Original subtitles

I've fought the unimaginable

in defense of this world.

I've battled alien tyrants,

defeated nightmares from the deep.

Gone toe to toe with ancient gods...

but no matter what threat I faced,

I knew I wasn't facing it alone.

Darkwing.

Aquarus.

War Woman.

Green Ghost.

Red Rush.

Martian Man.

Immortal.

The Guardians of the Globe.

Today, we have lost titans,

protectors,

heroes,

and we are left to wonder...

who will save us now?

I will,

and so will others like me.

New heroes answering the call.

New champions ready to risk everything

to keep this planet safe.

All inspired by these great souls

who came before us.

You will have moments of doubt,

of fear,

of uncertainty,

but in those moments, have faith...

and look to the sky.

We seriously have to put everyone

through this again?

The big one's for show,

but the public can't know

where the actual bodies are buried.

Souvenir hunters.

Jesus.

I was never a Guardian of the Globe,

but it was the Guardians who welcomed me

when I first arrived on this planet.

They were my mentors.

My comrades.

My friends.

They knew the reality of this life.

Martian Man was exiled from his own people.

War Woman was from a different age.

Darkwing...

Well, Darkwing made his own kind of solitude.

It was a rare, lucky few of us

who found someone who understood our path,

even rarer if they accepted it.

I hope they will rest in peace,

but at least they will rest together.

Get your hands off me!

Olga, please, calm down.

You wouldn't even let me see him.

Josef is finally standing still,

and I still can't see him!

I'd better...

Yeah.

You okay?

Me? I... I dunno.

It just doesn't seem real.

That could have been my mom,

putting my dad in one of those holes,

or me.

If this could happen to the Guardians of the Globe,

it means that none of us are...

This is a private ceremony, Darkblood.

Never get invited.

Show up anyway.

What do you want?

Same as you.

Discover clues. Catch killer.

Bring to justice.

And buy yourself a few more years out of hell.

Don't pretend you do this because you care.

You just don't want to go home.

Maybe one day, you'll know why.

I already told Cecil everything I know.

Saw nothing. Heard nothing.

Attacked in darkness.

Left for dead.

Are you insinuating something?

Didn't mean to offend.

Nuance of human conversation difficult for me.

If you remember something...

I'll call you.

Josef...

Let's get you in a car, Olga.

Robot!

You know, for a bunch of computer code,

you run a mean superhero team.

You really saved our bacon with those Flaxans.

Thank you, Cecil.

That means a lot coming from you.

I know you've always been independent,

but I want you to come work for the GDA,

and build me a new Guardians of the Globe.

Now, you'll pick the team,

you'll be in charge.

The only person that you will answer to is me.

Forgive me,

but would Omni-Man not be the natural choice?

Sure.

Except it's never gonna happen.

I've tried for a decade

to make him an official Guardian.

He helps out, yeah,

but he's never taken orders,

not from me, anyway.

Then I don't know what to say...

Easy.

Say you'll do it.

I'm feeling pizza.

I can be to Naples and back

before the cheese stops bubbling.

Honey,

let the delivery guy do it tonight.

Sure.

I've battled alien tyrants,

defeated nightmares from the deep,

gone toe to toe...

You will have moments of doubt...

We are left to wonder...

- Mark... - Who will save us now?

Why don't you call William?

And do what?

Hang out? Go buy comic books?

After this?

Hey...

Watch the tone.

It's okay.

It's not.

This is new, I get it,

but you need to keep that separate.

What happens out there, the mistakes,

even the victories,

you can't bring it home.

Okay?

Can I go to my room?

Sure.

Hey, we'll do some more training tomorrow, okay?

Just you and me.

What?

We just came from your friends' funeral.

Co-workers.

And you're talking about pizza,

and telling Mark not to feel anything?

This is the life.

Mark has to learn that.

What if Mark and I were burying you today?

I'm not so easy to kill.

Yeah, well, I'm sure that's what Red Rush told Olga.

