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1
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Chapter Six.
2
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:03,212
With the Hayworths
living so near each other,
3
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:04,463
it was easy for the cousins
4
00:00:04,588 --> 00:00:05,672
to spend quality time together,
5
00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:08,383
or at the very least, time together.
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These are the moments they'll treasure.
7
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Hey, guys.
8
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There's a bear in the apartment!
9
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Your plates are so shiny.
10
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[gasps] I got them for Denise.
11
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This artist that we love
upcycles artifacts of violence.
12
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These used to be tear gas canisters.
13
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Imagine my delight Christmas morning.
14
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Hey, are you guys free on Friday?
15
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I'm throwing a birthday dinner
for Emily.
16
00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:32,074
Emily, your ex-wife, Emily?
17
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:33,533
No, the Emily that threads my brows.
18
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Yes, that Emily.
19
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Now that she's fully moved down here,
20
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we gotta learn to get along, you know?
21
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,623
That's a very healthy attitude,
22
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:42,918
considering you used to be
a little competitive.
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No, we were a lot competitive.
24
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:46,588
I'm never fully comfortable
around Emily.
25
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She's like a beautiful ice sculpture
26
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that burns when you touch it.
27
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Yeah, I always got the sense
she didn't like me,
28
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:54,429
mostly 'cause she was always
very mean to me.
29
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:58,392
I kind of miss Emily's
pushy, boss-lady confidence
30
00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:01,728
and how she's just
so unapologetic about her power
31
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:05,565
and... but Team Connor.
32
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:08,277
Is she bringing that guy
that she's been seeing?
33
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Who? Alec?
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I don't know. She didn't say,
and I didn't ask.
35
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But if he shows up, that's totally fine.
36
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You know, what, do you think
I'm, like, worried
37
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:19,079
that he's gonna be more successful
38
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and better looking than me
and, you know,
39
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maybe have a house owned by a different,
40
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:25,585
more famous celebrity?
41
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Those aren't things I think about.
42
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If you're inviting us
because you want our,
43
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you know, emotional support,
of course we will be there.
44
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:35,429
No, I'm inviting you because
I ordered too much shrimp.
45
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:36,596
Hmm.
46
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Did someone say something about a bear?
47
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- Subs by kinglouisxx -
for www.addic7ed.com
48
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? You got something else ?
49
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? You're different ?
50
00:01:45,731 --> 00:01:47,649
? Pique my interest, wait a minute ?
51
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,443
[indistinct chatter]
52
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Classic Emily.
53
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,572
A dinner in her honor,
and she's not even here yet.
54
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It's called being fashionably late.
55
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Okay, just admit it.
You have a crush on her.
56
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I do not.
57
00:01:58,368 --> 00:01:59,745
She just makes me think of
58
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,621
what my life would be like
if I had that kind of...
59
00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:03,290
Obscene family wealth?
60
00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:04,416
Globetrotting career?
61
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:05,334
Perfect teeth?
62
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,418
The kind of body you can only get
63
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,462
with a $500 a week private trainer?
64
00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:10,547
I was gonna say bravado,
but, yeah, all that stuff too.
65
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:11,757
Actually, the teeth are veneers,
66
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and Grant charges $750.
67
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:15,344
- What?
- [overlapping chatter]
68
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,554
Just kinda, like, crept up on us.
69
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:18,764
Oh, my gosh. I missed you!
70
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,515
I missed you. Hi.
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00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:24,144
- Yeah.
- Okay.
72
00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:26,229
- Okay.
- You look so great.
73
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Better than great. [laughs]
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Like the moon.
75
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Sorry that we're late.
76
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,360
It's just, you know, my last day
77
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,444
with Gretchen this week, so we wanted
78
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,780
to make it count, right?
79
00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:37,115
Yeah, and then Mommy let me
have ice cream for dinner!
80
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,474
Well, it was frozen yogurt
with fruit on top.
81
00:02:39,607 --> 00:02:42,120
- No, it was gummy worms.
- Ooh, don't let this one ever talk
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00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,331
to the Securities and Exchange
Commission, right?
83
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,124
- [laughs]
- Gretchen,
84
00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:47,292
go find Lupe and tell her
85
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that you're ready for bed, okay?
86
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- Okay.
- Okay.
87
00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:55,675
So obviously, this is super weird,
88
00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:58,929
but I still consider you guys family,
89
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:02,682
and I'm sorry for making things
so, you know, ugh.
90
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,685
Look, if it's cool
with Connor, it's cool with us.
