Original subtitles

BOW: When we first left the commune,

I didn't fit in anywhere.

What are you weirdos mixed with?

What's mixed?

[Laughter]

[The Go-Go's' "We Got the Beat" playing]

But then I found my crew.

Welcome to the Mondale track team.

Okay. I mean, almost.

Little Miss Light Skin knows how to dance.

Yeah. You're way blacker than I thought.

? ...just watching all their feet ?

We were like young, Black "Golden Girls."

Tamika was our Dorothy.

She was always ready with a joke.

Jasmine was Blanche.

All the boys loved Jasmine.

And Shanice was Sofia,

because she was three months older than all of us.

And I was Rose.

The heart, the soul...

and we both grew up with goats.

I should've really gotten a salad.

Doc says my cholesterol is through the roof.

[Scoffs]

So, Tamika, your birthday's coming up.

Any plans?

I'm just turning 14.

It's not a big birthday.

It's a huge birthday.

You can legally get married in some states.

And, also, you don't have to

order off the kids' menu anymore.

Hold on to 13 as long as you can.

'Cause once you hit 14,

it's all downhill after that.

[Chuckles] I don't know.

If my parents plan a party,

they're gonna make me invite half the church,

and they like to give cards with no cash in them.

- That's just paper. - [Chuckles]

Well, why do they have to plan it?

Oh.

Could you plan it?

Did she just ask me to plan her 14th birthday party?

The most important birthday between 13 and 16?

That's the moment I knew Tamika was my best friend.

She basically asked me to best-friend marry her.

Uh, are you gonna answer?

I do.

I mean, I will! Yes.

Okay, girl, calm down.

That is such a Dorothy thing to say.

Aren't we just the best?

Who's Dorothy?

Oh, Blanche. [Chuckles]

? In the mix ?

? Oh, oh, oh, they keep trying ?

? But they can't stop us ?

? 'Cause we got a love ?

? That keeps rising up ?

? In the mix ?

? Life turns around ?

? 'Round and 'round it goes ?

? Ooh, it's a mixed-up world ? ? Ooh, it's a mixed-up ?

? And that's for sure ? ? Mixed-up ?

? In the mix ? ? Baby ?

? We're gonna get by ?

? We're gonna ? ? On our own, side by side ?

? Love's all we need to be free ? ? Lo-o-o-ve is all ?

? I got you, you got me ?

? Yaaaaay us! ?

? I-I-In the mix ?

? Yaaaaay us! ?

? I-I-In the mix-ish ?

??

[Coughs]

Mom, Dad... big news.

You may want to sit down.

My best friend Tamika has asked me, her best friend,

to plan her birthday party.

- Because I'm her best friend! - What?

I love that Tamika girl.

She reminds me of a young me.

Except a young me

would've never been best friends with you.

No offense.

My best friend in school was named Bernard.

Great kid.

We used to play this game where I would chase him

and beat him up and dunk his head in the toilet

while he cried for his mommy.

[Chuckles] Oh.

It was good times.

Oh, my God. That's so funny.

Okay, let's plan a party.

I mean, your mother and I are great at themes, right?

So, what is Tamika into?

She into hockey or the... the French Revolution?

ALICIA: French Revolution?

Yeah. That's what I'm teaching this semester.

"Let them eat cake," huh?

Think about it. I mean, it works.

Paul, I've planned a million birthday parties.

Themes need to be... simple. One word.

DENISE: And they need to be classy,

like "opulence" or "mirrors" or "sunglasses."

I remember turning 14,

and I had a very special birthday party.

- You know what made it special? - Hmm?

Marbles.

Oh, no, not this again.

You're just mad because you lost.

What's worse? Losing at marbles

or bragging that you're good at marbles?

I don't even know if I lost.

It's marbles. Can you win?

It was a great day.

I had friends over, we played marbles,

and there was cake and there was fruit punch

and noise makers,

and we listened to Sam Cooke and twisted the night away.

Eh!

Wait, so, not all Black people can dance?

Mnh-mnh.

Teenage girls don't want to dance.

I mean, not like that.

What about a hockey night, huh?

- Like... slap shot! - Oh.

Kick save!

- Gordie Howe meet Gordie Why. - Gordie who?

You know what, guys?

- I think I can handle this on my own. - Oh.

I'll teach you.

Wait up, Rainbow. I don't want to be in here with them, either.

Wait for me.

I've never felt more related to you

and less related to him.

[Dog barking in distance]

How's the planting going, Wayne Gretzky?

You know what?

Hockey is a great topic of discussion for a birthday party.

Yeah, if you're a nerd.

Uh, excuse me, nerd, your idea was marbles.

No, my idea was an afternoon of whimsy and delight.

