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1
00:00:06,700 --> 00:00:08,099
Where's the rock?
What rock?
2
00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:10,619
The spare key rock. I don't know
what you're talking about.
3
00:00:10,620 --> 00:00:12,419
The spare key rock - so when I
forget my key,
4
00:00:12,420 --> 00:00:14,259
I can use the key inside the
spare key rock.
5
00:00:14,260 --> 00:00:17,139
Oh, Jonathan Rock.
Yeah, goes next to the phone.
6
00:00:17,140 --> 00:00:20,019
Yeah, I threw him in the bin.
What?! No moving the rock!
7
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,499
It's a rule. I wanted to return him
to his natural habitat.
8
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:25,499
What, the bin? No, but from the bin
he goes into the landfill,
9
00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:27,059
then into the ground,
into the sea
10
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:30,019
and then he gives birth to a pebble.
It's the rock cycle, Tom!
11
00:00:30,020 --> 00:00:31,939
Oh, it's going to
be down in the dumpster.
12
00:00:31,940 --> 00:00:33,819
The phrase is, "down in the dumps"
13
00:00:33,820 --> 00:00:36,380
and I'm sure Jonathan will feel
better soon.
14
00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:40,979
Have you got your key?
Mine are inside.
15
00:00:40,980 --> 00:00:43,460
Don't we normally keep
a spare around here?
16
00:00:50,980 --> 00:00:52,459
This is Flat News -
17
00:00:52,460 --> 00:00:55,099
as flatmates move to a sixth
minute of being locked out
18
00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:57,299
without their keys,
wallets or phones.
19
00:00:57,300 --> 00:01:00,699
I've got a phone. Oh, do you?
Oh, it's dead.
20
00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:02,660
The headlines...
21
00:01:05,980 --> 00:01:09,939
Naz has been ignoring my flat rules.
22
00:01:09,940 --> 00:01:13,779
No throwing! No eating my food!
23
00:01:13,780 --> 00:01:15,259
No throwing my phone!
24
00:01:15,260 --> 00:01:17,699
Don't you ever, ever use my mug!
25
00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:21,579
It's just a mug.
Scum, you're absolute scum!
26
00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:23,539
Now to Naz with the sport.
27
00:01:23,540 --> 00:01:25,019
Thanks, Tom.
28
00:01:25,020 --> 00:01:26,699
Antique value estimation fans
29
00:01:26,700 --> 00:01:28,659
prepare for the showpiece fixture
30
00:01:28,660 --> 00:01:30,539
of the season, as Tom plays Naz
31
00:01:30,540 --> 00:01:33,139
in the Antiques Roadshow Cup
this evening.
32
00:01:33,140 --> 00:01:35,099
Of course, Naz won controversially
33
00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:37,019
last year with a remarkably
34
00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:38,539
precise guess.
35
00:01:38,540 --> 00:01:40,019
How about �5,000?
36
00:01:40,020 --> 00:01:42,939
About �5,000. Oh! Yes! What?!
37
00:01:42,940 --> 00:01:44,899
Her daughter Michelle will be a
happy bunny.
38
00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:47,739
Our daughter Michelle is going
to be a happy bunny.
39
00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:49,899
Did you Sky+ this?
No, I didn't. Tom.
40
00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:51,179
Yes, you did.
41
00:01:51,180 --> 00:01:52,819
Very much looking forward to the
42
00:01:52,820 --> 00:01:54,179
Roadshow if we ever get back in.
43
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,019
In lift talk, pressing concerns that
44
00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:57,299
beautiful new neighbour
45
00:01:57,300 --> 00:01:58,339
Sophie might think that
46
00:01:58,340 --> 00:01:59,499
I hate the homeless.
47
00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:01,539
There's a couple of guys
sleeping rough outside
48
00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:04,459
the office at the moment and we're
having a massive party tonight...
49
00:02:04,460 --> 00:02:05,979
I will gladly kick them out the way.
50
00:02:05,980 --> 00:02:08,100
...to raise money
for the local shelter.
51
00:02:10,420 --> 00:02:11,899
Hmmm.
