Original subtitles

[jaunty medieval music]

♪ ♪

- Huh. I'm so hungry,

I could eat everything on this menu.

- I know. They should really wash these things off.

[shivers in disgust]

- Guys, I'm really worried about Brendar.

- Why? She said she was okay.

- Dad, she said the same thing

after an orc stabbed her in the leg.

- One shrew on a shingle,

[yelling indistinctly] on the hook with sea dust!

- It's like I can still hear her voice.

- Because you can. She's right over there.

- Hi, I'm Brendar. I'll be your server today.

Can I start you off with something to drink,

or would you like a Caledonian squid?

- I can't believe it. - I know!

The McSquid is back.

- No, that Brendar is waiting tables.

- Ugh, looks like I'm going to have to find a new lunch spot.

- Why?

- Ever since I lied to Brendar about the dragon tear,

she won't talk to me.

- Seems a little childish, no?

- Hmm. - What'll it be?

- I'll have a grilled cheese with the crust cut off.

Can I please have some crayons for this maze?

- Brendar, why are you waiting tables?

You said you're fine after the whole Sharon thing.

- Sharon thing?

That's putting it mildly.

First, Sharon humiliated her.

Then she took her slogan.

And then she pointed out that Axe

was useless without dragon tears.

- That is some depressing exposition.

- Hm. - I am fine.

I just decided to stop questing.

- What? But questing is your life.

- It's just a little career change.

- Oh, this maze is impossible!

- So from now on,

I will no longer be known as "Brendar the Barbarian."

Henceforth, I shall be known

as Brendar the Barmaidian.

- ♪ A troll burned his bridge ♪

♪ A warrior lost her crown ♪

♪ I'm not being poetic ♪

♪ That's literally what went down ♪

♪ Together their journey has begun ♪

♪ Combining might and melody ♪

♪ To quest and smite a demon ♪

♪ And find their true family ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ The Barmaidian and the Troll ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ The Barmaidian and the Troll ♪

[jaunty music]

- One Griffin steak and one salad.

- Uh, we ordered the chop salad.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.

[dramatic music]

Anything else?

- No, we're--we're good.

- Okay, great.

- Excuse me. - Yeah?

- Can we split the check? - Oh, yeah, sure.

[grunts]

[table creaks, thuds]

- [sighs]

- There you go. both: Uhh...

- I'm sorry, sir. This table is reserved.

- Wait, wait--wait!

- [grunts] - [yelps]

I regret nothing!

[grunts]

[dishes clank]

- Manticore, party of four,

your table's ready.

[mouse squeaking] - That's it.

I'm gonna go get those dragon tears myself,

then Brendar won't be mad at me.

- You can't do that alone.

What are you going to do? Hop your way to the dragon?

- If I must. - No.

We just have to go talk to her.

[grunts]

- Psst, hey.

Hey. Hey, girl.

[dreamy music]

Whoa.

- [sighs]

- [huffs]

- Wow.

- Hey, is that strange bird over there staring at you?

- Oh, sweet. I got a shot.

[grunts]

- Oh, now he's coming over here.

- [chuckling, grunts]

Hey, I'm Biff.

- Hey. Stacey.

This is my dad, Horus.

- Hey. Nice to meet you.

I couldn't help but notice you checking me out back there.

- Who, me? [both laughing]

- All right.

You can stop right there

with the tweet nothings, Mister.

- "You can stop right there

with the tweet nothings, Mister."

- What the--

- Dad, I think it's pretty clear.

Biff's a mockingbird.

- Bingo. "Oh, I'm a wizard.

I wear a dress and wave a magic wand."

- It's a staff,

and why should I conform to your gender norms?

- You work out?

- All the time.

[Stacey giggles] - [groans]

- [whispering] Go. Go, go, go.

- Hey, Brendar.

I'm really sorry

about the whole "restrictions apply" thing.

- People sitting in the wrong place.

Nobody knows what's going on--

- Brendar, Axe is very sorry.

- Evan, I'm not speaking to Axe.

- Hey, Axe.

Brendar says she's not speaking to you.

- Well, you tell Brendar that by speaking to you,

she's speaking to me, so there.

