Original subtitles

**

Well, I'm a little bit nervous.

Hopefully you don't [bleep] it up.

Mary: I've been working all winter long to save Tirdy Works.

This is actually my last shot.

The investors aren't here yet. I haven't seen them.

What Mary presented to us about coming up to Pittsfield

was, like, a very big concept.

Look at the diversity here.

Oh, my God. [ Laughter ]

I'm going to be going on stage, and then I'm gonna do my thing.

Deb: I gave Mary an ultimatum months ago.

If this doesn't succeed, this could be our last show.

Very stressful.

The investors showed up really late.

Mary: I really just want this show to go perfect.

If anything goes wrong...

My bud's not working.

...it could be disastrous for Tirdy Works.

**

[ Animal screeches ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

I am very excited and honored

to present your final comedian for the evening.

You guys ready for your final comic? [ Applause ]

You know, the way I see it,

there's $100,000 riding on this show.

[ Cheers and applause ] Emma: Yeah, your headliner?

Mary: I want to take this comedy show on the road,

and hopefully we can keep the theater open.

It's a big part of this town's history.

So, it's important for me to prove my concept

to the investors tonight.

She's a very funny woman who also happens to be

the CEO and Founder of Tirdy Works.

Emma: This is going to be the biggest audience

Mary's ever performed in front of,

and there's no way to anticipate

what that feels like until you get out there.

Once you're up there and everyone's just looking at you,

she might freak out and then go back to the turds.

Please clap it up for my buddy Mary Winchenbach.

Let her hear it. Keep it going for Mary.

[ Applause ] Whoo!

[ Cheers and applause ]

If we have no investors, then there's no tour.

So, it all hinges on my performance

and how well I can pull this off.

Hey, everybody. Everyone can hear me okay?

Yes? Woman: No.

No?

[ Microphone feedback whines ]

Oh, what the hell's that noise?

Alright, so thank you all for coming here tonight and stuff.

And I'm going to be doing my stand-up comedy routine,

but Emma Willmann, our MC,

she's been out kind of helping me

learn my different kinds of comedy and everything.

And what she told me is that

I got to come stand in front of the table,

which I think is a little bit messed up

because I always -- my motto is I stand behind my [bleep].

[ Laughter ] You know, and this is my [bleep],

and now I got to go stand out there,

which is kind of ass-backwards.

And another thing she told me, if you get nervous, she goes,

"Grab a turd and put it in your pocket for comfort."

So that's what I did.

I got turds in my top pocket up here for comfort.

[ Laughter ]

I just wanted to kind of introduce myself

a little bit, you know.

And my name's Mary, and I'm from Somerville, Maine.

One of the observations that I've made

is that I think that Somerville needs to have

their own edition of Webster's Dictionary.

They say seent, and fount, and learnt, and kilt,

and smelt it, and that ain't right.

[ Laughter ]

When I first moved into town,

we had two paved roads in the whole town.

Now we're up to four. [ Laughter ]

It's sad, it really is.

I mean, it's a great town, but, honest to God,

the roads suck. [ Laughter ]

I don't even think Mary knows how brave she is being.

That is a lot of new stuff to do in front of a lot of people.

I actually see some false teeth one day,

sitting right on side of the road.

Well, that ain't right either.

They friggin' lose their choppers

right out of their friggin' mouth. [ Laughter ]

This is actually the first product I ever started out with.

These are all sold separately, by the way,

but these are [ding!] heads. See?

And it's just a little turd that got eyeballs on 'em,

but once you put those eyeballs on that piece of [bleep],

they all get personality.

[ Laughter ]

What I'm most impressed by what Mary's doing

is her new confidence

and her ability to weave the new stuff in with the old stuff.

Deb and I, we take turns parenting and stuff,

and Deb's always been the real strict one.

But I'm more of a passive-aggressive person.

Before school, I usually go and say,

"Wake up", you know, "wake up." I got the goddamn cowbell out.

And I friggin' rang that thing, and I got their sorry asses up.

And then they kind of figured they were going to get up

in the morning and have bacon, eggs, and toast

and maple syrup and smell all that.

Well, no way. I got up and I cook haddock.

[ Laughter ]

I've got old people, I've got kids,

I've got the kids' parents.

