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- You haven't slept all night.
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You watched three Akira Kurosawa films
3
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on loan from Singapore in hopes
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the subtitles would help you fall asleep.
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You did not fall asleep.
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Instead you've eaten an
entire bag of cheese curls
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and fallen in love with Toshiro Mifune.
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You've decided he's the only man alive
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who can pull off a man bun.
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You've attempted to masturbate,
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but keep crying on how
you spoke to Freddy.
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What family man?
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You're one to talk.
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You're selfish
15
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and vile
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and useless.
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Your board game's shit.
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Your friends are humoring you.
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You need a win
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and they all know that.
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You know they're tiptoeing around you.
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You think of Nadine
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and how she has to tiptoe.
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You know they're all just
tiptoeing around you.
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You know they all hate you.
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They just tolerate you.
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You've a big mouth
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and your ideas are stupid
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and your board game is stupid
30
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and you are not a princess.
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You are a steaming pile of dog shit.
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You're a failure.
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You say bah 100 times.
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You say bah exactly 100 times.
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No.
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You don't say bah.
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You don't say bah 100 times.
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You don't think of how
you spoke to Freddy.
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You don't give a shit
that Nadine has to tiptoe.
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You think of Ryan.
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Ryan is coming today.
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You cook for him.
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You know he'll cancel,
but you cook for him.
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You know he'll cancel,
but you put on stockings
45
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and heels
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and a pencil skirt.
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You always feel like a
mermaid in a pencil skirt.
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You bat your eyes
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and turn your face just so
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and he sees your neck
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and he's yours again.
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You feel yourself in his arms.
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You decide against your pills.
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You want to feel like you.
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You want to feel like
you in his arms again.
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(mellow blues music)
57
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- Okay, let me start
right off by apologizing.
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I overcooked the quinoa.
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♪ Ooh ♪
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♪ Ooh ♪
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♪ Ooh ♪
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♪ Ooh ♪
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♪ Ooh ♪
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♪ Ooh ♪
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♪ Ooh ♪
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♪ Ooh ♪
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♪ Ooh ♪
68
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♪ Ooh ♪
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♪ Ooh ♪
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- [Sanya] Okay, let me start
right off by apologizing,
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I overcooked the quinoa.
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- [Ryan] Hi.
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- Hi, come on in.
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Dining room, living
room, kitchen, bathroom.
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Take a look around.
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00:04:20,612 --> 00:04:22,012
I overcooked the quinoa,
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so I'm gonna make a whole new batch.
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God, that is probably the most
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pretentious sentence I've ever uttered.
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- [Ryan] Oh, gee whizz,
I undercooked the quinoa.
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- [Sanya] That's not even the half of it.
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I was preempting my own self deprecation
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because I was about to
discuss my internal struggle
84
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deciding between kale
85
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and baby spinach for the side dish.
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- [Ryan] You made kale?
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- [Sanya] Baby spinach.
88
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- [Ryan] Oh, thank God.
89
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- [Sanya] Yeah, I know.
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I just couldn't do it.
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I'm trying to be healthy,
but kale's disgusting.
92
00:04:45,178 --> 00:04:46,008
- It's sandpaper.
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Not in texture but in taste.
94
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- [Sanya] Nature's naturally
occurring sandpaper.
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- I'm pretty sure prehistoric man
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used it to varnish their mastodons.
97
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- I have it under authority
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that kale was invented by vegans.
99
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If it enters your body
and you've eaten meat,
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it acts as fiberglass.
101
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The point is everything else is ready.
102
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Just leaving the quinoa in
the pot an extra 15 minutes.
103
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- You made so much food.
104
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,220
- Yeah, I cook now.
105
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I don't cook now.
106
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I've been feeding stray
dogs in the yard all day
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From my mistakes.
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- [Ryan] Well, I brought wine.
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One bottle for us.
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And one for your roommates.
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Will they be joining us for dinner?
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- They won't.
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Did you meet them?
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Jean and Luce?
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At the kickoff for my board game?
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- I don't think so.
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I did however play your board game
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and it is so fun.
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- [Sanya] Yeah.
120
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- Daphne, Jennifer, her mom and I.
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We all played it.
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I mean, well of course Daphne cheated but.
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- She did.
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- Well yeah, I mean she's a stinker.
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She was looking at
everybody's cards and just.
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You know actually I wanted
to apologize for Daphne.
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- Why?
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00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:05,893
I mean, she's playing
against three adults.
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You gotta do what you gotta do to win.
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00:06:07,955 --> 00:06:09,325
- [Ryan] Okay well not
for her then, for me.
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I mean she didn't do anything.
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I'm apologizing for me.
133
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I shouldn't have brought
her with me the other day.
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- No, she's adorable.
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- [Ryan] Well I mean,
Nadine seemed to think--
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- Nadine has an opinion on everything.
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- And she was right.
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- [Sanya] About what?
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- It was your big day.
140
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- [Sanya] She should
not have said anything
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to you, I'm still pissed that she said
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anything to you.
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- It was your big day
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and I'm your ex boyfriend--
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- And I invited you.
146
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- [Ryan] You did.
147
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You invited me.
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- It was nothing.
149
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- It wasn't nothing,
150
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I could see that it hurt you.
151
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It was insensitive
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and I'm sorry.
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- I have to not be so reactive to things.
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- [Ryan] You have a right
to your feelings, Sanya.
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- I know that Ryan, I'm not a child.
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Just that I shouldn't have a meltdown just
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because you bring your daughter,
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your girlfriend's daughter to my fucking
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kick off party.
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- It was stupid.
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I just you know, I thought you love kids
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and--
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- [Sanya] I do love them.
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- I thought kids
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and board games and--
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- Please don't be cruel Ryan.
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That's not you.
168
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- How am I being cruel?
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- Really? Do you really
wanna double down on this...
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Is that why you came here today?
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Is that why you're here now?
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To rub my face in it?
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- [Ryan] I shouldn't be here.
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Nadine was right, it only hurts you.
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- Okay fuck my sister! Okay?
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I don't care what my sister
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has to say about it.
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You make it sound like
you hold conferences
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about me.
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I mean, you're all tip toeing around
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my famous outbursts.
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You even start using the same terminology
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when you're around me.
184
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When the truth is all your lives would be
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fucking boring without me.
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I'm the crazy one
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because I'm fighting tooth
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and nail for something better.
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- [Ryan] Okay well on behalf of those
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with boring lives,
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it just looks like you're fighting.
192
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You aren't fighting for anything,
193
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you're just fighting
194
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and for what?
195
00:07:59,670 --> 00:08:01,940
For what? What is possibly
worth this struggle
196
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:02,800
you put yourself through?
197
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:03,630
I mean...
198
00:08:06,310 --> 00:08:07,310
You don't even know.
199
00:08:08,957 --> 00:08:11,557
- You know all day I was
terrified you might cancel.
200
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,340
I tried to keep myself busy but,
201
00:08:17,746 --> 00:08:18,576
I was terrified.
