Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY ABC CABLE NETWORKS GROUP

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT HIGH SCHOOL

IS THE WORST TIME IN A PERSON'S LIFE.

WHAT WITH THE POPULARS, THE PEER PRESSURE,

AND THE PIMPLES,

IT'S JUST TOO MUCH FOR SOME KIDS TO HANDLE

ON A $10 A WEEK ALLOWANCE.

BUT THIS ISN'T ONE OF THOSE STORIES.

MEET ISABELLA.

BUT YOU CAN CALL HER, IS.

HIGH SCHOOL.

A FANTASTICAL KINGDOM OF PROMISE AND PERIL.

WITH WARRIORS.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

WIZARDS.

AND WITCHES.

SHH.

A BIZARRE WORLD WHERE THE RULES OF SOCIETY

NO LONGER APPLY.

IT IS HERE WHERE DESTINY FINDS

THE INCOMPARABLE, IS.

AND HER NEVER-ENDING BATTLE FOR TRUTH

JUSTICE, AND GYM CLASS.

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

THE ROPE.

THE SCOURGE OF EVERY HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT

SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME.

BUT IT ISN'T THE LENGTH OF THE ROPE.

IT'S THE STRENGTH OF THE GIRL CLIMBING IT.

AND LUCKILY, IN THIS CASE,

THAT GIRL IS, IS.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

MARCO.

VINCENT. WAS IT THE SMILE,

THE DIMPLES, THE BICEPS,

THAT MADE HIM THE CUTEST BOY IN THE KINGDOM?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

JAMIE, YOU'RE NEXT.

OK. SO THIS ISN'T THAT STORY.

AND IS IS JUST A CHARACTER IN MY JOURNAL.

IMPRESSIVE TIME, MR. VEGA.

NEW STOPWATCH, MR. HEARN?

VERY NICE.

HI. I DON'T FEEL VERY WELL.

UNFORTUNATELY, AS HARD AS I TRY,

I'M NO IS.

[STRUGGLING]

[CONTINUES STRUGGLING]

I CAN'T DO IT.

I REALLY CAN'T. I'M SORRY.

[BELL RINGS]

WATCH IT.

THIS IS THE STORY

OF HOW MY PRIVATE, PERSONAL JOURNAL

BECAME A BEST SELLER.

HEY, J. HOW WAS GYM?

I GOT STUCK ON THE ROPE AGAIN.

OUCH.

MY WORDS EXACTLY. [BELL RINGS]

OH, LET'S BOUNCE. WE CAN'T BE LATE FOR ENGLISH.

BUT WE HAVE TO SAVE THE PLANET FIRST.

ISN'T THAT A LITTLE AMBITIOUS BEFORE LUNCH?

"THE PLANET" IS A THEATER DOWNTOWN,

AND THEY'RE GOING TO TEAR IT DOWN

UNLESS WE DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

I ALREADY DID.

I DESIGNED AND PAINTED THE POSTERS.

YEAH. BUT NO ONE CAN READ THEM.

I WAS EXPERIMENTING WITH CUBISM.

WELL, WE'RE GOING TO BE EXPERIMENTING WITH DETENTION

IF WE DON'T GET A MOVE ON.

BUT WHAT ABOUT MY PROTEST?

MAYBE WE CAN SAVE THE PLANET ALONG THE WAY.

SAVE THE PLANET? SAVE--NO?

SAVE THE PLANET.

HELP SAVE THE PLANET.

SAVE THE PLANET.

[TEARS UP PAPER]

SAVE--

UH-OH.

THE POPULARS.

THERE SHE WAS.

THE EVIL AND FEARED SAWYER.

UH, I MEAN, MYRNA.

A CHEERLEADER SO VILE,

EVEN MILK CURDLED AT THE SOUND OF HER NAME.

SHE ENTERED THE HALLWAY

WITH HER CLONE HORRIFIC COHORTS.

UH... JAMIE.

OH, I WAS GONNA SAY GEEK.

MYRNA WAS ROTTEN TO THE CORE.

I'M SORRY. DID YOU WANT SOMETHING?

YES, I WANTED YOU TO MOVE. YOU'RE BLOCKING MY LOCKER.

RIGHT. SORRY.

I HEARD THE TRYOUTS

ARE GONNA BE REALLY INTENSE THIS YEAR.

OH, ARE YOU GUYS TRYING OUT FOR CHEERLEADING?

DUH. ARE YOU?

YOU AREN'T.

NO.

NO. I DIDN'T THINK SO.

THAT'S A VERY GOOD CALL ON YOUR PART.

[GIGGLING]

RISKING LIFE AND LIMB,

IS NEW SHE HAD TO DESTROY MYRNA

AND HER VICIOUS CLIQUE.

BEFORE THEY CRUSHED EVERY GIRL'S SPIRIT.

WELL, IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE NICE,

THEN BE GONE.

Kids: IS! IS! IS! IS!

AND WITH MYRNA GONE, EVERYONE CHEERED.

JAMIE.

IS THERE SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE CLASS?

NO, MISS GALLAGHER.

THEN PAY ATTENTION.

MARCO.

YOU'RE NEXT.

IT'S NOT VERY GOOD.

[LAUGHTER]

"I HAVE A SECRET.

"DOES SHE, TOO?

"THE QUIET GIRL I THOUGHT I KNEW WHO--

"CONTINUALLY MAKES ME SMILE.

"I HAVE TO WONDER, DOES SHE SEE ME

"OR JUST MY MASK?

INVISIBILITY."

OH...

[BELL RINGS]

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND.

AND DON'T FORGET, YOUR ESSAYS FOR THE WRITING COMPETITION

ARE DUE ON MONDAY.

AND HE WRITES POETRY.

IS THERE ANYTHING MARCO CAN'T DO?

YEAH. WRITE POETRY.

YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS.

TRUST ME, JAMIE,

IF I WANTED TO WRITE A POEM LIKE THAT, I COULD'VE.

HEY, THERE'S YOUR BROTHER.

HEY, LENNY. WHAT'S UP?

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NEVER TO TALK TO ME.

ESPECIALLY IN SCHOOL.

WHAT'S WITH HIM?

I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.

OH.

SO, WANT TO HIT THE COMIC BOOK STORE AFTER SCHOOL TODAY?

I CAN'T. I HAVE TO WORK.

WE'RE SERVING PIZZA UNTIL 5:00

IF ANYBODY WANTS A SLICE.

OH, WHAT'S TODAY'S SPECIAL?

DON'T ASK.

IT WAS DISGUSTING.

THE OTHER DAY, HE PUT RAW FISH ON IT.

LET'S GO, JAMIE.

THIS PIZZA'S NOT GOING TO DELIVER ITSELF.

WHAT IS THAT STENCH?

THAT IS THE SMELL OF THE FUTURE.

THE SMELL OF YOUR FUTURE.

LIVER AND ONION PIZZA.

EW.

YOU'RE NOT MAKING THAT

FOR THE SLUMBER PARTY, ARE YOU?

MAYBE HALF?

OH, MR. BARTLETT, PLEASE.

DADDY, DON'T.

BUT GIRLS, IF I DON'T GET SOME TESTERS FOR MY NEW CREATIONS,

HOW AM I GONNA KNOW IF THEY'RE ANY GOOD?

TRUST US. TRUST US.

WHAT IS THAT SMELL?

IT'S OUR FUTURE, AND APPARENTLY, IT STINKS.

EW, RALPH.

IT'S LIVER AND ONION.

YOU PUT LIVER AND ONIONS ON A PIZZA?

I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST STAY OLD SCHOOL, MR. B.

YOUR PLAIN CHEESE IS STILL THE BEST AROUND.

BUT, I'M TRYING TO APPEAL TO A WIDER AUDIENCE.

A MORE DISCERNING PALATE.

EW! EW!

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

I WANT TO BE SUPPORTIVE, HONEY,

BUT YOU MIGHT BE DISCERNING US

RIGHT OUT OF BUSINESS.

UH, EXCUSE ME. UH...

JAMIE.

I'M IN YOUR ENGLISH CLASS.

AND LUNCH, AND HISTORY.

AND MATH.

YOU ARE?

[CHUCKLES]

I SAID, NO ICE.

OH, MY BAD.

LET ME GET YOU ANOTHER.

AAH!

OH, MY BAD.

LET ME GET YOU ANOTHER ONE.

THANKS.

SMILE. ONLY 2 HOURS UNTIL CLOSING.

YES. BUT 3 1/2 MORE YEARS OF HIGH SCHOOL.

WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO YOUR ESSAYS ON?

HOW TERM PAPERS ARE A WASTE

OF OUR DWINDLING, NATURAL RESOURCES.

OH, SWEET.

I CRANKED OUT A COUPLE OF PAGES

ON HOW I WOULD CHANGE THE BREAK TIMES

BETWEEN CLASSES TO MAKE OUR LIVES,

OH, SO MORE EFFICIENT.

THAT'S IT?

YES. IT'S A VERY CONVINCING PAPER.

WHY?

BECAUSE THE WINNING ESSAY

WILL BE PUBLISHED IN THE EDUCATION TIMES.

WELL, IT WON'T BE MINE.

I JUST THOUGHT YOU WOULD'VE COME UP

WITH SOMETHING BETTER THAN THAT.

YOU ARE THE BEST WRITER IN THE CLASS.

HARDLY. ARE, TOO.

AM NOT.

IF YOU'RE NOT A WRITER, THEN WHY ARE YOU WRITING ALL THE TIME?

BECAUSE IF I DIDN'T I'D HAVE A NUTTY.

OH, NO. MY PRINTER DIED.

OH, NOW THE WORLD WILL NEVER KNOW

HOW MUCH EASIER OUR LIVES WOULD BE BETWEEN CLASSES.

DOESN'T LENNY HAVE A PRINTER?

OH, YEAH. GOOD IDEA.

[GUITAR PLAYS]

HEY, LENNY?

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO NEVER COME IN MY ROOM.

YEAH. BUT I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD BORROW YOUR...

HEY, YOU WROTE A SONG.

BUT--

I SAID, OUT.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU EMAIL IT TO ME,

AND I'LL PRINT IT OUT AT MY HOUSE.

EXCELLENT IDEA.

I JUST WISH I COULD FIND SOMEBODY WHO...

OH...

UNDERSTANDS ME.

EVERY--

LINDSAY UNDERSTANDS YOU, RYDER.

SHUT UP. THAT'S SUCH A LIE.

COME ON, HARMONY.

