All language subtitles for Married Single Other s01e04 Chink.eng

That's a mighty breakfast you're
making there, fat face.

It's lunch for the boys.

We're not going to be gone
all frigging day...are we?

I think we might be, yeah.

Well, can you not pull some strings?

You spend half your life
at the hospital.

I've packed you a book.

I've just got my job back!
I have stuff that needs doing.

You know there's nothing wrong
with me

apart from that I'm engaged
to an Olympic-standard old woman.

And the best way to prove it
is to take a few of tests.

I don't need to because I'm very
confident

that the tests would prove you are
in fact an old woman.

We're going.

OK.

Coffee for Harry. Tea for Joe.

And hey, my face isn't fat. Hey?
Mm.

It's muscular.

It is because you are

the Arnold Schwarzenegger
of the cheekal region.

Those lovely... Hang on.

I'll be done in a minute.

Just a few more feet.

Phew.

Where's Ed?
Not coming.

What are you looking
so pleased about?

You are looking at a new man,
troll boy.

Oh, yeah?
Yep!

Last night I turned down guaranteed
sex in the name of love.

Guaranteed sex?
With the cage dancer?

Yep. You see before you
a vision of virtue and saintliness.

Because you didn't shag a stripper?
Correct.

Did you snog her?
Oh, yeah, I snogged her all right.

But I didn't shag her cos of Abbey.
How cool is that?!

Yeah, really cool.

Haz.
Mm.

Haz. Mm.
Get up. Get your clothes on.

Inset day. No school for me
or Freaky Leaky.

Yes, I know, but I want to see you
dressed.

What's the matter?
There's nothing the matter.

I want you up before we go so you
don't spend the entire day in bed.

No. What's the matter with you?
I called Joe a freak-based name

and you didn't hit me
with something big and spiky.

Obviously I'm going soft
in my old age. Likely. Mm.

Where are my socks?

In the initiative draw,
right next to the gumption.

That's more like it.

Cor, that girl's got some phone
number.

I'm not interested in girls.

Just pi.

Why are you wearing shoes
on your feet?

Erm, because they keep dropping
off my ears?

It's ten past eight.

No school run
because of the inset day.

You don't work Fridays
and yet you are wearing shoes.

Your Dad and I
are popping out for a bit.

So if you and Harry
decide you absolutely can't get by

without hacking each other
to pieces with a chainsaw,

at least put some newspaper down
first, please?

OK, Dickie's across the road
if you decide you need someone...

...less grown up to look after.

Back by tea I think.

Wake me for Home And Away.

Next dress! Coming through!

Strip, Abbey, darling.

We have 30 of these offensive
meringues to shoot before sundown.

Hey, Abbey. How are you doing?
There you are!

Yeah. Sorry, turned into
a heavy night with Dickie.

I would've called you
but my phone died.

Come and rescue me.
I'm getting married

for the 12th time this morning
and I'm so bored.

Abbey, darling. Now. Come on.
I'll see you later. Bye.

Abbey!

What are you doing tonight, Gina?

I have a date, mother.

Oh. A date? With whom?

A boy called Eros.

Named after the god of love,
I believe.

Not Eros Murphy as in my patient?

Yes, I believe he has, on occasions,
attended one of your sessions.

Erm...I'm don't think this is such
a great idea, Gina. He's, he's...

Not about to break doctor-patient
confidentiality there, are you, Mum?

No. I absolutely forbid you

to go within 100 yards
of Eros-bloody-Murphy,

you Lolita in too much eye make-up.
Am I making myself clear?!

I knew you'd crack first with
your phoney, learnt-it-from-a-book,

bogus, contrived, fake, pseudo,
simulated 'calm' voice.

Well, is it any wonder?
Since I seem to have spawned

the personification
of obstinate teenage slutdom!

That is rich coming from
a middle-aged harridan

who can't hold down a job,
a man or her temper

but still pretends she is suited
to child sodding therapy!

You are not seeing him
and that is final!

I have seen his file!
Me too and he sounds like fun!

How many times have I told you
these files are confidential?

Actually,
I'm going dancing with Harry.

I just wanted to see
if I could make that vein pop.

You're going out with Harry?
Yes!

Well, that's good. Harry is a nice
boy with no convictions

or ASBOs whatsoever,
as far as I know.

Then why are you still shouting?
I don't know!

Would you like a cup of tea?

Only if you're making yourself one.

Fine.

Pi is not just the ratio
of the circumference

and the diameter of a circle,

it's a thing of beauty.

Pi is infinite, you see?

3.14, then it rolls on and on
and on...

...which makes reciting pi perfect
for stopping you thinking

about the things you don't really
want to think about.

