports on Channel 8.

He made a fool of himself. What happened?

Well, he got into the wrong car.

He, uh, squeezed into the little one with all the clowns...

and kind of wedged them all in.

They had to take the car apart so they

could get out. It sort of ruined the effect.

Hmm. Gee, it sounds like the grand marshal's job has a history of disaster.

Yeah? Well, this year, they've got me.

I rest my case.

Nothing can bug me, Murr.

Nothing can spoil my day now that I'm gonna be grand marshal of the circus parade.

Forget it, Ted. You aren't.

What? I said, forget it.

My anchorman isn't marching down the street with a chimp.

Tends to give him an undignified image.

Oh, Lou, it won't give me an undignified image.

I was talking about the chimp.

Lou!

Okay.

Hi, Mary. Hi, Georgette. What brings you here?

Ted. He's parking the car.

Oh.

How about some coffee? Okay.

Mary, when Ted gets here, you've gotta talk to him. He's very upset.

Yeah, sure. Uh, what about?

I don't know. He's too upset to talk about it.

Well, then what makes you think he'll talk to me?

I know he will, Mary. He said, "I'm not gonna burden you with my problems.

"It's just a bore to burden people with your troubles.

- Let's go see Mary." - Oh.

Mary, can I ask you a question? Yeah, sure.

- What's this? - It's a present from Sue Ann.

It's a mobile. I'm trying to find a place for it.

Why don't you put it in a mobile home?

- What do you want me to do with it? - I don't know.

Mary, whatever it is that's bothering Ted, you'll have to worm it out of him.

He likes to hide his true feelings.

Okay.

Hi, Ted. Hi, Mary.

- Ted, is something wrong? - I can never hide anything from you, Mary.

All right, I'll tell you.

I'm leaving WJM.

Leaving? Why?

Because I'm not appreciated.

After giving seven years of the best I've got, Lou still treats me like dirt.

Oh, come on. Treats me like a child, Mary.

Oh, Ted, that's not true. I mean, sure, maybe he bosses you around.

But he doesn't treat you like a child. He respects you as a mature adult.

Then why won't he let me go to the circus?

That's a great honor, Mary, being a grand marshal of a circus.

A great honor. The grand marshal rides ahead of the elephants.

Well, Ted, for what it's worth, I think Mr. Grant was wrong.

Then why don't you talk to him? He'll listen to you. Maybe he'll change his mind.

I'm afraid it's a little late. I heard before I left the office...

that the circus has already chosen another grand marshal.

Already?

Boy, they don't waste any time, do they?

Who'd they get to replace me... The mayor, the governor?

Chuckles the Clown.

Chuckles?

A kiddie show host? A grand marshal of a circus a clown?

Oh, Mary. I hate to say this, but I hope they laugh at him.

Leaving 28 people condominium-less.

Big deal.

Now a word from one of our sponsors.

What's the matter with him? Oh, he's still angry...

over Chuckles leading the circus parade today instead of him.

And I'll tell you something... I don't blame him. Oh, come on, Mary.

You're gonna be reasonable now, aren't you?

You're gonna be fair and look at both sides and see Ted's point of view.

I mean it, Murr. Do you know how close Ted came to quitting his job over this?

Not close enough.

Oh, my.

Oh, dear. Mr. Grant?

- Oh, Lord. - Mr. Grant!

Something terrible has happened.

- What is it, Lou? - Someone we all know is dead.

What? Who? Yeah.

No. I won't tell you about it now. I don't want to upset you.

Mr. Grant! Where's Ted? I gotta tell Ted.

He's on the air. What happened, Lou? Who died? Would you tell us?

Chuckles.

Chuckles the Clown is dead.

It was a freak accident.

He went to the parade dressed as Peter Peanut,

and a rogue elephant tried to shell him.

Oh.

I gotta get this on the air. Murray, you start working on the formal obituary.

Chuckles's real name was George. His wife's name is Louise.

The elephant's name is Jocko.

We'll be back right after this commercial.

Ted, listen very closely.

Chuckles the Clown was just killed.

He was dressed as a peanut, and an elephant crushed him.

Stop trying to cheer me up, Lou.

I mean, that's funny, but that's in bad taste.

Ted, it's not a joke!

You mean it? Yes.

Good Lord. All right. Now listen.

Murray is working on a formal obituary for tomorrow.

You go on now, and you'll just have to ad-lib something.

Well... What'll I say? I hardly know the man.

Sure you did. You knew him. You were on his show.

Well, it's hard to know a man that's chasing you around with a rubber chicken.