A Black Norman Rockwell painting.

A feeling. A whisper.

- A dream. - Okay, this is supposed to be a party,

not an... not an ad for Italian pasta sauce.

I'm just saying, I think I know cool

a little better than you do.

Are you... Are you kidding me?

I was... I was one down-ass white boy.

I was part of The Movement.

[Funky music plays]

[Bell dings]

Oof.

That Afro was a no-no.

I'm still cooler than you.

If you recall, I got to plan

all the funerals on the commune,

and there were many.

Okay, look, we can argue all day about who's cooler,

even though we both know it was me.

What we need is a judge,

because there's nothing cooler

- than seeking the approval of others. - Mm.

Totally. Let's have Denise decide.

Good choice. She has the coolest jackets.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna leave,

but in a very cool way.

Pow, pow, pow, pow...

Watch. Mm-hmm.

Pow, pow.

??

What are you two doing?

We're not allowed to watch TV.

So, we're pretending we're watching our shows.

I'm watching "Hill Street Blues."

Let me guess... you're in trouble.

It was for an over-accumulation of "back sass."

I was due.

Your parents have no sense of humor.

Well, we think you're funny.

Well... Well, you'll like this, then.

I was watching "Eddie Murphy Raw,"

and there's this part where Richard Pryor calls and says,

"Tell Bill Cosby to have a Coke and a smile

and shut the..."

That was inappropriate for Johan.

- I'll tell you later, Santi. - You get me.

How come we don't hang out more?

We're always with Mom or Auntie Denise or...

the other one.

We should spend some time

getting to know you before you die.

Good point, little kid. All right.

Let's fix that. You guys hungry?

- I want milkshakes. - No, I want French fries!

Relax. We'll get both.

Now, race to the car.

Last one in has to wear their seatbelt like a loser.

Wait.

Okay, commercial's on.

Let's go!

Even though Mom and Dad were useless,

doing The Twist and weirdly aggressive hockey moves,

I'd found the perfect way to celebrate my best friend...

by making one-of-a-kind invitations

from the finest material known to 14-year-olds...

construction paper.

So, who would we invite

if we could invite anyone in the world we have a crush on?

Prince.

Mm. Malcolm-Jamal Warner.

Mm. I'll take both his last names.

Shanice Wynn-Stevens-Jamal-Warner.

- Mm. - Bill Murray.

I mean, he was hilarious in "Ghostbusters."

I ain't afraid of no ghosts.

[Laughs]

I'm also not afraid of ghosts.

There were so many funerals on the commune.

We learned that death was just a part of life.

[Chuckles]

Yeah, but...

who you gonna call?

Whoever you want, best friend.

We calling someone?

If it is long distance, I have to ask my mom.

Hold up.

Have you never seen "Ghostbusters"?

No. Did that come out this year?

'Cause every other year, I was on the commune. [Chuckles]

You have got to see it, girl.

It's my favorite movie.

'Cause bustin' makes me feel good.

[Laughter]

So, you know what?

Let's talk about the party.

That I'm planning for you. That you asked me to plan.

Okay. So, who do you want to invite?

Uh, obviously me.

I'll just write my name down at the top.

Shanice, Jasmine... "The Adorable Fourable."

Ooh, we should invite [sing-song voice] Jonathan.

- Shut up. - Who's Jonathan?

Oh, no one. [Chuckles] Just her crush.

She wants him to be her [sing-song voice] boyfriend.

I mean, I guess he's cute or whatever.

Oh.

I didn't know about Jonathan.

Were you gonna tell me about that later,

when we were just two best friends alone, talking?

It's not that big of a deal.

??

Okay. Sure. [Chuckles]

My best friend was keeping secrets from me.

Does that mean she wasn't my best friend?

If you're 14

and your best friend doesn't tell you about their crush,

you might as well be two points down

and pull the goalie

in a do-or-die shot for the Stanley Cup.

Huh. My dad started to get through to me

on that hockey stuff.

Who ya gonna talk to?

Ghostbursters!

- Did I do it wrong? - Mnh-mnh.

We need you to decide which of us is cooler.

When you say "us,"

do you mean you and a cool person?

No, she means us.

Wow.

This is like "Sophie's Choice,"

but they're not children, they're spiders.

I look at them both and I'm like, "Ew."

Oh, Denise, c'mon. Eh, we're serious.

I mean, just... just give it to us straight, okay?

Is it her,

the corporate lawyer who enforces rules for The Man,

or the rebellious outsider with cool bracelets?

Paul, you listen to Billy Joel.

- So do you. - Only "Piano Man."

And "Allentown."

And "My Life." [Chuckles]

Oh, don't forget "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant."

Oh, yeah. That is a jam. So good.

