Original subtitles

{song) "A story like this yellow-pink is dishonest."

"With the CIA willing to deal with the Russian spy."

"When the Navy comes, everything gets messed up."

"A thousand bullets and a hundred missiles are aimed at us."

"Damn! It's all the sailors' fault."

"If Superman doesn't fly, it's the sailors' fault."

"What do we care about all this trouble?"

"A top-of-the-range hotel where everything is allowed."

"There is a suicide who doesn't die and an ass that always makes noise."

"Between wives and lovers everyone has gone mad."

"Everyone runs for cover by going here and there and making more trouble."

"Damn! It's all the sailors' fault."

"If Superman doesn't fly, it's the sailors' fault."

"What do we care about all this trouble?"

"Damn! It's all the sailors' fault."

"If Superman doesn't fly, it's the sailors' fault."

"What do we care about all this trouble?"

- We've been turned inside out. - Revolt?

- We got ripped off in the navy. - Enlist!

- You can swim ? - Are the ships finished?

Unfortunate!

{song) "Damn! It's all the sailors' fault."

"If Superman doesn't fly, it's the sailors' fault."

"What do we care about all this trouble?"

Tissues !

- You need ? - There's no use making that face.

- I do not need anything. Go away. - I will not move. - Go away !

- I do not need anything. - If she doesn't leave, I won't move!

I told you I don't need anything!

- If he doesn't take the car off my foot, how do I go? - You could have said that before.

Thank God !

> Ouch!

- Ouch! Hi Gianni ! - What do you got?

Ouch! My foot hurts today.

- You're always the same over the top. - I didn't sell a handkerchief.

- When did you ever sell anything? - People don't get cold anymore.

- It's the vitamins. - I am thirsty.

Why don't you turn it on?

- The cigarette ? - Yes. - It wears out.

- Cretin! - You are right. Can I take a pull?

- You? - Yup.

- Plan. - Yup.

You pulled it!

- Tsé! - Tsé!

- Sorry, I have to say "tse". - Can't I say that too?

-No!

- I found a job. - not me. Hey!

Work work...

... or work work? - It's a job !

It's a job... You know those jobs...

It's a job we've never done, but...

FARFUGLIA

The animals that... Bah!

I have too many ideas. In my head I have a "heap" of ideas.

Don't your brain smoke?

- You know I don't smoke, you idiot! - Yeah!

- Where did you take me? - What does it say? - Translate.

- Two policemen wanted for building assaults. - What does it mean ?

They look for two to clean the windows by jumping.

- I can't walk and you make me jump? - Do you want to keep doing...

... Jo handkerchief dealer? Walk!

- Good morning. - Good morning. The hat.

- I've got it in my head. - Get it up!. Yup.

Take a seat.

- Tell me. - He would like to work. - No. He would like to work.

- But without obligation. - Yes. - Shall we sign the contract?

- Agree. - Bim, boom, bam!

- Come on, you idiot! - Madonna!

- "Yesterday", boss. - I recommend it. - I can not make it !

Here we go. Work ennobles man.

Who told you I want to be ennobled? At least take this.

I don't want to work. I am already tired.

If that doesn't matter, let's go.

Mah!

Here. Now this.

- Then this. - Ahh!

Damn these things!

- That's enough ! - Here.

- Cursed ! - Help !

- Help, he'll kill me! - Come here !

- "I want you", boss. - God help us !

Did we make a bad impression?

Don't drive like that. I feel nauseous. I am expecting a baby!

- A child ? - I'm expecting my sister's son.

Why are they moving us to the hotel?

To modify the slots.

It is an idea of the American instructor.

- We'll be better on board later. - Ten girls would be enough.

- Maybe ! - It's strange that they want to change the housings.

- It's just a pretext. - Exactly. - I want to give you confidential news.

There appears to be a Russian spy on our crew.

They send us to the hotel to have time to unmask her.

- How did you get this information? - Family secret service.

Admiral Ragusa is my father-in-law.

- Then there is no doubt. -Mah!

{with English accent) Commander. - Yup ?

- I overheard what he said. - Really ?

Captain Smith, think if you were the spy we're looking for.

I would have made a mess!

It seems impossible to me that there is a Russian spy among you.

I was in counterintelligence for years before being an instructor.

If there had been a Russian spy on board, I would have spotted her.

It is not possible that there is a Russian spy.

- I'm afraid of heighs ! - Don't look down. Watch me.

We hope to be well!

- Ardenzi, have my luggage brought to the room. - Yup.

Guys, go to the counter.

- Hand in the registration documents, - Here are the keys.

Thank you.

You are in 403. You are on the fifth floor, room 511.

Permission.