Ted, just say something short and simple and warm.

You can do it. We're counting on you.

Don't worry. I won't let you down.

Ladies and gentlemen, sad news.

One of our most beloved entertainers,

and a close personal friend of mine, is dead.

Chuckles the Clown died today from...

From, uh... He died a broken man.

Chuckles, uh, leaves a wife...

At least I assume he was married. He didn't seem like the other kind.

I... I don't know his age, but I'd guess he was probably in his early 60s.

It's kind of hard to judge a guy's face...

Especially when he's wearing big lips and a lightbulb for a nose.

But he had his whole life in front of him...

Except for the 60-some odd years he already lived.

I remember Chuckles used to recite a poem at the end of each program.

It was called "The Credo of a Clown."

I'd like to offer it now in his memory.

"A little song, a little dance...

A little seltzer down your pants."

That's what it's all about, folks.

That's what he stood for. That's what gave his life meaning.

Chuckles liked to make people laugh.

You know what I like to think? I like to think

that somewhere up there tonight, in his honor,

a choir of angels is sitting on whoopee cushions.

This is Ted Baxter saying good night and good news.

Chuckles worked for this station for 20 years.

The least we can do is put together some kind of tribute to him.

Well, I think I've got a title for it. Uh, "Requiem for a Peanut."

That isn't very respectful, Murray.

I'm sorry, Lou, but I can't help it.

I've been coming up with dumb jokes about it...

ever since you broke the news to us yesterday afternoon.

- What a shock. - It sure was.

- A real tragedy. - Terrible thing.

Lucky more people weren't hurt.

Lucky that elephant didn't go after somebody else.

That's right.

After all, you know how hard it is to stop after just one peanut.

That's not funny, Murray.

One peanut.

Hey. Hey! What are we laughing at?

At Chuckles.

That's not nice.

Oh, I know, but...

Lou... Lou, why do... Why do I say things like that?

It's a release,

a kind of defense mechanism.

It's like whistling in a graveyard.

You laugh at something that scares you.

We laugh at death...

because we know that death will have the last laugh on us.

It's not only good, it's heavy.

"Ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

"It tolls for thee."

That's movingly put, Lou.

Why does it toll for me?

'Cause this could have happened to any of us, Ted.

Right. Somewhere out there, there's an elephant with your name on it.

You're right, Lou. It could have been me.

Aw, no, it couldn't. I wanted to go, and you wouldn't let me. Remember?

Ted, it doesn't work that way.

You saved my life, Lou. You saved my life.

Please, Ted, I feel bad enough today.

Oh, Ted, my car's being fixed.

I wonder, could I ride with you and Georgette to the funeral tomorrow?

Sure. The more, the merrier.

Mary, dear. There's no point in duplicating efforts.

I'll do the tribute to Chuckles this afternoon on my show. No. No, Sue Ann.

I've been peeling onions. My eyes will be too puffy for anything else.

Sue Ann!

Why is everyone being so callous about this?

Callous?

Well, I'll have you know, dear, that Chuckles and I were very close.

I baked the first custard pie he ever sat in.

All right. Maybe callous is not the word.

But the man died. And it seems to me the only people who are showing...

any reverence around here are Mr. Grant and me.

Cut it out, Murray!

I can just see the insurance claim.

"Cause of death: a busted goober."

I don't know what you two are laughing at,

but I'll take a chance it's dirty.

Murr, you're not still making jokes... about that?

I'm sorry, Mary.

Oh, uh, it-it's a release, Mary.

People need it to get over a tragedy. Everybody does it.

I don't.

Now, shall we go over the tribute?

Oh, yeah. Right. That's a good idea.

I took your suggestion, Mr. Grant.

I screened some of Chuckles's old shows this morning. Mm-hmm.

Some of his best known characters were Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo,

Billy Banana, Aunt Yoo-Hoo and, well, of course, Peter Peanut.

Uh... Uh, sorry... No, I'm sorry, Mary.

Oh, that's perfectly all right, Mr. Grant. The tribute was your idea.

However, if you think it's funny... No. No. No.

You're absolutely right. The guy deserves a dignified farewell.

Exactly.

Okay. I thought what we'd do is show some film of Chuckles at work.

And then simply the words: "As we remember him."

Oh, Mary, that's beautiful.

Yeah, that's nice. Really nice.

Y... Yeah. That's a great idea.

Uh, "As we remember him."

Um, who was Aunt Yoo-Hoo?

Well, I don't think we'd want to use Aunt Yoo-Hoo.

Why not? What did he do as Aunt Yoo-Hoo?