- Brendar, Axe says-- - I don't need this.

The kitchen is short-staffed,

everyone's ordering off menu-items,

and the only tips I got all day

are two ducats and a fake eye!

- Uh, excuse me. I lost me eye.

[Brendar sighs heavily]

- Ah.

Thank you.

- Brendar, did you chop four

of my tables in half with your sword?

- Yeah, and now you have eight. You're welcome.

- That's it, Brendar. You're fired.

- [scoffs] - Hand over your apron

and your flair.

- Not my smile button.

- Yeah. - Fine.

I hate smiling anyway.

[melancholy music]

- You want a job?

- No, I want a dessert menu.

- All right.

- I hear there's some really good rats

out by the trash.

- Ooh, trash rats? [laughs]

You don't have to twist my wing.

- [groans] - Okay, great.

I'll give you a call some time.

- Okay. - Listen for this.

[caws]

Bye. - Wow.

Bye. It's nice meeting you.

- What in the name of phoenix's ash was that?

- What? I was just being polite.

- I don't understand what

you could possibly see in that dodo.

- Ugh, he's a mockingbird, Dad.

And I think he has a great sense of humor

plus he's kind of cute.

- Stacey, you're too young for this.

Do you know how old I was

when I went out on my first date?

- [groans] - 75.

- You're a wizard, Dad!

You have a life expectancy of, like, 300 years.

- [clears throat]

Hey everybody. Look, it's Brendar.

She's given up her dream of waiting tables

to join us excitedly on our next quest.

- I never said that.

- Well, you gotta quest.

- Birds gotta fly. - Gnomes gotta dance.

- Wizards gotta whiz.

- I know you're upset, but isn't it

about time you forgive Axe?

I mean, you got to get out there

and avenge your incredibly complicated backstory.

- The troll has a point.

- Thank you.

Look--all I'm saying is,

if you refuse to confront your problems,

you'll never be happy.

- You're right.

[heroic music]

I will get those dragon's tears,

and I will seek my vengeance upon Alvin the demon.

- That's the spirit.

- But I will not speak to that hack.

- Oh. Well, sure.

Some of my magic is questionable,

but I wouldn't call myself--

oh, you're talking about Axe.

- [dejectedly] Hmm.

- Well, okay.

The gang's back together.

Let's get questing to that dragon's lair.

Come on!

- Whoo-hoo! - Axe is back, baby.

- [laughs]

- [aloof chuckling]

- What are you waiting for?

- What? Me?

I was just gonna stay here just in case

anyone wanted to hang out

and I'm hanging out-- - All right.

No daughter of mine is fraternizing

with a bird brain like Biff.

- What? - Come on.

- Call me.

- [chuckles]

She already misses me.

- The tyranny of the violent barmaid is over.

[all cheering]

[gentle music]

- Huh.

Here's our first troll bridge.

Wow, memories.

It'll be like walking across the charred remains

of my failed career as a gold digger.

- Yeah, it sounds like a real dance around the maple.

- Good one, Brendar.

- Hey, why don't you let me handle this

'cause trolls are my people and we have a special bond.

[heavy footsteps thud]

[dramatic music]

- Halt. - Whoa.

- None shall pass this bridge without surrendering a fee.

- Some bond.

- Evan? - Uh, yeah.

- Dude, it's me. Doug from health class.

- What? Well, look at you, man.

You really grew up over the summer.

- Yeah. Well, apparently,

I have quite the glandular problem.

- Hm. - Well, you know the ropes.

You got to pay the toll or we got to fight.

- Oh, yeah, but that's not

gonna be necessary.

You'll let us pass, right? - Oh!

- I mean, trolls before tolls.

- Mm, no can do, buddy.

Troll King sent word down.

- Huh? - No passage.

- They really captured your likeness.

- My ears aren't that big.

- Enough of this ridiculousness.

Let me slice this fool into pieces.

- Like a purple cake.

- But it's Doug from health class.

- How else are we gonna cross this bridge?

- Ugh, well, can't we pay?

I mean didn't you make any tips at the Goiter?

- No. I made two ducats and a fake eye,

and I had to give the eye back.

- How are we gonna get to the dragon?

There's at least ten bridges along our path.