{softly) Hand me a line. - Cabin one. - Shh!

This is yours. To you.

> Do we all have the keys? > YES. > Good.

ELECTRONIC SOUND

- How long have you been having a headache? - I'm not accusing anyone.

It's all my fault. But I know what medicine would make me heal.

- It's a woman. She is married ? - No. The sanitary is prohibited...

... provide medicine. PHONE RINGS

- What a phone jack! - Hello. - Paola, I'm Carlo.

- Honey, how are you ? - Bad if I don't see you. - I wanted to hear from you.

- I want to hear you hear you too. - Hear me hear me?

We just landed. We are at the Palace hotel.

- How long will you stay? - I do not know. - I run to you ?

I was about to ask. I'm glad you got ahead of me.

Think, joy, we can stay a little quiet, you and me.

- Alone. > What a red!

- How are we going to sleep in the same room? - I'll take care of everything.

When you arrive, say that you are Captain Morelli's wife.

- All right. - Treasure !

Get ready for long dives.

- I'll be there in an hour. - It will be the longest hour of my life.

- Get ready. Hello. - I'm getting ready! Hello.

Pig!

{I'll handle that !}

What do you do ?

- Can I try it? - Do you want to try ? - Yup.

- Do you think it opens scientifically or asshole? - Unscrewing.

Unscrewing?

He arrives, unscrews and opens. I am the mind and you are the arm.

It is you who must work. they supervise him.

- What's up ? - Eh...

Sorry ! I did not want to. It was the wall. What a blow!

- Was it the wall? - Yes. - He threw it at me. - Yes.

I threw it at him and he threw it at me.

Sometimes !

Cretin!

- Because ? - So !

Hello, Mr. Smith.

You arrive on time. I have some news to tell you.

{with Russian accent) Do you have any news for my government?

The Italian counterintelligence has understood that I am your spy.

- We have to disappear. - You should disappear.

What do you mean ? I fixed everything. They will never find out.

Your precious collaboration no longer interests us.

What do you do ? No !

They will never know! What do you do ?

No!

Farewell, comrade Smith!

> He killed him. > No, they make a movie.

It is not a movie!

Come down ! Get off !

- Wait up. - Ahh! You hit me.

- Does it hurt ? - Yes a lot.

RASPBERRY

- Where does it hurt ? - Ahh! Do not touch me.

- I'm sorry. - Me too. I don't want to die.

- Gianni, don't leave me. - Does it hurt ? - Very.

- Does it really hurt you? - YUP. - Here? - Ouch!

This is the paint!

CONCITED VOICES

- Then ? - Then ?

- What do you want from me ? - Apologize. - We didn't want to disturb you.

Do you want soap?

-It's better. - Shut up I wanted to do him a favor.

There is no respect for those who suffer.

- He hurt himself ? - A little attention. I was going to kill myself!

There is a bomb...

- Gianni, I run away! - Now ? - Yes, now.

Stop!

- Where is the toilet ? - Go here.

- Can I do it? - Yes. - I can't.

- Pss! Pss! - Don't make it so that you piss on me.

- Slowly. - I found you!

- How disgusting ! - I ran away!

Now let's run away!

DEFROST

I have another attack. Ouch!

DEFROST

Mamma Mia !

INTERCOM

- Yup ? - Get me a bottle of Neutrapepiton drops.

- Neutrapepiton? - It's a medicine. Send for him.

DISCOVER What was it?

I'm flatulent.

- What are you ? - I suffer from aerophagia.

- What do you mean? - Farts!

DEFROST

- He heard ? - Yes. We'll do it right away. Hold on!

- Run, Gianni! - Get up!

Get up!

Holy shit, I'm sending you to Siberia!

He's pissed too!

The medicine !

DEFROST

What a beautiful baby bump! Please, take a seat.

Let's play a good game.

{with Sicilian accent) The warm thigh!

Take care, let me work.

If she wanted, I would do anything. Do you want some oil wells?

- I'll give them to you. - Do something for yourself first.

- Get slim and then let's see. - I understood.

If I lose weight, will I have any hope?

Sure. Now just think about losing weight and keep everything warm.

- I'm going to get a massage cream. - "Bread and salam."

- We have to get out of the window. - Yes.

- We need a rope. Do you agree? - Yeah. I agree on a rope. - Agree.

I remember there is a rope.

- Permit? - Sorry.

Try to understand, I don't want to die, I want to commit suicide.

- We need the rope. - Me too. Put your hand on your conscience!

- Don't shoot! My neck hurts. - Stop!

Thank God I'm busy! Run !

Get up, fat!

No!

- But where are you looking? - Sorry, it's my fault.

DEFROST

Mamma Mia !