52
00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:13,579
Finally, busybody neighbour Aoife
53
00:02:13,580 --> 00:02:14,659
is really annoyed at us
54
00:02:14,660 --> 00:02:16,179
because we didn't turn up to her
55
00:02:16,180 --> 00:02:17,459
murder mystery evening.
56
00:02:17,460 --> 00:02:21,259
Tom was the murderer. Without him
it was just a mystery evening.
57
00:02:21,260 --> 00:02:25,419
We didn't catch the murderer.
He's still out there, Michael.
58
00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:26,900
They're not in.
59
00:02:28,340 --> 00:02:29,779
Just don't want to have to
60
00:02:29,780 --> 00:02:30,979
deal with that.
61
00:02:30,980 --> 00:02:33,539
Doesn't Aoife have a spare key?
Oh, yeah.
62
00:02:33,540 --> 00:02:35,419
We cold ask her to let us in.
63
00:02:35,420 --> 00:02:38,900
Well, I guess it's either that or
rummage round the dumpster.
64
00:02:40,620 --> 00:02:43,140
Good call. Yeah.
65
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:48,379
The race to get back
into the flat continues...
66
00:02:48,380 --> 00:02:53,940
- Here on I'm Not A Celebrity...
- Get Me Into My Flat!
67
00:03:05,780 --> 00:03:09,019
Tom, Naz, good afternoon. Hello. Hi.
68
00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:13,139
Haway! Now, this is
the Dumpster Of Doom.
69
00:03:13,140 --> 00:03:15,139
In there is the key to your flat.
70
00:03:15,140 --> 00:03:17,819
But remember,
you won't be alone in there. Ho-ho!
71
00:03:17,820 --> 00:03:19,939
Remember, if you want to quit just
shout,
72
00:03:19,940 --> 00:03:21,979
"I'm not a celebrity,
get me into my flat!"
73
00:03:21,980 --> 00:03:24,859
I'm not a celebrity, get me into my
flat! We haven't even started yet.
74
00:03:24,860 --> 00:03:26,459
Well, you've lost it, you get it.
75
00:03:26,460 --> 00:03:28,060
Aye, he's right. Ha-ha!
76
00:03:29,340 --> 00:03:32,859
OK, Naz, you've only got two
minutes in there before you vomit.
77
00:03:32,860 --> 00:03:34,780
Get in that stinky bin, pet.
78
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:38,340
In you go.
79
00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:44,659
Naz, what's in the first bin bag?
80
00:03:44,660 --> 00:03:46,580
I'm going for it!
81
00:03:49,220 --> 00:03:53,099
Oh, is that couscous?
No, that's maggots.
82
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,699
Yeah, you're right. Ha-ha!
83
00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:58,179
I like his couscous. I know.
84
00:03:58,180 --> 00:03:59,900
I've had one mouthful...
85
00:04:01,260 --> 00:04:04,019
...two mouthfuls...
86
00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:05,419
three mouthfuls now.
87
00:04:05,420 --> 00:04:08,299
Naz, you're doing
the wrong challenge! The key!
88
00:04:08,300 --> 00:04:09,899
Oh, yeah, all right.
89
00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:12,740
Crack onto that second bin bag. OK!
90
00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:19,140
OK, next bin bag.
91
00:04:21,620 --> 00:04:24,539
Oh, no! Dirty nappies.
92
00:04:24,540 --> 00:04:27,020
And a face full of bin juice.
93
00:04:28,780 --> 00:04:31,059
Oh, I love you. I love you.
94
00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:34,259
OK, I'm coming up for air.
No, you're not!
95
00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:37,819
Get that key! Yeah, get that key,
you scummy bastard.
96
00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:40,019
Hang on, I think I see our bin bag.
97
00:04:40,020 --> 00:04:42,620
Ha-ha, yes!
98
00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,859
Oh, no, it's Mikey's tissues!
99
00:04:46,860 --> 00:04:49,419
Oh, they're all sticky...
100
00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:50,979
and a bit salty.
101
00:04:50,980 --> 00:04:53,740
Who has salty snot?
102
00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:56,699
Hang on, I see the rock.
I see the rock!
103
00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:59,859
Hurry up! I've got the key!