Hey, he could run fast, okay?

It's not exactly one of your premier superpowers.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean that,

but Mark and I can do more good out there

than sulking in here.

Just remember

that Mark's a 17-year-old boy.

They break more easily than you think,

and I don't want a broken family...

Hello?

Hey, it's, uh, it's Mark.

Grays-Grayson.

Mark Grayson.

Who?

Mark?

From school?

I know.

I'm just messing with you.

Oh, god, you thought I was serious.

Oh, no, no, I...

I got it.

I was wondering if you were going to call.

Don't you mean "when"?

Nah, I can think up a few reasons for "if".

I came on too strong.

You've got a girlfriend.

You're lame, and you don't like chicks

who kick assholes in the balls when they threaten you...

Uh...

You're terrified of me, aren't you?

No!

I think you're amazing.

That's why I'm calling to tell you that.

I mean...

that's not why I'm calling.

Not that that's not true.

Ah...

Sorry.

It's been a weird day.

Sounds like it.

You wanna start again?

Hey, handsome Mark Grayson?

What's going on?

I was thinking, finals are coming up,

and we're both in Ms. Walker's Global Issues class.

Maybe we can go over everything together?

A study date?

Well played.

Safe and responsible.

No pressure,

but with potential for things to move

to the next level.

Smooth.

Uh...

Works for me.

When and where?

Anyone home?

Eve?

I thought you were at the funeral.

I was.

I'd say you should've been there,

but it was pretty bleak.

Red Rush's girlfriend had a meltdown, and...

You okay?

Hiccups.

Hmm.

Anything happening?

Is Rex around?

Rex?

Eve, hang on a sec...

You piece of shit!

Babe, wait! Hang on!

I knew there was a reason you skipped the funeral!

- Just-just wait a second! - Don't even...

Oh, god!

Are you kidding me, Kate?

I-I can't believe this.

Eve...

Oh, I am such an idiot.

Rex said you're dating Invincible now.

Said that you guys talked about it.

What?

Oh, don't give me that.

It's true.

What did you expect, huh?

It's not true,

and whatever I expected, I guess I was wrong,

about both of you.

Hold on!

This?

This doesn't mean shit!

They're not even the real Kate!

We're all the real Kate.

Okay, I...

I didn't...

That's technically not what I...

But you know what I mean, right?

Is that Demi-God?

Oh, Shrapnel!

And Burly, Pangea, Bug-Eye...

It's the crowning achievement of any crusader's career

to be selected for the New Guardians of the Globe,

which makes me wonder again why you won't try out.

I know.

I talked it over with my dad.

He wants to train me himself.

Plus, my mom would kill me if I miss any more school.

Then why are you here?

Are you kidding?

Like I'd miss this?

Oh, my god, there's Fight Force.

Why'd they even come here?

Despite your name,

I believe you underestimate yourself, Invincible.

I'll still be around, helping.

When does this all get started?

Thank you all for coming here today.

♪ Ladies and gentlemen... ♪

The Guardians of the Globe

were more than a group of heroes.

♪ Ladies and gentlemen... ♪

- They were icons. - ♪ Are you ready? ♪

Those of you who pass our trials

will be among the elite...

♪ Get ready y'all ♪

♪ Get ready ♪

...The best of the best.

♪ We giving a show ♪

♪ But can you rock it like rocket fuel? ♪

♪ Space out your mind? ♪

♪ But can you rock it like rocket fuel? ♪

Needless to say,

not all of you will be up to the challenge.

Ouch.

What's up with her?

No idea.

Those of you who are up to the challenge

will succeed

not just by the uniqueness of your abilities,

but by the uniqueness of your tactics...

your adaptability...

...the agility of your minds.