-Go, Gianni.

Go ahead you that makes me laugh.

- Follow me. - Yes. - Plan.

Be quiet, Gianni. If you fall, you can break your head...

... the ribs, one leg. You can break everything.

- If you don't shut up, I'll break you! - You can't joke.

I had to keep selling handkerchiefs.

At most I risked a leg under a car...

... but the insurance paid me.

- That's enough ! Come down slowly. - What do I get here?

- A drum of detergent! - So you find a gold token inside!

- Maybe ! - Come.

- Come on, jump! - If I jump, I'll break. - At most you break your leg.

- It seems little to you! - I cheated you, wretches!

- Take me down, there's the killer! - Spring!

- Spring! - Take me down!

You will not succeed. You are two balls!

Get off.

- Arrival. - Come here. Have you seen how easy it is?

Cow!

- The knee ! - Ahh! - What feet! Shh!

- Here we go. Be quiet. - Shh!

- Like this. - Stop!

- Who is it ? - What are you doing ?

We were playing.

PHONE RINGS

- Could I answer? - Yes, but move your hands slowly.

Ready. Tell me. I'm here for this !

And for...

It's for her. Where are you going ?

- Come on, Gianni. - Hello.

- Your wife is here. - Pass it to me. - Immediately.

Thank you.

- Did I hurry? - Yes. Did you have any difficulties?

No. From this moment on, I'm Mrs. Morelli.

- Let's not exaggerate. - What ? - Anything. Hurry up.

You need to get me a full check-up.

- Ouch! Holy shit... - How? - Anything. Salts.

I'll come right away, honey.

- Thank you. - You are welcome.

- Room? - Room 260. The elevators are on the right.

- What floor are you going? - Per second.

Here we go. Gianni, follow me. Do not get lost.

- Ahh! Run ! - Yup.

What kind of manners are these !

DEFROST

- The elevator is open. - Inside ! - What does he want ?

- Push that. - Yes. - Push!

- Get your hands off my thighs! - You take your thighs out of my hand!

- Very nice to have seen your thighs. - Engaging, though!

- My God ! - Shut your mouth!

- You haven't seen me. - Do you have a license? - The Arab!

- Come on, Gianni! - You again!

- Take these hands off! - Hair !

How are you ?

- Have you seen? - They did well.

To three. Here.

CANTICCHIA

Where will Paola be?

- Good morning. - Do you wish? - Mrs. Morelli.

- The lady is up. - I'm Mrs. Morelli.

Excuse me.

- Who's up? - Where on?

- I do not know. You said it's up. - She, who ?

Her. She said it's up.

- But who is up? - That's what I want to know!

Come on... your husband is up.

Finally !

- Room 260. - Thank you.

- Come on, Gianni. Treats. Street ! - Finally !

- The long one is not bad. - Russian is better. - Let's walk.

- Yup ? - I'm Commander Morelli. Has my wife gone up?

- Yes, but there is a problem... - It doesn't matter. She has arrived.

- You need to know... - He's here. Thank you.

It's you, Pao...!

- Surprise! - Pa... Pa... My potato chip!

Then ? Won't you let me in?

- How can I not let you in! - That was a surprise, wasn't it?

- Say that.

Gianni, fly!

Fly, Gianni!

Another time ! Let's go back.

- Run, Gianni. - Stop or I'll kill you right away!

Is there anyone up there? DEFROST

There is.

Honey, maybe you are tired and want to take a bath after the trip.

You want to do it in the bathroom, scrooge!

Get ready, honey.

Go. I'll wait for you here.

Go.

Go !

WATER SCRUB

I'll call you.

- Ardenzi! - Yes, commander. - Come here.

Don't let anyone into my room.

- There is a woman, right? - I can't explain now. Do as I said.

The roasted emir! I hope it didn't burn.

Soon ! Get out of here.

By Allah! I'm thin as a petrodollar.

He retired. But then it works!

- Now that I'm cool, you'll be mine. - I'm busy...

...upstairs. - You promised it. - She has to get fat first.

- Fat slim ? Thin fat ? - I'm already busy!

- Me too. I have a harem, 85 children and eight mothers-in-law, - Masculine!

- Permit? - Who is she ? - Mrs Morelli. - Did you understand !

- As he said ? - Anything. The captain instructed me to...

- Keep going. - To take her to the pool. - In the swimming pool ? - Yup.

- Is he there? - No, he's in the room. - Then here it is. - Not here.

- He said he's in the room. - Yes, but in the council chamber.

- She begged me to accompany her to the pool. - Why right there?

- You know what commanders are like! - How am I? - Like all commanders.

Here. Let's see'...

