Original subtitles

[whisking]

URI AND ELLA

[Uri singing in high-pitched voice]

Joselito?

[continues singing in Spanish]

It's been years since you did Joselito!

Are you going out?

Um...

-Is it today? -Come on, it's Friday.

No, Ella, we said Saturday.

-No, Uri, we said Friday. -Oh, come on.

I would have remembered. Did we say Friday?

Friday, Friday... Where are you going?

-I'm not good at these things. -Alright, you're the sous-chef.

You always end up telling me I ruined it.

It's a joke.

We'll take turns, okay? I'll do it once and then you.

Alright. Today's your turn.

-No, no. -Where are you going?

Well, Kinneret.

-But the mixer does work, by the way. -Again?

So you guys are... getting serious.

-I don't know... -No, I think it's amazing.

Have fun, it's just that you made plans in the middle of everything.

-Why are you jumping like some idiot? -Sorry.

-You're insane. -Sorry, I should have knocked.

-No, of course not. This is your house. -He forgot that you moved in.

Are you going out on a date?

A date? I don't know. We've arranged to meet.

It's a date.

Dates.

Go bake your cookies, we'll eat later and continue to watch the movie.

-Alright. -I'm sorry, Uri.

I really have to thank you.

I was this close to moving back in with my mom and then killing myself.

"Zohara, Zohara..."

You'll even be better off with your weirdo dad.

[Zohar] At least he remembers I was born.

Fucking hippy. "Zohar, will you toss me a bud?"

[Zohar] "Don't worry, I'll give it back."

[Ella] "Come on, let's get in the car and go to Nazareth..."

Does this shirt work?

-It's a great look. -The color's good.

The bottom just needs shortening.

-A date, huh? -A date.

He was looking at my boobs again.

He might as well have cum in his pants four times.

You're disgusting!

-Come on, let's make some cookies. -I wish I could.

[jazz music]

TURNING THE WHEEL

Your lemon pie.

-Wow. -Look at that!

I've noticed you were also considering the tiramisu,

-so this is on the house. -[Uri] Great.

We were actually also considering the mousse.

-[man] The mousse as well? -No, she was kidding.

-Do you want the mousse? -Yes.

Oh, you do? So I'll have the mousse, too.

I mean, not on the house, you know, we'll pay.

Oh, no. Never mind, then. Forget about it.

I could ask if I can treat you to another one.

No, if it's a big deal, never mind.

It's not a big deal. Nothing's a big deal.

No problem.

I don't...

It wasn't clear.

I'm so horny.

So we're...

-...in sync. -Are we?

-Mm-hmm -Why? What will you do to me?

[chuckles] What will I do to you?

[Uri laughs] What...?

What are you in the mood for?

[both laugh]

Okay. You're not playing along.

-Give me a chance. Just a minute. -No, that's okay.

How far do you want to go?

Shall I go first?

-Yes, yes, go ahead. -Okay, so...

-We'll go inside... -Okay.

-Go up the stairs... -Okay.

And I'll take your shirt off while we walk up the stairs.

What?

The stairs? In the house?

-Yes. -Is that my house?

Yes.

No, because practically speaking, you know, Ella...

But it's a fantasy. Okay.

-No, it's okay. It's fine. What? -You're just...

I didn't realize, but that's fine. It's a fantasy, right?

-Anyway... -Well? Okay.

We're going into the bedroom...

-[phone chimes] -Yes.

-[Kinneret] Um... -No, it's just...

It's Ella, I want to make sure it's not an emergency.

[Ella through phone] Uri, this is Major Cookies.

I wanted to report that the cookies are halfway there.

Dispatch will contact you later on.

Roger and Dodger.

-What was that? -That's our stupid humor.

-What should I say back? -Is she like a freak or something?

No, she's... You know, she's...

She's a joker, you know, baking cookies...

What do you mean, she's baking cookies?

She's... What?

I mean, it's Friday night,

and she's sitting at home and baking you cookies?

She loves it, she's... You know, she reports back to me.

[mockingly] "She reports back to me about the cookies she's baking me."

What?

Is she an oddball, or something?

A ball?

No, she's...

She's just not a party girl or anything.

Neither am I, to be honest. It's a matter of personality.

-Right. -She's... You know, there's...

She has a strong center and...

What?

Why are you laughing? Some people like to dance, and some like to...

-What? I think it's cute. -It's adorable.

