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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:24,059 --> 00:00:26,679 - You haven't slept all night. 2 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:28,950 You watched three Akira Kurosawa films 3 00:00:28,950 --> 00:00:30,340 on loan from Singapore in hopes 4 00:00:30,340 --> 00:00:32,390 the subtitles would help you fall asleep. 5 00:00:34,430 --> 00:00:35,770 You did not fall asleep. 6 00:00:37,810 --> 00:00:39,990 Instead you've eaten an entire bag of cheese curls 7 00:00:39,990 --> 00:00:41,940 and fallen in love with Toshiro Mifune. 8 00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:45,280 You've decided he's the only man alive 9 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:46,630 who can pull off a man bun. 10 00:00:48,950 --> 00:00:50,130 You've attempted to masturbate, 11 00:00:50,130 --> 00:00:52,280 but keep crying on how you spoke to Freddy. 12 00:00:54,490 --> 00:00:55,620 What family man? 13 00:00:57,870 --> 00:00:59,020 You're one to talk. 14 00:01:00,890 --> 00:01:01,720 You're selfish 15 00:01:01,723 --> 00:01:02,563 and vile 16 00:01:03,890 --> 00:01:04,800 and useless. 17 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:07,990 Your board game's shit. 18 00:01:10,650 --> 00:01:12,150 Your friends are humoring you. 19 00:01:13,757 --> 00:01:14,917 You need a win 20 00:01:16,130 --> 00:01:17,450 and they all know that. 21 00:01:18,580 --> 00:01:19,870 You know they're tiptoeing around you. 22 00:01:19,867 --> 00:01:20,977 You think of Nadine 23 00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:22,310 and how she has to tiptoe. 24 00:01:23,580 --> 00:01:25,930 You know they're all just tiptoeing around you. 25 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,150 You know they all hate you. 26 00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:33,180 They just tolerate you. 27 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:37,180 You've a big mouth 28 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,160 and your ideas are stupid 29 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:39,250 and your board game is stupid 30 00:01:39,250 --> 00:01:41,260 and you are not a princess. 31 00:01:42,380 --> 00:01:45,450 You are a steaming pile of dog shit. 32 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,360 You're a failure. 33 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:56,460 You say bah 100 times. 34 00:01:56,460 --> 00:02:01,080 You say bah exactly 100 times. 35 00:02:03,660 --> 00:02:04,490 No. 36 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,340 You don't say bah. 37 00:02:09,570 --> 00:02:11,350 You don't say bah 100 times. 38 00:02:11,350 --> 00:02:13,840 You don't think of how you spoke to Freddy. 39 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:15,730 You don't give a shit that Nadine has to tiptoe. 40 00:02:15,730 --> 00:02:16,960 You think of Ryan. 41 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:21,800 Ryan is coming today. 42 00:02:25,775 --> 00:02:26,695 You cook for him. 43 00:02:28,170 --> 00:02:30,370 You know he'll cancel, but you cook for him. 44 00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:34,200 You know he'll cancel, but you put on stockings 45 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,030 and heels 46 00:02:35,033 --> 00:02:35,913 and a pencil skirt. 47 00:02:37,750 --> 00:02:40,220 You always feel like a mermaid in a pencil skirt. 48 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:43,640 You bat your eyes 49 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,830 and turn your face just so 50 00:02:45,830 --> 00:02:46,860 and he sees your neck 51 00:02:46,860 --> 00:02:48,080 and he's yours again. 52 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,210 You feel yourself in his arms. 53 00:02:55,620 --> 00:02:57,260 You decide against your pills. 54 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:01,160 You want to feel like you. 55 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:07,020 You want to feel like you in his arms again. 56 00:03:07,015 --> 00:03:08,825 (mellow blues music) 57 00:03:08,830 --> 00:03:11,220 - Okay, let me start right off by apologizing. 58 00:03:11,220 --> 00:03:13,770 I overcooked the quinoa. 59 00:03:13,767 --> 00:03:15,617 ♪ Ooh ♪ 60 00:03:15,617 --> 00:03:19,377 ♪ Ooh ♪ 61 00:03:19,383 --> 00:03:20,813 ♪ Ooh ♪ 62 00:03:20,807 --> 00:03:22,267 ♪ Ooh ♪ 63 00:03:22,265 --> 00:03:24,655 ♪ Ooh ♪ 64 00:03:24,657 --> 00:03:27,447 ♪ Ooh ♪ 65 00:03:27,447 --> 00:03:30,027 ♪ Ooh ♪ 66 00:03:30,025 --> 00:03:32,735 ♪ Ooh ♪ 67 00:03:32,737 --> 00:03:35,327 ♪ Ooh ♪ 68 00:03:35,327 --> 00:03:38,087 ♪ Ooh ♪ 69 00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:39,917 ♪ Ooh ♪ 70 00:04:09,756 --> 00:04:11,996 - [Sanya] Okay, let me start right off by apologizing, 71 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:13,821 I overcooked the quinoa. 72 00:04:13,823 --> 00:04:14,693 - [Ryan] Hi. 73 00:04:14,687 --> 00:04:15,557 - Hi, come on in. 74 00:04:15,555 --> 00:04:19,295 Dining room, living room, kitchen, bathroom. 75 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,610 Take a look around. 76 00:04:20,612 --> 00:04:22,012 I overcooked the quinoa, 77 00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:24,212 so I'm gonna make a whole new batch. 78 00:04:24,212 --> 00:04:26,432 God, that is probably the most 79 00:04:26,431 --> 00:04:27,351 pretentious sentence I've ever uttered. 80 00:04:28,433 --> 00:04:30,973 - [Ryan] Oh, gee whizz, I undercooked the quinoa. 81 00:04:30,972 --> 00:04:32,782 - [Sanya] That's not even the half of it. 82 00:04:32,783 --> 00:04:33,823 I was preempting my own self deprecation 83 00:04:33,820 --> 00:04:35,430 because I was about to discuss my internal struggle 84 00:04:35,430 --> 00:04:36,440 deciding between kale 85 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:38,770 and baby spinach for the side dish. 86 00:04:38,770 --> 00:04:39,890 - [Ryan] You made kale? 87 00:04:39,890 --> 00:04:40,720 - [Sanya] Baby spinach. 88 00:04:40,723 --> 00:04:41,683 - [Ryan] Oh, thank God. 89 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:42,510 - [Sanya] Yeah, I know. 90 00:04:42,513 --> 00:04:43,353 I just couldn't do it. 91 00:04:43,346 --> 00:04:45,176 I'm trying to be healthy, but kale's disgusting. 92 00:04:45,178 --> 00:04:46,008 - It's sandpaper. 93 00:04:46,011 --> 00:04:47,201 Not in texture but in taste. 94 00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:50,369 - [Sanya] Nature's naturally occurring sandpaper. 95 00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:51,760 - I'm pretty sure prehistoric man 96 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,700 used it to varnish their mastodons. 97 00:04:53,697 --> 00:04:54,877 - I have it under authority 98 00:04:54,879 --> 00:04:56,489 that kale was invented by vegans. 99 00:04:56,490 --> 00:04:58,200 If it enters your body and you've eaten meat, 100 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,450 it acts as fiberglass. 101 00:05:00,450 --> 00:05:02,520 The point is everything else is ready. 102 00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:05,179 Just leaving the quinoa in the pot an extra 15 minutes. 103 00:05:05,178 --> 00:05:07,678 - You made so much food. 104 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,220 - Yeah, I cook now. 105 00:05:10,820 --> 00:05:12,250 I don't cook now. 106 00:05:12,254 --> 00:05:17,144 I've been feeding stray dogs in the yard all day 107 00:05:17,138 --> 00:05:18,488 From my mistakes. 