- If we go upstairs... - Again! - Sorry, we didn't want to disturb you.

Why does he want to commit suicide?

- Ahh! - Mamma Mia !

He's right. Don't waste time.

Stop!

That pisses on your head.

- No ! - Let's go now. - Now or never !

The door !

Sorry.

- How's the admiral? - Which admiral? - His father.

- Fine thanks. Do you have any other questions to ask? - No.

- But I do. When does my husband arrive? - The commander? - Yup,

Yeah, the commander. I'm going to find out. I will be right back.

In fact, I'll get him here right away. Do not move !

- What ways! - I have not done it on purpose. - Did you want to do it on purpose?

Excuse me, but I'm playing the uniform today.

I saved him!

My Madonna!

Madonna del Carmine!

DEFROST

Madonna!

For the misery!

Clara, maybe this isn't the time.

We are in a hotel, but it is as if we were in the barracks.

I am on duty. PHONE RINGS

- Love ! - Hello. - I'm Ardenzi.

Mister admiral! It's Admiral Presta bene.

- Under your orders! - Commander, this is Lieutenant Ardenzi.

I understand, sir. Where is it currently?

- Where is the dossier that was in your hands? - What dossier?

- I'm talking about your wife. I don't know what to do anymore, - It's not prudent...

... talk on the phone. The spy could be anywhere. Also here.

What does the spy have to do with it?

- Spies are everywhere. - Are you excited about talking about work?

Try to understand. Ouch! I am in a difficult situation.

- The difficult situation is the lady who is with you? - Yup.

She understood everything.

For the moment it is more prudent...

... if he hides the file in his room.

- Okay, but hurry. - I'll join you right away.

Hurry up, please.

Honey, I have to go.

- Where is it ? - Down to the admiral. - Which admiral? - Lend well.

I go down to see what happens, then come back.

- Duty calls me. - Will you be away long? - No !

Undress... I leaf through the file and come back. Hello.

- Dribble, Gianni! - Wait for me.

- Stop! - He got us!

Damn !

It is you!

- Under his command. What do I have to do ? - Sit on the cot.

- So, - I prefer a total tan...

... to be more presentable even naked. - It's good.

Would she sleep with a man as white as a wall?

-No! - Really ?

Instead with a tanned one, yes?

- It would be difficult to resist, even impossible. - Don't resist me!

- Don't do that! - Can you resist? - He's not tanned yet.

Sorry.

It's true.

- But later it will be. - Yeah.

- Lie down. I'll be back in ten minutes. - I wait her.

I look forward, indeed anxiously.

- Today women like little ones, - Marines!

- And these ? IS?

-Eh! - Funny guy !

How dare you ?

- How dare you tell him "how dare you"? - I need to talk to you.

What's your sign ?

WHISTLE

- Street! > To the thief!

- They stole our clothes. - They left us in our underwear!

Gianni, wait.

Gianni! May they...

- Wasn't the first enough? - You always complain ! - Let's embark from here.

Push.

And he ! We screwed him.

Damn !

- Help ! - Go away.

Makes me shit under!

- Comfortable. {together) This way.

- Permit? - You are welcome. - I'm going to the third. - Well.

Has he gone mad? What happens ?

How do we do it ?

Four, three, two...

But... What the hell is he doing?

I've never commanded an elevator.

- But don't worry. It's like a submarine. - Agree.

Bitch misery!

- We're stuck. - I have an appointment with someone.

- It will be black! - The person waiting for me will be red!

Are you making fun?

- I'm scared. - Be indifferent.

- How you do it ? - Whistle.

I'm not able. RASPBERRY

I said I can't whistle!

Always joking.

- Where's the exit? - He's here.

Run ! What a wall!

Who knows who it is!

Who is it ? Good morning.

- Where do you think you're going? - We were going... - We were going out...

- Silence ! - Yes. - It is forbidden to leave the hotel. - Really ?

It is forbidden I The admiral said it.

- What do we care? We are not sailors. - Really ?

- Yeah! - What uniform are you wearing? - The uniform !

- Shut up, wash them! - We are not washers, we are washers!

- Yes. We are washers. I swear. - He swears it.

- Are you washers? - We're being chased by a killer.

- It's true. - Really ? - We saw him kill one of yours.

- Is dead. - It's all dead. -Come with us ?

- If there is a dead man, go and get him. - Come on, - He's waiting for us.

- If you don't bring him here, I'll throw you in the penalty cell! - Street !

Yes, there were two. But I have lost sight of them.

Make the body disappear so there is no evidence.

Agree. Provide immediately.

Open up, damn hatch! It's a mutiny. What do you propose?

- I never make proposals. - You have to take matters into your own hands.