Okay. You guys are making me sad.

He's a very good storyteller.

The best.

How can I put this without hurting feelings?

You two are black holes of uncool,

with the accumulative lack of freshness

sucking in everything cool and destroying it

to the point of oblivion,

making it as though it never existed.

What?

No way. We're cool.

- [Chuckles] What about my twisting? - Nope.

- My air guitar? - Please don't.

- Wow. - Sorry, but it needed to be said.

The good news is that you found each other,

instead of subjecting the rest of us

to how terrible you are.

When did she learn about black holes?

I never thought I'd say this,

but do I wear too many bracelets?

[Exhales sharply] Maybe she's right.

I mean, maybe we should just embrace the fact

that our time has passed.

- BOW: Mom. Dad. - Huh?

I'm desperate and I need your help

planning the coolest birthday party ever for my best friend.

- Ah! - [Chuckles]

You've come to the right people.

??

Grandad found himself

wanting to extend his time with Johan and Santi,

but because they weren't 21,

he didn't have too many places he could take them.

And with that record-breaking settlement,

he lived happily ever after.

Even though he never felt his fingers again.

The end. [Clears throat]

I feel like that's going to be me someday.

[Laughs] But without the money.

- This has been fun. - Yeah, it has.

Is there anything else to do around here?

[Gasps] Ooh!

What's that room you were talking about where people cry?

Eh, it's no fun unless people are actually crying.

It's just a conference room.

So, what now? Do we go home?

I guess.

Or we could keep the adventure going.

You guys ever been to Mexico?

What?

They don't even card you for surgery down there.

- Let's do it! - Yeah, I'm in, too.

But I better get some illegal fireworks out of this.

Great. Hopefully, border patrol will believe you're my grandkids.

Uh, we should probably memorize some facts about each other,

just to be safe.

What are your birthdays?

What?

- iM�xico! - Mexico!

I know the year. I just don't know the month.

??

So, with my parents' help,

we went big time for Tamika's birthday.

It was gonna be a day she'd never forget.

The invitation says 4:00, but you know that

some parent's gonna drop off their kid at 3:45.

That's a given.

So, I will have my magic trick ready to go for then.

You are not doing magic.

I spent $26 on this rabbit.

It is coming out of a hat.

[Rabbit chittering]

Okay. Oh, we're all set, Rainbow.

The custom-made Jermaine Jackson ice cream cake

is in the back.

I paid off the manager

so she'll only play music you girls request,

and I rented this microphone setup

in case you all want to sing along.

So, this is gonna be a cooler birthday

than anything we've done for our own children.

We probably need to talk about that,

but for now, all that matters

is that Tamika has the best time ever.

- Mm. Mm-hmm. Of course. - [Door opens]

- Oh, my gosh. So cool. - YOUNG WOMAN: Yeah.

3:41.

Mom must have hit all the green lights

- on her way over. - Mm.

- Oh, my gosh. - Okay, it's...

- showtime. - ? I'm so excited ?

? And I just can't hide it ?

? Oh, I'm about to lose control... ?

The party was epic.

It was all working.

The pizza. The music.

Dad's sudden interest in magic.

? And I just can't hide it ?

? No, no, no, no, no ?

? And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I want you ?

? I want you ?

Even Mom's crazy marbles were a hit.

It would go down

in West Valley Shopping Plaza and Medical Center history.

[Slow-motion] I got it!

I felt like I'd found my calling...

[Cheers and applause]

...being someone's best friend.

[Laughter]

Look at them.

Who says we don't know what's cool?

Looks like your rabbit got out of the cage.

What? Oh.

Be right back.

Thank you so much for putting all this together, Rainbow.

This is like the best birthday party I've had

since they shut down the trampoline park

after the second girl died.

Yeah, I never could've done all of this.

Yeah. I never thought that I could get Pizza Palace

to play my favorite Johnny Mathis song.

I'm just happy you're happy.

I didn't want you to be like Molly Ringwald

in "Sixteen Candles." [Scoffs]

That's a movie we all saw together.

Maybe we can start quoting that one.

[Door opens]

Oh, no.

Jonathan's here.

What? Where?

??

[Gasps] Oh, God.

And just like that,

a good time just between us girls was ruined...

by a man, of course.

"That's why they call them crushes.

If they were easy,

they'd call 'em something else."

It's from "Sixteen Candles."

I rewatched it.

Pretty recently.

This is your chance.

You should go say something.

He doesn't even know who I am.

It was all falling apart, but I had an idea.

??

Oh, that's... [Microphone feedback]

...louder than I expected.

Hi, everyone.

You don't know me, but my name's Rainbow.

Johnson.

Rainbow Sojourner Johnson.