I've got the key!
104
00:04:59,860 --> 00:05:02,059
Yes, I got the key! Whoo!
105
00:05:02,060 --> 00:05:03,779
And a free potato.
106
00:05:03,780 --> 00:05:05,939
I mean, that is weird, but woo-hoo!
107
00:05:05,940 --> 00:05:08,019
Roadshow!
108
00:05:08,020 --> 00:05:10,179
No, no throwing!
109
00:05:10,180 --> 00:05:13,379
It's gone in the drain!
This is why there's a rule.
110
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,699
Well, maybe there should be
a rule about not dropping
111
00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:18,619
things like a little old bitch.
That would be impossible to enforce.
112
00:05:18,620 --> 00:05:21,419
Oh, you're such a control freak.
I'm not a control freak, OK?
113
00:05:21,420 --> 00:05:24,299
I eat Revels. After you've weighed
them and removed the coffee ones.
114
00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:25,739
You'd marry control if you could,
115
00:05:25,740 --> 00:05:28,659
except it would probably leave you
because you're too controlling.
116
00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:31,659
OK, stay outside without me. Look,
look... But don't come running to me
117
00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:34,499
when you get bummed by street
bandits. Street bandits aren't real.
118
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,580
Oh, they are! They're real
and they are bumming tonight.
119
00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:48,979
Hello? Hi, yeah, this is Tom from
flat 27.
120
00:05:48,980 --> 00:05:51,099
Can you buzz me in, please?
121
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,659
You killed my cat!
122
00:05:53,660 --> 00:05:55,299
Not deliberately.
123
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:57,419
Could you buzz me in, please?
124
00:05:57,420 --> 00:06:01,059
Didn't you kill that old lady's cat?
Well...
125
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:03,339
She loved that cat.
126
00:06:03,340 --> 00:06:04,579
Hello?
127
00:06:04,580 --> 00:06:07,219
Oh, hello,
it's Phil from flat nine.
128
00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:09,420
Can you buzz me in, please? Ahem.
129
00:06:12,140 --> 00:06:15,380
That's not cool, man.
Hey, Phil, can you let me in? No.
130
00:06:22,900 --> 00:06:25,459
Street bandits!
131
00:06:25,460 --> 00:06:27,899
I know your game.
132
00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:29,779
Why are you in the hedge?
133
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:32,579
Jesus Christ, Carl! I thought you
were a street bandit.
134
00:06:32,580 --> 00:06:37,019
Bruv, street bandits don't start
bumming until about eight.
135
00:06:37,020 --> 00:06:39,259
Whoa, wow, bruv! Whoa, you stink!
136
00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:41,299
What's going on?
137
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:44,459
Tom's left me outside because I keep
breaking his rules.
138
00:06:44,460 --> 00:06:46,179
That's dark, man.
139
00:06:46,180 --> 00:06:47,979
Anyway, have some of this.
140
00:06:47,980 --> 00:06:50,299
Oh, porky beef!
141
00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:52,939
Hang on, is it cool for me to eat
this? Not really.
142
00:06:52,940 --> 00:06:55,419
It's just some little dickhead's.
143
00:06:55,420 --> 00:06:58,299
Look, man, I really need to get
back in the flat.
144
00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:02,699
An unshackled man doesn't return
to the prison from where he escaped.
145
00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:05,099
You smell that? My pongy bin smell?
146
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:06,860
No, the smell of freedom!
147
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:10,899
From tyranny, from oppression,
148
00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:14,299
from he who's denied you your
basic human rights for so long.
149
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,699
Like no throwing red meat.
Like no throwing red meat.
150
00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:19,299
I like the sound it makes.
He likes the sound it makes.
151
00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:24,499
That is your basic human right
given to you by Zeus.
152
00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:28,820
Zeus? Son of Cronus.
And no one will take that away.
153
00:07:30,260 --> 00:07:35,100
No-one! Yeah!
I mean, Tom does have a point.
154
00:07:36,260 --> 00:07:38,419
But it's time to set yourself free.
155
00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:40,779
Show him that you can
live without his rules.
