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1
00:00:53,930 --> 00:00:54,930
Hello?
2
00:01:04,060 --> 00:01:06,500
- Hello?!
- Hello?!
3
00:01:09,060 --> 00:01:10,060
There's an echo.
4
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,700
I've just arrived.
5
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,760
I've just arrived. Hold on.
6
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:16,930
How did my echo
get here before me?
7
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:18,600
Arlo, turn around.
8
00:01:20,130 --> 00:01:22,300
Oh, Collie! It's you!
9
00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:25,330
I got them things you
wanted for the sandwiches.
10
00:01:26,430 --> 00:01:29,200
Do you mind if I make one now?
I'm absolutely Hank Marvin.
11
00:01:29,230 --> 00:01:32,030
No! You can wait until
the others get here.
12
00:01:32,130 --> 00:01:33,160
What did you buy?
13
00:01:33,530 --> 00:01:37,000
Pulled pork, pressed tongue,
and a hot and spicy whip.
14
00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:39,030
That sounds disgusting!
15
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,730
You said you wanted
an S&M selection.
16
00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:43,800
I said an M&S select...!
17
00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:45,800
Never mind.
18
00:02:23,730 --> 00:02:26,060
What are you doing? We're
not in slow motion any more.
19
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:28,370
Sorry.
20
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:29,470
The boss is here.
21
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:31,760
He wants help bringing the
hardware in from the car.
22
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:35,800
- But I've just made meself a tea!
- Arlokino.
23
00:02:40,900 --> 00:02:43,330
So,
if you haven't already guessed,
24
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,970
it's a sort of cross between
commedia dell'arte and a heist movie.
25
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,070
I guess because
they both use masks.
26
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:50,830
Which is quite clever, in a way,
27
00:02:50,860 --> 00:02:53,930
but still sounds like something
a drama teacher'd have a wank to.
28
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:58,770
But, hey, it's series six, you've got to
allow for a certain artistic exhaustion.
29
00:02:58,800 --> 00:02:59,670
Columbina.
30
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:02,130
Oh, God, here comes the subplot.
31
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:03,900
Just stick with me on these bits
32
00:03:03,930 --> 00:03:05,800
and we'll get through them
as quickly as possible.
33
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,530
Columbina,
you've got to help me.
34
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:11,460
My daddy wants me to marry his friend,
the Captain, who I've never even met.
35
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,560
But I have my heart
set on another.
36
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,230
It's so unfair!
37
00:03:15,260 --> 00:03:17,930
Surely, Miss, your father has
other things on his mind today.
38
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,230
Like, 12 million other things.
39
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:24,860
Because the diamonds we're
stealing are worth ��12 million?
40
00:03:25,660 --> 00:03:27,600
Yes. That's...
41
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:29,960
Yes.
42
00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:33,930
So, he's not going to have time to
be thinking about marriage proposals.
43
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,400
No, that's exactly why he is!
44
00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:38,300
If everything goes
according to plan,
45
00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:41,270
then the Captain'll be rich
beyond his wildest dreams.
46
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:44,560
Then my father will have no
need to provide a dowry for me.
47
00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:46,700
He can keep all his own
earnings to himself.
48
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,600
- It's nearly finished.
- He's being driven by greed
49
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,370
and not by my own wishes
of who I want to marry.
50
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:53,830
But, Madam, what can I do?
51
00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:57,100
I am just a lowly housemaid
in this organisation.
52
00:03:57,860 --> 00:04:00,470
I've written a letter to my true
beloved, explaining my plight.
53
00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:03,000
Please see that he gets it
before the end of the job today.
54
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,670
You want me to give this
letter to the Doctor's...
55
00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:08,460
Yes! Yes, please.
And not a word to my father.
56
00:04:11,330 --> 00:04:14,460
I guess we're just pretending that
WhatsApps and emails don't exist.
57
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:18,130
Still, I'll give her letter
to the Doctor's son, Mario.
58
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,870
He's thick as shit,
but fit as fuck!
59
00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:23,970
Columbina, stop Fleabaggin'
and make me a cup of splosh.
60
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,700
Yes, Master. Right away.
