Original subtitles

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

- And then I said, "The dual-bladed demon chopper

forged in the seventh lower level of Haargmord."

- Haargmord forever!

[all cheer]

- This quest has been a lot of fun.

[indistinct chatter]

- Congratulations on all your quests, Brendar.

- Thanks, Kyle.

- You're really going places.

I'm going to keep an eye on you.

[chuckles] - That joke never gets old.

Unlike this bread.

- Cooled in dragons' tears.

Demons beware because you're getting chopped!

Offer valid in 49 kingdoms, some restrictions apply.

[laughter]

Thank you.

- Let me get a quick sketch.

- Be sure to get my good side.

- Hey Brendar, looks like you got a fan.

- Yeah? - Excuse me, Brendar.

Can you crush this rock for me?

- Why?

- Oh, wow, something to remember you by

'cause now you're popular.

- Fine.

- Thanks, Brendar.

I want to be just like you when I grow up.

- Wow, she's gonna remember that forever.

- Speaking of memories, I have a present for you.

- Oh, my gosh.

Is this a lute carved from the wood

of the evil tree you defeated?

- No, it's a lute carved from the wood

of the evil tree we defeated.

- Aw, I love it. Thank you.

I'm going to call it Luteous the Third.

[haunting note]

Hmm. Such a dulcet tone.

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

- Yes.

Now I, General Skelly, will rise up

and take my revenge on that barbarian.

Are we ready, soldiers?

Huh? Linda?

Michael? Where are you?

[both speaking indistinctly]

- Oh, that's great.

- Hey. Hey. - It's corny, but it's good.

You, you two. Out here. Now.

- Oh, Michael, we're in trouble.

- [groans] I've got to get a new army.

- ♪ A troll burned his bridge ♪

♪ A warrior lost her crown ♪

♪ I'm not being poetic ♪

♪ That's literally what went down ♪

♪ Together their journey has begun ♪

♪ Combining might and melody ♪

♪ To quest and smite a demon ♪

♪ And find their true family ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ "The Barbarian and the Troll" ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ "The Barbarian and the Troll" ♪

- How does it feel, Brendar?

- How does what feel?

- Being beloved. - Stop it.

I'm not beloved. - Yeah, you are.

Little girls want you to crush their rocks.

- Newspapers want to sketch you.

You're important, Brendar. - Yeah.

- I'm not important. The quest is.

The quest is the only thing that matters.

- Well, sure, but right now, we're not questing,

so have fun.

Enjoy the moment.

- Time for revenge. - Oh, oh.

- How do I look?

- Well, a bit thin, if I'm to be honest.

No, but still terrifying.

- Yes, your eyes have never been redder.

- Good one. - But not tired red?

- No, terrifying red.

- You, cadavers.

Is this the Queen's Goiter?

- It is, but you might not want to go in there.

I'm on a revenge rampage,

and it might not be appropriate for a lady.

- I think I'll be fine.

[dramatic musical sting]

[patrons chanting "Speech!"]

- When respect is lacking,

my sword starts hacking.

- No, no, no, no. What are you doing?

- They're demanding things in an angry tone.

- No, Brendar, they're not angry.

They're just excited.

They want to hear all about our adventure.

- Why?

- You just-- [mutters]

I got this.

Hey, everybody.

As Brendar's self-appointed hype man and musical troll,

allow me to regale thee.

- Hmm.

- ♪ You all want to hear a speech ♪

♪ From my violent friend ♪

♪ Well, I promise you she'd rather quest than trend ♪

♪ She's Brendar ♪

♪ Feared and revered ♪

♪ She's Brendar ♪

♪ Feared and revered ♪

♪ She's Bren-- ♪

- ♪ Ah-ha! ♪

[low electric guitar note]

Oh, sorry. Was I interrupting something?

- Uh, now that you mention it--

- My name is Kevin.

I'm the musical goblin of Gothmoria.

- What? Whoa! No way!

I'm Evan, the musical troll of Gothmoria.

Want to do a duet?

- Sorry, no can do.

I'm here with my boss.

Besides, I only shred solo.

[lively electric guitar solo]

♪ ♪

- Wow. Who is your boss?

- Thought you'd never ask.

♪ Listen up, ya scuzzy butts ♪

♪ Prepare your hearts to throb ♪

♪ Over a goddess that needs no intro ♪

But I must.