202
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,230
I was worried that I
wasn't important enough,
203
00:08:23,230 --> 00:08:27,090
that something better was
gonna warrant your time.
204
00:08:29,816 --> 00:08:32,116
- That isn't an answer to what I'm asking.
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00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,530
- [Sanya] It is.
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00:08:33,530 --> 00:08:34,780
You just aren't listening.
207
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- I do nothing but listen.
208
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,490
I actively listen
209
00:08:45,490 --> 00:08:46,620
and hear you.
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00:08:46,620 --> 00:08:47,890
I always have.
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00:08:55,010 --> 00:08:56,030
Sanya you look lovely
212
00:08:56,030 --> 00:08:58,280
and I'm sure that the dinner, I'm sure
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00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:01,370
it's it's it's it's delicious.
214
00:09:01,370 --> 00:09:03,580
But I just came here to apologize
215
00:09:03,580 --> 00:09:07,110
and to um, see that you're doing well.
216
00:09:07,110 --> 00:09:09,490
And then head out.
217
00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:12,260
- Well your apology is not accepted Ryan.
218
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,860
And I'm doing fucking peachy,
219
00:09:13,860 --> 00:09:15,270
thanks for asking.
220
00:09:15,268 --> 00:09:16,188
So have a nice day
221
00:09:16,188 --> 00:09:17,018
and fuck off then!
222
00:09:17,021 --> 00:09:17,851
- Yeah. This was clearly a bad idea.
223
00:09:17,854 --> 00:09:18,974
- Yeah. It was a bad idea.
224
00:09:18,970 --> 00:09:20,460
But make sure you get in the last words
225
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:21,810
so you can feel like a good guy
226
00:09:21,807 --> 00:09:22,637
on your way back home.
227
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:23,540
- I am a good guy!
228
00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:28,470
I am a good guy who gave
you every piece of himself
229
00:09:28,470 --> 00:09:30,670
and I'm sorry that that
pressure was somehow
230
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:31,500
too much for you,
231
00:09:31,503 --> 00:09:33,743
but let's not forget who
treated who like shit--
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00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,520
- Then why stay Ryan?
233
00:09:37,798 --> 00:09:39,248
- Because I fucking love you.
234
00:09:42,630 --> 00:09:43,600
- Loved you mean?
235
00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:50,670
- It doesn't go away Sanya.
236
00:09:54,430 --> 00:09:55,930
You hurt me
237
00:09:55,930 --> 00:09:56,970
and you broke my heart
238
00:09:56,970 --> 00:09:59,050
but you don't love someone the way
239
00:09:59,047 --> 00:10:00,137
that I loved you
240
00:10:00,138 --> 00:10:01,448
and have it go away.
241
00:10:01,450 --> 00:10:02,820
- Then why did you leave?
242
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,040
- You denied being pregnant.
243
00:10:10,770 --> 00:10:14,090
And to this day, I don't know why?
244
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,310
You just terminated it as casually as
245
00:10:19,310 --> 00:10:20,480
a wrong order from Amazon.
246
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,030
You didn't talk to me about it.
247
00:10:23,805 --> 00:10:24,635
(crying)
248
00:10:24,638 --> 00:10:27,588
Nothing, just gone so. Yeah.
249
00:10:38,801 --> 00:10:39,731
- Will you please hold me (crying)?
250
00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:54,250
- I was just never good enough for you.
251
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:55,490
You could say otherwise.
252
00:10:55,490 --> 00:10:58,470
You could say that you needed me
253
00:10:58,470 --> 00:11:00,360
but I needed you too, okay?
254
00:11:00,357 --> 00:11:02,767
And I needed you to be
at least a little happy
255
00:11:02,770 --> 00:11:05,350
in knowing that no matter
what else happened,
256
00:11:05,350 --> 00:11:08,090
no matter where we fucked up.
257
00:11:10,410 --> 00:11:11,620
At least you had me.
258
00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:16,910
I couldn't just be a
259
00:11:19,510 --> 00:11:20,350
back up plan.
260
00:11:23,992 --> 00:11:26,452
(crying)
261
00:11:26,450 --> 00:11:29,620
I couldn't be one of your settlements.
262
00:11:33,494 --> 00:11:34,374
(crying)
263
00:11:34,366 --> 00:11:36,366
Shhhhhh...
264
00:11:36,366 --> 00:11:40,306
Okay okay, that's all right... shhh shhh.
265
00:11:40,308 --> 00:11:41,138
That's all really heavy.
266
00:11:41,141 --> 00:11:43,271
That's all really heavy, I'm sorry.
267
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,180
I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm just,
268
00:11:45,175 --> 00:11:47,535
I'm just really hungry.
269
00:11:50,390 --> 00:11:51,220
I'm yelling
270
00:11:51,223 --> 00:11:52,213
and screaming
271
00:11:52,210 --> 00:11:53,360
and crying into the back of my head,
272
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:54,800
I'm just thinking.
273
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,350
Would she just fucking feed me?
274
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:02,860
At least half of this aggressiveness is
275
00:12:02,860 --> 00:12:03,830
due to hunger.
276
00:12:05,865 --> 00:12:07,815
- It's probably gonna taste really bad.
277
00:12:10,206 --> 00:12:11,406
- Oh, it doesn't matter.
278
00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:15,460
I would eat the scraps you
throw out for the strays.
279
00:12:17,550 --> 00:12:18,680
I'd eat the strays.
280
00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:22,600
I'd eat Kale.
281
00:12:24,470 --> 00:12:25,660
- Kale would eat you.
282
00:12:26,710 --> 00:12:29,480
I'm pretty sure it's sentient
and seeking world domination?
283
00:12:29,476 --> 00:12:31,376
- No wait no no come here look at me.
284
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:32,206
- My make up is probably all fucked up.
285
00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:34,359
- Oh yeah, it's it's all over the place.
286
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:35,520
It's like the Picasso version
287
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:36,730
of your face right now.
288
00:12:38,554 --> 00:12:39,394
(laughs)
289
00:12:39,387 --> 00:12:40,777
All right, hold on.
290
00:12:40,777 --> 00:12:42,297
One second.
291
00:12:45,540 --> 00:12:47,660
- [Sanya] What are you doing right now?
292
00:12:47,656 --> 00:12:51,256
- [Ryan] I have face wipes in my bag.
293
00:12:51,260 --> 00:12:53,030
- [Sanya] No, don't. I'll
go check in the bathroom.
294
00:12:53,027 --> 00:12:56,327
- No. Stop, just come here.
295
00:12:56,332 --> 00:12:57,172
Come here.
296
00:12:58,340 --> 00:12:59,600
You have a beautiful face
297
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,380
and you hide it under all this stuff.
298
00:13:02,380 --> 00:13:03,840
Okay? Just hold still.
299
00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,950
- It's really just that
you don't trust make up.
300
00:13:05,948 --> 00:13:07,698
- You know I really don't.
301
00:13:07,697 --> 00:13:09,587
- You just wanna make
sure I haven't turned
302
00:13:09,585 --> 00:13:12,215
into some kind of Guillermo
del Toro creature.
