All language subtitles for Tirdy Works s01e04_English

♪♪

I want you to get me very
freaking turd you can get me.

I mean, if you want exotic
turds, I'm the guy.

I got this Career Day
coming up at school.

You know, Katie's
gonna be there.

Now, this isn't a Popsicle.

That's a poop-sicle --
otherwise known as

a high-fiber Fudgsicle.

Tastes like crap.

Gross.

[ Both coughing ]

Close that up.

So, what we have here is,
we've got stool samples.

[ Laughing ]
"Stool samples."

[ Moose grunts ]

Maybe we could, like,
plan something big.

Like, get together.A big show.

Yeah, absolutely.Get a bunch of comics.

Yes.

Deb:
So, what are you growing?

Cannabis.

I mean, seriously,
what a revelation.

I do have a religious turd.
It's called the Holy Crap.

Deb: Can't you see she's, like,
a churchgoer?

I'm trying to be gentle.

Un[bleep]real.

A week or so ago,
I was painting a sign out here,

and the freaking paint
tipped over,

and I got all my turds white.

Maybe I could call them
a ghost fart.

[ Eerie music plays ]

'Cause it's white
and it's a turd.

♪♪

[ Moose bellows ]

[ Birds screeching ]

♪♪

[ Birds chirping ]

[ Chickens clucking ]

So, I'm gonna put
some crushed turd in

just to
kind of hold it.

Yeah. That makes sense.You know?

And then maybe nest the turd
with the seed in it in that.

I worked at a seaweed-fertilizer
plant 45 years.

Experience in laboratory,

whether it's chemistry,
biology, the whole gamut.

And that'll help keep it moist
too, you know, when we water it.

One thing I did learn at the
seaweed-fertilizer plant

is that
[bleep] makes things grow.

So, what are
you growing?

You gonna grow
some hollyhocks

or sunflower seeds
or beans?

I think we should focus
on cannabis seeds.

Oh, it'd be great.

It'd be wonderful
if Mary had an idea

that actually stuck, you know?

I mean, it'd be nice if she had
an idea

that didn't involve poop,
you know?

I mean, come on!

Cannabis.

I mean, seriously,
what a revelation.

There's cannabis shops
everywhere.

Fertilization kit.

There's cannabis shows
at the civic centers.

Do you think they'd grow?

You know, last year,
we made about $10,000,

and our biggest seller
was the poo-poo clocks,

but I want to do something more.

We're gonna have to
find something more
to make more money.

We're gonna have to come up
with more interesting products

that people are gonna want.

We're gonna have to get
people excited

about it and sell it.

I mean, oh, my God.
We'll go.

We'll hit every pot shop
this side of the Mississippi.

Oh!
This is gonna be huge.

♪♪

When I was a little girl,
my dad inspired me

wicked good
with his sense of humor.

He would always be the one that
would get up and tell the jokes,

and in front of everybody,
and he just loved it.

You know, he was a member
of the Elks,

and he used to get up
and tell jokes at the Elks club.

I would say that my dad's
the funniest man

I think I've ever known.

I once got out of a $50
parking ticket with a $5 turd.

I give the cops [ding]
They let me go.

They like the blue balls,
those cops do,

so it's like
an insurance policy.

You carry one of them turds,

you're gonna get out
of a ticket.

Poop jokes the way that
Mary does them is perfect.

It's so hilarious.

To the point where your side
hurts so bad

that you think you need
to go to the doctor.

It really breaks the tension
in the middle of something.

And then, to go
with the school theme,

we got number-two pencils.

I think I get more out of making
people laugh than

I do selling the shit.

Jaime:
Welcome to POPonOVERS.

You know, it's --
You pop on over for a popover.

You sure do. Yeah.That's what I heard.

Yeah.

I understand that you are now
the new manager...

Yes, for the theater....for the theater?

Yes. The theater
is struggling a little bit,

and we would love
to boost income

and that type of stuff
so we don't close down.

And it's sad to see that because
it is such a historical site,

almost, you know.
Yeah.

The town cut the theater's
budget by $45,000.

The reason it's so important
right now to save this theater

is because it is so historic.

It's got a lot of personality.

It just brings people together.

People talk.
You meet your friends.

You socialize, and I think
we need to get back to that.

We're all about community
up here in Maine,

and I think
it's really important

that that
Pittsfield theater is saved.

So, I'm doing different types
of shows.

Like, I have "Rocky Horror
Picture Show" coming.

I have
a burlesque show coming.

I would love to have
a comedy show.

Maybe we could, like,
plan something big.

Like, get together.A big show.

Yeah, absolutely.Get a bunch of comics.

Yes.

