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®Arun's collections®
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Narrator : There was a time,
a time before cable,
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00:00:53,019 --> 00:00:56,079
when the local anchorman
reigned supreme,
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00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:03,028
when people believed
everything they heard on TV.
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00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:07,159
This was an age when only men
were allowed to read the news.
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And in San Diego, one anchorman
was more man than the rest.
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His name was Ron Burgundy.
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He was like a god
walking amongst mere mortals.
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He had a voice that could
make a wolverine purr,
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and suits so fine
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they made Sinatra
look like a hobo.
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In other words,
Ron Burgundy was the balls.
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Mmm. I look good.
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00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:44,235
I mean, really good.
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Hey, everyone!
Come and see how good I look!
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(vocalizing)
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00:01:57,183 --> 00:02:00,619
Mm, ehh, mm.
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Ribs. I had ribs for lunch.
That's why I'm doing this.
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00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:07,885
How now brown cow.
How now brown cow.
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How now brown cow.
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How are you?
You look awfully nice tonight. Hmm?
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Maybe don't wear
a bra next time.
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No, I was talking to you.
No, not her.
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00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:23,173
I don't know her name.
What is it?
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00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,700
Lanolin?
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00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:29,539
La-lanolin?
Like sheep's wool?
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00:02:30,583 --> 00:02:32,676
Unique New York.
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00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,550
Unique New York.
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Mm, I love Scotch.
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I love Scotch.
Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch.
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Here it goes down.
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Down into my belly.
Mm-mm-mm.
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00:02:43,062 --> 00:02:45,326
The arsonist
has oddly shaped feet.
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How much time?
30? 30 seconds?
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00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:52,600
- Man :You are on.
- I'm on right now?
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I don't believe you.
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- ♪ Doo doo doo. ♪
- Ron!
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00:02:57,443 --> 00:02:59,536
Oh, come on. Audrey.
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I look like hell.
I got bags under my eyes.
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What's that?
If you were a man,
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00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,382
I'd punch you right
in the mouth.
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00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:08,353
That's bush.
Bush league.
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00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:11,721
The human torch was denied
a bank loan.
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You hear me?
Audrey, look at me!
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I'm sorry.
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All right?
I'm sorry.
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Ha ha!
Ha ha ha ho!
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Ha ha ho.
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Ha oh!
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00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:27,229
(Ron yelling)
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00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:29,571
All right, we're on.
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Ready, Phil.
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We're on in five, four...
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Narrator :
When the clock struck 6:00,
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it meant one thing
for Ron Burgundy
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and his news team:
Go time.
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Announcer:
Channel 4 News,
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00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,246
Announcer:
Channel 4 News,
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00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:46,122
with five-time
Emmy award-winning anchor
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00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:47,888
Ron Burgundy.
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00:03:47,927 --> 00:03:49,656
Champ Kind, sports.
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Ooh! Hoo-hoo!
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00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:54,533
Brick Tamland, weather.
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00:03:56,869 --> 00:03:59,702
And your reporter in the field,
Brian Fantana.
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00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:06,003
It's Channel 4 News
at 6:00.
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00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:11,473
Good evening.
I'm Ron Burgundy,
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00:04:11,517 --> 00:04:13,883
and this is what's happening
in your world tonight.
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00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,356
A La Jolla man clings to life
at a university hospital
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00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:20,723
after being viciously attacked
by a pack of wild dogs
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00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,455
in an abandoned pool.
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00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:27,125
Hey, everybody! Shut the hell up!
Ron Burgundy's on!
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Authorities are still
uncertain as to why the man
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00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,628
- was loitering...
- Ron Burgundy.
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00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:34,731
Oh, my gosh!
She said her first words!
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00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:37,743
Right now it's 82°
in our fair city,
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00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:41,679
and compare that to 48°
in the upper Northwest
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00:04:41,714 --> 00:04:44,683
and 38°
in the Middle East.
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00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:47,117
Off the coast
of Tampa Bay yesterday,
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00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:49,553
one lucky cameraman
happened to catch
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00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:52,183
an unusual
aquatic daredevil.
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00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:55,854
What you're about to see
is a Channel 4 News exclusive.
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His name is
Nutty the Squirrel,
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00:04:58,698 --> 00:05:00,757
and he's three years old.
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00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,167
How 'bout that?
(laughing)
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00:05:04,203 --> 00:05:08,037
That squirrel
can water-ski.
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00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:12,602
- Man, that's hilarious.
- Yeah, that's good.
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00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:15,273
For all of us here
at News Center 4,
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00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,782
I'm Ron Burgundy.
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You stay classy,
San Diego.
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00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:23,178
ALL :
You stay classy, San Diego.
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00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:26,282
Listen up.
The ratings just came in for last month.
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00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:29,489
We are number one.
We just grabbed every key demographic.
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00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:31,656
- Super-duper, gang!
- Yeah! Yeah!
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00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:33,723
Super-duper!
That's nice!
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00:05:33,766 --> 00:05:35,358
Way to go!
Neat-o, gang.
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00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:37,096
- Brian :Yes!
- Ron :Boy, Ed.
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00:05:37,136 --> 00:05:39,331
That is good news.
I gotta be honest.
97
00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:42,102
- Congrats, congrats.
- That is good news!
98
00:05:42,141 --> 00:05:43,768
- Brian :All right!
- Stick around.
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00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:46,005
Make sure these guys
don't party too much.
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00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:48,775
- They don't really ever listen to me.
- Just get it done.
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00:05:48,815 --> 00:05:48,881
Ladies and gentlemen,
can I please have your attention?
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00:05:48,881 --> 00:05:52,749
Ladies and gentlemen,
can I please have your attention?
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I've just been handed
an urgent
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00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:58,123
and horrifying news story.
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00:05:58,157 --> 00:06:01,126
I need all of you
to stop what you're doing
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00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,559
and listen.
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00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:04,825
Cannonball!
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00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:08,600
(cheering)
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00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:11,694
Narrator :
Yes, these fellas were a real news team.
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00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:15,401
Burgundy, of course,
was the foundation, the rock.
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00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:19,571
But each member brought their own
special something to the equation.
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00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:21,807
People call me
the Bri-man.
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00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:24,214
I'm the stylish one
of the group.
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00:06:24,250 --> 00:06:26,241
I know what
you're asking yourself,
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00:06:26,285 --> 00:06:29,550
and the answer is yes,
I have a nickname for my penis.
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It's called the Octagon.
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00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:33,559
But I also nicknamed
my testes.
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00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:35,561
My left one
is James Westfall,
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00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:38,223
and my right one is
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.
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00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:41,961
You ladies play your cards right,
you might get to meet the whole gang.
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00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:44,231
Bang, boom, they were
showing lasers
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00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:46,670
every Friday night.
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00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:50,107
Champ here.
I'm all about havin' fun.
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00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,976
You know, get a couple
of cocktails in me,
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00:06:53,012 --> 00:06:55,071
start a fire
in someone's kitchen.
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00:06:55,114 --> 00:06:57,639
Maybe go to SeaWorld,
take my pants off.
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00:06:57,683 --> 00:06:59,651
Anyway, I've become
kind of famous
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00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:02,677
for my signature catchphrase,
"Whammy!"
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00:07:02,722 --> 00:07:05,953
As in, "Gene Tenace
at the plate...
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00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:08,927
and whammy!"
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00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:10,292
Whammy!
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00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:17,499
(sniffs)
133
00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:18,902
I'm Brick Tamland.
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00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,463
People seem to like me
because I am polite
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00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:23,372
and I'm rarely late.
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00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:25,377
I like to eat ice cream,
137
00:07:25,411 --> 00:07:28,608
and I really enjoy
a nice pair of slacks.
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00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:30,912
Years later,
a doctor will tell me
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00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,714
that I have an IQ of 48
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00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:35,812
and am what some people call
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"mentally retarded."
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00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:39,449
Ron :Hello!
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- Whoo! Marco!
- Polo!
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- Brian.
- You having a good time?
145
00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:47,898
- I'm having a great time.
- That makes two of us.
146
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:49,629
You've gotta meet this girl.
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00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:52,832
She used to be a Charger cheerleader,
but she broke her pelvis.
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Sherri,
meet Ron Burgundy.
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- Hey, Ron.
- Hello.
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00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:59,708
- I've got a big story for you.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:01,508
And it's right here.
152
00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:03,344
Well, hello.
153
00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:07,385
You pointed to your boobies.
154
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,513
Oh, my God, you did!
155
00:08:11,357 --> 00:08:13,689
- Ron Burgundy?
- Yes?
156
00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:17,218
I have had a crush on you
since I was a little girl.
157
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:18,821
Let's go somewhere.
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00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:22,028
I'm telling you, it don't
get no better than this.
159
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:24,764
We've been coming
to the same party for 12 years,
160
00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:26,897
and in no way
is that depressing.
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00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:31,573
Ahh.
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00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:33,772
♪ Gonna make
our own lightning ♪
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00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:37,271
♪ Yeah, she got the way
to move me, Cherry ♪
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00:08:37,316 --> 00:08:39,307
♪ She got the way
to groove me ♪
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♪ Cherry, baby ♪
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00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:43,248
♪ She got the way
to move me ♪
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00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,450
♪ She got the way
to groove me... ♪
168
00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:51,059
By the beard of Zeus!
169
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:57,059
Excuse me.
170
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:02,604
Ron, where you going?
What, are you crazy? Ron!
171
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:06,510
If you're coming down the baseline,
you gotta take home plate from me!
172
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:10,038
So there I go,
head first, boom!
173
00:09:13,452 --> 00:09:15,317
I've lost her.
174
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:26,821
Ohh.
175
00:09:34,173 --> 00:09:35,333
Hello.
176
00:09:37,176 --> 00:09:38,302
Hello.
177
00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:41,871
Hope I'm not disturbing
you, but, uh,
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00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:44,883
I saw you from across
the party, and, uh,
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00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:48,546
I don't usually do this, but I felt
compelled to tell you something.
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00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:52,521
You have...
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00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:55,049
an absolutely
breathtaking...
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00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,493
heinie.
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00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:59,892
I mean, that thing is good.
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00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,162
I want to be friends with it.
185
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:06,495
Well, you certainly know
how to compliment a woman.
186
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:08,507
Now, if you'll excuse me.
187
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:10,736
Do you know who I am?
188
00:10:12,478 --> 00:10:14,503
No, I can't say that I do.
189
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:18,483
I don't know how to put this,
190
00:10:18,517 --> 00:10:21,680
but I'm kind of a big deal.
191
00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:23,154
Really?
192
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,350
People know me.
193
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,359
I've very happy for you.
194
00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:28,860
I'm very important.
195
00:10:28,894 --> 00:10:30,725
I have...
196
00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:32,958
many leather-bound books,
197
00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:35,433
and my apartment
198
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,868
smells of rich mahogany.
199
00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:41,737
L... I'm friends
with Merlin Olsen, too.
200
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:45,210
He comes over on occasion.
201
00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:47,576
That's stupid.
202
00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:52,117
No, no, that's...
very exciting.
203
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:54,278
Listen, can l...
204
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,447
can I start over again?
205
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,457
Sure.
206
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,551
I wanna say something.
I'm gonna put it out there.
207
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,494
If you like it,
you can take it.
208
00:11:03,529 --> 00:11:05,121
If you don't,
send it right back.
209
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,189
Mm-hmm.
210
00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:09,201
I wanna be on you.
211
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:14,029
Wait. Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
212
00:11:14,073 --> 00:11:15,563
L...
213
00:11:19,378 --> 00:11:21,972
I wanna be on you.
214
00:11:30,656 --> 00:11:33,716
(humming)
215
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,996
Yoo-hoo!
(clears throat)
216
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:40,021
Baxter!
217
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:41,624
Papa's home.
218
00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:43,760
There he is.
There's my little man.
219
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:46,067
- You're okay?
- (barking)
220
00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:48,437
Of course I met
a lady tonight.
221
00:11:48,474 --> 00:11:50,339
(growls)
222
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,503
This one was different.
I have to be honest.
223
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:55,043
Quite different.
224
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:57,777
- (barking)
- What...
225
00:11:57,817 --> 00:12:00,115
I'm lonely?
I'm not lonely!
226
00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:03,588
I'm beloved by everyone
in San Diego.
227
00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:09,755
Wow.
228
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:12,730
You know how to cut
to the core of me, Baxter.
229
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:15,529
- (growls)
- You're so wise.
230
00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:19,397
You're like
a miniature Buddha
231
00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:21,167
covered in hair.
232
00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:23,368
- (barks)
- Come again?
233
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,274
(barking)
234
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:28,246
You know I don't speak Spanish.
In English, please.
235
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,339
- (barks)
- Huh?
236
00:12:30,382 --> 00:12:33,215
- (growling)
- You pooped in the refrigerator?
237
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:37,245
- (sneezes)
- And you ate a whole wheel of cheese?
238
00:12:37,289 --> 00:12:39,154
How'd you do that?
239
00:12:39,191 --> 00:12:41,625
I'm not even mad.
That's amazing.
240
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:45,255
(laughing)
I forgive you.
241
00:12:45,297 --> 00:12:48,027
What do you say we get you
in your pj's and hit the hay?
242
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:51,901
Bedtime. Okay, come on.
Let's go. Come on.
243
00:13:03,048 --> 00:13:06,882
(snoring)
244
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:09,217
Oh, that was one
crazy party.
245
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:12,019
I am hung over.
246
00:13:12,057 --> 00:13:14,719
Tell me about it.
247
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,921
I woke up this morning
248
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,089
and I shit a squirrel.
249
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:20,894
I mean it.
Literally.
250
00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:24,494
Hell of it is,
damn thing's still alive.
251
00:13:26,071 --> 00:13:28,699
So I got this
shit-covered squirrel
252
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:30,504
down there in the office.
253
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:31,942
Don't know what to name it.
254
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,842
I'm sorry, Champ.
255
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:35,710
I think I ate
your chocolate squirrel.
256
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:38,148
All right, guys.
Let's focus up.
257
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:40,709
Morning, everyone.
258
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:43,483
Here are the stories
we're going to be chasing today.
259
00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:45,149
It looks like Ling Wong,
260
00:13:45,191 --> 00:13:48,126
the rare panda
at the San Diego Zoo, is pregnant.
261
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,787
This is a big one.
262
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,662
This could be the big
story of the summer.
263
00:13:52,698 --> 00:13:55,531
Network is gonna be wanting
plenty of coverage.
264
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:58,298
And speaking of network,
word on the street is
265
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:00,305
they're looking
for a new anchor.
266
00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:02,307
- So, Ron...
- Huh? Network?
267
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:03,831
Are they here?
268
00:14:08,914 --> 00:14:11,747
A lot of you have been hearing
the affiliates complaining
269
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:14,617
about a lack of diversity
on the news team.
270
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:23,223
What in the hell's diversity?
271
00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:25,594
(clears throat)
Well, I could be wrong,
272
00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:29,123
but I believe diversity
is an old, old wooden ship
273
00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:32,501
that was used
during the Civil War era.
274
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:35,200
I would be surprised
if the affiliates were concerned
275
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:37,402
about the lack
of an old wooden ship,
276
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,707
but nice try.
277
00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:42,373
Diversity means
that times are changing,
278
00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:44,644
and with that in mind...
279
00:14:44,683 --> 00:14:47,652
- Ron, are you paying attention?
- Nope.
280
00:14:47,686 --> 00:14:49,813
- This concerns all of us.
- Okay.
281
00:14:49,855 --> 00:14:53,586
Keeping that in mind, I'd like
to introduce the latest addition
282
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,787
to the KVWN News Team,
283
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:58,490
directly from WYPN
284
00:14:58,530 --> 00:15:01,693
in Asheville, North Carolina,
285
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,726
Ms. Veronica Corningstone.
286
00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:07,739
- ♪ Who's that lady? ♪
- Hello.
287
00:15:07,773 --> 00:15:10,241
- ♪ Who's that lady... ♪
- Hello, everyone.
288
00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:12,710
- Oh!
- I just want you all to know
289
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,975
that I look forward
to contributing
290
00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:18,177
to this news station's
already sterling reputation.
291
00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:23,185
I mean, come on, Ed!
It's bullcrap!
292
00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:25,588
Don't get me wrong.
I love the ladies.
293
00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:29,025
They rev my engine,
but they don't belong in the newsroom!
294
00:15:29,061 --> 00:15:32,394
It is anchorman,
not anchorlady!
295
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,958
- And that is a scientific fact!
- Brian :Uh-huh.
296
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:39,164
I don't know
what we're yelling about!
297
00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:42,035
Ron, what do you think?
298
00:15:42,074 --> 00:15:44,099
She... sh...
it's terrible!
299
00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:47,078
She has beautiful eyes,
and her hair smells like cinnamon!
300
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:48,374
Mm-hmm.
301
00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:50,314
Loud noises!
302
00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:55,114
All right, everyone relax.
She's not gonna take anyone's airtime.
303
00:15:55,154 --> 00:15:58,715
I read somewhere that
their periods attract bears.
304
00:15:58,757 --> 00:16:01,521
Bears can smell
the menstruation.
305
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:05,121
Well, that's just great.
You hear that, Ed?
306
00:16:05,164 --> 00:16:08,099
Bears. Now you're putting
the whole station in jeopardy.
307
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,658
I will say
one thing for her, Ed,
308
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:13,797
she does have a nice,
big old behind.
309
00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:17,036
I'd like to put some
barbecue sauce on that butt
310
00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:19,704
and just bite, bite, bite, bite,
munch, munch, munch!
311
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:22,305
- Ah-whoo!
- Stop it! Oh, Jeez.
312
00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:25,215
(barking, howling)
313
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:28,481
Look at the full-moon butt!
(yapping)
314
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,488
Champ! Champ!
Champ, Champ!
315
00:16:32,057 --> 00:16:34,116
Mr. Harken, I was just wondering
316
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,150
if you knew when my office
would be ready.
317
00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:38,254
Well, that might
take some time.
318
00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:41,562
For now, why don't you just
grab a desk in the bullpen?
319
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,728
You can use my office! Then afterwards
maybe we can go to lunch!
320
00:16:46,038 --> 00:16:47,505
Lower your voice, Ron.
321
00:16:47,539 --> 00:16:49,507
Mm-hmm!
322
00:16:49,541 --> 00:16:52,635
All right.
Thank you, Mr. Harken.
323
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:55,545
I'll go get
my desk set up.
324
00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:00,342
(neck cracking)
325
00:17:02,554 --> 00:17:06,149
Oh, she is a saucy mama!
I mean, I would...
326
00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:07,920
(Champ continues,
indistinct)
327
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,326
(Veronica sighs)
Here we go again.
328
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:12,353
Every station
it's the same.
329
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,958
Women ask me
how I put up with it.
330
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,594
Well, the truth is,
I don't really have a choice.
331
00:17:17,636 --> 00:17:19,536
This is definitely
a man's world.
332
00:17:19,571 --> 00:17:21,801
But while they're laughing
and grab-assing,
333
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,467
I'm chasing down leads
334
00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:26,205
and practicing
my nonregional diction.
335
00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:29,214
Because the only way to win
is to be the best.
336
00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:30,909
The very best.
