All language subtitles for Tirdy Works s01e09_English

[ Bird screeches ]

Deb took a brassiere
off last night

and just left it
on the kitchen table.

In this expensive bra,
this morning, I fed the cat,

and the cat jumped on the table
and puked all over it.

[ Laughs ]
Fricking gross.

I usually make the kids clean it
up 'cause it was like "bleugh."

♪♪

♪♪

[ Chickens clucking
and dog barking ]

-I'm so glad you're here.
-Me, too. Me, too.

This is Tammi.
This is Emma.

Hey, Tammi,
nice to meet you.

She's a big-time stand-up comic,
comedian right there.

Ahh. Just trying
to keep up with you.

Oh, bull crap. She's been
critiquing me and stuff,

and it's been
wicked helpful.

And I wanted to say
I'm so proud of you

for walking out
from behind the turds.

Mary's been working
on this new routine,

and she's been
practicing it around town.

She sent me a video
of the routine.

We ought to have our own version

of Webster's Dictionary
down there

because nobody talks right.

I gave her a lot of notes.

I gave her tons of notes.

If this doesn't go well
tomorrow night,

it might not just be the end
of her comedy career,

it could crush Tirdy Works.

I don't want to put in too much
because the show's tomorrow.

We got about 24 hours.

Mary:
There's a lot riding on this
show at the Pittsfield Theater.

We're trying to keep
the theater open,

and the investors
are going to be.

Can I say when I get out
in front of my table

that I feel
it's ass-backwards?Yeah.

Because the turds,
and I'm in front

instead of the back
and it's back --

I was thinking
that you should try to say

"that ain't right"
sooner in it

so they just catch onto that,
'cause that's funny.

Like, when do you
want her to say it?

Right up top.Soon as she gets on?

First weird thing
I say,

I'm gonna say,
"Well, that ain't right."

My first take on Tammi --
tough crowd.

Tough crowd, man.

I'm going to sound
like a real bully.

You can't be no more of a bully
than I am, honey.

Really?
Really.

Could you teach me?

You'll learn
real quick.Alright.

About five turds in,
I'm going to use my skid mark.

I'm going to have it set up
so when I hit my skid mark --

♪♪

Deb and Emma are trying
to change up Mary's routine,

but I don't think
it's a good idea.

You stay with what works.

Can I not say
that when I go to the store,

I tell the clerk I'm buying
the beer for the children?

But I'll keep --
I'll say it --

The one thing I was going to do
for Deb, when she sneezes,

I was going to mimic her
and tell the audience

'cause she goes,
"Heh! Heh!"

you know and just --
Oh, my God.

Huh.

'Cause I want to explain
to the audience

that I'm still
learning things.

Mary has notes written
on tissue paper.

There's notes everywhere.

It's just like chicken scratch
all over the place.

If she's going to bring
that up on stage,

it's going to be a disaster.

Maybe at an open mic, but
not a show people have paid for.

The more we work it out,
I promise you'll be able to get

this down like
the turd presentation.

Well, hopefully,
you don't [Bleep] it up.

I've been working all
winter long to save Tirdy Works,

and this is actually
my last shot.

♪♪

It all started with
an ultimatum from my wife.

I mean we've got
a lot of stuff to fix,

and we're still playing
with turds.

Let's just give it
to the rest of the winter.

If it doesn't work,
it's done.

We're not going to play
with turds anymore.

You need to focus on what
you started, not bull[buzzer].

Jaime: The theater is struggling
a little bit,

and we would love
to boost income

and that type of stuff
so we don't close down.

I think it's worth
trying to save.

Don't think you got enough
on your plate?

♪♪

By November, things
were starting to look up.

I think we should focus
on cannabis seeds.

We better get these
in the dispensaries.

Get little turd
fertilization kits out.

You get all kinds
of different variations.

Well, why don't we go back
and make a deal, okay?

Alright, excellent.

You need money to do marketing
and grow the company.

Yeah I got the weed-seed
starter kits here,

I got a whole box
of turds.

Are you going to do
the same old spiel?It's what I do.

You need to loosen up. Get away
from the turds a little bit.

There's a lot more to you
than just the turds.

Before long, I found myself
at a crossroads.

We could design a business plan
for $50,000.

What about 401[k]?
No.

We have limited funds, and
you want to spend our savings.