303
00:13:12,217 --> 00:13:13,807
- Have you seen those before
304
00:13:13,810 --> 00:13:15,020
and after videos of those women
305
00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:15,860
applying their make up?
306
00:13:15,860 --> 00:13:19,090
They fucking freak me out.
307
00:13:19,085 --> 00:13:19,915
- It's always an Asian woman.
308
00:13:19,918 --> 00:13:20,858
- So racist--
309
00:13:20,863 --> 00:13:22,013
- Listen, I'm sorry.
310
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:24,170
They're always Asian
in those videos, right?
311
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:25,700
And they look like anime characters
312
00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:26,530
with their makeup on
313
00:13:26,533 --> 00:13:27,993
and without?
314
00:13:27,988 --> 00:13:28,818
- They look like normal people.
315
00:13:28,821 --> 00:13:29,651
- They look normal.
316
00:13:29,654 --> 00:13:30,554
I look hideous.
317
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:32,720
- Shut up.
318
00:13:32,723 --> 00:13:33,563
- Am I done?
319
00:13:33,556 --> 00:13:34,576
- No. You're not.
320
00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:36,090
Close your eyes one more time.
321
00:13:51,940 --> 00:13:53,690
- So what are you doing with face wipes
322
00:13:53,690 --> 00:13:54,990
in your mom purse?
323
00:13:56,730 --> 00:13:57,770
- It's a normal bag.
324
00:14:00,870 --> 00:14:02,480
- If it's got face wipes
325
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:09,200
and hard candies, it's a mom purse.
326
00:14:10,355 --> 00:14:11,505
- Well you know I have hard candies
327
00:14:11,510 --> 00:14:13,260
in there ever since I quit smoking.
328
00:14:14,310 --> 00:14:15,140
- Mom purse.
329
00:14:17,083 --> 00:14:18,923
- I do spend a lot of
time with five year olds.
330
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:20,620
- Oh, now you're comparing
me to five year olds?
331
00:14:20,620 --> 00:14:23,380
- No. You are comparing
you to five year olds.
332
00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:24,870
- What else you got in this bag?
333
00:14:31,380 --> 00:14:32,910
- I gotta say Sanya.
334
00:14:34,210 --> 00:14:35,280
It was really good.
335
00:14:37,630 --> 00:14:38,680
- Does Jennifer cook?
336
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,000
I bet she cooks.
337
00:14:42,890 --> 00:14:45,030
- You really wanna talk about that?
338
00:14:45,030 --> 00:14:48,620
- Well? I wanna know
about your life, yeah.
339
00:14:48,620 --> 00:14:52,030
I mean, you know me, if I don't know
340
00:14:52,885 --> 00:14:53,995
I start filling the blanks.
341
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:54,860
- Making shit up.
342
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:56,770
- Okay. It's right more often than not.
343
00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:58,420
- It's a little unfairly
poetic but yes it is
344
00:14:58,416 --> 00:15:01,226
uncanny just how intuitive you are.
345
00:15:01,230 --> 00:15:02,910
- She cooks right?
346
00:15:02,910 --> 00:15:04,800
- Yes, but you'd know
that after five minutes
347
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:05,670
on her Facebook page,
348
00:15:05,670 --> 00:15:07,000
she's a sous-chef.
349
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,680
- It's a small fish
brasserie in Freemansburg.
350
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,150
Yeah I know. I'm an emotional cutter.
351
00:15:12,150 --> 00:15:13,800
- So if you know, why do you ask?
352
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:16,650
- It's the thing to do.
353
00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:18,400
I'm not trying to compete.
354
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:19,530
I always meant to get good at cooking
355
00:15:19,530 --> 00:15:21,540
and never took the time.
356
00:15:21,540 --> 00:15:23,380
We were gonna take cooking classes.
357
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:24,210
- And Tango classes.
358
00:15:24,213 --> 00:15:25,713
- I came to your yoga classes a few times,
359
00:15:25,710 --> 00:15:26,540
it's not like I didn't.
360
00:15:26,543 --> 00:15:28,723
- You did, there was no
issue with any of that Sanya.
361
00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:33,820
- Anyway, I just wanted
to do something nice.
362
00:15:33,815 --> 00:15:36,255
Everything but the quinoa
came out good right?
363
00:15:36,260 --> 00:15:37,500
Oh my gosh yes.
364
00:15:37,496 --> 00:15:40,866
It was delicious, I'm genuinely impressed.
365
00:15:40,874 --> 00:15:43,054
- I learned how to do
Brussels sprouts from Nadine.
366
00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:45,150
I use avocado oil which is also apparently
367
00:15:45,150 --> 00:15:46,290
really good for your skin.
368
00:15:46,290 --> 00:15:47,240
- Is that what you've been using?
369
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:48,890
Because your face looks really clear.
370
00:15:48,887 --> 00:15:50,857
- No. I use actually um,
371
00:15:50,860 --> 00:15:51,970
apple cider vinegar mixed into this clay.
372
00:15:51,973 --> 00:15:53,833
It's like Aztec Mud.
373
00:15:53,830 --> 00:15:55,550
- Is that what it's called? Aztec Mud?
374
00:15:55,550 --> 00:15:58,320
- No. It's called Aztec Secret.
375
00:15:59,690 --> 00:16:00,520
- I'm not gonna lie,
376
00:16:00,523 --> 00:16:01,933
I would try that right now.
377
00:16:01,930 --> 00:16:03,310
I'm comfortable with my masculinity.
378
00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:05,730
I'll face mask right the fuck now.
379
00:16:05,730 --> 00:16:06,640
- Says the guy who has sex dreams
380
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:07,910
about Micheal Fassbender.
381
00:16:07,910 --> 00:16:09,190
I guess you'd have to be.
382
00:16:09,190 --> 00:16:10,400
- Okay, first of all--
383
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,630
- Listen, I know he's a
fine specimen of a man.
384
00:16:12,630 --> 00:16:14,730
- First of all, there
is no shame in having
385
00:16:14,730 --> 00:16:17,690
a heterosexual man crush
on Micheal Fassbender.
386
00:16:17,687 --> 00:16:19,287
- Or Benedict Cumberbatch or Tom Hardy
387
00:16:19,290 --> 00:16:20,430
or Ryan Reynolds, I'm--
388
00:16:20,430 --> 00:16:22,830
- Ryan Gosling okay, I
only wanna be friends
389
00:16:22,830 --> 00:16:24,690
with Ryan Reynolds.
390
00:16:24,686 --> 00:16:25,686
- I mean I'd fuck any of them,
391
00:16:25,690 --> 00:16:27,110
except Ken Watanabe.
392
00:16:27,110 --> 00:16:27,980
- Again, racist.
393
00:16:27,980 --> 00:16:29,770
- I am not racist when
it comes to Asian people.
394
00:16:29,770 --> 00:16:31,320
- I know, but I love how mad it makes you.
395
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:32,730
- I fell in love with the Toshiro Mifune
396
00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:33,900
literally just this morning.
