All language subtitles for Last Man Standing s09e19 Murder, She Wanted.eng

MIKE:
Is that one of my beautiful daughters

having coffee with her mom?

Oh, it's you.

Oh, ha, ha.

So, you didn't tell me
that you were speaking

at some marketing summit
in Aspen this weekend.

Well, I didn't want to freak you
out and have you worry

that I wouldn't be here
for our show on Sunday.

Oh, come on.
Give her a little credit.

She might just be interested
in your life.

Not really.

See, this-- this is why
I don't defend you more.

It's okay, it's okay.

A group of total strangers
find me fascinating. Isn't that

-what's really important?
-Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, but you're gonna be back
in time for the finale, right?

Wouldn't miss it.
Come on.

I think we're gonna figure out
who the Cul-De-Sac Killer is.

Oh, they have to tell us.
Don't they?

-Yeah.
-What if they don't?

-I don't know...
-Oh, my God, I'm getting even more freaked out now.

We're gonna be fine.
We're gonna figure it out.

-Okay. I can't wait.
-Yeah, me, too.

-See you, bye.
-Mm, bye. -Why don't I just

go ahead and just put your stuff
in the dishwasher?

-Okay.
-Yeah. I think it's sweet

how much she enjoys
watching that show with you.

-Y-Yeah, it's actually
pretty good. I like it. -Mm. Mm-hmm.

You know? It's not easy being
the Cul-De-Sac Killer, right?

There's only one way in, and...

and there's only one way out.

-RYAN: Howdy-hoo-oo!
-Oh, my God.

We got to put a lock
on that door.

Okay. Guess where
I'm going this weekend,

and think unexpected.

Church?

-Not that unexpected.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Crunchy Town.
Where granola is the currency

-and everybody smells like feet.
-(Vanessa laughs)

Nope.

The marketing summit in Aspen.

-Ah.
-MIKE: What are the chances

that there's two Aspens?

♪

So you're both going to the same
conference. That's so fun.

Only if we run into each other.

But, you know,
Aspen's a big place.

Nope. It's not that big.

It can be.

Hey, uh, how are you
getting there?

Uh, depends. Uh, how-how
are you getting there?

Flying.

Ugh, darn it, darn it.
I'm driving.

Well, why can't you carpool?

Because he's already bought
the plane ticket,

but thanks for the help, honey.

Oh, well, no,

the-the ticket's refundable.

Well, you don't want
to drive with me. I'm going

at the crack of dawn,
I want to get up there early.

Oh, no, I love waking up early,
seeing the sun come up,

so that is perfect.

It might not be perfect.

-Let's keep talking.
-(sighs)

Look, I want to go with you

because I want to network
with the heavy hitters,

and if we walk in together,
doors will open for me.

What if you wear one of my hats?

Oh, q-quit teasing him.

I don't... Is there a reason you
don't want to drive together?

Not that I'm comfortable
talking about right here.

Yeah, I'll take that as a yes.
Thank you, Mike.

And thank you, Vanessa.

-VANESSA: Oh, you are welcome.
-I'll bring this back.

(Vanessa chuckles)

You guys are gonna
have a great time together.

Oh, stop it. Stop... Come on.

Y-You knew it was gonna happen,
I just got us there faster.

It didn't have to happen.

I was cleverly saying no.

Why? Why, I mean, you guys,

you've been getting along
great lately.

Do you remember that, uh,

classic beer stein
I had that shattered?

Yes, I remember. Look, you don't
have to tell me the story again.

Well, wait, no, no,
but listen. Remember?

It broke into a lot of pieces,
I was supergluing it

back together,
but it hadn't set yet,

so I told everybody,
"Don't touch it,"

because otherwise
it could shatter again.

I didn't move it. I didn't
move it, I didn't move it.

I wasn't even in the room.

Okay, okay, okay, all right.
We all got that.

But "somebody" shattered it.

Now imagine driving that thing
all the way to Aspen.

You know, I can't believe
you're calling yourself fragile.

I'm not calling myself anything.

This is a metaphor
for Ryan and I.

The glue is not set yet,

and a four-hour drive
could shatter that again.

All right, you know what?
I'm-I'm sorry.

Y-You don't want to do it,
just call Ryan,

tell him you like him,
you just don't like-like him.