Maybe a little variety thing
going on.

Maybe who's got
the cutest dog

or something and something.Right.

I could pick up
the pooper scooper.

We could do the pooper scooper.
You know, just different things.

Yes.

Jaime:
Bringing her show to the theater

is the type of stuff
that I want here.

It think it will be successful
and fun and lively,

bringing money and revenue
and excitement back into town.

Doing that is going to be
the key

to the success of this place.

I think the next step should be
to talk to the town manager

and see how we can
all collaborate

and make this happen.

I can't wait.
You know what we could do?

Every night at our house
around 4:00,

we have a cock-a-tail hour.

You should come down,
and we should --

We can get creative.

I think it's a great time
to come up with great ideas.

♪♪

[ Moose bellows ]

♪♪

Oh, yeah. Did I tell you?
I got a nice buck.

Deer meat
for supper tonight!

I've been wanting a piece
of meat for a long time,

a piece of old deer meat,
you know, 'cause you have that

with onions,
you know, and garlic,

so I'm looking forward
to that.

I've never cooked this part
of the deer before,

but here you go.

That's his penis,
his scrotum,

and his [buzzer]
all in one.

Look at it.
They're hairy.

Are you serious?

That probably
[bleep] stinks.

It's a [bleep]Yeah, it's a [bleep]

I know you ain't had one
in a while,

so you don't have
to get excited.

Gross!

Oh!
Aah!

[ Laughs ]Did you see that?

There's Chewbacca coming out
of the end of it.

I don't know if deer
do any manscaping or not,

but it was pretty neat
and trim down in that area.

Eww. What's that?

Here. Gross.

Gross!
You're getting [bleep] in here.

Look.
You got hair on you.

That's gross.
It's nasty!

I didn't know that deer
had pubic hair

because I've never really
given it any thought,

but then he slapped down
that penis in front of me,

and it was all hairy.

You guys are gross!Look at it!

Look!
Oh, yeah!

Oh, my God![ Laughs ]

This is phenomenal!

[ Both laugh ]

Something wrong
with you.

Oh, my God.

What are you gonna do
with it?

Mary!

♪♪

♪♪

[ Moose bellows ]

♪♪

[ Crowing ]

My least-favorite Tirdy Works,
like,

thingymabobber is
the skid-mark thingy.

It's so stupid!

Who would want to buy that?

It's a piece of wood
with a poop smudge.

♪♪

Mary: I mean, it looks like
a redwood forest in here.

This is where your medicine's
coming from.

This is awesome.

This is
where our show begins.

Mary: Pot's legal in Maine,
and I've been a friend

of The Green Goddess for years.

The Green Goddess is this gal
I met down in Blue Hill.

She has a big grow
down there,

and she grows
some wicked good pot.

Cannabis is actually
quite important in my life.

I have petit mal seizures.

I have epilepsy.

I was taking five pills a day,
and I was still having seizures,

so Green Goddess fixed me
up with some CBD oils,

and I don't have
any more seizures.

These ones are the ones
that you came to see.

Oh, my God.

And these are
2 weeks old, too?

These are
also 2 weeks old.

Look at the difference,
Katie.

And -- Yeah.

Side by side.

Wow.
Nice?

There's no comparison now.

The moose turd was
an excellent idea, Mary.

We got to get these
in the dispensaries.

You're definitely
onto something, Mary.

Un[bleep]real.

♪♪

♪♪

Mary: My name's Mary.

Nice.
Nice to meet you.

This is Katie. She's my
professional test grower.Hi.

She's got a nice
grow and stuff,

but the reason
I'm here today

is that we have a new product
on the market,

and this is actually
the first place I've been to,

but I was wicked excited --
the turd fertilization kit.

These weed-seed starter kits,

I really haven't gotten them out
into the field yet,

and now The Green Goddess
has got me hooked up

with this Highbrow company,

and it's, like,
a higher-end dispensary.

These are turd
fertilization kits,

and they're with moose turds.

I mean, look at them.
They're beautiful.

They're all local turds that
we get right out of the woods,

and it comes
with little seeds, too.

Little seed packets.Oh. Okay.

We've been growing some
really great strains in there.

Do you know what percentage
of growth difference there was?

They were twice as big.

Now, something else
I brought in.

Look.
These are [ding] clips.

You put a joint on that, and
you pass that [ding] around,

and because, see, now,
no two turds are alike,

so you've got all kinds
of different variations.

Oh...my goodness.See?

And the thing is,
they glisten.

She's making something
out of nothing,

which is making a name for
herself, and people love it.

It's definitely a Maine thing.