WHO DOESN'T LOVE RYDER DONOVAN?

NO. NO. NO.

OH, SHE IS A WITCH.

DID YOU SEE WHO SHE KILLED LAST WEEK?

IF SHE KEEPS THIS UP,

THEY'LL HAVE TO RECAST THE ENTIRE SHOW.

CHANGE THE CHANNEL.

SHE MAKES MY SKIN CRAWL.

THIS ONE ACCIDENTAL CLICK OF THE STYLUS...

THAT ROCKETED MY PERSONAL, PRIVATE JOURNAL INTO CYBERSPACE

WOULD SEND A SHOCKWAVE ROARING THROUGH THE KINGDOM.

ALTERING IT FOREVER.

THINK OF YOUR FACE AS A BLANK CANVAS.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE SHADING AND COMPOSITION.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

SHADING OUR CANVASSES.

WHEN DID YOU START SELLING THIS MAKE-UP?

JUST LAST WEEK. IT'S NEW.

IT'S CRUEL.

THEY TEST ON ANIMALS. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

LOOK, KID, I JUST WORK HERE.

IF YOU'D LIKE TO TAKE IT UP WITH THE COMPANY,

BE MY GUEST.

DON'T THINK I WON'T. LET'S GO, YOU GUYS.

OH, WOW.

DO YOUR MAKE-UP IN THE DARK THIS MORNING, GIRLS?

[GIGGLING]

YOU COULD'VE AT LEAST LET US FINISH.

IT'S BEEN A MONTH.

LET THE SHOCKWAVE BEGIN.

I JUST DON'T BELIEVE--

THEY ANNOUNCED THE WINNERS OF THE ESSAY COMPETITION.

YAWN.

OH, COME ON, YOU MUST BE EXCITED.

YOU PRACTICALLY WROTE A NOVEL.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

IT WAS 5 PAGES.

WITH FOOTNOTES.

UH-OH.

SERIOUSLY.

MISS GALLAGHER SAID IT WAS THE MOST PROVOCATIVE PAPER

SHE'S SEEN IN 15 YEARS.

PUH-LEASE. LIKE JAMIE BARTLETT'S

EVER SAID ANYTHING PROVOCATIVE.

HONESTLY.

JAMIE WHO?

THEY CAN'T BE TALKING ABOUT ME, I MEAN...

BREAK TIMES AREN'T PROVOCATIVE, ARE THEY?

BREAK TIME?

OH, NO. I DON'T THINK THAT WAS THE FILE YOU SENT ME.

A STENCH WORSE THAN LIVER AND ONION PIZZA

FELL UPON THE HALLS.

HEY! GUESS WHO WON THE CONTEST?

GUESS WHO WON THE CONTEST?

NO!!!

"MYRNA AND HER EVIL CLIQUE

"OF GOSSIPERS, INSULTERS, AND BACKSTABBERS

"WERE NO MATCH FOR ISABELLA.

"WITH A FLICK OF HER FINGER,

"SHE WOULD ZAP THEM INTO PERPETUAL DETENTION.

CHAPTER THREE. MARCO VINCENT."

UH, EXCUSE ME, MISS GALLAGHER.

BUT I DON'T THINK ISABELLA'S A VERY REALISTIC CHARACTER.

I THINK SHE'S GREAT. KEEP READING.

UH, NO, HARMONY,

LET'S LISTEN TO SAWYER FOR ONCE.

AHEM.

WHERE WAS I?

OH, YES. MARCO VINCENT.

"WAS IT THAT SMILE, THE DIMPLES, THE BICEPS

"THAT MADE HIM THE CUTEST BOY

"IN THE KINGDOM?

"WHAT DO YOU THINK?

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS WON?

IT'S TOTALLY WEAK SAUCE.

I DON'T KNOW. MARCO'S PRETTY COOL.

..."NO MATCH FOR ISABELLA.

"WITH A FLICK OF HER FINGER, SHE WOULD ZAP THEM INTO--

CONGRATULATIONS, JAMIE.

WAY TO GO, BARTLETT.

GREAT STORY, JAMIE.

WOW. SO INSPIRING.

I KNOW. NEXT TIME RACHEL CALLS ME A COW,

I'M GONNA ZAP HER.

[BELL RINGS]

JAMIE, WAIT UP.

WHERE YOU GOING?

TO CRAWL UNDER A ROCK.

WHY?

I MEAN, YOU JUST WON A THOUSAND DOLLAR SAVINGS BOND.

NO, I WAS JUST PUBLICLY HUMILIATED

WHEN MY JOURNAL WAS READ

IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE CLASS.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

EVERYONE LOVED IT.

WHOA. THAT WAS YOUR JOURNAL?

YES. AND IT WAS A MISTAKE.

AND NOW IT'S PUBLISHED.

CHILL OUT.

THIS WHOLE THING'S GONNA BLOW OVER

BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.

YOU THINK SO?

I KNOW SO.

ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

A BOOK?

YES. THEY READ YOUR ESSAY IN THE EDUCATION TIMES,

AND THEY THINK THAT YOU ARE A GREAT WRITER.

LOOK, MOM, I--I JUST DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, THE HUMILIATION HAS JUST DIED DOWN.

AND I CAN'T SURVIVE ANOTHER LUNCH OF ZAPPING.

JAMIE...

THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE OPPORTUNITY.

I'D HATE TO SEE YOU PASS IT UP.

WELL...

I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE PAGES.

NO MORE PAGES?

WHAT DO YOU CALL THOSE?

PERSONAL PROPERTY.

I CAN'T DO IT. NO WAY.

JAMIE, YOU CAN'T WALK AWAY FROM THIS

JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE SCARED.

I'M NOT SCARED.

I'M NOT SCARED.

THEN PROVE IT.

OH, HONEY. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.

TRUST ME. YOU WON'T REGRET IT.

CAN I GET THAT IN WRITING?

[VIDEO GAME PLAYS]

MOVE IT, WORM.

ZAP, ZAP.

HEY, MOM. I CHANGED MY MIND.

IF I WRITE A BOOK,

THIS ZAPPING IS ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE.

YOU'RE WRITING A BOOK?

SOUNDS LIKE A PIPE DREAM TO ME.

AH!

IN TWO SHORT MONTHS,

THE PIPE DREAM HAD BECOME A NIGHTMARE.

AND MY PERSONAL, PRIVATE JOURNAL

WAS ON ITS WAY TO BECOMING A NATIONAL BEST SELLER.

HERE YOU GO, MISS GALLAGHER.

THIS IS SO COOL.

YOU'RE GONNA BECOME A CELEBRITY.

I'LL HAVE TO DO YOUR PORTRAIT.

JAMIE.

WOULD YOU SIGN MY COPY?

UH...NO.

SHE'S SIGNING BOOKS!

"THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON THE MOST POPULAR GUY...

"I FELL IN LOVE WHEN ONE DAY

"HE WAS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

[KIDS CONTINUE READING EXCERPTS OF BOOK]

"WHERE DESTINY FINDS THE INCOMPARABLE IS.

WHAT HAVE I DONE?

STARTED A REVOLUTION.

ZAP, ZAP, ZAP, ZAP.

[KIDS CONTINUE ZAPPING]

UH, EXCUSE ME.

HERE YOU GO.

THANK YOU. HAVE A NICE DAY.

WOW. DO YOU BELIEVE THIS CROWD?

BUSINESS HAS NOT BEEN THIS GOOD

SINCE WE STOPPED SERVING WHEATGRASS PIZZA.

YOU DON'T THINK THE SIGN

HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT, DO YOU?

WOW.

THIS IS AMAZING.

EVEN CHICKEN FEET CAN'T KEEP THEM AWAY.

LOOK, CAN WE TALK ABOUT ANYTHING

BESIDES THAT STUPID BOOK?

HEY, NOW.

THE BOOK WAS INCREDIBLE.

EMPOWERING. I FELT LIKE I COULD ZAP MYSELF ANYWHERE.

DO ANYTHING.

I WISH I COULD ZAP MYSELF

OFF THE ENGLISH REQUIREMENT READING LIST.

HEY, JAMIE.

I READ YOUR BOOK.

IT WAS...AWESOME.

MARCO?

WE'RE OVER HERE.

I BETTER GET BACK.

[SQUEALING]

DO YOU BELIEVE MARCO VEGA READ YOUR BOOK?

ONLY CAUSE YOU NAMED THE ROMANTIC IDIOT AFTER HIM.

IT IS SHOCKING.

I MEAN, WHO KNEW HE COULD READ?

HEY, JAMESON.

SHE'D NEVER EVEN KNOWN MY NAME

IF IT WEREN'T ON THE COVER.

WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN THEY REALIZE

THAT THE EVIL MYRNA AND THE CLONES ARE REALLY THEM?

GET OUT.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO. HOW ELSE WAS I

SUPPOSED TO COME UP WITH A CHEERLEADER

WHO WAS SO VILE THAT MILK CURDLED

AT THE SOUND OF HER NAME?

DON'T WORRY, JAMIE.

AS SELF CENTERED AS THEY ARE,

THEY WILL NEVER REALIZE

THE CHARACTERS ARE BASED ON THEM.

ARE WE IN THE BOOK?

YES. YOU ARE LAURA THE INVINCIBLE,

AND YOU ARE THE MAGNIFICENT MELODY.

BUT THEY'RE ONLY THE COOLEST KIDS IN THE KINGDOM.

YEAH. IT'S MOSTLY FICTION.

HEY, HOW ABOUT YOU PUT THAT BOOK DOWN

AND GIVE ME A HAND.

PUT IT DOWN?

I'D LIKE TO THROW IT AT HER.

COME ON, LENNY.

CAN'T YOU BE HAPPY FOR YOUR SISTER?

HAVE YOU READ THIS,

FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD, BOOK?

YEAH. IT'S PRETTY TERRIFIC.

NOT IF YOU'RE KENNY THE STINKY TROLL.

COME ON, LENNY.

THAT'S JUST A CHARACTER IN A BOOK.

HAS NO RESEMBLANCE TO YOU WHATSOEVER.

MAYBE A LITTLE BIT AROUND THE EARS.

FANCY, CARTER, DO I PAY YOU TWO

JUST TO SIT AROUND AND EAT PIZZA ALL DAY?

BUT YOU DON'T PAY US, MRS. BARTLETT.

I DO NOW. PUT ON THOSE APRONS AND GRAB A PIE.

HERE YOU GO.

I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MANY PIZZAS IN MY LIFE.

