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1
00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,119
Die, die, die!
2
00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:08,719
Can we just watch Flog It?
3
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:10,719
No, I'm teabagging this
camper I just pwned.
4
00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:13,639
But they're flogging. Tom, I've just
killed a man on the battlefield
5
00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:16,719
and now, to humiliate him, I'm going
to put my testicles in his mouth.
6
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:19,239
Itchy, are you seeing this?
Who's Itchy?
7
00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:22,239
Some 11-year-old from Guyana.
No, don't retreat. Treat, treat!
8
00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:24,879
So, you're molesting a virtual
corpse? Itchy, you do it.
9
00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:26,519
And now telling a child to.
10
00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,519
Medic, medic!
11
00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:31,239
Everything all right?
Can I get a can of Lilt, please?
12
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:36,279
Oh, hello, JuicySniper9,
prepare to be died. You're sick.
13
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:38,959
Oh, no, stop killing
children on the internet!
14
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,559
Grow up!
15
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,799
Argh!
16
00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:44,399
No.
17
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,879
Don't you dare teabag me,
you little bitch!
18
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,719
No!
19
00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:49,919
Thanks.
20
00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:51,760
No!
21
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,080
This is Flat News.
22
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,439
Momentous developments in
lift talk this morning,
23
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,039
as I kind of asked gorgeous
next-door neighbour Sophie out,
24
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:09,199
kind of, sort of, in a way,
25
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,119
we'll see what happens,
fingers crossed.
26
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:13,559
Busy this evening?
Old lift, isn't it? Oh, this?
27
00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:15,760
Yeah, it's a rickety old twat.
28
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:20,159
What to do say about this evening?
Chicken. Chicken?
29
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:22,759
Yeah,
would you like to go for chicken?
30
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,479
What, just you and me?
31
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:27,439
Yeah, well, there'll presumably
be other people in the restaurant,
32
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:31,799
but... OK, that, Tom,
you seem really nice
33
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:35,519
and I love our weird conversations
in the lift and everything.
34
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:38,399
I've been hurt by guys
in the past...
35
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,399
and you didn't come to my party,
and you berated those homeless guys,
36
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,719
and you burnt down my flat.
37
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,719
I just, I don't know,
I need someone sweet and caring.
38
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:50,080
I don't know, I just really don't
want to get hurt again.
39
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,559
So, that's a maybe?
40
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,519
Sophie possibly going on
a date with me, huge news.
41
00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:00,400
With high hopes, we now
go to Naz with the weather.
42
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,159
Naz? The weather?
43
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,879
It's bleak.
44
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:10,240
Oh, come on. What happened
that can be that bad?
45
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,399
Naz?
46
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,199
For the last two years,
Naz has been fighting
47
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:19,239
on the front-line of one
of the world's bloodiest
48
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,800
first-person shooters.
49
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,080
This is his story.
50
00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:30,319
War isn't easy.
51
00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,359
You get headaches, thumb cramp,
52
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,039
one tiny mistake
in how you're sitting,
53
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,039
you're looking at a dead leg.
54
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:41,719
Naz was out on a routine patrol.
Operation, just shoot everyone.
55
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,399
Little did he know the peril
he faced.
56
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:48,439
This guy, JuicySniper9,
he just got under my skin.
57
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:51,079
You're dead.
58
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,040
Obviously, I retaliated.
59
00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:57,359
He was just too clever.
60
00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:00,559
JuicySniper9 shot and killed Naz.
61
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,720
As soon as he killed me,
I knew I was dead.
62
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,839
Nothing prepares you for death.
63
00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:09,319
Apart from the other 100
or so times I died that day.
64
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:11,519
No, don't knock me over. Oh!
65
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:13,479
It's all right, guys, I've got it.
66
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,999
Oh! Take that, you... Oh!
67
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,479
A dead body lying in a war zone
is usually respected,
68
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,560
but JuicySniper9 showed
no such decorum.
69
00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:27,359
He teabagged me.
70
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:30,360
'Don't you dare teabag me! No!'
71
00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:34,400
He put his balls in my mouth.
72
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,880
You just don't forget that.
73
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:44,880
The only way to move forward
is to get my revenge.
74
00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,000
Revenge is sweet...
75
00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,079
...but my balls are not.
76
00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:52,839
Made you a cuppa, mate. Argh!
77
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,880
Oh, Goddamn it, Mikey!
78
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:03,039
Have you heard the news?
Can you believe those Russians?
79
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:07,039
It's not yours, Russia.