You know, I-I'm looking at this
like I was winning the argument

which is why
you are walking away.

Now, Tiger and Simba, they love
ribbons, but Lulu and Boots,

they're all about
their squeaky mouse toy.

-Yeah.
-(laughs) You know, sometimes

Tiger hides it from Lulu--
all hell breaks loose.

-It's really funny.
Let me show you. -Hi, guys. Hey.

-Hey. Did you see
these pictures? -Cat pictures.

-Bye, guys.
-Uh, hey, hey, hey. Kristin.

Why don't you come join us
and talk about

literally anything else?

Hello, folks, just gather
around, please, for a moment.

Please, just...
(clears throat)

Last night,
Bonnie and I saw a show.

Now, have you ever seen
a production so bold

that it changes
your perception of the world?

KRISTIN:
Oh, wow. What'd you see, Ed?

Taft: The Musical.

That's right. I saw the
original production on Broadway,

now it's touring Denver
and it's just as spectacular.

Oh, that's the one about
President Taft told through rap.

Now, I-I don't care much for the
hippity-hoppity-hippity stuff,

but still,
this-this was excellent.

I learned so much

about our nation's
most corpulent president.

Yeah, well, Nixon,
he was no angel, either.

"Corpulent" means big, Joe.

He weighed 350.

Yeah. They say "three-fiddy"
in the show, you see.

But regardless, it was terrific,
I want you to see it.

Oh, oh, darn.
Yeah, no, I-I told my friend--

w-who is definitely
a real person--

that, um,
that I'd see it with her,

and-and she's recovering from...

-a lung transplant.
-Ah. Yeah.

All right.
Regardless.

Gentlemen?
What do you say?

Oh, yeah, man,
it's not really my thing.

And if I'm going to the theater,
I don't want to see

a-a rapping
social studies class.

Hey, I've never seen
a Broadway show in my life.

I'm not gonna start now.

Wait, you've never seen Cats?

Wait, there's a Broadway show
about cats?

Why wasn't I told about this?

All right, that's it, that's it.

I'm buying you tickets,
and as your boss,

I'm ordering you to go.

(sighs)

This is just people
dressed up as cats.

(phone dings)

(gasps)
Oh, God. That's Mike.

Uh, he says he's almost home.

I knew you were
faking liking him.

No, no, no,
he's-he's just getting home

much earlier than-than expected.

And why is that a bad thing?

Because it means that-that
he and Ryan had a fight.

Which is what he said
was gonna happen,

which means he was right.

This is terrible.
I mean...

Not the fight,
just that he was right.

-(garage door opens)
-(gasps)

-Oh, that's the garage.
-And that's my cue to leave.

Um... Okay.

Hey, babe.

Hey.
All right, go ahead.

Tell me.
How bad was it with Ryan?

I think I need a beer.

Oh, no, it was "beer bad"?

Uh, make it two, honey.

All right, so, uh,
so what happened?

Was it harsh words?
A fistfight? A kiss?

Better tell me. My guesses
are just gonna get worse.

I had a great time.

What?

Yep.
I had a great time with Ryan.

I don't believe you.
You're lying.

So you had a good time
with Ryan in the car?

Yeah. It... We were driving
back, didn't even rush.

We pulled over a couple times
to look at the mountains.

Wait, wait.
W... Mike Baxter stopped?

But then that would mean
that the slow cars that you'd

already passed would-would
get back ahead of you.

It's amazing.
I wasn't even angry about it,

I just... I actually got out
and just waved them by.

All right, well, what changed?

He did his marketing
presentation, right?

And...
damn if it wasn't interesting.

-I was proud.
-Wow. That is so cool.

-Good for you.
-Yeah. And one of my old buddies came up

-and says,
"Do you know this guy?" -Mm-hmm.

And I...

I actually admitted it.

Look at you, Mike Baxter.
Getting along with everybody.

And they say people
get crankier as they get older.

Yeah, I was gonna say this,
you're-you're developing

kind of an edge.

What?

Like this, right here.

(Joe speaking indistinctly)

ED:
There they are.

-(chuckles): Hey.
-Hey.

Fresh from the night of theatre.

-Huh?
-Uh, ooh...

So did you love it
or did you love it?

-The first one. Yeah.
-Yeah.

-Yeah, I got to admit, Ed,
that was a... -Man.

...that was a,
that was a great show.