AND I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MANY

HALF EATEN PIZZAS IN MY LIFE.

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICED

THAT MOST OF THE CUSTOMERS PICKED OFF THEIR TOPPINGS?

THAT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE HERE TO SEE JAMIE,

NOT EAT PIZZA.

AND WILL YOU PLEASE NOT LET MY FATHER KNOW ABOUT THAT.

HE'S SO EXCITED ABOUT THE NEW BUSINESS

THAT I WOULD HATE FOR HIM TO THINK

THAT IT'S ALL ABOUT ME.

YOU MEAN US.

I MEAN, HER.

LET'S JUST CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

DID YOU HEAR THAT THE TICKETS

GO ON SALE FOR THE DANCE FRIDAY?

YOU GUYS GOING?

I'M NOT.

WHY NOT? YOU HAVE TO.

IT'S THE DEEP BLUE SEA DANCE.

BUT I DON'T HAVE A DATE.

OR A SNORKEL.

WELL, NONE OF US DO.

I HAVE A SNORKEL.

WELL, SINCE NONE OF US HAVE DATES,

WHY DON'T WE GO AS A GROUP?

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

I GUESS IT COULD BE FUN.

AND I CAN GET MY BROTHER TO DRIVE US IN HIS TRUCK.

YEAH. THAT WOULD BE SO MUCH COOLER

THAN PULLING UP IN MY DAD'S PIZZA TRUCK.

THEN IT'S A DATE.

VOLUNTEERS NEEDED FOR THIS YEAR'S DANCE COMMITTEE.

OH, HEY, JAMIE, WHAT ABOUT YOU?

YOU GUYS,

WE SHOULD DO IT.

GOOD IDEA.

IF YOU'RE GONNA BE ONE OF THE POPULARS,

YOU MIGHT AS WELL ACT LIKE IT.

WE HAVE TO.

HARMONY, YOU ARE SUCH A GREAT ARTIST.

AND LINDSAY, NOBODY CAN ORGANIZE THE TROOPS

LIKE YOU CAN.

YOU GUYS, WE COULD REALLY ROCK

THE DECORATING COMMITTEE APART.

I DON'T KNOW, I WAS GONNA MOBILIZE A PROTEST

AGAINST THE MAKE-UP COMPANY AT THE MALL.

WELL, WE CAN DO BOTH.

AND IT SOUNDS LIKE A BIG WASTE OF TIME.

WHATEVER, VAN GOGH.

IT'LL BE LOTS OF FUN, I PROMISE.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.

[BELL RINGS]

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

RALPH, THIS IS DIANA.

HELLO. HI.

I'M YOUR DAUGHTER'S HANDLER.

WHAT DOES JAMIE NEED A HANDLER FOR?

GOOD QUESTION, DAD.

JUST TO HELP HER OVER THE ROUGH SPOTS.

ALL RIGHT, HAIR, UP.

THE PINKS, BRIGHTER. LOSE THE SNEAKERS.

THIS ISN'T A BASKETBALL GAME WE'RE GOING TO.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT THOSE CHEEKS?

OW!

PERFECT.

UM, IS ALL THIS REALLY NECESSARY?

NO, HE DIDN'T.

UH, WHAT MY HUSBAND IS TRYING TO SAY

IS THAT IT SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF EFFORT,

AND PINCHING, JUST FOR AN INTERVIEW.

NOT JUST AN INTERVIEW.

IT'S MAURA LIVE.

MRS. BARTLETT, MAY I CALL YOU PEGGY?

SURE.

PEGGY, SCHILLING PRESS HAS SPENT A LOT OF MONEY

TO GET YOUR DAUGHTER'S BOOK ON THE TOP 10 LIST.

WE THINK YOU CAN PUT UP WITH A LITTLE DISCOMFORT.

HMM? RIGHT, JAMESON?

IT'S JAMIE.

LOVELY CHILD.

I AM NOT DRIVING YOU TO THE DANCE.

STOP BEGGING.

PLEASE.

LOOK, WHY CAN'T DAD TAKE YOU?

BECAUSE HE'S NOT COOL.

THAT'S A GOOD POINT.

BUT NO.

IF YOU WON'T DO IT FOR ME, DO IT FOR JAMIE.

YOU'RE TAKING JAMIE BARTLETT TO THE DANCE?

WAY TO GO, SQUIRT.

WELL, IT'S KIND OF A GROUP THING.

IT'S A START.

SO YOU'LL DO IT?

NO.

PLEASE. I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT.

I'LL WASH YOUR CAR.

DO YOUR LAUNDRY. CLEAN YOUR ROOM.

AND THE IGUANA TANKS?

AND? I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT ONE CHORE.

WELL, YOU KNOW, I GUESS

YOU DON'T NEED A RIDE THAT BADLY, SO...

OK, DEAL. SWEET.

[STUTTERING]

THANKS.

I'M GONNA GO.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN, JAMIE.

YEAH. BUT IT WOULD BE MORE FUN

IF THE TWO OF YOU WERE COMING ALONG.

WE WISH.

SOMEHOW I THINK ALL THE PARTIES AND CAVIAR

WILL MAKE UP FOR IT.

YOU'RE RIGHT, IT'LL BE ROUGH,

BUT LET'S FACE IT, SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT.

LENNY SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD.

[LENNY PLAYS GUITAR]

HE'S AWESOME.

YEAH. TOO BAD HE WON'T PLAY ANYWHERE ELSE

BESIDES HIS BEDROOM.

HE'S SUCH A DORK

WHEN IT COMES TO HIS MUSIC.

HE SHOULD PLAY AT THE DANCE.

HE SHOULD ALSO WASH HIS HANDS

MORE OFTEN THAN HE DOES BUT I DON'T THINK

WE'RE GONNA GET HIM TO DO IT EITHER.

COME ON.

[PLAYING STOPS]

COME ON, PEOPLE. WE DON'T HAVE ALL DAY.

WE HAVE A SCHEDULE TO KEEP.

WELL, YOU HEARD HER. WE SHOULD BE GOING.

BYE, DADDY.

BYE, JAMIE.

LENNY.

DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOUR SISTER?

JAMIE.

LENNY.

OK. THANKS FOR TRYING.

[HORN HONKS]

TEMPEST FUGET. TEMPEST FUGET.

BYE, DADDY.

[HORN HONKS]

BETTER GO.

BYE. BYE BYE.

CHOTSY ON THE WINDOW SEAT.

WHEN DID SHE GET SO BOSSY?

* OH, YEAH, ALL RIGHT

* PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER

* DANCE TO MEAN NO HANGING OUT *

* OH, YEAH OH, YEAH *

* ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT *

* MUSIC TAKES YOU HIGHER...*

WE HAVE A VERY EXCITING SHOW THIS MORNING.

JAMIE BARTLETT IS ON THE PROGRAM.

SHE'S WRITTEN THE BOOK, "IS SAVES THE WORLD."

JAMIE, LET'S START WITH IS, THE MAIN CHARACTER.

TELL ME ABOUT HER, WHAT IS SHE LIKE?

Jamie: UM, UH, UH, WELL...

UM...

AND...

YES, AND IS THE CHARACTER...

JAMIE BARTLETT WOWED THE SELL-OUT CROWD TODAY

WITH EXCERPTS OF HER BEST-SELLING BOOK,

"IS SAVES THE WORLD."

GOOD JOB.

* MUSIC TAKES YOU HIGHER

* NOTHING COULD BEGIN TOGETHER *

* SHE'S ON THE WAY BACK

* AND FINDING WHERE IT'S AT *

* LOVE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING *

* LIFE IS LIKE A VALENTINE

* AND EVERY DAY IN TIME

* IS GONNA ROLL AWAY

* SO TURN IT UP LOUDER

* GONNA SHOUT IT

* CAUSE THERE'S A NEW DAY COMING *

* OHHHHH YEAH!

* OH, YEAH OH, YEAH *

* ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT *

* PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER

* DANCE DON'T GET NO BETTER *

* OH, YEAH OH, YEAH *

* ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT *

JOINING US NOW ON BACKSTAGE TICKET

IS THE FANTASTIC AUTHOR OF A BOOK

THAT IS SWEEPING THE NATION.

"IS SAVES THE WORLD."

HERE SHE IS, JAMESON BARTLETT.

[APPLAUSE]

HI, JAMIE. THANKS FOR COMING IN.

THANK YOU. IT'S NICE TO BE HERE.

HEY, THAT'S JAMIE!

THAT'S MY DAUGHTER ON TV!

WOW. THIS IS THE COOLEST PARTY EVER.

OH, I'LL SAY.

IT'S JAMMING!

JAMMING?

OH, NO, MOM.

DON'T SAY THAT OUT LOUD AGAIN.

SOMEONE MIGHT HEAR YOU AND THINK YOU'RE HERE WITH ME.

YOUNG LADY.

WHAT? I'M SORRY.

BUT JAMMING?

DIDN'T YOUR GENERATION

AT LEAST SAY, GROOVY, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

YEAH. SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

OK THEN, YOU, TOO.

I'VE GOT SOME BUSINESS TO TAKE CARE OF

OVER BY THE SHRIMP PLATE.

SO YOU TWO HELP YOURSELVES TO WHATEVER YOU WANT,

AND HAVE FUN.

THAT'S AN ORDER.

OH, HEY. YEAH.

[GASPS]

IT'S AMBER TIFFANY.

DON'T YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF HER

HANGING ON YOUR BEDROOM WALL?

NO. THAT'S A PICTURE OF RYDER DONOVAN.

AMBER'S JUST STANDING NEXT TO HIM.

SHOULD WE GO SAY HI?

NO!

YOU CAN'T JUST GO UP AND TALK TO HER.

SHE'S AMBER TIFFANY.

SHE'S ON TELEVISION.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I THINK THAT YOU'RE FROM

AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PLANET, MOTHER.

JAMIE, THEY'RE JUST PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU AND ME.

[GASPS] OH, MY GOD!

IT'S GEORGE JACKSON.

I HAVE ALL OF HIS ALBUMS.

UH, YEAH, WHAT'S AN ALBUM?

SOMETHING WE LISTEN TO ON THE PLANET I'M FROM.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GO TALK TO HIM.

HE'S JUST PEOPLE.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M GOING TO.

GEORGE. GEORGE JACKSON!

NO. MOTHER, I WAS JUST--

HI. I LOVE YOU.

I AM SO EXCITED.

KIDDING.

SO...

GO MINGLE.