This Pittsfield Theater,
I really want to save it.

I believe
that you can do it.

I'm in to help out
any way I can.

Work on some stuff
that's more than turds.

Have you come up with what
it costs per turd, so that --

What's going to be
your marketing strategy?

What is your plan
to distribute product?

Is there any way
you would be able

to take the [bleep] show
on the road?

MARY: What about the
"That Ain't Right Comedy Tour"?

I can do
my stand up comedy,

maybe you guys could come
and watch me

and see what you think,
you know?

I say let's do it.Alright, excellent.

Now my business,
my family, and my community

are all on the line.

♪♪

Well, what Mary
presented to us

about coming up to Pittsfield
was, like, a very big concept.

So, I'm thinking
the tables,

we're going to want
to put maybe kitty corner.

I'm a little bit nervous about,
you know, prepping

and making sure everything's
ready to go by the show time.

Maybe just a little bit less

because we don't want people
getting all craft up

and then having to worry
about drinking and driving,

Yeah.
Is that all cool?

And then
those go in here.

Boom. Deb, smile.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

Dale, smile.[ Camera shutter clicks ]

I gave Mary
an ultimatum months ago.

I'm looking at, you know
if this doesn't succeed,

this could be our last show.

I really just want
this show to go perfect,

you know if anything goes wrong,

it could be disastrous
for Tirdy Works.

♪♪

Everyone that comes to Maine

always looks forward
to a lobster and seeing moose.

Hey, we caught one!
Whoo-hoo!

Look at him!

When you go lobstering,
you take old, rotten fish,

and you put it in a bag,
and then they eat off of that.

Mary, you want to spear
some of these

on through their eye sockets?

Jeepers, why do you put it
in the eye socket?

'Cause it's easier.

Ugh.

They used to call me
bait mag in school.

[ Laughs ]

But I liked it alright.
That was an okay name.

I think it was like
a term of endearment

because I wasn't smelly at all,
I showered every day.

-Cram that baby in there.
-Oh, my freaking God.

This is just frigging
gross juices.

Mary likes lobster.

Look how lively
that is. Ow!

I don't like
lobster so much.

You've got his antennae
stuck in the thingy.

He don't care.
Hurry up.

He's quite a little
piece of tail. [ Laughs ]

You got to remember to pull out
the poop chute,

because it goes right down
the tail thing.

So, a lot of people
don't do that.

That looks good enough to eat,
don't you think?

Oh, my God.Melt some butter.

Put that in the pot.

I mean it's alright,

but I'd rather have a steak,
you know?

I'd rather have a hamburger.

Oh, my God. Deb. Look.
There's a turd down there.

It's a poop deck.
Did you do that?

Oliver!

Blame the poor dog.

♪♪

♪♪

This woman's nuts,
and you know why?

The people who don't
believe that are nuts.

The people who do believe
that are real normal.

♪♪

Dale: We're really excited
that we got the gig,

and we can't wait to get out
on stage and perform.

♪♪

I'm a little nervous.

I think the band's real nervous,
too, but we're good.

We're going to go out there,
and we're going to kill it.

♪ Little bit
of a rebel ♪

Man: Well, that's
probably alright,

and then we'll need to kind of
adjust that monitor for him.

♪♪

Well Mary is a little behind
in the preparation

and getting ready for this,
but I have great faith

that we can pull this together
and have this show be big.

All the city councilors
have the same last name.

Everyone there had
the same last name.

Because everyone's got
the same last name.

Well, that ain't right.

Because the investors
are going to be here tonight,

and they're going to be
watching everything,

I'm just worried that any little
thing that could go wrong

could kind of, you know,
put a --

I want it to go perfect.

Mary.
Hey!

What's going on?
How are you?

Good. How are you?

Good to see you.
How's it going?

Great. Great.Good. How you feeling?

Well, I'm
a little bit nervous.

Yeah?Yeah, 'cause, I mean,

you know,
you've talking to me

about getting all
this new material,

and I'm practicing it.
but it's freaking me out.

Emma's a pro,
and I feel so lucky

to have her coaching me
through this whole thing.

How do you feel
about your set?

I'm a little bit nervous
about it,

you know, and I've taken notes
like you told me to do.

First of all, I've got complete
and total faith in Mary.

We're two lesbians from Maine
doing a show about turds.

