All language subtitles for United.States.of.Al.S01E06.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Come on.

Dude, she's kicking your butt.

I'm letting her win.

We all know that's a lie.

Hazel!

You should not...

I am older than you
and deserve...

Never mind,
I'll tell you later.

Done.Whoo! That's my girl.

You have earned yourself

some breakfast ice cream.

Al, you got three more to go.

And then I get ice cream?

Ice cream's for winners.

There's no participation
ice cream.

Hey, guys, I got something
I want to run by you.

You okay?

Maybe one day.

You know how
my Ohio Veteran's Post

does a fundraiser
every year?

This year they want
to honor you guys.

Ah, I hate those
dog and pony shows.

Oh, it's not like that.
You just shake some hands,

you take some pictures,
you open some wallets--

Okay, it's a little
like that.

But it's for a good cause.

I love good causes.

They do so much good.

And the money we raise
is gonna help men like Al

who are still
waiting for their visas.

Mashallah.

Fine.

As long as we keep
the focus on that.

I really don't want
to be a poster boy.

Great! Hazel,

want me to make you
some breakfast?

Dad promised me
ice cream.

How about scrambled eggs
in a cone?

Riley jaan,

why are you not more excited?

This is a wonderful honor.

Nah, don't get your hopes up--
it's chicken fingers,

a slideshow and a bunch
of really old guys

telling stories
about World War II.

Oh, stop selling.

You had me at chicken fingers.

♪

♪ Oh!

Just got off the horn
with the Columbus Dispatch.

Get this, they're sending
a guy to take pictures.

Mr. Art, are
you serious?

Do not say it
if it's not true.

It's true.

I did not seek fame, but
it seems to have found me.

[scoffs]Oh, I'm going to need
a jacket and tie.

Not a problem.

Mitch Culpepper's
great-grandson owns

a men's clothing store.
He'll hook you up.

How old is Mitch?

101, tank commander.Mm.

Helped drive Rommel
out of Africa.

Mm.

He must have amazing stories.

And you will hear
all of them.

Hey, Art.
Patterson!

Awalmir, this is Gunnery
Sergeant Lisa Patterson.

USMC.
Retired.

20's plenty, right? [laughs][mutters]

You remember my son?Good to see you, Sergeant.

Gunny.

We really appreciate
you guys doing this.

No, it is us who
appreciate you.

Boy, you're adorable.

So here's the rundown-- uh...

bar opens at 1700 hours,
buffet at 1730.

Then there will be
a slideshow presentation,

after which you'll both say

a few words.
And I do mean "a few."

At this point in the evening,
it is bedtime

for the Greatest Generation.

Whoa, now we're making speeches?

Ah, I should go second.

Riley can't follow me.

Sergeant, we didn't ask you here
just to look pretty.

Don't get me wrong though.

You arepretty.

I can say that 'cause

you're not exactly my type.

I like women.

Come on, son, everybody
wants to hear from you.

And try to keep
your message optimistic.

Optimistic?

Translators are getting killed
almost every day.

Maybe don't open with that.

All right, well...

I'll do the best I can.

"I'll do the best I can."

I think that's the motto
for the Coast Guard, Art.

[both laugh]

♪ If I had a hammer

[glass shattering]

♪ I'd hammer in the morning.

Whatcha doing?

Making art.
Oh.

For a minute there,
I thought you were

breaking beer bottles
with a hammer.

I'm working
on a mixed-media mosaic.

Ah.

Why?

What do you want, Dad?

I need to ask a favor.

I'm listening.

I was hoping you could
put together a slideshow

about your brother.

Maybe include some pictures
of him and Al in there.

For the Veteran's Post thing?Yeah.

You sure about this?
Riley hates that kind of stuff.

Nah, he says he does,
but once he gets up there

onstage and he feels

all that love
and gratitude.

He needs this.

I sure never got an attaboy
when I came back from Grenada.

'Cause no one knew you went
or what it was.

That was a turning point
in the Cold War.

It was more like the beach
volleyball scene from Top Gun.

Come on, help me
out here, will ya?

Y-Your brother's stuck.

And we need to unstick him.

You in or you out?

I'm in.

Thank you.

Hey, can I try?

Oh, sure.Yeah.

Just, you know...

[glass shattering]

Yeah! I get it.

I'm gonna say goodbye
to you out here, honey.

Don't you want to come in and
say hi to Mom's new boyfriend?

[scoffs]All right, don't
be a wise guy.

Give me a kiss.

Hey, Hazel!

Hey, Riley. Good to see you.

Hi, Freddy.

Is this weird?
It's weird, right?

It feels weird.

Yeah, trust that feeling, bro.

Want to come in?
I'm making breakfast.
Mm.

Or as you military folks
call it, "chow."

No, thanks.

Is Vanessa around? I need
to talk to her for a sec.