156
00:07:40,780 --> 00:07:45,939
Right here, outside, where the only
laws are the laws of nature, bruv.
157
00:07:45,940 --> 00:07:51,100
What are they? Respect the majesty
and silent beauty of the elements.
158
00:07:52,780 --> 00:07:55,099
Bury your shits.
159
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,140
Any more?
160
00:07:57,420 --> 00:07:59,499
Don't fuck animals.
161
00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:01,540
That's a good rule.
162
00:08:05,420 --> 00:08:07,060
I live outside now.
163
00:08:08,580 --> 00:08:10,379
Greetings, fellow outdoorsman.
164
00:08:10,380 --> 00:08:12,340
Don't fuck it! Yep!
165
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:22,979
I'm Naz, I've served with
the Boy Scouts,
166
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:25,299
I've also served in restaurants.
167
00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:27,339
Once I ran to Burger King in
a storm
168
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:30,539
wearing only flip-flops
and a Swatch.
169
00:08:30,540 --> 00:08:33,619
Every year thousands of people
get locked out
170
00:08:33,620 --> 00:08:36,899
and I'm going to show you how
to survive in one of the most
171
00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:40,259
dangerous, unforgiving
environments in Britain.
172
00:08:40,260 --> 00:08:42,539
Outside the flat.
173
00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:44,499
Sorry!
174
00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:49,059
I'm going to be taking locked-out
situations to the breaking point.
175
00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:50,699
Nettles, nettles, nettles.
176
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:53,819
Exploring the most unforgiving
of terrain.
177
00:08:53,820 --> 00:08:56,339
I'll be showing you how to
survive...
178
00:08:56,340 --> 00:08:58,060
Just like that, bin tea.
179
00:08:59,980 --> 00:09:04,099
...by using anything
and everything at your disposable.
180
00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:06,499
This used to be a vegetable sack.
181
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:09,539
Now, it's a hat sack.
That's factor 50.
182
00:09:09,540 --> 00:09:12,859
Giving you survival tips which
could save your life.
183
00:09:12,860 --> 00:09:16,459
Passing out is dangerous
because you're passed out.
184
00:09:16,460 --> 00:09:19,699
Showing you how easy it is to
make the wrong decision.
185
00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:21,420
That is not good water!
186
00:09:22,580 --> 00:09:23,979
This is not food.
187
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:27,299
As well as letting you in on some
of my unorthodox methods.
188
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,539
Now, it may look like
somewhere good to camp,
189
00:09:29,540 --> 00:09:32,859
but actually these logs
are good for just throwing.
190
00:09:32,860 --> 00:09:36,900
Surviving alongside some of the most
dangerous wildlife on the planet.
191
00:09:39,260 --> 00:09:41,099
Termites! Oh, God!
192
00:09:41,100 --> 00:09:43,499
They're on me, they're on me!
193
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,939
And pushing myself to the
absolute limit.
194
00:09:46,940 --> 00:09:50,059
Now, I have to find shelter,
and fast, to protect
195
00:09:50,060 --> 00:09:52,820
myself from the awesome
power of the elements.
196
00:10:07,660 --> 00:10:10,899
Oh, hey, Tom. This is my new place.
197
00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:13,819
I've got my own phone,
that's my piss - I assume.
198
00:10:13,820 --> 00:10:17,260
Get out of the way, I'm ringing
Mikey. Please, no rules here.
199
00:10:20,460 --> 00:10:22,659
Bin tea?
200
00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:25,619
Mikey, yeah, listen, where the
hell are you? We're locked out, OK?
201
00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:27,379
I don't care...
202
00:10:27,380 --> 00:10:30,499
Sorry, do you take gravel?
203
00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,340
That was my last change!
204
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:38,899
You deserve to be living out here.
You are scum, scum!
205
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:42,019
Hey, Sophie! How are you? No...
206
00:10:42,020 --> 00:10:45,499
Oh, no, he's not...
He's not homeless!
207
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:47,859
That was Sophie!
208
00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:51,139
You look like a smelly hobo!
Oh, don't be so hobo-phobic.
209
00:10:51,140 --> 00:10:52,699
You can't live in a phone box.
