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Eߣ�B��B��B�B�B��matroskaB��B��S�g ��M�t�M��S��I�fS��M��S��T�kS���M��S��S�kS���M��S��T�gS���[�O� I�f�*ױ�B@M��libebml v1.4.2 + libmatroska v1.6.4WA�mkvmerge v56.1.0 ('My Friend') 64-bitD��A3(� Da���� s��H�������D��GТT�k���ׁsň��nRy&���� �� ��S_TEXT/UTF8"���en�D% C�u@�� ��ڡԁ ♪ It seems today that all you see
♪��Ӡҡ́ ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪���C�u@����סс ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪��
S�����
U ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪��C�u@��8F����� ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪����աρ ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪��C�u@��Sk����� ♪ All the things that make us ♪��&�����s ♪ Laugh and cry ♪����ҡ́� ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪��C�u@�炇��ɡÁ Coming up tonight: Quahog's own
poet laureate comes to the set��
���E and graces us with her...
Oh, God, that's tonight?��C�u@�炡٠���� Hey, Jerome, turn on the game.��F������ Sorry, guys, cable's out.��u�����
We're only getting
local stations.�� �C�u@点�ȡ Oh, what, so now we got
to talk sports to pass the time?��
�����
m Or maybe watch Gilmore Girls.��
!C�u@���ޠ���� Just as, like, a goof.��������� You know,
if you want to talk sports,��*�����K I've got quite a story to tell.���C�u@���
�� Oh! Oh! This is the one
where Lorelai's mom makes��
��¡�� her martini with an onion
instead of an olive.������� Boy, that's
a passive-aggressive move.��,C�u@��
����� If you knew her mom,
you'd know that's��,�����x a passive-aggressive move.��ܠ����� It all started
when I was a young boy...���C�u@����ơ�� Last chance
on this Gilmore Girls thing.�� ������ � I was a baseball prodigy.��������/ It was back home
in the Cuban league.���C�u@��/��סс I grew up working in the tobacco fields outside of Havana.��r�ϡɁ� That's where I learned to play baseball.��
�C�u@��KJ�סс Our mitts were made of cigars, some of them still going.�� �����V All right! Ha!
All right, I caught it!��`C�u@��f����� At night I drove a cab.��#�ϡɁp We all had to drive huge cars there.��]C�u@��|Ѡѡˁ I was just a regular young man wearing pants������� that went above my belly button.�������� Pull your pants up.��C�u@����̡Ɓ When I was nine, my father took me�� /����� { to my first baseball game.��
C�u@�����աρ Fidel Castro was there to throw out the first pitch.��&�ҡ́( He was wearing the same outfit as always.��C�u@��ʺ�ӡ́ Later we would find out he had a fashion disease��
Ǡ͡ǁ known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.��
�C�u@�����ϡɁ We would write more jokes about him,��=�סс� but our dumb-dumb writers only know what he looks like.��
!������ Strike!��C�u���栥��� (cheering and applause)��頰��� We all worshipped Che Guevara.��eC�u@��i�ӡ́ Although none of us really knew what side he was on.������� Thank you?��C�Ρȁ� But we knew he'd make a great poster�� �C�u@��+Ԡ���� in college dorm rooms someday.�� Ġաρ
ANNOUNCER: Please rise for the Cuban National Anthem.���C�u@��B�š�� ( I Love Lucy theme song
playing)��
��ӡ́
CLEVELAND: In Cuba, we hated America so much,��
�C�u@��^������ we copied everything they did.��������� And died trying to get there.��
�����? (crowd cheering, clamoring)���C�u@���ɠ���� (music ends)��Ƞ����� Castro said there were CIA��=�Ρȁ
S all over our island, but I never saw any.��PC�u���n����� (cheering, clamoring)��C�u@���Ϡ���� Yeah! Ha-ha! All right!��
�ԡ
m But from that day on, I fell in love with baseball.��
C�u@��ו�աρ I dreamed of one day playing in the big leagues,���ӡ́ so I signed up for a montage to get better.��
�C�u��������� (glass breaks)��������G (Cuban music playing)���C�u@�������� I was at the top of my game.��]�͡ǁ_ I didn't even need the full montage.��UC�u@��9V�סс I was even recruited to play on Cuba's national team,��
������
� the Gooding Juniors.���C�u@��M.�ҡ́ ANNOUNCER: Tonight, the Cuba Gooding Juniors�� i����� k take on the Haiti Joel Osments!��
�C�u@��a(�ϡɁ We tried to play, but it was difficult��f�֡Ёh because hurricane season was February through January.���C�u��v<����� (all shouting)�� ֠ҡ́W Every time, a hurricane would sweep through,�� zC�u@����Сʁ decimating the island, causing hundreds��Р����� of dollars worth of damage.��������� Aah!��ڠѡˁ� Under Castro, every male over the age of 18��pC�u��� �ԡ was required to serve two years as a band leader.��
9C�u���ʠ���� ♪ Babaloo-oo-oo ♪��e������ ♪ Babaloo-oo-oo ♪��
�C�u��㸠���� ♪ Jungo ♪�� ֠����
# ♪ Oo-oo-oo ♪��:C�u���c����� ♪ Babaloo ♪��
|�����
� (vocalizing)�� C�u�������� ♪ Ta empezando lo velorio ♪��;�����= ♪ Que le hacemo a babalu. ♪���C�u@��=L�ҡ́ I loved baseball,but yearned to play in America.���ҡ́g I would look across the water and dream about���C�u@��W��ҡ́ the great time they must be having there.�� z����� | I bet it's not so great.��,������ ♪ If you're going my way ♪��C�u@��u��ҡ́ ♪ I want to drive it all night long ♪����֡Ё� ♪ Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, yeah... ♪��%C�u@���ᠽ��� Dang it!
I'm at the wrong country.�� Š���� � I knew what I had to do.��
������ It was nothing against Cuba.���C�u@���ߠ���� Cuba was nice.��������� We had a Bay of Hotties,���ԡ
� but also another bay of less attractive women.��
�C�u@���a����� I forget what they called it.��Ҡءҁ However, tensions between the U.S. and Cuba were high.��
�C�u@��Х�͡ǁ Castro was not happy that they had named���ءҁ the most dangerously gay part of San Francisco after him.��
bC�u@���
�סс Defecting to the U.S. was punishable by prison or death.��������H But I was determined.��=C�u@�� ߠ���� Then came my chance.��ˠ����� The Cuba Gooding Juniors had��������Q an away game in Barbados.���C�u@���͡ǁ Oy, herma we can escape
to the Cayman Islands.��
�����
d Cayman, my ass.
I'm going to America.���C�u��?������ Okay, when we land in America,������� we all have to stop
saying "Cooba."��
C�u@��U�ԡ The sea was choppy,and the sharks were relentless.��
������
� -(snores)
-(knock on door)���C�u@��ja����� -Who is it?
-MALE: Uh, not a shark?��
�����
n -Don't open it!
-MALE: No, it's just people.�������� -MALE 2: Yeah, people.
-MALE 3: And sharks.���C�u���ܠ���� MALE:
Shh! No sharks. Just people.���C�u@����͡ǁ CLEVELAND: After a week at sea,��4�Сʁ6 we saw the glittering lights of Miami.���C�u@���%����� (cheering)��ޠ����� It was beautiful.��)�Сʁ Then we decided to go to Quahog instead,���C�u@���O����� which took eight more months.����ˡŁ: Eventually, I signed a large deal��Ӡ����Z with the Toronto Blue Jays.��
C�u@��츠ӡ́ But because I was from a warm-weather climate,��������� it didn't work out.���C�u@��X��� -I still remember my first major-league game.
-(cheering)��
Z�ϡɁ
� It was four hours and 25 minutes long.��`C�u��b����� I was like, "What the (bleep)?"��HC�u@��5�ġ�� Wow, Cleveland. I had no idea
you played baseball.�������Q Too bad you couldn't
hit a home run��E������ with The Cleveland Show.��3C�u@��K7����� Well, it certainly
wasn't a whiff.��������� More of a foul out.��ꠢ��� It was a double.��;C�u@��^Ԡ���� You know,
you're not the only one��ܠ����( who got a taste of sports glory.��������� I had a pretty good run, myself.��'������ Scrawny little guy like you,
Quagmire?���C�u@��w㠣��� What did you play?��������� I was
a competitive tennis player.��������p Some might say too competitive.���C�u@���p����� But I was
the breath of fresh air��������� that the stuffy tennis world
needed.�� y�Сʁ� I was born into a real tennis family.�� C�u@���s�աρ On my first birthday,my mother gave me a little Head.��
Рסс I wanted to be the first male cheerleader for tennis.��
AC�u@���Ǡ���� I cheer on two occasions:
day and night!��m�����o -Ooh, tennis!