337
00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:35,978
Ron:
Touchy situation.
338
00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:39,457
I think the best thing
to do with this Corningstone,
339
00:17:39,491 --> 00:17:42,119
to keep her in line,
is bed her quick.
340
00:17:42,161 --> 00:17:45,562
Oh, that behind
is driving me loco!
341
00:17:45,597 --> 00:17:48,088
I'm like a night wolf.
(howling)
342
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:50,567
Guys, take it easy.
Just take it easy!
343
00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:54,163
- She's got feelings, too.
- Oh, my God!
344
00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:55,696
Listen to Burgundy.
345
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:58,767
He's gone soft on us,
like some schoolboy bitch.
346
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,779
You sound like a gay.
347
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:03,247
(laughing)
348
00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:04,806
Hey! Come on!
349
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:07,683
It's me, Papa Burgundy,
all right?
350
00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:11,314
As far as I'm concerned,
Corningstone's fair game.
351
00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:14,018
Huh?
Let the games begin!
352
00:18:14,059 --> 00:18:16,186
Hi-ohhh!
353
00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:18,662
There he is.
There he is.
354
00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:20,688
I'm very aroused.
355
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:26,168
(Champ laughing)
What's this?
356
00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:29,464
Well, well, well.
357
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:35,271
Ron Burgundy and the Channel 4
News Team.
358
00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:37,407
Hello, Wes Mantooth.
359
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,246
Hello,
Evening News Team.
360
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:40,774
Nice clothes, gentlemen.
361
00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:43,481
I didn't know the Salvation Army
was having a sale.
362
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:45,956
(laughs)
363
00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:48,152
Am I right?
Look at these guys.
364
00:18:50,662 --> 00:18:54,063
Hey, where did you
get those clothes?
365
00:18:54,099 --> 00:18:56,124
At the toilet store?
366
00:18:59,037 --> 00:19:01,870
What are you doing
on our station's turg, Burgundy?
367
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:04,341
You're about to get
a serious beat-down.
368
00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:07,812
I will smash your face
into a car windshield
369
00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:10,041
and then take your mother,
Dorothy Mantooth,
370
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:14,576
out for a nice seafood dinner
and never call her again!
371
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,453
Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
You understand me?
372
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,980
- Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
- Ron :Hey.
373
00:19:20,025 --> 00:19:22,687
Leave the mothers
out of this, all right?
374
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,155
It's unnecessary.
375
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,597
Besides, I'm sure Wes here
376
00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:36,097
is just upset over finishing
second in the ratings again.
377
00:19:36,141 --> 00:19:37,904
Ooh!
378
00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:40,411
That's completely
uncalled for, Burgundy.
379
00:19:40,445 --> 00:19:42,572
You know those
rating systems are flawed.
380
00:19:42,614 --> 00:19:44,809
They don't take into account
houses that have
381
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:48,445
more than two television sets
and other things of that nature.
382
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:51,786
I guess I have to take you
at your word,
383
00:19:51,823 --> 00:19:53,313
Number Two.
384
00:19:53,358 --> 00:19:55,053
(laughing)
385
00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:58,791
You have
a great day, fellas.
386
00:19:58,830 --> 00:20:00,559
We'll see you around the bend.
387
00:20:03,435 --> 00:20:05,528
Son of a bitch!
388
00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:08,699
Brian:
Excusez-moi, Numero Two.
389
00:20:11,176 --> 00:20:13,406
Hey, Burgundy.
390
00:20:13,445 --> 00:20:15,936
You know those sample audiences
aren't big enough!
391
00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:19,473
Stop hiding behind those phony numbers,
Burgundy! I'm coming after you!
392
00:20:19,518 --> 00:20:24,114
I hate you, Ron Burgundy.
I hate you!
393
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:27,284
You can't say one word?
394
00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:29,419
Even the guy who can't
think says something!
395
00:20:29,461 --> 00:20:32,089
You guys just stand
there? Come on!
396
00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:37,425
Right, but I think my son
is just going through a phase.
397
00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:40,299
I have no idea where
398
00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:43,172
he would have gotten ahold
of German pornography.
399
00:20:43,208 --> 00:20:45,301
But you and I
are mature adults.
400
00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:48,677
We've both seen our share
of pornographic materials.
401
00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:50,181
Oh, you never have?
402
00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:52,911
Of course you haven't,
how stupid of me. Neither have I.
403
00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:55,249
I was just speaking
in generalities.
404
00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:59,656
I'll stop by the school
a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye.
405
00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:02,660
Ed, she insisted
on coming in.
406
00:21:02,694 --> 00:21:04,321
Mr. Harken, sir,
407
00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:07,332
I will not have my first story
at this news station
408
00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:09,334
be about a cat fashion show.
409
00:21:09,368 --> 00:21:11,962
Miss Corningstone, ma'am,
410
00:21:12,004 --> 00:21:15,201
you will do the stories
to which you are assigned.
411
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,107
Mr. Harken, I am
a damn good journalist,
412
00:21:18,143 --> 00:21:21,340
and this cat show thing
is grade-A baloney.
413
00:21:21,380 --> 00:21:24,372
It is not baloney.
Now, go do your job, missy!
414
00:21:24,416 --> 00:21:26,646
It is baloney!
415
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:33,489
Hey, Ron,
416
00:21:33,525 --> 00:21:35,925
I'm gonna take a run
at the new girl.
417
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:38,020
Let the games begin.
(howls)
418
00:21:38,063 --> 00:21:41,191
Oh, Champ, Champ,
we're not really gonna actually do that.
419
00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:43,428
- We were just flapping our gums.
- Oh, yeah.
420
00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:44,765
You kill me, Burgundy.
421
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:49,900
Let me just grab this.
Oh, sorry about that.
422
00:21:49,941 --> 00:21:52,136
- Whammy.
- Hmm.
423
00:21:52,177 --> 00:21:54,475
- Uh, Champ?
- Yeah.
424
00:21:54,513 --> 00:21:57,073
You're trying to touch
my breasts, aren't you?
425
00:21:57,115 --> 00:22:00,846
What can I say?
I like the way you're put together.
426
00:22:00,886 --> 00:22:03,514
What do you say
we go out on a date?
427
00:22:03,555 --> 00:22:06,023
Have some chicken,
maybe some sex.
428
00:22:06,058 --> 00:22:07,719
You know,
see what happens?
429
00:22:07,759 --> 00:22:10,660
Oh, let me get this
over here.
430
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:13,995
- (groans)
- Sorry.
431
00:22:14,032 --> 00:22:16,398
Oh, there it is.
432
00:22:16,435 --> 00:22:18,630
I'll give this
little cookie an hour
433
00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:20,729
before we're doing
the no-pants dance.
434
00:22:20,772 --> 00:22:23,036
- (chuckles)
- Time to musk up.
435
00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:27,276
Ron :Wow.
436
00:22:27,312 --> 00:22:30,179
It never ceases to amaze me.
437
00:22:30,215 --> 00:22:32,410
What cologne
you gonna go with?
438
00:22:32,451 --> 00:22:34,009
London Gentleman, or...
439
00:22:34,052 --> 00:22:37,215
wait. No, no, no.
Hold on.
440
00:22:37,255 --> 00:22:38,916
Blackbeard's Delight.
441
00:22:38,957 --> 00:22:41,687
No, she gets
a special cologne.
442
00:22:42,894 --> 00:22:45,658
It's called Sex Panther
by Odeon.
443
00:22:45,697 --> 00:22:49,656
- (snarling)
- It's illegal in nine countries.
444
00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:52,169
Yep, it's made with bits
of real panther.
445
00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:55,002
- So you know it's good.
- It's quite pungent.
446
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,337
Oh yeah.
447
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:58,366
It's a formidable scent.
448
00:22:58,410 --> 00:23:01,504
It stings the nostrils.
449
00:23:01,546 --> 00:23:03,446
- In a good way.
- Yep.
450
00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:06,280
I'll be honest with you.
That smells like pure gasoline.
451
00:23:06,318 --> 00:23:08,718
They've done studies,
you know.
452
00:23:08,754 --> 00:23:12,520
60% of the time,
it works every time.
453
00:23:12,557 --> 00:23:14,491
That doesn't make sense.
454
00:23:14,526 --> 00:23:16,960
Well...
455
00:23:16,995 --> 00:23:19,395
let's go see if we can
make this little kitty purr.
456
00:23:19,431 --> 00:23:21,160
(snarls)
457
00:23:24,569 --> 00:23:28,130
Hey, sweet cheeks. Got an invite
I'd like to extend your way.
458
00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:33,537
My God.
459
00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:35,546
(sniffs)
What is that smell?
460
00:23:35,580 --> 00:23:36,842
- (man coughs)
- Oh!
461
00:23:36,882 --> 00:23:39,077
That's the smell
of desire, milady.
462
00:23:39,117 --> 00:23:41,210
God, no, it smells like...
463
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:44,552
like a used diaper
filled with Indian food.
464
00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:46,557
Oh!
Excuse me.
465
00:23:46,591 --> 00:23:48,559
Desire smells like that
to some people.
466
00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:52,427
What is that? Smells like a turd
covered in burnt hair!
467
00:23:52,464 --> 00:23:54,659
- (groaning)
- (retching)
468
00:23:54,699 --> 00:23:56,826
- (woman shrieks)
- (man yelling)
469
00:23:56,868 --> 00:23:58,961
It smells like
Bigfoot's dick!
470
00:23:59,004 --> 00:24:00,972
- (woman screams)
- Oh.
471
00:24:01,006 --> 00:24:02,871
Man:
Oh, hell, that's rank!
472
00:24:02,908 --> 00:24:05,308
(fire alarm ringing)
473
00:24:05,343 --> 00:24:07,334
Oh, what's that smell?
474
00:24:11,750 --> 00:24:15,049
This is worse than the time
the raccoon got in the copier.
475
00:24:15,086 --> 00:24:16,519
Yeah.
476
00:24:16,555 --> 00:24:18,182
It's very distracting.
477
00:24:18,223 --> 00:24:21,090
- When we get to the pet shop...
- Cough!
478
00:24:21,126 --> 00:24:22,650
Look over here.
479
00:24:22,694 --> 00:24:24,594
Excuse me, Veronica.
480
00:24:24,629 --> 00:24:27,359
Yes, what is it, Brick?
481
00:24:27,399 --> 00:24:29,367
I would like
to extend to you
482
00:24:29,401 --> 00:24:31,562
an invitation
to the pants party.
483
00:24:32,604 --> 00:24:33,866
Excuse me?
484
00:24:33,905 --> 00:24:36,703
The party.
The pants...
485
00:24:36,741 --> 00:24:39,574
With the pants.
Party with pants?
486
00:24:39,611 --> 00:24:40,976
Brick, are you saying
487
00:24:41,012 --> 00:24:43,572
that there's a party in
your pants and I'm invited?
488
00:24:43,615 --> 00:24:45,207
That's it.
489
00:24:45,250 --> 00:24:48,117
Hmm. Did Brian tell you
to say this, Brick?
490
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:50,053
No...
yes, he did.
491
00:24:50,088 --> 00:24:54,752
Okay. No, I don't want to go
to a party in your pants.
492
00:24:54,793 --> 00:24:56,454
Very well.
Lan?
493
00:24:56,495 --> 00:24:58,463
Would you like to go
to a party in my pants?
494
00:24:58,497 --> 00:25:00,328
No, Brick.
495
00:25:00,365 --> 00:25:02,356
All right. Let's go!
496
00:25:04,569 --> 00:25:08,673
- All right, now...
- (loud crash)
497
00:25:08,673 --> 00:25:11,836
I'm telling you,
she is a real ball-buster.
498
00:25:11,877 --> 00:25:13,970
A real ice queen.
499
00:25:14,012 --> 00:25:17,311
Mm. I just
burned my tongue.
500
00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:19,613
The only way
to bag a classy lady
501
00:25:19,651 --> 00:25:22,484
is to give her two tickets
to the gun show...
502
00:25:25,524 --> 00:25:27,492
and see if she likes
the goods.
503
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,619
(Ron grunts)
504
00:25:29,661 --> 00:25:31,652
1,001.
505
00:25:31,696 --> 00:25:35,655
1,002.
(grunts)
506
00:25:35,700 --> 00:25:37,861
- Uh, Mr. Burgundy?
- 1,003.
507
00:25:37,903 --> 00:25:40,269
Helen said that you
needed to see me?
508
00:25:40,305 --> 00:25:41,636
Oh, Miss Corningstone.
509
00:25:41,673 --> 00:25:44,699
(grunts)
I wasn't expecting company.
510
00:25:44,743 --> 00:25:47,837
(grunting)
511
00:25:47,879 --> 00:25:50,109
Just doing my workout.
512
00:25:50,148 --> 00:25:52,048
Tuesday's arms and back.
513
00:25:52,083 --> 00:25:55,314
- You asked me to come by, sir.
- Oh, did I?
514
00:25:55,353 --> 00:25:56,786
Yes.
515
00:25:56,821 --> 00:25:58,652
(grunting)
516
00:25:58,690 --> 00:26:00,920
Oh, it's the deep burn!
517
00:26:00,959 --> 00:26:04,053
Oh, it's so deep.
(grunts)
518
00:26:04,095 --> 00:26:07,121
I can barely lift my right
arm 'cause I did so many.
519
00:26:07,165 --> 00:26:10,794
I don't know if you heard me counting.
I did over 1,000.
520
00:26:10,835 --> 00:26:12,803
You have your ubulus muscle
521
00:26:12,837 --> 00:26:15,635
that connects
to the upper dorsinus.
522
00:26:15,674 --> 00:26:17,972
It's boring,
but it's part of my life.
523
00:26:18,009 --> 00:26:20,807
I'm just gonna grab this shirt,
if you don't mind.
524
00:26:20,845 --> 00:26:24,178
Just watch out for the guns.
They'll get you.
525
00:26:24,215 --> 00:26:25,876
You are pathetic.
526
00:26:25,917 --> 00:26:28,442
This has to be
the feeblest
527
00:26:28,486 --> 00:26:31,046
pickup attempt
that I have ever encountered.
528
00:26:31,089 --> 00:26:34,991
I expected it from the rest of them,
Mr. Burgundy, but not from you.
529
00:26:35,026 --> 00:26:37,392
Wait a minute!
L... pickup attempt?
530
00:26:37,429 --> 00:26:38,896
I'm offended.
531
00:26:38,930 --> 00:26:41,364
I have little time
to get to the gym,
532
00:26:41,399 --> 00:26:43,959
so I have to sculpt
my guns at the office.
533
00:26:44,002 --> 00:26:46,937
Oh, stop calling
your arms "guns."
534
00:26:46,972 --> 00:26:48,940
Look.
535
00:26:48,974 --> 00:26:51,169
My plan was to ask you
536
00:26:51,209 --> 00:26:53,837
if I could squire you
about town
537
00:26:53,878 --> 00:26:56,472
as one professional
helping another professional,
538
00:26:56,514 --> 00:26:59,574
because I know what it's like
to be lonely in a new city.
539
00:27:01,953 --> 00:27:04,012
- Really?
- Yes.
540
00:27:04,055 --> 00:27:06,615
But now I am too hurt.
541
00:27:06,658 --> 00:27:09,320
And shocked and offended
542
00:27:09,361 --> 00:27:10,692
and... and hurt.
543
00:27:10,729 --> 00:27:12,594
I could do that.
544
00:27:12,631 --> 00:27:13,859
Really?
545
00:27:13,898 --> 00:27:15,763
Well, yes.
546
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,768
As a journalist,
I should get to know
547
00:27:17,802 --> 00:27:19,736
the city
that I'm covering.
548
00:27:19,771 --> 00:27:22,740
- But this is not a date.
- No, of course not.
549
00:27:22,774 --> 00:27:25,470
- Strictly professional.
- Wonderful.
550
00:27:25,510 --> 00:27:27,876
- Hmm.
- Great.
551
00:27:29,681 --> 00:27:31,171
Shall I pick you up
552
00:27:31,216 --> 00:27:32,615
8:00?
553
00:27:34,886 --> 00:27:36,376
Mm, 9:00.
554
00:27:36,421 --> 00:27:38,082
(clears throat)
555
00:27:38,123 --> 00:27:39,556
Downstairs?
556
00:27:39,591 --> 00:27:42,560
Mr. Burgundy, you have
a massive erection.
557
00:27:42,594 --> 00:27:44,585
Really?
(laughs)
558
00:27:46,031 --> 00:27:48,556
Yes, I do.
Um...
559
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,296
I'm sorry, it's the...
560
00:27:51,336 --> 00:27:53,702
- it's the pleats.
- Mm.
561
00:27:53,738 --> 00:27:56,002
It's actually
an optical illusion.
562
00:27:56,041 --> 00:27:58,009
It's the pattern
on the pants.
563
00:27:58,043 --> 00:28:01,444
It's not flattering
in the crotchal region.
564
00:28:01,479 --> 00:28:03,538
I'm actually
taking them back right now.
565
00:28:03,581 --> 00:28:06,550
Taking them back
to the pants store.
566
00:28:07,552 --> 00:28:09,850
Oh, this is awkward.
567
00:28:09,888 --> 00:28:11,583
I'm gonna walk...
568
00:28:11,623 --> 00:28:13,318
I'm gonna walk
this situation off
569
00:28:13,358 --> 00:28:16,225
and I will see you later.
Nothing to look at.
570
00:28:16,261 --> 00:28:18,286
Go back to work, everyone.
571
00:28:18,329 --> 00:28:20,297
Don't act like
you're not impressed.
572
00:28:20,331 --> 00:28:21,923
Don't look at me right now.
573
00:28:21,966 --> 00:28:24,764
I'm walking around the office.
574
00:28:24,803 --> 00:28:26,771
My new walk.
575
00:28:26,805 --> 00:28:29,467
I have a situation right now
I'm trying to walk off.
576
00:28:29,507 --> 00:28:31,338
Frame up two.
577
00:28:31,376 --> 00:28:34,311
- Let's go to Brian Fantana live...
- Gimme a tighter one on two.
578
00:28:34,345 --> 00:28:36,711
...with a Channel 4
News exclusive.
579
00:28:36,748 --> 00:28:38,079
Brian?
580
00:28:38,116 --> 00:28:40,482
Panda watch.
The mood is tense.
581
00:28:40,518 --> 00:28:43,146
I have been on some
serious, serious reports,
582
00:28:43,188 --> 00:28:44,815
but nothing like this.
583
00:28:44,856 --> 00:28:47,882
L... l... Ching...
King is inside now.
584
00:28:47,926 --> 00:28:50,952
I tried to get an interview,
but they said, "You can't.
585
00:28:50,995 --> 00:28:53,759
He's a live bear. He will
literally rip your face off."
586
00:28:53,798 --> 00:28:56,790
Hey! You're making me
look stupid!
587
00:28:56,835 --> 00:28:59,702
Get out here!
Panda jerk!
588
00:28:59,738 --> 00:29:02,400
Great story.
Compelling and rich.
589
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,305
(theme music plays)
590
00:29:04,342 --> 00:29:06,674
That's gonna do it for all
of us at Channel 4 News.
591
00:29:06,711 --> 00:29:09,009
You stay classy,
San Diego.