397
00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:36,590
- Ah, stenographer, can
we dial it back a second?
398
00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:38,160
It wasn't a huge list.
399
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,350
It was a couple of dudes.
400
00:16:39,350 --> 00:16:42,040
A small smattering of
dudes that could sway me.
401
00:16:42,036 --> 00:16:44,686
And I can admit that it's probably
402
00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:46,000
out of partially wanting to be them I'm
403
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,170
sure that plays a big aspect.
404
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:49,614
But let's be clear,
405
00:16:49,612 --> 00:16:50,452
I could get butt sex if I wanted.
406
00:16:50,445 --> 00:16:52,355
I could get butt sex if I wanted.
407
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,160
I mean I've got junk in the trunk.
408
00:16:54,157 --> 00:16:57,087
- Oh, I'm well aware of your ghetto booty.
409
00:16:57,090 --> 00:16:58,020
- I'm saying I could have
410
00:16:58,020 --> 00:16:59,360
butt sex if I wanted it.
411
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,050
Let's be clear about that.
412
00:17:01,050 --> 00:17:04,420
If I were after it, I could get it.
413
00:17:04,420 --> 00:17:07,280
I'm not harboring some hidden gayness.
414
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:08,480
- You're the one talking about it.
415
00:17:08,483 --> 00:17:10,243
- That was one time.
416
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:14,430
One time I had a sex dream
about Micheal Fassbender
417
00:17:14,430 --> 00:17:15,990
and I would tell you if it wasn't.
418
00:17:15,990 --> 00:17:17,440
I'm comfortable with myself.
419
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,480
I told you about Micheal in confidence.
420
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,480
I'm not looking to have
to go and explain the
421
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,730
complexity of male sexuality to all
422
00:17:23,730 --> 00:17:25,330
of our mutual acquaintances.
423
00:17:25,330 --> 00:17:26,260
- I haven't told anybody.
424
00:17:26,260 --> 00:17:27,420
- Well, I appreciate that.
425
00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:29,050
- I think it's great
that Michael Fassbender
426
00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:30,090
rocked your pudding pack.
427
00:17:30,087 --> 00:17:30,917
But it's private.
428
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,160
Okay I was not rocked.
429
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:33,640
I was not rocked okay?
430
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,690
I, it was sweet
431
00:17:35,694 --> 00:17:37,354
and playful
432
00:17:37,350 --> 00:17:38,180
and tender.
433
00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:40,103
He is a very considerate lover.
434
00:17:41,562 --> 00:17:42,402
(laughs)
435
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,925
- I love, how you literally picked the
436
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,610
biggest dick in Hollywood
for your gay dream.
437
00:17:46,610 --> 00:17:47,700
- I mean, go big or go home.
438
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,150
- Was it after seeing Shame.
439
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:51,140
- His penis is just humongous!
440
00:17:51,144 --> 00:17:52,294
(laughs)
441
00:17:52,290 --> 00:17:54,860
And it's just bam!
442
00:17:54,860 --> 00:17:55,800
Right there.
443
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,900
- So large (laughs).
444
00:17:57,900 --> 00:17:59,140
- [Ryan] I think my
greatest fear in the world
445
00:17:59,140 --> 00:18:00,570
is Micheal Fassbender wanting to have sex
446
00:18:00,570 --> 00:18:02,320
with one of my girlfriends.
447
00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:03,755
- I think that your greatest fear
448
00:18:03,763 --> 00:18:04,993
should be him wanting
to have sex with you.
449
00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:06,640
- Well, either way, my life is ruined.
450
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,090
- You're powerless to stop it.
451
00:18:08,090 --> 00:18:09,880
- I mean if I had a dick like that,
452
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,630
I'd be showing it off in
every movie I was I too.
453
00:18:14,540 --> 00:18:15,990
- [Sanya] That's called porn.
454
00:18:16,950 --> 00:18:17,780
- Yeah.
455
00:18:19,190 --> 00:18:21,490
But I'd only be in like
the really artsy porn.
456
00:18:23,180 --> 00:18:24,430
But see that's the thing.
457
00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:29,130
You can't have a porn star dick
458
00:18:29,130 --> 00:18:30,290
and be that talented.
459
00:18:30,290 --> 00:18:31,300
- [Sanya] How could normal guys compete?
460
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:32,530
- We can't.
461
00:18:32,530 --> 00:18:33,820
We just can't.
462
00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:35,450
It's like seeing Shame, it's like one
463
00:18:35,450 --> 00:18:36,970
of those before and after moments
464
00:18:36,970 --> 00:18:40,490
where you're like, "This
is what I thought life was
465
00:18:40,490 --> 00:18:42,220
and what I thought life could be."
466
00:18:43,174 --> 00:18:44,174
- [Sanya] And after?
467
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,610
- After you realize you're just some dude.
468
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,830
And not a particularly
amazing one at that.
469
00:18:59,150 --> 00:19:00,360
- I think that's the real reason
470
00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:01,760
they called the movie Shame.
471
00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:14,110
All right some dude, help
me clear these dishes.
472
00:19:28,796 --> 00:19:30,956
(rinsing)
473
00:19:56,086 --> 00:19:59,136
Dishes are clean.
474
00:19:59,139 --> 00:20:00,079
- The dishes are clean.
475
00:20:00,953 --> 00:20:02,903
High five...turkey!
476
00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:07,900
- You, I'm gonna fucking kill you,
477
00:20:07,897 --> 00:20:09,507
you son of a bitch!
478
00:20:10,504 --> 00:20:12,754
(laughing)
479
00:20:31,902 --> 00:20:33,152
Stupid asshole.
480
00:20:37,190 --> 00:20:39,140
- Are we gonna put on those face masks?
481
00:20:40,180 --> 00:20:41,720
I need to look smooth for Micheal.
482
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,970
(laughing)
483
00:20:53,328 --> 00:20:54,158
Am I doing this right?
484
00:20:54,161 --> 00:20:55,381
- You want a nice even coat
485
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:57,430
and you can't be all expressive.
486
00:20:58,940 --> 00:21:01,670
- Serene face shows every emotion.
487
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,180
- I, okay I'm not gonna take you seriously
488
00:21:07,180 --> 00:21:08,730
with this stuff (laughs).
489
00:21:08,730 --> 00:21:10,360
All right, you shouldn't even talk
490
00:21:10,355 --> 00:21:11,715
with any expression.
491
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:16,040
- Calm face, serene voice, got it.
492
00:21:18,660 --> 00:21:20,560
Get all your smiles now.
493
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:21,990
These are your rules.
494
00:21:23,180 --> 00:21:25,430
I'm just respecting them.
495
00:21:30,260 --> 00:21:31,400
Would you fuck me?
496
00:21:33,255 --> 00:21:34,085
(laughs)
497
00:21:34,088 --> 00:21:34,918
I'd fuck me.
498
00:21:36,180 --> 00:21:37,680
I'd fuck me hard.
499
00:21:42,170 --> 00:21:46,120
- All right, you start the movie.