She'll be right back.

But you're welcome to talk

to some homemade chorizo.

I make my own sausages.

It's kind of a hobby.

Just tell her to
call me, okay?

We got to switch weekends.

My dad's being honored
at the OVP.

Oh, that's amazing.

Congratulations, dude.

You can't come.

Hazel, don't be rude.

But, yeah, you can't come.

Understood.

You know, I would've joined up,
but I had some medical issues.

Deviated septum.
When the weather's dry,

I get nosebleeds.

I've learned to live with it.

Right.

Anyway,
just tell her to call me.

Of course.

But if there's
anything I can do...

You want me
to donate some money?

Wait, hold on,
let me see what I...

Whoa-ho, 20, five...

tw-twenty-seven.

Look what I did.

Made it weird again.

Oh, there you are.What's up?

I was hoping
you could help me with--

Oh, is that Riley
when he was a little boy?

Yeah.
Aw!

Who's the little boy
next to him?

Me.

Oh.
Yeah.

That's what happens
when your dad cuts your hair

because barbers are a rip-off.

Well, you were very handsome.

Gee, thanks.

I bought a book
on how to give speeches.

And I do not
understand this.

"Hello, ladies and germs."

Is that a joke?

Or is that serious?

Is there a third choice?

Going for a run.
I'll be back in a bit.

Riley, have you written
your speech?

No, I'm just gonna wing it.

I can help you with jokes.

[sighs]

I do not understand
why he is getting

so worked up
about this fundraiser.

He just doesn't like being
the center of attention.

But he has always been
so proud of being a Marine.

And he still is.

[sighs]

I don't know.

He is very different
from what I remember.

Join the club.

So what happened?

You tell me.

You were with him
over there.

But he was with you over here.

This is where he changed.

In Afghanistan, he was capable
and sure of himself.

His men loved him.

They would have
followed him anywhere.

But now...

now he just seems lost.

He sure does.

I hope he has not
been bewitched.

I'm sorry, what?

It would explain a lot.

You know, it would.

Espand e balla band.

Chashmi heach, chashmi khaish.

Chashmi dost wa dooshmani
bad andish...

Don't make me ask.

I'm burning espand seeds
to ward off the evil eye.

Gosh, will you knock it off?

I think you know
the answer to that.

I got to get
my uniform together,

I got to get my hair cut
for this thing.

Lay off me, man.

No, I will lay on you, man.

Until you change your attitude.

I said I'm going.

What do you want me to do,
skip there twirling a baton?

Don't you remember
Ahmad, Bilal, Ali?

They are waiting
for their visas.

Their lives are
still in danger.

And you are acting like
helping them is an annoyance.

You know if I could go
to Afghanistan

and bring them back, I would.

But you can't. All you can do
is go to the fundraiser...

I said I'm going!

Don't yell at me!

We are on the same side!

Where are you going?
We're talking.

I need more espand seeds.

I don't have an evil eye!

Yes, you do.

[smoke alarm beeping]

See?

Riley getting ready?

Hey, I'm only in charge
of the slideshow.

And it's gonna work?

It should, it absolutely should.

Huh? What do you think?

Family and friends discount
from Culpepper and Sons.

Wow, you look great!

Well, thank you.

Just don't be surprised

if someone asks you
to park their car.

Oh!

Wow.

This is in, like, those movies

when the ugly girl
becomes beautiful.

All right.

That's the only one you get.

Hey, Hazelnut.

Hey, sunshine.

Hey, Grampy.Look at you in a dress.

I don't want
to talk about it.

You clean up nice.

I don't want to talk about it.

Sorry about Freddy
the other day.

I heard he was a little extra.

No, no, he means well.

He's not coming, is he?No.

But he's all dressed up
and just a phone call away.

Uh, Mom, get a picture
of me and Dad.

BOTH:
Oorah!

And now one with me.

And now with Mr. Art.

All right, that's enough.

Wait, we need Lizzie.

Okay, now just me.

[band playing
"The Star-Spangled Banner"]

♪

Post the colors.

Riley, Al, I want you to meet
some of our major donors.

Mitch's family owns Culpepper
and Sons down at the mall.

Your great-grandson
is a terrific salesman.

He guessed my jacket size
just by looking at me.

Boys medium?

Amazing.

Thank you for your service.

You're welcome.

And this is Ted Begley.

Ted owns the Chevy dealership
out on Route 23.

Any time you need a
car, come on down.

Uh, promo code is
"American Hero."

Hmm.

I'm a big fan of the
1997 Toyota Corolla.

Preferably with a radio.

Uh, Riley, I'm curious,

what is your go-to sidearm?

The one they gave us.[laughs]

Ooh, I'll bet you saw
a lot of action, huh?

Nah, it was, uh,
months of boredom

punctuated with
the worst days of my life.