It's just not yours.
80
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:08,599
Was there a reason you came, or...?
81
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,039
Yes, could you look
after my nephew today, please?
82
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,599
Ah, no. I don't really have
the qualifications.
83
00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,119
You sound just like my doctor.
Please, I've got a busy day.
84
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:20,679
Hi. Yo. Already here, are you?
OK. Forcing my hand.
85
00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:23,559
Please? I've got such a busy day.
No.
86
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:26,439
This one usually takes them,
but she's busy, too.
87
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,039
Hello, Sophie.
88
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:31,719
How, Tom. Oh, are you looking
after him today?
89
00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:34,640
You guys look really
cute together.
90
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,759
I'll take him. Oh, good. Thank you.
91
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:42,159
Kieran is such a good boy.
Deep down.
92
00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,520
Deep, deep down.
Thanks, bye.
93
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:52,399
OK, JuicySniper9,
how can I find you?
94
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,439
This is my office.
95
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,639
Sh-h-h! I'm planning my revenge.
96
00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:01,360
So many clues,
but how to connect them?
97
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,319
Connections, connections,
connections.
98
00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:16,399
JuicySniper number nine,
First attacks by the fuel depot,
99
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,159
then by the ammo crate. Connection?
100
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,159
Both storage containers
full of something.
101
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:22,359
What else is full of something?
Balls. Argh, no!
102
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:25,839
Concentrate. JuicySniper, likes to
snipe, also enjoys sugary beverages,
103
00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:29,079
such as orange juice. What shape
are oranges? Balls. Oh, no! Think!
104
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:33,839
JuicySniper number nine, of course,
9+9 - 10... And what've you got?
105
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:35,999
A huge pair of balls. Argh!
106
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,319
God, damn it!
All my deductions are balls.
107
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:43,319
I don't see... You do see, but
you don't observe, my dear Mikey.
108
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,199
It's el-mel-entary. What?
109
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,479
It's emel... Hemel Hempsteady,
it's Humpty Dumpty.
110
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:50,959
Oh! It's elementary.
It means very complicated.
111
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,439
Can you, please, get out of...
112
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,399
Stop talking, I'm going to
my mind phallus.
113
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,839
You mean palace.
Exactly, my phallus palace.
114
00:05:56,840 --> 00:05:59,080
Now, get me a Tizer.
115
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,079
I'm hungry.
116
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,519
Fetch me a bap! I fancy a BLT.
117
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:39,839
Bacon, lettuce and Tizer. OK!
118
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:42,680
This reveals absolutely nothing.
119
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,079
Revenge is hard.
120
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,919
Why are we playing here?
There's a park the other side.
121
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,119
There is,
but this is a great spot for catch.
122
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,799
Because it's next to Sophie's flat.
Basically, yeah.
123
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,559
I want to play PlayStation.
124
00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:00,159
Well, right now, we're playing
a real time strategy game
125
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:02,359
called
Make The Pretty Girl Like Tom.
126
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,919
You're so old. Ready?
I don't really do catch,
127
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,519
I'm more into football
and being liked.
128
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,839
That's the problem with kids
these days,
129
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:14,079
they just don't do what
they're told. Come on, let's play.
130
00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,200
Hee-hee!
131
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:23,600
This is The Square, where simple
tasks become epic challenges.
132
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,399
Catch.
133
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:32,159
Tom, you must take the ball and play
catch with this horrible brat,
134
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,599
to convince Sophie you're a sweet,
caring guy.
135
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:39,439
Can your steady hand take you to
a romantic chicken dinner?
136
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:42,560
Are we playing or what? Yeah!
137
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,439
Yeah.
138
00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:50,959
Ha-ha-ha!
Hee-hee-ha!
139
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:55,279
Look, if we go back inside, I'll
help you out with Sophie. Trust me.
140
00:07:55,280 --> 00:08:00,239
I'm experienced. What, in crayons?
Skirt, tail, dame-bombs.
141
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,839
I've had more girls
than you've had haircuts -
142
00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,919
but not as many
as I've had haircuts,
143
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,639
cos this boy got to look good.
144
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,319
And my mum's a hairdresser.
Look, just do my plan, eh?
145
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:11,679
For a little bit, mm?
High-five?
146
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:15,599
I don't really do high-fives,
I'm more into handshakes
147
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,559
and having friends.
148
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,000
Mini high-five?
149
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,239
See, we're having fun.
150
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,840
Ha-ha-ha!
151
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:31,359
Sorry about the teabagging,
bruv. Yeah.