What could go wrong?
[ Imitates explosion ]

So, the point of this
is to broaden your audience,

so we wanted
to do something

that as many people
can relate to as possible.

You don't want to be putting
in even more new stuff

since we've already been
working on so much new stuff.

What I don't want Mary to be
doing is to be thinking about,

"What do the investors think?
What do the investors think?"

The investors are going to see
how other people respond to her,

so she needs to think
about the other people,

not the investors who are going
to be even more critical.

If something seems like
it's going, like, off the rails,

I'll do a signal.

But that's not going to happen.
That's not going to happen.

I shouldn't have even said that.
That's not going to happen.

If the investors
aren't happy,

the show goes in the dumpster,

Tirdy Works is going to
come to an end.

That'll be it.

I think it's going to be great
no matter what.
Uh-oh.

Except if you drop the card.
Now everything's over.

[ Chuckles ]
That ain't right.That ain't right.

♪♪

I've seen her stuff on Facebook,
I saw that she went viral,

and I love that she is
a comedian from Maine

doing her own thing.

There's a lot of buzz
going around.

Everybody can't wait to see her.

I think Mary has a very
bright future ahead of her.

The people of Maine love her,
and they really love her humor.

You know,
the simple sense of it

really is relatable
to a lot of people.

♪♪

Very stressful.

♪♪

I want to thank you guys
all for coming here.

It's for a really
important cause.

We want to keep
this theater open.

It's right on the brink
of closing, and they've given us

one last chance to blow the roof
right off the place.

You know, I worked
with the theater manager,

Jamie, you know to bring
in a whole bunch

of different kinds of talent.

As far as worrying
about anything going wrong

in the show,
I think something like this,

you always, you know,
are on guard.

Thank you guys so much
for being here.

You know, I don't know
about you guys,

but when I first heard
about Mary,

I thought,
"What is going on?"

and I didn't know if that was
in a good way or a bad way.

And then
when I got to meet her,

I realized
it's in a good way 100%.

That's what the pot
will do for you.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

Emma:
Coming from a town of 500,

that we've got
200 people here,

that's, like --
like I cheated in math class.

Jaime: Thank you, everyone,
from the community

for coming out
and supporting this endeavor.

We appreciate it.[ Cheers and applause ]

Emma: Oh, boy,
thank you guys so much.

How you guys doing?[ Cheers and applause ]

Yeah have another hand
for yourselves.

I really want to thank you guys
so much for coming out.

We have a great show
for you guys.

I'm trying to be healthier.
I am.

My doctor told me this --

I don't know if any of you guys
have heard of it.

It's called the caveman diet.
Have you guys heard of this?

It's like you're only supposed
to eat things that you can hunt

or gather, and I was like,

"Okay, but, like, who can't
gather a Pop-Tart?"

You know what I mean?[ Laughter ]

I got ADD,
but I'm not an idiot!

Have you sold
any poo-poo clocks yet?

-Yeah.
-About 30.

We got all kinds of
wicked-good talent out there

and then we've got --
The investors aren't here yet.

I haven't seen them.
You know, I want to kind of brag

about what we're doing here
for the marketing

and merchandising
and --

You know if the investors
don't show up tonight,

I'm going to be let down.

You know, I'm counting
on them being there,

said they were
going to be there.

I mean, seriously,
I can't believe

they wouldn't show up.

[Bleep] them.

♪♪

Please clap it up
for Melissa Diaz.

Let her hear it.

[ Cheers and applause ]

I didn't have my first orgasm
until I was 26.

Technically, 23,
but I don't count that one

because I thought
I was fainting.

[ Laughter ]

I remember looking up
at the guy's face just thinking,

"Is this the last face
I'll ever see?"

And you know how guys look
when they're...

They're just like
"Ugh! [Stuttering]"

And I was like --

[ Laughter ]

Looking, I finally got
a new job again recently.

That's good, I guess.
I hate that job.

[ Laughter ]

I hope they give me a drug test
so I can fail it.

[ Laughter ]

I don't even do drugs,
but I'm willing to start.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

MARY: You know,
I wanted to kind of brag

about what we're doing here
for the marketing

and merchandising and --

You know it's almost
show time now,

and the investors
haven't showed up yet.

I mean, seriously --

I can't believe
they wouldn't show up.

I've never seen Mary as stressed
out as she is right now.

