All language subtitles for Tirdy Works s01e05_English

**

I want to join
this wrestling team.

You're not wrestling the boys.

We've got a lot of stuff to fix,

and we're still
playing with turds.

What are you going to do?

Now, this is sort of a Popsicle.

That's a Poopsicle, also known
as a high-fiber Fudgsicle.

Tastes like crap.

Cannabis, I mean, seriously,
what a revelation.

There's cannabis shops
everywhere.

We've got to get these
in the dispensaries,

get little
Tird Fertilization Kits out.

Slam me on the ground, damn it.

I want to be my own person,
do different stuff.

As far as running a business,
I don't know how to do that.

Then why I am here?

We could design a business plan
for $50,000.

She's got a lot of work to do.

The deal was, you were going to
make Tirdy Works profitable.

Spending our 401(k)
is not making it profitable.

That's putting us
further in debt.

We've known each other
a pretty good long time.

Yeah, I'd say.

Too [bleep] long.
No!

Freakin' weirdo.

Don't you make me mad.
'Cause you ain't right.

Don't you make me mad.

I'm the one -- you have to
worry about making me mad...

No, no because
you once in a while...

...because I got a temper.

I can get mad, too.

Not like I can.

I can say things.

I can do worse than that.

I can do things.
[Bleep].

[ Laughs ]

**

**

This first box here
is going to be,

I guess, for the Highbrows.

Yeah, yeah.
How many do we need for them?

They need three of each.

Three Tird Fertilization Kits
and three [bleep] clips.

Yep.

We're doing about three times

more production this year
than we were last year.

We sold those alpaca clocks
over there in New Hampshire,

and it went really well.

Busglass.
Busglass.

She'd like a couple of each.
Two of each.

Stinky Larry's wants
two of each.

Two of each.
Perfect.

You know...

I'm a little bit sick of this
[bleep], you know, literally.

I know. It's just a little bit
overwhelming,

and it's going to
get worse too.

You know, the kids are right.
It is...

It's getting to be too much,
and we have it everywhere,

and, I mean, we can't
function anymore as a family.

Here is the deal.

It's time to start treating this
like a real business

because, I mean, we've had
a little bit of an issue

with orders being all jumbled.

I think we need real help.

We need to look at expanding.

I don't know where and how

and how we're possibly
going to do that.

And we need a plan.

I mean, who's going to...

I'm not going to come up
with a plan.

A business consultant might
get us on the right track for,

you know, at least maybe
getting our office organized.

I agree with that.

I want to talk with
some consultants and see

what they have for feedback
and suggestions and ideas.

Hopefully, they'll help us
move forward.

The thing is, if we want to keep
this business

continuing to grow, we're going
to have to grow with it.

**

Right now, Deb and I
are wrestling

with a couple
different things.

The first thing is which
consultant to go with,

and the second thing is Katie
wanting to wrestle with boys.

[ Flies buzzing ]

What kind of tips
you looking for?

I mean...
I don't know. Like...

You want to pick somebody up
and throw them,

pick somebody up
and slam them,

choke them out, throw them
around, beat them with a chair?

What are you doing?

Katie was a sweet kid
growing up,

but she was a little bit
of a challenge

because she was
very inquisitive,

and rather than
asking questions,

she'd just go ahead and conduct
exploratories on her own,

but we worked through it,

and we did a lot of
explaining to her about it.

Deb: Giving Katie structure
has been kind of difficult

because she bucks the system.

Slam me on the ground, damn it.

Just throw me!

That's it?

That's all you know,
is just how to push people over?

People wouldn't really expect
a girl

to want to wrestle and stuff.

They'd be, like, all beauty
and stuff,

which I'm into that, too.

That felt like a mosquito
biting me or something.

Shut up.
I'm trying to be a game changer,

but my parents are,
like, not up for it.

So you got to stay
in your stance, you know,

and when you're
standing there,

you can, like,
kind of smack people

upside the face
to catch them off guard.

You got to be willing
to kick some ass.

But wrestling just kind of
seems like an all-body,

wrap-your-legs-around-them sport
where everyone is touching,

and I just don't think
it's cool at her age.

I don't.

Go for a leg,
and then you just slam them.

Yeah, but, like,
that's so aggressive.

