Original subtitles

HI THERE. TODAY'S SHOW IS REALLY FUNNY.

SO YOU'RE PROBABLY SAYING,

"HEY, KUZCO. WHAT'S THE SECRET TO MAKING A FUNNY SHOW?"

WELL, IT'S SIMPLE. IT'S A LITTLE THING

WE IN THE COMEDY BUSINESS LIKE TO CALL "TIMING--

♪ HE'S ON HIS WAY TO THE THRONE ♪

♪ HE'S ON HIS WAY TO SUCCESS ♪

♪ BUT HE HAS TO GO TO SCHOOL ♪

♪ HE'S GOT TO ACE THAT TEST ♪

♪ HE'S AN EMPEROR-TO-BE ♪

♪ AND HE'S TOTALLY ♪

YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL ABOUT ME. ♪ AHH ♪

EXACTLY! [CHORUS] LET'S GO!

♪ HE'S GOING TO KUZCO ACADEMY ♪

♪ KUZCO ACADEMY ♪

♪ HE'S GOT TO LEARN ♪ ♪ HIS ABCs ♪

♪ DON'T TRY TO STOP HIM ♪

♪ TO TOP HIM ♪ TO DESTROY HIM,

RIGHT? UHH...

K-U-Z-C-O!

KUZCO! KUZCO! GO, GO!

♪ HE'S GOT THE COOL ♪

♪ HE'S GOT THE CHARM AND THE LOOKS ♪

♪ AND A HOTTIE THAT CAN HELP HIM ♪

♪ READ THAT THING CALLED BOOK ♪

♪ LET'S GO ♪

♪ HE'S GOING TO KUZCO ACADEMY ♪

♪ COME ON, KUZCO ♪

♪ GOT TO FULFILL HIS DESTINY ♪

♪ HIS FRIENDS ARE LOYAL, IT'S ROYAL ♪

♪ THEY'LL HELP AGAINST THE FOIL ♪

FRIENDS? I THOUGHT THIS WAS ALL ABOUT ME.

HEH HEH! SPELL MY NAME AGAIN!

K-U-Z-C-O!

KUZCO! KUZCO! GO, GO!

Yzma: THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.

THE INCAN FUNERAL MASK WAS ONLY ON LOAN FROM THE MUSEUM.

IT CAN'T BE MISSING.

IT WAS HERE YESTERDAY. NOW IT'S GONE.

THAT MEANS MISSING.

WELL, I KNOW WHO TOOK IT. KUZCO.

HM. WHICH IS BETTER?

MY RIGHT PROFILE, OR MY LEFT?

RIGHT, LEFT, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

EXACTLY.

I'M ALL-AROUND HANDSOME.

DON'T PLAY INNOCENT, YOU THIEF.

LOOK. I'D LOVE TO BLAME KUZCO, AND WRAP THIS UP BEFORE LUNCH.

PERFECT. - BUT NO MATTER HOW MUCH FUN THAT SOUNDS,

WE CAN'T DO IT. - WHY?

BECAUSE WE NEED THE MASK BACK.

SO...

WHO WAS ON GUARD DUTY LAST NIGHT?

THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY.

RELAX, MR. M. I'LL CLEAR THIS ALL UP,

AND WE CAN FINISH THIS EPISODE EARLY.

WELCOME TO KUZCO'S DOODLES.

THAT'S WHERE I DRAW IT LIKE IT IS.

AND WAS. CHECK IT OUT.

KUZCOP, REPORTING FOR GUARD DUTY.

NO. JUST A SEC.

KUZCOP IS MORE MUSCLE-LY THAN THAT.

YEAH. HEH-HEH. THAT'S GOOD.

AND KUZCOP HAS ONE OF THOSE COP-CLUB THINGIES.

OOP! AND DON'T FORGET KUZCOP'S VICIOUS POLICE DOG.

HIS NAME IS FUZZ. [LAUGHS] ALRIGHTEE!

MY EAGLE EYES SEE EVERYTHING.

MY RADAR EARS HEAR EVERYTHING.

AND MY LIGHTNING-FAST REFLEXES

CATCH EVERYTHING.

CALL ME SUPER-AWARE MAN!

SO THERE I WAS, GUARDING THE MASK.