You've still got time.

You know,
we've put so much into this.

Hello.
[ Chuckles ]

Hey, guys.
You made it.

So happy to see you.
Thank you for coming.

Hi, Mary. Yeah.
Hi.

The investors
showed up just in time.

So, I showed them
what we're doing.

I showed them
my Tirdy Works table

that we had out in the lobby
with all our product,

tee shirts with the logos.

We've got Tirdy chocolate
martinis right here at the bar.

I just really want to thank
you guys for coming by.

I mean,
it means so much to me,

and I'm going
to be going on stage,

and I'm going to
do my thing.
Good.

You know, why don't you
go down and grab some seats.

Get out there,
and knock them dead.

Yeah.
I'm going to try.

Can't wait
to see your show.

Alright,
thank you so much.

♪♪

♪ Take what you need, ohhh

♪ Don't give up the fight, ohh

Everyone's here.
Everyone's seated.

We got a full house,

and I'm hoping we can pull
this off without a hitch.

Thank you so much, everybody.[ Cheers and applause ]

My name's Billy Keane,
and I really appreciate

you coming out tonight
and supporting this theater.

We'll see you out there.
Thank you.

The investors
showed up really late.

Were you able to walk them
through the concept?

I was.
You know, a little bit.

I showed them
the merchandise table,

and I told them
we'd sold --

we sold like 30 poo-poo clocks
out there already.

This is going to be
the first time they've seen you

give the real presentation.The real one, yep.

Okay.

I don't want her thinking
about those two guys,

I want her thinking
about everybody.

You got this.

Alright.
I want to do it.

Otherwise, we got
to escape out the back.

I know.
We're running out.

I'm going to run
like hell.
Me, too.

I'm getting,
and I'm never coming home.

I've performed before but never
for a show this important.

This looks like
less turds than usual.

It is.
Cutting back.

Does she put on
a good show?

Does she have a good time?
Is she her lovable self?

You know, if she can sell that,
they're going to come around.

I'm glad we don't have
to ovulate forever.

I'm glad it's just, you know,
you serve 20 to 30.

You do your time, 20 to 30,
then you get out. You're free.

Now you grow facial hair,
you can be a dude.

[ Laughter ]

So, this is super important
before you go up and stuff --

I'm going to get a video,

and we're going to post
on Facebook and Instagram.

You need to do
really good.

You always do good,
but you need to do really good.

Alright, I'll try.
I'm a little bit nervous.

Okay, ready?
Yeah.

Alright, so,
what it is

is I'm going to get
on that stage

because tonight's
a big night.

So, I'm going to get up there,
and I'm going to let it rip.

Get in there, do your best.
I love you. I have to go.

Alright, thank you.
Bye.

Thank you.
Hope you like the show.

My manager called me,
he's like, "Brendan I got a gig

for you that's
in Pittsfield, Maine."

I said, "Finally."

[ Laughter ]Finally.

I did grow up a Catholic.
I tell you what -- I always had

a lot of respect
for the confession.

10 Hail Marys seemed to cover
just about anything, right?

[ Laughter ]

I'm feeling excited.

I can't wait to get out there
and start, you know?

I think it's going
to be exciting

'cause I've got
new material to share,

and I'm going to
show them all my notes.

Lied to my mom.
I don't know. 10 Hail Marys.

I was mean to my sister --
10 Hail Marys.

Masturbation.
Start from the beginning.

You know what I mean?

My favorite part about that joke
is I wanted to see

if this woman would go
like this when I said it.

[ Laughter ]

I still don't know.

[ Cheers and applause ]

This is it.
We're going to go out there,

and we're going to
do this.You've got it.

You don't know how nervous
I am right now.

You're going to be
alright.

Now look at the diversity here.
Oh, my God.

[ Laughter ]

What's the intro?

What's the intro?I don't know.

You just going to
walk out?

You got to give me
something.

What I thought.
You know?

Just white and, uh...
different shades of white.

Man, my mom's out there.
My grandma's out there.

My grandpa's out there.

My whole family's
out there, damn it!

And they're going
to have a good time.

Yeah, I hope so.

And they're going to
get to see you,

and it's going to
be awesome.Yeah.

You guys were so much fun.
I'm Brendan Donegan.

Thank you guys so much.
Enjoy the rest of the show.