152
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,959
I thought this might cheer you up.
153
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:36,039
Spicy beef, pepperoni, meatballs.
154
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:40,839
Argh, balls! Sorry, sorry,
pork spheres. Ah!
155
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:43,679
I'm sorry, man. I'm just still
a bit sore about it, OK?
156
00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,960
But I plan to get my revenge.
157
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,199
The man who seeks revenge must
dig two graves.
158
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,999
What, like teabag him twice? There
can be no satisfaction in revenge.
159
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:58,759
It's like nachos, yeah? Eat one,
not enough. Eat two, not enough.
160
00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:03,239
Whole bowl, still hungry.
And the Bar Mitzvah's out of crisps.
161
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:05,199
Yeah, but it's consuming me
162
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:08,079
and the only way to end it is
if he consumes my balls.
163
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:11,319
Listen to yourself, you're obsessed.
Yeah, you're damn right, I am!
164
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:13,119
And I'm not going to stop, Carl!
165
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,119
Not until I get my two
pounds of fleshy balls
166
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,479
bouncing around his face
167
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,800
and drowning him in a rain
of 1,000 teabags.
168
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,719
Sh-h-h! You're running through
a golden field, free,
169
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,679
where you roam amongst the corn,
frolicking with the fawns
170
00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:28,319
and other animal people.
171
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:29,479
Oh, little animal people.
172
00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:32,399
You arrive at a lake, where you
meet the old boatman. Hello.
173
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,719
He takes you to the cave
of forgiveness. He's a nice man.
174
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:39,159
Underneath the dripping limestones,
you release your anger -
175
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:45,119
and into the calming waters
sink your two furious pebbles.
176
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:48,079
Actually, they're more like rocks.
Sleep!
177
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,479
Your anger has now left you.
178
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:54,599
And in this place,
only the desire to spread peace
179
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,119
and love to those around you.
180
00:09:56,120 --> 00:10:00,519
Peace and love to those around me,
that's my mission now.
181
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,119
Also, I've got some doughballs.
Urgh!
182
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,719
A lot of food is balls, isn't it?
183
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:07,879
Oh!
184
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,239
Top tip, if you're trying to
impress a girl,
185
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,319
you might not want to make it
quite so obvious
186
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,599
that you can't play sport.
187
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,039
I played cricket
for Berkshire Under 13s.
188
00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:17,839
People used to call me
Rocket Rosenthal.
189
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,600
Is that because of your
massive nose? You shut up.
190
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,239
Maybe I should come a little closer.
191
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,559
The game has simplified -
192
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:32,279
you are now one step closer
to the little shit.
193
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:35,320
OK, Rocket, give me
one with a little heat.
194
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,720
Get ready for take off.
195
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:51,559
Less hope remaining.
196
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:55,159
Argh! Argh, you threw it too hard
on purpose! Why didn't you catch it?
197
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,839
Why did you do that?
198
00:10:57,840 --> 00:10:59,719
Is he all right? Shall I come down?
199
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,560
No, no! He's fine.
200
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,759
Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, he's fine.
201
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,840
Thank God you can't throw properly.
202
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,880
Still want to play outside?
203
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,879
What's going on? Thomas!
204
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:36,079
OK, well, I hated that.
What is this hate?
205
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,879
My mission is to spread peace
and love to all around.
206
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:41,479
For, as the tranquil Buddha says...
207
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,559
Ahhh... don't be a dick.
208
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:45,199
Being pretty weird, mate.
209
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:48,959
Please, call me
Priest or Mother Naz. No.
210
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:50,439
Oh, look, a precious child.
211
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,719
Don't hug the kid.
Don't call me a kid.
212
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,720
The force is strong in this one.
What the...?
213
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,879
Can we get the real Naz back? At
this rate, I think I prefer Mikey.
214
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:02,119
Please, Tom, we are all
equal in the eyes of the universe.
215
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,599
Although this priest could do
with some holy water.
216
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,440
Mike, get me a Tango! With Ice!
217
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:10,479
OK, can you just look after the kid?
218
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,119
I've got to pick an outfit out,
in case Sophie says yes.
219
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,399
You, sit down
and think about what you've done.
220
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,040
Hm!
221
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:22,119
Hey there, little fella,
having a pleasant day?
222
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:26,439
Yeah, I think
Tom's my new best mate. He's great.
223
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,199
Isn't he? Isn't he!
224
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:32,199
I'm trying to make him look good in
front of Sophie. Spreading the love.
225
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:33,400
Maybe I could help.