Uh, yes.

So, w-what was
your favorite part?

Oh, gosh, I mean,
just, like, the...

-you know, the whole thing.
-I liked the way it started.

-Uh-huh.
-And that stuff in the middle.

-And the ending.
Ooh, man. Really. -Yeah, it was good.

I'm-I'm s... Yeah,
you guys did see it, right?

Yeah, we did. How'd your
friend's lung transplant go?

How'd you like that number
after he won the second term?

-Oh, great. Unbelievable.
-Oh, that was the best part. Yes.

Yeah.
Taft only served one term.

-Okay, we didn't go. Yeah.
-But we wanted to, I swear.

-Yeah.
-CHUCK: Yeah, yeah, we even went

to the theater, but...
(chuckles)

...then we heard it was
gonna be three hours long.

-And that didn't even
include the halftime. -Yeah.

-I'm sorry.
We-we'll pay you back. -Yeah, yeah.

Please, you know,
it's not about the money.

I just wanted to share
something with my friends.

That's all.

But I made a mistake.
I'm sorry.

(softly):
Well...

(sighs) How did I not know
Taft served only one term?

Hey, you take a shot.
We had a fiddy-fiddy chance.

Come on, Mandy, hurry up.
Murder is afoot.

Well, actually,
based on last episode,

-murder is a-torso.
-(laughs)

Okay, Dad.
Since this is the finale,

our snacks are themed.

And since the murders
took place in Wisconsin,

-cheese curds,
white fudge popcorn... -Mm-hmm. Yum, yum.

...and sliced bratwurst.

Oh, and since the suspects
are all white, so is our wine.

Oh, great.

Well, maybe the next episode
they'll be Scotch,

and 12 years old.

Ooh, I love the way
they do the recap.

Oh, right.
Remember last week we saw

that the murderer
had a bonsai tree?

You know, think about this,

if the murderer
was into bonsais,

he would slowly clip
his victims to death

over a period
of, like, 50 years.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Could you...
Ow, ow, ow, ow."

Eh...

Hey, guys.
Am I, uh, interrupting?

Hey, Ryan. Yeah, you are.

Oh, sorry. What's up?

I think we're just about
to find out

that the murderer

is that annoying
little real estate agent.

No, no, I am telling you,
it is the home security...

-No.
-...system installer because that's the last person

-that you'd suspect.
-Hell no, it can't...

-Wait a minute, maybe.
-Yeah.

'Cause then he would be drumming
up new business doing it.

-That's not a bad idea.
-I know.

What can we do for you?

Oh, uh, just came to drop off
a little sixer

-of that pilsner
we liked in Aspen. -Oh.

And, unlike at the hotel,
it is not nine dollars a bottle.

Okay, cool. Thanks. Bye.

Oh, you don't have to be rude.

Listen, on the way to the
refrigerator, drop it off

and then get out.

It's just a little
thank-you gift

for helping me with that idea.

I ran it by my boss,
and he loved it.

But really, I just
helped you organize it.

It was a good idea.
It was all on you, man.

Thank you.
Appreciate that.

-Yeah.
-Okay, that's sweet. Bye-bye.

Oh, you guys are watching that
show; is it any good?

Can I, uh, can I watch with you
for a minute?

It's the finale, Ryan.
You'd be completely lost.

Oh, well, I've watched a lot
of David Lynch movies.

I am used to being
completely lost.

You won't even know I'm here.
I promise.

-(dramatic music plays)
-(cap pops loudly)

-Seriously?
-(music stops)

What?

Did you buy
the loudest beer they had?

(chuckles):
Sorry.

Whoa, whoa, better not crunch
any of that cheese curd.

She hears that, she's probably
gonna stab you in the neck.

(music resumes)

Oh, Milwaukee.

-(music stops)
-Okay.

You know what, Dad,

uh, we're gonna do this
another time.

Maybe when there's nobody here

yelling out random names
of cities

and drinking super loud beer.

Mandy, I'm sorry.

(chuckles):
W-What did I do?

And one more thing, Mr. Vegan.

Those cheese curds you're eating
are real dairy!

Sorry, is-is she mad at me?

I-I don't know.
I-I wouldn't know.

I get along with everybody.
Just ask my wife.

Although I wouldn't
ask her now because

she's developed a little edge.