♪ This be the green light, go Tires burn the pavement ♪

♪ People wanna know where Mase, Pos' and Dave went ♪

♪ Still here Still in ya ear ♪

♪ With a style so hot ♪

♪ You'll see where all the sun rays went ♪

♪ Legs, arms, and head all being moved in a frenzy ♪

♪ The blends we all the right cred' ♪

♪ Meaning credentials ♪

♪ Best of both worlds ♪

♪ When we rocking over pearls in the instrumental ♪

♪ Are you ready? Ready! Set? Set! ♪

♪ Jump to the rhythm as hard as you can go ♪

♪ Keep it steady Steady! ♪

♪ Let it rock ♪

♪ Turn it up We giving a show ♪

♪ But can you rock it like rocket fuel? ♪

♪ Space out your mind? ♪

Oh, yeah!

♪ But can you rock it like rocket fuel? ♪

♪ Space out your mind? ♪

Rah!

...And perhaps most importantly,

the strength of your character and spirit.

That is what truly makes a hero.

It is my pleasure to introduce the new Guardians of the Globe.

Black Samson.

Shrinking Rae.

Dupli-Kate.

Monster Girl.

Aw, look at her, she's adorable!

But isn't there, like, an age requirement

for this ride?

Am I wrong?

'Cause this seems weird, right?

Rex...

I dunno, you're here.

Isn't there a dick size requirement?

I'm sorry?

For what, your tiny dick?

I mean, the way you've been strutting around here,

you must be compensating for something.

Somebody ought to teach you

some mother-fucking...

What the fuck?

Oof!

Guess you missed my try-out.

Still think I'm adorable?

You little bitch.

Aw...

Now, that's adorable.

I'm gonna blast that smile off your stupid, green face.

Please, stop, this is hardly constructive.

Ha!

Uh... is this okay?

He asked for it.

Okay, enough.

Get lost, boy scout.

I said, enough!

Invincible hit that little girl!

Oh... shit.

Uh, look, I'm so sorry.

Nah, my bad.

The kid thing sets me off every time,

and then it's like, "Rah!"

Beast mode.

Sorry about the dick joke.

I'm sure your junk is awesome.

It's fine.

I'm good. You're good.

You can... punch hard.

Didn't need your help, asshole.

Aw, Christ...

As I was saying,

welcome to the Guardians of the Globe,

Monster Girl...

I'm gonna shit blood.

...along with Rex Splode,

once he's recovered...

and our final member,

Atom Eve.

Thank you all for coming today.

We'll be making a public announcement shortly.

Robot.

No need to thank me.

I obviously needed to remain impartial,

but I'm still delighted

so many members of the Teen Team made the cut.

I can't be on the same team as Rex and Kate.

What? Why?

Hey, wait!

Rex, what did you do?

Thanks for the help, Robot.

Can't wait to be on your team.

Hey...

what's going on?

Rex cheated on me...

What?

...with Dupli-Kate, all three of her.

Whoa.

Whoa...

I walked in on them.

Rex told her you and me were a thing? Ugh.

Huh, what?

That's... crazy.

I didn't want to say it while you were dating the guy,

but what an asshole.

He wasn't always,

but... yeah.

Well, that sucks.

I'm sorry.

Thanks.

As soon as the forensic investigation has concluded,

we'll be moving into the Guardians' headquarters.

Until then, we'll be training here.

Breakfast is at 6:00 a.m.,

then close-in combat exercises until lunch.

Where is Kate Prime?

Had a thing.

I can fill her in.

Okay, just to make it clear,

there is no universe

in which I wake up at 6:00 a.m.

and the world isn't on fire.

Come on, Robot.

We don't need this boot camp bullshit.

It's us.

We're not on the Teen Team any longer, Rex.

Exactly.

I'm sure you've had a lot of experience

wrangling teenagers,

but I was with the Guardians from day one.

Wow, thanks, Dad.

Maybe if you didn't lose your powers,

you might've been there to help the Guardians

on their last day.

I don't know you yet,

so I'm going to assume that was a joke,

and I don't need to beat your ass

until all you wanna do is call me Dad again.