61
00:04:25,900 --> 00:04:28,700
And I wasn't Fleabagging,
I was Miranda-ing.
62
00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,000
Such fun. Ooh!
63
00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:34,400
Careful with that,
you clumsy cumwad!
64
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:39,000
There's enough TNT in 'ere to blow
both your tiny fucking brain cells out.
65
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:43,200
Now, did you bring the
Glock like I asked ya?
66
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:44,900
No.
67
00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:48,670
But I did wind my watch up this
morning, even though it's digital.
68
00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:50,590
No, your Glock, your pistol!
69
00:04:51,380 --> 00:04:52,430
You mean this?
70
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:54,960
Don't point it at me.
71
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:57,260
It's all right, safety's on.
72
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:02,300
My bad.
73
00:05:09,930 --> 00:05:13,400
My nose tells me
this is the place.
74
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,170
Allow me to introduce myself.
75
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,560
I am Il Capitano.
76
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:32,570
I'm sorry that you're ill, but my
name's not Capitano, it's Hortensia.
77
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:33,970
Ah, yes.
78
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:39,270
The Hor-tensia, daughter of my
esteemed friend Senor Pantalone.
79
00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:41,970
But I'm sure you've heard
of me by reputation.
80
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,030
I am Scaramouche.
81
00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:47,560
- Scaramouche?
- * Will you do the... *
82
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,400
- What happened there?
- We couldn't afford the copyright.
83
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,400
That's a shame.
84
00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:55,270
You're the man that my
father wants me to marry?!
85
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:57,770
Un-a-til a-now I had been
a-deaf to your beauty
86
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:02,660
and blind to-a your voice, dumb to
your scent and mute to-a your caress.
87
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:07,060
I hope to wrong that a-right
over the course of this segment.
88
00:06:07,130 --> 00:06:10,380
So, what's your role
in this job, Captain?
89
00:06:10,420 --> 00:06:12,400
Surveillance? Security?
90
00:06:12,660 --> 00:06:16,300
I am international
authority on booming.
91
00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:18,700
- Booming?
- Si, si.
92
00:06:18,730 --> 00:06:22,770
Because of my booming skills, I
can a-smash my way in anywhere.
93
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,560
Will you excuse me?
I just need the bathroom.
94
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,230
Ah, she is sick with love.
95
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:36,070
Hortensia, Hortensia, don't
a-leave me on the fence-ia!
96
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:38,370
My feelings don't
a-make sense-ia.
97
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:39,930
I hope it's not dementia.
98
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,770
- Oi, Scaramouche.
- Ah, Senor Pantalone.
99
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,430
Some gelignite here for
you to take a look at.
100
00:06:44,460 --> 00:06:46,800
I have already eaten,
but I thank you.
101
00:06:47,130 --> 00:06:48,830
No, it's fucking dynamite!
102
00:06:49,330 --> 00:06:50,860
Maybe a small bowl, then.
103
00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:58,970
- Right, the Doctor's going to be here
any minute. - How do you know?
104
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,030
Because I accidentally turned over
two pages of the script at once.
105
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:05,200
Look, if you do me a favour,
I'll let you have a sandwich.
106
00:07:05,330 --> 00:07:07,460
- What flavour?
- What flavour favour?
107
00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:10,200
- What flavour sandwich?
- Whatever you want.
108
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:12,970
I'd like a lovely slice of ham.
109
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,000
Lean?
110
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,530
I'd like a lovely slice of ham.
111
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,600
I bet you're loving this on the
Cook'd and Bomb'd forum, aren't you?
112
00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:24,730
Look, just give this love letter
to the Doctor's son, Mario.
113
00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,860
He'll know who it's from.
Understand?
114
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:31,360
The scholar says, "Plethora," and the
widow says, "Thanks, that means a lot."
115
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,560
And now he's just turned
over two pages at once.
116
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,060
It would appear this
is the place, Mario.
117
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:48,470
Somewhat insalubrious,
yet suitably clandestine.
118
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:51,330
The very sine qua non of a
gangster's hideaway, n'est-ce pas?
119
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:52,700
It's a shithole.
120
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:53,870
Indeed.