Hey, you know what's ironic?

Um, a fire station burning down.

No. Well, yes, but, yeah.

No, no, that, um,
that Mandy and Ryan

had a fight last night.

I mean, you two are
finally getting along,

and then those guys have
a falling-out.

So Ryan having a fight is ironic

or... inevitable?

-Hey, good morning.
-Morning. -Hey.

Uh, listen, Kyle,
the clothes for the church,

I just put 'em in the pantry.

Yeah, great. Thank you.
You are the best.

Hey, uh, Mr. B, is it okay
if I come in after lunch today?

I've got ministerial counseling

-at the church this morning.
-No problem.

You want some breakfast, Kyle?

Oh, uh, no, I-I better not.

I like to get in a little prayer

before I do my counseling,
and sometimes, if I've eaten,

I-I nod off.

Yeah. A little advice,
why don't you cut back

a little bit on the prayer.

Listen, Kyle, maybe you
could put some

of your counseling expertise
to work with Mandy and Ryan.

A-Are they okay?

Hmm? What's that?

Well, I mean, I'm sure, I'm sure
Mandy said something to you.

And did she...? She and Ryan got
into it a little bit last night.

Well, if she did tell me that
she was having a problem

with somebody,
I certainly couldn't

talk to you guys about it.

It's called confidentiality.

Oh, come on,
we're her parents, so...

Oh, yeah, I know.

And I'm her husband.

But none of us are allowed
to know what she talks about

with... me.

Wait, wait, wait.
What's going on here?

It was just a little
disagreement.

Yeah. Is she really upset?

I'm afraid I can't
tell you that.

Okay, could, uh... could you
tell us about somebody else?

Like who?

Oh! Oh, okay.

-Yeah, yeah.
-Yeah.

Like, uh, somebody
that I read about in a...

College textbook?

Yes, okay.
Uh, a case study

about this, um, this sensitive,
loving, really tall...

-Woman?
-Woman. Okay.

-Right. Yes. Okay, exactly.
-Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Who is feeling, uh,
these feelings of, uh, of...

-Frustration?
-Yes.

Exactly. Because she felt like
she didn't have

anything in common with her...

Brother-in-law.

No. Father.

-Father?
-Father? Wait, what?

Yes, because this sensitive,
loving...

Okay, Kyle, stop.
We're done. Come on.

She felt like everybody else
in the family

had this one big special thing
that they shared with her dad.

Like one person was
getting ready

to take over the dad's store,

and another person was really
getting into marketing,

and another person was...
well, Eve.

Oh, wow.

Wait, so Mandy wasn't really
mad at Ryan, she's-she's...

-Mad at me. Mm.
-Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I wouldn't say that
she was mad.

Well, the girl in the textbook.

-I would say that she was sad.
-VANESSA: Mm.

And maybe it came across as mad.

I'll see you after lunch, Mr. B.

-Okay, good deal.
-Okay. All right, see you later.

Oh, man,

-I feel so bad for Mandy.
-Yeah.

-You've got to talk to her.
-I'll talk to her.

But I'm gonna have
my breakfast first,

go upstairs, lay down
and take a little prayer.

-(knock on door)
-I'm busy.

What the fresh hell is this?

(chuckles) We felt so bad
about the other day,

we got our own tickets
and saw Taft

And I didn't fall asleep once.

-I was in row Z-Z-Z.
-Yeah.

(Chuck laughs)

Gentlemen, you can stop
the charade.

You don't like theater,
that's fine.

Taft, are you daft?
I incensed you.

Now I got to run against you.

Roosevelt, don't make me
use my belt.

It's a size 96.
It'll leave a welt.

(both laugh)

Oh, so you-you did see it.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

-I told you so.
-Yeah.

-And you liked it?
-Oh, man...

Oh, liked it? (laughs)

That 20-minute rap about
the Sherman Antitrust Act?

Just wow.

You hated it.

-Yeah, it was, it was awful.
-So much, man, so much.

Man, why-why'd you say
you liked that show, Ed?

I lied. I-I despised it.

Then what the hell?

Bonnie loves it,
and I love my wife.

-So you didn't want to
bad-mouth it to your wife. -Yeah, but I had to

bad-mouth it to somebody
or I'm gonna lose my mind.

Well, what were you gonna say
if we liked the show, Ed?