THERE MUST BE SOMEONE HERE YOU CAN TALK TO.

OHH...HI, THERE, LITTLE FELLA.

THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

PUPPY!

OW! OW! OW!

MY HAIR. OH...

THIS COULD ONLY HAPPEN TO ME.

I'M REALLY SORRY. I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS COULD'VE--

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

FOLLOW ME TO THE GREEN ROOM

BEFORE I END UP ON THE COVER OF STARLET.

OH...

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

I'M REALLY SORRY. OW!

OW, OW, OW, OW!

I'M REALLY SORRY.

I GOT IT.

FINALLY.

ARE YOU GONNA LET HER TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT?

SAY SOMETHING.

HI. I'M JAMIE BARTLETT.

HI.

IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?

YOUR TIARA LOOKS REALLY NICE.

YEAH. IT SHOULD BE. IT COST ENOUGH.

JAMESON BARTLETT?

YOU'RE JAMESON BARTLETT, RIGHT?

YEAH.

ZAP, ZAP. I LOVED YOUR BOOK.

LOVED IT.

YOU WROTE A BOOK?

OH, IT'S FANTASTIC.

I READ IT BETWEEN SCENES LAST WEEK.

SO, HOW'S THE TOUR COMING?

I JUST SAW YOU ON MAURA LIVE.

AND THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU,

YOU WERE POISONING STEFFIE CHANDLER'S LEMONADE.

DON'T WORRY. I ONLY PLAY EVIL ON TV.

CADYN, YOU'RE IN MY LIGHT.

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER MYRNA.

[CROWD CHEERS]

WILL THE HUMILIATION NEVER END?

I'M SORRY. WERE YOU TALKING TO ME?

YOU'RE RYDER DONOVAN.

YOU'RE JAMESON BARTLETT.

CALL ME JAMIE.

OK, JAMIE. I'M A BIG FAN.

NO WAY!

A BIG FAN?

WE WANT TO HEAR EVERY DETAIL.

I NEED SOME HELP BACK HERE.

IT'S ON AGAIN. WE'RE WATCHING IT RIGHT NOW.

GIRLS! IT'S JAMIE.

OH!

THERE'S NOT MUCH TO TELL.

THEN HIS HANDLER INTERRUPTED,

AND THEN MY HANDLER INTERRUPTED.

AND THEN THE HANDLERS STARTED HARASSING US.

IT WASN'T PRETTY.

WELL, AT LEAST HE KNOWS YOU'RE ALIVE.

ANYONE ELSE?

AMBER TIFFANY WAS THERE.

GET OUT! GET OUT!

SO NOT IMPRESSIVE.

SO, WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THE DECORATING COMMITTEE?

I FEEL REALLY BAD THAT I'M NOT THERE TO HELP OUT.

DON'T WORRY. THERE'LL BE PLENTY TO DO WHEN YOU GET BACK.

YOU HAVE TO SEE HARMONY'S WHALE.

IT'S AMAZING.

WELL, IT'S OK.

BUT YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GUESS

WHAT HAPPENED AT SCHOOL ON FRIDAY.

WHAT? GUESS.

TELL ME!

SAWYER AND MARCO BROKE UP.

GET OUT!

THEY HAD A HUGE-- DRAMATIC.

BREAK UP RIGHT AFTER LUNCH.

IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

SHE TOLD HIM THAT HE DIDN'T TREAT HER--

THE WAY SHE SHOULD BE TREATED.

AND HE SAID SHE WAS A SPOILED BRAT.

WHOA!

I KNOW, RIGHT?

WELL, SOMEONE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

THANK YOU. HEY.

JAMIE, HONEY.

THERE ARE A FEW TALKING POINTS

THAT I WOULD LIKE TO COVER

BEFORE YOUR NEXT INTERVIEW, OK?

SORRY, GUYS. I HAVE TO GO.

THAT'S MY HANDLER.

BUT I'LL TALK TO YOU GUYS LATER. BYE.

OH, NOT MORE LAUNDRY.

YOU STILL NEED A RIDE, DON'T YOU?

PUT IT IN THE PILE.

GOOD JOB, SQUIRT.

AND I THOUGHT YOU WOULD'VE QUIT WEEKS AGO.

NOT A CHANCE.

MUST REALLY LIKE HER.

LET'S GO, HONEY.

CHOP, CHOP. YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE.

ALMOST DONE.

TURN OFF THE TABLET. NOW.

I DON'T GET IT.

FIRST YOU TELL ME TO WRITE, THEN YOU SAY DON'T.

I'M GETTING MIXED SIGNALS HERE, MOTHER.

NO. WHAT YOU'RE GETTING IS FRESH.

GET IN THE CAR.

HONEY, COME ON LET'S GO.

SAW YOU ON TV. YOU ROCKED, BARTLETT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HEY, CUTIE.

HI! HI!

HI!

HI, JAMIE!

HI, JAMIE.

HELLO.

HEY, JAMIE.

HEY.

SO, DID YOU REALLY MEET AMBER TIFFANY?

YEAH. WE'RE KIND OF FRIENDS.

NO WAY.

WAY.

WOW. YOU'RE A SUPERSTAR NOW.

SO WE HAVE TO GET THE WORD OUT

THAT YOU'RE GONNA BE

AT OUR ANIMAL RIGHTS RALLY NEXT THURSDAY.

YOU ARE COMING, RIGHT?

OF COURSE I'M COMING.

I WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.

I WOULD NEVER LET YOU GUYS DOWN.

OR THE BUGS.

COME ON.

WHOA. WHAT IS THAT SMELL?

OH, THE FRESH PINE SCENT?

THAT'S ME.

I HAD TO DETAIL MY BROTHER'S CAR

BEFORE SCHOOL THIS MORNING.

IT'S PART OF OUR DEAL.

SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF WORK JUST FOR SOME WHEELS.

YEAH. BUT WORTH IT.

CONNOR, THAT IS SO NICE

THAT YOU'RE DOING THIS FOR--

[STUDENTS GASP]

DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?

YOU TWO TOTALLY HAD A MOMENT.

DID WE?

YEAH. WE DID.

HEY, JAMIE.

WE HAVE AN EXTRA SEAT.

JENNIFER TOO'S OUT SICK.

NO, THANKS.

OH, COME ON WE WANT TO HEAR

ALL ABOUT THE BACKSTAGE PARTY.

GO AHEAD. GIVE THEM A TREAT.

WE'VE ALREADY HEARD ALL THE STORIES.

THAT DIDN'T TAKE MUCH PRODDING.

LET'S FACE IT, CONNOR.

WE HAVE TO SHARE OUR JAMIE

WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD NOW.

JUST AS LONG AS SHE CAN FILL UP

MY ANIMAL RIGHTS RALLY

LIKE SHE CAN FILL UP A PIZZA PARLOR,

I THINK I CAN DEAL WITH IT.

[LAUGHING]

AND THEN WHEN I STOOD UP,

MY HAIR WAS STUCK IN HER TIARA.

NO WAY!

WAY!

WHAT DID YOU DO?

WELL, WE DIDN'T WANT TO END UP

ON THE COVER OF STARLE NOW, DID WE?

NO. SO WE SCURRIED OFF TO THE GREEN ROOM

BEFORE ANYBODY COULD SEE US.

I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE?

THAT IS FUNNY.

NOW THAT HE'S SINGLE,

YOU THINK MARCO WILL TAKE JAMIE TO THE DANCE?

THEY COULDN'T.

WHY NOT? HE'S A FREE MAN NOW.

BECAUSE SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING WITH US.

WE'RE GOING AS A GROUP.

I THINK THE RULE WAS

IF NO ONE ASKED US FIRST WE'D GO AS A GROUP.

WHAT? THAT WASN'T A RULE.

WHEN DID WE MAKE THAT RULE?

WHY? DO YOU KNOW ANYONE ELSE

WHO MIGHT WANT TO TAKE HER TO THE DANCE?

NO.

SOUNDS LIKE YOU DO.

I DON'T. I JUST--

DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A RULE.

WHATEVER.

SO, HOW WAS LUNCH WITH THE POPULARS?

WELL, IT WASN'T EXCRUCIATING.

IT SEEMED LIKE YOU WERE HAVING FUN.

I WOULDN'T CALL IT FUN.

I MEAN, IT WAS OK.

NOT LIKE HANGING OUT WITH YOU GUYS, THOUGH.

AND THE LONGER I SAT THERE,

THE MORE I COULD FEEL MYSELF LOSING IQ POINTS.

[LAUGHING]

HEY, WHY DIDN'T CONNOR

WANT TO COME WITH US TODAY?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

HE'S BEEN ACTING ALL BOY-LIKE LATELY.

WELL, WE'LL SEE YOU AT THE PIZZA PARLOR.

OH, UH...

YOU WON'T SEE ME.

WE WON'T?

NO.

I QUIT.

DIDN'T WE COVER THIS?

I THOUGHT MY HANDLER CALLED YOU GUYS.

YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.

NO. I'M JOKING.

WELL, MAYBE IT'S THE TRUTH.

I THOUGHT I TOLD SOMEONE.

COME ON, YOU GUYS.

IT'S NOT LIKE I NEED THE MONEY ANYMORE.

BYE BYE.

PRUNE PIZZA, PEG.

HONEY, NO.

TRY IT.

DON'T JUDGE IT SO HARSHLY.

NO.

YOU KNOW, I BET THE FIRST PERSON

TO TRY A PINEAPPLE PIZZA WAS LAUGHED AT, TOO.

BESIDES, IT'S MORE OF A BREAKFAST PIZZA.

YOU KNOW, MY GOURMET PIES ARE DOING SO WELL

I WAS THINKING WE SHOULD OPEN FOR BREAKFAST.

OH, RALPH. DON'T DO THIS TO US.

THINGS ARE GOING GREAT.

IT'S THE POWER OF MY PIZZA.

MM-HMM. [TELEPHONE RINGS]

RALPH'S PIZZA SHACK.

YES. THIS IS THE PLACE RIGHT OUT OF "IS SAVES THE WORLD."

BIRTHDAY RESERVATIONS.

FOR 12.

I HAVE IT. THANK YOU.

MAYBE IT'S NOT ONLY MY PIZZA.

MAYBE.

MAYBE.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

HEY, LINDS. HOW WAS WORK?

EXHAUSTING.

WHO KNEW PIZZAS COULD BE SO HEAVY?

YOU THINK YOU'RE TIRED?

YOU'D NEVER BELIEVE ALL THE STUFF I'VE GOT GOING ON.