592
00:29:09,047 --> 00:29:11,038
I'm Ron Burgundy?
593
00:29:12,217 --> 00:29:15,948
Damn it! Who typed a question mark
on the Teleprompter?
594
00:29:15,987 --> 00:29:19,320
For the last time, anything
you put on that prompter,
595
00:29:19,357 --> 00:29:20,722
Burgundy will read.
596
00:29:23,628 --> 00:29:26,290
Oh, God,
this is a mistake.
597
00:29:26,331 --> 00:29:28,196
This is a mistake.
598
00:29:28,233 --> 00:29:31,361
He's very cute. Very cute.
No, he's not. He's hairy.
599
00:29:31,402 --> 00:29:33,802
There she is!
Veronica!
600
00:29:33,838 --> 00:29:36,306
My little China doll.
601
00:29:36,341 --> 00:29:38,241
I am full of it tonight.
602
00:29:38,276 --> 00:29:40,767
Oh, silly. Hi.
603
00:29:40,812 --> 00:29:42,871
You look ravishing.
604
00:29:42,914 --> 00:29:45,906
It truly is beauty
and the beast.
605
00:29:45,950 --> 00:29:47,417
(chuckles)
606
00:29:47,452 --> 00:29:49,317
I might add
a handsome beast at that.
607
00:29:49,354 --> 00:29:51,083
Are you ready
for our rendezvous?
608
00:29:51,122 --> 00:29:52,749
It's not a date.
609
00:29:52,791 --> 00:29:55,419
No, strictly professional.
610
00:29:55,460 --> 00:29:58,020
Doesn't mean
we can't have fun.
611
00:29:58,062 --> 00:29:59,757
- Shall we?
- Yes.
612
00:30:04,402 --> 00:30:06,427
San Diego.
613
00:30:07,472 --> 00:30:09,440
Mm! Drink it in.
614
00:30:09,474 --> 00:30:11,442
It always
goes down smooth.
615
00:30:11,476 --> 00:30:13,671
(both chuckle)
616
00:30:13,711 --> 00:30:15,679
What a beautiful view,
Mr. Burgundy.
617
00:30:15,713 --> 00:30:19,114
I know. I love this city.
It's a...
618
00:30:19,150 --> 00:30:20,811
it's a fact.
619
00:30:20,852 --> 00:30:23,150
It's the greatest city
in the history of mankind.
620
00:30:23,188 --> 00:30:24,815
(laughs)
621
00:30:24,856 --> 00:30:28,223
Discovered by the Germans
in 1904.
622
00:30:28,259 --> 00:30:31,422
They named it San Diago,
623
00:30:31,462 --> 00:30:35,523
which of course in German
means a whale's vagina.
624
00:30:37,769 --> 00:30:40,670
N... no, there's
no way that's correct.
625
00:30:45,109 --> 00:30:47,942
I'm sorry.
I was trying to impress you.
626
00:30:47,979 --> 00:30:49,742
Oh.
627
00:30:49,781 --> 00:30:52,477
I don't know what it means.
628
00:30:52,517 --> 00:30:55,486
I'll be honest. I don't think anyone
knows what it means anymore.
629
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,886
Scholars maintain that
the translation was lost
630
00:30:57,922 --> 00:30:59,890
hundreds of years ago.
631
00:30:59,924 --> 00:31:02,324
Doesn't it mean
Saint Diego?
632
00:31:03,461 --> 00:31:06,225
No. No.
633
00:31:06,264 --> 00:31:08,789
No, that's...
that's what it means.
634
00:31:08,833 --> 00:31:10,164
Really.
635
00:31:10,201 --> 00:31:12,726
Well, agree to disagree.
636
00:31:17,108 --> 00:31:19,008
May I take your order?
637
00:31:19,043 --> 00:31:22,444
Yes, I am going to have
three fingers of Glenlivet
638
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,347
with a little bit of pepper,
and, uh, some cheese.
639
00:31:25,383 --> 00:31:27,283
Very good.
640
00:31:27,318 --> 00:31:29,183
A Manhattan,
and kick the vermouth
641
00:31:29,220 --> 00:31:31,347
in the side with a pair
of steel-toed boots.
642
00:31:31,389 --> 00:31:33,220
- Certainly.
- Thank you, Scott.
643
00:31:33,258 --> 00:31:35,249
Thank you.
644
00:31:35,293 --> 00:31:37,887
Wow.
Quite a drink order.
645
00:31:37,929 --> 00:31:41,126
Oh, well, when in Rome.
(chuckles)
646
00:31:41,165 --> 00:31:42,689
Yes?
647
00:31:42,734 --> 00:31:44,599
Please, go on.
648
00:31:44,636 --> 00:31:48,128
Uh, do as the Romans do?
649
00:31:48,172 --> 00:31:49,867
It's an old expression.
650
00:31:49,908 --> 00:31:52,138
Oh! I've never heard of it.
651
00:31:52,176 --> 00:31:53,905
- Oh.
- It's wonderful, though.
652
00:31:53,945 --> 00:31:56,209
(chuckling)
Mr. Burgundy.
653
00:31:56,247 --> 00:31:58,647
- Tino! How are you?
- So good to see you.
654
00:31:58,683 --> 00:32:00,310
You're looking fantastic.
655
00:32:00,351 --> 00:32:02,319
Tino, Veronica.
656
00:32:02,353 --> 00:32:04,947
Veronica.
What a pretty girlfriend.
657
00:32:04,989 --> 00:32:06,957
- Drinks are on Tino tonight.
- No, no, no.
658
00:32:06,991 --> 00:32:09,482
We're work associates.
I work at the station.
659
00:32:09,527 --> 00:32:12,621
- I'm a journalist.
- Oh, okay. This is a good guy.
660
00:32:12,664 --> 00:32:14,791
Tino's the finest
club owner in the city.
661
00:32:14,832 --> 00:32:16,390
- My best friend, right?
- Yes.
662
00:32:16,434 --> 00:32:19,562
Yes, we have a saying
in my country about people like him.
663
00:32:19,604 --> 00:32:22,129
"The coyote of the desert
664
00:32:22,173 --> 00:32:24,403
always likes to eat
the heart of the young,
665
00:32:24,442 --> 00:32:28,139
where the blood drips down to children
for breakfast, lunch and dinner,
666
00:32:28,179 --> 00:32:30,977
- only the ribs will be broken in two."
- Tino.
667
00:32:31,015 --> 00:32:33,779
Okay. Well, Mr. Burgundy,
we will be honored
668
00:32:33,818 --> 00:32:36,548
if you will play
"yazz" flute for us.
669
00:32:36,587 --> 00:32:38,418
- I can't.
- Please.
670
00:32:38,456 --> 00:32:40,686
- (sighs)
- You play jazz flute?
671
00:32:40,725 --> 00:32:42,852
- I dabble.
- Oh.
672
00:32:42,894 --> 00:32:45,988
Would everyone love to hear
Ron Burgundy play "yazz" flute?
673
00:32:46,030 --> 00:32:49,295
- Man :Get it goin', Ronnie!
- TRINO : Yes! Please.
674
00:32:49,334 --> 00:32:50,528
You, on stage now.
675
00:32:50,568 --> 00:32:53,332
Okay, I guess I can play
a little ditty.
676
00:32:53,371 --> 00:32:55,100
- Honestly, I'm...
- Come on.
677
00:32:55,139 --> 00:32:58,802
- Give him a hand.
- I'm not prepared. Not at all.
678
00:32:58,843 --> 00:33:01,676
- Yeah!
- This is a surprise, I'll tell you.
679
00:33:01,713 --> 00:33:03,078
(chuckles)
680
00:33:03,114 --> 00:33:05,742
Guys, "East Harlem
Shakedown," E flat?
681
00:33:05,783 --> 00:33:07,375
Keep the cymbals splashy,
682
00:33:07,418 --> 00:33:09,545
and, Jay, let's take
the bass line for a walk.
683
00:33:13,191 --> 00:33:15,182
(sputtering)
Hold on.
684
00:33:15,226 --> 00:33:18,093
I'm not hearing it right.
Hold on.
685
00:33:18,129 --> 00:33:21,530
(playing)
686
00:33:25,436 --> 00:33:27,495
We got it now.
It's all right.
687
00:33:27,538 --> 00:33:29,062
Woman:
Fire up, Ronnie!
688
00:33:31,275 --> 00:33:34,802
Little "Ham and Eggs" comin' at you.
Hope you got your griddles.
689
00:33:36,681 --> 00:33:38,546
(grunts)
690
00:33:38,583 --> 00:33:40,050
(grunts)
691
00:33:41,519 --> 00:33:43,919
That's baby-makin' music,
that's what that is.
692
00:33:49,961 --> 00:33:52,361
- Let's go!
- (microphone feedback)
693
00:34:28,566 --> 00:34:30,033
(gasps)
694
00:34:32,136 --> 00:34:34,263
(plays "Aqualung" riff)
695
00:34:34,305 --> 00:34:36,364
Hey, Aqualung!
696
00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:48,810
(cheering)
697
00:34:48,853 --> 00:34:50,013
Thank you.
698
00:34:50,054 --> 00:34:51,954
Thank you!
699
00:34:56,027 --> 00:34:58,518
(laughing)
700
00:34:58,563 --> 00:35:01,123
You were amazing.
701
00:35:01,165 --> 00:35:02,962
Mm. Thank you.
702
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,161
Where did you learn
to play like that?
703
00:35:05,203 --> 00:35:06,864
Well, jazz flute
704
00:35:06,904 --> 00:35:09,964
has always been a small
passion of mine.
705
00:35:10,007 --> 00:35:12,976
So what other passions
do you have, Mr. Burgundy?
706
00:35:13,010 --> 00:35:17,777
Well, I have one
great passion that...
707
00:35:17,815 --> 00:35:22,275
that lives deep
within my loins, like a...
708
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:26,347
like a flaming golden hawk:
709
00:35:26,390 --> 00:35:29,484
To one day
become a network anchor.
710
00:35:29,527 --> 00:35:32,621
Well, believe it or not,
711
00:35:32,663 --> 00:35:34,654
we share the same dream.
712
00:35:35,700 --> 00:35:37,691
I too want to be
an network anchor.
713
00:35:39,537 --> 00:35:41,664
God, you are so beautiful.
714
00:35:41,706 --> 00:35:45,005
- (upholstery squeaks)
- (Veronica pants)
715
00:35:46,310 --> 00:35:48,403
We really
should be going.
716
00:35:48,446 --> 00:35:51,506
I swore that I would never
get involved with a coworker.
717
00:35:53,217 --> 00:35:55,208
Wait.
718
00:35:57,321 --> 00:36:00,347
What if, just for tonight,
we weren't coworkers?
719
00:36:00,391 --> 00:36:03,121
We were co-people?
720
00:36:04,195 --> 00:36:06,220
- I don't...
- Shh.
721
00:36:07,532 --> 00:36:09,625
You be a woman.
722
00:36:09,667 --> 00:36:12,033
I'll be a man.
723
00:36:12,069 --> 00:36:13,559
That's all.
724
00:36:14,805 --> 00:36:16,329
Oh.
725
00:36:16,374 --> 00:36:19,537
You continue to surprise
me, Mr. Burgundy.
726
00:36:37,995 --> 00:36:40,054
(moaning)
727
00:36:40,097 --> 00:36:43,464
Oh, I'm storming your castle
on my steed, milady.
728
00:36:43,501 --> 00:36:46,026
(moaning)
729
00:36:46,070 --> 00:36:48,095
(both moaning)
730
00:36:48,139 --> 00:36:50,937
Oh, mi corazón
es en fuego!
731
00:36:50,975 --> 00:36:53,239
Julio, fuego,
fuego, fuego!
732
00:36:53,277 --> 00:36:55,609
Wait, stop.
Stop talking like that.
733
00:36:55,646 --> 00:36:58,114
- I can't understand you.
- Sorry.
734
00:36:58,149 --> 00:37:00,743
(barks)
735
00:37:02,587 --> 00:37:04,555
Take me to Pleasure Town!
736
00:37:04,589 --> 00:37:06,614
- Oh, we're going there!
- Oh!
737
00:37:10,494 --> 00:37:13,895
♪ Love is like candy
on a shelf ♪
738
00:37:15,366 --> 00:37:19,302
♪ You want to taste
and help yourself... ♪
739
00:37:19,337 --> 00:37:21,897
I friggin' love you!
740
00:37:21,939 --> 00:37:23,930
I friggin' love you back!
741
00:37:23,975 --> 00:37:26,443
♪ Help yourself,
take a few ♪
742
00:37:26,477 --> 00:37:29,344
♪ That's what
I want you to do... ♪
743
00:37:29,380 --> 00:37:32,349
Look! The most glorious
rainbow ever!
744
00:37:32,383 --> 00:37:34,146
Oh, do me on it!
745
00:37:34,185 --> 00:37:37,245
♪ Just say the word
and they are yours... ♪
746
00:37:37,288 --> 00:37:41,190
- (horses whinny)
- Whee!
747
00:37:41,225 --> 00:37:46,128
♪ In my heart your smile
has opened up the door ♪
748
00:37:46,163 --> 00:37:50,099
♪ The greatest wealth
that exists in the world. ♪
749
00:37:50,134 --> 00:37:52,193
Mmm.
750
00:37:52,236 --> 00:37:54,261
Well done, sir.
751
00:37:55,506 --> 00:37:58,771
(both sigh)
752
00:37:58,809 --> 00:38:01,539
Tip of the cap to you as well,
Miss Corningstone.
753
00:38:01,579 --> 00:38:03,740
(snickers)
754
00:38:04,782 --> 00:38:06,750
(growls)
755
00:38:08,185 --> 00:38:10,779
I'm having very strong feelings
for you, Mr. Burgundy.
756
00:38:10,821 --> 00:38:12,311
Mm.
757
00:38:12,356 --> 00:38:15,792
But it's very important to me
that I be viewed as a professional.
758
00:38:15,826 --> 00:38:17,794
- Right.
- Hmm.
759
00:38:17,828 --> 00:38:20,626
When in Rome.
760
00:38:20,665 --> 00:38:21,996
Yeah.
761
00:38:22,033 --> 00:38:23,933
That, uh, expression
762
00:38:23,968 --> 00:38:26,459
doesn't really apply
to what I'm talking about.
763
00:38:26,504 --> 00:38:28,529
- Oh, I'm...
- What I was saying.
764
00:38:28,572 --> 00:38:31,541
I still don't quite
understand what it means.
765
00:38:31,575 --> 00:38:33,805
Oh, no.
You'll find it.
766
00:38:33,844 --> 00:38:36,176
(both chuckle)
767
00:38:36,213 --> 00:38:38,204
No, I was saying that,
768
00:38:38,249 --> 00:38:40,308
if we continue
seeing each other,
769
00:38:40,351 --> 00:38:44,082
that we should keep it
relatively quiet around the station.
770
00:38:44,121 --> 00:38:45,850
Absolutely,
771
00:38:45,890 --> 00:38:48,586
my wild love tigress.
772
00:38:48,626 --> 00:38:51,823
(both growl)
773
00:38:51,862 --> 00:38:53,989
Tasteful discretion
is the name of the game.
774
00:38:54,031 --> 00:38:55,225
Mm-hmm.
775
00:38:58,469 --> 00:39:01,404
Veronica Corningstone
and I had sex,
776
00:39:01,439 --> 00:39:04,636
and now we are in love!
777
00:39:05,676 --> 00:39:07,871
Did I say that loud?
778
00:39:07,912 --> 00:39:10,176
Yeah, you pretty much
yelled it.
779
00:39:10,214 --> 00:39:12,273
Well, I can't help it.
780
00:39:12,316 --> 00:39:13,840
It's fantastic!
781
00:39:13,884 --> 00:39:17,012
- What's it like, Ron?
- The intimate times?
782
00:39:17,054 --> 00:39:19,522
Outta sight, my man!
783
00:39:20,958 --> 00:39:24,325
No. The other thing.
784
00:39:24,362 --> 00:39:25,886
Love.
785
00:39:25,930 --> 00:39:28,558
Yeah.
What is that?
786
00:39:28,599 --> 00:39:32,433
Well, it's tough to explain.
787
00:39:32,470 --> 00:39:36,338
- I think I was in love once.
- Really, what was her name?
788
00:39:36,374 --> 00:39:37,739
I don't remember.
789
00:39:37,775 --> 00:39:40,744
That's not a good start,
but keep going.
790
00:39:40,778 --> 00:39:42,803
She was Brazilian.
791
00:39:42,847 --> 00:39:45,315
Or Chinese,
or something weird.
792
00:39:45,349 --> 00:39:48,318
I met her in the bathroom
of a K-mart,
793
00:39:48,352 --> 00:39:50,513
and we made out for hours.
794
00:39:50,554 --> 00:39:53,921
Then we parted ways,
never to see each other again.
795
00:39:53,958 --> 00:39:56,449
I'm pretty sure
that's not love.
796
00:39:56,494 --> 00:39:57,825
Damn it!
797
00:39:57,862 --> 00:39:59,830
I love...
798
00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:02,927
carpet.
799
00:40:05,102 --> 00:40:07,832
I love desk.
800
00:40:07,872 --> 00:40:11,672
Are you just looking at things
in the office and saying you love them?
801
00:40:11,709 --> 00:40:13,506
I love lamp.
802
00:40:13,544 --> 00:40:17,310
Do you really love the lamp,
or are you saying it because you saw it?
803
00:40:17,348 --> 00:40:21,045
I love lamp!
I love lamp.
804
00:40:21,085 --> 00:40:23,280
You really want to know
what love is?
805
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:25,584
- Yeah.
- Yes, tell us.
806
00:40:25,623 --> 00:40:27,420
More than anything
in the world.
807
00:40:28,592 --> 00:40:31,527
Well, it's really
quite simple.
808
00:40:33,097 --> 00:40:35,156
It's kind of like...
809
00:40:36,734 --> 00:40:39,828
♪ Gonna find my baby,
gonna hold her tight ♪
810
00:40:39,870 --> 00:40:43,328
♪ Gonna grab
some afternoon delight ♪
811
00:40:43,374 --> 00:40:46,343
♪ My motto's always been
"When it's right, it's right" ♪
812
00:40:46,377 --> 00:40:49,938
♪ Why wait until the middle
of a cold, dark night ♪
813
00:40:49,980 --> 00:40:56,180
♪ When everything's a little
clearer in the light of day ♪
814
00:40:56,220 --> 00:40:58,552
♪ And we know the night ♪
815
00:40:58,589 --> 00:41:02,958
♪ Is always gonna
be there anyway? ♪
816
00:41:02,993 --> 00:41:05,860
♪ Thinkin' of you's
working up my appetite ♪
817
00:41:05,896 --> 00:41:08,660
♪ Lookin' forward
to a little afternoon delight ♪
818
00:41:08,699 --> 00:41:11,668
♪ Rubbin' sticks and stones together
make the sparks ignite ♪
819
00:41:11,702 --> 00:41:15,160
♪ And the thought of lovin' you
is getting so exciting ♪
820
00:41:15,206 --> 00:41:17,071
♪ Sky rockets in flight ♪
821
00:41:17,107 --> 00:41:20,042
- ♪ Boo! ♪
- ♪ Afternoon delight... ♪
822
00:41:20,077 --> 00:41:22,807
- Whoop!