108 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,072 - [Ryan] Well, I brought wine. 109 00:05:24,070 --> 00:05:27,230 One bottle for us. 110 00:05:27,230 --> 00:05:30,640 And one for your roommates. 111 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,530 Will they be joining us for dinner? 112 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,480 - They won't. 113 00:05:34,476 --> 00:05:36,486 Did you meet them? 114 00:05:36,490 --> 00:05:37,930 Jean and Luce? 115 00:05:37,930 --> 00:05:40,020 At the kickoff for my board game? 116 00:05:40,019 --> 00:05:42,799 - I don't think so. 117 00:05:43,940 --> 00:05:45,710 I did however play your board game 118 00:05:45,710 --> 00:05:47,350 and it is so fun. 119 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,347 - [Sanya] Yeah. 120 00:05:48,350 --> 00:05:49,970 - Daphne, Jennifer, her mom and I. 121 00:05:49,970 --> 00:05:51,180 We all played it. 122 00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:52,766 I mean, well of course Daphne cheated but. 123 00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:53,600 - She did. 124 00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:54,903 - Well yeah, I mean she's a stinker. 125 00:05:54,900 --> 00:05:57,200 She was looking at everybody's cards and just. 126 00:06:01,953 --> 00:06:03,743 You know actually I wanted to apologize for Daphne. 127 00:06:03,740 --> 00:06:04,570 - Why? 128 00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:05,893 I mean, she's playing against three adults. 129 00:06:05,890 --> 00:06:07,960 You gotta do what you gotta do to win. 130 00:06:07,955 --> 00:06:09,325 - [Ryan] Okay well not for her then, for me. 131 00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:10,770 I mean she didn't do anything. 132 00:06:11,753 --> 00:06:12,593 I'm apologizing for me. 133 00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:13,599 I shouldn't have brought her with me the other day. 134 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,320 - No, she's adorable. 135 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:16,950 - [Ryan] Well I mean, Nadine seemed to think-- 136 00:06:16,950 --> 00:06:18,870 - Nadine has an opinion on everything. 137 00:06:19,733 --> 00:06:20,943 - And she was right. 138 00:06:20,940 --> 00:06:21,930 - [Sanya] About what? 139 00:06:21,930 --> 00:06:23,310 - It was your big day. 140 00:06:25,170 --> 00:06:26,000 - [Sanya] She should not have said anything 141 00:06:26,003 --> 00:06:27,133 to you, I'm still pissed that she said 142 00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:28,570 anything to you. 143 00:06:28,572 --> 00:06:29,412 - It was your big day 144 00:06:29,405 --> 00:06:30,595 and I'm your ex boyfriend-- 145 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:31,500 - And I invited you. 146 00:06:31,499 --> 00:06:32,439 - [Ryan] You did. 147 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:33,270 You invited me. 148 00:06:33,273 --> 00:06:34,113 - It was nothing. 149 00:06:36,070 --> 00:06:36,900 - It wasn't nothing, 150 00:06:36,903 --> 00:06:38,403 I could see that it hurt you. 151 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:39,270 It was insensitive 152 00:06:39,270 --> 00:06:40,100 and I'm sorry. 153 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:43,200 - I have to not be so reactive to things. 154 00:06:45,060 --> 00:06:46,640 - [Ryan] You have a right to your feelings, Sanya. 155 00:06:46,636 --> 00:06:50,236 - I know that Ryan, I'm not a child. 156 00:06:50,237 --> 00:06:52,387 Just that I shouldn't have a meltdown just 157 00:06:52,390 --> 00:06:53,950 because you bring your daughter, 158 00:06:53,950 --> 00:06:56,680 your girlfriend's daughter to my fucking 159 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:58,070 kick off party. 160 00:06:58,070 --> 00:06:58,900 - It was stupid. 161 00:06:58,903 --> 00:07:01,473 I just you know, I thought you love kids 162 00:07:01,470 --> 00:07:02,800 and-- 163 00:07:02,795 --> 00:07:04,605 - [Sanya] I do love them. 164 00:07:04,607 --> 00:07:05,437 - I thought kids 165 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:06,500 and board games and-- 166 00:07:06,498 --> 00:07:07,328 - Please don't be cruel Ryan. 167 00:07:07,331 --> 00:07:08,161 That's not you. 168 00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:11,470 - How am I being cruel? 169 00:07:12,636 --> 00:07:15,126 - Really? Do you really wanna double down on this... 170 00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:17,560 Is that why you came here today? 171 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:18,530 Is that why you're here now? 172 00:07:18,530 --> 00:07:19,660 To rub my face in it? 173 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:24,470 - [Ryan] I shouldn't be here. 174 00:07:24,470 --> 00:07:26,490 Nadine was right, it only hurts you. 175 00:07:26,493 --> 00:07:28,293 - Okay fuck my sister! Okay? 176 00:07:28,287 --> 00:07:30,027 I don't care what my sister 177 00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:32,140 has to say about it. 178 00:07:32,140 --> 00:07:33,660 You make it sound like you hold conferences 179 00:07:33,660 --> 00:07:35,250 about me. 180 00:07:35,250 --> 00:07:36,750 I mean, you're all tip toeing around 181 00:07:36,750 --> 00:07:38,040 my famous outbursts. 182 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,930 You even start using the same terminology 183 00:07:39,930 --> 00:07:41,030 when you're around me. 184 00:07:43,940 --> 00:07:46,180 When the truth is all your lives would be 185 00:07:46,180 --> 00:07:48,020 fucking boring without me. 186 00:07:48,020 --> 00:07:48,950 I'm the crazy one 187 00:07:48,950 --> 00:07:50,070 because I'm fighting tooth 188 00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,440 and nail for something better. 189 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:52,680 - [Ryan] Okay well on behalf of those 190 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:53,550 with boring lives, 191 00:07:53,550 --> 00:07:54,700 it just looks like you're fighting. 192 00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:55,950 You aren't fighting for anything, 193 00:07:55,950 --> 00:07:56,780 you're just fighting 194 00:07:56,783 --> 00:07:57,673 and for what? 195 00:07:59,670 --> 00:08:01,940 For what? What is possibly worth this struggle 196 00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:02,800 you put yourself through? 197 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:03,630 I mean... 198 00:08:06,310 --> 00:08:07,310 You don't even know. 199 00:08:08,957 --> 00:08:11,557 - You know all day I was terrified you might cancel. 200 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,340 I tried to keep myself busy but, 201 00:08:17,746 --> 00:08:18,576 I was terrified. 202 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,230 I was worried that I wasn't important enough, 203 00:08:23,230 --> 00:08:27,090 that something better was gonna warrant your time. 204 00:08:29,816 --> 00:08:32,116 - That isn't an answer to what I'm asking. 205 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,530 - [Sanya] It is. 206 00:08:33,530 --> 00:08:34,780 You just aren't listening. 207 00:08:39,340 --> 00:08:40,800 - I do nothing but listen. 208 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,490 I actively listen 209 00:08:45,490 --> 00:08:46,620 and hear you. 210 00:08:46,620 --> 00:08:47,890 I always have. 211 00:08:55,010 --> 00:08:56,030 Sanya you look lovely 212 00:08:56,030 --> 00:08:58,280 and I'm sure that the dinner, I'm sure 213 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:01,370 it's it's it's it's delicious. 