Crisps, peanuts, packet of Spangles?

Do you want anything?
Crisps, peanuts, packet of Spangles?

Oh, they haven't sold spangles
since Thatcher was Prime Minister.

That woman has got
a lot to answer for.

Still, do you want anything?

Yes, a brain with nothing yucky
in it would be nice.

You've already got one of those.
Of course I have.

That's what I keep
trying to tell you.

Can't we just go home?
No.

O'Rourke?

Come on.

Obsessive compulsive...

ADD.

Taking drugs, not the hard stuff.

Stealing for attention.

I'm not sure about this one.

What's the story with Toby?

You're not supposed to read those,
you know? They're confidential.

Oh, yeah. Of course. Cos you
wouldn't leave your files around

for me to read so I can help you
puzzle them out

cos that would be unethical,
wouldn't it?

Shut up, you great big lump
of horse meat.

Toby the new one, then, is he?
Yeah. He's sweet.

Very private

but anyway, I can't work it out

and now the mum's starting to wonder
if I'm worth the money.

What's supposed to be wrong with him?
That's the weird thing.

They say he's morose and
unresponsive but... But?

But when I'm with him, he's fine.

We laugh a lot. We play, we draw,
we do word games.

Let me get this straight.

You're worried about this kid
because he's fine.

Yeah.
Well, not according to the parents.

Never met the dad, works all hours.

Mum's a tad on the tense side.
Very neat house.

But he's all right
when he's with you. Mm.

The idea is they act out
in their play,

so they reveal themselves
in the way they play. And do they?

Do they what? Do they play with him,
Mr Workslate and Mrs Vacuum?

Or do they just park him
in front of the TV all day?

This isn't...
God, I'm so thick it's unbelievable.

So what's up?

Er, my other half
seems to be smelling a funny smell.

A funny smell?

Yes.

Right.

Er, Daisy, cubicle seven's all
yours.

Couple of HCs.
Thanks.

Er, what's an HC?

Dunno.
Liar.

It's a hypochondriac.

Fine.
Oh, Lillie.

Lillie, Lillie, please.

I'm just going to get someone
to actually look at you.

Just to set my mind at rest,
at least. Please.

Fine.

You can't get married like that.

I'm not getting dressed up until you
can prove the babies are mine.

As if I'd have to entrap you.

Oh, it's like that, is it?

Give us a bite of your hotdog.

Absolutely not.
I will let you lick the ketchup

from the corners of my mouth
when I'm done, if you're good.

I am good. I'm VERY good.

You just need to let me show you.

Go and get us more hotdogs,
sex slave.

Go on.

All right.

Cow's anus and pig's eyeball in a
toasted bun for the beautiful bride.

Who's Fabiana?

If you have to think about the
answer, there's no need to answer.

I'm not as hungry as I thought.

Oh, do you mind?
What?

I'm trying to feel lonely and
abandoned in my trailer,

I've not had a minute to myself
all day.

Have you heard from Abbey?
Did she call? No.

We broke up...I think.

I hadn't realised you'd got together
properly. We hadn't.

But now we're broken up properly.
Because you did? Nothing.

Nothing much.
Nothing much?

She found out about that dancer
from last night.

Right, well, how did she find out
about that?

Truthfully.

OK. Well, I kissed this dancer
and she gave me her number

but I didn't write it down.

Unfortunately, I've got one of those
brains that remembers figures.

I texted her saying thanks for
a lovely evening

and she texted back saying any time.
Then Abbey saw that text

because Steve Jobs is a sodding
show-off geek who makes messages appear

on your iPhone screen without anyone
even having to open them

while you're off getting hotdogs.

Like you said...nothing much.

Anyway...

She made a bit of a big deal of it,
so I thought it's time to move on.

Do you know,
I always think it's ironic

that our parents named ME Dick.

Fix it.
I don't think I can.

Besides...when God made women, he
gave us three billion variations.

Onwards and upwards.

Sure, kid.

Onwards and upwards.

OK. That all sounds good.
Any seizures?

Nope.
Blurred or disrupted vision?

No, not really.

Not really?
No.

Erm...a few weeks ago I had a bang
on the head but it was nothing.

Any deja vu?
Knew you were going to say that!

So, any deja vu?

Sometimes.

You know, like everyone, I guess.

Well, you sound like
you're in pretty good shape.

How often?

Oh, well, just like normal.

Um, once or twice a day.

Would you like me to take the notes
to Mr Dominic, Doctor Reeve?

I don't know him.

He's the visiting neurologist.

Well, maybe he would
like a peek at you.