IT'S CRAZY.

YEAH, WELL, I WAS CALLING TO SEE

IF YOU CAN HELP OUT ON SATURDAY.

WE HAVE TO FINISH HARMONY'S WHALE BY NEXT WEEK.

WHY DO WE HAVE TO DO THAT?

HELLO. WE'RE ALL ON THE DECORATING COMMITTEE REMEMBER?

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GOT US INTO THIS.

RIGHT. UM... LOOK, I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T.

DIANA'S COMING OVER TO HELP ME ANSWER FAN MAIL.

YOU HAVE FAN MAIL?

WELL...IT'S FOR IS, BUT I HAVE TO ANSWER IT.

OH.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA FORGET

ABOUT MY ANIMAL RIGHTS RALLY, ARE YOU?

WE REALLY NEED YOUR HELP TO GET THE WORD OUT.

[PHONE BEEPS] [GASPS]

WHAT? WHAT IS IT?

A DIRECT CONNECTION TO HIGH SCHOOL ROYALTY.

UM, I HAVE TO TAKE THIS CALL,

BUT DON'T WORRY, I'LL BE AT THAT RALLY.

CALL ME TOMORROW.

HELLO?

JAMIE. HEY, IT'S SAWYER. WHAT'S HAPPENING?

OH...NOTHING.

HEY, LISTEN, YOU WANT TO HIT THE MALL ON SATURDAY?

SURE. I'D LOVE TO.

SWEET. CAN'T WAIT.

YES!

THANK YOU.

[SIGHS]

HEY.

MARCO.

IS JAMIE HERE?

ONLY IN SPIRIT.

WILL YOU TELL HER THAT I'M LOOKING FOR HER.

NO.

EXCUSE ME?

I MEAN, SHE DOESN'T WORK HERE ANYMORE.

YEAH, BUT YOU GUYS ARE FRIENDS, RIGHT?

HEY, DO YOU KNOW

IF SHE'S GOING TO THE DANCE WITH ANYONE?

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT IF I SEE HER, I'LL LET HER KNOW YOU'RE LOOKING FOR HER.

THANKS.

NO PROBLEM.

WHO KNEW BEING AN AUTHOR WOULD BE SUCH HARD WORK?

WELL, YOU BETTER GET USED TO IT, JAMIE.

IF YOUR NEXT BOOK SELLS EVERYTHING LIKE THIS ONE,

THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING.

HEY, WHO WANTS A BITE TO EAT?

ME. I'M STARVING.

ME THREE. LET'S CHARGE IT TO THE PUBLISHER.

YOU KNOW WHAT...

I'M NOT HUNGRY ANYMORE.

CAN WE KEEP WALKING?

HEY, CHECK IT OUT, BRO.

WAIT TILL JAMIE SEES THESE, HUH?

DOUBT IF SHE EVER WILL.

WHY? WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, MARCO VEGA'S GONNA ASK HER TO THE DANCE.

GOING TO?

IT'S NOT OFFICIAL YET, BUT ALL THE SIGNS ARE THERE.

WELL, THEN, THERE'S STILL TIME.

YOU CAN STILL ASK HER.

BUT IT'S MARCO VEGA.

AND YOU'RE CONNOR KENNEDY.

LOOK, DON'T BE LIKE THAT, LITTLE BRO.

YOU LIKE HER, DON'T YOU?

YEAH.

AND YOU DIDN'T WASH MY UNDERWEAR

FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH JUST TO LET SOME CHUMP JUMP IN

AND STEAL YOUR GIRL, DID YOU?

NO.

THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW LOOK, YOU'VE COME TOO FAR,

AND YOU'VE WORKED WAY TO HARD

JUST TO ROLL OVER.

YEAH, I HAVE.

NOW, I WANT YOU TO GO AND FIND THIS GIRL,

AND I WANT YOU TO ASK HER TO THE DANCE.

I'LL DO IT.

WHAT WITH SCHOOLWORK AND ALL THAT...

[PHONE BEEPS] HANG ON.

YEAH. IT'S SAWYER. SORRY ABOUT THAT.

HI. THIS IS JAMIE. LEAVE ME A MESSAGE.

HEY, JAMIE, IT'S CONNOR.

CALL ME BACK. I WANT TO TALK TO YOU. BYE.

HANG ON. I GOTTA FINISH THIS CONVERSATION.

HOLD ON TWO SECONDS.

[BUSY TONE]

CAN YOU HANG ON FOR ONE SECOND?

GIVE ME TWO MORE SECONDS, OK?

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. OK.

[PHONE RINGING]

[RING]

HELLO.

HI, MRS. BARTLETT. IS JAMIE THERE?

YEAH. JAMIE!

CONNOR'S ON THE PHONE.

TELL HIM I'LL CALL HIM BACK LATER.

SHE SAID SHE'S GONNA CALL YOU BACK.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. BYE.

* GOTTA GET UP AND GO, THERE'S NOTHING TO IT *

* COME ON, DO IT

HEY.

WHERE'S JAMIE?

SHE'S EXCUSED FROM CLASS.

SHE HAD A MEETING WITH HER HANDLER.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

I'LL BET SHE FORGOT.

DON'T WORRY, LINDS. SHE'LL BE HERE.

HI. HI.

HEY, JAMIE. HEY.

JAMIE!

JAMIE!

HEY. YOU LOOK GREAT.

MOVE IT.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE JUST THE GIRL I WAS LOOKING FOR.

WATCH IT!

I AM?

CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

JAMIE!

JAMIE...

NOT NOW, CONNOR.

BUT...

MARCO WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK ME SOMETHING.

I'M SORRY. YOU WERE SAYING?

LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE BUSY AND EVERYTHING

WITH ALL YOUR "IS" STUFF, BUT...

JAMIE...

DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE DANCE WITH ME?

OF COURSE I DO.

YOU GUYS, I AM SO LATE.

LET ME DROP THIS STUFF OFF,

AND BOY, DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU.

YEAH, YEAH. YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, NOW LET'S MOVE IT.

ARE YOU READY?

NO. NOT WITHOUT MY NORMAL HAIR AND MAKE-UP TEAM.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GOING TO PULL THIS OFF.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

DON'T TELL ME YOU FORGOT.

OK. I HAVE REALLY IMPORTANT NEWS.

MORE IMPORTANT THAN SAVING THE HELPLESS BUNNIES?

UH, YEAH.

KIND OF.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FORGOT. WE NEED YOU.

OH, YOUR PROTEST IS TODAY, ISN'T IT?

LINDSAY, IT IS TOTALLY NOT MY FAULT.

I ASKED, BUT--

DIANA TO CALL TO SEE IF YOU COULD MOVE IT TO FRIDAY

BECAUSE I HAVE THIS PRESS THING TO DO RIGHT NOW.

WE'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS FOR MONTHS.

I CAN'T JUST CHANGE THE DATE TO FIT YOUR SCHEDULE.

THIS IS REALLY BAD, ISN'T IT?

YOU HAVE TO ASK?

LOOK, I'M REALLY SORRY,

BUT IT'S FOR THE BOOK,

AND I HAVE A LIMO WAITING FOR ME OUTSIDE.

WHATEVER.

I CAN CALL THEM AT THE RALLY.

I CAN MAKE THIS WORK FOR EVERYONE.

IF I COULD ONLY FIND MY CELL PHONE.

SAWYER, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY,

BUT I REALLY SHOULD BE THERE.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING LATER?

I'M TAPING A SEGMENT OF RISE AND SHINE.

TOTALLY LAME, BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO?

ANYWAY, DO YOU WANT TO GRAB A BITE TO EAT LATER?

ANYTHING BUT PIZZA, EW!

CAN'T STAND THE STUFF.

HELLO.

HEY, THAT IS MY PHONE.

WELL, YOU WEREN'T GONNA USE IT

FOR ANYTHING IMPORTANT.

I LOVE PIZZA.

AND LINDSAY IS MY FRIEND.

LINDSAY ISN'T GOING TOO MAKE YOU A SUPERSTAR.

MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO BE A SUPERSTAR.

"I DON'T WANT TO BE A SUPERSTAR.

I LOVE PIZZA."

WELL, I SUPPOSE YOU DIDN'T WANT

THE CUTEST BOY IN SCHOOL

TO ASK YOU TO THE DANCE EITHER.

WELL...

STOP WHINING AND START ACTING LIKE IS.

OH, YOU LOOK ADORABLE.

SO, YOU READY?

COME ON.

UH...

IN A SOCIETY SUCH AS OURS,

IT IS INDEFENSIBLE TO TREAT SMALL, LITTLE CREATURES,

SUCH AS THE BUNNY, IN UNCARING WAYS.

THEY HAVE ANIMAL TESTING...

YOU WANT TO SIGN OUR PETITION?

NO. I WANT TO FIND THE BATHROOM.

UH-HUH. AROUND THE CORNER TO THE LEFT.

THIS PROTEST IS A COMPLETE DISASTER.

NOW THE BUNNIES ARE GONNA PAY FOR IT.

IT'S NOT OUR FAULT THAT OUR CELEBRITY ENDORSEMENT

PULLED OUT AT THE LAST MINUTE.

NO. IT'S HER HANDLER'S FAULT.

I LIKED HER BETTER WHEN SHE DIDN'T HAVE A HANDLER.

ME, TOO.

IN 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

HELLO, I'M CHRISTINE BECKLER,

AND WELCOME TO RISE AND SHINE.

TODAY, I'M VERY PLEASED TO HAVE

HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN AND BEST SELLING AUTHOR,

JAMIE BARTLETT.

IT'S A PLEASURE TO BE HERE.

SO HOW DOES IT FEEL TO GO FROM HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN

TO BEST SELLING AUTHOR

IN ONE SEMESTER?

WELL, THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF

STRANGE THINGS HAPPENING TO ME,

BUT AFTER AWHILE, YOU JUST GET USED TO IT.

WE'VE BEEN TOLD THAT YOUR BOOK,

"IS SAVES THE WORLD,"

IS THE FASTEST SELLING CHILDREN'S BOOK

IN SCHILLING PRESS HISTORY.

WELL, WE OBJECT TO THE WORD "CHILDREN"

BECAUSE IS RELATES TO EVERYONE.

WE?

I MEAN, ME.

RIGHT.

YOU'VE SOLD A LOT OF BOOKS.

IT'S IN ITS SECOND PRINTING.

WOW, DID YOU EVER THINK IT WOULD DO SO WELL?

