Original subtitles

(chattering)

(rattling)

(gentle singing)

(booming)

(shouting)

(clamoring)

- [Jovial Man] Yeah, that was 17 seconds, come on.

- [Stoic Man] That was pretty awesome.

- [Jovial Man] That was pretty cool.

(chattering)

(serene music)

- [Dr. Bailey] Please come in.

I'm Dr. Bailey.

- Nadine.

Is it gonna be in here?

- Yes, I run my practice out of my home.

- No, I know, I mean,

it's not an office, it's just a living room.

- Just a living room.

- My coworker Natalie says you're highly recommended.

- Oh, that's nice to hear.

- She for one speaks very highly of you.

Didn't mention it was in a living room, though.

I guess you really helped her

when her son was killed.

Struck by a car.

She said she only came for a few months,

like six months.

So it wasn't a lifetime commitment,

like committing to therapy,

like being a person who commits to therapy.

- Does that change how you see a person?

- My sister has been in and out of therapy her entire life.

She's a person who needs to commit to therapy.

She's back in it.

She sees a psychologist and a psychotherapist.

I'm not hunting for meds.

She's not hunting for meds, she needs meds.

Recently she saw an ex.

I knew that would go badly.

I wish Natalie would've told me

this was going to be in a living room.

(door opens)

Let's talk about this logically for a second.

What am I gonna do in Montreal while you,

while you do whatever it is an artist in residency does?

- If you can't find things to do in Montreal,

then I don't know what to tell you.

- It's just another place.

- [Lemon] You never wanted to travel?

Never wanted to see the world?

- It's Montreal, Lemon, it's not Prague or Egypt.

- You wanna go to Prague?

You wanna go to Egypt?

The residency is only for a year.

- Exactly.

It's for an entire year.

- And when it's over, we'll go to Prague.

Or Egypt.

Or Tokyo.

I have always wanted to go to Tokyo.

- I don't wanna go to Tokyo.

- Don't you wanna see Tokyo?

- I don't want to see Tokyo.

- Who doesn't wanna see Tokyo?

- I don't want to go to Tokyo.

- Well you don't have to go to Tokyo.

- If you wanna go to Tokyo, don't let me stop you

from going to Tokyo, but I'm not going to Tokyo,

or to Prague, or

- Egypt? - Egypt,

or Montreal.

I can't uproot--

I can't go to Montreal.

- It was unfair to ask you to come with me.

I just want you with me.

- Yeah, I know.

I know you do.

- It's a two hour flight.

I'm only driving there the first time,

but I'll fly back on weekends,

and you can come visit, okay?

I will know all the spots.

I fit in places.

I fit in places, and I'm gonna be a local in a week.

I'll know all the real little

authentic places to go.

So that's it?

So I go,

and that's it?

So I'll stay.

- No, you're going to go.

- I want to be with you.

- You're 23 years old, Lemon,

it's your time to go to Montreal.

It's easy for you to pursue the things you want,

the people you want.

- But Freddy knows, Nadine,

and everything is out in the open.

- This always had a shelf life.

- Nae-nae.

I love you.

Say it back.

- Let this be a clean break.

- Tell me you love me.

You either tell me you love me or you tell me you don't,

but I'm not letting you get out of this by hiding.

There is a person here,

so give me the goddamn courtesy of the words!

If you're gonna break my heart, then break my heart.

- And that's the extent of what you've risked here,

a broken heart.

I have a home, I have a marriage, I have a career.

- I know that, Nadine, and that is why I will stay.

- You see it, but you don't know it.

You don't know what it's like to invest 13 years

into a marriage, into another person.

More, more even, to grow,

and to fail, and fuck up, and forgive, and rebuild.

To have all that and still be there.

- I want all that with you.

- You're 23 years old.

You don't know what you want.

- Don't you say that.

Don't you say that.

I have always known what I wanted, I've gone after it.

I have earned everything I've ever gotten.

I didn't have rich moms to fall back on.

I was raised in a one-bedroom apartment,

with a curtain separating my bedroom from the living room

up until I was 13 years old.

If I didn't know what I wanted, I'd get jack shit.

Okay, don't tell me that I don't know what I want.

I made it blatantly clear from the go that I wanted you.

And I haven't wavered from that for a second.

I haven't risked anything, I haven't risked anything?

I have nothing, I have nothing but my heart,

and I have worn it on my goddamn sleeve for you.

Okay, that should cover my half.

- Do you love her?

Yeah, well I did.

- No you didn't.

- What do you know?

- [Nadine] Not a hell of a lot.

- I know I love you,

and Freddy.

Why aren't I madder at you?

I should be mad.

Should be sad.

Should be glad.

I should be wearing plaid.

Mad, sad, glad, plaid.

Fad, it's just a fad.

I don't know why I'm rhyming.

I don't know how to express this space, this place,

this rat race, these feelings that give my heart chase.

Think it's too late to pursue a life as a rapper?