I think I have about 25 of
the turd fertilization kits,

and I got a [buzzer] load
of the [bleep] clips.

Probably about 30
or 40 of them, too.

Because you're super-funny
and you are local,

we'll definitely
cut a deal with you,

and we'll try to sell
your product in our store

and see how it goes.Excellent. All right.

So, why don't we go back
and make a deal, okay?

All right.
Excellent.

I've been struggling for a bit
to come up

with something big
besides the clocks

that's gonna help make
Tirdy Works,

and I'm thinking
these turd fertilization kits

are gonna be it.

Courtney.

Tammi:
He can't hear you.

-[ Laughs ]
-Listen to me.

You don't listen to me.

Well, what's going on?

Same old, same old.

Just wondering
about your stuff,

if you need any help
with anything.

You have
a good imagination.

You know the poo-poo platters
where you put in the turds

coming out
of the moose's ass?

He thought of that.

And them little things
are hard to hang onto

and see
after about a six-pack.

-After about a six-pack.
-[ Laughs ]

Mary: So, I met with
the theater manager

the other day in Pittsfield.Mm-hmm.

The theater's
gonna shut down,

and I think it's worth
trying to save,

so I'm thinking that maybe
we ought to get

a bunch of people together
and put on a show up there,

whether it's...

Maybe even,
like, a variety show.

Don't you think you got
enough on your plate?

Mary's heart's definitely
why we love her,

but it's also the reason why,

you know,
we got to keep her focused.

Well, it's not gonna be --
Deb can help.

I mean, I'm sure there's...I don't have any time to help.

I'm working on stuff --Well, the...

I mean, it's just
a matter of contacting...

-We should send out flyers.
-Flyers, yes.

What you said.

How are you going to handle
a whole show?

I just don't know where we're
gonna find the time.

Mary definitely has a problem
with overcommitting.

You know, we're supposed to be

making some money
with this business,

and she's trying
to save a theater.

Come on back to Earth, and let's
try to make some money first.

I get up at 2:00
in the morning.

It's just a matter
of contacting some people.

Exactly. You get up at 2:00
in the morning.

I get up at 7:00 and have
no time to do anything.

But I'll have it all figured out
by the time you get out of bed.

Come on, guys.

This is a community thing.

I think it's really important
to pull us all together,

get a big gig going there,
fill every seat in that theater.

You know, right now,
I want to use some comedy

and some self-expression
and maybe some music and stuff.

I want to save
that Pittsfield theater.

Rebecca: Courtney says,
"You're right.

We have to support
the community.

It's really important for us
to be a team and help."

I totally think so.

I think
I need a drink.

[ Laughs ]
You ain't right.

♪♪

[ Moose bellows ]

♪♪

Highest I've ever gotten?

[ Breathes deeply ]

Probably New Year's.

Can't really remember
anything past 9:00.

Have you
even tried this yet?

This is marvelous.

Yeah, Mary had me try something.
I don't know.

It's some concoction
from Somerville.

Tastes good, smooth.

I don't know what the name
of it is.

After I woke up and realized
where I'd been,

I think I was okay, but I'm not
gonna do that again.

I think that was it.

It's very sticky.
It was hard to roll.

Juicy's good.It was hard to roll.

Highest I've ever gotten?

I don't remember because
it's been a long time

since I've smoked pot.

Probably close to 15 years...

even though people
don't believe it

when they see I have dreadlocks.

I think it's pretty smooth.

What do you think?

Another hit or two,
and I'll be done.

I don't think weed's the answer
to help make

Tirdy Works
make more money.

I think it needs to everybody
focused on the moose turds,

not weed.

I don't smoke it, so I don't
care what they do with it.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Moose bellows ]

♪♪

I read this article one time
about this guy

who lived in, like,

the Middle East somewhere,
and he was smoking...

I don't know what kind of turd
it was, but he was.

He was putting it in a pipe
and smoking it.

[ Bird screeching ]

♪♪

Hey, Richelle! How are you?Richelle:
Hi! Welcome back, Mary!

Hey.
It's good seeing you!

Great to see you again.Long time, no see.

Long time, no see.Yeah.

This is Deb, my other half.
This is Richelle.

Hi.
Great to meet you.

So, you guys have been busy
since we saw you last?

Oh, unbelievable.Awesome.

Yep, but I brought you
some more seed starter kits.

Oh, great.
We'll be happy to have those.Okay.

Since we've had Mary's turds,
the response has been great.

People love her [bleep] clips.

People find them funny.

They use them as a novelty gift.

It's been really fun.

We had over 9,000 turds,

and now we have this much
in the barn,

so we've been
going out every day.

How's everything going
with dispensaries?

Things are going pretty...