DON'T LET ME SLEEPING FOOL YA.

I ALWAYS SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN.

BOOM, BAM, BABY! THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENED.

"HE" APPEARED.

"I AMVIRACOCHA. THE CREATOR. THE GREAT POWER ABOVE."

AND I SAID, "HEY, YOU'RE THE TOP GUY.

THE MAIN MAN. THE BIG KAHUNA.

MISTER HOT STUFF. EL NUMERO UNO."

AND HE SAID,

" YES. I AM ALL THAT."

SO I WAS ALL, "LEMME GUESS.

YOU'RE HERE TO PRAISE ME, ADMIRE ME,

BASK IN MY GLORIOUS GLORY?" AND HE WAS ALL,

" NO. I HAVE MANIFESTED MYSELF FOR ONE REASON,

AND ONE REASON ONLY.

THE MASK!"

AND I SAID, "HANDS OFF THERE, KOOCHIE-KOO!"

THEN HE DID HIS IMPRESSION OF A LLAMA,

AND TOLD A FUNNY RIDDLE.

IT WENT, "WHY DID THE GOD OF CHICKENS CROSS THE ROAD?"

Mr. Moleguaco: STOP, STOP, STOP! THAT'S YOUR STORY, KUZCO?

SURE, IT'S INTERESTING.

BUT IT'S MISSING SOMETHING.

LIKE, OH... AN OUNCE OF TRUTH.

SO WHAT WAS THE ANSWER TO THE CHICKEN RIDDLE?

THE ANSWER IS: KUZCO'S A LIAR!

I AM NOT.

I DON'T GET IT.

COME ON, KUZCO. YOU'RE ALWAYS MAKING UP TALL TALES.

MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU TOLD THE REAL STORY.

OKAY, LOOK.

I KNOW I'VE MADE UP A FEW TALL TALES IN THE PAST.

LIKE THE TIME I TOLD EVERYONE I HAD A GIANT BLUE LLAMA

NAMED BABE. BUT I HAD TO. THAT'S RIGHT.

SEE, I GOTTA KEEP THINGS FROM GETTING BORING.

BY STRETCHING THE FACTS,

I MAKE THEM MORE INTERESTING.

AND THAT MAKES ME MORE INTERESTING.

WHICH IS HARD TO DO,

SINCE I'M ALREADY SO INTERESTING.

BUT THAT'S THE GREAT KUZCO CURSE.

NOW, NOBODY BELIEVES ME.

WELL, I'M NOT GIVING UP. 'CAUSE...

MY STORY IS TRUE!

WHY ARE WE WASTING OUR TIME?

KUZCO TOOK THE MASK.

I KNOW. LET'S HEAR KRONK'S SIDE OF THINGS.

I'M SURE HE CAN HELP US GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.

CAN'T YOU, KRONK? [CACKLES] OH, YES.

GO ON.

TELL THE STORY WE REHEARSED...

UH, I MEAN... TELL US WHAT YOU SAW.

GO AHEAD, KRONK.

AND PLEASE DON'T LEAVE OUT ANY DETAILS.

GOTCHA. MY MIND IS LIKE A STEEL TRAP.

I REMEMBER EVERYTHING AS IF IT WAS YESTERDAY.

WHICH IT WAS. YESTERDAY.

GOT UP AT 6:27 A.M. SHARP.

THEN I TOOK MY SPONGE BATH.

PLAYED WITH CHUBBY DUCKY.

HE'S A LITTLE FELLA WHO'S CUTE.

AND HE'S YELLOW. AND HE'S CHUBBY.

THEN I PICKED OUT MY CLOTHES.

ALWAYS A TOUGH DECISION.

FOR BREAKFAST, I HAD MANGO JUICE WITH PULP.

A CHEESY FRITTATA, A LOW-FAT MINI-MUFFIN,

AND A BISCOTTI.

ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL, I SAID HI TO THE LLAMAS.

BLEETY-BLEET AND BLEET!

I STOPPED TO CHAT WITH TOBO AND IPI.

"YOU CHECKERIN' UP ON US?" THEY SAID. [LAUGHS]

THOSE LITTLE JOKESTERS.

"CHECKERIN'".

I SAW A TRI-COLOR BRUSH FINCH.

SEVENTEENTH ONE THIS MONTH.