226
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:40,319
You can. Speak, little prophet.
Listen, I know chicks.
227
00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:43,919
If I see a girl I like, trust me,
by the end of the night,
228
00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:47,559
I'll be holding her hand.
This impresses Mother Naz.
229
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:51,719
Tom's too nice. Dames appreciate it
when a guy's rough around the edges.
230
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,360
You know, treat them mean,
keep them keen. Hm.
231
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,239
So, what can I do?
232
00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,439
Tom's a dick. What?
233
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:04,199
Yeah, he is not a nice guy.
The worst.
234
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:08,639
One of the worst guys. I thought
you guys were best friends?
235
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,119
No, that's a complete lie.
236
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:14,239
I only live with him
because he controls my money. OK.
237
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:19,679
He forces me to work for him,
like a sort of slave.
238
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:25,759
Erm... And he called you fat.
Like a fat potato.
239
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:31,399
What? Not a hot potato, he was very
clear about that. Like a fat potato.
240
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:35,279
Oh. OK, well, thanks for telling me.
241
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,359
He...
242
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,800
He also called you a smelly,
ugly, fuck pig.
243
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,680
I just thought you should...
244
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:50,319
Are these a bit much?
Glad tidings, brother.
245
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:54,759
Where have you been? I've been
to see Sophie, your one true love.
246
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:59,719
OK. And let's just say, all is well.
She thinks you're a complete dick.
247
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,319
What?
248
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,119
I said you'd called her
a host of names,
249
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:06,759
ranging from bulbous vegetables
to pongy swine.
250
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,959
Are you serious? She even cried.
251
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:14,119
Well, go back there and take it
all back. I'm not your slave, Tom.
252
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:17,759
Although that's not what Sophie
thinks. Why would you do that?
253
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,719
Why would you do that?!
254
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,999
Treat them mean, keep them keen.
255
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,999
Honestly,
he's like Tinder in child form.
256
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,039
You are going back to Auntie Aoife!
I'm sorry.
257
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,279
You're in so much trouble.
258
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,679
You are genuinely a little devil
child, with a black soul
259
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,159
and a frustratingly handsome face.
Weird thing to say.
260
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:36,039
I don't care, I resent it and
I resent you. You sound like my dad.
261
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:39,639
Oh, do I? Oh, well... Oh.
262
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:44,559
Does he say that? Does he say that
to you? He used to, before he left.
263
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,639
Oh.
264
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,919
Well. He walked out on us
when I was small.
265
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:53,519
I haven't seen him in eight years.
266
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:57,799
I guess I just feel the need to hurt
those that are put in charge of me.
267
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,520
Before they can hurt me.
268
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,160
Yeah.
269
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:10,279
I was lying about all those girls,
I've never even held a hand.
270
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:14,200
I just like the attention, you know?
I mean, what does that say about me?
271
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:19,919
I'm the same. I was just using you
to get Sophie's attention.
272
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,639
I mean, what does that say about me?
273
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,359
I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry.
274
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:29,199
And, while we're being honest,
my cricket nickname wasn't Rocket.
275
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:33,760
It was Tom Can't-Throw-senthal.
You really can't throw. I know.
276
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:39,719
Don't worry, you're a nice guy.
I'm sure Sophie will see that.
277
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:44,239
Oh, cheers, man. Trust me,
you'll be holding hands in no time.
278
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,160
Mini high-five? Mega high-five.
279
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:54,399
Oh, hello.
280
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,640
Everything all right?
Yeah, we're good. Busy day, is it?
281
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:10,959
What? I heard Naz came round
earlier. Yeah, he did.
282
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,079
Anything he said was not true.
283
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,079
So, you don't
think I'm a fat potato?
284
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,359
No, no, never.
Or a smelly, ugly...
285
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:21,759
No, none of those things.
Then why would he say it?
286
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,759
Listen, Sophie, I've liked you
287
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:27,519
ever since you've moved in,
and Naz knows that.
288
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,359
What happened earlier was just
his way of trying to convince you
289
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:34,759
that I'm a nice guy.
He said you keep him as a slave.
290
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,439
Oh, it baffles me, too.
291
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,759
It's just taken me
too long to say
292
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:43,039
that I really enjoy
living across from you, and...
293
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,719
I know that chicken this
evening is a maybe,
294
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,280
but I really, sincerely
hope that you say yes.
295
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:54,720
Sophie? Erm...
296
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,479
Hare, Hare Christmas.
297
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:00,880
Go away, will you? No smelly-smelly?