[phone chimes]

[Ella in alien voice] Uri, we've kidnapped Ella to our planet.

We will only release her if you eat all of the cookies...

Alright, that's enough. Never mind. I'll call her back later.

[lively music]

-Come on, let's go to a hotel. -What?

It'll be on the front page of every paper tomorrow morning.

[Ella] You're such an idiot!

You can take your helmet off right now,

and you won't be recognized by a single person.

So maybe I was exaggerating a bit, but still...

Why are you laughing?

I'm dying here!

Go see if Ella's home.

What's to see? She's home for sure.

She's so weird.

It's Friday night. Can't she just get out of the house?

So what are we going to do? Just forget about it?

We could do it tomorrow and prepare in advance.

No way! Don't you want to fuck tonight?

I do, I'd be happy to.

-You'd be happy to... -It's just...

Turn right over here.

-Where are we going? -To my place.

But your parents.

They're asleep anyway. It's no big deal.

That's true. That's true. And not true.

All this fuss and you'll end up cumming after 30 seconds.

-I'm just kidding, don't get nervous. -No...

Bad first sex is great, it's the best thing that could happen.

It's a good sign, it's like being pooped on by a pigeon.

[car honks]

There, someone recognized you. [laughs]

[gate clangs]

-Did you plant all of these...? -How should I know?

[quietly] Come on.

Dammit... Come in, come in.

[door closes]

-Oh, man! -Whoa! Are you guys still up?

-[Kinneret's Dad] Night owls. -Hi, honey.

What's up, Mom?

Come on in. This is Uri.

-Hello. -Hello, Uri. Good night.

-It's nice to meet you. -It's nice to meet you.

It's nice to meet you. What a surprise.

-Hello, nice to meet you. -Hello.

You need to let me know about these things.

-Stop it, you're gorgeous. -I'm in my pajamas.

Alright!

-[Kinneret's Dad] Uri, some grapes? -No, no, I...

-I'm totally full. -Okay.

Thank you.

[TV plays in background]

Um...

This is so good.

-I have to ask you something. -Yes, of course.

-She just has to. -Yes?

How do you remember all those lyrics? I can't figure it out.

Do you have the lyrics on the floor?

How can it be?

You memorize it.

It's all about practice. Over time, you know...

I'm always wondering how entertaining it would be if you got the lyrics wrong.

It's so much to remember.

It works for now.

-"How entertaining it would be." -That's amazing.

Right.

[Kinneret] You're cute.

Well, put this on my name in your will.

Alright, come on.

-Okay. -Put it back.

Alright.

-[Kinneret] Okay. -Okay, good night.

-Good night. -[Kinneret] We'll go upstairs.

Right.

Your house is...

...like the old days.

-[laughs] Idiot. -Right.

-Daddy, I love you! -It was nice meeting you.

-[Kinneret's Dad] How was it? -It was nice meeting you, too.

-It was fine. -"It was fine."

Fine.

[quietly] Where's the bathroom?

[Kinneret's Mom] Across from her bedroom.

[snickers]

I should just drink it all up, right?

[man through phone] What are you waiting for?

[Kinneret] Shut the door.

Your room is...

...nice.

It smells like mothballs.

-Thanks. -Here you go.

Cheers.

How long ago was this opened?

Knowing them, 15 years.

[Kinneret] Come on, give me a hand.

-This... -[Uri] Should I pull?

-No, pick it up. Pick it up. -[Uri] No, but I'm not allowed to...

-Would you like to take your shoes off? -What? Yes.

I'll take them off, it's fine.

-What's with those shoes? God! -I got them as a birthday gift.

-It's taking so long! -What?

This is taking so long.

So many shoelaces. I would have worn slippers had I known.

Don't get a divorce, trust me.

They've been promising me a king size bed since I was 12.

How old were you when you moved out?

I don't know.

Eighteen, I think.

Oh.

[laughs hysterically] No, it's just... I can't remember the...

It's just... It's weird.

-What is it? -No, it's nothing.

-I'm sorry. Am I not allowed to touch? -No...

-Never mind, it'll bum you out anyway. -Of course not. What is it?

-Do you have a battle scar? -I don't have any boobs, okay?

-So what? It's cute that... No? -Okay.

Hold on, I have to show you. You need to understand this.

Hold on.

Show me what?

Check this out.

The piece de resistance.

What is it?

Is that you?

You see? That's with milk, but...

-They're amazing. -I know.

I mean, they're not huge, they're just right...