Wrestling boys, there's some
really decent guys on that team,

but, like, yeah, there's some
guys that are a little iffy,

but...

It's easy.

You just got to grab a hold of
somebody and throw them around.

Ugh, now I have a rock
up my butt.

She's not even thinking straight
half the time about stuff

because it seems
like her priorities

are not schoolwork
or anything.

It's more or less just boys,
boys, boys, boys, boys.

So you got to do that...
Yeah, yeah.

...thingy that
I can't move my arms?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ooh!
Ooh!

All right.
Yeah.

That's good.
That's good.

That's good before you pop
my shoulder out of place.

**

[ Music, bleating, cowbell ]

**

Parenting is, like,
one of the hardest things

in the whole world to me.

I don't think
Mary has any sense of,

like, what's cool and stuff.

The toughest part
about raising teenagers...

**

Teenagers are rebellious,
particularly if they're only 14.

And they're very argumentative.

I said what I want to do,
but...

Yeah, the teenage years
are the most fun years for me

because it's usually
a battle of wits.

It's so embarrassing.
Ah!

Letting them do whatever
they want,

that's just asking for trouble.

I got my nose pierced.

Well, I just stuck a needle
through my nose.

You know, sometimes you win.

Sometimes they win, but that's
part of the fun of it,

part of the fun
of raising teenagers.

I'm raising a 14-year-old
granddaughter, you know,

and I'm scared to death.

I can't answer this question.
I don't know about raising kids.

**

[ Music, bleating, cowbell ]

**

Apparently, I'm going
to go there,

and they're going to
give me tips,

I guess, on how to
run a business right.

Deb and I have been talking,

kind of decided
amongst ourselves

that we probably need
some professional help

with the business
because neither one of us

are really business-savvy.

As far as running a business,
I don't know how to do that.

Then why am I here?

Because you're going to frigging
let me know if you think

that they're giving me some
bull [bleep] or not.

I'm going to be counting
on you to kind of...

[Bleep], don't count on me.

Right now, I'm taking Tammi

to those business
consultants in Portland,

and she's not used
to getting out too much

and going out of town,
so here we go,

and she's all fretting
because we're going...

The speed limit
is 70 miles an hour.

We're going 60 something.

Yeah.
And see the road is wet.

[Bleep] whiplash!

Very rarely do I drive
on a freeway.

I rode with Mary to Portland.
That was enough.

I feel like we're
in a rocket ship.

I'm an old lady.
I putt along.

I don't go 75 miles an hour.

**

We ought to crumble a turd up
in one of them plants up there.

Go ahead.

Think if we come back
in a month,

and that thing would be
three times that size.

Don't drop your [bleep].
Hurry up.

They probably got you on video,
seeing you do that.

Oh, very well could.

I'm going to tell them,
say it was your idea.

Weren't my idea.
[Bleep].

I'm not a businessperson.

I never had been, so I think
it's going to be a matter

of extracting information
from certain people that know

about what they're
doing and stuff,

and maybe they can
help me along.

Thank you guys so much for kind
of meeting us and stuff.

Yeah, thank you for coming.
Yeah.

Right now, as it is,
the business is just getting

bigger and bigger and bigger,
and I don't know how to fix it

to make it run like
a normal business, you know?

Like, I don't know what to do.

You going to let them talk?

So I need help.

I understand you brought
some products with you,

just to give us
a feel for it.

Yeah, I just brought some of

the biggest sellers
that we have.

Instead of a cuckoo clock,
this is the Poo Poo Clock,

so there's a one-tirdy,
two-tirdy, three-tirdy.

Man: So my specialty is I help
value businesses

and help streamline businesses
to make them more profitable.

Do you have a business plan?
No.

Yeah, we should help you
with that.

All right.

What sort of branding
do you have?

Because I see the clock,
and it's fantastic,

but I don't see your name
anywhere on it.

That's a good idea.

You know, I've never really
thought about it

because I've always worried
too much about the turds.

Maybe we can get
the company logo,

the whole thing,
right on the box.

We want to get into
the numbers.

We need to know the bookkeeping,
the accounting.

How do you keep track of your
revenue and your expenses?

Could you explain to us
your manufacturing process?

Do you have a clear picture

of how much money you made
in the last year?

You know, no.