121
00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:56,370
And, yet, its crepuscular
corners will allow us
122
00:07:56,400 --> 00:08:01,000
to dupe the old man and his
cronies with our pseudo sparklers.
123
00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:02,900
You have them still?
124
00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:08,470
- Oh, you mean the fake diamonds?
- Yes, yes! Lower your voice!
125
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,100
- You mean the fake diamonds?
- Mario!
126
00:08:10,130 --> 00:08:12,430
- Yes, I've shoved them down
the front of my trousers. - Good.
127
00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:15,660
It's important to have
a little circumspection.
128
00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:18,100
I think I might if I
bend over too quickly.
129
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:23,070
When the time is right, we will
switch the bona fide jewels
130
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:26,130
with the paste ones and no-one
will be any the wiser. Capiche?
131
00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:28,800
Whatever you say, Pops.
As long as no-one gets hurt.
132
00:08:28,930 --> 00:08:31,760
- You know you can't stand the sight
of blood. - Ah, yes. Well ceded.
133
00:08:32,330 --> 00:08:35,630
Arlokino! You made me a
ham sandwich. How kind.
134
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:40,270
Do we have a quorum?
135
00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:41,870
I speak a little Latin,
you know.
136
00:08:41,900 --> 00:08:45,930
Oh, that reminds me -
a scholar goes to a funeral
137
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,530
- and asks the widow...
- No, no, no, no.
138
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,800
You've done this bit already.
Excuse me.
139
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:54,400
I have something for you,
too, Master Mario.
140
00:08:54,530 --> 00:08:57,100
It's from the subplot, so it
might not be that important.
141
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:58,200
Oh, cool.
142
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:02,060
It's an epistle from
a secret admirer.
143
00:09:02,130 --> 00:09:04,000
Apparently you'll
know who it's from.
144
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:19,760
I think I do.
145
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,000
Thanks, Arlo.
146
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,070
All right.
Gentlemen, ladies, gather round.
147
00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:28,100
Grab yourselves a seat. We need
to get on with the briefing.
148
00:10:38,860 --> 00:10:39,860
Please.
149
00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:42,500
Continue.
150
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:48,970
Right. Now, you all know your
roles, but, for the benefit of them
151
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,730
who are watching on BBC Two, I'm
going to go through it again.
152
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,360
- And iPlayer.
- What?
153
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:55,830
Some people could be
watching on iPlayer.
154
00:10:56,800 --> 00:11:00,470
All right. For them what are
watching on any BBC platform...
155
00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:03,360
Or in other countries,
doesn't have to be BBC.
156
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,530
- They have it in Spain, don't they?
- Oh, yeah. Spain, Australia.
157
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,970
- It's very big in China, apparently.
- All right, for fuck's sake!
158
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,030
Wherever people are watching it,
we need to do a recap!
159
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:16,530
Now, the van with the diamonds
leaves Hatton Garden roundabout
160
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:19,830
at 3pm precisely...
161
00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:23,860
and heads down Greville
Street towards Farringdon.
162
00:11:24,460 --> 00:11:29,960
Mario, Scaramouche, you pull the barrier
across just west of Saffron Hill.
163
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,670
Er, you're aware of the CCTV...
164
00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:34,160
Si, si. TV.
165
00:11:34,730 --> 00:11:38,300
Now, you understand
where it extends to.
166
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:41,870
It extends into the kitchen, but
the reception is not-a so good.
167
00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:45,300
Oh Jesus! Mario, you know
about the CCTV, don't ya?
168
00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:46,830
- Sure.
- Good.
169
00:11:46,860 --> 00:11:49,830
It's like CBeebies, but slightly
more complicated programmes.
170
00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:53,770
- What? - I'm not sure the Chinese
are going to get that reference.
171
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:57,170
You need to say something like youku or
something with international appeal...
172
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,960
- It's pretty universal...
- Shut the fuck up the lot of ya!
173
00:12:02,130 --> 00:12:05,030
I will not stand here and be
made to look like a prick!
174
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:11,800
You think I'm joking?
175
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:14,700
Boss!
176
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:16,900
Can I suggest we do a montage?