214 00:09:01,370 --> 00:09:03,580 But I just came here to apologize 215 00:09:03,580 --> 00:09:07,110 and to um, see that you're doing well. 216 00:09:07,110 --> 00:09:09,490 And then head out. 217 00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:12,260 - Well your apology is not accepted Ryan. 218 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,860 And I'm doing fucking peachy, 219 00:09:13,860 --> 00:09:15,270 thanks for asking. 220 00:09:15,268 --> 00:09:16,188 So have a nice day 221 00:09:16,188 --> 00:09:17,018 and fuck off then! 222 00:09:17,021 --> 00:09:17,851 - Yeah. This was clearly a bad idea. 223 00:09:17,854 --> 00:09:18,974 - Yeah. It was a bad idea. 224 00:09:18,970 --> 00:09:20,460 But make sure you get in the last words 225 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:21,810 so you can feel like a good guy 226 00:09:21,807 --> 00:09:22,637 on your way back home. 227 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:23,540 - I am a good guy! 228 00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:28,470 I am a good guy who gave you every piece of himself 229 00:09:28,470 --> 00:09:30,670 and I'm sorry that that pressure was somehow 230 00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:31,500 too much for you, 231 00:09:31,503 --> 00:09:33,743 but let's not forget who treated who like shit-- 232 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,520 - Then why stay Ryan? 233 00:09:37,798 --> 00:09:39,248 - Because I fucking love you. 234 00:09:42,630 --> 00:09:43,600 - Loved you mean? 235 00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:50,670 - It doesn't go away Sanya. 236 00:09:54,430 --> 00:09:55,930 You hurt me 237 00:09:55,930 --> 00:09:56,970 and you broke my heart 238 00:09:56,970 --> 00:09:59,050 but you don't love someone the way 239 00:09:59,047 --> 00:10:00,137 that I loved you 240 00:10:00,138 --> 00:10:01,448 and have it go away. 241 00:10:01,450 --> 00:10:02,820 - Then why did you leave? 242 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,040 - You denied being pregnant. 243 00:10:10,770 --> 00:10:14,090 And to this day, I don't know why? 244 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,310 You just terminated it as casually as 245 00:10:19,310 --> 00:10:20,480 a wrong order from Amazon. 246 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,030 You didn't talk to me about it. 247 00:10:23,805 --> 00:10:24,635 (crying) 248 00:10:24,638 --> 00:10:27,588 Nothing, just gone so. Yeah. 249 00:10:38,801 --> 00:10:39,731 - Will you please hold me (crying)? 250 00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:54,250 - I was just never good enough for you. 251 00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:55,490 You could say otherwise. 252 00:10:55,490 --> 00:10:58,470 You could say that you needed me 253 00:10:58,470 --> 00:11:00,360 but I needed you too, okay? 254 00:11:00,357 --> 00:11:02,767 And I needed you to be at least a little happy 255 00:11:02,770 --> 00:11:05,350 in knowing that no matter what else happened, 256 00:11:05,350 --> 00:11:08,090 no matter where we fucked up. 257 00:11:10,410 --> 00:11:11,620 At least you had me. 258 00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:16,910 I couldn't just be a 259 00:11:19,510 --> 00:11:20,350 back up plan. 260 00:11:23,992 --> 00:11:26,452 (crying) 261 00:11:26,450 --> 00:11:29,620 I couldn't be one of your settlements. 262 00:11:33,494 --> 00:11:34,374 (crying) 263 00:11:34,366 --> 00:11:36,366 Shhhhhh... 264 00:11:36,366 --> 00:11:40,306 Okay okay, that's all right... shhh shhh. 265 00:11:40,308 --> 00:11:41,138 That's all really heavy. 266 00:11:41,141 --> 00:11:43,271 That's all really heavy, I'm sorry. 267 00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,180 I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm just, 268 00:11:45,175 --> 00:11:47,535 I'm just really hungry. 269 00:11:50,390 --> 00:11:51,220 I'm yelling 270 00:11:51,223 --> 00:11:52,213 and screaming 271 00:11:52,210 --> 00:11:53,360 and crying into the back of my head, 272 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:54,800 I'm just thinking. 273 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,350 Would she just fucking feed me? 274 00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:02,860 At least half of this aggressiveness is 275 00:12:02,860 --> 00:12:03,830 due to hunger. 276 00:12:05,865 --> 00:12:07,815 - It's probably gonna taste really bad. 277 00:12:10,206 --> 00:12:11,406 - Oh, it doesn't matter. 278 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:15,460 I would eat the scraps you throw out for the strays. 279 00:12:17,550 --> 00:12:18,680 I'd eat the strays. 280 00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:22,600 I'd eat Kale. 281 00:12:24,470 --> 00:12:25,660 - Kale would eat you. 282 00:12:26,710 --> 00:12:29,480 I'm pretty sure it's sentient and seeking world domination? 283 00:12:29,476 --> 00:12:31,376 - No wait no no come here look at me. 284 00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:32,206 - My make up is probably all fucked up. 285 00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:34,359 - Oh yeah, it's it's all over the place. 286 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:35,520 It's like the Picasso version 287 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:36,730 of your face right now. 288 00:12:38,554 --> 00:12:39,394 (laughs) 289 00:12:39,387 --> 00:12:40,777 All right, hold on. 290 00:12:40,777 --> 00:12:42,297 One second. 291 00:12:45,540 --> 00:12:47,660 - [Sanya] What are you doing right now? 292 00:12:47,656 --> 00:12:51,256 - [Ryan] I have face wipes in my bag. 293 00:12:51,260 --> 00:12:53,030 - [Sanya] No, don't. I'll go check in the bathroom. 294 00:12:53,027 --> 00:12:56,327 - No. Stop, just come here. 295 00:12:56,332 --> 00:12:57,172 Come here. 296 00:12:58,340 --> 00:12:59,600 You have a beautiful face 297 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,380 and you hide it under all this stuff. 298 00:13:02,380 --> 00:13:03,840 Okay? Just hold still. 299 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,950 - It's really just that you don't trust make up. 300 00:13:05,948 --> 00:13:07,698 - You know I really don't. 301 00:13:07,697 --> 00:13:09,587 - You just wanna make sure I haven't turned 302 00:13:09,585 --> 00:13:12,215 into some kind of Guillermo del Toro creature. 303 00:13:12,217 --> 00:13:13,807 - Have you seen those before 304 00:13:13,810 --> 00:13:15,020 and after videos of those women 305 00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:15,860 applying their make up? 306 00:13:15,860 --> 00:13:19,090 They fucking freak me out. 307 00:13:19,085 --> 00:13:19,915 - It's always an Asian woman. 308 00:13:19,918 --> 00:13:20,858 - So racist-- 309 00:13:20,863 --> 00:13:22,013 - Listen, I'm sorry. 310 00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:24,170 They're always Asian in those videos, right? 311 00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:25,700 And they look like anime characters 312 00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:26,530 with their makeup on 313 00:13:26,533 --> 00:13:27,993 and without? 314 00:13:27,988 --> 00:13:28,818 - They look like normal people. 315 00:13:28,821 --> 00:13:29,651 - They look normal. 316 00:13:29,654 --> 00:13:30,554 I look hideous. 317 00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:32,720 - Shut up. 318 00:13:32,723 --> 00:13:33,563 - Am I done? 319 00:13:33,556 --> 00:13:34,576 - No. You're not. 320 00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:36,090 Close your eyes one more time. 321 00:13:51,940 --> 00:13:53,690 - So what are you doing with face wipes 322 00:13:53,690 --> 00:13:54,990 in your mom purse? 