Oh.

Excuse me.
I'm gonna hit the head.

For a brave man,
he has a very nervous bladder.

So, tell me more
about your Corollas.

[laughter]So there we are,

in the dead of night,
cut off from our unit,

trying to make our way back

through Taliban-controlled
territory.

Did you throw a grenade?

I will get there, Mr. Ted.

Anyway, we have
to be very quiet.

One peep out of us,
we are dead men.

And this new recruit tells me
he has to go to the bathroom.

[soft laughter]So, I send him

behind a bush,
where he makes so much noise,

he might as well have
shot off a flare.[laughter]

Okay, but w--
So then, you threw a grenade.

Well, I suppose you could say,
Mr. Ted,

the new guy dropped a grenade.

[laughter]

So, Riley, I hear that
you were quite the hero

over there in Iraq.

It was over there
in Afghanistan.

I wasn't a hero.

But otherwise you heard right.

Hello, can I have
everybody's attention?

We're gonna start the slideshow.
Lizzie, you ready?

Oh, boy, I hope so.

Fire it up.

Okay, um, hang on.

[orchestral music plays]

Hey, it worked.

♪

♪

[panting]

Hey. Where you going?

I'm just grabbing some air.

You're gonna make
your speech, right?

I don't know.
This was a bad idea.

Riley.

I'm just so damn proud of you,
son. I wish you...

I know, Dad.

♪

[whispers]: Hey, Al. How long
can you make your speech?

Very long. Why?

I think we lost Riley.

Where'd he go?

I don't know.

[sighs]
I might.

Stay here, I'll be right back.

I want to come with you.No.

I need you to record
Uncle Al's speech

so that Dad can watch it later.

That's the mission.
Can you handle it?

Yes, ma'am.Okay.

[exhales]

I guess you were right.

I wish I wasn't.

[vocalizing]

What are you doing?

I'm warming up my instrument.

[continues vocalizing]

Oh, great.

Mind if I join you?

How'd you know?
Hmm.

You have three spots you go to
when you're freaking out.

And the strip club
burned down.

Now I'm freaking out
about two things.

Hydrate.

Aspirin.

One bacon cheeseburger,
extra greasy.

Aw. You're the best
almost ex-wife ever.

[chuckles]

Um, you gonna try to
guilt me into going back?

Nope.

You gonna tell me I need to
get checked out at the V.A.?

[laughs softly]
Nope.

Then what do you want?

I want my daughter's
father to be okay.

So...

So I'm just gonna sit here
with you for a while.

[exhales]

Mmm.

You want a bite?

Not for a million dollars.

Before we get to the main event,

how about another
big hand for Lizzie Dugan

for putting together
that slideshow.

[laughs]
It's so sad how good this feels.

And before we introduce
tonight's honorees,

I would like to take a moment
to thank my beautiful wife.

Crystal, come on.
Come on, stand up.

Take a bow.
[chuckles][applause]

I had to keep her

on the down-low until 2011.

So now it's,
"You don't ask, I do tell."

'Cause I tell everybody.
I mean, come on.

Look at her.
Come on.

Anyhoo.

It is my pleasure
to introduce an exceptional man

who fought alongside
our men and women,

Mr. Awalmir Karimi.

[applause]

Whoo! Go get 'em, Uncle Al.

Thank you, Gunny.Keep it clean.

[clears throat]

Hello. Uh, good evening.

Thank you for this
wonderful honor.

I read a book on giving
speeches, and it suggested

opening with a joke.

Oh, boy.

But I'm not going to.

Because there is
nothing funny about

the 17,000 Afghan interpreters
still waiting for visas

which were promised to them.

When we decided to join
the U.S. forces,

we were not only
risking our lives,

we were putting the lives
of our families in danger.

We were the eyes and ears
of American troops.

And that is what the Taliban
called us, "the eyes."

On missions, I would hear them
over the radio say,

"Shoot the eyes first."

And a lot of times they did.

But not me.

My friend Riley saved my life
on three separate occasions.

Twice from gunfire,

once from red tape.

He got my
visa application out

from whatever pile
it was buried under

and brought me to America.

And I know he doesn't like
to be called a hero,

but the interpreters who don't
have a friend like him...

...are probably not going
to make it here.

So, if he won't let me
call him a hero...

...I will call him my brother.

And now, if you will allow me,
a song.

Lizzie, if you please?

["It's Not Unusual" playing]

♪ It's not unusual

♪ To be loved by anyone

♪ It's not unusual

♪ To have fun with anyone...

♪ If I ever find that
you've changed at any time ♪

♪ It's not unusual to find out

♪ I'm in love with you

♪ Whoa, whoa!

Thank you, ladies and germs![applause]

Good night.[microphone feedback]

Whoo!

[mouths]

Apparently,
you weren't missed.

[both laugh]

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