- Will I take it or you? - I do not know. - You take it. It's an emergency.

So, on the spot?

Let's turn the omelette a little.

It really is dead weight.

There is a bomb.

- I'll turn it on. - Thank you.

- You don't say anything? - We sailors have an oyster in every port.

I would be the oyster!

A splendid oyster enclosing a pearl. I collect pearls.

- Really ? - Do you want a tip? Take revenge with the same weapon.

- Are you my revenge? - Get caught. - How dare you?

- I do not want to. - It was a suggestion. - It was a proposal. - Also.

- Gianni. - Yup ? - Gianni. - Yup ? - Gianni! - Yes !

- Gianni! - Always stay in the middle!

- "beating me"? - Shh!

- Shut up

Cloppete! Cloppete!

Cloppete! Cloppete! Ah!

- Ah! Damn, you're a thoroughbred stallion. - You are a mule!

- Is there anyone ? - Who has to be there?

- I want to know if anyone is there. - Who!

- Is there or isn't there? - Who ? - Answer me. Is there anyone ?

- Who is this someone? - I do not know. Who can it be? - The dead !

- Then there is someone! - Yes, - It's the dead body!

"His Mortacci"! There really isn't anyone. Here we go !

YUP.

- Finally ! - Let's hope it's not too late, - Let's hope!

Shit!

- Now what do we get to that? - We bring him the dead.

- Yes, the dead! - It's here.

Which is ?

- The dead ! - I told you so ! Come on, I'm driving. - Wait up !

Shit!

Look, a corpse corpse!

- Gianni, where are you going? - I'm going to get a trolley.

- I'm coming too. - No, stay here. I'm going. You are scared ? - No !

- I will be right back. - I've already done it under!

Gianni! Do not leave me !

No!

My God ! Who is it ?

There is a bomb!

Gianni!

Now I hear the voices! Forty-seven, dead talking. Gianni!

A dead man in the elevator goes straight to the Creator.

Then ?

-The dead ? - He's there - Where? There is nobody !

- Ahh! The dead are gone! We go away too. - Yup.

- Where do we go ? What do we tell the cops? - I do not know.

Wait up !

- I have an idea. - Another one ? - Like another one?

- How dare you ? - But I... Few and confused.

{in Neapolitan) To your sister! - What does that have to do with anything ? - Here.

- We have to dress like "civilians"! - YUP.

- Where are you going ? - To call two lawyers.

Come.

Come.

- Come. - Want to kiss me?

Excuse me, I have the wrong room.

No, come on. It's always me.

- I tanned! Look. - What do you want? Is he crazy?

- Where you go ? - Help ! He's a nigga! - Come to Uncle Tom.

- She is a unique woman. - Because ?

She is here to suffer while he who knows who he is with!

- Wasn't he with the General Staff? - Yeah! Sure !

- Then ? - Those of the General Staff are certain "sailed"!

- Ardenzi! - Love ! - Treasure ! Sorry, I got stuck.

- With those of the General Staff. - No, in the lift...

YES!

Come, let's recover.

- Is it true that they are all sailed? - Who told you this bullshit?

- Him. -Lo?

No, not all of them. Sail today, sail tomorrow, one...

- Love ! - My God ! - Treasure !

ARDENZI CLEARS THE THROAT

What is it, honey?

- Ardenzi, what are you doing? On deck! - Under your orders, commander. - To us !

Let's go under the covers!

- Here we go ! - Where are you going ?

- Rest. - Let's change course.

Turn on board!

Oh, hoist!

- Yet. > The Negro!

No ! Help !

I am not a bad man. the WHITE man.

- Help me! - Get up. Excuse me. - the man from before. You BONA.

- I white man. - Street ! - These southerners!

Let's try here.

Shh!

Shh!

Here it is.

- Did you want to go in? -No!

KNOCK ON THE DOOR - Who is it? > The Befana. - The witch ?

The witch !

I thought you were the Befana! I asked you if you wanted to enter.

You told me no. Then I...

Final solution.

Miko nagasaki tokoiama! Banzai!

Ato kasu!

- Mortacci! - Sorry, we didn't want to disturb. - That's enough !

Really ! Where you go ?

That's enough !

Track!

Heaven, give me a sign of your power.

DEFROST

Madonna ! This is too much.

- It's too much. - You know what ? Shit on you!

- Mamma Mia ! It is better not to stay here. - No. - Did you see what he did?

Since he failed to make harakiri, he took a run...

... yes it is thrown from the fifth floor. It went down...

... and it made a bang! Yes it is smashed.

-No!

The dead who is not dead! Mamma Mia !

Help !

- Miss! - You leave me ! Help !