I'm sorry. You know,
it feels like we've been waiting

half our adult lives in queues.
Is it really necessary?

Well, you paid all that tax
for the National Health.

May as well get your money's worth.

With a bit of luck it will be
a complete waste of time.

C'mon.

Hello.

Hello, Lils. Any news?
No, no.

We're still just queuing
and head scratching.

Told you it was an ingrowing toenail
or something.

So, what are you doing while my arse is
moulding itself to an orange plastic chair?

I saw Dickie today.

He was, he was amazingly helpful
with a patient I'd got stuck with.

Well, kids know kids. Hey

Yeah, still, though, I'd forgotten
how he...

Oh, bloody hell, Babs.

I let you out of my sight for two
minutes and you slide back two years!

No. No. I just...

Anyway, look you don't sound
very ill to me so I'm off.

Listen, Babs. This is taking longer
here than I thought.

Could you go round the house and
check Joe's OK? Yeah.

Thanks, Babble.
All right, darling.

Bye, bye, baby, bye.
Bye, baby.

I should just take the door off.

Sorry, Uncle Dickie, I was looking
for Clint.

How come no-one calls me Uncle
Clint?

I need advice about sex and
contraception and VD and stuff.

You're the man. Which is why no-one
calls you Uncle Clint.

Actually, I need advice about love.
Wrong trailer, kid.

Shut up you, big ugly millstone.
Who's the lucky girl, Hazza?

Girl from school who asked me out.
Excellent start. What's the problem?

I don't knowhow to be around her.
How to make her like me.

That's your first mistake.
What?

If she likes you you'll never get
her to dish out the backstage pass.

Really? Harry, you should speak to
your dad about this, don't listen -

My Dad has taken 16 years to get my
mum to marry him.

Clint has a different Hollyoaks
lookee-likeee every week

so I'll go with him if that's all
right.

Fine.

Say more.

You've got to keep girls on their
toes.

Don't let her know that you like
her.

Look at other women and don't try to
hide it.

Right.
Do make her laugh.

Cruel and funny leads to bump and
grind.

Cruel and funny. Bump and grind.

Do look good. Women are as shallow
as men,

they're just better at concealing
it.

Smell good too, girls do a lot of detective
work with their noses. Pheromones, etc.

OK. Look good. Smell good.

Do not forget the booze.

I'm an attractive and compelling man
but nothing beats alcohol

when you want to park your Ferrari
in her garage

without stepping on the brakes.
Order doubles.

Clint, he's 16.
Singles will do it, then.

Harry, I really think that you should
speak to your -

Right so clean. Funny. Mean. Drunk.

Her, not you.
Check.

And, one more time, no 'liking'.
Liking is for saps.

Sex is war. Us versus them.

Invasion, occupation, subjugation is
the only strategy that wins wars.

You give 'em an inch, you're ruined.

Man, am I glad I spoke to you!

I thought it was about, you know,
respect and honesty,

and open up your heart to the woman
you love.

Our house is packed with feminist
crappy books full of that stuff.

Thanks.

Wish me luck.
Yeah, good luck, man.

Good advice.

Thanks.
I wasn't talking about yours.

And Dickie was feeling a bit down so
I asked this waitress

if she'd come and chat with us,
which she did,

and she was just a ordinary girl, a
bit on the sturdy side if anything and!

Bollocks!

Hi again, another four minutes
gobbled up there.

Listen, she just texted to say

she'd had a nice evening with me and
Dickie.

Ask him yourself. You're making a
big deal out of nothing. OK. Bye.

Hi, it's me again.

So please call me back, this is not
really fair.

I've not really done anything...
Just, just...

Hi, me again. Give me a call, OK?
This... This is silly.

Just return my call please, please
call me back.

Ah, very good looking, too.
Disaster.

My Pedro's face looks like a candle
that's been left on the radiator.

No trouble with infidelity there, my
friend.

That grey jumper with the Aran
pattern front

that made you look like an
elephant's arse, by the way.

No.

Tank top?
You were pretty nerdy in sixth form.

No.
Well, I give up, then!

How am I supposed to know what you
had on?

What was I wearing on our first date
then, smart-arse?

A blue shirt with a white vest
and a dark blue calf length skirt -

He remembers! With tiny angels and
cherubs in the pattern.

Exotic and faintly ridiculous cream
shoes, naturally,

and a little rag scrunchie the exact
same colour as your shirt.

You are the gayest straight man in
the known universe.

It was the elephant
arse jumper, actually.

But I knew it was just a wild punt
so saw no reason

to make you feel any more superior
than you do already.

Lillie O'Rourke?

Not seeing anything funny, flashing
lights, odd shapes?

Nope.