♪ 'Cause that's kind of my job ♪

♪ Sharon, Sharon ♪

♪ Mischief and mayhem ♪

♪ Even her beauty will slay them ♪

♪ Sharon, Sharon ♪

♪ Gothmoria's fave ♪

♪ So get your stare on ♪

♪ Sharon ♪

♪ Avert your eyes or eye ♪

♪ Give her a big old hand ♪

♪ The number one warrior in the land ♪

♪ And I'm proud to say, my platonic friend ♪

♪ Sharon ♪

- Wow, his guitar playing's fine,

but his vocals lack authenticity.

- What are you doing here, Sharon?

- Nice to see you too, Bren-durr.

- [gasps]

[suspenseful music]

- At least turn my head so I can see what's happening.

- Uh, sorry, pal. No shirt, no skin, no service.

- Oh, don't--no--oh, ah, no--

wait, I want to see what happens.

- Not sure what's going on.

Is it my age, or is Brendar's backstory

just too complicated for me to follow?

- Dad, Sharon and Brendar

were in the same warrior princess court.

- Yeah, rumor has it, Sharon was the one

who blabbed to the queen

about all the secret quests Brendar was going on,

and that got her kicked out.

- Oh. - What do you want, Sharon?

You already got me kicked out of the royal order

for going on secret quests.

- Nailed it! Did I not nail that?

- Good one, Kyle. - I did, didn't I?

- Fun fact.

Yesterday, a Stygian Toad-man

hopped by and splashed mud on one of my wicked cool boots.

- [groans] - Guess what I did?

- What?

- Good question, Cyclops.

- [gasps] "Good question, Cyclops."

She's talking to me.

- Answer: I slaughtered

the entire Toad-man army.

- ♪ Classic Sharon ♪

- Tomorrow, I am thinking of traveling

to the Stygian swamps.

I might behead their king.

- Heads up, your Highness.

- Whoop-dee-do.

- Maybe I'll use his crown to make a holiday wreath.

Fancy it up with berries, branches, and glitter.

- Crafty!

- Anyway, what are you doing here, Sharon?

[patrons oohing]

- The Queen is furious over hearing about you all the time.

Feared and revered this. Feared and revered that.

We're all sick of you, and you're not even here.

- Hey, kids.

Take pride in your work, and one day you might

make the Queen tinkle her tunic in anger.

- How dare you!

The Queen demands you stop your pointless quests.

- Tell the Queen

that I don't have to listen to her anymore.

- Than listen to me, barbarian.

[patrons gasp] - Don't pull out a weapon

unless you're prepared to use it.

- I challenge you to a challenge.

[patrons oohing]

- Ooh...

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- Guys, what--what's so "ooh..." about that?

- Well, according to princess warrior law,

no princess warrior

can deny another princess warrior a challenge,

even if one of the princess warriors

is no longer a princess warrior.

- Ooh...

- What are the terms of this challenge?

- If I lose, then you'll never hear from me

or the Queen again, and you can go on

with your pathetic little life.

- Promise? - But if you lose...

- Not gonna happen, lady.

- If you lose, then I get your axe.

You know, the one dipped in dragon tears?

[patrons gasping]

- Whoa, did not see that coming.

- Huh, wait, hold it. Well, no, hold it--ha--what?

- Has anyone seen Axe?

- Wha--wait a minute.

You're not really thinking about doing this.

- Well, barbarian?

- Challenge accepted, princess.

- Ladies and gentlemen, we have...

♪ A challenge ♪

[patrons cheering]

- Come on, everybody. Let's go. We got ourselves a challenge.

- Brr-ribbit.

- What are you doing?

- I'm having fun like you told me to.

- No, I meant sit and have a stein of milk with somebody

or laugh heartily when Horus trips over his robe,

not lose our friend Axe.

- Axe isn't going anywhere.

Sharon has never beat me in a challenge.

- [groans] - This is gonna be fun.

- Uh-huh. I hope so.

[groans]

- Welcome to the warrior challenge

between Princess Sharon and Brendar the Barbarian.

Our warriors will participate in three rounds.

- Yay!

[crowd cheering]

- I like threes!

- Let the games begin!

- Whoo! Yes!

Oh, so exciting! I cannot contain myself!

- Hmm-hmm-hmm. Whatcha hiding from?

- Ah!

Some restrictions apply.

- Yeah, that doesn't really answer my question.

Why are you hiding?

- Because Sharon knows

exactly what restrictions apply.

Don't tell anyone you saw me.

- Cool.

Thanks for that super normal conversation.