177
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,200
Yes.
178
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:24,200
Yes. Thank you, Columbina.
179
00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:26,760
Finally, someone talking sense.
180
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:29,800
You can do the voiceover.
181
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:36,970
At 3:02, the van, driven
by a single security guard,
182
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,700
parks up outside
Mugshots Coffee shop.
183
00:12:40,930 --> 00:12:44,300
The guard gets out as usual
to order a flat white.
184
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,900
Hortensia is behind
him in the queue
185
00:12:47,930 --> 00:12:50,870
and bumps into the guard,
creating a distraction.
186
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,460
So I can swap his coffee...
187
00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:54,430
..for the drugged one.
188
00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,970
Meanwhile, Mario and the
Captain have closed the road
189
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,630
for an electrical repair,
keeping the area free of traffic.
190
00:13:05,860 --> 00:13:07,900
Arlo distracts the driver...
191
00:13:09,460 --> 00:13:13,000
..while Scaramouche applies the
explosives to the top of the van.
192
00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:20,360
The guard takes his first sip of
coffee while we get into position.
193
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,100
Then, five seconds later...
194
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:42,560
You were only supposed to
blow the bloody doors off!
195
00:13:42,700 --> 00:13:45,560
Sorry, I've always wanted
to say that. Carry on.
196
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:49,070
Pantalone grabs the keys
from the drowsy guard
197
00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:52,100
and takes the briefcase with
the diamonds from the van.
198
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:56,900
Mario and Scaramouche head down
the manhole into the sewers.
199
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,100
I pick up the boss
in the getaway car.
200
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,700
We all meet back here at
6pm and share the spoils.
201
00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:09,860
See? Piece of piss.
Anything from the subplot?
202
00:14:10,130 --> 00:14:12,600
No. I think we're all
good on that front, Daddy.
203
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,100
Yeah, all good.
204
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:17,900
Bene, good.
205
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,300
Right, you've got 20 minutes
to get your shit together.
206
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,830
Erm, boss, is it all right
if I make a sandwich first?
207
00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:28,500
No! Fuck off! Should've
eaten before we got here.
208
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,260
Are you ready for the twist?
209
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:36,300
There's a good one.
210
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,860
Guv,
it's Detective Sergeant Janus.
211
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,630
We're just about to
leave the hideaway.
212
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:47,600
Put all units on standby.
213
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,800
No, I don't think
they suspect a thing.
214
00:15:01,780 --> 00:15:02,990
Let's get him sat down.
215
00:15:03,350 --> 00:15:04,740
Did anyone see
where the boss went?
216
00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:06,620
I assume he's with Hortensia.
217
00:15:06,650 --> 00:15:08,750
- Why didn't you wait for 'em?
- I panic!
218
00:15:08,780 --> 00:15:11,390
There were polices everywhere!
I get you a drink.
219
00:15:11,420 --> 00:15:14,600
- No, no! Make me a cheese sandwich.
- Caerphilly?
220
00:15:14,630 --> 00:15:16,750
Yeah, use a blunt knife. Go!
221
00:15:19,430 --> 00:15:20,430
Come on.
222
00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:24,390
Oh, fuck. What happened?
223
00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:27,060
It was an ambush.
They knew we were coming.
224
00:15:27,380 --> 00:15:29,270
We must have a rat in the group.
225
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,030
- Bob Geldof?
- No.
226
00:15:32,060 --> 00:15:34,220
I mean somebody from the police.
227
00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:36,330
- Gordon Sumner?
- Who?
228
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:39,670
- Roger Daltrey?
- No, they blew our cover.
229
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:42,550
A double crosser.
Argh! What you doing?!
230
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:45,110
- Taking your shoe off.
You've been shot. - No!
231
00:15:45,150 --> 00:15:47,460
I need a sandwich
first. I'm famished!
232
00:15:47,490 --> 00:15:49,670
- Scaramouche, Scaramouche!
- * Will you do the... *
233
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:50,270
- No!
- What?
234
00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:52,270
- We're not allowed.
- Oh, sorry.
235
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:53,970
Where's that sandwich?!