- That's ten more trolls I'm chopping in half.

- Chop, chop. - No, no, no, no, no, no.

Okay. Listen.

There is a way that I can guarantee free crossing

for all bridges in Gothmoria.

- Well, what's that?

- It's called the Troll's Passage.

- You better get that pass quick

because this bridge shuts down in an hour for renovation.

Turns out a lot of these bridges are highly flammable.

- Huh.

- How do we get this "Troll's Passage"?

- It's at my parent's house.

Okay, so what you're gonna be doing is taking a left

past the forest of screaming trees.

But if you reach the shrieking mountains,

then you've gone too far.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why do you get to stay here?

- Are you seriously bailing

at the first bridge on the road?

- I was trying to.

- We're getting dragon's tears to fight a demon.

Your parents cannot be scarier than that.

So troll up and let's do this.

- Well, when you put it that way.

- You heard the troll. Move out!

- [caws]

- Biff.

Hey, my wings are tired,

so I think I'm just gonna rest here.

- [cawing]

- Ah, yeah. You know what?

My wings are tired too,

so I'll wait here with you.

- You don't have any wings, Dad.

- Poof.

- [groans]

- [laughs]

- Caw-caw--aw, man.

- Hold on.

I think I should prepare you

for what we might find

when we get into my parents' house.

- I've been in a house before.

- No, no, I know, but it's my parents.

See, my mom talks in a unique way--

- Evan, we have 45 minutes to get in,

get the passage, and get back to the bridge.

I don't care if your mom has an accent.

- [slurping, grunting]

- [groaning, laughing]

- I take that back. This is unusual.

- So inappropriate, I can't look away.

- Oh, Ma, not in front of my friends.

This is embarrassing. [chuckles]

- Ah. - Okay.

Grab the pass and let's get out of here.

- No, we can't just barge in and ask.

My dad needs a little buttering up first.

[door creaks] [dramatic music]

- Well, well, well.

A prodigal son returns.

- It's going better than I expected.

[whispers] He thinks I'm a prodigy.

- That's not what that means.

- Hey, Mom, Dad, these are my friends.

- [groans]

- Brendar and Axe.

- You keep a lovely home, Troll Queen.

This could be featured in "Better Homes and Hovels."

- Ah! - So let me guess.

You gave up your ridiculous dream

of becoming a musician

and came home to beg for your old job back.

- Actually, he came to beg for something else.

- I don't want my old job back.

I'm doing fine as a musician.

- Son, you're more disappointing

than the reviews of my first novel.

- Novel's generous. It was more of a coloring book.

- I never understood this kid. He's so humiliating.

- Well, you know who gets me is Ma.

She always thought I was adorable and sweet.

- Yeah, your mother thinks you're sweet,

all right, like a dessert.

Geraldina tried to eat Evan when he was born.

Tries to eat him every chance she can get, really.

- That's a thing with trolls, is it?

- It's not uncommon.

- Looks like the queen likes finger foods.

- What? - [chomps]

- Whoa, Ma! Ow, ow, ow!

- Okay, so this quest we're on

is very challenging... - [groaning]

- And we're going to be crossing a lot of bridges,

so we thought you could really help us out by--

- Burning them all down?

- [groans]

- All right, all right. I'll be less snarky.

So if you want to cross the troll bridge,

you know the deal.

You either pay or slay.

- Yeah, but we'll be slaying

a bunch of our friends.

- Okay, but because we don't have any money,

you have something to ask them.

- [sighs] Yeah.

Uh, I really wanted to ask you if, uh...

- [growls]

- If I could show Brendar my old room.

- Evan. - It's right over there.

- [singsongy] Mm-mah!

- His room's a cabinet? - Oh, he wishes.

It's the top drawer of the cabinet.

The second one's our junk drawer.

If you need 15 packets of duck sauce

and a bunch of keys that don't seem to match anything.

- [groans]

- What's that Ma? Snacks?

Ooh, Mom's gonna make us some snacks, Brendar.

Did you hear? - I heard.

- Mom's a super good cook. She--

What? No, I'm not the snack.

[laughing]

That's Ma doing her old snack thing again.

[laughs]

[light music]

- Yeah. I like worms too.