You know,
they're going pretty good.

We stopped at, you know,

two or three different
places, and...

Deb: Mm-hmm....and everyone's
taken them in.

You know,
if not the seed starter kits,

then the [ding] clips
at least.

That's fantastic.
Yep.

Awesome.
I -- Yeah.

Have you possibly thought
of reaching out

to any of the growers
at all to see

if they might be interested
in working with you on this?

Yeah, well, I've been
thinking about that,

and I want to do that.But what about people locally?

Well, if the idea actually
took off, it'd be marvelous.

I mean, it'd bring us
a wicked good income,

especially if we had a corner
on the market, you know?

I mean, that'd be, like, superb.

Have you ladies ever heard
of Cliff Miller?

I've never heard of him.

He's very respected
in the community.

He definitely has
a great facility.

It's beautiful.
It's very clean.

Richelle:
We're actually very careful
when we make introductions.

I think we want to see
the people that are small,

local people take those chances
and try to make it work

and make it big
and be those successful people,

as opposed
to large corporations.

That's just what we support
here in the state.

I know that probably grows
and stuff

are quite sanitary places,

so I'll be sure to shower
that morning

and put perfume on
so I smell good.

I would waylay
the perfume.

Yeah?Yeah, you don't need that.

You might offend
the plants.

♪♪

This room's beautiful.

Love this room because
of all the history here

and all the people
who have served the town.

I met with the theater manager,
and she told me

I had to meet
with the town manager,

so we're gonna tell her that
we'd like to have a big show

to try to save the theater,

and hopefully
she'll grant us a permit.

We're very, very interested

in saving our Pittsfield
Community Theatre,

so if you have an idea,
we'd love to hear it.

Well, what I was thinking is,
we should maybe start off

with one big show.
Big one.

Whether it's contests...

You know, I mean, I've got
the turd presentation I can do.

I could get up,
and I could work the turds.

My success rate for getting
people on board with turds,

I'd say, would be...

97% at least,

and I'm proud of that.

How were you thinking
that people might like that?

Turds are something
that everybody does.

Turds are universal,

and everyone's had
an experience with a turd.

I've been doing this
for 15 years now,

and we have --
It's basically moose turds,

but we are expanding
into some exotic turds now.

We're doing alpaca turds
and goat turds,

so there'd be
all kinds of people,

I think, be interested
in seeing that stuff.

I think I can usually determine

if someone's got
a turd blockage

usually by their mannerisms,
their expressions.

I can tell when I have
a challenge on my hands.

I have products like
dingleberries and fecal people

and stool samples, and...Oh, my goodness.

And people think it's kind
of funny. Fun shit, you know?

Well, I don't even say
that word.

You must get mad
and think it sometimes.

Really?

What?
Can't you see
she's, like, a churchgoer?

You can't...
I know.

I'm trying to be gentle.

By the way, I do have
a religious turd.

It's called
the Holy Crap.

I'm Catholic,
and I took my priest

the Holy Crap turd once.

He loved it.

I'm glad he was happy.
He was.

He was tickled to death
with his turd.

All right. That's good.
Yeah.

[ Laughs ] Poor guy.I go to confession
once in a while, too.

You probably have to.

All right.

This is
a professional meeting.

I know.Calm down just a little bit.

Everybody does it.Some people just don't
appreciate

the turds like you do.

That's probably true.

If Mary's gonna be up here
dealing with town government,

she probably needs
an adult with her.

This is gonna be a great
variety show, though.

I mean, there's gonna be
all kinds of really cool acts.

We can bring in kids,
animals, adults.

I think that would be
wonderful, don't you?

It would be wonderful.

I mean, it's gonna be
big revenue for your town,

for the theater,
for Tirdy Works' business.Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

And I think if
we all work together,

we're gonna be able
to pull off a huge show.

Well, we definitely would want
to bring revenue to the theater,

so we'd be interested in getting
some details in writing.

Kathryn:
A little bit shocking

in what
her main presentation will be,

but if we have variety, then we
have something for everyone,

and the only way
that the theater will survive

is if we do have variety,

and Mary seems very committed
to bringing that to Pittsfield.

Would you come to the show
and see my turd presentation?

I'll come to the show.

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

[ Moose bellows ]

♪♪

Legalizing pot, I think,
was a good call.

It was a good idea.

I don't think there's any reason
not to have it.

I don't know what's going
on here.

Someone's getting a little
carried away.

It's just like drinking.

If they enjoy that, you know,
let them go to it.

-I got these.
-Oh.

This keeps
the black flies away.

I didn't even
see you come in.Was that delicious?

Not a problem.