AT THREE COLORS PER FINCH, THAT'S 51 COLORS--

Yzma: KRONK!

SPEED IT UP.

MY BRAIN, OR WHAT'S LEFT OF IT, IS HURTING.

RIIIIIGHT.

NIGHT FELL.

AND MALINA AND I SHOWED UP FOR GUARD DUTY.

KUZCO WAS SLEEPIN', MAKING FUNNY NOISES.

SNORTY-SNORT-SNORT SNOREY-SNORE.

SO MALINA AND I WATCHED THE MASK.

THEN MALINA WENT OUT TO HER LOCKER.

AND I FOLLOWED, BECAUSE THAT MASK WAS CREEPIN' ME OUT.

AND WHEN WE GOT BACK,

THE MASK WAS GONE!

YEAH, THERE WAS ONE OTHER THING.

SOMETHING ELSE... IMPORTANT.

CAN'T QUITE PUT MY FINGER ON IT...

KRONK. THAT WAS A BRILLIANT PERFORMANCE.

NO ONE WILL SUSPECT THAT IT WAS YOU WHO TOOK IT.

BUT I REALLY DIDN'T TAKE IT.

WHAT? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO, REMEMBER?

STEAL THE MASK. PLANT IT ON KUZCO.

KUZCO GETS BLAMED. KUZCO GETS EXPELLED. BRILLIANT.

OH, THAT'S THE OTHER THING I WAS SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER.

I FORGOT.

WELL...THEN IF YOU DIDN'T TAKE THE MASK,

WHO DID?

Kuzco: HEY, DON'T LOOK AT ME.

WHY WOULD I WANT A FUNERAL MASK?

WHY WOULD I WANT ANY MASK?

AND DENY MY FANS THIS?

YEP. I DEFINITELY LOOK GOOD BOTH WAYS.

YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT ONE, PRINCIPAL AMZI.

WOW! WHEN DID WE GET THAT?

YOU TOOK THE MASK.

YOU KNOW YOU DID.

NO ONE BELIEVES THE TALL TALE YOU MADE UP.

YES, KUZCO MAY HAVE DREAMED UP THE WHOLEVIRACOCHA STORY,

BUT NOT TO COVER UP A CRIME.

I THINK HE REALLY DREAMED IT.

HERE'S ME. AND KRONK, LOOKING GOOD.

AND KUZCO. SO.

WE ALL SHOWED UP TO GUARD THE MASK.

KUZCO FELL ASLEEP--

Kuzco: WHOA. HOLD ON. THAT'S NOT HOW I LOOK.

I AM MUCH HANDSOMER.

Malina: KUZCO? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THESE ARE MY DOODLES.

Kuzco: UH, I'VE GOT AN IMAGE TO KEEP UP?

Malina: I'LL CUT RIGHT TO THE CHASE.

ONLY A BAD GUY WOULD STEAL

A MASK AS RARE AND AS VALUABLE AS THIS.

AND IN OUR CASE, A BAD GIRL. YZMA.

Yzma: IT'S PREPOSTEROUS.

WHY WOULD YZMA STEAL THIS MASK?

THE GIRL IS OBVIOUSLY SIDING WITH KUZCO AGAINST ME.

UH...I MEAN, AGAINST YZMA.

WELL, YOU SEE, PRINCIPAL AMZI. IF YZMA CONVINCED EVERYONE THAT

KUZCO STOLE THE MASK, THEN KUZCO WOULD BE EXPELLED.

AND YZMA WOULD EQUAL EMPRESS.

WE MUST QUESTION YZMA.

[SNORTS] VERY WELL.

I'LL GET HER.

SO. YOU WANT MY STORY, HUH?

FIRST OFF, THERE WAS NO WAY

I HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE THEFT OF ANYTHING,

MUCH LESS A MASK.

I WAS IN MY SEWING ROOM,

QUILTING A WONDERFUL BLANKET FOR MAMA YZMA.

THEN I WORKED IN MY GARDEN.

THE LILIES WERE IN BLOOM.

LATER, I DID THE SPRING FASHION SHOW.

THE THEME THIS YEAR WAS, "PURPLE IS THE NEW PURPLE".