91
00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,479
Oh, Tom. You're here.
92
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,648
I've been here the whole time.
93
00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:11,525
If you say so, right?
94
00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:12,692
[laughter]
95
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:15,654
Hey! Happy birthday!
96
00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:18,573
Hi. So... yeah...
97
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Oh, okay. Mm, thank you.
98
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,496
A lot of people are excited to see you.
99
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,289
- You wanna do a lap?
- Yeah.
100
00:03:26,422 --> 00:03:27,673
Let's catch up,
101
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:30,210
after I catch up
with an Aperol spritz, mm?
102
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I will not move from the spot.
103
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,713
- Okay. You have to calm down.
- Okay.
104
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You first, I insist.
105
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:37,592
- No, you go first.
- My liege.
106
00:03:37,732 --> 00:03:40,277
Okay. [laughs]
107
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,848
They are handling it well.
108
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,686
You know, with Emily seeing someone,
109
00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:49,855
probably won't be long
before Connor starts dating.
110
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- Mm.
- Us Hayworth men
111
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don't stay off the market for long.
112
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,401
[coughs]
113
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"Us Hayworth men"?
114
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For your information, I was very popular
115
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with the ladies in college.
116
00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,532
College was a long time ago.
117
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:01,867
You just picked up
an appetizer and said,
118
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"Who's ready to p�t�?"
119
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:06,496
[both laugh]
120
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:08,039
It's actually a solid joke.
121
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:09,624
Sorry, mi amor, your game is gone.
122
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:12,252
I could talk to any lady that I want
123
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at this party right now.
124
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Oh, sweetie,
125
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,466
you wouldn't last five minutes.
126
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,759
Is that a challenge? Okay. Game on.
127
00:04:19,885 --> 00:04:22,345
Allow me to show you
how smooth I can be.
128
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:24,222
- [crashing]
- Oh.
129
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:26,766
Okay. Bit of a rocky start.
130
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:29,186
Just... sorry, um...
131
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Did you go with the satin
or silk pillowcase for Emily?
132
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,566
Actually, I went a different way.
133
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:37,277
I got her "An Oral History of
the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire."
134
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:39,696
It's a book from a used bookstore.
135
00:04:39,822 --> 00:04:41,530
You got a woman who owns
a Prada toothbrush
136
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,824
a pre-owned book about people
who died in a sweatshop?
137
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,410
No, I saved a tree
138
00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:47,871
while sharing an important
moment in U.S. labor history.
139
00:04:48,317 --> 00:04:50,289
What? I would love this
if someone gave it to me.
140
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,625
Of course you would love this
141
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,042
because you enjoy this stuff.
142
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:54,586
I feel like you
are not saying something.
143
00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,088
Okay.
144
00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:59,089
For my last birthday, I strongly hinted
145
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that I wanted bath bombs
146
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:03,552
by telling you, "I want bath bombs,"
147
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:04,970
and instead, you got me...
148
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:07,097
That adorable bralette
made of natural fibers.
149
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:09,517
It was a burlap bralette
that was very itchy.
150
00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:11,310
I'm just concerned
it's gonna be an awkward moment
151
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,479
where Emily's opening up
your sweatshop book
152
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,813
in front of all her fancy friends.
153
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:17,459
Opening gifts at the party?
What, is she five?
154
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:18,943
Well, maybe she's just
155
00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,805
unencumbered by social norms and...
156
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Sorry.
157
00:05:24,182 --> 00:05:25,225
Team Connor! [laughs]
158
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Okay.
159
00:05:27,295 --> 00:05:28,619
Hey, guys.
160
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:30,204
What did you get Emily for her birthday?
161
00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:32,248
Oh, a bottle of perfume.
162
00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:33,791
Yeah, we know it's her
favorite 'cause one time
163
00:05:33,909 --> 00:05:37,169
she sprayed it in my face when
she thought I was a mugger.
164
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,494
It was pretty clear it was me.
165
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I mean, it was in broad daylight.
166
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:43,527
Denise thinks that Emily
is going to hate my gift,
167
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but you guys always like
what I get you, right?
168
00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:48,448
- Oh, my God. Yeah. Totally.
- Mm.
169
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:49,991
What kind of gifts has Sarah given you
170
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,406
over the years
that you just love so much?
171
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Yeah.
172
00:05:52,228 --> 00:05:53,602
- Specifically?
- Mm-hmm.
173
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- Hmm...
- So many.
174
00:05:54,830 --> 00:05:56,397
Yeah, it's hard to choose just one.