236
00:15:54,050 --> 00:15:55,680
There is no cheese!
237
00:15:55,710 --> 00:15:58,670
- I can offer you a beef a-rap.
- Yeah, go on.
238
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:03,540
Yo, yo, I come from a cow I got
lots of prize for my bolognese!
239
00:16:06,870 --> 00:16:07,870
I'll give him a hand.
240
00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:14,020
Listen, I got your letter.
241
00:16:14,070 --> 00:16:16,710
- I want you to know I feel
exactly the same way. - You do?
242
00:16:16,740 --> 00:16:19,170
I do, yes.
The uniform, the moustache.
243
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,850
- Always dreamed of having
a daddy like you. - You have?
244
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,610
Look, I've got something down
here that means that you and I,
245
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,920
- we could run off together.
- Ah, he must mean the explosives.
246
00:16:27,950 --> 00:16:31,930
Mario, I will a-use your bomb,
but only when the time is right.
247
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:35,420
When Senor Pantalone gets here,
then we will blow.
248
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,110
- You mean a three-way?
- Si, si.
249
00:16:37,140 --> 00:16:40,470
The passage will be tight,
but I think we can manage it.
250
00:16:40,590 --> 00:16:42,730
Good God, I'm so hard right now!
251
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,590
We could do with more a-men
like a-him in the military.
252
00:16:58,510 --> 00:16:59,510
Pops!
253
00:17:00,430 --> 00:17:02,460
Oh, Mario. Deo gratias.
254
00:17:02,490 --> 00:17:04,470
- Are you unharmed?
- I'm fine. Not a scratch on me.
255
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:06,490
- What happened to you?
- We managed to grab the diamonds
256
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,860
before the shooting started
and made a run for it.
257
00:17:09,330 --> 00:17:10,500
How's Arlo?
258
00:17:10,620 --> 00:17:13,210
Not good. Pops,
you'd better have a look at him.
259
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,050
All right. But I don't
have all my kit with me
260
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,420
and you know I'm not good
with the sight of bloo...
261
00:17:24,380 --> 00:17:26,420
Bit of a drawback for a doctor.
262
00:17:26,450 --> 00:17:27,450
Sorry.
263
00:17:35,770 --> 00:17:36,770
How are you feeling?
264
00:17:37,370 --> 00:17:38,370
Hungry.
265
00:17:39,870 --> 00:17:41,780
You're always hungry.
266
00:17:42,180 --> 00:17:43,560
How's your foot?
267
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:46,950
Well, the first little
piggy's still at the market,
268
00:17:47,170 --> 00:17:49,990
but I think all the other
little piggy's have pissed off.
269
00:17:50,730 --> 00:17:53,710
I'm not going to get that trial
for Crystal Palace now, am I?
270
00:17:53,980 --> 00:17:56,140
I'm sure Millwall
would take you.
271
00:17:57,260 --> 00:17:58,450
What happened?
272
00:17:58,970 --> 00:18:00,230
It's a blur.
273
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,650
I was doing my distracting.
274
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:06,040
The guard comes back with his
coffee, and, suddenly, I turn around
275
00:18:06,070 --> 00:18:08,410
and there's two dozen
coppers behind me.
276
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,970
I think I shot
myself in the foot.
277
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,160
I'm sure it wasn't your fault.
278
00:18:13,650 --> 00:18:17,150
No, I mean, I literally
shot myself in the foot.
279
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,370
I didn't realise
the safety was off.
280
00:18:19,460 --> 00:18:21,240
I'm such an idiot!
281
00:18:21,490 --> 00:18:24,960
- I'm scared, Collie!
- You'll live.
282
00:18:25,140 --> 00:18:26,500
How do you know?
283
00:18:27,620 --> 00:18:30,930
Because I turned over two
pages of the script at once.
284
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:36,290
Ah, thank you. I'm fine now.
285
00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:43,990
Mario, the gems are in here, but the
servant girl has the key in her bumbag.
286
00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:46,640
You'll need to extricate
it from her post-haste
287
00:18:46,670 --> 00:18:48,530
to facilitate the substitution.
288
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:49,680
How am I supposed to do that?