-(crowd booing)���C�u�����֡Ё And when that was weird, I decided to just play tennis.���C�u@�����סс But it was understood I'd grow up to be a tennis player�� ��ѡˁ
like my father and his father before him��䠯���� and his father before him.���C�u@����ѡˁ We came from a long line of tennis dicks.�� ֠���� � I had six brothers,����ϡɁh but they'd all sliced off their hands���C�u@��'1����� opening a tennis ball can,��۠֡Ё� possibly the most dangerous object known to mankind.��������� Hey, guys.
Anyone want to play tennis?��
!C�u��C7����� Llewellyn, no!��������
m (screaming)���C�u@��aB��� QUAGMIRE: But I would do everything I could��*�͡ǁ, to make my now-female father happy.�� ������ Practices were intense.��5C�uA�w�ϡɁ PETER: I feel like you skipped over����͡ǁ� a very big story point right there.��Р��� QUAGMIRE: My father was a World War II vet,��)C�u@���2�ӡ́ so he used to make me reenact the D-Day landing��
k�����
m with tennis ball machines.��E������ (gasps)���C�u@���,����� (grunting)��H������ But the work paid off.���Ρȁ
� I got invited to the first U.S. Open,���C�u@�����ԡ which, at the time, was called the U.S. Now Open.��"�աρo There, I met the player who would become my archrival:���C�u@���4����� Sweden's Hedd Banssen.��,�ӡ́� He'd bring his personal chef to every match,�� �C�u@��칠���� which was very distracting.��o�����q Aah!
What the hell?��������_ Hergy bergy meatball throwy!�� hC�u@��Π���� (grunts)����ġ��� Come on, this can't be legal.
What are you, blind?��
�����[ Serve ball!�� zC�u@��&��Сʁ QUAGMIRE: I was the bad boy of tennis,��ܠסс* and my unconventional style of play changed the game.��
aC�u@��:��͡ǁ Before I came along, tennis was so safe,���ӡ́ 0 it was customary to hit a six-handed backhand.��Ӡ̡ƁP I pioneered the one-handed backhand���C�u@��Y٠Сʁ and, eventually, the no-handed backhand.�������a (cheering)��٠����� Quagmire, I love your backhand.��C�u@��vu����� That sounds
like a backhanded compliment.��������� (audience gasps)��٠����
I also flouted tennis etiquette��
C�u@�����ѡˁ by wearing the longest, baggiest shorts��⠬���. the game had ever seen.�� �̡ƁN People criticized my style of play���C�u@�������� because I argued with umpires��w�ҡ́� and was taught to bounce the ball 40 times��t�����: before my serve.��C�u�� ������ (grunts)�������� JUDGE:
Let, first service.���C�u@�� Q}����� I'd won the U.S. Open,����Ρȁ� but I wouldn't settle for just that.��ߠ͡ǁ
� My goal was the coveted Grand Slam:���C�u@�� k��ѡˁ pancakes, eggs, sausage and bacon at Denny's.��
������
� One day, Glenn.