WELL, AS I WAS WRITING "IS SAVES THE WORLD,"

I FELT AS IF I HAD TAPPED INTO SOMETHING

BIGGER THAN MYSELF.

AND THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING.

AND THAT'S WHAT SCARES ME THE MOST.

I'M SORRY, WHAT SCARES YOU?

OH, NOTHING.

I JUST MEANT THAT PEOPLE CAN REALLY RELATE

TO THE STORY,

ALTHOUGH I'M NOT SURE WHY.

OH, I DO.

IT'S A TERRIFIC STORY.

SO TELL US, JAMIE,

HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?

WELL, MY ENGLISH TEACHER, MISS GALLAGHER,

SAID TO WRITE WHAT WE KNOW.

WAIT. SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT "IS SAVES THE WORLD"

IS BASED ON REAL EVENTS?

OH, I COULDN'T MAKE THAT STUFF UP.

AND THE CHARACTERS ARE REAL AS WELL?

OH, THEY'RE VERY REAL. YES.

ACTUALLY, SOME OF MY FANS HAVE POINTED OUT

THAT IS IS NO MORE THAN AN ALTER EGO OF MYSELF.

BUT SHE ISN'T.

AM I IS?

IS ISN'T.

IS SHE?

AM I IS?

YOU'RE IS?

THAT'S QUITE IMPRESSIVE.

IS BATTLES EVIL

IN ALMOST EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER OF THE BOOK.

WHAT CAN I SAY?

EVIL EXISTS IN MANY DIFFERENT FORMS.

AND THE MORE I TALK TO THE KIDS,

THE MORE I REALIZE THAT EVERYONE

HAS A LITTLE BIT OF IS IN THEM

AND EVERY SCHOOL HAS A SAWYER.

I'M SORRY. WHO'S SAWYER?

HOLY COW.

I THOUGHT THE EVIL VILLAIN'S NAME WAS MYRNA.

UH-OH.

I DIDN'T SAY SAWYER. I SAID MYRNA, RIGHT?

NO. YOU SAID... YOU SAID SAWYER.

WE HAVE IT ON TAPE.

BUT--BUT--

OH, NO.

WHY DIDN'T I JUST GO

AND SAVE A LITTLE CUTE LITTLE BUNNY RABBIT.

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

OK, THAT'S ALL WE HAVE TIME FOR TODAY.

WE THANK YOU FOR JOINING US, MISS BARTLETT.

WE WISH YOU TREMENDOUS SUCCESS ON YOUR BOOK.

UP NEXT, 7 THINGS IN YOUR TOILET BOWL

THAT COULD KILL YOU.

RIGHT AFTER THIS.

CUT.

OK, JAMIE. KEEP IT TOGETHER.

ONLY 20 MORE FEET UNTIL YOU REACH YOUR LOCKER.

OH!

OH, NO!

JAMIE BARTLETT, STOP RIGHT THERE.

BUSTED.

IS PREPARED TO FACE HER DOOM.

YOU BASED THAT EVIL WITCH ON ME?

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE MYRNA?

NO, NO, NO. IT'S FICTION.

I SAW THE INTERVIEW THIS MORNING, BARTLETT.

I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID.

WE ALL HEARD WHAT YOU SAID.

I'M SORRY, SAWYER.

OH, NO. BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BE.

I'M GONNA DESTROY YOU

BECAUSE THIS IS THE REAL WORLD, JAMIE.

YOU CAN'T JUST ZAP ME INTO PERPETUAL DETENTION.

ZAP.

SHE SPEAKS THE TRUTH.

BUT I'M GONNA ZAP YOU RIGHT BACK TO LOSERVILLE

WHERE YOU BELONG.

LEAVE HER ALONE, SAWYER.

OH, YOU'RE DEFENDING HER? HAVE YOU READ HER BOOK?

YEAH. WHY?

YOU'RE IN IT, TOO.

WHO DO YOU THINK THE MUSCLE-HEADED BOZO

WITH THE PEA-SIZED BRAIN IS?

THAT'S ME?

NO. IT'S JOSH.

THAT'S SO NOT COOL.

SHE WROTE ABOUT ALL OF US.

SHE TRASHED ALL OF US.

Both: WE'RE THE CLONE HORRIFIC COHORTS?

CAN I OFFER YOU A LITTLE PIECE OF ADVICE?

YEAH.

RUN.

[KIDS ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

YES, DIANA.

OH, I THINK THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

UH-HUH. I'M JUST GONNA RUN IT BY RALPH,

AND I'LL GET BACK TO YOU.

OK, WHATEVER IT IS,

I'M SURE IT'S NOT A GREAT IDEA.

DIANA WANTS TO HAVE A BOOK SIGNING.

AT THE PIZZA PARLOR.

YEAH. SEE, LIKE I SAID, THAT'S NOT A GREAT IDEA.

JAMIE...

WHAT'S WRONG?

EVERYTHING, MOTHER.

IT WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE END.

[LENNY PLAYS GUITAR]

LENNY!

OH, NO.

WILL YOU PLEASE DROP THE DRAMARAMA ACT.

I'M TOTALLY BORED WITH IT.

OH, I'M SORRY, BUT IN CASE YOU HADN'T NOTICED,

MY LIFE IS FALLING APART.

FALLING APART. HELLO.

YOUR LIFE IS JUST BEGINNING.

OR HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN SO QUICKLY?

WE'RE GOING TO THE DEEP BLUE SEA DANCE WITH MARCO VEGA.

WE ARE.

WE'RE GOING TO THE--

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I'M GOING TO THE DANCE WITH MARCO.

YOU ARE STAYING HERE.

GUESS AGAIN.

DO YOU THINK YOU COULD PULL THIS OFF WITHOUT ME?

WELL...

ANY OF THIS? THE PARTIES,

THE FAN MAIL, MARCO VEGA.

YEAH, BUT I WAS A GREAT WRITER BEFORE YOU.

REALLY?

DID YOUR PAPER ON MITOSIS GET YOU ON MAURA LIVE?

DIDN'T THINK SO.

JAMIE, YOU AND I ARE A TEAM.

WE DON'T NEED SAWYER OR THE POPULARS.

OUR BOOK IS ON THE NATIONAL BEST SELLER LIST.

WE GET TONS OF FAN MAIL EVERY DAY.

PEOPLE LOVE US.

YEAH. ONLY THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW US.

WHO CARES AS LONG AS THEY KEEP BUYING THE BOOK.

I WOULD RATHER HAVE FRIENDS THAN FANS ANY DAY.

YEAH, RIGHT.

I WOULD.

THAT'S IT. IS IS OVER.

I AM NEVER WRITING ANOTHER WORD ABOUT YOU.

I WOULDN'T DO THAT IF I WERE YOU.

NOW, IF YOU WON'T THINK ABOUT YOURSELF,

AND YOU'RE NOT THE GIRL I THINK YOU ARE IF YOU WON'T.

THEN THINK ABOUT YOUR PARENTS.

BUSINESS IS BOOMING RIGHT NOW.

AND LET ME TELL YOU ONE THING,

THAT DOESN'T HAVE

ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE LIVER AND ONION PIZZA.

SO IF YOU SAY GOOD BYE TO ME,

YOU SAY GOOD BYE TO THE PIZZA PARLOR FOREVER.

FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.

IT WAS HAPPENING.

IS WAS TAKING OVER.

SHE WAS SAYING EVERYTHING I WAS THINKING.

UNFILTERED, UNCENSORED,

UNPLUGGED.

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?

[LENNY PLAYS GUITAR]

Both: WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF.

WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE THE FAMILY IN HERE.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

WHAT?

I NEED QUIET.

OH, I'M SORRY IF MY MUSIC

IS INTERRUPTING YOU TALKING TO YOURSELF.

YOU CALL THAT NOISE MUSIC?

WHY DON'T YOU DO US BOTH A FAVOR

AND GIVE IT UP.

HEY, THIS ISN'T FAIR AND BALANCED.

I NEVER SAID MR. CLARK HAD B.O.

4 COLUMNS OF LETTERS TO THE EDITOR.

WHAT KIND OF YELLOW JOURNALISM IS THIS?

AND THEY'RE ALL ANTI IS.

NO, THEY'RE NOT, JAMIE.

THEY'RE ALL ANTI YOU.

[WHISTLING]

[BELL RINGS]

YOU MIND IF I SIT HERE?

YEAH. GO FOR IT.

WOW. YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO SHAKE THINGS UP.

IT'S A LITTLE OUT OF CONTROL.

IT'S JUST WHAT THIS PLACE NEEDED.

HEY, SO, IS MYRNA REALLY BASED ON SAWYER?

ONLY A LITTLE.

OK. A LOT.

THAT'S SO COOL.

AND ALL THE OTHER CHARACTERS IN THE BOOK

ARE REALLY STUDENTS HERE?

KIND OF.

SO DOES THAT MEAN YOU'RE IS?

WELL, SHE'D BE NOTHING WITHOUT ME.

AND I'M MARCO VINCENT, RIGHT?

YEAH.

SWEET.

[BELL RINGS]

[LAUGHING]

HEY, CONNOR. HEY.

WHAT'S WRONG?

HAVE YOU TALKED TO JAMIE?

NO. AND I DON'T REALLY PLAN ON IT.

SHE'S GOING TO THE DANCE WITH MARCO.

OH, WHATEV.

I'M SO SICK OF HER.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY IGUANAS I BATHED

TO GET THAT CAR FOR THE DANCE?

Jamie: HEY.

HERE SHE COMES.

HEY, GUYS.

YOU GUYS...

YOU GUYS, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

YES. SAWYER'S RUNNING A SMEAR CAMPAIGN AGAINST ME.

I NEED SOME POSITIVE PR,

AND THAT'S WHERE YOU GUYS COME IN.

HAVE YOUR HANDLER HANDLE IT.

WHAT'S HER DAMAGE?

YOU ARE.

CONNOR?

I GOT LAUNDRY TO DO.

BUT...

YOU GUYS, I...

WELL, I TRIED IT.

GOOD IDEA. I CAN TRY SOMETHING ELSE.

SHE'S SUCH A MYRNA.

COME ON, MARCO.

WHY DON'T WE SIT SOMEWHERE ELSE.

OH, I NEVER TOLD YOU

HOW MUCH I LIKED THAT POEM THAT YOU WROTE.

OH... DON'T BRING THAT UP.

THAT WAS TOO EMBARRASSING.

READING THAT IN FRONT OF THE CLASS.