323 00:13:56,730 --> 00:13:57,770 - It's a normal bag. 324 00:14:00,870 --> 00:14:02,480 - If it's got face wipes 325 00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:09,200 and hard candies, it's a mom purse. 326 00:14:10,355 --> 00:14:11,505 - Well you know I have hard candies 327 00:14:11,510 --> 00:14:13,260 in there ever since I quit smoking. 328 00:14:14,310 --> 00:14:15,140 - Mom purse. 329 00:14:17,083 --> 00:14:18,923 - I do spend a lot of time with five year olds. 330 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:20,620 - Oh, now you're comparing me to five year olds? 331 00:14:20,620 --> 00:14:23,380 - No. You are comparing you to five year olds. 332 00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:24,870 - What else you got in this bag? 333 00:14:31,380 --> 00:14:32,910 - I gotta say Sanya. 334 00:14:34,210 --> 00:14:35,280 It was really good. 335 00:14:37,630 --> 00:14:38,680 - Does Jennifer cook? 336 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,000 I bet she cooks. 337 00:14:42,890 --> 00:14:45,030 - You really wanna talk about that? 338 00:14:45,030 --> 00:14:48,620 - Well? I wanna know about your life, yeah. 339 00:14:48,620 --> 00:14:52,030 I mean, you know me, if I don't know 340 00:14:52,885 --> 00:14:53,995 I start filling the blanks. 341 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:54,860 - Making shit up. 342 00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:56,770 - Okay. It's right more often than not. 343 00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:58,420 - It's a little unfairly poetic but yes it is 344 00:14:58,416 --> 00:15:01,226 uncanny just how intuitive you are. 345 00:15:01,230 --> 00:15:02,910 - She cooks right? 346 00:15:02,910 --> 00:15:04,800 - Yes, but you'd know that after five minutes 347 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:05,670 on her Facebook page, 348 00:15:05,670 --> 00:15:07,000 she's a sous-chef. 349 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,680 - It's a small fish brasserie in Freemansburg. 350 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,150 Yeah I know. I'm an emotional cutter. 351 00:15:12,150 --> 00:15:13,800 - So if you know, why do you ask? 352 00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:16,650 - It's the thing to do. 353 00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:18,400 I'm not trying to compete. 354 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:19,530 I always meant to get good at cooking 355 00:15:19,530 --> 00:15:21,540 and never took the time. 356 00:15:21,540 --> 00:15:23,380 We were gonna take cooking classes. 357 00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:24,210 - And Tango classes. 358 00:15:24,213 --> 00:15:25,713 - I came to your yoga classes a few times, 359 00:15:25,710 --> 00:15:26,540 it's not like I didn't. 360 00:15:26,543 --> 00:15:28,723 - You did, there was no issue with any of that Sanya. 361 00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:33,820 - Anyway, I just wanted to do something nice. 362 00:15:33,815 --> 00:15:36,255 Everything but the quinoa came out good right? 363 00:15:36,260 --> 00:15:37,500 Oh my gosh yes. 364 00:15:37,496 --> 00:15:40,866 It was delicious, I'm genuinely impressed. 365 00:15:40,874 --> 00:15:43,054 - I learned how to do Brussels sprouts from Nadine. 366 00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:45,150 I use avocado oil which is also apparently 367 00:15:45,150 --> 00:15:46,290 really good for your skin. 368 00:15:46,290 --> 00:15:47,240 - Is that what you've been using? 369 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:48,890 Because your face looks really clear. 370 00:15:48,887 --> 00:15:50,857 - No. I use actually um, 371 00:15:50,860 --> 00:15:51,970 apple cider vinegar mixed into this clay. 372 00:15:51,973 --> 00:15:53,833 It's like Aztec Mud. 373 00:15:53,830 --> 00:15:55,550 - Is that what it's called? Aztec Mud? 374 00:15:55,550 --> 00:15:58,320 - No. It's called Aztec Secret. 375 00:15:59,690 --> 00:16:00,520 - I'm not gonna lie, 376 00:16:00,523 --> 00:16:01,933 I would try that right now. 377 00:16:01,930 --> 00:16:03,310 I'm comfortable with my masculinity. 378 00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:05,730 I'll face mask right the fuck now. 379 00:16:05,730 --> 00:16:06,640 - Says the guy who has sex dreams 380 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:07,910 about Micheal Fassbender. 381 00:16:07,910 --> 00:16:09,190 I guess you'd have to be. 382 00:16:09,190 --> 00:16:10,400 - Okay, first of all-- 383 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,630 - Listen, I know he's a fine specimen of a man. 384 00:16:12,630 --> 00:16:14,730 - First of all, there is no shame in having 385 00:16:14,730 --> 00:16:17,690 a heterosexual man crush on Micheal Fassbender. 386 00:16:17,687 --> 00:16:19,287 - Or Benedict Cumberbatch or Tom Hardy 387 00:16:19,290 --> 00:16:20,430 or Ryan Reynolds, I'm-- 388 00:16:20,430 --> 00:16:22,830 - Ryan Gosling okay, I only wanna be friends 389 00:16:22,830 --> 00:16:24,690 with Ryan Reynolds. 390 00:16:24,686 --> 00:16:25,686 - I mean I'd fuck any of them, 391 00:16:25,690 --> 00:16:27,110 except Ken Watanabe. 392 00:16:27,110 --> 00:16:27,980 - Again, racist. 393 00:16:27,980 --> 00:16:29,770 - I am not racist when it comes to Asian people. 394 00:16:29,770 --> 00:16:31,320 - I know, but I love how mad it makes you. 395 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:32,730 - I fell in love with the Toshiro Mifune 396 00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:33,900 literally just this morning. 397 00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:36,590 - Ah, stenographer, can we dial it back a second? 398 00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:38,160 It wasn't a huge list. 399 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,350 It was a couple of dudes. 400 00:16:39,350 --> 00:16:42,040 A small smattering of dudes that could sway me. 401 00:16:42,036 --> 00:16:44,686 And I can admit that it's probably 402 00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:46,000 out of partially wanting to be them I'm 403 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,170 sure that plays a big aspect. 404 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:49,614 But let's be clear, 405 00:16:49,612 --> 00:16:50,452 I could get butt sex if I wanted. 406 00:16:50,445 --> 00:16:52,355 I could get butt sex if I wanted. 407 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,160 I mean I've got junk in the trunk. 408 00:16:54,157 --> 00:16:57,087 - Oh, I'm well aware of your ghetto booty. 409 00:16:57,090 --> 00:16:58,020 - I'm saying I could have 410 00:16:58,020 --> 00:16:59,360 butt sex if I wanted it. 411 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,050 Let's be clear about that. 412 00:17:01,050 --> 00:17:04,420 If I were after it, I could get it. 413 00:17:04,420 --> 00:17:07,280 I'm not harboring some hidden gayness. 414 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:08,480 - You're the one talking about it. 415 00:17:08,483 --> 00:17:10,243 - That was one time. 416 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:14,430 One time I had a sex dream about Micheal Fassbender 417 00:17:14,430 --> 00:17:15,990 and I would tell you if it wasn't. 418 00:17:15,990 --> 00:17:17,440 I'm comfortable with myself. 419 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,480 I told you about Micheal in confidence. 