Just this smell of burning rubber?
Yup. Ocassionally.

And you don't in fact live next door
to a scrap yard

or go doughnutting in stolen cars at
the weekend?

Not so much since I had the kids.

Tell me about the deja vu.

I just get a bit of deja vu.
Doesn't everyone?

Yes.
How often do you get it?

A normal amount of times.
Which is?

I don't... Once a day.

Most people only get it once or
twice a year, Lillie.

Sometimes its a sign that your
brain's directing traffic

around a road block of some
description.

Are you sure about the seizures?

You think I'm having seizures without
noticing? Maybe.

Mr O'Rourke, have you noticed your
wife - Fiancee.

Have you noticed Lillie losing focus
at all? Just for a second?

No. Yes.
What?

He means just like a tiny pause in
conversation.

That's right.

Why are you - Babe, It's just like...

just like you're gone for a second.

Lets take a Polaroid of that brain
of yours.

It's probably nothing but you've
paid all that tax

Is that tax thing something they
teach you?

They should teach you some different
phrases for variety's sake.

Deja vu and small seizures can
indicate something not so good.

It's best to get it checked out.

Hand this to reception, with any
luck we'll see you tonight.

Thank you.
Thanks.

Right.

OK, Babs.

Never realised how much of a
crap-absorbing distraction you were.

Few meteors smack into the earth.

The gravity of Saturn makes them
smack into it instead, Gina.

Blimey.
Did you eat Joe for breakfast?

Why does everyone think I'm thick?
I'm lazy, I'm not stupid.

Mum's giving me gip about Eros.
Just cos he's got a couple of Asbos

and one teeny GBH conviction she
thinks he's Jack The Ripper.

Well, she's your Mum. She's supposed
to see danger lurking

behind every convicted criminal.

You're well shot of her.
I don't feel that way, G.

Does she talk about me?
Nope.

Move on, Dickster.
This time its, like, serious.

Yeah. I guess.

You've gone a weird blue colour
from not going outside. Huh?

Come with me to buy a dress.

Bet you meet transitional hussy in
the changing rooms.

Wait here. I've got to undermine
global capitalism

as a protest against the exploitation
of the working classes.

I'm going to switch price tags.

Your underage girlfriend seems to be
helping

with the product labelling, big guy.

She's my daughter. Sort of.

That's what all the pervs say.

If she's going to semi-nick a dress

she really ought to go for the blue
one. Suits her eyes.

You're pretty for an undercover
cop... Natalie.

Natalie.
Natalie Willie.

Desperate to get married for obvious
reasons.

Could have been worse. My mum went
out with a Mr Penis

before my dad won her heart.

How about you?
Married, single, other?

Other.

Close enough.
I get off in ten.

Do you want to get off with me?

As much as I enjoy watching you
scribble all these numbers, Joe,

I have actually cooked your tea,

which is currently getting cold
downstairs.

Though they are rather pretty.

Very pretty.

I can recite the decimals in pi

like I'm watching them out of a
train window.

They pass like rolling numerical
scenery

with the prime numbers acting as
station names,

letting you know you are on the
right line.

I get on the imaginary train and
look out the imaginary window

and it carries me away from the
other picture in my head.

What picture, Joe?

The picture of the MRI scanner with
my mummy's feet sticking out if it.

I put two and two together, it's my
curse.

Why didn't she say?

Well...
Maybe she didn't want to scare Harry.

And it's probably nothing.

Harry can't do the pi thing.

Best to leave him in peace.
If its probably nothing.

A bit of contrast in there.

Hi, Harry.
Hi, Auntie Babs.

Hi, Auntie Babs. I've come
to drop Joe and pick up Gina.

Er...take her out, I mean. Go out
with her. At the same time, I mean.

Gina! Harry's here.

'Be back by 10:30. Don't take drugs.
Don't drink. Don't take unlicensed cabs.

A baby will ruin your chances of a proper
education. You don't want to end up like me.'

A baby will ruin your chances of a proper
education. You don't want to end up like me.'

I'll look after her.
I'm sure you will.

Got a selection.

Oh, that's nice.
What's that?

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are
getting married.

I bet their kids will be
good-looking.

The economy's booming. Dickie ought to
get himself round to this Northern Rock

and get one of their 110 per cent
mortgages.

Madonna and Guy are
having a baby.

Oh, they look so in love.

Jesus.

May '97.

This Cosmo's older than...

Stop that.

You are going to be fine.

I will punch holes in plate steel.
I will demolish whole buildings.

I'll spin the world in the opposite direction.
Nothing is gonna happen to my girl.

No, I'm not worried about me, idiot.