AND AFTER A GIG WITH MY BAND, THE E'S,

I SPENT THE REST OF THE NIGHT

FEEDING THE POOR, HUNGRY WOODLAND CREATURES,

WHO HAVE NO HOME.

WHY SHOULD WE BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU SAY?

BECAUSE I'M 100% TOTALLY INNOCENT OF ANY CRIME.

LAST NIGHT.

PEOPLE, THIS ISN'T GETTING US ANYWHERE.

SOMEONE TOOK THE MASK.

[MAN] AFFIRMATIVE.

[GASPS] A VAMPIRE!

NAME'S CAMERON. CAM, FOR SHORT.

I WORK SECURITY. YOU CAN CALL ME...

SECURITY CAM. [KRONK LAUGHS]

THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?

I WAS INSTALLED YESTERDAY.

THE MUSEUM NEVER LENDS THE MASK WITHOUT PROPER SECURITY.

JUST HURRY UP AND TELL US WHAT YOU SAW.

MY BLOOD SUGAR'S GETTING LOW.

AFFIRMATIVE.

I SAW...EVERYTHING.

THIS CIRCLE STANDS FOR KUZCO.

THIS IS MALINA.

AND THIS IS KRONK.

AT APPROXIMATELY 1900 HOURS,

THEY ARRIVED TO GUARD THE MASK.

THEN KUZCO TRIED TO KISS MALINA.

AND SHE PUSHED HIM AWAY.

MALINA LEFT THE ROOM.

KRONK SPLIT, TOO.

WHICH LEFT KUZCO ALONE WITH THE MASK.

THEN HE INSTANTLY TOOK A TRIP ON THE OLD SNOOZE TRAIN.

THEN HE WOKE UP

WHENVIRACOCHA ARRIVED

AND TOOK THE MASK.

VIRACOCHA WAS THE THIEF?

SO KUZCO REALLY DID TELL THE TRUTH?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU ALL OWE ME A BIG FAT APOLOGY.

[SNORTS] YOU CAN'T TRUST THAT SECURITY CAM.

KUZCO'S LYING!

Man: UH...NO, HE'S NOT.

VIRACOCHA!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A MYTH.

DIDN'T SEE A THING. DIDN'T SEE A THING.

THANKS FOR TOTALLY RUINING MY DAY.

YO, V-MAN!

I TOLD EVERYONE IT WAS YOU,

BUT THEY DIDN'T BELIEVE ME.

HELLO.

PACHA? PACHA?

PACHA? MR. CHECHA?

YES, IT'S ME.

WHAT THE BLAZES ARE YOU DOING?

HOLA! IT'S TIME FOR PACHA'S DOODLES.

THAT'S THE PART WHERE I EXPLAIN WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.

EVERY YEAR, I GO TO

THE KUZCONIAN EMPIRE'S ANNUAL RENAISSANCE FAIR

AND LLAMA RACE.

AND EVERY YEAR, ALL MY FRIENDS

HAVE REALLY GREAT COSTUMES.

EXCEPT FOR ME.

BUT WITH THAT MASK, THIS YEAR,

I'D HAVE THE BEST OUTFIT OF ALL.

VIRACOCHA.

Kuzco: AW, GEE, THANKS, PACHA!

I WAS ALMOST IN SOME SERIOUS TROUBLE, HERE.

NOBODY BELIEVED ME, AND IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU.

HEY, IT WASN'T MY TAKING THE MASK

THAT MADE EVERYONE NOT BELIEVE YOU.

IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS SPEWING

THOSE OUTRAGEOUS TALL TALES.

I DON'T WANNA SOUND MEAN, BUT

REALLY, WHO WOULD EVER BELIEVE YOU?

OH, YEAH?

WELL, I GUESS SOMETIMES

MY TALL TALES CAN BE A LITTLE...

UH...TALL.

I GUESS NO ONE OWES ME AN APOLOGY, AFTER ALL.

THAT'S RIGHT. WE DON'T.

BUT WE'RE SORRY, ANYWAY.

AND WE'LL TRY TO BELIEVE YOU IN THE FUTURE.

GOOD. AND I'LL TRY TO FORGIVE YOU.

IT'S TIME FOR KUZCO'S DOODLES.

SEE, HERE'S THE DEAL.