289
00:18:49,710 --> 00:18:53,470
Well, flirt with her a little.
Vanquish her with your virility.
290
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:56,520
Then see if you can force your
fingers into her fanny pack.
291
00:18:56,730 --> 00:18:59,870
Quickly!
We need this money, Mario.
292
00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:01,250
Tempus fugit!
293
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,730
How is the pat-it-ient?
294
00:19:07,660 --> 00:19:11,150
- Sorry? - Young Arlokino,
he has a very bad injury.
295
00:19:11,180 --> 00:19:13,630
Oh, er,
I haven't examined him yet.
296
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,230
To be honest, Captain,
I'm a little haemophobic.
297
00:19:16,260 --> 00:19:19,300
Oh, do not worry. I do not
think he is a Queen Mary.
298
00:19:19,330 --> 00:19:22,270
Erm, I'm making a sandwich,
would you like a-one?
299
00:19:27,050 --> 00:19:28,060
Oh, dear.
300
00:19:29,220 --> 00:19:30,620
It's OK, it's OK.
301
00:19:32,820 --> 00:19:34,060
It's OK.
302
00:19:34,180 --> 00:19:36,710
Did you see the
Master and Hortensia?
303
00:19:36,820 --> 00:19:39,160
No. I was inside the van.
304
00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:42,360
- I heard him, though.
- He thinks we were betrayed.
305
00:19:42,420 --> 00:19:44,190
Someone ratted us out.
306
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,440
- Does he know who?
- No.
307
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:49,420
He said Hortensia had been
acting all weird recently.
308
00:19:49,510 --> 00:19:50,920
Very secretive.
309
00:19:50,950 --> 00:19:53,150
That's because she doesn't
want to marry Scaramouche.
310
00:19:53,180 --> 00:19:55,060
She's planning on
running away with...
311
00:19:57,050 --> 00:19:58,170
Hey, babe.
312
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,340
Would you have an inhaler?
313
00:20:00,370 --> 00:20:01,770
Because you are just
taking my breath...
314
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:02,800
Yeah.
315
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:04,330
I've got one in here.
316
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,080
Just put it back when you're
finished. I'll leave the zip open.
317
00:20:07,110 --> 00:20:08,110
Thanks.
318
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:10,750
It's ok.
319
00:20:13,650 --> 00:20:14,750
That was easy.
320
00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:22,560
Baby,
what're you doing to my Pops?
321
00:20:22,750 --> 00:20:24,560
I'm trying to make him come to.
322
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:26,200
You're going about it
in a very funny way.
323
00:20:26,230 --> 00:20:28,150
Go find the smelling salts.
They're in his bag.
324
00:21:46,530 --> 00:21:47,530
What happened?
325
00:21:49,530 --> 00:21:52,130
She's gone - forever.
326
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:54,990
- Are you sure? - I know
when one is dead, and when one lives!
327
00:21:55,020 --> 00:21:56,020
Lear.
328
00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:57,140
It's true.
329
00:21:57,550 --> 00:22:00,080
That spineless shit
Scaramouche left us right there
330
00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:01,870
in the middle of
the fucking feds!
331
00:22:02,940 --> 00:22:04,430
We were like sitting ducks.
332
00:22:05,170 --> 00:22:06,170
Where is he?
333
00:22:06,460 --> 00:22:09,020
I'll slice the nose right
off his craven face!
334
00:22:09,050 --> 00:22:11,980
- Where is he?! - He went to get
some smelling salts for my Pops.
335
00:22:13,410 --> 00:22:15,250
Jesus, what a shitshow.
336
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:20,890
Columbina, come here.
337
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:22,740
You're the only one I trust.
338
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:29,580
You tell me.
339
00:22:32,860 --> 00:22:34,610
Who's the snake here, eh?
340
00:22:35,970 --> 00:22:36,930
Who?
341
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:38,670
Who tipped off the Old Bill?
342
00:22:39,170 --> 00:22:40,220
I dunno, er...
343
00:22:41,580 --> 00:22:42,890
Maybe it was, erm...
344
00:23:04,750 --> 00:23:06,150
You're with me now.