- You guys have it, I think.
823
00:41:22,847 --> 00:41:26,044
♪ Afternoon delight. ♪
824
00:41:26,083 --> 00:41:29,985
I don't know, Ron.
That sounds kinda crazy.
825
00:41:30,020 --> 00:41:32,250
Sounds like you have
mental problems, man.
826
00:41:32,289 --> 00:41:34,985
- Yeah, you got mental problems, man.
- Yeah, he really does.
827
00:41:35,025 --> 00:41:36,219
Man.
828
00:41:36,260 --> 00:41:39,058
♪ Afternoon delight. ♪
829
00:41:39,096 --> 00:41:41,360
- Wanna make a phone call.
- Freshen this up.
830
00:41:49,740 --> 00:41:53,471
Oh, look out.
Next up, it's Whiskerus Maximus.
831
00:41:53,511 --> 00:41:55,536
He's ready to do battle
in the arena
832
00:41:55,579 --> 00:41:58,377
against the tiniest lion
you've ever imagined.
833
00:41:58,415 --> 00:42:00,246
(laughing)
834
00:42:00,284 --> 00:42:02,809
I'm getting some great stuff,
Miss Corningstone.
835
00:42:02,853 --> 00:42:05,048
Shut up.
836
00:42:05,089 --> 00:42:06,886
Oh, I hate cats.
837
00:42:06,924 --> 00:42:09,518
Let's just do my sign-off
and get outta here.
838
00:42:10,761 --> 00:42:13,389
It was quite a show
down here at the Pet Shack.
839
00:42:13,430 --> 00:42:17,594
Just for today, fashion curiosity
did not kill the cat.
840
00:42:17,635 --> 00:42:21,127
I'm Veronica Corningstone
for Channel 4 News.
841
00:42:21,171 --> 00:42:24,766
That was our newest reporter,
Veronica Corningstone.
842
00:42:24,808 --> 00:42:26,435
She's really great.
843
00:42:26,477 --> 00:42:29,674
I'd also like to share with you
that we are currently dating
844
00:42:29,713 --> 00:42:32,443
and that she is quite
a handful in the bedroom.
845
00:42:32,483 --> 00:42:34,246
- (theme music plays)
- Uh...
846
00:42:34,285 --> 00:42:36,947
That's gonna do it
for all of us here at 6:00.
847
00:42:36,987 --> 00:42:39,683
For the Channel 4 News Team,
I'm Ron Burgundy.
848
00:42:39,723 --> 00:42:41,691
You stay classy,
San Diego.
849
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:44,785
Man :All clear.
850
00:42:44,828 --> 00:42:46,853
Ron :Uh-oh.
851
00:42:46,897 --> 00:42:49,627
I might be in trouble
on that one.
852
00:42:49,667 --> 00:42:53,535
I can't believe that you said
that we were dating on the air.
853
00:42:53,571 --> 00:42:57,234
Mmm! Mmm.
That is good fondue.
854
00:42:57,274 --> 00:43:00,607
Don't you get it, Ron?
I wanna be an anchor.
855
00:43:00,644 --> 00:43:03,135
That is never gonna happen
if everyone in San Diego
856
00:43:03,180 --> 00:43:05,148
thinks that I'm
your bimbo gal pal.
857
00:43:05,182 --> 00:43:07,150
I don't know what to say.
858
00:43:07,184 --> 00:43:09,744
I just...
I got excited.
859
00:43:09,787 --> 00:43:13,985
I just wanted to shout it
from on top of a mountain.
860
00:43:14,024 --> 00:43:17,221
But I didn't have a mountain.
I had a newsroom and a camera.
861
00:43:17,261 --> 00:43:18,728
(sighs)
Look.
862
00:43:18,762 --> 00:43:20,730
I report the news.
That's what I do.
863
00:43:20,764 --> 00:43:25,167
And today's top story,
in Ron Burgundy's world,
864
00:43:25,202 --> 00:43:27,432
read something like this:
865
00:43:27,471 --> 00:43:29,905
I love Veronica Corningstone.
866
00:43:34,044 --> 00:43:35,978
Oh, Ron.
867
00:43:40,517 --> 00:43:42,485
Ron:
This is nice, gang, sittin' here.
868
00:43:42,519 --> 00:43:44,919
- Brian :Oh, yeah.
- Ron :Brown baggin' it.
869
00:43:44,955 --> 00:43:48,413
The team pancake breakfast is tomorrow
morning at 9:00 instead of 8:00.
870
00:43:48,459 --> 00:43:50,427
Oh! Almost forgot.
871
00:43:50,461 --> 00:43:52,793
I won't be able
to make it, fellas.
872
00:43:52,830 --> 00:43:55,196
Veronica and I are trying
this new fad called,
873
00:43:55,232 --> 00:43:57,097
uh, jogging.
874
00:43:57,134 --> 00:44:00,592
I believe it's jogging or yogging.
It might be a soft "J."
875
00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:03,334
I'm not sure,
but apparently you just run
876
00:44:03,374 --> 00:44:05,501
for an extended period
of time.
877
00:44:05,542 --> 00:44:08,067
- It's supposed to be wild.
- So Ron's not coming?
878
00:44:08,112 --> 00:44:09,704
No, Ron's coming.
879
00:44:09,747 --> 00:44:12,807
It's the pancake breakfast.
We do it every month.
880
00:44:12,850 --> 00:44:14,715
I realize that.
881
00:44:14,752 --> 00:44:18,415
Sometimes you gotta look yourself
in the mirror and say, "When in Rome."
882
00:44:18,455 --> 00:44:20,548
The bottom line is,
883
00:44:20,591 --> 00:44:23,617
you've been spending
a lot of time with this lady.
884
00:44:23,661 --> 00:44:27,563
You're a member of
the Channel 4 News Team.
885
00:44:27,598 --> 00:44:30,032
- That's a given.
- We need you.
886
00:44:31,502 --> 00:44:33,527
Hell, I need you.
887
00:44:34,838 --> 00:44:37,033
I'm a mess without ya.
888
00:44:37,074 --> 00:44:39,508
I miss you
so damn much.
889
00:44:39,543 --> 00:44:42,273
I miss being with you.
890
00:44:42,312 --> 00:44:45,941
I miss being near you.
I miss your laugh.
891
00:44:45,983 --> 00:44:47,974
(anguished laugh)
892
00:44:49,720 --> 00:44:51,415
(chuckles)
893
00:44:51,455 --> 00:44:53,616
I miss...
I miss your scent.
894
00:44:53,657 --> 00:44:56,285
(sniffing)
I miss your musk.
895
00:44:58,829 --> 00:45:01,354
- (clears throat)
- When this all gets sorted out,
896
00:45:01,398 --> 00:45:04,424
I think you and me should
get an apartment together.
897
00:45:06,437 --> 00:45:08,905
Just take it easy, Champ.
898
00:45:08,939 --> 00:45:11,407
Why don't you stop talking
for a while?
899
00:45:11,442 --> 00:45:13,637
Maybe sit the next
couple of plays out.
900
00:45:13,677 --> 00:45:15,201
You know what I mean?
901
00:45:15,245 --> 00:45:17,213
Yeah, I'm gonna quit
sayin' things
902
00:45:17,247 --> 00:45:19,613
when they crop up
in the ol' skull, huh?
903
00:45:19,650 --> 00:45:22,551
See what it's like
when you're not here?
904
00:45:22,586 --> 00:45:25,612
You're our leader.
Look what you're doing to the group.
905
00:45:25,656 --> 00:45:27,988
Champ's been a mess.
Brick can't sleep at night.
906
00:45:28,025 --> 00:45:30,186
- (chuckles)
- Here's the thing,
907
00:45:30,227 --> 00:45:32,024
I don't trust this chick.
908
00:45:32,062 --> 00:45:34,792
We need you around,
and she is just using you.
909
00:45:34,832 --> 00:45:36,993
Everyone, just relax.
All right?
910
00:45:37,034 --> 00:45:41,130
Believe me, if there's one thing
Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.
911
00:45:41,171 --> 00:45:44,265
Okay, and Veronica Corningstone,
she's just...
912
00:45:44,308 --> 00:45:46,105
she's just dying
to quit her job
913
00:45:46,143 --> 00:45:49,010
so that she can take care
of me and have babies.
914
00:45:50,547 --> 00:45:52,538
(door opening, closing)
915
00:45:55,185 --> 00:45:57,210
Hey, gang.
916
00:45:57,254 --> 00:45:59,779
Papa's home.
917
00:45:59,823 --> 00:46:02,155
Oh, honey.
918
00:46:02,192 --> 00:46:04,717
I am so glad you're home.
919
00:46:04,762 --> 00:46:08,198
My alabaster doll.
920
00:46:08,232 --> 00:46:09,859
Gentlemen.
921
00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:11,800
You look great.
922
00:46:11,835 --> 00:46:15,464
No eye contact!
923
00:46:15,506 --> 00:46:17,133
(laughs)
924
00:46:17,174 --> 00:46:19,369
Oh, darling.
925
00:46:19,409 --> 00:46:22,537
I've spent all day
cleaning your Emmys
926
00:46:22,579 --> 00:46:24,809
and preparing dinner
in the nude.
927
00:46:24,848 --> 00:46:26,611
Oh, let's make whoopie.
928
00:46:26,650 --> 00:46:30,108
And then I'm going to go drinking
with the news team for two days.
929
00:46:30,154 --> 00:46:32,748
Wonderful.
Wonderful!
930
00:46:32,790 --> 00:46:34,815
Ow!
931
00:46:34,858 --> 00:46:36,951
Bite it!
Bite it!
932
00:46:36,994 --> 00:46:40,088
- Oh, yes!
- Oh, yeah!
933
00:46:40,130 --> 00:46:42,496
You are a bad boy.
934
00:46:42,533 --> 00:46:44,967
I'm bad. I need to go
to the principal's office.
935
00:46:45,002 --> 00:46:46,799
I love my life.
936
00:46:48,806 --> 00:46:51,070
I don't know, Ron.
937
00:46:51,108 --> 00:46:53,338
Guess what.
I do.
938
00:46:53,377 --> 00:46:56,744
I know that one day, Veronica
and I are gonna get married
939
00:46:56,780 --> 00:46:59,146
on top of a mountain.
940
00:46:59,183 --> 00:47:01,276
And there's going
to be flutes playing
941
00:47:01,318 --> 00:47:04,185
and trombones and flowers
942
00:47:04,221 --> 00:47:06,781
and garlands of fresh herbs.
943
00:47:08,125 --> 00:47:11,390
And we will dance
till the sun rises.
944
00:47:11,428 --> 00:47:14,226
And then our children
will form a family band.
945
00:47:14,264 --> 00:47:16,232
And we will tour
the countryside,
946
00:47:16,266 --> 00:47:17,927
and you won't be invited!
947
00:47:21,271 --> 00:47:24,968
I'm telling you, this lady has really
crawled into Ron's head.
948
00:47:25,008 --> 00:47:28,409
(wheezing laugh)
949
00:47:28,445 --> 00:47:31,642
Good.
Good one!
950
00:47:31,682 --> 00:47:33,547
Oh, okay.
I understand.
951
00:47:33,584 --> 00:47:36,519
You have a nice day,
sir. Bye.
952
00:47:36,553 --> 00:47:39,317
Um, I could come back
later, Mr. Harken.
953
00:47:39,356 --> 00:47:40,755
No, no, no.
954
00:47:40,791 --> 00:47:42,486
It's just parent stuff.
955
00:47:42,526 --> 00:47:45,154
It seems that our youngest,
Chris, was
956
00:47:45,195 --> 00:47:46,992
on something called acid
957
00:47:47,030 --> 00:47:49,624
and was firing
a bow and arrow into a crowd.
958
00:47:49,666 --> 00:47:51,759
- Mm.
- You know how kids are.
959
00:47:51,802 --> 00:47:53,633
Oh. Right.
960
00:47:53,670 --> 00:47:56,332
Anyhoo, what can
I do you for?
961
00:47:56,373 --> 00:47:57,670
Well, Mr. Harken,
962
00:47:57,708 --> 00:48:00,734
I feel like I have proven
myself as a journalist
963
00:48:00,777 --> 00:48:02,745
and that I deserve
the opportunity
964
00:48:02,779 --> 00:48:04,940
to take on more
challenging stories.
965
00:48:04,982 --> 00:48:07,109
Well, ask
and you shall receive.
966
00:48:07,150 --> 00:48:10,415
Ah, yes, this just
came across my desk.
967
00:48:10,454 --> 00:48:12,888
Here is a story
of a 103-year-old woman
968
00:48:12,923 --> 00:48:16,723
who claims to have a recipe
for the world's greatest meat loaf.
969
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:18,887
Ooh, now that's
a hot lead.
970
00:48:18,929 --> 00:48:22,228
Narrator :
It was very hard for Veronica.
971
00:48:22,266 --> 00:48:24,928
But she was a pro
and hung tough.
972
00:48:24,968 --> 00:48:28,335
But soon, with a simple act
of littering,
973
00:48:28,372 --> 00:48:30,863
everyone's life
would change forever.
974
00:48:30,908 --> 00:48:32,637
Ron:
♪ La la la la la. ♪
975
00:48:32,676 --> 00:48:32,743
(humming)
976
00:48:32,743 --> 00:48:34,870
(humming)
977
00:48:36,146 --> 00:48:39,582
♪ Oh, Baxter, you are
my little gentleman ♪
978
00:48:39,616 --> 00:48:41,607
♪ I'll take you
to foggy London Town ♪
979
00:48:41,652 --> 00:48:43,085
♪ Because you are what? ♪
980
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:45,918
♪ My little gentleman. ♪
981
00:48:45,956 --> 00:48:48,891
This burrito is delicious,
but it is filling.
982
00:48:48,926 --> 00:48:51,224
- (tires screeching)
- Ron :Whoa!
983
00:48:52,629 --> 00:48:54,062
Antony and Cleopatra!
984
00:48:56,366 --> 00:48:58,994
(groaning)
985
00:48:59,036 --> 00:49:01,334
(groaning continues)
986
00:49:01,371 --> 00:49:03,635
Goddamn son of...
987
00:49:05,042 --> 00:49:06,566
What the hell, bro'?
988
00:49:06,610 --> 00:49:08,874
Hello, neighbor.
989
00:49:08,912 --> 00:49:11,107
Did you just throw a burrito
out your window?
990
00:49:11,148 --> 00:49:12,308
I believe I did.
991
00:49:12,349 --> 00:49:15,318
Are you high or something?
Did you see what happened?
992
00:49:15,352 --> 00:49:18,185
I did. That was a terrific spill.
That's quite a raspberry.
993
00:49:18,221 --> 00:49:20,917
That's my chopper
you just thrashed, Broseph.
994
00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:24,519
Easy, compadre. I'm your
friend out here, all right?
995
00:49:24,561 --> 00:49:27,962
I want you to fix my chopper
before I stomp your goofy ass!
996
00:49:27,998 --> 00:49:29,989
If you want
to throw down, fine.
997
00:49:30,033 --> 00:49:33,469
I've got Jack Johnson
and Tom O'Leary waiting for you.
998
00:49:33,503 --> 00:49:35,801
You destroyed
the only thing I love.
999
00:49:35,839 --> 00:49:38,967
All right? There it is.
What do you love?
1000
00:49:39,009 --> 00:49:41,068
I love poetry.
1001
00:49:41,111 --> 00:49:43,409
And a glass of Scotch.
1002
00:49:43,447 --> 00:49:46,211
And, of course,
my friend Baxter here.
1003
00:49:46,249 --> 00:49:48,945
Well, guess what.
Now this is happenin'.
1004
00:49:48,986 --> 00:49:52,012
Excuse me. Excuse me.
What are you doing?
1005
00:49:54,691 --> 00:49:57,182
- (splashes)
- That's how I roll.
1006
00:49:58,295 --> 00:50:01,196
Baxter!
(gasps)
1007
00:50:01,231 --> 00:50:05,065
No!
1008
00:50:06,837 --> 00:50:09,101
- Where the hell is he?
- He'll be here.
1009
00:50:10,807 --> 00:50:13,640
- I thought he was Mr. Dependable.
- It's not like Ron.
1010
00:50:13,677 --> 00:50:17,306
I'd put Brick on, but unless he's
tracking a storm front, he's useless.
1011
00:50:17,347 --> 00:50:19,144
- Excuse me, gentlemen.
- Oh. Hello.
1012
00:50:19,182 --> 00:50:22,549
Just want you to know if Ron does not
show up, I am ready to go on.
1013
00:50:22,586 --> 00:50:24,952
You and I have had this discussion
a million times.
1014
00:50:24,988 --> 00:50:26,717
There's never been
a woman anchor.
1015
00:50:26,757 --> 00:50:28,224
Mr. Harken,
1016
00:50:28,258 --> 00:50:31,227
- this city needs its news.
- Oh.
1017
00:50:31,261 --> 00:50:34,389
You're gonna deprive them
of that because I have breasts?
1018
00:50:34,431 --> 00:50:35,898
Exquisite breasts?
1019
00:50:35,932 --> 00:50:40,335
I am gonna go on,
and if you want to stop me, bring it on.
1020
00:50:40,370 --> 00:50:42,463
Because I am good
at three things:
1021
00:50:42,506 --> 00:50:44,804
Fighting, screwing
and reading the news.
1022
00:50:44,841 --> 00:50:48,572
I've already done one of those today,
so what's the other one gonna be?
1023
00:50:50,814 --> 00:50:52,111
Uh...
1024
00:50:52,149 --> 00:50:53,411
Screwing?
1025
00:50:55,452 --> 00:50:57,249
(grunts)
1026
00:50:57,287 --> 00:51:00,222
I will be in makeup.
1027
00:51:01,625 --> 00:51:03,786
Jesus, she's terrifying!
1028
00:51:03,827 --> 00:51:07,285
- Fantana.
- (wailing)
1029
00:51:08,398 --> 00:51:09,695
Ron, are you okay?
1030
00:51:09,733 --> 00:51:11,792
The man punted Baxter!
1031
00:51:11,835 --> 00:51:13,894
- (wailing)
- Calm down.
1032
00:51:13,937 --> 00:51:15,632
Breathe, Ron,
breathe.
1033
00:51:15,672 --> 00:51:18,163
The man that loved
the motorcycle!
1034
00:51:18,208 --> 00:51:20,005
What did the bad man do?
1035
00:51:20,043 --> 00:51:24,207
The motorcycle on the bridge!
I hit him with a burrito!
1036
00:51:24,247 --> 00:51:25,509
- Ron!
- He took him!
1037
00:51:25,549 --> 00:51:28,882
He took him with his foot
and he kicked him!
1038
00:51:28,919 --> 00:51:30,352
That's what he did!
1039
00:51:30,387 --> 00:51:31,684
Someone punted him?
1040
00:51:31,721 --> 00:51:34,451
No, wait. Wait.
Let me say something.
1041
00:51:34,491 --> 00:51:39,861
Let me say something.