210
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:55,499
Oh, here we go, Geoffrey Stalin,
spitting out his rules again.
211
00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:57,659
You know what?
I'm doing just fine without you.
212
00:10:57,660 --> 00:10:59,899
Looks like it!
How was your potato, by the way?
213
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:02,859
Free from your tyranny.
Oh, you want to be free, Naz?
214
00:11:02,860 --> 00:11:06,059
OK, here's a rule,
no Naz in the flat.
215
00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:09,259
What? Yeah, yeah, you're kicked
out. You can't do that.
216
00:11:09,260 --> 00:11:12,619
I just did, mate, for ever.
You are not coming back.
217
00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:15,779
One hour from now, I'm going to be
sat on the sofa by myself with
218
00:11:15,780 --> 00:11:17,779
a nice soya hot chocolate eating
a Bakewell.
219
00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:19,739
I ate your Bakewells.
220
00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:21,979
Never eat my food!
221
00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:24,059
Oh, I tell you what else I'm going
to be doing -
222
00:11:24,060 --> 00:11:26,099
I'm going to be watching the
Antiques Roadshow.
223
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,459
Well, I'll be watching it,
too, on the pavement with
224
00:11:28,460 --> 00:11:31,139
an iced bin tea,
in front of Currys!
225
00:11:31,140 --> 00:11:33,700
With no sound! Animal!
226
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,819
I can't believe he kicked me out.
227
00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:45,540
What do you think I should
do, Potatom?
228
00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:52,100
Hmm, you're right.
We need to find somewhere to live.
229
00:11:57,980 --> 00:12:01,579
This week we're in the leafy
area of outside the flat,
230
00:12:01,580 --> 00:12:05,379
helping this contemporary couple
find the shelter of their dreams.
231
00:12:05,380 --> 00:12:10,139
Naz, an unemployed ham enthusiast,
and Potatom, a potato, have been
232
00:12:10,140 --> 00:12:14,659
together for nearly two hours, since
their special relationship began.
233
00:12:14,660 --> 00:12:17,339
We met in a bin, actually, so...
234
00:12:17,340 --> 00:12:20,899
We'll be looking at a wide range of
alternatives outside the flat,
235
00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:25,499
but which option will catch
Potatom's crudely drawn-on eyes?
236
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:28,539
Ideally, we'd want some sort of
protection from the elements,
237
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:30,139
just in case, you know, we ever
238
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,180
decided to settle down and
have chips.
239
00:12:33,580 --> 00:12:35,579
Ha-ha, talk about a sweet potato!
240
00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:40,099
But now it's full spud ahead
with our property search.
241
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:44,059
Our first location is this
timber-framed ground floor condo
242
00:12:44,060 --> 00:12:46,459
with stunning waterside view -
243
00:12:46,460 --> 00:12:50,139
complete with an open-plan terrace
to enjoy alfresco cocktails
244
00:12:50,140 --> 00:12:52,660
and a rich, rich history.
245
00:12:54,180 --> 00:12:58,700
But is it right for our fledgling
couple, who want to starch a family?
246
00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:02,459
Naz is clearly impressed with the
versatility
247
00:13:02,460 --> 00:13:03,859
of the entertaining space.
248
00:13:03,860 --> 00:13:07,819
But no protection from the elements
means concerns from Potatom,
249
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:11,419
who needs to be stored in a
cool, dry place.
250
00:13:11,420 --> 00:13:15,579
It's a no to the bench, but will
our second property impress?
251
00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:19,900
This rustic Victorian cottage
is overflowing with charm.
252
00:13:20,980 --> 00:13:24,819
With nine en-suite bathrooms
and a thriving local arts scene,
253
00:13:24,820 --> 00:13:29,099
let's hope Potatom finds
this property appealing.
254
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:32,699
Now, Naz and Potatom aren't
the only ones interested,
255
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:35,899
and with its welcoming entrance
and large communal area,
256
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:39,979
they'll have trouble keeping this
property to themselves.
257
00:13:39,980 --> 00:13:42,819
How is this a cottage?
You don't want to know.
258
00:13:42,820 --> 00:13:44,499
It's a no to the toilet.