- He's still up there, isn't he?

- How would I know?

- Because you can see things a mile away.

It's kinda your thing.

- Fine, yes.

He's still up there.

I don't understand why you just won't let me talk to him.

- Because you're still my little girl.

You're not ready to date.

- I need to spread my wings and fly.

I wanna see what's out there.

You can't keep me in a cage forever.

- Actually, I think I can legally.

At least until you're 18.

- Ugh!

- I don't mean to be judgmental,

but you have a weird relationship with your bird.

♪ ♪

- Then the minotaur says,

"Well, that's what you get when you wear red."

- [laughs] That's a good one, Evan.

- It's not funny.

- She's right. That's not funny.

- Ooh. I want some of that.

Ooh, ah, that's hot. Whoo.

- [grunts]

- Oh, yeah. Thanks, Ma.

- Oh, yeah. That's great.

- Hey, troll...

"passage" me some of those tasty morsels.

- Oh, sure.

- [sighs] - [sniffs]

[scoffs]

Lemon pepper?

Ma, you were marinating me?

- [groans]

- Instead of trying to cook me,

why don't you show Brendar around the house

and I'll have a chat with Dad?

both: Please don't make me do that.

- [grunting]

- Ooh, I'll come.

I can give you some decor tips.

I have a flair for interior design.

- [clears throat] So why are you really here?

- [gulps]

- [growls]

- And I'm just saying that having a teenage daughter

is more work than I expected.

- I know what you mean.

I have three teenage sisters,

and all they do is sass my dad all day long.

- Oh, the sassing is the worst. - Mm-hmm.

- Just this morning, Stacey--

Stacey? Where, wha--

Oh, fiddlesticks.

[sighs]

- Goodbye, I guess.

- [groaning] Ah.

- Huh.

Your indoor outhouse is very modern.

- Brendar, what about the troll pass?

- Where's Evan?

- Oh. Sulking in his room.

- [grunts]

- Evan... - Hm.

- That bridge closes in 20 minutes.

If we don't get the Troll's Passage,

I'm gonna have to pursue options you don't like.

- [sighs] I know. It's just...

I'm afraid my dad's gonna freak out.

I don't think I can do this.

- I know you're scared,

but a wise troll once told me

if you refuse to confront your problems,

you'll never be happy.

- Well, that's good advice.

I'd like to meet that troll.

- It was you. You're the troll.

You can do this.

[hopeful music]

Well, we have to get going.

- We hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are.

- Now that you've eaten us out of house and home,

and linseed oil.

- Thanks again for that.

- Is there anything else?

Or are we done here?

- Actually, I need a favor.

- There it is.

- We need a Troll's Passage for our journey.

- A Troll's Passage?

- I know it's a lot to ask,

but I swear I'll never ask you for anything again.

So will you please help us...

[softly] Papa?

- [groans empathetically]

- [groans]

All right. Here it is.

Troll's Passage.

You can have it on one condition.

- Yeah, anything.

- Leave that ridiculous lute behind.

- [gasps]

I can't travel without my lute.

I might as well be leaving my beating heart behind.

- I don't care. That's my offer.

The pass for the lute.

- Fine. You can have my lute.

- Man, why do you hate the creative arts?

- [growls]

- Evan, are you sure about this?

- I am, because continuing on this quest

is more important.

We have to get those dragon's tears.

- That's very big of you, Evan,

especially since you're so tiny.

Thank you.

- Yeah.

♪ ♪

I'll come back for you one day.

- Oh, I don't think you'll want this back.

[chomping] [lute plucks, cracks]

[ominous music]

- [chuckles, belches]

Delicious, a little stringy.

- All right. Just give us the pass

so we can get out of here.

- [chomps, swallows] - [gasps]

- Not as good as the lute, but I think you get my point.

[dramatic music]

- [grumbles]

- Do we get to have an intermission for this drama?

- You have no respect for your son.

You made him sleep in a drawer! - Yeah.

- Why would he want to be a bridge troll?

He wants to be a musician.

Do you have to squash his dreams?

- Are you going to let this barbarian talk

to your father like that?

- Yes, because she is right.