420 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,480 I'm not looking to have to go and explain the 421 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,730 complexity of male sexuality to all 422 00:17:23,730 --> 00:17:25,330 of our mutual acquaintances. 423 00:17:25,330 --> 00:17:26,260 - I haven't told anybody. 424 00:17:26,260 --> 00:17:27,420 - Well, I appreciate that. 425 00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:29,050 - I think it's great that Michael Fassbender 426 00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:30,090 rocked your pudding pack. 427 00:17:30,087 --> 00:17:30,917 But it's private. 428 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,160 Okay I was not rocked. 429 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:33,640 I was not rocked okay? 430 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,690 I, it was sweet 431 00:17:35,694 --> 00:17:37,354 and playful 432 00:17:37,350 --> 00:17:38,180 and tender. 433 00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:40,103 He is a very considerate lover. 434 00:17:41,562 --> 00:17:42,402 (laughs) 435 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,925 - I love, how you literally picked the 436 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,610 biggest dick in Hollywood for your gay dream. 437 00:17:46,610 --> 00:17:47,700 - I mean, go big or go home. 438 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,150 - Was it after seeing Shame. 439 00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:51,140 - His penis is just humongous! 440 00:17:51,144 --> 00:17:52,294 (laughs) 441 00:17:52,290 --> 00:17:54,860 And it's just bam! 442 00:17:54,860 --> 00:17:55,800 Right there. 443 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,900 - So large (laughs). 444 00:17:57,900 --> 00:17:59,140 - [Ryan] I think my greatest fear in the world 445 00:17:59,140 --> 00:18:00,570 is Micheal Fassbender wanting to have sex 446 00:18:00,570 --> 00:18:02,320 with one of my girlfriends. 447 00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:03,755 - I think that your greatest fear 448 00:18:03,763 --> 00:18:04,993 should be him wanting to have sex with you. 449 00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:06,640 - Well, either way, my life is ruined. 450 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,090 - You're powerless to stop it. 451 00:18:08,090 --> 00:18:09,880 - I mean if I had a dick like that, 452 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,630 I'd be showing it off in every movie I was I too. 453 00:18:14,540 --> 00:18:15,990 - [Sanya] That's called porn. 454 00:18:16,950 --> 00:18:17,780 - Yeah. 455 00:18:19,190 --> 00:18:21,490 But I'd only be in like the really artsy porn. 456 00:18:23,180 --> 00:18:24,430 But see that's the thing. 457 00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:29,130 You can't have a porn star dick 458 00:18:29,130 --> 00:18:30,290 and be that talented. 459 00:18:30,290 --> 00:18:31,300 - [Sanya] How could normal guys compete? 460 00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:32,530 - We can't. 461 00:18:32,530 --> 00:18:33,820 We just can't. 462 00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:35,450 It's like seeing Shame, it's like one 463 00:18:35,450 --> 00:18:36,970 of those before and after moments 464 00:18:36,970 --> 00:18:40,490 where you're like, "This is what I thought life was 465 00:18:40,490 --> 00:18:42,220 and what I thought life could be." 466 00:18:43,174 --> 00:18:44,174 - [Sanya] And after? 467 00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,610 - After you realize you're just some dude. 468 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,830 And not a particularly amazing one at that. 469 00:18:59,150 --> 00:19:00,360 - I think that's the real reason 470 00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:01,760 they called the movie Shame. 471 00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:14,110 All right some dude, help me clear these dishes. 472 00:19:28,796 --> 00:19:30,956 (rinsing) 473 00:19:56,086 --> 00:19:59,136 Dishes are clean. 474 00:19:59,139 --> 00:20:00,079 - The dishes are clean. 475 00:20:00,953 --> 00:20:02,903 High five...turkey! 476 00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:07,900 - You, I'm gonna fucking kill you, 477 00:20:07,897 --> 00:20:09,507 you son of a bitch! 478 00:20:10,504 --> 00:20:12,754 (laughing) 479 00:20:31,902 --> 00:20:33,152 Stupid asshole. 480 00:20:37,190 --> 00:20:39,140 - Are we gonna put on those face masks? 481 00:20:40,180 --> 00:20:41,720 I need to look smooth for Micheal. 482 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,970 (laughing) 483 00:20:53,328 --> 00:20:54,158 Am I doing this right? 484 00:20:54,161 --> 00:20:55,381 - You want a nice even coat 485 00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:57,430 and you can't be all expressive. 486 00:20:58,940 --> 00:21:01,670 - Serene face shows every emotion. 487 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,180 - I, okay I'm not gonna take you seriously 488 00:21:07,180 --> 00:21:08,730 with this stuff (laughs). 489 00:21:08,730 --> 00:21:10,360 All right, you shouldn't even talk 490 00:21:10,355 --> 00:21:11,715 with any expression. 491 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:16,040 - Calm face, serene voice, got it. 492 00:21:18,660 --> 00:21:20,560 Get all your smiles now. 493 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:21,990 These are your rules. 494 00:21:23,180 --> 00:21:25,430 I'm just respecting them. 495 00:21:30,260 --> 00:21:31,400 Would you fuck me? 496 00:21:33,255 --> 00:21:34,085 (laughs) 497 00:21:34,088 --> 00:21:34,918 I'd fuck me. 498 00:21:36,180 --> 00:21:37,680 I'd fuck me hard. 499 00:21:42,170 --> 00:21:46,120 - All right, you start the movie. 500 00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:47,430 - Okay. 501 00:21:47,430 --> 00:21:49,120 - I'll get the... Oh shit! 502 00:21:51,204 --> 00:21:53,494 - What? 503 00:21:53,490 --> 00:21:55,650 Wait, how are we going to drink 504 00:21:55,650 --> 00:21:57,000 wine with these things on? 505 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,230 How do you drink with this? 506 00:21:59,225 --> 00:22:00,495 - All right, hold on. 507 00:22:00,495 --> 00:22:01,335 I got this. 508 00:22:01,335 --> 00:22:03,515 - So I should start the movie? 509 00:22:03,524 --> 00:22:04,514 - Uh huh. 510 00:22:04,505 --> 00:22:05,335 - Okay. 511 00:22:10,804 --> 00:22:12,974 (sipping) 512 00:22:17,156 --> 00:22:18,106 - Like this? 513 00:22:18,114 --> 00:22:20,484 - Yeah. Don't suck in your cheeks though, careful. 514 00:22:20,483 --> 00:22:23,073 - Okay. I don't think this is normally a drinking activity. 515 00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:29,050 - Pause it. I gotta get more wine. 516 00:22:29,050 --> 00:22:29,880 - Okay. 517 00:22:57,090 --> 00:22:59,050 Does your fantasy version of my life 518 00:23:00,620 --> 00:23:05,140 include me wearing Aztec Secrets? Hmm? 519 00:23:09,590 --> 00:23:11,780 Have you written a beautiful fantasy for me? 520 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,050 I'd love to hear it. 521 00:23:30,031 --> 00:23:33,111 You have such a beautiful mind Sanya. 522 00:23:41,210 --> 00:23:43,160 Is my face all red now? 523 00:23:45,522 --> 00:23:47,692 (sipping) 524 00:23:50,860 --> 00:23:53,170 - You know, sipping from straws is supposed 525 00:23:53,170 --> 00:23:54,420 to get you drunk faster. 