259
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:47,939
Our carbohydrate couple
have to keep chipping away.
260
00:13:47,940 --> 00:13:50,419
Our final property is this detached,
261
00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:54,819
recently converted, former gallery
space with retractable roof.
262
00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:56,579
With its modern functional style,
263
00:13:56,580 --> 00:13:59,659
it comes with its own furniture
and fittings.
264
00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:01,299
Will our couple like the skip,
265
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:03,459
or will they find it
pomme de terrible?
266
00:14:03,460 --> 00:14:05,019
This is great.
267
00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:09,860
I love rubbish, plus it's a bit
like living in a convertible tank.
268
00:14:11,340 --> 00:14:13,019
Oh, stop it!
269
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:14,900
Ha-ha, no!
270
00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:21,539
Are you all right, mate? Yes, what?
New around here, are you?
271
00:14:21,540 --> 00:14:24,499
My name's Jules. Naz.
272
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:28,139
This is Potatom. OK.
273
00:14:28,140 --> 00:14:30,139
Eh, you got shelter for tonight?
274
00:14:30,140 --> 00:14:32,460
We thought we'd just set up
camp here.
275
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,259
It's a skip, mate.
276
00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:38,380
Well, a former gallery space,
but pot-ay-tom, pot-ah-tom.
277
00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:42,539
Look, why don't you just come with
me? We've got a place up the road.
278
00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:44,220
Really, can I bring...? No.
279
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:59,259
Well, I hope you're happy, Tom,
because you ruined what would have
280
00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:01,579
been some stunning interactive
living-room theatre.
281
00:15:01,580 --> 00:15:03,219
I'm sorry, OK?
Can I just get the key?
282
00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:05,539
You were supposed to be the
schizophrenic monocle vet
283
00:15:05,540 --> 00:15:08,139
with ties to Nazi Gold -
Joseph Gerbils.
284
00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:11,699
Nobody was there to investigate
the mysterious Egyptian relic.
285
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:14,579
Nobody went into the caves
with General Jick-Fitzwell.
286
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,499
Right... Naz was supposed to be
the Chinese ambassador Ubin Fartin.
287
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:21,259
But was he there to reveal
the forged Faberge egg?
288
00:15:21,260 --> 00:15:24,939
No, because the only eggs present
were my famous Scotch eggs,
289
00:15:24,940 --> 00:15:28,019
which nobody ate because the whole
evening was a write-off.
290
00:15:28,020 --> 00:15:33,220
Do you have any idea how much dip
I had to throw into the street?
291
00:15:34,220 --> 00:15:37,619
No, I... Your flatmate Michael
was there because, unlike you,
292
00:15:37,620 --> 00:15:41,580
he's a gentleman and a convincing
French countess.
293
00:15:43,140 --> 00:15:44,339
Look, I'm sorry, OK?
294
00:15:44,340 --> 00:15:46,179
I promise, if you give me the key,
295
00:15:46,180 --> 00:15:48,459
we'll have a murder mystery
party tomorrow.
296
00:15:48,460 --> 00:15:51,059
Oh, that would be grand. Yeah? Yeah.
297
00:15:51,060 --> 00:15:52,859
OK, great, so can I just get the...
298
00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:55,619
One thing I'll say... No, no...
He's not an out and out Nazi,
299
00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:58,819
but he likes them blonde, if you know
what I mean? There we go. Yeah, cheers.
300
00:15:58,820 --> 00:16:03,500
If you could wear the monocle
and get a little gerbil.
301
00:16:07,580 --> 00:16:11,900
OK, Tom, for this trial, all you've
got to do is use your key to...
302
00:16:15,900 --> 00:16:17,740
Bastard.
303
00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:33,059
You're looking at somewhere in
the region of round about �1,500.
304
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,420
Basically what I said.
305
00:16:38,020 --> 00:16:41,259
Honestly, I ate the whole traffic
cone.
306
00:16:41,260 --> 00:16:42,539
Yeah, you're weird.
307
00:16:42,540 --> 00:16:45,379
Hey, you've got a bin-spresso
machine.
308
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:47,739
Maybe later I'll make myself
a binny latte.