I don't know you either,

but we need a leader we can look in the eye.

Not a bunch of ones and zeros.

No offense.

That's actually super offensive,

so wait, you think you should be in charge?

I am the most experienced.

Yeah, at losing your powers.

Didn't I crack that joke already?

Why are we even putting up with this guy?

He wears a suit!

It takes batteries.

Let's just get Eve back in here.

I'm new to this whole team thing,

but I thought it involved teamwork.

As did I.

Call me when you figure it out.

I'll be in the gym.

Me too.

I'll go supervise.

No, you won't!

I can do whatever I like.

Good first day, Robot.

I can't do three combat exercises a day.

I'm on a rather tight timetable to get this team operational.

Whenever I transform, I get younger.

It's part of the curse that gives me my powers.

I don't look it, but I'm 24 years old.

I used to go by Monster Woman,

but it got too hard to explain, so...

if you don't want to start changing my diapers,

three exercises a day are too much for me.

I didn't...

Of course, my apologies.

It must be difficult.

Try having a normal relationship looking like this.

The guys who are interested

are either going through puberty,

or popping up on sex offender registries.

I understand what it's like

for the world to look at you and see one thing,

never knowing the truth of what's inside.

How can you understand?

You're a robot.

Pathetic.

This has gotta go.

Hide this.

Toss this.

What? Stop.

Hey, being a geek is cool now, okay?

So, maybe Amber likes comics, too.

You thought of that?

Ya dick.

I'm not talking about the comics,

I'm talking about the dirty clothes,

the dishes,

the tissues.

Uh...

Better.

Okay, I brought you some homework.

A little Naomi Klein.

A touch of Margaret Atwood.

Some Ta-Nehisi Coates.

I haven't read any of those.

But she has,

so get started.

It'll show Amber you're interested in her.

She's also into spicy foods, stand-up comedy,

and fourth-wave feminism.

What? I read her file.

I asked around at school.

It's just a study date, not a first date.

Mark, every date should feel like a first date.

Mark! Your friend is here!

Go! Out the back way.

You can thank me later when you call me,

and tell me exactly how it all went.

Hi, Mrs. Grayson. I'm Amber.

Um, William said I should read it

to show you that I'm interested-

interesting-

and I will,

but this is more me.

An honest man.

I like that.

So...

you're into comics.

Is it that obvious?

What's your favorite?

Oh, man, I can't pick a favorite,

but...

Ooh, this one is about a guy who's an underwater welder,

and starts seeing ghosts on the bottom of the ocean,

and this one is about a Jack Russell terrier

who's a master of the metaphysical arts.

Seance Dog?

Cool.

You mind if I borrow it?

I mean, just to show you that I'm interested.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Okay...

don't know who that is.

Um, I figured we should start with global issues, and then...

Sorry.

Must be a robo-call.

Ha, this should do it.

So Ms. Walker says we should focus on the...

I'm gonna run and use your bathroom

while you deal with that.

Yeah, uh, down the hall on the left.

Whoa!

Christ almighty.

I didn't think she would ever leave.

Hey!

Oh, what are you...

How did you know Amber...

Are you spying on me?

You wanna be a super hero, right?

Fame, glory, get the pretty gal?

I mean, that's sexist, but okay.

Well, then, the whole concept of personal privacy

or me time?

That's out the window.

When the world needs you, you answer your goddamn phone!

Don't worry, she hasn't flushed yet.

I don't even work for you!

And you never will,

not unless you show a little respect,

and decide if you want to be a superhero or not.

Right now?

Yes, Mark, right now.

Okay, yes.

I want to help.

What's the problem?

Rogue supervillain.

Public in danger.

Eve's already en route.

Here, so we can talk on the go.

Eve's gonna be there?

Oh, did that just sweeten the deal?

What? No.

I mean, um...

Where?

Where is this... at?

Mount Rushmore.

Okay.

What state is that again?

What do they teach you kids in school these days?