526 00:23:55,951 --> 00:23:56,781 - Is that true? 527 00:23:56,784 --> 00:23:59,204 - I don't know. Is anything true? 528 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,540 I read it somewhere. 529 00:24:01,710 --> 00:24:03,220 - You know I haven't been wine drunk 530 00:24:03,220 --> 00:24:04,570 in a long time. 531 00:24:09,500 --> 00:24:11,090 - Before we restart the movie, 532 00:24:13,445 --> 00:24:16,215 can I make one creepy 533 00:24:16,220 --> 00:24:17,520 ex girlfriend request? 534 00:24:19,170 --> 00:24:20,300 - I think it was kinda creepy just 535 00:24:20,300 --> 00:24:21,130 in how you asked that. 536 00:24:21,133 --> 00:24:22,803 - It's just one thing. Okay 537 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:23,820 and I know it's weird. 538 00:24:23,820 --> 00:24:26,430 - Yeah, I kinda feel like I know where this is going 539 00:24:26,430 --> 00:24:27,260 and-- 540 00:24:27,263 --> 00:24:28,103 - I wanna smell your breath. 541 00:24:28,096 --> 00:24:29,646 - Yeah, that's exactly the weird creepy 542 00:24:29,650 --> 00:24:31,010 thing that I was expecting. 543 00:24:31,010 --> 00:24:32,060 - But your scent is in your breath. 544 00:24:32,060 --> 00:24:34,240 - Yeah, I know that's what you say? 545 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,410 And I thought it was weird back 546 00:24:35,410 --> 00:24:36,640 when I was your boyfriend 547 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:37,910 and it's even weirder now. 548 00:24:37,910 --> 00:24:40,660 No. No you can't smell my breath. 549 00:24:40,660 --> 00:24:43,400 That's like a strangely erotic request. 550 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:44,330 - No it's not, it's like a friend smelling 551 00:24:44,330 --> 00:24:46,540 your breath to make sure your breath smells okay. 552 00:24:46,540 --> 00:24:48,740 - Yeah, a creepy friend that's gonna touch themselves 553 00:24:48,740 --> 00:24:50,740 thinking about it later you weirdo. 554 00:24:51,770 --> 00:24:53,110 - You know what? 555 00:24:53,107 --> 00:24:54,647 If I wasn't wearing this skirt, 556 00:24:54,650 --> 00:24:56,070 I could totally taken you before 557 00:24:56,070 --> 00:24:58,200 I could have gotten it by force. 558 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,830 - Okay rapey, I think you're drunk. 559 00:25:00,826 --> 00:25:02,086 (laughs) 560 00:25:02,090 --> 00:25:04,880 - Extensively and unabashedly. 561 00:25:05,850 --> 00:25:06,680 - Okay 562 00:25:11,118 --> 00:25:12,228 and I've had some too. 563 00:25:12,230 --> 00:25:15,990 So maybe just calm it down a little bit? 564 00:25:26,130 --> 00:25:27,790 - You know I always feel like a mermaid 565 00:25:27,790 --> 00:25:28,690 in a pencil skirt? 566 00:25:32,246 --> 00:25:34,256 - Is that your mermaid pose? 567 00:25:34,256 --> 00:25:35,756 - They always remember the beauty of a mermaid 568 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,610 but fail to recall the leading sailors 569 00:25:38,610 --> 00:25:39,710 to their death part? 570 00:25:43,890 --> 00:25:44,940 - I blame Disney. 571 00:25:48,110 --> 00:25:49,800 Everything needs to be romanticized. 572 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:51,790 It's very dangerous. 573 00:25:51,787 --> 00:25:54,397 - It's the difference between the experience of a thing 574 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:55,900 and the impression of a thing. 575 00:25:56,870 --> 00:25:59,420 I've always considered myself of more of the 576 00:25:59,420 --> 00:26:01,970 John Williams Waterhouse version of a mermaid. 577 00:26:02,890 --> 00:26:04,510 You know paunch and all. 578 00:26:06,307 --> 00:26:08,107 - [Ryan] Is this still some play to smell my breath? 579 00:26:08,105 --> 00:26:09,445 - Have you ever seen that painting? 580 00:26:10,667 --> 00:26:13,337 - [Ryan] I don't think so. 581 00:26:13,343 --> 00:26:14,363 I'll look it up. 582 00:26:17,284 --> 00:26:18,784 - I'd need more of a tummy though. 583 00:26:19,697 --> 00:26:22,757 All right, paunch might be a bit of an exaggeration? 584 00:26:26,416 --> 00:26:29,006 I mean she's beautiful in that painting. 585 00:26:30,290 --> 00:26:31,920 She's just full you know? 586 00:26:33,540 --> 00:26:34,820 She's a full woman. 587 00:26:41,060 --> 00:26:43,050 I'm becoming more full in my old age. 588 00:26:45,486 --> 00:26:47,716 - [Ryan] Oh yeah, you're ancient. 589 00:26:47,724 --> 00:26:49,124 - Are you looking at the painting? 590 00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:52,370 - [Ryan] I am it's um. 591 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:55,110 It's lovely. 592 00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:01,330 - She's also topless, 593 00:27:02,290 --> 00:27:03,450 as memory serves. 594 00:27:07,035 --> 00:27:09,255 - [Ryan] Oh. Is that what you're doing? 595 00:27:11,750 --> 00:27:15,620 Trying to lead this poor sailer astray? 596 00:27:19,180 --> 00:27:20,010 Now that... 597 00:27:21,693 --> 00:27:22,853 That you should stop. 598 00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:27,840 It's cute Sanya, you know it is. 599 00:27:29,730 --> 00:27:33,030 But please don't tease me. 600 00:27:34,230 --> 00:27:36,630 - But I'm having a hard time with these buttons. 601 00:27:39,140 --> 00:27:40,700 - [Ryan] That's because you're drunk. 602 00:27:44,265 --> 00:27:45,215 All right now stop! 603 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:49,450 I'm not turning you down because you're not sexy 604 00:27:49,450 --> 00:27:50,830 or whatever. You know how attracted to you I am. 605 00:27:50,827 --> 00:27:52,787 But it can't be like this. 606 00:27:53,910 --> 00:27:56,050 - You say I'm teasing you. 607 00:27:56,050 --> 00:27:58,970 Don't act like you're not teasing me right back. 608 00:27:58,970 --> 00:28:01,640 I mean why are you even still here? 609 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,440 Are you playing dress up for a day? 610 00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,870 Playing house with me like I'm Daphne? 611 00:28:05,870 --> 00:28:06,890 - [Ryan] This is certainly not how she 612 00:28:06,890 --> 00:28:07,720 and I would be playing house. 613 00:28:07,723 --> 00:28:09,533 - I mean, we can't just be friends Ryan, okay? 614 00:28:09,530 --> 00:28:11,880 We can dance around it for a while... (coughs). 615 00:28:15,312 --> 00:28:16,522 (vomits) 616 00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,620 - [Ryan] Sanya what's wrong? Damn. 617 00:28:22,241 --> 00:28:24,321 (vomits) 618 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:29,780 Ahh Sanya come here. 619 00:28:29,780 --> 00:28:30,980 Let me, let me-- 620 00:28:30,980 --> 00:28:31,950 - Oh suddenly you think you can just come back 621 00:28:31,953 --> 00:28:32,793 into my life 622 00:28:32,786 --> 00:28:34,306 and hold my hair, just swoop it 623 00:28:34,310 --> 00:28:35,670 and hold my hair? 624 00:28:35,674 --> 00:28:36,634 - Okay, do you wanna throw up on it? 625 00:28:36,630 --> 00:28:39,310 - I deserve more than your part-time love. 626 00:28:42,190 --> 00:28:43,090 It doesn't matter. 627 00:28:44,883 --> 00:28:45,723 (sniffs) 628 00:28:45,716 --> 00:28:47,246 - That's all I can give you as your friend. 629 00:28:47,250 --> 00:28:49,870 - Oh my God, do you hear how we talk? 630 00:28:49,870 --> 00:28:52,000 I mean I described paintings from the 631 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,570 turn of the 19th century to seduce my ex-boyfriend. 632 00:28:55,500 --> 00:28:57,370 - It was very seductive. 633 00:28:57,370 --> 00:28:59,720 - If only Mr. Waterhouse could see me now (coughs). 634 00:29:01,500 --> 00:29:03,510 - Okay. I'll be right back. 635 00:29:03,510 --> 00:29:04,770 - Where are you going? 