IT TURNS OUT, PACHA FORGOT TO TELL MR. M

ABOUT USING THE MASK FOR HIS LITTLE DRESS-UP PARTY.

HE FELT REAL BAD,

SO HE AGREED NOT ONLY TO PAY THE LATE FEE,

BUT ALSO TO POLISH THE ENTIRE KUZCO ACADEMY.

UH, PACHA? YOU MISSED A SPOT.

HA HA! SILLY PACHA.

THE END.

♪ K-U-Z-C-O ♪

♪ KUZCO, KUZCO, GO GO! ♪

Kuzco: KUZCLUB WEEK?

I GOTTA JOIN A CLUB FOR A WHOLE WEEK,

OR I DON'T GRADUATE?

WHAT LLAMA-BRAIN CAME UP WITH THAT?

YOU DID.

IT WAS ONE OF YOUR EMPEROR DECREES.

OH. WELL...

I MUST'VE GONE TEMPORARILY LLAMA-LOCO,

'CAUSE I DON'T LIKE CLUBS.

THEY'RE ALL TEAM-WORKY AND HARD.

WHY NOT TRY JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS?

KRONK'S PACK LEADER.

MAYBE HE'LL CUT YOU SOME SLACK.

YAY! SLACK!

I MEAN...WHO SAID I WANT IT EASY?

I'M A TOUGHITY-TOUGH TOUGH GUY.

FINE. THERE ARE LOTS OF CLUBS.

I SUPPOSE YOU WANT TO HAVE A LITTLE MONTAGE,

WHERE YOU TRY OUT A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT ONES

BEFORE FINALLY ADMITTING I'M RIGHT,

AND JOINING JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS.

YAY! MONTAGE!

SO THEN I TRIED A WHOLE BUNCH OF DIFFERENT CLUBS--

STOP IT! KUZCO, JUST JOIN JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS.

AND I'M PLEASED TO REPORT THAT, FOR KUZCLUB WEEK,

I'VE GOT A NEW JUNIOR CHIPMUNK RECRUIT.

[DEEP BREATH] DAH-DAH-DAH-DAH. DAH-DAH-DAH-DIT-DEE DAH.

DAH-DAH-DAH-DAH DIT-DAH.

DAH-DAH-DAH-DAHHH!

KUZCO!

KUZCO JOINED JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS?

YEAH. DIDN'T YOU HEAR MY LITTLE DAH-TI-DAH-TI-DAH-TI-DAH THING?

THIS IS PERFECT.

AS EVERYONE KNOWS,

JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS HAVE TO EARN PATCHES.

ALL SORTS OF SILLY PATCHES.

AND IF KUZCO DOESN'T EARN A PATCH,

HE WON'T PASS KUZCLUB WEEK. AND HE'LL FAIL.

Kronk: HEY, STOP RIGHT THERE.

BUT I DIDN'T GET TO MY BRILLIANT PLAN YET.

YEAH. SORRY, PRINCIPAL AMZI,

BUT I CAN TELL THAT YOU'RE NOT QUITE GETTING THE SPIRIT

OF KUZCLUB WEEK.

BUT THAT'S OKAY, KRONK.

FOR, YOU SEE,

I AM YZMA!

NO WAY!

WHAT? YOU JUST DRESS UP LIKE AMZI,

AND THEN WAIT ALL DAY FOR A CHANCE

TO DO THE BIG REVEAL?

AH, PRETTY MUCH.

NOW, TO THE JUNIOR CHIPMUNK CAMP!

WHERE WE WILL...

PREVENT KUZCO FROM EARNING A PATCH!

NO, NO, NO. NO WAY, IZ-MAY.

JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS IS MY TURF.

IT'S ALL ABOUT WORKIN' HARD. TEAMWORK. SELFLESSNESS.

SO YOU BACK AWAY. AND I'M NOT KIDDIN', LADY.

YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF.

I GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE.

YOU KNOW I HAVE TO.

AND I'M DRAWIN' IT RIGHT-RIGHT--

UH...YOU GOT ANY PAPER FOR...THE LINE-DRAW?

THANKS! OKAY.

I'M DRAWIN' THE LINE. RIGHT...

WHAT ABOUT A PEN?

THERE'S GOTTA BE A PEN AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

LINE AIN'T GONNA DRAW ITSELF!