And everyone seems to be enjoying the routine.

When they're bad, they get air, that's it.

Just sit and frickin' breathe.

[ Laughter ]

A broader routine means a broader audience for the turds.

It all goes back to the turds,

but it doesn't all have to be about the turds.

You know what I'm saying?

Guys, you've been great.

Thank you so much for coming out

and supporting us at the theater.

Thank you so much.

[ Cheers and applause ]

**

[ Cheering continues ]

**

I guess I'd say Mary is successful,

you know, to make a living at what she loves doing.

She was the funniest one at the Pittsfield show,

so I'd say it's okay.

**

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Mm-hmm.

So, you think it went okay?

I think it went really well, babe.

I thought that I felt like I missed some stuff,

and my notes look like shit.

They do. They look like [bleep].

And then I dropped a note down there.

Well, it's practice. It's going to take practice.

I guess I'll practice. Practice.

You know, the investors were here,

and, you know, I'm just nervous about how they...

How they saw it? How they saw it and how they feel

because we really need them on board.

I mean, if we're going to do this tour and stuff,

we need it.

Hey. Hey, guys.

How do you think it went? I think it went good.

But, you know, sometimes you're your own worst enemy.

I was nervous that I was missing some points,

but I hit them all.

Ah, let me down.

So, when you invited us here tonight

to see your distribution model,

we had no idea what was going to be presented to us.

But I can tell you, just walking in the door... Yeah.

...and seeing what you had on display,

we're very impressed with what you're doing.

Nice. Nice.

I think you guys need

just a little bit of wind in your sails,

and we're the two guys to do it for you.

For Mary to come on at the end, it was like blockbuster.

She really pulled it off.

That was excellent.

Thank you. You did like it okay?

If Mary could actually put together a tour,

then this would be...

this would be a running start.

Thank you so much for coming by. You're welcome.

Thank you. [ Chuckles ] Yeah, thank you.

To hear that the investors loved the event was --

I mean, it just empowered me.

I felt so good about it. I felt like I accomplished it.

I did it.

You give good hugs. Yeah. [ Laughs ]

They're cute boys. I know, they are cute boys.

-Yeah. [ Laughter ]

**

[ Animal screeches ]

**

Of all my friends, Tammi could use a break the most.

Buddy went to Alaska on vacation

and died of a massive heart attack.

Craig: A little bit of Tammi died the day our son died.

And she'll never be the same. None of us will.

But we have a good family,

and they all help us through it.

This is how I spend a lot of my time.

I come out several times a day and talk to Buddy.

Buddy's buried in the backyard.

He has a radio on

24 hours a day,

and there's lights on all night.

It's comforting to have him home.

**

Every Sunday and Thursday in the winter,

I start Buddy's truck for approximately 20 minutes

to a half hour to keep the seals lubricated

and make sure the motor's going to keep going, don't seize up.

Buddy's always with me. He's right here.

[ Bell dings, ignition cranks ]

Come on, baby. [ Engine starts ]

Mary: His truck -- you cannot touch

or go near his truck at the house.

Oh, looks good, Bud.

She waxes that all the time.

It is spotless.

[ Turns off engine ]

Good girl.

And I know he was very outgoing.

I think that maybe he wants that for her as well,

to get out and do stuff and experience new things.

And you only go around once.

**

**

[ Animal screeches ]

**

[ Indistinct conversations ]

The comedy show in Pittsfield went very well.

Tonight is Mary's big send-off party,

and it's kind of -- it's kind of wild

this is going to come to an end.

Mary told us all last year that she'd make Tirdy Works

into something real before the end of winter.

She's done pretty good with that,

and I'm really proud of her.

Bring it on. How are you?

Come on, you little squirt. [ Laughter ]

I've been working my ass off for 15 years now on this,

and now it's happening.

The bread's got little pits in it. What the hell's that?

I mean, tonight is proof that if you believe

in something hard enough, it's going to come true.

If you keep saying it, it's going to happen.

They're serving grub now if you guys want to eat. Oh, food?

Remember, it's $2.50 a plate.

I don't have any money.

Alright, I'll pay your way tonight. Yay!

-Yeah, alright. You too. -Kayla: Oh, thanks, Mary.

Oh, my God, are you friggin' kidding me? [ Laughs ]

Those look like real turds. Isn't it cute?