309
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:50,219
Sure, there are no rules here.
310
00:16:50,220 --> 00:16:52,259
Cool.
311
00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:55,699
I've been welcomed into the fold
by a tribe of hunter-gatherers.
312
00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:57,459
They're really inspiring.
313
00:16:57,460 --> 00:16:59,939
Like me, they've left their homes
to escape
314
00:16:59,940 --> 00:17:02,939
the petty rules of their
dickhead flatmate.
315
00:17:02,940 --> 00:17:05,779
What? Just saying it's really cool
to meet other people
316
00:17:05,780 --> 00:17:08,859
who've chosen not to live in their
home. You've got a home?
317
00:17:08,860 --> 00:17:11,859
Well, technically Mikey owns it,
but I am supposed to pay rent.
318
00:17:11,860 --> 00:17:14,419
It sucks, though. If you met Tom,
you'd know what I mean.
319
00:17:14,420 --> 00:17:17,539
He doesn't let me use his mug,
throw, or eat, his food.
320
00:17:17,540 --> 00:17:21,219
I'm glad I chose this.
You've chosen this?
321
00:17:21,220 --> 00:17:24,259
Well, you guys get it.
Living inside is just shit -
322
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:26,859
like when you're all hot because
the heating's all turned up
323
00:17:26,860 --> 00:17:30,539
and you can't get out the sofa because
you've had too much really nice chocolate,
324
00:17:30,540 --> 00:17:33,859
and you can't reach the other chocolate
because you're just too comfortable.
325
00:17:33,860 --> 00:17:35,260
You guys know what I'm saying.
326
00:17:36,580 --> 00:17:41,259
No? I think we better teach you
a lesson.
327
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:44,379
Oh, shit, street bandits.
328
00:17:44,380 --> 00:17:47,819
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
329
00:17:47,820 --> 00:17:50,660
So its value... �2,000.
330
00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:54,459
About �2,000. Whoa!
331
00:17:54,460 --> 00:17:56,860
Bang on! Bang on! Did you...
Did you see?
332
00:18:03,980 --> 00:18:06,420
I'm coming to get you.
333
00:18:10,940 --> 00:18:13,619
This week we're helping
this regretful pedant
334
00:18:13,620 --> 00:18:15,340
find his best friend.
335
00:18:18,380 --> 00:18:19,859
Naz?
336
00:18:19,860 --> 00:18:23,580
But will he be able to find him
before the Antiques Roadshow ends?
337
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:31,499
Oh, look, he's close.
Talk about a couch potato.
338
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:34,659
So essentially it's the classic
catch-22 of free-market economics.
339
00:18:34,660 --> 00:18:35,819
Just get it over with.
340
00:18:35,820 --> 00:18:38,899
You lose your flat because you can't
pay your rent and then you can't get
341
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:42,259
a job because you don't have a home.
Oh, stop toying with me and do it.
342
00:18:42,260 --> 00:18:46,139
Naz. Tom, help me!
343
00:18:46,140 --> 00:18:48,819
Street bandits.
Your friend's very confused.
344
00:18:48,820 --> 00:18:52,539
Shut up, you bum-crazy gutter
monster. Whoa, whoa, Naz, look.
345
00:18:52,540 --> 00:18:56,739
Oh, Potatom. Yeah, we've come to
take you home.
346
00:18:56,740 --> 00:18:59,019
Oh, you saved me.
347
00:18:59,020 --> 00:19:03,579
Sorry for being so bossy. I'm sorry
I threw steak at your face.
348
00:19:03,580 --> 00:19:06,339
I promise to respect
your rules, man.
349
00:19:06,340 --> 00:19:10,299
Some of them are a bit obsessive -
some of them. Let's go home.
350
00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:12,099
What about Potatom?
351
00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:14,420
You could bring him, but...
352
00:19:15,540 --> 00:19:18,100
...maybe it's time to let him go.
353
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:24,580
You're right. It's time to set
you free, little man.
354
00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:30,219
Let's go. Hey!
355
00:19:30,220 --> 00:19:34,419
Have you forgotten you called me
a bum-crazy gutter monster?