175
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:57,958
You can pick as many as you want.
176
00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:58,900
Thanks, Denise.
177
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I would say the charcoal deodorant
178
00:06:01,852 --> 00:06:04,740
definitely worked
and did not give me a rash.
179
00:06:04,949 --> 00:06:06,782
- Yes.
- Tempeh cookbook.
180
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,993
"Tempeh to Z," a classic.
181
00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,662
- She loved it.
- Oh, good.
182
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So, if pressed, would you say
183
00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:16,709
that my gift giving is, I don't know...
184
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,627
- You... unique.
- You.
185
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,170
- Oh, I was...
- BOTH: Unique.
186
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:21,547
Oh, that's so nice.
187
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:22,607
Excuse us for a second.
188
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:24,008
- Tom is on a mission.
- Oh.
189
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,203
So we're just gonna go over here.
190
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,137
Okay, I'm gonna go ask Connor.
191
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,290
Sure. Let's keep digging this hole.
192
00:06:31,595 --> 00:06:33,627
Target acquired, J.A.R.V.I.S.
193
00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:36,004
J.A.R.V.I.S.,
Iron Man's operating system.
194
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:38,673
You should definitely talk
to her about Iron Man
195
00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:40,341
and all that cool stuff in the comics
196
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:41,968
that was left out of the movies.
197
00:06:42,093 --> 00:06:44,721
She'll probably
throw her underwear at you.
198
00:06:45,514 --> 00:06:48,383
Hey. I'm Tom. I'm Connor's brother.
199
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,159
Oh, hi. I'm Linda.
200
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,578
Emily and I were sorority sisters.
201
00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:52,537
Tri-Delts!
202
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:53,788
- Oh!
- [both laugh]
203
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,124
I always kind of wanted
to pledge myself, but...
204
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,251
You don't look like you
do well with hazings.
205
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:01,338
- No, you'd be surprised.
- [both laugh]
206
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,133
- What do you do for a living?
- I'm in real estate.
207
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,652
Okay. That must be great
in the San Francisco market.
208
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,804
It is, but I'm actually
looking to expand
209
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,371
further outside the city.
210
00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:12,766
Oh, okay.
211
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:14,209
It's "farther."
212
00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:15,894
I'm sorry, what?
213
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,688
It was just, uh, you said "further."
214
00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:19,647
I think you meant "farther."
It's a common mistake.
215
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:21,800
Farther is for physical distance.
216
00:07:22,259 --> 00:07:24,111
But it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
217
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:25,237
You were saying you're in real estate.
218
00:07:25,354 --> 00:07:26,563
If you'll excuse me, I need to get
219
00:07:26,596 --> 00:07:29,015
a little farther away from you.
220
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,977
Okay. It's a sick burn.
221
00:07:33,305 --> 00:07:35,537
Ah. So close to five minutes.
222
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:38,416
You made it... 56, 57, 58 seconds.
223
00:07:38,441 --> 00:07:39,917
Look, I'm just getting started, okay?
224
00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:41,186
- Hold my drink.
- Oh.
225
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,420
I'm going back in.
226
00:07:42,821 --> 00:07:43,879
Okay.
227
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:45,089
Actually, give that to me.
228
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:46,757
I don't know what to do with my hands.
229
00:07:46,882 --> 00:07:49,385
[soft rock music playing]
230
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:50,928
So I was looking around,
231
00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:53,540
and I didn't see
those Tibetan sound bowls...
232
00:07:53,835 --> 00:07:55,432
the ones I got you last Christmas.
233
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:56,975
Oh, yeah. No, I never opened those.
234
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,310
But it was a gift.
235
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,729
Yeah, you suck at gifts.
You didn't know that?
236
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:01,897
I've been trying to get her there.
237
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:04,066
After you got me that novel
about that girl in Peru
238
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:05,651
- who gets cancer...
- "Fernanda's Miracle."
239
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,361
And that bracelet
made by genius women...
240
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:08,904
Indigenous women, and it was an anklet.
241
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:10,406
I just started tossing
your gifts in the closet
242
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:11,725
without unwrapping 'em.
243
00:08:12,684 --> 00:08:14,519
You never got me a puppy, did you?
244
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,036
Think we're running low on shrimp?
245
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,480
I bet we are, oh.
246
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:18,707
Good on shrimp?
247
00:08:18,708 --> 00:08:20,833
Okay. So I'm a bad gift giver.
248
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,000
- Yes.
- Yes.