[ECHOING] HELLO! ED?

DON'T WORRY, KRONK.

I WILL KEEP MY HANDS OFF.

ZIM! ZAM! GET IN HERE!

YES, AUNT YZMA.

AH, MY FAVORITE NEPHEWS.

I HAVE A LITTLE ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU.

[CACKLING]

[LAUGHING] WELCOME, NEW RECRUITS,

TO THE JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS.

YOU MIGHT THINK LIFE IN THE 'MUNKS

IS GONNA BE EASY.

NO KIDDING. WE JUST TALK TO SOME SQUIRRELS,

AND WE'RE HOME BY, WHAT? NOON? WHAT'S THE POINT?

THE POINT...IS SURVIVAL.

TEAMWORK. BEING UNSELFISH.

Y'ALL GOT A LOT TO LEARN.

AND IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE, IN THIS:

THE CHIMPUNKUAL.

THAT'S THE WORD "CHIPMUNK",

COMBINED WITH THE WORD "MANUAL". YOU GET IT?

YEAH, I GET IT.

IT'S ONE OF THOSE BOOK-THINGS.

MORE THAN THAT.

IT'S A LIST OF THE OVER 100 PATCHES

YOU WILL ATTEMPT TO EARN WHILE A MEMBER OF THE 'MUNKS.

BUT, KRONK. WE'VE ONLY GOT ONE WEEK.

WELL THEN, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?

LET'S GET STARTED.

YAY! MONTAGE.

Kronk: THE ROPE-MAKING PATCH.

WE ARE NOW TESTING THE STRENGTH OF THE ROPES YOU HAVE MADE.

SO...ARE YOU TWO, LIKE, RELATED?

[SCREAMS]

[CRUNCH] OOF!

[BIRDS CHIRPING] I'M OKAY.

[GIGGLING]

Kronk: THE STONE-CUTTING PATCH.

THE KEY IS TO PERFECTLY CUT EACH STONE,

TO FORM-FIT ITS NEIGHBOR.

[GRUNTING, GROANING]

[BOOM] [PANTING]

WELL, IT'S EASIER THAN IT LOOKS, HUH, KUZCO?

HA HA HA. [YIPES]

NOT SO EASY.

[GIGGLING]

Kronk: THE CANOEING PATCH.

[DRILLING]

YAH!

Zim, Zam: [GIGGLING]

Kronk: THE COOKING PATCH.

Zim, Zam: [GIGGLING]

Kronk: THE ARCHERY PATCH.

NO! BELIEVE ME,

YOU DO NOT WANNA SEE WHAT HAPPENED.

TRUST ME. LET'S JUST MOVE ALONG.

MOVE ALONG. MOVE ALONG!

WOW, KUZCO.

I'VE NEVER, NEVER SEEN ANYONE FAIL EVERY PATCH.

THAT'S GOTTA BE SOME KIND OF RECORD.

GUESS JUNIOR CHIPMUNK'S NOT SO EASY AFTER ALL.

NOT QUITE GOING THE WAY I THOUGHT.

BUT I BLAME THOSE TWO.

THE TROUBLEMINT TWINS.

THEY KEEP THROWIN' ME OFF MY GROOVE.

I'M SORRY, KUZCO. BUT AS PACK LEADER, I HAVE TO INFORM YOU

THAT IF YOU FAIL TO EARN A PATCH, YOU [SIGHS]

FAIL KUZCLUB WEEK.

I GUESS THAT MEANS YOU WON'T GRADUATE,

OR GAIN YOUR FULL EMPEROR TITLE.

HUH?

WOW. YOUR WHOLE LIFE JUST WENT DOWN THE TUBES, HUH.

KER-FLUSH. NO NO NO NO.

THERE'S GOTTA BE AT LEAST ONE MORE PATCH IN HERE SOMEWHERE.

WELL, I MEAN, THE ONLY ONE LEFT

IS THE ONE PATCH EVEN

I HAVEN'T EARNED.

THE CONDOR PATCH. ♪ [ORCHESTRAL SURGE] ♪

WHAT THE HEY?

THAT MUSIC? YEAH.

IT HAPPENS EVERY TIME YOU SAY "CONDOR PATCH".

♪ [ORCHESTRAL SURGE] ♪

OH. COOL.