500
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:47,430
- Okay.
501
00:21:47,430 --> 00:21:49,120
- I'll get the... Oh shit!
502
00:21:51,204 --> 00:21:53,494
- What?
503
00:21:53,490 --> 00:21:55,650
Wait, how are we going to drink
504
00:21:55,650 --> 00:21:57,000
wine with these things on?
505
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,230
How do you drink with this?
506
00:21:59,225 --> 00:22:00,495
- All right, hold on.
507
00:22:00,495 --> 00:22:01,335
I got this.
508
00:22:01,335 --> 00:22:03,515
- So I should start the movie?
509
00:22:03,524 --> 00:22:04,514
- Uh huh.
510
00:22:04,505 --> 00:22:05,335
- Okay.
511
00:22:10,804 --> 00:22:12,974
(sipping)
512
00:22:17,156 --> 00:22:18,106
- Like this?
513
00:22:18,114 --> 00:22:20,484
- Yeah. Don't suck in your
cheeks though, careful.
514
00:22:20,483 --> 00:22:23,073
- Okay. I don't think this is
normally a drinking activity.
515
00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:29,050
- Pause it. I gotta get more wine.
516
00:22:29,050 --> 00:22:29,880
- Okay.
517
00:22:57,090 --> 00:22:59,050
Does your fantasy version of my life
518
00:23:00,620 --> 00:23:05,140
include me wearing Aztec Secrets? Hmm?
519
00:23:09,590 --> 00:23:11,780
Have you written a
beautiful fantasy for me?
520
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,050
I'd love to hear it.
521
00:23:30,031 --> 00:23:33,111
You have such a beautiful mind Sanya.
522
00:23:41,210 --> 00:23:43,160
Is my face all red now?
523
00:23:45,522 --> 00:23:47,692
(sipping)
524
00:23:50,860 --> 00:23:53,170
- You know, sipping
from straws is supposed
525
00:23:53,170 --> 00:23:54,420
to get you drunk faster.
526
00:23:55,951 --> 00:23:56,781
- Is that true?
527
00:23:56,784 --> 00:23:59,204
- I don't know. Is anything true?
528
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,540
I read it somewhere.
529
00:24:01,710 --> 00:24:03,220
- You know I haven't been wine drunk
530
00:24:03,220 --> 00:24:04,570
in a long time.
531
00:24:09,500 --> 00:24:11,090
- Before we restart the movie,
532
00:24:13,445 --> 00:24:16,215
can I make one creepy
533
00:24:16,220 --> 00:24:17,520
ex girlfriend request?
534
00:24:19,170 --> 00:24:20,300
- I think it was kinda creepy just
535
00:24:20,300 --> 00:24:21,130
in how you asked that.
536
00:24:21,133 --> 00:24:22,803
- It's just one thing. Okay
537
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:23,820
and I know it's weird.
538
00:24:23,820 --> 00:24:26,430
- Yeah, I kinda feel like
I know where this is going
539
00:24:26,430 --> 00:24:27,260
and--
540
00:24:27,263 --> 00:24:28,103
- I wanna smell your breath.
541
00:24:28,096 --> 00:24:29,646
- Yeah, that's exactly the weird creepy
542
00:24:29,650 --> 00:24:31,010
thing that I was expecting.
543
00:24:31,010 --> 00:24:32,060
- But your scent is in your breath.
544
00:24:32,060 --> 00:24:34,240
- Yeah, I know that's what you say?
545
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,410
And I thought it was weird back
546
00:24:35,410 --> 00:24:36,640
when I was your boyfriend
547
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:37,910
and it's even weirder now.
548
00:24:37,910 --> 00:24:40,660
No. No you can't smell my breath.
549
00:24:40,660 --> 00:24:43,400
That's like a strangely erotic request.
550
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:44,330
- No it's not, it's like a friend smelling
551
00:24:44,330 --> 00:24:46,540
your breath to make sure
your breath smells okay.
552
00:24:46,540 --> 00:24:48,740
- Yeah, a creepy friend
that's gonna touch themselves
553
00:24:48,740 --> 00:24:50,740
thinking about it later you weirdo.
554
00:24:51,770 --> 00:24:53,110
- You know what?
555
00:24:53,107 --> 00:24:54,647
If I wasn't wearing this skirt,
556
00:24:54,650 --> 00:24:56,070
I could totally taken you before
557
00:24:56,070 --> 00:24:58,200
I could have gotten it by force.
558
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,830
- Okay rapey, I think you're drunk.
559
00:25:00,826 --> 00:25:02,086
(laughs)
560
00:25:02,090 --> 00:25:04,880
- Extensively and unabashedly.
561
00:25:05,850 --> 00:25:06,680
- Okay
562
00:25:11,118 --> 00:25:12,228
and I've had some too.
563
00:25:12,230 --> 00:25:15,990
So maybe just calm it down a little bit?
564
00:25:26,130 --> 00:25:27,790
- You know I always feel like a mermaid
565
00:25:27,790 --> 00:25:28,690
in a pencil skirt?
566
00:25:32,246 --> 00:25:34,256
- Is that your mermaid pose?
567
00:25:34,256 --> 00:25:35,756
- They always remember
the beauty of a mermaid
568
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,610
but fail to recall the leading sailors
569
00:25:38,610 --> 00:25:39,710
to their death part?
570
00:25:43,890 --> 00:25:44,940
- I blame Disney.
571
00:25:48,110 --> 00:25:49,800
Everything needs to be romanticized.
572
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:51,790
It's very dangerous.
573
00:25:51,787 --> 00:25:54,397
- It's the difference between
the experience of a thing
574
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:55,900
and the impression of a thing.
575
00:25:56,870 --> 00:25:59,420
I've always considered
myself of more of the
576
00:25:59,420 --> 00:26:01,970
John Williams Waterhouse
version of a mermaid.
577
00:26:02,890 --> 00:26:04,510
You know paunch and all.
578
00:26:06,307 --> 00:26:08,107
- [Ryan] Is this still some
play to smell my breath?
579
00:26:08,105 --> 00:26:09,445
- Have you ever seen that painting?
580
00:26:10,667 --> 00:26:13,337
- [Ryan] I don't think so.
581
00:26:13,343 --> 00:26:14,363
I'll look it up.
582
00:26:17,284 --> 00:26:18,784
- I'd need more of a tummy though.
583
00:26:19,697 --> 00:26:22,757
All right, paunch might be
a bit of an exaggeration?
584
00:26:26,416 --> 00:26:29,006
I mean she's beautiful in that painting.
585
00:26:30,290 --> 00:26:31,920
She's just full you know?
586
00:26:33,540 --> 00:26:34,820
She's a full woman.
587
00:26:41,060 --> 00:26:43,050
I'm becoming more full in my old age.
588
00:26:45,486 --> 00:26:47,716
- [Ryan] Oh yeah, you're ancient.
589
00:26:47,724 --> 00:26:49,124
- Are you looking at the painting?
590
00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:52,370
- [Ryan] I am it's um.