That is beautiful. Thank you.

No, thank you. Did you know about this?

And you didn't tell me?

Yeah, well I'm not telling you stuff, too.

From now on, I'm not.

I want you to know that I appreciate you

and I appreciate what you've done for my mom.

Bringing fun back into her life and some joy.

She's a stubborn old thing, ain't she? She sure is.

She ain't right. Yeah, no. Not at all.

But I like her alright.

Yeah, we all do. [ Laughs ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

So, here we go.

Tirdy Words 2.0 is going to be incredible.

We are going to have our turds from coast to coast.

Every household, I want to have turds in it.

The original challenge was I had a great big tote

up here with 9,000 turds in it, you know,

and I had to make the business work,

and finally it's starting to take off.

Once I'm out on the road,

I'm not going to be able to collect turds.

I'm not going to be able to mail turds,

answer e-mails, ship orders -- I mean, nothing.

We're getting turds all across America, see?

They're now available at Hussey's General Store.

We've got a great big display right by the cash register.

So, I'm going to need a whole team of people here

to take my place and stuff to keep [bleep] running.

The production end is something

that I'm working on right now, you know, with Dale.

You know, maybe you can kind of put together

another poop patrol and stuff and get on that.

Katie and Ellese,

you guys on the marketing section.

Tammi and Craig, you guys are going to be pedal to the metal

coming up this year with the clocks.

But I'm going to be going and asking help

from the community as well.

I'm going to be offering some jobs --

real, paying jobs.

'Cause as the business grows,

I'm gonna need more and more and more help,

and I wouldn't be able to do it without you.

For real, I wouldn't. It'd just be me,

and I need all of you to make this work.

-Dale: Yep. [ Applause ]

Deb: I'm really amazed with Mary.

Once I put down that ultimatum, I kind of thought she'd quit.

You know, she's really put her all into it.

[ Applause ]

You know, Mary, over the past seven or eight years

that I've known you, I mean, you made a big impact on me,

and I believe you made a big impact on our community.

You just being my Aunt Mary, that's a lot right there.

Nephew Dale. That's how I think too.

I feel like you're family, 'cause I've known you

since you were just a little [buzz!].

You are family. So is Aunt Deb.

When Mary brought me on last fall,

I mean, I didn't know where we were heading.

But, man, I guess we're heading in the right direction now.

**

You have put so much into this and grown so fast,

and what you've already down so far,

bringing jobs to our town, which we really need.

Because you care so much about Somerville,

and we care about you, and we just want to see

this thing go wonderful for you.

Thank you, Mary, for bringing a little happiness into my life.

We have had some good laughs.

I'm really, really proud of you with this whole thing.

It's gone, like, really far and everything.

I never thought it would go this far.

By taking a chance, you showed people

that it is worth taking a chance and trying something.

You definitely have the proof now.

It's been exciting for the whole community.

People are talking about it at the stores, you know,

when they meet each other on there.

And there's a lot of buzz going around.

[ Applause ]

**

Last night it came to me.

**

[ Animal screeches ]

Live from Somerville, this is "Talkin' Tirds,"

the show that cuts the crap and asks the questions

you're too afraid to ask.

I'm Mary Winchenbach, and tonight's guest

is Richelle Stacy,

business manager of Highbrow Dispensary,

one of the largest Maine-owned

and operated cannabis companies in Maine.

Which term do you prefer --

the pot, Mary Jane, weed, bud,

Devil's Lettuce, wacky tobaccy, ganja, or grass?

Actually, I don't prefer any of those.

Have you been smoking the pot today?

-No. Work. -No?

-No? -No.

-Refer madness. -Okay.

Is that a real condition or fake news?

Fake news, all the way.

Serious? Mm. Yeah.

Well, 'cause I can remember one time

when I got a bag of [bleep] weed,

and I had refer madness. You had refer madness?

It was probably from a different --

Yeah, because, you know, I was mad because it was [bleep] weed.

[ Laughs ]

That's all the time we have on this edition of "Talkin' Tirds."

I'm Mary Winchenbach encouraging all of you

out there to give a crap.

**

[ Animal screeches ]

**

Well, Mary,

we've had what turned out to be the distinct pleasure

of following you around the last few weeks.