249
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,087
So Emily's gonna start
opening gifts soon.
250
00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:25,254
I need to swap mine out.
251
00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:27,991
Should I re-gift something of Connor's?
252
00:08:28,325 --> 00:08:29,592
Oh, well, that is exactly
253
00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:30,843
what a go-getter like Emily would think.
254
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:31,870
You need to stop.
255
00:08:32,621 --> 00:08:34,514
- Hey.
- Hey.
256
00:08:34,592 --> 00:08:36,834
- Thank you for throwing this.
- Oh, yeah, of course.
257
00:08:36,959 --> 00:08:38,919
I don't wanna brag,
but are we kind of, like,
258
00:08:39,044 --> 00:08:42,312
killing this whole divorce
thing, like, best exes ever?
259
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:45,608
Right, living our best lives, thriving.
260
00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:47,901
Moving on, dating.
261
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,486
- Uh-huh.
- I mean, I...
262
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,222
- I am dating.
- Right.
263
00:08:51,615 --> 00:08:52,932
Are you?
264
00:08:53,309 --> 00:08:55,200
No, not yet.
265
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,744
You know, I've mostly
just been focusing on, like,
266
00:08:56,869 --> 00:09:00,248
- work and Gretchen, leg day.
- Right.
267
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,707
But it's cool, you know.
268
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,568
I'd actually love to meet, um...
269
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,687
- Oh, Alec.
- Alec, right.
270
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:06,712
You know, I was gonna invite him,
271
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,756
but then I figured,
you know, it's, like,
272
00:09:07,834 --> 00:09:09,167
just too soon for that.
273
00:09:09,292 --> 00:09:11,127
What? No. No. It's cool.
274
00:09:11,253 --> 00:09:12,671
Oh, yeah. You sound cool about it.
275
00:09:12,796 --> 00:09:13,922
No, I mean, the night's young.
276
00:09:14,047 --> 00:09:15,497
Why don't you tell him to...
277
00:09:15,744 --> 00:09:17,181
tell him to cruise?
278
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,266
- You don't want that.
- No, seriously. Text him.
279
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,435
Okay. If you insist.
280
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:22,936
Consider him texted.
281
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,772
- Cool.
- [both chuckle]
282
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,441
You want to meet him, right, Lupe?
283
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:27,776
Nope.
284
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,654
Cool.
285
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,198
? Ooh, bop ?
286
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:35,283
The thing they don't tell you
about Model U.N.
287
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,534
is how cutthroat it is.
288
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:39,287
Oh, sorry. I have to take this.
289
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,413
? No, you're never gonna get it ?
290
00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:43,319
For 40 years, Magneto
is Scarlet Witch's father
291
00:09:43,420 --> 00:09:44,802
and then suddenly, retcon!
292
00:09:44,873 --> 00:09:46,336
What? [chuckles]
293
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:50,006
See, for me, escape rooms
aren't about the puzzle, right?
294
00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:51,508
It's about building a world.
295
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,551
- Nope.
- Lupe, please.
296
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,720
? No, you're never gonna get it ?
297
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,639
Tom's pride needs some alcohol.
298
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,307
This crowd is not sophisticated enough
299
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,558
for my space camp anecdotes.
300
00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:02,560
Of course you don't "go to space."
301
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:06,189
I mean, space camp
is to prepare you for space.
302
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:10,110
[laughing] Yeah, yeah.
303
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:12,195
So I... I told Emily to invite Alec,
304
00:10:12,327 --> 00:10:14,197
and now my brain kinda feels like
it's having a heart attack.
305
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:15,532
Alec, the new boyfriend?
306
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,905
No, Alec Baldwin,
the voice of Boss Baby.
307
00:10:18,014 --> 00:10:19,035
Wh...
308
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,662
You said you were okay
with him coming over?
309
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,122
Wow, congratulations, Denise.
310
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,665
- You caught me in a lie.
- Connor...
311
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,250
I know I made you guys think
that I'm, like,
312
00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:27,127
- totally fine right now...
- I never thought that.
313
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:28,628
But I am not totally fine, okay?
314
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,130
I don't want Alec to come here,
315
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,299
but I can't tell Emily that
and show weakness.
316
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,259
So, what, I'm just supposed
to let this Alec guy show up
317
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,136
at my house that I own and walk around
318
00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:37,869
like he's so great
and I'm just some loser?
319
00:10:37,956 --> 00:10:38,805
[groans]
320
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,473
I'm all in my head, man.