We start playing, and then
you got like 15 seconds

before you have to
do anything.

That was great.

I'm really excited to bring
out this next performer.

He works with Mary.

I think he's her
main turd-getter.

I think this is it, man.

We're just going to go out there
and bang this one out.Yes, we are.

And this is
also his performance debut.

Ready?
1...2...3.

Big D and The Ticks, damn it.
Let's do this.

So, show a lot of love
for Somerville's own

Big D and the Ticks!
Let them hear it!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Dale: You walk out on stage,
and, I mean,

you see your friends,
you see your family,

you see your grandma,
your mother,

you see them all,
and it's like, "Holy crap.

This is happening."

♪♪

It's just it's crazy.
It's kind of a heart stopper.

♪♪

Come on.
Give it up for Emma.

How about it.

[ Cheers and applause ]

How are you?
It's good to be working.

I had to take last night off.
I had a wedding.

My cousin got married
yesterday --

Friday. Cheap bastard.

Everybody take a half
a day from work

so we can save $1.99
on a plate of chicken.

If you're not laughing it means
you got married on a Friday,

by the way.[ Laughter ]

Anybody feeling old?

Anybody wake up in the morning
and everything hurts?

What is that?
What did you do in your sleep?

I get up, I'm like,
"Oh, my God!

Oh, Buddha!"

I sweat now for no reason,
anybody?

You know you sweat a lot
when you're at the gym,

and someone comes up to you and
goes, "Great workout, buddy."

You're like, "I just got here."

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

♪♪

Big D and The Ticks!
Let them hear it!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Here they are!
The ticks, here they are.

Dale: You walk out on stage,
and, I mean, you see

your friends,
you see your family,

and it's like, "Holy crap.
This is happening."

I'm ready, you ready?I'm ready. Let's do it.

♪♪

♪ Little bit of a rebel

♪ Little bit of a saint

♪ Never cared too much

♪ And showing up too late

♪ She don't like to slow down

♪ But that's alright

♪ She fills my evenings

♪ Like some poured wine

♪ Time takes me back

♪ To where I belong

♪ Back to the place

♪ I call my home

He did really good.
I was like, "Whoa!"

In front of a bunch of people?
I could never do that,

I can like barely talk in front

of, like, a group
of five people.

♪ You in my arms

Mary: Just to see
the look on his mom's,

and his grandmother's face,

I mean, they're
just crying out there.

I mean,
he was really emotional.

♪ With yooou in my arms

♪♪

[ Song ends,
cheers and applause ]Thank you.

Alright, let them hear it!

Well, thank you!
Thank you!

I knew the crying
weren't a bad cry,

and it was a proud cry,
so I was like, "Damn, right.

I'm making them proud."

Congratulations.

That was so good, and he's only
16, and Dale's mom is here.

Let's give her a hand.

[ Cheers and applause ]Thank you.

♪♪

My dad's right here,

and you guys
want to hear something crazy?

My dad looks like the guy
sitting right in front of him.

You see what I'm talking about?

A little bit.

♪♪

Mary:
There's a lot of pressure on,

and I'm just hoping
I can pull it off smoothly

the way I want to.

I am very excited and honored

to present your final comedian
for the evening.

You guys ready
for your final comic?

[ Cheers and applause ]

Timing is everything, you know?
I mean if you miss something,

it could screw
the whole show up.

Yeah, you're headliner.

She's a very funny woman
who also happens to be

the CEO and founder
of Tirdy Works.

Please clap it up for buddy,
Mary Winchenbach.

Let her hear it.
Give it up for Mary.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

Hey, everybody.

Everyone can hear me okay?
Yes?

All: No.No?

[ Feedback ]Oh, what the hell's that noise?

My bud's not working.

So, thank you all for
coming here tonight and stuff,

and I'm --

I'm going to be doing
my stand-up-comedy routine

but Emma Willman, our emcee,

she's been out
kind of helping me,

you know learn my different
kinds of comedy

and everything,
and what she told me is that

I got to come stand
in front of the table,

which I think is
a little bit messed up

because I always -- my motto is
I stand behind my shit.

Deb:
Mary's extremely nervous.

I mean, the whole show
could go right in the dumpster.

And then she told me
to take notes, so I got notes.

Emma:
If she can't make 200 people

from her own hometown laugh...
rough.

You know, and that ain't right.

♪♪