SO LAME.

NO, IT WASN'T.

I LOVED IT. IT WAS SO...

REAL.

ARE YOU GONNA EAT THOSE?

UH...NO.

MMM...

WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

WE PUT ADS IN ALL THE LOCAL PAPERS.

THIS PLACE SHOULD BE A MADHOUSE BY NOW.

WELL, BUSINESS HAS BEEN KIND OF OFF

SINCE JAMIE'S LITTLE ANNOUNCEMENT LAST WEEK.

MAYBE ALL WE NEED IS A NEW PIZZA

TO PICK THINGS UP.

PICKLE PORK EARED PIZZA, PEG?

MAYBE IT'S TIME TO CUT OUR LOSSES.

WHERE IS EVERYONE?

I MEAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE WE ONLY SOLD TWO BOOKS.

IT'S A GOOD THING RALPH'S PARENTS SHOWED UP.

OH, GOOD. MMM.

WAIT. HERE THEY COME!

CUSTOMERS. WE HAVE CUSTOMERS.

WHA--WAIT! WAIT!

HOOLIGANS.

WE HAVE HOOLIGANS.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I'M BACK.

LINDSAY, DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME

WHEN I'M WORKING ON OUR MASTERPIECE.

YEAH. I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT WE SHOULD STUFF

OUR MASTERPIECE WITH.

OH, I KNOW.

I HAVE BEEN DRIVING MYSELF BONKERS.

WHAT IS GONNA GIVE OUR WHALE LIFE?

NEWSPAPER?

FOAM...PACKING PEANUTS?

YEAH. ALL GREAT SUGGESTIONS,

BUT I WAS THINKING OF SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE PROACTIVE.

AND...

I KNOW THIS WHALE MEANS A LOT TO YOU,

BUT THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE OPPORTUNITY

TO MAKE A STATEMENT.

I CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK... IT'LL TAKE OUR CREATION TO THE NEXT LEVEL.

TRUE ART ISN'T MEANT TO BE JUST SEEN.

IT'S MEANT TO BE EXPERIENCED.

YOU CAN'T GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT.

YOU HAVE TO SHOW THEM WHAT THEY WANT.

WHAT THEY NEED.

WAS THAT A YES?

THAT WAS A HECK YES.

THAT WAS HUMILIATING.

LOCAL MARKET'S FICKLE.

YOU SAID THAT BUSINESS WOULD PICK UP,

BUT IT'S BEEN EMPTY ALL WEEK.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

NOBODY WANTS TO EAT WITH A TATTLETALE.

THEY'RE ALL AFRAID OF YOU.

NO. THEY'RE AFRAID OF YOU.

ME? I'M JUST A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YOU'RE A MONSTER, AND, AND...

AND I AM, TOO.

LENNY'S GIVEN UP ON MUSIC

BECAUSE OF WHAT WE SAID TO HIM.

LENNY, OPEN UP.

[TURNS MUSIC UP]

* THE THINGS THAT YOU SAY *

I DIDN'T MEAN THOSE THINGS THAT I SAID YESTERDAY.

* NEVER HEAR ABOUT...

IT'S NO REASON FOR YOU TO GIVE UP MUSIC.

* ...WORD TRAVELS FAST

* I'M TELLING YOU TO YOUR FACE *

* I'M STANDING HERE BEHIND YOUR BACK *

* YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS *

* TO BE OUTSIDE THE CROWD *

* YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE *

* TO FEEL THAT YOU'RE OUT

* AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS *

* TO BE YOUR OWN MESS AGAIN *

* ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN *

* IF YOU COULD READ MY MIND *

* YOU MIGHT SEE

* MORE OF ME THAN MEETS THE EYE *

* AND YOU'VE BEEN ALL WRONG *

* ABOUT WHO YOU THINK I AM *

* YOU'VE NEVER GIVEN ME A CHANCE *

* YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS *

* TO BE OUTSIDE ALONE

* YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE *

* TO BE LEFT OUT

* YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS *

* TO BE HOPELESS AGAIN

* ON THE OUTSIDE AGAIN

* NO, NO

* I'M TIRED OF STAYING AT HOME *

* I'M BORED AND ALL ALONE

* I'M SICK OF WASTING ALL MY TIME *

* YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS *

* TO BE OUTSIDE THE CROWD *

* YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE *

* TO FEEL IN DOUBT

* YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS *

* TO BE ALONE

* ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN *

OK, THIS IS GETTING A LITTLE OUT OF HAND.

SINCE WHEN DOES THE SPARTAN HAVE 5 PAGES

OF LETTERS TO THE EDITOR?

HEY, LOOK AT THIS.

THEY'RE NOT ALL BAD. CHECK OUT PAGE 8.

"THREE CHEERS FOR JAMIE BARTLETT.

"SHE DIDN'T LIE OR SLANDER US.

"SHE MERELY SAW THROUGH OUR MASKS.

"WE ARE GEEKS, AND JERKS, AND JOCKS,

"AND ALL THOSE THINGS JAMIE WROTE ABOUT.

"EVEN IF WE NEVER ADMITTED IT TO OURSELVES.

"DON'T BE EMBARRASSED THAT SHE SAW WHO WE REALLY WERE.

"BE EMBARRASSED THAT WE NEVER REALLY SAW HER.

A FRIEND."

[BELL RINGS]

CONNOR.

HEY. YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH. I'M OK.

DID YOU SEE THIS?

SEE IT.

AT LEAST MARCO THINKS I'M PRETTY SPECIAL.

HUH?

I'D RECOGNIZE HIS STYLE ANYWHERE.

IT'S JUST LIKE HIS POEM.

OH, AND CONNOR...

I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE THE OTHER NIGHT.

YOU'RE REALLY A GREAT FRIEND.

NOW I GOTTA GO FIND MARCO.

MARCO!

THERE YOU ARE.

AND THERE YOU IS.

THAT IS THE SWEETEST THING

ANYBODY HAS EVER DONE FOR ME.

I'LL PLAY ALONG.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

DON'T BE MODEST.

I KNOW IT WAS YOU

WHO WROTE THE LETTER TO THE EDITOR ABOUT ME.

THE POSITIVE ONE.

IT'S JUST NICE TO KNOW

THAT IN THE FACE OF ALL THIS NEGATIVITY TOWARDS ME,

HOWEVER UNWARRANTED AND MEAN IT REALLY IS.

IT'S JUST NICE TO KNOW

THAT THERE'S SOMEONE OUT THERE

WHO KNOWS THE REAL ME.

OH, AND MARCO...

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE DANCE.

PLUS, I'D RECOGNIZE YOUR STYLE ANYWHERE.

WHY, THANK YOU, IS.

IT'S JAMIE.

RIGHT. SORRY.

HEY, SO WHAT TIME SHOULD I PICK YOU UP?

WELL, IT WAS FUN WHILE IT LASTED,

BUT EVEN LAST MONTH'S INCREDIBLE SALES

AREN'T GONNA COVER LAST YEAR'S LOSSES.

YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU'RE WRONG

ABOUT THAT PÖTÉ PIZZA, PEG.

LET'S GIVE IT ANOTHER TRY.

RALPH, HONEY...

ANOTHER INEDIBLE TOPPING

ISN'T GONNA SAVE OUR RESTAURANT.

THE ONLY WAY WE'RE GONNA COME OUT AHEAD

IS BY SELLING THE PIZZA PARLOR NOW.

BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

Ralph: I HATE TO ADMIT IT. YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

* SLIP ME THE ANSWER

* OR GIVE ME A CLUE

* DO YOU THINK THE PARTY

* IS ALL ABOUT YOU

* YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE

* YOU'RE EVERYWHERE

* SOMETIMES OUT OF FOCUS

* BUT YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE

* YOU WAKE UP AT SUNDOWN

* YOU'RE IN THE WRONG BED

* WITH ALL THESE QUESTIONS

* EATING YOUR HEAD

* WHO DID YOU MEET THERE

* WHAT DID YOU DO

* FORGOTTEN BY MANY

* REMEMBERED BY FEW

* YOU THINK EVERYBODY LOVES YOU *

* BUT EVERYBODY HATES THE SAME *

* DON'T GET IN THE MIDDLE

* KNOW THAT TIMES ARE HARD ALL DAY *

* EVERYBODY LOVES YOU

* STILL NOBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *

* YOUR NAME

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MOPING ABOUT.

YOU GOT EVERYTHING YOU WANTED, DIDN'T YOU?

A BOYFRIEND AND A SEQUEL?

WHAT ABOUT MY FRIENDS?

OR MY BROTHER'S DREAMS?

OR MY PARENTS' PIZZA PARLOR?

YOU HAVE PLENTY OF MONEY IN YOUR TRUST FUND.

YOU'LL BE FINE.

EXCUSE ME? THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME.

THIS IS ABOUT MY FAMILY.

DON'T YOU GET IT, JAMIE?

IT'S ALL ABOUT ME.

THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

WHERE'S OUR LITTLE GIRL?

READY FOR THE DANCE, PRINCESS?

HONEY?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH. I THINK I'M GOING TO BE FINE.

JUST FINE.

LET'S GO.

ARE YOU OK?

YEAH. I JUST THOUGHT

THAT THIS WOULD BE DIFFERENT, THAT'S ALL.

COME ON. LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH.

OUCH. NOT THE MOST POSITIVE WAY TO START A DATE, IS.

WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP CALLING ME IS?

HI, JAMIE. YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

THANK YOU. SO DO YOU.

AND MARCO, VERY HANDSOME.

ZAP AT YOU, MISS G.

ALL ECOSYSTEMS GO.

OH, IT'S GONNA BE A WHALE OF A TIME.

GUYS, WHAT'S UP?

HEY, LENNY.

ALL RIGHT. WE'LL TAKE A QUICK BREAK.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YOU WANT SOME PUNCH, IS?

NO, BUT I'D REALLY APPRECIATE IT

IF YOU WOULD STOP CALLING ME IS.

SORRY.

WELL, I WANT SOME PUNCH.

SORRY FOR CALLING YOU IS.

I THINK YOU'RE REALLY COOL, JAMIE.

NONE OF MY FRIENDS CAN BELIEVE

THAT SOMEONE AS SMART AS YOU SAID YES TO ME.

THAT'S CRAZY.

YOU'RE SO SMART,

AND YOU'RE AN AMAZING WRITER,

AND A POET.

THAT STUPID POEM?

I WOULD NEVER WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

EXCUSE ME?