321
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,475
Is this what it feels like
to be you, Tom?
322
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,769
- Pretty much, yeah.
- Oh, I hate it.
323
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,354
- Yeah, it's not great.
- [grunts]
324
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,525
[upbeat music]
325
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,693
I got it.
326
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,695
So Alec can't come to the party
327
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,572
if there's no party, right?
328
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:58,491
So what if I tell everyone
the shrimp is bad
329
00:10:58,616 --> 00:10:59,951
and they gotta go home
and brace for impact?
330
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,536
Tom, you can fake diarrhea, right?
331
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,204
How would I fake diarrhea?
332
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,164
That's a good point.
333
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:05,415
It's gotta be the real thing.
334
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,500
- That's on you, man.
- What?
335
00:11:09,075 --> 00:11:10,503
Okay. I'll try.
336
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:11,838
If you're not ready
to meet this Alec guy,
337
00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,548
that is totally understandable.
338
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,091
Okay, just tell Emily that.
339
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:16,426
It is not a sign of weakness.
340
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:17,844
You want me to admit
341
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:19,429
that I can't handle meeting
her new boyfriend
342
00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:20,722
because this divorce has sucked me
343
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,182
into a black hole of my own emotions?
344
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:23,725
A black hole isn't actually a hole.
345
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,226
It's compressed star matter...
346
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,479
I hear it. I hear myself now. Sorry.
347
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,856
Fine. I'll tell her the truth.
348
00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:31,775
I'll admit I don't want
her boyfriend to come.
349
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:36,196
? ?
350
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:38,782
Hey, Em. Um, so speaking of Alec...
351
00:11:38,807 --> 00:11:39,924
You know, he's gonna love your place.
352
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,368
He's a huge Matt Damon fan.
353
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:43,244
He has "Adjustment Bureau" on Blu-ray.
354
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,788
Hmm, I mean, that's lesser Damon,
355
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:47,524
but anyways, I was thinking maybe...
356
00:11:47,982 --> 00:11:49,542
he shouldn't come.
357
00:11:49,567 --> 00:11:51,627
Okay, because, like, having him here
358
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,086
is gonna make you feel awkward?
359
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:55,339
What? No. I just... it's getting late,
360
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:58,216
and I don't want him to, you know,
361
00:11:58,217 --> 00:11:59,568
show up when the party's winding down.
362
00:11:59,593 --> 00:12:00,927
Okay. You know,
he's gonna make you awkward.
363
00:12:00,928 --> 00:12:02,387
So I'm just gonna let him know
not to come.
364
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,615
I'm not awkward. You're awkward.
365
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,716
- Okay.
- And I changed my mind.
366
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,252
I want him here.
367
00:12:07,414 --> 00:12:08,999
Hey, everybody!
368
00:12:09,024 --> 00:12:11,063
A few minutes ago, I invited
369
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,940
Emily's new boyfriend, Alec,
to the party.
370
00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:16,194
- What is he doing?
- Crashing and burning.
371
00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:18,404
So now that everyone knows that,
372
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:19,614
can't back out of it.
373
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,073
It's a done deal.
374
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:24,811
So that's just great, isn't it?
375
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:26,662
Anyways, there's tons of shrimp.
376
00:12:26,787 --> 00:12:28,982
Please eat the shrimp. Okay.
377
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:31,792
Cool.
378
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,753
I'm gonna have to go this way.
There's nothing over there.
379
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,413
? ?
380
00:12:36,438 --> 00:12:39,549
- Any women left to scare away?
- Okay.
381
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,194
I'd like to see you try and talk
382
00:12:41,219 --> 00:12:43,012
to one of these people for five minutes.
383
00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:44,554
[scoffs] Easy, peasy.
384
00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:47,557
I might be a little older,
have a few more miles on me,
385
00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:49,893
but I could still go all night.
386
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:50,936
Oh, okay.
387
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,755
Uh, how about this guy?
388
00:12:53,965 --> 00:12:55,232
Okay.
389
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:57,693
- Hold this.
- All right.
390
00:12:57,902 --> 00:12:59,070
I know what to do with my hands.
391
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,346
[chuckles]
392
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:03,240
Oh, that... no, never mind. Thanks.
393
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:06,552
[chuckles] I'm Marina.
394
00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:09,788
Are you friends with
the ex-bride or the ex-groom?
395
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,082
I'm Max, and I'm
kind of ex-friends with both.
396
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,959
Sounds like there's a backstory there,
397
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,460
a good five minutes at least.