Mary is definitely an idea girl,

and she doesn't think
about every step involved.

What are your gross
profit margins,

your overhead structure, sales?

How are they growing?

Deb:
She'll think of the easy ones

and then leave the hard ones
for someone else to do.

You know, it's just...

I promised Deb that I was going
to make this business profitable

by the end of the winter.

We have to put your overhead
structure together,

and then we work up
your gross profit.

What we can do is work with you
to design

a business plan
for $50,000.

We could maybe do
some bartering...

Mary, Mary...

...with turds or...
They're professionals.

Yeah, but we're fun, so maybe
we could get a discount

on the fun-ness of it all.

You realize you're paying
by the hour here?

Yeah, but I need to get a plan.

Well, you better get your
[bleep] together first,

then come back.

**

I'm all for Katie
trying wrestling on there.

I think, you know, the girls
need to get out there

and try these things, also.

My granddaughter also
did the same thing,

and it was quite
an amazing thing

to go to those meets
and watch a girl beat a boy

and then have the boy
walk off crying.

Hey, Katie.
What's up?

Oh, nothing much.

I feel kind of angry when
Mary and Deb

both say no to wrestling,
because I feel like...

Well, I want to be my own
person, do different stuff.

How are you?

How are you liking your job?

It's like any other...

You get to work
with all those goats.

But they smell.
Well, I know.

Goats are smelly.

I know you like wrestling
and stuff.

I just want to see eye-to-eye
on this whole thing.

I feel like I get treated
like a child way too much.

Yeah. I know I was pretty
rough on you

about that because, you know,

I'm just...
I'm worried about boys.

It's not all about the boys.

It's just about it
being different.

It is different.

A lot of girls around here
will graduate, or not, you know,

and then go on to have kids,

and they all live
right in this area,

and, um...

You know, I'd like to kind
of see her do better than that.

When I was growing up,
I followed my dreams.

Turds are different.
Who does that?

You know,
and then here you are.

You're growing up, and you're
kind of showing real interest

in the wrestling thing.

Maybe I just need to chill out
and lighten up a little bit,

you know, so high five?
Well...

That's a fist bump.
Fist bump?

That's a fist bump.
Yeah.

That's a high five.
Yeah, this is a high five.

All right.
Yeah.

Yeah, well,
I learned that today,

because I know it's...
Oh, hi, darling.

[ Music, bleating, cowbell ]

**

Welcome to
"Making Crap With Mary."

This is the DIY show
where I show you step by step

how to have fun
with poop in your kitchen.

Today, we're going to make
a religious turd

called the Holy Crap,
and the Holy Craps are great

because we got the holiday
seasons coming up,

and there's a lot of,
you know, religious people

that I think would appreciate
a good turd once in a while.

**

I got some pre-prepared turds
right here.

They've been dehydrated,
and we dip them all up

so they glisten a little bit.

Most people like their turds
to glisten.

Now I have to select
the proper turd to use

for what I want.
That's a good-looking turd.

I'm going to start drilling
holes now for the antlers.

The best tip I can give you
for drilling into a turd

is don't go too deep.

And when you drill in a turd,

you might want to wear
safety glasses

so you don't get
[bleep] in your eye.

**

I just put one dab of glue
on the hole,

and I shove the antler in.

There's my second antler.

Just like that,
it's taking shape.

I've had some halos premade.

This is just...
It's a little pipe cleaner,

and I'm just going to put
just a dot, just a dot of glue,

and I'm going to pick
an eyeball up,

and then I'm going to
stick it on my turd.

The eyeballs I use
are little googly eyes.

Look at it.
It's beautiful.

And these are great
for the holidays,

religious events,
even funerals.

I've taken a Holy Crap
turd to a funeral.

It was my mother's funeral.

**

[ Music, bleating, cowbell ]

**

When we get there,
I'll tell them

about the business
and stuff and the turds,

and then they're going to be
asking you a number questions.

Of course they are.

I didn't go with Mary and Tammi

down to the consultants
that first trip.

I probably should've.

So you're going to be most of
the talking with the...

Well, then I'll put a muzzle
on her mouth.

Yeah. I know, right?
It won't take so long.

Who, me?

Hours later, it's like, "Hello.
What'd you find out, anything?"