(wailing)
1042
00:51:39,896 --> 00:51:42,888
- What?
- (wailing)
1043
00:51:45,702 --> 00:51:48,830
L... I don't... I didn't
understand one word you said.
1044
00:51:48,872 --> 00:51:51,238
Ron, are you okay?
Ron?
1045
00:51:51,274 --> 00:51:53,265
(wailing)
1046
00:51:57,614 --> 00:51:59,878
Ron.
Where are you?
1047
00:51:59,916 --> 00:52:03,545
I'm in a glass case
of emotion!
1048
00:52:03,587 --> 00:52:05,612
He's gonna put
Corningstone on.
1049
00:52:05,655 --> 00:52:08,180
He's gonna
put Corningstone on!
1050
00:52:10,227 --> 00:52:12,286
I've got to do the news!
1051
00:52:20,237 --> 00:52:22,068
(Ed snickers)
1052
00:52:22,105 --> 00:52:23,197
(clears throat)
1053
00:52:26,009 --> 00:52:27,840
You're not Ron.
1054
00:52:29,713 --> 00:52:32,409
We're on in 10.
Good luck, lady.
1055
00:52:32,449 --> 00:52:34,178
Ready the announce.
1056
00:52:34,217 --> 00:52:36,276
(clears throat)
1057
00:52:38,355 --> 00:52:40,585
- Power.
- Roll in.
1058
00:52:40,624 --> 00:52:42,615
Power.
Power.
1059
00:52:46,863 --> 00:52:49,127
One slip,
1060
00:52:49,166 --> 00:52:51,634
and you're gone.
Whammy.
1061
00:52:51,668 --> 00:52:54,034
Announcer:
And your reporter in the field,
1062
00:52:54,070 --> 00:52:55,401
Brian Fantana.
1063
00:52:55,438 --> 00:52:58,305
It's Channel 4 News
at 6:00.
1064
00:52:58,341 --> 00:53:00,104
(clears throat)
1065
00:53:00,143 --> 00:53:02,703
Good evening.
Ron Burgundy is off tonight.
1066
00:53:04,114 --> 00:53:06,582
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
1067
00:53:06,616 --> 00:53:08,106
Tonight's top story:
1068
00:53:08,151 --> 00:53:10,619
- Okay, we're off and running.
- Three armed men
1069
00:53:10,654 --> 00:53:14,351
wearing ski masks made off with over
$20,000 from an area bank
1070
00:53:14,391 --> 00:53:16,382
in a daring
early morning robbery.
1071
00:53:21,498 --> 00:53:22,863
Hey!
1072
00:53:22,899 --> 00:53:26,062
And the winner of the frog-leaping
contest was Hoppy,
1073
00:53:26,102 --> 00:53:29,037
with a jump
of seven feet, 10 inches.
1074
00:53:29,072 --> 00:53:30,903
Hmm.
1075
00:53:30,941 --> 00:53:35,105
I used to date a guy named Hoppy down
in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too.
1076
00:53:35,145 --> 00:53:37,079
(laughing)
1077
00:53:37,113 --> 00:53:39,343
That will do it
for us at 6:00.
1078
00:53:39,382 --> 00:53:41,942
From all of us here
at Channel 4 News,
1079
00:53:41,985 --> 00:53:44,180
I'm Veronica Corningstone,
1080
00:53:44,221 --> 00:53:47,349
and thanks
for stopping by, San Diego.
1081
00:53:47,390 --> 00:53:48,687
- (applause)
- All clear!
1082
00:53:48,725 --> 00:53:51,523
Yes! Yes!
1083
00:53:52,629 --> 00:53:54,824
Lady! Lady!
1084
00:53:54,864 --> 00:53:57,731
Not bad, Miss Corningstone.
Not bad at all.
1085
00:53:57,767 --> 00:53:59,894
Thank you, Mr. Harken.
That felt good.
1086
00:53:59,936 --> 00:54:02,871
- That felt really good.
- I liked your sign-off line, too.
1087
00:54:02,906 --> 00:54:05,875
You did? It just came through me.
It was so organic.
1088
00:54:05,909 --> 00:54:07,706
Veronica:
Thank you.
1089
00:54:07,744 --> 00:54:09,473
(grunting)
1090
00:54:09,512 --> 00:54:11,480
Oh, Ron! Ron!
Ron, darling!
1091
00:54:11,514 --> 00:54:14,176
I'm so glad you're
all right. Oh, God.
1092
00:54:14,217 --> 00:54:16,082
I have something
magnificent to tell you.
1093
00:54:16,119 --> 00:54:18,587
I'm here.
We can do the news now.
1094
00:54:18,622 --> 00:54:21,489
It's all right, everyone!
We can do the news.
1095
00:54:21,524 --> 00:54:24,322
Hold on. Why are we all standing around?
Let's go!
1096
00:54:24,361 --> 00:54:27,421
Ron, we did it.
Veronica filled in for you.
1097
00:54:27,464 --> 00:54:28,829
What?
1098
00:54:28,865 --> 00:54:30,924
Sweetheart, we were
so worried about you,
1099
00:54:30,967 --> 00:54:33,800
and we waited as long
as we could, but...
1100
00:54:33,837 --> 00:54:37,830
Darling, I did the news,
and I nailed it. I nailed it.
1101
00:54:37,874 --> 00:54:42,436
Wait, wait! Veronica, please,
tell me this is some kind
1102
00:54:42,479 --> 00:54:45,004
of sick, tasteless joke.
1103
00:54:45,048 --> 00:54:47,346
You weren't here.
Why are you being this way?
1104
00:54:47,384 --> 00:54:49,352
Why can't you
be proud of me
1105
00:54:49,386 --> 00:54:52,150
as a peer and as
my gentleman lover?
1106
00:54:52,188 --> 00:54:53,678
Oh, Jeez.
1107
00:54:53,723 --> 00:54:56,556
I can't believe
you did this to me!
1108
00:54:56,593 --> 00:54:58,561
You read my news!
1109
00:54:58,595 --> 00:55:01,621
I told you that I wanted
to be an anchor.
1110
00:55:01,665 --> 00:55:03,223
I told you that.
1111
00:55:03,266 --> 00:55:05,666
I thought you were kidding!
1112
00:55:05,702 --> 00:55:07,670
I thought it was a joke!
1113
00:55:07,704 --> 00:55:10,002
I even wrote it down
in my diary!
1114
00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:13,305
"Veronica had
a very funny joke today."
1115
00:55:13,343 --> 00:55:15,334
I laughed at it
later that night!
1116
00:55:15,378 --> 00:55:17,710
I can't believe
that I cared for you.
1117
00:55:17,747 --> 00:55:19,715
Get out! Just go!
1118
00:55:19,749 --> 00:55:22,547
We are through!
Through!
1119
00:55:22,585 --> 00:55:25,554
Because of your actions,
you scorpion woman!
1120
00:55:25,588 --> 00:55:28,455
You have broken my heart,
Mr. Burgundy.
1121
00:55:28,491 --> 00:55:30,618
You have broken my heart.
1122
00:55:34,931 --> 00:55:36,626
Narrator :
From there on out,
1123
00:55:36,666 --> 00:55:39,226
things just got worse
for Ron Burgundy.
1124
00:55:39,269 --> 00:55:41,294
Corningstone was a star,
1125
00:55:41,338 --> 00:55:44,239
and everything started
to move awfully fast
1126
00:55:44,274 --> 00:55:46,902
- after her big break.
- Where's Ian? Ian!
1127
00:55:46,943 --> 00:55:49,411
Ed:
All right, I got a call from network.
1128
00:55:49,446 --> 00:55:51,812
It looks like
our broadcast last night
1129
00:55:51,848 --> 00:55:54,874
received a two-point
ratings boost,
1130
00:55:54,918 --> 00:55:57,352
and the decision
has been passed down
1131
00:55:57,387 --> 00:56:00,185
to make Veronica
our co-anchor.
1132
00:56:00,223 --> 00:56:02,248
- What?
- No. No!
1133
00:56:02,292 --> 00:56:04,351
No!
1134
00:56:04,394 --> 00:56:06,055
- No!
- No!
1135
00:56:06,096 --> 00:56:07,529
- No!
- This is wonderful.
1136
00:56:07,564 --> 00:56:11,056
Ed, come here,
you big silly man. You big silly man.
1137
00:56:11,101 --> 00:56:14,036
- We did it.
- What is this, amateur hour?
1138
00:56:17,407 --> 00:56:20,069
- That's great.
- Thank you.
1139
00:56:20,110 --> 00:56:22,044
- ♪ Sunshine, go away today... ♪
- Damn it!
1140
00:56:22,078 --> 00:56:26,447
♪ I don't feel much like dancing ♪
1141
00:56:26,483 --> 00:56:29,646
♪ Some man's gone,
he's trying to run my life ♪
1142
00:56:29,686 --> 00:56:33,850
♪ Don't know what he's asking ♪
1143
00:56:35,658 --> 00:56:39,424
♪ When he tells me
I better get in line ♪
1144
00:56:39,462 --> 00:56:43,125
♪ I can't hear
what he's sayin' ♪
1145
00:56:43,166 --> 00:56:47,068
♪ When I grow up
I'm gonna make it mine ♪
1146
00:56:47,103 --> 00:56:48,229
♪ These ain't dues... ♪
1147
00:56:48,271 --> 00:56:50,068
What Brian didn't tell you
1148
00:56:50,106 --> 00:56:53,098
was that those
were not real pirates.
1149
00:56:53,143 --> 00:56:55,611
- They looked convincing, though.
- Oh, yes.
1150
00:56:55,645 --> 00:56:58,239
Well, for all of us here
at Channel 4 News,
1151
00:56:58,281 --> 00:56:59,612
I'm Ron Burgundy.
1152
00:56:59,649 --> 00:57:01,617
You stay classy,
San Diego.
1153
00:57:01,651 --> 00:57:03,676
And thanks
for stopping by.
1154
00:57:03,720 --> 00:57:05,711
But mainly stay classy.
1155
00:57:05,755 --> 00:57:08,519
- Thanks for stopping by.
- Stay classy, I'm Ron Burgundy.
1156
00:57:08,558 --> 00:57:10,355
- Thanks for stopping by.
- Stay classy.
1157
00:57:10,393 --> 00:57:12,987
- Ron Burgundy.
- (clears throat)
1158
00:57:15,331 --> 00:57:18,391
You are a real hooker,
and I'm gonna slap you in public.
1159
00:57:18,435 --> 00:57:20,062
(chuckles)
1160
00:57:20,103 --> 00:57:22,367
You have way
too much pubic hair.
1161
00:57:22,405 --> 00:57:24,305
Actually, that's a point of pride.
1162
00:57:24,340 --> 00:57:27,173
I'm very proud of my mane
of pubic hair, so thank you.
1163
00:57:30,647 --> 00:57:33,878
You have man boobs.
(chuckling)
1164
00:57:33,917 --> 00:57:36,283
You've got a dirty,
whorish mouth.
1165
00:57:40,623 --> 00:57:42,989
I'm gonna punch you
in the ovary.
1166
00:57:43,026 --> 00:57:45,221
- A straight shot.
- Ooh, ow.
1167
00:57:45,261 --> 00:57:47,252
Right to the baby-maker.
1168
00:57:47,297 --> 00:57:50,391
Ah, jazz flute
is for little fairy boys.
1169
00:57:50,433 --> 00:57:52,526
Okay, you know what?
That's uncalled for.
1170
00:57:52,569 --> 00:57:54,764
I can't work with this woman.
It's terrible.
1171
00:57:56,439 --> 00:57:59,374
- (phone ringing)
- It's ringing.
1172
00:58:00,710 --> 00:58:02,541
Veronica Corningstone.
1173
00:58:02,579 --> 00:58:05,605
Hello, Veronica,
this is Mike Rithjin
1174
00:58:05,648 --> 00:58:07,946
from the network.
You've just been promoted.
1175
00:58:07,984 --> 00:58:10,111
You're gonna need to move
to Moscow.
1176
00:58:10,153 --> 00:58:11,916
Start cleaning up your desk.
1177
00:58:11,955 --> 00:58:14,287
See you in the morning.
We'll pick you up in a van.
1178
00:58:14,324 --> 00:58:15,916
What did you say
your name was?
1179
00:58:15,959 --> 00:58:18,154
Mike Ritnitjun.
It's not important.
1180
00:58:18,194 --> 00:58:19,684
Start cleaning your desk,
1181
00:58:19,729 --> 00:58:22,197
and we'll pick you up
in the morning.
1182
00:58:22,232 --> 00:58:24,530
Tell her she might
want to get a coat.
1183
00:58:24,567 --> 00:58:27,195
Hold on. Veronica?
What was it?
1184
00:58:27,237 --> 00:58:28,727
Champ :
Tell her to get a coat.
1185
00:58:28,771 --> 00:58:31,934
Also, I don't know if you know Moscow.
It's pretty cold.
1186
00:58:31,975 --> 00:58:33,465
You might want
to buy a coat.
1187
00:58:33,510 --> 00:58:35,808
Are you and Champ
having a good time, Ron?
1188
00:58:35,845 --> 00:58:36,937
Are we what?
1189
00:58:36,980 --> 00:58:39,141
I can see you, Ron.
1190
00:58:39,182 --> 00:58:40,547
What?
1191
00:58:40,583 --> 00:58:43,575
I can see you.
1192
00:58:43,620 --> 00:58:45,986
Okay. Bye-bye.
1193
00:58:46,022 --> 00:58:47,956
- What happened?
- She knew it was me.
1194
00:58:51,961 --> 00:58:54,361
Announcer:
You're watching Channel 4 News
1195
00:58:54,397 --> 00:58:56,729
with five-time
Emmy award-winning anchor
1196
00:58:56,766 --> 00:58:58,791
Ron Burgundy
and Tits McGee.
1197
00:59:00,270 --> 00:59:03,171
Good evening, San Diego.
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
1198
00:59:03,206 --> 00:59:05,197
Tits McGee is on vacation.
1199
00:59:08,611 --> 00:59:10,602
And I'm Tits...
I'm Ron Burgundy.
1200
00:59:10,647 --> 00:59:12,046
(clears throat)
1201
00:59:12,081 --> 00:59:14,208
(phone rings)
1202
00:59:14,250 --> 00:59:16,775
- Veronica Corningstone.
- This is your doctor.
1203
00:59:16,819 --> 00:59:19,982
I have your pregnancy
report here, and guess what.
1204
00:59:20,023 --> 00:59:23,254
You got knocked up.
You should probably get out of news.
1205
00:59:23,293 --> 00:59:25,784
- Who is this?
- This is Dr. Chim.
1206
00:59:25,828 --> 00:59:29,286
- Dr. Chim Richalds.
- Ron, is this you?
1207
00:59:29,332 --> 00:59:31,562
- (laughing)
- I'm a professional doctor.
1208
00:59:31,601 --> 00:59:34,161
You saw me.
You don't remember.
1209
00:59:34,203 --> 00:59:37,195
- We... you should move.
- (Champ laughing)
1210
00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:39,435
- Get out of the business.
- This is pathetic.
1211
00:59:39,475 --> 00:59:41,568
You're pathetic.
1212
00:59:41,611 --> 00:59:43,238
What'd she say?
1213
00:59:43,279 --> 00:59:45,713
She... I don't...
I think she bought it.
1214
00:59:45,748 --> 00:59:48,182
Champ :
She's looking this way.
1215
00:59:48,217 --> 00:59:51,345
- Oh, uh-oh. Whoa!
- Here she comes.
1216
00:59:55,558 --> 00:59:58,026
Ron :I'll tell you what,
it's just not working.
1217
00:59:58,061 --> 01:00:00,427
She's making us look like
a bunch of fools.
1218
01:00:00,463 --> 01:00:03,523
- Ellen, where's the party?
- (sighs)
1219
01:00:04,667 --> 01:00:07,329
Children, grow up.
1220
01:00:08,404 --> 01:00:10,372
Son of a bee sting.
1221
01:00:10,406 --> 01:00:12,533
She's turning
the entire office against us.
1222
01:00:12,575 --> 01:00:15,203
- This is grim. Real grim.
- What are we gonna do?
1223
01:00:15,244 --> 01:00:17,474
There's only one thing
a man can do
1224
01:00:17,513 --> 01:00:21,472
when he's suffering from a spiritual
and existential funk.
1225
01:00:21,517 --> 01:00:23,712
Go to the zoo,
flip off the monkeys?
1226
01:00:23,753 --> 01:00:26,381
No. Buy new suits.
1227
01:00:26,422 --> 01:00:28,151
ALL : Yea!
1228
01:00:28,191 --> 01:00:30,352
♪ That girl ♪
1229
01:00:32,595 --> 01:00:35,063
♪ I'm gonna make her mine
if it takes all night ♪
1230
01:00:35,098 --> 01:00:36,622
♪ Can you dig it?
Can you dig it? ♪
1231
01:00:36,666 --> 01:00:38,361
♪ Can you dig it? Can you dig it? ♪
1232
01:00:38,401 --> 01:00:38,468
Where's the suit store?
We've been walking for 45 minutes.
1233
01:00:38,468 --> 01:00:41,528
Where's the suit store?
We've been walking for 45 minutes.
1234
01:00:41,571 --> 01:00:43,971
Brick, I thought you said
this was a shortcut.
1235
01:00:44,007 --> 01:00:45,269
Fantastic.
1236
01:00:45,308 --> 01:00:47,833
- Is it a shortcut or not?
- Okay.
1237
01:00:48,945 --> 01:00:50,913
Jeez.
1238
01:00:50,947 --> 01:00:53,643
(bell jingles)
1239
01:00:53,683 --> 01:00:55,514
Hey.
1240
01:00:55,551 --> 01:00:59,180
Uh-oh.
Here comes trouble.
1241
01:00:59,222 --> 01:01:01,554
(hooting, laughing)
1242
01:01:01,591 --> 01:01:04,287
Burgundy and the ladies
went out for a stroll, huh?
1243
01:01:04,327 --> 01:01:05,760
(wolf whistle, catcalls)
1244
01:01:05,795 --> 01:01:08,764
You boys walkin' around
and talkin' things through?
1245
01:01:08,798 --> 01:01:10,459
Keep a tight perimeter.
1246
01:01:12,635 --> 01:01:14,535
Yes, sirree.
1247
01:01:15,571 --> 01:01:16,902
Well, well, well.
1248
01:01:18,608 --> 01:01:20,542
Ron Burgundy
1249
01:01:20,576 --> 01:01:22,510
and the Channel 4
News Team.
1250
01:01:22,545 --> 01:01:24,513
Where's your mommy?
1251
01:01:24,547 --> 01:01:27,015
You back off,
Evening News Team.
1252
01:01:31,821 --> 01:01:34,016
You know,
I understand that, uh,
1253
01:01:34,057 --> 01:01:36,582
they had to bring
a female in.
1254
01:01:37,627 --> 01:01:39,254
Change your diapers.
1255
01:01:39,295 --> 01:01:41,820
Wipe the dribble away
from your bubblin' lips.
1256
01:01:43,533 --> 01:01:45,398
Rub Vaseline
all over your heinie
1257
01:01:45,435 --> 01:01:48,734
and tell you that it's special
and different from everyone else's.