Miss, do not worry! the white man. lo no "bongo"!

Smooth!

- This time I forgive you. - Thank you.

- I was looking for her. - Myself ? - Yes. - Are you Lieutenant Ardenzi? - Yup.

The doorman said you know where Commander Morelli is.

- Who ? - Commander Morelli. He said he'd be right back...

... but it's gone. - You are the lady... - Yes.

The captain's wife has arrived.

Yes, the wife!

- Where is it ? - It's there, in my room.

- He's in his room! - Yes. - Ruffiano!

Wait! Do not enter. I was ordered to...

Well!

- This was the dossier to leaf through. - No, Clara!

Don't stop at appearances. The LADY is a "doctor"...

The doctor is a young lady who was visiting me.

- You're sick ? - Yes honey.

- I'm all a pain. - Poor little one!

- Does it hurt here too? - No.

- Now ? - Yup ! - What are you doing to him?

- Shut up, bitch! - How dare you?

- That slap was meant for you. - What ? Unfortunate!

- One moment. - Whore!

- You're a whore! - Stop!

Ardenzi, help me!

Stop! No !

- Sir! - Whore! - How dare you?

- What do I do ? - Go fuck yourself! But first help me divide them.

- Sir, stop! - I beg you ! - Enough of this bunch.

- Conduct! - Graduated whore! - Do something ! - YES, I'll take care of it.

- Don't allow yourself to give orders to my husband! - Quite right. - Charles !

- Yes Dear ? - Leave me ! - You wanted to make me horns. - Never !

- Now I'll show you, - What are you doing? - Mrs ! - You leave me !

- Go to hell ! Now I'll show you what I do! - No.

- I'm going to bed with the first imbecile I meet. - No !

My God !

- Here it is. - Who ?

- This is fine. - He ?

Is he fine? Don't make me...

The little guy!

Have you seen how small it is? He will not succeed.

- He ? - You are beautiful !

- You are beautiful and you will be mine! - No, ma'am. Sorry.

- This is mine and I manage it! - Go away ! - A little dignity.

- He's not even a non-commissioned officer! - Not even a sailor.

Who cares ? It will be mine now.

- I have my things! - Are you indisposed? - No, I'm busy. Here we go. - Wait up.

- Dear ! - It is better that way. - How ? - We will be freer. - A horns!

- It is better to put on the horns than to have them put on. - Charles I - Wait.

- Here I am. Let's make a crossing. - Charles ! - Wait up !

Now the problem is getting the body out of the hotel.

- Did you kill those two? - No, there is no trace of them.

Yes, I have all the documents here. I burn them right away.

We arrived on time.

- What did that woman want? - If I tell you, you don't believe it.

- "I wanted to do". - Really ? - Yes. There's nothing here.

SHOCK OF WATER There is someone!

Under the bed. I could have stood on it with that!

Finally the documents no longer exist.

- Now I have to make the body disappear. (softly) Don't touch me. - Shut up.

Strange.

- Hold with your hands. - Shut up. - Who opened the closet?

There is a bomb!

- Be quiet ! - I didn't speak.

Smith, don't run away. I'm going to fix things to get out of here.

Who are you talking to?

DOOR NOISE Let's go out!

- Have you seen a small sailor with a tall one? - Maybe !

- What are we doing ? - We call the police. - Yes, to the firemen...

... and at RAI - Yes. PHONE RINGS

Mum !

- What do we do now? - What are we doing ?

- Let's take the dead body. - Yes, let's take... The body?

- How much does it weight ! - Be quiet ! - It's not easy.

- He's a friend of ours. - HE'S DRUNK ? - Yes, he drank.

Don't drink anymore. Street !

Captain Smith! Oh my God!

Not breathing!

Is dead. Captain Smith is dead.

Director, there is a dead man who is not breathing!

How long !

- Thank you. - Director!

- Be careful. - Goalkeeper! - Say.

- Is there a ca... ca... - A room? - No ! There is a ca... ca...

- A bath ? - No ! There is a ca... ca... There is a corpse.

- Up there! - We have no bodies. A corpse? - Yup ! - That says ?

Come up with me.

- There's the body of our American instructor. - Stay calm.

Clara!

Where are you ? Reply !

Clara!

- Have you seen my wife? - No.

- Have you seen Paola? - No.

Come and see LE there.

- There's nobody here. - He was there! - He's not there!

He was a real dead man! A dead dead man. Maybe he went to hell.

- You don't believe me, do you? - Don't worry, I'll inform the police.

- Rest assured. - Yes.

Yet it was there!

Commissioner, there is no rush.

They told me there was a body, but I didn't see it. See you later.