After going up to Pittsfield, we've come to a decision.

In order to show you how much faith we have in you,

and thanking you for all you do...

[ Clears throat ]

**

...we'd like to invest in you.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[Bleep]

Mary: Wow! Really?

The moment the investor stood up

and took that check out of his pocket,

it was like a dream come true.

Tonight, I've got investors that are willing

to invest $100,000 into the business.

[ Cheering continues ]

We've been investing and investing and investing,

and it's nice to know that somebody else

actually believes in us.

Tirdy Works 2.0. Whoop!

[ Cheers and applause ]

As investors now, we're...

looking for more Mary.

She's full of energy. She's full of life.

She's got a good marketing plan, a good distribution plan,

and she's got an up-and-coming business,

and we're glad to be a part of it.

It's good to have investors or people that believe in you.

It kind of gives you that little push forward

that you need to keep going.

Oh, my God, I've never seen anything like it.

I hope it's just the beginning of something big at Tirdy Works.

I'm proud of Mary. She's come a long way.

**

[ Braying ]

**

[ Chickens clucking ]

Yeah, 12 inches!

One of the things that the investors want me to do

with that money is to convert the garage

to a crap shack.

You know, they want a proper production facility.

You know, something other than my kitchen.

Thank you.

**

It's really important that we get this crap shack completed

before we get out on the road because, right now,

I've got chickens in the garage that are eating my turds.

They're shitting all over the place.

Oh, I see, you got one slot left.

Yeah, this is the last piece.

I'm really amazing with Mary, and she's really been pushing.

And that's cool because there's actually progress

going on around here.

I know you want these doors gone, right?

Deb: Yeah, I want these doors gone.

I think that door should get moved over here somewhere.

Alright, that's quite a bit to it.

There's a lot of area here. They want shelves in, benches.

These doors have got to go.

And then, she wanted windows on that back wall.

Yeah. I wonder how many she wanted back there?

Maybe two back there. It makes sense to have two.

It's going to be so organized out here,

I'm not going to let her do what she did in there.

Mary, oh, my God, Mary.

She's a wicked -- like, she pulls things out

for the orders and things, and they don't go back.

And we'll put the stove on the end. Right.

-And all that. -Yeah.

We got it all pretty much planned out what they want.

And, you know, subject to change

'cause you're dealing with them, you know.

Okay, good. I think we got an idea.

I'll get that stuff coming.

Another probably couple weeks, we should be really good to go.

We'll be in here before you know it.

I know. Playing with [bleep].

Yeah. [ Laughter ]

**

[ Animal screeches ]

**

By they way, I have about a "turd" of a beer left,

so I'm going to have to go in shortly

in about a "turd" and get another beer for --

to keep so I'm not parched.

I ain't had any beer.

I'm late. It's ten minutes to 2:00,

and my beer's right there.

It's way overdue.

We were sitting on the couch one night,

and she popped a turd in my beer.

Well, I was off in the kitchen at that point

and didn't see that.

So, I come back in and I'm sitting,

and I grab my beer, and there's a turd in it.

-She didn't tell me. -It's no wonder I drink.

Now, I'm trying to pop them in her beer, you know? [Laughs]

[ Laughter ]

Just relax. Have a beer.

[Bleep] damn drunk.

Speaking of that, I need a beer.

**

**

[ Animal screeches ]

You need to go on tour with me.

I'll show you a collection of turd.

**

Remember what this [buzzer] looked like?

Mary: I know. I mean, there were feathers,

and four wheelers, and grease, and garbage.

There was rats running around here. Yeah.

It looks, like... really, really good.

It was a garage full of chicken poop.

It was really gross before,

but I'm really impressed with it now.

Mary: I mean, what a beautiful work space.

I'm so excited to be able to finally be able to pull this off

and to have an actual Tirdy Works HQ.

Courtney, I mean, you did a ton of work

in designing this room, too.

How do you think this is gonna help our business?

We just need to really focus on what's important

and -- and go from there

and make it more efficient. Mary: Yep.

You're one of the most disorganized people I know.

No, sir. [ Laughter ]

Yes, you are. No, I'm not,

because I just got too much on my plate.

I'm gonna be hitting the road.

You've better get organized before then

to make sure this place runs right.