636 00:29:04,770 --> 00:29:05,720 - Your kitchen. 637 00:29:06,743 --> 00:29:08,133 - Are you gonna rob me? 638 00:29:08,130 --> 00:29:10,070 - [Ryan] Yes, our entire relationship has been a 639 00:29:10,070 --> 00:29:12,090 clever rouse for me to be able to steal things 640 00:29:12,090 --> 00:29:13,620 from your room mates. 641 00:29:13,620 --> 00:29:16,470 - Planning to steal all my Eggo Waffles? 642 00:29:16,470 --> 00:29:19,120 - [Ryan] I promise I won't steal your Eggo Waffles. 643 00:29:22,308 --> 00:29:26,228 - A waffle, a waffle, waffle, waff waff waffle. 644 00:29:34,303 --> 00:29:36,293 That's a really funny word, waffle. 645 00:29:41,943 --> 00:29:43,783 Waffle. Hey, hey Ryan. 646 00:29:45,450 --> 00:29:50,450 Ryan, oh no no no no no too soon to get up. 647 00:29:58,420 --> 00:30:01,610 I came up with a joke about waffles once. 648 00:30:01,610 --> 00:30:03,230 Did I ever tell you this one? 649 00:30:04,103 --> 00:30:04,943 - [Ryan] What are you talking about? 650 00:30:04,936 --> 00:30:06,686 - I'm talking about waffles. 651 00:30:06,690 --> 00:30:09,120 Did I ever tell you my waffle joke? 652 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:10,590 - [Ryan] Not that I recall. 653 00:30:12,930 --> 00:30:16,540 - It's a coincidence that I'm thinking about them now. 654 00:30:16,540 --> 00:30:21,530 I mean unless I've got some sort of a waffle fetish. 655 00:30:23,823 --> 00:30:27,183 But that's got to do with sex though 656 00:30:27,183 --> 00:30:31,253 and I don't really find waffles sexy per se. 657 00:30:33,730 --> 00:30:37,280 Wait, what do I mean? 658 00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:40,350 Per se, I don't find them sexy at all. 659 00:30:41,743 --> 00:30:45,733 I've got a soft spot for waffles 660 00:30:46,743 --> 00:30:49,113 in my brain parts. 661 00:30:49,980 --> 00:30:52,210 That's a better way of putting it. 662 00:30:53,980 --> 00:30:56,400 Hey what are you looking for? 663 00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:57,990 - [Ryan] Bread. 664 00:30:57,990 --> 00:31:00,270 - Who wants stinky old bread? 665 00:31:00,270 --> 00:31:01,390 Okay listen. This is my joke. 666 00:31:01,390 --> 00:31:02,980 I picture it for like a comic strip 667 00:31:02,980 --> 00:31:04,370 or like a meme. 668 00:31:04,370 --> 00:31:06,210 - Okay, I want you to eat this. 669 00:31:08,490 --> 00:31:10,130 - Sanya, I need you to eat this. 670 00:31:10,130 --> 00:31:11,510 - No. 671 00:31:11,510 --> 00:31:14,040 - Sanya eat the bread. 672 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,560 - No. 673 00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,010 - Sanya, the bread. 674 00:31:18,010 --> 00:31:19,290 - No means no! 675 00:31:19,290 --> 00:31:21,040 Why does nobody respect what I say? 676 00:31:21,940 --> 00:31:23,540 - It's for your own good. 677 00:31:23,540 --> 00:31:24,930 Please eat the bread? 678 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:28,070 - Joke first. 679 00:31:30,820 --> 00:31:35,420 So. Okay picture it, it's a waffle. 680 00:31:35,420 --> 00:31:40,080 In like a World War Two uniform, in like a biplane. 681 00:31:42,820 --> 00:31:43,920 - Great, I heard it. Eat the bread. 682 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,670 - Does that sound like a joke to you? Seriously. 683 00:31:48,630 --> 00:31:52,160 Okay, so the waffles's jacket 684 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:55,110 and the biplane would have swastikas on it. 685 00:31:56,390 --> 00:31:58,120 - Great, eat the bread now please. 686 00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:02,120 - And the caption would say," Luft Waffle". 687 00:32:04,390 --> 00:32:06,340 Luftwaffe, you get it? 688 00:32:06,343 --> 00:32:08,523 - You are the pun master. 689 00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:09,470 - You don't get it. 690 00:32:10,310 --> 00:32:12,310 It's because German fighter pilots 691 00:32:12,310 --> 00:32:13,860 were called Luftwaffe. 692 00:32:17,220 --> 00:32:18,090 - Take the bread. 693 00:32:22,660 --> 00:32:27,660 - I'm going to tell you a very deep dark secret. 694 00:32:32,313 --> 00:32:34,313 (sniff) 695 00:32:41,644 --> 00:32:43,734 (coughs) 696 00:32:50,412 --> 00:32:53,232 I have an abnormal attraction to Nazis. 697 00:32:57,914 --> 00:33:02,754 You know, but the woman parts want what they want. 698 00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,000 - Same with the men parts. 699 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:09,150 - No changing that. 700 00:33:11,862 --> 00:33:13,592 - Nope, no changing that. 701 00:33:19,790 --> 00:33:21,550 Did you finish your bread? 702 00:33:21,550 --> 00:33:22,570 - I ate it. 703 00:33:24,994 --> 00:33:26,094 - Is it in the toilet? 704 00:33:30,740 --> 00:33:31,570 - Yes. 705 00:33:32,430 --> 00:33:35,020 - Okay. I'm gonna get you some more. 706 00:33:36,230 --> 00:33:37,060 - Wait. 707 00:33:38,950 --> 00:33:39,950 I'm really drunk. 708 00:33:43,010 --> 00:33:44,110 Will you just hold me? 709 00:33:47,583 --> 00:33:48,803 - Are you done throwing up? 710 00:33:50,503 --> 00:33:51,753 - I don't know. 711 00:33:53,114 --> 00:33:56,314 - All right, I'm gonna hold you like this, okay? 712 00:33:57,524 --> 00:33:59,524 I'll hold you like this. 713 00:34:00,543 --> 00:34:01,583 - Okay. 714 00:34:01,581 --> 00:34:02,411 - Okay? 715 00:34:03,463 --> 00:34:04,303 - Okay. 716 00:34:22,710 --> 00:34:23,540 - It's Nadine. 717 00:34:25,030 --> 00:34:26,250 Not a burglar. 718 00:34:48,450 --> 00:34:50,070 Are you fucking serious? 719 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:53,470 - What time is it? 720 00:34:53,473 --> 00:34:55,183 - [Nadine] You came back for seconds? 721 00:34:55,180 --> 00:34:56,580 Haven't you hurt her enough? 722 00:34:57,650 --> 00:34:59,900 - Why is everyone being so fucking mean to me? 723 00:34:59,900 --> 00:35:01,670 - [Nadine] You have a girlfriend. 724 00:35:03,185 --> 00:35:06,275 - Okay. Okay nothing happened, 725 00:35:06,282 --> 00:35:09,172 we just had a little too much to drink. 726 00:35:09,170 --> 00:35:10,730 - [Nadine] That's something happening. 727 00:35:10,730 --> 00:35:13,150 The two of you together is something happening. 728 00:35:13,150 --> 00:35:15,530 - Okay. Okay get off it Nadine. 729 00:35:15,530 --> 00:35:17,360 All right it's none of your business. 730 00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:19,780 - [Nadine] It it, it is exactly my business 731 00:35:19,780 --> 00:35:22,280 because you won't be here for the meltdown 732 00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:24,180 in the wake of this disaster. 733 00:35:24,175 --> 00:35:25,465 - [Ryan] Okay. I put in plenty of time on the 734 00:35:25,470 --> 00:35:26,540 meltdowns all right? 735 00:35:26,540 --> 00:35:27,610 And let's not talk about her as 736 00:35:27,610 --> 00:35:29,480 if she's some sort of a event anymore all right? 737 00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:30,940 She's a person. 738 00:35:30,940 --> 00:35:32,150 Hey Sanya. 739 00:35:32,150 --> 00:35:34,450 - [Nadine] You've done just fine this evening. 740 00:35:35,855 --> 00:35:36,945 I'll take care of it. 741 00:35:36,951 --> 00:35:37,951 - Get up, we're going to get you a drink of water 742 00:35:37,953 --> 00:35:38,793 and some bed. 743 00:35:38,786 --> 00:35:39,836 - Just get out. 744 00:35:40,700 --> 00:35:41,630 Sanya come on. 745 00:35:41,630 --> 00:35:42,720 - I'm awake, I'm up, I'm up. 746 00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:45,720 - [Ryan] Okay.I've had too much to drink. 