-No, they're... -They fit right in your palm.

Never mind, I breastfed and now I have two backs.

-Do you want to keep holding it? -Amazing.

-What is it? -Hold it while we...

What are you talking about?

I won the lottery here, you have no idea.

You're sweet.

No, it's...

-Alright, shut up. -It's adorable. What?

Nothing.

Wait, wait.

[lively music]

Whoa...

You're in really good shape.

-Am I? -Yeah!

Was it good?

What was that?

I'm so glad to hear you say that.

It's just...

I'm new to this whole thing...

I was grieving for a year, too,

and I was with the same woman for 30 years, so...

And suddenly... For me, being with someone like you,

is like a punch to the heart. It's tremendous.

You're tremendous. Really. You are...

I want this to work so bad.

I mean, I'm scared, too, but I really want to...

That was... Really, it was...

That was so... Really.

Man, was that heavy...

-Oh, man. -What? What is it?

I was trying to give you a compliment.

I know, I'm flattered, but it's just... Why so heavy?

Heavy? No, on the contrary, I wanted to share...

Why ruin it?

What? What? What?

I don't get it. What...?

No, I mean, it's all so big, a year, 30 years, grieving, I don't...

No, you're taking it...

What for? That's unnecessary.

We barely know each other. I mean...

What did I say? I don't understand.

Oh, man...

What? I don't really...

I don't...

This is weird.

But...

What did I say? I was just...

[Kinneret] When will you invite me over for dinner with Ella?

We can't really call our last encounter an introduction.

[phone chimes]

What...

Well, I...

[dialing tone]

-I thought you were dead. -[Uri through phone] Hey, Shmick.

Why aren't you available?

Is something wrong?

Who are you, Obama? It's impossible to reach you.

But is everything alright?

Why is it so quiet over there? Aren't you on a date?

I'm here at Kinneret's, everything's fine.

[Ella] What... What about the cookies?

I'll eat them tomorrow.

But they're at their best today.

-They'll be better tomorrow. -They'll be shit tomorrow.

Ella, I'm in the middle of something here.

Alright, fine.

Bye, Shmick.

["The First Cut Is the Deepest" playing]

♪ The first cut is the deepest Baby, I know ♪

Was she upset?

No.

She's been very attached to me ever since she was a kid.

I know, Nof is the same way with Hagai.

Right...

Could you pass me my underwear?

♪ But when it comes to being loved he's first ♪

♪ That's how I know ♪

♪ The first cut is the deepest Baby, I know ♪

♪ The first cut is the deepest ♪

♪ I still want you by my side ♪

♪ Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried ♪

♪ And I'm sure gonna give you a try ♪

♪ And if you want I'll try to love again ♪

♪ Baby, I'll try to love again but I know ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ The first cut is the deepest Baby, I know ♪

SWEETIE, LET ME REMIND YOU THIS IS A SECRET RECIPE FOR FAMILY ONLY!

DON'T PASS IT ALONG TO ANYONE! IF THERE'S ANY PROBLEM ASK ME FOR HELP.

♪ 'Cause when it comes to being lucky he's cursed ♪

♪ When it comes to lovin' me he's worst ♪

♪ But when it comes to being loved he's first ♪

♪ That's how I know... ♪

[TV plays in background]

[Uri] Hey, good morning.

[Ella] Don't touch those cookies.

[Uri] They turned out great, Shmick.

Whatever. They were better last night.

Cappuccino?

What are you watching?

The Next Top Model .

This is great.

-[Zohar] Hello. -Hey.

Hello, my friend.

Which season is this?

[Ella] The last one, unfortunately.

[Zohar] I can't take it anymore.

-[Ella sighs] -What's wrong?

Nothing, I'm tired.

You're a genius, my friend. This is so good!

-Thanks for saving some for me. -Are you coming to watch RuPaul?

I can't, I have that test and that paper.

I wish I could just crash with you guys on the couch.

-[Uri] Espresso? Cappuccino? -[Zohar] No, thank you.

It feels like a hotel in here.

-Bye, Uri. -Bye.

See you later.

Who's coming to breakfast at Yellowtail?

-Who, me? -Let's go.

You got time for that? Aren't you meeting Kinneret?

We got together last night.

Okay.

She'll be coming over tomorrow.

Kinneret will be coming over for dinner tomorrow.

Where?

Just... here, at our place.

She wants to meet you.

I mean, you already met, but she wants it to...

It might be nice for her to...