398
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,337
No. I'm kidding.
I'm friends with both of them.
399
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,574
Yeah, it's never good
to take sides with the exes.
400
00:13:20,074 --> 00:13:22,676
Oh, I'm about to sneeze. Sorry.
401
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:23,885
I just... after having three kids,
402
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:25,929
I don't have the best... [chuckles]
403
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,164
The best bladder control.
404
00:13:27,189 --> 00:13:28,640
- Okay.
- Oh.
405
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,642
Whew. Okay, false alarm.
406
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,936
- You were saying?
- You know, I should say hi
407
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:35,439
- to a friend over there.
- Right.
408
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,692
Was it the three kids part
or the bladder thing?
409
00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:38,902
A bit of both? Okay. Nice meeting you.
410
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,076
- That was just a warm-up.
- Okay.
411
00:13:44,147 --> 00:13:45,492
? Ooh, bop ?
412
00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:47,494
I go to concerts all the time.
413
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:50,162
The last one I saw was...
414
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:53,474
well, it was "The Wiggles,"
but before that...
415
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:54,668
huh, it was also "The Wiggles."
416
00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:56,003
- They're actually kinda good.
- Sorry.
417
00:13:56,128 --> 00:13:57,779
I have to take this.
418
00:13:58,363 --> 00:14:00,338
- [both laughing]
- I know.
419
00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:03,385
Oh, Sorry. For a second there
I thought I was leaking.
420
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:04,678
I'm wearing a real bra for once,
421
00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:06,430
and I didn't put the nursing pads in it.
422
00:14:06,555 --> 00:14:07,431
And sometimes you look down
and it's, like,
423
00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:09,916
ah, wet t-shirt contest.
424
00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:12,603
And I see I've tanked this one too.
425
00:14:12,728 --> 00:14:13,895
Moving on.
426
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,522
? Bop ?
427
00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:19,484
You think Emily would want
a partially used candle
428
00:14:19,610 --> 00:14:22,133
or some lightly worn Nike Air Maxes?
429
00:14:22,235 --> 00:14:25,115
Oh, here it is,
430
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,035
- your gift graveyard.
- [gasps]
431
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,703
Oh, my God. These are all mine.
432
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:33,081
Ah! Oh, this was
a "Topple the Patriarchy" mug,
433
00:14:33,229 --> 00:14:34,856
and a build-your-own composting kit?
434
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,543
I'm sorry, but these presents
are fantastic.
435
00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:37,777
Yeah.
436
00:14:38,236 --> 00:14:40,310
- I'm gonna keep them.
- They'd be happier with you.
437
00:14:40,404 --> 00:14:41,381
Yeah.
438
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:44,367
? ?
439
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:48,579
So... feel like making
another run at it, or...
440
00:14:49,580 --> 00:14:51,183
Yeah, me neither.
441
00:14:51,308 --> 00:14:53,334
This used to be so easy for me.
442
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:54,853
It's like ever since I've had kids,
443
00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:58,454
I've forgotten how to be
around grown-ups.
444
00:14:58,563 --> 00:15:00,484
Oh, come on.
445
00:15:00,546 --> 00:15:01,485
It's not that bad.
446
00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:02,819
[sneezes]
447
00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:04,863
? ?
448
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:07,598
Ah. Just got worse.
449
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,575
Oh.
450
00:15:09,631 --> 00:15:11,300
? ?
451
00:15:11,325 --> 00:15:14,623
Oh, my God. Linda, silk pillowcase!
452
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:15,916
You know, I've been dying
for one of these,
453
00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:18,250
but it's the kind of thing
that I would never get for myself.
454
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,527
Okay.
455
00:15:19,817 --> 00:15:21,486
Oh, here it comes.
456
00:15:21,611 --> 00:15:23,213
Don't worry. I took care of it.
457
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:24,882
Took care of it?
Who are you, Ray Donovan?
458
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:28,344
- From Tom and Marina.
- Uh...
459
00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:30,888
Let's see,
"The Triangle Shirtwaist Fire,
460
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,931
An Oral History." Okay.
461
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,267
- That's not... we didn't...
- And it's used.
462
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,811
Message received, Tom. Moving on.
463
00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:40,146
- Did you switch the cards?
- All right.
464
00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,300
From Sarah and Denise.
465
00:15:43,038 --> 00:15:45,040
How did you know
this is my signature scent?
466
00:15:45,166 --> 00:15:46,917
- I just knew.
- No, that was...