There's people that use it
for medical use,

and there's people
that are just stupid about it.

I almost got that turd
in your drink.

It's not like coke.
Cocaine.

You know, that's horrible.

That's bad stuff.

You want a hit?No, I don't want that.

I've always believed
that man made booze,

God made grass.

Who do you trust?

Smoking, and I'm working,
and I'm a-drinking.

Should be legalized.

It keeps me happy and sane.
[ Laughs ]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Moose bellows ]

♪♪

My name is Cliff Miller,

and I operate the largest
cannabis cultivation facility

in the state of Maine.

Wow!

Word travels fast
in this industry,

and I started hearing
about Mary's turds,

and I knew we had
to get her in here.

Hey, Cliff.
How are you?

Good to see you.
You, as well.

You know, coming here,
I knew I was gonna be

coming into a grow,
but I didn't expect this.

It's cold out there,
but it's...

It is....85 and sunny in here.

But, anyway, I got
the weed-seed starter kits here.

I got
a whole box of turds.

Oh.
Beautiful.

They're okay, huh?

This is
some nice [bleep]

Yeah,
and they're all organic.

They have not been dipped.

I just drill a little,
teeny hole in the top,

and then I cram
the seed inside the turd.

Sure.

And it grows wicked,
wicked good.

Nobody's doing this
right now.

This is almost like set it
and forget it.

Put your seed in, plant it,
water it, and you're good to go.

My issue is, I'm trying
to get these out of Maine.

I want to expand.
Sure.

You know? And I know
there's tons...

There must be tons
of dispensaries

all over the U.S.
in certain states, you know?

I think the predrilled hole,
nice little package,

and just keep the seeds
out of it completely,

and you'll stay
perfectly compliant

'cause then you can start
shipping across state lines

because there's no laws
against shipping [ding]

[ Laughs ]

Mary: To be getting advice
from the biggest weed grower

in the whole state
of Maine is incredible.

I mean, the amount
of information

I can absorb from him

and use it, you know,
to grow my business,

that's huge.

I mean, what an opportunity.

I would love to share this
with a larger community,

especially here in Maine.

I know a couple of the top
cultivators in the state.

I even think, nationally, people
will really gravitate to this

in terms of cost,
the cleanliness.

It's organic, and it's
readily available.

Do you have more?Oh, I have
a [buzzer] ton more.

We'll get
300 to 400 pounds

every time we go out
in the woods.

You're full of [bleep]I'm not [bleep] you.

You know, Maine's about
to go recreational with weed,

so can you imagine
that every grower in Maine

is cramming seeds
into turds?

♪♪

Mary: Ugh.
Deb: Kind of loud
in here this evening.

It is loud, but it's
a different...

No kids, no dogs, no cats.

So, you've got us on the hook
for this show up there

in Pittsfield.
What's your plan?

What about a fashion show?
A fashion show with pets.

People could dress them up
and bring their pets in.

Tammi ought to get
her rat up there.

Oh, my God.
Wouldn't that be funny.

A little suit.

With a little suit
or something a little top hat.

She could wear
her red bathrobe.

But maybe we could do...

You know,
I can do my stand-up.

Are you gonna do
the same old spiel?

You know, I'm gonna
kind of do

that a little bit,
you know, for the baseline.

I've got, like,
three or four new...

Turds?
Turds.

You need to mix it up.It's what I do.

Get away from the turds
a little bit.

You need to appeal
to a broader audience.

If Mary appeals to a
broader audience with comedy,

she'll sell more turds.

People love them, though.

I know they love them,
but they also love you,

and you need to get away
from the turds.

You need to branch out.

I've heard Mary's spiel
10,000 times,

and she can still
make me laugh sometimes,

but I do find it kind of lame
sometimes, also.

Turds --
That's all I've done.

So, you could talk
about my cooking.

Cooking.
Yeah.

I've been doing this for 15
years, and it's been working.

People seem to like the turds.

That's what went viral.

You've got Facebook.
Use it.

Use it to your benefit.

Ask for some input,
some help.

People follow me.

I got 80,000 followers.I understand that.

They keep following
the turds.

But I've been a follower
since the beginning,

and I'm telling you,
it's getting a little old.

Seriously?
Yeah.

What do I say?

"Deb's saying I have to get
away from the turds.

Does anybody have
any suggestions

for some jokes maybe?"

I think that sometimes I have
a fear of not being good enough,

you know, and I feel
real confident with the turds,

but now, you know,
Deb wants me to broaden it out,

and I'm real scared
about that.

I'm afraid
I'm not gonna be good enough.

I'm afraid people
aren't gonna laugh.

There's a lot more to you
than just the turds.

I know this.