- Wow, this is exciting and scary at the same time.

Where are they shooting their arrows from?

- A couple of furlongs up the hill.

- Wow, that's far. I can't even see them.

Oh, good, I thought they were gonna use

the teeny, tiny pumpkins.

Heh. Huh? What? Oh.

- Ah, there you go.

- Well, this seems unfair to Brendar and me.

Mostly me.

- Oh, Brendar picked it.

She said it'd be harder to hit,

but if she can do it, it'll be a crowd-pleaser.

- "If" she can do it?

[crowd gasps]

[crowd cheers] - Booyah!

- [groans]

- Tie. One point each.

- Yeah. That's right.

[both grunting]

[exciting music]

♪ ♪

- No? Yes?

♪ ♪

- [groaning]

- Time.

- Who won?

- Tie. One point each.

Tie. One point each.

- Yay, everyone's a winner!

[suspenseful music]

Uh-oh. Look out!

- Yeah, stick her on there. - All right, here you go.

- Boom. - Okay.

- Mm, ah, yes, that is much better.

Wait, what the--

Uh-oh.

[screams] [crowd gasps]

[grunts]

[crowd cheering]

- Yeah!

Linda, Michael, how bad is it?

- Um...well... - Well...

[both stammering]

- Positive note. - Yeah.

Where's the silver lining? This is--this is coming--

- You're still able to talk.

- There you go. - Okay.

- Well then. - You're better than a rock.

- Ooh, I hate that barbarian.

[dramatic music]

- The final supersecret death match tiebreaker is...

[crowd gasping]

Thumb wrestling.

[crowd gasps]

[crowd cheering]

- You know, my father perished

in a thumb wrestling accident.

We buried him with a hook for a thumb.

[crowd gasps]

- [laughs]

- Hurry up. Come on, then. - Save me a seat.

- Wait up, wait up.

- Hey, Brendar.

- Have you seen Axe? - No, she's gone missing.

Listen, thumb wrestling is really difficult.

- Not against old Princess Weak Thumbs over there.

- Well, have you seen her thumb lately?

[dramatic musical sting]

That looks like a six-pack.

[dramatic musical sting]

Are you sure you got this? - I'm fine.

[chuckles]

- Whatcha you doing there?

- Uh, just thumb crunches.

Totally normal.

[bell dings]

[indistinct chatter]

- Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the Destroyer in the Goiter.

[crowd cheering]

In this corner,

dressed in white and rocking super awesome boots...

- Show her some love!

♪ Show her some love ♪

- Give it up for Sharon!

The warrior princess of your nightmares.

- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

[crowd cheering] - Look at those calluses!

- And in this corner, dressed in barbarian brown

and appropriate footwear, the one, the only,

feared and revered, Brendar the Barbarian.

- Okay, ow. [stammering]

Ow. I'm tangled. Ow.

- Evan, get it together.

- I'm trying, I'm trying.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[bell rings]

- Okay, I want a clean fight.

No hits below the knuckle,

no interference from other digits.

And first who pins, wins.

both: One, two, three, four.

I declare a thumb war.

[crowd cheering]

[both grunting]

- Yeah! Come on, Brendar. You got this.

- Come on, Sharon.

♪ Sharon! ♪

Yeah! Yeah!

- Yeah. That's it.

- Come on!

- Whoo-hoo! Yeah, Brendar. Ha ha!

♪ ♪

- Hey, hey, hey, hey!

- Is she allowed to do that?

- No slapping the ref!

- Come on!

- There's no possible way you can be defeated!

- It's too dark to sketch in here.

Help me out, ladies.

[both giggling]

- Ah! Ah!

- Oh! Sharon wins!

We have a winner. [bell dings]

[crowd cheering] - Yeah! Yeah, that's right!

♪ Sharon ♪

The number one thumb.

Let's hear it. Let's hear it. I can't hear you.

[audio distorts and fades]

- [sighs]

[somber music]

♪ ♪

- Psst. Evan. - Huh?

- Down here. - Huh?

- It's me, Axe.

- Axe! Where you been, pal?

Hey, guys, I found Axe.

- Was she missing? - Pay attention, Dad.

- Oh, boy, Brendar's been looking for you everywhere.

She's really upset.

- I know, but she's about to get even more upset.

- Wha--what are you talking about?

- I wasn't honest about who I am.

- [gasps] Are you actually a shovel?

- No, it's worse. - [gasps]

- And Sharon would've known the second she saw me.