Just reading that Tony Blair was
going to fix education,

and street crime and world peace.

I was momentarily overwhelmed by what a
brilliant Prime Minister he's turning out to be.

Go away.
Abbey, wait. Listen. I can explain.

I don't want you to. I want there to
be nothing to explain.

Abbey, wait, please...

Right.

It was obvious he was gonna ask us what
we were up to. It looked so dodgy, right?

So, then Spud tries to make out that
he had the DVD down his trousers.

Next, he's being carried out by two security
guards whose necks were bigger than my torso.

Mind you, your torso is pretty
feeble.

It's called being skinny-ripped.
We can't all pull off fat the way you do.

Are you seriously looking...

Hi, Gina.
Hi, Eros.

Who's your friend?

This is my friend Harry.

He helped me get out of the house.

Mum wasn't too happy about the idea
of me seeing you.

Can't blame her.

Cheers, Harry. I owe you.

Aren't you coming in?
Er...no...

I've just remembered -
I've got homework.

Fourth floor. Naturally.

Take that, you robbing, junkie
bastard!

And that, and that, and a couple of
those!

Mrs. Kelly!

It's all right. Mrs Kelly! It's all
right. He's with me.

Well, he's not with me, but I don't
think he means us any harm.

Well, not you, at least.

Never heard of fecking Interflora -
eejit?

Climbing down should be easier.
No, wait. Abbey! Fabiana's...

I don't care who she is.
Then let me tell you who I am.

I know exactly who you are. Now.

No. No, you don't,
because I've never showed you.

I'm always hiding. I'm a coward,

because I'm so ashamed of what I've
turned out to be.

But then I fell in love with you.

Somehow. And I realised I'm the last man
in the world that you should ever love.

Somehow. And I realised I'm the last man
in the world that you should ever love.

No need to climb all that way to
tell me that.

But you have to love me back, Abbey.

You have to. Please.

I want to be...I want to be the kind
of man that someone like you could love,

because I have you wrapped around my heart
so entirely that my blood will not flow.

So, you shagged a stripper out of
sheer love for me?

I only kissed her. You exchanged
saliva and phone numbers.

I thought I wanted my old life back.
Then I realised all I wanted was you.

I don't know the first thing about
love.

I don't know how to get you to love
me.

All I know is tricks and disguises.

Looking good, smelling nice.

I mean, I don't want to do that any
more.

Well, you look like shit and you
smell worse.

Shall I go at the little bollix? We're all
right for the moment, Mrs Kelly. Thank you.

I fell for the chinks in the armour,
not the armour.

You clueless idiot.

I like the chinks.

What if I turned out to be all
chinks?

You hurt me.
I know.

You're not supposed to hurt people
you love.

I know. Now.

Well, don't do it again.

I won't.
Good.

Mrs Kelly's only a whistle away.

You can bet your bony arse on that,
gob-shite!

If she'll let you out,
I'll let you in.

Mrs. Kelly?

Don't stop! Don't stop!

See you.
See you.

Seven, nine, three, two, three,

eight, four, six, two, six, four,
three,

three, nine, one, two, six, eight,
two...

Thank you for your patience. I'm
sorry it's taken so long.

It's not a good idea to be
categorical at this stage.

Just tell me how it is.

I want to do more tests and consult
a surgeon,

but it looks very much like you have a
grade-three tumour at the top of your brain stem.

but it looks very much like you have a
grade-three tumour at the top of your brain stem.

We'll find the best surgeon, in the best
hospital, with the best anaesthetist...

He's not done.
Microsurgery's a miracle now...

He's not done, baby.

As I said, it's not wise to be
categorical at this stage.

But...?
But...

...if things are as they appear,
it's impossible to operate here.

...if things are as they appear,
it's impossible to operate here.

The centres that control breathing
are millimetres away.

Chemo's not the grim business it
used to be. He's still not done.

I need to confer and I would like a
higher-resolution MRI, but...

There's nothing you can do, is
there?

No, because he's a 12-year-old
child!

And we're gonna go to someone who didn't
go to medical school in shitting Mexico!

Who doesn't jump to the first fucking
conclusion!

We're gonna get a second opinion.

OK. So, you go and get my stuff...

...and I'll be out in a second.

So...how long...?

It's hard to say without more tests.

How long?

Six months.

Maybe less.

Thank you...for your time.

Hey.

What did he say?

He said to get a second opinion.

'Joe and Harry O'Rourke McCabe
invite you

to the long-delayed marriage of
their mother and father,

as a matter of urgency.'

We had big plans.
We are not borrowing money.

Best wedding in the world
to throw together in 48 hours.

I've got to talk out loud
in front of people.

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