No smelly-smelly.
298
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,719
Is that a slave outfit?
299
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,239
It's not fair for you
to keep him in robes.
300
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,999
Just no idea why he's wearing that.
301
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,839
I'll knock on your door
in about an hour?
302
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:14,599
Chicken?
303
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:15,920
Chicken.
304
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,999
How do I look? You look good, man.
305
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,879
Oh, thanks, Champ.
306
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,759
Chicken!
307
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:32,479
Wow, you're a gifted gamesman.
Here you are, little buddy.
308
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:35,559
Do you play? No, no, I gave up war.
309
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:38,959
No, I live peacefully
and treat people only with respect.
310
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,719
Mikey, that beef isn't going
to Wellington itself.
311
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,079
Personally, I could never
give up sniping.
312
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,559
It's one of my greatest
pleasures in life.
313
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,879
Apart from juice.
314
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,519
Obviously.
315
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,600
And humiliating my victims.
316
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,759
Connections, connections,
connections.
317
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,319
Personally, I could never
give up sniping.
318
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:01,439
Sniper.
319
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:02,839
He likes to snipe.
320
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:06,479
It's one of my greatest pleasures
in life. Apart from juice.
321
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,079
Juicy.
Also enjoys sugary beverages.
322
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:10,839
And humiliating my victims.
323
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:14,639
Balls. Oh, no, concentrate! Sniper
number nine. He's just too clever.
324
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,800
Don't you dare teabag me,
little bitch!
325
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,359
I know your filthy secret.
326
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:24,879
You're The Stig.
What is wrong with you?
327
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:28,239
No, I'm JuicySniper9.
What? I did it.
328
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,480
It was me, I'm the teabagger.
329
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,439
I'm going to beat you to death
with the tranquil Buddha.
330
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,799
No, no, no. He's the JuicySniper!
331
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:41,440
Mother Naz go crazy! Argh! Sh-h-h!
332
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,919
Don't be a dick. Let it go, Naz.
333
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,999
Sh-h-h, Naz. I know he's an
annoying kid. Oh, God, I know.
334
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,999
But he's like this for a reason, OK?
335
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,319
His dad abandoned him and he has to
hang out with Aoife all the time.
336
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:58,440
He's a good kid. OK?
Sometimes good people do bad things.
337
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:01,679
That's Sophie.
338
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,519
Remember when you went round to her
house and called her a smelly,
339
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,039
ugly pig? No, it was a smelly,
ugly... It doesn't matter.
340
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:10,279
That was a bad thing to do, right?
But you're not a bad guy, are you?
341
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,639
You're great guy. In fact,
I think you're the best guy.
342
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,520
I love you, man.
343
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:19,479
I love you, too, man.
344
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,360
Do you think you've got
it in you to forgive Kieran?
345
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,319
Friends?
346
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,039
Friends.
347
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,760
Super-mega high-five?
Super-mega high-five.
348
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,959
Oh!
349
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,480
Oh, that little shit!
350
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:41,319
No hope remaining.
351
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,159
Oh, my God!
352
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:46,319
Why would you... why would you
do that?
353
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,240
Kieran,
your dad's here to pick you up.
354
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:01,919
I mean, I actually had a date
with her. I had a date with her.
355
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,519
To think, she was worried about
getting hurt emotionally.
356
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:08,119
Yeah. And then you punched her
in the face.
357
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,519
Yeah.
358
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,159
That bloody kid. I mean, why?
359
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:14,719
Why would he do all that?
360
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,720
Hm.
361
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,799
Is that a pizza cutter?
362
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,640
Ow!
363
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:31,960
I, myself, was supposed to be taking
my nephew to Thorpe Park today.
364
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:37,159
Hang on, is it cool for me
to eat this? Not really.
365
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,440
It's some little dickhead's.
366
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,480
Probably fair enough.
367
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:51,000
Coming up,
I try to apologise to Sophie.
368
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:56,519
Don't.
369
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,519
Mikey makes a totally
unreasonable request.
370
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:03,319
Oh, can you pass me a Vimto, please?
What am I, your bloody slave?
371
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:06,279
Oh, is there a Vimto going?
Yes, master.
372
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,479
And Naz takes up less
a violent video game.
373
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:11,799
No, Luigi, what's wrong with you?
374
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:15,479
Get your balls out of my face!
How are you doing this, Luigi?
375
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:18,519
How are you doing this?!
376
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,560
This is Flat News.
377
00:21:20,610 --> 00:21:25,160
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