So I hid all day

because I want to be the one to tell Brendar.

- Ooh, tell her what? - That I'm--

- Axe. My friend. I'm so sorry.

I put myself before the quest, and I lost.

- You don't know the whole story.

- I promise you I will not forget you.

I will find a way for us to be together again.

- But Brendar, I'm trying to tell--

- For you are a friend of Brendar,

and Brendar doesn't take friendship lightly.

A friend of Brendar is a friend for life.

- Yeah, about that. See--

[lively electric guitar music]

- Yeah! ♪ Sharon! ♪

Yeah! Let's hear it.

- Okay, Bren-durr.

Where's my new axe?

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

- This is Axe.

Axe, this is Sharon.

- Hey.

- Wha-- [both laughing]

- Oh, come on. Stop playing games.

Where's the tear-dipped axe I won?

- What are you talking about?

This is the demon-chopping axe.

"Forged in the seventh level"-- - Lies.

It's silver, not gold.

- What? - [scoffs]

- The Haargmord dual-bladed axe

turns gold when dipped in dragons' tears.

Your axe, this silver one,

is good for nothing but chopping wood.

- [laughs] Yeah.

If you're up against Alvin,

you might as well have a licorice whip.

- Ah, then we're all set.

[tense music]

- Is this true?

- Yeah.

- She didn't even know.

[both laughing]

Ah, do you see what we had to deal with

when she was in the kingdom?

Someone fell asleep through weapons class.

- The nerve.

- Well, I won, and I want my prize.

Kevin, tell them I want my prize.

And it better be good.

- Okay, listen up. The princess is not happy.

The axe is out.

But I know something that would look great on Sharon.

♪ Your slogan ♪

- Good one, Kev.

From now on, I am to be known as Sharon,

the feared and revered princess warrior.

- That's fierce. - No, no, no, wait.

You can't take Brendar's slogan.

- Take it.

[solemn music]

- Time to go.

Nice meeting you all.

- Oh, thanks, Sharon. Come back any time now.

- Not cool, Kyle.

- What? - Play me out, Kev-Kev.

- ♪ Who's the barbarian ♪

♪ With awesome might and brawn? ♪

♪ Feared and revered ♪

♪ Her name is Sharon! ♪

- [sighs]

Hmm.

Axe. You lied.

- Uh, technically, I said, "Restrictions apply," so...

- Are those restrictions

that you don't have dragons' tears?

- Yikes. - I'm sorry, Brendar.

I shouldn't have bought Axe off the back of a carriage.

- It's not your fault.

- Well, you can still get the demon Alvin though, right?

- Not without an axe dipped in dragons' tears.

- Huh, well, uh, we can just get another one.

- They don't sell them in the marketplace, Evan.

They're rare.

Apparently so rare

that I don't even know what one looks like.

- Okay, yeah, but we'll find a depressed dragon

and collect its tears.

Come on, Brendar. We can fix this.

- No, we can't fix this.

There is no fixing this

because I don't even know where to start.

- I'm sorry.

I just--I just had to get out of that castle.

- What's wrong with my castle?

- And then I loved being on the quests

and around you and everyone.

I was afraid that if I told the truth,

you'd leave me behind.

- Brendar? Are you okay?

- You know what? I think I am.

- You sure? You can tell us if you're not.

- No, there's nothing to tell. [chuckles]

Really. I'm good.

Thank you all. I'm going home.

♪ ♪

- Oh, no. What have I done?

- So that's it? No more quests?

- I was hoping for one more great adventure.

- What--what are you guys talking about?

- You heard her. She's done.

- Okay, I don't know what you heard.

But what I heard was a barbarian

with a broken heart crying out for help.

And after all she's been through,

she deserves to have us help her out

'cause, well, she's helped us out a lot.

And you know what, guys? We're quest friends.

And we never leave anyone behind.

[door slams open] - Where is she?

At long last, Brendar is mine!

- What is Skelly doing here?

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt. Is, uh, Brendar here?

- She left, like, five minutes ago.

- Gah!

- Do you maybe want to leave a message?

- Oh, yeah, uh, tell her

that Generally Skelly, that's S-K--

- What are you doing? This is a surprise attack.

- Ooh, yeah, tell her it's a surprise attack.

- Wha--no, just go. Back to the castle.

Wha--are you leaving a tip?

You didn't order anything!

You don't leave a tip when you don't order.

- I wanted to get a milkshake.

- You can get a froyo at home.

- [groans]

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