- Do you have a room? - You're with Commander Morelli.

- I'd like one for myself. - Let's see.

- Room 123 first floor. - Put it on my husband's account...

... and tell him if he wants me, he'll find me at 123. - Sure.

SCRICCHIOLIO Gianni, where are you?

Gianni!

Smack!

CRUMBLY Ouch!

- We're on the first floor. - I.

- Let's go in here and get out of the window. - Yup ! - Let's do like this.

- You'll understand ! - Stay here. - No ! - Stay here. - Yes, I do the "pole".

- I go. - I make the stake. - Do you make the stake? - Yes. - So small?

I make a stake.

- Okay, I'm going. - Okay! - Okay.

Madonna!

Voila!

- Finally ! -Who is it ? But I...

- I found you. - I have to make the stake. - You must be mine!

Go away !

Alvaro, come on. Where is it ?

- There's the maniac! - Come !

What a "head"!

- Walk! - Be quiet.

Do not run away ! i just wanna fuck him!

> Don't run away! - What ways! Be ashamed!

Shit!

DEFROST

- More shit than that! - Do not run away !

> Miss, open the door.

> I big white all black man wants all sweet white woman

Where's "blonde thigh"? Here is black white man.

Where is it ? I "want" to play with you.

- Watch ! - You again. - Who is it ? - Come down!

- No, we were getting some air. - Yup,

- Get out or you're two dead men. - Fuck you! - What did you say ?

He said he's going to... Let's go inside because we're better.

- Yes, let's go inside. - Here it's cold.

- Lifeguards! - Tsé! -Tsé!

- No, I say "tse". - can't I tell? - You mean "tse"?

- Tsé!

{together) Tsé!

Which is ?

The fly !

Tsé!

I would say wait for the darkness.

So we can't escape.

- How do we eat? - It's an elementary problem.

- No, it's a food problem. - There's a kitchen here. - Where is it ?

- Have faith. - No, I'm hungry. - Go.

- There's the maniac. - What do you say !

Do one thing.

Bring me twenty-four sausages, four kilos of toast...

... and a coffee, - You're on a diet! - Wait up. All in one course.

- A course? - Yes. - Then don't get mad at me. - No !

- Go, hurry up! - Gianni! - Who is it ?

Are you pissed?

You wanted the scope and I gave it to you.

- I pissed off? - No ? - No! I am always calm. - I knew it.

CRUNCH

- Do you want the correct coffee? - No, I want it wrong!

Mum !

I knew you were mad!

Are you sure you want toast? Don't get mad afterwards.

Go !

A "course" is worse than a truncheon!

- Excuse me, I didn't know the room was occupied. - The room...

If you want, I can host you.

- A half-naked Negro chases me. - A nigga?

- I have a red! - I know him. - Really ?

Do not worry. I'm used to this kind of chase.

Can I help you ?

- Yes. Look out to see if it's still there. - The negro?

- YUP. - Sure ! I'm here for this.

I'm like James Bond who sends you to the other world with a single punch.

I go to see.

He sees it ?

- Is there or isn't there? - There is, but you can't see it. - Better that way.

The hand ! {sings) My dear Pasquina...

- What is it ? - It's nice to be like that.

I'm always like that at home. I like it.

- It's crazy! - Yes.

- What house do you do? - It was that...

Hide in the closet so the nigga don't see you.

- If he doesn't see you, it means he hasn't seen you. - Still in the closet?

Yes. I protect you.

- Are you going into the closet too? - It's cold outside.

The black man, a redhead, a white man, a cyclist, a nurse can come.

- Who will be ? - A polka dot zebra.

As long as I'm here, you can rest easy. I'll handle that.

Wait up.

Madonna!

Who is it ?

Superman!

Compliments.

The thighs!

- You are scared ? - No. - Me neither.

Thigh number two. Come on. Zacchete!

Look. In fact, don't look.

I look. You do not care.

Now remove the STRAP. Here.

It's hot !

- It takes me one thing to the thing that just in case... - Then "what we are".

- Super Admiral. - Frigate captain.

What broad arms you have!

- Hello. - You are late. - I had a bad night.

- I have a bad day. It all happened. - I had a nightmare.

- I dreamed of making love with a TV star. - You call it a nightmare?

It was Rintintin!

Everything is fine here.

- There's a message for Commander Morelli, room 260. - Hi.

- Are there any messages for me? - His name ? - Commander Morelli.

-There is a message. - Is it my wife's? - I do not know.

He's in room 123! Why ?

- Did you see the lady... What's her name? - If you don't know!

- Let's say Mrs. Morelli. - The lady from 123. Shall I call her?

No, I'm going there.

- My love, I found you! -No!