356
00:19:34,420 --> 00:19:37,059
Ah, Naz is very sorry he called
you those homophobic slurs.
357
00:19:37,060 --> 00:19:40,499
Hobo-phobic. Just shhh!
358
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:42,940
But I think
we can make it up to you.
359
00:19:47,940 --> 00:19:50,739
Oh, Tom, this is amazing of you to
throw a party for the homeless.
360
00:19:50,740 --> 00:19:53,259
Well, you know, an Antiques
Roadshow-themed party
361
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:56,179
just seemed relevant. Sure.
362
00:19:56,180 --> 00:19:58,219
It's definitely a sweet thing to do.
363
00:19:58,220 --> 00:20:00,059
Oh, I've got this one,
I've got this one!
364
00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:02,019
That is an original
Thomas Best of London,
365
00:20:02,020 --> 00:20:05,339
all brass-mounted, enamel dials.
366
00:20:05,340 --> 00:20:08,499
Now, I'm going to go for 17.5K.
367
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:11,060
It would be in
the order of �15-�20,000.
368
00:20:13,940 --> 00:20:16,899
Go, Team Hobo!
Don't, don't call us that.
369
00:20:16,900 --> 00:20:18,859
Hobo United! That's not better.
370
00:20:18,860 --> 00:20:22,659
I'll work on it. Can me. Whoa,
whoa, guys, no throwing, please.
371
00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:26,819
That's one of Tom's flat rules.
So can we please respect that?
372
00:20:26,820 --> 00:20:29,419
That's all right. I'm chilled.
373
00:20:29,420 --> 00:20:32,860
Sure? Yeah, yeah, he's
just having fun. Can me.
374
00:20:34,260 --> 00:20:35,739
I may not have followed the rule,
375
00:20:35,740 --> 00:20:37,659
but it doesn't matter.
That's going to bruise
376
00:20:37,660 --> 00:20:40,339
but it doesn't matter.
I just care about the homeless.
377
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:43,019
On that note, Tom, I've really
got to go.
378
00:20:43,020 --> 00:20:44,499
I've got an early start tomorrow -
379
00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:46,979
I'm volunteering
down at the refugee centre.
380
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:49,499
Well, we should get some of those
guys down here for some
381
00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:51,180
Bargain Hunt or something. Yeah.
382
00:20:52,980 --> 00:20:54,940
Bye. Oh, see you later.
Thanks for coming.
383
00:20:57,860 --> 00:21:00,659
OK, probably just start
wrapping this up now.
384
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:03,459
You are just eating that...
That does say Tom, doesn't it?
385
00:21:03,460 --> 00:21:05,419
So you can put that down.
Yeah, and that.
386
00:21:05,420 --> 00:21:06,979
Probably just put that back in
that.
387
00:21:06,980 --> 00:21:09,779
Oh, you're just dipping your fingers
in, straight in, are you?
388
00:21:09,780 --> 00:21:12,139
With your fingers. Looks like they
haven't been washed
389
00:21:12,140 --> 00:21:14,019
since Thomas Best was making clocks.
390
00:21:14,020 --> 00:21:15,580
Who wants bacon?
391
00:21:17,460 --> 00:21:19,379
Naz, Naz, none of that. No, no!
392
00:21:19,380 --> 00:21:22,179
No! No! No using my mug!
393
00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:25,059
No throwing, no eating my food!
You are scum!
394
00:21:25,060 --> 00:21:28,539
Absolute scum!!
395
00:21:28,540 --> 00:21:31,580
Erm, I forgot my phone.
396
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:44,499
Coming up...
Naz invents a new cocktail.
397
00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:46,059
Bintini, anyone?
398
00:21:46,060 --> 00:21:49,459
Mikey returns home to a surprise.
399
00:21:49,460 --> 00:21:51,419
I sleep here now.
400
00:21:51,420 --> 00:21:54,219
And flatmates reluctantly
make it up to Aoife.
401
00:21:54,220 --> 00:21:56,980
There's been a murder!
402
00:21:59,460 --> 00:22:00,899
I've already done this.
403
00:22:00,900 --> 00:22:02,940
This is Flat News.
404
00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:07,540
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