I PAID THAT DORK CONNOR TO DO THE ASSIGNMENT FOR ME.

CONNOR?

WHO CARES? HE'S HOT. LET'S DANCE.

YOU STAY OUT OF THIS.

CALM DOWN. JUST HOMEWORK, RIGHT?

I HELP YOU WITH YOURS.

IT'S THE PRINCIPLE.

WHAT DOES THE PRINCIPAL HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?

IF I HAVE TO TELL YOU, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW.

WILL YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT UP

AND DANCE WITH HIM?

BUT HE'S NOT THE ONE

THAT I SHOULD BE DANCING WITH.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

I'M LOST.

YOU, WITH ME, NOW!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TRAPPED IN MY COMPUTER.

ARE WE ALL HAVING A GOOD TIME?

YOU THINK YOU CAN GET RID OF ME THAT EASILY?

WE'RE A TEAM.

LIKE ABBOTT AND COSTELLO.

MORE LIKE DR. JEKYLL AND MRS. HYDE.

YOU MADE ME WHAT I AM TODAY.

YES, BUT I WAS THE NICE ONE.

I HAD FRIENDS BEFORE I HAD YOU.

YOU HAD NOTHING.

YOU WERE INVISIBLE.

EVERYONE HATED YOU.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

THEY HATED WHAT I BECAME.

AND I WANT TO THANK ONE SPECIAL GIRL

WHO IN SPITE OF TREMENDOUS OBLIGATIONS

AND RESPONSIBILITIES, TOOK THE TIME

TO MAKE ALL THE BEAUTIFUL

DECORATIONS IN THE GYM TONIGHT.

AND IF CONNOR WROTE THE POEM,

THEN HE HAD TO WRITE THE LETTER IN THE PAPER.

AND JUST LOOK AT THAT WHALE.

CONNOR SEES THE REAL ME.

I'VE BEEN SUCH A HORRIBLE FRIEND TO HIM.

I HOPE HE'LL FORGIVE ME.

JAMIE BARTLETT!

[KIDS BOO]

GET OUT HERE AND TAKE A BOW.

ME?

YES.

WE WANT TO THANK YOU

FOR ALL THE GOOD YOU'VE DONE FOR THE SCHOOL.

PLEASE. COME HERE.

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HEAR THIS?

LET'S JUST PULL IT NOW.

JUST GIVE HER A SECOND.

FOR YOUR TIRELESS DEDICATION AND COMMITMENT,

AND YOUR AMAZING CREATIVITY.

ACCEPT OUR GRATITUDE.

AND THESE ROSES.

YEAH. WHATEVER.

[CROWD BOOS]

NOW, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO US?

BOO!

THIS IS OUR CHANCE TO WIN THEM BACK.

SHOW THEM HOW GREAT WE REALLY ARE.

TELL THEM ABOUT THE SEQUEL.

PROMISE SAWYER A ROLE IN THE MOVIE.

BOO!

YOU CAN DO IT.

JUST BE YOURSELF.

AND, NO, BE ME.

THANK YOU, MISS GALLAGHER, FOR THOSE KIND WORDS.

AFTER THE WEEK I'VE HAD,

IT'S NICE TO BE APPRECIATED.

[CROWD BOOS]

WHOO! JAMIE!

YOU SAID THAT THIS WOULD WORK.

KEEP GOING.

HAVE I MENTIONED MY SEQUEL?

NOT ANOTHER ONE!

[CROWD BOOS]

WHOO!

GUYS, I'M OUT OF HERE.

ANY OTHER BRILLIANT IDEAS?

THAT'S IT.

LINDSAY AND HARMONY HAVE RIGGED THE WHALE

TO THROW PROTEST FLYERS ALL OVER THE DANCE FLOOR.

THEY'LL RUIN EVERYTHING, BUT...

IF YOU RAT THEM OUT BEFORE THAT HAPPENS,

AND THEY TAKE THE FALL FOR IT,

YOU'LL BE A HERO.

YOU KNOW HOW FICKLE THE LOCAL MARKET IS.

DO IT.

DO IT.

HARMONY, LINDSAY, STOP!

THAT'S MY GIRL.

THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO SAY TO YOU.

I'M SORRY.

WHAT?

I'M SORRY TO EVERYONE.

I'M SORRY IF I EMBARRASSED YOU,

OR INSULTED YOU, OR...

HURT YOU IN ANY WAY.

THAT WASN'T MY INTENTION.

NONE OF THIS WAS.

THAT WAS MY PERSONAL, PRIVATE JOURNAL,

AND NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO READ IT.

BUT THAT STILL DOESN'T GIVE ME THE RIGHT

TO SAY THE THINGS THAT I DID.

NO ONE IS BLACK AND WHITE

LIKE THEY APPEAR IN MY BOOK, I MEAN,

WE'RE ALL A LOT OF THINGS.

ALL UNIQUE AND SPECIAL IN OUR OWN WAY.

AND WE ALL HAVE TALENTS, INCLUDING MY BROTHER.

EVEN THOUGH HE DOESN'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW IT.

HE SHOULD.

SEE, AND THOSE ARE THE THINGS

THAT I SHOULD'VE BEEN WRITING ABOUT.

HARMONY.

LINDSAY.

COME HERE.

I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW

WHO DID ALL OF THE WORK TONIGHT.

WHILE I WAS OFF

PRETENDING TO BE SOMEBODY I WASN'T,

THESE TWO WORKED ABOVE AND BEYOND

WHAT THEY SHOULD HAVE

TO MAKE THIS DEEP BLUE SEE DANCE SO SPECTACULAR.

THESE...

ARE FOR YOU.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

AND I HAVE ANOTHER PRESENT FOR YOU.

JAMIE, STOP!

IF YOU PULL THAT ROPE,

YOU'LL BE BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

SOMETHING I SHOULD'VE DONE A LONG TIME AGO.

YOU DON'T HAVE THE POWER, IS, I DO.

SAVE THE WHALES!

[KIDS SCREAM]

SHE'S NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THIS.

[KIDS SCREAM]

NO!!!!

FRIENDS?

FRIENDS.

NOW, WHERE'S CONNOR?

HE DITCHED WHEN YOU WERE ON STAGE.

I HAVE TO FIND HIM.

IT'S ALL RIGHT. DON'T--

OH!

CONNOR!

WHAT DOES SHE WANT NOW?

IT'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU.

WELL...

YOU FOUND ME.

HI.

LOOK, I'M REALLY SORRY I'VE BEEN SUCH A JERK LATELY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S COME OVER ME.

OR MAYBE I DO.

BUT THE TRUTH IS, I NEVER LIKED MARCO.

I JUST LIKED HIS POETRY,

AND NOW I FIND OUT THAT IT WASN'T EVEN HIM.

IT WAS YOU.

I WIMPED OUT.

I SHOULD'VE JUST ASKED YOU TO THE DANCE.

ABOUT THAT DANCE.

WAY TO GO, SQUIRT.

MISS BARTLETT.

ABOUT YOUR DISPLAY...

YES, MA'AM.

I WANT A WORD WITH YOU.

[SLOW APPLAUSE]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH...

MONDAY.

DON'T WORRY, SIS.

YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S BEEN A DORK LATELY.

THIS ONE'S FOR YOU.

[MUSIC STARTS]

* YOU SAID YOUR TIME WAS RUNNING OUT *

* YOU'RE FAR FROM WHERE YOU WANT TO BE *

* YOUR HANGING IN THE LOST AND FOUND *

* YOU'RE LOSING TOUCH WITH EVERYTHING *

* AND WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE TO *

* LEAN ON

* I WILL BE AROUND

* WHEN YOU THINK IT'S OVER

* I WON'T LET YOU DOWN

* IF YOUR LUCK RUNS OUT

* AND WHEN IT FEELS LIKE LIFE IS HOLDING YOU DOWN *

* WHENEVER YOU NEED ME, I WILL BE AROUND *

* DON'T WORRY, THIS WON'T LAST FOREVER *

* YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT

* BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

* I WILL BE AROUND

* WHEN YOU THINK IT'S OVER

* I WON'T LET YOU DOWN

* IF YOUR LUCK RUNS OUT

* I WILL BE AROUND

* WHEN YOU THINK IT'S OVER

* I WON'T LET YOU DOWN

* IF YOUR LUCK RUNS OUT

* AND WHEN IT FEELS LIKE LIFE *

* IS HOLDING YOU DOWN

* WHENEVER YOU NEED ME

* WHENEVER YOU NEED ME

* I WILL BE AROUND

MOM.

DAD. I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.

I BROUGHT SOME FRIENDS FOR PIZZA.

WHOA.

WHOA.

WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT?

I GOTTA GET COOKING.

ANYMORE SPINACH PIZZA?

I DIDN'T MAKE SPINACH.

WHATEVER IT WAS, EVERYBODY WANTS MORE.

SEAWEED?

UH-OH. MY BAD.

NO! YOUR GOOD.

I THINK THIS COULD BE IT.

LISTEN TO THOSE KIDS.

LENNY, GO GET THE SEAWEED

FROM THE SUSHI IN THE COOLER. HURRY.

Kids: PIZZA! PIZZA!

HEY, GREAT PIZZA, MR. B.

PEG, YOU TAKE THE ORDERS, I'LL GET THE PIZZA.

YOU DID IT, RALPH. YOU REALLY DID IT.

NO. HE, BUT--

YEAH. I DID.

PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA!

AND WITH ONE SEAWEED PIZZA,

ORDER WAS RESTORED IN THE KINGDOM ONCE AGAIN.

THE PRINCESS KISSED HER FROG,

AND THEY DANCED UNTIL DAWN.

OK. 9:30.

AND EVERYONE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

AAH!

WELL, ALMOST EVERYONE.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY ABC CABLE NETWORKS GROUP

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

* YOU SAID YOUR TIME WAS RUNNING OUT *

* YOU'RE FAR FROM WHERE YOU WANT TO BE *

* YOUR HANGING IN THE LOST AND FOUND *

* YOU'RE LOSING TOUCH WITH EVERYTHING *

* AND WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE TO LEAN ON *

* I WILL BE AROUND

* WHEN YOU THINK IT'S OVER

* I WON'T LET YOU DOWN

* IF YOUR LUCK RUNS OUT

* AND WHEN IT FEELS LIKE LIFE IS HOLDING YOU DOWN *

* WHENEVER YOU NEED ME

* WHENEVER YOU NEED ME

* I WILL BE AROUND