- Yes, she is. - [groans]

- I'm sorry if I don't fit in

to your neat little drawer, Dad.

I will always love you,

but I will never come back to this house.

both: Evan!

- Feel free to turn my room into a sock drawer

because from now on, I'm my own troll.

Come on. Let's quest.

- Hey--

- [yells]

- I know it's a little harsh. [door shuts]

But it's for his own good.

- [groans]

- Geraldina? No! No!

[both yelling]

- Well, that's it.

We don't have the pass, and the bridge is closing.

I'm sorry I failed you, Brendar.

- Don't be sorry.

I'm proud of what you did back there.

And seeing you with your dad made me realize

you can't treat the people you care about like garbage.

- Hm. - Axe.

I'm sorry.

- You mean it? - Yes.

I'm sorry for the way I acted.

If Evan can spend his whole life being overly criticized,

mercilessly ridiculed,

and in constant fear of being eaten,

then I can handle one small little setback.

- Well, I mean, I did have a couple good years in there.

- Sure, Evan. Sure, you did.

- I did. At least I liked them.

[jaunty music]

- What are they doing up there?

I can't see a thing.

[romantic music]

- Mmm, mmm.

- [chuckles] Thanks for the worm.

- Oh, you're welcome.

You know, your eyes sparkle

like two birdbaths.

- Oh, Biff, that's so sweet.

- "Oh, Biff, that's so sweet."

- Biff. - I'm sorry.

It's a mockingbird thing.

- It's okay. - Mm.

- So do you have any siblings?

- "Yeah, so do you have any siblings,

like brothers, sisters?"

[mumbling mockingly] - Okay.

I don't think this is gonna work.

It was nice meeting you, Biff.

- Aww. Nice meeting you too.

[mockingly] Oh, Biff, you're all alone.

You'll never have anyone to love you. Nyeh!

[normal voice] Yeah, you know what? I hear it now.

Huh. That's super obnoxious.

[jaunty music]

- Trouble in paradise?

- Yeah, you were right about Biff.

He wasn't for me.

- Horus, one. Biff, zero.

- But sooner or later, I might find someone

that is right for me, and I'm gonna wanna date.

You can't clip my wings, Dad.

- Ah, you're right.

Although it did take everything I had

not to zap you out of that tree.

Can we call that progress?

- It's a good start.

- Aww. [chuckles]

You're back!

We only have five minutes before the bridge closes.

Do you have the Troll's Passage?

both: No. - Turns out the troll king

is a real pain in the--

- Axe, you're back with Brendar?

- Yeah, we figured it out.

- Anyway, as I was saying,

he ate the pass.

So it looks like we're gonna get to chop up

all the bridge trolls moving forward.

- [groans] - Hm?

Ma, what are you doing here?

- [grunts]

- You're here to give me something?

- [gibberish]

- Oh, it's my lute.

Oh, you pulled it out of dad's mouth, huh?

[laughs] - How sweet and disgusting.

- Ah! - Something else?

- Ah. - Oh, my toy horse, Clippy.

You know, I always wondered where he went.

- [groaning]

- Something else?

- [grunts] - [gasps]

The Troll's Passage!

What?

Oh, Ma, how can I ever thank you?

- [grunts]

- I really appreciate you believing in me.

I promise I'll make you proud.

- [grunts happily] - Aww.

- [sniffs, slurps] - [yelps]

[chuckles] Mom!

- Gross. - Yuck.

- It's beautiful. - [sniffles]

- Are you crying, Dad?

- No, you're crying.

- I hope the dragon cries this easy.

- [sobbing] - Come on. There, there.

[exciting music]

- [gibberish]

- Time's up. Bridge closed.

- But--

- That Troll's Passage can't help.

Only good during business hours.

- [grunting angrily] - Oh, oh!

Sorry, your Highness, of course.

I think a two-minute grace period is totally acceptable.

- [grunts] - All right.

- Yeah. Thanks, Mom.

Okay, everybody. Let's quest!

- Finally. - All right. [chuckles]

- Yeah! - [cawing]

- Oh, come on, Biff. Take the hint.

Ugh. - [groans]

[grunts]

- I love you, too, Mom.

[kisses, blows]

- [groans]

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