She's very sensitive to those kind of things.

What things...?

-She's noticed how you were a little... -A little what?

We've talked about how...

Why are you guys talking about me?

Will you even come to dinner? You didn't bother to last night.

Come on, Lul, I...

I busted my ass here, and by the way, the mixer's broken.

What were you doing staying home?

Did anyone tell you to bake cookies on a Friday night?

We made those plans together!

I know, but Ella, don't you think it's a little...?

-Go out, have some fun. -I don't want to go out.

Don't you think you're a bit of an oddball?

Why am I an oddball?

No, I meant it as a good thing.

Think about how people see you.

Okay.

Well, now we're just...

Come on, Ella.

I'm going to take a shower, Shmick.

[Tzuki through phone] What's up, Bedouin?

[chuckles] Hi, Tzuki, I...

How are you, first of all?

Relax, Uri, I've moved on.

Look, about that conversation...

Right, you gave me a new angle.

Well, I know I went a bit too far, you know,

we were both in a bad state.

It's okay, water under the bridge.

So look, I was a little upset, you know, and...

I said some things, you know, things were taken out of context.

People say things, people hear things, and it's not always...

I heard you just fine.

Well, why are you being so cold?

I know I need to let go.

What can I say, I have a beautiful, funny and charming daughter.

She's a joker, Uri.

She's an ace, she's great, she's a terrific kid.

-A real princess, huh? -Yes.

But you can't turn back the wheel.

So that's the thing, you can.

All you have to do with a wheel is turn it back.

And you don't turn it back, either, you just turn it.

It's just turning the wheel, you know.

Look...

I... I mean, as far as I'm concerned, if it was up to me...

It's fine by me.

[doorbell rings]

-Hey. -Hi.

-This is so great! -Wow, okay. [laughs]

-Wow, I love what you're wearing. -Thanks. You look great, too.

-Come on, let's go in. -Let's go.

This is for you.

-You're so sweet! Thank you. -No problem.

-Is it a book? -Yes.

-[Tzuki] This is so exciting, Blondie! -[Kinneret] Hey.

[Tzuki] Hey, Uri, we both have chicks.

-Wow, Life as a Fable . -Right.

-That's nice. -That book really opened me up to...

-Is it second hand? -It's mine.

The copy I read when I was your age.

-Oh, so you'll want it back. -No, it's for you.

-That's okay. I'll return it. -No, it's...

-No, it's okay, I'm a fast reader. -Ella, Ella, she said it was okay.

-Okay, okay. Thank you. -[Tzuki] Let's have something to drink.

-This is great. -Thank you.

-You're welcome, gorgeous. -You'll get it back in two weeks.

-Here, I'll put the wine over there. -Thank you.

-Cheers. -[all] Cheers.

-Thanks for having us. -That's right.

You're so tall! I forgot, you were lying down most of the time last time.

Gubi, Gubi, Gubi... He just says "Gubi" all the time.

Now, the kid has Down syndrome.

-Careful. -Wow, Tzuki.

This is delicious. We tried a pacifier, we tried a bottle, we tried everything.

My sister's husband keeps saying, "What, is this Gubi? Is that Gubi?"

We were starting to get nervous that the kid might...

Something was bothering him and we couldn't figure out what.

Is that Gubi? Is this Gubi? Is that Gubi?

Anyway, every once in a while, he'd go, "Gubi, Kinneret? Gubi?"

We couldn't take it. "Mom, Gubi, Gubi, Gubi..."

Anyway, the kid's now 15, 16 years old, I'm not sure how old he was.

We were sitting down for dinner,

we were having a family dinner, the TV was on VH1,

suddenly Michael Jackson's song starts playing,

-the one with the boogie. - Blame It On the Boogie .

-Yes, that's right. Anyway... -Yeah, that's a Jackson 5 song.

Okay. The kid stood up and just started shouting,

"Gubi! Gubi! Gubi!"

[Uri] Oh, man!

We realized that ever since he was five he just wanted to listen to that song.

-He got stuck on Michael Jackson. -Exactly.

-What a great story! -It's awesome.

-Just great. -My God.

And they thought it was Gubi.

The kid did.

-That's nice. -Oh, right. The kid did.

And did you take him to the thing, to the speech therapy thing?

-What speech therapy? -What do you mean?

I mean... He obviously has a speech impediment.

What?

What does that have to do with anything? The kid's retarded.

-I got that. -I think you're missing the point.