1258
01:01:48,771 --> 01:01:50,636
(laughing)
1259
01:01:50,673 --> 01:01:52,868
He said "heinie"!
1260
01:01:52,909 --> 01:01:54,604
Brick, get back over here!
1261
01:01:54,644 --> 01:01:56,043
Heinie!
1262
01:01:56,079 --> 01:01:58,070
Does she tuck you in, Ronnie?
1263
01:01:59,215 --> 01:02:01,581
Give you a little kiss
on your forehead?
1264
01:02:01,617 --> 01:02:03,482
Tell you everything's
gonna be okay?
1265
01:02:03,519 --> 01:02:05,783
I've had enough
of you, Mantooth.
1266
01:02:05,822 --> 01:02:08,814
This is gonna end
right here, right now.
1267
01:02:08,858 --> 01:02:10,655
Let's dance, dickweed.
1268
01:02:10,693 --> 01:02:12,786
You wanna dance, Ronnie?
1269
01:02:16,132 --> 01:02:17,827
I wanna polka.
1270
01:02:26,476 --> 01:02:28,967
Come get a taste.
1271
01:02:32,715 --> 01:02:34,706
Brick, where'd you get
a hand grenade?
1272
01:02:34,751 --> 01:02:36,616
I don't know.
1273
01:02:37,754 --> 01:02:40,814
All right.
Let's do this!
1274
01:02:42,024 --> 01:02:43,821
Hey!
1275
01:02:46,796 --> 01:02:48,764
If you're gonna have a fight,
1276
01:02:48,798 --> 01:02:51,198
then don't forget
Channel 2 News with me,
1277
01:02:51,234 --> 01:02:53,464
lead anchor Frank Vitchard.
1278
01:02:53,503 --> 01:02:56,802
You dirtbags have been
in third place for five years.
1279
01:02:56,839 --> 01:03:00,673
Yeah? Well, you're about
to be in dead place.
1280
01:03:06,382 --> 01:03:10,409
Not so fast, you ingrates!
1281
01:03:10,453 --> 01:03:13,547
Public News Team is taking
a break from its pledge drive
1282
01:03:13,589 --> 01:03:15,216
to kick some ass.
1283
01:03:15,258 --> 01:03:17,453
No commercials!
No mercy!
1284
01:03:17,493 --> 01:03:19,290
(yelling)
1285
01:03:24,066 --> 01:03:25,897
(rattling)
1286
01:03:30,706 --> 01:03:32,697
Cómo están, pinches!
1287
01:03:32,742 --> 01:03:34,801
Spanish Language News is here.
1288
01:03:34,844 --> 01:03:36,209
Tonight's top story:
1289
01:03:36,245 --> 01:03:39,681
The sewers run red
with Burgundy's blood.
1290
01:03:39,715 --> 01:03:41,512
Hyah! Hyah!
1291
01:03:41,551 --> 01:03:44,145
(whooping)
1292
01:03:48,124 --> 01:03:51,457
Well looks like we got
ourselves a bilingual bloodfest.
1293
01:03:58,301 --> 01:04:02,067
Now, before we do this,
let's go over the ground rules.
1294
01:04:02,104 --> 01:04:04,299
(snarling)
1295
01:04:04,340 --> 01:04:06,570
Rule number one:
1296
01:04:06,609 --> 01:04:09,305
No touching
of the hair or face.
1297
01:04:10,346 --> 01:04:11,506
Of course.
1298
01:04:11,547 --> 01:04:13,742
And that's it!
1299
01:04:13,783 --> 01:04:16,013
Now let's do this!
1300
01:04:24,160 --> 01:04:26,720
- Begin!
- (shouting)
1301
01:04:32,768 --> 01:04:34,759
(screaming)
1302
01:05:00,296 --> 01:05:02,924
- (screams)
- (chuckles)
1303
01:05:04,433 --> 01:05:06,833
I'm gonna straight-up
murder your ass!
1304
01:05:06,869 --> 01:05:08,928
- Blade!
- Here you go, mate!
1305
01:05:08,971 --> 01:05:11,030
Ahh! God!
1306
01:05:11,073 --> 01:05:13,667
Oh! I did not
see that coming!
1307
01:05:17,380 --> 01:05:19,405
Oh! Aaah!
1308
01:05:19,448 --> 01:05:22,679
- Now I'll be number one.
- No, you won't!
1309
01:05:24,820 --> 01:05:27,687
- (sirens wailing)
- Policía!
1310
01:05:41,070 --> 01:05:44,062
Boy, that escalated quickly.
1311
01:05:44,106 --> 01:05:47,075
I mean, that really
got out of hand fast.
1312
01:05:47,109 --> 01:05:49,703
- It jumped up a notch.
- It did, didn't it?
1313
01:05:49,745 --> 01:05:52,179
Yeah, I stabbed
a man in the heart.
1314
01:05:52,214 --> 01:05:55,741
I saw that.
Brick killed a guy.
1315
01:05:55,785 --> 01:05:57,980
- Did you throw a trident?
- Yeah.
1316
01:05:58,020 --> 01:06:01,387
There were horses and a man on fire
and I killed a guy with a trident.
1317
01:06:01,424 --> 01:06:03,722
I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.
1318
01:06:03,759 --> 01:06:06,592
Find yourself a safe house
or a relative close by.
1319
01:06:06,629 --> 01:06:10,793
Lay low for a while, because you're
probably wanted for murder.
1320
01:06:10,833 --> 01:06:12,323
I'm proud of you fellas.
1321
01:06:12,368 --> 01:06:14,097
You kept your head
on a swivel.
1322
01:06:14,136 --> 01:06:17,105
That's what you gotta do when
you're in a vicious cockfight.
1323
01:06:17,139 --> 01:06:19,937
Can you believe Mantooth and
the Channel 9 Evening News Team?
1324
01:06:19,976 --> 01:06:22,444
"Where's your mommy?
Someone's gotta change your diapers."
1325
01:06:22,478 --> 01:06:25,174
This Corningstone business
is really hurting our rep.
1326
01:06:25,214 --> 01:06:27,182
I know exactly
what you mean, Brian.
1327
01:06:27,216 --> 01:06:29,684
Every newsman in this city's
laughing at us.
1328
01:06:29,719 --> 01:06:33,485
- And I don't like it.
- I don't like the put-downs.
1329
01:06:33,522 --> 01:06:35,285
We're gonna do
something about it.
1330
01:06:35,324 --> 01:06:37,918
It is time to put
an end to this!
1331
01:06:37,960 --> 01:06:41,293
Last time I looked, my name's Ron
Burgundy. What's your name?
1332
01:06:41,330 --> 01:06:42,888
- Brian Fantana.
- Champ Kind.
1333
01:06:42,932 --> 01:06:44,559
- Brian Fantana.
- No, you're Brick.
1334
01:06:44,600 --> 01:06:45,760
- Brian.
- I'm Brian.
1335
01:06:45,801 --> 01:06:47,370
Veronica.
1336
01:06:47,370 --> 01:06:50,737
Ron on TV:
And I've shown you, old man!
1337
01:06:50,773 --> 01:06:53,936
Garth, I need to look at these tapes
for a potential lead.
1338
01:06:53,976 --> 01:06:55,739
Ron's using the machine
1339
01:06:55,778 --> 01:06:58,508
to play his local Emmy
acceptance speech from last year.
1340
01:06:58,547 --> 01:07:00,412
I tried to ask her
out on a date.
1341
01:07:00,449 --> 01:07:04,146
Turn the music off!
I'm still talking!
1342
01:07:04,186 --> 01:07:06,711
- This is ridiculous!
- I don't remember doing it.
1343
01:07:06,756 --> 01:07:08,986
- Excuse me.
- What are you doing?
1344
01:07:09,025 --> 01:07:12,358
I need this machine so I can
watch a tape for a story.
1345
01:07:12,395 --> 01:07:14,454
I'm using the tape.
1346
01:07:14,497 --> 01:07:16,556
I'm showing Jeffrey
my Emmy tape.
1347
01:07:16,599 --> 01:07:18,191
We are watching history.
1348
01:07:18,234 --> 01:07:20,794
Mr. Burgundy,
I'm a professional,
1349
01:07:20,836 --> 01:07:24,363
and I would like
to be able to do my job.
1350
01:07:24,407 --> 01:07:26,602
Big deal!
I am very professional!
1351
01:07:26,642 --> 01:07:29,167
Mr. Burgundy,
you are acting like a baby.
1352
01:07:29,211 --> 01:07:32,942
I'm not a baby, I am a man.
I am an anchorman!
1353
01:07:32,982 --> 01:07:35,849
You are not a man.
You are a big fat joke!
1354
01:07:35,885 --> 01:07:37,819
I'm a man
who discovered the wheel
1355
01:07:37,853 --> 01:07:41,118
and built the Eiffel Tower
out of metal and brawn.
1356
01:07:41,157 --> 01:07:42,886
That's what
kind of man I am.
1357
01:07:42,925 --> 01:07:45,587
You're just a woman
with a small brain.
1358
01:07:45,628 --> 01:07:49,496
With a brain a third the size of us.
It's science.
1359
01:07:49,532 --> 01:07:52,433
I will have you know
that I have more talent
1360
01:07:52,468 --> 01:07:54,868
and more intelligence
in my little finger
1361
01:07:54,904 --> 01:07:57,395
than you do
in your entire body, sir!
1362
01:07:57,440 --> 01:07:59,908
You are a smelly
pirate hooker!
1363
01:07:59,942 --> 01:08:02,240
You look like a blueberry.
1364
01:08:02,278 --> 01:08:05,372
Why don't you go back
to your home on Whore Island?
1365
01:08:05,414 --> 01:08:08,679
Well, you have bad hair.
1366
01:08:08,717 --> 01:08:10,947
(onlookers gasp)
1367
01:08:10,986 --> 01:08:12,977
What did you say?
1368
01:08:13,022 --> 01:08:14,785
I said
1369
01:08:14,824 --> 01:08:16,519
your hair
1370
01:08:16,559 --> 01:08:19,323
looks stupid.
1371
01:08:21,664 --> 01:08:23,894
(screaming)
1372
01:08:26,202 --> 01:08:29,467
- Let 'em work it out!
- It's between the two of them!
1373
01:08:39,882 --> 01:08:41,941
(screaming)
1374
01:08:41,984 --> 01:08:44,509
They're just talking.
Just talking.
1375
01:08:44,553 --> 01:08:47,044
- I hate you!
- I hate you more!
1376
01:08:50,693 --> 01:08:53,218
(screaming)
1377
01:08:57,099 --> 01:08:58,726
(Veronica yells)
1378
01:08:58,767 --> 01:09:00,291
Ow!
1379
01:09:00,336 --> 01:09:02,896
- (screaming)
- Shut up! Shut up!
1380
01:09:06,942 --> 01:09:08,341
All right, stop!
1381
01:09:08,377 --> 01:09:10,345
Stop what you're doing
right now!
1382
01:09:10,379 --> 01:09:13,405
I will not have
my newsroom be divided.
1383
01:09:14,950 --> 01:09:17,282
Ah! Knights of Columbus,
that hurts!
1384
01:09:19,488 --> 01:09:21,456
Veronica:
I was like, "Who is that guy?"
1385
01:09:21,490 --> 01:09:25,256
(laughing)
1386
01:09:25,294 --> 01:09:28,286
I just can't believe
what Ron did to you.
1387
01:09:28,330 --> 01:09:30,764
It is so awful.
1388
01:09:30,799 --> 01:09:32,790
Yes.
1389
01:09:32,835 --> 01:09:36,032
Have you ever thought
about fighting fire
1390
01:09:36,071 --> 01:09:38,437
with fire?
1391
01:09:39,608 --> 01:09:41,439
What do you mean?
1392
01:09:41,477 --> 01:09:45,573
I have some information
that you can choose to use or not use.
1393
01:09:45,614 --> 01:09:47,013
Up to you.
1394
01:09:47,049 --> 01:09:49,279
Ron Burgundy
1395
01:09:49,318 --> 01:09:52,776
will read anything
that is put on that Teleprompter.
1396
01:09:52,821 --> 01:09:54,789
And when I say anything,
1397
01:09:54,823 --> 01:09:57,291
I mean an-y-thing.
1398
01:10:06,035 --> 01:10:07,297
Arnold, cue one.
1399
01:10:07,336 --> 01:10:09,395
After the FotoMat
was destroyed,
1400
01:10:09,438 --> 01:10:12,202
the bear scampered
back into the woods.
1401
01:10:12,241 --> 01:10:15,142
Apparently he wasn't too happy
with his color prints.
1402
01:10:15,177 --> 01:10:16,508
- Oh.
- (chuckles)
1403
01:10:18,147 --> 01:10:20,115
From the entire
Channel 4 News Team,
1404
01:10:20,149 --> 01:10:21,878
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
1405
01:10:21,917 --> 01:10:23,282
And I'm Ron Burgundy.
1406
01:10:23,319 --> 01:10:25,913
Go fuck yourself,
San Diego.
1407
01:10:27,056 --> 01:10:28,387
(shrieks)
1408
01:10:28,424 --> 01:10:30,722
- (cup clatters)
- (gasps)
1409
01:10:31,927 --> 01:10:34,418
What in the name...
1410
01:10:34,463 --> 01:10:36,397
No!
1411
01:10:36,432 --> 01:10:38,696
Nobody talks about
my city that way!
1412
01:10:38,734 --> 01:10:40,793
Ron Burgundy's ass
is grass!
1413
01:10:40,836 --> 01:10:43,532
(humming)
1414
01:10:43,572 --> 01:10:46,507
Nice work, everyone.
Sharp broadcast.
1415
01:10:46,542 --> 01:10:48,908
Really good.
Everyone on the floor as well.
1416
01:10:48,944 --> 01:10:50,969
Really a lot of hustle.
I liked it.
1417
01:10:52,014 --> 01:10:54,209
- (phone ringing)
- Dump out! Dump out!
1418
01:10:54,250 --> 01:10:56,377
(humming)
Hello, Edward.
1419
01:10:56,418 --> 01:10:59,216
- Ron, I've got to fire you.
- I've got to fire you.
1420
01:10:59,255 --> 01:11:01,246
Bing, bong, bong.
You're fired, Ed.
1421
01:11:01,290 --> 01:11:04,350
Do you even know
what you just said?
1422
01:11:04,393 --> 01:11:07,658
(gasps)
Great Odin's raven!
1423
01:11:07,696 --> 01:11:09,687
Are you happy, Ron?
1424
01:11:09,732 --> 01:11:12,667
Veronica.
She put that in the Teleprompter.
1425
01:11:12,701 --> 01:11:16,967
You're probably right,
but this is bad, Ron. Real bad.
1426
01:11:17,006 --> 01:11:19,031
My hands are tied. L...
1427
01:11:19,074 --> 01:11:20,837
I gotta fire you.
1428
01:11:20,876 --> 01:11:23,344
Ed, let's hold on.
Let's count to 10.
1429
01:11:23,379 --> 01:11:27,110
That's a rash decision.
Is this about something else?
1430
01:11:27,149 --> 01:11:31,518
Ed, there's 300
very angry San Diego-ites.
1431
01:11:31,553 --> 01:11:34,044
San Diego-ins.
San Diego-uns.
1432
01:11:34,089 --> 01:11:36,387
- San Dieg-ons.
- San Diegans.
1433
01:11:36,425 --> 01:11:38,620
San Diegans out
in front of the station.
1434
01:11:38,661 --> 01:11:40,424
They want Ron's blood.
1435
01:11:40,462 --> 01:11:41,861
They want to hurt you.
1436
01:11:41,897 --> 01:11:45,196
Why did you say that? Why?
1437
01:11:45,234 --> 01:11:47,725
(sobbing)
Why, Ron? Why?
1438
01:11:47,770 --> 01:11:50,102
You're my hero, Ron.
1439
01:11:50,139 --> 01:11:51,504
Garth, l...
1440
01:11:51,540 --> 01:11:55,533
And you come out
with stink like that poop!
1441
01:11:55,577 --> 01:12:00,344
You poop mouth!
Get all the poop out of your mouth!
1442
01:12:00,382 --> 01:12:04,284
If I were to give you money out
of my wallet, would that ease the pain?
1443
01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:07,483
I hate you, Ron Burgundy!
I hate you!
1444
01:12:13,295 --> 01:12:16,662
Ron? Ron! I never
wanted it to be like this.
1445
01:12:16,699 --> 01:12:20,157
I can't believe you did this to me!
Are you happy?
1446
01:12:20,202 --> 01:12:23,899
No, Ron, I'm not!
It was supposed to be a joke.
1447
01:12:23,939 --> 01:12:26,533
I mean, it's still kind of funny.
1448
01:12:26,575 --> 01:12:27,974
But it's not.
1449
01:12:28,010 --> 01:12:30,171
I have nothing left!
Nothing!
1450
01:12:30,212 --> 01:12:32,407
I've been reduced to rubble!
1451
01:12:32,448 --> 01:12:35,679
Don't you know I would
never say the word fuck?
1452
01:12:35,718 --> 01:12:38,278
I would never fucking
ever fucking say that!
1453
01:12:38,320 --> 01:12:39,947
Ever!
1454
01:12:39,988 --> 01:12:42,286
Let's go. These people
are about to pull you apart.
1455
01:12:42,324 --> 01:12:46,420
I'm sorry. Get your hands
off him, you bastards!
1456
01:12:46,462 --> 01:12:48,487
Don't you know I would
never say fuck?
1457
01:12:48,530 --> 01:12:50,623
- Fuck!
- Move.
1458
01:12:50,666 --> 01:12:53,965
No! No!
1459
01:13:06,515 --> 01:13:08,881
Mr. Burgundy, you should
be ashamed of yourself.
1460
01:13:08,917 --> 01:13:11,852
- Please, l...
- You're an awful man!
1461
01:13:11,887 --> 01:13:15,721
You are truly a disappointment
to us all, Mr. Burgundy!
1462
01:13:17,693 --> 01:13:19,490
Narrator :
Bob Dylan once wrote,
1463
01:13:19,528 --> 01:13:21,519
"The times,
they are a-changin'."
1464
01:13:21,563 --> 01:13:23,997
Ron Burgundy
had never heard that song.
1465
01:13:24,032 --> 01:13:28,093
So when he fell, he fell hard.
1466
01:13:31,407 --> 01:13:35,537
Announcer:
It's Channel 4 News at 6:00!
1467
01:13:35,577 --> 01:13:37,169
Good evening, San Diego.
1468
01:13:37,212 --> 01:13:40,807
I'm lead anchor
Veronica Corningstone.
1469
01:13:40,849 --> 01:13:43,909
Tonight's top story:
An ultrasound of Ling Wong,
1470
01:13:43,952 --> 01:13:46,147
the most famous panda
in the world,
1471
01:13:46,188 --> 01:13:48,986
shows that her baby
is doing quite well.
1472
01:13:49,024 --> 01:13:52,118
- No!
- (ringing)
1473
01:13:57,299 --> 01:13:59,494
Ron Burgundy, stay classy.
(clears throat)
1474
01:13:59,535 --> 01:14:01,833
Hello, this is Ron.