591
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:55,110
It's lovely.
592
00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:01,330
- She's also topless,
593
00:27:02,290 --> 00:27:03,450
as memory serves.
594
00:27:07,035 --> 00:27:09,255
- [Ryan] Oh. Is that what you're doing?
595
00:27:11,750 --> 00:27:15,620
Trying to lead this poor sailer astray?
596
00:27:19,180 --> 00:27:20,010
Now that...
597
00:27:21,693 --> 00:27:22,853
That you should stop.
598
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:27,840
It's cute Sanya, you know it is.
599
00:27:29,730 --> 00:27:33,030
But please don't tease me.
600
00:27:34,230 --> 00:27:36,630
- But I'm having a hard
time with these buttons.
601
00:27:39,140 --> 00:27:40,700
- [Ryan] That's because you're drunk.
602
00:27:44,265 --> 00:27:45,215
All right now stop!
603
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:49,450
I'm not turning you down
because you're not sexy
604
00:27:49,450 --> 00:27:50,830
or whatever. You know how
attracted to you I am.
605
00:27:50,827 --> 00:27:52,787
But it can't be like this.
606
00:27:53,910 --> 00:27:56,050
- You say I'm teasing you.
607
00:27:56,050 --> 00:27:58,970
Don't act like you're not
teasing me right back.
608
00:27:58,970 --> 00:28:01,640
I mean why are you even still here?
609
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,440
Are you playing dress up for a day?
610
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,870
Playing house with me like I'm Daphne?
611
00:28:05,870 --> 00:28:06,890
- [Ryan] This is certainly not how she
612
00:28:06,890 --> 00:28:07,720
and I would be playing house.
613
00:28:07,723 --> 00:28:09,533
- I mean, we can't just
be friends Ryan, okay?
614
00:28:09,530 --> 00:28:11,880
We can dance around it
for a while... (coughs).
615
00:28:15,312 --> 00:28:16,522
(vomits)
616
00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,620
- [Ryan] Sanya what's wrong? Damn.
617
00:28:22,241 --> 00:28:24,321
(vomits)
618
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:29,780
Ahh Sanya come here.
619
00:28:29,780 --> 00:28:30,980
Let me, let me--
620
00:28:30,980 --> 00:28:31,950
- Oh suddenly you think
you can just come back
621
00:28:31,953 --> 00:28:32,793
into my life
622
00:28:32,786 --> 00:28:34,306
and hold my hair, just swoop it
623
00:28:34,310 --> 00:28:35,670
and hold my hair?
624
00:28:35,674 --> 00:28:36,634
- Okay, do you wanna throw up on it?
625
00:28:36,630 --> 00:28:39,310
- I deserve more than your part-time love.
626
00:28:42,190 --> 00:28:43,090
It doesn't matter.
627
00:28:44,883 --> 00:28:45,723
(sniffs)
628
00:28:45,716 --> 00:28:47,246
- That's all I can give
you as your friend.
629
00:28:47,250 --> 00:28:49,870
- Oh my God, do you hear how we talk?
630
00:28:49,870 --> 00:28:52,000
I mean I described paintings from the
631
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,570
turn of the 19th century
to seduce my ex-boyfriend.
632
00:28:55,500 --> 00:28:57,370
- It was very seductive.
633
00:28:57,370 --> 00:28:59,720
- If only Mr. Waterhouse
could see me now (coughs).
634
00:29:01,500 --> 00:29:03,510
- Okay. I'll be right back.
635
00:29:03,510 --> 00:29:04,770
- Where are you going?
636
00:29:04,770 --> 00:29:05,720
- Your kitchen.
637
00:29:06,743 --> 00:29:08,133
- Are you gonna rob me?
638
00:29:08,130 --> 00:29:10,070
- [Ryan] Yes, our entire
relationship has been a
639
00:29:10,070 --> 00:29:12,090
clever rouse for me to
be able to steal things
640
00:29:12,090 --> 00:29:13,620
from your room mates.
641
00:29:13,620 --> 00:29:16,470
- Planning to steal all my Eggo Waffles?
642
00:29:16,470 --> 00:29:19,120
- [Ryan] I promise I won't
steal your Eggo Waffles.
643
00:29:22,308 --> 00:29:26,228
- A waffle, a waffle,
waffle, waff waff waffle.
644
00:29:34,303 --> 00:29:36,293
That's a really funny word, waffle.
645
00:29:41,943 --> 00:29:43,783
Waffle. Hey, hey Ryan.
646
00:29:45,450 --> 00:29:50,450
Ryan, oh no no no no
no too soon to get up.
647
00:29:58,420 --> 00:30:01,610
I came up with a joke about waffles once.
648
00:30:01,610 --> 00:30:03,230
Did I ever tell you this one?
649
00:30:04,103 --> 00:30:04,943
- [Ryan] What are you talking about?
650
00:30:04,936 --> 00:30:06,686
- I'm talking about waffles.
651
00:30:06,690 --> 00:30:09,120
Did I ever tell you my waffle joke?
652
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:10,590
- [Ryan] Not that I recall.
653
00:30:12,930 --> 00:30:16,540
- It's a coincidence that
I'm thinking about them now.
654
00:30:16,540 --> 00:30:21,530
I mean unless I've got some
sort of a waffle fetish.
655
00:30:23,823 --> 00:30:27,183
But that's got to do with sex though
656
00:30:27,183 --> 00:30:31,253
and I don't really find
waffles sexy per se.
657
00:30:33,730 --> 00:30:37,280
Wait, what do I mean?
658
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:40,350
Per se, I don't find them sexy at all.
659
00:30:41,743 --> 00:30:45,733
I've got a soft spot for waffles
660
00:30:46,743 --> 00:30:49,113
in my brain parts.
661
00:30:49,980 --> 00:30:52,210
That's a better way of putting it.
662
00:30:53,980 --> 00:30:56,400
Hey what are you looking for?
663
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:57,990
- [Ryan] Bread.
664
00:30:57,990 --> 00:31:00,270
- Who wants stinky old bread?
665
00:31:00,270 --> 00:31:01,390
Okay listen. This is my joke.
666
00:31:01,390 --> 00:31:02,980
I picture it for like a comic strip
667
00:31:02,980 --> 00:31:04,370
or like a meme.
668
00:31:04,370 --> 00:31:06,210
- Okay, I want you to eat this.
669
00:31:08,490 --> 00:31:10,130
- Sanya, I need you to eat this.
670
00:31:10,130 --> 00:31:11,510
- No.
671
00:31:11,510 --> 00:31:14,040
- Sanya eat the bread.
672
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,560
- No.
673
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,010
- Sanya, the bread.
674
00:31:18,010 --> 00:31:19,290
- No means no!
675
00:31:19,290 --> 00:31:21,040
Why does nobody respect what I say?
676
00:31:21,940 --> 00:31:23,540
- It's for your own good.
677
00:31:23,540 --> 00:31:24,930
Please eat the bread?
678
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:28,070
- Joke first.