You know, "Can I get
some information?"

**

What we're going to be
talking to you about

is why you need
both a business plan

and a marketing plan,
in our opinion.

What we just need to make sure
is that you're making money.

Crafters don't usually
make money back.

Right.
Their time is kind of, like,

pushed under the rug.

We help you with your
brand reputation too, so...

We got a reputation, ain't we?

Our marketing team had more
than 100 years

of PR and marketing experience,

so if we need to make stool
look cool, then we can do that.

If you decide to go forward
with us,

we would spend
three hours together...

Oh, that's too long.
...in this room.

Well, we'd have
snacks and stuff.

At some point, you know, you got
to weigh your pros and cons.

We need to make a profit
on this business,

or it's just not going to fly.

So the idea is, we want to help
you focus on your goals,

create, at the end of the day,
conversions and customers

that keep buying it.

It could be new inbound leads

from the website --
like, you have an e-newsletter,

people signing up to be able

to get
the Poop E-Newsletter, okay?

[ Laughter ]

You're hired.

He ain't right.

The Tirdy Works team is right
at that beginning

of what we call
the capital stack,

so we're really looking
at what we call

family, fools'
and friends' money.

If you're going to achieve
your goals together,

you've got to be
on the same page, right?

So that's what we help do
in this plan.

You got that?
Mm-hmm.

I don't know much
about that shit.

I don't have the business.

I'm really impressed
with everything

that you went through there,

and it seemed to make
a lot of sense,

but if you had, like,
a thing about cost.

Typically,
a plan is $35,000,

and you would pay
for half of that upfront,

so I don't know
if you fiscal year is...

That's quite a charge of money

when I don't think we've made
$10,000 this year.

Holy crap.

I was thinking, "Really?
I mean, that's, like..."

That's a several-year
salary around here.

Well, we definitely
need to talk about this.

Yeah, but I'm really excited
about what you said and stuff

because you guys sound smart.

I think these consultants know
what they're talking about,

but they're just kind of...

out of reach
for the normal Joe.

**

Wow, look at this.

-Wow.
-Are you Randy?

I am.
Randy, hi.

My name is Mary.
Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.
How you doing?

This is my daughter, Katie.
Nice to meet you.

Welcome to Limitless Wrestling.

As a way to meet Katie
in the middle,

I decided to surprise her with
a professional wrestling lesson.

If you ever want your teenager
not to pursue a hobby,

just get excited
about it yourself.

If you want to go get
changed up,

we can get started pretty quick.

Okie-doke.
Cool. Let's do it.

They're going to show her
the ins and outs

of the wrestling business.

Are you going to step in?

When Mary brought me up here,
I was really surprised

that she would do that
because she was always, like,

dissing on wrestling
and everything.

It feels like Mary has listened
to me for the first time.

The first things
I'm going to show you,

just a simple
forward roll.

I'm going to break myself.

My name is
"Retro" Anthony Green,

and I am the current

Limitless Wrestling
world champion.

Oh, my gosh.
You're so scary.

Wrestling is a lot scarier than
I thought it was going to be.

You can do this, Katie.

If I catch you,
I will...

Yes!

Nice.

After, like, a couple of things,

I started to feel
more comfortable

and confident with myself.

You're doing things
that take people weeks,

months, sometimes years.

You know, in the first day,

you're getting stuff
down very quickly.

If this is something you want
to take seriously,

do you think you could go
one-on-one with Ava Everett?

Do you want to take it
to the next level?

Yes.

I think we ought to come up
with a name for you.

How about the Defecator?
No.

Eventually, I settled on
Katie the Crusher

which they helped me
choose that name

because Mary's was just whoop.

In the corner to my right,

we have Kate the Crusher!

[ Cheering ]

Her opponent:
Ava Everett!

Boo!

Ring the bell!

Mary: Get her, Katie.
Chopped liver.

-There we go.
-Yeah, Katie!

Katie! Katie!
Katie! Katie! Katie!

Yeah!

Yeah!

I was concerned that Katie
just wanted

to crawl all over the guys,

but she wrestled with a woman
today and kicked her butt.

Yeah!
Woo!

One, two, three!

[ Cheering ]

Your winner,
Kate the Crusher!