345
00:23:07,540 --> 00:23:10,240
Boss, what did you do that for?
346
00:23:10,270 --> 00:23:11,970
She's an undercover copper.
347
00:23:12,190 --> 00:23:13,180
She's wearing a wire.
348
00:23:13,210 --> 00:23:16,030
- Check it out if you don't believe me.
- How did you know?
349
00:23:16,420 --> 00:23:19,020
Hortensia saw her fiddling
with it in the bogs.
350
00:23:19,050 --> 00:23:21,170
I should've known she
was too good to be true.
351
00:23:21,580 --> 00:23:24,110
No, not...not Collie.
I...I don't believe it.
352
00:23:24,140 --> 00:23:28,420
Yeah. By my estimates, we have less than
five minutes before the Filth get here.
353
00:23:28,950 --> 00:23:30,590
Where's that coward?
354
00:23:30,620 --> 00:23:33,010
Scaramouche? Scaramouche!
355
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:36,320
? Will you do the... ? Oh, shit!
356
00:23:42,140 --> 00:23:45,110
See what you've done?
To your own intended?
357
00:23:45,140 --> 00:23:46,860
Hortensia...
358
00:23:48,470 --> 00:23:50,950
Oh, my Hortensia!
359
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:55,470
I wished to woo you, but now
my woo has turned to woe.
360
00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:59,380
I beg that I could a-take
your place up in heaven!
361
00:24:00,250 --> 00:24:01,430
That can be arranged.
362
00:24:01,460 --> 00:24:03,240
Baby,
why are you talking like this?
363
00:24:03,270 --> 00:24:04,820
I thought you had
eyes only for me.
364
00:24:04,850 --> 00:24:06,330
For you? What you on about?
365
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:08,440
He wrote me a letter.
The subplot.
366
00:24:08,470 --> 00:24:09,870
Arlokino gave it to me.
367
00:24:14,310 --> 00:24:15,590
This is my daughter's hand.
368
00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:19,120
No, that is a letter.
This is your daughter's hand!
369
00:24:19,780 --> 00:24:22,900
She was going to elope
with a blockhead like you?!
370
00:24:22,930 --> 00:24:24,510
What are you talking about?
I barely knew her.
371
00:24:24,540 --> 00:24:27,680
You two a-timing floozy!
Take a-that!
372
00:24:27,890 --> 00:24:29,390
It wasn't him!
373
00:24:33,460 --> 00:24:34,670
It was me.
374
00:24:36,290 --> 00:24:39,360
Horsey and I have been having
an affair for several months.
375
00:24:39,670 --> 00:24:41,530
It was an amour fou.
376
00:24:42,100 --> 00:24:44,860
It started on that business
trip we took to Italy.
377
00:24:45,220 --> 00:24:46,250
Genoa?
378
00:24:46,650 --> 00:24:48,650
Yes,
since she was a little girl.
379
00:24:49,750 --> 00:24:52,730
We flew back together
to the United States.
380
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,520
- Chicago?
- No, she was a passenger.
381
00:24:56,230 --> 00:24:59,790
And, when we landed at the airport,
I can't remember which one...
382
00:24:59,820 --> 00:25:01,160
Alaska?
383
00:25:01,190 --> 00:25:03,090
There's no point now.
She's dead.
384
00:25:03,740 --> 00:25:07,850
We hatched this plan to
steal the diamonds from you
385
00:25:08,380 --> 00:25:10,560
and run away together
to the Caribbean.
386
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:13,560
Trinidad and Tobago?
387
00:25:14,130 --> 00:25:15,270
Yes.
388
00:25:16,220 --> 00:25:18,500
But now it seems it
was all for nought.
389
00:25:18,630 --> 00:25:23,620
We have been caught in flagrante
delicto, and my beloved is dead.
390
00:25:24,630 --> 00:25:26,940
Mea culpa, gentle one.
391
00:25:31,220 --> 00:25:32,770
Well, maybe we can get
back to the A plot now
392
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,080
we've had this little diversion.
393
00:25:34,110 --> 00:25:35,990
I need you to hand
over that case.
394
00:25:36,020 --> 00:25:38,090
No, Pantalone.