- Clara! Please come here. - Take ! - The sausage no!

The maniac! I throw myself under the bed!

Open up, Clara! It's an order !

Don't run away!

You open ! But here's the key.

Clara!

Clara!

GEMITS OF PLEASURE

- The door ! - I got you !

I'll take you to military court for insulting your wife...

How have you grown!

You are not you and she is not her.

Sailor, what were you doing here without the service cap?

I was... I was waiting for the tram.

Then keep going. Please wait.

If you want advice, do at least two runs.

WATER SCRUB Clara!

Love, I know you're in there. I hear the sound of water.

- Open me up. - Come in. It's open. - Well.

- Love, finally! - I thought...

- My great love ! - I'd like to stop my wife... - I'm here.

- What do you care about that idiot? - You will be stupid!

- What are you doing? - My wife gives me the horns with a small and stupid!

Small will be you! It is you! The slap of the soldier.

- Now the commander's punch arrives! - I want you !

- Clara, come here. - Go away. > Carlo!

- He's so small he could be your son! - It does not matter.

- His wife is a nice "loaf". - Don't say vulgarity.

- Don't be uncivilized! - Leave me ! Which uncivil?

- I'm a cuckold! - Do not worry. - Go away, sailor.

- Otherwise I'll shorten you! - Do you want the sandwich? - I'll eat your hand!

- My love, come here! - That's enough ! Clara, please.

Leave him alone. Come here, Clara.

Carlo, don't get involved.

- None of your business. - How ? The horns are mine!

- It's mine. You leave him. - Who are you talking about?

> Carlo, help me! - Paola !

How many are you ? What are you doing ?

- Paola, come out. - We will win, I'm not giving up!

- I surrender to you, Take me. - The surrender never!

A commander's wife dies, but she doesn't give up!

- Take advantage of a poor defenseless woman! - I don't want to defend myself.

Paola, is married. Come from the free one.

- What are my wife's legs? - Honey, let's go to the closet.

Coupons!

Where did that son of a bitch go?

- Where are you going ? I'm here. - I want my wife. - I have to !

- Who ? - Him. - Good! I love you !

- Where is my wife? - Take it easy !

You are there! Open up!

> Busy! > Very busy.

- My wife can't do that. - It does !

Honey, don't do this!

I betrayed you, but only with my body. What do you want it to be!

The body is just the shell. i love you.

I love you too.

- So why are you doing it? - What do you care? I do it with the wrap!

- What is this mess? - Carlo, save me! - What do you care about him?

- What is this mess? - Carlo, where are you going? > Leave me alone!

You know what ? Who cares ! Lieutenant!

I come, I fly, I rush!

- Settete! - What happened ? Ahh!

- Commander. - Give me the bill. - Have you finished your mission? - yes!

My wife's isn't over yet!

POLICE SIREN

- I'd like to leave a message for my wife. - Yes. - The bill.

- Room? - 007.

Where is the body?

- Did she call? - It was our colleague.

- He must have told you... - I know what he told me.

Instead I don't know how, when and why. If there is or if there is not.

If there is a victim, we are not the victim of a scam.

But if the victim is not there, we are the victims. Clear?

- Very clear. - Ended ? - Yup.

- Give it to my wife. - Yes. - Commander.

Where is it ?

- Weighs ?

The corpse!

There is no here...

Ahh! The ca... the ca...

The corpse! Commissioner, I'm an officer. I don't have it...

I am placing you under arrest!

- Commander, stop! - It is! - Get it, dead of sleep!

- Did you see... - Mom!

- The COCK! - Help !

> I'm fine with this too.

CONCITED VOICES

There is the killer!

Love, come here! Please, Clara!

Clara, come here!

There is a bomb!

Clara, let me explain.

You are all under arrest! The prisoner is mine, give him back to me!

There is a bomb!

- What happens ? - Let's block them!

You don't have to fall, you fools!

Get up, run!

I finally got you!

- Stop him! - Ouch!

- Commissioner! - I'm busy. I have to arrest the killer.

- He's a killer. - No.

- It's true. - Who is that? - It's the cuckold.

- It's true ! - It's true ?

- The killer is him. - No. The killers are them.

You swear it.

- My word! - I don't understand anything, guys.

- You are the boss. - I am the boss ? I am the boss ! Arrest them!

- There's a bomb! - Mind your cock! - A bomb !

There is a bomb!

- There's a bomb. - Tell the commissioner on duty.

> Help!

There is a bomb!

{together) A bomb?

Terrorist!

Who smokes?

I went all white! Albino is beautiful!

- Permission. You two don't start over! - That's enough !

DEFROST

- I told you this job was a bomb. - I do not like it !