679
00:31:30,820 --> 00:31:35,420
So. Okay picture it, it's a waffle.
680
00:31:35,420 --> 00:31:40,080
In like a World War Two
uniform, in like a biplane.
681
00:31:42,820 --> 00:31:43,920
- Great, I heard it. Eat the bread.
682
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,670
- Does that sound like a
joke to you? Seriously.
683
00:31:48,630 --> 00:31:52,160
Okay, so the waffles's jacket
684
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:55,110
and the biplane would
have swastikas on it.
685
00:31:56,390 --> 00:31:58,120
- Great, eat the bread now please.
686
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:02,120
- And the caption would
say," Luft Waffle".
687
00:32:04,390 --> 00:32:06,340
Luftwaffe, you get it?
688
00:32:06,343 --> 00:32:08,523
- You are the pun master.
689
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:09,470
- You don't get it.
690
00:32:10,310 --> 00:32:12,310
It's because German fighter pilots
691
00:32:12,310 --> 00:32:13,860
were called Luftwaffe.
692
00:32:17,220 --> 00:32:18,090
- Take the bread.
693
00:32:22,660 --> 00:32:27,660
- I'm going to tell you
a very deep dark secret.
694
00:32:32,313 --> 00:32:34,313
(sniff)
695
00:32:41,644 --> 00:32:43,734
(coughs)
696
00:32:50,412 --> 00:32:53,232
I have an abnormal attraction to Nazis.
697
00:32:57,914 --> 00:33:02,754
You know, but the woman
parts want what they want.
698
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,000
- Same with the men parts.
699
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:09,150
- No changing that.
700
00:33:11,862 --> 00:33:13,592
- Nope, no changing that.
701
00:33:19,790 --> 00:33:21,550
Did you finish your bread?
702
00:33:21,550 --> 00:33:22,570
- I ate it.
703
00:33:24,994 --> 00:33:26,094
- Is it in the toilet?
704
00:33:30,740 --> 00:33:31,570
- Yes.
705
00:33:32,430 --> 00:33:35,020
- Okay. I'm gonna get you some more.
706
00:33:36,230 --> 00:33:37,060
- Wait.
707
00:33:38,950 --> 00:33:39,950
I'm really drunk.
708
00:33:43,010 --> 00:33:44,110
Will you just hold me?
709
00:33:47,583 --> 00:33:48,803
- Are you done throwing up?
710
00:33:50,503 --> 00:33:51,753
- I don't know.
711
00:33:53,114 --> 00:33:56,314
- All right, I'm gonna
hold you like this, okay?
712
00:33:57,524 --> 00:33:59,524
I'll hold you like this.
713
00:34:00,543 --> 00:34:01,583
- Okay.
714
00:34:01,581 --> 00:34:02,411
- Okay?
715
00:34:03,463 --> 00:34:04,303
- Okay.
716
00:34:22,710 --> 00:34:23,540
- It's Nadine.
717
00:34:25,030 --> 00:34:26,250
Not a burglar.
718
00:34:48,450 --> 00:34:50,070
Are you fucking serious?
719
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:53,470
- What time is it?
720
00:34:53,473 --> 00:34:55,183
- [Nadine] You came back for seconds?
721
00:34:55,180 --> 00:34:56,580
Haven't you hurt her enough?
722
00:34:57,650 --> 00:34:59,900
- Why is everyone being
so fucking mean to me?
723
00:34:59,900 --> 00:35:01,670
- [Nadine] You have a girlfriend.
724
00:35:03,185 --> 00:35:06,275
- Okay. Okay nothing happened,
725
00:35:06,282 --> 00:35:09,172
we just had a little too much to drink.
726
00:35:09,170 --> 00:35:10,730
- [Nadine] That's something happening.
727
00:35:10,730 --> 00:35:13,150
The two of you together
is something happening.
728
00:35:13,150 --> 00:35:15,530
- Okay. Okay get off it Nadine.
729
00:35:15,530 --> 00:35:17,360
All right it's none of your business.
730
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:19,780
- [Nadine] It it, it
is exactly my business
731
00:35:19,780 --> 00:35:22,280
because you won't be here for the meltdown
732
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:24,180
in the wake of this disaster.
733
00:35:24,175 --> 00:35:25,465
- [Ryan] Okay. I put in
plenty of time on the
734
00:35:25,470 --> 00:35:26,540
meltdowns all right?
735
00:35:26,540 --> 00:35:27,610
And let's not talk about her as
736
00:35:27,610 --> 00:35:29,480
if she's some sort of a
event anymore all right?
737
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:30,940
She's a person.
738
00:35:30,940 --> 00:35:32,150
Hey Sanya.
739
00:35:32,150 --> 00:35:34,450
- [Nadine] You've done
just fine this evening.
740
00:35:35,855 --> 00:35:36,945
I'll take care of it.
741
00:35:36,951 --> 00:35:37,951
- Get up, we're going to
get you a drink of water
742
00:35:37,953 --> 00:35:38,793
and some bed.
743
00:35:38,786 --> 00:35:39,836
- Just get out.
744
00:35:40,700 --> 00:35:41,630
Sanya come on.
745
00:35:41,630 --> 00:35:42,720
- I'm awake, I'm up, I'm up.
746
00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:45,720
- [Ryan] Okay.I've had too much to drink.
747
00:35:45,723 --> 00:35:46,563
I'm going to sit on the couch
748
00:35:46,556 --> 00:35:47,796
and just sober up.
749
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:49,720
- You will sit in your car
750
00:35:49,720 --> 00:35:50,560
and sober up.
751
00:35:54,530 --> 00:35:55,360
- [Ryan] Fine.
752
00:35:59,210 --> 00:36:00,040
- Ryan.
753
00:36:10,454 --> 00:36:14,794
- I don't have any cool
last lines to exit on Sanya.
754
00:37:05,170 --> 00:37:06,740
- What?
755
00:37:06,740 --> 00:37:08,090
- I'm not allowed to say anything?
756
00:37:08,090 --> 00:37:09,010
- No. No, you're right.
757
00:37:09,010 --> 00:37:11,400
You're not if you are
going judge me while you
758
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:12,590
bang some other dude.
759
00:37:14,050 --> 00:37:17,580
- It's Lemon Drop
actually that I'm banging
760
00:37:18,530 --> 00:37:19,760
and she's headed to Montreal.
761
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,590
and I'm kicking around the
idea of going with her.
762
00:37:24,025 --> 00:37:25,325
I thought you should know.
763
00:37:30,590 --> 00:37:31,420
- Now I know.
764
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:37,710
Is that it?
765
00:37:45,630 --> 00:37:47,980
Then maybe kindly get
the fuck out of my house.
766
00:38:01,204 --> 00:38:02,784
Where are you?
767
00:38:02,783 --> 00:38:05,533
- [Ryan] I'm in my car out front.
768
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,540
- Did I seriously say I have an abnormal
769
00:38:10,540 --> 00:38:12,230
attraction to Nazis?
770
00:38:12,225 --> 00:38:15,055
- [Ryan] You said a lot of things.