I'm just filling air here, Nadine.

I don't know, like something needs to be said

by me or something.

- Do you forgive me?

- Oh.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah.

Duh.

Come on, bring it in.

Now get out.

Need to take a shit.

Shower.

- The smell is clinging to me.

- [Singapore] Yeah, I find after four days,

the reek becomes really special.

- Please don't sit back in front of the PS4.

- Scout's honor.

- All right, I love you.

- I find, I love you back.

Nadine.

There's one small thing,

and I don't want you to take this to mean

that everything I just said isn't true, because it is.

I don't want you to say or do anything.

I just want you to know you never actually apologized.

You never said I'm sorry to me.

- [Nadine] Well, I...

(door closes)

What are you making?

It smells delicious.

- [Freddy] This is asopao de pollo.

- [Nadine] You've made that before?

- No, I just followed the recipe pretty closely.

It's a Puerto Rican dish.

It's somewhere between paella and stew.

Sorry, it's not kito friendly,

I didn't know if you'd be home.

I just kinda got in the mood for it.

- It's okay.

- So I'll cook the rice on the side.

The rest you should be able to eat,

depending on what else you've eaten today, I guess.

There's definitely carbs in sofrito, but not a lot.

- You can cook in the rice.

- Good, 'cause that was really gonna screw me up.

This is the dish that my mother made, blood mom,

the day that she left.

- Or maybe that could be the dish you made

the day I stayed.

- I really don't have to put in the rice.

(rain pattering)

- So I know you're mad at me, but I'm calling

because you haven't responded to any of my texts,

and you know how much I hate to use the phone,

so that should indicate how badly I need to talk.

You're the only person I have to talk to,

so I'm coming over.

Please be home, okay?

Bye.

Hilla Hilla Saga.

Hurt her, go away.

Go away, you bad hurt, and leave my Sanya alone.

Hilla Hilla Saga. - You're the only one

who ever loved all the pieces of me.

(breathing heavily)

- [Sanya] Ah, so you've started that again.

You see?

Do you see it?

There is nothing to see, there's a pattern.

Do you see it?

You stand before the storm, do you see it?

You think of Hamilton and Sylvia.

"You think of death so much, it feels more like a memory."

You reach out to every branch of your fig tree

- [Sanya] You feel sick.

You say buh one.

You touch Ryan's plastic gumballs.

You say buh exactly 100 times.

You hear his voice.

It's just sleeping.

You hear his, do you see it?

You remember your father's hands?

You're a failure.

No one loves you.

Not when they know you.

Sooner or later, you let everyone down.

That's okay.

'Cause they don't love you.

They love the idea of you.

You love the idea of you.

They love the sweet words you sing, they love your talent.

Your pretty face, your straight As,

your fun little board game, your tight wet pussy,

that's all you are, that's all you're worth to them.

What you can give them.

Nobody loves you.

You are meant for great things.

You deserve it.

You are so beautiful.

This is silly.

You're better than this.

You are better than everyone.

You're a genius.

You are an artist, you are a motherfucking princess.

Act like it.

You are a role model.

Look how perfect you are.

You are a role model for all the little girls out there.

All little boys will grow up looking for you,

and every girl they meet, they'll be looking for the gift

that is you.

You remember your father's hands,

the hands for patting a horse's flank,

for guiding bees out of the car when you were scared.

You remember your father's hands,

the hands for patting a horse's flank,

for guiding bees out of the car when you were scared.

You think of all the girls that were born ugly,

or dumb, or starving, or crippled,

or touched by their uncles and beaten when they were bad.

Remember your father's hands,

the hands for patting a horse's flank,

for guiding bees out of the car when you were scared.

Remember your father's hands.

(groans)

(birds chirping)

(horse snorts)

(horse whinnies)

- I should've taken you horseback riding.

Four years old or not, that's a memory you'd have held onto.

Sun in your face.

This pretty lady was there, too.

She used to tend to our horses.

Go on, you can give her a face, too.

- You slept with her when your wife was away.

- Don't ruin this for yourself.

(knocking)

- [Sanya] You never cheated on Mom?

- No, I never cheated on your mom.

I never molested you, I didn't kick puppies,

I didn't walk out on the family.

I died.

Died too young.

Maybe you have some beautiful, tragic poetry for me

like you do Ryan or Nadine, Freddy,

or that Lemon Drop friend of yours, but none of that's real.

Hell, none of this is real.

- And Ryan's plastic gumball ring.

My feet are cold.

You've shown me something,

something I thought was long gone in me.

Turns out it was just fast asleep,

and you've awoken it in me.

Your love is like paint fumes,

chipping away at your wrinkles

and plastic-lined carpets,

catching all your life's missteps.

You never step on bugs.

As a child, you moved aside for them,

and now they move aside for you.

You used to bring your mom a Twizzler

whenever you wanted one.

I just want what was promised.

(brushing)

(sobbing)

I feel sick.

Fogs the windows.

(serene music)