This tour is really gonna prove that we really need employees,

I think, is what it's going to prove.

You want a kiss? Alright.

-Whoo. -[ Laughter ]

Hopefully, we'll have a few employees before too long,

and we'll be putting --

putting production into full gear.

Mary: Maybe you guys could give me a hand,

and we could start moving totes out

and free up some space in the house, yes?

Katie: Mm-hmm.

Cody, can I get these put over here, Cody?

Woman: Over there to Mary.

Set them maybe down on this -- Great job.

Put them right over here on the outside.

One of the promises I made to the kids was

to be able to separate Tirdy Works

from our family activities.

So, I think having a crap shack

is going to allow me to better focus

and separate out the two.

That look okay? Ohh, right there.

To think this was all in the house.

I mean, this is amazing.

Russ: A lot of people have dreams,

and they don't take action on it, you know? No.

And to see Mary just get right out there

and going for it,

it's refreshing to see somebody --

That's what I get from her. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It's totally refreshing.

She makes want to get her dream started.

That's how she does it.

**

[ Insects chirping ]

We have learned so much since fall.

Trying to tell time,

it helps if the numbers are in order.

The ins and outs of all kinds of things.

Well, maybe 10 grand would be enough maybe to --

Oh, no, no. Probably 100.

That's a -- That's -- I can't even fathom that.

Lots of fun.

Hey, Tam. Tammi: Don't be knocking.

I got you a box of fresh turds.

No way in hell am I going on the road.

I'mma take this job as seriously as I can.

Thank you, Dale.

When Mary's out on the road,

I mean, I got to keep the turd count up.

So, I mean, I'm going to have to stay right on top of it.

When was the last time you had a meal

with all five of you at the dinner table?

You know, my family's not perfect yet.

I mean, we got a ways to go.

But I think this is a good start.

Katie: There's onions everywhere.

Mary: Oh, my God. You guys are so picky.

Onions are good for you. I hate onions.

It puts hair on your chest.

I don't want hair on my chest.

Guys, I mean, we're gonna be getting busier

and busier out in the crap shack.

And I want you to kind of work, maybe, on the marketing

and the social media, Katie. Yeah.

You guys are gonna have to send me pictures, though,

of, like, you guys in the cities... Yep.

...so I can post it. And we do that, and then you can post it,

with maybe some, you know, captions and stuff.

Katie: A lot's changed since October.

Looking back, I didn't really think

that Tirdy Works would make it this far.

It's -- Yeah. It's really big now.

We've come a long way in a short amount of time.

But we've all been kind of suffering here a long time

because we've had so many turds.

But now, I mean, we've got the crap shack

and I think we're doing good.

Deb: The last few months have been very enlightening.

The corners are full of happiness,

as opposed to, like, shadows, these days.

Cody, what are you thankful for?

Uh, I'm thankful for the food.

How about you, Paige?

I am thankful for the business.

Poop turns into money, basically.

Poop poop!

[ Both chuckle ]

How about you, Katie? What are you thankful for?

I'm thankful for all of you guys being here to support me

and being a part of this family.

I feel like it's gonna be a lot better at the house

since the turds aren't everywhere.

I think it was last August that we all actually,

like, sat around the table and had dinner.

What are you thankful for, Mama?

I'm thankful for, um...

the lack of poop in the house tonight.

But I'm just thankful that we're us. Me too.

Mary: I'm really appreciative

that you guys have put up with me for so long,

with all the turds all over the house.

It's been a good year, and I think we're on a roll.

Katie: I have only left the state of Maine,

I think, like, once.

If I don't end up going on tour,

I think I'll miss Mary a little bit.

I'll still call her everyday, but I think I'll miss her.

Well, I know I'll miss her.

This is the start of a great thing, I think.

Deb: I think it'll definitely be a fun adventure.

I mean, I'm -- I-I'm very much looking forward to it.

I'm looking forward to showing the kids the real world.

So, I'm almost feeling like a modern American family,

you know, 'cause here we are.

We don't have any turds in the house

and we're sitting like normal.

It'd be a very sad world if everybody were "normal."

We'll bring it all together, and you guys will help,

and things are only gonna get better from here, huh?

Cody: Can I get more mac and cheese?

Mary: Yes. I'll get it for you.

**