- Bow! Yeah! - Okay.

Doesn't matter. Today is not about me.

It's about a really special person in my life.

- My best friend, Tamika. - [Applause]

Today's her birthday,

and I wanted to get her the best gift.

And what's a better gift than romance?

So, I dedicate this song,

"I Can Dream About You" by Dan Hartman,

from the movie "Streets of Fire"...

another movie we could see...

to Tamika...

and Jonathan. [Chuckles]

[ Dan Hartman's "I Can Dream About You" playing]

? No more timing ?

? Each tear that falls from my eyes ?

??

- ? I'm not hiding ? - Hmm.

The rabbit is back in the cage.

Everyone who ate from the salad bar,

please come to the register to get your refund.

[Sighs]

??

I was so caught up trying to be Tamika's "best" friend

that I completely messed up the "friend" part.

Tamika? You in here?

It's Rainbow.

If you're in here for bathroom reasons, I'll go.

But if you're in here for sad reasons,

I really want to talk.

And if you're in here for sad bathroom reasons,

I have some Tums.

Rainbow, you made me look like an idiot,

and now everyone knows I like Jonathan.

Even Jonathan knows I like Jonathan.

[Door opens]

- Sorry, I'll just be a minute. - Mom.

You know what? I'll hold it.

I was trying to get him to notice you

because you said he doesn't know you exist.

And since when do you care

if people know you like Jonathan?

You told everybody else.

Just not me.

Oh, so is that what this is about?

- This is my fault? - No. It's just...

I didn't tell you because I was embarrassed, okay?

Jonathan's kind of a nerd.

But you told Shanice and Jasmine.

Jasmine likes every boy,

and of course Shanice likes him.

He has a job at the mini-golf place.

You were the only one whose opinion really mattered.

You're my best friend.

It meant so much to me that Tamika was my best friend,

and even more that she felt the same way.

Well, if you're looking for my opinion,

I think Jonathan's great.

I love nerds. I am one.

I mean, come on, I thought it was "Ghostbursters."

[Laughs]

You wanna sneak out of here?

We haven't even cut the cake yet.

And maybe Jonathan wants a piece.

- Ooh. Ooh. - [Door opens]

Oh, thank God. That took forever.

[Stall door opens, closes]

Thanks for the best two days of my life, Grandad.

I'm gonna have to call Black Grandad

and tell him he needs to up his game.

You know, I think I finally realized

why I withheld all that affection from your dad

when he was a kid.

- So he wouldn't grow up soft? - Well, yeah, that,

and so I could spoil you kids with it.

- [Giggles] - Maybe I wasn't the best dad,

but I'm one hell of a grandad.

You just said "hell."

He said way worse stuff on the tilt-a-whirl.

I think we're past that.

??

PAUL: You know, maybe we aren't

as cool as we were in our heyday,

but we learned a valuable lesson here.

We just have to take a breath and acknowledge

that I am the coolest person in this family.

Mm, I think the lesson is

rabbits escape and cause health-code violations.

DENISE: What did I tell you?

Neither one of you is cool.

Yeah, we know that, but we can still be the coolest

- in this very uncool family. - Mm-hmm.

- Who are you calling uncool? - It's Saturday night.

You're at your sister's house

- watching TV in a borrowed bathrobe. - [Chuckles]

That's because cool people don't pay for they own cable.

You know what?

Who are we trying to impress?

I know.

Maybe we were hot stuff growing up, but that's gone.

Long gone.

I might have not been that cool growing up.

I know I made the marble birthday party sound amazing,

but not a lot of the kids from the neighborhood

wanted to come.

I mean, it was basically me and Dee

and our neighbor, Melvin.

And he had to leave because he swallowed one.

Well, I think you're pretty great.

- Yeah? - Hmm.

You wanna play marbles?

Only if I can show you a card trick.

Mm. Leave your cape.

You won't need it.

[Chuckles]

Why can't y'all just kiss like regular people?

Pew, pew...

ALICIA: Oh! [Laughs]

??

You will never guess who I just got off the phone with.

[Scoffs] Your podiatrist, Dr. Burke.

He said that you need bunion surgery.

[Audience laughs, applauds]

Sofia, how did you know that?

Do you have ESP or something?

No.

But I have a phone in my bedroom.

[Audience laughs]

I love having a phone in my room.

Comes in handy when you stay up late, chatting with a gentleman.

[Audience laughs]

Oh, Blanche.

In St. Olaf, I used to stay up late

talking with my favorite cow, Elsie.

I really believed she understood me.

Oh, please, Rose,

I don't think that cow could understand you.

I can barely understand you.

- [Audience laughs] - Hmm.

Who's in the mood for cheesecake?

[Laughter and applause]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0