467
00:15:47,042 --> 00:15:48,669
Oh, my God, enough, Tom.
All right, so just
468
00:15:48,794 --> 00:15:50,296
write this down, Sarah and Denise.
469
00:15:50,421 --> 00:15:52,506
I cannot believe you did that.
470
00:15:52,631 --> 00:15:55,146
That was positively Emily-esque.
471
00:15:55,384 --> 00:15:56,552
Way to own your power.
472
00:15:56,677 --> 00:15:59,775
- I'm still tingling.
- [both chuckling]
473
00:16:00,431 --> 00:16:02,600
- [clears throat]
- [whispers] Sorry.
474
00:16:02,725 --> 00:16:03,726
? ?
475
00:16:03,851 --> 00:16:05,478
So where is this guy?
476
00:16:05,603 --> 00:16:06,770
How long am I supposed to wait?
477
00:16:06,896 --> 00:16:08,230
Okay, look, Connor, I could tell
478
00:16:08,355 --> 00:16:09,398
that you didn't want Alec to come,
479
00:16:09,523 --> 00:16:11,442
so I just told him not to.
480
00:16:11,567 --> 00:16:13,444
What? I made it pretty clear
that I want him to come.
481
00:16:13,569 --> 00:16:14,862
Did you not hear my big announcement?
482
00:16:14,987 --> 00:16:16,530
See, yeah, that's kinda
what did it for me.
483
00:16:16,655 --> 00:16:18,949
Oh, I see what's going on here.
484
00:16:19,074 --> 00:16:20,493
You would feel awkward.
485
00:16:20,518 --> 00:16:21,592
That's why you don't want him to come.
486
00:16:21,660 --> 00:16:23,454
- Uh, no.
- You're afraid.
487
00:16:23,579 --> 00:16:24,840
I'm not afraid. You're afraid.
488
00:16:24,865 --> 00:16:25,998
You know what?
489
00:16:26,123 --> 00:16:27,875
If you're gonna be all weird
about this Alec situation,
490
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,376
maybe I should just call this party off.
491
00:16:29,501 --> 00:16:31,911
- No, you can't just take my cake away.
- Yeah, I can.
492
00:16:32,044 --> 00:16:33,547
What, is there some
kind of birthday cake law?
493
00:16:33,672 --> 00:16:35,799
- Yeah, actually, there is.
- I'm the host, okay?
494
00:16:35,925 --> 00:16:37,760
Until you blow out the candles,
this is host cake.
495
00:16:37,885 --> 00:16:40,429
- It has my name on it!
- Oh, yeah?
496
00:16:40,554 --> 00:16:43,140
Oh, my gosh! You ruined my cake!
497
00:16:43,265 --> 00:16:44,767
Why don't you get Alec
to buy you a new one?
498
00:16:44,892 --> 00:16:46,435
Because there is no Alec!
499
00:16:46,774 --> 00:16:48,241
[all gasping]
500
00:16:49,367 --> 00:16:51,440
Oh, my God. Look what you did.
501
00:16:51,565 --> 00:16:53,454
What's going on?
502
00:16:54,455 --> 00:16:55,945
- Oh, hey. sweetie.
- Hi.
503
00:16:56,070 --> 00:16:58,822
We were just, you know, playing around.
504
00:16:58,948 --> 00:17:01,450
Oh, yeah, just having fun. [laughs]
505
00:17:01,575 --> 00:17:03,911
- Yeah.
- Yeah, oh.
506
00:17:04,036 --> 00:17:05,287
Yeah, I thought you guys were, like,
507
00:17:05,412 --> 00:17:06,455
fighting or something.
508
00:17:06,580 --> 00:17:08,624
- No, no.
- Oh, no, no, no, baby girl.
509
00:17:08,749 --> 00:17:10,543
I had a nightmare.
Do you think you could
510
00:17:10,668 --> 00:17:12,753
check under my bed for bat monsters?
511
00:17:12,878 --> 00:17:14,630
Yeah, of course, but I promise you,
512
00:17:14,755 --> 00:17:15,923
there's nothing there.
513
00:17:16,048 --> 00:17:18,696
But if there is,
you know Mommy and Daddy
514
00:17:18,821 --> 00:17:21,732
- will take it down fast, right?
- That's true.
515
00:17:22,096 --> 00:17:23,484
- Let's go.
- Let's go check it out.
516
00:17:23,806 --> 00:17:24,974
[sighs]
517
00:17:25,099 --> 00:17:27,810
[soft music]
518
00:17:27,958 --> 00:17:32,796
? ?