One day.��
}C�u�� ������ Maybe your birthday.��s������ ♪�� �C�u@�� �s����� I made it to Wimbledon�� �ϡɁ and got to play in front of the queen--��Ҡ����? Freddie Mercury.���C�u@�� ���ѡˁ I altered my 40-bounce routine just for him.����ǡ�� (bouncing and clapping
to rhythm of "We Will Rock You")��
C�u@�� �P�աρ It was an honor playing for Freddie on grass that day.��5�ѡˁ7 He later died.The doctor said it was asphalt.��pC�u�� ������� -♪
-(grunts)�������H (grunting)��vC�u��
4ޠ���� (cheering)����ԡi It was the era before AIDS, but a lot of tennis players��
�C�u@��
RB�֡Ё had to deal with the scourge of Penis Gerulaitis.����ϡɁ Despite my on-court temper tantrums,��u�����| I was on top of the world.��:C�u@��
l��ӡ́ And that's when I saw her: Tatum O'Seventies.�������b The hottest actress of the era.���C�uA�
�.�աρ She was fresh off her success playing an 11-year-old��v�ԡ� in a Little League movie, which, for some reason,��
��ϡɁ| made her the biggest sex symbol in Hollywood.��)C�u@��
���� -Thought you might need this.
-Thanks. I'm Glenn.���ʡā� I know. I watched you smash your
racket and scream at a baby.��
�C�u@��
������� You know,
if you're free after this,��5�����7 we could go back to my place��7�����p and try to fit some balls
in your can.��
C�u@��
������ I practiced tantrum sex,��H�աρJ something I'd learned from Sting but probably misheard.�� h�ӡ́� QUAGMIRE:
What?! Are you crazy?
That was in!��C�u@��
��ѡˁ We became New York's "It" couple of the '70s.�������V We hung out at Studio 55.��
�C�u@������� There was no one there.����֡Ё� We could hear a lot of noise coming from next door.�� h�֡ЁM I got to meet the greatest athletes of my generation.��GC�u@��"�¡�� Glenn, how would you like
to meet Bobby Orr?��������� -Or who?
-Bobby Orr.��۠á��� Yeah, Bobby or who?
What's the other choice?���C�u@��8�ءҁ -It's Bobby Orr!
-You told me Bobby's
the first choice!���ġ��- -What's the alternative?
-All right, forget that.��w������ Do you want to meet Rick Monday?���C�u@��P�� Well, sure, I could do Monday,
but who is it?��Рѡˁ By the 1980s,things were starting to unravel.��yC�u@��hҠ���� (yells)��C������ Aw, damn it!��F�աρ
# My temper on the court was increasingly an issue.��Ӡ����B Out.��~C�u@��������� Are you serious?!
You cannot be serious!�� ��ҡ́ � I had a hard timetelling if people were serious.��C�u@���&����� I spilled spot remover
on my dog,��t������ and now he's gone.��������
� QUAGMIRE:
Are you serious?!��&C�u@�����ϡɁ I became famous for smashing rackets��u�����w when things didn't go my way.����աρI Of course, back then,we didn't have multiple rackets,���C�u�������� so I was forced to play with it.��
[C�u��֪����� ♪��)�ءҁv Ultimately, my career ended when I developed the yips.��6C�u@���,�ءҁ And in 2001, at the U.S. Open, my first serve hit a plane,����ءҁ� causing it to go tragically off course and hit a building.���C�u������� (explosion)�� ������ � Everyone blamed the Muslims.��C�u��/;����� My second serve was no better.���C�u��[������ You guys talking sports stories?���š�� 0 You know, I won a bronze medal
in the '84 Olympics.��nC�u@��pw����� Are you serious?!��5������ Track and field.
It's a pretty good story.��
Ƞš��K It's a series of coincidences
that if someone wrote,��
C�u@���/����� no one would believe.�� h����� � (soft ding)��������F Oh, my God,
why is there only half a medal?�� �C�u@���;����� Hoo!
How much time you got?�� y�ġ�� � We got about seven minutes,
and I haven't gone yet.��:�����M Rocky.���C�u���d����� ♪��)�աρ+ Like most, my day began with block letters of my name��pC�u@���L����� floating past the screen.�� �ӡ́ k I grew up on the mean streets of Philadelphia,��
bC�u@���g����� the City of Brotherly Love.��ݠסс� Or, as I called it, America's Northernmost Hillbillies.����͡ǁ� I was an Italian guy from the South Side��=C�u@���֠���� who never had a chance in life.��8�סс� But I had a dream: to one day be the heavyweight champ.���C�u@��
I����� Yo, Petey!��砟���5 Yo, fella!��������� Yo, Petey!��������� Yo, Delayheehoo!���C�u@��
*٠���� (lively harmonizing)��$�ϡɁ&