[CLEARS THROAT] "CONDOR PATCH."

♪ [ORCHESTRAL SURGE] ♪

EARNING THE CONDOR PATCH--

♪ [ORCHESTRAL SURGE] ♪

IS NOT GONNA BE EASY, KUZCO.

IT'S NOT GONNA BE...

EASY! RIGHT.

THE CONDOR PATCH!

♪ [ORCHESTRAL SURGE] ♪

HEY. STOP SAYIN' THAT.

CONDOR PATCH? CONDOR PATCH. CONDOR PATCH. CONDOR PATCH.

CONDOR PATCH! CONDOR PATCH. CONDOR PATCH...

♪ [MILITARY DRUMS] ♪ HEY!

Kronk: JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS, FOLLOW ME!

[CHORUS] JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS, ONE TWO THREE!

Kronk: JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS, SHOW YOUR SKILL!

[CHORUS] JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS, CLIMB THAT HILL!

Kronk: JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS, EVERY TIME!

[CHORUS] JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS, FORCE THAT LINE!

[CONDOR, SCREECHING]

WELL, THAT WASN'T SO BAD.

OH, NO, NO. THAT WAS THE EASY PART.

YOU MEAN... THERE'S MORE?

OH, YOU BETCHA.

WE GOTTA RETRIEVE A CONDOR FEATHER.

THAT'S HOW YOU'LL EARN A CONDOR BADGE.

♪ [ORCHESTRAL SURGE] ♪

NOT IF WE CAN HELP IT!

WELL, ZAM? HOW SHALL WE DO IT?

I KNOW!

STEP ONE: TURN KUZCO INTO A GREAT, STINKY ARMADILLO.

STEP TWO: FEED HIM MILK THAT IS PAST ITS EXPIRATION DATE.

AND STEP THREE? ARMADILLO KUZCO GETS A BIG STOMACH ACHE.

IT'S BRILLIANT. BRILLIANT. BRILLIANT!

UH...HOW EXACTLY DOES THAT STOP HIM

FROM EARNING THE CONDOR PATCH?

♪ [ORCHESTRAL SURGE] ♪

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

THEN WE'LL JUST USE

THIS! A-HA HA HA HA HA!

[CACKLING]

[SIGHS] ISN'T THERE AN "OUT-OF-BREATH,

I GIVE UP, OKAY I ADMIT IT, THIS CHIPMUNK THING IS HARD" PATCH?

YOU CAN DO IT, KUZCO!

ALL YOU NEED'S A DRINK OF WATER.

HERE! TAKE OURS.

GOOD IDEA. JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS ALWAYS SHARE.

TO THE JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS. [GULPS]

[SIZZLES]

IT WORKED! HE DRANK IT!

LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.

WHAT FOOLS! BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT!

[GIGGLING]

HUH. THAT GLOATING AND LAUGHTER SOUNDED ODDLY FAMILIAR.

UGH. THAT'S A FUNNY AFTERTASTE.

NOT GOOD.

HA! YOU'RE A STUPID CHIPMUNK-FACE.

THAT'S FUNNY.

[SCREAMS] I'M A STUPID CHIPMUNK-FACE!

THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

YEAH, YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE ISN'T FUNNY?

CHIPMUNKS ARE A CONDOR'S FAVORITE FOOD.

[SCREAMS] RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!

[CONDOR'S SCREECH]

[SCREECH]

WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING?

OH, LET'S SEE.

WHAT SOMEBODY IS ALWAYS TURNING ME INTO ANIMALS?

YZMA? DUH, YEAH!

AND SHE USED ZIM AND ZAM TO DO IT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE CROSSED THE LINE.

I MEAN, WHAT'S THE POINT OF A LINE

IF PEOPLE JUST CROSS IT ANY OLD WHICH WAY?

COURSE, I NEVER DID FIND A PEN.

WAIT A MINUTE. AREN'T JUNIOR CHIPMUNKS

ABLE TO YACKITY-YAK WITH ALL THE WOODLAND CREATURES?

SURE. WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

WELL, GO OUT THERE AND TALK TO THAT CONDOR!

RIIIIIGHT. HEY! NOW YOU'RE THINKIN'.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE TURNIN' OUT TO BE A GREAT JUNIOR CHIPMUNK.