395
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:39,950
- I won't do it.
- Pops...
396
00:25:39,980 --> 00:25:42,140
These diamonds are
all my son and I have.
397
00:25:42,170 --> 00:25:44,890
They will ensure our
safe passage out of here.
398
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:46,450
Quid pro quo, et cetera.
399
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:49,080
I...I won't waste you here, Doc.
400
00:25:49,110 --> 00:25:53,170
I'll not shit on my own doorstep, but
I need you to hand me the fucking ice!
401
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:54,750
It's fine. Do it.
402
00:25:54,780 --> 00:25:56,130
Nil desperandum, Mario.
403
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,360
I can handle the negotiation.
404
00:25:59,070 --> 00:26:00,720
This is not a negotiation.
405
00:26:01,100 --> 00:26:02,100
Stop.
406
00:26:03,190 --> 00:26:06,190
You lay a finger on him and I'll
carpet the floor with your brains.
407
00:26:06,490 --> 00:26:07,980
It's a good thing we're
not using your brains.
408
00:26:08,010 --> 00:26:09,900
There'd be barely enough
for a fucking doormat.
409
00:26:10,020 --> 00:26:11,340
Scaramouche!
410
00:26:11,710 --> 00:26:14,620
- Tame this little bitch of yours,
will ya? - Please.
411
00:26:15,410 --> 00:26:20,340
Your family jewels belong in Senor
Pantalone's hands, not in your Papa's.
412
00:26:20,430 --> 00:26:22,220
Let us not come to blows.
413
00:26:22,250 --> 00:26:24,260
Oh, Captain, my Captain.
414
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:28,420
I've dreamed of having your weapon
in my face, but not like this.
415
00:26:28,870 --> 00:26:30,640
Et tu, Scaramouche.
416
00:26:30,670 --> 00:26:31,790
Very well.
417
00:26:31,820 --> 00:26:33,870
Aut neca aut necare.
418
00:26:34,700 --> 00:26:36,500
Do or die.
419
00:26:36,700 --> 00:26:38,470
Give me the case!
420
00:26:38,610 --> 00:26:40,640
- Give it to him, Pops.
- Are you sure?
421
00:26:40,670 --> 00:26:41,990
Yes, let him have it!
422
00:26:49,370 --> 00:26:53,350
Well, Arlo,
this looks like arrivederci.
423
00:26:56,260 --> 00:27:01,520
I would take you with me, but, as
you can see, got me hands full.
424
00:27:02,530 --> 00:27:04,900
There's a boat out the back if you
want to take your chance on the river.
425
00:27:04,970 --> 00:27:07,460
I've got an appointment
with my fence.
426
00:27:07,490 --> 00:27:09,830
Boss, can you do me a
favour before you go?
427
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:12,040
What's that?
428
00:27:12,390 --> 00:27:14,920
Can you make me a sandwich?
I'm starved!
429
00:27:15,690 --> 00:27:16,820
Yeah, here y'are.
430
00:27:17,660 --> 00:27:18,670
Help yourself.
431
00:27:20,890 --> 00:27:21,890
Ta-ta!
432
00:27:32,300 --> 00:27:34,220
Come on. Get up, he's gone!
433
00:27:34,970 --> 00:27:36,580
Come on! Collie!
434
00:27:37,030 --> 00:27:38,060
Come on, girl!
435
00:27:39,300 --> 00:27:40,700
You read the script.
436
00:27:42,790 --> 00:27:44,760
Well, none of this
has been real, has it?
437
00:28:06,780 --> 00:28:08,140
After all that,
438
00:28:09,300 --> 00:28:10,620
there's nothing left.
439
00:28:11,510 --> 00:28:13,270
Just a hot and spicy whip
440
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,320
and a bag of clear mints.
441
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:31,760
Well, fuck my old boots!
442
00:28:32,670 --> 00:28:36,150
I am going to be able to
feed myself after all.
443
00:28:42,670 --> 00:28:44,140
Are you coming, Echo?
444
00:28:54,110 --> 00:28:55,720
I thought you'd never ask!
445
00:28:55,770 --> 00:29:00,320
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