771
00:38:16,208 --> 00:38:20,098
- It's the uniforms more than anything.
772
00:38:20,100 --> 00:38:25,060
I don't find genocide or
bigotry at all attractive.
773
00:38:27,343 --> 00:38:29,773
- [Ryan] You should
watch The Night Porter.
774
00:38:29,772 --> 00:38:31,522
- And you should come back inside.
775
00:38:33,441 --> 00:38:35,601
- [Ryan] I don't think that's a good idea.
776
00:38:35,603 --> 00:38:38,083
- Ryan I need you to come back inside.
777
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:39,410
- [Ryan] I made a relatively graceful
778
00:38:39,412 --> 00:38:42,662
exit just now.
779
00:38:42,663 --> 00:38:46,683
Okay, maybe not graceful but
I made a successful exit...
780
00:38:46,677 --> 00:38:47,627
- I'm laying in bed
781
00:38:48,841 --> 00:38:49,891
and my feet are cold.
782
00:38:53,572 --> 00:38:55,662
- [Ryan] I can't do that.
783
00:38:57,492 --> 00:39:00,332
- You need to go back to Jennifer.
784
00:39:02,990 --> 00:39:04,070
- [Ryan] Yes.
785
00:39:06,290 --> 00:39:08,480
- You won't be coming back will you?
786
00:39:11,372 --> 00:39:12,372
- [Ryan] No.
787
00:39:15,763 --> 00:39:17,613
- Will you stay on the phone with me?
788
00:39:18,460 --> 00:39:19,920
Until I fall asleep?
789
00:39:23,321 --> 00:39:24,401
- [Ryan] Yes.
790
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:28,100
- Do you still wanna hear my fantasy
791
00:39:28,100 --> 00:39:29,700
version of your life?
792
00:39:32,081 --> 00:39:33,661
- [Ryan] I do, yes.
793
00:39:36,391 --> 00:39:37,561
- You go home.
794
00:39:39,670 --> 00:39:41,550
You go home to Jennifer.
795
00:39:44,220 --> 00:39:46,540
You arrive but she isn't there.
796
00:39:47,930 --> 00:39:50,200
She's still away at her Somalia retreat.
797
00:39:54,250 --> 00:39:56,330
You check your misread texts.
798
00:39:56,330 --> 00:39:58,910
And realize she's
messaged you three times.
799
00:40:01,330 --> 00:40:04,270
Only once to ask how it was
to reconnect with Sanya.
800
00:40:07,730 --> 00:40:10,620
You let out Checkers, you step outside.
801
00:40:13,679 --> 00:40:16,019
You fantasize about smoking a cigarette
802
00:40:19,628 --> 00:40:21,798
and watch the intense face Checkers makes
803
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:22,840
while he poops.
804
00:40:25,730 --> 00:40:27,680
You imitate the dramatic way he turns away
805
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,190
not to look at you.
806
00:40:32,117 --> 00:40:34,857
(sniffs)
807
00:40:34,860 --> 00:40:38,530
You cover your mother
in law with a blanket.
808
00:40:40,677 --> 00:40:43,417
You kiss the top of Daphne's little head.
809
00:40:47,130 --> 00:40:52,130
You smell fresh pecan shortbread cookies.
810
00:40:55,180 --> 00:40:58,190
And you see a sign that
says "you may have one."
811
00:41:00,029 --> 00:41:01,479
"And that means you Ryan."
812
00:41:04,420 --> 00:41:06,190
You stare at the plate
813
00:41:06,189 --> 00:41:07,159
but you don't take a cookie.
814
00:41:09,950 --> 00:41:11,400
You go to bed instead.
815
00:41:14,230 --> 00:41:15,890
And you smell your palms
816
00:41:15,889 --> 00:41:17,559
and your fingertips.
817
00:41:19,110 --> 00:41:21,370
They still smell of Sanya's hair.
818
00:41:22,490 --> 00:41:25,060
And vaguely of the
perfume from her wrists.
819
00:41:28,190 --> 00:41:29,580
You think of her scent.
820
00:41:31,420 --> 00:41:33,120
And of her perfect little moans
821
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,690
and the way that she
turns her neck just so
822
00:41:38,830 --> 00:41:40,640
you think of these things.
823
00:41:42,300 --> 00:41:43,850
You think of her every day.
824
00:41:50,378 --> 00:41:52,838
- [Ryan] Yeah. That all checks out.
825
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:53,780
- You think of the three days you
826
00:41:53,780 --> 00:41:55,350
were snowed in together.
827
00:41:57,140 --> 00:41:59,700
And you watched all the
films you wanted to share
828
00:41:59,700 --> 00:42:00,960
and made love all day
829
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,480
and ate an entire loaf of my...
830
00:42:03,481 --> 00:42:07,171
Of Sanya's mom's banana
bread in one sitting.
831
00:42:09,860 --> 00:42:11,370
And talked about your dreams.
832
00:42:14,079 --> 00:42:15,949
Without the pressures of success.
833
00:42:25,329 --> 00:42:27,409
(sniffs)
834
00:42:28,340 --> 00:42:30,680
I couldn't have a baby Ryan.
835
00:42:36,929 --> 00:42:39,349
I couldn't bring a child into this world
836
00:42:39,350 --> 00:42:41,770
to suffer at my selfishness.
837
00:42:45,240 --> 00:42:47,050
I couldn't have a child
838
00:42:47,050 --> 00:42:48,130
and give it all my love
839
00:42:48,130 --> 00:42:50,860
and life when I wasn't well
840
00:42:50,860 --> 00:42:52,820
and I was still a child myself.
841
00:42:55,820 --> 00:42:57,950
And I would have only resented it for
842
00:42:57,950 --> 00:42:59,410
keeping me from my dreams.
843
00:43:02,637 --> 00:43:06,667
And I couldn't let you
take care of both of us.
844
00:43:08,968 --> 00:43:11,228
I know you would have wanted to
845
00:43:11,227 --> 00:43:14,417
but I couldn't even see it.
846
00:43:14,420 --> 00:43:16,250
I couldn't talk about it.
847
00:43:23,060 --> 00:43:24,480
And I failed you.
848
00:43:27,830 --> 00:43:29,260
I love you.
849
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:32,810
And I failed you (sniffs).
850
00:43:36,643 --> 00:43:38,403
I love you Ryan.
851
00:43:42,540 --> 00:43:45,040
You're the only one who ever loved
852
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:46,580
all the pieces of me.
853
00:43:50,399 --> 00:43:53,539
And I know you have to go back to Jennifer
854
00:43:53,537 --> 00:43:54,747
and to Daphne
855
00:43:54,750 --> 00:43:55,930
and your dog.
856
00:43:58,730 --> 00:44:03,590
But please, please come back inside.
857
00:44:05,866 --> 00:44:09,196
Please, (cries) please.
858
00:44:13,570 --> 00:44:14,400
Please
859
00:44:25,998 --> 00:44:29,078
(mellow blues music)
59036
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