-I got the point. -Okay.

That...

He said "Gubi," but meant "boogie."

That's nice. It's funny. I mean, it's just...

I know about that, it's not a big deal, there's treatment for that,

-it's... an anagram. -I think you just said something stupid.

[Ella] Alright, Tzuki, I don't know, I don't think it's that funny.

No, Kinneret, it's a great story, it's not that, just...

No, you're taking it too... I mean, it's not like...

Everything's fine.

You know, when it's in your family, it's a release, it's not like...

No, of course.

It's beautiful how you're making fun of him and all, I just think it's...

I don't know, maybe because I suffered a loss or something, so...

It's nothing.

You pulled the ace from your sleeve.

No, I really don't know what...

Ella, he's not dead, he's just retarded.

Look how red you've made him.

Never mind. That's enough.

-Hey, Shmul! -[Ella] Brother!

-[Uri] What a surprise. -[Ella] Huh.

[Uri laughs]

-I can't believe this. -I knocked, actually.

But you couldn't hear me.

[Ella] We were having a very heavy conversation here. What's up?

-It's so great you're here. -[Ella] Shmulul!

What's up?

It's nice to meet you, Tzurad.

-Shmulik. -Tzuki from Parole.

-Hello. -Hi.

-Kinneret, you guys... -Nice to meet you.

-This is my son. Have you two met? -No.

No? But I told you about her, didn't I?

-No. -No, that's okay, no big deal.

-I came by to pick up the microphone. -Oh, okay.

-Is it in your room? -Of course.

-Okay. -Come sit with us.

-No, no way. No, no. -Come on.

You have to. What's the matter with you?

-I don't want to interrupt. -You're not interrupting.

-[Uri] Interrupting? -[Shmulik laughs]

[quietly] Didn't you invite him?

It slipped through the cracks. This is on you.

I forgot. What can I say?

Shmulu, come have something to eat, sit with us.

No, no, no.

-Come on, there's crazy food. -No.

-I don't to crash the party. -Come on.

What are you talking about, crash the party?

-I just came for the microphone. -I'll fix you a plate. Uri...

-Come on, come on. -You have to stay. You can't leave.

-Just for five minutes. -Come on.

-It's delicious. -Forget about that stupid microphone.

Just put it down. Come on, sit down.

-So delicious. -It's like a restaurant.

-It's crazy. -Get him some wine.

What is this? Do you serve this dish at the restaurant?

Enjoy, honey.

-[Uri] It's so good. -How about you, gorgeous?

It's awesome.

It's so great here. A kingdom.

This is so great, what a beautiful, happy family.

You've raised such happy children, Uri.

On cloud nine. You've raised them on cloud nine.

-[all laugh] -Alright, Tzuki.

-I'm so in love with you. -Stop it, you idiot.

Why? What's wrong? I'm dying for you to have my son.

No, not my son. My daughter. I'm dying for a girl.

We'll go to Barcelona, and go to the beach the moment we land.

Barcelona?

-Will I be able to come to visit? -What do you mean, visit?

You're coming with us, and so are you, and you.

If you want to, you know, no one's forcing you.

We'll live in a hut, I'll build it.

I can build anything, I'm great with my hands.

Get me a toolbox, I'll show you.

I love Barcelona. Tapas.

Right, as long as we're getting out of here.

You know, away from all those people

who always want you to be the best, to be the most successful.

-This city disgusts me. -[Ella] It's disgusting here.

[Tzuki] Yes, and you know, my crazy sister will stop laughing at me

like some stupid cow all the time, I can't stand her.

-She lives here. -[Uri] Barcelona's beautiful.

-But what will you do over there? -We'll be farmers.

I'll teach you to bake bread, Uri, us men will grow tomatoes, too.

Shmulik, you'll do whatever you want, and you'll be our muse.

Honey.

-What about me? -What about you? You're a sweetheart.

Everything will be homemade, and I'll have some peace and quiet.

Finally.

-As long as we get out of this dump. -What a dream.

[Kinneret] Oh, man...

[Tzuki] I can't stand anything about my life.

But you'll raise our daughter.

I've screwed two kids up, that's enough.

I'll have some peace and quiet.

I'll go back to painting.

-So some carpentry. -That's the last thing we need.

I'll have some peace and quiet.

We'll be happy there.

-Do you think we'll be happy there? -Of course.

Yeah? Because I don't really know.

I think the Spanish are assholes.

[all laugh]