I'd send you to talk to Bonnie
and get me off the hook.

(laughing):
He's a selfish bastard.

Kind of like Taft.

Although, I don't know if
he's like that.

I-I lied. I fell asleep.

The bad part is, he snores,
which woke me up.

(Ed chuckles)

Come on, let's have
some Scotch, gentlemen,

and talk theater
like a dramaturge.

Yeah, it'll be my second
"turge" this week.

Hey, so I'm sorry that I left
the other night.

Ryan was really
pushing my buttons.

-Ryan was?
-Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Listen,

I found a box of stuff
I wanted you to look at.

And do you remember
building that dollhouse?

Oh, my God.

Yeah. I loved that thing.

You know, none of my friends
could believe

that me and my macho dad
were building

a dollhouse to play with.

I built it, you played with it.
I didn't play with it.

You didn't tell anybody
I played with it, did you?

I didn't play
with that dollhouse.

You helped me furnish it.

That's-that's different.
I put stuff in there

'cause that's where
it had to go.

It wasn't a design or anything.

I didn't decorate it with you.

I just put the couch
where it belonged.

Is this our
Dance Dance Party mat?

-Mm-hmm.
-(laughs softly)

Do you remember
when I accidentally hit

"Double Expert Get Down Mode"?

It felt like people were
shooting bullets at my feet.

You bet I do.

Yeah.
You unlocked a secret song.

Yeah. Well, we-we did
a lot of fun stuff.

Oh, my God.

Our NSYNC scrapbook.

Yeah, it wasn't all
that much fun.

I mean, some of the stuff
was weird.

You came up with a lot
of cool stuff,

although when you went through
that cornrow phase,

that was hard to manage
'cause you wanted me to do it.

Remember that one time
before a party,

your mom was gone, I was,
"Do they just... one goes

on the side like..."

I've still got arthritis
'cause of that.

What are you thinking?

-It's just, it's...
-What?

What is it?

(sniffles)
Just all of this.

You know?

You and I, we always try
and find something

that we are both interested in,

but nothing ever sticks.

Well, that's not how I see it.

There's a lot of amazing
things I've done

that I would have never done
had you not dragged me into it.

Come on, Dad.

Look, we may not have a big,
special thing.

We've got a lot of little
special things, you and I.

Yeah, well, when you
put it that way,

it does sound pretty great.

Well, you know me,
I-I have a way of

seeing the positive side
of everything.

(laughs):
Oh, really?

Well, you know what I have been
thinking about a lot lately?

-Hmm?
-Bonsai trees.

I-I don't have any interest
in bonsai trees, which...

probably would
make it perfect, then.

Wait, who did the Cul-De-Sac
Killer turn out to be?

-The real estate agent?
-I shut it off right after you left.

-I didn't see the end of it.
-Oh, well...

we can watch it if, you know,
if you have time.

I have time. Yeah.
Let's do it.

hat's great. Great idea.

Unless you want to take
one more shot

at the Dance Dance Party mat.

Ooh, I would so kick your butt.

-Would you?
-Yeah.

Not if I picked the song,
'cause good luck

dancing to Foghat.

-Foghat?
-Foghat!

Hello, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man.

A couple of times a week,
I like to walk the sales floor

and ask customers if they
need help finding something.

I like to do that, you know.

And then they say,
"Hey, you're Outdoor Man.

Can I get a selfie
and autograph?"

And immediately I regret
offering to help.

But a lot of times
our customers will say,

"I just enjoy looking around."

Wow. That's the best part
of life, isn't it?

Just seeing how much
there is to see.

You might like motorcycles,
you might like water sports.

And thanks to American inventor
Clayton Jacobson,

we have the Jet Ski.

And you can do both
at the same time. Damn.

Yeah, if you keep your eyes
open to new experiences,

you're going to find
a whole bunch of stuff

you didn't even know
you loved to do.

You might even discover
your love of building

applies to dollhouses.

And if Barbie has me as
her architect, she not only gets

a beautiful home,
she upgrades from Ken

to a John Elway bobblehead.
(chuckles)

So keep looking, keep hunting,

keep making meaningful
new connections

with the people in your life.

And when you're here
at the store, remember,

it doesn't matter what you buy,

as-as long as you buy something.
Baxter out.

Captioning sponsored by
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and TOYOTA.

(chicken clucks)

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