Well, uh, not much. He just, uh...

He'd put on a dress and scream, "Yoo-hoo."

And then, at the end of the show, he'd turn his little back to the camera,

bend over, and...

on his bloomers were written: "The End."

Maybe they should bury him that way.

Okay, Murr. I give up.

You win. Chuckles's death was a scream.

Oh, come on, Mary. We're not laughing

because he's dead. I mean, we all liked him.

- We're very, very sorry. - But then why are you laughing?

Mary, dear, don't the circumstances...

strike you as being just a trifle bizarre?

After all, the guy died wearing a peanut suit, killed by an elephant.

Yeah. Born in a trunk, died in a trunk.

All right. Just forget what he was wearing.

Suppose he hadn't been dressed as a peanut. Would his death still be funny?

Well, could've been worse.

He could've gone as Billy Banana...

and had a gorilla peel him to death.

♪♪

- You're looking very nice, Ted. - Oh, thanks, Sue Ann.

Just paid a half buck to have my shoes done.

It's a cream shine. I think that's what he would have wanted.

Why do people always send flowers when someone passes on?

What would you suggest, dear? Fruit?

It's so sad. Funerals always come too late.

I'm not sure I understand that, Georgette.

Well, I mean, we take people for granted while they're with us.

Then when we're gone, we wish we'd been nicer to them.

So we dress in black and cry our eyes out.

Why don't we ever think to do that while they're still with us?

Good question.

I wish I were nicer to Chuckles when I had the chance.

I kind of looked down on him, you know, being a clown and all.

I was prejudiced against him...

just because his skin was different colors than mine.

Hi.

Not much of a crowd, is there?

No. If this were my funeral, it'd be packed.

That's right, Ted. It's just a matter of giving the public what they want.

I wonder which ones are the other clowns.

You'll know soon. They're all going to jump out of a little hearse.

All right, Murray!

Enough is enough.

This is a funeral. A man has died. We came here to show respect, not to laugh.

I'm sorry, Mary. All right. No more jokes.

♪♪

My friends.

"Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved with mankind.

Therefore, ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

Hey, Lou, he stole your poem.

Chuckles the Clown brought pleasure to millions.

The characters he created will be remembered by children and adults alike.

Peter Peanut.

Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo.

Billy Banana.

And my particular favorite, Aunt Yoo-Hoo.

And not just...

Not just for the laughter that they provided.

There was always some deeper meaning to whatever Chuckles did.

Do you remember Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo's little... little catchphrase?

You remember how, when his arch rival, Senor Kaboom,

hit him with a giant cucumber and knocked him down?

Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo would always pick himself up...

dust himself off and say,

"I hurt my foo-foo."

Life's a lot like that.

From time to time, we all fall down and hurt our foo-foos.

If only we could deal with it as simply...

and bravely and honestly as Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo.

And what did Chuckles ask in return?

Mmm. Not much.

In his own words...

"A little song, a little dance...

A little seltzer down your pants."

Uh, excuse me, young lady.

Yes, you.

Uh, would you stand up, please?

Please. Please, won't you?

You feel like laughing, don't you?

Don't try to hold it back.

Go ahead. Laugh out loud.

Don't you see? Nothing would have made Chuckles happier.

He lived to make people laugh.

Tears were offensive to him, deeply offensive.

He hated to see people cry.

So go ahead, my dear, laugh for Chuckles.

Well, I mean, I just felt like such a fool standing up there like that. I just...

Mary, forget about it. Everybody else did. Right.

All in all, it was a very nice funeral.

All's well that ends well.

Coffee will be ready in a minute.

You know, it's the sort of funeral I would want.

Oh, not me.

I want to be cremated and have my ashes thrown on Robert Redford.

- What about you, Lou? - Me?

Yeah. I don't want anybody to make a fuss.

When I go, I just want to be stood outside in the garbage with my hat on.

What kind of funeral do you want, Mar?

Well, all I know is I just don't want an organ playing a lot of sad music.

What do you want them to play, "Everything's Coming Up Roses"?

I'd like a nice, fancy funeral... I mean, if I were gonna die.

What do you mean "if"? I'm not going.

Why not? How else are you gonna be reunited with your brain?

I'm not gonna die. You see, I'm into this thing where...

if I get sick... I mean, real sick where I'm about to go...

They just take me away and freeze me.

Then in about 200 or 300 years, when they find a cure...

for whatever it was that made me sick, they'll just unfreeze me.

Uh, Ted, when they freeze you, could you do me a favor?

Sure, Mar.

Could you take this with you?