[ Cheering ]

I've been going, like,
90 miles an hour,

trying to meet with consultants
to keep this business going,

and it's been affecting my time
that I spend with Katie,

so I'm going
to make an effort,

a real effort to spend
some time with her

and her brother and sister and
start bonding again, you know?

Woo!
There you go.

Good job.

Having Mary in my corner

meant a lot to me.

This is a big step
for me and Mary.

She actually listened
to me for once,

and I really appreciate that,
and I feel like I was heard.

Katie! Katie! Katie! Katie!

[ Music, bleating, cowbell ]

**

You know, I started Tirdy Works
as a hobby,

like, kind of a joke,
almost, deal.

I think it was definitely better
when it was a hobby, you know?

Because, I mean, it was fun
and not demanding.

A hobby is something
you enjoy a lot,

and a business
is something you do,

you know, to earn money,

but you can kind of
combine the two.

Nothing.
Drink beer.

Gardening, I love to garden.

I do woodburning, so that's
something new for me.

Honestly, I raise a rare breed
of endangered sheep.

[ Bleating ]

What?

Oh, yeah.
That's fun, pissing you off.

Just hang out, do our nails,
talk about boys.

Yeah, that's pretty fun.

Isn't that right?

**

[ Music, bleating, cowbell ]

**

Feel those jets?
Yes.

Whoo-hoo!

That ain't right.

I would say my relationship
with Katie

definitely has room for growth.

Katie, look at this.

You know, I think that we need
to do

some one-on-one time,

just her and myself.

I think it'd be good for us.

So, Katie the Crusher,
you must be sore.

Yeah.

You know, so I feel kind of bad
I wasn't as supportive

as I could've been
at the beginning.

You know, I'm trying to get
better at it, you know,

and I'll continue to support
you, and, you know,

I know I can't control you
or anything, you know,

but I just want to make sure
you're happy and safe

and being well taken care of.

It's really important to me

that Mary is trying
to get involved with stuff,

and then she takes me up
to go get my nails done.

That means a lot to me
because she's not into doing

fluffy stuff,
I guess.

That is so not me.
Look how stupid...

It looks so pretty.
...that color is.

Did you tell them
to do this?

Yeah.
Why?

Because it's such a pretty
color, and it suits you.

Oh, my God.

It's prom coming up?

Well, for the juniors
and seniors.

Well, do you think
there's somebody

that might ask you
to the prom?

Well, maybe, yeah.

Seriously?
Yeah.

This could be a new chapter
for me and Mary,

and I'm really happy that
this is happening and stuff,

and I hope it keeps going.

We'll probably come back here

and do some more stuff
with our nails and,

like, Mary get a little waxing
right there and stuff.

Maybe we should go shopping
sometime

in the Old Port
down in Portland, you know?

Yeah.
You could buy me something.

Yes.
I take a size medium.

In pink, right?
No.

[ Laughs ]

**

I'm not seeing a whole lot
of turd tracks out here.

We definitely need turds.

I mean, we're almost out,
you know, and then...

We need money, too, to fund our
trip so can go look for turds.

I've been thinking about that.
You have?

I mean, think about all we
learned from those consultants.

They have all kinds of ideas
and stuff

and ways to get money
for the business.

How do you propose we're going
to pay for these consultants?

I don't know. How about...
What about 401(k)?

No.
Why not?

It's been sitting in there
for 20 years.

Well, we have limited funds,

and you want to spend
our savings.

You told me to find help.

You told me to do that.
I went out, and I found help.

They gave us all kinds of tips.
Yeah.

They also gave a price tag

which is more than
what we make a year.

I know, but they will
make us successful.

Her wanting to spend what little
retirement fund we have

for Tirdy Works just kind of...

I guess it gets
under my fingernails.

Just to get them to sign
onto us, they want $35,000.

Well, I think they like us
pretty good.

Not $35,000 worth.

That is a lot of money.

The deal was, you were
going to

make Tirdy Works
profitable.

Spending our 401(k)
is not making it profitable.

That's putting us
further in debt.

That's it.
Kaput.

Figure it out.

I want to give Deb a little bit
more time, you know,

let it sink in.
I think she'll come around.

That's not going to happen,
Mary!

It's not going to happen.
Stop being a bump on a log.

She ain't right.
There's a bump on a log.