519
00:17:32,898 --> 00:17:34,692
So how do you know Emily?
520
00:17:34,817 --> 00:17:36,652
? ?
521
00:17:36,777 --> 00:17:38,404
- What?
- Or are you friends
522
00:17:38,529 --> 00:17:39,742
- with Connor?
- What are you doing?
523
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:40,810
Hi, I'm Tom.
524
00:17:41,210 --> 00:17:42,920
I'm a novelist.
525
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,481
You probably haven't read
any of my work.
526
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:49,026
- I'm Marina.
- Oh, Marina.
527
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,720
What a beautiful name.
528
00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:54,657
I'm, um... I'm a stay-at-home mom.
529
00:17:55,551 --> 00:17:56,718
Former lawyer.
530
00:17:56,906 --> 00:17:58,908
And I'm thinking of eating
this floor cake.
531
00:17:59,042 --> 00:18:00,877
Well, not to brag, but one time,
532
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,582
I ate a dinosaur chicken nugget
533
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:05,167
that I peeled off my toddler's foot.
534
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:08,504
[gasps] Oh, so you have kids?
535
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:11,407
Oh, way too many.
536
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:12,591
[laughs]
537
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:15,477
[uplifting music]
538
00:18:15,578 --> 00:18:18,498
? ?
539
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,141
You do realize Gretchen
540
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,893
just tricked us into
reading her five books?
541
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:25,146
I mean, your unicorn voice
was pretty on point.
542
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:27,415
Oh, that's kind of you to say.
543
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,433
- [giggles]
- What about you?
544
00:18:28,458 --> 00:18:29,899
You became that magical tree.
545
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,803
- The forest is full of wonder.
- [laughs]
546
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:35,865
So why'd you lie?
547
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:39,619
I wanted you to think that I was
548
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:42,036
handling this whole divorce
thing better than you.
549
00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:44,256
I mean, you're doing so well.
550
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:45,331
Every time I call,
551
00:18:45,332 --> 00:18:46,916
I can hear your family in the background
552
00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:50,837
talking and laughing, making fun of Tom.
553
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:53,549
And Gretchen just
goes on and on about, like,
554
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:55,425
how happy she is with her cousins,
555
00:18:55,426 --> 00:18:58,788
and I just, you know,
556
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:02,175
wanted you to think I'm doing okay too.
557
00:19:03,698 --> 00:19:05,574
I don't know if you've heard,
but I'm kind of
558
00:19:05,614 --> 00:19:08,438
the most competitive person
in the world.
559
00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:10,607
Mm, I... I don't know. I think I am.
560
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,318
- No, I am.
- No, I think I am.
561
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:17,590
Mm-mm. Well, you were willing
to throw this party for me.
562
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,326
So I guess, you know, you win.
563
00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:22,453
Emily, I only threw this party
564
00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:25,189
to convince you I'm doing okay.
565
00:19:25,606 --> 00:19:27,166
Tom would call that irony.
566
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:28,751
Oh, God. He's so exhausting.
567
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:31,239
Oh, I know, but trust me,
568
00:19:31,264 --> 00:19:33,464
I'm still struggling
with this whole thing.
569
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,866
- I'm a mess.
- Aww.
570
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:38,551
- That's nice to hear.
- Oh, yeah?
571
00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:40,413
- Yeah.
- [chuckles] It is?
572
00:19:40,871 --> 00:19:42,557
So what do we do now?
573
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,142
Get back down there
and salvage some cake.
574
00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:46,227
No, I mean, with us?
575
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:50,356
I guess we just keep trying
to get better at this.
576
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:53,734
We have to for Gretchen.
577
00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:54,982
For Gretchen. Yeah.
578
00:19:55,075 --> 00:20:01,548
? ?
579
00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,993
I like leaving someone else's
birthday with presents.
580
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:08,916
Oh, and one of these is for you.
581
00:20:12,086 --> 00:20:13,838
- A bath bomb!
- Mm-hmm.
582
00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,174
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
583
00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:18,092
- Did you...
- Steal it from Connor? Yeah.
584
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,679
Yeah, I'm gonna take this too.
585
00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:22,930
Go, go, go, go, go!
586
00:20:24,872 --> 00:20:27,254
Oh, man. I should have taken the orchid.
587
00:20:28,842 --> 00:20:31,679
[man singing in Spanish]
588
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:38,821
? ?
589
00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:43,701
[speaking Spanish]
590
00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:50,750
? ?
591
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:55,350
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