747 00:35:45,723 --> 00:35:46,563 I'm going to sit on the couch 748 00:35:46,556 --> 00:35:47,796 and just sober up. 749 00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:49,720 - You will sit in your car 750 00:35:49,720 --> 00:35:50,560 and sober up. 751 00:35:54,530 --> 00:35:55,360 - [Ryan] Fine. 752 00:35:59,210 --> 00:36:00,040 - Ryan. 753 00:36:10,454 --> 00:36:14,794 - I don't have any cool last lines to exit on Sanya. 754 00:37:05,170 --> 00:37:06,740 - What? 755 00:37:06,740 --> 00:37:08,090 - I'm not allowed to say anything? 756 00:37:08,090 --> 00:37:09,010 - No. No, you're right. 757 00:37:09,010 --> 00:37:11,400 You're not if you are going judge me while you 758 00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:12,590 bang some other dude. 759 00:37:14,050 --> 00:37:17,580 - It's Lemon Drop actually that I'm banging 760 00:37:18,530 --> 00:37:19,760 and she's headed to Montreal. 761 00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,590 and I'm kicking around the idea of going with her. 762 00:37:24,025 --> 00:37:25,325 I thought you should know. 763 00:37:30,590 --> 00:37:31,420 - Now I know. 764 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:37,710 Is that it? 765 00:37:45,630 --> 00:37:47,980 Then maybe kindly get the fuck out of my house. 766 00:38:01,204 --> 00:38:02,784 Where are you? 767 00:38:02,783 --> 00:38:05,533 - [Ryan] I'm in my car out front. 768 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,540 - Did I seriously say I have an abnormal 769 00:38:10,540 --> 00:38:12,230 attraction to Nazis? 770 00:38:12,225 --> 00:38:15,055 - [Ryan] You said a lot of things. 771 00:38:16,208 --> 00:38:20,098 - It's the uniforms more than anything. 772 00:38:20,100 --> 00:38:25,060 I don't find genocide or bigotry at all attractive. 773 00:38:27,343 --> 00:38:29,773 - [Ryan] You should watch The Night Porter. 774 00:38:29,772 --> 00:38:31,522 - And you should come back inside. 775 00:38:33,441 --> 00:38:35,601 - [Ryan] I don't think that's a good idea. 776 00:38:35,603 --> 00:38:38,083 - Ryan I need you to come back inside. 777 00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:39,410 - [Ryan] I made a relatively graceful 778 00:38:39,412 --> 00:38:42,662 exit just now. 779 00:38:42,663 --> 00:38:46,683 Okay, maybe not graceful but I made a successful exit... 780 00:38:46,677 --> 00:38:47,627 - I'm laying in bed 781 00:38:48,841 --> 00:38:49,891 and my feet are cold. 782 00:38:53,572 --> 00:38:55,662 - [Ryan] I can't do that. 783 00:38:57,492 --> 00:39:00,332 - You need to go back to Jennifer. 784 00:39:02,990 --> 00:39:04,070 - [Ryan] Yes. 785 00:39:06,290 --> 00:39:08,480 - You won't be coming back will you? 786 00:39:11,372 --> 00:39:12,372 - [Ryan] No. 787 00:39:15,763 --> 00:39:17,613 - Will you stay on the phone with me? 788 00:39:18,460 --> 00:39:19,920 Until I fall asleep? 789 00:39:23,321 --> 00:39:24,401 - [Ryan] Yes. 790 00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:28,100 - Do you still wanna hear my fantasy 791 00:39:28,100 --> 00:39:29,700 version of your life? 792 00:39:32,081 --> 00:39:33,661 - [Ryan] I do, yes. 793 00:39:36,391 --> 00:39:37,561 - You go home. 794 00:39:39,670 --> 00:39:41,550 You go home to Jennifer. 795 00:39:44,220 --> 00:39:46,540 You arrive but she isn't there. 796 00:39:47,930 --> 00:39:50,200 She's still away at her Somalia retreat. 797 00:39:54,250 --> 00:39:56,330 You check your misread texts. 798 00:39:56,330 --> 00:39:58,910 And realize she's messaged you three times. 799 00:40:01,330 --> 00:40:04,270 Only once to ask how it was to reconnect with Sanya. 800 00:40:07,730 --> 00:40:10,620 You let out Checkers, you step outside. 801 00:40:13,679 --> 00:40:16,019 You fantasize about smoking a cigarette 802 00:40:19,628 --> 00:40:21,798 and watch the intense face Checkers makes 803 00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:22,840 while he poops. 804 00:40:25,730 --> 00:40:27,680 You imitate the dramatic way he turns away 805 00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,190 not to look at you. 806 00:40:32,117 --> 00:40:34,857 (sniffs) 807 00:40:34,860 --> 00:40:38,530 You cover your mother in law with a blanket. 808 00:40:40,677 --> 00:40:43,417 You kiss the top of Daphne's little head. 809 00:40:47,130 --> 00:40:52,130 You smell fresh pecan shortbread cookies. 810 00:40:55,180 --> 00:40:58,190 And you see a sign that says "you may have one." 811 00:41:00,029 --> 00:41:01,479 "And that means you Ryan." 812 00:41:04,420 --> 00:41:06,190 You stare at the plate 813 00:41:06,189 --> 00:41:07,159 but you don't take a cookie. 814 00:41:09,950 --> 00:41:11,400 You go to bed instead. 815 00:41:14,230 --> 00:41:15,890 And you smell your palms 816 00:41:15,889 --> 00:41:17,559 and your fingertips. 817 00:41:19,110 --> 00:41:21,370 They still smell of Sanya's hair. 818 00:41:22,490 --> 00:41:25,060 And vaguely of the perfume from her wrists. 819 00:41:28,190 --> 00:41:29,580 You think of her scent. 820 00:41:31,420 --> 00:41:33,120 And of her perfect little moans 821 00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,690 and the way that she turns her neck just so 822 00:41:38,830 --> 00:41:40,640 you think of these things. 823 00:41:42,300 --> 00:41:43,850 You think of her every day. 824 00:41:50,378 --> 00:41:52,838 - [Ryan] Yeah. That all checks out. 825 00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:53,780 - You think of the three days you 826 00:41:53,780 --> 00:41:55,350 were snowed in together. 827 00:41:57,140 --> 00:41:59,700 And you watched all the films you wanted to share 828 00:41:59,700 --> 00:42:00,960 and made love all day 829 00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,480 and ate an entire loaf of my... 830 00:42:03,481 --> 00:42:07,171 Of Sanya's mom's banana bread in one sitting. 831 00:42:09,860 --> 00:42:11,370 And talked about your dreams. 832 00:42:14,079 --> 00:42:15,949 Without the pressures of success. 833 00:42:25,329 --> 00:42:27,409 (sniffs) 834 00:42:28,340 --> 00:42:30,680 I couldn't have a baby Ryan. 835 00:42:36,929 --> 00:42:39,349 I couldn't bring a child into this world 836 00:42:39,350 --> 00:42:41,770 to suffer at my selfishness. 837 00:42:45,240 --> 00:42:47,050 I couldn't have a child 838 00:42:47,050 --> 00:42:48,130 and give it all my love 839 00:42:48,130 --> 00:42:50,860 and life when I wasn't well 840 00:42:50,860 --> 00:42:52,820 and I was still a child myself. 841 00:42:55,820 --> 00:42:57,950 And I would have only resented it for 842 00:42:57,950 --> 00:42:59,410 keeping me from my dreams. 843 00:43:02,637 --> 00:43:06,667 And I couldn't let you take care of both of us. 844 00:43:08,968 --> 00:43:11,228 I know you would have wanted to 845 00:43:11,227 --> 00:43:14,417 but I couldn't even see it. 846 00:43:14,420 --> 00:43:16,250 I couldn't talk about it. 847 00:43:23,060 --> 00:43:24,480 And I failed you. 848 00:43:27,830 --> 00:43:29,260 I love you. 849 00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:32,810 And I failed you (sniffs). 850 00:43:36,643 --> 00:43:38,403 I love you Ryan. 851 00:43:42,540 --> 00:43:45,040 You're the only one who ever loved 852 00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:46,580 all the pieces of me. 853 00:43:50,399 --> 00:43:53,539 And I know you have to go back to Jennifer 854 00:43:53,537 --> 00:43:54,747 and to Daphne 855 00:43:54,750 --> 00:43:55,930 and your dog. 856 00:43:58,730 --> 00:44:03,590 But please, please come back inside. 857 00:44:05,866 --> 00:44:09,196 Please, (cries) please. 858 00:44:13,570 --> 00:44:14,400 Please 859 00:44:25,998 --> 00:44:29,078 (mellow blues music) 59036

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