THANK YOU. ♪ [MILITARY DRUMS] ♪

Kronk: HEY THERE! GIANT BIRD PAL!

SQUAWKY-SQUAWK, SQUAWKIN' SQUAWK!

Condor: SQUAWK! SQUAWK-SQUAWK SQUAWK!

Kronk: HA HA HA! YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!

SQUAWKIN-DEE SQUAWK SQUAWKIN' SQUAWK!

Condor: AH HA HA HA HAAA...!

[SCREECHING]

THANKS! YOU'RE THE BEST!

SQUAWKIN' SQUAWKER SQUAWK SQUAWK.

Condor: SQUAWK! NO PROBLEM.

WHEW! GLAD THAT POTION WORE OFF.

I PREFER MY "ME" TO HAVE MORE ME IN IT.

YEAH. YZMA'S POTIONS ARE A GOOD NEWS/BAD NEWS KIND OF DEAL.

THE GOOD NEWS IS, THEY WORK.

AND THE BAD NEWS IS, THEY WEAR OFF.

YOU KNOW. OR, IN THIS CASE, THE, UH, BAD NEWS IS,

THEY WORK. AND THE GOOD NEWS IS, THEY WEAR OFF.

YEAH, I GUESS IT DEPENDS ON WHETHER YOU'RE

GIVING THE POTION, OR TAKING THE POTION.

THE POINT IS, YZMA'S POTIONS

ALWAYS HAVE SOME KIND OF NEWS ATTACHED.

AND IT'S EITHER GOOD OR BAD,

IN RELATION TO THE SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCES.

THE GOOD NEWS IS, I DIDN'T WANNA UNDERSTAND

ANYTHING YOU JUST SAID.

AND I DIDN'T.

AND THE BAD NEWS IS,

YOU DIDN'T EVEN EARN A PATCH.

UH UH UH. BUT I DID MANAGE TO GET...

THIS!

A CONDOR FEATHER!

IT SORTA JUST CAME OFF IN MY HAND.

BUT ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW,

ALL THAT STUFF YOU SAID ABOUT SURVIVAL,

AND TEAMWORK, AND BEING UNSELFISH?

THAT'S YOU, KRONK. NOT ME.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DESERVES THIS.

[GASPING] I CAN FINALLY GET MY CONDOR PATCH.

♪ [ORCHESTRAL SURGE] ♪

OH, KUZCO.

AND YOU DIDN'T DO SO BAD, YOURSELF!

YEAH, I THINK I SAW A LITTLE JUNIOR CHIPMUNK SPIRIT IN YOU.

I MEAN, I DIDN'T ACTUALLY SEE A CHIPMUNK SPIRIT IN YOU.

IT'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH.

ANYWAYS, YOU EARNED THIS.

Kronk: THE "I DIDN'T EARN A SINGLE PATCH" PATCH.

YAY! WOO-HOO!

WHO'S THE BIG BAD PATCH-EARNER?

UH, THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S...ME.

ME ME ME-ME-ME.

UH-HUH, UH-HUH, UH-HUH!

HOO HOO! [SIGHS]

BUT WHAT ABOUT ZIM AND ZAM?

AREN'T WE GONNA DO ANYTHING ABOUT THEM?

UH...REVENGE IS NOT THE JUNIOR CHIPMUNK WAY.

OHHH...

HOWEVER, IT IS THE CONDOR WAY.

KUZCO EARNED A PATCH?

OUTRAGEOUS!

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELVES?

SORRY, AUNT YZMA.

[CONDOR SCREECH]

PUT THEM DOWN, YOU OVERSTUFFED PELICAN!

[SCREECH]

Kronk: DUN-DUH-DUH DAHHH!

AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR KRONK'S BONUS DOODLE CREDITS.

THAT'S WHERE I, KRONK, DO SOME BONUS DOODLES FOR THE CREDITS.

THAT'S THE NAME.

AND NOW, MEET OUR HARD-WORKING CREW.

BLEETY-BLEET BLEETIN'.

YEAH. ACTUALLY, IT'S JUST THESE TWO

WHO DO ALL THE HARD WORK.

WHEREAS THIS FELLA...WELL.

HE'S WHAT WE CALL...

THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER.

YEAH.