1475
01:14:01,870 --> 01:14:03,098
Hello.
1476
01:14:03,138 --> 01:14:05,936
Who's there?
I'm talking. Hello.
1477
01:14:05,974 --> 01:14:07,635
Who is this?
1478
01:14:07,676 --> 01:14:10,270
Baxter, is that you?
1479
01:14:10,312 --> 01:14:11,711
Baxter!
1480
01:14:11,747 --> 01:14:13,738
Bark twice
if you're in Milwaukee.
1481
01:14:14,850 --> 01:14:16,841
Is this Wilt Chamberlain?
1482
01:14:16,885 --> 01:14:19,979
Have the courage
to say something. Hello!
1483
01:14:22,257 --> 01:14:23,417
Hello!
1484
01:14:26,295 --> 01:14:27,853
(yells)
1485
01:14:30,732 --> 01:14:33,200
Oh, Tino, thank you
for letting me come in here.
1486
01:14:33,235 --> 01:14:35,066
I'm glad I can still
get a good meal.
1487
01:14:35,103 --> 01:14:39,369
Yeah sure. Here you are,
the chef made this special for you.
1488
01:14:41,777 --> 01:14:44,109
You eat that for the way
you talk about my city.
1489
01:14:44,146 --> 01:14:46,080
I will not eat that.
1490
01:14:46,114 --> 01:14:48,105
You're going to eat
that cat poo.
1491
01:14:48,150 --> 01:14:50,209
I will not eat cat poop.
1492
01:14:50,252 --> 01:14:53,483
- You will eat cat poo.
- Ron Burgundy says no!
1493
01:14:53,522 --> 01:14:56,116
You make a fool of me
and everyone here.
1494
01:14:56,158 --> 01:14:58,718
You put that cat poo
in your mouth.
1495
01:14:58,760 --> 01:15:01,251
- No!
- Yes!
1496
01:15:01,296 --> 01:15:03,992
- No!
- Sí!
1497
01:15:04,032 --> 01:15:07,092
- I will not eat cat poop.
- You will do it immediately!
1498
01:15:07,135 --> 01:15:08,966
- No!
- You will!
1499
01:15:09,004 --> 01:15:12,201
- Fine, I'll try to eat one...
- Get in there.
1500
01:15:12,241 --> 01:15:14,209
If I take one bite will
you get me a steak?
1501
01:15:14,243 --> 01:15:17,076
If I take one bite of shit
will you bring me a steak?
1502
01:15:17,112 --> 01:15:18,579
I'll think about it.
1503
01:15:18,614 --> 01:15:20,605
Yeah, get in there.
1504
01:15:20,649 --> 01:15:23,277
- Yeah, start with the end.
- I am so hungry.
1505
01:15:23,318 --> 01:15:26,481
- There.
- Oh God!
1506
01:15:26,522 --> 01:15:30,151
A steak. A big steak
for him, please.
1507
01:15:30,192 --> 01:15:32,922
No!
I had one bite.
1508
01:15:32,961 --> 01:15:35,156
- That's not enough.
- Son of a bitch.
1509
01:15:35,197 --> 01:15:37,461
- You like this?
- (Ron crying)
1510
01:15:37,499 --> 01:15:39,490
Oh, don't cry.
Don't cry.
1511
01:15:39,535 --> 01:15:41,628
He's not crying.
He's not crying.
1512
01:15:41,670 --> 01:15:45,003
- Don't cry in my...
- I'll eat the shit. I don't care.
1513
01:15:45,040 --> 01:15:47,838
I'll eat the entire
hunk of shit.
1514
01:15:47,876 --> 01:15:49,673
Okay, just finish it up.
1515
01:15:49,711 --> 01:15:51,178
Don't you feel
better now?
1516
01:15:53,248 --> 01:15:55,876
Hey, you watch
yourself, mister.
1517
01:15:55,918 --> 01:15:58,648
Hey, lady in
the red hat. Yeah.
1518
01:15:58,687 --> 01:16:00,052
You smell.
1519
01:16:01,189 --> 01:16:03,157
(groaning)
1520
01:16:03,191 --> 01:16:06,524
Guys.
Guys, it's me, Ron.
1521
01:16:06,562 --> 01:16:08,029
Fellas!
1522
01:16:08,063 --> 01:16:10,554
Harken said he'd fire us
if we talked to you.
1523
01:16:10,599 --> 01:16:14,000
- What?
- I'm sorry.
1524
01:16:14,036 --> 01:16:16,402
L... Brian!
1525
01:16:16,438 --> 01:16:18,565
- It's Ronnie!
- Ron!
1526
01:16:18,607 --> 01:16:20,700
- Champ!
- Ron!
1527
01:16:20,742 --> 01:16:22,733
Champ, come on.
Come on!
1528
01:16:22,778 --> 01:16:24,143
Go, Brick.
1529
01:16:24,179 --> 01:16:26,340
My sweet Brick.
1530
01:16:26,381 --> 01:16:29,441
Brick, come hug me.
I know you want to.
1531
01:16:31,053 --> 01:16:34,318
Ron :I am completely
miserable, San Diego!
1532
01:16:37,659 --> 01:16:39,650
It's so damn hot!
1533
01:16:42,531 --> 01:16:44,522
Milk was a bad choice!
1534
01:16:51,873 --> 01:16:53,841
Yes, yes.
Chris, listen to me.
1535
01:16:53,875 --> 01:16:57,174
Put down the gun
and let the marching band go.
1536
01:16:57,212 --> 01:16:59,646
- We'll play it off as a prank.
- (phone ringing)
1537
01:16:59,681 --> 01:17:02,479
We'll straighten it out later.
I'm getting another call.
1538
01:17:02,517 --> 01:17:04,485
Ed Harken.
1539
01:17:04,519 --> 01:17:06,612
What?
Oh, my God!
1540
01:17:06,655 --> 01:17:11,285
Listen, everybody, Ling Wong
the panda is giving birth!
1541
01:17:11,326 --> 01:17:14,318
Get Corningstone
over there right away!
1542
01:17:14,363 --> 01:17:16,354
The network
is picking up the feed.
1543
01:17:16,398 --> 01:17:19,390
I want a shot
of that panda being born!
1544
01:17:26,108 --> 01:17:28,599
This is Ted Nightingale,
Channel 6 News Los Angeles,
1545
01:17:28,644 --> 01:17:30,271
reporting from
the San Diego Zoo.
1546
01:17:30,312 --> 01:17:32,007
And this is the moment
1547
01:17:32,047 --> 01:17:34,607
the entire world
has been waiting for.
1548
01:17:34,650 --> 01:17:37,881
I can only speculate
as to the sex of the panda,
1549
01:17:37,919 --> 01:17:40,979
but if I had to guess,
I'd say female.
1550
01:17:41,023 --> 01:17:43,287
- Excuse me. Press.
- Hey, lady, watch it.
1551
01:17:43,325 --> 01:17:45,816
Excuse me, I'm press.
Thank you. What do you got?
1552
01:17:45,861 --> 01:17:48,159
Nothing. All I can see
is a blue curtain.
1553
01:17:48,196 --> 01:17:50,255
Veronica:
Oh, damn it.
1554
01:17:50,298 --> 01:17:54,758
Go over there and see
if you can get a shot. I'll go this way.
1555
01:17:54,803 --> 01:17:57,829
Hey, lady, why don't you
go fetch me a sandwich?
1556
01:17:57,873 --> 01:18:00,467
- (laughing)
- Okay, I'll go get your sandwich.
1557
01:18:00,509 --> 01:18:03,672
Then I'll show you the ratings where
you're number two to a woman.
1558
01:18:03,712 --> 01:18:06,545
Ouch. Don't lose
any more hair over it.
1559
01:18:07,783 --> 01:18:09,910
- Whatever.
- We're live, Mr. Mantooth.
1560
01:18:11,787 --> 01:18:13,846
Good afternoon,
San Diego.
1561
01:18:13,889 --> 01:18:16,517
We're here today to celebrate
the birth of a panda.
1562
01:18:16,558 --> 01:18:19,322
♪ Sky rockets in flight ♪
1563
01:18:20,395 --> 01:18:24,764
♪ Afternoon delight ♪
1564
01:18:24,800 --> 01:18:27,234
♪ Af... ♪
(raspberry)
1565
01:18:27,269 --> 01:18:30,500
♪ I make fart noises
with my mouth ♪
1566
01:18:30,539 --> 01:18:31,836
(raspberry)
1567
01:18:31,873 --> 01:18:34,103
- ♪ And I like to cut... ♪
- Hey, nut job!
1568
01:18:34,142 --> 01:18:35,700
Quit the singin'!
1569
01:18:35,744 --> 01:18:37,803
Creeping out
all the regulars.
1570
01:18:37,846 --> 01:18:41,976
I'm expressing my inner anguish
through the majesty of song!
1571
01:18:42,017 --> 01:18:45,077
Look, drunkie, you been
coming in here every day,
1572
01:18:45,120 --> 01:18:47,247
stinking up the joint
with your craziness.
1573
01:18:47,289 --> 01:18:49,280
Now, what the hell
is wrong with you?
1574
01:18:49,324 --> 01:18:51,292
I got no heart!
1575
01:18:51,326 --> 01:18:53,624
Because a she-devil stole it!
1576
01:18:53,662 --> 01:18:56,222
You know what the worst
part about it is?
1577
01:18:58,333 --> 01:19:00,324
She's better than me!
1578
01:19:01,903 --> 01:19:03,894
She's better than me.
1579
01:19:05,140 --> 01:19:07,131
You know, times are changing.
1580
01:19:08,376 --> 01:19:10,674
Ladies can do stuff now.
1581
01:19:10,712 --> 01:19:13,510
You're gonna have to learn
how to deal with that.
1582
01:19:13,548 --> 01:19:16,039
What?
Were you saying something?
1583
01:19:16,084 --> 01:19:18,382
Look, I don't
speak Spanish.
1584
01:19:18,420 --> 01:19:20,479
Ah.
1585
01:19:29,731 --> 01:19:31,028
Scotty.
1586
01:19:31,066 --> 01:19:33,660
Scotty, I have the shot.
1587
01:19:33,702 --> 01:19:35,693
Scotty. Scotty!
1588
01:19:35,737 --> 01:19:37,705
(clear throat)
Hey, uh,
1589
01:19:37,739 --> 01:19:40,708
that is some fantastic
shot you got there.
1590
01:19:40,742 --> 01:19:44,143
The kind of shot that gets you
to the top of network news.
1591
01:19:44,179 --> 01:19:47,580
- Oh, well, we hope.
- We at public television,
1592
01:19:47,616 --> 01:19:52,053
we're really down
with the woman's lib thing.
1593
01:19:52,087 --> 01:19:54,419
That is so refreshing to me.
1594
01:19:54,456 --> 01:19:56,924
Because the struggle I've...
(screams)
1595
01:20:00,162 --> 01:20:03,461
- Howie, we have the shot.
- (Veronica grunts)
1596
01:20:03,498 --> 01:20:05,466
Up a little.
Up, up.
1597
01:20:05,500 --> 01:20:07,627
Oh.
You son of a bitch!
1598
01:20:07,669 --> 01:20:09,660
Shh!
1599
01:20:09,704 --> 01:20:11,797
Don't want to wake up
your friends.
1600
01:20:11,840 --> 01:20:13,535
(Veronica groaning)
1601
01:20:13,575 --> 01:20:16,339
(grunts, shrieks)
1602
01:20:17,913 --> 01:20:20,507
(snoring)
1603
01:20:22,751 --> 01:20:24,048
(hushed)
Help!
1604
01:20:24,085 --> 01:20:26,679
- Simply vanished.
- How do you lose your lead anchor?
1605
01:20:26,721 --> 01:20:29,212
- I can't find Corningstone.
- Where the hell is she?
1606
01:20:29,257 --> 01:20:31,225
- No one's seen her.
- I can't believe this.
1607
01:20:31,259 --> 01:20:34,751
Every news outlet in the world
is looking for coverage on this.
1608
01:20:34,796 --> 01:20:37,822
I've got no damn lead anchor!
1609
01:20:37,866 --> 01:20:40,357
Damn it! Get me a phone.
1610
01:20:40,402 --> 01:20:42,734
I can't believe
I'm about to do this.
1611
01:20:42,771 --> 01:20:44,329
(phone rings)
1612
01:20:45,607 --> 01:20:47,404
Rocky's,
bar, grill, fine dining.
1613
01:20:47,442 --> 01:20:50,411
- Is there an anchorman there?
- Hold on.
1614
01:20:50,445 --> 01:20:53,175
This is killing me.
I'd rather slit my throat.
1615
01:20:53,215 --> 01:20:55,809
- Hello?
- Hello?
1616
01:20:55,851 --> 01:20:57,819
- Is this Ron?
- Who is this?
1617
01:20:57,853 --> 01:20:59,821
- It's me. Ed.
- Who?
1618
01:20:59,855 --> 01:21:02,380
- Ed Harken.
- I don't know a Ned.
1619
01:21:02,424 --> 01:21:04,688
- Ed Harken!
- Ed!
1620
01:21:04,726 --> 01:21:06,990
- Ed, hello.
- Listen, Ron.
1621
01:21:07,028 --> 01:21:10,862
Corningstone disappeared in the midst
of the biggest story of the year.
1622
01:21:10,899 --> 01:21:12,958
We need you down here
right away.
1623
01:21:13,001 --> 01:21:14,628
Wait, Ed.
1624
01:21:14,669 --> 01:21:17,866
Does this mean you're asking me
to report the news again?
1625
01:21:19,574 --> 01:21:21,565
- Yes.
- Ed!
1626
01:21:21,610 --> 01:21:23,737
That's wonderful!
Thank you!
1627
01:21:23,778 --> 01:21:26,144
Ed, hold on.
I want to say a few words.
1628
01:21:26,181 --> 01:21:29,480
- You have always been a good friend!
- Right.
1629
01:21:29,517 --> 01:21:30,984
- Always!
- Right.
1630
01:21:31,019 --> 01:21:33,544
(blubbering)
1631
01:21:33,588 --> 01:21:36,079
Get down here
as quickly as you can.
1632
01:21:36,124 --> 01:21:38,115
Ed, I'll be down there.
1633
01:21:39,294 --> 01:21:41,922
And I'm going to look good.
1634
01:21:51,606 --> 01:21:55,042
Good evening.
I'm Ron Burgundy.
1635
01:21:55,076 --> 01:21:57,442
Damn!
That dude cleans up good!
1636
01:21:57,479 --> 01:22:01,677
If I'm gonna do this, I'll need
my news team at my side.
1637
01:22:01,716 --> 01:22:04,184
(breathing deep)
1638
01:22:04,219 --> 01:22:06,346
(resounding)
1639
01:22:09,391 --> 01:22:11,382
Ron:
News team!
1640
01:22:11,426 --> 01:22:14,020
Assemble!
1641
01:22:15,030 --> 01:22:16,964
(horn echoing)
1642
01:22:21,136 --> 01:22:24,663
News team, assemble!
1643
01:22:24,706 --> 01:22:26,537
(echoing)
1644
01:22:26,574 --> 01:22:28,439
Hey, Ron.
1645
01:22:28,476 --> 01:22:30,103
What's up?
1646
01:22:30,145 --> 01:22:31,635
Oh.
1647
01:22:31,680 --> 01:22:33,910
Hi.
Didn't see you there.
1648
01:22:33,949 --> 01:22:37,350
We've been here literally
the entire time you have.
1649
01:22:37,385 --> 01:22:40,252
I'm a little embarrassed.
1650
01:22:40,288 --> 01:22:42,415
(sighs)
Look.
1651
01:22:42,457 --> 01:22:46,723
I just got the call from Harken.
He wants me back.
1652
01:22:46,761 --> 01:22:49,059
But I can't do this
without my news team.
1653
01:22:49,097 --> 01:22:50,724
I don't know, Ron.
1654
01:22:50,765 --> 01:22:53,461
That was half a lifetime ago.
We're different people now.
1655
01:22:53,501 --> 01:22:55,469
When you left,
the hurt was so deep.
1656
01:22:55,503 --> 01:22:58,097
I don't know if I can
go through that again.
1657
01:22:58,139 --> 01:23:00,107
Think about
what you're asking.
1658
01:23:00,141 --> 01:23:02,109
(babbles)
Man.
1659
01:23:02,143 --> 01:23:03,804
Gentlemen,
1660
01:23:05,213 --> 01:23:07,511
there was a time
1661
01:23:07,549 --> 01:23:10,541
when you called me
your lead anchor.
1662
01:23:13,722 --> 01:23:15,952
Will you follow me again?
1663
01:23:17,859 --> 01:23:20,054
I'm gettin' too old
for this shit.
1664
01:23:20,095 --> 01:23:22,063
To the news van!
1665
01:23:22,097 --> 01:23:24,793
- To the news van!
- Okay!
1666
01:23:34,442 --> 01:23:36,808
Ahh!
1667
01:23:36,845 --> 01:23:38,972
Well, I'll be.
Ron Burgundy.
1668
01:23:39,014 --> 01:23:40,709
He's back!
1669
01:23:40,749 --> 01:23:43,718
Gentlemen, let's try
to get in a good position for the story.
1670
01:23:43,752 --> 01:23:45,686
- How does the hair look?
- Magnificent.
1671
01:23:45,720 --> 01:23:47,847
Champ :
You have hair like an angel.
1672
01:23:47,889 --> 01:23:50,790
Oh, whoa, whoa.
Network talent scout.
1673
01:23:50,825 --> 01:23:54,261
- Champ : This is a hot one.
- Ron :I'm actually nervous.
1674
01:23:54,295 --> 01:23:56,354
- Let's go get 'em.
- (Veronica whimpering)
1675
01:23:56,398 --> 01:23:58,298
Wait! Did you
just hear something?
1676
01:23:58,333 --> 01:24:01,097
- (growling)
- Help.
1677
01:24:01,136 --> 01:24:03,570
- Ron, help!
- Veronica!
1678
01:24:03,605 --> 01:24:05,800
- Are you okay?
- Shh!
1679
01:24:05,840 --> 01:24:07,467
How did you
get down there?
1680
01:24:07,509 --> 01:24:09,534
Just go get someone.
Please.
1681
01:24:09,577 --> 01:24:11,977
Hold on.
Hold on!
1682
01:24:12,013 --> 01:24:13,605
(growling)
1683
01:24:15,150 --> 01:24:16,913
We've got to do something.
1684
01:24:16,951 --> 01:24:19,419
Whoa, Ron, I don't want
to sound cruel, but...
1685
01:24:19,454 --> 01:24:21,786
There's a network
talent scout over there.
1686
01:24:21,823 --> 01:24:23,916
This is a tough decision.
1687
01:24:23,958 --> 01:24:26,586
So much to think about.
1688
01:24:26,628 --> 01:24:29,096
Basically the biggest story
of my career,
1689
01:24:29,130 --> 01:24:32,930
launching me to a level
I've never known before,
1690
01:24:32,967 --> 01:24:34,434
or saving the woman
1691
01:24:34,469 --> 01:24:37,768
I used to have
familiar relations with.