Who were you talking to?

Oh, um...

Yeah, the thing with the, uh, the phone, it's, um...

It was a friend of my dad's,

and, uh... I forgot I'd promised

I'd help him with this thing, um...

Now?

How's it going in here?

I brought snacks.

South Dakota.

We know where Mount Rushmore is, Cecil.

I wouldn't be asking for your help,

but Omni-Man's dealing with a kaiju ten time zones away,

and the new Guardians are a shit show,

so here we are.

Target is Doc Seismic.

He has a Ph.D. in seismology,

so the doc thing, that's legit.

Problem is, he made himself a pair of earthquake gloves.

What's he want?

Even he doesn't seem to know.

Working theory says brain damage

from a side effect of those gloves.

He basically gets a concussion every time he uses them.

So your basic mad scientist deal.

Have fun, kids,

and try to remember,

that's a national treasure down there.

You've come to pray at this obscene monument?

They were oppressors!

Racists!

Slave owners!

I give you a new god worthy of worship!

Bow before Doc Seismic!

Rah!

Hah!

Run! This way!

Hurry! Hurry!

The great emancipator?

He'll emancipate you...

from your lives!

Wow, man,

I'm still working on my one-liners,

but that one is really bad.

Ha ha!

That's how you get ahead in life.

See, it's not quite there, it's not there.

No argument from me.

Now die!

Ah, thanks.

Anytime.

We need to take out his gloves.

Those aren't gloves.

Gloves have fingers.

They're more, uh...

earthquake bracelets?

Ha! You're wearing earthquake bracelets!

H'yah!

Y'ah!

Y'ah!

You should be on my side!

We could tear down the old power structure,

build a new order!

I mean, look at the costume they've got you in.

Talk about pandering to gender roles.

I designed my own costume,

and I thought your doctorate was in seismology?

Undergrad in sociology and women's studies.

I had a minor in African Dance,

but enough politics!

H'wah!

Oh...

- Whoa! - Oh!

Mark!

Shit!

Bah!

Oof! Oh...

Thank you.

Don't mention it.

Eve! Eve!

Eve!

Invincible!

I got you.

He's slipping.

Ah, God dammit.

I should have spent more time working on the jet pack!

H'ah!

Ugh!

Look out!

Wow, that guy is toast.

Oh, I see,

so, like, none of these sound good, huh?

Oh, crap, I gotta go!

I-I'll talk to you later, Eve!

Thanks!

You're welcome.

Whoa, slow down. What's up?

Cecil asked me to save Mount Rushmore,

but I left Amber waiting in the room so I gotta...

You left a girl in your room

while you flew off to deal with a crisis?

Mm-hmm.

Good.

I mean, not good for her, but good.

That's the tricky part of the job,

balancing what you wanna do, with what you need to do.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Remember, you're not just a superhero, Mark.

You're a Viltrumite.

We have... responsibilities that normal humans don't.

Right.

Yeah, thanks.

Hey, one last piece of fatherly advice, okay?

You might wanna change.

Oh, crap.

Dad, you got a little...

here.

I am so sorry.

I've been sitting here for an hour.

I know.

Uh... Oh, that's a good one.

What'd you- what'd you think?

Why did you even agree to hang out

if you weren't gonna hang out?

I do want to hang out.

I just didn't think that...

Could've fooled me.

I don't even know why I came.

Okay, then, why did you come?

You didn't even know I existed until I stood up to Todd.

For the record,

Todd kicked your ass.

For the record,

that's absolutely true.

I've had guys throw punches for me before,

but you're the first one who stood there and took 'em.

Twice.

I wanted to know the kind of guy that would do that.

An idiot?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

So, what now, hmm?

I finished all the review questions

while you were off saving the world or whatever.

It's big, sir.

Really big.

First time I've seen Omni-Man on the ropes like that.

Also, it might not be dead.

Huh.

Put it on ice.

You never know when something like that

might come in handy.

Yes, sir.

Oh, good God!

Calamari for dinner?

Get that off my counter!

Aw, you sure?

It's considered a delicacy in some places,

and an aphrodisiac.

Like you need it.

Did you call Cecil?

About putting some protection on the house.

I was kinda busy.

Nolan...

Yeah, I'll take care of it.

Thank you.

Hey, don't forget

I just took down a freakin' kaiju

and saved the world.

Your husband's a badass.

Yeah, well, you're not the only badass in this family.

I sold a house today that had a double homicide.

I told them lightning never strikes twice.

Are you seriously gonna put that on the grill?

♪ I've been sleepless at night ♪

♪ 'Cause I don't know how I feel ♪

♪ I've been waiting on you ♪

♪ Just to say something real ♪

♪ There's a light on the road and I think you know ♪

♪ Morning has come and I have to go ♪

♪ But if we're strong enough to let it in... ♪

Surprise!

Look,

I screwed up, Eve.

I know I did, I just...

I just, I don't know why I keep doing this.

I don't want to.

You know that, right?

You know I love you.

I know...

but that wasn't an apology, Rex.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

Look, give me a do-over,

just this one time.

I'll be better.

I-I promise.

Good luck with the new team, Rex.

♪...Strong enough to let it go ♪

Fuck.

Good for you, Mark.

Chow time.

You know the drill.

Ah, Thursday.

Chicken pot pie.

Everybody's favorite.

Stay back from the door.

Stay back from the door.

Huh?

Shit.

Ah!

Ah, sorry, Pete.

Hmm...

Damn.

Chicken pot pie night.

Mm...

How?

Obvious.

As the original article,

my intellect's undiluted

by the cloning process that created you.

Oh, please.

Just open the door.

Say it.

You cheap, genetically inferior knock-off...

Say it,

or stay here forever.

I'm the clone.

Yes, you are.

This way.

♪ Whoo! ♪

♪ Run, run, run ♪

♪ Gangster like you wake up in Dickies ♪

♪ And load the clippy ♪

♪ The reign of our ascension ♪

♪ Make statisticians feel sickly ♪

♪ Accountants they get snippy ♪

♪ They never counted so quickly ♪

♪ Got 'em up sniffin' yak up off an abacus for a living ♪

♪ Crime authors ♪

♪ Autobiographically bastards ♪

♪ Pain passin' put a pain in your brain ♪

♪ Style droppin' the drums and stun all goggles ♪

♪ Small talkers get launched on... ♪

Clear a path.

♪ Tick tock ♪

♪ You got until the hands on the clock stop ♪

♪ I'm baggin' a bag then I'm backing out ♪

♪ Better back off ♪

♪ That's why I'm outta here, baby ♪

♪ Before these clowns put me down in the ground, baby ♪

♪ I'm running reds 'til I'm out of this town, baby ♪

♪ You want your money back? Chase me ♪

We have a benefactor, it seems.

Huh?

Multi-phased fusion generator in the 30-megawatt range.

What now?

I'm surprised you don't see it,

you being the original and all.

I'd say I'll miss you, brother...

but I can always make another one.

So, give me an update.

You get my team ready for the deep end yet?

We still have work to do,

but I feel confident in the progress

we've made today.

My apologies.

Didn't mean to scare.

What are you doing in my house?

Seeking... information.

Clues.

Answers.

Answers to what?

That night, the massacre.

Still not clear to me.

I don't know what you're talking about.

You need to leave now.

Seven dead.

One alive.

Your husband.

Was hoping you could make that piece fit.

Well, you'll have to ask him.

Did.

Answers were...

unsatisfactory.

Why do you care?

Escaped from hell.

Seek justice for others to save own soul.

Husband told you nothing?

Not a whisper to soothe your fears?

No.

He didn't say anything.

Hmm...

You have a lovely home.

Debbie?

You all right?

I thought I heard something.

I'm fine.

I was just coming to bed.