1692
01:24:37,806 --> 01:24:40,502
This is hard!
1693
01:24:40,542 --> 01:24:43,136
I am in a pickle!
1694
01:24:43,178 --> 01:24:45,544
Ron, I know
it sounds harsh,
1695
01:24:45,580 --> 01:24:48,071
but God does not
want her to live.
1696
01:24:48,116 --> 01:24:50,141
No. Hold on.
1697
01:24:51,519 --> 01:24:53,510
It's clear now.
1698
01:24:55,590 --> 01:24:57,581
We go into the bear pit.
1699
01:24:59,027 --> 01:25:00,016
Ron, don't.
1700
01:25:00,061 --> 01:25:01,790
(yelling)
1701
01:25:03,098 --> 01:25:05,191
(grunts)
Oh!
1702
01:25:05,233 --> 01:25:07,292
(growling)
1703
01:25:07,335 --> 01:25:10,270
I immediately
regret this decision.
1704
01:25:10,305 --> 01:25:12,830
What are you doing?
Why didn't you get help?
1705
01:25:12,874 --> 01:25:15,274
Ron:
These bears are massive!
1706
01:25:15,310 --> 01:25:17,972
They looked
a lot smaller from up there.
1707
01:25:18,012 --> 01:25:20,845
Fan out.
Let's go find Harken.
1708
01:25:20,882 --> 01:25:23,510
Stay calm.
1709
01:25:25,553 --> 01:25:28,886
It's all right. I think it's all right,
my sweet chinchilla.
1710
01:25:28,923 --> 01:25:31,016
- Oh, Ron.
- Yes, yes.
1711
01:25:31,059 --> 01:25:33,186
In case we die here today,
1712
01:25:33,228 --> 01:25:36,095
there's something
that you should know.
1713
01:25:36,131 --> 01:25:39,157
That dirty trick
with the Teleprompter, it wasn't...
1714
01:25:39,200 --> 01:25:42,658
Sweet Eli Whitney's nose!
It wasn't you, was it?
1715
01:25:42,704 --> 01:25:45,070
It was Wes Mantooth.
1716
01:25:45,106 --> 01:25:48,041
- Oh, I should have known.
- No, no.
1717
01:25:48,076 --> 01:25:50,408
- No, I did it.
- You bitch!
1718
01:25:50,445 --> 01:25:53,539
- Shh!
- (bellowing)
1719
01:25:54,716 --> 01:25:57,014
You woke the bears.
Why did you do that?
1720
01:25:58,520 --> 01:26:00,078
(screaming)
1721
01:26:00,121 --> 01:26:03,716
There's somebody
in the bear pit!
1722
01:26:03,758 --> 01:26:06,226
(roaring)
1723
01:26:06,261 --> 01:26:09,162
It took
my impending death
1724
01:26:09,197 --> 01:26:11,859
for me to realize
how much I need you.
1725
01:26:11,900 --> 01:26:14,232
Oh, Ron.
1726
01:26:17,539 --> 01:26:19,507
Those bears
are gonna hurt them!
1727
01:26:19,541 --> 01:26:22,374
News team, let's hunt.
1728
01:26:23,811 --> 01:26:25,335
News team!
1729
01:26:28,883 --> 01:26:30,282
ALL :
Bear fight!
1730
01:26:33,221 --> 01:26:35,781
Come on.
Come on!
1731
01:26:38,660 --> 01:26:42,289
(screaming)
1732
01:26:42,330 --> 01:26:43,695
Damn!
1733
01:26:43,731 --> 01:26:45,722
Hit 'em in the uvula!
1734
01:26:46,734 --> 01:26:48,065
Hey, Ron!
1735
01:26:48,102 --> 01:26:50,093
I'm riding a furry tractor!
1736
01:26:51,105 --> 01:26:53,505
The bears have descended
on the news team
1737
01:26:53,541 --> 01:26:55,168
and it's not going well.
1738
01:26:55,210 --> 01:26:58,236
Clearly, after today,
I will no longer...
1739
01:26:58,279 --> 01:27:00,907
Come on!
Oh, God!
1740
01:27:00,949 --> 01:27:03,383
It's getting to be
ri-goddamn-diculous!
1741
01:27:03,418 --> 01:27:05,045
(growling)
1742
01:27:05,086 --> 01:27:06,485
Oh, no.
1743
01:27:06,521 --> 01:27:09,615
We woke up the mama.
1744
01:27:09,657 --> 01:27:12,148
(roaring)
1745
01:27:12,193 --> 01:27:13,683
Oh, God!
1746
01:27:15,163 --> 01:27:17,597
I don't wanna die.
1747
01:27:17,632 --> 01:27:19,293
(barking)
1748
01:27:23,304 --> 01:27:27,468
- Ron :Baxter!
- (barking)
1749
01:28:02,043 --> 01:28:03,635
(onlookers gasping)
1750
01:28:03,678 --> 01:28:05,669
(cheering)
1751
01:28:05,713 --> 01:28:08,181
Veronica:
Look! They're following their mother!
1752
01:28:08,216 --> 01:28:09,547
Ron:
It's instinct.
1753
01:28:09,584 --> 01:28:11,882
Oh, Baxter!
1754
01:28:11,919 --> 01:28:16,288
Oh! Oh, Baxter,
you're still alive!
1755
01:28:16,324 --> 01:28:19,725
Oh, I'm so happy!
1756
01:28:19,761 --> 01:28:23,390
I'm so happy!
You are alive!
1757
01:28:23,431 --> 01:28:26,059
I'm so happy!
1758
01:28:26,100 --> 01:28:29,263
(crying)
1759
01:28:32,407 --> 01:28:33,874
I will lick you!
1760
01:28:33,908 --> 01:28:37,002
I will lick you in front
of everyone to show my joy.
1761
01:28:37,045 --> 01:28:39,070
Oh. Ohhh!
1762
01:28:39,113 --> 01:28:42,207
Boy, he really
likes that dog.
1763
01:28:42,250 --> 01:28:44,650
Burgundy!
Burgundy!
1764
01:28:44,686 --> 01:28:47,086
Burgundy! Burgundy!
1765
01:28:47,121 --> 01:28:49,715
Burgundy!
Burgundy!
1766
01:28:49,757 --> 01:28:52,055
Hi, Ron.
1767
01:28:52,093 --> 01:28:55,221
It's always a long fall
from the top, isn't it?
1768
01:28:55,263 --> 01:28:56,662
Easy, Wes.
1769
01:28:56,698 --> 01:29:00,134
I've been waiting
to say this to you for a long time.
1770
01:29:00,168 --> 01:29:02,534
- All right.
- Deep down in my stomach,
1771
01:29:02,570 --> 01:29:04,231
with every inch of me,
1772
01:29:04,272 --> 01:29:07,070
I pure, straight
1773
01:29:07,108 --> 01:29:08,700
hate you!
1774
01:29:10,144 --> 01:29:12,544
(onlookers gasp)
1775
01:29:13,915 --> 01:29:16,281
But, God damn it,
do I respect you!
1776
01:29:17,418 --> 01:29:19,409
(onlookers sigh)
1777
01:29:24,959 --> 01:29:27,951
(cheering)
1778
01:29:29,330 --> 01:29:30,797
Thank you,
1779
01:29:30,832 --> 01:29:32,322
brother.
1780
01:29:34,502 --> 01:29:37,767
Burgundy!
Burgundy!
1781
01:29:37,805 --> 01:29:40,239
Today we spell redemption
1782
01:29:40,274 --> 01:29:42,265
R-O-N.
1783
01:29:42,310 --> 01:29:45,143
Burgundy!
Burgundy!
1784
01:29:45,179 --> 01:29:47,010
Woman:
Ron, you're my hero!
1785
01:29:47,048 --> 01:29:50,848
Ron, I think you've got
a story to report.
1786
01:29:52,920 --> 01:29:54,410
Are you sure, Ed?
1787
01:29:55,456 --> 01:29:57,321
Do it.
1788
01:29:57,358 --> 01:29:59,952
It's the story
you were born to tell.
1789
01:30:04,999 --> 01:30:07,490
San Diego's waiting.
Go get 'em.
1790
01:30:07,535 --> 01:30:09,059
Make way!
1791
01:30:09,103 --> 01:30:12,129
Ron Burgundy's about
to report on pandas!
1792
01:30:14,609 --> 01:30:16,167
Count me down.
Three.
1793
01:30:16,210 --> 01:30:18,235
Scotty:
You're live, Mr. Burgundy.
1794
01:30:18,279 --> 01:30:20,270
This is Ron Burgundy,
1795
01:30:20,314 --> 01:30:24,182
proudly reporting once again
for Channel 4 News.
1796
01:30:24,218 --> 01:30:28,052
Today's story is one
of the more remarkable things
1797
01:30:28,089 --> 01:30:31,183
ever to happen
to San Diago
1798
01:30:31,225 --> 01:30:32,954
or even the world.
1799
01:30:32,994 --> 01:30:35,963
But in order
to properly retell it,
1800
01:30:35,997 --> 01:30:38,329
I'm going to need
some help
1801
01:30:38,366 --> 01:30:40,698
from my co-anchor,
1802
01:30:41,903 --> 01:30:43,962
Miss Veronica Corningstone.
1803
01:30:44,005 --> 01:30:46,064
(onlookers cheering)
1804
01:30:46,107 --> 01:30:48,803
- High-pressure system...
- No, no, no, no, Brick.
1805
01:30:48,843 --> 01:30:50,902
- High-pressure system...
- Go stand over there.
1806
01:30:50,945 --> 01:30:53,607
(cheering, applause)
1807
01:30:54,882 --> 01:30:56,281
Oh, Ron.
1808
01:30:56,317 --> 01:30:58,683
Ron, there are literally
thousands of men
1809
01:30:58,719 --> 01:31:00,311
that I should
be with instead,
1810
01:31:00,354 --> 01:31:03,448
but I am 72% sure
that I love you.
1811
01:31:07,495 --> 01:31:10,658
(cheering)
1812
01:31:10,698 --> 01:31:13,861
Narrator : Yes, redemption
was sweet for Ron Burgundy.
1813
01:31:13,901 --> 01:31:16,597
Yes!
Ron!
1814
01:31:16,637 --> 01:31:20,266
- As for the news team:
- Stop it! Ron!
1815
01:31:20,308 --> 01:31:23,744
Champ Kind went on to become
a commentator for the NFL,
1816
01:31:23,778 --> 01:31:26,303
but was later fired
after being accused
1817
01:31:26,347 --> 01:31:30,044
of sexual harassment
by Terry Bradshaw.
1818
01:31:30,084 --> 01:31:32,075
Excuse me.
1819
01:31:32,119 --> 01:31:34,679
Is that Sex Panther
you're wearing?
1820
01:31:34,722 --> 01:31:36,952
(howls)
1821
01:31:36,991 --> 01:31:39,516
Brian Fantana went on
to have great success
1822
01:31:39,560 --> 01:31:42,085
as the host of the hit
reality TV show
1823
01:31:42,129 --> 01:31:44,962
"Intercourse Island"
on the Fox Network.
1824
01:31:44,999 --> 01:31:47,729
Anyone seen Brick?
1825
01:31:47,768 --> 01:31:49,759
- Brick?
- Don't! That tickles!
1826
01:31:49,804 --> 01:31:53,001
No, that tickles me!
Come on!
1827
01:31:53,040 --> 01:31:56,009
Brick Tamland
is married with 11 children
1828
01:31:56,043 --> 01:31:58,273
and is one of the top
political advisors
1829
01:31:58,312 --> 01:32:00,007
to the Bush White House.
1830
01:32:00,047 --> 01:32:02,743
I'm gonna get you!
I'm gonna get you!
1831
01:32:02,783 --> 01:32:04,910
(cheering continues)
1832
01:32:13,294 --> 01:32:16,457
And Ron and Veronica
didn't stay in San Diego long.
1833
01:32:20,368 --> 01:32:22,495
I chose them
as my replacement,
1834
01:32:22,537 --> 01:32:25,973
and they became the first
mixed-gender network news team,
1835
01:32:26,007 --> 01:32:28,271
and they're still
doing it today.
1836
01:32:28,309 --> 01:32:31,403
From all of us here
at the World News Center,
1837
01:32:31,445 --> 01:32:33,174
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
1838
01:32:33,214 --> 01:32:35,045
And I'm Ron Burgundy.
1839
01:32:35,082 --> 01:32:37,710
You stay classy, planet Earth.
1840
01:32:40,988 --> 01:32:44,924
♪ Carry on, my wayward son ♪
1841
01:32:44,959 --> 01:32:48,986
♪ There'll be peace
when you are done ♪
1842
01:32:49,030 --> 01:32:53,262
♪ Lay your weary head
to rest ♪
1843
01:32:53,301 --> 01:32:55,428
♪ Don't you cry no more... ♪
1844
01:32:55,469 --> 01:32:58,734
Oh!
Great Odin's raven!
1845
01:32:58,773 --> 01:33:02,231
Oh!
By the hammer of Thor!
1846
01:33:02,276 --> 01:33:05,905
Oh!
Saint Damien's beard!
1847
01:33:05,947 --> 01:33:08,472
Sweet grandmother's spatula!
1848
01:33:08,516 --> 01:33:11,314
Oh! Hot pot of coffee!
1849
01:33:11,352 --> 01:33:14,788
Uncle Jonathan's
corncob pipe!
1850
01:33:17,425 --> 01:33:20,326
I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun
when you're not looking.
1851
01:33:20,361 --> 01:33:22,329
In the back of the head.
1852
01:33:22,363 --> 01:33:24,854
- I'm sorry.
- (crew laughing)
1853
01:33:26,367 --> 01:33:28,597
You're not very bright.
You know that, right?
1854
01:33:28,636 --> 01:33:30,331
You're actually
quite a dullard.
1855
01:33:30,371 --> 01:33:32,737
Everyone here knows it.
1856
01:33:32,773 --> 01:33:36,903
If I'm a dullard,
you're the, uh, the dull...
1857
01:33:36,944 --> 01:33:40,175
Oh! Can't think of
anything to say, can you?
1858
01:33:40,214 --> 01:33:43,183
Yes, I can. I can think
of a lot of things to say.
1859
01:33:43,217 --> 01:33:45,276
Like, you're a dirty bitch.
1860
01:33:48,155 --> 01:33:50,521
Well, Ron, I'm gonna
put poison...
1861
01:33:50,558 --> 01:33:52,617
(laughs)
Oh, my God!
1862
01:33:52,660 --> 01:33:56,061
(crew laughing)
1863
01:33:57,098 --> 01:34:00,295
I drank a lava lamp.
It wasn't lava.
1864
01:34:00,334 --> 01:34:02,734
I ate a whole bunch
of fiberglass insulation.
1865
01:34:02,770 --> 01:34:07,207
It wasn't cotton candy
like that guy said.
1866
01:34:07,241 --> 01:34:08,799
My stomach's itchy.
1867
01:34:08,843 --> 01:34:10,037
I pooped a hammer.
1868
01:34:10,077 --> 01:34:12,238
I pooped
a tape recorder.
1869
01:34:12,279 --> 01:34:14,304
I pooped
a Cornish game hen.
1870
01:34:16,984 --> 01:34:18,884
Uh...
1871
01:34:18,919 --> 01:34:20,910
(laughs)
Nope.
1872
01:34:21,956 --> 01:34:23,947
You do not take
a tone with me,
1873
01:34:23,991 --> 01:34:27,256
'cause I will give you a rap right
on the Jack Johnson!
1874
01:34:27,294 --> 01:34:28,761
- Okay.
- Yes.
1875
01:34:28,796 --> 01:34:30,559
Now this
is happenin'.
1876
01:34:30,598 --> 01:34:32,225
What are
you doing?
1877
01:34:32,266 --> 01:34:34,359
- Hah!
- What are you doing?
1878
01:34:34,402 --> 01:34:35,801
What are you...
1879
01:34:40,741 --> 01:34:41,901
Action.
1880
01:34:41,942 --> 01:34:44,035
We'll go back to doing
what I do best...
1881
01:34:44,078 --> 01:34:46,842
I guess we'll go back to doing
what I do best, show off.
1882
01:34:46,881 --> 01:34:48,815
When do we
get started?
1883
01:34:48,849 --> 01:34:50,578
When do we get started?
1884
01:34:50,618 --> 01:34:52,586
- That's my line.
- When do we get started?
1885
01:34:52,620 --> 01:34:54,588
You say,
"Whenever you like."
1886
01:34:54,622 --> 01:34:56,283
- Whenever you like.
- (laughs)
1887
01:34:56,323 --> 01:34:58,348
Keep it rollin'.
This is good stuff.
1888
01:34:59,393 --> 01:35:02,260
...an area bank
in a daring...
1889
01:35:02,296 --> 01:35:05,493
Probably not the same one.
Probably not the same guy.
1890
01:35:13,274 --> 01:35:15,265
Ron:
Brick, before I let you go,
1891
01:35:15,309 --> 01:35:17,869
are you still having your celebrity
golf tournament this summer?
1892
01:35:17,912 --> 01:35:19,880
No, too many people
died last year.
1893
01:35:19,914 --> 01:35:22,144
So we're not gonna do...
(laughs)
1894
01:35:22,183 --> 01:35:23,912
Sorry. Sorry.
1895
01:35:24,952 --> 01:35:28,251
They named it
San Diego.
1896
01:35:28,289 --> 01:35:32,020
Which in German means,
"a whale's vagina."
1897
01:35:32,059 --> 01:35:34,755
(laughing)
1898
01:35:38,599 --> 01:35:41,124
This is the most
ridiculous thing ever.
1899
01:36:02,223 --> 01:36:05,852
♪ Carry on, my wayward son ♪
1900
01:36:05,893 --> 01:36:09,624
♪ There'll be peace
when you are done ♪
1901
01:36:09,663 --> 01:36:13,360
♪ Lay your weary head
to rest ♪
1902
01:36:13,400 --> 01:36:14,492
♪ Don't you cry ♪
1903
01:36:14,535 --> 01:36:17,504
♪ Don't you cry no more ♪
1904
01:36:32,720 --> 01:36:34,688
(all laughing)
1905
01:36:34,722 --> 01:36:36,952
Way to handle him.
That was nice.
1906
01:36:36,991 --> 01:36:38,856
It sure is good
to be number one.
1907
01:36:38,893 --> 01:36:41,555
It sure beats the hell
out of number two.
1908
01:36:42,963 --> 01:36:45,329
We are laughing!
1909
01:36:45,366 --> 01:36:47,732
And we are
very good friends.
1910
01:36:47,768 --> 01:36:50,737
Good buddies sharing
a special moment.
1911
01:36:50,771 --> 01:36:53,569
Don't say anything, Ron.
Just let it happen.
1912
01:36:53,607 --> 01:36:56,633
We're laughing,
enjoying our friendship.
1913
01:36:56,677 --> 01:37:00,169
And someday we'll look back
on this with much fondness.
1914
01:37:01,248 --> 01:37:04,376
Yeah.
(sighs)
1915
01:37:04,418 --> 01:37:05,908
(laughs)
1916
01:37:07,655 --> 01:37:09,020
Yeah.
1917
01:37:09,620 --> 01:38:09,020
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